Not As We Planned - 97. He Told Me He Was a Vampire

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

You guys share your most embarrassing date scenarios, when your partner informs you that he wants to watch you sleep with other men, when his memory of you is taken away and a thanks for the podcast making you not feel alone through your divorce.Link to our shop - www.notasweplanned.shopProducer: @TristanHehirCity Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys, hi, you're listening to not as we planned so get ready for honest raw Unfiltered unhinged story where we share our advice Opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing we want to point out We are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one and what we say is the advice we would give to our besties Hello Everyone welcome back to another episode of not as We Plan We Guys. As always if you can go and give us likes, shares, reviews, any positive ones because a couple of you have been negative nurses and you've got issues.

Me and my... do you know the one I've got issues? Me too. I'm all for constructive criticism. Don't write it on a public platform? Just message us. Yeah, it's good and tassel. It is. No, it shouldn't be.

We're not going to be liked by everyone. I guess I just find it quite weird because my thought process would never be that if I listen to something I didn't like to go out my way. It would just be like, this is them for me. I'd never leave an ex-fee yet. I'd be like, I'm listening again. Because there's been podcasts I've listened to where I'm a bit like, to go out my way. It would just be like, this isn't for me. I'd never leave a negative. Yeah. I didn't listen again because there's been podcasts I've listened to where I'm a bit like, oh, not my vibe.

Bored. Yeah. Yeah, same. But anyway. All for it. Like we said, there's going to be a negative, there's going to be a positive. I think we know deep down what this brings to so many people. It's like everything, like it's,

you're obviously just not the audience we want. And that's okay. It's cool, babe. Anyway, are we doing any update? I don't really have. Are we doing an update? There was something I was gonna speak about actually. Obviously you got like loads of stress

with me yesterday. I've had a bit of a stress, that's probably an understatement, I've had a very stressful week personally, details I can't go into. And yeah, I did get myself in a bit of a negative head space. I spoke to Tash yesterday and she was like look you're the most positive person I know so you know give yourself this time to blah blah blah like you'll be fine blah blah and it's true and just one thing I wanted to share and it is something I am quite like disciplined at doing is I think a lot of people always say to me like do you ever like have days where you're feeling negative and I don't ever want to come across like I'm a robot and I don't feel things because I absolutely do. Like I have days where I'm stressed, I have days where I'm sad or angry

or pissed off or whatever it is. But what I've really started doing particularly over like the last year is like allowing myself a certain timeframe to feel those things. So often I'll give myself a day, if it's really shit like it has been this week, I'll give myself a couple of days to feel all those things, get things out, journal, talk about it to people I need to talk about it to, vent it, feel it, cry, scream, shout, whatever it is I need to do. And then I'm like, right, when that time is done, there's no more. Because I'm not the kind of person who, I don't really like something negative seeping into my day, but it does and that's life.

I don't like making like a negative thing means I'm then gonna have a negative week and that negative week's gonna turn into a negative month and that negative month means I'm gonna be feeling rubbish and sad for a year, whatever it is. I think we need to take the accountability and responsibility to flip it on its head, feel those things, I'm human. Right, these things are actually beyond my control.

So what I need to do now is focus on the things that are within my control and focus on all the other positive things I have. And I have got a lot better at doing that. I do feel quite disciplined in that. Like today I feel like a completely different person. Like I feel like, and I think where I allowed yesterday, it was what it was. And I have got like some stressful things coming up, but again, I'm going to do exactly the same on these days. I'm allowed to

feel whatever. And then the next day we cut it off there because I'm, we say it all the time, but you get one life and I refuse to let things that aren't in my control to dictate how my life is going to be. You can choose. You can choose whether you're going to let it impact you. And I'm not downplaying anything someone might be going through. Every challenge you go through is an opportunity to grow and push you in some kind of way. So I'm just trying to use anything negative,

anything stressful, anything that's making me sad or whatever. I know I'm going to be okay. I know I'm going to be okay because I don't have a choice but not to be. And yeah, I just hope that maybe helps someone today try and reframe their mind and give them give themselves a certain time to feel things and then be like, right, and this day is back to trying to be positive. Amen. Amen. Anyway, that was that. So any other catch ups? Nothing from men. Inspired. So we were going to do a little segment today. Should I start reading some? So we asked you the weirdest or funniest things that happened to you on a date. Do we have any that we can share?

