Not As We Planned - 35. Apparently I Give Better Blowjobs

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

A lot of laughs and tears this week as we share some male perspectives on relationships as well as some crazy dating stories, listening to your gut and hearing your blowjobs are better than the other woman! Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hi, it's Tash and Carly, and you're listening to Motherhood, not as we planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Hello guys, and welcome to this week's episode, How's Your Weeping, Tash? How do you do? Yeah, so, am I ever just going to have an update where I'm like, do you know what? I've had a good fucking week. What to say, what to share, what to hold back, what to lie about.

I've just had the whole update and that's taken the last hour and a half. That's okay. Why don't we start with you? How's your week? My week has been good. Good. It it's been half term so really busy like literally haven't stopped with the kids so i had theo finished school like a thursday like a random thursday i don't know but like literally i think as well because um the kids went to their dads last night so all right um thursday to to Sunday they'll be with their dad.

It's his normal weekend with them. I wanted to make the most of it. But then I do feel like you literally drive yourself to a point of exhaustion. You want to make the most of it all. Yeah, we've had a really nice week. We did the balloon museum. Bubble one's better. Oh, really? Yeah, the balloon one's a bit creepy

it is like an exhibition right i think a lot of it was about emotions and like one of them was like fear and it's like this creepy thing and like with this really like some of the rooms have really eerie music and my love was like mommy me scared i know so yeah we have to like go through those rooms but like it was good and the kids had a great day out and like I went with a couple of my friends and their kids and they were they were brilliant and like it was a really good day we did the farm what else have we done I had a day with just CEO which was really nice um yeah I've just the weather's been quite nice as well I mean I know yeah until well the day we did

the farm was the last nice day of weather it was annoying I was meant to take the kids to Colchester Zoo yesterday and it was just vile so we went to the cinema which was nice how did you say uh it was like you know when cinemas do those random like 10 a.m films it was like the jungle bunch that I thought was like the best things ever seen so that's fine and showing that I was like falling asleep um yeah I've had like a bit of a weird week like in terms of emotions I put on my stories last night like something like I feel that I call it a bit of a wobbly week like I don't feel like anything particular has happened it's more I next week is a year since everything happened and there's just certain... Do you know what I hate?

I just hate iPhone memory thing. Like, get the gist. We're separated. This day a year ago. Get rid of that. What? Yeah. Oh, get rid of it.

Can you actually do that for me? Yeah, I got it and it was like... I found it. It's really... She got on me? Yeah, I got it and it was like, I found it. It's really on the side there, isn't it? No, like, as I scroll down, it's like there at the time. It's like a picture. Okay, right, I need to get rid of it. Anyway, something came up, which was obviously a year ago.

And I guess just obviously given what I know now, it just made me, I got really upset and really angry. And yeah, it just made me have a bit of a wobble. Like just got, I don't know. I guess what I want to say is like anyone else who's going through a separation, going through a breakup, particularly where kids are involved, it's so normal to have like peaks and troughs and good days and bad days and feel like up and down I just feel I feel like days like that get me more because I feel like I am doing so well and like day to day I'm so much happier that sometimes when things like that happen it like

wipes me and I'm like what like I think it's like that it hits you unexpectedly so you're a bit like I don't get it I wasn't expecting you know what like i did last night i was sat here um watching a program and i was looking at that picture of theo and then i got really upset like oh my god my kids like have separated parents like you know sometimes like you start thinking about things and i was just like what like how is this my kid's life like i feel like how is this my kid's life? I feel like, how is this my life? Yeah, I was just sitting there and I'm like, I'm divorced. Yeah. How did I get here? It's days like that.

And I think it's really important to normalise that, even though, like for me, I'm really glad everything that's happened has happened because it's brought me to where I am now. It's still really normal to, I don't know know like ride the emotion and feel sad about certain things and like that sadness doesn't mean you're sad about not being with that person but absolutely for my kids like I thought that picture makes me emotional but I was like looking at it just big like look at his little happy face and just thinking like I don't know I can't explain it but

yeah I've had a really really good uh yeah I guess maybe you can describe my week as that look at his little happy face and just thinking like I don't know I can't explain it but yeah I've had a really really good uh yeah I guess maybe you can describe my week as that too um my kids had half time the week before yeah um so they're back at school now but um yeah the whole no contact thing I don't think we've ever well until I went through my breakup with my ex-boyfriend we've never discussed it because obviously you got your kids you can't do no contact with someone that you've got children with and it's just a it's something that I'm going through that I've never experienced before and it's fucking difficult and I think that sometimes there's so much pressure on that you are not allowed to talk to that person so then if the contact is broken not only do you

