Not As We Planned - 2. Having your psycho moment

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

We are talking all about healing and trying to move on from a break up. Learning that this stage isn't linear and hearing some of your stories about those crazy moments you had after a break up Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You'll flip for $4 pancakes at A&W. Wake up to a stack of three light and fluffy pancakes topped with syrup. Only $4 on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. at A&W's in Ontario. This episode is brought to you by CIBC. From closing that first sale to opening a second store, as a business owner, you've hustled to accomplish a lot. But the rewards don't stop there. When you earn two times more points on things that matter to you and your

business, easily track those business expenses, and experience flexible Aventura rewards, you'll realize how much more rewarding your hustle can be. Get up to $1,800 in value when you apply for the CIBC Aventura Visa for Business at cibc.com slash aventurabusiness. Terms and conditions apply. Hey. Hi. It's Tash and Carly. And you're listening to Motherhood Not As We Planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine, and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Welcome to episode two of Motherhood Not As We Planned. So today our episode is called Having Your Psycho Moment. Psycho!

I mean, not saying we're psycho. But we've all got it in us. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like we all have it in us. And when you go through that moment of like, breakup or you find out that your ex is just a dick, I feel like it's right, like you're meant to. There is anger and there's nothing wrong with challenging that anger and doing whatever makes you feel better now can i just

make a disclaimer we're not encouraging you to just want him a disclaimer any criminal activity or anything that's going to get you in trouble obviously everything we say is taken here with a pinch of salt and yeah make any of make your own decisions yeah and we've had so many of you send us some of your stories they're all going to be anonymous because and also can i just say you make me feel very very tame so thank you for that i feel like i like let myself down yeah is it okay to go back and do it even though you're right yeah i feel like we're a bit too far down the line but we are also just going to generally talk about kind of like the grieving stage the healing what we did to make ourselves feel better um because kind of like the next step

from it's over essentially yeah definitely so for me i think the next stage once i very much realized like filing for divorce this that and the other he wouldn't leave that's a really difficult part when you obviously both own your house and one won't leave so we very much kind of like cohabited I think it was about two months I know and you know what I think that I got so used to pretending, even before we announced that we were like to each other, that we were done, that it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

Because I was like, do you know what? Cool, I've got my own fucking free babysitter. You can fucking stay here and I'm going to go out. So I think what we actually did, do you know what is really mad how you can forget yeah I do yeah now that I'm so okay sometimes I sit here and I think like was I that sad but I know I was I've just you can't imagine it I've forgotten yeah but from memory I think what we kind of did was it was kind of like a written rule that like if I was staying in he'd go out and if he was going out obviously

i'd stay in because sadly the kids aren't old enough to look after themselves yeah um and that's kind of just what we generally did we do you know what it was actually like a calmer presence because all of a sudden there was no need to fight like we were done yeah um i'm sure there were moments where we weren't getting on but we never really argued that much in front of the kids that was like my thing like if you're staying here that's fine as long as it's not toxic for the children i know this might be a bit weird but we actually still shared a bed i think we were i know i know you know what looking back i don't really get how i did it but again for so long we slept in the same bed and it was like there was that like invisible line divide yeah that like it just was the same it was it do you know what like it's weird

but i guess it worked for us i didn't like the idea of him sleeping on the sofa and one of the kids coming into our bedroom in the night and being like where's daddy until we were of a stage where we knew exactly what was going on with our living arrangement and we were in a position where we could tell our kids what was going on i wanted it to stay as normal as possible for them um not gonna lie it got to a point where I was quite scared for him to leave because it was still I was still kind of living in my eyes the best of both worlds it was like I didn't have to accept being alone I still had like a presence of him being around albeit not sure why I really wanted him around but I think it was just that I still had that comfort