The weirdest funniest thing that happened to me on a date. I don't feel like I've been on that many to have that much of a thrilling story. The one that just stands out to me is when I went out with that many to have that much of a thrilling story. The one that just stands out to me is when I went out with that guy first day and he was about 15 years older than his photos and I got my friend to call me. I changed her on my phone to mum and then he still tries to kiss me, although I couldn't have shown more like obvious as I was not interested. Oh, I remember when he tried to pull my hand over the table,

he was like, it was just really hard to read. Do you know what, I haven't actually had any weird, funny ones, they've more just been like red flags. Okay, we've got quite a few here. Are we ready? Oh, I did have something weird actually. I just find this like a bit weird on like, I went on this date. It was the guy who I went on the walking date with

and then we went out for dinner. And then like- Well, you kept voice-noting me. Like, we're cool. No, that was, no, no, no, no. That was what it is. And he, yeah, so we, the vibe was really different, like at the dinner, like, and I was, I knew like we weren't going to see each other again. And like, bear in mind, like he'd walked to

the restaurant, cause he lived 10 minutes away and then he's like, do you mind giving me a lift home? And I didn't really know how to say no, and it was really awkward. And at the time, you know what mum cars get like? I had like a race packet, and like superheroes, and like reasons, and beauty helmets, and stuff in my car. And I was like, I can't do it. Sorry. Oh, I had to put something in my car that I'm trying to impress, not that you're trying

to impress him, but like without warning. But even like, do you know what he got? He gave me the ick that he asked for a lift. So at this point I was like, yeah, sure. And then he was like, oh, I can't, I need to move this. I was like, I just get in, I'll drop you off. But you know what can be quite icky, you know, like if the car, like the seat is really far forward because of the kids and they get in and then it's like slowly like it just really gave me the it. It doesn't give me the it because I love him but you should see when James gets into the passenger seat and it's not been moving for him he literally like okay let me read some of these. I fell asleep in the toilet after too much drink and he had to break the door down so I could

get out. That is hilarious. Sorry, I really want to know if that ever... You had to sleep in the toilet before you went out. Yeah, but not a day. No, I would die. Oh my god, that is hilarious. I full on wet myself on my first date with my ex-husband, had to pretend the tap went on too far. No!

Oh my god. Very drunk, lost a heel in the gap between the train and the platform as I tripped trying to get on the train. Oh my god, you can't stall that one out at all. Please mind the gap. Oh my god, what are you doing? You just got a laugh, you've just got a laugh. You're just having Please mind the gap. Oh my god, you just got a laugh, you've just

got a laugh. I do sometimes feel like funny situations make, it can show you a lot about a person as to how they then deal with said situation. Yeah, he took me to the local YMCA and he had his own mug. I'm only 16. What is it? Young men's. No, I think it must be some sort of like members club or something. What? Imagine like he takes you somewhere and he's like,

Oh guys, can I just quickly take my mug from behind the bottle? That's it, give an egg. That is disgusting. I'm sorry, I'm still dying at the fact that someone lost their show. Blake's managed to crush his coffee. Holding a guy's hand over coffee and my watch vibrated with a message from another potential date. Long movie. No, that was actually, I'd want

to die. A guy told me he was a vampire because he died for like three minutes when he was a baby and that he liked the taste of blood. He now owns a TV channel. That's the thing he tells all the girls, isn't it? I died for three minutes. Sorry, but I feel like that's something my kids would say. Like, I'm a vampire. Ivy always tells me she likes the taste of blood.

