Not As We Planned - Carly Got A Nose Job… And She’s Finally Revealing Everything

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

Carly is back with a new nose! After years of feeling insecure about it, she finally flew to Turkey alone for the nose job she’d wanted for years. She opens up about why she decided to do it, the panic that hit before surgery, the mental battle during recovery and what it was really like seeing her new face for the first time. We also get very honest about the financial reality of becoming a single parent, the pressure of trying to keep up a lifestyle that was originally built on two incomes, and why single mums can so often feel forgotten.Plus, one Bestie shares the story of spending 15 years believing her husband simply wasn’t that interested in sex... until women’s underwear, Viagra, a gimp mask, a chastity belt, Telegram and a trip to a sexual massage parlour eventually revealed a secret life she knew nothing about... and just weeks before they were due to start IVF, one final discovery ended their marriage for good.Watch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to not as we planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel like I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Guys, it doesn't feel like for you.

You're just like, it's another Thursday. For us, we haven't been here since like the middle of July. Yeah. So we're very, very, very excited to be back. I feel like it's a real overdue. This is the best I felt in weeks. Really? Today.

That's because you're with me. And you might have noticed something if you're watching, guys. What could it be? We're debuting our first episode with a little cute nose. Look at my sidebar. I'm going to keep turning to Tash now, just so you can see it. No. Yeah.

Should I start there? Yeah, let's do it. Because we can't. It's the elephant in the road. It's not, because it's not very big nose anymore. Let's delve into the update. The updates. Oh, I got a new nose.

Yay. Welcome to the pod. Welcome to the pod. Please tell us what your story is. Where did you come from? Oh, wow. I come from Turkey. Thank you.

So basically, I have been insecure about my nose, my entire life. Like, literally as long as I can remember, I've hated it. It's a personal insecurity. And I think also, like, it was a big feature on my face. I think what I've realized now is I have quite a small face. I mean, you've got large features. And they just become something you're aware of. of unconscious. Like I was, it's interesting because I've been like trying to look through my phone to

like compare side angles as to it now. But I never used to take pictures of my nose on a side angle because I hated it so much. So if you, the girls that get it, get it. Like when you've got an insecurity, it doesn't matter what other people tell you got the most beautiful nose, this, that when you're insecure about something, you dislike something about yourself that much and you have an opportunity to change it. Um, yeah, it's it, you know, like, I remember being on my hendoo and a guy coming up to me being like, you would be so beautiful if you didn't have a massive nose. Yeah.

Just every bride wants to fucking hear, right? What do the actual start? And I've had it my whole life. Like some people have said it like to be nasty. I've had it with trolls on the internet. I've had it with clips of the podcast. Like, oh my God, like the nose on her and stuff like that. And it's nasty.

And look, I'm not doing this because of that. But I think when you've got an insecurity and other people feed into that insecurity, it does make it worse. And look, I know the girls will get it. It was something I was looking into. It's something I couldn't really afford to do. But I think when you know you want it done at some point, you start, I've been looking for years.

I've followed surgeons for years. It wasn't a case of if I'd ever get it. It was like when. And look, I wasn't really in the position to do it. Anyway, and inquired into this company, I was actually, like, I'd rather be transparent about it because I'm a single mum at the end of the day. and they said to me, we would actually be happy,

if you're happy to share your journey of getting it done, we're happy to collaborate on it. And I just thought, I actually felt like I manifested it because it's on my vision ball, but I knew, like, financially, that's not something I would justify, like, when I've got the kids and whatever. So I do, and look, some people get triggered by that and annoyed. I get it.

But for me, in my line of work, it made sense. It was a company I genuinely was looking at going through anyway. And I also thought Getting your nose done isn't something you can really just like do and hide I felt like if I got my boobs done It might not have been something I would necessarily have shared But you can't just rock up one day and like look a bit of different So I just thought, okay, we'll do it

And I flew to Turkey on my own Which in my head when I booked it I was going to have a boyfriend who was going to come and look after me So cute, it didn't happen. No. And I won't know. like the week leading up to it, I had proper meltdown. Like, what am I doing?

Like, I said to you, like, and I think that's really not. I think with any surgery, even if it was in the UK, I think I would have been like questioning my life decisions. I think that's very normal. I had done my own research. And I really encourage you not to base your decisions of what anyone else is doing, who anyone else is chosen. What's right for one person might not be right for someone else.

So I encourage you to go and do your own research. That's massive. It's your face at the end of the day. and it's really important and you make the right decision for you. For me, I felt like this was right for me. So I got on the plane and then, like, my biggest worry

was being put to sleep and whether I would wake up. I was sending you voice notes, wasn't I? She's like, what if I don't wake up? She won't know. But you do. And again, I posted some of my stories and again, I think as a mum,

I've never had surgery being put to sleep as a mum. Yeah. And suddenly you have all these, like, other worries. And then I remember even being, being willed into surgery laying there thinking, you're a fucking selfish bitch for doing this. What if you're dying? Your kids are without a mum because you just wanted an lighter.

Like, the mental battles you go through. But we are also very entitled to do things that make us feel good. Anyway, I remember waking up from surgery and I was like, oh, thank fuck I'm alive. Like, genuinely, that was like my feeling. I was like, you made it. The actual, like, whole process was unreal, like got picked up from the airport, stayed in the most amazing hotel. It was all part of, like, your parents.

package. The care in the hospital was amazing. Like the, the surgeon looked at my nose and he actually told me my nostril had been dislocated, which I didn't know. And he was like, yeah, you've got a curve. And all these things. I was like, well, God, like, you need to fix that, babe. And I just remember just about to be put to sleep. And I was like, please just don't give me a piggy nose. Like, I just don't want it to look fake. And he was like, I've got you. And yeah. So the first week was really, really hard. I've definitely had some meltdown. to Tash. Like, I think it's, I was, let's put it in perspective.

I was alone. I had cabin fever because you can't really go out. You've just had an operation. My face was swore. I looked like elephant man. I was black, I was every color of the rainbow, wasn't I? I was in a really bad way. And I was, like, you do, people don't talk about the mental battles after surgery

enough. Like, I hadn't prepared myself enough for that. But, like, I was, like, questioning, why the fuck have you done this? All these things. And like you're so swollen. You're like, oh my God, I'm botched and this and that. And then anyway, you get through. I'd say day four, five was when I was like, swelling's going down.

