Not As We Planned - 100. Unfortunately Men Like This Exist…

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

We discuss the difficulties of splitting your time with the kids over the holidays, someone who needs some serious tough love from us, a clear comparison with how your life could look when leaving or staying and the man who was sleeping with 9 women!!!Link to our shop - www.notasweplanned.shopProducer: @TristanHehirCity Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys! Hi! You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel that I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Not As We Plan. We hope you're having a good day. If you haven't already liked, subscribed, shared, reviewed, go and share it on your Instagram stories even on your TikTok.

Guys this is episode number 100. How amazing. We get here. Yeah love that. 100 episodes and you're just growing every week so. Thank you. Yeah, it's actually well brought. I feel like we should have done a bit of a celebration. Maybe we'll do a belated one but thank you so much. Your support honestly means the world to us. We can't wait to give you another 100 episodes.

Kirsten, we could not be doing this without you, so please continue to support us. We have something very, very big to announce. Very very soon. Very very soon. Yeah. And that wouldn't be happening without you guys, so yeah, we just want to honestly, hand on heart, like even if we don't get to read every single email, if we don't get to reply to every single DM, the support does not go unnoticed. And without you guys, we wouldn't be doing

what we genuinely love. Like, do you know what's really funny? The other day, I can't remember how I was even having a conversation with him. We were talking about like, if we won the lottery. If I won the lottery today and I won millions, I'd still be doing this. I'd still be showing up.

Because we genuinely love like the community we've built, the giving advice, the scene that we're making a difference and it helps us as well. So from the bottom of our hearts, thank you. First 100 episodes and we're waiting for it to go. Love you. Let's get cracking on with this episode. How's your week been? I feel like you haven't been around. I've not been on my phone. Yeah, why? Do you ever get weeks where you just feel like really overwhelmed by everything and you just like shut off from the world?

Is it like every week? Yeah. I never shut off. Yeah, but that's just not my style. For me, I just like, I don't know, I just find being on online or on TikTok or on Instagram just overwhelming sometimes. So I just like, I don't even know what I've done. I've had quite a look a really busy week in terms of like, I thought I've lost one of my kid free days because Milo had an appointment and by the time I was going to drop him back to nursery, I had to go into Theo's school earlier to like look around. It just wasn't worth it. So I feel like I've been like chasing my tail this week. I am

really overwhelmed with like money stresses, single mum life, like it's just feeling very heavy at the moment. And I think sometimes when I'm feeling really overwhelmed, if I'm online too much and seeing these people living these perfect lives, like I feel like everyone's on holiday at the moment, I feel like everyone's on holiday at the moment. I feel really overwhelmed. It makes you feel rubbish. So my way of controlling it is by stepping back and just... Yeah.

I definitely understand the kind of like removing yourself from social media. Sometimes, as they say, like comparison is absolutely the thief of joy. And I think that when you're not necessarily in such a great head space, it's almost like what you're trying to avoid, if you're on there, is what you see the most of. Yeah, it's like it knows your algorithm in your head and you're like, you fuck off. Yeah, but yeah, like I messaged you and I was like,

is everything okay? Because I don't think we spoke. I just, I do that, I just, I don't even, I can't even tell you what I've been doing, but I haven't had enough fucking time to do it, that's all I can say, like, I did, have I even done my week? Like, I honestly couldn't tell you,

I've just been plaiting through life this week, really. Dancing through life. Yeah, just, I don't know, I don't really know, I'm just like, I feel like I've been just doing a lot of thinking this week and just, I can't explain it. Like this real, I think, because I do know what it is because I don't want to get upset now. Oh, you need to let it out.

I know. Brave. Do you need a heart to grow that much? Breathe. Actually, the heart grew a little bit. No, basically like, so I am having to share my summer holidays 50-50, which I think is something I'd never really given any thought to. Didn't really think it was going to happen. So I think I've been trying to process it and be really positive and look at, oh, you get this free time, but I'm actually really struggling with it because it just doesn't feel like a lot of time like it is.

I know people listening to this will be able to relate because I briefly put it on my stories, something about that and the amount of messages I got but I think as well I put a lot of pressure on myself because I'm such a positive person. I'm like I'll deal with this and then I'll'll get over it but I'm really feeling the it's like that feeling of impending doom. Uh huh. And like I think the most time I've ever spent away from the boys and the girls for days so I know it's coming and.

And what is it is it one week on one week one week off, one week on, one week off? Yeah. But it's just like, I can't explain it. It's like mourning for that loss of time that when you become a parent, you don't ever envision happening. It's just, I can't explain it. I've got a lot of feelings and a lot of stuff I can't really say on a public platform. Yeah, I'm struggling with it a lot, won't I? Yeah, but I also think that I'm so excited for the summer and that's really sad. I think that because you're so positive, I think when you're going through something that you're maybe not able to process in the way that you like to. You put so much pressure on yourself that like, oh, it's so bad. Why am I not snapping out of it? I don't want it dragging into this day or that week.

