Not As We Planned - 63. Your Husband Gave You Chlamydia

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

We reflect on how far we have come in the last year, we have a sneaky peak of the new love honey calendar, when your husband gets caught with the other woman by your boss, and finding out you caught chlamydia from your cheating husband!! Producer: @TristanHehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion, and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel that I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties.

Hello, hi guys, welcome back, welcome back. Guys, there's something I want you to do for us this week. What do you want us to do? I want you, when you're listening, to take a screenshot and put it on your stories. Yes. One tiny thing that would massively, massively help us, I want you, when you're listening, to take a screenshot and put it on your stories. One tiny thing that would massively, massively help us, I think like this week I've had a bit of a reflective week about the podcast.

Someone came up to me at a birthday party I was at with Theo on Sunday and she came up to me and she was like, I was right at the end of the party, she said, I didn't want to come up and bother you like earlier earlier on I'm just leaving but I just want to say I listen to your podcast and it's amazing and isn't it the best feeling? It is the best feeling ever and I just I don't know I think it's just really made me and I've had so many messages this week about you will never know how much your podcast has helped me through like what I'm going through at the moment. I just want us to be able to reach more people because so many messages this week about, you will never know how much your podcast has helped me through like, what I'm going through at the moment.

I just want us to be able to reach more people because so many people are actually going through it right now and if you can just share it or tell your friend who's going through a breakup or tell your friend who's having a hard time in her marriage or whatever it is about us. I cannot tell you how much, obviously it helps us, but it also helps them.

Do you know what else I think it is? I think like knowing that you're doing something that actually has purpose. I'm not obviously downplaying any podcasts that are just like comedy. No, because that brings people like joy but I don't know there is something really special about hearing from people like knowing that it's making a difference. 100% yeah that would be fabulous. And just staring at your earrings I really like the combo you've got going on. Well yes my friend's business Willa and Bi I think I've got a discount code you can message me. I like that middle one. Cute isn't it? The new rainy smile and yeah all of these are new. She does that all the time. I like how she does the stacks. I'm not very good

at like putting things together. Yeah so I like my stack does the stacks. I'm not very good at putting things together. Yeah, so I like my stack, but my ears are affected at the moment. I know. I read what she said. Do you know me? She's like very done that before. She sent me these. I was like, can you just put a stack together?

Like, you know what I like. And then she also sent me these, and I kind of repissed. Then I'm all, yeah, but they've taken really well. You know, sometimes you put dodgy earrings in and it hurts. They're absolutely half-filled. At the moment it's really bothering. Yeah, go dodgy earrings in and it hurts. They're absolutely hard.

How I feel at the moment is really bothering. Yeah, go check her out. She's brilliant. She'll have a little catcher. Yeah, you go find her. Um... I don't really feel like there's anything specific going on.

You're really fun at the moment, aren't you? Yeah, aren't I? I'm fucking wild. Actually, what's the end that I wanna show show you guys which we can go through in a minute. We're not sharing it by the way. Why is it so heavy? Well it's not a sharing thing.

We got the love honey advent calendar guys. Tash is hoarding it and keeping it. I'll have you know, look, for anyone watching on YouTube, it's sealed. No, but what else can they send you that's not sealed? It's not been opened yet. We got one of these last year and we did like a little unboxing. And do you know what? I just think advent calendars with chocolate is just underrated. No, not.

So you can get that as well as you get for a pound. Like I have a little bit of chocolate a side to daily. This is a really, really lovely gift. And I think what is good about it is the amount that you actually get like a value for money is great. So I want to go through that in a minute. But no, my week, do you know what, actually, I've had quite like a reflective week, but more so like my personal growth in regards to like relationships. I think in previous relationships that I've been in, I feel like, and this is obviously just my opinion, that the people that I've been in relationships with have always been emotionally less mature than me. So I think that with conflict or any discussions or anything-

Difficult conversations. Yeah. Yeah. Even if I may have not always handled it in the right way, I think the way that they either deflected or reacted was so bad that it took away my ability to ever reflect on my behavior. And I feel like now dating someone that for the first time I feel like I'm dating someone

who's probably more emotionally intelligent than me. I know, look at me putting myself down. I feel like it's really allowed me to have like this space to reflect more on what I need to work on. And I've always said that I want that kind of like grow together type relationship. And I think for the first time, I'm experiencing that I feel like we're really helping each other like fix wounds that I didn't even maybe realize I needed to work on. Yeah. So I don't know. I just think that also it's allowed me to kind of look back on maybe things that

I didn't handle necessarily well in previous situations that I'm like, do you know what? At the end of the day, it really is two people in a relationship, regardless of if you're with someone that has cheated or been, you know, not loyal or has they've done something behind your back or something, there's always accountability and things that you can do and work on and change. I've always been aware of that, but I think now more than ever, I'm just learning, I feel like I'm just growing even more. Jo, on that, I feel like in my marriage, I was never as aware as I am now. I think it's only like when you've been through a relationship that's failed.

