Not As We Planned - 88. I Tried To Tame a F*** Boy

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

We speak about being married to an addict and how that can impact your life, when blaming the other woman won’t make your problems go away and realising he’s not going to change!!Link to our shop - www.notasweplanned.shopProducer: @TristanHehirCity Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys! Hi! You're listening to Not As We Plan, so get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel that I am one, and what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hey guys, welcome back to Not As as we pledge, as we pledge. Nothing goes as you plan. Nothing. How's your week been?

You've had a bit of a rubbish one. Yeah, we've had the Easter holidays, so we had a little, did we have a break from filming? No, we did film. No, we filmed last week. Did we? Yeah, we filmed on Tuesday. We filmed on a different day. Do you know, I just feel like, yeah, the week has just...

Yeah, it's on a different day. I just feel like, yeah, the week has just... It's been a weird week. Yeah, my grandma passed away, so I feel like that sort of consumed my week. Oh, because it was on the Wednesday, it was late after. It was late after, yeah. Thank God we changed the day that we filmed. Everything happens for a reason.

Yeah, she was 101. What an issue. I know, she was amazing. She lived an amazing long life, and yeah, it's life, isn't it? It's one of those things. So that has sort of like consumed my week. And I have felt bad because like arrangements

have sort of like were changed and stuff and we missed. I know, but like, yeah, like we had a really lovely like beginning of Easter and we went to that West Midlands Safari Park. Have I spoken about that? I literally can't remember what's been going on in life. But do you know what one thing I will say to maybe like bring something positive into it is being with like all my family and like having my friends around and everything and like my

boyfriend being like integrated into that in obviously like not nice circumstances but seeing him sort of thrown into the deep end and like suddenly be with like all these people that he hasn't met before it was just so nice to see how he adapted to it. Not only that but like how I felt like I could like let him be, leave him, not have to like be with him and make sure he's okay. Just like he is like a confident, like head, not headstrong, but like, yeah, without making comparisons, I just feel like,

that's a babysitter. Yeah, and it's just really nice to know that like he can hold his own. He can have a conversation with anyone, like gets on well with everyone. And like, yeah, like I feel like the week was made a lot easier having him around so that was really nice but yeah I'm glad it's like done, funeral's done, everything's done and now you can sort of just like get on

with life can't you but yeah other than that nothing. You? How's Hinch? I'll share some of my like dating updates on Patreon. Yeah. Don't mind. I actually went out this weekend with some of the school moms and it was meant to be like this, it wasn't meant to be chilled. It was a bottomless brunch, a hundred wall door. Honestly, girls, if you're looking for like a really fun day with your girls or even a

mixed group, it was so much fun. So it was R&B music. Like it was just the food was nice. It was really good vibes. And I love that kind of timing because it was like, I think we got there at like quarter to two and it's like, it's like four o'clock and everyone's on the dance floor. Like, I find that so weird. It is weird, but you don't know. I never really like experience. But yeah, anyway, I'm more of like, four drinks is my limit, but it was bottomless. So every time like you even drunk like a bit of your drink,

they'd top you up. So you didn't really know how much you were drinking. And the girls I were with were like buying shots and espresso martinis. And I was very, very, very, very drunk. Yeah, your messages didn't make sense. No. So you were trying to have like work conversations with me.

I was literally like, eh? But I've seen videos. It is. Ha ha ha ha. Also, shout out to the 10 listeners who were there, who definitely saw a lot. The conversations I had, you know,

I was going up to everyone going, like, so in the 100 Walled Door Street, when I was going up to like all the girls who listened, I was like, remember you're a queen, never let anyone make you feel otherwise. But then we were walking like from there to a bar and I was just going up to like couples and I was going up to the women and I was like,

I hope he makes you feel like a queen, you better make her. And I was just like up to like couples and I was going up to the women and I was like I hope he makes you feel like a queen You better make her just like on one night for you probably you probably cause so many. Oh, you're probably No, and then like some of them were like she is my queen. I'm like hell. Yeah But yeah, it was really good fun Look, it's the first time I've been out since I've been single and it was like you went out and I got a, you know, hang on my microphone. Don't laugh, it keeps flunting. But yeah, I won't lie, I got some attention. I'll share the rest on Patreon because I don't want anyone just listening to this and knowing all my gossip.

