Not As We Planned - 46. He Left because I Got Too Fat

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

When you are to blame for your partner cheating, the 29 year old barmaid, and a dog shit blowj*b Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hi, it's Tash and Carly and you're listening to Motherhood, not as we planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Hi guys and welcome to another episode. Welcome, welcome. I hope everyone is well. If you're not already signed up to Patreon, go do that. Go watch our extra episodes

that you get weekly now and don't forget to like subscribe follow share our podcast on your page we are looking to grow and we can only do that with your help and also if you're loving us please just take two minutes to write a review on apple podcast it really really helps us thank you thank you should we have a little catch-up you go i go i've had a challenging a few days with blake for anyone that doesn't watch my instagram stories why i'm joking um yeah i've just shared on there i am in the process of getting him assessed for ADHD. Although I'm absolutely adamant, I know he has it. His behaviour is just literally like to a T. ADHD, very typical boy, everything that he shows, all his sort of behaviours. And what I think I've been really struggling with recently is I've been getting a lot of phone calls from the school. I think I've been really struggling with recently is I've been getting a lot of phone calls from the school and I think that look there's your child being challenging at home and it's still obviously

really hard yeah but then when you find that he's being difficult and hard at school where you're not there and you're constantly getting phone calls and he's done this to that one and like he's such a lovely kind boy but he gets frustrated and he started picking his hands up a bit and I don't know I guess I'm not embarrassed but I just feel like you know when you see the phone on your phone like the school's ringing you're like oh no what's happening

are they okay it's not a no I now see it and I'm like what's he done and it's becoming really regular and I sometimes

I do get off the phone and I'm like oh my god I can't believe he just did that or and I feel it makes me sad

because I feel like he's obviously struggling he's obviously not getting what he needs from them like the support for like he's obviously not regulated at all um and I had a review with his psychotherapist because he has play therapy with her and she's amazing and I did call her and I ended up like bursting into tears on the phone to her because it is horrible and when you feel like you can't help your child I feel like I'm failing and I'm like what am I doing wrong what am I not giving him to feel happy enough or regulated enough and it's so easy to blame yourself and and sort of like self-collects

yeah and I'm like what like is he not feeling loved enough from me or you know is the separation now really taking its toll and I was saying to his therapist on the phone I was like I feel like he's getting worse and I don't know what to do she was like I only see Blake on a one-to-one when he's in a room with me but one thing I can tell you that he really struggles with his boundaries and rules and she's like he's going he's in that last term of year one where they are getting them ready for year two and as the years goes on and as the term goes on it's getting stricter it's getting more structured there's more boundaries and there's more rules so she's like so i'm not surprised that he's getting he's not getting worse at home it's always been pretty challenging but i expect it i know it and

i deal with it i think it's the school that's like really affected me and i don't know i think that i've got to be honest i think even if I was still married to his dad, how I'm feeling would still be exactly the same. And what I'm dealing with in regards to chats with the school, chats with his therapist, chats with him, I think would all still be the same but there's still just something that highlights like not having that person to like offload to at the end of the day or come up with strategies together or I don't know sometimes I just feel like however much I'm over him not being with him doing things like this alone I will never be okay with um what my family and friends are really supportive but they're not his problem and i have spoken to their dad about it but there's just something i i don't know like and then i sort of wanted to touch on the topic today about you know that you know how we've spoken before about like that default parent even when you're together yeah always that default parent that kind of like does the main load i think with co-parenting

please feel free to email in if you don't agree with me but i feel like with co-parenting even if you've got a 50 50 split there is always one parent that takes on i'd say at least 90% of the mental load even with a 50% split you have got that one parent that will be making sure their homework is done making sure they've got school shoes that fit making sure that the dentist appointment is booked in and they go there you know just everything and I just feel like I have 90 to 95% of that mental load of parenting. I've even always felt like that. Yeah. And look, I don't expect it to not be that way because I had that when we were married. have 90 to 95% of the mental load of the children,

as well as trying to look after yourself, regulate your own emotions, do general life. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Their dad has never let me down with any time that he's meant to have them. I can't put him down for not showing up for them and doing exactly what he's meant to have them i can't i can't put him down for not showing up for them yeah and doing exactly what he's meant to do but it would be oh by the way can you remember when you've got them ivy's actually now got an activity after school have you do you know what i'll give her