Bruising's going, okay, you're going to be all right. And then I went to get my cast off. And I was shitting it because all over the internet is like, I've seen so many girls like you need to prepare yourself that you might not like it when your cast is taken off because, A, you look really different. And seeing your face that you don't recognise is really weird. But also it's really swollen still. It's like a week post surgery.

I remember keep looking every day. I got sent a picture of my nose fresh off the table. And when I first saw it, I didn't like it because I just looked so, I was like, that's not me. And I made myself look at it every day. And I actually found it quite hard to look at. But by the time I got to my cast coming off, I looked at it so much. I was really happy. Anyway, nothing can prepare me for having my cast taken off.

I literally, I did post a video online, but I burst out crying. Like, the fact I love it so much, when it's swollen, I thought it takes a full year to fully heal. And yeah, this morning is the first time I've taken my tapes off since I had the cast off. So it's been in it for 10 days. It's still very, very swollen around here. If you can see the close up, which hopefully you can't. I've still got stitches here.

So it might look like I've got bogies there. It's not. It's stitches. I just don't want to pull them. They dissolve. So it's still really swollen. But I am so happy. But even like today, I was walking around, like the confidence change in me.

it's just beyond anything. Yeah, we were joking about the fact that now, like, I feel like I'm getting replaced on the pod by her nose. Like, there's three people here now. Absolutely. Address her nicely. She's been a long time coming. So, yeah, I'm, look, I'm really, really happy.

It's not me, like, being like, like, everyone should go and change things or things like that. But I genuinely believe if there's something about yourself that you have an opportunity to change and it means that much you know it will change the way you feel about yourself, the way you show up. Like for me,

genuinely, I feel like the confidence, even just like doing the school run this morning, I just feel so different. And I'm just really happy. So, I mean, I get it. I had surgery. When I was 19,

I had a breast reduction. And even at that age, I mean, I hated them. I was a G. That is wild. That's like two heads. They were two heads.

Yeah. I could fit one cup. on my bra on my head. Yeah. My younger sisters like that. Yeah. And I think at that age, a lot of people, you know, 19 is very young and I wouldn't ever be suggesting to, you know, people like, make sure you get surgery when you're really young.

But I think that from the moment I had them until the moment I didn't have them, like it was very, very clear. Like, I didn't like them. It attracted a lot of unwanted attention. and it is the best thing I ever did. So I think when you're so fixated on something that you don't like for yourself, not about other people, but genuinely yourself

and you don't actually even care about people's opinions about whether you should or shouldn't do something, it is okay to make those changes as long as they're for the right reason. Yeah, I don't think we've ever really spoken about cosmetic surgery before, but I remember like even leading up to, the operation I had family who of course like love you the way they are you are and it's only like in your best interest but I had like message off my grandma like please don't do this please

reconsider and people being like you're beautiful the way you are and it's like valid like you see me like that for me this is massive and I think it's just really important like and for me like those messages I did get before did make me start to question my own decisions because you're like oh oh oh this this and but it's like no no no I know I know. know I want this and that's also okay and I think we need to stop like shaming people for cosmetic surgery because I think there is some judgment from people who would never get it done or think a certain way like I think if something makes someone feel more confident and better about themselves then I also think that people that have a really strong opinion against it

that's completely valid but I think unless you really yeah have experienced what something about yourself can make you feel like really insecure. I don't think you can really give like a really strong opinion to someone else when you don't know how it makes them feel on a daily basis. I feel like it's how I feel about my stomach. Like I won't ever be doing anything in regards to my stomach for anyone else. Everyone can tell me it's... Same with my tea.

And I'm about to start aligners because that is something else. Yeah. And I think it's really hard as well. Like particularly our job, like, we're... on camera for like our social clips. Like I remember every single clip since I've been in the studio as much I love you, Matthew, but I feel like the clips I've just like fixated on my nose the whole time because it's like these high definition cameras.

Yeah, like we cannot hide in the studio. You cannot hide and lighting and everything. Like for me it's just like, wow, these are the things and it's not anyone else. I've made it very clear, I think, on social media for the last few years about what my two biggest insecurities are. And whilst I'm giving opportunities to, I don't want to say fix them, but improve them, adjust them, then I'm absolutely going to take it. 100%.

And sometimes I also think the negative comments are just jealous. Oh, yeah, it is. Because we should get a real job, apparently. Yeah. Well, anyway, about our real job. So I'm trying to think what update to give. It's been so many weeks since we've been here. Meantash did me up on holiday actually in Spain for a day which was really cute

really cute yeah do you know what actually something that I want to touch on um obviously carly and I we like everyone's over it summer holidays were have been and gone everyone's back to school fabulous whatever but I think that um something that I really struggled with the other week which doesn't usually bother me like in our line of work there's always going to be trolls like I'm aware that some people get them more than others, whatever. I am very thick-skinned. It takes a lot to break me down even remotely. Like, really don't give a shit what people think.

You have to be thick-skinned in this industry. Yeah. And something that really took me by surprise. I think also because what I posted and received a lot of trolling from wasn't remotely controversial. No. So I posted similar videos. Yeah.

So I wasn't expecting it at all. When I'm maybe going, not out my way to be controversial, but when I'm talking about a subject that I know is going to maybe like, you know. Ruffles some feathers. Yeah. Then I'm a bit like, it's cool. Like, I'm expecting it. It doesn't bother me because I really like feel strongly about what I'm talking about.

I posted a video of like being reunited with my kids after they've been at their dad for 10 days. Valid. 10 days is a really, really long time. I'm only away from my kids for a maximum. of two days for the whole year other than the summer. And I really, really struggled with especially saying goodbye to them. Like, I was an absolute broken mess. Yes, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy my time away from them.

I feel like those two things can exist at the same time. But when I got them back, it was just like the best feeling ever. And I know that any single parent that like gets that like moment of being reunited with your children It's just not something that you can explain. Like it is just the best feeling ever. It's almost like your half of you has been like traveling outside of your body and then you like feel whole again. And it was just like your nervous system re-regulate.

Yeah. It was just like the best feeling ever. And I filmed it. And to be completely honest, even if I wasn't an influencer, genuinely feel like that would be something I would film. I've always been that person growing up, even before social media was even a thing, I was always the one with a digital camera.

I was always the one taking all the photos, taking all the videos. I had a video camera from like a really young age. I love capturing moments. That doesn't mean I'm also not in it. Like me having a camera on a tripod that is far away from what is actually going on. I'm soaking it all up.

