Not As We Planned - 87. Comparing Myself To The 'Other Woman'

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

We both share our realisations from our previous relationships, we give some rare advice and suggest a reconciliation, and the dangers of comparing yourself to the other womanLink to our shop - www.notasweplanned.shopProducer: @TristanHehirCity Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Calgary, also known as the blue sky city. We get more sunny days than anywhere in the country, but more importantly we're the Canadian capital of blue sky thinking. This is where bold ideas meet big opportunity, where dreams become reality. Whether you're building your career or scaling your business, Calgary is where what-if turns into what's next. It's possible here in Calgary, the blue sky city. Learn more at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com Hey guys! Hi! You're listening to Not As We Plan, so get ready for honest, raw,

unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one, and what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to Not As We Plan. I've only just realised I haven't seen you since we're holidaying, I'm just suddenly taking the fact that you look really plain and wild. I can't even really. I've checked with my face. This is the Be Perfect. Oh, the gel drops.

Yeah. I did tell you they were good. They were good. Yeah, yeah. So I guess catch up. I have, I think just returned. We got back. I don't know. What the hell were we on? Because we were recording on different dates and all, so we were a bit all over the place. So yeah, I got back on Thursday night. It was amazing. It was the best trip I've ever done with them. I think like one of my biggest six, so this is my fourth trip away with them on my own, five of three including the one I've done with

just Theo on his own. And obviously it gets easier and easier every single time we do it. And but also like I was thinking like the kids are getting older every time I'm going and just it was really interesting. It's the first trip I've been on where I wasn't looking at other families feeling envious being like I wish I had another person here or anything like that. I just felt such genuine content and happiness and confidence in my Carlyssal family. And I think that was the most empowering feeling. Like that. I don't know, as well like taking a step away from like mundane life and routine. And I wasn't, I was working, I was still doing my client check-ins, but I wasn't working as

much as usual. It was exactly what I needed but also gave me a lot of time to reflect on my healing and stuff. I'm just such a good place. I feel so bloody good and happy. I think that's one thing I realised. I've been doing a lot of reflection I guess because I've not been as busy and like, yeah, just thinking. But I feel like for the first time in my life, I feel like I would like to meet someone in the next few months. And I'm not saying it will happen that quickly.

Like, who knows how long it will take me to meet someone. But it's really sad because I feel like every relationship I've gone into, I've never gone into with an idea of what I'm looking for. So like post separation from my ex-husband, I wasn't looking for a relationship so I didn't have my list of things that were really important to me. Yeah, I knew like, I don't know, I'd like to say I wanted a good communicator, but at that time I didn't have the reflective tools to look back and know that's what I want. Whereas I feel like I've gone through a lot now and where I've really put in the work, I'm A, I'm so sure of myself, not to sound up myself, but I'm so sure of what I bring to the table. I'm so sure of

my self-worth. I'm so sure of the behaviors I will and won't accept, but I'm also so sure of myself were. Like I'm so sure of the behaviors I will and won't accept. I'm, but I'm also so sure of what it is I'm looking for. And I just think, not that I'm not flexible with that, but I think previously I've probably rely, I've probably let when other people start liking you and that makes you feel good, you end up liking them and falling into something. I feel like that's perhaps how my relationship post-separation came about. We both really liked each other and I think which again like going from someone down here to someone who was suddenly like, I don't know, really complimentary and it was all this really exciting thing, but I didn't really know what it was I was looking

for, you know, how important things like distance are. So for me, I know it sounds really, it's not silly, but that is one of my criteria and a non-negotiable, like I'm not going outside of this boundary. I don't know. Anyway, I just feel like it's a really exciting place to be. I feel like I've never been so sure of what it is I want, what I will and won't compromise on. To be honest, I feel like what you're saying, like I can really relate to because I feel like that's at the place that I was before I met my current boyfriend now. I feel like when I started going on the dating apps before I met my ex-boyfriend, I feel like when I started going on the dating app before I met my ex-boyfriend, I feel like the amount of healing I had done was more so just in regards to getting over my family