then maybe feel bad on the person that you've broken it to or they feel bad but then it's like you almost feel like this it's like going through like an addiction and and you try and stay clean and then it's back to day one again. So not only do you go through all the emotions of breaking contact and talking to that person, but then you almost feel like you've let yourself down. You're like, here we go again, here we go again. And I was really hoping that maybe I'd start feeling a bit better. But sadly, I feel like I went a bit forward and I've now taken like 20 steps back and I know that that is the same with any breakup even when there

is having to be contact there you go through days where you feel fine and then you don't but I don't know I just feel frustrated because it's not always been under my control where the contact has been broken and I know it's always coming from a place of like love and care but I don't want to get upset all right I'm just so sick of feeling so sad and it's just very difficult when you still love each other and i know that people keep saying to me like i don't understand like if you love each other why are you not together i think people just obviously need to realize that i'm not gonna share everything but if you really think a bit more openly two people can love each other and you just might not be on the same page or you might not be great

for each other at that moment in time and that's unfortunately your life only yeah yeah unfortunately that's where we are at the moment um and we are both really struggling um i'm not doing the whole like right it's day one like we have had contact and i think we're just trying to take the pressure off a bit that if we do need to speak, we'll be there for each other. But I think we both know deep down that trying to do no contact will help. I just think it's obviously a bit disheartening when I'm like eight weeks down the line and I don't really feel like I've got very far. But yeah, it's shit.

But I like almost just want to, and I'm sure a lot of people are going to relate to this I just want to wind forward and be in like summer and just I just I just want to wake up and feel happy rather than you will yeah you will so yeah sorry about that that's my way so should we get into some hey let's do it we're gonna hit some emails guys and we've had a massive influx of emails and we just want to say a massive thank you for everyone who keeps like sharing because it honestly helps us reach so many more people and yeah it's just lovely like us getting more emails and we've had quite a few from men actually which i'm sure we'll touch on this week which is really really nice to hear do you want to start with some of the men yeah yeah okay let's do it we've well we asked you to reach out and you have so here we go male listener hi both

you said you'd be interested in any feedback from a man listening so i'm a married man that listens to your podcast interesting started listening as listening as I noticed a pattern. We started having arguments over the weekend with things I didn't see coming. For example, I get accused of gaslighting. I then noticed that it would normally be followed by a topic that you had discussed. Oh God, I hope we're not causing those arguments in a marriage. So, when I started listening, I was unable to preempt any concerns she may have. For example, with the gaslighting, I feel I would be

firmer with my opinion, whereas my wife would just say yes to whatever I say sometimes. This would then get brought up in an argument later that she didn't want to do that activity and that i was controlling so now i make it very clear that i'm happy to change my opinion but i do still have an opinion do you understand that yeah so he's saying like he's saying like if he suggests doing something she's more likely to just agree to it yeah and that could be perceived as like him controlling all the time but if she doesn't want to do it she won't say it whereas now he makes it clear like i'm happy to do something else if you want like so golly smaller she also started to think about divorce maybe being a good option

which to be honest was the main reason i started listening to your podcast that's so interesting that a male listener went out of his way to listen to our podcast i think this is a lot about you as a person as someone who wants to sort things out or even be able to understand why she may be feeling a certain way like sorry let's i want i want to hear where this is going since listening i'm now not shocked when she comes up with random days out ideas like this balloon world i do like these kind of days out ideas like this balloon world. I do like these kind of days out. Overall, it's a very interesting show and it gives me a great insight. The blokes you were talking about are shit. So no damage in calling a turd a turd. A lot of men are shit,

so women should look out. However, the expectation you set are sometimes high. We have two kids, been together for 16 years. We know what we like and how we show love to each other. I got very worried over Valentine's Day thinking I hadn't done enough this year. It's hard being a modern bloke. Our dads didn't come home from work and start putting us to bed. We have no good role models and don't know what we are doing. So please let us have a little bit of a break every now and then. Sorry's a bit blunt but overall really enjoy listening to your podcast that's so interesting because that's actually something i never really thought about before like my dad was never around my dad traveled like my dad traveled for work i was always with my mom and i feel like i'm not sitting here and

saying that our expectations are too high on men, but sometimes expectations are made higher based on things that you see on social media. Like, oh, that couple, he took her there and gave her this. Why isn't my partner doing that? And I think it's so easy to compare yourself to things that probably aren't that real. That's really interesting coming from Anne. My dad was always there. He worked for himself and, you know, he always took me to school

and I feel very lucky that I had that privilege. And I guess almost because of how present my dad was, I felt more disappointed in my set of circumstances because I had such like my dad literally based everything around us as kids everything he did like he sacrificed things like having I don't know like doing up the house for things like holidays and I feel like I had such a good dad so I do find that interesting obviously people come from all different sorts of upbringings and things and I do think I guess one thing I want to highlight is a present dad doesn't mean that I don't know I mean then no I agree and and look I'm not saying