I'm taking it all in. And my children are also very used to noticing that there is a... I don't even think you need to justify that. I know. But knowing that there is a camera there, they love looking back at videos of themselves and us together and us laughing. Also, single parents, if we don't do things like that,

you'll never in it. You look back and, like, where are their memories with your parent? Like, I really push for anyone who is a single parent who thinks, I've got all these lovely pictures of my kids, I'm never in it. Yeah. Who cares what people think? Set up the tripod. You're never going to see these people again.

For me, having those memories to look back on, it's not to post anywhere. It is for me and my memory. and you're absolutely allowed to do that without having to justify to anyone. Yeah, there's a lot of things that I video of me and my kids that is actually not for social media. It is genuinely for me.

I've got a video camera. I filmed so much stuff that is literally on a massive hard drive for like home videos that I want my kids to see because I've got so many home videos and it's my favourite thing to watch. So anyway, I post this video thinking, oh, it's so cute. Like it's actually pulling on my heartstrings.

It's so wholesome. It's so, you know, it's wild. It's real. Like, you can see, I feel, like the genuine joy on all our faces of being back together. The trolling that I got from that video was wild. I got accused of being an abusive, manipulating mother. I got accused for fucking up my children. I got accused for just, I can't.

But the thing is, it wasn't one or two. It was hundreds. Hundreds. I thought maybe like 10. Hundreds. Like to a point where you do start questioning yourself because when it's one or two or even 10, you're like these people need to get a life. But when you're being bombarded by hundreds of negative comments

that are all agreeing with each other, like I was a bit like, I remember looking back at the video and being like, but they're so happy. Like I don't understand. and people were like criticising me for in the video you can hear me saying like oh I missed you so much and they're like you shouldn't be telling your kids that you miss them you're going to make them feel bad that they weren't there and then eventually once I came back to planet earth I was like hold on it's okay to tell your children you miss them that like when they come back from like a two day gap I'm not like oh my god I missed you so much like I hate when you're gone like I'd been away from them for 10 days I feel like I like it's validating for your children to know that you've been missed. I wasn't, guys, I've missed you so much. I've been rocking in a corner and I haven't known what to do for 10 days.

It was, oh my God, guys, I've missed you so much. I'm so happy you're back. And then we spoke about our time apart and what we did. And we were both really happy in those 10 days apart. Like my kids weren't aware of when I was upset or crying. You can miss someone and still have a great time without them. You know, I went into detail explaining that like, oh, I managed. to do this and I got that done and then I was so excited to hear about their lovely time with their dad and how amazing that sounded. People saw less than 20 seconds of what I said to my children. It wasn't a don't ever leave me again and I miss you so much. It was terrible. And I think it's so easy to get caught up in the negativity of people's comments. And I think for me it was when people told me

that I was emotionally abusing my children. I'm very aware that I wasn't. And don't get me wrong, although I had hundreds of negatives, I had thousands of positives. And those were the, oh my God, I've read these comments. People are so fucked up.

Like, all I see here is like a loving, happy family. Like, how gorgeous to capture it. I capture these things and I'm not even an influencer and other people being like, it's her job, leave her alone. I wasn't posting my child crying on the floor, having a mental breakdown and imposing on their,

privacy of like, you know, having a really hard day. It was a mum and her kids being happy, being reunited. And for me, the fact that people automatically saw negative of that video, I think speaks volumes about who they are as people. If you're going to straight away jump onto the negative of a positive video, like, I feel sorry for you. I did end up turning the comments off because it did consume me. But I kept the video up. Because for me, it's a nice video. It's a video that my kids have actually asked to watch on a number of occasions. And I will continue to film things like that.

And I will post it. And yeah, so if you're one of those negative people that commented, you're a... That's my... So I'm going to continue a bit of an update with that. But I did a post on social media the other day where I just wanted to open up a bit more about my financial situation because I don't think we talk about the burdens of your financial situation when you become a single parent.

I think a lot of us, and what I've realized is a lot of us just get on with that. And we don't speak about it because speaking about money is quite taboo. And, you know, you're scared of judgment or being too open about things. And one thing I've realized, and I think this is the dangers with social media. Someone can look at my life and from the outside be like this girl. is doesn't have to worry about money. It's very privileged. You know, she goes away, this kind of thing.

And I completely understand that. And I guess to a degree that's why I wanted to be open, like for the most part, my trips this year have all been work related, all paid for, not by me, other than my summer holiday, which was left, which was paid for with money. My dad left me. He said, please go away with your kids and the rest of my mom, my sisters. So not that I should have to justify.

my holiday. But all my other things were work opportunities and yeah, I'm very aware that I am lucky and I am privileged that I get these opportunities. I get to call it work. I'm absolutely not saying that. I'm in a position where I do earn quite well. However, I have been in a situation in my marriage where when we split, I have been left in the family home. At first, it was okay. My mortgage was something I could afford. And then the interest rates changed. And it pretty much doubled. I've been paying £3,000 a month mortgage on my own, which even for a household of two adults is wild, let alone as a single parent with one income who, you know, I have the kids 75% of the time. And there's all these financial pressures, you know, there's been a situation

where I work for myself where because I'm having to withdraw so much for my business each month to pay for these bills that my director's loan is overdrawn and that that has an impact on your corporation tax and I found myself in a really overwhelming financial situation that is and those of you who get it will get it like where you're lying lying awake at night worrying you wake up in the morning with that anxiety that heavy feeling in your chest it's not me sat here saying oh I don't earn and lie but I think when the amount your earning doesn't match what your outgoings are that is still a very valid worry to have because what my meant to say I can't just walk away from my mortgage because they're my credit rate.

and his credit rating will be screwed. And I've just, I think speaking about it and speaking about, and I've spoken to so many women this week who've been left in a situation where they're financially screwed because they're on their own. They've been left picking up pieces. And we need to speak about it more. It's a really, really, sadly, common thing. And I've actually been speaking to certain charities this week.

And it's definitely something that I actually feel really passionately about now. Like the more I learn about this situation, the more I will come out the other side of it. I'm determined I will. I know I will. Absolutely. It's going to take a bit of work. And it is very overwhelming at the moment.

