Not As We Planned - 38. One of the Confessions Is Mine!

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

It's another dating episode and this might be the most shocking one yet! The stories had us on the edge of our seats, in fits of laughter and then a surprise confession from one of the hosts! Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hi, it's Tash and Carly and you're listening to Motherhood, not as we planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode. We want to have a bit of a funny one this week. I feel like the last few weeks we've been in sad we haven't been deep there's been tears there's been lashes flying about all over the beach i just need to remain put today that it might actually get redone today so i don't mind if there are a few tears of

laughter of course yes always always but first should we have a little update i mean do you want to be my update guys so last week when we were filming at my house um we were like really like actually i think it was quite a good it was an episode but i was feeling like really positive yeah you were i was like yeah and then those things happen happen that get killing your butt literally i was like i will not let anything the world beat me and then we were kind of like half, we were coming towards the end of filming and I got a phone call from the school. You know when you get that dreaded phone call where you see our school calling

and you're like, oh my God, what's it going to be? What's it going to be? Anyway, I pick up the phone like mid-podcast. We've probably got it recorded. And they were like, hi, we don't need to worry, but Ivy's bashed her head and we think you need to take her to A&E. And I was like, cool. And then when they're like, she probably needs gluing back together,

you're like, oh. And then I was like, where on her head? Because all I was picturing was this like scar going like through her face, like Rome's got a scar in the middle of his start from length oh yeah harry potter vibes rome's got like a little scar on his forehead that he had to get glued back together so we like i want i want to hear what the end of the episode is like because i feel like we were like and then i had to rush off was in a and e for five hours she had to have her head glued back together. And now she's thriving.

Basing no onus. Literally. Oh, it was really sweet. She was really brave. She was very upset. There was a lot of blood. She was doing cartwheels in the playground and whacked her head on the bench.

And then the next day she was like, can I do cartwheels now? I was like, are you joking? You're never allowed. You're never allowed to band cartwheels now I was like oh are you joking you're never allowed you're never allowed ever again um so yeah that was well it wasn't my week but yeah that that was most exciting slash not exciting part of my way okay yeah what about you I've just been non-stop I had a really really mental weekend because I had on the Friday night I had my boyfriend's dad's 60th. On the Saturday, I had my mum's 60th.

And then I took the kids to the circus on Sunday. But it was just, it was chaotic. But you know those weekends that are beautifully chaotic? Yeah, yeah. Just every single part of it was so good. Like, it was so nice that my mum's 60th, like, to have all close family together. And, like, I'm the first one to hold my hands up when my kids are feral and be like they were awful today they were outstanding like i could not have asked them to behave any better like because i was really anxious because it was um like a lunch in like quite a posh hotel

for every parent like when you're invited to things like that that's like hell isn't it that's not remotely enjoyable if you've been invited with your child it's just not fun so in my head it was like I prepared myself that I wasn't going to enjoy the day and it was just one of those things but I genuinely enjoyed it they were so well behaved and people commented on their behavior like their manners um it was really cute my niece and, they were doing like speeches to my mum. And like my niece is such a character. Like she was proper going for it and like talking. And Theo's quite shy.

Like a year ago, he would never have stood up and said anything. And he stood up and he just like looked at my mum and goes, I love you, bubba. That's what he calls her. I'm so proud. I love that. Who they've become. And yeah, it was just, I hate the word wholesome,

but it really was a wholesome weekend. Wholesome. Do you know what wholesome reminds me of? Bread. A whole meal. That's just bread. Anyway, yeah, that's my update. Busy, busy, busy.

Always. Always. Go, go, go. So we want to delve into this week because even when we put up stories asking for you guys to email us in about this certain topic, I was getting so many messages being like, I can't wait for this one. Can't wait for this one. Because we haven't done anything like this in quite a while. Go on.

I've read a few of them. Have you? Why? You're not mentioned. I know, but one of them, you know, like I saw it and you know, we get like a preview of the email. And we could not carry on because it was so exciting. We always, well, I always like to read it for the first time. I do normally. Yeah.

So whenever you hear anything that we read, they are first reactions. We don't read through them and choose. We literally just go at random. We do agree. Yeah, from the subject is what grasps us. So if you have sent something and we haven't read it yet and you really think it would be good, send it again with a different subject.

Something really slutty to catch our eye. So anyway, this episode is going to be all about sex, dating. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Yeah, let's get stuck in. Come on. Let's get stuck in, baby. Stick it in.

