Not As We Planned - 64. You’ve been Exposed!!

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

We get a response from the woman who got cheated on by the man who wrote in to us a few weeks ago!!! We get such a warm felt update from an OG, we hear about a swinging holiday and someone’s feedback on taking our advice. Producer: @TristanHehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You're listening to Not As We Plan, so get ready for Honest, Raw, Unfiltered, Unhinged Story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel that I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hello and hey, good guys, welcome back. Hope everyone's having a good week. Should we have a little catch up? Oh my god I don't even know what to catch up on. I have nothing to report and you know what? I'm quite happy with that. Better than being naggy naggy. Yeah. No negative nancies today please. Positive vibes only. I'm actually loving the weather today. This

is my favourite weather where it's like crisp fresh cold air. I don't feel like it's that cold with it is, it's freezing. With nice bright size. It's like 16, 17. Sunglasses, hoodie, a nice lightweight jacket with your uggs on, with your socks pulled up over your leggings. Loving life, thank you very much. I wanted to touch on something. Oh, why do I not know what you were about to touch on? I had a day yesterday that completely threw me. Why don't I know about that? Because I wanted to save it. Oh, I've always been like, oh, I'm worried about her.

it. I've shared a lot of like, I do feel like I've healed a lot in my journey and I'm obviously in a really good place. And I think something I want to touch on is like just revisiting that healing is not linear. I think sometimes you can be making a really big progress in your journey and then you have like a new realization about something and it just makes you feel like you've taken steps back. Not in terms of like any feelings towards my ex, anything like that but basically yesterday I went to see my grandma. She just moved house. Is this the grandma that you used to watch really weird stuff with? Yeah. So for those of you who don't know, I don't know if I've ever said it, but I lived with my grandma for two years. We have a really special relationship. I feel like in that

period of two years was two of the hardest years of my life. And she was someone who I was freely able to speak to and feel heard. And like, I always just felt really safe speaking to her and I really felt like she understood how I felt. And regardless of like how much we managed to see each other now and speak to each other now, I feel like we've just got this special We managed to see each other now and speak to each other now. I feel like we've just got this special bond because we've been through that period together. Um, and I realized like yesterday was the first time I've seen her without my kids with me since I've had kids.

Most likely. Yeah. Like that I could think of because obviously I've always got the kids. I went around, so I wanted to help her like do a bit of unpacking in the new house and see the new house. So we were really productive. We sat down for a cup of tea and then she was like, how are you? Like really, how are you?

And you know, sometimes when someone asks you that and you've not, I feel like I'm so busy a lot of the time. At the moment, I'm, I don't get a lot of time to like stop and really ask myself those questions. I mean, began talking about some things and just burst out crying. All these feelings came up and I'll tell you afterwards, I'm not gonna share like my inner deep thoughts about it,

but I just had a realisation about something that I'd been through in my life and how that had impacted the partner I chose in terms of who I married. And I'd never made that association before. I'd never made the association about things that I've been through in my own personal life and how that might have impacted what I was looking for in my person. And it wiped me. I was like, what the fuck? I can understand what you're saying because something actually similar happened to me,

but I'll go on to that once you're done because I don't want to interrupt. But it is wild that that's sometimes what I find about journaling. It's the same sort of process where you can be writing something that you know of and then all of a sudden out of nowhere this new information comes to light and you're like, oh shit didn't deal with stuff that that's happened to me in my life, that's then come up in another way and impacted the partner I chose. And I don't know, I just wanted to like speak about it because like when we're talking about these things and about, you know, staying for the kids and what we're letting them see and what's a healthy relationship. I just want, and it's not to scare people, but what we do and what we experience really does impact what we search for when we're grown-ups and we're adults

and we're searching for that special relationship. I do think really subconsciously we're searching for things we might not have got or we're searching for things, I don't know, I just think really subconsciously we're searching for things we might not have got or we're searching for things. I don't know, I just think it massively impacts and I just want people to just, I don't know, never put the two together like this was a separate thing and this was a separate thing. But I suddenly had this like epiphany and I was like, what? And that has sent me not into a negative head space. I think it just felt like a lot of emotion, a lot of feelings, like something happened.