I'm speaking to some amazing people at the moment who are helping me. When I've got the knowledge and I can start helping other people, like that is something like we both feel. We spoke about this, didn't we? We want to help you guys. We know when we share about our situations on here, sadly it's quite a universal experience there's so many of you who will be listening to this like this is the situation i'm in because i didn't even realize how many people would relate to that

i put it out there just because i thought people are looking at me thinking she's so privileged this that and i know to a degree i am but i'm also struggling on a daily basis financial worries are like at the forefront of every single day um and i think to normalize that and to speak openly about that is i've had so many messages like i'm so happy you've spoken about this because I felt so alone and I don't know who to speak about it. It's almost like struggling with money is shameful or something to be embarrassed about. And I think by vocalising it more and having open conversations with it more, like there's things that I didn't even know existed, which if I didn't,

I know there's other people, but things like you can claim on your council tax, you get a discount if you're a single person living in a house or do you get a 25% discount. I'm actually in the middle of claiming my embassies. I don't know if they're going to repay me or whether they're just take it off going forward. No, I do think they give you a re- I mean, that would be incredible. Yeah.

And there's other things that I'm working through that as I experience them and check like they check out, I'm going to be sharing with you guys because there's so many things that I didn't know about. And that's exactly why I put the post out, not to shame anyone or anything or to try and slate my ex-husband. It wasn't about him.

It was about there must be someone who can help. There must be someone with knowledge who can feed back as to what I can do and then I know I can help other people. Yeah, absolutely. I think also it's just knowledge is power, isn't it? And I think even when we have people emailing in and they're like, I want to leave, but I can't because of finances.

This is what's really got me. I think we've always said like, oh God, we don't, we get stuck and we don't know how to advise people because we don't have that knowledge. And I think that is something that we want to. At the time I've been like, I think sometimes I bury my head in the sand a bit, with things like particularly with like admin I tend to really like avoid it or avoid making

certain calls. I don't know. I feel very, very overwhelmed by the, even the word admin gives me like anxiety. And and it really made me think like actually I really understand why some people do stay in relationships because that overwhelm of the financial burden and thinking, how am I going to make this work? So I really am trying to delve as deep as I can into finding out what we can do. There is, I'm actually calling citizens advice tomorrow. It's something I've been advised to do. Obviously, everyone's situation will be different, but you can be very open with them about your situation and they can advise you. And, you know, you might be eligible for universal credit that you didn't know about. You might be eligible for benefits that you don't know about.

There's certain things and they can point you to different resources. So like, that's something. It's free to do to call up citizens' advice, explain your situation, and they can point you. you in the right direction. Yeah, I think that's good. I mean, I had like, not obviously on that scale, but I remember once when it was not that long after I separated and I, obviously the car that I had at the time was a very nice car, expensive, but it was a car that was bought on a four-year contract with two salaries, you know, like, and then I remember. being sort of hit with this massive bill because I needed four new tyres

and obviously when you've got a very expensive car the tyres are very expensive and I think then with a lot of work that needed to be done it was looking at something like two and a half grand that really I needed just full cup straight away and I remember I think also in maybe that same week I'd been hit with maybe like I don't know

it might have been like the house insurance and just know you know when it's like all comes at once and I remember having a bit of a breakdown and I shared it on my social media and then I remember the people coming at me being like, can't really sympathise you're driving a range rover. And I understand that that is going to be someone's like automatic,

like this girl is embarrassing. But I don't think people realize that when you have a particular lifestyle and it's, that is shared with another person and then all of a sudden that other person is no longer there and they don't need to help you cover those things anymore, you have literally gone from like being comfortable financially to like half of that person or for all you know that person was the one funding the whole thing. Because you were being a mum.

And then it's in your name. And then you're a bit like, oh fuck, I've still got these responsibilities financially. I can't just get rid of them. And no one to help me pay for it. So I think if anything, just be slightly mindful. Sometimes people on the outside can look like they have it all. But you do not know what they're needing to do. in the background to be able to even

scrape by to afford what they've got. The thing is I get it because there's people in situations where they can't even afford to put roofs over their children's heads and I cannot even imagine like having that amount of stress. But we also need to remember that other people's like struggles are also very valid. Like their

situations are so relative. There's always someone worse off. If you can't meet your outgoings that you've been left with like if I could get rid of them all and live in a two-bed house with my kids are in a bedroom, a small car That is absolutely what I'm trying to do. Like, I'm literally trying to get rid of my house

that I haven't been able to sell for a year. My cars are, like, I don't care for the big things in life. I genuinely want to be in a comfortable position where I know I'm making more than what I'm outgoing. However, I'm in a situation where that is not the case and I'm doing everything in my power to get out of that. I had someone messaged me yesterday and it really, really, again, like what's hash up with the trolls, like, for the most part,

sometimes their messages make me laugh because I'm like, oh, you're clearly unhappy. but someone said to me, maybe if you went out and got a real job, you wouldn't be in this situation. Now, I don't know why people don't classify this as a real job. Maybe it's, they're jealous that actually, like, it's quite clever to make a living online and to do what we do. But for me, a real job is anything that pays your bills, your mortgage and your life. For me, that is a real job. However, if she was referring to a real job like what I used to have where I was a teacher,

my monthly salary wouldn't even cover half my mortgage, I don't think. Like, or it would cover like a bit of my mortgage and nothing else. Actually, me going back to a full time plus, I would then have to pay for childcare in the mornings and the afternoons. So actually what I do now is actually more business savvy because I'm there for school pickups. I'm there for school drop-offs. I'm earning over double what I was earning as a teacher every month.

So it really annoys me when people make a judgment about my life. I don't know. I think people have this thing against influencers, like that they're entitled and like it's not a real job. And people resent it. However, I think a lot of, it used to be for me, I felt like a lot of people felt like that. I think people move, or I guess maybe the people that we attract.

And I know I attract. It's actually really maybe, since I started speaking about it more openly, I actually think there's a lot of supportive people who really appreciate what you're doing. And it's not just one of those like, I'm trying to influence you to buy. stuff. It's like I'm actually being really vulnerable about this hard season of my life. And I think people, when they relate to you and they realize you're being vulnerable and you're sharing

parts that people don't always, they end up, they like you more. I just think that those people are jealous and I don't think people really understand and they don't, they never will really understand what work is put into being an influence. So I think people think it's easy. I agree. So it is that. We do that. We do the podcast. I mean. also an online person, like, I don't stop working. Like, I don't work nine to five. I work from the minute I get home from the school drop off. I haven't been closing my laptop till nine o'clock every night.

