Not As We Planned - 42. A 3 Year Age Gap Between your Daughter and Mistress

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

When she finds out her partner is cheating on the other woman with another one, the cheating husband whose dating a 21year old when he has a 19 year old daughter, and sharing an experience that allows her to go no contact Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hi, it's Tash and Carly and you're listening to Motherhood, not as we planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Hi guys and welcome to this week. Should we have a catch up? Yes, but actually before we have a catch up, there's something that we wanted to say at the beginning of an episode. Anyone that is either listening to this for the first time or you are a regular and you love listening every week, we need to ask for a favour.

Massive, massive favour. We want you to either, if you're listening to this on Spotify, please go and follow, review. If it's on Apple, make sure you subscribe, leave a review. YouTube, subscribe. We want to get our listeners up we want to get people to tag us on instagram share it the more people that we have listening the i think the goal now is especially getting that little taster for that event is being able to go further up north further afield doing more events meeting more people and just spreading the word and helping others feel not so alone with what they're going through so thank you that is a favor that we would love to ask you so reviews share follow subscribe

and now let's get on to this week's i'm sick guys just quickly on that if you listen to this and thinking i really needed to hear that or that made me laugh, go and write it on a review. Like, right, Tash and Carly are freaking hilarious, you know? Right, you know, like they've given me hope when I'm going through a hard time. I can't tell you how much like two minutes of your time helps us so much. Yeah, definitely. Catch up. Catch up.

So I actually had some experience with sperm on my face this week. up catch up so i actually had some experience with sperm on my face this week not the type of sperm you're thinking of salmon sperm had it injected under my arm polynucleotides for anyone that doesn't understand what that is basically i think it's done in different ways but i had cannulas i know it hurt? Can you see the bruising? I actually didn't bruise, really. Maybe slightly swollen. Did it hurt? Do you know what it felt like?

It felt like someone had put a needle in my face with a thread and was just tugging on it. Maybe it's probably gay, funny. So anyway, what they do is they inject the salmon sperm, lol, into different areas under the eyes. And what it's meant to do, it's not filler. It makes you produce more of your own collagen. And what it's meant to do is brighten up under your eyes

and just fill it up ever so slightly. So it's actually how your... Right, as opposed to like yeah it doesn't just sit there and so it won't go lumpy it won't change the shape of my face it's hopefully going to brighten it but it does take a few weeks and then you have to have a top up after three weeks so keep yeah keep you updated with my sperm journey any updating stuff this week oh no no i'm off yeah okay this week it's off but next week guys so no I'm do you know what I can't remember what I have and haven't shared because

obviously like we had our podcast event and we didn't like do much of an update but just trying to be as transparent as possible without oversharing too much or allowing it to kind of like consume me having had that week where I was in bed ill and I had a lot of time to think I feel like my thoughts literally took a mind of their own and I fell into a bit of a like dark place of overthinking and grief that I don't think I've really experienced in my breakup yet um or even in my divorce like genuinely I don't ever think I've been like obviously I was so bad with my divorce but it was a different type of yeah it's like family breakdown and becoming a single parent grief in different respects yeah this is like heartbreak yeah grief um it's

definitely something that i am struggling with so i just i don't know i just want to let anyone know that is maybe in that kind of like pit of despair at the moment i think you just need to be kind to yourself and try and do like simple things like i've just tried to keep a structure as best as i can and literally just put one foot in front of the other and it's the small wind it yeah it's having an evening at home and being like oh I haven't cried tonight and it's shit and it's just the journey that I'm on and I have my good moments I have my bad moments it is coming up weirdly four months since we broke up oh god where's that gone but only like nearly two months of no contact so look I think for me it's also that that long period of time

where we haven't spoken where I know how I feel I don't know how he feels you start kind of like making up scenarios in your head thank you it is what is. I can only know what's going on with me. I'm not great, but it's a journey. And hopefully, eventually. It will. It will get better. So, yeah. Over to you, babe.