that I just know I was very lucky in my set of circumstances and I do find it interesting obviously like we're not here sharing things being like guys get divorces and you know find problems in your marriage but I do think it's good in terms of I don't know I think like a lot for my own marriage is nice to look like if I was listening to something and could reflect on things even I'm doing not wrong but I could do better or I could handle in a different way and see things from a different perspective I think that's good I think it's a really nice thing that you're listening to the podcast because I think that shows like you care about your marriage enough and hopefully like I don't know hopefully your wife sees that that's you like do you know what I mean making an effort trying to

understand her no I think that I also just like hearing that we have listeners not just that are male but that are married I agree I think we have quite a few who are married yeah because I think that you know even when we've spoken in the past about like sex in a relationship or like when you first become a mom and there are things definitely that I feel like we share that actually is really interesting for someone in a happy relationship to take on board and be like yeah actually maybe I have had friends or people that follow me that have messaged me and being like you know what I listened to that and you made me realize I need to make a bit more of an effort in my marriage so I think we'd never want it to make anyone feel like they're not doing enough

like what you said about the valentine's thing like card and flowers it's spice you know yeah I get like knowing what your partner's expectations are yeah look sometimes expectations in certain things like romance and stuff maybe they are a bit high from movies and social media. But as long as you're sort of trying to make that effort and the sentimental. And do you know what? For me, like personally, it's not actually the monetary things where my expectations are high. I'd prefer like a cute little post-it note left somewhere.

Yeah. Just a reminder, I love you. That literally takes 20 seconds and it's practically free. Yeah. So I don't think it has to be the expectation of it being a big monetary thing but no like i'm times it's the really little things that are more thoughtful i agree and have a bag although i mean i'd like that too they're gonna say no i really like the title of this it's called male listener helping me be the man she deserves it's not

securely known hello tash and carly i'm emailing after listening to your recent episode where you asked for any male listeners to write in and explain why i listen i also want to try and give hope to those going through similar experiences to yourselves that there are still some genuine decent guys out there and just have some faith and to keep strong. I have a tendency to waffle so please edit as you see fit. So I was recommended your podcast by my amazing partner, I just love hearing how he talks about his, sorry, who followed you both on Instagram before your unfortunate situations and we firstly want to thank you both as it's so helpful to the both of us for you sharing your experiences. A quick summary of her situation but there's so much more to this than the below separated from ex-husband after nearly 10 years of marriage and a 14 year

relationship had her first miracle child just before covid after eight cycles of ivf and years of trying with multiple miscarriages during treatment natural conception of the second child 13 months later so the children are only 20 months apart and she'd already been on such an emotional journey before the separation. They separated two months after the second child was born as she caught him cheating with wait for it a female colleague he had been training at work throughout the entire second pregnancy. Since the separation he's emotionally and financially abused her and is clearly an narcissist. She has raised both children,

one being a newborn, single-handedly whilst running the family home and working part-time to provide for her children and is the most amazing, strong and courageous woman I have ever met and still manages to show everyone close to her love affection sorry sorry for me it's just the way he speaks about her and still somehow manages to show everyone close to her love affection and is the most amazing mummy to her two kids despite having to put up with and manage her ex-husband's outbursts abuse and incompetence in co-parenting words cannot describe how much light this woman brings to people's lives around her. Sorry, just the way he speaks.

So I wanted to write in and explain why I listen. This podcast helps me understand better what she is going through emotionally and helps me to support her more through the tough times and be the man she deserves. We have been together now for 16 amazing months and we've become a proper little family. Both of you have helped put things into perspective for me as you have always been able to explain things or feelings in a way that maybe she could not. Sorry. You're always making me sound like a shill.

could not sorry in a way it's making me so emotional it allows us to talk about her experiences feelings and situation openly as she relates to so many points you make in each episode apologize in advance we can't hear me properly guys we listen to your episodes and then talk about it afterwards and it brings us so much closer as i can appreciate how hard it has been for her and therefore we are be able to support her through it all. We're filing for divorce soon so we can move forward some one day soon Mary. So any help or shared experiences on that topic would be greatly received. Thank you again for your bravery and openness in sharing your experiences and we eagerly await all future episodes. hopefully you can read this out so my partner can hear just how strong and inspiring she is and how proud of her i am for all that she has achieved oh god i think just to hear a man speaking about his partner like that

we talk a lot of doom and gloom and we talk a lot of men in particular not treating women with respect or love or appreciation. I think just to read a man who's done that off his own back, who's written in, who wants to show his partner how amazing she is and what how he feels I think it should give hope to every listener out there who perhaps is in the thick of it and perhaps has lost faith that good men exist that there truly are some incredible men out there who want to love you and treat you and understand you and I don't know it's obviously hit home for me and Tess, I think. Just hearings. Oh, God, I've actually just cried. I've actually... I need to go and stick it back on.

