Not As We Planned - He Didn’t Forget My Birthday, He Ignored It

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Tash opens up about her kids being around her boyfriend, the Snapchat message that wasn’t meant to be sent, when a break can help your relationship and the breadcrumbs that keep you there for too longGet tickets for our tour: https://www.aegpresents.co.uk/event/not-as-we-planned/Watch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high and I'm one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of not as we planned. I wonder what we would have called ourselves if it wasn't not as we planned.

If life had gone as planned. Well, obviously if life had grown as planned, we wouldn't be here. But if, like, just say, hypothetically, not as we planned was taken and, like, we couldn't use that anymore. What would our next name be? What the fuck is this? How the fuck? How the...

Why may? Why do you hate me? Chapter 1, my first period. And if you don't know what we're talking about there, then please stop listening. Don't say that. We need to... I know, no, no, please start. Carry on. Stay, please stay.

Can't Google. Do you research. Yeah, guys, just a reminder, if you haven't already gone and got yourself a ticket for our tour, not really sure what you're doing. Clearly not loyal. These girls ain't loyal. Go and check it out because we are preparing an epic. Epic. Epic showdown. It's annoying how far away it is. I'm so excited. I feel like we need to book something in, not for anyone. I mean, me and you. before that

to get mentally prepared although we are going to New York next week Yeah but we Maybe we need a holiday Yeah Where are we going? Anywhere

Okay Anywhere but here Okay Summer Guys emailing your suggestions Of where me and Carly should go Somewhere to like relax I need like

Where we can relax And be in a creative space What we're doing? Painting No I thought we could like Start writing our tour Oh, do you think we need to do that abroad? I think it's necessary.

Oh, so it's expensive. I feel like I'll be more inspired. Maybe we should film an episode abroad. I think we can take the set with us. Matthew, will you come with us? We don't know what we're doing behind the scenes. Where would you like to go? Barbada.

Bali. I've never been to Bali. I know that's on my list. Okay, let's go. Any update? I am going to talk about something. I had a reading last week with a reader medium, if you want to call her. It was over Zoom and I actually had been to this lady a year in a bit before.

So I saw her actually went to her house the January. Where she was. I'm not going to say. I'm actually not sharing her details. I'll speak about why at the end. But I really thought about it. I'm just not going to share her details. So I know some of you are going to hate me

because honestly, when I say I've had hundreds of you asking for her details. But basically, I'm not sharing her because she doesn't know me on social media. She doesn't follow me. She doesn't know I have social media. I like that she doesn't know about my life and therefore I trust everything I have in my reading. You're worried if you share it will get bad. That's where it came from. And I don't want to lose someone who I feel like has offered me an enormous relief.

I don't know. Comfort. Comfort. But also, she is so incredibly hard to get a slot with anyway. If I'm then introducing... In other words, Carlie doesn't want to share. Some things you just got a gatekeeping life. And this is one of the very few things. So she's gatekeeping the details, but she's going to let you know how amazing it was.

So anyone, loads of people probably are now going to stop listening. Is that really mean? What would you do? No, I understand it. So maybe we'll share on Patreon. I felt really tall. Share on Patreon. Yeah, maybe.

I have felt really torn because this is something that gave me an enormous amount of comfort. And then there's part of me and it's like, well, I want to offer other people that comfort. But I also want to lose someone who I really believe in her gift and things like that. So it's left me in a bit of a predicament. I have this reading. And like I said, don't have it on social media anything like that. She definitely doesn't follow me. And I just felt like, I've just, I just, I,

I don't like having readings too often. I think it can be really addictive and wanting to know more and more. But sometimes when I get to a bit of a pit of despair and I feel like I need some kind of hope or connection, I had no idea what was going to happen. So get on this call. And the first thing she says to me,

is like something has happened. Did I send you the audio? No, but you called me straight after. It was, part of me is tempted to play it now, but I don't want people to recognize her voice or tag I mean, I quite imagine, but... But the first thing she said to me was she feels like there's been this massive knock to me.

Something significant has happened and she feels like I was on a really positive trajectory and this thing has happened and it is completely not me of course and sent me sideways. And then she was like, I want to go back to the month of March. Like, it's happened in March, hasn't it? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, I've got a gentleman coming through really strong.

has your dad recently passed? And I was just like, obviously in pieces by this point. And the things she was saying down to like details of like she was like, he's trying to hold my hand. Did he pass holding someone's hand? She's like, oh, he's like leaning in for a cuddle now. Did he fall asleep in on mom's arms? And things that I don't think I've even disclosed to anyone.