Yeah. Just prove it. Fair. But what I'm saying is just funny how like literally within the space of a week, I feel like I've put myself in a bit of a different headspace. I think I've spoken about it before, but I do feel like when you get to a good headspace and you're in this like really high vibe energy, I feel like I felt like I was giving off some kind of aura because I felt like, I don't know, I felt like a lot

of people wanted to talk to me and it, I, yeah, anyway. Why the fuck not? Why not? Anyway, especially you know, when you've been in a marriage where you felt ugly and not enough it's welcomed. Anyway, less about me. Okay, this one is called I've never heard a story like this on your podcast before. Calm down.

We'll be the judge. Ready? I've always been someone who needs validation, which is exactly what drew me to my son's dad and now ex. It went from never feeling so seen and heard to now healing from a narcissistic, emotional and financial abuse. I'm still working through the realities of what was genuine and what wasn't, but sit tight. I promise it has a happy ending. We'd have a happy ending. Yeah, we do. End. No. So inappropriate. Oh my god, can I actually tell you a really funny story?

So basically, I mean, I'm starting off a funny story and it's to do with like, the funeral. But, oh my god, that's something else I need to do. I'll do that in the next room. Okay, anyway, I'm digressing. So in the Jewish religion, you have something called a shiva. And what that is, is the mourners, it may be the best way to compare it would be like a wake,

but I think wake you're like in the day and there's like quite a lot of drinking. Whereas a shiva is at night at the mourners house and people come and like pay their respects and you do some prayers and then you eat. Anyway, so obviously my boyfriend's there and all my family are there and my boyfriend isn't Jewish, so it was all very new to him. He's like embracing it all, taking it all in, which obviously very much appreciate. My uncle being my uncle, like proper wind-up merchant, like was like,

James come, I want to have a chat with you, takes him aside, goes into this other room and he's like, I just want to obviously keep you updated with everything and let you know that in the Jewish religion, when you're mourning, there's certain traditions that you need to follow and you need to refrain from having sex for 12 months after someone died. Oh, and... Look at you like, well, you don't know what to do. So I, like, I think he knew he was joking because that's very much my uncle.

I think he's already, like, he's met my uncle before. But I think that, like, he was like, oh, yeah, yeah, no problem. And I was just, like, mortified because then I saw them come out at this, like, fucking, like, yeah, yeah, no problem. And I was just like mortified because then I saw them come out of this like fucking like almost like a broom cupboard. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, don't worry. I've told him. I was like, told him what? He's like, you know, the rules, like the 12 months. I was like, I knew that he was going to say something stupid. But yeah, it just made me laugh. Why did I come up with that thing there?

I think it's because I said, oh, happy ending. I don't know. Yeah, no, it was. And then I thought of sex, and then I thought of the fact that my uncle told my boyfriend that we can't have sex for a year. Fantastic.

I was mortified because then the story got repeated in front of my dad. And let's just all draw a fact to the attention you're having sex. No, okay, yeah. Anyway, we're all adults here. Yes, we are. Adults.

Yeah. Everything seemed so aligned. We met in September, 2018, and my tenancy was up with a flatmate in the upcoming July, where we decided to move in together. We had an incredible Thailand trip four months after meeting.

There were some red flags, being that he wanted us to be in a relationship early on, as he didn't want to lose me. He said, I love you in Thailand and he had a rough past to say the least, which I didn't want to judge him for as people can change, right? I thought maybe I'm the one who's tamed a fuckboy, low at me. I was the one who was about to really be fucked later down the line. We always think that, don't we? Like, we're gonna be the ones to change them. And we don't. They just fuck with us. He's scaffolded but never on the books, which always worried me and impacted our lives. You're like a scaffolder, so I have a bit of a rep. Really? Yeah. The girl who did my lashes was telling me about... What is a scaffolder? Because scaffolding isn't

that just like the scaffolding? Oh they just put that up? I don't know they might do. That's what I mean I didn't know if they're doing something which requires scaffolding. I don't know, do you know what I mean? I've never thought of it. Yeah anyone listening a scaffolder? I don't think I'm losing much sleep over it. No, no I won't bet. But this microphone, why is it so... For anyone that's obviously listening and not watching, my microphone keeps fluttering like a limp dick.