Oh, dear, that's not good. I look like... I'm trying to do explain stuff on the camera yeah I'm sorry oh god I can't even talk right now I'm sorry

I don't even know why I'm getting up like that I just don't think I'm in a broken place so yeah it's so nice to hear like I don't think I'm in a broken place so yeah it's so nice to hear like I don't know like she got her happy ending and it's really lovely for her that

she found someone that's happy to take on like her two kids and I think yeah I think it's so nice that you're using the podcast you're listening almost together and then like speaking about it afterwards. And like the fact you're trying to understand her more and like that's it. Like it can be so hard to articulate how you feel if you know someone's not experienced it or even just saying it out loud sometimes and I guess maybe to hear us speaking about experiences that so many people can relate to is that if you can't articulate it hopefully we kind of can and getting someone to listen to that and understanding it I think it can be massively eye-opening it's that open communication isn't it it's that understanding it's that feeling seen and heard and understood as to why you might

feel a certain way and i think i don't know i feel like you're using it in such a positive way and it also feels like from a selfish point of view it feels really good that we can help someone i don't think it's selfish i think we know that's exactly why we do it like i i get a joy out of knowing that sharing our experiences are helping other people. That's why we do it. That genuinely is. It makes me happy when I get messages from people saying, I know that you do.

I get it all the time. I genuinely get messages from people saying, you have saved me. Who even are we to be able to do that so like good for you for going out of your way to understand your partner and helping her through her trauma and just wanting to actually understand it just yeah shows she's very lucky to have you and as are you with her okay so this email is called confession i think i might be the other woman oh god hey ladies love the pod and it's seen me through some really tough times after my husband walked out of me six months ago and left me with our

two children then four and one i recently had a random ad on snapchat and accepted after a few weeks of the notification annoying me i don't get a snapchat yeah i think we were too old i thought it was for teenager i'm so far i yeah i don't actually yeah i think you can oh you can chat on it because we started chatting straight away and and hit it off from day two we were on the phone every night for two plus hours talking about everything and anything. We were getting on so well, sexual chemistry off the charts. I felt like I was becoming my old self again and loving me for me. Now here comes the interesting part. He surprised me and came to my house one night and he was on his break from work. So it

was only for 20 minutes, lots of kissing and he tried to take it further i felt so giddy like it was finally going so well my friend stepped in and tried to do a social stalk to see him he told me he doesn't have social media they then found his profile i'm pretty sure he has a baby and a partner i also feel like anyone on snapchat has social media yeah i think it's such a so true like so yonder bit like i don't feel like any yeah yeah if you join me snapchat you got me looking you right yeah that facebook yeah 100 facebook what the hell do i do we've had wait reverse i'm yeah that bit so she said, my friend stepped in, tried to get him, found his profile. I'm pretty sure he has a baby in the park.

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he has a baby in his park. Right. Okay. What the hell do I do? We've had the do you have kids conversation as I have too, which didn't bother him in the slightest and honestly wouldn't have bothered me. What a shitty experience.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Keep up the amazing work. You helped me put in the washing away. Okay. I would call him out straight away. I think as well when you've been through a marriage breakdown, I've got no time for BS. Would you, here's a question,

if you were dating and you were talking to a guy and it was literally like her situation and you found out after stalking him that he actually had a partner and kids, would you ever tell her? I think it depends how deep it got on your level of dating. But like, does it need to be like he turned up at her house? That might

not be deep but like that's cheating. I don't know. I don't know what I'd do. I would 100% confront him. I don't care if I'd look like a psycho if I ever bound him. I'd be like you absolutely lied to me.

Yeah. That's weird. I don't know. I don't know if I would. You know what the thing is? It's awkward You absolutely lied to me. Yeah. That was weird. Red flag. I don't know. I don't know if I would. Do you know what the thing is? It's awkward because being in a position where you've been married and you're not sure necessarily what your husband is doing, sometimes people don't want to know. Sometimes people know and they brush it under the carpet

because they don't want to know. And then you're then being the one to like give them that bad news that they haven't really wanted to know do you know what i mean it's like part of me thinking like don't get involved if she wants to find out eventually she'll worry more and then the other part of me thinks like girl code like let her know like she might be that person that like wants know. I never know what the right thing to do is in that situation. No, I don't think there is a right or wrong necessarily because every person is different. I think I was probably...