I like the taste of blood. I get that. Do you? Yeah. Don't bite me. Sorry, if I was on a date and someone told me that they were vampires, I'd literally be like, if you were not like one of the vampires from the vampire diary, it's hard and you need to go. Okay, Arnold Schwarzenegger impression right through the day, never eaten so fast. See, this is quite funny because someone I've been on dates with recently, like I feel like a

lot of our dates are just us doing impressions back. Maybe you should do a vampire impression. I'd love that. He put his back out and I had to help him pee into a pot on the first day. Oh my god. That would give me the egg. I think I said, would this give you the egg? It didn't give her the egg. My friend on the first day, the guy that she was with, they were just having a drink and he had a nose blade. No, that's just like... I think that would give me the ache.

It depends how he deals with it. If he's just going to put a tampon up there. Or like... Or when they stick tissues up and it's just there, that would give me the ache. What if he arrived with that little patch of toilet paper from where he came from? No, he's gone. Absolutely fucking not. Yeah, when she told me he had a nosebleed, she was like, oh, it felt really bad for him.

And I was like, eugh. What's he picking his nose too much? I do feel like as time goes on, I get the ick very easily. I don't, if I really like- No, but I mean on the first day- Do you think that you can get the ick if you're in love? No, I think you find it endearing

because I look back at things like my ex-boyfriend- Like I guess I just said, he got in the car. Yeah, I would find, there's things now that I look back at and I my ex-boyfriend. I guess I just said like he got in the hot tub. Yeah I would find there's things now that I look back and I think because I've given myself the echo I'm like ick. But at the time I was like endearing, cute. I think icks are mostly equal. You don't really know someone as well. Yeah, a fine line between cute and icky. Yeah and I think there's very blurred lines when you love someone. You just, I don't know,

it maybe turns into cute. Oh my god, if I was on a date, I think one of my biggest icks would be, like what would give me the icks if I was on a date and had like a bogey hang out as a night? No, I couldn't go over that. I'd die. One guy asked if he could smell me and I said okay and he leaned right in for a long sniff. Is it weird that I don't know if that would put me on? If someone's coming to smell me you're gone hun. Really? Absolutely. Smell what? Those ones from a man. A woman took me back to hers to show me her snake once.

Did you show her yours? And it kind of nung in the gut burns, hun. I fell head first into a river and he put bin bags on his car seat so I didn't get his seat as well. river and he put bin bags on his car seat so I didn't get his seat sweat. Do you mind? I need the story as to how you fell into a river on the first day. Was he concerned? Did he mind? Did he jump in to help you? Was he just concerned about his car seat?

It's like, babe, get out the fucking river. I'm going to get something to put down the road. They're fucking ruining my car seats. Blacked out leather. What? Sorry, this is so random. One guy I was with pointed to another guy in a club going, oh my God, he tried to stab me when I was younger. Brrrap, brrrap, brrrap, brrrap, brrrap, brrrap. He tried to stab me. All right, that's the fucking ends. They love not war.

He got a guitar out and played songs until I could guess what they were. I don't know how I'd feel about that. I'd be loving that. I'd be loving it. it was more like, Bar Bar Black Sheet, I'd be like, you need to go home. My kids were playing his own. Will you come to my kids birthday, bro? Did you do bookings? The guy had odd, short, fat, really wide fingers and nails and I couldn't get them on my mind. Do you know what I must say like, hands up.

Is there a thing? Yeah. I was on a date with someone a few months ago and I couldn't stop staring at his fingernails. They were long. I think for a man if they go past your fingers, it's not like I couldn't stop looking. I was like, Carly you're being really shallow but. But I remember when we once asked about like a question box, like, give us your biggest if. I think one nail. Yeah, nails came up so much. I am really funny about nails. I

have to be honest. Do you know what? I like a thing for me that I like. Like obviously that nice hand, like well kept nails. Great. But like veiny. Oh yeah, veiny. She loves a hat, I like it. Veiny, thick arm and hand. Yeah. I've got a new thing for tats as well. Do you? Yeah. No, my boyfriend has a, like, he should be a hair model. This hand is my hand, this hand is your hand.

The weight, it's my hand. I hope you get the reference, Diane. Oh my God, when I was on a date, I bumped into my dad. At the theater of all places. Oh my God, I would die. Yeah, no, I wouldn't be okay with that. I ran into my ex and it turned out my date knew him. Oh my God.