And there was certain things. There was something about his ring. There was loads of different things that just. came up where I was just like, it's my dad. It's my dad. And the biggest takeaway I had from it was he said, and this was weird as well, five years, sorry, three years ago, something massive happened that completely shattered my heart and it's the lowest I've ever been. And he wants me to understand that this kind of grief is different and he doesn't want me to go backwards to where I was then. He was like, you are so strong. You have come.

so far and yes we've supported you but that's only because of yourself like you've done this remember who you are remember how strong you are and there was all that and he so he doesn't want me to use his grief to go backwards but then he says something about he she said you've got two boys haven't you and i was like yeah and she was like one of your boys can see your dad and the other one is like a little old man trapped in a child's body have you ever heard a more accurate description of my child Like, it's so true. And Milo's come out of nursery. The other day he'd come out of nursery.

And he was like, Paul came to nursery today. And I was like, well, he was like, yeah, he was just stood next to the teachers. And then he came up and he, like, cuddled me and my friends. And I was like, what? And he was like, he gave us a cuddle. And this lady told me one of my kids can see him.

And Milo talks about him so clearly. and he goes, part doesn't really come, like come to our house, but I see him at, he's always at nursery, mummy, he goes on the climbing frame.

And you know, you're just like, it honestly threw me and she told me that my dad is in the house with the boys, but it's mostly at night and he's like

creeping around and checking they're okay. And she was like, they don't call him, granddad, do they? And like, just little stuff. And I was just like, it was amazing.

There were a lot of other things in there, but it was one of those things that I just needed that connection dad. I needed to know he's still there. And she said, like, he's still there. You can still talk to him. And she mentioned something that I'm actually going to do tomorrow when I go to my mom's house is she said to me, your mom's talking to him all the time. And he is, he is with your mom pretty much all the

time? And she said something, is there something about his chair? And I was like, yeah, he had like a specific chair. And she was like, he sits in it every night. And I think your mom sits in. the chair like next to him and she talks to him and tell your mum like he is there he's listening and she said i want you to go back when you go to your mum's house to go and sit in that chair really be conscious of your smelling senses because he's there and you're going to smell him and once you get more use to that smell you're going to smell him around you more so pretty amazing honestly it was just one of those things that i needed and look i know everyone not every it's not for everyone and some people are skeptical and some people don't believe in it.

I really do. I'm reading a really good book at the moment actually called signs and it's a way about connecting to people who aren't here anymore. I've actually asked my dad for a sign after last night. And I mean, I've not got it yet, but a really specific sign. So I'll see. I'll update you. But how are you?

Yeah, good. Do you know what I wanted to talk about? I wanted to, and I hope what I'm about to share, will hopefully give anyone that is maybe either fresh out of marriage or relationship and they're a single mom or, you know, they've been dating and not really found that person. I hope that this can give you some comfort because I've obviously never looked at my kids as baggage. Like, I hate that word.

Like, for me, like, if someone met me and had the opportunity to meet my children and being my children's lives, like, they should be fucking grateful. But at the same time, I do understand that three children is a lot. I've also obviously, have a child with additional needs. And it takes a particular man to not only, you know, come into that and really. bond with them. But James and I are now at a point where like we both have seen each other's kids

and our kids actually did see each other for the first time last weekend, which was really, really special because obviously they haven't seen each other in five months. So they were all like so excited. It was really, really sweet. But there is, there is something so special

about watching him with Blake because, I don't know, I didn't expect to get upset. Obviously, I love Blake. Obviously, he's my child, but he struggles so much emotionally. I feel like he's just had like a really challenging year. I don't feel like I've spoken about it that much,

but year three for him and the transition has been so unbelievably hard for him. And his self-esteem is so low. And some of the things that he sometimes says about himself, like kills me because the thing is you can't force a child to believe you when you tell them they're beautiful or they're special or you know and it does

make you feel bad like what have I done wrong to make him feel or think a certain way about himself but honestly watching him with Blake is just one of the best things ever

because I'm not going to sit here and, you know, say anything negative about the kid's dad, but I think it's very clear when I've spoken about it in the past. Like, he shows up, he's never let me down. We've got a healthy co-parenting relationship, but I just feel like Blake especially really needs a man in his life that is a lot more, maybe like emotionally in tune, more sensitive, more patient and just watching how their bond has grown even more since James has come back into our lives is just something that I'm never, ever going to take for granted because James can calm him and talk to him in a way that even I can't. And just being able to actually see someone who

isn't his dad accept him and love him in the way that he's. He doesn't. He said, in the way that he does, I just want that to be a sign for you guys that there are good men out there that will literally love your children like their own because I can see it. And the way that Blake attaches himself to him and has really let him in emotionally, like, please God, I just hope that things work out. Because even just seeing what James is like with his eldest son, who's nearly 16, he's such a gorgeous boy. And you can see. that he's really like happy to show his emotions and the bond that they have

and how much he talks about his feelings and they're so close and that's all I want for my kids. Obviously, Roman Ivy as well. But, you know, I did see Blake not really gel that well with the person that I was with before James. So I think it was always a worry for me that it's going to take a particular person.