What would you do if you were... So say you were still married and someone came to you and said, you know, I have this proof that your partner is having an affair or whatever it is. Say there's something and that person was the woman. It was the other woman. What would you do? Would you be glad you knew?

I think I'd already heard what situation I was in if it was in the middle of a pregnancy. Do you know what I mean? Like you don't know. It's oh my God. It's like it makes me actually feel slightly unwell. Confront him, block him. Maybe it's best not to get involved and not, it's so difficult, isn't it? Yeah, or I would probably be more like to the guy, I'd be like, you need to tell her or I will.

Because then I feel like you're giving that person the chance to do it. Yeah. And that's who it really should come from. Yeah. I say that, I probably wouldn't, I'm such a pussy. But no, definitely like cut him off. I'm sorry that you kind of maybe felt like you got your spark back and then you felt like you were lied to and betrayed. Like my advice also would be is

don't talk to anyone on snapchat delete snapchat yeah i just feel like it's just bad omen no i just feel like snapchat's young immature people it is that like i yeah i think it's a red flag if you're talking to someone just so you matched with someone on hinge and they were like do you have snapchat i genuinely think i'd unmatched that. I think that's such a red flag. Like, are you 12? Like, why are you on Snapchat? Snapchat was originally made to be able to send pictures that you could only view once. I know you can obviously do that now in other ways,

but that's what it was made for. It's literally made for like sexual... Cheating. Yeah. Know it to Snapchat, guys. If you're talking to anyone on Snapchat, the likelihood is they're talking to other people on Snapchat too. So maybe that should be the first red flag in itself.

Okay. Should I trust my gut? Yes. Yeah. Should we just scrap this whole email and just say, yes, you should? Yes. So this all started Valentine's Day 2023. So last year.

Yeah. I found out my partner of almost 19 years was cheating on me with a... What, colleague? Another one. We should have something every time it happens. I don't know what. Like a noise. Such a sigh.

Another. And another one. And another one. I said I was going to get a red from the video. I was willing to forgive him and work on our relationship, but the person he was cheating on me with, who was actually an old bestie of mine, bitch,

wasn't happy with that, so went to his mother and... Happy with what? That. That he... That I'm trying to make it up. Oh, sorry, hon. Sorry. Sorry.

What was that first you slag wasn't happy with that so she went to his mother and told her everything and somehow i was the bad guy so sorry what oh yeah sorry yeah actually to be fair it is bad of you to try and make things work with your husband of 19 years. Not husband, partner, but still, nine years. Why are you just changing the story? Nine is still a significant period of time. Very carried away. Don't ask me today, guys, don't.

Somehow I was the bad guy. Now I have to admit, mine and my partner's relationship wasn't a healthy one at the time. And hadn't been for a long time. Moving on, I fought for him and our family to stay together as our two boys wanted us to be a family again, all whilst he carried on with this other woman. He told me he loved me and wanted to carry on having sex with me as apparently I gave the better blowjobs.

Who's? The audacity! I'll take your bluthers, but I'm going to go fuck her you're joking me what? can I read that sentence again? can I just say something I would never

I'm not saying that like everything else that she said like take him back fight for it but I appreciate her doing that but I would never give a man a blowjob who's cheated on me

no that's what I'm saying that's what I was going to say I'd never give a man a blowjob who's cheated on me. That's what I'm saying. That's what I was going to say. I'd never give a man a blowjob when I know that he could be sleeping with someone else. When that's been somewhere else. That makes me physically ill. Don't give it a wash. Dirty.

Poor. Sorry, I'm really cross. Can you just read that bit again? He told me he loved me and wanted to carry on having sex with me as apparently I gave the better blowjobs. I hope the other women's listening to this. Your blowjobs are shit. They're too slappy. Wow. I know

I'm sorry if someone's turned around to me and was like she said that to her obviously can you imagine I'm sorry

someone turned around to me and be like look babe and carry on fucking her but I still like to fuck you it's your blowjobs

oh top notch top notch top notch there's so much better give her some tips I'm good But I'd still like to fuck you. It's your blowjobs. Top knot. Top knot. There's so much better. I'll give her some tits. I'm doing... Sorry. What if you give him a blowjob and bite his cock?

Yeah, I would literally bite it off. Or I'd bite the end and be like, take the steamer. But then, we still would leave our house and stay at hers, and this went on for four months. I really hope you weren't giving him blowjobs in this time, by the way. I really hope that ceased. But hold on.

So he was basically living with her, getting blizzards off her, and then going and doing whatever he wanted with this other woman. He's living the life of Rhino. Literally. Got it all, innit? Living his best life. Innit? I'm not proud of myself for that period of time, as I really degraded my own self-worth.

