Not As We Planned - 33. Lydia Bright: The Single Mum Club

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

We talk about becoming single mums and the highs and lows as well as dating, fostering and Lydia shared her new and exciting venture with us! Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hi, it's Tash and Carly, and you're listening to Motherhood, not as we planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Hi guys, and welcome to this week's episode. We have a really exciting guest, but first, let's have a little catch up. I have my divorce party. I could have. I know.

Honestly, it was so gutted. I guess that's the downfall. A weekend on the wrong weekends. I know. I have the kids on weekends when I'm free. I know. It's not ideal. But yeah, so you were there in spirit.

It was just so fun. I just feel like it was like, why do you need an excuse to grab all your girls, have good food, music, drinks and just have fun? So no, it was good. I feel like I really needed it. And there was no drunk texting anyone you shouldn't have texted? No, there wasn't. More like just like drunk crying in my pillow. No, I'm joking.

Yeah, no, it did take quite a lot to like not but um I must say I think like after the party like on it was on the Saturday night and on the Sunday I did feel quite like down because I felt like it was like a good distraction yeah um like with the breakup and everything I feel like I like put all my energy into like oh but I've got a party I'm gonna be put all my energy into like, oh, but I've got a party. I'm going to be with all my girls. And then Sunday I had no plans. So, yeah, Sunday wasn't great, but it's a new week. And, yeah. I don't know why I'm laughing. I'm trying not to overshare.

Come on. I'm trying not to overshare. But no, it was good. And yeah, now just continuing to plod. Lovely. What about you? come on try not to overshare but no it was good and yeah now just continuing to plot lovely what about you I had quite a nice week

what did I do last Friday had a little random date day date night to a theatre oh lovely sophisticated

yeah good actually what do you reckon it was it was a midsummer night's dream yeah it wasn't like old school Shakespeare it was it was a midsummer night's dream yeah it wasn't like

old school Shakespeare it was like like an alternative like modern version of it was really funny it was really funny really good

it was my weekend with the kids we had quite a chill weekend actually which was needed we did a cinema date

which you said it will make those travelling it will make you want to travel with your kids I'm seeing it needed. We did a cinema date. Which you said? It's a great migration. It will make you want to travel. I'm seeing it during half time. We had a party. And then Monday night

me and my boyfriend spent the night planning our Paris which we go on tomorrow. Amazing. Have you ever been? I've been to Paris before, yeah. around Paris which we go on tomorrow amazing so yeah I mean have you ever been I've been to Paris before yeah

okay I'm excited to do it like romantically no and just like I feel like we have a lot of fun together and yeah I'm just

really excited like to get dressed up nice and I don't know like as well I feel like for me at the moment,

I'm very, very aware that I'm approaching like one year of my marriage breaking down. And there's certain dates, i.e. today, is a triggering date for me. It's like remembering the high things from last year. I really get that. Like a year ago today, my dad called me and told me he was diagnosed with cancer but then there's other things that have come out about my marriage since then that I don't know about that date which I find really hard but it's also really nice you know like like I've said before like last Valentine's I was in such a bad place and it's when when, I don't know, I had big, big red flags coming out.

And I do feel a bit triggered by it. But I'm also really excited that like this year couldn't be any more of a contra. Like I'm doing really positive things with someone who loves me, who I love, who wants to make me feel special when I was like begging for that last year. Yeah, it's a real oxymoron. How good was that? Yeah, I don't even know what I heard.

I don't know, really stupid. It's a bit like a contradiction, like two opposite things. Sounds rude, oxymoron. Oxymoron. No, not moron. Oh, that's not rude oxymoron oxymoron no no not moron I'm not your oxymoron I'm not your

and we try yeah why are you touching your pet your pet boobies

boobies and yes so it's I don't know I feel like the next few weeks

not that I'm like the next few weeks, not that I'm like looking back and like thinking about things, but you know when there's like certain dates that you're like, this, this, this, this. I think that's the most normal thing, good and bad. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And I think like it's valid and all you can do is kind of, at least you can have that like positive twist and be like

oh but you know what look why i'm like that like that's it i think in my head i was like last year i i literally i think it was like a week or two after this i literally begged someone to love me like the lowest of the low i've ever done in my life I was literally crying begging someone to love me like I look back now and I think wow yeah um guilty yeah we've all been there you know and I think now I'm obviously in such a good place I'm with someone who I don't have to beg to love me who genuinely does love me and loves me with my flaws and wants to make me feel safe and cared for and special. And I don't know, it's such, what I'm experiencing now is like even in my positive part of my old relationship, I still never felt this cared for. Yeah.

Which I find like, I don't know, you learn a lot. But yeah, it's been a nice week. I just feel like these next couple of weeks, as we approach like my one year of being on my own, I feel like I'm going to, certain things and dates are going to come up and I'm going to be like, oh, that's weird. It's just a rollercoaster. You're just going to ride it.