breakdown rather than like really understanding myself. And therefore, like you said, you meet someone that ticks so many boxes that your ex didn't, so they seem out of this world and they very much get put on a pedestal very quickly. Not to say that they weren't good people because I think they both were. And I actually, weirdly think in some ways they were both quite similar. I think they were both slightly, and correct me if I'm wrong, broken in ways where they needed work to be done on themselves but didn't have that willingness to do so. And I feel like we probably both attracted those type of people because we were still

here. And I feel like once I really, for the first time, did the work on myself, when I went through that breakup, I really started to understand, like you said, what I needed to work on through my breakup to make me a better version of myself, to attract a better version of someone else for me. Understanding, actually, that was really great, but that was bare minimum. That wasn't exceptional.

That was just better than what I had before. And that should be non-negotiable for my next person. And instead of just hoping to get that, I want that as a surface level, as well as the taking accountability, the good communication, the same values and just so much more. There was so much more to a person that I wanted rather than just like, I really wanna be able to trust them. I want to feel loved and I really hope they're loyal. I even felt like I was, I don't know.

Like I just liked that he made me feel loved and I trusted him. Like for me, that I thought I hit the jackpot. I think for me, where I was at a point, my self-esteem and self-worth were like rock bottom. I felt like the most ugly, unattractive person. And then to meet someone who literally tells you a thousand times a day how stunning and beautiful you are and just like, honestly, the compliments I used to get. And I was like, wow, obviously

having gone from zero to that. And then you're like, well, then I don't know, I think in my head again, it's like a lack of self-worth, but thinking like, I'm never going to find someone better than me. Yeah, that fear of like, I don't know, like, obviously at the start, there were niggles and worries I had, like rightly so about the distance and stuff. And they were always there for me. And then I was like, oh, we'll work through them. But now like, I think I'm a lot more realistic and I want to know how those things are going to resolve from the start. And I'm just not going to put myself in a situation where, you know,

like I'd be foolish now to meet someone who lives two hours away and be like, but this person's going to work. No, Carly, like you learn your lesson. You don't know. I agree. So yeah, anyone with what short-court chance? We went away. I took the kids to West Midlands. Yeah. Not in the heart, which if anyone likes animals, it was definitely the best staycation we had ever been on. It was unbelievable. I think we were so lucky with the weather. Yeah, you think you'd be in the T-shirts.

Like literally we were outside on our like terrorist watching the sunset with hippos in front of us. We could have literally been in South Africa. Like it was what it was unbelievable. So my boyfriend came with us and it was obviously the first like trip that was done, the five of us. And you know what is just so nice. I feel like I'm sure a lot of you will know that I went to Disney Paris last June with my ex-husband. Was it that long ago really? Yeah. And yeah, because I met my boyfriend in the July.

And one of the reasons why I wanted to go with him was obviously because I thought it would be nice for the kids, for us to go as a family and we were amicable enough to do so. But I think I also thought I chose to go with my ex-husband rather than my mum because I always felt like going with the other parent is easier and more manageable because I can't turn out to my mum and be like, oh, it's your turn, go and do this with her. You feel like more, she's coming to help but like the responsibility is on you whereas at least with another parent it's very much like you you half the work you know like i wouldn't feel like bad to be like i did bedtime last night like you do so whatever and i think i just thought in my head like i will never be able to find someone where i'd be able to like go away with my children and seal that.

I don't know what word I'm trying to look for, not that is, but just like teamwork. Yeah, like going away with him and seeing what he was like with my kids, like from the outside looking in, you just think anyone would think that they're just his. He is so unbelievable with them. They adore him. It was just the most easiest, chill-ward, even just like there was a time when Blake had a moment like he does and just the way that he embraces him and gives him positive affirmations when I'm stressing and wanna just unring my hair out. And you can see that he held my hand to calm me down

and then he swooped in and did it instead. And I just thought, I don't even think my ex-husband would do that. Yeah, stuff. And it's just so nice to finally feel like, this is what it's meant to be like. It's like finding someone that my kids have deserved but never had, and I don't want to be disrespectful.