I've been a bit all over the place the last few weeks. Obviously, I shared in the live episode that we'd gone through some transitions with the kids meeting the other woman yeah um which was really difficult and I think it's actually do I what and I don't want to be negative but I feel like I thought the initial meeting of it would be the hardest bit and then it would be over and I have to be honest it's not it's knowing that each week they're probably getting to know her more or getting more comfortable and actually I'm finding that harder I understand you know it's the building of a relationship and it's not that I want my kids to be unhappy when they're there of course not but I I feel like I don't know it's taking me a

while to process and it does make me feel uncomfortable and unsettled but one thing I have noticed is I whilst my boys seem okay with the changes I feel like they have become extra attached to me when they're back here which which I'm not complaining about, but they are literally both on top of me. They both want cuddles. They're very cute. I feel like Theo in particular is very aware of how things might make me feel. And he's been going like, you know, you'll always be my favorite girl in the whole wide world.

You're the most beautiful girl I know. Just things like that. And I feel like he's given me like the affirmations that I need. And so, yeah, I feel like just mentally I've been a bit there and so really well timed I actually went for a spa weekend this weekend which honestly I just needed I feel like as well often when I go away with my boyfriend was so busy like we are literally like up in the morning was doing this doing this doing this like squeezing everything in it was nice to just be and relax um so yeah it was really nice but I think I'm just learning I've been a bit better in terms of focusing on what I control and this week as well

just something I've been really focusing on is holding boundaries with things and yeah it's really empowering to know I've always been a bit of a walkover a bit of a people pleaser and I think just this week I don't know sometimes you reach a point where you're like enough is enough I'm holding my boundaries and it's felt really positive so yeah good good for you and I think I really obviously I haven't gone through it yet but I can really appreciate that actually it can it's almost one of those things that gets worse before it gets better yeah because it is that constant that they're building a relationship and you're a bit like oh shit this isn't like I feel like um they seem to have this like loyalty towards me where they initially when they met her

they'd come back and like say oh oh, not really speaking much about her, but just like she was that we did this all together. And I feel like now they're hesitant to like even mention her. And it's not, I've never said anything bad. Like, and I think that's also a hard part we don't speak about is like holding back on the comments. I've not said anything.

And actually when they initially came back, I'd be like, oh, how lovely. And I'd like, so before it all happened and there was talk of it happening theo was really worried and i would say i'm sure blah blah is so lovely like you're gonna have so much fun and i don't think my kids will ever know how much that hurt me to say that i i can resonate with that so much because i feel that way when i used to talk about their dad yeah and you do have to bite your tongue oh really you wouldn't be like same as their dad he did that well actually if you want to know he's a fucking prick but obviously you're not going to say it it's like when like and often

at the moment and you know they say what we're doing this weekend going to daddy's and they I don't want to go to daddy's when I stay with you I and again as much as it pains me I'm like you're gonna have the most amazing time at daddy's and i think when they're older they appreciate like the the faces we put on for them and things like for me sitting there saying her name saying you're gonna have so much fun honestly inside it's like a knife going further and further in and it makes you physically ill but you do it but i feel like they must have i've never anything, I've never bad mouthed her, nothing. Kids pick things up.

They know, but they won't talk about her now. Really? I'll ask about things. I'll be like, oh, like, what did you do, daddies? And they'll really careful. Do you know what's really interesting? In regards to that, it's very interesting. And your kids are obviously like really switched on

and like sensitive to their hour. Do you know what's very funny? The opposite with my kids is, I kid you not, the last two weeks I have been on the floor about my ex. They have not stopped talking about him. Read the room, guys. I'm like, honestly, like i'll put rome into his car and he'll be like he'll say his name he'll be like blah blah put me to bed last night i'm like but but he didn't like i was with you like but he doesn't understand the time so like last night

could mean a year ago and i'd be like oh my god it was it was actually terrible I took the kids to the farm the other day and we saw some alpacas and they were his favorite animal and Blake out of nowhere was like oh alpacas oh that's blah blah's favorite animal I miss him is he dead and I just was like you know how kids just come out with yeah there Yeah. There's just no filter. And I was actually just like, in my head, I thought, maybe it's best that I say he is. But obviously I was like, no. Do you remember Mummy explained to you, like, he's really busy with work and he's moved a bit. I've told them he's moved a bit further away.