We pretended not to know each other so my date introduced us to each other mortifying. I'd die. I'd lap that shit up. You'd love it. I know but that is what you do. That is giving great moving. Yeah, I'd rather opt out and die.

A knobhead raised his voice at me and criticized every life choice I've ever made by twat. I would just get up and go. He turned up to pick me up in a limo. What a baller. I'd bow to him. It's okay. It's very rock. It's giving 16.

Yeah, it's very like, let's go to Prague. It's giving... What's the thing that they were? A cassage. Yeah, I remember going to a let's go to Prague. You could be on, what's the thing that they were? A corsage. Yeah, I remember going to a birthday party and we went to, what's that place? Truckee deero.

Oh yeah. The most trucee deero, and I think we went to like Planet Hollywood and we thought we were the fucking, That's very like, five, six weeks to see. Yeah. I was talking of noses.

I was dancing with my date when I accidentally headbutted him and made him have a nosebleed. I had to take him to the toilets to sort it out. That wouldn't give me the ick because like she caused it. Funny. I'd love that. I mean that would be like a funny like, oh I'll remember our first date when...

That would be a wedding speech. Yeah. Check me to a Wetherspoon. Done. I'm out. You take me to Wetherspoons on a date, we're done. Yeah. I've never been to a Wetherspoon. Done. I'm out. You take me to Wetherspoons on the date we're done. Yeah, I've never been to a Wetherspoon.

What is a Wetherspoon? It's like a brand of pub, but it's fucking cheap. I used to work in a Wetherspoon. Really? Back in the day. I used to microwave the food. Oh no, he went to the toilet. I went to the toilet when I came back.

He'd invited his mate to join us. Oh, I think he was a mind to avoid. They were funny guys we might do that again. They give me a life. Should we crack on with some emails? Okay this is a really sure one but the title's got me. It's got me in a choke hold so we're going in. Dogging. Cool. I feel like it fits with what we're talking about. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years. We are recently engaged. We have such a good relationship now, but have had our fair share of problems. About two years ago, I started to see Mark's in his boxer shorts. So I went through his phone and found dogging articles and searches in the maps for areas of the locations on where to do this. Can I just double check, sorry if I'm being really naive, is dogging when people go to

watch people have sex? Going to get the proper definition. Or is, I guess you can either be the ones having sex or the ones watching. I think so. The practice of watching or engaging in exhibitionist sexual activity in a public place. What are your thoughts on that? It's because I love being watched. But no, I've personally never dogged or been a doggah. What's the firm?

I don't engage in dogging. I never have. I think it's quite scary. I once saw a dogging documentary and sometimes people knocked on people's windows and joined in and that forever scared me. Oh, they're gonna kill them. Who knows? I know certain dogging spots.

It's probably quite a, like, not popular spot. It's probably quite a, not popular, but it's probably quite a- Risqué. No, like murderers to go and kill people. It's very like, I know what you did last summer. Yeah, it's just got for me, look, I understand the thrill of being watched or caught, but I'd rather not go, I feel like it's an arranged thing.

I think the idea of it being like an arranged thing and known, whereas I feel like it's actually more exciting. Just having sex in a public place where you could get caught. Yeah, like I think it, for me, the thing that makes it weird is like the arrangement of it. And it's a knowing. Like, no one's ever going to have sex

and people probably come after. Yeah, I think for me if, yeah, if I was to like think about the idea of getting caught I think for me the thrill would be it just being like on a whim with someone and yeah, it not being like pre-, like I always think pre-organised fun just isn't as good as just spontaneous fun and I feel like it's the same kind of thing. Yeah. Anywho. I kept this from him for a while and started observing him. Can you imagine her

there with her glasses making no, she's talking him. And one day, the observer becomes the observee and the doggy. One day I saw him on my way home driving into a known dogging park and I called him and told him I saw him. Anyway, it's quite a long story short, it blew up and I told him what I had seen months prior and about the marks in his boxers. Does that mean like what he'd like to jizz himself? Yeah. Okay. Jizz in my pants. No.

Jizz in my pants. I don't know, this one's serious. I just listen to like, we're never getting back together but I say this. Jizz in my pants. Deep in the way that Jaynans is upstairs and he's probably hearing you be like, what is going on in this episode? See what I mean? I'm in part positive.

