Not As We Planned - 92. Describe Your Ex As a Brand

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

We share the hilarious comparisons of brands that remind you of your ex, if it’s too early to date an old flame straight after a separation, and watching your partner VANISH out of nowhere!!!Link to our shop - www.notasweplanned.shopProducer: @TristanHehirCity Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys! Hi! You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel that I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to Not As We Plan. We hope you are having a fantastic week, wherever, and anyone that supports Spurs. We fucking did it.

Firstly, I just want to say a massive thank you to anyone who came to our first ever wellness event this weekend. It absolutely blew us away. I think with these things as well, it's always really humbling at these events to just know you're in a room with women who are united by some kind of pain. They've gone through something in their life for them to have been there. And so many women come on their own, they leave with friends and there's just something so magical about it. And thank you to every single brand who was there, all the little businesses. Thank you to Tash. I'm very deluded this morning. I've had a bit of a morning, but I'll tell you about

that in a minute. But yeah, fantastic. Thank you to Carly. I was waiting for that to come back. Why did it take so long? Still thinking about that dead pigeon. It was a blackbird. Oh, a blackbird. Well, because on my camera, on my phone, when you look at the picture, it identifies. That's quite, like...

Is it significant? Yeah, I think so. Cool. So it says, look up common blackbird. I don't think I found a black... No, this morning, there was like, Mommy, I think there's a bird having enough outside the window. And I thought, oh, shit. And my whole life got a big last thing at the front. And I was like, what does one do in this situation? So yeah, it was one of the blue jobs. I'm just I'm just not really good at removing like corpses, to be

honest, not really on my list of skills. But you know, things like that really freaked me out. So I was like, so I text like the neighbors in the group, like, I hope someone come and save me. And I was like, no, Carly, like, this is actually something you probably, that's gonna push you to evolve. So I was like, so I'd written in the group

and then like no one responded. I was like, okay, I've decided I'm gonna figure this out on my own because it's character building anyway I decided to get a wooden spoon and a pumpkin scoop and like I went outside I had a plastic bag ready and I just like I actually made him feel a bit picked it up like I was tossing a salad put it in a Tesco bag I mean I freaked out and my neighbors were watching and laughing at me and then I like, what am I meant to do? Anyway, disposed of that, we're on the way to nursery and Milo's like, Mummy, you put the bird in the bin and I don't think he's dead. I think he was just having

a nap. And now when he wakes up, he's going to try and fly out the bin, but the lid's going to be closed. I had to promise him I was going to open the lid. It was very weird. And it was quite a distressing morning. I won't lie. But I'm also proud of myself. Like it's like things like that when you're a single mom that you can never, I could never imagine. If me in 20, start of 2023 said, Connie, you're gonna pick up a dead bird to dispose of it.

I would have been like, fuck it. Oh no, I don't give a shit about fucking character. You've got a boyfriend. If there's ever a dead bird outside my house I'd be moving. You've got a boyfriend. I'm like no and it's also in my head I'm like Adam need no man like it was very empowering. Yeah thanks for coming. I actually texted the family group this morning like okay I surrender I need a man. But yeah that's another thing done anyway how was your week? To be honest I'm still on a But yeah, that's another thing done. Anyway, how was your week? To be honest, I'm still on a high from last night's final.

I went to the stadium to actually watch the game and just the vibe. Yeah, I can imagine. Unreal. So that was a really, really fun night. And then, yeah, to be honest, the rest of the week, it was all about the event and stuff. And I think it was just so nice meeting so many of you. And then the feedback that we got was so lovely and needing to do it again and doing it in different places.

We've got some really exciting things ahead of us that we are planning. So I would just say, watch this space. We love doing these things and interacting with you guys as much as we can. I feel like we're like kitted out in all our bits and jewelry piercings and we didn't get any tattoos but wanted to. Yeah, you guys. There's so many people got it. I was like, yeah, I know. Yeah, it was so nice. It was amazing. I didn't really have anything else to sort of say about my week. What about you? One thing I'm going to say for Patreon, basically. So on Tuesday night, I went and hosted Oh yeah, we should also say that how we, we did our first appearance on another

Oh yeah, we did. Go on, you say that because I feel like I've got the rich Which was really, really exciting. So we got invited to go on the Made by Mamas podcast. If you don't listen to it, it's such a great podcast. Do you know, Ian Georgia? It's a massive full circle for me. That was the first ever podcast I listened to. In lockdown on our walker day, I used to take Theo out in his pram.