Like it is that, it's being with someone who... It's almost they give you that space to kind of... Yeah, yeah. I can't, but do you know what I used to, at the start of this or in the earlier phases of this relationship, I think I was a bit scared of making mistakes. I'm not talking like a mistake like cheating. I'm talking about mistakes in maybe how I communicate or how I sometimes term things not always right and I used to be scared that if I didn't do it in the right way, he'd leave me. But I think now we've got that trust that we're human,

we might not get it right all the time, but it's kind of like that readjustment afterwards and saying, I didn't quite like the way you handled that, what I needed in this situation was. And I feel like it's that learning process. Being inner secure allows you to do that. I don't know, I just feel like, do you remember ages ago there was that email?

And I think we were like, I think she either said something or our response to it was something about how she was like, I wish I could have that naivety. Do you remember? And like what I know now and what I've been through, I don't know if I'll ever truly. And we were sort of saying, do you know what, the what I've been through. I don't know if I'll ever truly, and we were sort of saying, do you know what?

The experiences we've been through, like I'm now so grateful for. Look, I think it's very obvious and clear that for about six months after my breakup, I went through some really dark places. And I couldn't ever truly imagine ever being grateful for that, but I cannot tell you what it has done to my character.

My personality, how I show up now in a relationship, and I'm so grateful for it. It's weird, isn't it? You can't always see it at the time when you're going through it. I completely agree. Do you know what? I wouldn't change a thing because literally this morning

we were having a discussion like this is the most content safe free I have felt in a relationship. I feel like I can truly be me and not be scared of anything. I feel like the way I handle things now, God, compared to this time last year, I was a freaking mess by the way. And no one probably knew from the outside. But I was dealing with year, I was a freaking mess by the way. And no one probably knew from the outside. I was dealing with like, I was not handling shit at all. And it was so much of that. None of that was based off my boyfriend doing anything wrong. It was me being completely dictated by my triggers and not actually accepting responsibility that I was the one that needed to change, not change them, but fix

them. Fixing and like I'm so proud, like he said to me, honestly, the difference in how you handle it and not just me, like him as well, like the way we both as well, it's like you get to know each other more. You get to know, like sometimes I'll say something, he's like, I think what you mean to say is this. I'm like, yes, that's what I mean. You know what else I think it is? I think that people, a lot of people, and you'll see this on like TikToks and things

or like certain therapists will say like, you need to be completely happy and healed in yourself before you meet someone. And don't get me wrong, I was probably the best that I'd been before I started the relationship that I'm in, in regards to- Oh, you're in a relationship, aren't you? Hold on, bear with me, I'm on a roll already.

Content with my situation and happy on my own, so I don't feel like I was ever at that point before when I started dating my ex-boyfriend. But now I feel like it's so clear that there's so much work and growth that can only really be done with another person. So those people that feel this pressure that they need to be like 100% healed and fixed before they meet their person, like, I don't agree with it at all. I think that's so much pressure to put on someone and probably a reason why a lot of people are like, I can't

date yet because I'm not completely healed. Like, I mean, I don't believe that. Yeah. And I jumped in too soon. But also the idea of being on your own. The sad reality of my marriage was I was on my own for a very long time. Well, it's like we said, being a single mum, a married is harder than being a single mum. So I'm much lonelier in my marriage than I was on my own, which is really, do you know what? It was like the acceptance that it was over and then therefore other people could come in. But where I was living that fake life to others, it meant I was lonelier because no one knew I was lonely, but I literally did everything on my own. It's wild.

Well, yeah, I've seen it all the time where people say being a single mum in a marriage is so hard. Oh, well. Yeah, I've seen it all the time where people say being a single mum in a marriage is so hard. Oh, well, yeah, I agree. Yeah, so that, yeah, I sort of sidetracked there on like a catch up. But yeah, so it's just sometimes nice to really self-reflect and I feel like it's nearly coming to the end of the year. And I remember so clearly us filming, we were here and my social was there and we were on Zoom.