But sometimes things, sometimes we're not robots. Sometimes it isn't easy to follow this process that we've told ourselves that we have to do and everything. It's a big deal. Like you said, when we become parents, you believe that you're going to literally be with your children the whole time unless you're maybe at work or you go on a little weekend away and that's as far as it goes. But when that time is taken away from you and it's out of your control and it's not your choice and there's nothing you can do about it, it doesn't mean that you don't have the right to be fucking sad about it the whole time. Like it is shit. Like we aren't going to get these days back, we're not going to get these years back. But I guess the only

thing that we can do, and this is what I know that you would advise someone else if they've written in saying what you're feeling, is you've just got to make the most of the time that you've got. And it's okay to be upset. In my head as well, I'd be like, I'd love to book a holiday, but just financial situation at the moment, I can't do that. So I feel like my coping mechanism or my making the most of that time during that time, because last year I did, I have spent seven days apart. That was what we did last summer. I did, I had seven days away from them and then two days away from them. So it's a really big jump from last summer.

Um, but last year I went away on a cruise. Like I really got to fill up my, I don't have that this time round. And I think, yeah, I'm dreading it. I'm absolutely dreading it. And I think as much to try and like pretend I'm okay. I think actually this week, I think it's because Theo breaks off from school next Tuesday and I'm like, it's kind of like, it's here. Yeah. And yeah, I've just, I've just felt shit and sad. I haven't really wanted to speak to anyone and that's just how I've been this week anyway. You?

You know, if anyone does feel, and I'm sure so many people listening are feeling exactly how Carly's feeling, and then you've got like the other side of the spectrum where, you know, we've probably got a lot of single moms listening and they're dredging the summer holidays because they don't have one day's break. And it's like this next six weeks or eight weeks or whatever it is, it's all on me. I don't know how I'm going to cope. And I understand both sides. Like it both are unfair. It's like you need

that break. And then some people have too much of a break and they're like, I want to be with my kids. And it is shit. And unfortunately, we've got to, we can only deal with the cause we've been dealt at the end of the day and it's okay to feel sad about either situation and I think also when it comes to financial stresses of you want to do certain things with your kids, you want to make the memories when you do have them and it may not be something that you can do right now. I think we've just got to try and live in that moment and realise this isn't permanent. This is, yeah, it is temporary.

You don't know where you're going to be financially next year. And I think also that's why I think I can speak for both of us. We appreciate this podcast so much. Not only does it allow people to not feel alone, to feel like, oh, okay, I'm not the only one going through this, but it's taking something that was really bad

that happened to both of us and putting it into something that we love, that we find therapeutic for us others, but also being able to build more of a career for ourselves in order to give our kids something that we wouldn't have been able to without this and with your support it means the world because you know please God as this grows next year manifest next year we will you will get a holiday yeah yeah so yeah I can't even think what I've done this week literally enough, literally enough as I know, I think that's what it is.

I think it's scary that like, yeah, you know, once this comes out, you already would have experienced a week with and a week without. And I do also think that sometimes the reality ends up not being as bad as we build it up in our head and just think like you'll be able to pour so much into that week with them knowing that you then got a week for yourself it's not ideal it's not something that you want it's not something that I would want but it's trying to find the little

bits of good within the bad to make it a bit better. But yeah, my week, I have nothing to report. It is actually my one year anniversary tomorrow. Yeah, I don't know. Luckily he managed to get the day and the night off work. He was working a night shift tomorrow, so we were only gonna do the day. And he only, what day is it?

Friday, and literally like two days ago, he managed to get someone to cover his shift. So I'm just grateful that we're gonna be together. But yeah, I don't know where the year's gone. I mean, I've since you met, just like talking. First date. First date. Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's hard to know

when to do it from. Is it from mom? For sure, is it? Yeah, but I feel like from the moment we met, we didn't speak to anyone else. Yeah. So, and I feel like, I'm sure you can appreciate that. I think like the first day you meet them,

like I think that that's when everything like changed for us, even to be honest, when we first started talking, but yeah, it was like a date that we were both like, yeah, like that's a special day, let's go with that. Cause we didn't end up being like girlfriend and boyfriend for like three or four months. Yeah. But yeah, so yeah, let's do it.

Let's do some emails. Where do I start? Did you just say that before you read that? You just literally just said that. Maybe I read that. Oh, no, anyway, go. Hi ladies, so before I start, I'm still in the situation knowing full well

I shouldn't be. Oh dear, dear, dear. I don't even know where to begin. I met Greg for our first date in February, 2020 after meeting on Tinder, two days before I ended up in A&E and then into an induced coma needing an emergency liver transplant. This literally happened very, very quickly.

