Not As We Planned - 40. The Live Podcast

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Marking episode 40 with our first ever live podcast with an audience! We never would have dreamed we could get here and this quickly and that’s because of all our amazing listeners so thank you! We talk about the other woman meeting your kids, how to give a blowjob and being invited to a threesome you weren’t aware of. Here’s to the first of many live events! Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hi, it's Tash and Carly, and you're listening to Motherhood, not as we planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Okay, right, guys, we're getting straight started. So this one is called Hideous. Hi, ladies, love, love, love your podcast. I recently became a single mom to three kids and I love listening to your podcast as it's so relatable. Anyway, I thought I'd share a dating story from years ago.

So I found this guy who went to my secondary school for years and went to a desk school and we started chatting on Facebook. He asked me out and we went to Lindo's. Chicken Lindo's? And the entire time he didn't look at my face. He sort of looked down. So I put it down to him being shy. Next day...

Sorry, can I just say, that was so awkward. I can imagine you were just, like, staring at the chest. That is a new make-up. Yeah. Get me some of that peri-peri. So I put it down to him being shy. Next day we went to his place to watch a film and get a takeaway. And whilst watching the film, he...

LAUGHTER What? He stood up from the sofa and put his hands down the back of his trousers. I wasn't paying much attention, so I didn't notice much, until he did it again. So I watched him. And he put his hands down his trousers again. And he scratched his arse crack

and fully smelt his finger. I was sitting back down like, what did I do? Do you think he was making my contact? That is so bad. It actually gives me the ick when someone smells their fingers. That's a fucking weird thing to do anyway.

I'm done. Anyway, she wrote, what the actual fuck? I said, oh shit, I need to go home. Bye bye. It still hurts me though. shit, I need to go home. Blopped. Boy, bye. It still haunts me though. Yeah, I love that. I love, love your podcast. It's helped me in so many ways.

I don't know why I'm laughing. During one of the hardest times in my life. This isn't funny. I shouldn't be hearing this. I found myself at a time ready to look on the dreaded dating app. Been seeing and sleeping with a lovely guy, cheers, for four weeks. Being new to the modern world and really not sure what's best to do, being with this only four weeks new.

He's messaging loads, we get on so well, and try and grab time together when we're both child-free. But I've discovered he's still on the apps, and worse, he's put a new photo up from a holiday he was on last week i'm not i am tall i say yeah breathless i'm not asking to be exclusive or anything but i do feel a little uneasy by this is he looking for something better to come along keeping his options open and just that whole you're sleeping with someone seeing what if is there something that maybe could be better um adding new pics makes me think he's still

trying to attract and is giving someone else the attention that he is giving me love some help 100% yes i mean the thing is I feel like dating these days, and I can't say that I've had loads of experience, but I think the sad reality is, it's on these dating apps, until you both literally say, like, I'm coming off of them, like, we're really good together, we both want the same thing, you almost have to... It's communication.

Like, I'm big on communication, communication i think but if i was this but if i was her i would sit down and be like look like where do you see this going and sometimes you have to be up front and not being funny like sometimes as a woman we have to take the lead with things like that because something i mean also this is no I'm not slating men, but I think... There you are. I'm not slating men. No, OK. But I think the fact he's changing his pictures,

to be really blunt, yeah, he is keeping his odds and ends open because he's doing that to attack people in. The only thing I would say is, when you've been seeing someone for four weeks and dating them and sleeping together, I think for someone that like likes to me if that if that was me i would get attacked quite quickly but unfortunately i think a lot of men unless it is said on paper like what is going on he actually doesn't really owe her anything

no way it's really like that's the sad reality of like modern dating but that's why she needs to be out so what she needs to do she needs to almost like to not scare him off but almost set her boundaries and sort of say i know that we're not exclusive um if you are wanting to date other people then i would feel more comfortable not sleeping with you because that's not something that i'm doing rather than being like why do you change your photo do you know what I mean I go with the approach of like this is how I feel these are my boundaries I also think different people have different approaches to dating like I don't know I know like me compared to some of my friends I'm very much like I can only focus