I wasn't yet the single parent it was like I've got someone to help me with bath or and now I can go out and do my own thing and so it then kind of got a bit messy when I started snooping and found a few things on a tablet um and i lost my fucking shit and i think he realized with what i found he didn't really have a leg to stand on to stay anymore so he left um and then that was kind of like this proper start of like the end arrangements after that

proper start of like the end arrangements after that so he went and stayed at his parents and the thing is they didn't have they don't have much space so he couldn't have the kids at his parents so what we did once we came up with sort of like a plan as to when he was going to have the kids he came back home slept on the sofa i think once he left it's like you're not in my bed now like now this is my bed so he's come back home stay on the sofa and then I went and stayed at my parents so until he actually went and rented his own place which took quite a long time he I chucked him out in the August he didn't have his own place till the November so it wasn't until like months and months down the line of separating in the june where i suddenly had that like really daunting feeling of i'm in my house and my kids are no longer here and that was a massive shock culture shock um

i've still not experienced that yet yeah which is like it just shows how yeah i mean today had like one of the first days i've been in my house and they're not here they're not here yeah which is crazy yeah so the structure that we have in place now is very different to what it was like when he was still at his parents because midweek he has them overnight but when he was at his parents he just came and babysat so I just had that one night in the week where I could go and do my thing I actually think most of the time I went and saw my therapist but I guess that's still my thing but yeah but now we're kind of like in a good structure I think it just eased me into it I feel like it worked as best as it could but I think then it got to a point where I was like do you know what now I just want my time in my house

it became annoying that like when there was a weekend that he had our kids in my house. This is where I'm at. Yeah. I felt like it would be really nice to have a kid free moment in my own home. Yeah. Yes. Sort my washing. Maybe I'll go through my clothes.

Maybe I'll. Yeah. And I couldn't do that. And then what would happen, which the the argument started was I'd be coming home to my house and no washing had been done and the dishwasher hadn't been emptied

and it's a bit like well he didn't do much with that when we were together so can I really expect it to be done when we're not and that's where you're like

in this phase yeah and it just became a bit like I don't have the energy to argue anymore with you about the fucking washing but at the same time to argue anymore with you about the fucking washing.

But at the same time, like, why am I still doing the fucking washing? Yeah. So, yeah, that was kind of like that first part of the next stage for me. So, yeah, after, obviously, it was over. He left and I was on my own with the kids at home I remember we just tried to like get on with like just normal day-to-day life like back to nursery and you know just I tried to get out and do normal stuff um see i think even from the start we i don't even remember now i'm pretty sure he saw them like every week at the weekend um and it's a setup we're still trying to figure out

what that's gonna look like in the long term um but yeah so it was just really hard going from obviously what I knew to then you know being around being on my own leading separate lives but also having lots of big emotions about someone but then trying to liaise in a way to make sure he was still seeing the kids and it I found that really hard at the start like obviously it's really important that he still saw the kids but I found that whole bit with when the emotions are so intense for you to have the headspace and brain capacity to be like but we still need to factor this in and like how those changeovers looked um in the early days like i said that we are still trying to figure out what our setup is going to be going forwards um you know what he he went back

to live with his parents who live two hours away so it's not as simple as being down the road yeah and it's not you know we can't put what we want in place right now because it just it doesn't work

who knows what that's going to look like in the long term I don't know at the moment but that's how it was to start and like I just want to say like as well for me it's really important my kids maintain a really good relationship with their dad I would never stop my kids from seeing their dad despite you know how I feel about anything that's gone down

um but at the same time it's really important that it does work for you as well because I don't know I found the whole concept of it really hard to start I've spoken briefly about this on my Instagram but for me I am someone who has never really had much time away from my kids that's my own that's just me sometimes my own worst enemy I very rarely I did start to go out the last year, but I never really left my kids that often. And for me, almost having that forced on me and it not being my decision, I found really hard to be like,

oh, I'm suddenly missing out on time with my kids through a decision that's not my own. Well, yeah, you then carry that resentment. And then you've got this extra resentment on top of everything else that's going on. Again, it comes with the acceptance of your new life in your new situation and reframing how you're looking at that time away and actually trying now to use it as a time to do stuff I haven't been able to do and go shopping on my own and I've been going on nights out with my friends and I've taken myself on days out like it's lovely I'm having treatments done and you

know whatever it is and it's it is really hard to feel like you're being punished and this and that but again it's all about your mindset and how you reframe it so yeah at the moment um this is what we're doing I think it will change in the very short-term future um but again we're just trying to figure it out and make it as stable for the kids yeah also i guess there's no right or wrong is there like no i wanted to stay i'm sure you're the same i wanted to stay in my house if i could because it's my kids home but it's also healthy for them to be in the home too yeah absolutely and i think that really regardless of the hate or the anger or the resentment or anything if both of your focus is the kids which hopefully it is then that's what needs to be thought about