And yesterday I was in a really bad place, like just kept crying, like felt really, really overwhelmed. I think as well because the whole conversation like just came out of nowhere. Like I was just going around to help my grandma unpack. And I was on the phone last night, literally that ball in my eyes out. And yeah, and today I feel like I've let that emotion out,

I've recognized it, I've accepted it, I've started to understand it. And I feel so much better today. And I just, I don't know, wanting to encourage people sometimes you have to sit with the feelings, let them kind of show you what they're showing you, understand it, like take it in,

be like, accept it and really feel everything you need to feel. I think sometimes I feel like I'm at a stage now where I'm like, but you've got no reason to cry. And actually sometimes you need to get, I felt like I needed that release of emotion in some kind of way. And last night I was gonna deal with this on my own.

I was very much like, just gonna deal with it on my own. And my boyfriend's got this annoying thing where he knows. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm good. He knows if I'm not. And he was like, Kelly, just tell me. I'm like, I wanna try and deal with this on my own. He's like, but if it's bothering you, I'm happy to listen. And actually I'm really, I want to try and deal with this on my own. He's like, but if it's bothering you, I'm happy to listen. And actually, I'm really glad I spoke to him because he gave me some amazing

advice. Like, I think the good thing about our relationship is I'm a very emotional person. I think with my feelings, I feel a lot. He's a very logical person. Sometimes I need a bit of the logic and the facts of things for me to be like, I'll explain more in depth to you afterwards, but I needed to hear that last night. And again, I've woken up today and I still like, yeah, I feel like I've had this physical release of like some kind of trauma or something I was holding onto. And yeah, I just wanted to share that. I really resonate with what you're saying. I can't remember if I shared it or not. The

other week when I was talking about an update and how I was reflecting on my own journey. The other week I was having a really, really bad day and I ended up, I don't know if you, I feel like you probably will relate to this. So I was having a really bad day and like a normal person should just communicate that and then get their comfort if they want it from someone. But it's like I knew what I was doing subconsciously but like couldn't stop and I was trying to start an argument with the person that I'm currently dating. And for the first time being with someone that just wasn't taking the bait, he wasn't biting, he was so calm, he's so mature when it comes to things like this, that it gave me a real chance to kind

of like see that what I was doing just wasn't right. And on reflection and from talking about it with my therapist and actually a few close friends who I sort of vented to about it, it's because that was the only time I ever used to get any emotion out of my ex-husband when we had an argument. So I got so used to just doing maybe unhealthy things to get attention,

but I'm doing it with someone that gives me attention anyway and because he didn't react how I'm used to, I wasn't getting the attention I was seeking, but actually instead, once we really spoke about it, I got the attention just by actually being normal and talking rather than being a bitch. So it's finding- And unlearning.

Yeah, it's finding all of a sudden like, oh shit, like I used to do that, like that's so toxic of me. I probably did it with my ex boyfriend, but never managed to reflect on my behaviour because I would do something, he'd bite back and then he'd probably do something worse. So I'd ignore how it started or what I was doing and just concentrate on the fact that he didn't react in the right way or like that made that attention kind of went on to him instead. But it's very eye opening. And that's what I feel like every relationship, whether it's, you know, a season or a lifetime or a lesson or whatever they say.

Reason, season or a lifetime. Yeah. I'm already noticing that I'm learning so much about myself through this relationship because I'm working with someone like what you said, I think he's actually very logical thinking and I'm more like emotional, like react straight away. So yeah, anyway, well, there goes my note, don't. Yeah.

So yeah, it was just reflective. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm glad you're feeling better today. Should we crap on? Okay, guys, when we saw this, I actually screenshotted the subjects

and sent it straight to Carly. And I was like, do not read this, but I cannot wait to share this. So if you guys listened in episode, I don't know, it might have been 60. Is it the last one? Where we had a man email in because he was the one that cheated and he was like, my ex listens to this. And didn't he refer to the new girl as like a diseased riddled slag? No, dise riddled slag. Well, anyway, he is right. His ex does listen to it because she's emailed in. You cannot make this up.

So here's the subject, the ex of the man who emailed in. Are you ready? Oh, I'm not ready. Hey, girls. I'm the one who was left for a disease-riddled slag. Did you do? Yeah. I was actually debating whether or not to even respond because I was mortified by his wording. I knew instantly it was him. No, I don't.