Oh, do you know... It's easy to do it. When you love someone or, you know, you've got that idea of that family unit, you'll do anything to make it work. Yeah, don't put yourself down. Like, what's done is done. We've all been there.

We've all, you know, not put ourselves first. Done things, yeah, exactly. In the June, he decided that he wanted the family back and i took him back we are working on rebuilding the trust and feeling better in our relationship but i have this gut feeling that something still isn't right he's being more doting and affectionate than he's ever been in now almost 10 years i've known him am i just paranoid or should i listen to my gut i could really write a whole book on the events that happened in 2023 and i love the podcast look i think when you know someone's cheated on you it takes a particular person it takes particular characteristics in a person to truly move on and accept it.

I know I'm not the kind of person who would be able to do that. And I think you're always going to be paranoid. Yeah. Once you know someone has been unfaithful, I think it would be foolish not to be. I think it would be foolish not to be. And I think if you take him back, I'm always a big believer.

Look, I've seen people make it work where there has been infidelity in my moment, where there's been infidelity and both parties have made it work. But that's taken years of building trust and working on it. And there being the remorse and I don't know, I know that we've only had like a snippet of what's going on, but that's what I was going to say is I also have learned over the last year that the gut is a lot more powerful than you think.

And if you're feeling something, there's something something something's triggering you to feel like that there's something whether it's in his behavior or just anything i personally wouldn't ignore that um and i think like you've got to reflect on things like do you want to spend the rest of your life being constantly on edge and constantly paranoid you know i think it is i think what you need to actually gauge before you start trying to decide whether you should listen to your gut or not is just say hypothetically you find out that he is cheating again what will you do with that information are you gonna do what you've done before and sit with him and go with it or are you going to leave because if it's the

latter and you're willing to leave then do some investigating and find out but if you're not and you don't feel like you're at that point where you're actually ready to take that plunge in the nicest possible way you may as well ignore your gut because ignorance is bliss if you don't feel like you're ready to leave him i know that might not be the right thing to say but you're then just going to i don't know i just feel like you've got to decide what actually what path you want to go down and then decide whether you want to listen to your gut or not and try and find out whether something's happening because it would actually probably be more damaging if you think i've got a gut feel something's going wrong.

I'm going to look into it. You look into it. You find out he's doing the dirty again and then you just stay. You may as well not know. I agree. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I agree.

I hope that helped. Something that we're actually going to ask for you guys to be doing, especially the people that if you're listening still, hopefully we've managed to keep you through all of the 30 episodes we've done but we want to get some follow-ups we want to get the people that we shared right at the beginning of like last summer we want to hit update so if you are listening to this and you've emailed us before and there is a follow-up of a story that we have shared please please email in and I'm moving the title part two because we really want to do an episode

or a few episodes where we're getting to understand where you are now, whether you listen to a book. What's happened there? What's happened? Because we genuinely care. This advice we're giving

is because we hope that we are helping. We're like our friends. Yeah, literally like our friends. And it's like us giving advice to our friends. That's how we look at it. Okay,'s called crazy online dating story hi girls love your podcast i'm a single mom of two little ones and have a crazy online dating story for you i started chatting to a guy and we arranged to go on a date i asked him to call me friday night to arrange the date for the saturday we had loads in common and he told me he had a son who he saw most weekends. I thought, perfect. I've been single for nearly two years now, so this was a huge step for me. I'd only told my mum. Friday afternoon,

I randomly told a friend at work about the date. She's always been really supportive being a single mum herself. Her face fell to the floor when I told her his name. Oh, fuck. He was her ex-fiance. Oh, my God. The father of her son, he had not seen for seven years and pays

no mention. What are the odds? What are the fucking chances? That's not a coincidence. That's just like... and he's told her i see my son most weekend oh it gets worse when i initially met with him his profile stated that he lived in a town approximately 15 minutes away but was currently staying at his parents in the same town as me after our initial oh my god and shouting liar about this awful man, I then asked her where does his parents live.

My face now dropped as she stated the road, it's my road. I quickly went on Google Maps and asked her to show me the house. Yes, his mum and dad live opposite my house and I know who he is. I would love to send you the pictures. Absolute catfish. The tall, dark, handsome man is a fat, balding... Oh, my God! Shut up!