i think but i think a lot of people probably struggle with that because i don't think a lot of and i i don't want to sit here saying it's the men are the issue and the women aren't i get it can be the other way around but i do think that the women have it probably a lot harder they probably tend to be their main caregiver and there are some men out there sadly that maybe aren't as concerned about the well-being of their children and see it more as like an attack on them like oh you think you'll get in the house well what about me it's like no no it's not even about me having the house it's about the kids having the heart thing is where often in these situations there's so many other emotions caught up it's hard to separate out this is for the kids put your emotions to the side

and i'm gonna say like i have been caught up in emotions where you know you're so angry and then you've kind of got to strip it back and be like no we need to prioritise the kids it's not about you it's not about me

it's not about either of us it's about doing what's right for your kids yeah I've definitely had moments where I'm like no fuck you I'm going to do this and this and then I'm like hold on

you want to spite them then you're like what am I doing yeah it's not really going to help it's actually all about the kids everyone's situation is different and we're still trying to figure out what is the best setup for our kids so i feel like we're trying to work on it and obviously like i don't want to sit here and say like we're the best co-parents at the moment

we're absolutely not but i know we both want to be and get better and i know that that's something that will come with time yeah and you know you've got to remember like it's still so early days for you it's been a few months so new like i remember when we first started started doing the whole like exchanging of the kids once he had moved out and that was when I was at like my lowest and I genuinely couldn't do eye contact with him yeah and you know people always tell you when you break up with someone like you've got to do the no contact like that's how you get over someone and obviously when you've got kids that's just not an option and I just remember that was my main struggle it was the maybe going two days without speaking

feeling that bit better and then all of a sudden he's at my front door again and i'm like no i also feel like we can be doing really well and then we'll come to like i'll come home the kids and then we just can't help ourselves but like go at each other for something it could be anything it could be like you know not cleaning up or whatever and it will just escalate and that's what i really like actively want to work on yeah i mean i went through a stage where i tried to avoid being present for the handover but then i went through stages where i was like do you know what i'm gonna show him that like I'm really okay so now I'm gonna be over friendly and then I do like two weeks of being over friendly and being like really cool and chilled and like yeah honey how

are you yeah here the kids have fun bye hey hey quickly do my hair and then and then the next week I'd be like oh he doesn't deserve my. Now I'm going to be a bitch. And you just went through these emotions of like, and then I just realized, like, do you know what? It's not about playing it to make him think this way or that way. I think I just realized I needed to take a step back. And I tried to make sure that either my mum could be around for an exchange or someone could maybe help me out. Until I just thought just do you know what it's just time like I don't remember when it was exactly I just remember there came a point

where I was just like let's just keep it to the minimum here are the kids we only discussed the kids how were they yeah they were good and then I think there were times where and you'll probably understand this because I'm quite like controlling when it comes to their routine or how the kids are and et cetera, et cetera. When we then would do the exchange of the kids, I'd sit there and I'll be like, so how did they sleep? What did they have for breakfast? And then afterwards, I think, but that's all in the past. It doesn't actually matter how they slept. It's not going to make a difference.

Do I really need to converse with him about these things so really until i truly felt ready to have unnecessary conversations with him it was a very much here's a bag thanks bye because if something was wrong i'd know yeah we're still like navigating what's where we want to be with that i think i'm very much let's keep it minimal i i'm check i like to check in a lot because again i'm not used to leaving my kids and i also know my kids often play up when i'm not there particularly at bedtime they go down like a dream for me not the same for their dad and i just i just like to have those regular updates you want to do what works for you like now i speak to him all the time when he's got the kids did they go down okay whether he'll be like oh no they're a nightmare i'll be like oh typical like we literally

if you saw our whatsapps now 90 of the time it's literally like two friends chatting about about our kids and you know we actually today had probably our first like relatively nice conversation in and i think it just gives you that glimpse of that like it will get best time about the kids like i was saying how the kids have been a nightmare this morning i was like oh i hate those mornings yeah like a casual chat. And I think that's the point we both want to get. Of course, it's the point we both want to get. No one wants the drama.