on one person at a time I have friends who like will literally go on like two, three dates in a week. I don't have like the capacity to do that. I feel like I want to get to know someone properly. And I don't feel like you can fully open yourself to get to know someone if you've got your eggs in lots of different baskets. And I think that's different. So I think this, the person who's written in sounds like she's very

much like she's dating this person she wants to see where it can go whereas he might have a different approach to dating and I think like that's why that idea terrifies me yeah early on I would never like I could never go and like a date with someone one week and then go on a date with someone another week if I'm still entertaining with the first person and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it that's just I'm just that kind of I'm very old school I just love love properly and I don't like it like that but then I have friends who literally I think they're they've exhausted the dating pool and they're like fuck it I'm keeping my options open I'm gonna try him and a Monday him and a Wednesday him and a Friday and see what one day like that. Maybe I should do that.

I'm not saying, you know, but yeah, I think it's communication. Yeah, and it is trying to sort of get your point across as early on as possible to find out what that person is seeking, maybe before you've seen with them.

I mean, obviously that's not very helpful at all. It's like, you shouldn't. You shouldn't take that back. obviously that's not very helpful at all it's like sorry i don't know if that was actually no just like speak to him hi i love listening to your podcast really helped me during my recent breakup dating apps wasn't a thing when i was last single so this is all new to me i don't know about anyone else but I found that like my ex-husband was like when I met him it was before dating apps came about and I remember when I downloaded the app and I was like fucking hell this is brutal people are literally swiping if they like the look of you or like you've got a prompt that might be a little bit like um and I just I remember feeling really overwhelmed I remember deleting them and then re-downloading them and being like I don't even know why I'm

that is your life so it is like for anyone in that world like dating apps suck it's weird I just find it so weird like people don't know how to connect in real life anymore I think there's definitely pros and cons of it though yeah I can't

slate it I meant someone for a date you meet people that you wouldn't probably like meet in normal life 100 yeah but i do think you have to be lucky but i guess it's a bit of a numbers game isn't it just gotta manifest that shit guys to manifest that shit i don't want to believe i'm fucking trying you're doing it hard now right um anyway i met an extremely good looking guy on bumble i immediately fancied him we met for drinks during which he was a total gem the evening went really well and i had really high hopes for date number two he works near where i live and the day after messaged me seeing if i fancied a drink he picked me up from my house and we went for a drink. We had general chit chat and we were

somehow got on to talking about criminal records. Is that general chit chat? He had a tie on his ankle. Is that general chit chat? I don't know if I managed to speak about it. Maybe we should speak about that.

Topics of discussion on a date. At this point he tells me he doesn't have one but it was close caught once. So when I crow some more thinking it was something like drink driving he then tells me he was arrested for

Sorry, more. Oh no, he's not the guy that threw the dog in the lake, is he? For kidnap. What? Are you fucking joking? At this point, my mouth dropped. I asked, what do you mean by kidnap? Is there even a good type of kidnap? And he said

someone had been mucking his sister around, so he Someone had been mucking his sister around, so he bundled a guy into a van, drove him to a cliff edge, and threatened to throw him over. Oh, my God. I love that kind of loyalty.

I like that. We love that loyalty. Family, yeah, we love that. But it was all okay because he didn't. Sorry. This is making me sad. I know, I'm sweaty. He did fine, guys, because he didn't throw him over the edge

and his mates gave him another pie. Me, just to say, it went nowhere, but I did tell my friends to keep an eye on my location and if I was headed to a cliff edge stream... Can I say, just to put a positive spin on it, as I like to always do that, at least he's hynny, ar lai fod yn onest. Ie, ar lai fod wedi dweud hynny. Fe allai fod wedi sgymio dros hynny a gallai wedi bod wedi'i gynnal i'r cliffea.

Mae'n beth anodd i'w ddweud, onid? A oes unrhyw un wedi bod allan gyda rhywun sydd â record cyfrifiad? O, nid hynny. Dyna fy sgwrs. Sgwrs! O, mynd! O, fy ngor! O, fy ngor! O, fy ngor! That's my story. Shut up! Oh my god! I love that!