And it was, we knew that it was gonna be like our new year episode. And I hadn't yet broken up with my boyfriend yet, but I knew it was coming. And I remember thinking like my year, air going to you, shit. Like I can't believe I'm going into the new year, single, that relationship failed. And looking back, if I'm going into the new year, single, that relationship

failed and looking back if I was trying to, if I was in a negative headspace I probably would be like, 2024 has been fucking terrible. I lost the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I spent probably more than six months depressed, sad but actually when I really look back at the growth of the person that I have become, I'm really grateful for this year because it's now leading me into things that I wouldn't have been able to, do you know what I mean? Honestly, it's actually I look back and like think about the things you spoke about when

you were in that relationship. And I know you, you obviously saw things differently because you were in it at the time, but seeing like what you're able to do now and like how less restricted you are with things. I don't know I'm just very self-aware at the moment I'm on like a journey of it continuing to rediscover and even when you think that you've done all the work there's always more work to do and I'm always trying to evolve into like the best version of yourself. Yeah so anyway sorry that's my catch up. What about you? I'll talk about the bigger aspect of my catch up on Patreon, I think. But I did meet my boyfriend's kids and we went out with all the kids. That was so nice. Half-assed ended.

Half-assed ended. So yeah, I'll talk about that on Patreon. I'm just in like a little happy bubble of life at the moment. Well, honestly, I'm very, I'll talk about that on Patreon. I'm just in like a little happy bubble of life at the moment. Honestly, I'm very, I feel quite protective of my energy and space and I'm very wary. I guess I've been reflective too, but I'm very wary of the very few factors that impact that that impact that and I'm just being more cautious in terms of letting it actually impact me anymore and standing up for myself more and yeah just making some big decisions. Amen look I feel positive today. I know. I'm loving it I'm here for it. On that note should we crack on with this calendar? Time to get digging aren aren't we? Let's open it, people. Right, guys, first of all, this calendar.

Calendar. I like the red and gold. Yeah, I'm loving it. Okay, so shall we just open a few boxes and show you a bit of a teaser as to what you guys can get? I feel like the big ones are the best. I know, but like, I just wanna know what's on day one. Oh my God, how do you do this?

This is actually a lot more, I can't explain. Like, I feel like it's a lot more- High end? Yeah, high end than the last year. Last year, do you remember you just pushed it? It was almost like- Yes, close. Oh, I know what this is.

I've just read it. Right, so we're opening box number one, people. Are we ready? Let's get ready. Let's get ready. Let's get ready to rumble. Oh guys, we've got bullets falling out on me. We have got a bullet.

So I think from memory, and I don't know if it's going to be the same in this, but I reckon that this bullet is probably quite useful for class. That is why it's day one. That's why it's day one guys. Number should I pick? 11, that's my lucky number. Go on, go and go and go. 11. It's a month there. Oh my god, it's day one guys. Number should I pick? 11, that's my lucky number. Go on guys, go and map 11. It's a month there.

Hey hey hey, oh my god it is. Oh look at this, you're gonna ruin my whole calendar, sorry. I'll put it back in. What? I think I, wait the... Oh, okay. What? Ooh, look at the pattern. like the... oh okay what? ooh

look at the pattern tell me OW! F- FUCK ME imagine that on your arse I love it I like the pattern pretty isn't it

actually looks like a nice comb oh okay I like the pattern. Fretty isn't it? It actually looks like a nice comb. Oh okay. Is the way it said the thing that got me it said it said start with light taps and if your lover is keen build up to sharp fwacks. Swat? Never heard of a thwack. Neither. I bet that hurts like an absolute bitch and I bruise like a peach. As you can see by the way if anyone's watching you think sorry about the thing going on and it's like I'm going to... Oh sorry about I bruise like a peach. As you can see, by the way, if anyone's watching, you think sorry about the thing going on. Oh, sorry about the bruise on my face.

I had profiler and you don't really, but obviously I do, because it's me. What am I being drawn to? I'm sort of being drawn to 15. It's big. Yeah, because it's big. We love it big. Yeah.

Oh dear. Okay, are we ready? I'm not gonna read it. I'm not gonna ruin it. Let's just go straight in. What the actual fuck is this? It's like a... It's like a neck massager. Maybe it's just a neck massage. Hold on.

I don't know what it is. Have your partner massage you all over. Can you guess where you like being touched the most? Like you think you can establish like... Interesting. Oh, I could do with that on my... Yeah. On my...

Oh my god. Sorry, please. We just do this... Yeah, like that. Can you imagine? Oh mother, why can't I? Sorry, please. We just do this. Oh, that's a trend. Yeah, I like that. Can you imagine? Sorry, we're now ending the effing though because we both need a little neck lay down.

Let's try 22. 22. Okay. What have we got here? Is that a simmer wall? You're doing this thing so weird. Oh so that's for the bullet. So yeah, that's right.

So I think there's probably other things in it. No, so you put the bullet in here and then this is obviously for their finger? Well I hope it's not for their willy. It's for the micro- Finger vibrator sleeve compatible with the bullet vibrator in box one. Thank you. Yeah, or it could be for a micro penis. To not start that note again, I cried.