Because it's the sort of stupid wording he would use. Whilst that may be similar to the words in my head, I probably wouldn't have chosen to put that out there on a podcast. Also, just to clarify, I started listening to your podcast after we split in a bid to hear from other mums going through these situations. At the time he was looking for somewhere else to live and was still staying in the family home, he heard me listening to the podcast and then started listening to... You girls really have helped me so thank you for that. He... I can't breathe. I know, I'm a bit like... Do you think he's... We're like having the middle of a relationship.

He's gonna listen to this. Yeah. Are we gonna look back and forwards every other week? We're gonna have one of their responses. Yeah. I feel like we need to give them like code names. Like he's like riddled slag man and she is beautiful lady. Yeah, of queen. Anyway, okay.

I feel as per usual, the whole situation was played down by him in his email. It doesn't sound like men. No, no, just men. If I'm honest, there's been nine years of lies and deceit and this was just the final straw. You've been exposed. As I know you'll both understand,

when you have a family, you do all you can to keep you together until you just can't take it anymore. There's far much more that has gone on to go through. I'll give you as brief of an overview as I can. Hope you're listening, mate. Let's go back to seven years ago. Oh, seven years. We had our first beautiful baby girl. When she got to three weeks old, he started acting strange and disengaged after dates of me nagging to find out what had gone on and he finally confessed.

He had been to a Thai massage parlour when I was 36 weeks pregnant and of course had the extras. I never really knew if that was a real thing or not. Like you know people are like happy ending. Was it an actual real thing? What do they do? Toss them up? Gross, I know. I felt like everything had just crumbled around me. I had this beautiful baby girl that I wanted to have the perfect family at all costs. I made the decision that I wouldn't tell anyone and we just had to ride this out.

It broke my heart and completely ruined the experience that comes of having a new baby for me. If I'm honest, the trust never really- No, stop. Can we Google what? A happy ending. Yeah. But what do they do? I think they either like- What? Yeah, they just-

Happy ending. With a masse. I just want to clarify this. Happy ending with a massage. I just want to clarify this. I'm sure it's them tossing the mask and then coming. A happy ending in massage means full body massage with ejaculation of sperm of male or full aggaz orgasm for female. But how?

It's probably either like a, it's not sex, but at the end of the day, she's doing something to him to make him whine. Not like that was a thing in England. I mean, I'm sure there's like loads of like dodgy muscles. Looks like it's majority a hand job. Yeah, okay. Oh God, it's so gross, isn't it?

Well, that makes her feel good. I'm trying to remember what he actually wrote in about. Was, did he say, oh, it doesn't even have a few texts? It's just a few flirty messages and texts. Sorry, did you sound like that? I love her voice. I'm pissed off right now. I'm livid.

Can you imagine her hearing that email being like, is he joking? Yeah, I would be livid. I would be livid. Shouting at the fucking cocks. Girls, I need to tell you my story. Okay, ready? That's how he said.

It was just like... I know. Like, and I felt a bit sorry for him. He'd taken account of billers. Throughout the following years, I tried to rebuild what we could but the constant red flags kept popping up. Oh, really? Money going missing with no explanation.

Text from female work colleagues bitching about me. Constantly on the phone to female work colleagues and school mums. That's weird. Always with a bizarre excuse such as they were having trouble at home and needed someone to talk to. No you don't need to be that shoulder to cry on babe. My two girls and I were never made a priority whilst there were all these red flags. Nothing felt definite enough to end the family as I had no proof. I can relate. Fast forward to the most recent time he forgot to mention that the person he was inappropriately

messaging calling was a friend of my sister's who I have known since I was a child. He also mentions that he never went through with anything, but this is only because once she knew who he was, he originally messaged her anonymously, she told my sister straight away. She said this was because my sister was the only friend she had left because she slept with most of the other's husbands and even her brother-in-law. So the description was probably quite apt then. Yeah. And her brother-in-law? Ew. I'm sure had she not told him, it would have continued further, especially considering how much he confessed he liked her in these messages. As he mentioned,

she's known for sleeping around, she's admitted herself that she has STDs and is a cocaine addict who has lost custody to her own children. Of course knowing that he would have chosen her over me was just the confidence boost I needed. I mean… That just… bleh. No words. At first he lied and convinced us all that it was just her making it up and she was probably just high. This was plausible and would be the sort of thing she would do. However, it

didn't sit right in my gut. After lots of digging, he finally admitted it. Yep, okay, it was me. Funny, isn't it? Clearly he was very remorseful. Hello, yes. So funny. What? Of course it was all my fault as I was the crazy psycho for being so upset over it. I told him we were over. The next day he appeared to feel guilty and remorseful. He said he would do anything to fix it and questioned if I was doing the right thing by breaking up our family. As those questions started to enter my head, I received a phone call from a friend asking if I knew that he was on a dating site.