He did call me the Friday night as planned. After a few whines and a run, I told him I work with his ex-fiancee and as a single mum of two, I'm disgusted he doesn't see his son or pay his child maintenance. I'm unsure if he has worked out who I am. At the moment, I haven't said anything to his face while he puts out the bins. Oh my God. I truly believe my sixth sense took over this day to avoid me meeting another lying cheating man

you are not being funny if you thought that picture your dating profile and you turn up where is he and he's like this big fat man sat there would you not be like i'm going i would not sit down i'll be like you're like well you've lied already i'm off where's your hair at? Where's your hair? Where's your hair? That's why I just start singing. Where's your hair at? Where's your hair? I don't know what to put up with about this story.

And you're singing. Do you know? My God. And what are the chances? you're saying no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no so glad I'm off dating apps and then I realised that was a really insensitive comment. She's still fucking there. Oh god. I thought, I hope that I don't have to go back on the dating app. No. He's gonna fall all

at your feet. He just falls on my lap. No, I'm hoping I just get introduced to someone. Yeah. While Carly's just scrolling through and looking for emails, I thought I'd share my opinion on Beyonce's new song. I don't understand why she's suddenly gone all country. I think she's decided she needs to be a bit more like Taylor Swift,

who keeps winning all the Grammys that she can't win, because she's upset that she's never got out in the air. What are your thoughts? I feel like Tash's really bitter. I know, Tash is really obsessed with Taylor Swift, so I feel like I know Tash is really obsessed with Taylor Swift so I feel like this is Tash's way

of like protecting her do you know what I think it's fucking inspirational do what the fuck you want if you want to start making country music make country music

no I'm not really a Beyonce fan do you don't fuck with Queen B she's not great I feel like but she is she got fucking cheated on

and look at her. Yeah, and she's still with him. She should listen to, we should get her on the pod. Come on the pod and allow us to. Oh wait,

someone's written in. This guy called in. I've been cheated on. Now I'm making country music. Should we get Beyonce on the pod? Anyone's got contact, holler atller at her no i don't want her right okay right we've got one okay go hey girls i have recently found your podcast and i am loving

it i'm currently on episode 13 don't remember what place i would just like to say thank you and tell you a brief overview of my story can i quickly pause you a minute do you think because she's on episode 13 she's's going to have to wait? She's not going to know for ages that her message has made it? She might, because it doesn't mean she has to listen to one episode a week. She might be binging. No, but what I mean is it's quite funny. She might take a while. You can only listen to one episode a week, guys. I would just like to say thank you and tell you a brief overview of my story i'm currently married with three children and i think i have known for a while that my marriage is over

but only since listening to your podcast have i really realized it i threatened to leave so many times before and occasionally my husband has moved into his room in the block he is military and always has this room and stays there when work is busy anyway so the kids are used to it so they've never thought anything of it. I've always gone back because I've always been able to explain away my feelings. Things will get better when the kids start school. Things will get better when I start the gym. So many excuses over the years but I now realise they're just that. Excuses. Nothing has ever got better from being gaslit, feeling unloved, uncared about, never being a priority to him, walking on eggshells, life has been generally rubbish for as long as I can remember. We do not agree on anything and that has become so much more apparent recently. My eldest

has autism so it isn't as easy as just moving his schools and moving back home which I think deep down is why I've always stayed. But it's finally time to put myself first and actually be happy so I've made the first step and contacted the local authority back home where my family lived to start the process of looking for a school and that is all thanks to your podcast I really resonate with so much you that I'll say keep doing what you're doing you're helping so many people if you've got this far reading thank you so it makes me really emotional because don't stop my lashes are not my lashes are not gonna survive this so much longer oh it is the courage it's I think as well like obviously from what you've said it's not like there's been a particular event or thing that's happened it's you said like

you can't remember being happy like you felt this way for such a long time and it's we've we've said it so many times it's so easy it's easier to stay in those situations where there's not a definitive reason to leave and like to an extent it is easier when you're presented with information because that's a physical evidence of reason and it's you know it it takes away that guilt of breaking up a family or just because you're not happy and I think especially like given that you've you've got child, that is, I understand the burden of that guilt as well of, you know, it's not just as simple as that. You need to make sure they're in the right education.

And I think the fact you're making those steps, like it's so lovely to hear, like we're not for a minute sat here, like encouraging people to leave happy marriages. But I also think it's really nice that people can take comfort in knowing like what kind of behavior in a marriage is okay and what what's actually not okay and actually like just because you are married to someone like it you actually don't need to tolerate it or put up with it or just I think what I just did for so long in my marriage is just accept that was marriage and you signed up for it or just I think what I just did for so long in my marriage is just accept that was marriage and you signed up for it you sign those papers doesn't matter how miserable you get

you're in it although I didn't me as a person I would have stayed for that long um because that's that's me as a person and my my feelings around marriage but I think it's only having gone through this I realized like now actually like I think what you're doing is incredibly inspiring and just shows what a strong person you are that you're you're putting your happiness as a priority yeah absolutely and like we said like it's really nice to be able to hear that we help those people make the decisions that they feel like they maybe wanted to make but didn't feel like they could um so yeah good for you like doing what's right for you and what would be right for you will be right for your kids at the end of the day like we've always said like

happy mom happy kids like and i genuinely believe yeah i do too so thank you for emailing and sending that in we thought we'd read a few confessions of the week. Are you ready? Ready. This one's in an email. It's called My Embarrassing Confession. I thought I'd share this as Tash is going through the same with the no contact. I broke up with my partner of five years, two months ago.

