Not As We Planned - 6. Our First Holiday As Solo Parents

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

Going on holiday with your children is hard enough but going without your partner was definitely a new challenge for us both in different ways. Also chatting about other firsts as single parents and accepting those changes. Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You'll flip for $4 pancakes at A&W. Wake up to a stack of three light and fluffy pancakes topped with syrup. Only $4 on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. at A&W's in Ontario. This episode is brought to you by CIBC. From closing that first sale to opening a second store, as a business owner, you've hustled to accomplish a lot. But the rewards don't stop there. When you earn two times more points on things that matter to you and your

business, easily track those business expenses, and experience flexible Aventura rewards, you'll realize how much more rewarding your hustle can be. Get up to $1,800 in value when you apply for the CIBC Aventura Visa for Business at cibc.com slash aventurabusiness. Terms and conditions apply. Hey. Hi. It's Tash and Carly. And you're listening to Motherhood Not As We Planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine,

and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Hello and welcome back to Motherhood Not As We Planned. This week we'll be talking about our first holidays. A single parent. Yeah, and it's quite nice that we've kind of done it around the same kind of time. That wasn't even planned. And we thought whilst we've kind of are freshly back from it, it would be a really good time. You've got a tan and I don't.

It's not ever real. It makes me feel a bit better. Yeah, we thought it'd be a good kind of time to talk about it. And also touching on some of like the other firsts that we've experienced recently. Yeah. Since becoming solo parents, really. I mean, obviously our holidays were slightly different. You're a bit crazier than they. I mean, bow down to you right now.

So for those that don't know, Carly did a full on like solo holiday, her and two kids. Wowzers. Some may call you mental. Or brave. Yeah, some people were like brave. I was like, I think mental. Yeah, I think mental. But so fucking brave.

I did the slightly safer option although maybe something you have an extra child you have an extra child i do i do severely outnumbered um yeah i couldn't do three on my own no and my advice would be not to okay thank you yeah i would take that in the mess um so now i did a holiday with my parents and my sister um again it's just very different to obviously being with a father figure yeah I think the thing that I found not the hardest to adjust with because I very much went with the knowledge and knowing what to expect but when people sort of said like oh how lovely you're you've got like so much extra help first of all we love them to pieces but my dad and my sister

very much like were just there I don't really feel like they were much help um which again like cool like they did yeah and that's fine my mum is amazing however what i will say is when you go away with the father of your children if you're you know you found that you're doing so much with the kids and you just want that moment just to like have a bit of time to yourself you can very much turn around to your partner and be like hello like can you help like can you pull your weight or you have the kids for a bit I'm gonna go and read a book or have a nap or like I never felt me and my mum are close like she's like literally like my world but I would never turn around and be like can you get up and help me so I feel like it's such a different dynamic going

away with family to the father of your kids but I feel like it's such a different dynamic going away with family to the father of your kid but I feel like I went knowing that like my expectations were already at that level and it was really nice like I think most parents will say that when they go on holiday unless you do it on your own like you did it's very much like the same as being at home yeah but in a different setting. But for me, I saw it as I've got an extra pair of hands, so it was always going to be better than just being at home. And also being away, I think when you're somewhere hot,

I feel like kids are easier in the summer. Like being outside, I feel like that, yeah. I also think regardless of whether you've got the help or whatever it is on holiday I know that I'm much more relaxed like routines go out the window I'm more in like yes mode and you know it's like screw it's holiday like yeah you can have five ice creams a day I don't care it's just and yeah it's a completely different environment regardless of anything so yeah obviously Tash mentioned it I I so basically what what initially happened was I did take Theo away on my own didn't I went to Disneyland Paris with him you do that? I think one-on-one. So that had been booked before, obviously, I was on my own.

I didn't know that. Yes, that had been booked before. And we couldn't get, we tried to get a refund, couldn't get a refund for a lot of it. It was like minimal refunds. I was like, screw it, like, we're not missing out. I'm going to take the kids. And then just, I don't know, just asking around.

Disney is not the kind of holiday where it would be be easy to have two kids especially the ages of mine like yeah and a lot of the rides like we wouldn't have been able to go on because like two people and stuff like that anyway I just felt like I wasn't ready to do it on my own like at that point I'd only been on my own just over two months as well so it was all very very new um so i was like right i'm gonna because i hadn't even paid for milo that was it so it didn't feel like i was like losing out like i had a pain he's not gonna know and i remember and also theo starts in school in september so i thought how lovely we can have some time just us going away and honestly it was amazing like it was such a good trip he was so well behaved he just hell like obviously Disney is so magical and he was such a lovely age everything was magical and because it was just us

I just took all expectations off and I put no pressure on us to get this this this that like when we went to Disney in Florida in November I was like on it I was like we have to do this this this that like when we went to disney in florida in november i was like on it i was like we have to do this this this like it was all very planned this i was like no no expectations we're going with the flow we're gonna roll off what he wants to do and honestly i had the best time that the hardest bit for me i think i told you was on the way home our flight was delayed we're in the airport for a long time anyway finally get on the plane then we're on the plane they're like oh no we're gonna be delayed we're gonna be here a couple of hours so i thought oh god like this is awful but fine whatever they got like the kids in the cockpit and stuff theo's really tired at this point

wait on there a couple more hours and then they say your flight has been cancelled we have to get everyone off. So at this point, Theo was really overtired. He was really tearful. So whilst I was dealing with him, everyone else on the plane had pre-booked all the other flights up for the following day.

