Not As We Planned - Carly’s Dating Update Just Took A VERY Weird Turn…

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Carly thought she’d finally met someone who ticked all the boxes: great chemistry, great dates, hours spent talking on the phone and seemingly all the right things to say. Then she discovered he was sleeping with multiple women. But this week, the story takes an even stranger turn when she finds him back on Tinder… using a completely different name. Now she’s questioning whether she ever really knew who she was dating in the first place.We also hear from a woman whose affair with her married boss spiralled into years of broken promises, pregnancy, heartbreak and her private life being exposed at work; a listener who discovered her ex’s new girlfriend through a Daily Mail article; and a wife questioning the man she married after years of secrets and betrayal. Plus, we talk dating apps, trusting your gut, finding love after divorce and whether you can ever truly know the person you marry.Watch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Not As We Planned. We hope you are beautiful. Why are we so on brand today. I know. I feel like we're very, very pink and red today. I saw this and I was like, yeah, that's possible. podcast material. Yeah, it's cute, was it from? A-s-s-all. I like how oversized it is. Yeah, I mean, mine's quite oversized as well. Fat-wingy.

Yeah. How's your week been? How's my week been? I don't really have very much to share, but I feel like you do, so why don't we just let you crack on? Oh God, here we go, guys. Here we go. Guys, I wasn't going to share any of this, but you can't not. I don't care.

I don't care. If you're going to date me, you need to. understand that your behaviour comes with consequences and that is it will end up my podcast. Yeah. So you knew that when you dated me. So, guys, the lowdown, the low down. The low down. You want the low down on this guy who is absolutely...

Well, we don't even know what to call him. He doesn't have a name. So anyway, we'll come to that bit in the minute because that's the last part of the story. But, um, so I went on four dates with this guy. On paper, like literally ticked so many boxes. like therapy, self-development, like very ambitious, really good looking. Like, on paper, I was thinking, universe, have you like sent me my person? Whatever. The dates were really good. We do get on really well. There was great chemistry, like great connection. Whatever.

So there's me, one day at time, taking it long. Anyway, it gets to the point where I can't remember we had a conversation and I basically found out that he is seeing and sleeping with multiple other women all around the country actually, not just in like, said, like, he's very happy to drive to places. It's very interesting when like, I think some of the parts of him I was really interested in were like this self-development part. Like we were talking a lot about like not needing validation from other people and how that comes from within. Meanwhile, someone shagging multiple women just matching with loads of women on apps, it's giving... Needs validation?

It's giving needs validation. It's funny how that can give you the ick. Like, as soon as I found out there were a fair few other women also dating him, yeah, it made me feel a certain type of way. We had a conversation about it and I expressed that I'm not comfortable with dating someone who is openly telling me they're sleeping with other people. Um, it's not how I work. I think fair enough, you're dating people and there's no intimacy. For me, I feel like there's a big boundary when intimacy is involved and like, no offense.

Like, I'm not a side chick. I am the main character in my own story and I will never be someone's side chick. That's not, that's, I have standards and I haven't done this much work on myself to just ignore that. So we said we would take some space over the weekend to like think about things and then spoke to him on Sunday morning and he was like, I'd really like to carry on getting to know. You like really enjoy spending time with you. So I was like, okay, so like, and how does that look like? Does that mean you're not going to date other people? Oh no, I'm still going to date other people.

And I just thought by that point, to be fair, I was too far gone. Like I'd got the ick. There's other things. I'm not going to get personal. I think the biggest thing for me is someone talking about and preaching about doing all this work in yourself and becoming this amazing person,

not needing external validation. Like from conversations we had, you can just tell, like, I do feel bad for him in a sense because I feel like it's a very scarred man. He's obviously gone through a lot, but don't, I do, like, own it, like, own who you are,

own where you're at in your journey, be like, do you know what? I do need validation from other people. Like, don't con people. Anyway, today, I open up the app and it's Tinder, so it's based off where I am. I literally just open up the app one mile away because he lives right by us.

I see his face. I know his face. He's got a different name. Every other detail about him is exactly the same. The pictures are all him, the height, the job, everything else is about him. And I'm sat here questioning my own, sense of reality, like, I don't even think I know he's real name.

Yeah, because I literally said to her, hold on, what's his social media account? And his social media account is not a name, a person's name. So, like, what's his name? I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, don't know what to say anymore. Yeah, I can't even. Because, have you messaged him? So, I think I'm blocked on WhatsApp.

Oh, really? So when I ended things with him, at the end, he said, like, it's been a real pleasure getting to know you, Carly, and I couldn't help but make a flippant comment. Like, I wish I could say the same back, yeah, because at that point I was just pissed off. Yeah. And I think he blocked me.