the after school snack because if he doesn't he won't remember i'll buy the uniform if and it's just like constantly like even when I don't have the kids, I'm still thinking about something to do with the kids. You don't really switch off. And I don't know. I just think in times of what's going on with Blake, I've just struggled mentally. And I've really noticed that

mentally and I've really noticed that how much I'm pouring into him I'm really not pouring into myself at all and it doesn't help that he doesn't sleep well and then I only really get a night's sleep when they're at their dad and then I find myself sometimes and I feel bad for it but counting down the nights until oh how how long until I get a full night's sleep but then am I sort of wishing the time away some of my kids and I don't want to be like that I enjoy my children I don't know I'm just having this sort of like battle at the moment with just generally managing life while I'm still very much in the depth of trying to heal from heartbreak as well on top of everything I've just mentioned so sometimes I just find myself in the evening I just like sit down I'm like wow that was a day and then I gotta do it all over again tomorrow

on my own yeah I don't want to start the episode all doom and gloom but i feel like i get so many mums especially messaging me when i mention anything about blake being like you know being a parent is fucking hard being a single parent is really fucking hard but being a single parent when you have a child that is you know has additional yeah it is just another brick on top of you that's just weighing you down so I just want to maybe like shout out to any mums any send mums you know or just any children that have a disability and you're doing it on your own or even if you're not doing it on your own like you should be proud of what you're doing because it it's fucking difficult and yeah it's just been a bit of a heavy few days so yes yeah that's my week how have you been I booked a holiday oh yeah so yeah so it'll be my well well, officially second, no, third solo holiday, just me and the kids.

But, yeah, really, really excited. Learned my lesson from last year, not to do a four-and-a-half-hour flight on my own. Good. See, lesson learned. Going somewhere nearer. Yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. I mean, I just, I've've been thinking how long are you going well

six days so i go down there last time seven okay so similar and like with the travel time probably get the same amount of time there anyway um but yeah i mean the reviews are great it looks great and i will let you know how it goes how exciting i am excited it'll be nice i i wouldn't take the boys away again in the summer, but I don't want to rely on that because the prices are mental. Yeah. So I just... So are you taking him out to school?

Yes. I did that last year. Well, I just think they're so young. For me, travel is really important. And I just... I don't think they're really in these cities. He's in the same nation. He will be just five, like, I think,

time of day. I took my kids out of school last year. They were in reception for ten days. Whatever. They, I don't know if I'm there. Their childhood

is down to us. Yeah. Well, I'll get into that debate. Should we get stuck into an evening? Let's do it. Husband cheats

with work colleagues throughout pregnancy and IVF. Another one. gold star for you sir hey ladies I've never written into any podcast ever but I felt compelled to contact you both my story brace yourself my ex and I were together for 20 years since I was 14 and he was 16 childhood sweethearts if you will we married eight years ago and welcomed our first child soon after. Life was good. And I was so happy, we decided to start trying for a second

baby when my son was four. We should not go smoothly, to say the least. Two, nearly three years later and still no pregnancy. I began an IVF journey. It was hell and so emotionally draining. Each month, the disappointment of another failed cycle felt more crushing than the last. One final session was planned and as per protocol I did the pregnancy test prior to the appointment only to discover I had fallen pregnant naturally and literally felt like we had won the lottery. I got goosebumps. I suffered from sickness all day as before and found it really rough, especially already being a mummy and not having the luxury of being able to take it easy, but never complained as I was just so grateful.

I remember the day vividly when my husband said to me that there was a new woman at work that I'd asked if he would meet her for dinner so she could get the lowdown on the office. No, babe. Sorry, sorry. lowdown on the office no babe sorry sorry if my husband was asked out for dinner by the new woman who worked there so she could get a lowdown on the office she can fuck off and get the lowdown at the office yeah that's during office hours that would be absolutely no and you'd respect that boundary wouldn't you oh yeah i do you know what i think that she's a red flag for asking he's a yeah but yeah but you i think look put it to your wife and if your wife

tells you how they feel you respect that boundary yeah he expressed strongly how it was nothing to worry about and didn't worry as i trusted him implicitly throughout my pregnancy there were moments that looking back were so obviously red flags but you just don't want to see them and so I didn't. Hiding his phone, taking it to the toilet at all times, working late, lack of affection, just very odd behaviour. I put it down to impending nerves of welcoming another child as he was the same the first time round. Little did I know what was really going on. Fast forward some months and it was time to welcome our daughter. A magical day, but he couldn't get away quick enough. Oh, God.