And I was really stressed. Then we had to get off the plane. We had to go and get our luggage. And then we had to go and queue up to get a hotel for the night that EasyJet were putting on. But by this point, right, because our luggage was obviously the last one out of this. We were at the back of the queue. I was one of the only people with kids.

Not one person was like, you've got a child. It's like half 11 at midnight, half 11. Oh, and being where you were. Yeah. Well, there wasn't loads of kids. There wasn't on my flight. And I have no idea why. But so I was really stressed out i'm

like at the back like literally like i'd have barged i was well i was crying i'm like how was that i didn't really know what's there anyway i ended up managing to get someone at home to book me flights from the other airport in paris okay and then i booked a hotel on my own and just claimed everything back rather than waiting for them to source it. Because it would have been their hours. I was at the back of the line. And they've been amazing. Easterjet literally refunded me straight away.

So anyone who like goes through that, book it yourself and you can literally claim everything, even the Uber. So I then literally booked an Uber. I booked a hotel right near the new airport. I was like, screw it, we're going. Anyway, we eventually got home. But there was a point where I was like, we're going to be stuck in Paris forever and I was like,

why have I done this? But do you know what? Going through something like that on my first trip away did give me this like empowering feeling that I can do it and I can do anything on my own.

Which is amazing because I feel like it probably for me would have scared me the fact that you went through that and then went and booked a solar holiday with two kids. But I said,

well no, I'd already booked the solar. I had you. But I said, well, no, I'd already booked the solar. I heard you. But I did feel like, well, I've done the worst now. So what else? Like, I feel like I can bring it on. Yeah, so bring it on. So yeah, I did book. I can't remember.

It must have been around May I booked Tenerife. And I just, so in my head, I've always seen my kids' childhood as going away loads on holidays that's the childhood I had I'm very I know I'm very lucky to say that and and that's what I want for my kids and I'm in my head I was like my situation or the situation of your parents will not impact that I will make that happen regardless of whether your parents are married or not um and one of my biggest fears was doing that on my own so I was like well this is my biggest fear so I'm gonna get it out the way that's how my brain thinks it's it's insane no but like I like wow because my biggest fear stops me doing stuff like that yeah yeah so I mean I rate you so much for doing that mental I think I think I may need to consider would you do it again yeah would you yeah and then

do you know what and I do feel like as well with my kids ages really hard ages to do it in milo yeah like kids around so milo's 21 nearly 22 months any kid around one and a half i would say to three yeah well it's rome as well it's that where they want to do everything but they can't do it on their own but they try to anyway and they don't quite have like the words and understanding to articulate everything and have that I don't know almost like conversation of negotiating or no bribery works at all and that was really hard Theo was I mean don't get me wrong he had his moments but so we will obviously talk about our our holidays i think it's yeah it's interesting let's talk about like the traveling aspect first so for me that was hands

down the hardest bit and i'm not gonna lie that the bit i was fearing and my journey out there was so awful it was so awful i was like why was like, why have I done this? Why have I had to do that? Let's just say one thing. When I, because I forgot where you were going. Yeah. And when I saw your stories that you had gone, I was away when you, like I was already on holiday.

I literally turned to my mum and I went, why the fuck is she doing this? Well, I didn't know. Why did you not? And my mum was like, she should have gone to Spain mom was like she should have gone to spain yes i should have gone to spain have that now so like i was like yeah i did not know it was four and a half hours which is quite a long time on a plane and i will say one of my biggest pieces of advice going forward if you are considering doing something like this on your own if it's your

first time do something like spain yeah because the flight time and the flight it's a long time it's a long time anyway it's a long time with a partner we did that when we went to Mykonos last year it was around the same

and our flight on the way home was so awful the people in front of us moved it was hell and I remember thinking why would we do this

I didn't know I did just find out don't tell me when you got on the plane and they said it was Laura or less in the airport and I was thinking... What have I done?

Why have I been going for this? Because it might have been right because there's no time difference. So it's the same time zone. So in my head, I'm like, it's not going to be far because if you're going far, there'd be a time difference.

Doesn't work like that, guys. Yeah, because did you know that I think South Africa might be the same time? Yeah. Well, look, I've learned a lot of lessons this way. Anyway. So don't call me... I'm your guinea pig, yeah? Don't go to that, guys. Yeah, because do you know that I think South Africa might be the same type of... Well, look, I've learned a lot of lessons this way. Anyway... So don't call me... I'm your guinea pig, yeah.