That is you! We need to do this more often. Yeah, love you! I just want to shout it out. Oh my god, who got covered in food? Is anyone here that got covered in food? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Is anyone here that got covered in food? Did anyone hear that? That was so grim.

Oh, dear. Love that. Thanks for sending it in. This one is called Scared of Sucking Dick. I made that read. I was going to physically read it. Right, are we ready? Help.

Hold on, she might be here. Yeah, I think she's 21. So, anyone here saw your love? Love, probably. Oh, actually, I'm 27, eh? Hey! Okay, anyone? I'm 21 years old and I'm terrified of sucking dick. Why am I stuck with this? You're not! Sorry. I've had boyfriends over the years. The first one, I was about age 16 to 18.

I sucked his, but not often at all, and hated when he asked. I love how you're reading it like a novel. My next boyfriend, age 19, just before 21, I never sucked him off. I can imagine someone slept with him for about a year and a half. All out. So, I've been out of action in that department now for just short of four years. I've since met a new boy, and he's now my boyfriend, and we're three months in, met on Christmas Eve.

And he's asked me to suck him're three months in, met on Christmas Eve and he's asked me to suck him off but again I'm terrified so I've just said no and changed the subject. I did suck him off last night. I love it. She's writing this and she's like I gave him a bleed job last night.

Tiki blaza. Oh. When I was drunk in a taxi. I mean, she's gone from being scared to doing it in public. I think you're fine, hon. Hold on, now I've lost my place. Drunk in a taxi on the way home from a night out. But again, this morning, I just blamed it on the fact that I was drunk

and steered away from the conversation. I don't know where my fear has come from I've never had a bad experience But I feel like I've completely forgotten what to do And I'm embarrassed to suck my current boyfriend off In case he thinks I'm shit I know he won't leave me over it But I'm so scared

I need tips and tricks Many tips and tricks How do I start? What do I do? Do I use my hand too? I also don't have a great gag reflex either So that's what I really help But honestly, I want to do it for him

Because that's what boys want And he asked regularly And I've tried telling him my fears I haven't such one in almost four years. And he just says, it's OK, we'll get there. But I fear that we won't. Are you sure this is real? Is this real?

Technically, no. I've told him he will literally have to force me to do it. Already, that's not legal. Someone's got over it. If I just over it because I just can't bring myself to do it, what should I do, girls? Get drunk again. Just drink.

Sometimes it's all right when she's drunk. I mean, do you know what one thing I would say is, you gave it to him in a taxi and he's asked for it again. So it can't be too bad. I say that if you've got a gag... Must be leg, right? If you've got a gag with legs, then just don't go too deep. Are you dying at this?

It's like, don't go too deep. If you prefer, if your mouth is a bit dry, use a bit of lube. Or lube? It's fit. And, um... He said that you'll be fine and he'll help you through it, so... I think she's a recluse to the wrong podcast. What are you trying to say?

Yeah, to be honest, unless I go really graphic and start being inappropriate, then I don't think I can help. I think without getting too graphic, I think sometimes you've got to just channel the person you want to be and just exude confidence, even if you're not confident. Fake it till you make it. Maybe watch some porn.

I was going to say that as well. Educational. Watch it on our own. Kind of get a bit of... 100%. Get some of this. Google it. No, I swear.

I don't know what my algorithm did, but there's, like, accounts where they teach you, like, how to do all sorts of things. I was like, why is that in my algorithm? It's not that way. But they call it different things because otherwise it's like, they call it things because otherwise it gets blocked. So there is hot talk then.

How can you teach it? Huh? Love money on their Instagram. Do they teach it? Do they? I'm the director to love money. Well, they don't pay us. No, do you know what?

If in doubt, Google. Get on fucking Google it. It'll say you're dying. Well, it says you're dying. Yeah, if you can't give heads, you're dying. Yeah, just follow some videos and ask your mates to show you. Just pretend. Don't do that.

Why would you pretend? What's American Pie? I'm sure they Don't do that. Why would you pretend to be confident? Watch American Pie. I'm sure they do shit like that. No, I don't think we do. Yeah. Right, next email. Yeah. Next email.