Because I don't want them thinking that he doesn't want to see them anymore. They don't ever show any upset. They just talk about him a lot but I feel like it seems to be more when I'm really down that they seem to talk about him it's like guys come on

can we see what's happening right now guys but yeah it's like but they always have been I've always said like Theo is very like almost like too mature in terms of

emotionally like he's very aware of other people's emotions yeah he just feels everything deeply and i think we're very similar like i'm a massive empath but like when when i feel sad i feel really sad when i feel happy i feel really happy just when i'm in love i you know like i'm i'm a massive empath and he's definitely got that from me but um yeah I guess I'll obviously keep you guys updated it's a journey isn't it it's not something that I'll just wake up one day and be

okay with but I guess it's a new kind of getting used to and it's it's hard and it's crap and it's not where I thought I'd be and I think that also made us where, so obviously like me and my boyfriend are coming up to me and together a year and we've held off on the kids and we were going to do it soon. And then, I don't know, just with everything with the kids going through that and whilst yes, they're not like displaying

any signs of distress, whatever, I don't want to throw more big changes and we're not in a rush, you know? And I think actually like, it's beneficial for us to focus just on us and making sure we're super strong in our relationship before the kids come in and like we I love that we're both on the same page of the kids well-being and you know they are always our priority with things and at the end of the day, we love each other and we know that's going to happen for us. What's the rush?

There is no rush. So we've just taken a couple of steps back with that at the moment. Okay, should we go into some email? Let's see some email. Let's do it. Do it, do it, do it good. Do it and let this shit just like usual. My neck, my back, let my, and my.

Okay. Okay, let's go with this one. Relationship story. Hi, ladies. I don't have kids, but I'm going through the breakup of my 16-year relationship with my husband. And I'm finding so much comfort in your podcast. We've been together since I was 15 and married for two and a half years. I find it really hard to relate to and almost get triggered by listening to a lot of other podcasts out there talking about heartbreak as they all seem to be a much shorter

term relationship we were having a disagreement after my husband rejected my attempt to initiate sex i mean i i've got to be honest like that that's a real like it is yeah it is and then i think also especially i don't know why i could be wrong and by all means anyone correct me if there's any male listeners but i think there's something a bit different to a man turning down sex than a woman turning down sex i feel like women especially like if they're not if they're it's they're nearly they're coming on their period or their hormone or they're not feeling very sexy i feel like men generally always want sex i could be wrong yeah but i don't know i feel like i feel like it's a lot more rare for a man to turn it down than a woman i think you always

hear like the woman yeah i've heard that yeah yeah yeah yeah i agree um i asked him if he still wanted this life and he said no i don't think I do I was seeking reassurance and ended up being totally and completely blindsided the last thing he had done before saying this was pulling me in closer to him kissing me on the forehead he was my very best friend in the whole wide world and I did not see this coming in a million years

he told me he didn't love me anymore wasn't attracted to me. What? Can I say something? There's being honest and then there's just being upfront fucking idiotic. I've had that. But why do you need to say that?

And I will say as well, from personal experience, things like being rejected, things like being told they're not attracted to you, that stays with you and it's really, really hard to move on from that even when you're then in a new relationship yeah some reason you end up believing these things about yourself oh it makes me so angry like that man loved her at one point yeah oh okay um and that he just saw me as a friend and had been feeling this way for months

despite still telling me he loved me every day. Cool, that communication, hun. He later told me, when you say something for long enough, it just becomes a habit. Oh, fuck off. No, that fucks me off. Fuck off.

Well, it's a habit, so that's okay to just carry on saying it. We even went on a date to the restaurant we got married in three nights before the breakup happened. Everything was completely normal in our relationship. We were days away from starting to build our dream home and had been talking about starting a family this year.

He then proceeded to keep me on the hook for three weeks while he decided what he wanted. This guy is a complete and utter a-hole and here's my red flag to represent him at his asshole i suspect he's gotten some attention from someone that he works with another one and had at least an emotional affair but i have no confirmation of this it doesn't change the outcome for me but i find myself hoping hoping if that's the case she's going to fuck him over at some point down the line almost three months out I'm starting to see that I ignored some pretty big red flags early on do you know what's quite interesting I feel like whenever we speak to anyone or we have people email in and it's like, it blindsided me.