Don't go to Tenerife. But, um... So we get to the airport. Our flight was at, like, 7am. So we're only around the corner. But we had to check a bag in. So we left here about 10 to 4. Um...

Nice and early. Yeah. It was... Do you know what? Checking... I can't even remember. Checking the bag in was fine. Once the bag was gone, I felt like I could breathe. nice and early yeah it was do you know what check in I can't even remember check in the bag it was fine

once the bag was gone I felt like I could breathe because also right you're fitting everything into one bag oh my god yes but I was wasn't it only 10 kilos over

and they tried to pay me that's insane they tried to charge me 100 pound but the lady saw me and was like just going to check in and they were like

sorry I gave you a bag for you it's only 35 I was like please do I can't afford and i'm sorry do you have a few it's only 35 i was like please do i can't afford this anyway so get out the taxi i've got the double pram so i have the double yo-yo i had a big case i had my backpack on my back and their two bags on the pram i literally look like a freaking donkey and like walking through the truck and steer everything finally got rid of our case that was fine and then obviously you do like the family

they have to speak yeah yeah the check-in like the security trial bits the bits where you have to put take everything out the bag you know when you strategically pack a bag to go away and then you have to empty it yeah yeah so that i was dripping with sweat at this point my kids are being absolutely feral dio's going psycho about not wanting to put his daddy dinosaur through the thing. And I'm like, well, you don't really have a choice. And that was a whole lot of tears. Then neither of them would walk through the thing. It was just awful. It was awful.

But for the first time in my life, I didn't get frisked up. A bit devastating, really. I need to go back and get this, please. So, yeah. So, once we were through that i was like breathe what did we do i can't remember we just mooched a few shops that was fine then so we our gate gets announced we go to the gate we go through and i notice our gate is like we have to go through and then go downstairs so i'm looking for a lift and she's like oh no there's no lift here so i said oh would someone possibly be able to help me i've got to get the double pram downstairs two kids and three

backpacks and she said no sorry no one can help you it's like you'll have to ask another passenger so this point i'm, freaking livid. Luckily, these two lovely people behind me did help carry stuff down. But I'm literally like, at this point, Milo will not walk. So I'm carrying him on top of the three lads as well. Then we have to get on a bus. So we're like on the bus, we're all like falling over. Get to the plane.

Lovely people who were carrying the double prams brought them through to where we were sitting thank love you if you're listening love you um sit down fine then they announced we're delayed by an hour sat on the plane i'm thinking there's nothing worse than being delayed on the plane with kids as well at this point as well where we've been up since three o'clock they were so tired they needed to sleep but they were so overtired and obviously they weren't going to sleep and it was it was hell on earth they were screaming like honestly I was just thinking I don't I'm stuck on this plane now then they took my prams off me and I was like no no they're like they go in the overhead like that's why we've you that's why I'm using them because

when I get off the other side, I'm on my own with two kids. I need to put one of them in at least one of them. Let's leave me one of them. And they were like, no, it will be at the steps when you get off the plane. I was like, as long as you can promise me that because I can't get through an airport on my own with two kids and this, that. They were like, no, we promise. Anyway, see where that one's going.

The flight was awful. Not the actual flight. There was no turbulence or anything, going. The flight was awful. Not the actual flight. There was no turbulence or anything, but the experience. My kids. Milo would not sit still. He was throwing a fit. But then it was when we still had to have the seatbelt sign on. And he didn't want to sit on my lap.

And he was like rigging it. I'm literally, I felt like I was force holding him there. Like they both wanted each other's toys but wouldn't share they were throwing everything everywhere like kicking the seats in front

like you know when you're just like everything like opening and shutting the blinds like every single toy I got like throwing everyone

people like excuse me is this your fish and I'm like fucks like I was literally just like counting counting down and then I was like it's four and a half hours's sake. I was literally just like counting, counting down.

And then I was like, it's four and a half hours. It's insane. I was just listening to it. It's making me a bit sweaty. We were out of snacks by like hour two. Because we'd been on the plane a whole hour. I did not want to help with that. So I always count like, just pack even more snacks.