Oh dude, your cover's been blown. It was then unraveled that he was on multiple. He was apparently distraught yet somehow managed to push through the pain to sign up to dating sites all too. Through the past couple of months he has continued to beg for me back and say he'll do anything and I almost believe him until in one way or another I find out that he is speaking to someone or meeting up with someone. I'm in a good enough headspace now to know that I just

need to focus on making the best life I can for me and my beautiful girls as much as I want him to. He'll never change. Well, let me just say as well, like, you who listening, the guy, if you're listening, you say all these things, I want her about this, let me tell you, actions speak louder than words and all the other things you're doing, you might be saying these things to her, they are showing her, you don't mean those things.

Thanks again for the fabulous podcast, All My Love. Think about something they're showing her. You don't mean those things. Thanks again for the fabulous podcast, all my love. Think about something you're good at. Now think about how you got there. Chances are, you had someone to help you get started. If you're thinking about starting to invest, Questrade's award-winning support team is here to help you learn how to become a better investor. From placing your first trade to setting up customized stock alerts, we're always by your side. Just a few of the reasons why we are Canada's number one rated online broker by MoneySense. Get started today at Questrade.com. We love you, you're doing so well, stay

strong, it's not going to change. If you are listening and you do want to change, go and do that therapy. Work on yourself. Don't bring other people into it right now. And do that for you. Not to get anyone back. Do it to become a better person so that one day you can treat someone else with the respect that they deserve.

And show your kids. The end. Hey guys. Come on in with an update from an OG episode 3. Oh no, we're gonna go and show her where Eric and G is back. She's back from episode 3. No. Oh no, I've already killed it.

Okay, sorry. By the way, just on that note, please send in your updates. Like, we're very invested. We want to know everything. Yeah, we really do. So, hi ladies. Guys, also, if you've just started listening to the podcast and you haven't gone all the way back,

the best way to do it is just, we're going back to the start. So what's that? Play. I'm not really a cold play girl. Jeez, sorry about who we're asking. Go back to the start binge listen And another thing while we're at it is if you have emailed in you haven't heard your story yet

It may be that we've shared on patreon. So if you have emailed in you need to go and join patreon So there's like over 20 episodes and I might be on my email and they're probably on patreon. You never know, you know Hi ladies update part three. I'm hoping this will be my final update and my happy ever after. Fingers fucking crossed. But like we need some like positive stories. Let's do it. I first wrote in episode three. I've been here from the very beginning and I really feel like you have helped me throughout

my healing journey. And started when my ex cheated with the teaching assistant. I then done an update about how I'd learned to forgive her and him and I'd done this to protect my peace and try and move on with my life. It's now been exactly two years since he left. He now is engaged to her and has a baby with her. And you know what? I remember when I would wake up having panic attacks, feeling like my world would end if they ever had a baby or ever got engaged. And it's happened and I was actually fine. It felt slightly

weird. I had to find out about it all through social media. He's never told me about his new baby or anything, but it should be honest, I don't expect anymore. This is it. She just said, I don't expect it anymore. I don't expect nothing from him and I don't get disappointment. That is absolute key. I got a message from someone who we've kind of been messaging, God, like probably coming up to two years soon, we were going through like the exact same thing at the same time. Someone on Instagram. And she messaged me the other day, she's like, I need to vent to you, I feel like you're one of the only people who would get it. And I said to her, lower your expectations, your expectations are far too high, lower them and you can't be disappointed.

And this is like, he like, you can see the fact she's not even really been impacted by this, that just by changing your expectations, you can't be disappointed. Agreed. I've even heard from friends of friends that he's cheated on her already, which I've kept to myself because to be honest, I don't want them to break up. I want her around for my kids. God forbid they broke up. My kids wouldn't be looked after. My ex is a massive narcissist who put me through a lot. He still has his moments, but the difference is now I'm no longer that person I was before. Just because he will never change doesn't mean I don't

have to. I love that, that growth. And that's something I've really looked back. And again, when I was talking to my grandma, she was saying, you've grown and changed so much. And you know, sometimes people say, God, you've changed. And they say it like it's a bad thing. Like, thank fuck I've changed. If I'd gone through all this shit and it hadn't changed me, I'd be concerned. Like, I'm open to growth and I don't think I've ever been this open to growth and becoming like the best version of me I possibly can. I think sometimes it takes for something to happen for you to have that like aspiration to want to grow into a better person.