It just makes me feel ill. I've got to be honest, like, listening to all these emails every week, it does sometimes, like, make me lose faith at times. I do that, though. I said to my boyfriend the other day, like, sometimes I lose my head because I'm like, well, how are you different?

Yeah. I think we need... It's a hard job. No, I feel like we need to get some... I think I need some, like, counselling for my job. I think we need some positive emails to come in, maybe next week.

Can we do some... We should call the episode like happy endings if you know what i mean yeah come on let's get some we're gonna get some good ones here i want to hear about the good men as well we want to keep the faith and i do but i do find it sometimes takes its toll on me where i'm like oh my god like this like no but like you know you've met a good one i think for our single women, who haven't yet... Yeah, sounds better. But other men, I'm like, maybe he's not good.

Yeah, no, I get that. You're out, by the way, for this. For now, he is. I mean, for... Stay that way, please. I can't go through another heartbreak. Right. We got home and his odd behaviour continued.

Three days into maternity leave, he disappeared for a works conference that he couldn't miss. Leaving me to care for two children post C-section. Great. Three days, did you say? Three days. Oh, I saw something. Was it on TikTok?

This woman, she gave birth two days ago. So she was sat on the sofa and she was like filming her partner. He was gaslighting her he's like can you make me a roast and she's like I just gave birth two days ago he's like yeah but my mom and dad are coming around you know they like a roast I can't do it as good as you she's like no like he was like yeah but you got sent home from the hospital you're fine they go she she said they sent me home to rest and he was like but all you've done is rest since you've got here like honestly it was making

me so angry watching this video anyway if anyone's seen it you'll know what i'm talking about the following week another similar situation i confronted him checked his phone etc etc but nothing came to light and he assured me i was crazy obviously obviously you are always anyway when my little girl was six weeks old he was in the shower and I was getting ready for the school run, as usual. His phone was in the shower, door locked, but he left his watch on charge. This was my opportunity. I looked through the messages. Am I too late to call you?

A message from a name I've never seen at 9pm. I felt sick and knew what this meant. He came out of the shower and I confronted him. His face said it all. I've told you, right? Yeah, really have. He came out of the shower and I confronted him. His face said it all. I had to warn my son to school 10 minutes later, having just found out that my world had ended with a newborn baby to look after and everyone stopping us on the way, cooing over the baby. Honestly, I didn't know how I did it. I don't know how I did it.

I don't know how I did it. Over the following year, he moved out, slept in his car, went and stayed in various hotels with her, etc., begged for me back. Always do, don't they? I let him in. He went back to her and broke my heart time and time again for far longer than I should have allowed. He'd tell me it was my fault. I didn't love him enough.

I'd got fat whilst pregnant with our daughter. Ah! For far longer than I should have allowed. He'd tell me it was my fault. I didn't love him enough. I'd got fat whilst pregnant with our daughter. Ah! You fucking joked me. You're growing another human being. Oh, God, no. That, that is vile. That's vile, I'm sorry.

Oh, what? Oh, my God. She had pursued him and he told her he was married and she said she could handle that no problem oh what fucking honestly all the things of nightmares i've had it then one day something clicked light bulb moment i told him i couldn't do it anymore i wasn't a second option and i wanted a fresh start for my children and i i found a house a week later and within in a month i had completed and moved in i honestly never thought it would ever get better. On my darkest days I imagined how it would be so much easier

if I put an end to the pain and the children would be happier without me. Oh, it breaks my heart. I understand that. And honestly, that's what he made me believe. He's such a disgusting man. Crying as I'm typing this. I guess the reason for me writing this is that I'd like to share a tiny bit of hope for anyone in the trenches.

Make an emotion, Mel. Ooh, those early days where you can't see any light and the sadness is just so, so heavy. I'm so happy now. I have a house that's mine. I own it. I pay the bills. Yes, it's scary, but nowhere near as scary as staying in a toxic loop of being someone's fallback plan. You are in control of your own

future. Not a horrible man who doesn't see your worth. Never forget that. If I can do it, anyone can. My children are happier and I think that's because I am too. 100%. Dating is not in the cards for me for a while as I want to make sure I'm healed from all of this before I start again and for now my babies are all I need. I found your podcast right at the start and honestly it saved me. I've looked forward to catching up every night.