No prior health conditions, just completely out of the blue. After being back in contact after, he was amazing. It was COVID, so he didn't then meet up again until June. There were flowers, gifts, handwritten letters, and I fell. Can I quickly say something? I don't wanna be insensitive, because obviously it sounds like that's terrible, but have you ever seen these women on TikTok

when they're talking, and obviously they're joking about they get ghosts, and they're like, maybe he's gone into a coma, and I'm gonna hear from him again. He actually probably did get ghosty things for a bit. Anyway, I don't obviously want to laugh, but that's terrible. But that's the fifth law. I fell and I fell hard. Fast forward to me selling my house in November 2021, moving into his and I was buying our current home in March 2022. Everything was good. Well,

a lot of red flags ignored looking back. He was a semi-pro footballer, very much enjoyed going out, but we both were also very independent people. Following a massive argument in Christmas 2022, where he disappeared for four days over Christmas, I had to lie to my family, etc. Makeup sex ended up in me finding out I was pregnant mid-January. We had a discussion and we decided yes, we were going to have this little blessing. March comes and I'm stuck at home with Covid whilst pregnant, I was fine luckily. My nan also catches Covid

and becomes very poorly and following this, she majorly goes downhill and we lose her. The weekend before her funeral, Greg then decides to tell me whilst I have COVID, when he was on a day trip in Paris. I didn't know if that was actually a thing. But it'll be. I know like they, yeah. I thought they just went off the mark. I think they had to stay at it.

I think it is. I don't, like how does someone know what places do that? And how does someone know whether to offer that or not? And someone would either be mortified and be like, I'm telling your boss or like, yeah, baby, here's the condom. I don't know. He was worried he had caught something, so he thought he should tell me. Well, how kind. I then forgave him. Crazy, I know. Then the rest of my pregnancy was spent him having ups and downs, needing moments to process

things so he couldn't be the best dad when our little one arrived. Oh, so he could be the best dad when our little one arrived. Is he processing? And clearly he's got chlamydia. Including a lot of working away in Manchester. September comes and our baby boy enters the world. First couple of weeks, I couldn't fault him. And then a family issue comes up and he has to go to Africa when the baby is only four weeks old. He goes, comes back 10 days later. And then the next year, every three months, something comes up and he needs to go to Africa, including

a childhood friend dying, which never happened, a lost passport, which again never happened, and turned out he was having an affair over there the whole time. The whole month before I gave birth, she was here and he was with her. It only ended last November when she found out he was cheating on her with someone else in Africa. He told me he was going to get therapy. And she was like, oh look, it's Dunfer Abra. I did a Bradná. I did a Bradná. So I'm just thinking of Shakira. Fucking hell.

Jesus Christ. Well you have a bit more of a local affair. So I'm just thinking of Shakira. Fucking hell. Jesus Christ. Why don't you have a bit more of a local affair? Don't lie. How separate he wanted to keep his lives. He told me he was going to have an affair in Africa. Be obby. He told me he was going to get some therapy to help our relationship.

What, in Africa? Probably. And for five weeks I was left on my own going crazy. When actually, it was in Africa. Fucking hell. The African, sorry, I'm not actually laughing. It is just insane. With the girl, he's been having an affair

slash double life with since I was five months pregnant. There's so much more to this. She's still with him. Yeah, and go into, I forget all the details, but please, I need a reality check clearly. Darling. You need to leave. Yeah. You need to leave now. This man is fucking someone in Africa. He's also had an affair with someone else in Africa. He's this man is going around passing his dick around for

fun. He doesn't give a shit about you. He doesn't give a shit about the baby. I know that's absolutely brutal to hear. He's not gone for therapy, he's- he is breadcrumbing you, he is keeping you exactly where he wants you, I mean you're tied to this man now with a child anyway. It sounds like he's a pretty lousy dad, the fact he's fucking off here, there and everywhere. You need to get out and have a lot more self respect because you're gonna be okay without him, it doesn't really sound like he's much of a father figure anyway, and you're gonna be okay, but, except in this kind of behavior.

Yeah, I'd always be intrigued to know like what good does he bring into the table? Because, you know, sometimes people might be quite scared. Yeah, I mean, sometimes people might be scared of airmiles. Airmiles, yeah. Sometimes people might be a bit scared to like do it alone, or like, doesn't might be scared of airmiles. Airmiles, yeah. Sometimes people might be a bit scared to do it alone, or like, doesn't sound like he's around much anyway. It sounds like he's spending most of his time

on a different continent. So, get rid. Like, what are you doing, babe? I feel like- You're throwing him, yeah. I was about to say, you've written him because you need some tough love. Well, you're gonna get it.