Like their dad is a good dad, but just the way that I see my boyfriend with my kids is I guess what I always wanted for them. And now I'm getting to see that and it's just so nice. So yeah, I really, really recommend it. It was so gorgeous because you've got like the safari and the animals, but then they've also got a theme park. So you've got like the best of both. Yeah. Well like one minute we're like in a zoo and the next minute we're like at Thorpe Park. It was just, it was really, really good. Yeah. That's my update really. Like the kids are

like on Easter holidays now. Yeah. I haven't had mine since Sunday morning. I've been a bit all over the place. When do you get them back? Tonight. Yeah, so I'm really excited for that. But then they go, it's the long bank holiday weekend, isn't it? So they're with him on the Monday. So I'm a bit like, hmm.

But I'm just focusing on the fact like, well, so when we went away, we were away for 10 days. Yeah. And yeah, for anyone who's thinking about Dubai with kids, honestly, there's just so much for kids, but also as a woman, I have never felt so safe. And I think that's one thing, I've been to a few places. Every time you've been to Dubai. Yeah. I've never been.

I'm definitely going to go on a, it'll be an amazing girls trip. Like, amazing. I'm definitely going to go on a, it'll be an amazing girls trip, like amazing. I'm going to, I'm going to try and go out there like for a long weekend at some point later in the year. Um, because one of my best friends lives out there, but because there's obviously like an aspect you can't see when you're with the kids. I mean, like honestly, there's so much for the kids there, like, and just everyone's so kind and respectful. Like I didn't once feel judged. Everyone's so kind and respectful. I didn't once feel judged. I actually met quite a few other single parents and their mums. I think it is because it's a safe country. And yeah, really funny, actually, it's so weird when you're in another country and I

think I got recognized eight or nine times. People would listen to the podcast, people follow me and they'd like come up to me like you're Kylie Harris. I'm like this is so bizarre to me, like so bizarre. But we was talking on my last, so annoying it was on my last day in this hotel because I've had been there at the same time we would have gone out together and stuff. But one girl actually sent Theo his cake topper for his first birthday and came up to me and she's been through, I was like, you need to write into the moment.

I really liked it. Like wild, yeah. And then another girl came up to us on the last day and she's, I just saw this morning she booked tickets for her event. Oh, I love that. And so yeah, she's coming, so I was like, we'll go out for dinner afterwards. So it was just really not, I just think in situations like that where people feel comfortable enough to come over to you and talk to you.

And I don't know, like, so I was talking to the girl who made the top and then she came over and then by the end of it, the three of us had all made friends with someone completely new all in similar situations. And I guess it's like the whole reason we do our podcast isn't just so you can listen to something, it is to build that community. Like, and that, I don't know, it was just, it was just a very wholesome feeling knowing like, wow, we're connecting people and like we're connecting through trauma. Like, so I don't know, you know what it's like, you know what it's like at the event when you just felt very, I don't know anyway, feeling really proud and yeah, love

that. Should we get on with some emails? I saw loads come in. More vibe where we are in like happy, devastating. There's a Tinder date fail. Let's do the Tinder date fail. Let's do a Tinder date fail. It's quite short so it's a good one to start on. Tinder date fail. Brief messaging with a man on Tinder. He was good looking in his pictures and he had a bit of banter in the messages. He was from the same area as me. Talking about schools and he said he went to the local and very expensive private school. He asked if I wanted to come and meet him for a drink and I thought, I thought forward

but why not. I hate endless messaging. You easily build up an image of someone before you meet them and get disappointed I agree I feel like if you don't I don't know I don't know what I'm gonna realize this time I'm could be your bullshit I'm probably gonna be the pen pal I spoke for two weeks before yeah that is that's that's wild there was something really nice about it though I feel feel like we got to know each other a much

deeper. I think it either fizzles out or it goes somewhere and that's positive. But I don't know. I think I only did that two week thing because I was worried that I wasn't ready. And then we ended up squeezing in two. It's interesting isn't it? I feel like a few weeks ago I was like I'm never going to be ready like in the next few weeks. And I actually feel, I'm not here like necessarily wanting to, I think it's going to find, I think because I'm very particular now, it might take some time for me to find exactly what I'm looking for.