Okay, I'm being really drawn to sexy and on and... And I like that it's gold. There can go, there can go. It's hard. It's long. Oh, I know what it is. An iron fan. A little wand. Abracadabra. Bibbity bobbity boo. This looks like a bit of an upgrade to last year's. So this is, yeah, it's a wand for the clit. I adding...

...Phyrahland. D it non-suction? It just looks like... what do you mean suction? I think. Hang on. Oh, it's compatible with the bullet vibrator. No, not suction cup. It's a G-spot dildo. Oh, so it's for your bum? No, your G-spot. Oh, it's not for your bum. Oh, for men.

It's that old thing. Oh, hang on. You think it's for men? No, it's his hands full. Stick this suction cup dildo to any smooth surface to enjoy ultra satisfying penetration playing. That's what it means, if you're sticking it to suction, is it not for the woman to stick on?

Before anyone? I don't realize how hard it would be. It also looks like an elephant doesn't it? Sorry, look at me. Such an... What's happening? Too many lies. Got make-up all over. Too many lies, you're gonna get a big nose. Too many men, too many men. Right, shall we do one more? Go on. Before we crack on? Where's this go? Shall we do number 24? 24, knock on that. Oh yeah, yeah, 24 you little whore.

What is the last one? Womanizer, womanizer, oh you're a womanizer. That'll be test, do you want to get any stuff for you? Oh you're a womanizer! That'll be fast, do you want to get any faster? Yeah, I have to... Oh you opened it! Guys, it's worth the wait. On Christmas Eve, we're gonna open this bad boy. And Merry fucking Christmas! And have a magical night!

What? Yeah! Ooh, it's got a cake! I love that, it's proper cute. Proper small and cute. It's so colorful! Yeah, how cute? Very hygienic. I love that So this is the womanizer Acca also known as the clip sucker Okay, so this will cost you 149 pounds

This this all its own is. So the whole calendar is actually worth £457.75. That's a lot of sense to it. Yeah. Let's have a look at the womanizer and see how much that is, shall we? How much did I just say it was? 150? 140?

149. Oh, I hadn't. 140. 149. I'm hanging with this there. I mean, so I'll tell you how much that was, because it is a minute. Do you know what else I think is actually so good about this, which would be such a nice gift for someone on the first of December?

Anyone that's single, like, this doesn't need to be, like, with a partner. If you know someone that is single, like you, this doesn't need to be like with a partner. If, if you know someone that is single, that maybe is going through a breakup, they need a little helping hand. I would be very content with receiving this for Christmas when I was single. Wouldn't you? I think my first birthday after my divorce, my friend bought me the womanizer. Really? Yeah.

That's hilarious. And I've been forever grateful ever since. I can't find the exact price of it but I'm pretty sure they're not cheap so. Yeah, I mean the fact that you can get all of this for 150 and it's worth how much? Like over 400 quid. Four hundred seventy five I think it was. So long. Winner winner chicken dinner.

So yeah guys go and check it out. I think it's a nice gift, winner, chicken dinner. So yeah, guys, go and check it out. I think it's a nice gift for yourself, for a friend. Even though it might be really dirty, like you've got the nice massager and you've got things like that. Yeah. Give that to your dad, you know. Can you imagine? Happy Christmas, Dad!

Here's the, what the happy thing. Here's a suction dildo. Or your grandma, your single man. I really need to the man. Hey, what's up? What's up? Um, what's that happy thing? Here's a suction dildo. Or your grandma, your single nan. I wouldn't need the nan. Hey, maybe I should do that as a joke on Christmas. One for you and one for you.

I might give this to my hundred year old grandma. Give me the mountain. I'll have one for Christmas. Oh, okay, Let's get in. Right. He was caught out in Anne Summers by my boss. Oh. Hi girls. My friends have been suggesting that I write in with this for a while now to see if you have any thoughts or advice. I sent this in two months ago, but without a subject, so I think it got missed. Guys, subjects draw

us don't they? We do get quite a lot of emails so we do apologise if we don't always get them. About 11 months ago my husband told me he was being unfaithful and had been caught kissing another woman whilst out at a gig with his best friends the night before. They forced him to tell me the truth. He's been having an affair with a girl from work. Another one. For three weeks. I'd only a week earlier asked him if he'd been having an affair when I caught him out on a lie but of course he denied it. Always trust your gut.

Despite being shocked and heartbroken I wanted to try and make things work as we have been together for a long time. Best friends for 25 years, together 11 years, married 9 and we had two young children. We went out on a date night, had fun, had sex and I really thought that was a chance things would be okay. Within 10 days, he was meeting the other woman in a local pub. And then I found out he spent 12 hours sobbing in bed and then decided we needed to separate. We agreed to continue living together for the kids and for financial reasons, but he continued to go out and see her, lying about where he was and justifying it as, but we're separated, what am I doing wrong?