And that was pretty tough for me. Yeah, that was pretty tough for you. I don't feel like I even need to really add to it. I think you know what you need to do, just draw a line. Like you can be so much happier, not necessarily even with someone else, just without him. The constant let down, the anxiety that you must be filled with, the constant paranoia, waiting for the next person to come to light.

The thing is also, how do you know that he hasn't got someone pregnant? How do you know that there's not another baby in Africa? 100%. Yeah, do you know what's really funny? My dad's got a bike shop in Africa. Mama? For his, I can't remember if it was 40th or 50th,

it must be his 50th. A family member bought him a bike shop in Africa. You know, sometimes people can sponsor something like an animal or something. It was the weirdest present he ever got. We've never let this go. We're always like, how's your bike business in Africa? He doesn't know what it is. I mean, I don't listen to the podcast. It's so irrelevant. My mum does. She'll probably be laughing now. But yeah, I wonder if Greg has bought a bike from the bike shop that my dad owns in Africa. My half-brother bought a church in Africa.

In Africa? Really? Why is everyone... No, he literally sold his entire business to build a church in Africa. Okay, is his name Greg, Brian is John? My other half Brian for Ruth. Is he actually? Oh my god, his brother is about that email. Oh, okay fine, that's for my brother. Oh, okay, fine. That's for another story. Next week, family dramas.

Tune in. Yeah, please get rid. Please keep us updated and you need to leave. Leave. This is called, coming to a Netflix series near you. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-mo-ing. It's time we're shrepping. Are you ready, guys. Are you ready guys?

Are you ready? Hi girls, I've been toying with writing in. I guess there are a few morals to this essay, but I'll try and start from the beginning. Feel free to crop, but this is wild. I met my ex back in 2011. He told me about his past and cheating scandals with having three women on the go at one point.

But as he said he'd never do it with children involved, I naively believed him with my two-year-old in tow. I fell pregnant. Do you know what I think the problem is? Sometimes I think we take that honesty as like, wow, they've really changed because they didn't have to tell me. as like, wow, they've really changed because they didn't have to tell me. Yeah. I fell pregnant in 2011 and found out he was messaging and meeting up with his ex behind my back. And I guess I naively believed him when he said he wouldn't see her again. My beautiful girl arrived in 2012. I guess it all felt like it was falling into place. In 2013, we got married. It felt nice to have the same surname and feel like a unit. All before my world shattered

and he didn't pay bills and started acting suspiciously I found out he was having an affair with a girl from work. Another one. And I went down to the local Tesco's and demanded she came out or I'll announce it on the tannoy. She came out and she was nothing like I get. Nendal required required to the meal time. That cheating whore come to the till. She came out and was nothing like I get. Nendale required to the meal time. That cheating whore, come to the till. She came out and was nothing like I guessed you expect in your head. She stood there and told me she was in love with him and insisted nothing sexual had happened. Like all these people who hold hands. Yeah.

He said how much of a mistake she was. He lied to her about sleeping on the sofa when he'd been in our bed. Anyway, I took him back, married, right? So I gave him a chance. A week later, he was seen getting into her car. So that was it. Threw his clothes on his mum's drive and he was gone.

To say he made my life hard and still continues to do so is an understatement. I'm glad you got rid of him. A couple of years later, still with a Tesco home wrecker, they had a baby. But in 2019, my daughter innocently starts talking about daddy's friend. So I asked her a question and a few of his mate's names but she said no and then said her name was Megan. He had been seeing her doing day trips, zoo trips, bowling. Another girl.

It was a lot. He left the house the day after the baby was born to go and be with her. There is so much to unpack here, I'm sorry. So that ends eventually, and the original girl is still playing Happy Families, and then it all starts again, similar thing. Another girl from work.

He's gone from Tesco's to Morrison's now. At least I'll have a scout to em and I know who's gonna find out. Same cycle. The kids have met her. They've done family things. Original girl takes him back. He was apparently admitted to the Priory right over Christmas one year with no one on site visits. What are the chances? Various illnesses, hospital stays. It's honestly so sick. Fast forward to early this year. This is where it goes mad. My friend screenshots me. Are we dating the same guy post? From a girl who is heartbroken that her boyfriend Dan has not been seeing and messaging four

other women, Dan is not my ex's name. He'd been at hers, bonding with her and her children, videos on Facebook, reading bedtime stories, et cetera. Not only that, but using his sons as a get out, saying he's been in hospital, was close to dying, he told her that he'd bought me out of the house, which I've never lived in. He had her at his house while I was away with my partner and children and his girlfriend was away with their son in October last year, but his girlfriend didn't even exist in the story. He made out I was his son's mum too. I did speak to this girl and honestly it's awful the things that he told her. He told her stories about how he had to go and pick our daughter up from a party because she was drunk and I didn't care and how it

makes him resent me more. Honestly it's vile. The original girl is still with him which in itself is just wild. She must be a shell of a person. I try and have little to do with him, but he recently had a go at me for not giving him money for our daughter's birthday party as he was having it at his house. Like, why would I want to even breathe the same air as you, you cretin?