They're like, I'm working insane hours. So just because I don't work for someone else or just because my job isn't like a classic job, it doesn't mean it's not a real job. Like, we graft and even influencers, I get it. It looks like a very, very easy lifestyle. I promise you, it's actually really fucking stressful. Like there are things. a really interesting post the other day, someone talking about people not thinking that

being an influencer isn't it a real job. And then she really like broke down like what it actually involves and how it really, no, how it really can take its toll on you mentally, having to show up every single day. There's not really any respite, you know, whatever you're going through. You sort of have to still be there looking your bet, doing it. I get it. Every job has a It struggles. Like, don't get me wrong. Like, I really appreciate some people do have to put their kids in childcare to go and work a nine to five. I mean, I'm not being funny.

It's actually, it's people that also say, probably more so men, that like being a stay-at-home mom isn't a job. Oh my God. Don't get me started on that. Yeah, it is. So, like, I think it's even things like that where, again, people are just a bit ignorant. That really annoys me as well. And then moms who are single, sorry, moms who are stay-at-home moms, they're then in a situation where they become a single mom. And they've given up, like, their career to stay at home, look after their kids.

And suddenly they're in a situation where they've got to put themselves back out there on the job front again. Like, people don't speak about the career aspect of being a mother as well. Don't get me wrong. I feel like fathers have a really big presence for the most part if they choose to in their kids' lives. But I think it's more common to be a stay-at-home mum than a stay-at-home dad. And some of us are also stay-at-home moms whilst being a working mum. And, you know, I just, I'm not sat here saying, oh, my God, like, if you've got a real job, like, you're any, like, we do what we have to do. And also, it's really important you do a job that you're passionate about.

And sometimes we can't find jobs we're passionate about. And we have to show up for a period of time doing something that just brings the money home. I think every situation is relevant. It just really annoys me that people think they have the right to judge them on. Like, I'm not judging you for, like, your job choice. So don't judge me. Like, at the end of the day, if it's putting dinner on my job. my table, it's paying my bills, it's a job.

Yeah. Also, it's funny. I saw this thing and it was sort of saying like, women are expected in this day and age to pretty much like look after the household, look after the kids, have a job, look after their husband, and the husband is just meant to have a job. And she is still meant to do what he is doing,

plus like so many other things. And I just don't think it gets recognised enough how much it's like there's still this sort of like expectation of women to keep the house in a certain way have dinner on the table and then even look a certain way yeah like what yeah keeping fit you know making sure so looking like that that feminine making sure that you don't let yourself go and you're not just in your track suit with your hair shoved up in a messy bun what and doing the school run you know being there mentally for the kids taking on that mental load and also now a lot of mums aren't just doing the stay-at-home bit, they are also

working as well. And I just feel like it's just so unbalanced and I just don't think it just gets recognised enough, does it? I just don't think that expectations are realistic anymore. And I think something's got to hear. It's a lot of pressure, isn't it? I don't believe you can show up as a mom at the top of your career at home, as a wife. I don't believe you can do all those things without, as a friend, anything without something having to give. I feel like you can only keep so many plates spinning. You're going to drop things occasionally.

And I think we're expected to have everything together all the time. We have this enormous pressure. Like I do feel like a woman in the household is the glue to the house and so many things. Like she is expected to be here there and everywhere. And it's like, wow, as soon as she drops something, like, it's just looked upon so negatively. And it really fucking annoys me actually. I think it's like that pressure now that you see online, you know, see a lot of people that they're the 5am wake-up club and they're making sure they

Yeah, and it's like, I sometimes think I sit there and I'm like, fuck, I'm not doing any of that. But like, when you really strip it back and think how much you are doing, it's just unrealistic to do it all, isn't it? And I think that I also just think you've got to do what works for you. Yeah. I don't think we should be comparing. Like sometimes I see things. And then I also have to remind myself, oh, wait, like you don't have that additional support. you need to take the pressure off.

Like, you are doing all of that, plus you're doing it on your own. You haven't got someone to tap out with. You haven't got someone like, can you just take the kids out? I just need a minute. Like, for you sometimes to get in that headspace, when you've had a really hard day, mentally,

like you're going through other things. You're worrying about money. And sometimes you do need to have that breakdown or you do need that minute to tap out. You don't have that. And I think we need to start giving ourselves the credit. We're doing all that and more without that like... I mean, do you know what?

I wasn't going to actually mention it on this episode because I wanted to eventually get onto some emails, but I feel like it fits in nicely with like what I've sort of been struggling with the last few weeks and sort of highlighting for anyone that is a single parent, what I will say about what I'm about to say is this isn't any criticism to anyone listening that isn't a single parent because I know that unless you've been in it and you've lived it or you're living it, you're not going to have the sort of thought process that a single parent has. But I think what I've experienced recently is, although I've got a good co-parenting relationship, and I'm in a relationship with a man who, yes, he is with me a lot

of the time, but he also has his own home, his own children, and his shift work, I think that it's a real shame when you really could do with that help from other people that don't ever think about their single friends. Now, I guess I'm referring to like, I spoke about it the other day with the struggle of when your kids have, I don't know, after school clubs or activities on the weekends and there's, I've got three children and there's one of me. Like, I am, I'm even outnumbered even with a partner. But when they want to do different things at the same time in different locations and you're trying to find how you can make it work and you're reaching out to people and I'm all for,

like, you've got to ask for the help. You can't just obviously expect people just to like drop everything. And I also get that everyone has their own life. They're busy. They're doing, you know, whatever. But I just really want to highlight if anyone is ever listening to this and they are not a single parent and they're thinking, what can I do? help my friend that is that single parent or you have someone that is on their own, please be

mindful and sometimes check in. Please sometimes offer a helping hand or find out how are they getting there? Would a rotor be helpful? Like just anything because I feel like it becomes quite disappointing when you feel like you're constantly trying to juggle all these things. and then you almost sometimes see people doing rotors or helping each other when they have partners. And I'm not saying only help your single friends. I know that some people are going to take this the wrong way. I'm just highlighting, I do sometimes get messages from people saying,

my friend is going through a divorce or this. Can you let me know, like, what would be helpful? How can I help her your time? Your time and your help. Don't buy gifts. Don't literally offer your time. And another thing I would say, which I think has been a thing that has really got under my skin

for the four years that I've been a single parent. I know weekends a lot of people see that as family time. Absolutely, why not? You know, that's a lot of the time when your partners, your husbands are off work. But I see a lot of my friends with their partners. do family stuff with other families. And what's really sad is I do not get invited or ask to anything because I'm clearly

not seen as a family because I don't have a husband. And it's a really shitty fucking feeling. And I've got to a point where I just need to accept that I now give my energy and make effort with people that give it back. And a lot of the time it is single moms or... Hey, and it is a real shame that my weekend and Carly's weekend's clash. Otherwise, it would be. And it was so nice.