And as well, I'm like, if I start and then I feel, oh, actually, you know, it's too soon, yeah, I'd pause. You pause it. Yeah. I'm thinking maybe, do you want to help me make a profile today? Yeah. Let's do it. Because then it's there if and when I'm ready, rather than being like, oh, I feel ready and then having to do it.

And I still want to make it on my own. Okay, let's do it. We do that on Patreon, guys. So, do you do it on Patreon? Yeah. Yeah. So if you're wanting to know you know what to put on I'll let you know how successful it is. But yeah I'm feeling like why not like at the end of the day I can delete the app which I probably will do multiple times. I paused it though

yeah like I had a little. I just I want to make the profile yeah and I don't have to meet anyone, I don't have to talk to anyone. I just think, and do you know what is interesting? I think obviously the first time round I went on dating apps because I did want to seek like a validation from other people that they can balance in me because it is based off physical looks. Yeah. I actually don't need that this time round. Yeah. We're going on for a different reason.

I'm going on for a different reason. I'm going on for a different reason. I'm only going to do one act. I do hinge. That's what I'm going to do. Time to check on the skies. It's another sunny day in Calgary. Forecast calls for high levels of economic activity. Late afternoon we've got a burst of potential in a place ranked North America's most livable

city. Tomorrow, blue sky thinking in the blue sky city should hold steady, and the outlook remains optimistic throughout the week. So come grab your dreams and enjoy watching them take hold. It's possible in Calgary, the blue sky city. For the full economic forecast, visit calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. Yeah, I might to do one up. I don't want to be the one to mess with people. It's not the energy I'm bringing to the table. You chase me, hon. I'm not starting a conversation.

I'm not on that energy. I am the prize. Emotionally immature bellend. Are they all? Hi, Tash and Carly looking for some advice. My husband and I broke up back in October after a rocky few months. He started a new and more stressful job in September, ignoring my concerns as he wanted to climb the ladder and is very money driven. A few weeks in and as I predicted he's bringing work home every evening, constantly on the phone and stressed out, leaving very little time for my daughter and I this began to create cracks and a breakdown in our relationship as we spent next to no time together or when we did he was just stressed tired or overwhelmed I mentioned this to him and he flipped

this led to more and more arguments where he asked to just give him till Christmas so I pulled back focused more on our daughter gave him the space I thought he needed and tried to keep the peace. How wrong was I? Fast forward a few weeks, another argument erupts and he says he's given up on us, moved out and goes to stay with a mate. I presume overwhelmed with work, although I won't admit it. Blames me and my daughter for not giving him time and attention. What fun is that? Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you want space for, to like? Do you want more family time? Yeah. Felt lonely and didn't think our relationship

was worth fighting for. He later says it arguments for too much and we hadn't been good since our daughter was born over two years ago. Worth noting at this point, he is also newly diagnosed with ADHD due to his emotional dysregulation flying off the handle of simple things, anger

and forgetfulness. He is also seven years younger than me and only 28, but maybe that's me making excuses for his poor behaviour again. Since the separation, I've tried to remain amicable and not let it affect my daughter and her life. Really try to hear and focus on us. He comes in and out as he pleases and is a good dad. I struggle however to have boundaries and not be emotionally available for him with information dumped after days at work and help him with life admin when he needs it and asks for it. He has now admitted that maybe taking on a new job role, he now hates and wants to leave, wasn't a good idea

and he should have listened. But he says that that's something that he has to live with. Guess I'm just struggling to move past the fact that nothing really broke us up, no cheating or any other people, just life stresses. And I continue to give him the benefit of the doubt that he's young and doesn't know how to cope with prioritizing. I'm torn between listening and agreeing with you guys

that if he can walk out and end things and I haven't got the respect or love I deserve, with that he is trying to be better on medication and we could work in time. I was gonna ask if he's on medication. He says I hurt him for not being there for him when he needed me and doesn't think he can ever let me back in.

