Not Another D&D Podcast - Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 9: The Wolf's Head Jamboree

Episode Date: September 12, 2025

The Triplets arrive in Vallaki seeking information and alies, but are met with a bizarre festival instead! Jens sports the ultimate drip, Nyack appeals to the youth and Onyx meets the man of her dreams as the Trinyvale X Strahd crossover continues! Support us on Patreon! - Patreon.com/NaddpodCREDITSEditing by Brian MurphyProduction and Sound Design by Daniel Ramos (@Schubirds on IG)Logo Design by Chelsea LeCompteMUSIC INCLUDES:"Trinyvale Opening Theme" by Emily Axford"Barovian Tango" by Emily Axford"Oh Melora" by Emily Axford"Techgnomek" by Emily Axford"Strahd" by Emily Axford"The Night Lotus" by Emily Axford"The Gate" by Emily Axford"The Tarroka Suite" by Emily Axford"Lights Out?" by Emily Axford"Trinyvale Closing Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to Trinneville. Trinneville. And also Barovia. Bap, Bap, Boreovia. Lovely stuff. Man, I'm on the verge of tears for unrelated reasons. Other shit that's happening in my life.

Yes, it's, you know, I yelled at a lot of people. Let's move on to today's episode of Trinnavale Extra. episode nine. I am your Dracula uncle, aka Drunkle, Caldwell Tanner, and I am joined, as always, by my prickly players. Brian Murphy.

Creaming my jeans from Wet Dreams. Yes, Lizelle. Yes, dude. You reminded me beforehand that I said I was never going to come up with another rhyme. It's Evergreen. It's Evergreen.

It's so Evergreen. Ah, that was a great band, Evergreen. And, of course, Emily Axford. Duplicating keys and creaming my jeans it's onyx linear this can't be a theme can't be a cream theme freaking bit okay I didn't mean to steal it I'll do a different one um you didn't mean to steal it I think I just you since you did it again I was like oh okay we're gonna do this but now that I feel like I got overstep okay

new one new one everyone reset reset okay reset reset okay reset reset not reslate parallel thinking it's okay okay um no it wasn't parallel thinking it was directly inspired okay um I'm going to say Facing down a vampire eternal with our dream journal. It's on Xenumia. Man, very good. Wow. Murph, you creamed your jeans, but only creamed my mind. And finally, Jake Hurwitz.

I'm not going, man. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm not going up to that. Let's get to the recap. Just okay, right to the recap with that? Yeah. I'm playing Nyak, but let's take it down a notch, all right? I won't be talked to you like this on my show, of all places.

Not in Barovia. me directly afterwards, but for this hour and a half, it's mine. When last we met, you found yourself accosted by a werewolf trapper named Piotr. He and his two companions, Bogen and Grilsha attempted to grapple you and then steal your hair.

Freaks. However, thanks to Onyx and Nyak, tactically going limp and embracing death. Tactical. That's true in tactics. The werewolds were unable to succeed. You made quick work of the pack and grilled Piotr about the alpha who sent him on this job.

Before dying, he revealed that his leader is a werewolf named Kirill Stoyanovich, but that all the werewolves follow Straud, who they revere as the ultimate lichenthrope. You then ransacked the werewolf's corpses and found an electrum flute, orders from Kirill, and a magic journal that records your dreams, which is perfect for a crew of Sagittarius is like you. We are so dreamy, but also practical. After the battle, you decided to push on through the night to make it to the walled village of Velaki. Onyx and Nyak took a level of exhaustion while Jins lounged on the back of Fitbit's cart. Yep.

As you approached the town, you saw that there were several wolf's heads mounted on spikes. Jens astutely pointed out that these must be regular wolves since wherewolves revert to human form upon dying. Whereof being a target, Keychain shed his dog disguise and extended his legs to become a super tall, super cool man. You then arrived at the gate where guards informed you that the town was celebrating a festival called the Wolf's Head Jamboree. They led you inside just in time to see the burgomaster of the town, Baron Vargas Velakovich, give a speech reminding everyone that all will be well. He implored everyone to keep evil at bay by having fun, playing games, and of course, earning burgo bucks in the hopes of becoming burgomaster for the day. All the villagers cheered, except for a man. named Udo, who booed and was then thrown in the stalks with a plastered donkey mask on his head.

Jins questioned Udo while discreetly pummeling him with tomatoes. It had to be done. Udo revealed that all was not well in Valki. Strange figures had been seen in the graveyard, and some of the staff had gone missing from the burgomaster's mansion. While Jens chatted, Onyx stealthily cast duplicate on the baron's keys, thus allowing her to access some of the town's off-limits areas. With keys in hand, you three glanced towards the abbey on the hillside next to Vlaki just in time to hear a loud bell ring from atop its sanctuary. Nervously, the baron forced his bard to loudly play his flute,

hoping it would drown out the sound, but it was no use. As the bell continued to peel, you heard a chorus of baleful, inhuman screams coming from somewhere inside the abbey. And that is where we are now. Hmm. As the screams continue, the baron looks stricken for a moment, then covers his face in a sweaty grin. He turns to the crowd and shouts, okay, let's get this party started, y'all. Everyone, go get yourself a free glass of wine, courtesy of me, and the Blue Water Inn. All will be well. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

Okay. Onyx, I think Nyack is just too into all of this. Yeah. Do you guys want wine? Do you want a wine? Do you want a wine? Do you want a wine? Do you want a wine? Well, let me change. Wine. I'll take a wine. I would like a wine and a wine bottle to chew wine. Okay.

Two wines. All right. Three wines. All right. Yeah, Bluetooth's young. Bluetooth should be drinking wine coolers, okay? Let's not be bad parents here. Yeah, throw some seltzer in there.

All right. In the meantime, isn't blue water in? Isn't that where our guy is? Isn't that our innkeeper? Mm, it is. All right. Let's go over. Let's see if we can find him.

Okay. So I have to tell. Tell you, I copied the keys of the Burger Master, and it only lasts for an hour. So I was thinking of making Bluetooth invisible, having him ship shift into a raven, and sending him to inspect. Okay. And seeing through his eyes. So I'm going to go limp. Wait.

Okay. Oh, great. Okay. Pretend to drink a bunch of wine, and then I'll carry you around. Oh, that's really good. Got you got some vino. Hey, what's up. All right.

I try to get a bunch of people to chant chug. Okay. Chug, chug, chug, chug. I am going to, I am going to mage hand, like, throw it over my shoulder, do like an optical illusion so it looks like I'm drinking it. Catch all the wine with the mage hand and like gently put it onto the ground just so it's not making a slashing shell. So it hits your hands like a midway down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Use the main chance to sort of slide it down.

Okay, great. So it's not so sloshly. And then the second I finished the final one, I'm going to be like, I am so drunk. She's wasted. She's a light weight, everybody. Oh, my God. She's so drunk. We're so sorry.

This is fucking humiliating. She's an idiot. She's stupid. Carrie me. So it's so dumb of her. Oh, my God. We're humiliated. Well, she's humiliated.

Holy shit on it. We're fine. You're irresponsible. You're an adult This is really low This is really low This is awful The wine is like really not that alcoholic

It's safe for children Yeah I don't know Yeah but she drank it fast And she totally skipped breakfast She drank it so fast She skipped breakfast She skipped dinner Also you don't know my age

Or my astrological science Yeah I'm so sorry She's a Sagittarius I carry on it around Okay so they can go do stuff And then I'm like I'm sending Bluetooth

tooth with the keys to invisible as a raven and he can shape shift in and out of being a raven. That's an imp thing, I guess. So he's an invisible raven. And I'm just going to have him try and find like the Burger Masters, quarters. Ooh, okay.

Maybe go into spy on what's going on where the screaming is coming from. With the screaming is coming from and just like basically figure out where all these keys go to. Anywhere that he gets in with the key, I want him to try to leave a window a jar. Wow.

And I want to earn some burgo bucks. So we're each doing something equally important. Divide and conquer. I'll go try to talk to Irwin at the, presumably he's at a stand or something like that. Or somebody is at the Blue Water Inn. The Blue Water Inn, yeah. I will silent image, so it looks like I'm puking. I'm so sorry for her.