It had been three days. Oh my god. After two weeks, I was in a very bad place and decided enough was enough and asked them to move out. I'm still living in the house with my children and have universal credit to make sure I can afford to keep my house. For anyone out there who needs to hear this, don't be fooled into thinking universal credit is only for low incomes.

I earn over 48k per year but as a single parent with two children in childcare I do still qualify for significant assistance. Did not know that. Neither. Gets home and Google. No, yeah. No, that's really interesting. I didn't know that at all. So what is that? Universe credit. We should both be looking at that. I'm not even joking. Yeah. But, he moved out of my home and into hers, claiming he was at his uncle's with her son. This was less than six weeks after their affair started. Sorry, it's my opinion, but I don't feel like she respects her son enough to just introduce a new person after six weeks of dating to live in with them. That's just wild in my opinion. We started co-parenting and I very quickly

realized that it was no different to what I'd been doing before. Love it, what we just said, love it. Single mom married. We have an 80-20 split. He has had them three times overnight in 10 months and there are regular occurrences where he misses the agreed times for one reason or another. It's not an ideal pattern but he won't commit to more even though he originally claimed to want 50-50. You often talk about the default parent and that's 110% me and always has been so to be honest I think I've taken the single mum part of this in my stride. I completely relate to that. I found like the, for the most part, my life didn't change. And I think that was a bit of a sad reality.

And the only parts I found really, really challenging and still do are like those nights where you just need someone else to tap out. You haven't got any other person there. Yeah. He introduced the new girlfriend to the girls within three months and it broke my eldest daughter's heart she can't understand why her dad would leave her for someone else and her child at the end of February his new relationship broke down oh shock all right he moved out of the house and into his grandma's he told me she was a toxic psychopath and that they were terrible

for each other's mental health. He apologised for everything he had done, admitted he was run over thinking that me or our marriage was an issue and that it was all him and all in his head. He begged for another chance to make things right for me in the gala, so I'm embarrassed for him. Right, I've got a little parrot on my shoulders. Even though it was what I wanted, I told him he had to rebuild relationships with our friends and family before we could even think about it.

As by this point, he'd not spoken to most of them for four months. He agreed and started to make amends with people, but within ten days, he was telling me that he still loves me but isn't attracted to me anymore and that we just needed to be family and not together. I knew straight away she was back in the picture and wrote him a letter saying as much. Later that day I was sent a picture of his car outside her house. I sent him a time stamped picture of my letter saying how disgustingly predictable he was. He denied anything was

going on but less than a week later on on Good Friday, was caught in a shopping centre holding her hand and carrying a Nernsummers bag by my boss. He still denied that they were back together but I told him I was done and asked for a divorce. Nearly six months have passed since then, he's back living with her and I've given him a separation agreement to sign and repeatedly asking for a divorce, but I'm still waiting. I refuse to file for it by myself at the moment. It's too hard and it isn't what I want. We are still on good terms, see each other most days because of the kids.

He still texts me random jokes and life updates. And then there's, yeah, I would. And we still go to his grandma's together for tea on a Monday. What are you doing, babe? It's all right. Don't do that. I think that's weird. Don't do that.

We have navigated a good number of family events now. His family are very adamant that I'm still part of their family and they will not allow me to be pushed away. And it no longer hurts to be in his company. His new girlfriend has been introduced to part of the family now. And I feel that the time is coming where I'll have to meet her and I would rather that than lose any

more of my family. Throughout all of this I've been adamant that he had a nervous breakdown and that none of this is him. To say that this is all out of character is an understatement. I've known him since we were 11. I know him and all his flaws inside out. He has stepped away from his normal life, living in a new town, doesn't see most of his family, barely sees his closest friends and blanks a lot of our mutual friends entirely. He no longer engages in a lot of his former interests and almost all of his belongings are still here or at other parts of his family's houses.

Have you any advice for how to break the longing for the life you once had? I'm not in denial about what he has done and I'm not idolizing our marriage. It was flawed and sometimes we brought out the worst in each other. Yet despite everything he has done to me I still love him. But I know I need to move on and that no one should be treated like this. I'm very much rebuilding my life for my daughters and I know I'm strong enough to do this on my own but I know that if there was a chance I would still choose to rebuild. I miss my family being whole. How on earth do you move on when your gut instinct is screaming that this is not the end? Thank you for reading. There is an update, so I know there's not an update. That was the other one.