Sorry. My mistake. Don't be allowed innuendo. Okay. I know what I want to read. Do you want to read the one that you've

read? Guys, we're going to go in with a bang. Not quite bang, but mind the pun. Okay, guys.

It's a subject. It's just called Dating App Story. Okay. Oh, no. Is it going to put me off? Yeah.

Oh, great. I told my boyfriend about this on the phone last night just because this story is significant and i was like please never leave me because i never want to go on a dating app again thanks carly so yeah thanks um just any any anyway so i'm gonna uplift the episode with this are you ready i'm ready i don't know if i can read it bring it on okay hey ladies i have got the worst dating app story for you

the reason i will never go ahead and are you sure i should listen to that okay guys but like remember not everyone is like this we we heard the other week there's some good men out there so let's have some faith i'm not saying i'm not no spoilers okay my best friend had been talking to somebody for about a week and met up for drinks and he was lovely said all the right things and she was so excited he asked if she wanted to see him again and said he'd cook for her at his place so she went he'd cooked her favorite food and it was going really, really well. At that time he's like poisoned. I feel very on edge. All was going well until she started to feel really poorly. Stomach crap.

Fuck off. She asked to use his bathroom but didn't make it in time and shit all over herself. Fuck off. Hold on. Wait. Tash, just let me continue. Just wait.

She was absolutely devastated. I would be mortified. Mortified. Hold on, I'm just picturing like, you're on a second day, you're at his place, and you shit yourself. Would you not be mortified? I would literally, I think I would run away covered in shit yourself would you not be mortified I would literally

I think I would run away covered in shit I'd be absolutely mortified anyway right listen so let's pick up Sean's date

really nice on the first date she rang a scan just just don't know so she was absolutely devastated and didn't know

what to do so rang him from upstairs and told him what had happened. I do not think I could do that. I would probably have climbed out a window and gone. Yeah, I actually think that I would have found a towel. And just like to... And hiding myself up slightly.

Locked. Grabbed some tracksuit bottoms and just ran out the front door. So anyway, she rang him from upstairs and told him what happened. He was really, really nice about it. Got her some joggers and a hoodie and left her a plastic bag outside the door for her to put her stuff in. She was mortified. She didn't want to leave the bathroom, but finally did. She was desperate to just grab her stuff and get out of there.

And when she realised her bag had gone from outside the bathroom. Now this bit is the work. Oh my god, don't. And it violates me to say it. Hold on. No. Why do I feel like you're about to tell me that there's something sexual going on here? She went downstairs. She went downstairs

to look for him. And he was in the living room. Naked. Covered in to look for him and he was in the living room naked covered in Oh my god, no! Oh my god, no! Oh my god, no! No, no, no, no!

No! No! No! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Oh my god Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

No. No. No. No. No. Fuck off. Oh my God. I can't remember.

People can't see what you're doing. I know. I'm right. She went downstairs to look for him. And he was in the living room. Naked. Loved in her shit. But he'd spread all over himself.

Fuck off! Using her clothes and having a wank. Fuck off! Oh Oh my god. Oh my god. Can I just say? Right, so he had put laxatives in her food, so he obviously had like a fetish for shit he obviously does this to girls he makes girls shit themselves lays there smothering himself like it's fucking Nutella and tossing himself off like sorry when I was reading the story I was thinking how do you reach the point where you discover you have a fetish for shit. How does that even happen? So, yeah, at least...

Oh, wait, open it. At least you don't have to be embarrassed anymore. Like, anyway, wait, we haven't finished the story. Fuck off. So he put laxatives in her food. She obviously rang the police and they told her he had a history for this. I didn't read this, though.

Are you joking? What the fuck is wrong with people I'm staying single forever and that ladies and gentlemen is the people on the internet these days do you know what

one thing I will say that I'm slightly relieved about is that Hazem put me off dating apps because that that let's be honest that's not happening ever again to anyone else other than with that guy

I beg your pardon I don't people are vain also in the nicest possible way Like, let's be honest, that's not happening ever again to anyone else other than with that guy. I beg your pardon? No, I don't. People are waiting. But also, in the nicest possible way, I would never go to someone's place on a second date and let him cook for me. Ever. In a minute. Can you just promise me now you'll never let a man cook for you until you... First of all, I'm the biggest germaphobe.

