Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 8: All Will Be Well!

Episode Date: August 29, 2025

Back on the Svalich road, the Triplets find themselves ensnared by a hairy foe with an even hairier scheme. Nyack stays slick, Onyx finds Astrology and Jens rides in style as the Trinyvale X Strahd Crossover Continues!Support us on Patreon! - Patreon.com/NaddpodCREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford"Barovian Tango" by Emily Axford"Techgnomek" by Emily Axford"The Tarroka Suite" by Emily Axford"Where is the Manager?" by Emily Axford"The Wolf's Head Jamboree" by Caldwell Tanner (vocals) and Daniel Ramos & Kei Matsuo (Instrumentation)"The Gate" by Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Trich, Trinnavale, and also Barovia. Barovia. Wow, it's like my own private choir. Every boy's dream. Every boy's dream. Every little boy just dreams of having a holy choir following them around and exulting their decisions. Yeah.

You know what else is every little boy's dream? Playing D&D with their friends. Folks, let's get right into it with episode eight of Trinnavale Extra. Hell yeah. I am, as always, your Dracula uncle, aka Drunkle, Caldwell Tanner, and I'm joined by my pugnacious players, Brian Murphy.

Busting in my jeans from my wet dreams. Gensling up. That was evergreen. Yeah, I'll use that. I'm going to use that every week from now on. I don't have to think of new ones. It's awesome. Busting in my jeans.

Oh, that's good. It's good. Save that. All right. Next up, Emily Axford. Boy mom, no more. Grills Grill to Air Corps. Oh, Alex Lumiere.

Hell yeah. Careful. You might get burned. And of course, Jake Hurwitch. Ready to make a mill with my bro and a grill's grill. Guy with the Ranafore. Shit, it's catching on. All right.

So before you guys get to bedazzling more shirts, how about a quick recap? Okay. Lollies. When last we met, our three heroes had just received their reward for successfully planning the burgomaster's funeral, a decorative silver sunburst. Inside the sunburst, they found two things. a small vial of garlic-scented herbs and spices, and the journal of Marina's adopted mother, Alana Petrovna, Olmiss scholar of the tome.

After Marina broke the illusory script spell, encoding the notes, you read Alana's first entry, which revealed that she had escaped from a place called Berez, and was now seeking a way to reverse the curse of vampirism. Marina then suggested you find a more private location before reading the rest, and so you three headed towards the undercroft of the church,

aka Donovic's sex dungeon. On the way, you chatted with the Wine Ravens, who revealed that their little brother, Erwin, resides in Velaki, the town next to Markovia Abbey. Due to Straud spies, the sisters haven't been able to contact him lately and gave you each a feather, as well as the code, Jin's Rules, Kinda, to prove that you can be trusted. Okay, everyone says the code so we don't forget it.

Jen's rules. Kinda. Kinda. Very important. You remember the last part. I feel like it's fine to just say most of it. The Wine Ravens, I'll stab you. You then made your way to the Undercroft, which also serves as Donovic's holy nipple art studio and continued reading the journal.

The following entries revealed that Alana had been attempting to use garlic to create a vampire cure, but thus far had only succeeded in making a sacred powder that is a fusion of holy water and protection from good and evil spells. To strengthen the mixture, she was planning to head to the Abbey of St. Markovia to meet with the abbot, who is known for his ability to perform miracles. A final, hastily scrawled entry revealed that, that Alana had completed part of her mission and that the seeds had been planted. But in doing so, she now feared Straud's forces were pursuing her. After the reading, you retired to the mansion and had another round of strange dreams.

Nyak dreamt of expanding the spudfuckers empire. Jins dreamed of an oddly erotic strad made entirely of mashed potatoes. And Onyx initially dreamed of marrying a monkey and becoming his trad wife. Sure. It's dreams, you know? Checks out. Checks out. I just started a dream journal.

recently, and it's weird. It's all those cherries that Onyx is eating. But then, midway through her dream, it was hijacked by Babala Saga, the self-professed true mother of Stroud and leader of his witch's coven. She warned Onyx not to meddle with Straud's affairs and attempted to sap your life energy, but was thwarted by the dose of herbs and spices you had ingested earlier, as well as by the arrival of Onyx's new patron, Ariana Darkov. Speaking through the Eladron doll, Onyx purchased, Ariane Reve.

that she was the CEO of Glomco, a tech company in the Faye Wild, and also the inventor of the speaking stone. She beseeched onyx to restore the megalith desecrated by Lasaga and her witches and promised that if they did, she would lend them some of the power they needed to defeat Straud. The next morning, you all awoke feeling restless yet reinvigorated and loaded up Fitbit the Mule with the majority of you and Ismark's belonging. You three and Marina then headed out of the gates of Borovia and once more into the mists. After walking a short time, you encountered a crumbling keep, which covered the path in loose rocks and tall grass. Amidst this grass, Onyx and Nyak discovered two hunting traps with their legs by stepping on

them. Right. Yeah, I was going to say, discovered, in quotations. As Jens and Marina attempted to open the traps, a trapper appeared from behind a nearby boulder. Wasting no time, he transformed into a werewolf, then bounded towards the party preparing to attack. And that is where we are now.

So, again, you are in this crumbling keep. There is debris everywhere, tall grass. The Svalich Road continues a little past. But two of your friends, Onyx and Nyak, are trapped in these hunting traps, and you see this huge werewolf lumbering towards you. His pink gums flare and his teeth shine as his snout curls into a wicked canine smile. Everybody roll initiative. You better be careful.

We have a dog of our own. I always knew I would dies this way. What the fuck is that thing? Is that what dogs are? Wait, Onyx, clarify. Bary me at sea. We thought you'd be in a trap and a bead by a werewolf. 14.

11 for Nyack. 14 for Onyx. This werewolf isn't faster anything, is he? I say as he bounced towards me. You hear drums somewhere playing as he just like scrambles towards you like he's missing frames in an animation. Good boy. And you do see that it is the werewolf's turn first.

God damn it. So Onyx and Nyok are in these hunting traps. I raised my hand with like my palm flipped. Like I'm going to let the werewolf smell me. I go limp preparing myself for the death I always knew. What? Everything everyone's doing is wrong. Oh, come on.

Give us a challenge. I'll say... Have a sniff, bud. One through three, he'll go for Nyack. Four through six, he'll go for Onyx. Oh, no. That is a one. He's going to go for Nyack.

Yeah. Sorry, buddy. He sees your hand, and it transforms into a turkey leg in his brain. He must smell my dog. Okay, so what he's going to do, actually, Nyak, so you are restrained because you're in this hunting trap. He is going to try and grapple you. Okay.

And he's going to roll this with advantage. Nayak, he got a 19. Okay. Ooh, dirty 20. Oh, okay. So he runs forward, his claws outstretched, getting ready to just grab onto you for some nefarious purpose.

How do you dodge this? I think I just fully absorb it. You go limp? Yeah, I take his body with me and we fall over together. Everyone stop going limp. Whoa! Yeah, he's like prepared to tackle you,

but you go limp and you just, It's kind of like jumping through an inflatable tube man. He just like crashes through and lands in a bush. Come on. Are we friends? He does get two attacks, so he's going to try again here. Oh, dear. Fuck, but that is a 13.

Okay. That's a Nat one, so that'll probably do it. Okay. So this werewolf has you grappled, but he's used his full action. Got you right where I want you. But that is his turn. Uh-oh. Okay.