It would be so lovely. How easy is it? So easy. I think it's just for me, it's really setting those expectations and understanding that I know that there's no malice involved. I know that people don't do it on purpose, but I think it's still that reality check of people don't do it on purpose, but people genuinely don't even think of me as an option. because who were their husband talked to? There's no man.

And it's a bit like, and even when I do see them, the man doesn't come with, which I don't actually care, but it's almost like I'm not worthy enough. As a her jic to you. They might want to get divorced if they spend too much time with you. It's like I don't feel like I'm worthy enough

for like the man to like bother coming along. Like it's not a good enough arrangement. Do you know what I mean? So anyway, I just wanted to put a, out there that is not directed at anyone in particular. It's just something to bear in mind, even if I'm in a happy relationship, even if my co-parenting relationship is great, I'm loving life. I still spend so much time on my own with my children and I'm fine with that, but sometimes a bit of adult company is also really nice to have. So think about your single friends. That's all

I'm going to say on that matter. So should we try and get into an email because we've got so many. That I feel like that was very valuable. Yeah, no, it was. I feel like it was needed. I feel like we needed to get all those things off our chest. I've still got so much more I could say. I'm saying, but you know what? I do actually have something that's really funny,

but I am going to put it on Patreon because it's juicy. I mean, I've got some dealing updates, but anyway, okay, I'm going for this just because I like the title. What's it called? Nickers, Kinks and No Kids. Hi, both. Firstly, I just want to say a big thank you for both. It feels really rude reading an email.

I feel like I haven't read an email at loud for a lot. I haven't read all summer. I actually have done a lot really. Firstly, I just want to say a big thank you both for your podcast. It genuinely helped me through the hardest period of my life and I've listened to every episode including Patreon. Noil listener. Please keep me anonymous.

As much of what I'm about to share is something I've never told anyone outside my closest family, made me out of respect for my ex-husband's privacy. You see. I wanted to write in because whilst I completely understand that separation is extra complicated when children are involved. I love that you've created such a supportive space for single parents. I wanted to offer the perspective of a someone who, going through divorce, childless and not by choice. So the story, looking back, there were red flags from the very beginning.

Aren't there always? Oh, they're always. Within six months of us getting together, I found women's underwear hidden in drawers. Some of it was mine that he'd stolen and boxes of Viagra. We were only in our early 20s. After some difficult conversations, he told me he had a kink for wearing women's lingerie and struggled with erectile dysfunction. I'm not laughing at the issues with your erect penis.

I've just got this image of this man and a little girl's lacy thong. She's like, wouldn't it really hurt? Wouldn't it? Like, if you chafitch? No, I feel like it's more like, I don't know, I guess, like. Would it fit? Like, where do you're a ball fit in my mind? On the side.

Yeah. I've got a really, really bad image in my head. Hold on. No, no, no, no. What is that? Oh, my God. What is the film? Oh, my God.

I get a surprise for you. No, no. What is the film? Oh, no, it's a scary movie. The first scary movie with the, like, the teacher, and it's a man, but she's dressed as a woman, and she folds her legs and the butt, and you see her balls just hang out of her P.E.

Do you not remember? No. I was thinking of forgetting Sarah. When he's naked, he goes, I got a surprise. You just hear the slap, slap, slap. Yeah, but he's funny. I love him. I'd let him wear my underwear.

Me too. You can surprise me. I understand men, I think it's quite normal for men to have a fetish for like underwear. Yeah. Not to wear it, just sniffing it. Yeah. Give it a little sniffy sniff as long as she ain't got thrush or BV. Yeah.

I was going to say that way. I didn't want to take it too far. Whatever. Oops. Right. I felt sorry for him. He said he had issues with shame and performance anxiety. He was an amazing man and partner in so many other ways,

so I supported him. I encouraged therapy, reassured him there was no pressure and tried to be understanding. He did get some help, but over the next 15 years, sex in our... Fifteen years. I wonder where the underwear came from other women? I don't know. Maybe he had a vestige of wearing underwear that was worn. I don't know.

What I mean is like, whose underwear is it? If it was just hers. Or maybe he bought it for himself. I don't know. I haven't got details. Over the next 15 years, sex in our relationship was rare. He rarely initiated intimacy and never seemed particularly interested in my pleasure. Eventually, I accepted that this was just how our marriage would be because everything else seemed so good.

And then I discovered he was messaging other women. There were lots of tears, mostly his, promises to change, promises to get help, and I stayed. Over the following years, I kept finding things that didn't add up. Viagra in his wallet despite as hardly ever having sex a gimp mask and a male chastity belt hidden away

Isn't that like a whip thingy? No? I'm just going to Google it Oh wow I did not I have It's like under lock and key Let me see

It's like a page It's like a page for your penis Hello There's an anal beads No don't know it's actually making you I actually Oh no look there's a willie And something that goes where the wheelie goes.

It's basically an absolute prison for the penis. Oh, cute. It's like a belt. It's not cute. Oh my God. Look at that one. It's the whole body. I can't.

No, right. Give it back. Can we get rid of it? That was in a Winnie. I just saw a Willie. Oh, not a Winnie. Making stock. I thought I had child protection on here.

Right, I'm going to close that down. Cool. Like my Google search is going to be fun, isn't it? Anyway. Oh, God, that was really chode. It's like a pale pick-off. I can't get out of my head. Make his mom.

Sorry, a male chesty belt, hidden away. Telegram app on his phone. For fuck sake. Deleted messages and secrecy around his phone. Girls, we all know what this means. Red flag after red flag. Each time there was an explanation and each time I wanted to believe him. And then one day I found directions on his phone

to a massage parlour, offering sexual services. He admitted he'd been there the night before after drinks with friends, and that should have been the end. Instead, he started therapy again, and this time more intentionally to address his issues. He realised this was his last chance, and for a while I genuinely believed things were improving. All the years this was going on,

we'd been trying to start a family. Six months later, after lots of difficult conversations, we agreed to move ahead with IVF. Just weeks before treatment, we were on holiday, when I had that gut feeling, something wasn't right. I finally plucked up the courage to go through his phone. There were hundreds of sexually explicit and emotionally intimate conversations with women, including lots of transgender women,

which turns out was another kink he had. I didn't need to read much. There had been so many chances given, but the lies just continued, and I knew instantly that my marriage was over. I asked him to leave. It's now a couple of years later, and unfortunately, and divorced. I've done a lot of therapy and reflection and oddly I still feel sorry for him. He clearly has deep issues around sex, shame, identity and masculinity. But I've also realised I spent

years making excuses for someone who was capable of lying to me over and over again. The biggest thing I've realised is how little I was actually receiving from the relationship. He was kind of funny, but he never made me feel desired. There was no flirting, no passion, no compliments. Our relationship revolved around his needs, not us. I've only recently started dating and I've discovered a confidence in myself that I never knew I had. I've met some genuinely lovely men and realised I deserve so much more and I've never settled for that shit again. What I still struggle with though is grieving the future I thought I'd have. We separated just as we were starting our first round of IVF after years of tests, waiting lists and delays.