I haven't broken the contact, so to speak. I've been driving past his house every night, looking through his window to check that he's home and not out with someone else. I know that this is quite psycho, but it gives me comfort because he's been home every night. I feel you.

Oh, that's why you're not coming over there, so I... Look. Have you done that? Obviously not. Is it obvious? Yeah. I'm sweaty. That was my email.

No, no, no. Do you want to hear that? Oh, tish. I don't know. Am I really red? Obviously, I don't do that. Look, I can really appreciate... He's got a tracker on his car instead.

No. Oh, my God, that's such a good idea. I can really appreciate, like i've read quite a lot about the whole no contact thing and because i literally felt like an addict and it the same chemical that you release when you're going through withdrawal with like a drug is exactly the same as no contact interest yeah so you go through that like you are you need that dopamine hit and you will get that dopamine hit even if you just see them view your story that will be a little bit of dopamine if you see that they're online on whatsapp that will be your dopamine hit

but the more you get it the more you need it and the more you want and you need like more than what you're getting so I can completely appreciate that type of like psychotic behavior no offense but my advice to you would really be that you need to try and set yourself some boundaries because you may think that you're doing the no contact but that's not going to help you move forward so my advice would be maybe make some plans so you can't do that. I get like it is really hard, like it is, but maybe driving past and looking in his house is a step too far. Get some binoculars and stare at it from afar. Get a PI.

So yeah, I resonate with the difficulty, but maybe try and take a step back. You've got to try and like block it out. Like it's not healthy for you. Like think about yourself. Like also one day you'll drive past and he won't be there. And then what do you do?

Then what happens? Yeah. So yeah, but I feel you. And he won't be there. And then what do you do? Then what happens? Yeah. So, yeah. But I feel you. It's hard, but you need to make some changes, I feel. Hi, girls. I've not long split with my kid's dad. And I'm struggling with them going to his every other weekend.

However, on those weekends, as soon as they have left my house, I go upstairs and have some me time shall not recommend the clit sucker i love her look girl you do what you gotta do and also sometimes like it's that release of what's it really endorphin endorphins that's it's gonna make you feel good it's actually scientifically actually also i've listened to a podcast and they're actually saying that there's this skin specialist or something apparently you're gonna say that cum's good for the fur not cum no having orgasms actually makes you look younger so the more orgasms you have no wonder everyone thinks i'm 20 so i saw something

that was really interesting that i thought i would share considering we're talking about hormones and everything. A release of endorphins for a woman makes them more likely to fall in love with someone. Women catch more feels when they sleep with someone. Exactly. And obviously, when you have sex, you release those endorphins and women fall in love. Do you know how men fall in love? Like what hormone? With their eyes closed?

When men have a hormone called vasopressin, I don't know if I'm saying it right, they get the hormone vasopressin when they fall in love and you try and guess when they get that hormone. When they have an affair so when they're married with kids no this is when

they fall in love when they fall in love like how they fall in love like we fall in love more with with endorphins go on when they're stressed

so so make him really stressed and he'll fall in love with you so guys if you're in a really happy marriage and you're stressing your husband out keep going because that's why he loves you so much but you know what maybe that's why when women are like not constantly like being affectionate and they're sometimes a bit hard work and to be honest i'm not really sure if it's even true i I saw it and it sort of made sense. Was it Tick Time?

Yeah, it was. Obviously, it's 100% facts. It was on TikTok. Someone put some glasses on and made a TikTok. That's me. But anyway, guys, should we finish with an affirmation? Finish with an affirmation.

Find me one. Give me one. I need some affirmations in my life. My strength is greater than any struggle yeah I like that my strength is greater

than any struggle yeah believe it guys um thank you for listening please do not forget to like follow

share subscribe and please guys we haven't had many feedbacks on um apple podcast where you can review us only five star reviews please yeah um it but it really really helps us it'll be so nice it's the people that send us all those dms obviously we still want them but please leave

the feedback there as well because i feel like it really helped yeah and yeah thank you for listening as always sorry for a few sniffles and tears at the beginning but middle and we keep it real here you know that what you're here for laughs cries and yeah we will see you again next week