What is wrong with you? Stay happy. No sex for 12 months. Meeah, no. I always moaned at him about it, to which he told me he'd get a contract job and he was disappointed. He was at the stage, he was in his career, having not done any scaffolding qualifications, meaning if he joined a legit firm, as opposed to working for his dad, he'd have to start

from the beginning again and be on less money. Although a setback, I encouraged it, but ultimately the positives of our relationship for me outweigh the negatives. I wasn't in a place as I wasn't proud of my career, so I tried to empathise. Our relationship progressed positively through Covid. Having lived together a good while and our lives were suddenly impacted by myself getting a debilitate... a debilitating, why can't I read? Debilitating skin condition caused by steroid cream. I'd always been prescribed for my eczema. I didn't know what could stop working. I didn't know that it could stop working naively causing topical steroid withdrawal. Around the time we were talking about having kids as I was nearly 32, being so unwell,

we thought best to wait until my health got better but with this condition the end is unknown. So six months into her tropical steroid withdrawal I felt pregnant unexpectedly and I was concerned how my body would cope being in such a bad way. He sat me down, looked me in the eyes and told me he's aware of needing to get this shit together but he absolutely would and we're about to have a baby. It felt like fate lighted the end of the tunnel with my illness and the fact that we were thinking about it and it happening regardless. We were being careful too. I understand when people feel that way about certain things because I remember I felt that way when I fell pregnant with Rome because my ex and I weren't in a good place, but I really wanted

another baby and having really struggled to fall pregnant with Blake and Ivy, and then falling pregnant with Rome after one month of trying, I was like, it's fake, we're going to be okay. Like this is, this was meant to happen. This is going to bring us closer together. I think the pressures of these milestones got the better of him and our arguments increased around financial difficulties. His dad would never pay him on time or the amount expected. So I was burdened a lot. Very rapidly red flags were coming left, right and centre and whilst vulnerable with my skin and pregnancy I felt like we had to make it work. To give him accountability I put half of the rent in his name instead of me bearing the burden from January 2020. It was Covid and as we weren't able to do anything I managed

to save a lot for the baby which he said he'd do too. Even came home regularly putting money into a money pot that you could only open with a can opener. Why I thought that would make it invincible I don't know as it later disappeared and he had no savings put aside of course. I noticed a couple of transactions on my bank statement of money withdrawals that I don't remember doing, but my memory can be shit at times. Probably from hearing so much bullshit I lost myself. I asked him and he admitted to taking it to help his dad pay for charges at work. I told him I couldn't ever care enough about his dad's financial

inadequacies, where it had ever been acceptable to not only use our money but to steal my money no matter the cause. Our housing management got in contact with me too to inform me he hadn't paid his half of the rent since he'd been held accountable in January to pay directly from his bank. He was adamant that they were wrong and everything was always going to be sorted tomorrow or another time but I needed it right that second for my sanity. Anyone listening is probably thinking, why didn't you do this or that, give consequences, etc. And I can assure you, I did everything but leave. I tried to be supportive, I tried to be mean, but being so vulnerable myself, I had to make it work and try and fix him. I mean, I really relate, honestly.

He then started coming home from work at later times, would say he's on his way home and then the story would change multiple times to points where I just couldn't keep up with his lies. He came home one night when I was six months pregnant and confessed to having a coke addiction. God. My heart's beating even writing this,

thinking back to how I felt. My whole world fell apart. I'm a very empathetic person and I knew that no one in their right mind would ever choose to have an addiction. I struggled with mental health a lot and felt for him as much as hating him for doing this to us. Interventions were had, ultimatums were made, lies were still continually told. I started screaming like an animal which which I'd never done before, out of pure frustration and lack of control. Not only was I six months pregnant and enduring TSW,

we were supposed to be moving out the next month as our current housing facility didn't want us there anymore due to rent issues, unsurprisingly. I remember times of walking the streets, pregnant, trying to find him, imagining him parked up somewhere in despair, needing support. I gave him 50 pounds to pay off a dealer at one point. I obviously didn't want to and was aware I was almost enabling him, but I also didn't want someone turning up at our