Oh, my bare feet. Do you just silently puke? No, I'm not actually puking. I'm just using silent image. so it looks like a really intense puke is going out of me. But you have to make the noise with your mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great.

Gotcha. She's leaking. So Nike, you want to go to the booths. Before we handle Bluetooth, let me give you kind of a lay of the land as far as like what booths are around and what else exists in this town.

So basically you're in this big town square. You've got this huge wicker wolf's head up, set up in the middle of this like crumbling fountain. All of the businesses are kind of in this square and they've all kind of put out booths in front of. other prospective businesses. So you do see by the Blue Water Inn, there is a long table that's been set out

with several wine bottles on it. There's a woman with peppery hair and a few black feathers tucked into it as well. She's wearing a splattered apron and she's kind of leaning next to a large sign that says wine chug challenge. And behind this booth, you do see the Blue Water Inn. This old inn with a big wooden sign

kind of swinging gently in the way. that's got a faded waterfall on it. Gotcha. In addition to that, next to the Wine Chug Challenge, you see a small stage with a heavily patched red curtain. A sign above that reads the Blinxie Bluppet Blayhouse. Blayhouse? And then on the other side of the fountain,

you see a set of stocks holding four people in plaster donkey masks. On one side of the stocks is a tank of water labeled the donk tank. And on the other side is a high-finsed pin with a poorly scribbled sign, wolf wrestling. So the four booths that you can visit today are the Wine Chug Challenge, the Blinksy Bluppet Blayhouse, dog tank and wolf wrestling. And there are also further businesses and places to check out in town if you would like to go there as well. Nyack is like jonesing for these burgo bucks. He's hopping from one foot to the other. Great. I feel like these stocks, that seems like an aim thing. That feels like I would excel there.

Oh, you want to go to the donk tank? Yeah, I'm going to go to the donk tank. Great. If I'm not mistaken, you guys both have BARTIC inspiration, I believe I've given it to both of you and neither of you have used them. That's correct. Just a heads up.

Is that a D6 or a D8? Oh, D6, we suck, remember? Yes. It's worth remembering because Onyx, you and Nyack do have exhaustion from your long trip. So you have disadvantaged on ability check. Oh, yeah, we didn't.

I'm going to earn some freaking burgo bucks. Nyack stumbles towards the dog tank. I'm carrying Onyck. We're going to be rich, sis. Nyack, you're heading towards the donk tank. Jins. Are you just hanging with Onyx over by the Blue Water Inn? I also don't really need to be warging until I'm, like, officially looking through Bluetooth.

So, like, I mean, I can help you, but also, like, I'm happy to be working on. Okay, so you're pretending right now to be drunk, and we'll have you go out when we need you to go out. Okay, so great. So I think maybe we'll walk up to the wine chug challenge, because we don't see Irwin, right? No. No one's our guy. We don't see him. So maybe, and she's also got black feathers.

So I think I'm going to try to talk to her. I don't really care to do the Wanchung challenge, although I could have Onix do it. Yeah, I could do it. She's already wasted. Yeah. Why don't we do two birds with one stone? Oh, I do that. I out loud, I say, why don't we hit two birds with one stone?

And I wing at the lady at the booth. Excuse me. Do you have that problem with birds? No. Actually, I really like. birds. Some of my best friends are birds. I wink. He was referring to like a stone massage. Oh, of course, yes. Have you ever had stones put down you during a message?

Oh, yes, like a birdbathful of stones. Yeah. Of course. That sounds lovely, yes. We got off on the wrong foot. My name is Danica Dorokova. I run this inn with my husband, Irwin. Oh, Irwin. You know Irwin? Yeah, we are looking for Irwin. Irwin is a friend of and I do a bird's sign I make like flapping winks with my hand

I act out like fangs yeah okay yeah we know some wine moms that we are friends with interesting did they from Borovia

tell you to tell me anything they did Jen's is Jen's rules Kind of fuck as soon as you say that her expression totally changes she kind of like brings you in for an embrace she notices the feathers that you have placed where did you place the feathers by the way on your body

i've turned it into a quill oh oh nice for a dream journal yeah perfect great i think i have one like a brooch clasping is mark's best cape uh niac where do you have your feather um niacs would be attached to one of his arrows wow flying extra true. I love it. So yeah. So you see that Danica clocks all these feathers, here's the code phrase and says, yes, oh, it is great to meet fellow friends of the feather. My husband, Irwin, is tending bar inside if you wish to speak with him. Most of the people are here. I'm serving up drinks. So the bar is actually a little quieter today than it normally is. Just the people who are trying to get away from the hustle and bustle. If you want to do the wine chock challenge, by the way,

I would be happy to facilitate that too. Sure. We could also, if you want to just rig it because we're friends and just hand us some burgo bucks, that would be sick. You see that she kind of nervously looks over at two of the town guards and says, like, even for friends of the feather, there must be rules. I'm sorry. Do you know where is the Burger Master

leaves? Yes. Oh, he lives. She points past the grandstand where the Burger Master spoke earlier. You see this big mansion covered in a crumbling blue plaster. On the other side of it, you see a small shimmering blue pond and

gazebo and between those two things you do see the gate uh to the abbey okay thank you so much i'm sending him in edible arrangement so that's so helpful it's very kind yes we must keep a low profile and play our part as members of the society of alaki but if you wish to speak go yes urban is inside but if you want to kind of pretend like you're having fun and like you're not raising suspicion maybe maybe it would be a good idea to do the wine chog challenge don't don't worry i've got this handled. Onyx, you have a problem,

okay? The wine chug challenge after everything you just did, fine. I'm going to go inside and have a reasonable amount of drinks and I walk into the bar

and leave Onyx at the booth. I will cast the canter of evil eye on gems. I glare at a creature I can see within range imposing a paleful hex on it. What?

I'm mad that you threw me under the bus. And I think I'm never going to use this on an actual enemy, so. What kind of Baleful Hex happens to me? You take six psychic damage. Oh, my God, that's so much of his HP.

I'm at 13 life. And for the rest of the round, only the rounds. Okay, two seconds. Attack rolls and unarmed strikes against you score a critical on a 19 or a 20. Okay. I wobble into the bar and hit my head on the door frame. Are you okay? Your eye bulged way out of your head.

Yeah, I just was super mad at my friend. Anyways, I'm going to get drunk. Chug, chug. Okay, chug, chug. Okay, so you sit down. We'll handle this. We'll do Onyx first. Then we'll go over to Nyack, then Jens, and then we'll check in on Bluetooth.

Great. Okay. So, Onyx, you sit down to the table. You see your competitor. is this mustached man in overalls. He's seated next to a bottle, waiting for the competition to begin. As you both sit down, he's going to give you a little nods. He says, oh, how's it going there?

I guess you're... I'm not here to make friends. Oh, geez, okay, yeah. I kiss his hand politely. He's mustache bristles with electricity. I'm Imrich. It's a pleasure to meet you, and may the best drink or win. Do you usually drink wine?

He's your drink of choice? What's your drink of choice? I would say, like, dance. the lion tea so this is kind of that not really my uh what you're a tea totaler i am but only because i only drink tea yeah yeah that was my that was my joke god you get nothing give me a wine that's a good joke sorry i just yeah i don't i'm sorry is there a connection between us i just don't meet many people with a sense of humor like this oh shit he's her type bottoms up a sagittarius jens looks out the window like what the fuck is happening i gave

another evil eye. Oh! Right, right, that bottoms up. So you sit down with Emmerk here. Danica explains the rules. Okay, so what you do is you choose the amount of wine you want to drink, and then you make a constitution check for the corresponding amount. If you fail the check, the amount you fail gets added to the next check you do.

So, example, if you roll a seven on the DC-10 check, it means you add three to your next check. If you fail three checks in a row, you spit out the wine. So the way this is going to work is you can choose if you want to choose. chug a quarter bottle, a half bottle, three quarters, or a whole bottle. The DC goes up depending on how much you chug. And if you fail, you get to add the difference to your next check. So you don't automatically fail. It just makes the next check harder. So what is the DC for a full bottle? Full bottle is 25. Three quarters is 20. Half a bottle is 15. Quarter bottle is 10. These are constitution checks. Okay. And that's with disadvantage because we're exhausted.