Guys, he's holding on to me really tight. Okay, yeah. I don't know everything about werewolves, oh, but this seems bad. Oh, no. Maybe this is an ally. Yeah. I don't want a medigame or anything, but I feel like Nyack's in trouble. I'm not hugging you, that's what you're wondering.

Yeah, no, we know. And I will say, so on this werewolf's turn, another thing happens. Jens, you got an 18 on your perception before. Certainly don't remember that. This was last session when we were looking for traps. So as this werewolf starts to attack,

you see rising up from the nearby shrubbery two more werewolves. They were attempting to do a sneak attack, but you were able to spot them. You're welcome to tell everyone else about this. More dog vampires,

more werewolves. God damn it. Oh, no. Me, Boga, and me been spotted. I don't know why he talks like that. thinks he's a caveman or something. You guys are cartoon characters. Booga, Booga, Bogan. That one's eating a giant sandwich.

Fucking, just go get them, Bogan. I don't know what you're doing. So they are also going to attack. Let's see. So the main leader, Weirwold, Piotr, has Nyak already. So I'm going to say Bogan is going to try and grapple.

Onyx. Okay. Onyx, fight, please. That's a 19. Okay. I'm not taking any of you on walks if you become werewolves. Let's make that clear.

I have a plus zero. I'm too young for a werewolf. Oh my God. I can't be held down. I travel too much. That is also a not one. God damn it. Fucking hell.

I travel too much for a werewolf. I don't have enough outdoor space. Last thing I need is two bonded werewolves. So you see Bogan comes up close, grabs on to you as well. And then strangely, he reaches out a clawed hand. Seems tempted to just like chomp down on you with the second attack. but you see that the other world says, Bogan, remember, orders are orders.

And he says, hmm, but Bogan hungry, Bogan want a bona. But Bogan is going to try and grab some of your hair. This is going to be a sleight of hand. Oh, fuck. These dogs are freaks. What are you freaks doing?

We knew you were dogs, but we didn't know you were hounds. Yeah. No, you get the wrong idea. We're just following orders here. Okay. Yeah. You ain't nothing but a hound dog.

I understand. So you're going to need to make an acrobatics or athletics contested role against this. This is going to be a slight of hand from Bogan. I am doing acrobatics. A werewolf tackling you and then ripping a bunch of your hair out is so much more terrifying. Twenty-two. Nice. There you go.

That's just an 18. I'm like a stray cat who's like not today. To one of the tom's. Yeah, he tries to grab. grab your hair, but you just kind of like melt away. I also go so limp that I shrug him off. The strategy's only going to work once, right? She heavy.

We're just ragdalling. Okay, so that leaves the final werewolf, Griltsha. Grilshia is going to try and play defense here. So I think she's going to go after Jins. Actually, she's going to make a perception check against you and Marina. Okay, that's a 23. Jins, she looks at you and she looks at Marina, who is kind of like nervously holding her sword. She kind of sniffs the air, grimaces, and then launches towards you.

Okay, let's make this quick. Ha, you've heard of my heroics yesterday. But I'm going to say Keychain is up in the mix. Keychain is going to use this deflect attack. Thank you. The first attack here, so it's going to have disadvantage. Good dog. There's only room for one dog here.

11 misses. Misses. Second attack, this is without disadvantage. Yep. 17? Just hits. Just hits. All right.

So she swipes you with her claws. Whoop. Okay, finally. You take eight damage from the werewolf swipe. Which part of your clothes does this ruin? This ruins Ismark's clothes because I'm wearing Ismark's fancy clothes, which are my regular traveling clothes. When did you change clothes? I said I brought all of Ismark's clothes.

I have whole drawers of his clothes. On top of Fitbit. So you woke up. The nicest thing Ismark would ever wear is what I wear on a shitty travel day. This is my bedtime t-shirt. Yeah, that's his sweatsuit. It's embroidered. It's got a little, like, yeah, lacy eye on it.

It's like a frilly shirt, yeah. And it is absolutely ruined and in tatters now after this whirl of slashes into you. I only have 12 more of these. That is going to bring us to Jins' turn in the order. Jens, go ahead and give me another perception check or survival check. Was there more shit? What more shit do we need here? Let's see.

Perception, I'm easily 12. Go ahead and give me another dexterity save. Wait, I didn't move yet. Oh, you didn't move yet? No, I've done shit. Okay. But I'm guessing there's traps everywhere. Okay.

So you can stand in place if you want. I mean, I got a werewolf right in front of me. I presume I'll fight him. That is true. Yeah, you don't, actually, that is a very good point. Good clarification. You are right next to this werewolf. You don't need to move to attack.

Okay, I'm going to, first things first, defensive flourish. So I'll take a strike with my one sword, and that's a 27 to hit. That's really good. I rolled a 19. That's quite good. And then I'll roll my second attack just to get it, my offhand attack. Shout out to the two crew. But not to 10.

Any chance hitting a werewolf? Just misses, honestly. Okay, damn. 11 damage, and then I add four to my AC. So my AC's 21 now. Nice. Amazing. You get your swords out, and you fight back,

you slash it into her. You also mess her up her shirt in the same way that she messed up yours. See how you like it. Tit for tatter. Yeah. Mess up your is Mark's clothes. What the fuck?

This shirt was already messed up because, you know, when I turn into a wear wolf, it gets fucked up. You go through a lot. But like, I have to sew this up so much. I only have one shirt. Yeah, you really need to get some stretch fibers and whatnot. What is that?

I don't know, like the stretchy jeans you never had in a pair of those or something. Did you just recommend she get staggings? Yeah. Wait, these guys are stretchy clothing that doesn't break when you grow. We have to kill them. You see the main werewolves says, no, no, no, that's not the order. We're not going to kill them. We have different orders, okay?

We can take their stuff, but you can't kill them. Who gave you these orders? Wouldn't you like to know? I demand you tell me. Ooh. Honorex looks really scared. I say from a grapple, you can't move. Yeah, give me an intimidation check with disadvantage.

Wow, that is a Nat 20 and a 15, which I take one away from. So that's a 14. Wow. For a moment, I think like your hackles lift. Like you literally, somehow you're like slick back hair starts to rise up. like the back of a dog's neck and like your eyes flare in the moonlight and these wolves like cower for a second and then you let out like a little toop and then they laugh at you i thought that was sbd he's wrestling while he's talking it's hard that's what i thought pup

keep quiet um all right and that is jens's turn um that's going to bring us to onyx first things first i'm going to take the USB trident and put it into Bluetooth mouth okay Okay. She's docking it. Do I swallow this or keep it under my tongue? Under your tongue. Okay, kind of like a Zen pack. Yeah.

Cool. No one swallow anything. You know what? I'm my own man now. So you just tell me what to do and I'll do it and we'll get this done. We're just going to absolutely freaking be operators. Yes, this is exactly the mentality. Okay, so I think that Nyack is not going to be able to attack his werewolf because of being

the proximity with the arrows with a bow so Bluetooth go after Nyaks werewolf so he's

going to go attack him over and out wow cool new thing to say he got a 22 to hit

that hits okay Bluetooth does five piercing damage and six poison damage so 11

damage total unless it has resistances to poison 11 damage total. Awesome. Bluetooth, his idea of, like, growing up is just turning into a call of duty guy. Yeah.

He's like, does a lot of tactical roles. It's becoming so mature. Yeah. Maybe I was holding him back. I was over-mothering him. Certainly, yeah. I don't know that he's doing good now, but executing fun.