house looking for revenge in my position. I had the difficult decision of whether to leave at that point. I felt like I would be abandoning him in his hardest times whilst being very aware that this too was my hardest time. I applied for homelessness for me and my unborn child, scared that I'd end up in the halfway house. The thought of this being my reality shook me to my core. He forever promised he'd turn himself around. I'd helped him sign up to Drugs Anonymous and took control of his finances, doing all the typical things I thought would lead us down a better path. I decided to give him and our family a chance as my alternative option. It weren't great either and we moved in together

to another property closer to his family in hopes that that would help. Everyone told me that the baby coming, that he would have sorted himself out, but I knew realistically that that was just going to add more pressure. The financial indiscreancies continued. He interviewed for new jobs, even started while he was telling me stories of his day with the new boys and he seemed much happier. I messaged his manager at one point asking if he could be paid into my account and the reply was that he wasn't working for him. I found out those stories of his working days were all fabrications. I could write a book with how many lies I heard. I kept wondering how anyone could treat me this way, pregnant and so on well too. Having such a lack of control ate me up as I needed stability more than ever. Whenever I saw a glimpse of hope

I'd be rapidly humbled to my reality. I remember going to Primark and buying some baby clothes, which we specifically went out for to treat us. We got to the counter and he conveniently forget his card. This time, especially me remembering thinking I'm a victim of abuse. This is torture. I went into labor a couple of weeks early, had a really calm, amazing birth whilst writing this. I realized how disassociated I've been since. The health visitors came over one day to do their usual checks and he wanted to stay home to support me. I was dealing with PND or so I assumed, it wasn't diagnosed but I

wasn't okay. I appreciated his support but something felt uneasy as though he was being controlling but I struggled to see him like that much to any of the listener's belief I'm sure. When he went out of the room she asked me if I was okay and would check him properly when he was not there which further made me feel uncomfortable. I was terrified to tell her what had been happening as I was scared of the consequences. Would she take my baby? Would he be allowed to see him? Where would I end up? When my baby was five weeks old, I remember starting therapy via the postnatal team and the therapist told me I needed to get to the bottom of his lies and ask if he was telling the truth. My head felt like it was going to blow up and I said, do you not think I've done that

multiple times? He was even at home that day and kept interrupting the call asking if I was okay, another uneasy situation. I wasn't in the right state of mind to be working out continual lies which magnified my vulnerable situation when I couldn't think straight generally so I ended the therapy. I told him I'd meet him at his drug anonymous group in town to support him but also gain some control in the hopes that he was actually going. God, this is so triggering. I remember it being dark and cold and having a few week old baby waiting for him, not even turning up. He wasn't answering my calls and when he did, he would be here, there and anywhere, finally admitting he just can't do it. He's not coming. I went to the facility and asked

if he had arrived and due to confidentiality they couldn't tell me nor were children allowed in there so I couldn't even go into reception to avoid the pissing rain. My mum came to stay for a week when I'd kicked him out. I was very productive with gaining help from charities etc and when attending an appointment for support I encountered another out of body disappointment. We were trying to sign into the Universal Credit Account as I'd signed on before. I managed to do it once I got home and was shocked when I realized I'd apparently been receiving £600 a month for the past year. During Covid, we were getting help and benefits as he wasn't able to work, but I thought he'd stopped it or so he said. Well,

apparently not. So not only was he not a to the bills and the rent but also earning money and obtaining benefits in my name and spending it elsewhere. That is wild. I was livid but not surprised. I told them the truth which I felt guilty for in case it affected him whilst also being aware that he deserved consequences. Not much came from it. He just slowly had to pay it back or so he said. I spent a lot of time alone with my son, was very young. I'd order us a pizza while he was on his way home from work trying to make positive memories and he just wouldn't turn up after telling me how excited he was to be home with us. This continued. He'd interrupt me in the mornings before he left for work telling me

he needed 10 pound for petrol or lunch and I'd tell him to get lost. Sometimes I'd give him because the risk of him waking the baby and making my morning even harder was easier to endure. I was always aware of being enabling but it's just not that simple to avoid sometimes. Our tenancy was finally coming to an end. when my son was nine months old and I stupidly had a look at a couple of alternatives nearby but also saw it as my chance to get out. I went to my parents who lived a couple of hours away temporarily to work out what I was going to do and I've stayed since. It will be three years this summer that I left. I've lived in a flat just me and my son and although I've got a skin condition that affects my appearance physically I

recently secured an admin job in a school, just me and my son, and although I've got a skin condition that affects my appearance physically, I recently secured an admin job in a school. Talk about putting myself in at the deep end. I've just signed a contract for a car for the first time. It's seven years due to not being able to prior, due to being so financially burdened. I'm single and have been since. I've dated, but no one's lived up to my worth.