That is with disadvantage. You can start slow. You can do four checks. to get through the bottle. That's probably what Emmerk's going to do, slow and steady. That's what I always say. Wow, so hot. Okay. So if you're ready, let's do our first chug.

Okay. Okay, Emric does not add anything to this. With disadvantage, I did get a net 20 on the higher one. Emric got a 16, so he passes his first one. He's got one quarter down. What did I need to get? A 10 for one quarter. Okay, I am not using myombardic yet.

I just got an 11. Okay, both you both passed. You both chugged a quarter of wine. Okay. Ooh, I'm feeling pretty good. See, Emrick instantly starts to flush. Oh, but he got a six. So he's going to have to add four to his next check.

I got an 18. Ooh, nice. Okay, so this is for the third quarter of the wine. Emmerick's check is now a DC-14. He passed. Okay. I am going to use my bardic. Okay.

13. All right, you pass again. This is the last quarter. Okay, rolling flat on both of these. Oof. Emrick failed. He got a six again. I failed also.

I got a six. Yikes. So this, you're both going to do a DC-14 check to try and get the last bit of this wind down. Okay. Shout it to the two crew for Emric. Eleven.

Okay. So you both failed. This next one's just going to be flat. We're going to go back to DC-10 for this one. And we got a five. 14. Oh! Yeah, there we go.

Oh, that was so stressful doing it with disadvantage. Yeah. Every time I would be like, well, Can't use that one. Can't use that one. Can't use that one. Emrick is red as a beat. He really fell apart during that last quarter. You see, Wyane is just dribbling down his face. His mustache is totally red as well. Coming out your nose. Oh, geez. It's a little stronger than dandelionthia. Let me tell you.

Great work there. I guess you win the burger box. But, you know, I had fun, so I got nothing to complain about. Yeah, me neither. Where do you live? You know, just outside of town, I got a little farm. What do you farm? Dandelions? Well, yeah, I mean, just for fun, I do the dandelions. But I grow a lot of the food for the village, you know. Mostly, yeah, potatoes, tomatoes. Basically everything they're thrown at the donkey people.

I grew up. Really? Yeah. Those tomatoes, they splatted so pleasingly. Oh, shucks. Thanks. Against the people, what was it in the stocks, I think? I'm just knocking on the window.

Onyx flirting with this man. Yeah. Have you seen a guy with a monkey named Pickalov? He's actually like right over there. He just points like kind of just a little bit to your right. And you see that next to the little puppet show booth, there is a man in a flea bit and gestures costume with a monkey on his shoulder. Okay. Amrik, I really want to be with you. But he's a sad monkey. He's trying to make me a threadwife. so I need to kill him before I can be with you maybe it's just the wine talking

but what you said is fucking crazy and I think that's beautiful sometimes sometimes a tomato will grow and it won't look perfect but when you bite into it it tastes juicy and delicious in the way no tomato will

sorry are you buying that I don't look perfect? No, no, no, that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just saying the truth. Choose your words carefully. Okay, Emric. Okay. Yeah, no, no, no, I'm sorry. Onyx is crying and walked over to Jens.

How did that go? I won. You won't burgo box. Yeah. How many burgo bucks? Yes, are you in three burgo box? Three burgo box. Three?

Okay, yes. Did the burgomaster explain the prizes to you? No, are there big stuffed animals? Oh, well, let me. I've got the little sheet here. She pulls out this sheet. One second. I'm going to wave my burger bucks at Nyack.

Nyak drifts over like a cartoon dog smelling a hot dog. Nayak, can you keep his safe? Yes, I can't. I'll put them in the glove bag, brother. I can be the treasurer of the burgo box. Nyack has a weird look in his eye. This is okay. I just implicitly trust him.

I hand the burger box over. Yeah, could you explain to all of us? Oh, sure, yes. She pulls out a little sheet with the burgomaster's seal on it, and it has a list of prizes written on it. So for two burgo bucks, you can get a blinksie toy. For four burgo bucks, you can get a room at the Blue Water Inn. For eight burgo bucks, you can get a room at the Barron's Mansion.

For 10 burgo bucks, you get your own personal guard. And for 12 burgo bucks, you become burgomaster for the day. Okay, we are saving for 12. We're saving for 12. I am the prize. You do see at the bottom, there's also a little addendum that says, for a simple donation of 100 gold, you also can get an extra burgo buck. Oh, I'll put it, yeah.

Should we do? Let's do that at the end. All right. We'll figure that out at the end. Okay, great. I'll give anything. What do you mean? Great.

So you guys are going to go talk to Irwin. But before we get to that, let's cut over to Nyack, who has gone to the Dongtank. Yeah, Nyack wanders back to the donk tank. And has all of the burgo bucks. That's right. I've got three burgo bucks in my pocket. Winning Charlie Sheen. I turned to, I turn to Onyx after hearing him quote Charlie Sheen and I say, we should follow him.

Okay. We can come back in Dr. Irwin. We follow Nyack. Let's do it at a distance and see if he does anything fucking weird. What's the issue, guys? I'm by winning. Oh, God. So you walk over to the donk tank, which is a.

massive wooden barrel filled with water. Above the barrel, you see a man in a plaster donkeyhead suspended on a seat. Next to the tank, you see a bald man with wild eyes and a leather jacket and gloves. He points to a small painted target attached to the tank and says, Hit that a new and tubergo box or not. I don't care. Wow. Yes.

This guy isn't fun at all. What if I hit it so square that you give me your jacket, sir? you see as you say that he like clutches his jacket closely and says no this jacket is very important to me the baron gave me this it's important to me as well why now hey niac i just feels like you got here can we circle up for a second i pinch niac's ear and i pull him in close you you love the burgo master you need burgo bucks and now you're obsessed with his jacket i like leather i always like leather You would win, win, though. Ever since I wanted to be the burgomaster.

Okay. Okay. So whizzing's the best hour. We need you to focus up, okay? Okay. I pinch him again. We need you to focus up, all right? My ears.

Win the burgo box, yeah. Get your friend under control. All right, go ahead. Taking this check, it would be a crime. And if you commit a crime, then you will go in the stocks. Yeah, not interested in being a donkey. Yeah, I'm not a donkey either. I'm going to hit this thing so square that you'll, no one will,

deny that I'm winning. All right, great. So the way this is going to work, you see there is a man in a donkey mask sitting in this dunk tank. He's just boredly saying, he-haw, I broke the law over and over again. What did he do? What did you do, sir? Yeah, what did you do?

Pissed in public. That's funny. Jen's just doing that right now. You can't tell. He's pissing himself. That's different. Yeah, that's totally different. Yeah, because you're wearing your jeans.

That's private. Yeah. And they're dark pants. And honestly, there is Mark's pants. So you're allowed to just go when you want. He scoff me there. Yeah. That's why you wear is Mark's clothes.

You can just go on the go. You can piss there instead of public. It's pretty simple. Why are we talking about my movements, right? Throw the ball. Am I crazy here? Why is everyone watching the piss leak out of the bottom of my pants? I feel like no one stopped talking.

I feel like I don't know why. It's like watching Zaguthers in Zeraine. There's just a growing pool. Will you ever stop pissing? I don't know. Do I like have full control of that? I don't know. Like if I have to, do you want me to just stop pissing just in the middle of it for no reason?

I guess it's your prerogist. Yeah, I have to piss. It's been a long day. We haven't really stopped down. I tried to go in and talk, but then you were being fucking weird with the bag and stuff. And so we decided to follow you. That's on me. And I didn't have time to go to the bathroom.

I didn't have time to go to the bathroom. I decided to piss myself, all checks out. And it's still going. Can I chuck this thing or what? Yes, please, my God. So this is going to be a DC-23 slight of hand. Slight of hand. You get three tries.

You can also sacrifice a try to lower the DC by 1D6. So you can do it raw and try to hit the DC-23. I'll also allow people to cast spells or give inspiration, but you can not use the help action. Okay. Can I use Maychand to give out action? Unless you want to try and do that stealthily, I think Izek would catch that. So, yeah, is there anything you want to do

to help out Nyak? You've got a disadvantage because you're exhausted. Your vision is blurring a little bit from the long walk. But also, Jens, you have given him inspiration already, right? Yes. Okay, cool. Would you let me cast Zephyr Strike to get advantage? I mean, it is a projectile.