Okay, so this one's stripping it back a little bit. Right, I'll try and keep this brief. I separated from my husband in March 2023. Same as me. Yay. Yay. Proud of it. Twins.

After nearly 10 years together, I was saying it as me and this isn't me by the way our youngest daughter was 10 months at the time and we were still breastfeeding and not sleeping well i had suspected for a few months that something wasn't right but of course was made to believe it was all in my head he eventually admitted to having an affair with a... Another one. A work colleague. Another one. A work colleague whom he has known since before we were together and apparently has always been attracted to her. After her...

What a weird thing to know. Yeah, that is weird. Oh, that was in always been attracted to her. Sorry, he said. After her husband caught them out and threatened to tell me he left me for her and they are still together as far as i'm aware after some digging phone bills parking tickets etc turns out they started spending time together as friends whilst i was pregnant she supported him i'm just doing that what she's done in verticals she supported him whilst i was pregnynt. Roedd hi'n ei gefnogi, roedd hi'n ei gefnogi

yn ysbyt i mi fod yn ysbyt â'n ddau wrth i mi fod yn nesod yn gynnar. O, fy modd! Roedd rhai amrywiaethau iechyd wedi arwain i hi'n treulio amser yn y NICU, sydd, wrth gwrs, ddim yn hawdd i unrhyw un. Roedd gen i hefyd broblemau iechyd ar y cyfnod o'r deirydd a nawr yn byw gyda chyflog iechyd anyone. I also had ongoing health issues following the birth and now live with a long-term health condition. He was very supportive of me and our girls. We have two teenagers, one each from previous relationships during this time. Unfortunately, this is all now tainted as his friendship with her continued to develop throughout this time as they spent all of their lunch breaks together parked up in car parks near work he also discussed my health with her which apparently was why he couldn't leave me just to elaborate she was well aware of our

situation and has met us previously bought a gift when our daughter was born continued to comment the social media posts of our girls and has two children at her home i was not in a very good place for a long time i don't think I ever truly accepted how deeply betrayal affects you. I did try to work on our relationship and he gave me false hope, but ultimately chose to be with her. After a lot of processing, therapy and trying to heal, I realised I should never be just an option to someone. Yeah. Fuck yes. I still find it hard to accept that someone I consider my best friend and the man I was going

to spend my life with could betray not only me but our three daughters as well. Fast forward to now I'm in a much better place doing things for myself and the girls and I've made a lot of changes to my lifestyle. I probably never would have done otherwise. I'm yet to brave trying to date or anything yet and we've managed to keep a good co-parenting relationship when it comes to all three of our girls. I still spend a lot of time with my stepdaughter and I can't really fault him for the parent he has continued to be. However I can't even comprehend how to accept that this woman is going to be in my children's lives. I don't believe she has a relationship with them yet. She has met them but prior to our separation. I realise our teenagers

will make their own decisions, but the thought of her being in my toddler's life and building a relationship with her makes me feel physically sick. How do I learn to accept this? I'm going back into therapy, but the irrational thoughts of my daughter being part of the family with this woman and my ex really consume me at times. I look forward to Wednesday.

I thought I would respond to this um they're trying to get emotional please don't oh i'll be all right should we get family receptive i'll be okay now this is something that i've had to endure over the last two weeks um oh sorry so yeah my ex um has introduced a lady um into my kids lives um I've recently moved in with her and I got a text when I was on an airplane to say it was happening that day. So it completely knocked me. Yeah, it knocked me because I think if things were the other way around, I would have approached it differently. But I think you learn to accept that you can't change other people.

And just because you're going to do something one way, it doesn't mean that other people are. So yeah, I found out that my kids were meeting someone else and I think in my head I've always known this day was going to come I think as someone who separates you know like it's the inevitable that they're going to be with someone at some point and someone's going to be introduced to your kids and you know up to this point it's not happened to anyone else I'll be honest I didn't think it would be me first I'm just I don't know why I just didn't and it wiped me it absolutely knocked me for six um sorry um I don't know for me if it's more who it is um and the way in which things were done. But I found the idea of...