I never knew it was coming. On reflection, a hundred percent. It is fact. And I'm telling you now that this is fact. If you were listening to this and you were going through a new breakup or your relationship is about to break down or you feel like something suddenly out of nowhere hit you and things have gone wrong,

no one that is your soulmate or you're meant to be with will ever leave you a relationship is never going to end if it is perfect once you start reflecting and looking back on that relationship you will realize that there are things that were not right i were not okay i agree and you don't know because you're not looking for those things yeah when you're in that relationship and i think that's what a hundred percent what happened with me i was like it knocked me and i was like what the hell and then actually when i sat down and started doing the work i was like what yeah have you been doing yeah what have you been looking at like no delulu i know um we had a short-lived breakup about three years in he had gone out clubbing i wasn't of legal drinking age yet one night then he dumped me the next day

without explanation i've always assumed that he cheated on me but it was never something he admitted to from then on i never trusted him to go on a night out with his mates and every single time he went out for the next 13 years i I worried he was going to cheat on me. Something I now know isn't normal. Got to be honest, I really resonate with that. Like, I sadly don't think I ever trusted my ex-husband. And I thought, I used to convince myself that was normal I used to say you should never trust anyone 100% which I don't necessarily disagree with but how I used to convince myself

that it was okay and normal to not trust my partner isn't how I'd ever want to be like I wasn't like that in my next relationship and I wouldn't ever be like that again. It's like what we say, isn't it? Trusting someone is a bare minimum in a relationship. Yeah. He always had his phone with him or left it laying face down. Yeah. A regular issue in our relationship

was that he didn't make me feel loved and only made effort to show affection if I called him out on it or if he wanted to have sex. Not once in 16 years did he ever tell me I was beautiful. Oh, stop. I think I had the same. Yeah, I shared it.

I never got told I was beautiful. I don't think I ever received compliments. I actually think I received more compliments from a guy that I met for the first 10 minutes than I did in 17 years. Sad. Yeah, I didn in 17 years. Sad. Yeah, I didn't get any compliments ever. No. We're 52 days into no contact,

fucking smashing it back. Yeah, shoot him going no contact. Yeah. Gel. Or not. And it's been the absolute hardest 52 days of my life. I know what it helps her. Breathe.

Breathe. Sorry. Take time. Might need to finish it. Yeah. Sorry. You take time. Might need to finish it. Yeah. We're 52 days into no contact and it's been the absolute hardest 52 days of my life. I'm so hopeful for the future

and that I'll find a new man to share my life with and to have a family with, but I'm also terrified that I won't find someone else and I'll end up alone. I'm finding my solo life the way it is now, but it's not what I want long term. I also think when you're in these situations you can't see how you'll ever meet someone again you think I don't know particularly like you're still very very early on like you don't see how there are any decent men out there like you think no one's gonna love

you and I think where you've been made to feel unbeautiful for so long you think how would anyone ever look at me and think I'm beautiful or think I'm amazing or think I'm worth spending their life with but the fact of the matter is you are and you absolutely will and there is someone so much more suited to you someone who will be your life partner someone who is your soulmate and I think you just need to trust in the timing of the universe sometimes I feel so incredibly angry with him and I hate him not because he broke up with me he shouldn't have to be miserable living a life with someone he doesn't want to be with but because he said nothing made no effort to improve or change anything and dealt with things in such a cowardly way I agree it's that respect isn't it of like working a relationship doesn't just work it doesn't just happen it takes two people putting in the work and if you're not communicating and

doing that as a team it's not going to work i think it's just feeling that disrespect he is a complete stranger to me now the man i shared half of my life with is gone and it's completely devastating anyway love the podcast look I can the going no contact I think it's from going to like best friends being with that person that person being you know your person for everything your go-to to becoming a stranger like is the hardest thing I've personally had to experience um and I don't want to be hypocritical and sit there being like it's gonna get easier like you're gonna be fine like it will but right now like I'm where you are so you know I need to take my own advice and you need to understand that if that relationship hasn't worked out, there is reason for that and you will find someone better. I completely resonate when you're saying like you don't mind being on your own, but that's not what you really want. At the end of the day, as humans, we are designed for connection and to be with someone and I think that