Trying to make out I'm letting our daughter down. How karma hasn't got him yet I will never know. I truly feel sorry for the girls that he's breaking the hearts of and selling the dream to and the perception that he shows my daughter of a relationship. I'm thankfully with the most incredible human now who adores me. He has healed parts of me that he suddenly didn't break and continually shows me what a loving honest relationship should be like. We're due to get married next month and I hope this last paragraph shows you that there is some light in the darkness. Thank you for doing what you do. I've kept this short believe it or not and there is so much still behind it all but it's my daughter that I feel for. Lucky

she gets to see her mum in a healthy relationship and knows that I'm her constant so I only hope that she learns from my relationship and not her father's various ones. Congratulations if you've made it this far. Do you know what it shows? Look at her, the girl that wrote in, compared to the girl that he had the affair with, okay? She's still stuck in it.

And I think that is showing the difference for the people, like the first email that we just read, what your life can look like if you stay, what your life can look like if you leave. She left, she stayed for a bit, but she left, and she's now in a really loving relationship, about to get married, treated really well. And the other girl has stayed,

and she's constantly being cheated on, being manipulated in an unloving relationship and she's just staying. And at the end of the day, it does come down to the choices that we choose to make. Having that self-respect for ourselves, to walk away from someone that is serving us absolutely nothing. So you can choose route A or route B and don't get me wrong, I understand sometimes it's really not difficult to leave. Talking from experience, I wasn't able to for a really long time. But eventually the hard choices that you need to make, the ones that make you uncomfortable

are usually the better ones and it's really pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to maybe go through some short term pain to eventually get that long term gain. It just blows my mind, honestly. I don't know why no one who has been a victim of behavior like this from someone feels like it's anything to do with them. There are sadly just some very sick fucked up individuals out there and it is sad and it is scary and it is something we need to have our eyes open to especially in the world of dating and you know that dating these days is a bloody minefield. It really, really is. I do urge people to just not have your walls up but just go in with their eyes open. Yeah, like just, I don't know. Yeah, watch me get like, conned by something. I do feel like my eye curries a little bit.

So she actually emailed again. She just said, oh, and it went on to local pages on Facebook. See screenshots below. Lucy is being outed as one of the girls, but that's his girlfriend. The OG, the one that he cheated on me with is mad. Still blows my mind. Obviously, fully expect to keep him private as he is my daughter's dad. Enjoy this one lady. Okay, so it's on a Facebook page in Ascot. This man is, she's blocked it out, he is dangerous. He is in Bracknell. Is that a little bit off?

Yeah, fantastic. And as a compulsive liar and an emotional abuser, he cheats on women and tells them that his son has a terminal illness and that his dad had a stroke and died. These stories are so he can get away with being with a different woman. Warn every woman you know, very dangerous abuser.

Just found out my boyfriend had been messaging other girls and planned to meet up with Charlotte tonight. When Lemmy on his phone, torn others, but they all deserve to know, heartbroken to say the least. But if any of you girls have any information or are one of said girls, please can we talk? Not sure who the other girls are.

Someone might recognize their pic. Charlotte, is he losing it? illusion of a, oh my God, oh my God, and there's a photo of him. That is wild. I can't believe I'm awesome. Also failed to add into the affair, it was eight weeks into the marriage that he had the affair. I mean, unfortunately men like this do exist and I did and he's not even

fair. He's not even fair. Sorry. He's not. Put him in the bin. Yeah. I'm so happy you got rid of him. Thank you for emailing him. Hell, guys. Okay, my unbelievable story. You're unbelievable. Right. Hi, medias. Thank you for your podcast. It's gotten me through some tough times in the past year as I'm trying to heal from my husband's infidelity. I listened to you girls from the USA.

Love that. There's a party in the USA. On Apple and I'm not a Patreon subscriber, but I should be. Yes. Yes, you should. And you know it. Go and, do you know what? This is your chance. Go and enjoy the summer on Patreon

because we're having a bit of a break. So. I'm not sure if you will even read my story on either platform, but I just felt I needed to get this story out and off my chest. So here it goes. My husband and I met on the school bus at the start of our eighth grade year of middle school.

How embarrassing. We were friends all throughout. of our eighth grade year of middle school. How embarrassing. We were friends all throughout high school but never dated, although he wanted to. We sat together on the bus and talked daily, hung out occasionally. After I graduated from college and had not yet begun my teaching career, I was working in a clothing store when our paths crossed again. My store manager was from my high school and her boyfriend at the time was one of my cheating husband's friends. When she told her boyfriend to tell him I worked there, they came to visit us on one of our shifts. And the rest is history.