But also Mrs. Not Being a Family Unit, please help us, I'm really being messed around royally and I just wanna go forward in some way. Thank you ladies for everything you do. You keep me very much sane. I feel like this is repairable. I just feel like there's a major lack of communication and maybe him understanding himself with his ADHD. I'm intrigued as to like, how long has he been on medication for? Is it actually working? Medication, the journey of finding the right medication

when you've been diagnosed with ADHD is a real journey. It's very up and down. Like some medication can make you worse. Some can do nothing. It would just seem a shame to throw everything away when I feel like maybe deep down you both do want it, but maybe you're both not quite communicating it. Yeah and do you know what? To an extent I think I understand his frustration in not

feeling like supported by you. Like it is a stressful thing to go through and like it does seem to have coincided with other stressful events like him taking on a more stressful job and stuff. And at the end of the day, marriage and being in a relationship is being there not just for the good times, it's also being there and being each other's rocks for the hard. And it sounds like you've lost your way with it a little bit. And it's okay to make those kinds of mistakes. But I agree with Tash and do think it is repairable. I don't think just because someone has walked away, I think maybe he's walked away because he might not necessarily have the tools to know how to ask for what

it is he needs. But I'd almost be willing to sort of like, both put your cards on the table and be like, do you want this to work? Like, let's put everything aside. Let's put our pride aside. Let's put like any like negative feelings aside. Do you want a to work, let's put everything aside, let's put our pride aside, let's put any negative feelings aside. Do you want a future together? If so, maybe it's going to therapy together, trying to help him a bit more on his medication, support him with that. Speaking of support, like externally,

from people who can help. Yeah, I wouldn't just walk away personally, and it's quite rare that we say that. And don't get me wrong, you saying you're still helping him with certain things and with life admin and trying to help him. I don't know, maybe it would be interesting for him to realise that although he's saying he doesn't know if he can let you back in because he feels really disappointed, maybe articulating to him that this is why I'm still trying to help you because I still care about you and I still see that there is maybe a future.

It does sound like there's a bit of a pride thing going on and I think sometimes, like one thing I've really learned this time healing is sometimes it's your ego that's speaking rather than like your rational mind. Sometimes we need to step back and detach from that ego part of us and think what is it that I actually need and what is it that I actually want and taking that step back. But yeah, I do. I do think you can repair this. Keep us updated please. Hi ladies, love the pod and have listened from day one.

Also on Patreon and happy to support. Thanks. I'm in an awful situation and I'm hoping you guys can offer some advice. My fiance and partner of seven years has cheated on me. Get rid. Just last week. Oh, when was this? 5th of April. It was when he was working away. so it's not somebody he can exactly continue to see, which is a small comfort. He does it once, he can do it again. He's been very truthful and offered me all the information and expressed it was a one-night

thing and a mistake. They met at a bar, I know he feels guilt and he has groveled. At the moment I don't know where my head is at so I don't know what I'm going to do. We have a beautiful life together, children, and we are so happy and in love normally. I might sound illusional even just to be considering giving him another chance as I know how this usually goes but it's hard for me to imagine throwing it away right now. He treats me so well. Does he though, if he's not considered your feelings? Sorry. He's kind and loving and I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he's

done this. I feel pathetic even saying this. I almost wish he never told me, because ignorance is bliss and all that. My issue is, and this might sound really minuscule in the grand scheme of things, but it's what I'm focused on right now. The woman he cheated on me with is very attractive and very opposite to me. She is dark haired, tanned, petite, lots of tattoos and has quite a lot of work, boob job, teeth, filler, etc. Basically she looks perfect and on the other hand I am blonde, size 12, don't wear a

lot of makeup and the only work I've had is Botox twice a year. It might sound really stupid to compare myself to her like this, but it's crushing me, and it's made me feel so upset and almost embarrassed that the man I love has been with someone who looks a lot sexier than me. I'm not the most confident girl, but I do tend to get lots of compliments on my look, so why do I feel the need to compare myself to this other woman? It is not like me to do this. My partner always makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, so this has thrown

me. Obviously he has said there is no comparison and he doesn't see her as more attractive, but of course he's going to say that isn't he? I find myself checking her socials and looking at myself in the mirror and getting upset. I've attached a picture of me and my partner and a picture of her just so you can understand the difference between us. That's funny. Okay, so this is her and her partner. She's gorgeous!