I think it's it's it's natural to want to be with someone and have that connection do your healing do your work and you will get that again and I think that you just gotta eventually believe it and that's maybe where I'm at where I'm struggling I think I I think it's so normal when you go through a breakup to be that fearful that you're never gonna find someone again of course but yeah thank you for sending it in and it's really nice to hear that we have people that listen that like aren't even mums like you know heartbreak is heartbreak whether you're a mum or you're not so we really hope that you listening helps and yeah 52 days no contact you're fucking smashing it well done

yeah okay this one guys is called healing a broken heart firstly i just want to say how much your podcast and your socials are helping me mentally as i have recently become a single mum after 11 years together. Our relationship started breaking down after we took on too much. He was working six to seven days a week and I was at home with my son. At the time I felt resentful as all I could see was him working every day to meet deadlines and the pressure from managers at work whilst I'm working part-time looking after our son and studying at university. We never communicated at the time, our relationship got mundane and this led to him going on his work Christmas party

and sleeping with her. Another one. Work colleague. Shock. Another one. Because he wasn't getting it at home. If you're not getting it at home, why can't you just make a move at home why do you need to make

a move at fucking work i don't get it i don't get it make the effort make the fucking effort to make your wife or your partner feel sexy feel loved feel beautiful and then they're probably going to want to have sex with you more after talking things through it's not the only thing filling your face if you're fucking hit by a red flag story of your life after talking things through and decided to try for the sake of our family we gave our relationship another go this lasted months and then things fizzled out work became stressful again university became harder and i struggled to juggle everything we mutually decided to end things but the same night we discussed this and what to do going forward he started messaging the work colleague i mean like i mean let's be honest it probably never stopped telling her he was recently single literally half an hour

and arranged to meet up with her recently single recently single babe oh still here oh honestly like they just can't wait i became obsessive checking where he was on find my phone syncing his messages to my laptop i mean you're lucky he lucky he still has his Find His Friends on. I found that my ex got a different type of phone, so I couldn't understand how this fucking worked. Babe, if they've got a Samsung, it's a ripped thing.

I don't think I've ever done the Find My Phone, but to when we initially broke up, and like, he left, his AirPods... I knew you were going to say that. His AirPods were still linked to my Find My and I literally was watching him go to places to tell me he was somewhere.

I remember something completely different. I'm like, okay. Cool hunch. Okay. I became obsessive checking where he was on Find My Phone, syncing his messages To my laptop Feeling sick to my stomach

When I seen them Planning to meet up In hotels He said he was going To a job But he was meeting her Sleeping together And then coming home

As if nothing had happened Oh I'd have to turn up Yeah That does I would not have the balls. I would. Yeah, you would. I would fucking rock up and fucking go guns blazing.

Would you? Yeah, it would give me fucking life. So toxic, I'm not lying. It would absolutely. I just wouldn't. If I had time and fucking location, oh my God, I'd get the camera out and, oh. You're happy. I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fucking fine. She's got therapy after this. And honey, yes, it helps. Unhinged and the constant lies were killing me we own the house and i wasn't in the position to leave as i don't have my parents and i'm a full-time student with no income other than student finance which is minimum i've been living

in this situation for nine months and it's breaking me i recently had a discussion about selling the house, getting it valued so I can move out and start to move on and work on myself again. He agreed and was telling me what I wanted to hear, telling me that he would support me and our son financially. He never wants to see me without, wants the best for me and that I will always be part of their family as his parents love me like their own. I thought he was finally changing. Until recently, I seen a message on his phone from another. Another one. Work, Holly.

Stop it. You mean another one. Another one. Another one. Oh, my God. Different to the one from the Christmas party. About how much he enjoyed Friday night and can't wait to do it again. Speechless.

