Not As We Planned - 86. Catfish and Chlamydia

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

We discuss how Staying for the kids and for financial stability doesn’t need to be a thing, finally getting that lightbulb moment and filling for divorce, and how a cheeky bit of milk can go a long way!Link to our shop - www.notasweplanned.shopProducer: @TristanHehirCity Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys! Hi! You're listening to Not As We Plan, so get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one, and what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi everyone, welcome back to Not As We Plan. We hope you are feeling fantastic and good and fantastically fabulous. The weather's picking up now isn't it? Why is it? Is it an English thing that you always like automatically talk about the weather?

Yeah, it's an English thing. I think it's because it's so rarely nice but when it is, it's like, ooh, ooh. Yeah, I saw like all these things on TikTok, like when the sun comes out and you realize, like you were like... Didn't have seasonal depression. Yeah, you just had the seasonal depression. So true. How's your week been? How's my week been?

A few like cute things with the kids, like for anyone that's sort of like been following the update with Blake's football, he got a medal at school for footballer of the time. Yeah, that's the... Like how freaking cute, he was so proud that he's sleeping with his medal, like have you ever? I obviously reached out to the coach at school

and maybe he thought that, because obviously I don't know what... Was it him that came? No, different person, but I obviously spoke to him when everything happened at school and him being really unhappy. I don't know whether obviously he gave it to him to boost his confidence or whether he actually,

I'm not doubting that he didn't deserve it. It doesn't really matter. But I just think it's so nice that he did that for him because something like that, just like giving him that bit of confidence, I feel like has just made him so happy. So I love that. Ivy had her dance show on the weekend

and that was really cute. And anyway, that's me, you? Yeah, you. So, well, you know, I had like, do you know what? Every, I'd say, four to six months, I have a burnout. And I know it's because I'm doing too much. I know that and I almost preempt it and I sell it building for a while. Obviously I

do the podcasts, I do social media stuff, but I also do teach boot camps four days a week. I also have one-to-one clients. And then obviously like being a single parent and I don't have help during the week. Their dad has them three nights every fortnight. And it's just all felt a lot. I've obviously got holiday and I've, do you know what? The last few weeks have just been so busy. I've had no breathing room. I've literally had zero time for myself. I've done a lot with the podcast. We've had like, again, like all very privileged positions to be in, which is what I think, again,

doesn't help with like this guilt I'm feeling at the moment. But I feel like we've had some amazing meetings. I feel like just life in general has been so busy. I feel like I've not come up for air and I'm juggling everything work. You don't want to drop a ball. And then I just feel like yesterday I got in the car and I just burst out crying.

Like just feel like, do you know what I think was the trigger yesterday? I was Tuesday actually when we went into London for a meeting and Tuesday's one of my days of my life. I was Tuesday actually when we went into London for a meeting. And Tuesday's one of my days of my life. I was like, darling, I'm really sorry. Like you're gonna go and spend the day with Bubba today. But that's why he calls his grandma. And I knew he would have a fun day. And he goes, but mommy, at the moment, all you do is have meetings. And I just say that. Yeah. And I have because I feel like we've done a lot of even like Zoom meetings

after school. We've had, we've done a lot of Zoom meetings after school. We've been really, really busy. All excited stuff and it's all for them at the end of the day. But I think the guilt of that and then literally feeling like, honestly, I haven't even had time to wash my hair or I haven't had time to clean those parts of the house. I'm trying to bloody pack for holiday. I'm nowhere near even really started. Like my house is a mess, it's got clothes everywhere.