Don't get in the way. It's all right. Let's listen to Rollercoaster. Oh, God. Okay. You're right. Yeah. On and off.

You're right. Yeah. I clearly wasn't a Boyzone slash Ronan Keaton fan. I'm more of a Backstreet Boys girl. I like both. Right. Anyway, shall we get into it? Let's get on with this week's episode.

So, guys, we are so excited to introduce the amazing Lydia Bright. I mean, when we asked you guys who you wanted to see on this podcast, Lydia was... You were up there every single week whenever we've asked. People have asked for you because yeah well a lot of our followers are single parents and um I think that obviously you know watching your journey and seeing what you're like with Loretta I do find like I think it's really inspiring to people I think you've always like come across as like a really strong independent mum it's like like I'm sure it's really hard but it you are

nailing it like and the things you do with her and like you know the trips you go on and the facts like I don't know for me it's really empowering to watch you be like just because I'm a single mum it's not gonna impact how want to, like the experiences I want my child to have. And that's very much where I am on my journey with it as well. So yeah, I feel like it's really inspiring because I think sometimes people could think becoming a single parent could be a limitation and, you know, suddenly you can't access all these things and don't get me wrong it is a lot harder but I love how driven you are and yeah I mean there's definitely I talk about I always I always think like like you said obviously there's negative aspects to it but I always I think that becoming a single mum I honestly feel like I just thrived as a person becoming a single mum like for me I think it's the best thing that ever happened to me I think all round in so many aspects of my life like career like happiness um I just think that I wouldn't be as driven as what I am now.

I wouldn't be as happy as I am now had I not have done it this way as a single parent. So I think that's so nice to hear. Would you kind of take us back for anyone that doesn't know, kind of like, because your journey has been quite different to ours. We were both with the father of our children. Both married. For quite a while before we ended up becoming single mums.

So take us back to kind of like falling pregnant with Loretta and all of that. Yeah. So me and Loretta's father were together two two years before I fell pregnant we were living together um and Loretta yeah it was just it was completely planned it was spoken about I think I was 20 I want to say 28 when I fell pregnant yeah 28 when I fell pregnant I think I was um Loretta's a little bit older than me so he would have been 34 maybe um yeah so I it was something like I've always wanted to be a mum it's something that I've all like I think if it wasn't for Towie then maybe I would have been a mum a lot younger um yeah like it's always been like my number one goal in life so um hold on how old

were you when you were in when you were on TOWIE okay I was 18 when I did TOWIE I think had I not been had I not done TOWIE because of TOWIE obviously meant that life was so busy and I had all these amazing opportunities and um it also led on to other tv shows so you know I did like shows where I was out of the country for like three months at a time and stuff so I think had it not been for Towie and me not had that kind of career that was very like magical but like a roller coaster like here there and everywhere and they're super super busy like ever since I was 18 um maybe I would have had children earlier because I um it was always just a massive dream dream for me but just opportunities meant that it got stalled

um uh but yeah when I eventually fell pregnant with Loretta yeah I was with her dad for two years in my head I thought it was going to be um like I went into it thinking that we were going to be together forever um and as I said yeah we were living together um and yeah it just didn't didn't work out that way so I think when I first um so me and Loretta's dad it all broke down when I was about 12 weeks pregnant so quite early on I didn't know it was that early yeah it was like 12 12 weeks I think it was when her dad moved out um look I'm not saying like the relationship was perfect of course it wasn't I mean mean, what relationship is perfect? Yeah.

We were bickering and arguing, but for me it was quite unexpected. So I think that just came with so much emotion. And you've got crazy hormones in pregnancy as well. Crazy hormones. Oh, my gosh. Crazy hormones. hormones in pregnancy as well crazy hormone oh my gosh crazy hormone um I was yeah heartbroken I think going through a breakup in general not even pregnant is so consuming the hardest thing in the whole wide world like yeah I know this like and this might sound really horrible and but I've actually

found some of the breakups in my life harder than this might sound awful but I found it harder than some people like family deaths in my life like I actually emotionally I really I really have struggled like people say that breakups are like you're grieving the loss of someone but they haven't died yeah you do go through the concept yeah you go through those motions of of grief and I think that sometimes people don't realize how difficult a breakup is and so I can't imagine going through it when you're 12 weeks pregnant not only are you having to deal with the breakup but then it's all those like dreams that you kind of thought like we've always mentioned that when you have children with someone you a lot of the time most of the time I'd