Oh, so you're really fast. I'm the biggest germaphobe. Like, does he wash his hands? I don't know. Have you got a five-star hygiene meeting? Exactly. That's never going to happen to me because I ain't eating any of your food. Guys, check back in about ten weeks' time when Tash

walks into this guy with shit all over. I'd rather go to someone's house and skip the food. Can you actually imagine? But imagine the stench and like... I don't know. I want to know what happened. Sorry.

We need an update. I need to know, what did you do? Did you run? Did you ask for your clothes? Did you say you are fucked up in the head, mate? What did you do? And can I have his number? How did it...

Obviously, I'm fucking... But seriously, also, if anyone listens to this who has a fetish for shit, can you let us know how you discovered it? Because I don't understand how people like this... Like, was he sitting there one day having a shit on the toilet? Like, yeah.

I'd love to slather that all over me. No, I reckon what would have happened was he would have had a sexual experience and maybe someone pissed on him and then he wanted to take it to the next level or like, so like, lick a bumhole. I don't know. Are you listening, Nan's? Shit, boys. This is sexual.

It's the most... Obviously it's not. That's the whole fucking concept. But also, where's that one? He had a history. Surely he can lock someone up for that, no? It's not illegal to poison someone. Surely that's...

It's not poison, though. It's just getting your bowels a bit looser. It's highly frowned upon. Poop play. Poop play. Poop play. Poop play wasn't even in that spreadsheet. It's highly frowned upon. Who play? Nope. Who play? Who play? Who play wasn't even in that sprint today. I don't know, it's bad.

I'd rather a full body beat. That's your word. How about really? Bitch, here's my shit. Okay. I don't know if we're going to gonna top that but here's first ever date disaster are you ready i'm ready are you not the team both that don't want to hear it are you buckled up okay hi firstly love your podcast i look forward to i'm just picturing this guy covered in shit and i

can't yeah okay anyway firstly love your podcast i look forward to every thursday listening to you both the good the bad and all the in between this is just a funny first date story that i wanted to share with you guys after always being in relationships and never actually doing the whole dating thing i decided to go on my first date with a guy i've been chatting with online we seem to have a few things in common and thought, what do I have to lose? So much. Before we met... Oh God, here we go.

Here we go again. Before we met, he told me he was six foot tall. With? The last. Honey? On a good day. No, no, no. You know not a expert, honey. Well, I... On a good... No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

You know, like, a few weeks ago when we read that story and the lie was like, this is even worse. When I arrived, he was definitely not six foot tall. I'm five foot three and he was shorter than me. The height doesn't really bother me, but it was a fact that he'd already lied. Agreed. Like, although... why would you say you're six foot if you're like five two like surely me it was a typo and he's a five foot yeah a typo yeah sure that's what happened when we came to ordering food he

insisted we got a sharing platter anyone that knows me knows i don't like to share food so this wasn't really something i was comfortable with especially on the first day anyway we ordered the sharing platter knowing i wasn't going to eat anything i just ordered more drinks to the table instead when the food came he started to tuck in and i just couldn't bring myself to grab anything to eat he was shoveling the food in he never once he never once asked if i wanted any of it anyway which to be fair i was the first person of a man you know when they tuck their serviette in here and he's just like yeah but he's also like really little really little and his head's just about breaking He's had to get a booster test.

He sat and he ate the whole sharing platter. He needed it. Anyway, as the date went on, I knew I didn't want to see this guy again. However, this put the nail in the coffin to me. He asked if I had children, which I replied that I did. And I co-parented with the children's father. He said he could fully relate. So I asked if he had children,

which he replied that he didn't, which left me really confused. He went, um, tell me that he co-parents with his ex with the daughter. Wait, say again. That's a short answer go to mummy's house. Back your bone! It was squeaky loud and he was like, Back your bone! Back your bone and your water bottle!

Mr. Deter in this weekend. Oh my God. Can I say that? I actually know someone. My dad used to be a solicitor. And he said he got thrown off the front of a camera at once. Okay. Can I just say, in... I'm trying to calm down.

Sorry if I were insulting any dogma. That's the thing. That's what I want to quickly get across. Because I think a lot of... Sorry. A lot of dogmums... A lot of dog mums, I appreciate. The thing is, I have a dog and neither does Carly. You used to have an eye of them, Pete.