He's all grown up. And then Onyx on her turn is going to use a new spell, called Worms Repast. Whoa, hell yeah. But I think instead of worms, because I'm a phone, it's like Matrix Worms. Ooh.

Okay. I'm gonna look at the werewolf that is currently grappling Nyack and he has to make a Constitution saving throw. You're gonna give him brain worms? I'm gonna try. So 19. Okay, so the best is. 16, half to eight, eight more piercing damage.

Oh, no, she gave me worms. A wolf's greatest enemy. And then I don't think I have any bonus action, so I'm going to continue to go limp. That was a great turn. Piotr is still looking sturdy, but you do see that Griltsha, the one that's grappling gins,

there is blood pouring out from under her very ripped shirt. And that brings us to Nyack. All right, so from just like lying like I'm planking on the ground, I wriggle my arms out, and I'm going to fire the black wing bow at Grilcia. What are you doing down there? Before I do, Black Shadow is going to surround me. I'm going to cast Zephyr's strike as a bonus action.

Fucking sick. To give me advantage and do an extra D8. That's a 24 to hit. That absolutely hits. Okay. And I'll use my Dread Ambusher ability to shoot again. That's a 19. Hits.

And I'm going to use the acid damage ability that you said I could add to this bow twice a day on a hit. So those two hits. Nice. Going to add that up. 36 damage. Whoa, what the God. Yeah, dude.

Gloomstocker's sick. Yeah. Gloomstocker is good. So you fire one arrow at Grilcha. Her shirt just like disintegrates with this acid. She falls to the ground, fully dead. That was such a powerful hit that I will let you cleave with your next arrow onto Bogan, who is grappling Onyx, but I think is far enough away from you.

Okay, sick. So that second attack, that arrow was. 17 damage. 17 damage. All right. Awesome. Yeah. You fire this acidic arrow into Bogan

and absolutely penetrate him as well. Borgon sting. Ah, Uga, Buga. Sorry, Pioter. I'm actually killing your friends. I knew I should have brought stronger wolves of me tonight. Oh, so you don't respect them. Not really, no.

They're pretty low in the order. Got it. I myself am more of like a beta or a gamma. I'm far from the alpha. Really? But these are like straight up, While we're talking, would you let go of me? Sorry, pal, no can do.

Oki do-dokey. You do see that Bogan looks fucked up after this, like, massive arrow. You, like, really got him in a vital, and then the acid is kind of just, like, singeing into his blood. So, well done, Nyak, amazing turn. Hell yeah. On Marina's turn, she kind of, like, breathes in deeply, kind of recites a chant to herself,

and then pulls out her sword. You see that there is this, like, silvered, rapier and it glimmers in the moonlight and as soon as all the werewolves see it they kind of recoil and she says um i'm still not quite confident in using this jins do you want to swap yes yes swapsies yeah okay great i'll give you my best one and i hand her my offhand one that's a toothpick shut up whoa uneven trade alert shut it shut the fuck up everyone that's my best sword oh shit i got that one from the last adventure it's like a use A tooth bag.

Shut up. It says sword B. Does that mean sword best? She hasn't thrown it to me yet. Cool. So she's going to toss you her silvered rapier. Hell yeah. You see, Pioter's like, no!

Oh, everybody, be careful. And then she is going to attack with your sword. Still a plus one sword. Still a plus one sword. Pretty nice. And she's going to go after Bogan, who is looking really hurt. That's just a six to hit. She misses, unfortunately.

I still have much work to do. She, like, instantly drops to a knee and, like, holds her sword out in front of you. Chin, strain me, please. I beg you. For a fee, for a fee. I'll trade you, sure. I take the sword.

Jens is actually an accredited life coach. True. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I think I did that. Yeah. He can do private one-on-ones,

but you have to buy a block. Yeah. I quickly silent image a bunch of reviews. from Jan's life coaching. You're much more capable than you look and I would like for you to teach me some things. What does that mean? Right?

I think she necked you. That was a backhanded compliment. All right, yes. Look, for a mere 10 gold a day, you're going to get a morning Zoom session. We're going to come up with a life plan for you. Only 10 gold. You charged me 15.

Well, a 10 gold gets you access to the library of pre-recorded content. Right, yeah. If you want the Zoom, morning call. That's going to cost you a bit more. We'll talk more about that later. That's an upcharge. Great. That all sounds very reasonable. So that is Marina's turn. This is going to bring us to Keychain. Keychain perks up. His ears kind of lift. He looks around, kind of sensing danger and says, does anyone need a potion, or should I attack? Attack.

Okay. Why don't you set off the traps between me and Bogan, if you don't mind? What? If there's just any traps near me and you want to set them off, it would be fine. Sniff out the traps, like a loyal dog. Yeah. Sniff them out, get caught in them. What's the difference? Okay, so, yeah, he's going to, you see his nose sonar activates. Boing, boing, boing, and he is going to try and locate one of the traps.

Cool. We got a 13, which is not quite enough. I cannot find any traps. He says, kind of like plodding through the tall grass. But I do have three potions ready to go. I have a healing. I have a fly potion. And I have swift.

So if you require one, let me know. Flying would be rad in this situation. Flying sounds cool. Flying sounds rad. Oh, you could cast flying on Fitbit, and we could fly away like Santa Claus. That's so fun. We can be the Santa Claus.

Let's just leave Strad and we become Santa Claus. I think Borovia just needs Christmas. You're right. What is Christmas? That is a strange concept. All right, yes. Oh, my God. We'll save it for the special.

Okay, so that's keychain's turn. You see him kind of like sniffing around the grass, but he has these potions ready to go. That brings us back to the werewolves. Bogan is looking very hurt. I'm going to have Bogan roll a wisdom save here. If they get below a tin, they might act out of their prescribed orders.

That is a gnat one. Bogan starts foaming at the mouth. Hurt me! Why, you hurt me? Oh, fuck. Nyak, he is going to disengage with Onyx. You are ungrappled. He is going to rush over to you,

and he is going to take a swipe and a bite attack. Oh, no. What is so delicious about Nyack? I'm zero percent body fat. Zero percent. I feel insulted. You see he still got this poisoned arrow that you shot into him hanging out. Ah, the revenge.

Right. You see his eyes kind of glaze over with this animalistic instinct, and he is going to try and swipe you and then bite at you. Okay. Here comes the swipe. Tin is going to miss. Yes, that misses. I wish that was the bite. Uh-huh. Here comes the bite.

That's a tin as well. Woo! Yes. Hey, hey, hey, hey, cool your jets, Bogan. Bad dogs. Bad dog. Bad dog. Why are you so limp? You're not listening to the alpha.

Bogan, get yourself together. What are you doing? Nothing for the lips to grip. There's no body fat here. So that's Bogan's turn. Piotr, he's going to keep grappling you, and he is going to use his turn to try and once again pull your hair. What is with the hair stuff?

Can you not? What is the alpha? I think they want the hair to cast spells. There's a lot of gel in here. It's so slippery. Let's see. Slight of hand. Slight of handing someone's hair out of their head is so funny.

That's just a seven on the first attempt. Wow. Just pawing your head. What is that going against? That's against athletics or acrobatics as you try to quickly move your head. Okay, that's a 10. Second one is only a five.

So make one more attempt. Wow. What is going on? This is a huge mood boost after losing the strad. Everyone just abandoned me and tried to give Nyak a hairdo?