And that takes a lot. I felt sick. All we've done is argue about this and I feel like, do you know what? To a degree, I feel like it's better. I was about to say,

wouldn't you be slightly happy that like, is he cheating on the other one with the other one? Yeah. Yeah. It does make you feel better when you realize they still do the same thing yeah yeah um look leopards don't change their spots overnight babe let's be honest um i felt sick all we've done is argue about this and i feel like my feelings are invalid because we're not together he can do what he wants and

see who he wants but it is the fact he is doing this because we're not together. He can do what he wants and see who he wants, but it is the fact he is doing this whilst we're still living together and trying to navigate a way out of this shitstorm of a situation. Am I wrong for feeling like this? I don't know what to do and feel like I'm stuck in a rut. My mental health is at an all-time low and I've had some scarily dark thoughts this week because I feel so unhappy.

I just want to feel loved and be genuinely happy I don't recognize or love the person I have become thanks again for your weekly advice and support keep doing what you're doing girls look how you're feeling is so valid like at the end of the day like you know sorry if it seems insensitive we can sit here and be like oh my god like I'd actually be quite happy that there's another one but you're in it right now and you still love him us being on the outside looking in we're like oh my god what a waste of space what a prick like you can do so much better you will get there that dark place it's not permanent that feeling is not permanent for anyone and you are no different like and you need to focus right now well whilst you're in that dark

place and all the positive things that you do have and and I know that might be harder to pick out right now but I promise there are a lot and I know right now it's tough in terms of finances and not really seeing like there's a way out but if you can just focus on those little glimmers I think people call them those little things in your day. Like for me, I remember in those really, really dark days and I completely empathize how you're feeling because I hit some places I have never, ever been in before. Like thoughts and feelings that were just horrific. And my kids' laughter, my kids' cuddles, my kids' kisses or looking at their little hands or whatever it was were my things that pulled me through those days and it is a case of taking it hour by hour right

now feel the feels feel whatever you need to feel right now and it's it's not wrong for feeling like that because that's how you're feeling i think you just need to fully embrace it cry scream go punch something like feel, feel everything. Write it down. Get it out. You are entitled to feel like that, but it will get better and it will ease and it will pass. I also think that while you're under the same roof,

like, use that to its advantage. And while he's there, go and meet friends. Like, use the annoying man as free childcare. Go and meet a friend for a coffee go for dinner go for a walk now that it's still light until like 8 p.m i've actually been told by my therapist i'm going to do this this week is write a list and you don't have to do it in one go because it might take you some time but write a list of 50 things that make you happy it doesn't have to necessarily be something like you you know, a specific thing. It might even just be like what smells make you happy.

Like even just like the smell of a bakery or like pet new year. What songs that you hear on the radio make you happy? What sounds, your children laughing? What, you know, for me, like sunset, like bring me joy. Write down those things that make you happy i know when you're in a really dark place it's hard to see so even if you just try and find like three things a day what brings you just a tiny little bit of joy and hold on to those things because right now your world is falling apart but i promise you there is lightness after that dark. Like, it isn't permanent.

So, yeah, just you're doing really well. You've just got to ride the wave, unfortunately, and know that there is better out there for you. Like, he's set the bar really, really low. And not everyone's like that. I mean, look, he's already pretty much gone and cheated on the person that he cheated on you with so good luck to them soon it'll be another one and another one then another one and another one okay there's no subject to this one hi carly and tash i'm really

looking forward to your event on wednesday so glad that you came hope you had fun my friend is the one that recommended I listen to your podcast as she found them extremely helpful going through her own breakup and I'm so grateful she did I found them so relatable with my journey to heal after a very extremely hard breakup my very first and only breakup and heartbreak as my husband and I were first loves we got together when we were both 14 we were childhood high school sweethearts we were only 16 when we had an unexpected surprise and had our first daughter and then went on to have two more beautiful children together we were together 15 years before he finally asked me to marry him we then married and we were married for five years so overall had 20 what I thought were wonderful years together however this sadly changed six

months ago when he came home from work one evening and out of nowhere completely blindsided me and said he wasn't happy he felt he was drifting he was struggling with his mental health so need some space and a break from our relationship i hate the word a break we what you're either in or you're out do you know what i mean you're out a break in or you're out you're not fucking time let me just take a little step and then come back in you're in or you're out hon i respected his decision to leave and get the space he needed. However, after being away almost three months, a week before Christmas, I was informed by my nephew who works with my husband that he had had rumours that the reason why my husband left was because he was having an

affair with a just turned 21 year old waitress. Would you like some fries with that? That also works with him Another one My husband is now 35 And our oldest daughter Is 18 And he wants me to know how he does

So wow there is a 3 year age difference Between your daughter And your fucking mistress You motherfucker Your daughter could have a boyfriend Who's 21 between your daughter and your fucking mistress, you motherfucker. Your daughter could have a boyfriend who's 21. It's not even that. You could... Yeah, that's weird.