He was 10 months old and I used to listen to that. So for me, I was like, this is so weird. But it was, do you know what? It was so nice. We will let you know when it's out so you can go and listen to it. But I guess with this being out, I actually think that it might be out. So go and check it out if you want to have a listen.

It was nice. I feel like it was, we're so used to it on our podcast, obviously like reading your emails and giving our advice. This was more actually about us and our journeys. So yeah, I hosted as part of Board of Dating Apps, go and check them out for anyone who is board of dating apps. They're great names, so they host different events all over the UK and they are what they do on the tin, they're in-person dating events, so they literally hire a bar, they have, depending

on the size of venue, 150 female tickets, 150 male tickets. It's normally the case that the female tickets, 150 male tickets. It's normally the case that the female tickets go really early and men tend to buy them like more last minute. It's just, that's what I've noticed a trend in their behaviour. It doesn't shock me. They're not written like four planets. No, it doesn't shock me in any way. And yeah, like there's no like cheesy games. There's no like introductions. You're literally in the room and you get given a card at the start which is a free shot at the bar for a Dutch courage shot but you've

got to go and do it with someone you don't know. So it's a really nice way of breaking the ice and it was so empowering to watch real life connections happen, whether or not they were romantic. I feel like so much of how people meet each other nowadays is all online and it's all behind a facade and it was just really, really, really nice. So I was hosting it with Tom who was on Love is Blind, got on really well actually, like a really lovely group of people, a couple of other girls who have done quite a few before. You know that photo, that screenshot that I sent you?

So guys, this is so funny how social media works. Obviously, that college mention, Tom, he put up a carousel of photos on Instagram and you were tagged in it. And I feel like the girls that I know must follow you through me. And in one of the photos that he has put in this carousel was a guy, was he walking now? No, no, he just, I don't know why he picked those pictures.

Yeah, I think so. So this guy was in a photo and it's so funny, I've got a group chat of me, my sister and then three other sisters, Beth, three other sisters. And they sent me a screenshot, circled this guy and was like, please tell me no one was interested in this guy. He's the biggest walking red flag ever. And it's just so funny how I love when girls have each other's mind and they were like, please tell me you didn't go near him. He apparently is just like, like, the

worst person that we would have an email about. And it was just well, yeah, I do have a story to tell you about that night. But I'm gonna save it for Patreon. All right. So we asked you to describe your ex as a brand and the things that you sent in were giving us life. So we're gonna share some of those. Are we ready? Okay. I feel bad, like, insulting some of these brands.

And, hang on, like, insulting the brands. You don't feel bad insulting the men, you feel bad insulting the girls. Yeah, I do. Oh no, these men deserve it. Okay, Dyson, because he sucked the life out of me. That is great. I love that.

Caniston, the thrush cream. Nobody wants it, but it often reoccurs. Tommy Hilfiger, because he'll figure a way to lie about everything. I mean relate. Little, because he was very little dumb. We're going to get all those harping haters. Yeah, yeah. Teemu, cheap, poor quality and products may not be

as pictured. Blow the end. Oh! Coke, need I say no more. Huffle, huffle. Pampers, because of the shit that he comes out with. Standard. He's a slow fuddy. Cos-guy, you think you caught a good deal but actually

you got ripped off. And then that ice cream boring and very cold. That shit will get you a headache. Dead. PLT vile. We kind of want to work with you PLT, favourite but shit. Nike, just doing it with someone else. Anasol, because he is an anus. Oh, I mean, yeah. Domestice Ble deadly. Shein looks good on the website, not what you expected and shrinks in the wash. Okay, this one. The lying king. The lying king for always being a lying deceptive bastard. Yeah, met a few of those.

Carlsberg. Weak, shitty, disappointing, cheap, but tells everyone that he's the best. Hi, dreams, the bed shop, horizontal, sleepy, comfortable, boring and he's replacing after so long. Skims, bland and suffocating. Suffocating. Blockbusters. Was fun but not relevant anyway. I miss that. Hermes. Because he never turns up when expecting things.

So true. Oh my god, no I like this one. Here we go. IKEA. Complicated instructions. A lot of work and missing pieces. McDonald's looks good on the outside but sort of crap on the inside. Valid.