What the fuck is going on with his hair? It's all, it's this Carson Daily, Chris Carrabba do. Everyone is going crazy for it. I know you want the front flip. I know you want the Fohawk. You can't touch this.

Is your hair ghost? What's happening here? Nah, he's bobbing his head. But his hair is not moving. It's a perfect point. He was going for like an emo thing, but now he's talking about Carson Daly. I'm confused.

Carson Daly had an emo turn. You see, Piotr keeps trying to grab your hair, but it just looks like he's just kind of caressing it gently. Yeah. The Fohawk is such a fine point. It's hard to grab a hold up. He is just moving it to the front way. The ID's Frontway.

That's the Carson Daily. I made it look better. Dang it. It looks so good. Well, fuck. So that is Fioter's wasted turn. We're styling your hair. Jesus Christ.

Jins, that brings it to you. Great. I'll look for traps. Okay. 15. 15. Yes. With a 15, you spot one more trap.

Okay. I avoid the trap. Great. And then I guess I'll start with our hurt dude here. Bogan. Great. What you doing? Oh, to Bogan.

Shut up. I try to stab him in the throat as he says that. Me Bogan, me fan favorite. Okay, 19 to hit. 19 hits. Great. I'll make that a defensive flourish. Zick.

16 damage. Jins. Finish Bogan. Great. As soon as he says, fan favorite, the sword is just through his mouth and to the other side. Choked on Tward's favorites. I jumped the shark, Bogan.

I purposely don't damage his tunic. so that I could throw it on over my Ismarked clothes. That's a nice workout outfit. So Bogan slumps to the ground. That means that only Piotr is up. Onyx and Nyak, you're still in these hunting traps, but you've only got one were wolf to deal with. I forgot you guys were in the fucking traps.

Okay, I look at Nyak. I see Piotr is still trying to eat him. He's in a trap. He's obsessed with my hairdo. Yeah. How do you get it so feathery? It's a lot of moose. Quit touching it.

I give Nyak Bartik inspiration by saying, you should actually get rid of the foahawk and keep doing the front wave. It looks really good, Nyack. Really? Okay. Zach's flattening the back of his head. It's the swoop in the front. You look like you could model for Aeropostal.

Nyak's eyes start watering. Do you mean that? I do. So I'll give a Bartik inspiration to Nyack. Sick. And that's my bonus action. Awesome. Great turn.

Onyx, that brings us back to you. Okay. Bluetooth, go after the only one standing. Shout out to the two crew. He misses, but then I'm going to deliver a touch spell through Bluetooth. Oh, Roger that. Damn it. I'm going to cast Endo Leach.

Indoleech. Preparing the payload. Does a 21 hit? Ooh, baby. 21 absolutely hits. He's gone from Roblox tween to Call of Duty teen. They grew up so fast. 24 damage.

Wow. Pioter can't take reactions and. until the end of his next turn. And also, until the end of his next turn, his speed is reduced by 15 feet. And my speed is increased by 15. Whoa. That's great, he's trying to grab hair and run,

this fucking freak. As soon as Bluetooth delivers this spell, Frost starts to form on this werewolf's fur, like tiny little icicles drip from his nose, and he's kind of frozen in place a little bit. This is a harder job than I thought. What was this job? A smash and grab hair?

Do you fucking freak? It's below your pay grade, okay? I mean, have you heard how much my Zoom meanings go for? I'll have to compare and contrast with my life coach, who's also paying me for this job? Yeah, the alpha would have, would be a life coach, huh? You know, I have a mentor, and she never calls herself my life coach. That's what's wrong. You need an alpha, and you need an alpha on top of your alpha.

No, I think that it speaks to her integrity. But then who are you taking orders from? How do you know what to do? Where are the alphas? I ask myself. And I ask Jens. Yeah. Video diary of a busy bard.

I wake up at 2 a.m. I dip my face in LaCroix. I go for a nine mile run. I do my side businesses on my computer and answer emails. 4 a.m. to 6 a.m. I get another quick nap in. Seven to eight. I hit chest.

Nine to ten. I hit back 10 to 12 I answer emails for two full hours and then I sleep for 14 hours I think everyone emailing you about Or are you just My side business is

Or are you just responding to every spam email I'm responding to spam I pull on a side Every one of these videos spends hours responding to emails I just feel like I don't get enough emails I could spend such time Am I supposed to be responding to spam

You have to reply to spam You have to get yourself on lists, sirs. I just have to say thank you, but no, thank you. Is this what it truly means to be an alpha? I've got a lot to learn. Maybe I'll get promoted after I bring back this hair. So that is going to be Nyack's turn. Can I do, like, non-lethal damage to him so we can grill him?

A classic grills grill's grill. Yeah. So I can grills grill him about who sent him? Yeah, absolutely. That sounds great. Oh, but I am still grappled by him, so I'm going to have to shoot this boat with disadvantage. Yes.

But I'll cast Zephyr strike so I can cancel that out. So I'll just roll this flat. And you have the inspiration too. Okay, six. So that's 20, that's 25 to hit. Just point blank, shoot him with a fucking arrow. Yeah, you just flop over on the ground

and pull out your arrow. It was actually easy to hit you because you're really, really close to me. You're the perfect distance away. He's still got full extension on that. Great. Yeah, that absolutely hits. damage.

Nyack. Finish this werewolf. Okay, but I want to do non-lethal, so can I take him to one HP? God, how could you? I'll never tell. I'll never tell. You see him saying that,

and then you kind of just stand up and push the arrow a little slower into his chest. Okay, fine, fine, shit, fuck, I'll tell you what he'd think. Who is your alpha? You're clearly not an elf. Wait, we also don't want,

we don't want you to run away. I shove them in the other trap. Which alpha do you want to know about? Oh! There's two? There's several alphas? There's the alpha and then there's the ultimate alpha. Okay.

My pack alpha is Kiril Stuyanovich, but the ultimate alpha, if I said his name, I think he'd kill me on the spot. Okay, but we might kill you on the spot. Yeah, we're probably going to kill you. Yeah, we're going to kill you on the spot. We're going to leave you on the strap and you might die anyway, so. Okay. Give me an intimidation or a persuasion check. Cool.

I'll do Can I give the help action to Jens by leaning into the trap I'm in? Yeah, these traps are pretty bad. Having no reaction. Oh, Nat 20. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Jens, as you like push him into this bear trap,

what do you do to intimidate him beyond that? You see Jens, where is Mark's shirt was damaged, rips off the sleeve showing a perfect Jeremy Allen white biceps. Oh, my God. Look at those. tiny tattoos. As I grab Pieter by the collar.

Oh my God, they could all model for arrow by star. That's right. Tell us, okay, tell us the name. I pose in the bear trap. Who is the, who is the main alpha? Whose podcast is the most popular? It was strad! It was trod!