We bought a house together before we got married. He was dragging his feet about getting married and I should have really seen the red flags then. When he finally proposed it was nothing special and on Christmas Day when I specifically asked not to get engaged on Christmas because my birthday is five days after, I wanted a separate date from all the holiday craziness. We did get married and then it was time to have kids. After getting pregnant quickly, after agreeing we wanted to try. I had a miscarriage. All my friends were having babies but me and it took us a few years to finally have our

daughter. Whilst home with our newborn daughter, I discovered he was texting another woman. When I noticed a repeating number on the cell phone bill. When I asked him about it, he said it was someone he just has casual conversations with. I told him that was wrong and I thought it had stopped. Another red flag. Fast forward a few years and he started bringing this woman and her girls over to hang out. I thought, what? We all became friends and I spent a lot of time with this woman and her daughter's babysat so we could go on date nights.

After a huge fight with him one night, I suspected he was cheating on me with her. I confronted him and even caught him at her house. Another red flag. I thought things ended between them because she moved away, but boy was I wrong. Fast forward a few years more and we were in couple therapy. I thought we were progressing until I started getting anonymous letters in the mail as well as anonymous emails to my work telling me he was cheating on me still with multiple women. When I showed him the letters he denied it. He had gotten into a fight with a male friend

at the time and said it was the friend trying to sabotage him. Red flag again, and why did I believe this crap? Still thought we were working on things through therapy, even though he chose to separate himself from the family home at night to sleep at his mum's house because he felt anxious and needed time. I stupidly believed him. Do you know what I think the issue is? Speaking from experience, I think when you see these red flags and they're quite obvious because you don't want to believe them, you don't believe them. It's like you know, but you push it to the back of your head because you don't want it to be true. So although an outsider reading this would be like, are you fucking joking? Of course, of course he's lying. Of course he's cheating. If you don't want to know or you

don't want to admit it, you don't allow yourself to take it in. And it's sad. Passed forward a few more years and all hell broke loose. I had a knock on my door one night whilst home alone and making dinner. There was this young man standing there and I thought he was going to sell me something. No. He was there to tell me how my husband was having an affair with his mother for the past two years and his mother had just found out he was cheating on her with my mother-in-law's cleaning lady. Jesus Christ.

Roll up one. It's a lot. Let's just process this. So the son of a woman turns up because he found out that the guy that his mum is in a relationship with is being cheated on with a cleaner. Yeah. He's cheating on his mum with her mother-in-law's cleaner and her too. The kid's mother followed him from one day.

The kid's mother, so the woman he's been cheating one of. The kid's mother followed him from one day to the cleaning lady's house and she confronted both of them. The cleaning lady proceeded to tell this woman that he sleeps with everyone and he still has a wife. I was oblivious to all of this because he's still with her at this point. Yeah, I'm all right. So he sleeps with everyone and he's still mad. He says, so where is everybody? Everybody's

doing it. But it's the way that like he's sleeping with other people like we say hi to people on the show. Like, I'll suck you and I'll fuck you and hey what about you what else is? I'm doing it. Oh I did this for like maybe- We do! Everybody's doing it. I was oblivious to all of this turns out he had about eight to nine other women he was falling around with behind my back.

The fucking audacity! That is a lot of per se. That's not even one for every day of the week. There's excess. You've doubled up. Maybe it's the summer holidays. You're doubling down on that shit. On that fucking hat. But do you know... Nine women. That makes me feel odd. Do you know what? It's giving Billy Frost. It's just greedy, okay? It's unnecessary behaviour.

I have no idea how he picked up with any of his lies and his lifestyle. I immediately got myself tested for all STDs and filed for divorce. Can I say something? So what would you rather find out that your husband is having an affair with one person or fucking nine? Regularly? Nine. Regularly. Now, there's no good outcome there. Obviously there's no good outcome, but I feel good outcome. Obviously there's no good outcome.

I feel less likely to feel like they've got feelings. Yeah, like if it's nine, this isn't relationships. This is full blown sex. He's a pig and he's also cheating with everyone else. There's no one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is... Wow.

Right, let's finish this email. I cannot believe how mentally sick this man is, but now I'm left to pick up the pieces of a life I didn't ask for or expect. I had such a long history with this man and never would I ever have thought this from him. He lied to his two-year affair partner about me, that he only lived at home because I wouldn't let him see our daughter and that our marriage was over. He would take selfies of himself on the couch once I went to bed to prove that that was where he slept at night even though he was sleeping with me in our bed. I never suspected a thing because he kept to his so-called work schedule and was home all weekend. Turns, she's getting

annoying girls into five days. Who does? Yeah. Turned out that when he would leave early for work to get a jump start on work, he was actually having breakfast at God knows what else of his two year affair partner. Then he would leave work early to go back to her house for dinner and more of whatever, but then come home his usual time and then eat my dinner. So he was having two dinners? Three. Fuck you, this is crazy. come home his usual time and then eat my dinner. So he was having two dinners. Three for the heart.