So I have sent him a message, whether I am actually going to call him at some point today. He won't pick up. But I just want to know the fuck, who the fuck is meddling? Like, I just want to know his name. I'm... The thing is, why are you trying to get the truth out of a liar? I don't know.

Like what's the point? Don't give the energy. But just the whole thing has thrown me right because I pride myself of having done all this work on myself and not making like stupid mistakes again and like I'm very careful who I go on dates with and it has just made me question all sense of reality. Like things like this and experiences like this

do genuinely make me just want to step back and be like, do you know what, I'm good being single. Yeah. I'm still protesting. I only found this out. Yeah, she found this out. Half an hour ago. So it is still early.

So I don't know who I was dating actually. I'm unsure if this person, both names could be fake. Oh yeah, I believe they are. Yeah, so, I mean, this could be someone's husband. This could be someone's partner. I, nothing that man has ever told me is... You know what not are we dating the same guy?

He should be on there. No, but can you search through photos? No, I've searched his name on there before. Weirdly, I searched. actually his name on there before. Have you done the Google search? No, I haven't, but there's too many pictures. But I, but the thing is I wouldn't have had name to put into, I was doing, I actually don't have to put a name. The thing is, I actually don't give a shit. I actually don't give a shit. And I don't want to invest my energy into some. Can we invest my energy? Can we

quickly just go do the Google search quickly on one photo? Come on. I know what photo will be. Yeah. Or whoever's like the first photo is, guys are going to do Google search now. I'm glad that I did Green McCord it as well, so I've got it. Because I accidentally, I was going to, I don't know what I was going to do, but I accidentally came off of it. I literally opened up my app and it was the first person who came up. Oh my God, I'm more tired. Like I wasn't swiping or anything.

Imagine if, like, a wedding photo comes up. I don't know. I don't even know if I want to know right now, but I just think it goes to show, like, people, I know we joke a lot about, like, dating and how hard it is. It's actually quite scary, like, take the funny side away from it. I invested time with this guy, like I spent time with this man getting to know him. I gave up my time, my energy, I invested in getting to know someone. And it is, I'm the first person to sit here and half my dating life because at the end of the day it's a bit of a joke. But it is also really sad to feel like I literally invested time in that person.

Like we spent hours on the phone. I'm talking like two, two and a half hours most days on the phone to him. and like in my head I'm now like, what's his name? Like, that's probably a lie. His job's probably a lie. His situation's probably a lie. His marriage probably didn't break down for the reason he told me. Everything goes through your head.

I thought his story was weird. Do you what? The whole thing's weird. I'm honestly, I think I might start exploring women because... Do it. I just don't know what's say anymore at this point other than be fucking careful out there, girls. And it's interesting because I felt like there were

red flags but look some people just need millions of people to tell them he's a I won't take it away from him very good looking man I don't agree it's just a shame about the rest those pictures are old I'll show you better ones for this bit but if it means nothing when you're a shit person yeah who lies to people about their name the basic thing that you're giving at birth I'm I'm maybe maybe you're non-negotiable is asking people for their birth certificate I actually want identity checks. I think there needs to be stronger things. Driving licence.

No, I'm going to do a petition to all dating apps. But, oh, does Tinder not have that? Because you know Hinge, you've got to be verified. You've got to show ID. Maybe he wasn't verified. I don't fucking know, do I? I can't remember. Because that's good when you have an app that does that.

But maybe Tinder doesn't have that. The thing is, I think it verifies. It's the same person in the picture as the thing. I don't think it verifies name or does checks like that. I think there should be checks on people's age, name. Yeah, you should have to. back. It's actually quite scary. No, it's actually quite scary

that I've just been getting to know a stranger. Yeah, I mean, I have no love. Yeah, if you want more info, maybe join Patreon and I might share some stuff in there just to stop other people from falling for him. Yeah, maybe we'll show his photo on Patreon. Keep an eye out, gals. Wow. Yeah, right, let's get.

Yeah, you mess with the wrong gal. You mess with the wrong gal. She got a platform podcast. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Okay, this is interesting. The subject is actually called Not As We Beardtons. planned. Okay, well, that is interesting. Are you ready? Hi, Carly and Tash. It sounds weird saying it that way around, don't you think? I love listening to Not as we planned and after hearing so many incredible stories, I finally felt brave enough to share mine. A few years ago, I started an affair

with my married boss. Oh, wow. It was 20 years older than me. From the very beginning, we both agreed we would leave our partners and build your life together. It wasn't something that we hoped might happen one day. We agreed a future together. I believe, him. I ended my engagement almost immediately because I thought we were making the same commitment. He didn't. I mean, that doesn't surprise me. I am so shocked right now. Yeah. Over the next two and a half years, there was always another reason why he couldn't leave. About a year and a half into the relationship, he told me he was finally leaving his wife. Instead, he called me and ended our relationship before going on a two-week holiday with her. Something I only discovered when I