Yeah. Okay. Sports Direct, just a massive mug. Sports Direct, just a massive mug. Amazon, convenient at first, but turned out to be full of hidden issues and always listening. Pre-match. Okay, Apple, looked good on the outside, but overpriced and constantly needed updates. I constantly needed updates. It is true. Okay, Crocs. Controversial, confused everyone and somehow still around. But this one's brilliant. Snapchat.

Temporary, untraceable and probably talking to 12 other people. Wow. Jurassic. Jurassic. Kept going and going, even after I said it was over. Hahahaha. Tesco's value. Always available, rarely satisfied. Burn. Adobe. Impossible to understand, always needed an update, and somehow charged me monthly. I don't understand it. I always get the fucking pop-up of it on my laptop. I think it's some

like software. Google thought they had all the answers but constantly tracking me. Word. Oh no, sorry, this is so relatable. Pinterest. Full of ideas, executed none of them. Speak for yourself, babe. Last one. Pepsi. Always trying to be better than the real thing. Right guys, should we get into some... Yeah, I think we should. In the house. Okay, this one's called,

An Old Flame Too Soon. Keep anonymous please. Hey girls, I'm a day one OG listener. And when I started listening to you, I wasn't in a place, I wasn't in a place that I thought I needed you. But boy, was I wrong. I feel like that's the case for a lot of people.

They start listening and then they're like, I thought I'd be writing in. Yeah, it's sad, but the reality of life is why we do what we do. There's no scandal or big moment that made me want to leave, so I don't really know where to start, but I'm going to give it a go because your words of wisdom always resonate, even before I knew it would mean taking action. I had been in a consistent and what I thought was happy relationship for nearly 11 years. We have a very happy content little girl who is nearly 6 now, thriving with life even though these last few months have been very different as I flipped what feels like all our lives upside down during Christmas period of 2024, so not that long ago.

like all our lives upside down during Christmas period of 2024. So not that long ago. There were no red flags. Well at the time, but to be honest it was very mundane. Usual day to day life, but stress piled up. All the little things would get to me. Lots of nights out, drinking with the lads, rugby football matches, another excuse for a drink with the lads, minimal family time, and the running of the house was all on me. Some would say this is normal and I thought this too but honestly since leaving and flipping that world upside down I realised that it wasn't for me. That wasn't what I wanted and as you say social media shares the highs not the lows so lots of people didn't get it when I made the move of leaving and not wanting my life to continue that way.

The light bulb moment came, sat wrapping her birthday gifts. She's a December baby, on my own, doing the set up on my own, because yes, he was out with the lads. And it just clicked. What am I doing here? Why am I doing this? As the weeks went on, we had conversations and and time apart which then led to the decision of ending things altogether. I chose to move back with my parents. I don't want to go into all the details but logistically it is what worked and I felt I needed support around me for the first few months and my family was half an hour away from where we were living. The commute has been tough for drop-offs and schooling but I've made it work.

Honestly it was the best decision I've made. I feel a bit more like me again and getting a little bit back each glimmering moment. My daughter has coped pretty well and honestly she seems to be getting the best from both me and now her dad too. He's so much more hands on, she has two set nights in the week and alternate weekends with her dad so she's getting plenty of time with us both. Giving us both quality time with her and time for us both to grow as individuals and I honestly see it as the best decision for all of us now, not just me. Now to the reason I'm emailing in.

A few weeks after moving back to my hometown I bumped into someone. Someone you would refer to as an old flame. An old flame that maybe faded but never fully went out. Don't get me wrong, nothing ever happened and we haven't spoken since way before I met my now ex-partner but that instant connection was there. I didn't want to move fast and to be honest he got it, which was even better. He was the supportive ear and someone to bounce off as he had been involved in a similar scenario just without children involved. We kept messaging, calling and caught

up over coffee a couple of times. But now I feel like I'm catching the feels, seeing each other much more and we have spoken about future goals and what we want in life and they seem to match up pretty perfectly. We are still moving slowly for now, but I like the idea of what our future could look like. But my question is, is it too soon? Am I overthinking? How is my child's father going to react? Is he going to think, is that the reason she left? Which it isn't, but how do I navigate the next stage? I want to keep it on the down low as I'm not ready for my little one to be introduced yet, but is it right to keep the X in the dark and then just drop it on him when I'm ready for them to meet, or is it best to plant seeds beforehand?