And it's just so, so special. So I hope that that gives people, you know, that hope. Yeah, yeah. It gives someone that hope that, like, your kids can be loved by someone that isn't their biological dad, that you can find someone and have that unit that you always felt like you wanted or deserved and never got to have with the man that you had the children with. So, yeah, that's my share. Hopefully I haven't ruined my fucking makeup

because it wasn't really planning on getting emotional there. But hey-ho. It's crack on with some emails, guys. My partner accidentally Fram requested me on Instagram. Oh, God, it's going to be from another account, isn't there? Hi, girls. Just thought I'd write in about something that happened this week and I really can't get it out of my mind.

I've been with my partner for three years and we have never added each other on socials. What? Not for me, not wanting to, but him saying he doesn't have them. Oh, no. Oh, shit. Now, I don't know if the male species knows this or not,

but us girls are pretty good detectives in finding things out, right? We are. I mean, in my friendship group, I'm known as CSI, and this is often joked about with him. He does have socials, Facebook, Instagram and threads. He's also on Snapchat, which he actually added me on, but decline my request on everything else. Suspicious enough, but he is very sure.

that he does not use them. So I get a message and work on Snapchat from him saying, safe to chat again. Oh, shit. It's obviously the wrong person. Now my heart stops. Why on earth would he be sending me that?

So I replied with just a question mark. His reply was, oh, it's my daughter. She reached out to me. Bit of a backstory with this. Estrange from his children for 12 years, both now in teens. Saw her in the supermarket and got in touch. Sorry, I'd call bullshit on that

Yeah So I think nothing of it Until last night When I get a friend request From his Instagram It blows my mind That he finally wanted to follow me After three years

I accept and requests to follow He accepts And then the next thing He deletes and blocks me Blocks you Oh my God I message and ask if he just added me And he said no

I don't have Instagram but now we all know he does because I can see. I'll attach the message trail for you to show how he actually gaslit me. I was going to say I want her to attach his bloody handle and I want to add him. I'll attach the message trail for you to show how he actually gaslights me

into thinking he hasn't got it and quickly turns the situation around on me. Please don't read out any names, but if you want to read the message out, that's fine, just not the names. I have a ton more things to share about the relationship. I do know it's not good for me to be in this and I do know what I need to do.

I just need a push and some help. Thanks for reading. And any advice, help is much appreciated. Cannot wait for the tour, Manchester for me. Right, let's read these messages. She goes, did you just block me on Insta? I've not got Insta. You're the umpteenth person to ask this in the last week or two.

Hmm. You've just framer requested me and I accepted. And then sent you one and you accepted. And now you're gone. Well, that's not from me. I may need to report and look for the account. I pop photos on threads sometimes. or on Snapchat, but that's it.

You can see my phone if you like. I don't have it. No need. I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow. For fuck sake, you tell I'm moody now. If you're moody, I'll not bother coming. I'll just stay here.

Hang on. Can't be asked with suspicion and bollocks. I'm not moody. You only say when you are. I don't even have Facebook anymore because you kept with another female name thing, which was absolutely nothing. And I know your head will go over something.

I've not done and make it weird again. I'm really not up for it at all. Snapper and threads, that's it. Honestly, this man's actually cheating on you and I'm sorry to just be blasé. The fact that he said is it, the biggest concern for me is that it's safe to chat again. That wasn't intended for you.

That wasn't to his daughter. I don't know anyone that would talk to his daughter like that, regardless of the situation. So why's he got Snapchat? Something is shady is going on. Have you, also a lot of this seems to be like overtext. Can you like sit in person and have this conversation, get the profile up and be like,

show me because you can see the email as well so if maybe we shouldn't say in this what do you mean so if you know his email oh I understand you can go to log in no but you can go to log into his account

say you want to log into a new address yeah and it will come up and it will say like give you a few letters and start start you'll be able to know if it's his email address yeah um either gives the last few digits of your telephone number or the beginning of your email I just think this man I personally don't think this man's trustworthy

You also said this man, you know this man's not good for you. So I think we're barely scratching the surface here with what you have said. I'd be really intrigued to know some of the other stuff. You do want to write it in. Tash? I really want his Instagram account so we can follow him. So we can follow him and try and slide in his DMs. Yeah.