He's the ultimate lichenthrope. He can turn into anything. I would do anything for my alpha. Oh, just kill me now. If I go back to cure without that hair. I push the arrow into his neck. Yeah. that's awesome i was going to do that too well our hands are clean of this situation i just smack my hands

together just these traps full of my friends and on it's fallen asleep in her jacques just starts walking off with the trap around his ankle la da da da da da da da okay i'll get these guys out of the trap i'll do the finger sweep but on the trap to try to get them out like they're choking on gum thank you barely noticed it um awesome yeah you uh fish them out of these traps you breathe a huge sigh of relief um you catch your breath uh on x Bluetooth wanders up to you after the battle and says uh mom do we want this back what he spits out the little USB drive oh yeah I got this from a CEO and I was curious to see what it would do but it didn't seem like it did anything I thought it was part of my loadout but I think it's noticed something else you gotta stop no

I'm finding myself And here I'm just awful and odious That's right, speak your truth And that's my choice Do you want to give me an arcana Our investigation? Okay 19 on a die

Very good There we go Yeah this little USB Trident Drive Shimmers with this like reflective polychromatic black-hued sheen And you kind of feel your

connection to Ariana this Faywild presence deepen a little bit. This is a charm of the Pact Keeper. It's based on the rod of the Pactkeeper while holding this charm. You gain a bonus to spell attack rolls and to saving throw DCs of your warlock spells. The bonus for this is currently plus one.

In addition, you can regain one warlock spell slot as a magic action while holding this charm. I'll say, well, you are holding it or while Bluetooth has it in his mouth. Either one works. Okay. back in Bluetooth mouse. Well, you can't use this property again

until you finish a long rest. This episode of Nadpod is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or you're an old pro. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your work with a professional website, grow your business, and get paid all-in-one place,

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ensure your domain remains online and protected. Go to Squarespace.com slash pop-off for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code P-A-W-P-A-W to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay, so yeah, you inspect that onyx. Everyone else dust themselves off. I will say as you are standing up and getting out of the traps, you notice that the werewolves upon dying

have reverted back to their human forms. You see that their ill-fitting clothing now hangs off their hairy bodies. And amidst the folds, you see a few glinting shapes. Ooh, I loot the corpses so fast. I've never seen you move so quickly. I cast Zephyr Strike to go loot them super quick. I have watched you die multiple times now

and never have you moves with such speed. Great. This is what I live for. So you loot the bodies and you find a couple of things. On Peotere, the leader, you find orders from Kiril Stoyanovich, the alpha of the werewolves

and his orders were to track down the triplets and steal their hair so that the great alpha might smell his new enemies from afar. Fucking freaks. Smell? They were making hair dolls. It's dog stuff. We love to smell.

Sniffy of for sure. Can I look into the dolls I have of the three of us and see if they have our hair? Yes. You want to summon them out of the Liam and's tiny chest? Great. Yeah. Great. Yeah.

You pulled this ethereal chest out of the air, pop it open. They don't seem to have any of your hair. Yeah, I think we would have clocked that. Upon closer inspection, they do seem like rudimentary reproductions of you. It seems kind of like almost like you projected your image and presence onto each of them, as opposed to them being perfect replicas. Can I do make it look like an accident, but I'm going to drop the Jens doll and step on it? What the fuck?

Butter binger bivie fingers. Butter bitty fingers. Sorry. Yet again, you feel this vision of a man wearing like a flea-bitten jester suit, a monkey and a little tutu perched on his shoulder, handing him tools. he just looks up and says One of my children has been hurt I dive on the doll And I pick it up, dusting it off

Jens is okay Why would I not be okay Okay sorry She was asking the doll Not you Jens A monkey tried to make a chat wife of me I don't know what happened to you last night And frankly I don't care to know

Because it's just it's too much I've heard of a monkey's uncle but a monkey's wife, this is ridiculous. Didn't we find anything else but fucking hair notes from the goddamn alpha, who we know is straw. You find two more things. On the body of Grilcia, you find an Electrum flute. Okay.

Electrum is this alloy of gold and silver, another trace elements, but mostly gold and silver. It's very shiny as kind of like a golden silver sheen to it. It looks very well made, surprisingly well made for. a were a werewolf to be carrying. You imagine that maybe it was looted off of someone else at some point. We will melt this down and code our weapons in silver. Can I play a jaunty tune? Toot it. Um, if you would please. Um, okay. Uh, performance check. Yeah. You don't play instruments. Can you give the opposite of a help action? Because that's what Jen's does. Yeah. My arms are folded and I'm watching judgmentally. Yeah, make it, make it opposed against your

intimidation. Oh my God. Jens is discerning look. Nyeck starts jigging before he puts the instrument to his lips and keeps on hesitating. I only got a seven. I got a four. Wow. Okay. Just a pathetic showing all around, honestly. You should start with a recording.

I just need time to practice. We're going to melt it down at the next forge we find. Of course. Do you hear me? You'll never play the flute again. Yes, brother. Yes. Nyak puts the flute in his quiver.

And the last thing. you find, because I love it so much, is a roll on the trinket table. Somebody go ahead and roll me a D-100, I believe. 34. 34. Let's take a look here. Oh, wow. This is actually very poignant.

A little black book that records your dreams and yours alone when you sleep. Honest is going to be fucking insufferable. I seize the paths that beckons me and I follow it. Jen, should I get? Didn't you astrology? Yeah, sure. Okay. I'm a Sagittarius.

Did you just decide that or is that your actual birth month? Yeah, no, I just decided it. Okay. You're such a Sagittarius. Oh my God. What am I? Do me. Do me.

You're also a Sagittarius. What am I? A Sagittarius. Okay. I guess I would like to know as well. Sagittarius. It's just crazy. It kind of feels like everyone's a Sagittarius.

Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah. That must be why we all get along. Shut the fuck up, Nyack. Of course. I'm still, my ears hurt from the fucking flu play before. I barely brought it to my lips.

Jens, you are being such a Sagittarius. I don't know what that means. Mears or too I. Are we in a castle or something that we're supposed to look at? I just kick a werewolf's corpse. You see, as you finish searching, the thinnest slivers of sunlight begin to peek out of the mountains to the north, shining on this crumbling keep.

You, with a peremptory glance, see, there's really nothing of value here. But as you're gathering your bearings, Marina unfolds the map and looks around and says, it seems like we've got another half day of travel or so until we reach Velaki. Should we rest now or push on? Well, Fitbit can push on, I say, as I get onto the cart and wait impatiently. I'm happy to relax in the wagon. Can I hold the map? Don't let him touch it.

Nyex fingers are trembling. Are you going to put it in your mouth? He loses stuff. He bites stuff. They always have stuff in their mouth. He's bad at playing the flute. I was going to roll it up really tight and use it to play the flute. Don't let him do it.

It's going to be annoying. The flute might serve better as a map holder. It is true. Why? Can I try to play the flute? Why is everyone trying to play the flute? You're going to have to take it from me. The Nags starts running.

All right, we're leaving him on Fitbit. Wait, at least run to the west. That's what for Lackias. You're running the wrong way. Okay, so you're going to push on? Yes. Great. Yeah, Nyak will run just in front of the cart.

Okay, so Nyack is trotting ahead. Are you guys all just going to, like, chill on Fitbit? I'm sitting on the cart. Yeah. I will say that Fitbit can carry. You know what? I'll do a D4 rule for this. To see how many people Fitbit can comfortably carry.

I don't care if he's comfortable. He can carry one person. Great. Okay. Looks like everyone's walking except for Jones. Awesome. So everyone that's not in the cart, go ahead and give me a Constitution saving throw. Damn. 14. You still have a bardic, Nyack. Oh. I got a Nat 1. God damn it. I have minus one to con save, so that's a zero.