And do you know what else? I think it's also when you're reflecting on yourself and how far you've grown and then you look at the person that's kind of like been the reason why you've grown and you can see they've done absolutely no growth or change and it's kind of funny. Karen? I've done that. Definitely that. Something that was huge and healing for me was realizing that yes, although he cheated and he's a narcissist that put me through a lot, I wasn't perfect. I have my flaws too. So I've made sure I really put into work not just for myself but for my kids. I want to be a better person for them, I've gone to therapy, I've spent time alone, I've gone on dates. I've really made sure I'm comfortable in the uncomfortable. I've had girly weekends away, I've had cosy nights

in on my own, I've got a space at uni to study paramedics and I've changed my job last month and I'm working as an ambulance assistant which I absolutely love. I now know what I want in a man and what I don't. And most importantly, I have got my self-respect back. I know my worth. I would say it's almost taken the full two years to get to this point of contentment, which to some people might seem a long time, but everyone is different and I've taken it all in my own stride. And finally, I've met someone. Although I do feel like I was healed when I met him, I'm finding he is healing parts of me I didn't know needed healing. He treats me like how

I only ever thought was possible in films. I remember when I was in the thick of it with my ex and I just wished and begged for him to change, wish he would love me like I deserved, I hoped and prayed, and now I've got a man who treats me this way without me having to ask him. This actually exists. It's going really well at the moment, I hope I'm not jinxing it right now, and I've honestly never felt happier. My life, my kids, my work, my social life is all exactly what I've always wanted, and I'm proud of myself. It's been a journey and don't get me wrong, I still have wobbles and I suppose the next thing I have to face is their wedding day, but I've

got through 100% of all the bad days so far so I have no doubt I'll get through that too, and now I have someone to support me through that too. He lets me know he supports me, he thinks I'm gorgeous and makes me feel sexier than I ever have and I really feel like I manifested him. I've listened since day one and still listen. Why am I getting emotional? I've listened before. Do you mean so? No, I'm good. It's like good, it's good motion. I'm really proud of her. I've listened since day one and still listen to both episodes every week.

Thank you to every single person who wrote in and thank you to you two. I've laughed and cried along with you and you will never realise just how much you've helped me. Not only me but my family. You contributed to getting my spark back. I'll be forever grateful, ladies. Let's hope my next tap day is the best yet. What's wrong with me? I'm excited for the up and coming first. My kids meeting my new mum, my first Christmas with them, etc. etc. is also exciting. And I just can't wait. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I will always and forever be a supporter of you girls and I'm equally excited for what's to come for

you too. That's cute. No, no, no, no, no, no, but what are you talking about with me? I don't know, but it is so nice to hear. I think we forget, you know, me and Kylie just meet up every Thursday, we read a few emails, we have a giggle, we give some advice and I don't think we sometimes really sit and think about the impact that actually does have on people. And that's why we're always so wanting you to share it and put it on your stories and do what you can to help us grow.

Because yes, don't get me wrong. We obviously want this to be eventually like our full-time job, but it's because it brings purpose, it has a purpose, it helps people and it helps us. It's been part of our therapy. You know how I was saying, how I was saying that, oh, it's taken her two years to get to that point where she really knows herself well. I sort of like, I could really resonate with her email because for me, it has been just over two years since I separated from my ex-husband. And the person that I am now compared to who I was

is just on another fucking level. And I'm so grateful for what I've been through. And you could just hear in the way that she's speaking about everything, that- How healed she is. Yeah, and I do feel like it makes such a difference with what type of person you attract into your life or a relationship

when you are on that sort of journey and path. So thank you for that, that was so nice. And again, please send in your updates, positive or negative, it's just so nice to hear. Okay, as we're on a positive run, I thought we'd carry on with our spirits high. Good vibes this week, huh? Yeah, and I spotted a Swingers story.