He actually came down and he's like, oh no no no. Jesus, that's right. I'm about, I'm a bad babysitter, got my boyfriend in the shower. Yeah, I know that. I'm making six bucks an hour. I'm a bad babysitter, got my boyfriend in the shower. Six bucks an hour? Babysitting sucks, whatever, we got can't do it.

You said the babysitter's like, they'll have to charge me six pound on that one. Oh, it's back before the cost of living crisis. A bit delirious today. Anyway, to cut a long story short, it blew up. I was ready to leave and had never been so sure about it. He ended up breaking down and said he'd been watching Paul Moss that work on his breaks. And that was where the marks were from in his boxes.

And he also told me stuff from his childhood that was traumatic. I don't actually know if I believe this, but anyway, ended up staying with him. Fast forward to a couple of months ago. And he told me he'd like to watch a man have sex with me. I feel completely alone because I can't discuss this with anyone as it's humiliating. He says he loves me but I just don't believe he could.

I've told him to leave and go explore what he needs to but I feel he's staying out of fear in case he does but doesn't like it and then he's lost me. He's now saying he doesn't feel like that anymore, et cetera, and he wouldn't want to watch me with another man, but I'm scared he's going to do something behind my back. That is email. Let's just digest that. Yeah, so we have spoken about this before. What are you quacking? It's fine, I think it's where all the cum's at.

It's quite a wild episode. We have spoken about it. She needs some kitchen novel. What do you want to just use the wrong? Just go to the Yiggle Centre. Oh, for God's sake. I don't because that native comic said we're incinincest. No, it's not about that at all. I feel like sometimes me and Tash, we're on the level where we can have conversations in our head without having to say anything out loud. It's happening.

Be careful. Okay. What's that noise? An auricle. Oh, it sounds like a banshee. We have had this conversation before and I don't know whether you've heard us talk about, that's actually quite a, not unusual fetish, but it is actually quite common.

No, it's a thing. It is quite common. Isn't it called voyeurism? Voyeurism, not voyaging, voyeurism? Voyeurism. Not voyaging. Voyeurism. Voyeurism. I think so, where I think it's more so men, like the idea of women being fucked and them

watching. I think the issue that you have is I don't think that fetish of his is going to go away. And I think my only worry would be if I'm with someone where I can't fulfill their fetish is that they will want to seek it elsewhere. But I also find that fetish quite a confusing one because why would you want your partner to fuck someone else? I know. I can't understand it because it's obviously not something that I engage in. Not even engage in, like I desire. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would feel like- I think it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you because- I know, but I think particularly as women, like for me, I'd want to be with someone who'd be like, absolutely no one is touching my girl. Like, I would like, no, like. I feel like that's a sort of fetish that

you maybe wouldn't mind someone having if they were just a bit of a fling and you'd see some like long-term future. Put it this way, that person doesn't obviously believe in monogamy. So I think- I would go and watch, I would go and watch Open House

because they definitely normalise it on that. No, but the thing is, I think that that obviously doesn't fall in line with monogamy. It's not monogamy, no. If one person in a relationship believes in monogamy and the other one doesn't, that is such different values that I don't think long term it- Oh great. That's definitely, you know like on dating apps when it's like my relationship's height? Well, one of the things, is that- Is that- No, when it's like my relationship's tight? Well one of the things is that is there?

No but it's just like you know I don't know because mine just said monogamy but There are options There are, yeah, it's like figuring it out I think also you don't mention that you've got kids together You've already gone through situations where you haven't been very happy with his behaviour. It doesn't sound like you massively trust him. I think maybe this should be like the icing on the cake to sort of make that jump to end the relationship.

I agree. Also, like what if you did it and then he changed his mind and then you've slept something else. Yeah, can I say also I think that sometimes these sort of fantasies are fine when they're fantasies but once they actually lift them out the insecurities come in and the paranoia comes in and I think it ruins the relationship. Yeah I think the difference between a fantasy and reality is very different. I think some things are good to keep as a fantasy and they don't need to materialise. Mm-hmm.