Oh, sauce. And I appreciate that when you do separate from someone, I know people that actually do share a dog, but I think it's just slightly different. And I will just come across disrespectful. But for anyone who has had to share their child and split the time, like that is really hard. And I'm sorry, like dogs, yes, I know they become part of your family. But you cannot tell me you love your dog

in exactly that same way as the child you have birthed and grown. Yeah. I'm sorry, come at me if you want to, but... Yeah, bring it on. It's more the fact that he said I can relate because I co-parent. You don't co-parent unless you... Just say, yeah, I share my dog with my ex. Yeah, so it's more than terminology i

think it's more like still having to have that connection to the ex and i have to see each other to swap the dog rather than the actual co-parent yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean yeah same annoying still want to talk to my ex because we actually share our dog yeah it's more it's the terminology yeah that's made me laugh because you don't parent a dog. You're an owner. He would have the dog at the end of the week and his ex at the beginning of the week. And they even went on day walks together to walk their dog and talk about anything they wanted to share about the dog. I was gobsmacked. I mean, I don't think anything close to co-parenting with the children's father, but each to their own, I guess.

The strangest date so far, for sure. That was hilarious. Thank you for that. Okay, guys, we like the sound of this one. It's called Sugar Daddy App Story. Hi, ladies. I hope you're both doing okay. Love, love, love this podcast.

It gets me through. I've been with my partner now for almost five years, but before this, I had a four-month period between my last ex and meeting my current partner. During the break, I messed around on tinder, hinge and bumble. I wasn't really looking for anything serious and kept coming across sugar daddies. Anyway on those apps I don't know. I get sugar daddies message me on tiktok saying do you want to be my sugar baby? Literally saying like, offering me money and stuff. And what do you have to do for the money?

I don't know. I've never replied. Good. That's a trick question. Good. I pass. Yeah, I don't really get this whole concept. Right. Anyway, I didn't think that they were legit, so I ignored them. My friend then told me about a website called ashley madison which is essentially a site design typing i mean a site designed to meet people behind your

partner's backs or to find sugar right guys can we just also full disclosure we are not encouraging anyone to go on this website behind their partner's back. That's terrible. If there's things like that, if it's behind your partner's backs, or to find sugar daddies slash sugar babies. Baby, you like to be my sugar baby. I applied as a sugar baby. Stop it. What do you have to do to apply? What do you apply?

What is a sugar baby? So it means you get paid to go out on dates. I don't fully understand the difference between a sugar baby and an escort if i'm being honest i think they might be the same thing well this is pretty much like arm candy i don't think you have to sleep with them do you well i've heard stories of people who are sugar babies who don't actually ever meet the sugar daddy so sugar daddy just gets joy in sending money again i don't know i take that what do you have to do for the money i don't know but like i don't i don't know i don't actually know

anyone who's a sugar baby yeah i know of someone who's a sugar baby carry on i'm intrigued tash is logging on after this i applied as a sugar baby and within five minutes I had messages from a much older guy saying he wanted to be my sugar daddy and asking for my bank details before we met later that afternoon. Personally, I feel like a sugar daddy. In my head, a sugar daddy is someone a lot older with a lot of money. I would never ever meet up with someone like that. How do you know they're safe? Turns out they're meeting up. They're going to a restaurant.

What's the problem? It's no different to a date. Yeah, no, I wouldn't feel safe. Carry on. A danger. They're not meeting in a fucking alleyway. You don't know that. I haven't read the story. By a sweet shot. You don't know that. I haven't read the story. Anyway,

I don't like this, but each to their own. own i'm not judging you want to be a sugar baby you'd be a sugar baby i will right okay come on i want to hear from the start i was really insistent that we didn't have sex and it would be strictly meetups and going out for the day etc but. But I would send nudes. I also had an OnlyFans at the time, so I enjoyed showing myself off. Not everyone's cup of tea, but that's how I get confident and sexy. Anyway, he agreed no physical contact and sent me £50. Beaut.