So I guess, yeah, sure. How does that manifest? You just kind of, like, gather shadow around your stuff? yourself? Yeah, you move like the wind. Until the spell ends, your movement doesn't provoke opportunity attacks. Once before the spell ends, you can give yourself advantage on one weapon attack on your turn. It deals an extra D8 of force damage. So I guess I imagine like all of the shi, like the gloomy shadows circling this ball and having it burst forward from my hand. And you get a rookie of the year broken arm snap. Yeah, my arm snaps back and I just look at it

and wander. Oh, your tendons, they look like they're too tight. I think I've got tiger blood coursing through me. Oh, my God. That's the last time I'll say Charlie Sheen's, I promise. Yes. I have a pitch for how I could use Mage hands.

I have silent image, which I can cast at Will. So I would silent image almost like a layer on Photoshop, the target without the Mage Hand, and then behind that, use the Mage Hand to kind of be there in the event that it like goes a little

off center. Oh my God. You're using. So essentially like duplicate the scene. A fucking masking mirror, a masking layer? I think that's what I'm essentially trying to do. Holy shit. You're speaking my language.

It doesn't need to be like advantage, but maybe it could be like give like a couple extra points. Yeah, I dig that. I'll let that do the equivalent of inspiration as well. Okay. Okay. You can add or you can subtract a D6 from this D.C. Okay.

I only lowered it two, but that's still something. So that's 21, all right. Okay. And you get three tries. Okay. Great. And my Zepra Strike can cancel out my disadvantage on the first one. Okay. Great.

That is a 24. Nice. Yeah, you wind up your arm. It plays that disgusting rubber band noise the use in Rookie of the Year. You fire it. It goes right down the middle, just blast through this, like, flaming shadow following behind it. And it absolutely decimates this little panel. You see this board man in the donkey mask.

goes, he-haw, here I go. Splushes into the water. You see, Izek stares forward, but as the donkey man goes into the water, a little grin creaks onto his face. Yeah, you love that. Yes, very good. That's what you live for.

He loves his job. Is that what's just water, right, that he fell into? It is some of his piss from earlier. Yeah, that's all the public piss, I think. Punishment meets the crime. Yeah. So that is two burgo bucks for you, my good man.

Well done. Wow. Can I just run that again? I'm sorry, one game per customer. What if I offer to be so a dunk? Have you committed crime? Not yet. I wink.

He blushes a little bit. Would you stop flirting with everyone? I'm sorry, it's just seeing Piccolo, knowing he wants to make me a try. Are you sure he wants that? Not every dream. is real, I guess, is like my argument. Really? Because you wake up with real consequences, if I recall.

All right. You wake up really hard, brother. We stop doing, talking about all of the stuff that my dick does. All right? Yeah. In public? Do we have to do that? No.

Does anyone else feel like that's inappropriate? I think we covered it all anyway. Yeah. Coming and pissing. Yeah. Coming and pissing. Is there anything else we want to talk about? I don't think so.

I think that covers all the basis. Passing a kidney stone or something? Should we talk about that? I hope not. I don't wish that for your health or your future, brother. Yeah, I hope not either. Are you? Am I right now?

Clearly not. You all see the puddle. You're not passing a kidney stone. You're fine. All right. You're not breaking any laws, but they don't like you. So please leave. Unless you want to also take a chance on the dunk tank.

Yeah, no, I'll dunk the guy. Why not? Yes. We've got five burgo bucks. I just, um, with terrible form, like nearly throwing my shoulder out of the socket as I throw at something for the first time in my life. Oh my God, shout out to the two crew. Okay, so first one is bad.

Nyack, what the fuck? You are breathing too loud. Sorry. All right? Yeah. Can I cast a favorite foe for Jens on the target to give him an extra D4? I think that only applies to you specifically, right? I think you can only cast that on yourself.

Yeah, yeah, it does. I was just wondering if you would allow me to get some fuckery across. You see that the new donkey that's gone up there is, is Udo. Oh. Hey, okay, go easy on me, right? We're friends now, huh? That is, and that's why I missed the first one.

Oh, okay. I wink at Udo, and then I throw it and try it at the target as best that I can. 18, fuck. Okay. Can I try to do the mage hand double layer thing? Yeah, yeah, you can do that again. All right, so subtract D6.

So if I get a five or higher. Okay. There you go. And then Onyx can do it. Come on, come on. Five! Yes! We're in the money.

Everything's going according to plan. I hit him in the head and knock him into the water. You hit him in the head, it knocks him out. His head hits the target. It's a lot easier if you just try to hit the guy. Why don't I think of that? Very good. Yes. Awesome.

So he hands you two more burgo bucks and says, great work. Does anyone else want to try? There is also many other attractions. There is Wolf Wrestling. There is Blinksie's Bluppet Playhouse. And of course, there is donations. Yeah, we'll think about it. Why don't we go check out something else?

I don't know that I want to wrestle Wolf. The Blayhouse might have something to do with Piccolo, right? Didn't we see Piccolo next to the puppets? Yes. All right, let's walk over to the Playhouse. Is this going to be, please, no one make you weird. I pinch both of your ears and pull you in. Ah, okay.

That's a piece of you. Right. Look, I wasn't weird. I was being normal. Okay, you weren't being normal. You're both being weird. Don't say anything weird to Piccolo about being a trad wife, okay? As you walk over and say, don't be weird.

You see the weirdest man in the entire village. Steps up and says, step right up. My name of Blinksey. Would you like to entertain me little boys and girls with a puppet show? If they like it, you win a burgo-back. We have to do the puppet shop? One? Uh-huh, uh-huh.

You pick out the puppet. A single fucking burgo buck? One burgo buck unless you do a really good job. Unless you're all really well. Here's the thing is that I'm like really entertaining, but my material is so crass. I'm so blue. Are there any famous puppeteers? Jeff Donovan.

No, no, no. Yeah, Jeff Donovan. A ventriloquist. In here. Jim Henson. Oh. I like look around. Jim Henson.

That's kind of the Mount Rushmore. I look around to see if there is like a bunch of posters of like traveling puppeteers that are going to come through and it's like a big deal. Give me a perception or investigation roll. Okay. 13. With the 13, you look in the window of Blinksie's store, which is kind of directly behind this little puppet stage that he's set up. And in the window, you see a poster. You can't really make it out very well from here, but you do see the word fritz on it.

And you do see an illustration of a fantastic looking puppet. Okay. I'm going to disguise myself as Fritz. Okay. And then I'm going to say, it is me, Fritz, here to give you the puppet show of a lifetime. Just to clarify, you don't see Fritz on this flyer. You see a, like, miraculous-looking puppet on the fire. Yeah, I know. I am disguising myself to look like.

like the puppet, because that's all I can see. And I'll pretend to be a puppeteer, I guess. Okay, so you disguise yourself as this puppet. It looks less like a puppet and more almost like a robot, like a little clockwork man. It's so complicated. And you kind of like waddle over towards Blinksey. And as you do, he says,

Oh, Piedelwick. Peterwick, is it you? It is me. I am Peterwick, and I'm here today. Play play for you. I can't believe it. My master, Fritz von Virz. Greatest work has returned.

I do a pirouette into a split. Oh! And then I do a handstand and start walking around on my hand. Lean in the neck. I thought we said we weren't going to be fucking weird. I think this is cool. Piccolo, clap. Clap.

It's Piddlewick. He's returned. I'm going to accidentally quotation marks. Okay. Kick Piccolo with my leg in the air I mean, roll in a tab

what the fuck this is the opposite of normal I don't want to actually roll an attack I just like I'm like graze it I'm being petty

I'm just being petty Whoa whoa Peterwick why do you hurt Piccolo Accident accident I am holding on to this monkey for a great friend, the wizard Leomond. He gave me this monkey. He trusted me with this monkey, please.

Piddlewick, I know you are a crazy puppet boy. I'm crazy! But please, focus on the puppet show. This is Piddlewick. You see Gadoff, Lynxie turns to the gathered crowd, which is mostly children, by the way. It says, this is Piddlewick. He is the ultimate creation of my master, Fritz von Vierg.