Okay, this is called Is This The End Or Not? Hi ladies, I finally plucked up the courage to write in after months and months of binge listening to your podcast, Patreon member too. Woop woop. We love that. Here it goes. May not make sense, I apologise this, I'm writing this in work. Naughty, naughty. I was married for 14 years to the most narcissistic, abusive and controlling man on this earth. We separated during lockdown, which in itself was a challenging time.

Our children were 11, nine and five at the time. He pretty much moved into his next conquest within a matter of weeks after apparently meeting on the top of the mountain during lockdown. Well, I don't know. Yeah. They are still together, moved to the lakes, both as knock as each other. That can be another write-in though. It was a messy breakup involving family courts, numerous police investigations, non-monestation orders, CAF CAS and social services. Safe to say it is taking me years of working on myself to get back to the old me before we met.

Fast forward to October, 2023. After going to the S Club 7. S Club, I was there. Ain't nobody like an S Club gonna show you how I feel. Wonder if I saw you. After going to the S Club 7, see Escal 7 in concert with my friend, I ventured into our local town for a few drinks. It was here that I met my now partner.

I think he is anyway. I'll let you help me out with that. Oh God. Things had been going great. And then in January, 2024, the blow came of him being unwell, diagnosed with a non benign brain tumor. Obviously this was a lot to deal with

and he was going to have regular appointments. However, during these appointments, they found out he has cancer in his adrenal gland in April, 2024. Upon his adrenal gland being removed in August, 2024. How did I say April or August? You said April the 1st. Okay, fine. The gut punching news of pancreatic cancer was found. Did I say April or August? You said April the 1st.

Oh, fine. The gut-punching news of pancreatic cancer was found. Jesus Christ. His own sanity, he moved himself to a small town in Wales, three-hour car journey away from everyone to start his treatment and self-healing, which I really do not blame him for, if this is what he needed to do for himself to get better than I was fine with with that happening. To say this journey has been hard is an understatement. He had his tumour removed in August 24 whilst undergoing intense chemotherapy for cancer. After surgery we were told that 80% of his memory may have gone and he may not remember certain people

and thinks he is lying. Yes, you guessed it. I was a memory that- Wow. During this hard time, we still continued to message and talk and I shared pictures and happy times of us together to try bring back even a small amount back. Oh my God. He did remember certain things

like how shit I am at painting. I like crocs and highland cows. To me, this was all I needed is hope. Not one of his friends would have been able to give him that information about me. The months passed without physically seeing him, which has been so hard, but we talk and message every day. So with the tumor removed, chemo ended, cancer free, he's been making more of an effort with me, coming to see me.

We've been going for some weekends away, even meeting my children 18 months on and it's all been amazing. But we've never really discussed being boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm 38 and he is 45. Future plans or anything like that. I've approached this conversation with him. He said he loves living where he is now and has no intention of moving back this way. Obviously the position I'm in with my ex at the moment,

I could not move away, work, commitment, school and family. I've planning on going his way this weekend with the children and let him know my plans for him to say he's going to Cornwall for a last minute getaway and will be staying there until he decides to come back. Girls, I need your advice, am I wasting my time here? I feel like we've been through the mill and back and still nowhere further down the line two years on. Just to add, I

have faced health issues myself in this time with no support off him. Felt like I couldn't ask for this due to his own health issues and mini stroke which has resulted in me losing my hearing and now having to wear two hearing aids. I've got to be honest, I think you are wasting your time. I'm just going to be blunt and like not beat around the bush. What he went through is absolutely terrible and I'm so, so happy to hear that he's doing well, but it does not sound like you are a priority at all. And the fact that that distance is so big and then he's just like upping and leaving and going somewhere else until the foreseeable and doesn't know his plans.

It doesn't sound like he has you in his future plans. So I think it's time that you put yourself first. Yeah, wow. Sorry, just digesting. I feel like it's a bit giving that feel. What's that feel? Dear Joe, no. One moment that it's loose. Lose your memory. Can feel like it's a bit given that film. What's that film? Deardra? No. The one where they just lose their memory. Can't think of what it is. Oh, missing you or something.