Sorry, he's punching. Oh, sorry. He is! She's stunning! Yeah. Like stunning. Oh, not for me. Yeah, I see what you mean. Very, um, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, She's stunning. Yeah. Like stunning. Uh, not for me. Yeah, I see what you mean. Very, um... She just looks like she's got some really fake filter on. Like she's got... Just to describe to everyone listening, she's very, um... Like you can tell they're not real teeth. No, no, no, but her face doesn't look real.

No, it doesn't look real. But I understand they are polar opposites because she's very tanned, fake looking. I've got to be honest, she looks like the sort of person someone would cheat on you with. Not the woman that you go home to who- No, I agree. Do you know what I mean?

Something that really stood out to me in your email, you said, I just don't know if I'm ready to throw it. We're not done yet. Aye. Let me just finish you now, before we start. So we've seen the pictures, they're very different. But you are beautiful. I'd say you're more...

You're more attractive. You're more naturally beautiful. Yeah, you are. You also look kind. Anyway. She doesn't, she looks like a herpa. See, Tash is gonna be way more blunt than me. I was gonna be nice.

She could be a nice person. I'm sure she's lovely, but she looks like a slut. For the... She doesn't look like the sort of person I'm gonna bring home to mummy. Unless she can cover up a bit. Carry on. Anyway. Imagine if she's also a patriot and lives like that.

And we get her email, she's like, I by mistake cheated on someone, I'm not the worst at eating me alive. Oh god. Right, anyway, look, we're not here to judge anyone's appearance, like, that doesn't dictate whether you're a good person or not. No. And maybe she didn't know that he was... I thought she didn't. Yeah. So actually, the criminal in all this is him. As I said above, I know this is really silly to be worrying about when I should be more worried about the fact he actually broke my trust in the first place, but surely this

is a natural thing to be hurt about, and I'm maybe not the only one who obsessively compares myself to the other woman. Any advice for how to gain back my self-worth and confidence would be so appreciated. As a side note, this woman knew about me. Okay, that changes things. And actually offered herself as a one night stand to him. Guys, this is it. But there are actually women out there. That is his story. He showed me the messages between themselves. Which he has now blocked and deleted. But

I couldn't believe that there's women out there who would do that. Why do they have each other's number? If he met her at a- I don't know Tash, I'm just reading. She is recently divorced and now messing with other people's relationships. Yeah, she probably- Sounds like she's got a lot of confidence. I've wanted to confront her, but I just don't know if there's any point. Lots of love from one broken-hearted girl. So what stood out for me is you said in your email, I don't know if I'm ready to throw this all

away. He wasn't thinking that. He was happy to throw it all away by doing something that could risk losing you. So it's very normal to sit there and compare yourself to the other woman. I don't think that that's unusual that you're obsessing over that, but that is because of his actions. He has made you feel that insignificant and that unworthy that you were sitting there

comparing yourself to the woman that he's gonna fuck behind your back. I don't care that he's being honest about it. At the end of the day, he's still only telling you what he wants you to know. And how do you know, like, he's not gonna do it again? How do you know he hasn't done it before? Yeah, and how do you know, like,

you forgive him this one time, what if he slips up again and thinks, this time I'm not gonna tell her? The thing is, unfortunately, you're gonna do whatever it is you wanna do, regardless of what we say. I think you know deep down what it is that we would advise, but I can also completely appreciate why, if you you do want to stay and give him another go.