They say that when Fritz finished this puppet, he sprang up and came to life. now he roams around the land no one knew where he went until today when he returned to put on the greatest puppet show of all hooray and i'm doing cartwheels behind you the entire time you're saying this and then i whisper to onyx and i go like okay look these people here they hate wolves right so do like a little three little pigs type thing and also you know you got to appeal to the kids today we even like instead of pigs skibbitty toilet i don't know what that means it's skibbby The wolf doesn't have enough Riz and dies from it.

Okay. So what I'd like to do is I would like to pick out a puppet to use. It doesn't matter which one because really I'm going to do a silent image and try to tell the exact story that Murph just said. Somewhere flying over the village, Bluetooth is like, I'm needed. Okay, so you see, the way this is going to work is basically you need to try and impress these children. So this is going to be a, let's call it a contestant.

Tested performance check. Okay, so since I'm in disguise and I have the actor feet, I will do my performance with advantage, which means that it will negate my disadvantage from being exhausted. Hell yeah. Okay. So I'll be doing it flat. Okay. Can I disguise myself as a child and sit in the audience, almost as a plant and try to whip them up into a frenzy?

Oh, my God. Whip them up and hook up. You have to disguise yourself as a cool kid, though. Okay. Yeah. Like one that will be emulated. Nyak, give me a persuasion check or a performance check. I've got to fail safe if this doesn't work.

Yeah. Nyak, so I unfortunately got a four. Okay, so I'm going to try to use this. Can I do a performance check? As soon as Nyak looks like a not cool kid, I'm going to point at him. I turn myself into a pot-bellied eight-year-old with a huge lollipop and a tiny hat. 1930s idea of what like a cartoon child looks like porky from the little rascals hey gang it's time for a puppet show i i point at niac and uh i cast vicious mockery and i said this kid's got

negative ris he's ohio and then i dab can i do a persuasion check to try to whip them up yeah yeah try with that wait so you're trying to endear them to you by making fun Yeah, Nyack failed. It's over. Mike spins the little propeller on top of his hat. 16. Wait, are you just an adult man making fun of this child version of Nyack? Yes.

The kids see this cool man show up and make fun of a fellow kid. And they go, kind of suss. But pretty funny. I don't know. I didn't think it was that groovy. What? What are you in? Wow, you're pretty cool for a grandpa.

Tread carefully. Tread so carefully. Okay, all right. So what are you doing here? You got to watch this puppet show or what? I directed the puppet show. What? It's called the wolf that tried to dab down the three little skimming toilets.

We fucking hate wolves around here, huh? Yeah, fuck wolves, dad, right? Fuck them. Yeah, screw wolves. I think they're the worst. Whant, wah. Yeah, right. You love wolves.

You fucking love wolves. I drinks a carton of milk. Holy shit. Wait, wait, hang on. Hang on, let me see this. I cast like a little can trip on it says missing Riz on the carton. I'm like, no wonder. How did this kid do you?

No wonder he can't find it. Holy shit. This kid sucks. Bras. My glasses. They all just start saying, Bra, bra, bra, bra, bra, bra, bra, bra, bra. That's awesome.

One of the kids goes over and does a back flip, knocking the milk out of your hand, Nyack. And then they all cheer. That's awesome. That was 2%. Whole milk or bust, dumbass. All right. Yeah, when is the show going to start?

It's been going on. There's been a silent image of three toilet puppets getting attacked by a puppet wolf. Okay, so the way this is going to work, I'm going to roll a wisdom save for the kids. Okay. And depending on how much higher over that you roll is how many burgo bucks you will earn.

And how does my whipping them into a frenzy They're going to roll with disadvantage Okay, okay Nice Okay, that's a flat ten for their save 18. Whoa, 18, that is eight over The kids are enamored

Describe to me How you conclude this puppet show I conclude the puppet show By doing like an intense acrobatic routine As a puppet And I like a minor illusion some puppet strings and then take out a pair of scissors and I pretend to cut them all and then I minor illusion puppet strings on everyone, including Nyak, and I cut all of their

strings except for Nyak. How am I supposed to use my slingshot? This kid's a puppet. No, I'm not. He probably listens to adults, other than grandpa here who's cool. Right. Tread so carefully. Niagara gets tangled up.

I fall over and I sneeze and fart at the same time. Woo! The kids explode into applause. I'm going to change my ways and respect my elders now. Thanks, Grandpa. Tread carefully. You're welcome. You see Blinksey says, that was amazing.

Thank you, Piddlewick. It is so good to see you again. Just by the way, Piccolo is cursed. What? His worldview is cursed. I mean, yes, you can be a bit saucy and traditional in his way. Traditional. I look at Jans.

Okay, I'll admit that was strange That a monkey would be traditional He's always reading the newspaper And shaking his head But here, for that stellar performance I will give you two burgo box instead of one Well done Oh great, all right, nine burgo bucks

Can we ask you, you've got to give this monkey to a wizard Oh no, the wizard gave me the monkey The wizard gave you the monkey Yes, he came to my shop And he saw that I was struggling to reach all of the dolls on the high shelves so he gave me this sweet monkey he said that he was a visitor

to this land and was searching for well I hesitate to say it but he was searching for Strad and he was headed on his way to the village of Barovia and he did not want his monkey to get hurt so he left it with me it's actually strange

that you inquire so much about the monkey you were the second person in as many days to bring it up who else has throughout the monkey? Who else brought he done? Oh, two days ago or so, a woman named Esmerelda came to town. Oh. What did she want with the monkey? She was looking for Leomond, actually.

But when she saw the monkey, her eyes lit up. Wait, holy shit. I pull them back. We know a celebrity. Leomond? Of the tiny hut? Like, of the tiny hut? Holy shit.

Like, this is the creator of the tiny hut. You have a chance to meet a celebrity here. Okay. By knowing Piccolo, by knowing Blinksey, we kind of could low-key get in. We can social climb our way to the top. I'd rather no more than kinden because that's the magnificent mansion and everything. He's richer, but we got to start with C-List. Yeah, we have to get our foot in the door.

Everyone be fucking normal. I think, I see. When have I not been normal? I say as a Pop-Bellied 8-year-old. I think actually Leamond made the chest. Oh, Lehman made the chest too. Okay. That's cool.

Great. All right. Maybe he's B-list. How do we retrieve this secret chest we have? You have a key and you kind of just stick the key into the air and it like materialized. Great. Can I like flash the key at the monkey and see if he has a reaction? Onyx.

I'm just going to, you know, like when people make things dance across their nose, I'm going to do that with the key at the monkey and just see if there's a reaction. Yes. Onyx, you hold out the key to this monkey. and as you do, it touches it. It starts shrieking maniacly as soon as it sees it. And then it grabs at the key, starts like sucking on it almost like a banana or like a piece of papaya.

But as it does, its eyes glow purple and you start to see strange shapes form all on its body, almost like eldritch tattoos. They glow for a second and then fizzle out. and then he starts humping the key instead. Okay. Oh, that's cute. That's cute.

Stop. No. I spritz him with the water bottom. I spritz him with. Let him finish. No. But then after that, he looks to Onyx, tilt his head for a second,

and then hands you the key while getting down on one knee. I can't take it now. You have to take it. All right. I will be so, Mr. I will. take it. I don't want to take it after you. He was just humping it. And you aren't in the finish, all right? Yeah, well, I didn't know he was going to hand me the key. Be thankful that there's not gunk on it. I'm not, I'm not touching it. You're not touching

it? With my hands. Nyack grabs it with his toe. Okay. Ew. That's even worse than the monkey humping it. Why? Yeah, because you just walk around on your bare feet all the time. Do you know what happened to Leomond? He said he was going to the village of Barovia, but I have not heard anything from him since. He's probably dead. Well, let's hope not, because we have an inn. That would we say. Well, unless Leomin died and left all of his belongings and cash to the monkey who will now be under our care. Where did we get the chest?

We found it. We found it. You found it on the body of Reagan. And if you recall, that was the chest that Reagan used to steal all your stuff. You'll also recall that when you stayed at the Night Lotus, you stayed in a Lehmann's girthy yurt. Yeah. Okay, is it possible that Liamond is in on this and we have a celebrity feud? Oh my God, this is as good as being friends with a celebrity.