I don't know. There is. Is there? Update. She is 18 weeks pregnant. The end. Well maybe that will help her realise that the door is closed. It's over. It's really sad that you're still saying that like, I feel like if he came back, because he kind of did, that you would allow it. You need to put some boundaries in place. You don't need to be going for tea with him, allowing him to message you about jokes

and this, that, and the other. In my eyes, the way I see it, is you had this really strong background of a friendship, then became married, but he's still getting the benefits of having you in his life as that friend, and he doesn't deserve that. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for really healthy co-parenting. I have a healthy co-parenting relationship, but I don't sit there having like dinner. Sometimes we do. Sometimes we do have banter, but like I don't go for like tea with his

grandma and I don't know for tea with his grandma. I don't know. I just think that's not going to help you move on. You know what? Maybe there's a difference because I'm not pining for him or caring about him anymore. It doesn't matter if we sometimes have those banterist-friendly moments, but you're not over it. You're saying you're okay in his company, but I think the fact of what you've written

in the rest of the email shows that it's still part of you. You're saying you're okay in his company but I think the fact of what you've written in the rest of the email shows that it's still part of you that look what you're saying you love him not being funny you exposing yourself to him in those situations you're not helping yourself you agree with Tash you need to set some boundaries this doesn't happen anymore we are not together anymore you're not coming to dinner with my grandma like. I think it's nice that you're still like very much included with his family and they still see you as family. That's really special. I'm very rare. I would hold onto that,

but you don't need to be doing as much with him or chatting. When you're trying to heal from someone who has broken your heart and treated you like shit, you have to protect your energy and you have to not put yourself in situations that aren't going to help you. At the end of the day, I'm sorry if this comes across really blunt. He's not thinking about you. He's not regarding how he's making you feel. He's got this other girl pregnant who

he said was psychopathic and awful for each other's mental health. Like what does that say about you? The fact that he came back begging and then 10 days later he was back with her. No offence. He knows you're there, he knows you're hanging on, he knows you're still in love with him and he's gonna use that. You're his backup plan and I'm sorry if that comes across really blunt but sometimes I think it's, it's... You need some tough love. You need some tough love and I think at the end of the day you need to be like, you know what, what do I love about him? What the fuck do I love about a man

who's got someone else pregnant, who literally constantly lied to me and treated me like absolute shit? Not being funny, you've got two girls, would you want either of your girls to be treated like that in their relationships when they grow up? Because I guarantee the answer is no. And if one of them came home to you and said,

mom, I'm with this person, they're doing this, what would you tell them? Yeah, would you want them to get back with him? Also, I think that you saying that this isn't him and you think he's had a mental breakdown, no, that is him. And I think you need to stop like sugar coating. That's him now, that might not have been him always.

People change, people grow and not necessarily in the right ways. This is him now and he's shown that time and time again. You are better than that. Remember you are stronger than you know. You're already doing things on your own. You've been single parenting on your own for years as it is. It's not going to be any different. So you need to walk away and you need to start doing your own healing and moving on because even if you did take him back now, your relationship would never ever ever be the same, especially

now he's got some other woman up the duff. Okay, are we ready? No. Are we ready? I've always done it. This is called Please Help ASAP Divorce Pending 27 Mom of Two Young Boys. Okay, I'm married to the love of my life. We have two babies and we've been together for seven years, married for two.

Recently it's come to light that despite lots of denial and lies, he has been cheating for the whole of our relationship. Kissing random girls on nights out when absolutely streaming drunk, nothing more than kissing. What are you, 18? I know of around seven instances, thanks to some honest people finally coming forward.

There is evidence, texts, photos, and video rooms. Obviously this is heartbreaking. I knew of only one instance which was a year ago when I was six months pregnant with our second but chose to move on because I was just about to welcome a new baby. All the instances have occurred during special moments when we had been so happy. Coastal wedding, big birthdays, pregnancies. However, he says he just cannot remember at all what he has done when he is drunk.

That he's got a drinking problem. And it's not that he wants to cheat as he loves me and our children so much. Sorry, no, he's just putting the blame on the alcohol. That is just immature. Blame it on the alcohol, blame it on the alcohol. Apparently, never more than kissing, but there was a fright for me when unfortunately I got a text from the doctors Post getting a coil fitted a couple of months after my second baby What Saying that I had chlamydia. Oh

Fuck off. He's only care he's only kiss. Which I was distraught about by my husband at the time. You're lying! My husband at the time said he'd definitely been checked before we got together so it must have been laying Dorman in me for years. No. No what? is... No. No. What? No. You don't... You're a gaslighting.

You don't just randomly get chlamydia. It doesn't lie dormant in you. Can they dormant? I think herpes can. Doesn't... I'm sure chlamydia... No, you don't have to have physical symptoms. You're not like...

No. You don't have to have symptoms of chlamydia, but I'm pretty certain, don't quote me on this because I'm not an STD clinic lady. So I'm pretty sure that the only STD that can be dormant is like HPV, or like a herpes. Sometimes they say that it just flares up. HPV isn't a herpes.