And that overwhelms me. I don't feel like I can be in a peaceful place in my mind where my house is a mess. I mean, you've seen the state of my phone for fuck's sake. Like that is just an accurate representation of my brain. And I think yesterday, I just really felt this overwhelming feeling that I'm a single parent and I don't have someone else who I can call up and be like, babe do you mind if you did

this and run and got this and like again like yesterday I bought something for Theo for holiday, I've got home tried it on him realized the top's one size the bottoms are another size, it doesn't work, I've now got to go after school to take it back because I haven't got the time. Just really noticing the lack of presence of having someone significant in my life and having someone I can lean on or even turning around someone being like, look, I could really do it in an evening,

in bed or sat on the sofa and just being. And yeah, I just felt this massive overwhelming feeling of it being very apparent I'm on my own and do you know what trying to like take something positive out of it which I know like you usually always do on your own and I'm like pessimistic over here but like just listening to you say that like I think again something like what you've like been feeling over the last few days is a massive like highlight of why you are going to be so much better off meeting someone that is local. He can do that anyway. Because for example, like, you know, if someone was around to be like, do you know what, while

you're going and doing this, I can go and do that. And I think that that's so nice to know. Yeah, no. And I've been thinking with these feelings, I'm like. Having him wouldn't have actually helped in any way. It would have made it more stressful because I would have been tight with him.

To find time, to sleep, to hit him. And I think also what I'm realizing at the moment is just the way my life's been at the moment, I actually don't have time for someone else. Like I really don't even know when they'd slot in. Unless they want to become a cleaner for me. Like I was thinking I could do with that. I was currently arrived at my house, like my boyfriend's here like hoovering.

I came downstairs, I was like, what is that setting? It sounds really high. He's like, have you used this before? I was like what is that setting it sounds really high he's like have you used this before I was like oh I'm not sure. I'll have that bit of it haven't I. No but like I don't know. What a positive thing to have come out of a relationship and you're not even like three months down the line and you're already like 11 months. No but upset about something knowing that if he was still in your life, it would have actually made

it worse. Like what so like, yes, you're feeling shit. Yes, you're feeling overwhelmed. We know that this is a temporary feeling. How great that that is not bringing down it actually making it better. Yeah, no, I agree. And I also, I want you to realize that what a positive that when you're at your notice, normally that is when people will start reminiscing on their relationship and feeling a bit sad and you're not and that's a big deal. I didn't even think about my relationship

when I was feeling like this. I thought the first you've put your heart so fast. Yeah, no, I'll be honest, it didn't even come to my brain. I was just driving, just thinking, I don't know, it didn't even come to my brain. I was just driving, just thinking, I don't know, it's overwhelming. Look, what an awful position to be in. I'm going on holiday and I'm stressed over that. There's much worse problems I can have,

but I still think it's valid to feel really overwhelmed by stuff. And I know next week when I'm away on holiday, I'll look back and I'll be like, it was all worth it. Yeah, I got through it, it's fine. And I know that that's it with everything at the moment. God, I feel like I've matured so much. But every time I'm struggling, I know it's a passing feeling because I know the majority

of the time I'm sat in a really good headspace at the moment. I'm feeling very excited and positive for life. I've got, you know, like the world at my feet. And yeah, like I'm 11 weeks tomorrow Broken up. How's that? Nearly three months. Yeah, I believe my is the time. I don't know So it's exciting. I've got my holiday and then next month I've got something personal going on and I feel like after for like in my head April's been this like big exciting month I've got stuff going obviously away and then I've got other stuff going on and I feel month. I've got stuff going, I'm obviously away

and then I've got other stuff going on. And I feel like once I'm out of that and I'm into May, I don't know. And we've got an event in May. We've got an event in May. And we've just secured the venue and this is for anyone that missed out on the last event and they were a bit gutted.

Patreon will get 24 hour priority. Realized that. And we sold out in seven hours last time. So this particular event that we are doing, which we will share very soon, once the tickets are sold out, we cannot add more. So if you want to come, you need to join Patreon. It's in May, it is in Hertfordshire,

and it is gonna be amazing. It's quite different to what we've done before. I don't think so. We'll already be on sale by the time this episode comes out. Cool. So that was really unhelpful. Sorry if it's sold out. Yeah, it's awesome. I think it will be. Also, I think maybe we should let people know that we went on a little trip to see Roxy and Afusa. We did.