Okay, so she's met up, but she's meeting up. I get the impression you sent £50 before they met up this is what I'm no like this is genuinely I don't know if I I'm just intrigued what the difference is

between like a sugar baby an escort a sugar daddy like I well a sugar baby and a sugar daddy well I don't

yeah I know as in like the man yeah yeah yeah but I didn't know I didn't know that sex was like a thing they paid for well maybe it's like

dependent on each situation what they're happy to do they're obviously going to get more money if they provide their body services

yeah okay I'm with you see stuff like this I love it when like Channel 4 do documentaries on stuff like this that's just so like

well like sex with that's sex parties. Yeah, sex parties, dogging. What is dogging? I think it's a... Yeah. I once watched this programme with my mum where people put on like... Why do you watch anything with your mum? My mum's so late back in the years ago. I've always been

like that. They were like pretending to be kittens and dogs and locking each other up in cages. Not that I've got a fetish like that, but I like pretending to be kittens and dogs and like locking each other up in cages not that i've got a fetish like that but i really enjoy i don't know don't you enjoy watching like things that are so weird so different to what you're used to that is fascinating i probably wouldn't watch people pretending to be cats and dogs just because so i was taking it a bit too far i feel like that's on the level of like rubbing shit

all on the skin no but like the programs you never watch that it's like how to be a dog no like

what are they called channel 4 I want to say like unlocked but it's not it's like I was really interested

like it was years ago I want to hear about the sugar baby okay he picked me up around the corner from my house and as i got in the car i felt instant chills the seemingly sweet old man that i was talking to turned out to be an absolute creep this would be my worry not my only worry he asked me to give him a twirl before getting in his car so he could see what we're working with. Do you see what you're working with, babe? Give us a twirl. I'm going to have to stop while you're so literal.

It does. Can you imagine this old man? Give us a twirl, darling. Do you see what we're working with? He drove us to Costa and I immediately texted my best friend where I was and described his car to her and told her his name. We had a drive through Costa and he gave me a large amount of cash and told me to be a thankful little girl.

I was 21 at the time and he was 59 for context. I felt so uneasy. Saggy balls. Saggy balls. Saggy balls saggy balls saggy balls oh now I've just got saggy balls in my head yeah same carry on right

I was 21 at the time and he was 59 for context I felt so uneasy but as we were in the car there was really no escaping as he continuously drove around we then went to a car park up on the hills near where I live and anyone from As we were in the car, there was really no escaping as he continuously drove around. We then went to a car park up on the hills near where I live, and anyone from my area knows what this car park is usually for. Or just, like, you know, like, habitat.

I sat there so scared he was going to touch me, then my phone rang and thankfully had a reason to rush back home. Stupidly I carried on talking to him and he sent me almost £1,500 in the short time period that we had contact with each other. He used to sulk and make threats if I refused to send certain images to him or if I asked for too much. When he found out I'd met my partner he was furious. I was kind about it and said I couldn't be his sugar he found out I'd met my partner, he was furious. I was kind about it and said I couldn't be his sugar baby anymore as I'd met someone and needed to respect them as I don't think they'd want a girl who had a sugar daddy. Pretty reasonable, I think. He went quiet for a few days and then sent me fake doctor's notes and hospital papers saying

he had prostate cancer and had two months left to live and his dying wish was to have me. My best friend is actually a nurse at the hospital he mentioned, so I'd stop it. What are the chances of that? So she did a quick search on the work system and there was no mention of cancer or any serious illness on his medical records. Still to this day, I know his name, address, found his Facebook and even know where he works and I've never dropped him in it. Anyway, I know it's not the best horror story

but hopefully it made you giggle and spread more awareness of the weirdos online. Here we go, sex story. Girls, 100% keep me anonymous and please don't judge. The second date of meeting my new boyfriend, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. So I had sex in the back of my car like a couple of teenagers i'm 49 and he's 51 exciting yeah safe to say we didn't get caught and it was worth it i love that i love that when you've got that like chemistry where you literally can't keep your hands up each other. And you can't wait until you get high.

You have to. Yeah. And that's at 49 and 51. So. Hope out there, guys. Woohoo. Don't stop having sex in the back of the cars. I won't.

Hey, girls. I'm new to the podcast. Currently binging it whilst on annual leave. Love it. So, so good. We love that. Thank you. I have a story.

I was once on a night out and this random guy kept making eye contact with me. He was. we love that thank you for everyone i have a story i was once on a night out and this random guy kept making eye contact with me he was you love that i love when you're like like i fucking from across the road across the road no like i don't know like yeah eye contact is key guys eye contact is massive i feel like as on a date, like, that's what I love. No, like, on a date, like, you know, when you're, like, holding someone's gaze and you're, like, talking to them and you can almost, like, feel them undressing. Yeah. Yeah.