And I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone ever again quite frankly but most importantly I'm thriving. There's so much more I could tell you about the past six years but I'm sure you can imagine the details. I've done all of this while still struggling terribly with my skin which at times has led me to suicidal thoughts and I'll never know if I've had post-natal depression or whether life was just fucking terrible for a while. He's getting married this coming October, which he hasn't told me about yet. Oh, and of course he still can't pay the £7 a week child maintenance that I put in place, Tams, because he's self-employed and not really earning anything. I won't mention the times where he buys him clothes because we won't praise for the bare minimum. I'm doing it

and I've done it all on my fucking own and will continue to do so with the hopes that I continue to learn to deal with the resentment. Let's just hope that Karma comes back around and that she gets a prenup, picks for reference, please don't show her skin. Oh, woo. God, that one's for the other one. Oh, the baby's so cute. Must be so hard. You've gone through so, so much

and you should be so proud of yourself. You know, you were sort of saying in your email, almost like talking to people that will probably be listening to it, like almost like, oh, I bet you think I should have done this or should have done that. Like I really do feel like this is such a safe space for no judgment. Like I think, especially for me reading that, I can really resonate with a lot of what you said. I went through situations where if I had told people, people would absolutely have been like,

why are you doing this? Why are you doing that? I think a real common issue with people who are married or partnered with someone who has an addiction is not necessarily not enabling them, but giving them those consequences that they really need in order to maybe hit that rock bottom because those consequences can be so scary. They can make them end up in prison or, you know, be really serious life consequences that you don't want them to be put in. But you know, I look back and sometimes, I don't regret anything that I did, but I can understand everything that you've said

and I don't want you to ever be sort of hard on yourself that you either stayed for too long or enabled behavior for too long. Like you said in that, you don't wanna leave him at his worst point. And I really understand why you wouldn't. Addiction isn't as sort of like black and white as someone cheating on you or when infidelity happens.

That's a choice. I feel like when it comes to addiction, it's a fine line between an illness and sort of like a life choice. I don't personally feel like it's a choice. I feel like you obviously can try your best to put things into place to stay clean, to attend meetings, to do certain things,

to work the 12 steps and all of that. And he wasn't willing to go to meetings. That was obviously because he wasn't clean. But yeah, I think it's quite a tricky one to sort of like understand unless you've really been in it. I think like the biggest thing for anyone listening who maybe can't like relate to your story in some kind of way, but just anyone who's like currently going through something that they think they're never going to come out the other side of and find like light.

Like I think for me the thing that really stood out is like what a positive place you're in now. You're like, you know, you've not gone out and tried to sort finding a new person and you're very much independent and doing things on your own. And I really hope you've managed to step back and feel incredibly proud of that because to come back from something like that and not just survive it, but to be thriving is just powerful. Yeah, that is powerful. And I hope anyone else listen to this who might be struggling right now can take some kind of like inspiration and that everything is going to be okay. Yeah, definitely.

My story. Hi guys, I really wanted to share my story with you and get your opinion. Okay. Context. My husband and I met at work. We were both teachers and worked at the same primary school. We moved in together and got married. We are lucky enough to worked at the same primary school. We moved in together and got married. We are lucky enough to have two beautiful girls and a beautiful house. I want to take you back to the run up of Christmas 2023. My husband became very distant and fed

up. He said he felt meh and didn't know why. We carried on. I tried to support him as I thought it could be any number of things and he reassured me that he didn't think it was us. I kept checking in with him, trying to talk to him and got nothing. The situation came to a head when I pressed him further at the beginning of December. It basically came down to him thinking he didn't want to be with me. I could tell you a whole number of things that were said that day, including how he thought he could be happier with anyone else. I was delightful. I look at other people and think I could be happier with them were his words. Too much of it.