I never thought I would be here, I don't think anyone ever does, but I'm lost in navigating the next stage and I feel like so far it's gone pretty smoothly. I don't want it to blow up, I don't want to blow it all up with the wrong next move. Please give your thoughts, I'd love to hear them. On the plus side, I've just got myself a little two bed rental house for me and my darling little one, ready for a new chapter just the two of us, at least for now anyway. Much love to you both and keep doing what you're doing. You don't know who needs this, I really never thought it would be me." She said a few weeks. Erm, a few weeks after moving back to my hometown. It's a really tricky one because I'm trying

to put myself in your shoes. Now I understand from experience that when you're maybe in a marriage or in a relationship and you're thinking about it not being right. You checked out before. Yeah, you're sort of almost like grieving that relationship and everything whilst you're in it. So some of those people do maybe move on a bit quicker

than people would see from an outsider. But a few weeks is very quick. But at the same time, I understand it being quite difficult to be like, not strong enough, but to be like, no, I've just come out with something. Go away. I need to work on myself. Yeah, and if you're right, then you'll come back.

Because you almost, it's like that Catch 22 of like, you don't want to get insight into you quickly, but you also don't want to look back and be like, oh my god, I can't believe I let that one go. I don't think there is a right or wrong. I don't feel comfortable to give you advice and be like, yeah, go for it or no, call it off and go and do the work. I think that by the sounds of it, you're already too involved to draw a line. You're already talking about like, what should I tell him? Should I let him know now or hold off? So I don't think you're asking us whether it's too soon and you're actually going to take our advice if we say it is. So I think the advice I would give you is

try your best to take it as slow as possible because what you're not going to realise is you're probably finding the separation really easy because you've already got someone else there. You're not going to do it. As someone who did that, as someone someone who had that distraction from the start, I think it's so easy to stick a plaster on actually. Whilst nothing massive happened, you are still going to have to grieve the loss of the life you thought you'd have.

I find it hard to believe that anyone could just be really accepting of that, because I do think that is a really big thing to accept. It's a massive change. It's the way you planned your future. When you have a child, the way you plan your future is you're all there. And like being able to be in a space where I've gained perspective and I can reflect, like I absolutely did get in a relationship way too soon.

I liked the validation, I liked feeling loved and wanted and needed and having come from, it sounds relatively similar but maybe he's giving you the things that you weren't getting and then you're kind of ignoring other things or you're just not actually focusing on yourself. Like I just didn't focus on any growth of, I did focus on some growth of myself, but stuff I needed to do alone and get into my own head space. And I was so reliant on external validation from him

rather than that being within myself. I'd just be really cautious if I were you. Because what I don't want for what to happen, what happened to me is to invest nearly two years in it. And then you lose that. Not that I regret it because I don't, it's mainly who I am. But I think if I could give advice to anyone else, it would be to honestly, like, just do the work first.

Would your advice be to stop the races yet? I think it's a far flameless situation to like, he wasn't an old flame of yours, but you fell into something that you never expected. No. And looking back. But I think it's a hard one. I also think I lacked a lot of self-worth because there were a lot of things that happened at the start of the relationship.

Whereas if that was to happen in an early relationship now, I'd be like, goodbye. And to be honest, staying with me with with my boyfriend, had one of the first things that he said to me that he was really honest about, I saw it as like, wow, he's so honest, I love his vulnerability, but now if I met him, I would be like, do you know what? Seems like actually he's got quite a bit of work. Mine wasn't even something like that.

Mine were actually big things that I look back at now and think, you're a lunatic. You know what they were. Yeah. So yeah, I would just be cautious and I would just have my eyes wide open as to like, are you ignoring any red flags? Or is it you're romanticizing this idea

of it being an old flame and it's always been there. I think it's really easy to invest in like your own love story, particularly if it is someone from the past, yeah, invisible string, like we were always meant to be in each other's lives, like really try and allow yourself the space to step back, gain the perspective and is it everything you're believing

or is it an idea you're creating in your head? Or is it actually a lot of what he is providing is bare minimum, but you weren't actually getting them in your marriage. I think it's like looking at that kind of like green flag or bare minimum. I also think in regards to like telling your ex-partner, I don't actually think it's any of his business. It's one thing I never did. He found out on his own, but you don't need to inform them.