I still find the idea of not knowing really what's going on when my kids aren't with me really, really difficult. Like probably everyone in this room, I never anticipated a life where I wasn't with my kids all the time or they were away somewhere and I didn't know what they were doing or who they were around or what kind of way they were being brought up in and yeah I've I don't really know what advice I would give because I don't feel like I've actually handled it that well like I feel like I've completed like I've made myself physically ill this week from it from the stress

of it all and um I don't know like hearing your kids coming back and talking about someone else it's literally like a dagger to the heart and unless you've experienced it like if anyone in this room has experienced it you'll know exactly how that feels it's it felt like I don't know why I felt like I'd gone through the worst of the pain like a year ago and I felt like fuck it like you've smashed it like anything else now like i feel like i've done a lot of the first snaps i've done the whole year so i thought can i do anything like i was feeling really strong really empowered and then this happened and i was like fuck like we always said though didn't we i know yeah i i do think i haven't experienced it yet but i do think that is probably everyone in here

that's the worst nightmare once you've gone through that like finding out that he's cheated or he's left or whatever reason you're not together anymore it's that moment of when the kids are introduced to another woman and for me it's like it's not been done

in a gradual way like they're in house living together i find that i don't know that i feel like as a child that must be quite overwhelming and my kids have taken it incredibly well and actually i think i'm the one who's not taking it well and i i feel really i feel like a shit parent because i feel like i should actually just be focusing on my kids and being like they're so resilient and they're handling it really well and they're taking it really well like they're coming back and talking about her and I'm like can I just say I disagree so much like amazing that they're good if it's almost like you're not upset that they're good no but because they're good it allows you to think

about yourself like this is the time where you need to, like, take it in, like, go through... It's like grief all over again. It is. It's a whole new experience. And we always said, you know, I think a lot of these situations, it's harder for the parent than it is the kids. Great, they're good, so then that means that you can just concentrate on, you know, what you're feeling, go through the motions. That doesn't make you a shit parent.

It's like mum guilt, isn't it? I think the fact I've remotely thought about how it's making me feel as opposed to, like, are my kids OK? My kids are OK, and I think a lot of us will agree. Kids bounce. Kids, you know, they deal with things a lot better than you expect. I think a lot of our worries are always over, like, we're doing the right things for our kids,

but in most situations, I think kids are really resilient and they just... They're so young, they're doing the right things for our kids, but in most situations, I think kids are really resilient and they just... They're so young, they're like sponges, they just kind of get on with things around them, and as long as we're being really positive... I've had it the other way round. I haven't met my ex-husband's girlfriend, but, um, he...

He had met my boyfriend and I did it in a way that I think we would both like it to be done to us. I offered for him to meet him first. He declined the offer. So my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, awkward, met the kids first. And then my ex-husband eventually met him really casually, and that's how he wanted to do it, but I put the option into his hands. And like you said, unfortunately, you cannot control what the other person does. And I think, sadly, either just speaking to a few of you

and hearing what your exes are like, you've got to set realistic expectations and realize right down the bottom and realize that like what you would like or what you would you would do for them doesn't mean that we're going to get that and we've always said that haven't we like unfortunately you've got to work with what you've got days and just to like normalize it to anyone because there will be people in this room who like will have to go through it like it wiped me for days like mentally I was in such a bad place like everything you start questioning everything you're like fuck like I thought I was doing so well and now I feel like a million steps back and then I woke up one

day and I was like no like you've come this far you knew this was coming and it was actually when I was editing one of our reels to put out on our Instagram and it was the one about like you've got to understand you can't change someone and actually you need to focus on the things that you can control and I kind of needed to like hear myself and was like listen to yourself bitch like you can't control I can't control what they're doing who they're with on his weekends when they're with him it's. It's not how I'd like things. It's fucking hard. But I can control their time with me,

the love they feel from me, the way I do things in a more careful way, considering my children. And that's what I will continue to do. And one day, I think it was, I don't know if you guys follow someone on Instagram called Legally Nick. If you don't, really recommend.

She's fucking brilliant. She's friends with that Safiya who loves Sterling the baby. Ashley Payne's ex. She's amazing. But she said something like, your kids are kids for such a short period of their lives. They're adults for such a high percent.