I don't know why I'm getting emotional. It's over because you're going to make me cry. Stop. My lashes genuinely can't handle anything after my day yesterday. I just think some of these people who write in are so incredibly brave oh i'd look forward to catching up every night when the children were in bed as i don't have any friends going through the same which was so hard and made me feel so alone that you both said so much that resonated with me and i'll never be able to thank you enough

for helping me see that things can come out better so thank you at the end of the era um do you know what you sound amazing you have got through the darkest days and they are horrendous we we can't sugarcoat it. Going through something like this is the hardest thing that someone can really go through. Heartbreak is grief. It's literally like you have lost someone, they have died, everything that you thought was going to be your future,

everything you had planned is no longer the case and it's a really really hard thing to get through but i think the one thing that we really need you guys to understand is every situation is going to be different for everyone everyone's circumstances are different but there's no reason why if we can't get if we can get through it that you guys can't and I really need to maybe take a take my own advice in just another breakup I think whatever you're living in in that moment always feels harder than something previous you know I've said before like oh my breakup afterwards was way worse like there's no reason why you won't get through those dark days

I think this pit of despair that we all feel at one point when we're going through this you've got to try and remind yourself as much as you can that it isn't permanent like but it's amazing to hear that you're you're doing the right thing by you you know you said that you're not interested in dating or anything you're really doing the work and that is what's so enlightening when we hear people that are like I'm doing it on my own you've gone and bought a house you've you're with your kid they're happier like that's proof that like kids can be happier once you leave a toxic situation staying for the kids isn't a thing so you're smashing it and thank you for reaching out and we're so happy you found us we're so happy that we've been able to help and that is also why we want you to share we want you to share

because we have a genuine passion to help people that is why we are doing this and that's why we want to continue doing it why we do put ourselves in vulnerable positions by talking about things that a lot of people don't speak about yeah i think i don't know people that comfort that they're not allowed i think that's one message like i've got quite recently quite a few of is like thank you fuels and tash is like vulnerability yeah and i guess that is what it is and like hopefully just us opening up about like the hard parts make do you guys feel like you're not alone because you're not and yeah hopefully it helps in some way it absolutely does yeah i'm really glad that you found us and keep listening and i hope by the time you hear

this you're in an even better place okay so this one is called this is a bit of a soap opera who doesn't love a little soap opera right i feel like Aiden's still going? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It is, it is. Okay.

I feel like, like we said about the Truman Show, sometimes I feel like my life could be a soap opera. Oh, yeah. You know my path. I'm giving main character vibes. Who can cast later? Okay, your page has helped me so much recently and i feel like i'm now ready to share my story it's a long one guys you all say that and we don't care how long it is share i've never experienced such a whole and dark grief in all my life grieving for something that is still living is by far the

hardest thing literally i'm like it is like heartbreak is grieving the death of someone but they're still walking this planet and i know sometimes you feel like it'll probably be easier if they didn't but yeah it is it's like grieving the death of someone that's still alive it's fucking hard co-parenting with someone that you were healing from i can relate at the beginning of april 2023 my world fell apart my husband of nine years married together for 14 said he wasn't happy and he wasn't sure if he was in love with me anymore i was at the time expecting our third child and six months pregnant. Why do they have to pick? Just no comment. Six months pregnant at the time, a baby that was very much planned and wanted and

I still to this day do not know what went wrong or was so awful he had to leave us a few weeks later although I had a gut feeling then and i'm pretty sure i'm i am correct we'll go into it below i was forced to survive in my last trimester of pregnancy all alone and take care of my other two boys whilst exhausted tired and of course emotionally smashed into a million pieces i can't even comprehend what that must be like. Like, everything we had built, planned, dreamed of, was slipping through my fingers. I had had the feeling

that there had been someone, no one just up and leaves. He randomly came home from work and said he had been offered a new job and he got it. He would take it. It all seemed a bit rushed. I was worried about the impact

it would have on our family, especially with the new baby coming along. But my opinion didn't matter. I wasn't sleeping, my head was spinning. Every time his phone went off, I would worry. I'd want to check it in the middle of the night, etc. and I didn't want to be that person, so told him he needed to leave to figure shit out and I wasn't going to accept a half-assed attitude. He left just before our anniversary and on that day he said that he was devastated. Initially, I thought it was all mental health. He was working a massive amount of hours

and I think he was just burnt out. Eventually, he ended our marriage by text. I mean, I actually make that as embarrassing. Are you 12? Maybe. I was just going to say that. Are you 12? Might be. I was just going to say that. Were you? Yeah, like G to G. My dinner's on the table.