I think it is a type of herpes, isn't it? There is an HPV, the one that the girls in your rank get the vaccine for. That's more like pre-cancerous. But I think it is linked to herpes. I'm clearly not very switched on, but I know there's someone that had herpes. Apparently, they always have it, but it can make you dormant.

I don't think, I've never heard of, yeah, I've never heard of chlamydia being dormant. Like, weird. Okay. Also, I'm sure when you're pregnant, don't they test your urine multiple times? They'd see if you had... I don't know whether when you get your urine tested when you're pregnant, whether they're checking those. Surely they would. Just thinking about it in my head. Surely it's just like a standard.

Yeah, maybe. I did discover since that he did sleep with someone at the very beginning of our seven year relationship but said they used a condom. Oh, then it's all right. As long as he doesn't use the condom. As long as he's being careful with those STIs. But he can't remember the rest of the cheating as he was too drunk on drugs

where that it-defo never went further than kissing. He's like, still cheating. He's lying, babe. He wants our marriage to work. He can't see his future with anyone else but me. We've always been so happy and in love so I'm totally blindsided. What the fuck do I do? Leave him.

This man is the love of my life. My feelings have totally changed at the moment. I mean, sorry, the parrot. I'm actually getting angry. No, I'm actually angry. It's actually a joke. Change at the moment as I'm so hurt, but can it be fit? No. No.

He's completely stopped drinking since the day I found out. So coming up four months now, and we have tried couples therapy too. Also, he is a fantastic dad. How good of a dad is he if he can't treat the mother of his kids well? Mm-hmm. I said it.

She said what she said. It's been four months of up and down, and I'm being totally unsure of our next step. He's still here trying to fix it. Surely that's a good thing. Am I being crazy to consider staying? You're putting him on a pedestal. Yeah.

Also his family have turned on me and I've received messages off his sister saying the sooner you f off out our lives the better. She sounds like a treat. And his mom and sister have blocked me. Right, what? What? Because their son gave you chlamydia. Even though I'm still his wife and we have two young children,

this is all because I was taking too long to decide what to do with my... Oh my God. And pissing him through too much is... I mean, no one... god. I'm pissing him through too much. I mean no one puddle. Obviously. Your mom is so bad. My puddle. Hold on. And then he's like. When he start talking like a man, he's like, get up! Brushing the tears! Hold on, can I just say, no wonder this man takes no accountability because his mother and his cunt sister are vile. Just can't believe how isolated I feel.

Luckily my family is so supportive. Yeah, because clearly your family are normal. But his family are making me feel like I'm an awful person despite what he's done. And he sticks up for his mum as he doesn't like confrontation. Put him in the bin. Honestly. I'm hoping that just how we're reading this, like, and you listening to it. You've got rose-pinted glass. Then he's squeezed a sort of light bulb moment here, my darling, because you may love him, you may think he's the love of your life, but unfortunately,

you can't be his, otherwise he wouldn't do this. He is lying to you. I really don't know if you believe that this chlamydia has just been, like, sleeping in years like no no no no no it's because your husband gave you chlamydia because he's a cheating scumbag. And you also don't, I'm telling you now it's not only one time you've slept with someone he's absolutely lying to you he's completely gaslighting you. Can I also say the fact that he's blaming it on the alcohol, I'm sorry someone that loves you that much and notices a consistent pattern where they're making the same mistakes and going out and cheating on you loads and loads of times but he doesn't remember because it's the alcohol. Where is that accountability?

Also is the alcohol, I have no words. I think the way that his mom and sister are should show you the sort of like family values that also like, oh, fuck off, goodbye. Like, no, I want an update. And on that note, I want updates from people that we're giving advice to. We are genuinely invested in these stories and the things that we read and the advice that we give. And we want to know what your way you're at and what you're doing. But say, do you know what, as well as Hans and I, I know, especially giving you this advice from a point of view where we have done work, we are out of things that are able to look back now. We don't want you to necessarily make the same mistakes that we've made of staying too

long or whatever it is. But sometimes I do wonder whether these people write in and then hearing us read it out, they're like, this is actually a study. I'm just reading here, obviously, because the title says 27 mom of two young boys. Show your boys how you want them to be as men when they're older. I'm sure. You enabling your husband's behavior

and showing them like that it's okay for their dad to be like that. You don't want them to turn out like him. But do a boy's a favor and show them what a strong person you are and have that self-worth. These situations are always just very clear of like lack of self-worth and that was me, like literally, like this obviously a different situation but this was me a few years ago and I'm so grateful for the person that I am now. I do want to just go back and give that three years ago version of me like a hug and be like, it's going to be okay. It is that short term pain

for long time gain. He doesn't deserve you and your boys deserve to have a mother as well. And to also have a father who's a role model to them. And if they can't have that, then at least a mum who shows them, you know, or yeah, just. Should we quickly finish it off on a brighter night because we just got one further update from our amazing swingers woman because do you remember I emailed her back again, you know? And so we actually, okay, so I know that we've shared a few swingers stories, but the one that went into like- That's really fascinating.