They're not part of that. Part of stuff. So early days that until it's really relevant to your child, he doesn't need to know. They're great. And it shouldn't be relevant to your child for a very long time, must I just add. Absolutely.

Okay, this is called Blindsided. Hey girls, thank you for your honest journeys. You have helped me through so much. I've been recommended your podcast since I discovered it at the end of 2023. I always thought that I'd email in my story about my ex-husband, but actually life changed, so here I am sharing this one instead. Got to have a little backstory. My ex-husband and I broke up after staying together for a year following the discovery that he'd been messaging someone else who he is now living with. Despite that, we've managed to maintain a

very good co-parenting relationship. He even tells people we're best friends. Another story for another day from whatever deluded planet he's... Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I just suddenly thought of that TikTok trend, like's like, you know, when it's like, oh, we're like best friends. She's like, oh yeah, well, if we're that, you're, I'm your best friend. Yeah, it's giving that. Anyway, five months after that breakup, I was healing and getting on with my life. I dabbled in the dating aspect quickly, got fed up. I was rehearsing for two shows. Amateur theatre is a hobby of mine, rediscovering myself and enjoying life again.

One of the guys in one of the shows asked me out a few times. He was younger than me and I wasn't initially attracted to him, probably because of the age gap. I was 37 and he was 27. I'd say things like, absolutely not, not in my age range or in your dreams for about five months. Fast forward five months, we'd been, we'd just finished the show and had started to get to know each other a bit better.

We began messaging and then met up. I was completely swept off my feet. He was everything my ex wasn't. We had all the big conversations early on about having a child, my ex-husband, the age gap, our deal breakers, our future, wants and needs. It was the most honest start to a relationship I've ever experienced. He reassured me daily that he understood I came as a package and that the timing of introductions to my son was entirely up to me. Dating him was wonderful. He made me feel incredible. We had an amazing sex life and I felt secure and safe. Eventually I introduced him to my little boy and the relationship became even better. He was amazing with him. I never asked

anything of him regarding my son but he'd always offered to take him to the football so I could go to the gym, help with bedtimes, wake up during the night if my son's stirred and sometimes take the morning shifts so I could sleep in. He was kind, considerate and caring. We spent Christmas with his parents and everything felt perfect. We had a holiday booked for April with friends and their kids. We had always spoken about having children together. I wanted one or two more and he wanted kids of his own. We knew we'd likely need to move faster than most couples due to our age gap and we were both fine with that. In February he was made redundant and struggled to find a job, through no fault of his own.

In March we talked about when to start trying for a baby. We agreed on June. He'd hopefully have a job by then and feel more secure and I was rehearsing for a show that should be wrapped up by that time. I came with the pill in the meantime to let it clear from my system. A week later he was at my place. Everything felt normal. My son was asleep and I went off to rehearsals. When I came back two hours later something felt odd. Usually he'd be waiting at the door, tea ready, but this night he was sitting on a couch, shoes still on, exactly where I'd left him. He didn't greet me, just lifted his head and said, I don't think we can be together anymore. I think we need to break up. He looked pale, like he'd seen a

ghost. Oh, Dina, it makes me feel unwell. Why does it make me feel like he's like cheated on her and like got someone else pregnant? I mean, there I go just to the absolute worst case scenario ever. He didn't sit me down, didn't explain Mark to me. Well, it's my it was about kids. He needed three of his own, but he had always said that he'd be happy with two plus the one I'd already have, that I already have. We spoke for about maybe five minutes. He was edging towards

the door the entire time. We were both crying. I had so many questions. What had changed in those two hours? I called and messaged him after he left. Eventually he replied saying, we'd talk, but not now. We needed space. And now here we are, eight weeks later and still nothing. He's gone. I know people are listening that he was cheating but I can say I 100% don't believe he was. I'm finding it so hard to get closure because he holds all the answers. Mutual friends have reached out to him but he's ignored them too. It's like he's disappeared. I've absolutely nothing apart from him saying the day after we can talk but not now. My little boy still talks about him. I'm struggling to understand how someone can just vanish. No accountability, no explanation. I can't say a bad word about our relationship

and that makes it even more infuriating. I was completely blindsided. This breakup has hit me even harder than the one with my ex-husband. The only thing I can tell myself to close it is that maybe it wasn't an age gap. It was a life gap, if that makes sense. But no, I can't help but wonder, will I ever have a relationship like that again? Will anyone ever make me feel that incredible again? I can't understand how anyone could be that heartless and that cold. PF, if you called or messaged now, I absolutely would not answer. No thanks. Anyway, thank you for the lesson we share. If that good to write it all down, I just joined Patreon and can't wait until your wellness event.