I was at no point thinking of Fifty First Dates. Definitely. No, I know. I know what you mean. It's with Michael McAdam. Yes. I think it's a really tricky situation because I think, I imagine the frustrating part for you is thinking like where could this have been if that hadn't had happened? And I think what you really need to do is look at what, who he is now. And whilst it's been like some devastating circumstances that has probably resulted in the situation like where he lives and stuff, those are things that are beyond your control. They're things that have happened.

They're things that you can't change. And so you need to be realistic in the circumstances you're in right now. And I agree with Tash, like right now, you know, whether or not he's, what he's gone for is impacted like his, where he is in terms of like his thinking with stuff. Like, I guess it's harder because it's, you

almost like feel sorry for him because he's been through the mill of it. But like you said, so have you. I guess he doesn't have the memory. That's what I mean. So he doesn't have history. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's why I can like really empathise that like, well, why would you if you can't feel that? But I don't think that what he's doing is necessarily wrong, but what I think is she needs to put herself out.

I agree. That's what I completely agree. I think, I think the hard thing is you almost want to like be able to remind him and almost like I understand that you might want to stick with him and see if his memory comes back because you've, you've said like that when he like spoke about some of the things he remembered that gave you that hope. And I think really the hardest thing is you now need to let go of that hope. It's not guaranteed he's going to remember and I think you need to deal with what you're getting now. Draw a line under

it, draw a line under it that it was an experience, you had some very happy times together but he can't give you the future that A you want and B you deserve and you shouldn't have to compromise on that. Believe me I understand what it's like when there is a significant distance and you're co-parenting with someone else. It's not easy. And yeah, I think you need to cut the cord. You don't have children with him, no contact. And I promise you will be okay.

I promise you will. This one is called, Thank You. Thank you, next. So I feel like I've just sang this whole episode. I can't believe I've only just come across this podcast. Knock them away. I've been binge watching it from the beginning the last couple of weeks trying to catch up. I'm sure you get lots of emails similar to this and I've never emailed anything like this before but I really felt like I had to say thank you. I split up with my partner in January. There was quite a few things wrong in the relationship. He would turn and walk away

over the slightest disagreement and go missing for days on end, blocking me off his phone so I had no way of getting in contact with him or knowing where he was. It's just wild that like adults do that, like communicating that that way isn't it? Wild. He would then come home when he was ready and say sorry let's just forget it refuse to talk about anything and just want to brush it under the carpet and not take any accountability. He also had a way of twisting his actions to make it seem like it was my fault so he wouldn't have to take any blame. This drained me as I'd be left with our two children on a regular basis having to try and carry on as normal when I wouldn't even know where he was. It got to the point where it happened that much I almost became used to it. I felt like I was walking on eggshells having to watch what I'd say all the time, knowing

the slightest thing may make him leave. He was very emotionally immature, had a bad temper, he never hurt me physically but was very hurtful with his words and actions when angry. I felt like I had to beg for the bare minimum, there was no affection, he'd never pay me a compliment or give me any attention and I felt so underappreciated. I've tried so many times to tell him how I felt, but he used to just say I was moaning and never happy, he didn't ever care about how I was feeling or want to improve our relationship. The last straw was the messages I found on his phone to other girls.

So many messages to many different girls. So inappropriate, flirty, crossing the line, basically acting like he was a single man, a family man with a partner and two kids. This was the second time I'd found these kind of messages. The first time was when our daughter was eight weeks old. I decided then to give him a chance to make it work for the sake of our family, but after it happening again I knew I couldn't keep living like this. Splitting up with someone you've had a family with and thought you were

going to be with forever is just the hardest thing to have to go through. I still loved him and just wanted him to fight for me and our family, but he never did. It broke my heart how he could just walk away so easily. The way he's acted since and the way he's treated me has been vile. There's times I've been so low I couldn't see how I'd ever feel happy again. I feel like I'm surrounded by happy couples and happy families and that no one else around me can understand what I'm going through. However your podcast has really made me realise I'm not alone and that unfortunately there's so many other women in situations

similar to mine. It's actually shocked me just how many shit men there are out there to be honest. Lately I'm slowly starting to feel a bit more myself again and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just wanted to thank you for making this podcast. I'm sure you're helping so many women by doing what you're both doing. Can't wait to catch up fully to see where you both are in your lives now. I'm currently about halfway through. Thanks again. Oh, so nice.