That's good. I feel you. I feel you. Or even, like, when you're with someone and, I don't know, you're know you're like a family thing or you're somewhere in public but like you it's like you hold that gaze and you're like look you it's almost like you're speaking without speaking yeah eye contact guys don't underestimate eye contact i love it is it is it it does okay okay come here it was once a night out and this random guy kept making eye contact with me. He was from out of town, here on a work trip with a group of colleagues,

staying at a hotel near where I live. I told him I was in a very new relationship, like two weeks, so I was happy to chat, but I was keen to see where it went with the new guy I was seeing. Anyway, hours passed and we ended up having way too much to drink. We ended up kissing and he led me to the taxi rank just outside the bar. He wanted me to go back to his hotel. I thought, no chance. I said I needed the loo so run back and quickly did a Facebook stalk.

Married. Newborn baby. The lot. Fuck. Oh. Ebba. Yeah, so clever to quickly go and do a fake... You got so wild.

Why are you sat in the loo having a wee? I stayed in the loo for half an hour, hoping he'd buggered off by the time I came out. Thankfully, he wasn't around when I left the looo so I grabbed a taxi home and thought nothing of it. The next day my new guy asked if I fancied going to Manchester on the train for food and a few drinks. I thought perfect. We got a cab into the local town, the one I had been out in the night before and to my horror as we got out of the taxi and I saw this creep sat in the window of a cafe having breakfast. I felt sick. I didn't make eye contact and hurried my new man off to the train station.

Fast forward 20 minutes and we are all sat opposite each other on the train. Stop it. I wanted to actually die. For an hour and a half, this guy just stared across at me smirking. He started making small talk with the guy I was with. This then turned into relationship questions. So I then butted in and asked if he was married and had any children. He soon shut up as he knew I knew.

It was the longest hour and a half of my life. I couldn't ever bring myself to tell my partner. How he didn't know what was going on is beyond me. I would have been all over it we are now engaged with the five-year-old and i've been together eight years i feel bad sometimes that i didn't tell him however when he pisses me off i think will you sit next to a guy snogs on the train for an hour and a half once and her no idea fucking love it oh my god what a story things like that like her experience and what happened

I know it's quite toxic it gives me life that doesn't say again like not maybe like that situation I think more like if you've had like a thing with someone and you've needed to keep it private not because of other parties but because like, you don't want people knowing your business and then somehow you two are in a situation with mutuals and other people

and like, you're the only two people that know that like, something happened. Like, things like that might make someone want to crawl under a rock

and die. But for me, like, I thrive off of like, the excitement. You're toxic. I know. Chloe,

do you know what I mean or not? It's me. Hi. Oh, I'm glad it's me. I don't mean anything. So what I mean by that is like no one's been hurt by it. But it's like you have this like, if you're just so you're dating someone, you've gone on a few dates with someone,

but you're trying to be quite private about your life because you just want to be and then you end up bumping into them and they're with a group of friends and you're with a group of friends like no one knows but you two i just yeah yeah like some people that energy is i know some people they'd want to like kill themselves and be like this is so embarrassing but for me i like that i feel like that excitement gives me a bit of a thrill i don't mean about like kissing someone in your partner yeah like yeah that part yeah because I wouldn't do that but I mean that kind of like are you secretive yeah it's the real but not secretive because of any I also find it really interesting stuff like that like the fact you went and isn't it crazy like we live in a world where literally you probably put a few things into facebook and you found out all this stuff i saw this thing on

instagram yesterday and it was saying like how like social media like it's so easy to catch people out nowadays like um someone had done a story or I think she changed it into a reel and it was like hi if your man's in Encore Beach Party I saw you back yeah yeah yeah

and he's on a stag on a stag cheating on you yeah that went absolutely fucking viral so she's gonna find out so stuff like that

like not saying like be clever about it just don't don't cheat but I feel like it's so much easier like seeing people with phones nowadays people can literally whip out a phone and catch you cheating like i don't know um yeah so wow that that i love what i'd be like is people can find that in these days yeah especially the way that girls girls i'm in research yeah unhinged

hi ladies absolutely love your podcast so i wanted to share with you a bit of a disaster dating story ready you're ready buckle up i matched with this guy on hinge he looked absolutely beautiful one of the things that i liked about him was that one of his prompts was that he'd really like to meet someone that looked better in person than his photos this gave me hope yeah so like he want he obviously he wants to meet someone that looks better in person than her photo you know you said he is oh did i sorry can't read so this gave me hope thinking that he obviously looks better in person and his photos were really nice he was quite a bit older than me and i've never gone out with someone older before so i thought this would be a good experience we met at a restaurant and