So he's dead. I don't know if I should use my neck. I shouldn't have sprinted to save my flute. Okay. So Onyx, you and Nyak, after getting your feet chomped by these hundred trap. You're not so steady on your feet, and you do take a level of exhaustion as you walk. I think I have trench foot. You tired yourself out with the flute. I told you not to play the flute. Look what happens. I shouldn't have done a jig on my injured leg. He's got a jaunty ankle. It's a medical condition. So you all stagger your way down the old Svalich Road. Can I position myself so I'm in front of

the cart wheel so that as the cart moves it pushes me along so it hurts but i think you could probably get rid of some of this stuff and then fitbit could carry more people i don't need your opinion i don't need to hear from a sagittarius stop being such a freaking sagittarius is now you all get a little crankier as the day continues the sun is now um fully overhead now as you finally make your your way into a basin watched over by dark brooding mountains in the north and south. As you continue walking, the woods recede, revealing a sullen town surrounded by a tall wooden palisade. Thick fog presses up against this wall, as though looking for a way inside. Behind the town, you see a tall hill with a switchback trail that connects this walled

settlement to a simple abbey made of white stone. You walk eagerly towards the village, and as you do, you notice that the trail is flanked by a half dozen pikes, each of them bearing an impaled wolf's head. Oh, cool. Whoa. Oh, we should have brought the corpses as an offering. Well, should we go back? Yeah, I'd turn around.

Go back. I turn around. You already are exhausted. I can see it. You have rings under your eyes. I got to be honest. I'm all for shenanigans, but I don't want to go back. My butt hurts from sitting on the cart all day.

All right? Yeah, his cheeks are chafing. We have to get to the infirmary. I need cream. Does this down have a pharmacy? Yeah. I need cream for my ass rash. Let's find, um, let's get to the inn.

Yes. And let's find Irwin. Clearly these people are cool. They have werewolf heads. Wait, no, hang on. Oh, Chechen is a dog. Jen holds his mind and does a mentalist rewind and remembers that the werewolves

turned back into their human selves when they died. So these are actual wolves and we're vegans. Oh. This is not okay. Whoa. That's real meat. This is not okay. That's real meat.

Let's fight everyone We'll consider fighting everyone Okay That is certainly a path we could take, yes? Yeah, we thought these were just people But they're freaking wolves Yeah, they're wolf killers Yeah

And I'm a werewolf killer There's a difference Yeah, there's a huge difference Is this a Sagittarius thing? This is a sad This is a classic sash thing Or it's not Yeah, okay

Marina shut the fuck up Okay, you're just I'm sorry I'm sorry, it's the road My butt hurts It's a rash We are all rash We have short tempers

Sagittarius is due. Let's be careful because at first we thought this town killed people but now we think it might kill wolves all right? And that's worse. Well, we should be fine though

because we're not wolves so they won't kill us. That's true. Very true. But we're vegans, so we're friends of wolves. We are vegans. We definitely have a disagreement.

Yeah. We are vegans and short-tempered strategiarious is. Yeah, it's not going to go over well. It does seem like they've killed an awful lot of wolves more than would be necessary to protect the town, I think. I think we need to disguise kitchen because he's such an obvious dog.

He's wolfish. Yeah. But I liked being a dog so much. What will I become? A man. Yeah. A really tall man. Just a really tall guy.

Is it time for me to become a real boy? Yeah. No, a tall man. A tall man. A tall man. A tall man. Wow. Okay.

Do you think I have the confidence to, pull that off. Yes. You see Keychain stands up, transforms back into his humanoid form and then gives himself

experimental leg surgery. Gee, jeet, jeet, jeet, okay. It looks like it hurts, but he's six foot two

and that's all that matters. I could go taller. I know it. Okay. Something to build towards, though. I'm hearing a lot of snapping. Yeah.

You do look like you're going to topple. Yeah, you're going to topple. Six four. You're good. Okay, six four. Let's keep it there.

Sixthwar's good. Sixthore's great, but can I dunk? No. You shouldn't jump on those legs. Yeah, don't jump on those things. They're brittle. Okay. Okay, so you see Keychain

wobbles over to Fitbit and pulls out like a long cloak from Ismark's wardrobe, tosses it over himself, and then kind of wraps a scarf around his face to kind of disguise himself a little further. Really good.

Okay. Wow, look at this lean stranger. Let's go in and talk to our friend Irwin, right? That was his name? Irwin Martikov, I believe. There you go. Real quick.

Sorry, everyone, except for Marina and Ki-Jane. Yes. Had a lab. Okay. Marina, watch, I can dunk. Yeah. This is just a Sagittarius Leo Rising thing. I feel like Kijan is too confident now.

Okay. Should we table-topping? Well, let's just say little snipes every once in a while, just to keep him honest. But what if he gets all the time. the attention. That's theoretically fine. They seem to behead things and leave them outside the town.

I don't know if we want him getting all the attention. You see Keychain grabs a rock and puts it in the front of his pants to make it look like he has a huge dick. Oh, no. That's a solid move. Why didn't I fucking think of life? Okay, okay.

Just the three of us, we could just keep an eye out, okay? If he's getting too much of the same... We'll just keep... If he gets too much attention, we'll sabotage him. yeah yeah we'll ask him we'll blame the the wolf deaths on him and we'll say that they were regular dogs we'll say that he killed a regular dog okay this this gangly man killed a regular dog we'll say that he hates dogs okay okay okay okay deal all right let's get going

I'll leap the way ow ow yeah okay let's find Erwin we're looking for an in I believe So you wander further down the path Watched by these twin rows of wolf heads on these pikes And as you continue on you see a set of sturdy iron gates With even more heads mounted on top And from within the gates You hear the strained notes Of a poorly tuned instrument plucking along

To a warbly song sung in forced falsetto It's the wolf's head jamboree What a wonderful sight to see The wolves are dead Get off their heads And now we're so happy All will be well Joyful and free

We're not in hell Just old volarchy Naya get your flute This is obviously missing a flute The song launches into a second verse But as you tilt your ears to listen You see two guards in mismatched leather approaching the iron gate.

The guards wield rusty spears similar to the one you saw Peotre holding and their faces are scrunched into ill-fitting smiles. The smaller of the guards leans forward and addresses you. Well, hey there, folks. Welcome to Velaki. All will be well. You here for the Janbury?

Yes. Well, Craig, come on in! Wait. You don't hate were were werewolves, are you? Hate were wolves. We were attacked by them on the road. Yeah. I killed one earlier. We killed a few. Yeah. That's awful. They didn't bite you, did they? They did not. No.

All right. They tried to grab our hair. Yes, they wanted their hair. That's a new one for me, honestly. They were fucking freaks, for sure. Freaky werewolves. You know, it's freaky times out there, which is why we got to stay safe and blocky. All will be well here.

Oh, good. That's good. These guys are really nice. Yeah. You guys have a really earnest positivity. Yeah, we really try. It's really hard, but we try. Yeah.

All will be well. Are these wolves just, like, kind of. coming out of the woodwork, running an attack in the town? Oh, all the time. Okay. It's all safe out there. Are they werewolves or regular wolves? Well, we don't know.

And so when you say all will be well, does that mean, that's a cool mantra, does that mean things are bad right now and things will be well later? Sort of a glass half full situation. Sure, yeah. Where like these dang wolves are drinking all the water, but like there's a little bit left, so we got to celebrate what we got. So if you are celebrating, what are you celebrating? The wolf's had jamboree.

Right. So is that like, because the moon is a certain position in the sky? Or is this a milestone like you killed X number of wolves? You know, I think that the baron could explain it a lot better. So why don't you just get on in here? Oh, right? Yeah, let's go in there. We should obviously be talking to the baron.