like think you don't do it thinking you're then going to do it on your own definitely well look some people do and some people go down you know the sperm donor route and something yeah yeah of course they know that already they know that but i think when it's majority of the majority of single mums yeah you set out with a different course and uh when your life gets thrown off course it's it's scary especially when it's out of your hands, you know, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's scary. It's kind of, you know, diverting your life and yeah, all your dreams and stuff into like a different route. And I think that sometimes that can be, yeah, daunting. It really wasn't a great pregnancy for sure. and that's that saddens me because I feel like I didn't

get that like magical you know laying on the sofa and rubbing my belly and yeah I didn't get all of that and I just feel like I was I was yeah I was in I wasn't in a great place when I was pregnant. But then on the contrast, I think that the reason I enjoyed those early years of Loretta being born, that newborn bubble, I think maybe because I did go through such a tough time in pregnancy. So when she was born and all the magic that came from her being a newborn and being in lockdown with just her, I think that I enjoyed it so much because I'd come from such a sad period in my life. So the contrast of then having Loretta and she was like the pot of gold

at the end of the rainbow. Yeah. Just everything, I think, felt more magical because I'd struggled so much. Where do you think where do you think that kind of like mind frame changed from being like really like down and like struggling in your pregnancy was it literally just as you gave birth I feel like I really felt empowered in my pregnancy as soon as it came out that I was doing it alone because I don't know if you feel the same but I feel like single moms,

we almost become like a little bit of a club. And I feel like as soon as I announced it, I was so worried that people were going to judge me and people were going to, you know, I don't know. The judgment thing, it really annoys me now that I'm worried so much about what other people are going to think.

I thought, Oh, like people are going to think of me negatively and people think I'm irresponsible or you know all these things okay I weren't in the best headspace mentally so I was just worrying about things that really I shouldn't have been worrying about um but the minute that I announced that I was doing it solo and I was so lucky that my interview um I did my announcement shoot with hello magazine and the journalist that interviewed me um she actually became a single mum during pregnancy as well so she handled the article because I mean I turned up for my announcement shoot I mean they thought that it was going to be a two-person shoot until like two days before I turned up to my shoot and I was like trying like I was just it I was all over the place and she handled the interview so delicately and so beautifully and so gratefully and the minute that

it got announced and I was like right everyone knows now like. Like, it's out there and it's done. That felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But I thought, I'm not going to have all the questions. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, all my family and friends, they'll read the article, they'll know and I'm not going to have to explain it to everyone. Because the more you talk about it, the more it makes you upset. Yeah.

And the minute that that came out, I received so much support from single mums like honestly like my dms were flooded like just like endless endless messages from single mums like people would come up to me in the street and speak to me like I just I received so much support and I feel like that really empowered me like during my pregnancy like I was like I started building up the strength and I was like you know what I can do this like I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna thrive and it's gonna be the most amazing thing and then the minute that Loretta was born so I started feeling empowered in my pregnancy but I still obviously had that like sadness that heartbreak that loneliness those emotions were

still still there um as soon as Loretta was born they just went they just went I was like I don't feel lonely I don't feel sad I don't feel heartbroken it's all like I've accepted it is what it is I'm actually fine with that like and then those two years that um we were in and out of lockdown I honestly think that that like bond that magical like bond that we got together like the simple things in life everything being stripped back I don't see you just sit there sometimes I think I don't actually think there would be space for anybody else because I'm so in love with my child and I so love this and I don't want anything to tarnish I didn't want anything to tarnish that because as I said look relationships aren't perfect and they go through like the ups and downs and me and Loretta's dad you know we used to be quicker of course and I thought like I actually don't have

to worry about any of that like yeah my house is such a happy house the whole time because of it's just me and my baby like and yeah like I just I absolutely loved it like I definitely think that I would never have been as happy and enjoyed motherhood as much if I would have been doing it as a two-parent job what was your birth like like oh gosh, I had the best birth. Did you? Yeah, it was absolutely incredible. But I think Jesus was looking down at me and just thought,

she's had a bad pregnancy. Give the girl the birth. Give the girl a break. Yeah, and also during my pregnancy, oh, my gosh, during my pregnancy, not only did I have the stress of the breakup, I was renovating my house, which obviously was stressful. Then I got burgled. Then I've got one of my properties that I rent out.