The one that went into a lot of detail, I can't remember, because one of them we shared on Patreon, and she went into quite a lot of detail about what it's like inside, and certain rooms and everything. And then she said at the end of her email, I cannot share anymore, it's not suitable even for a Patreon. So if you want to hear a bit more about it head over to the

Patreon episode but let's just give this one one last... well... hi. Hi. Ha ha. I was listening to the Patreon episode the other day when you said you had an email from a swinger and I was making feeds for my pets and went uh oh it actually was her. Seems there were a few of us. It wasn't her. Recently I had an MMF3 CERN in full view of about 20 people in there. I don't get stage fright. I would be so conscious. Like she must be so confident. Love that energy. Give me some confidence. The guys were much younger than

me. Same day. Three of us women had a threesome in one of the rooms with a viewing window. It was very steamed up and many guys looking through. At one point we went past a room and heard what looked like a gas oven clicking. The door was open so we looked in and an older lady was birching a guy in a gimp mask. What is birching? Do you know? No. Google. What's a gimp mask? Birching. Oh no, birchington. That's a place on the sea. Also, how did she do it? A ghast. Hang on, ghast sounds like- Birching is a

form of corporal punishment with a birch rod typically used to strike the recipients bare buttocks, although occasionally the back am... Gimp. Isn't that like one of those leather things? Can you image it and said, Gimp mask. Dead. Oh my God. Just terrifying.

That's something out of like a horror film. I don't like what my Google research is gonna be. Okay, I've got a visual now. Nice. Just for anyone that has a visual. Just like an old woman, like a leather, black, all over the face masks, quite scary.

It's giving Halloween a bit to us. Yes, giving like you're about to get robbed. So wait, the door was open and we looked in and it was an older lady birching, spanking, with a rod, a man in a gimp mask. I haven't been back in a few weeks and I'm a little on the fence about it at the moment. I am also healing from my divorce which concluded a month ago and we split due to excessive alcohol usage.

Life had become very difficult, though the sex was always good. I would like to find my person, but we all know how hard that is. It's also a bit of a battle meeting normal folk. Do I tell them this or keep to the respectable divorcee vibe? Tough one. We'll go on that site, that app Tasha showed last week. Um. Freed.

Was that what it was called? Think so. Nah, I don't think. Freed? Freed for like people with like, what's that? What is that called? Yeah. For the moment, I'm looking after me and my son

and doing all the self care. Who knows what the future may bring. I can't wait to hear Carly's horror at this one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Love you babe, I look forward to the two episodes each week. Keep it up ladies. Do you know what? Going on like her saying like when she meets someone

like what does she do about telling about her past like I don't know it's like a tricky one because you also you obviously want to be like really honest and open with someone but at the same time I think like do you share all your sexual history into detail with someone it's like a fine line between it's not something I've ever had to do, I don't know. Yeah, but do you sit there being explicit about your sexual relations? Obviously not. They may not be at swingers houses,

but they're still, it's still sex. So it's like, you want to be you. Yeah, I don't know. That's why I actually think that app is probably good, because I think people may be on there that are genuinely looking for a relationship that you have like kinky habits. Yeah, maybe.

But yeah, thank you for that. We're gonna read out confession. Oh, confession of the week, payback time. I have forgotten that I'd done this until a friend reminded me a few weeks ago. Love that. Long story short, my ex was cheating. Don't know if it was physical or just all online.

The messages and photos were so disturbing. I wasn't in the headspace to leave, as I thought he could change and go back to the man I fell in love with. Anyway, I was going to visit my parents with our then three-year-old. My ex loved his coffee. We had a row the night before, so I put some of his mum's old stinky perfume into the water bit of the coffee machine and filled it up. When he made a coffee the stinky

perfume water went through the whole thing no matter how many times he rinsed and cleaned it. It was still rotten, ruined the coffee machine on him and the best bit he also got a dose of the shit soft once. I love that. I'm not sure where the genius idea came out of, but I'm so glad I did it. He was and still is a terrible person. Love the pod. Love that. I love that. That gave him the shit. We need a karma. Affirmation. Okay. I've got one. Even when times are really tough and you feel like you're never going to get out of it, one day you will look back and realise why you had to go through them and that they were actually doing you good.

100%. 100%. Yeah, thank you guys as always. We hope you loved the episode. We'll see you again next week. Bye. Bye.