That was really fun. Amazing. Like for anyone who doesn't follow her and you're looking to like change your mindset like she's got two main books. So manifest is one and there's a further manifesting one. We get asked a lot about manifestation. I cannot recommend those books enough. They strip it back. They make it easy. But her new book is called confidence. And it's about it's like eight steps. Yeah, it's about eight steps to improve like improving your self-worth. Pretty sure most of our listeners could probably benefit from that. So yeah, go and check it out.

Maybe we'll pop a link to those books. Yeah, and I started reading Manifest for Kids. Yeah, me too. So we were playing this guy. I was desperately trying to keep the kids away. So basically I had a leaving dinner for my sister's move into America on Friday and the kids were really, it was really sad yeah crying but then I had to get the kids back but I had um I had to pop into this girl to do a patch test so she's doing my roots and she wants to do a

patch test I was like I can't have the kids asleep because then like I'm gonna have to carry them in they're gonna be moody if I wake them up so I was like I need to keep them awake so the whole way home we were playing playing this game which they loved where I like asked them a question so I was like what's your favorite animal whatever it was and question such as, what's your favourite animal, whatever it was. And then I said, what's your favourite book in the whole wide world? So Milo was like, oh, Oi Frog, and then Theo was like, that special book that you bought me the other day that we've been doing together at night. And I was like, I'm so scared.

It's really, do you know what? I'm only about maybe 15 pages in, but it's really good about talking about normalizing feelings that humans have. So if you do have like, I mean, pretty much everyone's child struggles to self-regulate because they're not mature enough to do it, but they'll be six in May.

And there's certain words which he doesn't understand and he'll ask me what they mean. And even that like is probing us to have conversations we wouldn't be having. So they did say they recommended from like eight or 10. Yeah, do you know what? I've actually only gone like maybe four or five pages in because you know, right at the beginning of the book,

it was talking about like your emotions and what they're valid and stuff. So we then went into like a complete conversation about, like we used examples, because that morning Ivy did something that really upset me and I was really cross. And then we spoke about how her being sad was really valid and I explained what invalid meant.

And yeah, whenever you're feeling sad, no one can ever tell you that you can't feel sad, your feelings are valid. And it ended up turning into a really nice conversation. I just thought like, wow, I'm so happy. And I want to have conversations with my children about those sort of things. Because I think we grew up, you know, especially young boys probably being told like, Oh, don't be such a girl, don't cry. And, you know, or like just not not being validated. And I'm actually going to touch on something ever so slightly on Patreon because it is very personal.

It's quite different to something that I've ever spoken about before, but just to touch on it slightly on here, I have definitely, more so in the last few weeks, really started understanding maybe where some trauma of mine with conflict and how I deal with certain things in relationship and where it has stemmed from and it's been really eye-opening and I don't know

I sometimes feel like had things like that been around for me to talk about and be able to express and be heard and be and understand that all feelings are valid. I feel like we're in a probably a dim position that people are so much more aware of those things now and getting people talking and like they're not being any shame. Like that's it. I think growing up, lots of us experienced if you were feeling any negative emotion, which are all completely valid and very human feelings, feel like whether that's anger, whether that's sadness, whether that's embarrassment, to like snap out of it.

And we don't have the capability to just snap out of it. Actually what we need to do is feel, feel validated and heard and have a safe place that we can outlet that. And I think that's where we as parents have the responsibility and we can be the people that change that for our kids and essentially try and help them understand the safety of talking and communicating from such an early age that we're building really amazing people for future relationships. Yeah, definitely.

I should crack all some emails and do that. Okay, this is called... Yeah, this is called Military Wife Scared to Leave. Hi girls, please keep this anonymous. I only found your podcast this weekend. Oh wow. I've found your podcast this weekend. I've been to a lot of episodes, but not sure if you've had a question

or situation like this before, but any advice or encouragement would be appreciated. I love hearing that people have just found it. I'm always intrigued as to how to handle. Like, how did you find it? What's the T-Tap? I've been with my husband since I was 17 and I'm now in my 30s.