Oh, my God, I had a massive court case with one of the tenants. Honestly, it was so stressful during my pregnancy. So I think that someone was looking down at me and thought, don't let this girl tear. Please her let her have a good pregnancy so I yeah I had the most magical birth I was it was her dad it's her dad's at the birth her dad was then yeah her dad was at every scan her dad was at the birth he was actually really amazing at the birth and everything got actually really amazing at the birth and everything got put aside like yeah every scan and like the birth means that everything got put aside um and um yeah I was in active labor for four hours um yeah I gave birth in the water I didn't care that was my biggest fear like what the tear i mean oh my gosh because i'm so squeamish so um

yeah i was so worried about that i had a really amazing amazing birth like it was it was yeah i think i'm actually looking forward to giving birth again like that's how good it was oh how nice is that i mean i had like emergency c-section yeah so no yours is obviously going to be traumatic yeah but um oh that's so nice I've filmed the whole thing I love that yeah we filmed it we propped her dad propped I said I really want to get it on camera so my dad like propped the um not like that I'm ever going to show it like everything's out I'm not I don't get the tripod out with the ring light but I just thought I want to I want to be able to like what yeah one day so he as soon as I like got in the water like

as soon as I started pushing I think it's like a 40 minute video he propped the camera up and he got such a good angle and I filmed the whole thing and I've watched it back so many times and I was gonna say like that must be a tearjerker. Oh my gosh, yeah. And like my friends and things before they've given birth and stuff, I've shown them if they've been pregnant, I've shown them the video to show them like a positive birth story. Yeah, that's nice.

It always gets people in flood. Yeah. And do you know what? I think it's really nice that he was there and that you were able to kind of like put everything aside and just be amicable for the moments that like... Definitely. I've always been like that though, like through everything with it. I grew up with the most amazing dad that was like such a massive part of my life

and still is. I don't know what I would do without my dad. My dad is like my co-parent are like he we are so so close so yeah I was always very much like no matter what like we have to we have to work through this because I don't want anything to ever affect your relationship no absolutely and what was what was, Loretta's relationship like with him in, like, the first couple of years? It was hard because of COVID. So she was so attached to me.

I mean, she even is now. Like, Loretta still gets, like, separation anxiety. Like, she's so confident. So it's strange because she's such a confident child. She's so confident. So it's strange because she's such a confident child. She's like, she'll always light up every room and she's like a massive extrovert. But she always has to have me like there.

Like she's always like keeping lookout. Same. Yeah, mine exactly. Similar age as well. Yeah, I do also think like some of it has to do with lockdown. Like they're so used to it. with lockdown like they're so used to it I feel like he was so used to it just being me and him like all the time it was literally just us like we used to do everything together and then I felt like I he really struggles in those

social situations like he's always got to come back and like physically touch me and have that like yeah physical reassurance then he can go off again but I've no Wow. Yeah, I think that she's getting better with school now, like, because she'll go to school. But I remember, like, those first, like, that first, like, year of nursery as well. It was like every drop-off, it was like I'd leave and I'd feel like my heart was being ripped out. Like, it was just so tough.

So, yeah, look, it was hard navigating something solid because of covid her dad was still working during covid my my dad was high risk and i formed a bubble with my family so it was it was tough but look we made it work um and yes she's got a relationship with her dad she still sees her dad she lives exclusively with me I never really get that whole like you know like I hate it when we try and like put a label on everything like you know that whole like co-parenting and things like that like she lives with me like Loretta lives with me she goes to school where we where I live her dad me and her dad her dad lives in North London um and she's always like lived

with me but she still sees her dad and but we just don't really we do have like things but there's no real like set rules it's like so there's no like set routine like he will have her yeah she'll see him once a week on the weekend. But, you know, if he wants to, if he finishes, he works six days a week. But if he does finish, he can see her more. And we're really flexible because I travel with Loretta as well sometimes. So it's not like everything's set in stone. We're just quite, we've always just been quite like laid back with it.

And that works for both of you or do you think it would rather have more um no like well again it's hard because of work as well like where he works six days um i don't know if it could happen more yeah um and i think that look we just have to as times change as she gets older we'll it will probably change again you know um at the moment yeah this setup is just what works for us um and yeah that that could change what would you say like obviously you've mentioned that since you had loretta you feel like you just love like you two together you almost feel like it would be weird having someone else like yeah what have been your struggles though being that kind of like solo parent single mom everything on you yeah um do you know what it's on me when I get asked

especially it's hard because I've never had it as a different way yeah yeah I think that because people ask me as well with like oh what is it like growing up in a foster family because my parents were about the foster care but I think when you've only ever had it that way it's so hard to know what it would be like I think if it was that I came if it was a two-parent job and we were both raised in the rest together living in the house together sharing the responsibilities and then all of a sudden I was on it alone then I think it would be a shock to the system and it would be like but it's never I've never experienced it like me and the rest of dad never we've never done it together so I feel like that almost makes it easier that you don't have anything to compare it to I think that that when I do meet somebody and when I think that I will struggle

because I've been so used to making every decision by myself, doing every pick-up, drop-off, every bedtime, every bath time. Look, I've got a really supportive family and sometimes Loretta will have the odd sleepover but Loretta, I've basically done like, I can say like 80%, 90% 90 of it like every holiday she's ever been on it's been me everything's been me so i think that i will struggle i think when i do meet somebody if i was going to have another child with somebody else and and raise it together like how