No one wants the drama. But then... I think it also depends on who you're co-parenting with. I'm not going to lie. I have some people, friends of mine, where I think that they are generally... Love the drama? No, they're co-parenting with a narcissist i think a

lot of people like to throw that word around i think someone i think everyone has narcissistic traits like if you're if you're with someone that's gaslighting you doesn't mean they're a narcissist i think there's something like 35 different traits to a narcissist i think people don't understand how in depth you have to be to be a narcissist but what i mean is if you're with someone that wants an easy life like you eventually you will get there but i guess you've got to be realistic with the time scale like yours is so raw and also like my divorce isn't even final we still have moments where we're arguing about something but now we're at that point where that argument doesn't drag into everything out escalating it's very much like we've had an argument for five minutes and the

next time I speak to him I'll be like oh you're all right and it's fine and we FaceTime with the kids and so I think that everyone has again it's like everyone has that dream family unit and then now I've got this like in my head this like dream co-parenting scenario where we do Christmases together and you know it's all happy families and he brings his new wife and I bring my new husband like I don't aspire for that to happen all I want is for us to get on enough that our kids see that we can still be friends yeah um again it's obviously going to depend on how your marriage is if someone's abusive again completely different story but i think the the mentality that i've got now is i can sit here still and hold grudges and still want to try and find out things that maybe i don't

know and get my closure and be angry that he did this and that. But the longer I held on to those feelings... You can't be too happy as well. Yeah, to heal. And I think what we also wanted to talk about was like our healing process and things like that. And for me, it's that moment where you're happy to let go of the anger and realise, do you know what, I can sit here

and make snidey comments to him when I see him or give digs, but he's going to be in my life for the rest of my life. And I still relatively, I still have moments where I have that. Do you know what? If you didn't, I think that's weird.

Like it's a few months down the line. I still carry a lot of anger with me. By the way, I'm booking into a rage room. Have you ever done that? No, never. What is this? So basically there's anger with me. By the way, I'm booking into a rage room. Have you ever done that? No, not at all. What is this? So basically, there's one near me.

They basically, you can choose different levels of rage. So I was saying, I'm blind rage, like whatever the top. Obviously. I think it's like 50, 60 quid.

They set up this room. They put like electronics, computer screens. They give you a baseball bat helmet. Fuck. Go in and you just smash are you joking i fucking love it we'll film it for the podcast anyway sorry that's unreal

love that so yeah so that's something i need to do and and my ex has brought up it's like sometimes it's so angry i'm like you're right i am angry like my i am and i think where i haven't necessarily unleashed it or channeled it yet i feel like i've very much let go of like the sadness and that part and it's it is like the cycle grief we're talking about like you do go through so many it's not linear and i think that's really important to know is like healing is not linear like you can have a day yeah you have like a great week yeah i'm flying like i feel amazing and then it could be something minute that happens and it will send you like you feel like you've taken a hundred steps back and i've a hundred percent been there um and then you you know you end up getting

yourself in a point where you think how am i ever gonna get out of this and it's back to that day at a time because and when you're feeling good just embrace it yeah because sometimes you are gonna end up yeah i can't always see that coming and i think it's i think i think for me the biggest thing with my healing was knowing it's not linear and that's fine and i know like still now sitting here I can say I'm in a much better place but I know I've still got loads of work to do and it's something like that I am continuing to put conscious effort into doing like for me and people deal with things in different ways and people heal in different ways and people find I don't know different ways of coping and things like that for me I've found keeping busy really helpful I like to be busy a lot and I found people who follow me ages ago I

used to write a lot of poems and stuff I read one the other day yeah it's still how I like I don't know I started doing it more in the early stages of motherhood. And it was just my way of being able to articulate how I felt without like being like, oh, I'm really struggling. I don't know. And yeah, ever since this happened, I've started writing again, which is quite like uplifting and powerful. Yeah. And I've been journaling most nights and just getting out how I feel. And it really helps, I don't know, almost like be accepting of how I'm feeling and being like, and then that's it. And recognizing and just accepting like, this is how I feel.

This is fine. This is how I feel today. And writing it down. It's actually nice now I'm feeling like a lot better when I read back and I'm like, I don't remember feeling that. Do you know what? It's almost nice to have got it. I videoed myself, talked to the camera on one of my lowest days. It was August last year and I still got it on my phone and I'm talking to the camera.