I hate to waste your time. Yeah. I think we don't need to talk to the baron necessarily if he's super into this, whatever the hell is. No, I want to talk to the baron. We'll talk to the baron. Yeah. I want to talk to the decision maker. in the town. Sure. Yeah. Why, though? That's him. Okay. Yeah, good. But you got to get in here quick. The

Baron's about to start the festivities. So come on in. Let's go. Wait, do you know Irwin? Irwin? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He owns the Blue Water Inn. That's him. Yeah. He'll be out there. He'll be probably man in one of the booths, I imagine. Okay, great. We'll go talk to him in a booth. Just a quick note, wherewolves do turn back into their, like, humanoid form. So these, and I point to the heads, are just kind of all regular wolves. Really? Yeah. Okay. Well, you know, that's news. to me the baron said that you can never tell just can absolutely never tell if it's a wolf or a werewolf so you got to just kill them all regardless

Does the baron like freak out at night or anything ever? Is the baron a secret werewolf because that just seems like the kind of thing that would happen He sounds like a big smile on his face It does seem very As someone who is a phone It is very like accuse everyone else of being a wolf When you yourself are a wolf

It's classic what happens on phones He sounds like a Sagittarius That's crazy because I'm a Sagittarius So if he was a Sagittarius fellow satch we are all also short tempered subjectorized we're all we're hungry we're hungry let's come in and let's go to your festival of course yeah come on in all right you see the second guard just kind of goes mm-hmm mm-hmm but says nothing else I guess like I'm gonna just do I feel like I should do an insight sure we know what they're about but my heart

isn't in it so I'm just gonna do it with disadvantage beautiful okay I get a ten. A tin? With a tin, that's just a total surface read. Yeah, they're smiling. Yeah. We get the vibe. They're happy. Yeah. They're happy in quotations. Great. So they smile and say, come on in. They open the iron gate. They lead you inside. As you enter, you see flimsy scaffolding pressed against the sharp wooden walls. Atop these walkways, more guards peer into the night on all sides. A few turned to wave at you as you walk past rows of dilapidated cottages. Good wave, Jake. Just wanted to call that out. Jake waved on the Zoom call. And then, after a short walk, you arrive in the town of Velaki.

Okay. Okay. I'm going to have Bluetooth go invisible, turn into a raven, and fly into the sky to do sort of like aerial viewing. Holy shit. He's an invisible raven? Drone footage. Yeah. I'm going to get some drone footage of this entrance. Tell them that's time to go stealth mode. Oh, my God. Yes, my son. Hold on. Let me put on my optic camera flaws.

Okay, so yeah, Bluetooth's going to surveil. Did you do like a perception check or something like that? I think it's more like I want him positioned there so that I can decide to move him if I want to look into windows or anything like that. Awesome. Cool. He's just like the barons just got like bones in his house or anything like that. He's just, he's a werewolf, right? Do we all agree with the bearer's a werewolf?

Yeah, I think so. I just got that bird. Maybe they can talk to wolves or something, and the real wolves know what's up and are like, yeah. It is suspicious, but I wonder why this abbot would allow a werewolf to exist right below him in the town. Well, the abbot is probably a werewolf. The rabbit is also a werewolf, I think is where I'm at. I think everyone's a werewolf here. Yeah, everyone's a werewolf.

Everyone's a Sagittarius. Marina, this town, they're all werewolves. We figured it out in like two seconds. Everyone's a werewolf. It must be that Sagittarius brain. Yeah. Yeah, try to keep up. I will.

She looks like very serious about it. I will try my best. Oh, God, no, I feel bad. She clutches the sword, Gens gave her. Ye. Jensler's at the shoddy worksmanship of it. That's a walking stick, right? No, no, it's, yeah.

No, that was a sword I got from, you know, completing last adventure, a blacksmith, who was magic, gave it to me. Didn't it come from a castle in a swamp? Shut the fuck up. Let's go. So after a short stroll, you all arrive at the town square. The roads are paved with cracked blue tile and smooth gray stones. At the center of the square, you see a large moss-covered fountain, a top which is mounted an enormous wicker wolf's head.

All around are various booths and shops decorated with limp, tattered garlands and tiny dead flowers. Some seem to be selling wares, while others are occupied by carnival games. One in particular stands out to you because it's staffed by a man in a flea-bitten jester suit who has a monkey perched on his shoulder. However, before you can investigate further, you hear a loud drum followed by more high-pitched singing. And now please put your hands together for he who makes our lives much better, he keeps us safe from all disaster, awkward and wonderful burgo master. Nayak applauds so hard.

Yes! What the fuck? You see a throng of peasants gathered near a wooden stage where the same singer you heard outside is now performing. His patchwork clothes are lined with bells that jingle sadly as he gestures

to a middle-aged man seated behind him. The man is wearing a sparkling blue robe and is flanked by a similarly clad woman and two huge mastiff hounds. The man stands, then raises his hands. As he does, you see a ring of iron keys dangling from his waist.

A smattering of dry applause rises from the crowd. He walks forward, grins too wide, and then launches into a speech. Good day, everybody. All will be well. Yes. I am your humble

burgomaster, Baron Vargas Velakovich, and I'm just so thrilled to welcome everybody to the Wolf's Head Jamboree. Yeah, let's get it going, right? Yes, yeah, you there. New in town. I'd love to meet you after this.

For sure. He's very charismatic, and I'm glad that Bluetooth isn't here to be manipulated. Because people are obsessed with wolves. We love a festival here in Blackie, don't we, folks? The joy these festivals brings, drives away the forces of darkness, and keeps us safe. Ain't that right? All will be well. All will be well.

This is so bad, guys. This is going to go so bad. There's no way anyone here is okay. Vargas raises his hands and everyone cheers as if on cue. All except one man who cups his hands and mutters a very faint, boo. Whoa. As soon as he hears this, Vargas, still smiling,

nods at two guards who drag the man off to a set of stocks. They lock him inside and place a plaster donkey head over his face. Hate to see that, folks. But you know what we say around here? He-ha, you broke the law. Well, friends, looks like one of our fellow villagers needs a little reminder on how to embrace the joy of a lackey. So why don't everyone get out there, play some games,

eat some food, and enjoy yourself. And remember, if you earn enough burgo bucks, you might just get to be burgo master for the day. So go have fun. And remember, all will be will! Vargas hits a different pose on either, word ending on a high kick that hits a peasant in the head okay prompting several concerned cheers jens just rubs his temples we did not sleep last night now we're at a fucking carnival

of a cult do we need to try to be as a burger master for a day i guess that's not a bad idea yeah then we would get to live in the burgomaster's house and have the key to the city and learn all of the secrets, I imagine. I feel like it's going to, it's the way that like when we're on jet blue, like a kid will get like the pilot's wings or something. It doesn't mean he actually gets to fly the plane. I'm going to ask a person in the crowd. Okay.

Hey, hi. Hi. Hi there. What's up? I'm a Sagittarius. You are too. I was wondering, who won last year? Who won Burger Master for a day last year?

Oh, last year? that would be a jarzinka how many burgo bucks did it take it changes year to year based on inflation and whatnot but um sure it was 10 burgo bucks last year is jarzinka alive today is jarzinka eaten by wolves did jarzinka go in that big wolfhead the wicker wolfhead and she's right over there jarzinka hello here are you i am jarzinka jarzinka whoa you surprised me what was it like what did you get to do when you were a burger master for a day So basically I could go around and I could just tell everybody what to do. I got to stay at the Bergmaster's house.