We have two kids together, nine and 11. In 2020, I started feeling I wasn't happy and we wanted different things out of life. At first, I thought the problem was me and I have a lot of childhood trauma, so just tried harder to be a better wife. It took me a few months to realize I need to communicate this with him.

I didn't say I wanted to leave, just that I wasn't happy anymore, but really I didn't see a future anymore. His personality has changed completely. He accused me of having an affair, which is laughable as I have a child attached to me 24-7 and we were in the middle of a lockdown and just got very angry. Then a few weeks later he flipped again and said he was sorry. He would make changes and asked if we could try again. There's more to this, but that's the basics. I agreed. I'd sprung this on him

and wanted to give him a chance. During this, he had also told me that I needed to go to therapy. At first, I disagreed because really we both needed it, but in the end, I reached out to someone, but he didn't. Now, five years later, I could cry admitting how long this has been. I know I've made huge mistakes and should have left in 2020. Therapy has opened my eyes to how toxic this relationship is. He drinks every weekend, sometimes in the week too. I grew up with two alcoholic parents and I hate being around the kids. I hate it being around the kids, but nothing I would say would make him stop.

He was even blind drunk on our wedding day and it still haunts me as I should have turned around and walked back up the aisle as soon as I realized. He talks to me like I'm a child but expects me to shoulder everything, the household, the parenting, the emotional stability of the kids. One of my kids is neurodivergent but we're still waiting on his diagnosis and dealing with him is a lot but it's all on me. He can't handle it, he flies off the handle all the time and I'm the one to pick up the pieces. He does whatever he wants with no consideration of what it's actually like to have a functioning household. I'm stuck in most Saturdays cleaning and washing while he's in the pub. Again, so much more of this of course, but I just walk on eggshells all the time.

My stomach drops as soon as I hear his key in the door. There are small moments where things are good, but they are rare. My therapist has helped me see I need to leave. his key in the door. There are small moments where things are good but they are rare. My therapist has helped me see I need to leave. I've done a lot of work on myself but there's only so much I can do whilst stuck here. We are military which means it will be me who has to lead the family home. Yeah, because he gets the housing. Oh...

Yeah. I work part time and we're big warriors where me and the kids will live. And the thought of being away from them when I'm their safe space fills me with dread as this is the number one reason I haven't left yet. I can't believe I've allowed myself to get into this situation. It mirrors my childhood so much and I'm just sad, lonely and anxious whenever I'm alone, but I put on a brave face for everyone around me. Any words of advice on housing and money and making it work? Thank you for reading this and so sorry it's long." It's so sad when you hear that

people are so unbelievably unhappy. So terrible. And they feel like they have no way of leaving, but there is always a way. Like I understand that obviously one of the reasons you were saying is in regards to the kids, but I think we've spoken about it time and time again that staying for the kids just isn't a good thing. Your kids will pick up that toxic energy. And to be honest, I feel like maybe looking back at the childhood that you had, saying that you grew up with two alcoholic parents and what you've had to sort of like almost deal with as an adult, realizing you've got a lot of childhood trauma. I think what you want to make sure that you do is not repeat that for your children. So I think that holding that as a high value of yours to like realize

that that should be a reason why you want to go in regards to money. I would look into things like Universal Credit. Like we've, I'm sure we've had people before who have spoken about this. Maybe we'll put a thing on Patreon for people who are in that situation and people can get help with housing. I think you can be housed. I think I know someone who's actually going through this now who went through a situation where she's in the process of her divorce is nearly through, but she won't be in a position where she can afford housing, I'm pretty sure she's being housed. Do you know who that's?

No, I don't. But we'll put something on the Patreon today. If you are listening to this, can you do us a favour? Would you drop us a DM or if you're on Patreon, write in the group and we will try and help find a solution of what it is the steps that you need to take Yes, there are so many people. Yeah, there are so many people that do message being like I'm really worried I won't be able to find anywhere like I mean, I guess the thing is eventually it will in my head I would think that you need to try and move in with family and then in the meantime You need to try and find somewhere to rent and he would obviously have to accommodate in regard to some sort of child maintenance.