went out for dinner it's safe to say his photos must have been about 15 years old. Oh, no. What? The very handsome, attractive older man looked more like my dad. I'd never been in a situation before where I'd been out with someone and really wanted to leave. Dinner had only just started so I just sat nicely and quietly and let him talk because he seemed to like talking a lot he was the most arrogant self-obsessed person I've ever met in my life not only did he love the sound of his own voice but when I attempted to tell him what I did for a living,

he turned around to tell me that he feels like he should do that too because he'd be really good at that. Oh, no, he's always got a one-arm. I'd hate that. At one point during the meal, he tried to hold my hand across the table. It literally made me feel sick. I said I needed to go to the toilet, and I quickly called a friend

of mine and told her about the disaster date. I told her I was going to change her name in my phone to mum and if she could call me in about four minutes time so I could get out of this date. I went back to the table and whilst he was telling me how he finds me quite hard to read my phone started ringing. I picked up and in a panic I was like don't worry I'll be back soon. I told him that we needed to leave we'd only just finished our main course he didn't seem very happy about it but I didn't really give him a choice. We drove back and he had to drop me back at my house. I know, really stupid. I let him know where I live. He then, as we said goodbye,

lent in to try and kiss me. Read the room! Talk about not knowing how to read a room. Ah! It's safe to say I gave him my cheek and I got out the car as quickly as possible and ran into my house. He messaged me when he got home and I never replied. It's safe to say I'm put off older men.

Thanks again, girls. Love the podcast. Oh, no. Have you ever been out on a date with an old man? When you say old, do you mean way older? Or do you mean like a year? No, like... Like substantially older? Like at you mean, like a year? No, like... Like substantially older?

Like at least 10 years older. No. No, not high. And do you know what? The thing is, with this dating story, I think sometimes this is... I think this is more of a typical, like, bad day, wouldn't put me off using the app again

because you're not going to know until you go out with... Do you know what, Cole? Is it real? I don't think it is just down to being like an older man. So my mum and dad, they actually have 20 years between them. Stop it. 20 years. So my mum was in her 20s, my dad was in his 40s when they got together.

So I've always seen age as literally a number as well. Anyone who knows my dad will know like he's so young, like age doesn't define him. And it's always been like I've never grown up feeling like my dad's so much older than other people's dads. And I think when you love someone and you've got a connection with someone and I, you know, I've got friends who go on dates with men who are older.

I must say, I do believe that age is just a number. I think you can find some 40-year- with men who are older and i must say i do believe that age is just a number i think you can find some 40 year old men that are actually still very much like not wanting to settle down yeah and quite immature and then you can find a 28 year old guy that genuinely wants to i for some reason am i am naturally drawn to younger men yeah don't know why i just don't find older men as attractive i also just feel feel like, and maybe I'm deluded, I feel like I look quite young. Too young to go. I feel like I look quite young,

so I can get away more with it looking more normal for me to be with a younger guy than a much older man and it look like he's my dad. I find that so unsexy. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tend to go for people around my age anyway Rather than like younger

Like my boyfriend is About 10 months younger than me 11 Yeah So it's like within the You're like I always say yeah we're like the same age Yeah

I would not say that I'm older Yeah I've got one and it is Sex Confession Hey girls Just a short one for me But I couldn't help not writing Yeah. I've got one and it is sex confession. Hey girls, just a short one for me, but I couldn't help not write in when I saw your request. Love that. And it always, it's anonymous girls, but we know who you are. I'm watching you. I was recently away for a weekend with my boyfriend and we were getting a train quite late at night.

recently away for a weekend with my boyfriend and we were getting a train quite late at night our carriage was empty so i took it upon myself to pretend i was tying up my laces in fact i'd undone his flies i pulled out his dick and put it in my mouth safe to say i felt so naughty but we both loved it i love that why are there so many train stories in this and this we need to go on these right i was on the train last night and i can say that did not happen i love that you little girl or unless you're not there is something quite exhilarating about doing things sexually in public and you can get caught yeah do you know what i mean knowing someone might be watching you doing something you shouldn't be doing yeah i love that shit okay this is called what are the chances a few weeks ago i went on a girl's night out had absolutely no intentions of meeting anyone i'm not looking today but i do like

some attention when i go out because who doesn't we were at a bar and the age range was very very young so i thought what the hell I'll pretend I'm a different age just for one night. I was eyeing up this boy and we had eye contact for the majority of the night and we ended up chatting. It turned out he was much younger than me. 11 years younger than me. My god. He was 24 and I'm 35. We were chatting and he asked me how old I was. He was very, very good looking and I knew nothing would come from it, so I thought, what's the harm in lying? I asked him how old he thought I looked and he said about 26, 28, so I told him I was 27. I do laugh. Right in the middle. Right in the middle. We were speaking for ages and then it turned out that he lived really near me.