Oh, what was that? I have to say, and I understand how hard it is, but like, I am that annoying person that just feels like that was meant to happen because it's showing exactly who he is. It shows he doesn't have the emotional maturity to have an honest conversation. It shows he hasn't got the emotional availability.

It doesn't sound like he was emotionally available. And that does sound, I'm not, look, I'm not tarnishing all people in their twenties with the same brush, but I do also think a lot of that does come with like life experience and going through things in your life. Like for me, that's something certainly going into dating that I am looking for. And I think like what a lucky escape that you didn't have a baby with this man. Like, because what if you'd had a baby with him and you were pregnant and then he got up and decided, no, I can't do this.

Like whatever it is. I mean, I think we spoke about it a few weeks ago, but you don't need answers to gain closure from someone. Their silence is the answer. The fact he's not had the respect to sit down and listen to what you've got to say or articulate how he actually feels shows how much little respect he has for you and the one thing you do need to take away from it is that you deserve so much better. You deserve someone who's got communication skills. You deserve someone who is stable, who's emotionally available, and who can be honest with you.

And whether or not there's someone else or something you don't know, I actually think it gets to the point where it doesn't matter. He's showing you who he is, and you don't ignore that. So stop romanticizing it. Yes, like your relationship up to that point was amazing, but he's also showing you who't ignore that. So stop romanticizing it. Yes, like your relationship up to that point was amazing, but he's also showing you who he is now. So don't ignore that and just think back to this amazing person because he's not. He's done that. He's left you. He's allowed you to introduce him to your child who is so precious to you. Like I understand how that feels. And that's what you

need to focus on. I think the fact he's gone no contact is great in a regards because you need to just use that. Stop romanticising, start doing the work on yourself and you'll feel a lot better about it. I just, I feel like, I mean, there's not really much I can add to that. You just got to remember like, wow, like how can someone just literally cut you out with no explanation whatsoever? Like, that is wild. That's just not even, like, I have no words for it. Like, it blows my mind that someone is capable, has that sort of like lack of care or respect for you to be able to give you some answers that you deserve. Like you

do not deserve how he has treated you. So like Carly says, you may have had a really great relationship, but if he is willing to end it in this type of way, then he's not who you thought he was. Absolutely not. Vile. Vile. Wild. Okay, it's called Life Gets Better. Let's end on a hi guys. Hi ladies. First thing I want to start by saying a massive thank you. You have truly saved me. Your support has completely changed my life in perspective. I'm now a proud Patreon member and eagerly waiting for a Northern event. We're coming. Yeah, we're coming. Here's my story. It all began just over two years ago.

I found out I was pregnant with my son a year into my marriage. Around Christmas, I discovered my then husband was sending inappropriate picture messages to a girl from work. Another one. Often late at night. I was 12 weeks pregnant and terrified of being alone, so I stayed. The girl was also engaged with a daughter of her own, but as I would come to learn, that meant nothing to him.

Fast forward to summer 24, I was utterly miserable. My husband was a full blown narcissist, arrogant and emotionally manipulative. According to the rare moments, he made me feel special. On the night of my birthday, I had to take our one-year-old to A&E at 1 a.m. with suspected RSV. My husband was out on a work night out and had blocked me. Are we okay? What?

You're the father of the child. We're blocking. Are we doing that in 2025? Are we okay? I mean, it's 2024 but what? I went to A&E alone. Sorry, I'm so confused right now. God. When I got home, I received a message from the other woman's now husband. Oh. He had screenshots of my husband and his wife He had screenshots of my husband and his wife chatting on WhatsApp whilst I was in A&E. My husband told her he'd delete all the messages so they were safe.

And that was it. My baby was asleep and I asked for a divorce right then and there. He accepted, but a week later he came crawling back, crying and begging for forgiveness, and I agreed, naively, to give him another chance. I had no idea what was still to come. By September things fell off again. He was up every morning at 5am to go to the gym and would post stories daily. One woman stood out, not his usual type, ten years older, but something in me knew. I asked if anything was going on and he said no and even claimed she was the person he was least close to. I dropped it, didn't want to seem crazy.