A celebrity beef is really good. Do we have a celebrity beef? Why didn't Esmarelda take the monkey with her? Well, she chatted with the monkey in sign language. Those strange pictures appeared as well. She seemed to understand what it meant, and then she continued on. I think she wanted to honor Lehmann's wish to leave the monkey with me. And we don't care if we put the monkey in harm's way.

We'll take the monkey with us. You'll take the monkey or they like the monkey. All right. Well, let's let Piccolo decide. We'll do the airbud test. Can I just try to put the key in the monkey's mouth and see if it gives access to a different chest? I hand it to Onyx with my foot. Here you go.

You're going to put the key in the monkey's mouth again. I pull a wet wipe out and wipe it down before you put it in the monkey's mouth. you animals I want to see if it's like In what world would the monkey If the monkey not unlock something What if the monkey is a secret Like that

Leaman stores something Yeah Liam and does that type of shit Well Liam and we are like Is Liamond in League with Strad or something Was he part of the resort That got us into this mess But at the same time

Would a bad guy Leave his monkey To not be in harm's way Blinksy seems cool. Yeah, I do. Okay. Sorry, is it Blinxie or Bingsy? It's Blinxie.

Glingcy. Gandalf Blinxie. Gandalf, right. Wait, no, Gadoff. Gandoff. I can't remember now. I heard Gandoff. I heard Gandoff. I heard Gandoff.

Okay. Gandoff rocks. Yes, I do. You see, he purses his lips trying to get another kiss from Piccolo, but is rejected. Okay, yeah. Piccolo, do you want to, I don't know, put this key in your mouth? We just want to try something.

I keep it in my hand, but try to do like an unlock thing in his mouth. I think it might have just been as familiar or something. We can probably get more information. If you want more information about Esmerelda, I believe she parked her wagon over at the stockyard. Oh. And we could ask her what she said to Piccolo in a sign language. Yes, I believe if you want more information about Leamond and the monkey, I would probably ask Esmirelda. I don't know where she went, but she must be.

We will ask Asmeralda, after we try to unlock this monkey. Yeah, I do. I will say at this one, I am curious. Wait, minute. Yeah, I mean, you have to try to unlock the monkey at this time. Give me, give me, um, an Arcana check. Okay. 19 on the die.

All right. Nice. All right. Just putting it into a wet monkey's mouth and twisting it. Lehmund wouldn't, would he? With the 19, you insert it in the mouth and you kind of focus your elizabeth. You kind of channel the mist, this old mist of Ariana and the Faye Wild that you've been gathering and learning to control. And this time when you put it in, you feel a certain click.

And as you pull it out, the monkey goes, ha, ha. What? And a scroll comes out of the monkey's mouth. She knew it. She knew it all along. She knew nothing. It shouldn't have worked. this.

Onyx, you genius. I spritz piccolo. Bad monkey, stop eating scrolls. That is a classic Sagittarius move. Okay, I opens a scroll. You see that the scroll is a letter. It is a letter addressed to Asmerelda. It says,

If you're reading this, it means you have specifically disobeyed my orders and have followed me into Barovia. I must admit, I am very cross, but as long as you are here, I ask that you do not pursue Stroud any further. This is my mission. It need not be yours.

Find a place to lay low and continue your studies and I shall retrieve you once this demon is defeated. Kindly yours, Lehmond. Okay, so as Myrata is maybe the student of Lehmond. Okay, so Lehmond is probably toast. So I think we don't have celebrity beef. Wow. But this could be a celebrity death that we're,

we could make about us because like we have a tangential sort of relationship. We can use this to earn some social cachet. Yeah, we could say I read a note by Liam and one time. Oh, we can talk about how we're closer. Yeah. Like Liam had shared this. Yeah. Like an Instagram post about Liam and.

Yes. And Esmeralda is kind of like a Nepo baby. So perhaps we could use her to build a new network. Oh, that's really interesting. So why don't we go look at our cart, see what she asks there, see if she is there. And while we are there, if. You guys see her. I can maybe go and see what Blue's Tooth is.

We already have nine burgo bucks. Should we just like, let's get the 12. We have to become the burgo master. We're so close. Do we have to wrestle wolves? You see that Marina pipes up. She's been very quiet this whole time. Whoa.

I'm so sorry. Have you been listening to everything? I mean, yes, we travel together. We're sorry about your brother's jeans, but my brother really had to pick. Yeah, I had to go. I was supposed to go into the inn and then I didn't go. So I went. They are fully drenched.

It is unfortunate. But yes, perhaps the only thing left is the wolf wrestling or we could make a donation. But I don't think that would be enough. Also, I'm so sorry for being quiet. I was just stricken. This village is so much bigger than Barovia. There's so much hustle and bustle here. And selfishly, I must admit, it would be fun to sleep in another burgomaster's house.

You're obsessed. Okay. You know what? I've never been allowed to status chase because my village is so fucking sad. and it's like everyone's happy here and I'm just kind of starting to like see what life on the other side is like I know Liamund now so

I've noticed that you are like way hatter than everyone else in your village. Yeah you're like the it girl but like I feel like I'm a Velaki and six though you know I'm like a Barovian tin but a Velaki six Are you kidding me? The amount of eyes that I see going to you

everywhere you go is there is like a tide of eyes following you because you are that hot. That's actually not great because I feel like a lot of those people are supposed to lay low. Oh yeah. Actually that's true. Okay, try to be uglier. I'll try to be like a strange tomato. Do you want to wrestle a wolf? No. I will, I'll wrestle a wolf. Yeah, Onix can wrestle a wolf. Yeah, I could. I could wrestle. Okay. Yeah, you could do it. All right. Yeah, I'll give you my last Spartac inspiration of the day. All right. So you go back over to the town stocks, uh, to the left of them. You see this high wooden fence. Various holes have been cut into the fence for

peasants to peer through. And on looking inside, you see a lone wolf prowling around a dirt-filled circle. Next to the door, a gaunt man and a fur-lined hunting coat stares at you with haunted eyes. Oh, shit. You want to wrestle a wolf, eh? You get five burgo bucks if you win. No one else is brave enough to try, except him, of course. The hunter points to a blood-stained body bag on the ground. Whoa. Okay. Is that Liamant?

He's so disappointing. No, that's Jerry. It was an all right guy. Yeah, it sounds cool. Yeah. Never got arrested for public pissing even once. Neither did we. Are you the trainer of the wolves?

Well, I caught the wolf. So I guess I've trained it insofar as it's in that fence and not leaving the fence. So I trained it to stay in that fence by keeping it in there. So yeah, I guess. Yeah, I'm Krushkin. I'm the hunter, the trainer, just, you know, wildlife extraordinary. Sure. So what does it mean to, quote, unquote, wrestle a wolf?

So you got to win three grapple checks on it. Okay. I'm going to cast controlled mutation on Onyx and just give her really buff arms to give her advantage on any kind of strength check. So the way this is going to work is you basically just have to like get three grapple checks. You have to succeed on three grapple checks. But the wolf is just going to be trying to bite you the whole time. So can I use, like, do we have to be secret about our magic?

Can I use mirror image? You ask this of Krushkin and he says, whatever tricks you want to pull, it's a goddamn wolf. Awesome. Okay. I'll do mirror image then. Three illusory duplicates of myself appear. I will go ahead and disguise myself as him just because, like, I feel like he caught the

wolf once. Maybe that'll get a little bit of intimidation going. Oh, right. And then I'm going to duplicate. Okay, fuck yeah. Go ahead and roll initiative. Nat 20. Whoa!

You just sprinted and tackle the wolf. Four beefy mutated onyx is just bound in after this wolf. You go in there, the wolf kind of like growls, bears its teeth a little bit, and prepares to pounce at you, but you have the first strike. Go ahead. Okay, I have a plus zero. to athletics, so. What?

You're so confident. I don't know. Someone had to try. Twelve. 12, okay. Let me roll the opposed. Oh, that's a 12. Meets, it beats it.

Okay, okay. That's one success. Great. That is going to be the wolf's turn now. The wolf is going to try and attack you. So, how does it work? I do have three duplicates. So if it hits me, then I roll a D6 for each duplicate.