Just six days after our anniversary, after I forced his hand because I was upset after I ended up in hospital as I was being sick with blood, suffered awful sickness in all pregnancies and he didn't even check in on me and the baby to see how we were. I tried to call him and he didn't answer but I shouldn't

be making him feel bad for not checking in on me. Do you know what? It just blows my mind how someone can go from being the love of your life, the father to your children, to such disrespect that I wouldn't even treat a stranger that way. Do you know what I mean? I can't fathom the change in behaviour, but like I've said before, you don't ever want to understand someone that's capable of doing that because you won't understand because you're not that person. But it still just blows my mind. However many emails we get, shit like this,

I just can't understand it. Now, this is the man who nearly lost me five years ago when I had a cardiac arrest in my sleep and I'm now fitted with an ICD after he had another wobble previously and was worried and would check in all the time. So going forward, we are still apart. I didn't want him at the birth of the baby because I didn't feel comfortable to be that vulnerable in front of him.

I mean, hats off to you. I think that shows massive strength. And he told me that he resented me for that as I've impacted the bond. No, Han, you impacted the bond by being a scumbag. Even though the baby ended up in neonatal and he still wouldn't come to meet the baby because if he wasn't good enough for the birth, he wasn't good enough to meet the baby, so he came home.

Literally, your child's unwell. Oh, sorry, that is scum of all scum. He didn't stay over on the sofa to help me in those early days. He had the other two boys, but still no help overnight. I single-handed brought up a newborn baby all on my own. Two weeks after the baby was born, he was ready to start dating. I just have. I have no words for this man

I'd like to track him down and give him a peace of my mind four weeks after the baby was born it was early days eight weeks after the baby was born I knew who she was and he wanted to introduce her

to the kids as she wasn't going anywhere she is ten years younger than him and guess what she works with him another one at the job he abruptly left where everyone knew i was about to expect my child number three that's not coincidence is it he's now living with her the kids go there every other weekend he filed for divorce but is messing with my head. On our 10-year anniversary this weekend, he texts me saying, Oh my God, I hate him.

I, er, living here. Thinking of you today with a heart. What an absolute head fuck. F***ed bag. Prick. What an absolute head fuck, **** bag, prick. I mean, what the actual fuck? Whilst he is living with his girlfriend, whilst he's going on a holiday in two weeks,

building a new life with someone else. Who fucking dates a man that, if the timeline is correct, has a two-week-old newborn baby or is happy to let a man leave a pregnant woman for them i'm healing i'm happy being on my own a whole year out and i'm trying hard to put my energy into the kids rebuilding our life without him it still feels like such a hole i miss my family and we had a good life and marriage it's just bloody insane thank you for being so open and honest you girls have shown me that it's okay to not be okay and having been the only one out of my friends to go through this i feel so much less alone that is why we are doing this and that is why you guys need to share it for

people like this to not feel like they are on their own everyone just seems to say look you're better off without you will be okay etc and I should feel like I dodged a bullet but it's so hard I feel like they all go back to their families and I'm alone every evening and evenings are worse I I relate to that so much I really do and I think that I've I've been really like reflecting on like friendships and stuff recently um because you know how like before you became a mum and if your friends were mums or you were a mum and your friends weren't and no one really got it they didn't understand like what you maybe needed for them or you know on reflection maybe i wasn't a great friend to some of my friends that became mums before I did because I didn't understand it.