This guy is greedy. I'm like, I'm greedy now. Oh no, I'm not gonna lie. Like, he's having breakfast now, he's having cheating plans, he's living the life he's living. I have cracked the code of life right now. I'm getting pussy on tap,

I'm getting fucking 10 meals a day. I bet he put on shit loads of weight during this period as well. Sorry, we're not trying to mock- Does it sound like he's even got the time to fucking have a shower? Right, hang on. How much is he fitting in the other seven, won't it? I don't know. Snacks?

He's gonna go shnack shnack. Right. There is so much more to this story, but I won't keep rambling it. It really is a sad story because we live in a small town. He owns a business in this town and boy was this the talk of the town. I'm not fucking surprised. I'm still so embarrassed to go out anywhere, even though my world crashed over a year ago. I lost friends throughout this whole ordeal as well. A lot of times I am lonely but I feel like my life will never get better and that I will never meet anyone. I desperately want to move and start over, but my daughter has five more years of schooling left and I have some more years to work before I retire. I feel so incredibly

hurt, stuck and lost, but your pod helps me through. Thanks for listening. Keep doing what you're doing. I'm so sad for you that you feel embarrassed. Like, this is not any reflection on you or anything you have done. Like, you shouldn't feel embarrassed. Like, you is not any reflection on you or anything you have done. Like, you shouldn't feel embarrassed. Like, you should be embarrassed for him. He is the one that has done the embarrassing behaviour. He is the one that's been disrespectful and he's an absolute pig.

You should be walking around with your head held high, knowing, do you know what? I didn't deserve it, but I'm not with him anymore and he's not a reflection on me. I don't think fuck I'm not. Yeah, and he's not a reflection on me. I don't think, fuck I'm not. Yeah, like no, I want you to change your mindset. I want you to, I understand that you're stuck in a small town and daughter's at school for a number of years. I don't know if there's a way that you can move, like kids adapt, but I also appreciate that that might not be as easy if you need to be near him as well as he obviously is

her father. But oh I really, I was really hoping that you were in a better place. Yeah I'm wondering if you're doing any therapy or journaling or really trying to like work on, do that inner work. Yeah. Because it's trauma, it's absolutely trauma what you've been through. You have been treated like absolute shit and that's not a reflection on you at all. And I think also, like we said, like it's that hard, like, oh my god, like nine other women. This shows that this isn't about you. This isn't about her or the other. This is all him. This is his behaviour. This is him having so many issues that I just, I wouldn't even be able to understand that we wouldn't want to understand.

But yeah, I think that it's definitely about doing the work on yourself to get rid of those negative feelings about you as a person. Like this isn't you at all. I agree. Please keep us updated. Right, well then do a bit of would you rather. Yeah, I've got one.

Okay, go. Would you rather. No, it's what would you rather. What would you rather. Someone cheating on you behind your back and you don't know and people know but no one tells you and you just carry on living this oblivious happy life or someone gives you a big reality check and tells you your partner's cheating on you and that's how you find out.

I'd rather know. I think if you asked me that four years ago... That'd have been a different answer. I think that I would... I think some people would rather live in Blissfully unaware. Yeah, no, I think that, yeah, however much it hurts, I'd rather know. Nine.

What would you rather? Know every single detail of your partner's past sex life or absolutely nothing at all? Absolutely nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. So you wouldn't know how many people- I don't care about that. Nothing.

No. No. I don't- I actually think going into, like, when I meet someone or going to a relationship, I don't want to know. Really? I don't want to know. I don't need someone everyone's long life past. I don't know if this is like previous trauma of mine where because my ex-husband

was so secretive and I didn't know anything because he wouldn't tell me. I don't know why I've got this thing where I'd rather know everything. I actually didn't know my ex-husbands but I did know my ex-boyfriends and actually I know a lot of people like to talk about like body-killing as they want to know someone's body count. I actually did like, for me I actually don't care. Really. I want to know how many hands they are. But so just say you dated someone and he's got a body count of 300. But it's not about, I thought I don't know it. But I don't know. So you'd rather eat this for the other way.

I don't know, I think as well. I find that really difficult. I don't know anything. I understand, especially with our age and meeting people and you might meet someone who's like 14, they've had like, obviously not 40 years of sex because no one's having sex when they're babies. But like, you know, 20 plus years of sexual partners and stuff. I don't know. I've just got a thing where, when me and my boyfriend started dating, I really wanted to know how many people he

is set with and he really didn't want to know mine, but he didn't like the idea of me knowing his and him knowing mine. So we agreed that we'd tell each other. Right. Our number's very close. I think we're one person different. So I think it's nice that we know that we're on the same level. It would put me off if I was dating someone and I knew that his figures were in the three figures. That's why I'd rather not know. For me, it's just not a thing. I think, for me, I want to get to know someone as the person they are now. But then, hold on, hold on, okay? You've got a finger at my finger.