What an odd thing to say. I asked if there was anyone else and he denied it. Said he just wasn't happy in our relationship. I began looking at his phone. I found pictures of a girl in his recently deleted. We talked and decided to give it until after Christmas and see if we could rebuild and work on it. I thought that's what we had done. He told me that's what we had done and things seemed better. After a lovely Christmas together and with families on both sides we had a quiet new year

in the house and were in bed early. Our baby who was just over one was sleeping terribly and my husband got up with her and something in my gut told me to look at his phone and there it was. Oh for fuck's sake. An Instagram message from a girl. A girl he worked with. Another one. I can't.

I just could never be in a relationship again. Not very kind. This just gives me anxiety. Hit my boyfriend's red hand in his nose. Granted it just said happy new year but as the clock struck midnight, weird. That is so weird. Yeah, you obviously know. Also happened to be the same girl that I had found photos of. I mean that was hardly a thing. So it's not just happy new year then is it?

You've seen her fucking tits. There was no other trace of her to be seen on his phone. They're good at hiding, but it's there. We had a blazing row and went to sleep. I got up the next morning and took the kids to the park and said he could come if he wanted. He did. We came home, he went to bed and I took the girls to my mum and dad's for New Year's dinner. I told him to pack his bags and go to his parents. He slept and then arrived at my parents' house at four like the man I married. We spoke and it was easy again and we were rebuilding. We were back. Over the next year, we went on holidays, mini breaks together, had date nights every weekend,

whether that was at home or going out, and everything was good. Until... November this year. The girl from Instagram added me to Instagram. Oh shh. Yeah. Fuck. Like, you're acting like a hard book.

I thought, cause I can imagine how that'd feel. Oh wow. Do you know what it is? It's also that feeling of like, you're on this high and then you literally dropped the floor within milliseconds. That's a reality. Yeah.

We were laying in bed and I asked him why would she add me? Oh I'm surprised I wouldn't say anything. Nor would I. I'd wait to see what she says. Actually I say that I'm like the worst at sitting in anything. I'd wait to see what she says. Which he responded, I don't know, add her and see. Fucking idiot. Obviously I added her but demanded he told me the reason. He sat up in bed and said, I'm about to lose everything right now and ruin all of our lives. Oh my god, wait, I've just seen like words and I'm like, oh no, don't tell me she's not pregnant or something.

I've been having an affair for the past year. Cunt. My response, is she pregnant? He told me everything. They hadn't slept together. Oh my god. I called the bullshit for a year. I've had an affair for a year and we've held hands.

I've touched her boobs. I'm sorry, I don't think. You were just sucking you off for a year. Told her. You know what, it's offensive. It is offensive. I know. Like how thick must you think that shit is?

You don't have an affair for a year and not sleep with someone. It's bullshit. I find that offensive. I feel like I had that. I was like, how thick do you think I am? How much are you willing to lie? Like do you think I am? How much are you willing to lie? Do you think I'm that? It's when you start unfolding some of the lies and they don't tell you the truth and you're like, but why are you not just telling me? When I found certain things in his work bag, I don't know if I ever mentioned that. Maybe I did on Patreon really early on, but certain things I found and the lies. I remember actually laughing at him being like, do you think that I have something wrong with me? It is offensive.

Told her he loved her, etc. Explained that he didn't want her, he wanted me, and just didn't know how to get out of the shit situation that he got himself into. Oh darling, yeah, drop me to hell, Johee. of the shit situation that he got himself into. Oh darling, yeah, do you want me to hold you here? I'm obviously not stupid. I know he was very much to blame for destroying this, but a life with him and my babies is what I signed up for. So I was going to fight to save it.

He messaged the girl who, may I add, is married with a child of her own. And told her he had told me everything. She didn't believe him so I messaged her and told her. We ended up messaging as I wanted to make sure that he had told me everything. This however opened me up to five months of ongoing abuse from her. Surely it's supposed to be the wife who goes psycho in this situation. She's in love with him isn't she? Oh no, she gave me detailed accounts of what they had done in his car, what he had said to her, how she was his dream girl, how they had planned to be together and would wake up to messages from

her saying ask him if he wants me at 8am in the usual place. Or I haven't had my good morning and my dream girl messaged me today. I blocked her on Instagram as did he, but I couldn't keep her blocked. I had this feeling that there was stuff I didn't know. Unblocking her meant she had a way of telling me all of this. She had nothing more to say because he has finally been honest. She did, however, continue to go into his classroom, ranting and screaming at him one minute and coming onto him the next. I hope the kids weren't there.