Yeah. There are those girls on Instagram who like try and see if your boyfriend's faithful, aren't there? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God, maybe we should start doing that. I don't want to wreck people's relationship. No, it's to help people. I haven't got enough time to message my own friends back, let alone like random men.

Yeah, I guess that's true. I, yeah, just the whole thing just makes me feel uncomfortable. It's very clear that he is not being honest. And get rid. Yeah, like you said, you need a push. I'm here to push you, babe. Push you out that door, honey. I'm happy to give you a bodge through that door,

out the room and like, thank you next. Wow. No, please keep us updated. I wouldn't even waste your breath. Also, the fact that he's like, can't be fucking bothered for this. I won't bother coming. Good.

Bye. Stay home on Instagram. Yeah. And Snapchat. Snap me. So this is called linked with the no contact. Hi, girls. When Tash was talking about breaking the no contact

and how circumstances have changed, I really related to this. I met my now fiancé back in 2023. I was a ward manager and was his boss and we had a six-month relationship that was perfect. fun, he treated me with respect, and he was everything I needed after a toxic relationship. There was such a busy time in our lives, it just didn't feel like we both were able to commit in the way that we both really wanted. We also hadn't shared it publicly, which was crazy

because I knew I loved him. Anyway, we were separated for about eight months and had gone no contact. Only professionally at work would we speak, which was hard. I ended up needing to take a few months off from work. I'd come to realize that he had been in public, in a public relationship after having a little Facebook stalk. I never stopped thinking about him and resisted speaking to him as he deserved to be happy and I had my chance.

My first day back at work, he was the first face I saw and I knew I needed him back. He texted me within 30 minutes saying really nice to see you back, you're looking really well, which led to the conversation that he was no longer in a relationship.

I didn't care what happened in between at all. So in October 2024, we committed to giving it another go and now we are due to be married in Feb 27. We both truly feel if we forced it back at the beginning, we wouldn't be where we are now. We are so in love and I feel the safest and happiest I've ever been. Sometimes you need to step away to realign

and that was the best thing that we did. I would go through all the pain and suffering again to get what we have now, wishing you all the best, Tash. You girls have been there for me from the very beginning of our journey and it really helped. And she sent a photo of him down on one knee. Oh my God. Sorry, that's really, really cute.

So cute. I love that. I just love a fucking happy ending. Same, man. Can we come to the wedding? Do you know what? I feel like me and Carly deserve to come to a not-as-we-planned wedding.

100%. If you are listening to this and you are either engage, planning your wedding, I'd also happily come on the hen, you. Yeah. So like, if we've helped you get to where you are, I don't mind being like an evening guest

Yes, I'm Yeah, I need food No, like to help you save on the money I'll eat before But yeah, just send the wedding invitations Into the inbox and like We'll accept We'll vlog it

That needs to be a thing Not as we planned, go on wedding Go to wedding crashes Oh my God, I'd love to be a wedding I'd love to be a wedding crash I don't want to crash here Just invite me Yeah, yeah

That's going to become a thing But I love that for you Please God buy me Dear Not as we planned girls I hope you're doing great I just wanted to drop your notes to say how much I appreciate your incredible work you do or not as we planned

your podcast has been a real source of both comfort and laughter for me over the past few years I've gone through a pretty intense journey dealing with narcissistic and emotional ups and downs listening to your show really gave me the courage to share my story it's a little on the longer side and dives into some serious stuff but I've tried to sprinkle a bit of humour to keep it real and relatable I'm sharing it anonymously And if it helps even one person out there

To feel a bit less alone That would mean the world to me If you need any more info Or have any questions Please don't hesitate to reach out Plan was love And the reality was dry through chaos I need to start with a job

Because if you don't understand the job You won't understand the story I work in a very unusual job And here's the thing It's a rare thing for women to do it People outside the job Think they know what it's like And they don't

What's the job? I don't know They've seen the films, they've heard the stories, they think it's all banter and bravado, it's not. Only someone in the job would really get it. Only someone who knows the 3am radio silence. The way your stomach drops when the phone goes, the way you go from sleep to adrenaline in 10 seconds.