And if I get three or above on one of them, then it goes after the duplicate instead. All right. Let me see if I hit. Does a 10 hit? Does not. Hell yeah. All right. So you and all your duplica's just like pounce on this wolf, tackle it to the ground.

Its paws are scrambling in all directions. It seems more surprised than anything. And that is your turn again to try and get it down to the ground going for the pin. Four. No. Well, if the wolf rolls a nat one, we succeed. Come on. What happens to any chance?

Mm, that's two net ones, that's an 11, unfortunately. All right, so it like, it's scrambling. You're still on top of it, but it's like scrambling to get out. You do not progress to the takedown. Okay. Okay. Now the wolf is going to try and attack you. It is just a tornado of claws and teeth that you are on top of.

So it's just going to try and bite you. That's going to hit. That's a dirty 20. Okay, let's see if it gets a duplicate instead. It gets one duplicate. Oh, yeah. Jen's just eating funnel cake while this is happening. Can I have one piece, brother?

No. You'd pinned on top of it so that it was prone and then it kind of like twist over so that it's supine and then starts like biting at your face. But it just bites off the face of one of the duplicates. You see flesh just rinded from this duplicate's face as it says, ah, fuck you on X. And then dies. Okay, that is your turn again. Try and get the next. Ah, five.

Five. Okay. Let me roll a pose. Oof, that's a dirty 20. Wolf keeps struggling. You basically tried to get your hand on the wolf's muzzle to keep it from biting you, but it is still just flailing about.

This is going to be another attack. Not one on the attack. Woo! Nice. Okay. Come on. Okay, that is a 15 to grapple it. 15, that's good.

Actually, I'm going to just throw on a bardic. Okay, that's a 19 to grapple. 19 to grapple. 19 to grapple. All right, yeah, you're going, you've tackled it. Now you're going for the taked down to get it in position for the pin. That's a Nat one.

Woo! I just wrote two Nat ones. Man, I'm so good at DMing. All right. You have progressed from the tackle to the takedown. You are in position for the pin, but it does get to attack you again here. Oh, that's a 19.

Okay. But it hits a duplicate. Oh, my God. Yes, dude. This one bites into Mirror Onyx's stomach and just pulls out her intestines. Alex, do you feel that? Mirror onyx had intestines?

Not at all. Jens finishes his funnel cake, he goes and gets more and comes back. Sister, please remember me. Eight-year-old Nyack throws up. You do see a crowd of people that's kind of gathering around. After the burgomaster told everyone to get free wine,

everyone kind of gave up on doing the competition. So you guys are way ahead in the burgo box race now. So this could clinch it for you Go ahead and make a grapple check This is a pitcher's duel Fucking eight To grapple I've rolled like sub 10

The entire time Oh my god It just keeps going Okay presumably I've had a If I've had a short rest I actually do have more I do have more bardic inspirations You definitely had a short rest

Because you wrote in the cart All right great Then I will throw on X another bardic Okay This is back to the wolf's attack. Okay, that's definitely going to hit. That's a dirty 20. One duplicate left.

But it hits a duplicate. Oh, my God. Yes, dude. That's all the duplicates, right? All the duplicates, yeah. Okay, okay. I might have to call a draw. This one, it just bites off the duplicate's fingers one by one.

Okay, 15 to try to grapple. 15 for the final grapple. This is for the pin. The wolf is exhausted. It is panting heavily. That's a 12. Yeah. Let's go.

You pin this wolf, it passes out, panting heavily its stomach, rising and falling. It kind of just falls asleep, and then you just start, like, kind of petting it like a big dog. All of the peasants cheer. You see the burgomaster came over to watch too, and he says, Now that's how we do it in Velaki, presenting this year's burgomaster for the day recipient. What's your name? What's your name, hon? Jenslindel.

Jenslindell. What? Oh, my God. Gens Lindell, all will be well. Ginz Lendell, all will be well. Jen starts to get whipped up into it. You see, he turns to one of the garden and says, I think that guy pissed himself. Could you move him back a little bit?

Great job, Jens. I'm so proud of you. Here, let me go ahead. I'll give you these keys right here. You get those for the day. And, of course, my ceremonial pendant, you get to wear that. And anything else you want,

Mikasa, Sukasa, as we say. Okay. Thank you so much. I bow to everyone. My name is Jens Lindell. I was born on a farm. What? No, you weren't.

In the cow's table. And two very humble parents. No, my father was a great warrior. Jens spent their early years shoveling cow done to fertilize the farm. It's crazy to be to go from knee-deep in cow dung. No, it's not. As I was for most of my 67 years.

Yeah, Jens Lindell spent one long summer as a plow. That was where they dragged Jens through the field and ate the cow dung and spit it out. It's so impressive. This eight-year-old knows his history. I'm so proud of him. Nax spins his hat again. So, yeah, the crowd applauds. You are kind of scooped up and ferried over to the Bergamaster's house.

As you're scooped up, you do get a ping from Bluetooth in your head saying, Mom, man, I'm in position. Are you ready for Operation Stealth drone Omega? Yes, a few in position, like at where the screaming is? Yes, I am. Okay. I'm circling the abbey now. Okay, yeah, now is actually a really good time, and I turned to Jens and Nyack, and I say cover for me.

And then I go limp as I try to see her. What the fuck? She's passed out. She's so wasted. Oh, she's so tired and wasted. Wow. Let's get her straight into the burgomaster's bed. Right into the bed, everybody. Yeah.

She might yak in your sheets, but that's okay because she's the burgomaster. Yeah, burgomasters are a lot of yack. She is Jens Lindell. Let's get her in there. And all will be well. Oh, wait a second. I go into her pockets. I think her name is

not Jen's. It was everyone misheard. It's actually Jen. Jen. Just Jen. Jen Lindell. Yeah. I think she was drunk so there was like S's on there but it was Jen. All right. Lindel. A different person. And Lindel with no

E on the end. It's neither here nor there Mr. Bergomaster. It doesn't really matter It's really neither here nor there. I think everyone everyone already heard Jens Lindel's that's what we're going on. It's all of like the Well, lock in Jen Lindel and everything. Jen Lindell, different.

Yeah, common name, I guess. We already got the plaque made out to Jens Lindel, though, is the thing. Okay, that's fine. As long as you'll mention any of the stuff. I rouse and say, Jim, the episode should be

human shovel. I actually really like that. We actually went with a humble shit farmer. Is that okay? Yeah, humble shit farmer, comma, human shovel. And then I pass back out. It should say human shovel is all.

I drag on Xx a way where she's just banging your head on the cobblestone as I carry her to the burgomaster's mansion let's get a song let's get a song chins chins he loves to shit and loves to be in a deep old pit filled with all of the things we hate stop playing the food and all sorts of excrement I pinch niac it was catchy um so you pass out oh my god folks look at that she's overcome let's get her to bed this crowd uh hands you off to a couple of guards who carries you into the burgomaster's bedroom. It is this grand primary room.

The furnishings have lost some of the color and splendor, but there's a strong scent of perfume still, and everything is still very, very fancy. In one corner you see this vanity mirror against a wall next to a wooden mannequin wearing a beautiful white bridal gown. You also see as you're laid into the bed before the warging fully takes effect a short pull rope hanging from a wooden trap door in the ceiling. You see these three things, the mirror, the gown, and the pull rope as you're in the

Baron's bedroom. And then you pass out and the ward begins. And we cut over to Bluetooth, who's been circling the Abbey. He's kind of like quickly bypassed this switchback trail. It took him a while to flap up there. It's about 400 feet up. And then he kind of soars over this rudimentary iron gate. You see there's these like two kind of crumbling stone guard posts on either side, and then a winding trail leading up to this abbey. There's this big 15-foot-tall sanctuary building

with a belfry on top, and then two wings on either side. As he continues to circle, he says, okay, I'm in position. You could maybe even fly in throughs a belfry. Belfry. Okay, bat style. Going bat mode. Yeah.

You see he makes a transformer noise as he transforms into a bat. Did you just, okay, I know what you did. Okay, great. So he's going to enter through the belfry. But he also has keys. So if the belfry is a dead end, he can come back out and try and use his keys. Okay, great. Yeah.