You could date your daughter. It could be a friend of your daughter. He obviously denied it. He claimed he'd only been texting her for a few weeks. Sorry, are you 21? Just texting her. However, all his lies unraveled.

Weeks later, he then left me for good to pursue a relationship with her. Do you think he's getting paid to babysit? Maybe he's helping her revise for her A-levels. They've been together ever since. There is a lot more to my story.

However, that is the general gist and the briefest virgin. Virgin? There's no virgins in this story. Thank you again. I have no words. The fact that this man has an 18-year-old daughter and a 21-year-old girlfriend, that in itself is so mortifyingly embarrassing. He probably feels like the absolute nuts.

He's like, look at me, I'm this young bird. It's embarrassing. It is embarrassing. It's probably embarrassing for their daughter. Oh my God, I'm mortified for her. Listen, let him do it. No situation is easy, but I'm telling you now, I'm going to try and paint you a different story.

Okay, you ready? What would you rather? I know no one wants their husband to leave them for anyone but here we go okay your husband leaves you for a 21 year old who is an absolute child who let's be honest has no idea what they're doing probably no life experience and is a few years older than his daughter cool, really good potential or he meets a beautiful older woman

maybe has a few kids of her own, seems really respectful headstrong has her own career I don't know I think I would rather be like love you do you hon have fun with your 21 year old child who's probably gonna need help with weaning and and you do you and i'll find myself and then i'll go and find a respectful man who doesn't go for children and

i'm gonna say something that you just might not agree on but i don't think either those situations are beneficial at the end of the day regardless of whether it's someone younger someone more beautiful someone more intelligent someone this when someone goes somewhere else it leaves you no i know it leaves you feeling like shit i know you're trying to lie. I know. No, I know. Maybe it didn't work.

I don't think it did. I just think regardless, it could be any one of those things. It could be age. It could be whatever it is. It leaves you feeling not good enough. It leaves you feeling unworthy, unbeautiful, unlovable. I know all those feelings well. I think what you've got to remember is at the end of the day,

he is not the person you thought he was and you deserve a hell of a lot better. Let him go do his thing. Let him go and do and choose his next route. Let him go and figure out things himself. You don't need to waste your time or your emotional energy worrying about where he is, who he's with. You know he's with this girl.

What you need to focus on is you bettering yourself healing yourself going out doing things that make you feel good and when you find your happiness you'll get to a point where it's irrelevant who he's with it's irrelevant who he's with now who he was with you won't care about that that's where i'm at now like i couldn't care less what who my ex is with who's he's in a relationship with now because i'm happy in myself and content with myself and that is my focus and i think you will reach that point but i think you have to re-channel your energy sorry to um i mean no like that that was way more helpful look let's be honest like what you just said said there is pretty much how I feel about my ex-husband.

Like you no longer have like, and I know that you may not feel this quite yet, but I no longer have like hate or anger. I'm so indifferent that he could be with anyone if you're talking about yeah my ex-boyfriend well let's not even get there but like yeah you're right once you get to such a good place it doesn't matter what they're doing who with where you now need to write your list 25 benefits of not being with him and start concentrating on that and realize that obviously you both are very different people with very different morals and your values don't align and you have the rest of your life ahead to be happy yeah look it's a really long time that you were with him I really

understand being childhood sweethearts with someone and you're now mourning the life that you're not going to have that you really thought you were. I was with my ex-husband from the age of 15. We were together for 17 years. And I cannot express to you how I genuinely never, ever thought in a million years that I would be okay without him. ever thought in a million years that I would be okay without him and I'm so proud on reflection looking back especially now that I thought my worst nightmare would be him being with someone else and from the moment he's been with someone else it hasn't bothered me in the slightest and

it makes me so happy and that it just shows what journey I've been on and how far I've come and I promise you I know that it's so easy for me to say if I can do it you guys can do it because I genuinely thought my he was my life and and he's not. And I don't care anymore. And yeah, I know it's really hard and it's shit, but... You'll get there. Yeah. Okay, guys. Confession of the week. Quite a long one.