They'll figure stuff out when they're older. They know where the wrong was done. It's not our job to direct them to where the wrong is done it's our job to parent them and to pretend everything's amazing and to let them think the world of daddy and let them think the world of mummy and that's that's what we have to do and i think whilst it's really fucking hard sometimes that's what we do and one day i promise you they'll figure it out for themselves i've got a 16 year old and Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod.

Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. Mae'n rhaid i ni ddod i'r afael â'r cyfnod. they've heard and how they interpret it was so different from how we thought they would ever be

and honestly they will 100% have it back for a little yeah and you know what else I think thank you for that I think that also they'll look back and and realize like what we didn't tell them and what we allowed them to believe and feel. And, you know, yeah, they'll be like, wow, like, my mummy, like... Did all that for me to protect me. Yeah. 100%. So it's holding on to these little things, isn't it?

But you're smashing it, though. And then you don't have a choice, do you? Well, now I've taken one for the team, so... Yeah. They're sending you the same voice that's back to you so cheers okay this one is called one way to have another girl anyway we'll go for it hi girls sorry it's a long one feel free to shorten absolutely love the podcast and i'm attending the first live show

oh Tending the first live show. Oh, you're not going to post it now. I'm joking. I look forward to episodes every week. So, I signed up to Tinder. I haven't tried Tinder. I didn't on Tinder. Anyone on Tinder? Anyone tried Tinder? How's that going?

Brilliant. After a failed ten year relationship with an absolute wasteman other guy. Wasteman. Who's had a waste man? Looking back at our ten year relationship, I should have left a lot sooner than I did. If only I could have told my younger self this. Anyway, I was

anti-men and living my best life. Started renting a flat, great career and a supportive network of friends around me. I was about to turn 30 and my friend and I went to see Sam Smith in concert. Stupidly, drunk on the truth, on the way home, we downloaded Tinder for one another and frantically started swiping left and right. Far forward two days later, I matched with this guy. He was tall, dark and handsome.

Something pretty careful that I was on. We instantly clicked and agreed to meet him. We went to TGIs. He was a genuine down to earth guy so I thought. He kissed me on the cheek goodbye and we went our

separate ways. How PG. I agreed to see him again and this time he commented on a lot of other women. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a good looking woman and would often agree or disagree.

No harm in it. Fast forward six months after a boozy night out in London. Don't know. Must be. Fast forward six months after a boozy night out in London. I wake up in the morning... Yeah, must be.

..to a message from a girl, who I assume is the girl we were chatting to on the train on the way home. He had sent private pictures we had... ..we had taken. If you know what I mean. It's that red flag. To her, as she had come back very abusive, I would have done

the same. I confronted him and he apologised and said he had got carried away. I heard no shit. Sorry, I got carried away just sending photos of your vagina. I think he would be saying what tastes like that. Well, who knows. He said it was a one-off and it wouldn't happen again,

but he liked the thrill of it. He's a man, eh? Didn't I tell you about that guy once? There's, like, a fetish. Is it there? But this actually has nothing to do with it. Oh, yeah, that one. Going off on a tangent,

do you not remember when I told you that quite a common fetish is when, like, guys get really tangled on by, what, their women having sex with someone else. It must be... You've spoken about this with podcasts. Yeah, I have. Yeah, what? Swiggy? No. No, that actually pulled something.

Voyeurism. Voyeurism. Voyeurism. Is that what it is? We read it in the email with the Excel spreadsheet. Not that. Who still use it? You know, no one asked for it. So surprised. People just probably screen recorded that.

Yeah. Guys, if anyone wants it, let us know. You've still got it. I forget you've hit and we move forward and I have my guard up a little bit, but found a way to get. We always do, don't we? Time passed and we were having fun.

Everyone in my family loved him and stupidly so did I. Fast forward three months and one of my best friend's sisters, who is a lesbian, had seen my profile... ..on a girls-only dating app. And I... And I quote, looking for that special girl in the bedroom from my partner and I. That was all my bio said. I started doing some digging.