Anyway, finally get to Tenerife. off the plane my pram's not there obviously like so I was like and then I snapped at the lady and I was like also trying to get off the plane the kids had obviously fallen asleep in the last half an hour of course when I didn't want them to because they was too tired to bloody walk so I'm trying to carry everything my children off the plane and then I said I said I was just like isn't nobody on this plane is no staff gonna come and offer me help you can see I'm on my own and you can see him struggling and like they were just so rude and I was like is my pram gonna be at the bottom of those steps they were like no it'll be on the whatever and then at that point i was just like

didn't know i didn't cry at this point and we got back on the bus luckily we went then we had really long walk through to like security and stuff milo's at that age where doesn't walk like all that like not good enough to like just be without a pram bear in mind i'm carrying our three bags and i've got two kids who are like on the verge of basically needing their naps i wanted to die at this point i literally just like i don't know what to do anyway managed to somehow get through it all and then we get to where our bags are coming around get our suitcase off and we're waiting there like half an hour for our pram and it's not coming and i'm getting more and more angry and i'm like

where is my pram i need it at this point so we have to go through to the right i was ryanair not east yet go through to the ryanair person i was like i've been told my pram's gonna be here and it's not and she was like oh um yeah it will my pram's going to be here and it's not. And she was like, oh, yeah, it will be downstairs. It will be like the special park downstairs. I was like, fine. So I've dumped the suitcase on like a trolley thing. I've chucked the kids like on top of the case. I'm pushing it to go downstairs, get there.

The lift's broken. And I just stood there and I burst out crying I just burst out crying I was like so how do I get there was the only lift how do I get downstairs to get my pram I can't leave my kids upstairs I can't leave my bags because then what if someone thinks oh my god it's an unattended bag in an airport we're gonna like explode it so then I was just like I just stood there crying I stood there crying and then someone came up to me and she was like, are you okay?

I was like, no, I'm not okay. I'm on my own. I'm a mispronounced. So that's an issue. You know what that means to me is like everything is pouring out.

My kids would be like, yeah, good, thanks. My kids would be as good as gold and I felt so bad and she was like, I'll go downstairs and people probably so she went down

and did it. After that, I felt like I could breathe was like I'll go downstairs people probably so she went down and did it after that I felt like I could breathe we got a taxi to the hotel and yeah do you feel like that was the worst part

it was 100% the worst part so that it could only get better that was my thinking and it was true and I always knew the travelling part would be hard

because it was hard it was hard there was two of you and there were two of us we both said we were like you need more than two people it, like, it doesn't work out as one adult per child.

Like, you literally need like a massive room. Yeah. Literally. Never do three. No, don't do it. And it was the hardest part. And it was, yeah, it was really hard. I was still traveling.

I mean, I know you're an airport dad. Do you know what? As organized as he is it gave me so much anxiety oh my god like I don't know about anyone um listening but going away with my dad he is you know that typical airport dad he won't crack a smile he doesn't want to converse with anyone he He walks ahead of everyone. He holds all the passports. If the kids, like, do anything that's, like, childlike, he'll, like, evil them.

He was just miserable. He even sat in a different row. No, it's like he wasn't with us. But I haven't been away with my parents. Like, I don't even remember that I went away with my parents. And it was really nice. But I think it just made me very aware of how much I used to rely on my ex for just real basic things. I'm not very like, what's the world i'm trying to look for no like just i mean even

listening to your story and the fact that like you just got off the plane and went into an airport that you'd never been at before and you knew where to go and felt like i probably go to like the wrong conveyor belt like wait i'm very like what's the word i'm looking for like streetwise yeah okay i'm not like not at all like i'm the sort of person that will like get lost with ways would like just i'm i'm a bit of an idiot not put myself down or anything i know you spoke about self-worth like i'm like textbook smart like give me like a book about psychology and I'll ace an exam but like put me in like a random airport I'll get lost and won't remember where to go and probably take the wrong suitcase so yeah but obviously being with an airport dad what there were pros to it yeah

though he was a bit moody but, the flight was okay with the kids. So Blake and Ivy are just like the perfect age for a flight. Like if they've got an iPad and they buy a snack. I genuinely didn't know that they were there. That's amazing. Like they, yeah. So in that respect, being actually on a flight, I feel like it would sort of be quite manageable because I only was with Ryan.

Yeah. I mean, he didn't sit still. He went through every activity that I had for him within like five, before we'd even taken off. Yeah, always. But he was a good boy. He didn't cry. He didn't whinge.

He's just very active. It's just their age. It's just go, go, go, go, go. So the flight, both ways, could not complain. They were all really, really well behaved. And I feel like generally the holiday, they were well behaved. They had their moments, which like kids do. And so do they were well behaved they had their moments which

like kids do and so do we yeah i had my moments um but yeah i i think people ask me because we did a villa and i've never done a villa before with the kids so it is very much like home from home you you know you've got to do the cooking, cleaning, tidy up. And they are probably the disadvantages of the villa. I remember when I had separated from my ex and we were talking about, like my parents were saying, let's do a holiday next year all together. And I was like, amazing,

because I didn't see there being any other option. It would either go away with my parents or it wouldn't go away with my kids. And they were like, let's book a nice all-inclusive hotel and at the time I remember just thinking like a hotel just is not going to be for me at the moment I felt like once the kids then go to sleep I'm on my own getting them ready for the day I'm on my own and because we've always done a hotel I felt like it was really I was going to just constantly compare I thought just doing something completely different in a villa there's a lot more flexibility and respect that once they're in bed like yeah I had company with other people um there were some nights where like I didn't want like me my sister

went out my parents babysat and so there was just I felt like it was it worked better for me and I am that sort of person that will kind of like sit and look at like families and other people around and be a bit like so yeah I just really depressing I can imagine that but it was a very family worries were were you? A family resort. A family resort, yeah. I mean, that was it. Were there any, like, sexy single dads? None. That's such a shame.