I look fucking horrendous. Tear. Just I look terrible. And I'm literally talking to the camera and I'm like, I really hope that one day I can look back at this video and although I feel like this is like the end of my life I'll watch this knowing that actually it's it's the beginning of a new chapter and I look back at it now and it does make me like feel emotional because I think you know journaling and doing things like that like that's really helped me as well people always say like how did you cope what were your coping mechanisms for me writing shit down makes such a difference and also things like you know when people say like how did you move on or how did

you get over him like i and it may not work for everyone, but I wrote down like everything bad about him and everything good about myself and things that I miss. Like I've seen parts of me come back to life that I kind of like forgot and it got suppressed by, you know, maybe being with someone that didn't know my worth. And I feel like I didn't know my worth and I feel like you lose yourself.

You lose yourself in motherhood as well. And I think that's also another thing that when you suddenly had this like kid-free time, however sad it may be and it's not the way that you wanted it, it's suddenly like finding things that you like to do for you. Honestly, I was saying to,

I can't remember who I was saying to the other day, someone was like, oh, like what do you do for fun? Like what are your hobbies? I was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know how many i'm shopping yeah like but like i don't know what i enjoy and then i was like right well it's time to like rediscover my down thing who does this era of carly like like we were in and on the tube for a night out and then um me and my friends were discussing like what we were going to drink and i was like maybe i'll have a margarita maybe this era of carly's drink of

choice is a margarita who knows like i didn't drink exciting i didn't drink pretty much the whole of my marriage i didn't drink alcohol yeah because i don't really like the taste of it i never really felt the need to get drunk and it just wasn't my thing and then once I kind of got back on into that zone of thinking when I say back I never went on a date before um like I'd never been on a date before but when I started contemplating dating I thought I can't go out for a drink and be like I'll get a water like I and I'm not also suggesting I'm also not suggesting to people that like you can't go on a date without alcohol. But I just felt like I don't like sissy drinks.

If I can't order a Diet Coke, I can't order a Sprite. Why can't I have a water? Red flag. Yeah, he'll be like, oh, no, AA. So I just felt like, do you know what? Like, I'm going to try and find a drink that I like. And I started, like, liking a bit of a Sex on the Beach. Sure. Yeah, it's like, a bit of a sex on the beat sure yes like yeah yeah sex on the beat see or you know a porn star and I just thought I just suddenly felt

a bit like you know I felt a bit like a child again but in a fun way like I'm not just Tash the mum Tash the mum Tash the mum don't use that as a phrase I'm I'm Tash as mum. Tash the mum? Tash the mum. Don't use that as a phrase. I'm Tash as well as just mummy. Yeah. And it's nice when you find yourself again. I think that's where I'm at the moment. Like I'm just doing more stuff for myself. And like, what would I like to do today?

Yeah. Where would I like to go? And it's really empowering. I was out in the city at the weekend and um i messaged my friend and i was like son's out fancy getting training and we'll carry on drinking all night we'll go out it was my spontaneous thing i've done honestly in years i'm like this is brilliant i mean it's such a good fun night and i felt yeah like the girly not really like so nice I think that's another key thing when you're like trying to like process and move on and heal is like don't get me wrong you need to eventually get used to being on your own and enjoying your own company but don't force that

on yourself like I made sure that I was busy I like had a little whatsapp group with my close girls and it was really nice and we always made sure that there was times where if anyone was kid free they'd be like let's do brunch with tash or let's do a dinner or we'd go out and just really just try and keep yourself occupied yeah rather than forcing yourself into i need to learn to be okay on my own so yeah to like like i there was a point where i was making like loads of plans but then it sometimes get to the day and i wouldn't feel like it and don't be scared to be like I'm actually not but feeling it and that's okay yeah um but I agree like on my you really notice who steps up for you like some people will chop you like as to honestly some people came up the woodworks yeah and were

amazing and then sadly i feel like something and it's life it's like it's with anything and i have to say i've i have felt i've never felt so supported in my life like by my friends and family around me like my friends as well like all juggling their own things in life in adult life i've got a very expansive friendship group of people you know i've had all different things going on and i've never once felt like i've not had someone i can go to so i think that's really really you know when i'm like sometimes like i'll write in the group like right girls i need to go out and get drunk who's coming and people like drop plans i mean hi hi next time when i'm there now so yeah no it's