Guys, you don't know what our podcast is becoming. Please don't think like we're just like sex maniac. It's just a different world that I think is fascinating. I think people probably like to hear it because most people don't experience it. So hearing it, it's just like a story, isn't it? It's like a wild story. I think my brain still has difficulty understanding. The concept of it.

No. That, hey, people who do it. I've been thinking that when I've been on the school and I'm like, who is? I guarantee you, like, stats must say. Or teachers. Stats, right. Google. Do you think any of the teachers, teachers or children?

Percent of. Yeah, but this isn isn't gonna be accurate because I just want a ballpark figure. People in the UK are swingers. So long. No, but that's the 40 year olds. I think a lot of them are younger than that. Do you?

I think it might be an older thing. Well, wife swapping has risen 50% in a decade. That's a lot. Apparently nearly 1.5 million British couples have tried swinging. I don't believe any of these stats. So 25% of adults, it's in the mirror so it must be legit. No, it's when it's on the Daily Mail or TikTok. Okay, I met a friend a couple of years ago who was into swinging. I was interested in trying it but was nervous. We booked a holiday to Tenerife

as there's a swingers' club there. We thought we'd go and give it a go. A couple of nights in we decided, fuck it, let's go. So we got into some sexy underwear, got dressed and headed to the club. Have you seen that TikTok train like in the club? No, I'm not gonna do it because yeah, okay never mind. It was very relaxed. I felt totally comfortable. After a few drinks, I was talking to a couple

of guys. We went and found a room where we had a threesome. It's just something you just hear in like things like happens in a movie. It's like going to go down and have a cup of tea. Like that's how casual it is. Just go and watch a film. My first ever. The next day we woke up and found the barman's number so we started messaging him. We went to the club again. The next night had some more fun while we were there and then once the barman and a friend of his had finished they came back to our villa. I fucked a super hot tatted guy, just my type, while my friend was with the other guy. He then joined me and his friend for some more fun. At the end of the holiday, we decided we had to go back. So we did.

We met up with the same guys from the Swingers Club. Me and my tatted man headed upstairs where we had sex. We then moved to the balcony where we carried on with his friend watching downstairs. It was so thrilling. See, this is the thing. I'm not saying that this is all like, but because she's not swinging with, to me, this was more like a sex party than swing. To me, I picture swinging is like with a party. That's what I find so baffling. This is more like you're going to a sex house. I mean, I picture swinging is like with a party. That's what I find so baffling. This is more like you're going to a sex house. I mean, I don't know.

Anyway. My friend had a party one night where it was me, her and three couples. Oh. I just went to meet them and see the vibe. Well, I had a few drinks and ended up fucking two of the guys and one

fingered me until I squirted. I had so much fun. I felt totally comfortable. I bet you did. I was godless. It's like the couple's men. Yeah. Yeah. I was one of those who judged swinging before I experienced it, but after being part of it, even for a short time, my opinion has totally changed. It made me realise how much I loved sex after a shitty marriage and not wanting sex with my husband. There's no pressure to do anything you don't want to do. I felt safer in the swingings club than I did in a normal club. That was the end of the email. Well, the white beach.

Tenerife is the place to go if you wanna do a bit of swinging swinging. Well, so Tenerife. We've got another update. Oh, do we? We've got another update and it's called update, update, update ladies, Patreon member six months later.

Okay. Bonjour, voila, Tash and Curly. Right diggin' us out. I'm sending you in an update. I emailed you and you played it out on episode 43. I want to store you in my basement in a duffel bag. That wasn't my story by the way. Oh, fine. I was the one asking for some advice as I had left an abusive traumatic relationship and was struggling with feeling like I deserved any happiness with the guy I had been on three amazing dates with. You talked about being in the Truman Show and resonated with my feelings.

I remember that. I had been single two and a half years at the time and was thinking I should just stop seeing him. So you told me to talk to him and let him know I had those feelings and take control of my triggers and irrational thoughts. I'm intrigued by this update. So I did and I wanted to give you an update as I know you love an update. It's now been six months and I'm so happy and I'm so glad I did what you said. Yay! I'm not yet! I'm not yet! I'm not yet! I'm not yet! I'm so glad I did what you said. Yay! I knew it. What?