There was a single dad that I spoke to, but... Oh, shame. No, I had no holiday for them. No holiday for them. Not enough at all. Only my boys. No, so... I think, like, that was the thing I found the hardest was literally like just seeing families all around you and some days I felt quite strong and being

like I'm doing this on my own like I'm still doing all this stuff but we are still a family we are a family but I don't know it was things like watching dads play in the pool with their kids and like you know just stuff like dads do like I did all that stuff with them but and I could there was a couple of times I saw like Theo like looking at it and I don't know if he was thinking oh like I wish my daddy was here or something but it did make me feel a bit I don't know it's that sad yeah it's that sadness that what you had. And also like the evenings. So in the evenings we'd tend to do like,

they had like a kid's disco. Theo was like, Mummy, we can't be late. We have to do the disco every night. He loved it. And like we'd do dinner and then we'd go to the bar up the top and like there'd be like live music and stuff. And it was really nice.

And I am very lucky that I met quite a few of my followers there and you know what when you told me that I must have made such a deal like they'd come up to me they'd see me there they'd sit and like have a chat like I made a really good friend from holiday actually who's like a friend of my sister's friend um who actually she her family ended up helping me on the flight back they were on my flight back and massacre i'll tell you about that but yeah like it made a difference because that's when i felt it like that's when i felt like lonely and i did i was sitting there like looking at my kids having

the most amazing time like they had the most amazing holiday they did and like looking at their faces and just their pure joy it was I was just like I'm so I'm so glad I did this um but at the same time like for me holidays have always been it's what I live for I love holidays and I just felt like I don't know one day I just really want someone to come here and like love my kids the way I love my kids and like it just all be together and I did feel like I'm quite lucky since I didn't put the kids to bed till about half 10 11 at night so I'm going to get back to the room I put the kids to bed and that was the setup was fine like kids stepped amazing like literally yeah Michael he set up his own bed

my life it's because they're they're doing so much yeah so another one and they were sleeping in the whole home yeah they were sleeping yeah please do yes we need the hot weather as well um so yeah i'd go out on the balcony once they're asleep and some nights i did some work some nights like i'd call friends or whatever it was um but that was the part I definitely missed. I missed that adult company. And I definitely felt it by the end of the holiday. Like, I just really craved like a proper adult conversation.

And it's like what you're saying, like getting the kids ready every day, like doing all the sun cream and all of this. I feel like a lot of the time I still did that stuff, which quite rightly like yeah they're like it yeah but you just i i feel like i felt that absence not that i wanted that person no but that's bigger do you know what i mean you've had holidays with him so it's that familiarity that's how you know holidays to be so you don't notice it like i i 100 noticed it and although it was very apparent to me it didn't take away from like my enjoyment of the holiday

don't get me wrong i came back and i really feel like i need a holiday yeah i'm exhausted but i know my kids appreciated that holiday even with them being young, they did not stop smiling the whole day. See, they have tantrums and stuff. Like, they're kids. They have tantrums at home. But I didn't have to cook. I didn't have to clean. Like, I didn't have to tidy up.

I didn't have to worry about going here, going there. Like, I said, for you, it was like being at home, but you're in a different setting and not headwashed at home. Yeah, and I wasn't having to I didn't work around the kids like they very much had me and I felt like I could focus all my time on them like

it was so nice I literally just felt like it was us like we got really really really close like we are close anyway but like I felt I don't know just I wonder if anyone's listening to this will like be like you know what I'm gonna do it I've had a few people in my stories they're like you're making you've made me book our first holiday and like that's it like don't get me wrong I'm not going to sugarcoat it and be like it was fine like it was brilliant

do it like it's amazing the traveling is hard and it's hard being away with kids and it's hard having all of that but the reality is I'm I'm very used to being on my own at home with the kids and going out and doing stuff and there was a point in the trip where I nearly booked us an excursion I was like why are you putting this pressure on yourself don't do it and then I was like but that's it it's like I think just taking pressure off like the things that i might have done if i was there with a partner like i would have gone out and i would have wanted to go to like they had a really good water park or the zoo or whatever and i was like i don't but i don't need a teacher so i just didn't oh no um we went we went out for a walk one day and just like by the beach and stuff and

went out for dinner and that was nice that was as far as it was but other than that we didn't need the resort and we didn't need to and the holiday in the hotel was absolutely perfect for what i wanted it to be bar it being four and a half hours away but that was my own fault um but the hotel like honestly was just perfect for kids like and i think that's really important when you are booking somewhere if you're on your own like if you're i would recommend doing an all-inclusive purely for that reason like as well imagine having to like think of where to go for like dinners to get to a meal and meals were one of the most stressful parts because many times are aren't they they are they don't like sitting down and but things like the ice cream is like unlimited

so like anytime something stressful happened like let's get an ice cream and just stuff like that it's like little things that just made things really easy so I really recommend looking for somewhere that's really family orientated really based around the kids if you are willing to do the four and a half hours I do really recommend the resort I went to is the Bahia Principe Fantasia and I got a really really good deal on it so it was like 100 worth it but i do know some people are getting like crazy prices on it so really it's hard it's like it's hard to differentiate between like for me like the food wasn't the best thing but like it's the rollies they eat pasta they eat pizza chips like it's fine like yeah fine and that's all it needed to be um