arrived at work. I was devastated. When he came back, he told me that it had been the biggest mistake of his life. He wrote me love letters, contacted my friends, sent me songs, apologised constantly and begged for another chance. I loved him deeply, so I agreed, only if he genuinely left his marriage. Six weeks later, he admitted that he'd actually told his wife about us before they went on holiday. She'd known about our relationship all along, yet the affair continued and I still believed that we were building a future together. Then I fell pregnant. Despite everything, I knew almost immediately that I wanted that baby.

When I told him, he seemed excited about the future that we had spoken about for years. The very next day, he went on another holiday with his wife. When he came back, he bought baby toys, told me he wanted our baby and spoke about our future together. But he also told me that we couldn't live together until after Christmas. By then, I would have been overstayed. three months pregnant. During those conversations, he also told me that he believed his wife would probably want to

help raise the baby. Show him. Whether he meant it or not, hearing those words terrified me. I couldn't stop thinking, what if he changes his mind again? I was emotionally exhausted, completely overwhelmed and making the biggest decision of my life from a place of fear rather than certainty. The decision was made to end the pregnancy. It remains the biggest regret of my life because deep down I wanted that baby.

I honestly didn't think I could experience anything more painful. I feel so much shame and guilt. And two weeks later, his wife messaged me to say she was going to be in the same place as our work function. She loved her husband and to not touch him again. I was completely blindsided by him. When I asked him, he said he didn't want me not to go. Not long after he told me he was leaving his wife, I found a place to live, but I told him I would no longer trust him and I was in so much pain.

Then my workplace became part of the story. He promised he wouldn't drag me through the breakdown of his marriage. He said he still wanted us to be together, but would let me recover while he sorted things out. Instead, he disclosed our relationship to senior people within our company. The affair was announced to the entire business in a staff meeting by him and another partner. I was asked to stay away from work for a month while everyone else was told. When I returned, my desk had been moved. I was isolated from colleagues, treated completely differently and made to feel like I no longer belonged.

I mean, I'm supposed that he told, like, said it because he's... I think men try and, like, come across this big, big, big bollets. Like, look, like, yeah, men are well. Can't be helped, like, she threw herself at men. During that time, a colleague phoned me and told me I would never be welcome back and that I would never be part of the team again. I was already grieving the baby I'd lost and trying to cope with my entire private life becoming public.

That phone call broke something in me. It felt as though everyone had decided who the villain of the story was. In the company meeting, everyone was told that he and his wife were separating. Behind the scenes, however, he continued telling me that we were finally going to be together and he would take his ring off when he was with me. Later, I discovered that he still continued to wear it at work. He then went further and proposed to me. Oh, wow.

Kept telling me he missed me and our baby and wanted to try again, and he asked me to move in. I was completely overwhelmed and broken. I was grieving the baby that we'd lost, still deeply in love with him and desperately trying to make sense of everything that had happened. I told him I couldn't move forward until he had finally filed for divorce. Almost a year later, after months of promises that he would file, I met him one final time and begged him to simply be honest with me. He promised he would.

He told me he still wanted our future and that he wanted another baby with me. The very next day, I saw a photograph of him attending a wedding with his wife. When I questioned him, he told me he hadn't mentioned it because he thought it would upset me and didn't think there would be any photographers. I mean. Okay. Even then he continued telling me that he wanted us to be together. Eventually, I told him not to contact me again.

The following day, I received a call telling me that he had resigned. We spoke one final time. He told me he wasn't going back to his wife and that he wanted to see me again. And I never heard from him again. In the end, he returned to his marriage. Although he officially resigned from his position, he still continued working for the company behind the scenes. Looking back, what stays with me isn't just the affair.

It's the double standards. We both made the same choices, yet I became the person who was judged, isolated and publicly shamed. I was the one who was asked to leave work, whose desk was moved and who was made to feel like I no longer belonged. The hardest part wasn't just losing the relationship. It was losing the baby I desperately wanted. My sense of safety, my confidence and the future I'd spent years believing in. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. Wow. I mean, this just confirms everything I've just had a rant about.

Like someone can literally have like a double life. Like men literally do have the capacity to live a double life. And I think stories like this really terrify me where they're probably, it'd be so interesting to know exactly what he's going home and saying to his wife and what he's feeding into you. And it's just so sad that there are people out there like this. Like, did he genuinely believe he could have both? Or like, did he always know?

did he like having that control, that power? Like, I don't know, I'm not him. But thank God, thank God he did just disappear because I'm really sorry for your loss, but thank God you're not tied to this man with a child. And thank God he did you the favour. I think when you're in so deep with someone, it's really hard to be the one to initiate moving away, like until you hit that breaking point. So he's done you a favour in that regard.