am i going to find that quite hard because of i I'm so in control of Loretta's life. And also as well, like that adjustment with her, with someone else. Yeah. But look, I say I find it hard, but it might make my life so much easier because of, yeah, even if I have friends come around sometimes, they'll be like, oh, do you want me to do the dinner? And so if I'm like, oh my gosh, like, yeah, actually yeah actually wow someone does that someone else can do this is a thing that it would make my life easier as well I think that yeah I reckon there will be when that that that situation arises I think that there will be like so many like amazing so many things that will make me

realize how much how much easier life is doing it with someone but also I think there's going to be challenges because it's always been this way I've never ever experienced mothers with any other way yeah do you have you done much dating like since you've had Loretta like how do you navigate that being the sole parent and, you know, is it something you've been doing much of? The first two years that Loretta was born, I had absolutely zero interest whatsoever. Like people would go to me, come on, let's set you up. Like, let's go out and eat.

But I had like no interest at all. I think also throwing the myth that it was COVID, like people would do walking dates. I was like, if I had a cat drunk... Exactly. I thought, I'm not going on a walk. I need a drink. If I'm going to go out on a date, if I went on a walk on a walking date, I felt like

by the end of the date, my hair would be all over the place. I'd look so different at the end of the date than at the beginning of the day. A walk's not for me. Also but also as well where I've been out of the game so like I've had like two years in a relationship with Loretta down like pretty much a year pregnant and then like two years yeah I even started doing it like I thought I basically had five years out of the dating game like I'm not gonna not have a drink like I need a drink I'm

gonna be too nervous like I need I need a bit of Dutch courage can you imagine going on a walk with like with a bottle of wine in a paper bag a hip flask so yeah I had like no interest when Loretta was really young and also when my priorities were like elsewhere like i went back to work when loretta was really young um and she wasn't in nursery until she was like 16 months so that first 16 months especially it was like whenever loretta was sleeping i was working and i was so busy during covid with like influencing like influencers like the world boomed for us during covid because of course everyone was on their phones so i was working so many brands so it was like whenever she had her nap times i was on zoom calls of brands and it's like of an evening when she went down to bed i was like writing up my

creatives and sending them back for approvals and editing and stuff so those first two years my whole focus was um raising loretta and working hard so that i could buy a family home because um at the time i was living in the house that i bought when i was like 21 and it was like a young person's house i wanted to buy a family home and it was all on me to like you know provide for loretta so i was just so like focused and i just had no interest whatsoever um and then I think when she hit like two and like we're getting in the swing of child care and stuff I was like more open to it um and just more open to socializing but really from like two to three I think I probably I probably count on two hands how many dates I went on because really I just wanted to go out with my friends and have fun um and I think that it was more yeah like last year

that I started like taking it a little bit more seriously like going on dates and actually like wanting to go on dates and enjoying them but to be fair because of yeah as I said like I've been out of the game for so long I've it's just been like nice like just been, like, nice. Like, just been, like, going out for dinner and, like, seeing my friends. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'm in, like, a massive rush this time, like, at this point in my life because I've already got Loretta. Yeah.

So, I mean, it's not like I don't ever feel like I've got this, like, massive void in my life that needs to be filled by a man because, you know, I've got the family home by myself and I've got, like like a good career that I enjoy um we like I do lovely holidays with my sisters so it's not like I ever feel lonely like all my sisters are single so it's like we take the rest away together all my friends partners work really long hours so whenever we do things the men are never there so I never really feel like this massive void so in my head it's like I would love to meet someone because of I'd love more children eventually and it would be nice to share my life with someone but equally it's like I'm not desperate for it like and I think that I'm just going to enjoy it and not put too much

pressure on it like I think that's the best way to do it. And I feel like in that way, you have your boundaries, your values, and you'll wait for someone that fits that. I feel like it takes a particular type of man to be with a single mum. Like, yeah, it's so independent. And like you said, like, you've got your house yourself, you've got your career, like, you've brought up your daughter on your own. You need a particular man that is able to kind of, like, fit into that.

Yeah, I think that for me, it's like, as well, I probably will end up going with someone that's got children as well because, you know, I'm I'm 33 so and it's like historically I've only ever dated guys that have been older than me I mean who's to say that I might not become a cougar but normally I think that I'm a cougar I was a cougar you know I literally just recently broke up with my boyfriend he was quite a bit younger than me really yeah yeah I've always got like most of the guys I've always dated have always been like five years older than me like normally um but I probably I'm gonna go with someone with children I feel like it would be