The keys are good. The keys are very helpful here. He's going to roll this with advantage because he's invisible. He flutters in. You see there's other bats here too, so he's able to blend. in perfectly. There's this big beautiful kind of bronze bell. He kind of flutters past that and down, down into the belfry proper. Once he arrives, you see this large rope dangling near the base of this belfry, presumably for ringing the bell. But you also hear a melody issuing forth

from this room. Okay. And as he kind of surveys, you see a couple things. You see two. You see two doors leading to separate rooms. One looks a little more ornate. One looks a little shabbier. You see a big table with a black cloth draped over it. You see an iron cage

with a shivering shape huddled inside. Creepy. And in the other corner, you see a small hunched figure plucking at a lute

with something red that looks strangely like a lobster's claw. It sings a beautiful song and looks around the room, unaware of your presence. With its other hand, it grabs a bottle of wine and chugs it with its strange crustacean mouth and says, All right, that's the good stuff.

Suddenly, on the table, the shape under the blanket moves and groans. Whoa, back to work, says the figure. And he continues to strum, putting the strange creature back to sleep. And that's where we'll end our session. What's the fuck so creepy. I am so, I cannot wait to find out, maybe not now, but soon whether or not crustacean is in the module. Or if that's some called welfare.

We will. I'm into it either way. Let me just say that straw delivers. Wow. And we'll get into it more on the short rest. Oh, my gosh. This was a crazy one, y'all. Thank you so much for coming to the Wolf's Head Jamboree.

I'm excited to talk more about the games and the mysteries on our short rest. I would like to listen to that. You can go to patreon.com slash Nadpaw. That's N-A-D-P-O-D. Don't sing. Don't sing. We've got some stuff to plug. Come see us live.

Dimension 20. It's got a live show in Vegas. We're going to be doing Starstruck. Search Dimension 20 live. I want to plug the cat from Cot Stealing. Yeah. There's a movie that came out with like a cat who does some really good acting. Excellent cat actor.

Yeah. Check out that cat. Steels the show. I think his real name is Tonic maybe. Yeah. It's so cute. That's cute. He did a really good job.

And I'll go ahead and plug. Well, what's the opposite of a plug? I guess like I would say like a cursed whisper for Silk Song because I know that it's going to take up all of my time and I'm mad about it because I have to plan more sessions but all I want to do is play Silk Song now So shout out to Silk Song You've fucked me

And check out my substack Substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz Sweet and you can follow us on social media They're remandatat use at C.H first me at Colis Caldwell at a extra demily And at Jake Richards is Jake And you can talk about the show online Using hashtag Nadpod that's NADDDPOD

We are we are! Youth of the nation, we are, we are, the youth of the nation. I'm going to be the I'm going to be able to I'm going to I'm going to I'm on the

I'm going to I'm on the I'm and It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Let's get right to it. Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord.

Later, McS., Matt M. Cutter W. Jeff C. Daniel G. Danielle the dastardly dame. Carpe Liam. Victor T. A.k.a. Balnor's boy. Hoyd's friend. Justin I. Danny Danster.

T.J. M. Tray Lae the Cray. Christopher B. Damiel. Say my whole name. Roe he will do. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobold. Tar Got. Stevie Wags.

Hellish Rukker, the N. B.D. M. H. D. Princess Yarr. Jory S. Jack L. Nicholas C. star of every film ever made in Bohumia. Mike H. Elka Smelzer Plus. Great Value Jima. Tyler F. Carborough Chapel Hill FPV. C.C. Looleu. Bade Byrne. Matthew G. H. Hercule Pro. Zalabot F. Detective. Timmy R. Jake's Jerk Jelly hashtag CCCC Cass Skateboard Cass Stephen C. Just lost the game.

Nick W. Nico, the underpaid English teacher. Pay teachers more. Fock. William W. Big Bad Beardo the Mad. Eric McDee. Anana Rama. Percival, Frederikistan von Mussel Klosowski de Rolo the 3rd. Jay Dragonborn. Guardian of the vibe. Honoring the cock. Impressive Dongle

Ben A. Dave H. Dustin S. Not that, Nick. Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce. Bookvar's assistant, Izzy F. Big Brad John. D.P.C. is awesome. Shone, the shade tree mechanic of Zeldar.

Summer Rose, aka Grand Terre. Mark, the Dark Lord's Taint. Cat C. Misa of House in Zunza. Ariel, the occasional Mermaid. Selina N. A.k.a. Valaci Raptor.

B. Perky, always. Bonkey, fiasco. Pat L. Warren H. Serve 16. Annie, the Fay Wild Therapist. Parogi Frenzy. Salil. Biocourt 7.

Amber Dextrous. Bean rat was innocent. Trub. Hop dropper. Jack H. King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament. Veilin. Paj the bitch and bunny bard. Druidic Payton. Carlin C. Noah the Bollywag boy. Hashtag honor the cock. James G. Everything Bego,

the Aloudron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger stripy. Hawn. Eric B. Marco's PhD, eventually. Learned the balanced druid. Frida M. Maggie. Holly the green. Ha ha ha laughing hyena. Grimwaller. executive chef of Bohumia. I've been trying to get a table at their restaurant for months. Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo. Yes, the whole thing. Yes.

Every time. Cody Care. Lorelei the succubai and Kira the succulent snack. Cow go truckin. Your friendly neighborhood, Yant and Uncle, Andrew, and Sid. Soon to be education specialist, John Adams. James F.

Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42. Keep them, turn to page 69. Oreo. Barpo Good Barrel, Bard Barian. Garrett G. A.k.a. one big curd. Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster captain. Olivia, the enchanting Bard and Jared, the soap opera cleric,

are now performing ballads from the age of stories. Blue Ash. Fico. Garrett the Artificer Anthony the raddest of dudes Jay K-Gard Fancy Matt

The fairies have returned to debauchery And must now go to the carnal corner Happens to the best of us Cantrip Dumbledore The Bear Wansy Wearing Barbarian Lexi H MJ the BFG Roger L

Nodrog the pass-offist Barbarian Jan Luca Leon Camori Legendary Hero of Bohumia from a future campaign. Shananagan's O'Connor. Mios the Great. Josh S. Alexander. Linz W. Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master. The spud fucker himself, Johnny Dutke. The mischief of Nadpods familiar's. Pavu Escanor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a

smile. Kit and their cat. Jake Well Murphily. Hello, my child. How are you? Tim M. Dragon Knight 86. Tiles Lamar. T.R. M.L.G. Cheeto. Shell B. Kenna's first favorite sprite girl. Goodbye, Hoggist. Let's goon in the chicken wing cream one last time. It's still vegan, I think. Jet S. Snailus, who's infecting Worcester for within. Death to tyrants. Papa Skaday's. Mima Skaday. Megan N. Genevieve of the sea. Anthony B. Balmour's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House In Zunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Paw and Foster's K-9 friend, Mikkel A, Triple S-tier Crickwater Enjoyer, the two crew,

Bz-Zoom, blew through, Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Maple, the shy bookworm, Nick A.J, Ashesaurus, Seth the Stroker, bearer of all hog-related burdens. Billy Batson, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes. Michael L.S. the second. Carl B. Plummer of the Realm. Ace Dregs. Hi, Lord of Critsburg. Vin, Diagram. Cadmilius. Black consumed. Clinton P. Cam, the vampire frogman. Dien. Jake W. Hi, Mom. Tuesday Cross. Only here for the Surf End Murf.

we all. NADPOT fan and Bar Mitzford Man. It's Dave O. Steve L. Tyler McIm. Alex G., Zibitabackery. Kaylee. Misty the Krispy Kitty really hates flame skulls. Greg W. There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you. Thank you, Greg. Baruch Thunder Helm, Fifth Generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupacabri. Mooney is dead The Waterworth, your Fave Quadrapeg Greg Companion Nick, Amy

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Dark Lotus creations who that is all of our elders thank you all so so much for your undying support if you would like to join this illustrious council you can do so by going to Patreon.com slash Nadpod

that's going to be it for us today but we'll be back here next week with a brand new episode so come on by and check it out until then farewell and have a wonderful week see ya That was a HitGum podcast.