But I don't know enough to give you solid advice. Like here are the steps that you need to take in order to leave. But one thing I do know is it's possible. Like you do not need to stay for money and also please don't stay because you're worried as to how you're gonna cope without the kids 100% of the time, because they are much better having you 60, 70% of the time being happy, content

and not feeling so anxious rather than being with a mum 100% of the time who is unhappy. It's not going to do them any good and it won't do you any good. I agree. Okay. Red flags, catfish and chlamydia. Oh, which one would you like the most? I don't know. Okay. Hey ladies, I started the podcast backwards and now I've gone back to the start. So glad

I found it. It's so healing right now and I couldn't have found you at a better time. I'm a few months into trying to co-parent, divorce, heal, etc. And here's my story, which is long, so please cut down where you need to. You all say that. A long one but red flag central. I met my soon to be ex-husband after being single for around a year, broke up with a boyfriend of three years, first love and truly thought we'd get married and fully in loving myself era. I was 22 at the time and he was 26 and we both fell in love quite quickly. The red flags started to show but I was so naive that I didn't

action anything when they popped up. Red flag number one was he was seeing someone at the time, sleeping with them and didn't tell me until I asked. Wow, that's a red flag. That's just like, no deal. Okay, gut feeling. Later on, it came to light that he was sleeping with us both at the same time and just had not been honest about the situation and justified it as I was technically single. But for me, I wasn't going to sleep with someone else whilst I was seeing him. Yeah, I completely agree. Like Carly? Like me, because I have standards, touch, doesn't?

Can we quickly report out that's obviously a joke. It's only from a few episodes ago. It still makes me laugh because I listened to it today when she was like, I'm kind of like Carly in that way. Like I don't really sleep around. Hello. Apparently I don't. I don't think my boyfriend. Hello, and apparently I don't sleep around.

Don't think my boyfriend would be too pleased about that. I was going to turn up with an STD test for you today but I think I was too fine. Right. A few months down the line he told me he loved me and I said I felt the same but things were about to take a turn as I felt like a trip to the sex clinic would be a good idea for our spouse yeah style relationship you do you turn is it a bit late a little bit that I feel like it's something that's gone yeah before you have to get down yeah but yeah anyway red flags number two still turned out he'd given me chlamydia and most likely because he was shagging around and didn't wrap up. Huh? Oh fuck.

I hold my hands up for being partly accountable here, but... but I was sleeping with one person only and he had not been honest with his dick dipping. Dick dipping. I've never heard that thing before. To elaborate, once I'd found out about him sleeping with me- with the both of us at the same time, he ghosted her and told me he'd, in a few words or less, picked me and loved me, etc. Oh girl, it's so thing graze, pick me, love me, choose me. Right, still not getting the message, we pursued our relationship and around four months after meeting he gifted me a trip to New York for

the both of us for Valentine's. To be fair I definitely are. So then. In New York. For Valentine's it seemed so romantic and thoughtful and now I've realized this was a red flag known as love bombing and I say this because this never happened again once he'd gotten me. A year down the line and we'd gotten married, we overcame a lot of issues to get married, we were different races, religions, but his family portrayed racist opinions from day one, but I went with the love conquers all memo. Lol. Another flag waving in my face that I decided to ignore. Number four. Two years after getting married, I gave birth to our first child and things seemed good.

I'd married the love of my life, my best friend, and despite the initial issues, we did live together and we'd now created our own little family. Fast forward another six years and we'd had quite a few ups and downs, of course, and a lot that involved his mum. Red flag number five. She was very opinionated of me in our life and always in a negative light. I didn't know about narcissism until around a year ago but wow, the stories I could tell you. She'd cause major arguments, get drunk and text me abuse but I always just put up and let it go. For the sake of my then husband and my family and by this time we'd