you can kind of like suss things out if they'd slot into family life yeah when they've got kids do you know what I mean you'll work out what they're like with their children and how devoted they are and yeah who knows who knows what's gonna happen would you would you go on dating apps like what are your thoughts on the whole dating app situation yeah I feel like I'm a little bit reluctant um whilst it is like the 21st century of dating I feel like I'm a little bit reluctant because I don't know like I feel like people would maybe be matching with you for the wrong reasons you don't really know whether they're like oh like Lydia Bryan yeah again that yeah and I feel like I wouldn't like then like would it make it impress

and then like my whole family yeah yeah no it must be every ex-boyfriend would know that I'm what I say you know do you know that I'm on a dating app do you know what I mean which isn't embarrassing but it's like you just don't want everyone down all your business it's personal isn't it yeah but my sisters are on the dating apps and sometimes I have a little go on there so sometimes like they'll come round and I'll be like oh let me have a little go yeah because I just want to I just want to experience it. So I'll sit on my sister's Tinder and I'll be like, I'm that. And then you're like, oh, it's not me. But yeah, I actually enjoy it and I'll have a little go at it because I feel like, oh, I feel a bit gutted

that I've never experienced that part of dating. But yeah, I'll get a little bit of fun out of my sister's one. So for me, I've got to meet people out and about really yeah i guess the good thing about that is it does make you like go out like i feel like a lot of people that run on the app just sort of like stay in like that's what you know i think there's a nice reason to put yourself out there a bit more yeah and my sister said that the dating app she said that you match with people but then you never actually end up meeting each other like you just end up speaking to each other it's like a virtual thing she said it's so like rare that you actually end up meeting people like so many people have said this to me you don't end up

meeting people well i'm not very good at it takes me like five working days to reply to my whatsapp i don't mind like another barbara lay i thought yeah literally no one's worse at this one it takes me so long to get back to people on whatsapp so never mind bloody another one do you know what i mean so yeah the only way that i really would meet people is yeah like if i'm out with girls and just like or if i'm at an event that's like yeah how i'd meet people so that's why yeah like i've pushed myself like the last couple of years like get a bit of a social life back like yeah like going out and having fun with my friends who doesn't but equally like I'm going out because of you know that's how I would meet someone yeah and good old Deb and Dave come in and

look after the rest of me I want you to actually talk about your parents because obviously um your mum fosters children and she has done for what like a very long time yeah like 32 years wow so she was fostering children when you were growing up yeah yeah yeah I think she would I think I was yeah like one my eldest sister Georgia was two um and she yeah she had two kids very close in age and there's only 13 months between me and Georgia and she was like I need a bit of a career change she was in fashion and she thought I can't do this career whilst raising two kids so let me think of a career that I can do around family life and that when she discovered

fostering and she thought that she would just do it whilst we were still young before we started school and here she is 32 years later that's amazing doing it so you're always around like probably like quite a big family yeah there was always like minimum fix of us um yeah we all there was always loads and loads of children in the house were always changing do you feel like that made you more confident when you became a mum that you'd always been around children like ages yeah yeah like when I was pregnant like there was never one part of me that ever like god I had so many emotions and there was so many fears but there was never any fears of my ability to be a mum because I've been raising kids since I was little I always without saying this with a big head I always knew I'd be a good mum because I've done it I've done it so much and

I love it and I think if you love something you're going to be good at it like I've loved like when my mum used to get babies I just I absolutely like idolize them and fell in love with them and I used to love doing all parts of it like my mum's actual job at the foster care was really easy when we became teenagers because she didn't really do much when we weren't at school we were like as soon as I'd get in from school that would be it like i'd get the baby i'd play with them i'd be i'd do the nappies i'd do like bedtime bath time like i'd do all of it and i absolutely loved it like you literally had like the practice throughout your teenage years i've had so much practice yeah that's better. At school?

Do you think people have a baby and they're like, oh, I've had no experience with a baby? I think that's the majority of people. Most people, until they become a parent, are like... They give you this baby, you're like, well, I'm going to do that. Yeah, the kid, yeah. I knew everything. I never read one parenting book.

I didn't do any research because I've known everything. I've lived and breathed it my whole life. you go on I think we'll forget this so big do you think you'd ever consider fostering yeah I would consider it like this is going back to the whole thing look I would love to meet somebody and I think it's going to happen for me like um I think that yeah I feel like it will you know I'm 33 I feel like i i am gonna go i am gonna meet someone and i will have children with someone but look if it doesn't happen for me that's not like the beeling end of my life like for me my ultimate goal is to have children and where i've come from a family that my parents have adopted they've got foster kids like i've

come from that upbringing I know that I could love a child I've loved every single one of my mum and dad's babies they've had and I've absolutely loved them my heart has been ripped out when they've left the house so I know that I would be able to love a child that isn't mine equally as much as I would that isn't biologically mine so for me yeah I would never rule out adoption I would never rule out doing it again by myself um and yeah I would I would consider fostering not at this point in my life because fostering isn't just like parenting obviously that's the main thing of it but there's also other parts to it like facilitating