He had driven and wasn't drinking, so don't judge me, but I ended up getting a lift home with him, but with my friend too. We were chatting the whole way home in the car, seemed really nice. He dropped my friend home first and then on to drop me, my car was at the station. As we were driving nearer to the station, he suggested that we actually go and get some food so i thought why not i've got nothing to wake up for the next day as i don't have my children we drove about 20 minutes down the road and went to mcdonald's classy we went inside and sat and chatted while we ate for ages he was asking me questions that I clearly had to lie about,

asking me how many kids I may want when I have children. And I just continued the lie because I felt like I'd got myself a bit in too deep at this point. When we were on our way back, the vibe was really good in the car, but things seemed to change as he dropped me at my car. I got the impression that he really wanted to get home so I got out my car, he never gave me his number, never asked for mine, didn't make any move and drove off quite quickly. I didn't think much of it as I knew this was never going to be a thing so I got in my car and started driving towards my house. As I got closer to my house I noticed his car right in front of me. I went around and put my window down and his window was down. We looked at each other smiling and I asked him why he was

just sitting there. He pointed to his left and said this is my house i pointed to my right and said this is my house we both laughed and then i turned into my drive parked my car and we both watched each other at our front doors and just waved. I believe that the vibe went down south when he recognised my car and I'm probably the mad mum across the street trying to get all my kids in the car early every morning

and he must have clocked that I'm probably not 27. I do in fact have children and I'm probably a pathological liar. So my fun girly night was definitely fun, but I was not ever anticipating that all my lies would catch up with me because now I have to see

this boy coming out of his house every day when he knows I'm a complete liar and I really didn't think I'd ever see him again. Moral of the story, make sure that if you're going to lie about your life, they don't live opposite your house. Can you imagine that you, like, told him, yeah, maybe I want, like, two kids when I'm older.

And you've already got them. You've already got them. And then he's like, oh, shit, I've seen that woman. She didn't look like this yesterday morning. The hair on top of her head. And her tracky. That is brilliant. Yeah, that's fucking hilarious.

Like, talk about lies catching up with you. You do you, Han. If you look 27, fucking be 27 for the night. Woohoo! A confession. Yes, Woohoo! A confession. Yes, let's do a confession. Okay, slightly different confession of the week this week. You look really confused.

What do you mean? I have a confession. Okay? Are you ready, guys? Buckle up. My confession of the week is that one of the dating stories that we have shared today

was emailed in by me give me that phone what yeah so guys I hope you enjoyed the episode listen back they've all been deleted now that we read them Guys, I hope you enjoyed the episode.

Listen back. They've all been deleted now that we read them. What email did you use? Hey-ho. Got to make it anonymous. I feel like I've had the wall pulled over my eyes. Get those rose-tinted glasses back on, eh? I want to know.

I've got to listen to this before we send it to be edited. Yeah, so good. I'm not saying, oh my God, he was covered in shit. No, no. I can confirm, I can confirm that the poo story

wasn't me. Okay? Pinky swear. Oh my God. Do you mind me my reaction? I'm not that good at acting. All right. Okay?

Okay. I can't remember the others now. Yeah. So that's my confession of the week. Okay. Let's do an affirmation. Let's do an affirmation. Don't trust anyone, especially Tess.

Affirmation of the week. Okay. The best sex of my life is yet to come. Woo-hoo! Yeah. Amen. Trust me, guys. Believe it. I, amen. Trust me guys, believe it. Believe it, I'm leaving.

Living it. I'm loving it. Right guys, thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed this episode and do not forget to like, share, subscribe. We need some more reviews guys. All your beautiful, lovely DMs that you send us. I know.

All those DMs that you send us every know all those DMs that you send us every day beautiful but put them on Apple put them on Apple comment on YouTube subscribe

share tag and send us more sex stories because we fucking love it love you guys bye bye