We booked a holiday for half term, were both teachers, and things started to unravel. On the way there I saw his gym WhatsApp group blowing up. I looked and saw him slagging me off in the messages. What the fuck? Felt sick and betrayed. We argued, played happy families when we got home, but I knew something wasn't right. One night I checked our joint phone bill. The same way I caught him the first time and my heart sank. Calls every day at 5am. I confronted him and it was the gym woman. He admitted to kissing her on a gym night out and I was crushed. I rang her. She denied everything. I rang her husband. They'd been married 18

years with two teenage daughters. And he was just shocked. And then it got worse. Whilst I was moving out, I learned that he'd had sex in our home downstairs whilst my baby slept upstairs and I was at a wedding. I later found out for a family friend they'd also had sex in the massage room at the gym and his gym mates who all knew me knew the whole time. His first weekend having our son ended with me finding out he dumped our son at his parents house and got to her family home instead. And the list goes on, inviting her to stay at his parents, sneaking around, just complete disrespect. My world shattered in the months that followed, but I didn't have the luxury of falling apart.

I had a baby who needed me. I moved out on a Thursday and had an offer accepted on a new home by the following Tuesday. I've now been in my new home for three months and my life is unrecognizable. I'm two and a half stone lighter in my new home for three months and my life is unrecognisable. I'm two and a half stone lighter in a new relationship, healing and doing the inner work. My son is thriving, my peace is sacred now. I'm sad for the version of me that must've pained for love, but I've found clarity, strength and the joy again. It's still not easy. He's still with her and yes, my son has met her, but I have to trust that one day my son will know the truth and I'm confident he won't grow up to be

the man his father is. Thank you again for everything. You gave me the tools to get through this and come out stronger and I'm forever grateful." Do you know what? Like, good for you. Like, what a piece of fucking shit what he put you through. Yeah, he's had it in. He's done it a few some time and that's so okay. Like some of us need to stay and go through that and get rid of the what ifs and you know, like know that you've tried what you can and he's an idiot. But I had relations with him.

Yeah. I hope that anyone listening to this like perhaps in the earlier phases where you are like still processing pain and stuff like it is so reassuring to hear from people who've gone through absolute hell and They come out and they're grateful and they're happy and I just want you to hold on to the hope that right now Even though it might not feel like it's gonna be okay. I promise you it will being or look back one day and you'll understand it all Amen I promise you it will be and you'll look back one day and you'll understand it all. Amen. So products of the week. Do you know what? I'm actually going to talk about the products that I got from the event. It's a great idea. Yeah. So first of all, I've got a new ring. I realize that you guys can't see if you're just listening, but I've got all new earrings and a really lovely ring from Seven Stars Jewelry.

So please go follow her. She's got some lovely things. And she also did Carly's piercing. And then I got my new welded bracelet. Carly and I actually have matching ones, which is super cute. 1111. We need to get a photo of me and Chitsa. Exactly where you're meant to be.

And all my bracelets on this hand, they're all from her. She's under one moon. If you're looking for, like, me and my sisters did like a joint one when my sister moved to America, so we've all got like a bracelet. Which is so nice. So, yeah, really nice thing to do. It was a gift for someone as well,

like if you wanna go and take someone to get it done for their birthday. So yeah, what is her thing? Under one moon. Under one moon and seven stars. you go follow them yeah um should we do a confession of the week? Confession of the week. When my husband gets in the shower I immediately pick up his phone not to snoop but to change his Instagram algorithm all those videos that pop up on mine about being a good husband,

etc. I searched them on his, engaged in comment on him, and removed the search history. So now they pop up for him when he's scrolling. Stay toxic. Oh my god. Using it for the greater good. I love that. I'm so here for it. Guys, if you don't already, go follow, subscribe, like, share. Like honestly, everything means so much to us. It really, really does help us and we're looking forward to chatting again next week. Let's finish off with an affirmation. Yeah, I forgot about that. You grow through what you go through. Like no matter what you're going through right now, it's going to transition you as a person. You're going to grow from it. You're going to reflect and look back

and be like, wow, I needed that to happen. Thank you. It is. It's a better version of yourself. 100%. Amen. Go and have a fantastic week, you beauties. We love you lot. Bye.

Bye. Bye.