And you know what? It's emails like that that make me think the negative comments are, they don't matter. They're just directed to the wrong people. Yeah. You should be really proud of yourself for doing what you need to do and accepting that. Look, we've both been there, like losing that family unit and that relationship not going

the way you wanted. And obviously I really relate when you say that you just wanted them to be better, to do better for you. You get married thinking that it's going to be forever, and unfortunately that doesn't happen for everyone. And I guess we are proof that things do get better, things can get better, and you will move on and you will eventually look back and realize why that needed to happen and why that chapter needed to close to have other opportunities come about. So, yeah, I'm thinking about it.

Yeah, I agree. I think it also gives a lot of hope to those people who maybe are brushing things under the carpet right now and, you know, giving them the push that they can make that choice, they can leave. And I think that's why we love doing what we're doing because I feel like without knowing it like each one of your stories helps to, you know, inspire someone else and give someone else that hope that because I feel like one of the most common things with this is so many of us are often like the first ones to go through it in our friendship group or we don't know anyone around us who's going through the same thing. And that is exactly why we created this because

we were both that person in our lives. I had no one else who would understand what I was going through and just knowing that that aspect of it is working means the world to us. Yeah. And it's a lonely place, isn't it? And it's really nice to hear that you feel like you're starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel because that does come. It clicks, something clicks, and you realise you're better with that.

It will come for every single one of you, so don't feel like everyone's okay. It's not sad, it's okay. Yeah, everyone's okay, but I'm not, like you will be as well. Right, product of the week. And so, I don't know if you've tried it yet, the Be Perfect skin tint. No, I've got a zit. So what can I just ask?

What are you using it either instead of or as well? So I don't wear foundation day to day. It's too much for my skin. I don't like it. I like my skin to breathe. What I was previously doing was just using like bronzing drops, but sometimes I felt like it didn't give any coverage. It just like made me darker.

This kind of like evens out like skin tone and like, if you think- What do you put on there? So I do like my moisturizer. I put that on and then I've put a few bronzing drops on. Yeah, so I would do that first, almost like a moisturizer. Honestly, I can't even explain it. I used it for the first time yesterday because it is like, I don't know, I've never found

like a BB cream or something in the middle of like a moisturizer and a foundation. I'm not a foundation girly at all. Only when I go out. It's 25, so I'd be blunt. I personally wouldn't rely on that. I always have SPF 50 on just as protective. But honestly, the consistency is absolutely fricking stunning. Yeah, really, really pleasing. Okay, confession of the week.

When I found out that my husband had been cheating on me, I went and took one of his credit cards. He has so many and I know he doesn't keep track of all of them. We separated 18 months ago, to which I'm still using his credit card and he has not yet clocked. I mean, what if he tracks the back of my shirt, pay all that, but like, where's the, his credit card and he has not yet clocked. I mean, what if he like tracks the back of major pay all night?

But like, where's the proof? Like, it's his card. Like, wow. Send me a ZZ. Say it in the Patreon chat. Like, can you imagine being that rich for 18 months, you're just not checking your credit card. Are you all right, hon?

You okay? Good for you, babe. You enjoy it, you go to self-agent. Right, affirmation of the week. Here we go. You will find your light at the end of the tunnel. Now the tunnel might be a bit longer for you compared to others.

Might have a few bends in it. Yeah, a few bends, a few turns. Might leave you a signal. Might be a few bends in it. Yeah, a few bends, few turns. Might leave you a signal. Might be a little flood here and there. But you're gonna get there in the end and know that every single person that finds that light at the end of the tunnel is no more special than you are.

So you will get there, concentrate on your journey only, do the work, and you will eventually realize why you needed to go through, what you went through to get to where you are. Hey for Kim and girl, love you guys, we'll see you next week, love you bye.