I would've loved that. Ooh, it's a drama. The whole thing has completely broken me. She has destroyed me and my self-esteem. I'm gonna say something on this in a minute. I think you're thinking exactly the same. She's given me insecurities I never had and already had a lot of them. Just when we think everything is done she comes back with some more

shite to put a riff between us. She backs him into corners and work and flirts with him, latest ones being I've got a tiny thong on under this do you want to see or are you looking at my boobs. She continues to message me telling me to ask him to unblock her so she can ask him important questions. I have forgiven him and we are moving forwards but I am a mess. I can't lose the weight I gained after having my second child despite running in gym everyday. I look in the mirror and despise myself despite him telling me I'm silly. Is this going to ever change or do I need to cut my losses and realize it's broken and isn't fixable? That I need to fix myself, not my relationship. There's lots more to add but I feel like this is long enough. I hope you hear from me. Oh, I just want to say

the thing that's just stood out for me is she has destroyed me and my self-esteem. Can I just say, it's your husband who's destroyed your self-esteem. It's your husband who's continually broken your trust and gaslighted the fuck out of you and treated you like absolute shit. And I'm sorry if this, I feel like this is probably gonna be the harshest I've ever been to someone. And I'm kind of sorry, I think Tash is scared.

But I feel like you're in a little bit of a fairy land. And I feel like you think just because she's blocked the problem's gonna go away. The thing is, the thing I'm thinking here and I feel really bad for saying it, I don't actually trust your husband. I don't trust he's not instigating things. I don't trust there's not more going on behind the scenes. I don't trust that he's not capable of not doing it again. Maybe that's my own trust issues flaring up. But I think there are so many red flags and I think it is wrong of you to blame her. Of course she has a part to play in it. That's not why you feel insecure. You feel insecure

because the man you married has given you a reason to feel insecure because he's been having an affair for an entire year. An entire year of waking up every single day and making a conscious choice to message her saying, my dream girl, to fuck her in a car, to tell her he loves her. Every single day, he's making a choice to not give a shit about your feelings and to focus on her. So I'm so sorry if this is patronising or rude or whatever, I don't care because sometimes people need shaking. He is the one who has disrespected you. He is the one who has made you feel so small. And for me, I would walk away from this relationship with my head held high and work on myself

because you are worthy of so much more than this man is treating you. I also just feel like he's probably right now thinking like, yeah, I'm gonna block her too because like me and my wife are united and like she's psycho, like making her out to be the problem, like he made her that way.

That how she's acting is a reflection of probably like what he has done to her and let her down and hurt her just like he has done to you. You have got more in common with her than you think. She is you, she's another you. Like, he is the animal, like if anything, than you think. She is, she's you. She's another you. Believe it or not. Yeah, he is the animal. If anything, you should be thanking her for being honest with you and bringing it to your attention. Can I just say, you wouldn't be any wiser knowing any

of this information if she wasn't the one that messaged you in the first place and that reached out to you or that added you on Instagram. He is just like probably buzzing that he's managed to manipulate you into almost like siding with him and being like a team and you're gonna make it work and she's doing this and she's doing that. No, no, no, no, no. It's because that he's let her down

like he's let you down. Like you and her are probably a lot more similar than you realize. He's a fucking pig, he's a cheater, like you and her are probably a lot more similar than you realize. He's a fucking pig, he's a cheater and he'll do it again. It makes me really sad when people are willing to accept that sort of behavior and carry on. It's not even accepting it, it's when they like genuinely end up like believing like a narrative and like end up believing a narrative and like... Yeah, I think you're living in a fairy tale personally and I think you need a big, hard visit to reality.

And so I don't know if that's really harsh, but sometimes we need to hear it from someone who's a bit removed. So no, be honest, if she listens to the podcast and has wanted to email, she won't know. She won't know. Please keep us updated, I really wanna know. So let's be honest, she listens to the podcast and has wanted to email. Do you know what we want to say? No. Please keep us updated.