However, you say you just want to get to know the person that they are. How would you feel if you found out that they cheated on all their previous partners? But you just want to know the person that they are. But that's not the question. Okay, so let's change. Okay, but you, so you could know they slept with a certain amount of people, but you still don't know if they cheated. They could cheat on every single one of those people. No?

That's why I like details. I like to know, so hold on, are those eight people you slept with, were they partners, were they one-night stands? I know it's bad. That's me. I'm much more of a, I'll meet you as you are now. Everyone's got a past. I understand everyone's got a past, I don't think people should be necessarily judged on their past.

In my head I'm thinking, don't judge me on my past, I know I'm a good person, but if your past is something that is judge-worthy, I'll judge you. That's a you, probably. I know I'm a good person, but if your past is something that is judge-worthy, I'll judge you. That's a you, probably. I don't feel like as I've got older, I'm just like, I actually don't care. Yeah. Obviously, I'd prefer it if they're not like a man-whore. Yeah.

I don't know. Sorry, would you rather your partner talk dirty in a cartoon character voice or sing everything they say. Um, sing everything they say. I feel like I've always wanted to be in a musical. Oh god, basically give me the X to be honest. Would you rather have sex in a moving car during rush hour or on a balcony during daylight? Balcony during daylight. Same, I'd probably get a balcony during daylight. Balcony during daylight. Same, I'd probably get a bit car sick. It's illegal.

Is it? Oh yeah. Probably. You know, we're moving car and neither of you have to be the one that's driving. Sex or blowjob? Sex. Oh. Oh sorry, I thought you were asking me

what I prefer sex. Okay, here's a good one. What would you rather have amazing sex but your partner is a terrible kisser or amazing kisser but terrible sex? Oh I feel like... The thing is kissing is so important. Yeah. But if you have terrible sex I think the relationship is doomed. Yeah but I feel like you can train someone to get better. Is it a trainer kiss? Is it? Kiss is just one-

Like to be honest I probably wouldn't be having sex with someone if their kissing was that bad. Yeah that's true. I feel like how would you get to know? I'd be like can you get your slobber face off me? Say it then. Share with the room. Have your partner call you daddy or mummy in bed or call you by your full government name including your middle name. Yeah. Oh yeah. Ivali and Harris. Yeah. That will work. And Natasha Haley. Yeah. I was actually going to say Crawford. That would work for me.

I've found my maiden name, Crawford. If I didn't have kids I'd have gone back. If someone called me mommy, that's it, I'm done. Remember, mommy seated. I'm a mommy. But I think I've spoken about this before. I sometimes joke and call my boyfriend daddy and he hates it.

Which I understand because he's got kids that call him daddy. So it's just, it was, it was you called me my full name. Call me bad girl. I actually like when I'm called mustache. Right, I think we should be doing a, is it confession? Yeah, product of the week first or confession.

Don't mind product. Let's do a product of the week. This is from a small business called Twilight Crystals. So we obviously get a lot of people asking us about manifesting, stuff like that. I did my vision board the other day and I had my crystal, it's got crystals in it. It's like a line art. And they were on the top and then it melted and now they've gone in it. So yeah, amethyst, ameth myth, I can never say it, a myth. But she

does like these candles, but I get all my crystals from her as well. She is amazing. If you are someone who, not everyone gets crystals. I think they're really powerful for manifesting. I have them by my bed when I'm journaling. If you need any help with like what you're looking for, Twilight crystals. Let me just check, that's actually her hand. Oh, she's amazing. Twilightcrystals.co on Instagram, she is fabulous. Yeah, just really nice and it smells amazing as well. Smells so nice. Confession of the week.

This isn't that outrageous, but makes me laugh when I think of it. I made my ex-husband drop me off at the train station when he came to collect the kids' ones. Went on a first date with my now new partner. Cheers, babe. Thanks for the lift. Love that. Thanks, daddy. Okay, affirmation. Get the fuck out.

No, do you know what? We're going to high. I won the affirmation this week. This is mainly to the person, the last email, the American gal. Do you know what? We're going to high. I won the affirmation this week, this is mainly to the person, the last email, the American gal, okay? I will not allow someone else's behavior to be a reflection on how I feel about myself.

You can only control what you do, so what they do isn't a reflection on you. Don't ever be embarrassed by someone else's behaviour, okay? Stay true to yourself and fuck him. Fuck the lot. Anyway, thank you so much for listening. Lays of love.