I don't know how long ago this was or, where you are now in terms of healing. Yeah, your healing. But please know, this isn't like a you thing. And that's something like I've really realized, like all these bad luck or bad things can happen to us. And yes, I think to a degree we have to take accountability if we're starting to repeat the same patterns.

But I also think we need to accept that you can have worked with yourself as much as anyone and sometimes not nice people still find their way into our lives. And sometimes that's just because of the kind of person we are, We're good people. We're open-minded. We are, have our hearts open. We, you know, I always feel like I have that want and need to love someone. So I have to let people in in order to see if they're the right person for me. And sometimes it doesn't pay off. So just know it's not a you thing. And I really hope you're okay. I'm going to slightly disagree. I don't really know what you expect if I'm having an affair. Yeah, that bit too. You know, I think that you need to take some accountability for this situation. I'm not saying that it's fair...

I forgot the affair bit. I'm not saying that it's fair that you were the one that was made to be like the wrongdoer and the villain, but you're putting your energy and you're trusting someone that's a liar and a cheater, which, no disrespect, you were doing as well. If he started the effect... he started the relationship on that. And so did she. Yeah, no, I completely forgot that part of the story.

The really, really good thing. I'm like zoned out of that bit. It's just like, let's set expectations. Like, what do you expect from a man who's cheating on his wife? And also, like, have some respect for yourself to not want to beg and be chosen. Like, oh, pick me. Like, when are you leaving her, then pick me. He'll do the same to you anyway.

He was. That's what I'm saying. So, just like, I think you need to start doing some work on your yourself, pouring into yourself, loving yourself enough that you want to be the only woman rather than the bit on the side until he's ready to leave his wife because he just continued playing you because you allowed him to. So I think that's what you need to really take away from that. I am really sorry for your loss. That's not easy. But I do think that one day you'll look back and be grateful for the decision that you made because you can have a life with someone that

respects you from the start and yeah I would just start pouring into yourself and yeah I hope that you didn't take too much offence of what I just said No I agree I have to be fair my brain just went over to man being a dick

but you're right like at the end of the day if you start a relationship that is based off lies like you've got to expect the same to happen back to you at the end of the day yeah okay the Daily Mail informed me my ex was dating someone new Wow. I'm so short. Hi ladies, I absolutely love your podcast and I've listened since you started it.

I booked a ticket to come and see your live show in Manchester and I'm really looking forward to it. Love that. This is just a funny one to add some laughter to people's day. Me and my ex, my son's dad, split in April 2024. We still live together until early June when he moved into some newly built apartments about five minutes from my house. As well as co-parenting, he looks after my cat when I go on holiday. In December of 2024, I went away for New Year with a friend and he looked after my cat. In the very early hours of New Year's Day, 2025, there were some very serious floods in our local area.

I can't see where this is going. There is a river that runs underneath his apartment blocks and this river obviously overflowed and unfortunately for him flooded the whole of the car park for his apartment block and the ground floor. I woke up to messages from him of his car literally underwater. I've attached these pictures for you. I want to say Oh wow Oh Jesus

I wonder where they live Underwater They're literally Underwater Yes I did quite Laughter to myself Yeah I was going to say That was a bit

And works in mysterious ways But I digress The four weeks that came after My son absolutely loved Because they had to stay in a hotel Where he got room service And pancakes for breakfast What more could a five year old want

Or an adult Do I know Do you know It sounds dream eh? about a week after the floods when the schools went back in the new year I was picking up my son and was chatting to her mum

both me and my ex know through our children being friends she was telling me how she had seen my cat being carried out of the floods in her carrier in an article on the Daily Mail of course I love my little Peggy so I flew

to the Daily Mail online to find this picture and there it was in all its glory my ex my Peggy and his new bit picture attached Peggy I am

Let me see dying I'm dying oh my god I am dying that is hilarious at least Peggy

was saying yeah Peggy's in like a little box how did I know they were together in the picture and not two people leaving separately that's what I was gonna

yeah that's what I was gonna ask other than her jacket she was head to toe in his clothes even the socks Oh my God. Let me spend it. Oh my God. I'm crying.