So you do get to do that. There we go. Okay. All right. That's pretty freaking come and try. He is a man of his word about this. How did it feel to not be it anymore? Was there a crash emotionally?

Huge. Absolutely. Yeah. Just sit really deep bottom. Was the high versus the low? Absolutely. Okay. Jorzinka, what are you doing today?

I'm trying to win again. okay what if you pulled with us she won last year she won last year she's a champion okay but the games are totally different every year the festival is totally different every year okay never mind then bye jarlinca yeah no that's a good point i want to go talk to the guy in the stocks don't worry no one will suspect a thing i grab a tomato and i throw it at his head so hard and then i walk over and i look like i'm berating him but i'm just like i'm a Friend, maybe. Why did you boo? I agree that this burgomaster seems weird, but maybe you know more, donkey man. Be careful. Isaac, the burgomaster's henchman is right there. Okay. You see, standing next to the stocks is this burly man with like a long leather jacket on and a bald head and very intense eyes. He wears gloves over his hands, which are both folded over his massive chest.

and he kind of looks at you, but sees that you're currently throwing tomatoes at this guy and he's totally fine with it. Great. I smush another tomato in his face. I'm so sorry about this. Yeah. I know. It's okay. I got a little bit of the tomato in my mouth that time, so that was good. That was yummy. Okay. We'll keep doing this. I'm going to keep crunching tomatoes in your face, and you're just going to keep eating the tomato juice and tell me what's going on. All right. Why is this guy looking at us? Why are you in the stocks? Why are you booing people? My name is Udo. Udo. And listen, everyone here, they won't tell you, but all is not. not well in this town. I thought so.

Things are kind of fucked up. Yeah, no shit. There are strange creatures roaming around. I've seen him digging up graves. Don't even get me started on what's going on at the Abbey. Oh, the Abbey's fucked up? I don't know. I just, I get a bad sense from it.

And I just couldn't take it anymore. You know, two people have gone missing from the Berger Master's staff. Okay. Just gone. Do you know anything about the Abbott? nobody knows anything about the abbot he talks to the burgomaster and the burgomaster alone oh boy if we're the burgomaster for a day we can talk to him ah maybe that's true the gate to the abbey is is locked occasionally uh the burgomaster will bring shipments of wine and food uh to the abbot and occasionally i have seen the habit come and glimpse at the pool at the bottom of the steps uh at the entrance to the abbey but

other than that he really keeps to himself all right well um We appreciate it a lot. Hopefully, we can figure out what's going on here, and we'll get you out. I forgot your name. I'm just going to call you Donkey Man, if that's okay. Sure. I'll shove another tomato in your face. Okay, right on.

Shove a tomato in his face, and I walk back over to my friends. Does the Burger Master have a key on him? Yes. You saw that he has a ring of keys on his waist. Then I'm going to get nearby. Okay. And I'm going to duplicate. I'm going to create an exact replica of an object you can see within range that weighs no more than 25 pounds.

At first glance, the two objects are indistinguishable from each other. And the duplicate functions as if it were the original, except for any magical properties the original object may have. Are there like verbal somatic components to this? I'm just wondering like if somebody would. S and M. So I do need copper powder and wax. So I take out the copper powder that I usually dust on my cheeks to look beautiful. And then I take some of Jens's hair wax.

Hey. Oh, the werewolves would have killed for that. The thickening pomade. Awesome. You do that. Why don't you give me a, since it's somatic, that means you're, like, moving your hands a little bit. And you have to be, like, really close to the baron for this. Yeah, you know what?

What's the range? I'm going to also, the range is five feet. So I am, like, right near him. I will disguise self to look like a villager. Great. Go ahead and give me a stealth role for this versus his perception. Okay. I'll give Barty Conspiration to us.

Nat 20. Whoa! There you go. Fuck yes. Awesome. Yeah, you see that the Baron is busy, like, shaking people's hands. His coat is lined with, like, various snacks and foods, and he's just, like, he's handing out tomatoes for people to throw at the people in stock.

There you go. That's a good one. That's a beef eater right there. He's totally distracted. You perfectly fucking duplicate these keys. And as you do, you look down at them, you look over to the gate at the far north of the village, and then you look up beyond it along this switchback trail where you see this white stone abbey. And as you're staring at it with these keys and hand, a loud bell rings.

It rings from the abbey's high tower, sending scores of terrified birds fluttering to the sky. It's loud ringing echoes beneath your skin, eyes, and teeth. And as it continues, you see the burgomaster looks up, signals to the bard to play his flute as loud as possible, but despite the increased volume, you can still hear them. A chorus of baleful, inhuman screams bellowing forth from somewhere in the abbey. You need a second flute? And that's where we'll end our. This town is bad. Welcome to the Jamboree, folks.

Oh, my God. Just insisting everything is good is so menacing. I had to build Velaki into this regardless of where you went. I was just like, they have to go to Valaki because it's such a funny gimmick. Yeah. I'm so glad you're finally here. All will be will. Oh, we'll be will.

I'm excited to talk about Valaki and what awaits you on the short rest. You can subscribe to the short rest By the by going to Patreon.com slash NADBOD. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are. Don't sing it. Don't do it, folks.

Don't sing it. Okay, we won't sing yet. We do have some stuff to plug. We've got Dimension 20 Live show in November. Come see us live. We're doing Starstruck. Search Dimension 20 Live.

Hell yeah. I'm going to go and plug our shop because this coming weekend after this episode post, we're going to be having a little back-to-school sale. That is correct. Yeah.

So if you've been holding a little out on picking up some hot items, go ahead and grab them. They are hot. I don't know how they do it. They come like they're crushing up. Steaming shirt. Yeah. So go ahead and pick those up. Thank you so much. Shop. Nadpod.com. And also check out my substack while you're on the internet. Substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz. I'm a one-sided day kind of guy. Sorry. If you find yourself on the internet, check out Jake's substack. In the meantime, you can follow us on social media. The room area is at C.H.1. at Coddy's Caldwell. At Ayakford's Emily. And at Jake Gorts is Jake. And you can talk about the show online.

using hashtag Nadpod, that's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. I'm going to be able to be. Well, well, well, it's time to thank our benevolent Council of Elders, and they are Braddie, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, later, McS, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle, the dastardly dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, Balnor's boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny,

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Billy B. Tori, the tungsten, Dragoose, accidental shareer of recipes. Michael L.S. the second. Carl B. Plummer of the realm. Ace Dreg's High Lord of Critsburg, Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Clinton P, Cam, the Vampire Frogman, Dean, Jake W, Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and mirth, Nat Pod fan and Bar Mitzvud Man, it is Dave O, good stuff, Steve L, Tyler McEm, Alex G, Zibby Tobacery, Kaylee, Katarina, C, Misty, the Crispy Kitty really hates flame skulls. Greg W., there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great, and we'll love you. Thank you for that. Baruch, Thunderhelm, 5th generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupac, Aubrey, Boney is Dead, the Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Agus, Coonari, ignition class, pedal storm, not a DJ, but we'll still take the gig, DJ Dramameen, Alec von Zaurovich, my favorite patron makes me say penis on my show, chef, Julie B, Jen the Rowdy, Caitlin H, buttwax, Jaibet, the other Danny,

Primala Hibble-Pabble featuring Plumbo and of course Thomas C. Thank you, everybody. That was a HitGum podcast.