I think for me next time I probably would do a hotel I'm not saying that I didn't like the villa it was perfect for then but I saw the downfall to like I felt like Blake and Ivy were of such a lovely age to make like holiday yeah I feel like they and Ivy are of such a lovely age to make, like, holidays. Yeah. I feel like they missed that. Yeah. Like, I remember they made friends at the airport on the way back. Like, even Rome did. And I feel like they missed other children. I was like, I can't wait to get back to school.

She was upset that we arrived home on a Saturday. She wanted to go. So, I feel like definitely next time I will do a hotel. And also, maybe just kind of, like, seeing that, like, you had, like, started speaking I will do a hotel. And also maybe just kind of like seeing that you had started speaking to adults and making a few friends in a hotel. I'm quite a sociable person. I feel like I can kind of do it. I thought I'd look around and see more single parents or more single mums.

And I really didn't see that many. It was only literally the last two days and a single dad was next to me. It was not like that to confirm. But our boys were the same age. Oh no. And yeah, I mean, he said to me, you're absolutely nuts for coming away with two.

I'm struggling with one. But I just, I don't know. I just thought that I'd see more around and it was nice. Like I did get some comments from people like, I think you're amazing. Like thought that I'd see more around. And it was nice. I did get some comments from people like, I think you're amazing. You're doing this on your own. I've watched you every day in the pool with those kids and stuff.

And it is really nice. And like I said, I'm very lucky that I bumped into people who follow me. And a couple of cute things. We're at the pool party and someone came up to me and was like, let me take a picture of you guys all together. It's just like having family photos and that often what else they do like someone offered to put my towels out in the morning and it's just like little things and like that's one thing i say like if you're listening to this and you are in a marriage or a relationship but you notice like single

parents on holiday honestly they will not be offended at like offering help. Even just like things like getting a drink or like we were having lunch one day. Food's on the table, sat there and Theo needed the toilet. And you have to leave everything. And I was like, but they're going to clean everything up. And I've just waited ages for this food. You don't think of those things. And this woman was watching me and she was like, let me see your table. Why should you go to the toilet?

And I was just like, that's so so lovely it's such a little thing but I think when you're on your own it goes such a long way like it really made a difference to me it was it was little thought stuff like I said I made a friend out there and she had two boys same age as my boys similar age and ended up finding out they were on my flight home and so like they were just incredible they they were they came on the plane with me they carried things onto the plane for me like they made sure I was okay it was just really really lovely and I don't know it helped restore my faith in humanity really yeah do you know what I feel like after listening to all this I feel like eventually we need to like organize some sort of like retreat. We will.

And this is what I put my story. I think a lot of us as single parents are too scared to do things like this because it is scary. And, you know, it's the thought of being lonely. It's the thought of being, you're not having backup, like if something goes wrong. And maybe if there was some kind of community where, you know, holidays organized,

you'll go and set the same resort or whatever it is, or it's a villa. I don't know. I don't know. But I do think there's something there. I mean, I was actually thinking about without the kids. Oh,

this is so awkward. No, that sounds lovely. I was, I mean, no. I have to say, I'm actually going away on Thursday this week.

On a guy's trip. On a girl's trip. So gel. So, so excited. I've also booked a holiday without kids in September. So, yeah, always nice to look forward to it. Where are you going? Sorry.

No. Mallorca. Sorry. Why did my mind go black? I was like Portugal and that as well. Where have you been? Yeah. Yeah, it's portugal and that's where it really went yeah yeah it's exciting and that's it i think when you are a single parent you've kind of got to look at the positive sides is that you do have time on your own

and and that used to be an issue for you and this and this is quite an interesting one actually it kind of stems to it doesn't it because a couple of months back i really this was the part i really struggled with was time away from my kids because i'd never done it before yeah now i've had a lot more time of it you love it i do love it and i'm not saying i love being away from my kids because i really miss them but i love i love having that time to do things that I forgot I was doing. You know, it's not only that. I feel like there's no... You shouldn't feel guilty for having that time to yourself to almost, like, regain that energy to then be even better.

I also think if you're not doing things for yourself and things you enjoy and making you feel good, I feel like i come back and i'm a better parent we are about time away because otherwise everything gets on top of you you have a million things of life happening your brain is like a never-ending tick list and like i mean you've seen this day by phone like literally don't bring it up again we might not be fine i actually tried to think it out the other day. Did you? It's slightly better. It's slightly better.