And I don't hold my friends accountable for maybe not always doing what I would like from them or being there in a way that I feel like I'd really need. Because I know that they're not doing it out of like malice or being a bad friend. I know it's because they don't get it. And sometimes I feel like I'd really like to almost spread awareness on our podcast to those happily married people and we have had messages from people saying like I listen to it because it helps me understand my friends yeah I want more of that because I feel like I'm I'm two years on I'm over my ex but I'm still a single mum I still spend all my evenings on my own I find the evening so lonely like the thing for me is so my my boyfriend is um a single dad and his kids are older so he spends his evening with his usual meal they don't go to bed till later and I find my

evenings my kids are in bed really early and I'm busy myself I mean like he's always like have you had a nice evening I'm like well I've either been working or cleaning I don't know I just I really struggle in on evening yeah like look don't get me wrong I'm definitely going through that stage at the moment where I'm really trying to enjoy my own company and I am more but I don't know I just think there's something about like checking in on those people that are on their own that even if they're they have the kids and it's like the other night I realized I didn't have milk for Rome and I can't just pop out because there's no one else around and I don't know I just feel like it's really lovely to have a community where we can support people not feeling alone but I would just

love for people that don't understand it to maybe step up a bit more and realize however long your friend has been single or maybe over their ex or Or even if they're in a new relationship. They're still on their... Yeah. Yeah, it just sometimes annoys me and then I need to remind myself that everyone has their own life, everyone has their own shit

and nothing's being done intentionally. Because they don't understand. But yeah, it doesn't take away the fact that it's still... Single parenting is fucking lonely. It really is. I don't know who he is anymore I now have been questioning whether he pretended to be who I needed him to be because he wanted to marry me and he just can't keep it up anymore I really relate to that

because I think that when you suddenly take those rose tinted glasses off and see the person that you were married see them as different you can't understand at what point did they change or did they not ever change did you just almost like fantasy like like fantasize a version of them falling in love with your imagination of what you wanted them to be and hoped for them to be and were they ever that great I don't know like again it's something that I've really been as you can tell I've probably I've been doing a lot of writing and that is something that has really sort of highlighted to me is like can someone change that much or were they always that person and you just didn't allow yourself to see it i'm i'm unsure but both perhaps thank you girls you're

both awesome i hope i do find someone who would take me on and my kids and worry no one will and all the shit that comes with it you give me hope so and so many glimmers it's really normal as well like i remember thinking like who's gonna want to take on like me and my two kids yeah and oh it's scary it is look I I think that every single person kids or no kids that go through a breakup I think one of the main fears are also probably why people stay a lot is because they worry that they're not going to find someone else but I think that what you need to do and this is definitely what I am doing is what you picture that you want your partner to be like you need to give that off so doing that self-work and in other words what you put out you're going to get back yeah if you you need to be the better

version of yourself to expect someone attract the same back into your life. Yeah. So I know it's really hard. I had those thoughts. What if I never meet someone? What if I don't find someone? But I think it's changing that thought process and being like, you know what? I'm a good person.

I'm loyal. I'm generous. I'm kind. I'm a good mom. Someone would be fucking lucky to have me and my kids and fucking own that and that's what you need to project and you need to work on yourself and heal and there's no reason why you won't find someone and change that mindset and once you're in a good headspace you'll be like I know I'm gonna meet someone because they'd be fucking

lucky to have me have that energy and i know it's sometimes hard to hold on to but healing but thank you for sending it in and yeah yeah okay 14 years four children later cheated with a 19 year old where do i begin my partner of 14 years and i met when we were 19 years old and had our first baby by the age of 21. It was amazing. We had such a wonderful little life. We rented a one bedroom flat above a Sainsbury's and it was honestly the happiest time for us. We decided we wanted to have another baby.

So we went on to have another and fast forward a couple of years. We then had an unexpected pregnancy. The timing wasn't right and I was in a really bad place with my mental health. I think becoming a mum so young started to catch up with me. I turned to my partner for support. I sadly wanted to abort, but he did not. He said to me if I was to have an abortion that he would leave me. I can't imagine having to have those conversations because that's a very difficult conversation. I can appreciate that that situation is so tough when you're not on the same page. And I can understand that being a breakdown of a relationship.

Yeah, I can. Because, I mean, it's literally like there is no... I think both things are valid absolutely can you imagine one person almost being forced to bring a child into the world that they're not ready for and she's gonna let's be honest be the one whose life changes more but then another person who wants this baby and then can you imagine like to be honest unfortunately i don't see a resolution where if you're not on the same page how that gets resolved i don't know um that sent me into an even further state of anxiety and despair so of course i continued with the pregnancy around six months

six months after baby number three was born he started to work at his aunt's pub for some extra cash. The nights were long and I was left to look after our three children. Some of the nights he worked, he just wouldn't come home. He would say he had too much to drink or he was too tired to drive home, so he would sleep in the car. That's weird. I mean, I'd much rather get a night's sleep in a bed than in my car. He's not sleeping in his car, is he?