it's it is the people around you change everything and things like it was just insane like as well like if you listen to this and you're you've got a friend who's going through something like this this is something i get asked a lot what can i do to support my friend yeah i mean for something like this honestly when i say i had things turning up at my house like every day i had flowers i had like biscuits which were like a hug i had like um people sent me sweets people sent me like no like products my body like i just always felt like someone was thinking of me yeah like people were just I they just made me feel really important and really loved like there were people I haven't

spoken to since like uni like one of my boy mates from uni like oh no I'm married okay but I literally like him and his wife sent me the him and his wife sent me the nicest little thing I thought like some people just so nice yeah and another thing I would say on top of that is people that are friends that want to try and support their friend going through this if you've got kids include them in family days like I am so up for joining another family with their kids with the husband with their husband I don't mind not having a partner with me it is so so such a nice feeling to be included in a family day with another yeah that that's one of the things that I think I initially struggled with is I found the weekend with the kids actually harder than without because without I started getting used to actually I don't mind if I go shopping on my own I liked maybe finding something to do in the evening having a

night stay and get a takeaway or go out out or go out for dinner but for me it's more if you have a friend that's going through a separation and they've got children and you're going on a saturday out with your husband and your kids invite them with go to the zoo together go to the farm like that for me has a massive massive impact and it makes my weekend so much more pleasant and bearable with my children i'm not saying it's not bearable if i'm on my own with my kids but having some adult company yeah with your children for me is is yeah great as well just like things like checking in like i had people who literally checked in like every single day just the message like how you feeling today or yeah thinking of you and it's

just it is just like the really little things that really like pulled you through like I honestly I've never like I said I always felt like I had someone if I was having a bad day they'll be like they'll be like all right I'll be round like yeah fine and I think that is yeah I was the um going out with family that's a really good idea. Yeah, nice. I did it a few weekends ago with my best friend and her husband and we went to the Zoom and talked with the kids and it was just, it was so nice. It felt normal. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? I do a lot on my own with the kids. I think I always have and stuff like that doesn't scare me anymore. It's more as well. I haven't had like a full weekend with my kids. Yeah. I guess that's when it will maybe. So it's a little different.

Yeah. And also another thing in regards to when we were talking about kind of like healing and coping mechanisms, we both coincidentally saw a psychic. Because obviously when I did, you were still married or whatever. And then I remember you turn around and told me, I've this psychic it's made me feel so much better I was like oh my god I did that and do you know what a lot of people don't believe in it a lot of people think it's a load of shit but honestly you know what if it just gives you that slight bit of hope and so the woman I saw she was a white witch and not only did she like do a psychic

reading on me but she also cut the cord so I don't know if you've heard of this like when you cut the cord and again I'm not like a professional so if I'm saying this slightly incorrectly I apologize for anyone that is maybe a witch listening to this and they're like what's she talking about but she did some sort of thing on me which kind of like I mean it's very much cutting the cord it literally kind of stops you feeling like an emotional tie to this person there was a lot of other things she did I did like Reiki so many other kind of like spiritual healing massages and I did it over a period of time and I just literally that day where she cut the cord like I kid you not the day after was that moment where the exchange with the kids

I was just a bit like cool you're right amazing I need this like it was i don't know it was cut my cord i just yeah so like again a lot of people don't believe in it they might think it's a waste of money but it did something to me and i think that's it like it might just be like i have people who's like why have you wasted money on a psychic do you know what for me i I was like, if it can offer me some kind of hope. And mine was over the phone. This woman, I didn't even give her my real name. She knew nothing about me. Nothing about me. It's amazing when they say something, you're like, how did you know that? I was sat there.

I had tears streaming down my face. And I was like, there were just certain things she brought up. And I was like, how did certain things she brought up and i was like would she know that yeah and now i'm however many more months down the line and stuff that she said she said something she said something like this i know so weird so weird and now i'm like got goosebumps this is weird and yeah and she told me i was gonna be okay it was for me that hope that i was gonna be okay and now i'm i'm here in a place where i feel okay i don't know if that's something that would make you feel better definitely like consider it because

one thing i would say is what you don't want to do, which I feel like it's very easy to do, is then try and live your life by it. Or it's like, I need a bit more of a fix. Let me see her again. Like, yeah, don't keep going back or don't go to like multiple people. For me, it was just like, okay, like... It's true. It is. It's just something to keep you going.