Yeah. I hope so. I need to sing by my own advice sometimes. I knew it, but you kicked me up the ass to do it. I'll give you a kick, babe. Don't worry. We have had some really hard conversations during that six months, but I let him in. He has validated me in every single stage and he has definitely helped me heal in ways

that I couldn't have done on my own. I honestly do believe he is the guy I will marry and grow old with and I have never ever felt so secure and loved. I am able to be myself 100% and that in itself is a breath of fresh air. My heart is so full and that is something I would have never thought possible. I still see my therapist and I'm doing the work on my own as I know I still have a journey with regards to abuse, self-worth. I remember this really well actually, but slowly I am getting there. I would at this point like to say your podcast also really helps and I'm on Patreon and often dip in with a comment. I also have a mood board and just before this I got it out and I was so surprised by how

many goals I have achieved. I also just want to say to all those ladies and gents that listen are in the trenches of separation, loneliness, still in toxic relationships, making hard decisions, you deserve to be happy and one day you can be happy. Life is really short and staying in a relationship which you purely just exist in isn't enough. Listen to this guy. Anyway, thanks for the advice six months ago. We ladies do listen and act

and I think you're both superstars. P.S. buy yourself a hat. I'll be sure to invite you to the wedding. Oh, can you imagine? Oh, I'd love that. We're holding you to that. And you're welcome. And I'll be like, you guys are here because of that?

Because we gave you something to buy. I love that. Without you will say, and that'll be like, you guys are here because of that? Because we gave you something to buy? I love that. Without BF, that is like, not as we planned, was it? My heart is actually so, do you know what? I really feel like I've needed some positivity. I know we've had this conversation, I spoke about it with my partner,

but as much as I don't get what this has come across wrong, I adore doing this podcast. Like literally, I feel like it gives me so much purpose in my life. It makes me feel, sometimes I get this feeling that the things that I've been through were meant to happen to me so that I can help other people. But it is really hard seeing negative stories every single week about men majority because that is what we get. Being unfaithful, hurting people and I can't lie and say it doesn't sometimes take a toll on my mental health because sometimes like I'm still healing from things and I'm in this really positive relationship

and sometimes I'm like, I'll come away from a day of filming and I'll be on the phone and I'm like, I'm paranoid about everything. But no one's good. And he's like, Karly, you need to do an episode where you hear really positive things from me.

And without even asking, we've managed to do that. And I think sometimes we just, and I'm sure to those of you who are listening, like it's going to be a really nice thing for you to hear that listening and taking our advice. I'm not saying Tash and I like, we're not qualified professionals. We don't have all the answers. We are giving our honest opinions to you, but to hear people taking advice and progressing and healing and being happy, like, I cannot explain how that feels. And yeah, we just, I'm sure I speak for Tash in saying this, but we both feel so privileged to be in a position where

we're using negative things that have happened in our lives to learn and reflect and to do our work, but also in turn that help other people. Absolutely. And I feel like, I mean, I really relate to that. The guy that I'm dating does listen to this and he'll come away from it. He'll call me here, be like, no wonder. Yeah. You say certain things and this, that and the other. And you hear it. No wonder. You say certain things and this, that and the other. It's really nice just to currently be with someone that is so understanding and reassuring because although obviously

we listen to so many negative stories, what I want to obviously highlight for anyone that feels like it may sometimes put a negative on their headspace will feel like, oh my god, another one and another one. Like there's just as many positive stories, but I guess people are emailing in because they want that advice. They wanna share their experience. Like there are good guys out there

and we wanna project that on people as much as sharing the negatives to allow people to not feel so alone. So no, it's been a really nice, positive episode. I think we have all probably heard of it. But should we finish with a little confession of the week? Yeah. Maybe instead of a confession of the week this week,

we can just go with doing a confession of the week for that riddled slag man to be like, I lied. There's my confession guys. I missed all that information out. I don't know why you take the time to write it in. I think she was trying to get her back. Yeah, I think he was. There's his confession.

Should we finish with an affirmation? Affirmation of the week. I'm sure we've said this one before, but I feel like right now it's in my head and it's realizing that as each door closes, it's because another one is about to open. The journey that you're on is all the bad things are definitely leading you to the good, but you've also got to take that responsibility sometimes and make those changes to get back what you know you get I feel like we get what we put out and it's doing what we can and controlling what we can

and not worrying about what other people are doing and changing for other people because they probably aren't and just concentrate on yourself and PMA love it and really good I'm gonna go and text my boyfriend how I tell love him I'm gonna