Okay. Yeah, I just feel like that's it. I feel like we seem to think when we're parents that everything is always about the kids. And I'm not saying it's not, but I think a way of making sure it is about the kids is by filling up your cup and making yourself feel good because I know when I feel good and I'm doing things that make me feel good or I've had that

time away to breathe and recoup or have fun or let my hair down or whatever it is I feel like I give so much better for them absolutely and you know I have spoken to quite a lot of mums that are in that you know that beginning stage where they're like I just hate that I won't be with my kids. Like, what do you make? Yeah. And that was you. And it's like, what do I do? So anyone listening to this that still feels in that moment, I promise you, it does get easier and you do start enjoying and finding yourself again.

finding yourself again you think as well it's important to flip it on its head and see it as a positive because otherwise it's very easy to just be stuck in well yeah and well and feel sorry and i think like when you're just feeling miserable you like manifest more more like negative feelings and i think when you flip it around right right how am i gonna spend that time what can i do yeah it's like doing things that you haven't done in a while like the other day i went to see a western show i genuinely don't think i've been since before having kids really and it's just like it's little things like that like you have that time utilize it like i come back and i'm like oh my god i miss you so much but then i also feel like i have more patience i feel like i could be a more gentle parent. Yeah. Like rather than being like, by the end,

like there was the other week I had two solid weeks in a row of parenting on my own. And I honestly felt so triggered by everything, every sound, every touch. Yeah. I was so touched out, like just the noise of like,

I don't know, a toy being hit and stuff. And I literally felt like anything was going to push me over the edge. And I felt like my head was going to fall. I felt like my brain was about to fall out of my head. Like, no joke. Like, I've never felt overstimulation quite like it in my life. And then I was just like, I just need a break.

Like, I just needed a break. And it's not, you're not a bad parent for feeling like that you're human you are human yes and like we talk about trying to help our children to regulate their emotions but we need to do that to ourselves as well and some of that is having that time out yeah so i'm glad that you now enjoy it i know it's a new chapter for me exactly it's so nice it is so something i actually wanted to touch on because it was a first. Well, was it a first for me? I can't even remember.

It was a first. Yes, because we were still together last year. So Father's Day, obviously. Yeah. Were you away during Father's Day or just me? No, I'm here. Okay, so I was away during Father's Day. I know that we both had spoken about it

and agreed that we found it quite triggering online. Yeah. You know, obviously, it's like anything. Like, when you see people celebrating their wedding anniversary, when obviously it's like a holiday that everyone is putting all over social media, I very much stayed off Instagram that day because I just felt like it was just post all about like to my amazing husband and the father of my children and don't get me wrong like

amazing like happy for those people but I didn't want to see it and then I remember putting a story up explaining that I sort of like took the day off and how I found it quite triggering and there's always one person that like loves to just be a classic right yeah and they absolutely annihilated me like they'd made a fake account so like way so brave and they were just like you're such a bad person for taking your kids away on father's day he made a lucky escape and all of this stuff like you're you're like just and i was just thinking to myself like who are you how do you how do you know that he wanted them on father's day and and i'm not here saying that he did it i'm just saying like you don't know yeah an opinion like i'm entitled to feel the way that i feel regardless of whether they were with their dad on father's day or not he was fine with it like we facetimed he had his card before we

went away like i just feel like i don't know I found it usually negative comments don't really bother me and even though I'm very much confident with the way I parent like what I do for my children I put them first it really pissed me off that that comment got under my skin made me think like oh my god was it really bad that I took them away when I did and all of this. Like we part of the holiday was to go away for my parents 40th wedding anniversary, which fell in the middle of Father's Day. So, you know, had their dad turned around and been like, no, please don't take them, I wouldn't have. But I don't think he cared. If he cared, he would have said something.

So if that annoying, stupid person is listening, you can shove that up your arse. But yeah, Father's Day was obviously a first for you as well. I found it really hard. Again, I didn't really go on social media either that day I just so the boys the boys were with their dad um and got him a card I even took Theo to buy him a present I just felt like it was the right thing to do. Because I did get asked, like, what did I do for that? Obviously, yeah, I just felt like it wasn't about me.

Were you together on Mother's Day? Or had you separated? No, we separated. Did you get a card? Yeah. That's that. Yeah. I didn't.