I sent screenshots of my profile. I found numerous other profiles. He has changed his Tinder too. Oh, pictures of him and I, changing bio to what he wanted. So what, like, this is us, we're looking for a special letter? Yeah. I also opened his phone one night

and he had locked it on a WhatsApp of another girl's profile picture. And when I looked at the messages, he was trying to get her involved in all relations, Sharon. So... Hold on, I can't remember if I held up a green flag or red flag for a reason. This is a point where it's like,

I think it has to be consented and agreed for a reason. I meant green flag for someone that is, like, single, not, like, in a a relationship we don't need you whatever so now you'd be happy to have a freezer okay safe to say i didn't know half of what I found even existed. There surely is another world out there. I was mortified. Each their own, but I am more than comfortable in my sexuality.

Safe to say I confronted him and ended things with him there and then. Good girl. I didn't realise by saying women are attractive, it meant I wanted to have sexual experiences with them or share my boyfriend with them. I mean, I'm pretty sure that that is not what it means. I think women are pretty. Yeah.

That's a big deal, having a third person in your relationship. And also, like, doing that on your own. Surely if they wanted that, they could talk about it and then do it. I was put off Tinder completely. Fast forward to 2016. I rejoined Tinder apprehensively. I felt ready to start dating again. And I'd done a lot of work for myself.

I wanted the next things in life. Someone to share my life with. I quickly learned that it's true. Not all men are the same. And I can safely say, I met my soulmate eight years later. We own a property, a business together. We have two beautiful children, and are set to get married.

It's true what they say, trust the timing of your life, keep up the good work, girls. You help so many. I love that there was a happy ending to that. Is there? Thank you so much for sending it in. That is wild. Can you imagine if we all just shouted out

the name of our red flag? Oh, my God, I saw him on Google. We were saying that we need to make some sort of group, don't we? Oh, my God. There's a Facebook group. Yeah, there's a Facebook group that I'm in. And I think it's in Essex. people the brief messages people write in this space of group it's basically messages kind of pre-warning other girls about people that they matched with

or dated and they might give my head up to the evil guys i gave you a message that i got unhinged the other day here we go Here's a little sneaky exclusive. I'm actually come off the apps for now. This is probably why I bow with men. We'll be fine, dear. Right. Hey. Good, Pram. I really like you based on your pics.

Emoji with the glasses. I'd like to say up front that under my circumstances, in brackets, working, travelling and all, I can't really get into anything serious, but I wouldn't want to waste this opportunity, so I'd be happy to invite you for a nice bottle of wine to my place. Or, if it's easier, I can come to yours.

Cat's a cat, too. If we both like each other, we might as well end up getting intimate. What can we lose? Upside down smiley face. Don't know why they find you're upside down, babe. If this sounds good, come on then. If this sounds too much, this is the other extreme. If this sounds too much, I'm happy to go for a walk.

Sorry. Mae hyn yn y cyffredin arall. Os yw hyn yn sain am ddwy o amser, rwy'n hapus i fynd i fynd am ymlaen. Sori, rydyn ni'n Covid. Sori os oedd hyn yn rhywbeth am ddwy o amser, ond byddaf yn fawr iawn i fod yn onest ac nid yn gwastraffu'r cyffredin. Byddwn i'n hoffi gwybod pa mor lawer o womain yw wedi'u ddweud. Roedd hynny'n cael ei ddweud yn ystod y cyfnod, oedd hi? Diolch yn fawr iawn, Daniel. pace, wasn't it? Thank you very much, Daniel. Shame I don't have your surname, but yes, folks, I do. Well, it's safe to say I haven't replied.

And, um... And that is dating in 2024. Yeah, so that is why I'm currently not on Hinge anymore. Yeah. Last thing. To wrap it up. Well,

confession. How can we after this? Okay. One to make you laugh. I was messaging a guy for 10 minutes on Bumble

before he asked me a whole 10 minutes. I'm going to do a little voice for it. I'm calling him. Would you like to be folded like a pretzel?

To which I eagerly replied. Fucking love this response. You'd have more chance of rolling me like a sausage, babe. Block a match and they say romance isn't dead. Oh my gosh. Fucking love that. I mean that is a brilliant say romance isn't dead.