And even if it's not what ends up happening. And I'm not saying things will happen exactly as she says, but there are things that follow what she says that have happened. I mean, some of the stuff that my woman told me was just like, now, like looking back and some of the stuff has happened, I'm like, shit, she was really fucking right. yeah no like there was one thing where she said to me like there'd be a guy and he won't be like your forever guy he will heal your sex chakras because i think yeah like to be honest i'm not even really fucking sure what her chakras are, but whatever she said was...

Chakras. Whatever she said was fucking healed. Read between the lines there. Tasha's sex chakras have healed. Have healed. But yeah, so if you... If you're down in the dumps, just go and get a psychic. So going back to obviously the topic

of this podcast being about having a psycho moment we got loads of you messaging us we wanted to know the things that you have done when you've broken up with an ex or a husband that have made you a little bit and some of them are. We stopped reading them because we thought our reactions as we were reading them were so funny. So now these are going to be mostly blind reaction. So someone's put here

I got cheated on by my ex when I was pregnant. I worked with her so I told the work Facebook group. Oh. Fucking awkward. Okay okay I added my ex onto a load of gay dating websites I might do that one tonight no I'm joking I'm joking oh my god slept with his dad I mean I wouldn't dare.

Long name. But if he's Dilfey. Oh, yeah, I've heard you once. If he's Dilfey. Oh, my God. I've seen Big Dad. What a little... Apple obviously doesn't fall far from the tree. Oh, my God.

Okay. This is like... I found messages to a married woman from my ex, so I screenshotted them and posted them on his Facebook and tagged her. Oh, God. I know, but so fucking cursed. Oh, my God. Slept with my ex's best mate.

Revenge at its finest. Oh, my God. I mean, do you know what? I mean, all of his best mates are married, so I wouldn't do that. But, oh, makes me a bit ill. He cheated on me, so I took everything in the flat, including all the light bulbs.

So he couldn't turn the lights off. It's hilarious. Go on. So I think I've iPhone. It's hilarious. Go on. So I think I've got that up to there. Okay. Smashed his van window with a sledgehammer. I don't like cheese. I don't like what?

Cheese. I thought you said cheese. Who's got a sledgehammer? A sledgehammer. Do you know what? I'm too scared for vandalism. No, I can't do anything where I might go to prison. Yeah, can you go to prison for that?

Maybe, if they reported you. Oh. Well, this one's brilliant. Covered his car in tomato ketchup. I want to know if this was the outside and the inside, or was it just the inside? I hope it was the inside, and I hope it was fabric, not leather. Put glitter in all of his socks and pockets of his clothes.

That must be so fucking annoying to get rid of. I don't even let my kids play with it. I don't even let my kids play with glitter. It's so fucking annoying. That's brilliant. Someone put here the usual cut buttons off his shirt, cut holes in the armpits, accidentally dropped his Xbox. I love that.

Here, this is quite funny. I cut up his passport and the clothes that he'd left at mine and I also set up a WhatsApp group with all his family to tell him what he'd done. That's quite ballsy. I like that not me but my best friend bought a load of i bought a load of love crickets from pets at home and emptied in his house what crickets what i love cricket i don't know i'm imagining a little insect oh my

god it's making me itchy oh people ask me if I have any regrets. I think my regrets are that I didn't do enough fucking crazy shit. Don't get me wrong. I had my crazy moments. We, again, he now knows because I'm not very good at hiding shit. I did speak to a private investigator, but then when I heard how much it was, I was like, no, no, this is where I draw the line. Deep down, I know that something's not right. He, I don't know what he was up to, but it was no longer really my problem.

And once I kind of got to that point, I was able to let go. So, yeah, I think it's safe to say that we've all had our psycho moment. We have all got inner psychos and sometimes situations just bring them out. It's just necessary as long as you're not killing yeah breaking the law breaking of the law and do you know what i think the last point that we wanted to kind of talk about in this episode was i think once we were both at a stage where we were ready to with it being our jobs we then had to find a time to put it out on Instagram. I found it quite difficult because I feel like my page was quite family orientated. And for quite a few months, I was getting a lot of messages asking where he was because he was no longer.