I really want to know. This is called Tinder work conic. Hi girls, this is my story in life. Married five years, been together for 15, have two children, daughter six, son who is two. The last six months have been the worst. My husband started going out with a new group of friends, majority female. He would buy new clothes, go on sunbed.

I felt like I was waving him off for a date. Bye darling, have fun. Get lucky. Don't forget your aftershade. Wrap up. One night he went out with them, said that he'd be back from the pub at 11. At two o'clock, I was in bed. He was so drunk, couldn't put the key in the door.

That is just a big as a ick. I asked him where he'd been, he said, round the woman's house. Why are you being so honest? A for honesty. Next morning I picked up his phone. There was a photo of him and all the girls, no men. One female I knew from school. I kicked him out the next day, told him he's embarrassing me. A week later he came back. That group of friends eventually fizzled out. The day we were going

on holiday, I was told he was on Tinder. I was angry and gutted. He admitted it, said he'd only been on there for two days because I pissed him off. Oh wow, wow. Okay cool. Sorry, they're married. And he's on Tinder because you pissed him off. I don't like this day. My fault. I told him he really hurt me and I thought he didn't love me and needed to make it up to me so I waited and waited and nothing changed. He made no effort and I couldn't understand why. Valentine's was coming up so I told myself, be patient. I returned home from work to get my purse and caught him on the phone to a woman. He said, it's you I want. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I ran up the stairs and said tell me the truth he looked me

dead in the eyes and he said he wanted to be with her. The next couple of days he was still in the house. I don't know why I didn't kick him out then. He told me it wasn't that deep and they were only talking and I had no answers off of him. The next day was Valentine's Day and he spent the night with her. But he then had the cheats come back to our house. I told him to pack his stuff It was Valentine's Day and he spent the night with her. What? He then had the cheats come back to our house. I told him to pack his stuff and move out. I changed the locks when he went, good.

A few days later, his messages and photos came up on the kid's iPad. I saw anything. Oh, no. I saw anything and them all over each other in the car, photos of her, oh. At work, yes, at work colleague. Another one.

A message telling his mum that he loved her and she left her husband for him. I was absolutely gutted I love him but I can't believe how he has treated me. He basically told me that he cares to me but doesn't love me. I'm trying to stay strong and I know it's over but I need my heart to catch up with my brain.

My family are worried. I'll take him back, but there's no way I will. I can't forget the way he's treated me. Thanks, girls. Love listening. It's really helped me through my dark days. The thing is, I feel like someone like him probably will come back and I really don't want you to hold on to that. You know, I cannot believe how, I know that it's obviously I'm just reading an email, but you seem so like, it's so blasé that he was like on Tinder, went out with a woman, went out with another woman on Valentine's Day. Like it's- He actually sounds like he's having a bit of a midlife crisis. He sounds like a pig and you need to absolutely get rid, keep those-

Stay strong. Just don't give him the key and he needs to absolutely get rid, keep those like... Stay strong. Just don't give him the key and he needs to fuck off. I promise you, like the way you've got any times of weakness, you've just got to think, he is literally no longer my problem anymore. Let him go on Tinder. When he gets in an argument with his new girlfriend, let him go on Tinder because that's a really normal grown up way of coping.

Imagine. I'm just going on a dating app. Hope you don't mind, wifey of 15 years. You pissed me off, so now, hello, Jessica. Royaled. Fucking wild. Right, confession of the week. Do it.

Hi girls, I really need to write in my story because it is wild. Put it this way, I got the ultimate revenge on my ex by creating an account on Grindr linked to his actual email address. Stop it. But then won't he like not get rid of it really quickly? Maybe. I don't know.

That's a far deal. I've loved like the fact that like people have seen him. I wonder if he got notifications. I wonder if he's just the fact he's on there. Makes've loved the fact that people have seen him. I wonder if he got notifications. I wonder if he's... Just the fact he's on there makes me laugh. Love that. Love that.

Right. Should we do that for our exes? I don't care enough. Right. Affirmation on the way. Wait. Stop accepting bad behaviour. Stop.

Like it's not okay. Say no to cunts. Wow, that was powerful. Anyway guys, go and review us after that and we will see you next week. We love you. Miss you already. Bye.