I always wanted to have children but I'm also clear that I can't rush into another relationship in a last ditch attempt to make it happen. The biological clock is a cruel thing. I need time to heal before another serious relationship. And even then, there are no guarantees I'll meet the right person or be able to have children. I never want to make such a huge life decision simply because time is running out. So I've been trying to come to terms

with losing the opportunity to have children and a family of my own. I don't think this is something we've spoken about before. No. Something that's spoken about enough. And I've certainly experienced this from some of my single friends who, well, one of my, I'm sure she won't mind me saying this, but my best friend, her relationship ended last year.

She was with him for ages. They were actually trying for a baby. And there was an infidelity. And now she's like, she's still healing from that. She's not quite ready to meet someone. She's in a position where she has actually frozen eggs. And I think if the opportunity arises to do it on her own, she wants that, like, security.

I appreciate it. I know it's really, really expensive. She's in a position where actually her work have paid for her to have certain amounts of rounds of it. And I appreciate it's such an expense. But I obviously, I don't know your situation. But I think there's definitely a movement towards women can do this without a man nowadays if you have the financial means to do so. People often say, thank God you didn't have a child with him. And I know they mean well. This is really interesting because I actually. actually sometimes think we maybe say that. I was even thinking it while you were reading the email. So it's actually interesting to hear someone's point of view of this. So people often say, thank God you didn't have a child with him. And I know they mean well. And logically, they're right. Not having children involved in the separation of our lives does make it easier.

But all I can think about is at least there'd be a mum. At least something beautiful would have come from those years. Do you know what? I actually understand that because my friend has said that to me. She's like, I understand that your position is this. you've got the struggles of being a single mom. She's like, I actually would have rather have been a single mom and had the children that I yearn for.

And I think that's really, really valid and something that's not spoken about enough. Life single and childless feels incredibly lonely, but I'm trying not to stay stuck in that sadness. I'm focusing on being the best friend and auntie it can be, being there for my friend's children, traveling, enjoying lazy mornings and embracing the freedoms that come with the child-free life.

I do also love the thought of meeting a man who already has children. I know I'd never replace or anywhere near compared to their mum, but I'd love the opportunity to be part of a family unit and help to nurture children of a man I love. I find it really interesting hearing stories and perspectives on your podcast of mums knowing their children are spending time with their ex-partners. If I was ever in this situation, I'd hope to improve the children's lives,

not cause added complexity and competition. I hope sharing my story helps another woman who also might be feeling alone, and I'd love to hear what you both think. I know my friend will really, really benefit from hearing this story as well. And to all the mum's listening, especially those doing it on their own, I think you're incredible. I hear how hard it is, but I also hope this reminds you just how precious those little people are. It's making me emotional. Thank you both again for creating such a special podcast. It's helped me more than you'll ever know, and I'd love to know your thoughts on

all of the above, lots of love. Wow. Do you know what? I, one of my best friends, similar situation, just I guess like a shorter period of time. She was actually engaged, wedding was booked and everything, ended up calling it off, found out he was having an affair. And all she wants is to be a mum. And I guess, yeah, it obviously does depend on your situation financially. But I do actually know a few people, not personally, but like through friends, who have gone ahead and done it on their own. And I do really, really appreciate, obviously I can't understand it completely because I'm not in that situation, that going into dating where you feel like you have a timeline because you so desperately want to become a mum and time isn't on your side, but you don't want to rush into it with the wrong person.

I do feel like, if you can, I think if it were me, I would look at it. into the options of doing it on my own because it does take away that really, really heavy pressure of is this guy going to be the right one because he needs to be because I want to have a kid and however much work you do on yourself, you can't take away that's sort of like in the back of your head, I don't want to waste my time because I want a child.

And with no disrespect, you're not early 30s, you're 40. And it's just science. So I think I would look into the options of either, again, I appreciate you, I could be giving you all this advice and you could be like, I can't afford any of these options. But if you could, I think my first one would be freezing my eggs. So I can go about dating in a way, yeah, in a way without having to, it almost like makes the pressure slightly less.

Doing it on my own if you're not too fast about the man being there at all. or I guess if the finances aren't an option, I guess it is that hope that it does still happen for you. I know quite a few people personally that had their first children at the age of 42. Like it's not something that isn't possible. It just sometimes can make it. Yeah, sometimes it just can make it a bit harder. You know, I think obviously what's so frustrating and it's so easy for,

anyone to say, just like people have said to you, oh, you know, it's so good that you didn't have kids with him, you don't have to co-parent with him, et cetera, et cetera. I'm sure that can be really annoying. Just as annoying as it is when someone says, you just don't know what's around the corner. Like so much can happen in the space of a year. It may be that you've only just started becoming ready to date with all the therapy that you've had. You could be emailing in a year's time being like, by the time you had that email, I'd already gone on the second date with the person that I'm now engaged to and we're actually pregnant. It's distrating because it's like, you don't know what's around the corner, but also because you don't know what's around the corner, you almost feel like

you need to start putting plans in place because you don't know if and when it's going to happen. So I guess a lot of it is probably based on finances or it is just letting go of, unfortunately, the idea of what you thought you were going to have and trusting the process of it may happen in just a slightly different way. Yeah, I think first I just want to validate that. I think you really need to be able to mourn the future you had planned for. You know, you were going down the route of IVF. That's something you were excited about, something you wanted. And to have that suddenly taken away from you,

it's absolutely valid to feel devastated. And I think it's necessary to mourn that like you would, the loss of anything else in your life. And it's so difficult. And I genuinely feel like I've been there with my friend while she has been going through this exact same thing, like whenever we have conversations around it, it's not so much the relationship she's grieved.