Just before my son's first birthday, he decided to tell me that he didn't love me anymore and that he was leaving me for the bar manager across the road from his aunt's pub. Classy. I was broken. How can this man, who has just made me have a baby that I wasn't ready for, going to leave me?

This is it, isn't it? It's, um... I was distraught. After two months of his fling, he came to realise that he'd made a huge mistake. So we decided that we would try and move on and rebuild what we once had. Fast forward seven hard years of trying to make it work and one more pregnancy later, he then became a manager of another pub. I thought, ah, it'll be fine. We're stronger than ever. I can trust him. Boy, was I wrong. After again, late nights, coming home at 1.32am, some nights I thought there's something not right here. And on the night of the 27th of December, 2023, he again was at work. Christmas is a busy time for pubs, but 2.30am is a bit of a stretch so I

called him. No answer. I called the pub. No answer. So I thought something had happened. I need to check the tracker on my car. Well I was in a shock to find he wasn't at the pub but he had spent 4 hours 10 minutes down the road. I thought who the hell lives there? He comes home not long after I checked the tracker so i questioned him first he tried the whole i was cashing up working late bullshit so i said i'll ask you one more time where have you been for him to reply i've been with b the 19 year old barmaid we sat in the car talking well that was it i went mental and that night, we have been separated. Good for you. Five months in and he is still with her now, the 20-year-old.

Birthday was in January because, you know, it makes all the difference, her being 20. So mature. However, it gets more interesting. I went on the rebound, met a guy who I actually quite like now. And once my ex caught wind that I was seeing someone, he got weird. He stalked me, followed me all the way to my new guy's house tracked my car because like a numpty I forgot he had access to my car tracking app he dug into the guide that I'm seeing knowing all his personal information he's been gaslighting me

for months saying maybe in a year or two we could be back together every time he sees me he wants me back to then say he has never said any of it. He's been push-pulling me for ages to the point that I've had to say no contact. Bearing all that in mind, he's a 33-year-old man that lives with his 20-year-old girlfriend at her dad's house. Oh, I like it. Just the Coco Pops.

He is now set to introduce our four children to his 20-year-old, who is eight years older than our eldest 12-year-old son. I'm sick over the idea of them having a step-mom. I felt crazy for months thinking I still loved him and wanted him back, but a man like that never changes. I'm seeing the guy that I met still, but I worry for myself that I'm rushing into something far too soon and won't appeal properly before getting into another relationship.

I've only just started to listen to your podcast but it's helped me so much for ages i felt so alone in my journey thank you for all you guys do oh my good lord well i hope that you can definitely realize that like you should not ever go back to him look you did a few times and it didn't help it didn't change and it never will. You've seen him for what he is. In regards to your new guy, you haven't mentioned enough about him. If it's like a good relationship, how you feel about him, you did call him a rebound. If there's not an amazing connection

and he's not showing loads of green flags, I would maybe be tempted to... But are you just calling him a rebound because of the time? Yeah, I feel like I don't know enough to give an opinion. Look, do the work and healing while having a bit of fun with him, if that's what it is. Or if it's more than fun, let him help you heal in ways that you won't heal on your own.

But look, being away from him is the best thing and you're doing that so yeah thank you for sharing that you opened yourself up to giving him a chance and he just did exactly the same sometimes people just do not learn and he is one of them he is one of those people 100% okay we're gonna end this one with a funny one okay Okay. Is it funny? Do we know? Oh, I don't know. I'm just going by the title. What's the title? Dog Shit Blowjob. Read it. I'm here for it.

Yeah. Okay. My friend had recently separated from her husband. He was renting a temporary place. So in order to spend time with their baby, he used to go around to what was their family home to see her, put her to bed, et bed etc a couple of nights a week looking for an excuse to get out the house while he was there my friend happily accepted

when asked to go on a date for the first time since the split it was a thursday evening so she was expecting a nice evening a few casual drinks and small village pub things were going well the drinks were flowing and before they knew it the pub called last orders the sexual tension was undeniable but there was nowhere else to go they couldn't go back to hers because of the ex and they couldn't go back to his as he was living with his parents so they called a taxi and whilst waiting they shared a kiss against the pub wall in their in their drunken state this was this quickly escalated and the next thing she knew her belt was undone as she was getting fingered. He grabbed her hand and said, follow me.