Yeah, he wasn't on my Instagram. We weren't good for quite a few months before we decided to separate. we weren't good for quite a few months before we decided to separate um and look i understand that when you're sharing your life people feel like they're entitled to know and i understand that and i know some people might be like oh that's so nosy but i guess it comes with the job about me yeah um so it came to it got to a point where once we had shared it with our children not that they know what's going on on social media but all you need is one person to say it and then tell a mum and then so once the kids knew and once I felt comfortable with it I shared it on Instagram but the reaction and I'm sure that you can

appreciate this too the messages and the love and the support and then realizing that you're not on your own, really probably the main reason why we're doing this. Like, I don't feel like it's spoken enough. I don't feel like there's enough out there that I'm aware of anyway, where I can really relay that, like, this in itself is therapeutic. When I share it on Instagram,

I find it therapeutic. Just generally. Oh, it's something that I know for me, when you're going through it, you feel like you are the only person in the world going through it. And that why me. Yeah, why you? Everything's happening to you and that's, you're very much trapped in it. I remember when I decided to share it.

I hadn't planned to share it as early as something had happened. I won't disclose it. But I was like, I'm fed up of hiding my new situation. I don't know, I felt like I couldn't be me. I felt like everything I was doing was facades and I was just reposting old content. And I was like, how long can I keep doing this? Yeah.

Or I can like, I don't know. I felt like if I was just honest, then I could just be you. Be me. Yeah. I can like I don't know I felt like if I was just honest then I could just be you be me yeah you know it is my job and it was it was really hard and I completely agree with you I actually didn't have I didn't get any hate at all no neither and then I don't know why that really like scared I don't know why I thought I would but do you know what it was for me i for a really long time felt like i really failed because i feel like marriage and having that kind of like happily ever after is kind of like it's what everyone strives for yeah and i felt like if i'm unable to succeed in something

that's meant to be like yeah that i just i just really felt like i failed and i've never ever looked at single parents as like anyone beneath anyone else or but i felt like that in myself i can't explain it it's really weird like i i just felt like i can't believe i'm now a single parent like failed married i i just i felt like a bit stuffed with myself I don't know how to explain imagine that's ever going to be your situation you know you think it's happening to other people I just I felt like slightly beneath successfully married people not gonna lie like I really did even though I felt like it wasn't really a thought of my own at the end of the day there's two people in a marriage and I don't yeah I just felt really low about it but since sharing it it just really opened

my eyes to like how okay and normal it is and also I've had so many messages from people saying this and this has really helped me so I want to share it but when i talk about like mourning a family unit people like but you are a family you are a family the world is so different now yeah you know actually it's probably not that normal to have a mom a dad and 2.4 children whatever it is like families are different makeups and different setups now and that's okay and you know you being a single mum with your two boys and you know have the dad here that is still a family unit they are still going to feel all the love from you they can still have like for me I'm very much focused on okay well just because I'm on my own now that doesn't mean

I'm not going to give them the life I thought i'd have i always thought i'd take them away loads it's why i've booked my first solo trip with them i'm not having my my circumstances and my relationship status affect how i thought my kids life would be and it's it is it's that pressure i remember feeling like i'm a single mom like are people going to look at me differently now I'm on my own and you know I'm ashamed and embarrassed I I wasn't worried about how people look at me I just hated how I looked at myself really and that is probably that probably stems from the self-worth I had in my relationship I didn't view myself as like worthy i didn't even view myself as worthy of him i always thought i was punching because throughout my whole childhood i thought that he was like this

amazing good looking everyone wants to be him everyone wants to either date him or be him and i was like how did i get him so i i put him on such a pedestal. But really, like, why wasn't I ever put on a pedestal? Like, now, I want to be on that fucking pedestal. You are on the pedestal. Well, fucking yeah. But it's just sad that that is what I thought of myself. And now it's just like, no. Like...

Absolutely. So, yeah, we hope you liked The Psycho. And thank you for listening to another episode. If you did enjoy it, please subscribe and go and tell all your friends and give us a follow on Instagram. Absolutely. And make sure you come back for the next episode. Thanks, guys. Bye.