But what I will say is you can't expect to improve your self-worth and your confidence when you stay with a man that was willing to cheat on you, irrelevant of whether she looked just like you or complete opposite. Even if she looked just like you, you'd still manage to find a way to criticise yourself and make yourself feel like she is a prettier version than you. You're so similar, so maybe he's going to replace you with her. There's no good or bad way to sort of compare yourself to someone else. I feel like he has made you feel like this because he's gone and been unfaithful and if you stay with him that's something that you're going to have to deal with and live with and I think it's a very hard thing to do. The only person who's going to change how you view yourself and your own self-worth is you

and until you start valuing yourself highly rather than making those comparisons and being like, do you know what? He made the choice to put this relationship at risk. What a fucking idiot he is. Yeah, they've got kids. What a fucking idiot he is to not say, I'm the most loyal, loving wife. I'm a great mom. List all your know, list all your qualities down, absolutely sing about all your qualities, realise what you bring to the table, what he has put at risk, because you were so, so worthy, and us comparing ourselves to someone else, I'm sorry, but it's like comparing a fucking Chateaubriand state to a McDonald's hamburger, like, don't, like, you've got values, you've got morals, you've

got aspirations, you're a good person, and someone has literally come in, she's, she knows fully well that he's with someone, and she's offered herself to a man who she knows is taken. You are worthy of so much more than that, but only you can give yourself that worth. And I genuinely think, you just deserve to be treated so much better and it takes a certain kind of person to truly forgive someone for being unfaithful. And if you can live with that forever and have that anxiety and worry

if it's gonna happen again, is it really worth it? I think the sad reality is, and I've got to be honest, I had this so I know exactly what it's like, you're almost like, you're given two options. When someone does something to break your trust in a relationship, you think in your head, I don't want to be without them. I honestly would rather walk on eggshells, be a nervous wreck, feel a bit insecure, but at least I'll have them. It's almost like you take that bad to be with them because the thought of breaking up and ending a relationship that you never wanted to end is the most daunting feeling. But going down that road and ending it in the long run will bring you so much more hope,

joy. It is daunting. I understand wanting to go down that route. You said you'd rather not know ignorance is bliss. I understand. It's like when you go through someone's phone and you find something you're like, for fuck sakes, why did I look? I didn't want to find something and you find something you're like, for fuck sakes, why did I look? I didn't want to find something, and now I can't unsee it. And you really wish so much that you didn't know about it because your whole life has now changed.

That information that you've got, you can never unknow it. So you've got two paths to choose from. One might seem harder, but I'm telling you now the opportunity going down that path will be better in the long run, right? Okay, confession of the week. No judgment. My ex-husband left me to be with my so-called friend, so I slept with her ex-boyfriend much younger than me as I knew it would get back to them

and him. That is bloody brilliant. I'm so here for that. I hope it hurt her. Yeah. Affirmation of the week. I was listening to affirmations from a client. By the way, really quickly, I can't remember when this is coming out, but we do have a handful of tickets left for the evening slot of our wellness workshop.

And we have already said we've got a discussion going on on Patreon that we're all going to go out for dinner afterwards together. So if you are listening to this and you want to go and get a ticket, make sure you do so. Hopefully there's still a few left by the time this comes out. And I'm just gonna do a self-pile. It's just me googling an affirmation because we're clearly running out of good things to say. Okay, here we go.

I let go of negative self-talk. It's really, really important, okay? The more negative things you tell yourself, the more you end up believing it, the more you stop yourself and catch yourself in those moments. Like look yourself in the more you end up believing it, the more you stop yourself and catch yourself in those moments. Like look yourself in the mirror and be like, you are beautiful, you were kind, you were special. I want you to talk to yourself how you would talk to your child and how you would want them to hear because if they heard the way

you were speaking to yourself internally, and they started speaking to themselves like that, you would hate it. So let's start being kinder to ourselves. Yes, let's talk a bit kinder to ourselves every day. That is the goal. Wait, wait, wait. Absolutely. Love you guys. Love you. Bye. Time to check on the skies. It's another sunny day in Calgary. Forecast calls for high levels of economic activity. Late afternoon we've got a burst of potential in a place ranked North America's most livable city.

Tomorrow, blue sky thinking in the blue sky city should hold steady. And the outlook remains optimistic throughout the week. So come grab your dreams and enjoy watching them take hold. It's possible in Calgary, the blue sky city. For the full economic forecast, visit calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com.