had three children together within a short five years. Just a quick rundown of the issues she's caused. We'd go on holiday and we'd be questioned on why we would want to go there and why we were taking the kids. What a stupid thing to do. We'd decide to keep the gender of our babies to ourselves and we'd be questioned on that and it caused arguments. But when we did reveal our first baby's gender it caused a huge family argument because we asked her to keep it to herself

but she told everyone. She'd say she didn't like the names we'd call our kids. She hated that I invited my mum and family over one Christmas and shouted in my face when she saw me and my husband just sat there and laughed. So many red flags but as a lot of us do I just let so much shit go. She was a cunt. So that I could have that family unit and a husband. But red flag number six, men who can't stand up for you to their mum. She'd cause arguments, call me a bitch and all sorts but as long as I was okay to brush it under the carpet and kept doing so then his family was okay with that and I'd had enough. The tipping point came during a long holiday where we'd taken the kids out to

school to travel and learn for two months and the shit we got for this. Anyway, during this holiday we did spend a lot of time at beaches and pools as there were in Asia and I noticed he'd not only glance at other women but do double takes and clearly stare for a bit too long. Oh. Having three children and still with some baby weight, my youngest was 20 months old during this trip. I obviously became very self-conscious of myself and my body and witnessed my husband doing this. I started to think I was being over the top but... OTT.

Yeah, over the top. But something inside my gut wanted to ask him some questions and one thing he admitted to was yes Sometimes I look a bit too long and if you've been watching porn and he replied yes Bearing in mind we'd never had this conversation before and I was under the impression that he wasn't Maybe very naive of me, but we had regular sex and I didn't think anything was lacking This conversation you think do you think a man watching porn when he's in a relationship means that he's lacking something or is it just a man? I don't know.

Because I don't know how I feel about a man watching porn. I don't think it's that bad. Obviously the whole staring at other women is like- It's never been like the me. I think if it's done secretly it's different because that feels a bit... But I guess like is it something you announce if you're not... No. Do you know what I mean?

I wouldn't be particularly offended over it. But I think everyone's different and I guess a lot of that has to do with your self-worth and your security within yourself. This conversation broke my heart because it wasn't just staring at women around the pole, It was a porn addiction behind my back. Instagram girls and even Reddit threads. I mean, that's different. Obviously that's fucking different. Yeah, yeah, that's different. It's not just like, oh. In my head, I'm thinking like, oh, you've gone like a whole week without being able to see each other or whatever. So like, he's going to lie, have a wife and watch a bit

of porn. I feel like it's very normal. It's very normal, yeah. A... Oh, a porn addiction's different. Oh, my dear. Instagram girls and Reddit threats. Oh, no. It really broke me to the core because all of the times when I'd initiate sex and he'd reject me and it all added up now. Oh.

That's a thing. My ad... I don't want it to be like, insted of. I know so many stories cover physical cheating but this felt just as deep. He was getting off to all these other women on a daily slash weekly basis for the entire seven years of marriage and he never once has the balls or respect to say it out loud to me. A turning point when his hidden porn addiction was then turned around onto me and I was called controlling because I said I would have appreciated an upfront conversation on this topic years ago and I would have told him my feelings on it then. I started to feel

repulsed by him, the way he over sexualized everything and even me. I did not see this man the same way anymore. Someone I was so in love with once, he was narcissistic, he was one person at home and another outside, me perfect, and so manipulative, and unable to have raw on his conversations. Someone I put on a pedestal and don't get me wrong, he was a good dad at times and financial provider but this killed me. I still suggested counselling, trying to do more dates together and maybe reading a book or praying slash meditating together to help heal. In 2023 when this all came to light. 2025 began and I was truly dumb. I was not going to beg for him to become the man I deserved because nothing had

changed and I'd only stuck around for the kids sake. I tried to make this work for over one and a half years but it just was not happening. He told me he'd stopped the porn but something in my gut just didn't feel right. I didn't trust him or what he had or what he said and I truly felt betrayed and not good enough. I needed to heal on my own. He had his own issues and just wasn't really sorting them and it was all surface level. I think that's really far when you know someone's got issues and like if you're taking accountability for your own and they're not doing it there's nothing you can do do. It's not like you're in a relationship. In your relationship. Yeah.