contact with families and um you have to do quite a bit of training for it it's a full-time job and I mean I've got a full-time job you know I work five days a week anyway at the moment and it's like I'm so busy with what I do so it would have to be when things dry up and I always say this like I'm always like when is it going to dry up because when I first started doing TOWIE I was like oh you know it might only last a year and now I'm like 15 years down the line I'm still like in the industry so um yeah look if it dries up and oh I'm not enjoying it anymore and I want a career change yeah fostering would be like up there with like a career change um but I think it would

probably be something that I do when I'm like older a little bit older in age so you have recently released your first children's book I have do you want to tell us about that because I feel like I'm a bit like gel boy like you know I feel like I've done so many things in my 15 years. But, yeah, this is, like, a whole new career and a part of my career that I really, really love. So I hope that, you know, this is the start of a new chapter for me. Pardon the pun. But, yeah, I had this idea that i was going to write this children's book

when i was pregnant with loretta because i found that i was looking for children's books that represented single parent families and i just found that there was like a real lack of books um out there and i felt that a lot of them were quite factual um and just not magical which is what children love children just love magical stories and stories about adventures so i wanted to write a single parent um book that wasn't an obvious single parent book um because i think when it's rammed down your throat and really in your face it's unengaging for a child so children love animals um all elephants in the wild are single mums so they became my characters did you know that no they're really yeah all single mums all

elephants in the wild are single mums yeah that'd be oh i'm the men impregnate i know this is why i've got an elephant in my bio i want elephants elephants in your bio so um the males impregnate the women and um but they're solitude uh um now elephants so they leave before uh the baby's born the and then what happens is the herds, when you see elephant herds, it's families that are the matriarch, which is normally the grandmother then her daughter

and then all their children which support each other or the women I'm so emotional that's amazing these male elephants just go round and then and I was crying about the elephants. That's amazing. Yeah. These male elephants just go around, just like, yeah.

And then they just go to the next one. Then they leave. Yeah, then they leave. And then it sounds like humans just... Sorry, sorry. And then the, yeah, all the baby elephants all race together and then when the males get to a certain age, then they leave the herd.

But the women, they stay together forever. I love that. Isn't that just like humans? Do you know what? I'd love that as humans, if just like all us girls can just get together and just all live together. Yeah.

It would be the dream. Wouldn't you love that? Yeah. So yeah, they became like the foundation they became the main characters um and then the story just evolved so much as well because then when loretta was born i kind of wanted the book to mirror our personality slightly and i wanted the book to be relatable because i want the mum to enjoy it so it's you know it's all about like a mother and a daughter. The daughter's got boundless amounts of energy, fearless, and all the mum wants is like a chilled, quiet life.

So, yeah, the story just shows like the chaos that comes from being a parent, magic and adventure for children. And it also just represents a single parent parent family um so yeah that's kind of where the idea was born um and i love it i've got it kids to feel represented like that's the most important thing isn't it because i think for children to see themselves represented in story and also as well not even for children from single parent families from all families to see different family setups it's only going to create the next generation of more inclusive people you know we're in this like day and age where we're all just trying to be more inclusive accepting of people no matter what your like gender your sex your race your religion and also like accepting that this is what all

different family setups look like and you know the moral of the story is basically you know that all that matters is the love that comes from family no matter what family looks like um yeah so yeah that was the idea but i wasn't called it's mummy and me mummy and me and where can our followers buy it oh you can buy it in um selected uh sainsbury's and waterstones and then you can buy it online at amazon wh me i always get told off is it amazon or amazon amazon amazon Amazon, okay. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. W.H. Smith, Foils, Bookshop, all of them. I've linked everything to my bio. There's all the direct links. I mean, everyone on Facebook has Amazon, don't they?

Yeah, definitely. I mean, I've got it and I've read it to the kids. I loved it because I think being a single mum as well, like especially for Blake and Ivy they're six years old and they're at school and none of their friends parents are single parents that they're all they all come from the you know that traditional like two-parent household and I think it is just a nice way to kind of like see themselves yeah absolutely and like you said it's also to maybe educate other other people and realize that it isn't always that typical two parent two kid household i didn't realize how many single moms there were until i became a single mom i don't know like in this

little bubble and obviously 15 of the uk a single parent families. It's crazy, isn't it? Over 80% of that statistic is mums. That doesn't surprise me. We're such a massive proportion of the UK, so why are we only watching mums on the telly? I feel like until I became a single mum, I felt like there was such a taboo about single mums. Like it was almost like that sense of failure or like,