Fucking love that. I mean, that is a brilliant reply, isn't it? Fucking smushed that. Right. We are going to do a confession. It's, um... You've got the confession? Yes, good. The confession.

Right, confession of the week. I saw that. Hey, ladies, love the pod. So gutted I can't be at the event, but I hope you can share my very unhinged confession. We love an unhinged... We love a bit of unhinged. Please like if you're unhinged.

We're unhinged. We're unhinged. We're kind of unhinged. OK. You guys mentioned that you found going to a psychic really helpful, but I decided to go down a slightly different route. I got in touch with a black witch. Shh!

Snorting. She made me bring an item of clothing off my ex and she gives some weird spells to give a number. I need to get a number. I don't really know how that. She sent to get a number. I don't really know how that. And she sent a curse

over him. I cannot wait to see the result. Hashtag, sorry not sorry, hashtag, honey into the don't care. Why not get a number for you guys? We had so many people asking for the psychic. Yeah, wait, wait, wait for her number. I will get a number for you guys we had so many people yeah so many people asking

yeah wait wait wait for her number if you get a girl can you imagine sniffing a piece of his hair away and a moody doll yeah love that we're not and by the way disclosure we're not recommending anyone

to us for any kind of curses or spells on their exes. But if you do, that's how I'm going to do it. Let us know what the outcome is. We thought we would maybe do, and this is obviously only if anyone wants to, have a little Q&A open up to you guys.

If you want to ask us anything, if you want to share anything, obviously don't feel like you have to. I know that we've always kept things anonymous, but we can answer anything did you spend a break for divorce yes i did i had a divorce party really yeah i had a divorce party it was so much fun um and yeah i just feel like fuck it why the fuck not um yeah it was really fun i had all my girls we all wore black i got a black veil and my mom was like oh my word that cannot go on any social media i would never stay just completely ripped just out of interest of interest, just to show our parents,

you don't have to put your hand down. Is anyone... So, obviously, Tash is divorced. I'm in the process of divorce. Is anyone else in the process? You feel your shit, too. I promise you, I mean, mine took a lot longer than I felt like it should have, because ours was actually relatively amicable,

but it still took 18 months yeah I believe it's a hard process I think it's a very mentally draining process for anyone going through it just like my biggest advice is like sometimes try not to lose yourself in like like just losing your head just remember like i keep saying to myself like i will focus on the things i can control so yeah i think it's really easy to stress over the things that might lay ahead or might happen or might that's what i really struggle with is like my brain over things and thinks what if this what if this what if this and i think it's like not knowing what's going to happen i find like i think it goes back and forth as well it's like I want this or no I want that

it's like if we don't agree how the hell are we just going to keep spending our life going back and forth and back and forth and I think sometimes you do need to pick your battles I think that's what I ended up realising is there are some things that I'm not budging on and then there are other things where I was

like do you know what I'm not going to get everything I want so I need to decide do i want to move forward or do i want to you know eventually you end up spending so much money trying to get more of what you want and then you end up losing that by the money that you spent trying to get it so i just think that my advice would just be try and look at the bigger picture and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, like promise that I, yeah. Do you want to do an affirmation? Yeah.

Affirmation of the week is... I think always look at me because I just make up bullshit. I don't believe it. Say it and I'll just do it. There is a reason that what happened to you happened to you happened to you and one of those reasons you're all here today

thank you everyone so much for coming thank you guys for listening make sure as always you follow like, subscribe, share spread the love spread the love and um yeah this was amazing and we wouldn't be able to do it without all of you so thank you guys for listening and we'll see you yeah feel free to mingle for a bit chat like get to know

someone who like you don't know like hopefully tonight you've really felt like it is a community like no one is alone like we've all gone through a lot of similar shit together and you should every single person in this room should be so proud that you're sat here where you are now like we're all incredible strong women and we don't need no man no like seriously like the fact you you go through these situations and you think that is the end of everything but you find a strength that you don't know exists within you and you just, like I didn't really feel it in myself, like I feel like I've

become a really good version of myself that I'm actually really proud to be and I'm excited that my kids now get to experience this person because that wasn't the same person who I was, so yeah, amen, thank you guys applause

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