It's a long one. I'm going to email it to him. Starts off, monkey. Oh, monkey face. Monkey face. Over the eyes. Do we need a red flag over the eyes? Are we ever going to use the screen for the lovely thing?

They don't exist. I'm joking. I was in a relationship for 12 years. Due to get married, things were not right for a long time. I told myself I had to because we had two children and my dad was coming from abroad to give me away. So I felt like I'd gone too far to back out. I went on my Hindu and we met another stag group

and we all got talking and one of them, I can honestly say, we spoke for hours. I knew there was something I had never felt before. The spark was instant. Oh, that's a bit red flaggy. But this is her confession of the week. Okay, so I'm not judging. No.

At the end of the day, you can't help... Anyway, he was just coming out of a relationship. What do you mean just coming out? way okay so i'm not judging no no at the end of the day like you can't help like just carry anyway he was just coming out of a relationship do you mean just coming out you are you out of a relationship no she's on her hand the guy that she was just come out or is he coming out is he ending it what does that mean that's him oh do you know what i mean you're either just come out of a relationship what's your inner coming out he's just coming out. That makes me feel like he said, like, oh, I'm going to end it. Yeah. After that night, I got married two weeks later

and could not stop thinking about who I had met. I ended my marriage after two weeks. Oh, stop it. Oh, my God. Which was awful. I shouldn't have gone through with it but hindsight is a wonderful thing i wonder if it was a good party like got back in touch with who i'd met and we started to talk more we have now been together for 12 years we have i just got i'm not gonna

lie i just got goosebumps thing is like this is a massive case of never ignore the gut, isn't it? Yeah. She just shouldn't have gone through with the marriage. No, and look, I'm not for a second saying that what she did was right. But it is, you've got to have a lot of fucking balls to stop a wedding two weeks before. Everything's painful. Even more balls to end a marriage after weeks before everything's paying even more balls to end a marriage after two weeks fuck me yeah like wow i would like i'm in awe and it's amazing you're

together um i believe everything happens for a reason i would never have been in the place i was if i wasn't on my hen do so we would never have met my ex-husband is great friends with my current husband. Stop it. Despite how we met. I think he knew deep down we weren't right but he was the same as me and didn't want to make the change. I can say myself

that my husband and I were both in relationships where we have been taken for granted for a long time. We both make an effort to make sure we don't feel like that again. Not the best or the most conventional way

to meet someone but that's my story. Look, do you know what? It's really controversial, but there's something about it that's really special. I know what you mean. Like, do you know what? And I think maybe it actually speaks volumes slightly

that her ex-husband and her new husband are friends because there was obviously some sort of like, like, not agreement. That's not the word I'm looking for. Like they were obviously on the same page that they were sort of like, they felt like they should get married. And it's so nice that he's happy for you to be happy

and be with someone like, who obviously he knows it's more suited to you. She said that they'd been together for a while and they got married because they had children. Like, I don't know. Like, yeah, I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing. And look, you've got to end it. Guys, this is just a sign never to ignore your gut.

Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Thanks for sending all those in, guys. Should we end with a little affirmation of the week? Right. I'm just trying to think of some of the things that were shared and stuff. Let's try and remember that.

Okay, guys, we wouldn't have flowers without the rain. So sometimes it may feel like your darkest days when it's always pouring, but eventually... April. Yeah, the April showers. But eventually, the flowers continue to bloom. And do something beautiful.

Yeah, I'm just making up this shit but it sounds quite good we're going for it guys it has to rain for flowers to survive to grow and grow I hope you enjoyed the episode she won't be writing the quotes I'll tell you that one

I do sometimes the one that we just did yeah no no anyway guys thank you so much for listening we love you

thank you for all the follow share see you next week bye