like you were saying, like judgment or like being irresponsible and things like that. And actually like when you're put in that situation and you become a single mum, I don't know. I feel like I've become, not that I was ignorant before, but I feel like you have like a whole new understanding and like respect for single mums like my respect for anyone doing it on their own is like paramount definitely I'm I'm exactly the same as you like I feel like I like fed in for that taboo as well and like but now here I am and it's like I was empowered so

much by single mum now I'm so proud oh my gosh if I even if I go out and I meet somebody or first thing I say oh yeah I'm a single mum I'm so proud like my flag and yeah I just think that like the more that we all empower each other the more that we won't feel that shame if we ever find ourselves in that situation where we're going to be like we're going to face parenthood as single parent that we don't feel like almost like nervous to no i i love that like a failure because of look we aren't all supposed to live our life the same way like yeah that that fairy tale with knife the two like two parent family household but like life isn't perfect and like we don't all have to do it the same way.

Like, let's write our own rules. And, you know, if we are going to be single parents, don't feel ashamed of that. Feel bloody proud because of it. To be able to decide to do it yourself. And, you know, you've got to have like a lot of strength and resilience and determination. And yeah, I'm not going to stand up for that. strength and resilience and determination and um yeah I think it makes you like the type of parent

that I feel like I was the best parent yeah like the whole like mention of like the taboo and like feeling like a bit of a failure like I feel like I I wrongly kind of like I'm not I don't want to say I judged single parents because I don't really think it really crossed my mind until I became one. But when I became one, I definitely judged myself. I kind of was like, oh, God, now I'm a single mom. I almost felt like I viewed myself lower than married women in like happy relationships with their children and you know I think that is because I think that our mum's generation everything that was on tv and growing up it was always like oh the poor single mum like the pity party for the single mum the mum that's struggling like so I feel like we're this generation where we're changing it like you

know I mean we're like this generation of women that are like well no like we can like work and support our families and you know we can thrive from being single parents but I think that we're like the turning point in that like taboo you know there's always like that era where it changes yeah and I think that we were conditioned probably yet growing up and watching telly that our parents generation yeah that it was kind of like oh poor single mum you know or like oh the reckless single mum the one yeah that's what I feel like it is it's like the reckless single mum like oh yeah how responsible like this is why things like this like you know podcasts and like these apps that are out there whatever we can do to just kind of like

rewrite the venture of a single mom like yeah and that's why we've pretty much done this podcast like we really did see that there is a community like you said like it's like the single mom club like although not all our listeners are single parents it is lonely doing it on your own and being able to kind of support each other through it being like heard and validated and feeling like when you see other people speaking about it and like the struggles or I don't know like things like seeing you traveling with Loretta like that inspires other people like I'm really trying to travel with my two on my own and not be like held down and defined by you doing it on your own of course it's going to be hard but i feel like in turn like we all try and inspire each other by saying like nothing is out of our reach just because we're a single parent yeah yeah and

nothing that that's yeah totally what i try to do with my platform as well like of course i show i show the bad times as well but naturally in life i feel like yeah i've really thrived from being a single mom and it's like i like sharing that because if anyone finds themselves in that situation and they're worrying you know like there's people out there that have done better being single parents. Yeah. Not in life. In every aspect in life, you know, like happier and, you know, still being able to work and all of these things, you know,

like you can thrive and you can actually do better in life, even doing it by yourself because of, yeah, think it pushes you it pushes you I think that's why people wanted you on the podcast I think that that is pretty much what you do represent so you can't do it so no it's amazing we thank you so much for coming I feel like people are really going to resonate with everything that you said and I feel like people are really going to resonate with everything that you said. And I feel like you've inspired me in ways because I do find it really hard on my own with three children. But doing it on your own, it's a strength at the end of the day. It is. People that maybe are listening to this and are in those stages of becoming a single parent, like take it from people that are living it and breathing it. Like it can actually make you a better mom.

Yeah. And it's better for your children to see you thrive. And if you're happy, they'll be happy. So guys, I'm going to say that you like as well i've only got one so really i mean you're giving me all the praise you two are amazing because of i mean i'm i'm thriving but if i had another couple i think i would be drowning a little bit more oh i know it's fine i am drowning really my head's fairly above the water at the moment oh just like yeah but um no anyone listening to this if you haven't already got it please go and get lydia's book

because it is magical like it's so so lovely uh your kids will feel like represented even if you're not a single parent it's nice for your children to be reading about other family setups. It's just that's what we need to be nurturing in the new generation growing up. Yeah, absolutely. Should we always end our episode with a little affirmation? Okay. So in my Dear Reader page, I say, to all my fellow single mums,

I wanted to write this down in case you needed to hear it today. You are brave, you are strong, You are independent. You are celebrated. I love that. Affirmation. They are an affirmation. They are a lot. Affirmation. No, we love that.

Thank you so much for coming on the episode. And yeah, it's been so lovely having you. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Nice to see you. Bye. Bye.