No. No. But I still gave Father's Day a card. That's on two occasions. Always be the lady. I didn't get a birthday card or a mother's day card he got a birthday card and a father's day card both happened after i didn't get but i want to show my children the right ways to do it lady yeah my grandma always says always be the lady um that's it it's about doing the right thing for the kids so we do that good um and we'd organize with the rest of my family so like my mom my dad my sisters and their husbands and then my sister's kids we all went out for like father's day lunch that's us which was really nice

and don't get me wrong going out for lunch without my kids I meant I actually ate but then I did it whilst it was hot and it was a lot stressful but at the same time I really felt the absence and it was really weird doing stuff like that without them there whenever we've done stuff they've always been there because I've never had to live this weird thing so for me I it then was like another stab in the heart like they're not here because of this and I don't know it was I really really struggled and I found it really hard it's like that every first isn't it like you've had you've had the boys well Theo's birthday yeah like I found birthdays I've now met all my kids birthday yeah since

it's hard it's hard it's dear and it's it's because it's different and also I think as well like there are still loads of big feelings and emotions like going through a divorce is not easy and it's incredibly difficult to navigate and trying to I don't know be the best human you can be in certain situations whilst also trying to accept and navigate your own emotions around certain things that are completely okay for feeling like when you've been with someone for so long and you've done things in a certain way and then all of a sudden you're like experience everything in a completely new way and so many people have said to me it's always the first that are going to be hard and once those are done like you can breathe like I've got my first my wedding anniversary come I know you've had your wedding anniversary coming up I've got mine coming up next month um and you know what I remember I put something on my story on Instagram

Instagram when it was my wedding anniversary and I almost felt a bit like at first disappointed in myself that I felt sad because I was like no like I've moved on I'm not upset about this why is this day really hard to me and I have some people messaging me being like 10 years on it's still a funny day for me like don't be so hard on yourself yeah but it's things like that that like really make me happy that I share certain things because that makes me realize like it's not just me no it's not unusual so I think in all of this like people can have an opinion but however you feel is valid like don't ever make anyone feel like how you feel is wrong because that's you that's how that is how you feel and

it really annoys me when people think you shouldn't feel this you shouldn't feel this firstly no one has ever walked a day in your shoes no one ever knows what has fully gone on or you know how you're feeling how you're coping what your day-to-day life really looks like they see a snippet of our life literally and they want to pass every judgment they can but I just think no one has a right to comment on how you should or shouldn't feel or what you struggle with like every struggle is valid it's valid and you know and some days bring different things and as the years go on things might get easier I really i need to share the quote i saw this amazing quote once about grief and how it comes in waves and some days the wave's so big it like engulfs you and some days it just comes and goes

it's really interesting quite i'll try and maybe put it on our stories or something um babe it's true like you might said like the healing process isn't linear it's not and it's not even with you know you can be so far along in your journey like i feel like i'm so past caring about him um but it's more than that when you've got a family isn't it yeah but it is what we've spoken about so much. It's that. It's the family unit. But that's why I think I was quite surprised with how I felt on our wedding anniversary,

because that's got nothing to do with our family. That, in theory, has to do with us. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to sit here and make out that, you know, oh, yeah, I got married, but who gives a shit because I'm over him. At the end of the day, I got married thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with this person. So I think it's very natural when that day of when you're meant to celebrate your marriage

is going to make you feel a bit weird. And then, you know, by mistake, I went on Facebook as all of my memories, and I'm like, oh, get away. Like I went on Facebook. I saw all the FaceTime memories and I'm like, oh, get away. But yeah, as you say, it's just certain anniversaries or certain dates throughout the year are going to be slightly harder. But I think knowing that you're not the only one going through it or the only one that feels that way is comforting.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how I'm going to feel when I get there. Right now I feel actually like fine with it but you know what at least you also know that like you are fine if there's like a day where you're feeling a bit down there's an a day I've made plans like I'm I'm busy that weekend which is nice yeah I've got something else like to look forward to I struggled with my birthday my birthday is around Christmas time and like my friends were amazing. And we did a whole really fun night out where we went to Magic Mike and I got some nice sexy dance on this really thick guy. And then I just got drunk and just had fun. So I feel like, again, it's just changing it. And it's about being like, right, well, like, it's doing things in a new way.

It's a new chapter. And, like, for me, of course, like, the first one's going to feel weird. And, you know, whatever it is, like, it's been coming up in my memories, like, my hen do this and that. And I was like, I had a great time on my hen do. And, you know know I don't want it to take away from all of that but I can't help I don't know I keep going through like a bit of a weird thing at the moment where I almost like look back and like do I get married or this

and I think that's also really normal but again I would never look back on my marriage and regret it because I've got my kid yeah and I trust everything I wouldn't be where I am now in a headstrong place without yeah I feel like my story now yeah I'd never bother regretting it doesn't get you anywhere it does it and I hope she never did that or shouldn't have done that like whatever it's done you learn you learn and grow and the rest of what's to come it's very exciting yeah i think it is exciting i feel like that's going to lead us on to next week episode because i feel like i'm going to be a fun one but i hope you enjoyed kind of listening to our experiences some will want to do them and others won't and yeah if you know anyone who's like a single

parent and traveling's like a thing for them they really want to do it get them to listen to this episode yeah i think make sure you're following us and um yeah make sure you come back next week yeah hope you enjoyed it thank you guys bye