It's what she was preparing herself for, you know, what she was preparing her life for. And it's been a complete you turn. And I know she's had to do a lot of work on herself this year and accepting your new set of circumstances and trying to give yourselves either a different thing to focus on your life or having different options that you, might explore and have a look into.

There are other ways of egg freezing that I'm not saying it's necessarily for you, but I know my younger sister before she met her husband, it was something she was considering. And I think there's like something like you donate eggs to people, might not be for everyone, but there are definitely options to. And what to help you financially. Yeah. There's a scheme in place. So I just think it is worth like.

Or can I just say, or adoption. Like I know we've never spoken about that. and I've never needed to think of that, but, you know, I don't know how you would feel about it. But it's also an unbelievable thing to do for children that don't have the parents that, you know. Yeah, I think right now, like, I don't, I, and this is the advice I've given to my best friend as well,

is like, you can't go rushing into anything with the hope. Like, this is going to be my person, I'm going to have a baby with them. Like, I think there sounds like there's still quite a lot of wounds for you to hear and it's really important that you're looking after yourself, you're doing the work and yourself, because we don't want to be attracting the wrong people into our life because we've got unheeled wounds

and we're trying to fix them or trying to put a plaster on them. We need to make sure we're going into something stable. But can I say something that really stood out to me actually in your email, you said something along the lines of, I know it's really weird, but I actually do feel sorry for my ex. That's not weird. That's growth, by the way. It's understanding.

No, I honestly think that the fact that you almost played it down as it's, I know it's a bit weird. Be proud of yourself that you feel that way because I think that shows that you've done so much work on yourself that although he put you through so much shit and disrespected you and lied to you, you have managed to let go of any resentment or anger, even though you're so upset with what you weren't able to get from that relationship and still have that empathy for someone that has put you. through that and I think that shows how much work you have done on yourself and I think that that is a very very good place to be so hold on to that when your next questioning if you've done like if you've done much to improve because I think that is really telling and you should be proud that you feel that way. I don't disagree with that.

Okay, product of the week. So I have here a very nice perfume and I feel like perfume is very pricey. However, if you have not tried out the M&S perfumes, you are missing out. I guess you smell now. Are you ready? Yeah. It is unreal. Bearing in mind, this is 100 mil.

This was £12, but they had 20% off. Oh, wow. So it was under £10. I cannot tell you how nice the smells of their perfume are and their aftershaves. So if you just want something that you can wear every day without being concerned that, like, every spray is like another 10 pound, go and treat yourself to a really nice smelling perfume that doesn't break the bank because even,

I'm not being funny, even a room spray. Like this stuff smells so good. Do you know what other perfumes that are really nice that are really cheap? What? Spell Zara. Oh, I love all the Zara. Yeah, and they're actually all dupes as well.

Yeah. Yeah. So I've got loads of them that are dupes. And if you go. But they are still like 30 quid, not. No, they're not. Are they not?

No. I feel like my one is. But maybe I've got, maybe because I've got a big one. So if you go on TikTok and type in like Zara Jupes, it will tell you what they're the dupes of. Yeah. This one is called Spice Amber if anyone is interested.

But yeah, M&S. Any new perfume. Their perfumes are really, really good. Confession of the week. The other day you put a box talking about your most toxic trait. Oh, that was quite a while ago. But this is quite funny. So I thought I'd share mine.

Whenever me and my partner have an argument, I always end up... Sorry. Is this like you do? No. Never. No, I actually genuinely don't. I probably did, like, years ago. I end up removing my photo off my WhatsApp,

so he panics and thinks that I've blocked him. I mean, like, I'm sure a lot of people do that. Oh, because the picture disappears. Yeah. Or the picture can disappear if you remove a contact. No, that's only if your settings are that people can't see your profile. That's what mine is. Fine.

Oh, shit. Carly has so done this. Carly is toxic. No, I haven't removed it. My picture only comes up if you're a contact in. my phone. Yeah, so you probably delete them so they don't see your photo. No, I delete them if I'm not interested in them anymore. Yeah, and then they'd be like, I wouldn't do it in a relationship. No, you would, you do it in dating? A hundred percent, yeah, you get access to my, well,

especially now my new face. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's funny. I'm sure a lot of people do it. You keep doing you, but I would. I would. I would. Next week and me and Carly have an argument how photo's going to disappear. I would just delete you as a content. I would never do that Although, do you know what's really, really funny? What? I'll tell you this afterwards, but basically I know someone that definitely did that to someone. And she messaged me being like, has this person removed his picture or has he blocked me? And I was like, you need to tell me here this one.

I will. Yeah, it's just fine. I think it's funny when men actually are quite toxic, but they make out they're not. But really, I think that men probably come up with all these tricks. as well. Affirmation of the week. You can have slept beside someone for 15 years and still have no idea how they will behave when the marriage ends. Intimacy is not intelligence. History is not insurance. Knowing how they take their coffee does not mean you know what they will do when custody, money, property, reputation and control are suddenly negotiable. This is why divorce requires

strategy even when it begins peacefully. You are not planning for who they were. You are protecting yourself from who they might become. Sorry, look at my hair. Is that not like the most accurate thing you've ever? The amount of people I've spoken to about this this week about I literally thought I was married to the most incredible man who would always like be quite reasonable and like work together and they're like, I literally don't know who this person is. I think probably a lot of people can relate to it's quite scary when you marry someone

and then you're like, who are you? Yeah. So yeah, that really resonated with me. It was powerful. Thank you guys. Sorry that we literally only did one email, but I feel like that catch up was necessary. And I hope it was helpful. Yeah.

But we will... Oh no, before you go, if you have not got your tour ticket, you don't need to be coming with anyone. You are welcome to come your own. If you join Patreon, there are actually groups on there with people meeting up before each of our shows who are going alone. And they're doing like, you're going to make your besties from that. So if you're thinking, oh my God, I've really liked to go, but don't want to go on my own. Go on Patreon, join it, join the groups. They've got WhatsApp groups.

Like, they're all planning stuff there. They're the loveliest group of people. This isn't just like, like, listen to our podcast. It's a community. We want to try and connect you with other people in similar situations. So please get your tickets. Join Patreon if you want more gossip, more episodes, more groups. And we do a monthly Zoom.

And also, don't forget, we are available on YouTube. So go, if you prefer like a visual and you want to watch some of your TV screens. And you want to see Collie's new nose. Yeah, absolutely. I wonder if I'll get more views on this episode. Suddenly our subscribers have gone up. Yeah. 10K. Yeah, so we will catch you next week, guys.

Thanks. Love you. Bye. Bye.