Hang on. They thought they were spending like a really nice New Year's Eve together and they were like drowning. The hoodie, the shorts, the socks, all of his and yes, even the trainers. Oh no, sorry, I've missed that bit. How do I know this, you ask? Because I spent six years washing it all. The hoodie, the shorts, the socks, all of his and yes, even the trainers. I sent him the photo and asked who she was, to which I received about 20 laughing emojis and

looks like I've been papped. Obviously, at the time I was very hurt to find out that way, as I would have liked to have heard it from him. But now I look back and laugh because I really do think it's so funny. Imagine a photographer taking that picture thinking, oh, look at this lovely couple with their cats leaving their flooded apartment. But really, they're just outing a new relationship to the co-parent of his child. At the time, I didn't know if it was serious due to her wearing all of his clothes. Clearly a dirty stopout, not shaming, we've all been there. But 18 months on now and they are still together.

She has met my son now and he really likes her and she is moving in soon. I've met her and she's lovely. So maybe in the future, me and her can laugh about this too. Take care, ladies and see you at the live show. That is so funny. A scary chuckle. And I mean, I'm being violent. I'm being like such a man.

But actually, maybe I'm not going to say it. What? Because I feel like it's too far gone now. You know when you want to crack a joke about something, but it was like what you read about 10 minutes ago. But I was just thinking like that photo and I'm not actually going to say it. I've given myself the ekey and thinking about it. No, no, no, I'm not saying it.

Okay, right. Thanks. But that was really funny. Okay. Am I being love bombed or just finally treated well? Oh, God. Like, honestly it's so hard. Hi.

Nearly two years on from finding out my husband was cheating. and I'm still listening every week. I thought I give you an update. I emailed back in November. Right, fine. Wondering whether I was being love bombed or just treated well. Well, I still don't really know the answer. But we're not together anymore.

Oh. To cut a long story short, even though we were together for six months, I just never seemed to develop any feelings for him. It got to the point where I had my friends and my family asking why I'd had a boyfriend for six months and still hadn't introduced him to anyone. The truth is I just didn't want to.

couldn't imagine introducing him to my children. Then we had our first proper argument. I'd reach out to him for emotional support for the first time and he chose to ignore me for a week. When I eventually asked what on earth was going on, he somehow managed to turn it around on me and accused me of ignoring him. I really didn't like what I saw. He became incredibly defensive, seemed to think I was broken and he was absolutely perfect, whilst I was trying to explain that I just wasn't feeling much of a connection. To be honest, in the end, I felt like it was a luckiest I don't think I'm broken. I just don't think he was the right person for me. Looking back, I think I did about 95% at the talking. He mostly gazed at me, nodded along and if I stopped

talking to see what had happened, he'd usually have fallen asleep. The sex was probably the best bit, but I needed more than that. I needed to actually feel connected to him. I don't know if there's something that you can force if it's just not there. Anyway, that's over now and I'd really like to meet someone that I have a connection with, but I have absolutely no idea how. I hate the app. But I don't meet men in real life either. I go to a nice gym, but only during the day while my children are in childcare. So it's basically me and the OAPs. And the boss at work and almost everyone who works with me is women.

So there's a dead end there. Other than school runs, play dates and seeing my mum friends, I don't really go anywhere. My daughters are only three and five and live with me full time. So evenings out aren't exactly easy. Is that actually any other way to meet people these days? or do I just have to suck it up and go on the apps? The other area of my life that's still not going brilliantly is my ex. The co-parenting itself is actually fine.

He only sees the girls a couple of times a week. They're happy. We don't have loads to discuss. But the Weasel has now introduced his affair partner to the children. She's met them three times over the last few months. Before he did it, he asked me to go to mediation to discuss introducing her. I told him there was absolutely no chance I was ever going to discuss his affair partner or agree to her being around the children.

So he just introduced her anyway, didn't even tell me he'd done it, and left my five-year-old daughter to break the news to me. Just like that, I didn't react well. It took me straight back to where I was nearly two years ago. I know there's nothing I can do about it. I know you'll probably say that if the children are safe and happy, that I need to accept what is happening on his parenting time.

Rationally, I get that. Emotionally, though, I just can't. To me, the affair is still the worst thing that anyone's ever done to me. Maybe not objectively, but it is for me. He doesn't spend much time with the children as it is. He doesn't even live with this woman. So I really struggled to see what benefit there is to them. Instead, I just have to watch my daughters go off with the man who completely blindsided me and betrayed me,

knowing they're spending time with the woman he chose over our family. How do you generally get to a place where you can accept that? Because I honestly don't think I'm any closer than I was two years ago. Thank you for all the last and advice over the last couple of years. I just want to, there's, this part of that story I really resonate with. In regards to a partner being introduced, sadly we don't have any saying it.