This is weird. Isn't she? I feel like we're from, yeah, in a novel. Yeah, I feel like I'm reading a sexual book. He caressed her tender nipples. He took her to the back of the pub car park And one thing led to another She ended up on her knees

Giving him a blowjob As he finished the taxi arrived So she quickly stood up and to her horror I I don't Read it Read it Read it. Read it. Okay.

Read it. Read it. As he finished, the taxi arrived, so she quickly stood up, and to her horror, a terrible smell hit her in the face. Nice. Okay. She looked down and realised her knees were covered in something. At this point, there is no doubt

what the smell was and she realizes she's just given us an oscar worthy blowjob whilst knelt in dog shit i thought for a minute that he had shut my god that's what what dog shit's got that smell in a panic she quickly found a clean bit of grass, got back on her knees and drunkenly shuffled along, trying to get it off before she got in the taxi. Threatening and shuffling on her knees. Oh, my God. As you can imagine, the world's most awkward taxi ride home

followed, windows down, they don't speak from embarrassment, no kiss goodbye as she arrived home dishevelled, stinking of shit to her ex-husband on the sofa. Can you imagine getting home

and your ex is at home and you've got like dirty, green green grassy dog shit on your knees no green patches with like brown she walked straight into the kitchen took off all her clothes and thankfully he left immediately without asking any questions not only does she have the world's most embarrassing end to another great date, but she also lost her Gucci belt somewhere during all the commotion. Save to say, they never spoke since. Oh my God.

Oh my God. That is hilarious. I love that. Wow. That was a good one. I like that. We want more like that. Yeah.

We want more. We want funny stuff. Confession. Confession of the week. Okay. Confession of the week. Okay. Confession of the week. This is called deciding to be a catfish. Okay.

Meow. Meow. Um, I broke up with my ex six months ago. I'm really not ready to date yet, but I really want some excitement and just to message. I know a lot of people aren't looking for a pen pal these days. I'm really not ready to date yet, but I really want some excitement and just to message. I know a lot of people aren't looking for a pen pal these days, so I thought I'd do something a bit different. I've set up a dating account, but I haven't actually used my own pictures. Oh.

Oh. Sneaky sneaky. Google images. I know this might seem a bit toxic, but I just want to have a bit of fun. So I've created an account she's very pretty I've made up loads of stuff and I'm getting so much attention it's not making me want to meet or date these people but I've got to be honest it's giving me life in the evenings when I'm on my own the kids are asleep and I don't have anything else to do I'm not suggesting I'd recommend this to people I know it's not really the normal thing

to do but i'm having a lot of fun doing it and will continue until i'm ready to put my own photos up and date myself love you girls love the podcast thanks oh my god i think what if like someone called you what did you do block them listen to this I don't know if this is true okay but I heard on the radio that Hinge have put in something new on their dating app

and apparently there's this like system where if you ghost too many people they will not allow you to match with new people until you've replied

to the people that you've ghosted that's hilarious I don't know if that's been put in place or not or whether there's talks about it, but it was quite interesting. It's a hit.

Yeah. Interesting. Pinge already trying to like, get some people to change their ways, I guess. Obviously there was that time that I got catfished, when we spoke about it on Patreon, but yeah,

it's not really a vibe for me. No. I don't, I don't think I've ever been catfished, but I haven't really done a lot of dating. Just online dating. So, yeah. But yeah, thank you guys for sending everything in.

Should we end with a little affirmation? It's actually on that night. Yeah. Have you got any more catfish dating stories? Yeah, send them in. I hear more where you've thought it's someone and then you've met them or something like that. Yes, actually met them.

I'd love that. Yes, do it. Should we think of an affirmation of the week? Mm-hmm. one and then you've met them or something like that yes actually met them i'd love that yes do it should we think of a affirmation of the week i am thankful for new experiences and that's you know dating whether it goes somewhere or not we still learn from them like ending a relationship everything teaches us things and helps us grow and become who we're meant to be. Meant to be. Love that. Thank you so much, guys. And make sure you go and check our Patreon episode as well, which is out every Monday. And yeah, we will see you again next week.

Thank you. Bye.