You can't do anything. You can't force somebody, you know what they say, you can take a horse to water but you can't force it to drink. At the end of the day, someone's going to want to sort out their issues, someone wants to do the work, you can't force someone to go to therapy, like they can go but it doesn't mean they're going to be honest and really open up. And you know, as you said, you've tried for a year and a half and he's made no changes, so good for you. If I didn't mention my feelings or issues, then we'd probably be married for another seven years.

It gave my body the small fear for a short while, but this body gave me three beautiful children and I'm fucking proud, working on my healing and working out a co-parent routine. If I act like we're okay around him, then things are fine, but as soon as I remind him of the divorce, et cetera, he flips a switch and he's so spiteful, talking of cutting money off for the kids, even though we've agreed what he will contribute. Do you think I did the right thing?

Yes. Or did I overreact? No. Was this something that was fixable? No. He and his mom both told me I was overreacting. Fuck off mum. Yeah piss off. And his only paul he didn't cheat but I felt like I was catfished. My trust was broken and I was truly betrayed. At the end of the day like we just said at the beginning of this episode like your feelings are valid like do you know what

as well like I don't think his is black black and white as like, oh, I got a divorce because my husband really likes Paul. Like there's so much more. No, it's not like that. He actually joined a dating app the same night I said we should get a divorce. So I mean, there you go. There you go. Anyone who moves on that fast, good fucking riddance. Yeah.

And that sealed the deal for me. Who the fuck joins a dating app on one hand, but tells you that they love you and don't want a divorce a few hours before signing up? No healing, just signs up to find someone to shag. And worst of all, here put photos of my children onto the dating app profile. I was done. Love your podcast so much girls, please don't stop what you're doing because you're healing

a generation of hearts you didn't break. So don't whine so much girls. Please don't stop what you're doing because you're healing a generation of hearts. You didn't break So I'm so yeah And it's making lots of us laugh and cry lots of love and hope to meet you both one day Oh, no, I love that proud of you. Like like we say all the time sometimes it is harder to like Leave when there's no yeah, I'm massive. It's not that physical infidelity either. It's like the tall, like, is it the same? You know, so like putting that porn aside, didn't sound like you even ended up being on the same page.

You know, we say like sometimes in a relationship, you either grow together or you grow apart. I feel like you were doing the work, growing and like. You're just not heard at all. And I think that's actually really, I think over time, that's actually really dangerous. It's being with someone who doesn't hear you, doesn't validate you, and you end up completely losing yourself in a relationship. And I think when you only have one life and you know, you are a mother to three amazing children, I think that just sets such a bad

example to our children that we don't value our own worth or self enough and we need to stand up for ourselves in these situations. It's like what we said the episode that went out today, like how dangerous it is when you're in a mediocre relationship and nothing's awful. You haven't got anything in like physical evidence, but you're miserable, you're miserable day to day. Like that's still enough reason to leave. And I'm sorry, it's not just a porn addiction. That is major gaslighting that that's what they say it's all down to, but it's everything you said.

So I really hope we've helped validate you and you should feel completely validated. Never question your decision. You can never make a wrong decision. Like everything is leading you to the life that you were meant to have. And you know what? I actually saw something the other day and I think it's quite relevant to this and it said, the partner that you have is a reflection on your self-worth and

would you take that as a compliment or an insult? Like is the way that your partner treats you and the way that you accept their behaviour and how you allow them to treat you, is that a good thing or is it a bad thing? And I think that's just really like found when you think to yourself, oh god like I've chosen to stick with this person but actually it's such a reflection on how little love and some worth I have for myself because I'm putting up with so much shit and that's what I did. I'm very guilty of that and I will never ever be guilty of that again. Sims.