Like a court would never look at it as like, you can't do that. You're right. You kind of know it. That still doesn't invalidate the way you're feeling. You're completely valid in how you're feeling it's shit. But now that's been done, try and just focus on the things you can control

and not the things you can't. At the end of the day, that's his prerogative. And yeah. It's shit, but we move. The second thing, I really relate to like everything you said about, like, feeling like the apps is the only place you can meet someone. That's genuinely how I feel at the moment. Like, I go out maybe once a month, if that, maybe twice a month.

And don't get me wrong, I generally meet people when I'm out, but probably not the kind of person I would see myself being with. Yeah. I just don't see my future husband being someone who's out, if that makes sense. He's at home reading. Same with you. I only go to the gym. I'm with my kids most of the time.

I don't believe that men, I've never been approached by a man when I've been with my kids. I don't think it's appropriate. And I don't think men would feel comfortable doing so. I think sometimes people can presume if you've got kids, you're potentially in a relationship or whatever.

And I generally feel like this. I would love to meet someone naturally without the help of an app. But I think at this point of my life, what I've accepted is that's just not going to happen. And I think that actually maybe the kind of person I'm looking for is possibly also in that situation where they don't really go out to places where they're in the position to meet someone.

So where are they going to end up on the app? It was really interesting actually, though, because I was speaking to Aaron, raising boys to men at the weekend about dating apps. And he was like, well, I look at dating apps as a bit like TK. Max, okay? they were things that couldn't sell in their main shops and then they all get put in one place and people have to rummage through with what's left and he's like, I feel like the absolute what's left.

But I said to him, people like me, I don't go out and meet people like, I don't want to meet my future partner at the school gates. I don't want to meet my future partner. In the gym, my earphones are on, I've got resting bitch facial, you're not coming anywhere near me. Like, I'm inapproachable.

And until my life maybe changes a bit, my kids are older, that is just going to be my situation. So unfortunately, I know there's a stigma around apps And don't get me wrong, like, it is sifting out the shit Like it is. It's a numbers game. It's also, you don't know who these people are.

But right now you might just have to accept that if you are open to dating experiences, that is where it may have to start from. Yeah, I think so. I think that don't get me wrong, I actually know quite a few people that are very against the apps and they don't. Yeah, same.

don't bother them, but then I think with that, you need to accept that it may take you a lot longer to go on a day. And you may need to date a lot of people before you find someone. So I do think it is about being a bit more open-minded. From experience, I never would have met my boyfriend if I didn't meet him on an app. And the relationship I had before that was also from an app, wouldn't have met him out and about. Like Carly said, I wouldn't want to meet the person that I, please God, spend the rest of the rest of that. in my life with, yeah, like out, out, like drinking and like, because that's not really, I'd only be doing that. I guess you only really do that when you're single, and obviously you only want to meet someone that's single, but I don't know, it's just, it's just not how I would have ever envisioned, yes, it would be lovely if you bump into someone or someone suddenly calls you like, I've got the best person I need to introduce you to. Yeah, guys, why have you not all got my back?

But like, I just, again, I just don't, I don't really think that happens. I think, if anything, try and change your mindset to being a, bit more positive about the apps. Can I just say something? Until today, which has stumped me and throwing me a little bit, I've been, so I am attracting my person, just not him. I think he may have been a block to me accessing my person, right? I have been, I have an eight-hour subliminal love affirmations that I sleep with

every single night at the moment. Loser. You can't actually hear the words, but it's like a subliminal thing. So it's like giving me all love affirmations. I keep envisioning my dream person. I've written it down and like I'm imagining what it's like to feel that loved. And like I'm really back into my manifestation stuff. I'm doing a lot of reading at the moment.

Really recommend a guy called Joe Dispens. I'll get onto that later. But I hit this block with dating where I was just like, I'm attracting the wrong people. And I've gone back to basics and been like, no, no, no. Like I can attract the person I want. I have to believe that I'm worthy and deserving of that love. And it was really interesting.

Basically in this book I was reading, just to remind me of it. is say, let's talk about love, say, okay, like, I know the kind of love I want. I have this vision for myself, but deep down, you don't believe there's good men, or you don't believe you can meet a good man on the apps. Those are two things that aren't aligning. You need to get those things to marry up so that you're on, like, one vibration. If you're, you've got two stories, you're telling yourself, you're never going to be able to access it.

So if you're like, do you know what, I exist, my person exists, they're probably in the app too, looking for someone like me, you're going to start to align with those people more. And that's what I'm churning into. It's like turning these negative experiences and being like, do you know what? I choose not to believe that everyone is like this. And I genuinely don't believe everyone that's like this. I think maybe I was meant to have one more bad situation shit before I meet the love of my life. Who knows?

Maybe several more. But I still have faith I'm going to find that and I just need to get myself there. And a lot of it is about taking that conscious control of your mind. Like when you can see yourself being like, oh, fuck you. men, but then being like not all men, like bring it back. It's just leading me closer to my person. It's getting rid of them. It's clearing the way. So, yeah, I do think it's definitely a mindset thing. Don't give me wrong. It's not, like, you're just going to land in the door to. Yeah. I just think that don't obviously go on the apps if you're feeling that headspace

of like, oh, I'm going to have to do this. Like, go on them wanting to. I think you need to change your thought process. Don't be so negative about the apps because there are people that have met on apps and that are married and that are very much in love and have great relationship. So I think it is changing your mindset. And I'm hoping this is coming out after the episode that we have with our own. But in regards to your co-parenting relationship, hopefully you can take something from that episode because I think that will really help. Okay. Am I married to the man? I think I am. Hi, girls. First of you just want to say thank you. Your podcast has made me feel so normal and so validated without either of you knowing my story.

I've listened to so many episodes thinking, thank God I'm not the one. On paper, I have the perfect marriage. We've been together for six years, have two beautiful children, a lovely home, and from the outside, it looks like we've absolutely got it all together. But here's the thing. I don't think I actually know the man I married. Right at the beginning of our relationship, I knew something wasn't right. His phone never left his pocket, ever. I was convinced I saw him messaging another woman whilst I was sitting next to him. I confronted him and he denied everything. And the feeling wouldn't go away.

So one day, I checked his phone. And there it was. Months of messages from another woman from work. Another one. Who was also married. And they weren't just flirting. They had built an entire relationship behind our backs. They'd even been on days out together with her son.

To this day, I don't think her husband ever found out. But with her son, he must be young. Yeah. He begged for another chance, promised he cut her off, swore it would never happen again. But it didn't stop. We went through that cycle more than once before it finally ended. As far as I know, that relationship really is over.

But that's not where my doubts end. Over the years, I've caught him multiple times with photos of men on his phone. Oh, what fuck. Not women. Men. Every single time I've confronted him, he's brushed it off, saying it's just a bit of fun. on a porn site, he tells me it means nothing. I don't believe him. This has happened more than once, including whilst I was pregnant with our children and every time I catch him, it stops for a while

and then somehow it always starts again. I can't stop asking myself, is my husband actually gay, bisexual, or am I reading into it too much? I genuinely don't care about someone's sexuality, but I do care if the person I've built my entire life with isn't being honest with me. I've told him how hurtful when inappropriate I find it, especially as a married man, but my gut keeps telling me there's something much deeper going on. From the outside, we are the perfect family. Inside, I feel like I'm waiting for the day everything comes crashing down. Girls, what would you do? Is my intuition telling me something, or am I letting pass betrayal cloud my judgment? I'd love to hear your thoughts because I honestly don't know where to go from here.

I'm so confused why you're still with this man. He's cheated on you. But yeah, why are we waiting to figure out the next issue when there's already been issues that apparently carried on repeating themselves? Why is it matter if he's gay, if he's straight, if he's by? The man's had affairs. Why are you still with him?

Like it's not even about like, is your past, the past that's bothering? It's just him. Like he's not a good partner. He is having affairs. He is not trustworthy. I don't understand why you're still... I bathed.

Yeah. Why are you still with him? Like, even... I would get rid of him. He just sounds... Like, the fact that you've never seen this man's phone is like majorly concerning. Not that I'm saying like a relationship you need to be going down someone's phone, but the fact is actively hiding that from you.

That takes a lot. That takes a lot of like thought process to be like, this woman cannot see my phone. And the few times you have, you've found stuff on there. That says it all. This man is... isn't trustworthy him. And the problem is, because you're still with him,

you've taken him back, there hasn't been any consequences. He hasn't had that wake-up moment where he's had to learn lessons. It's like, still got this girl. I'm going to go rank off over these men who I'm actually also really attracted to. Like, no, I just think, I don't know if actually listening to that back, you're going to be like, sorry, am I okay? Because I sat here thinking, is she actually asking? Surely she's not actually asking that.

Yeah, because I was like, oh, is she still with him? I thought you were going to say, like, it looked like you were perfect. then you found out all the stuff and then you left him. Get rid of him. Sorry. No, we, no. Also, can I just say a woman's intuition is never wrong. Our gut tells us what we aren't willing to admit to ourselves. When we have a gut feeling, we don't ignore it.

We tap into it and we think, what is my gut telling me and why? I genuinely have never spoken to a woman whose gut instinct hasn't been wrong. I've had women question their own sense of reality because of the behavior of other people around them. but it always comes back to when they finally get that information, that confirmation, they're like, my gut. But also, like, this isn't your gut, by the way. This is actually just previous information you already knew. And this is stone cold part of evidence.