Okay this one is called finally I can move on. Love that. Hi ladies I've written into you before but a quick recap before sharing my latest update and the revelation I needed to finally file for a divorce. In May 2023 after a few months of him acting shifty, I found my husband in bed with a girl from his workplace. Just one week before our son turned two and two weeks before our four year wedding anniversary, we'd been together for ten years and I never thought that he would do this to me. For a year after that he went off living his new life, going on multiple holidays, getting

her initials tattooed on him, posting photos of them on social media and only having us on when I dictated. Meanwhile my whole world had been turned upside down. Then last summer he admitted to me that the grass isn't greener. Shock. And supposedly ended things with her. He moved dropped locations and for about six weeks we unexpectedly started to give things another go. I'd done so much work on myself and was surprised I was open to giving him the time of day but before I had a chance to really think about what was happening it quickly fizzled out. I took us on abroad and it gave me time to get the space and realize that was not what I wanted or needed. Let's just call it a slight collapse in judgement. Despite

it now being two years since we separated, I'm yet to file for a divorce, partly due to the financial implications but also because I know that is really the start of the end. That was until yesterday. Or the end of the start. No, that's kind of... The end for a new start. What? Cool. That was until yesterday. The girl he cheated on me with came up as a suggested friend on my sister's Facebook

and the girl had changed her profile picture in November, 2024 to a photo of them together. They supposedly ended in the June. My sister screen-shotted it and sent it to me so I forwarded it to him with the caption, has someone been telling Paul Keith? This is dead. Turns out they had continued spending time together and sleeping together. Despite him constantly spinning this narrative that he was going to wait for me, all he wants is our family back together. He misses me. He's so attracted to me. Blah, blah, blah. Yesterday I went and sold my engagement ring

and now I have the money to pay for my divorce. Sorry, I've got goosebumps. I feel like that is so fucking powerful. I know this is going to be bloody hard but I now have zero doubt that this is what I need to be able to do to properly move on with my life. I know not everyone will understand but I feel like I needed that final part of the puzzle

to confirm that I deserve better. I think I knew that deep down, but this has removed any doubt, and now two years later, I'm finally filing for divorce. Yay, love that. Well done, I love that. And do you know what, it's like we always say, don't put pressure on yourself in regards to time.

Everyone's got a different amount of time that they need in order to get to that point where they're like, do you know what, now I'm ready. Sometimes people go back, sometimes people drag things out. I know I went, you know, for gay, for gay, for gay, brushed under the carpet again and again, until I was at that point where I had my light bulb moment and I was like, I know that I'm done.

I know that I'm happy to draw the line. I won't wonder about what if. I won't be like, oh, like, you know, I knew I would have no doubt and I knew that I could face forward and never ever look back again. And whether it takes someone two years or 20 years, like everyone's got their own journey and you should be really proud of yourself. I'm proud of you. I think that is powerful and I love it.

Yeah, absolute power. Confession of the week. Whenever my soon to be ex-husband, we still live together, leaves his shoes downstairs, I pour a little bit of milk in them. Not too much, just enough that they start to smell over time. Oh my god, that is disgusting! I'm gonna have to spit a lot of milk when it goes off his rands. I know but they're gonna stink of sick.

They're gonna stink of sick. Oh my god, that is hilarious. I mean, do you know what? Some of the fun and games you must... I feel like you need to do that for your own sanity if you're having to live with a person that you separated from and they won't leave. Like make their life hell. Right, I'm gonna give you like a self-worth affirmation today, guys, because I feel like some of us are lacking. Hit me with a...

I release self doubt and embrace my inner strength and resilience. Okay. So all that doubt about yourself, someone else is making you feel like doubting whether you're deserving or something like, especially anyone being gaslighted. I know from personal experience, when you're gaslighted, you do have doubt. Are you being unreasonable? Are you the problem? Are you? Release all that self doubt guys. It's not it's valid release it and

Embrace your inner strength and resilience. You can you're stronger than you know, you can get through anything and You're gonna be more than okay. Love that. Love you guys. Love you. You've revealed us follow us share us subscribe and Love that. Love you guys. Love you. Review us. Follow us. Share us. Subscribe. And go and join Patreon. Thanks. Love you. Miss you. Bye.