Yeah, this isn't even intuition. This is like, hello, he's cheating. He has cheating. He has cheating. Going to carry on cheating. Get rid. PlayStation and a cupper. Hey, girlies.

I've got this message on Hinge and it's so dire. It could be part of your podcast if anyone else has any tragic dating ideas, messages to share. There's been no conversation of gaming or hot beverages before this. He had no idea if I like these things or not. But he said he'd cook for me earlier in the conversation. He also knew I lived over an hour from him, the audacity to ask me to dry to his house and not meet in the middle. I played dumb and asked why he was asking me to play PlayStation.

He unmatched me. It's a minefield out there, dating apps and not for the week. Love the pod. This is his message. He's opening a message? No, I think within a conversation. but she's saying that like nothing was mentioned

about PlayStation or hot drinks at this point. Okay, so this is the first time you mentioned it. I would. Oh really? Dang. Does any of,

does any other day is suit yeah, Y, A, by the way. No, I'm out. And by chill, I just meant we can play the PlayStation and drink tea

and just see how we get on smiley face. Girls, we are absolutely not going on dates to men's houses to play PlayStation. No, I wouldn't have gone

any further than Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

No. No. No. I love how we were just talking about. Be positive about the dating apps, guys. Like, don't worry. Like, you've got to have a positive mindset and then we get hit with dang. No.

So, sorry about the contradiction of the episode, but keep it positive, guys. Keep it positive. Product of the week. I've spoken about these, like, maybe a couple of years ago, so I thought we'd bring back. Where is it? House of Amore lashes. That's so.

weird that you're doing that. I was on the phone to my sister today as I was getting ready and I was like, I wish that I just had the ability to put lashes on myself. Wow. So I get asked all the time what lashes I use. I feel more put together with lashes on. I tend to do these once or twice a week. You do them yourself. They go under your lash line. If I can do it, literally anybody can do it. And they last me. It depends what I'm doing. It depends how much crying I've done that week or it depends like I don't know sometimes I must like really squeeze my eyes together in my sleep and one might like come off but they're reusable you just like I get my tweezers and pull the grill off you reuse the ones that you've already got on abuse of lasted ages

you do replace them every now and again but I can't bear the thought of not rubbing my eyes when I I was how they don't rub my eyes but sometimes if I need to do that like some days I just want like deep, deep clean in my entire face, I'll just pull them off. But I hate things like for holidays, I love having, like, lashed and not getting ready. But I don't like what lash extensions do to my eyelashes. They, like, I feel like I'm then starting from zero again. Hang, I just want to read out what ones I've bought. So I don't like the overly fake looking ones, like really big ones. These ones I get. So House of Amor, they are Curl D, style, double trouble, length 12 millimeters. I actually think I have a discount code

Hang on, let me find it, I do So do you cut them and put... No, they're pre-cut. Oh yeah, I can see, I can see. Hang on. The thing is, my lashes right now from the serum I'm using are actually really long.

Can I see how I spell it? I need thickness. I want that thickness. Yeah, I just, I don't... I just feel way better when I've got the one. Let me give you a code, I'm pretty sure I have got one. It's my old handle,

so it is cattle letters to fit, Mummy, but it will get you, I think, 5% off. But they are brilliant. They have other styles as well if you like, that's not your style. I know some people who like do different lengths to like give you different looks. If you go on their page, you've got loads of info. I'm just very basic. And yeah, love them.

Love that. I might give them a go. Confession of the week. I was in a supermarket and accidentally let out a fart that was a lot louder than I had anticipated. A couple walking past both turned around. So I immediately looked at my child and said, seriously, that's disgust. They looked absolutely devastated and just carried on pushing the trial. No, I would rather die.

At least she was with a trial to blame. True. Do you know, I mean, I would do that. Yeah, you would do that. Wouldn't you? Yeah. Okay. Affirmational quote of the week, whatever we want to call it.

I don't think we talk honestly enough about this, but nobody really knows who they are marrying. We know what someone has shown us so far. We know the self they have access to in that season, but none of us know what life will activate in the night. other person. We do not know what childhood wound, old fear, shame, envy, exhaustion or grief will walk into the room 10 years later and start answering for them. That is why you should have known is so cruel to say to someone. The thing about marriage is that you are not only marrying who someone

is. You are marrying how they will respond to becoming someone else because life changes everyone. Children change you, grief changes you, money changes you, desire changes you, success changes you, illness changes you. The question is not just who you are today, but who will you be when life asks you to transform and nobody knows that answer on their wedding day. Jeez, dope. Sorry, get your thinking today.

Anyway, thank you for listening, guys. We will see you next week. Love you, bye.