She's a night agent. She's so a night agent. The way you see people on the worst day of their life and you still have to be the calm one. And that's exactly why my ex was so obsessed with me. He said it himself. No one else will ever get us like you. do and he was right about that bit wrong about literally everything else because in our job

avoiding someone is impossible she put the s what is it c s i c s i it's like being trapped in a reality show you didn't audition for m i 5 big brother night shift edition cameras always rolling no escape even when i blocked his number i'd see him at 2 a m the universe and our rotor had a six sense of humor so when i tell you i met him around four years ago understand I'm not a McDonald's girl. I'm a 3am, life or death, adrenaline girl, but I was starving. I pulled into, I don't know. I was hard to stand. I pulled into McDonald's, sat in my car, minding my business,

and he pulled up right next to me. Window down, smile on like fate, had decided to give me a warning disguised as a man. He chatted me through the car window like we were in some budget version of love, actually, and fast forward 20 minutes and giving my number to a man who says, I've never met anyone like you, which in hindsight should have been the first. clue. Men like him don't meet women like me. They meet women like

well, Rachel. Who's Rachel? He told me he was going through divorce, final stages, selling his place in Essex, staying at his dad's. And he also told me very casually that he'd cheated on his partner four times. That's a good chat-up line. And then he gave me his favourite justification.

He painted her as someone who didn't look after herself, didn't take pride in anything, and even told me she had a personal hygiene issues all to make himself look like a victim. And here's the part he didn't mention. He normalized excessive, irresponsible drinking, not just around me, but in front of his own children. Like it was nothing, but somehow she was the problem.

Convenient, isn't it? And I, being a generous idiot, said, everyone makes mistakes. And that was the start. That was the love bombing. And if you don't know what that is, it's when someone arrives in your life like a human firework display and the fireworks are all for someone else. Three weeks later I met his dad Lovely man

The only family member I'd ever meet ever He met my mum and dad next Held my hand so tight I lost feeling in my fingers Asked to go to the toilet with me Because he was anxious My mum who is basically MI5 in human form

Pulled me aside after There's more to him than meets the eye She said And I laughed And there was in fact much more I still don't understand your job I know same But your mum's with the MI5

I know so cute What do you do? In March I went to Florida with my mum And he went absolutely feral Voice notes, calls I miss you, I need you I spent my holiday staring at my phone Like a teenager who just discovered boys

He let me speak to his mum For 10 minutes on video You'll meet her soon, he said And that was over four years ago I'm still waiting Just before Florida I met his kids twice First at a park

And then briefly again another day I brought colouring books He brought awkward energy In the vibe of a man who forgot on to mention I existed. And when I got backed, he booked for us to view a wedding venue. Classic future faking, painting this perfect life he had no intention of actually given me. We had a lovely day, played in the gardens, went to the shopping centre, picked a wedding dress.

He tried on a suit, ate Italian. It was perfect. Hold on, that wasn't all in one day, was that? I'd be knackered. But it was all fake. Breadcrumming, just enough to keep me hungry. And then came our first holiday together, Spain. And this was supposed to be the moment everything made sense.

Sun, see, a fresh start, just us. But the second he got there, the masks slipped. This is what I get so terrified about in dating. That mask. That's why you have to take it slow. There's nothing you can do. No, I agree. He was distracted, agitated, on his phone constantly,

walking off, turning his screen away from me like a teenager hiding Snapchat. And one night, whilst he was in the shower, I finally did it. I got into his phone. And, oh no, what? And there it was. What? Message after message to his wife. Telling her he missed her, loved her, wanted to make things right and wanted to be a family again.

Oye, yoy. I was lying in a hotel bed in Spain reading messages from the man next to me telling another woman he wanted her back. And the next day, I carried on. I kept smiling. I pretended everything was fine because I didn't want to ruin the holiday I've been dreaming about, even though he already had. Back in the UK, my birthday and his sons are the same day. I thought maybe just maybe he'd show up for me this time. But, of course not.

My birthday came, he went to the town centre to buy his son gifts. I asked for one perfume, sent a picture, easy. He came home at 10pm, empty-handed. The shopping centre was closed, he said. So we went to the shop for burgers for my birthday. The next morning the ex-wife kept ringing and he needed to go buy his son more stuff and he shouted at me and left on my birthday.

Again, and that was the moment I realised something important. He didn't forget my birthday. He ignored it. And then came the cycle, try for a baby, him moved back in with her, lie, disappear, reappear, spain with the kids, phone off for a week. I turn up at their house with my mum when he's back and he begs me to take him back. We walk to the park, we get back, all his stuff is in bin bags at the end of the drive and my mum says,

don't do it. And I do it. We go to the pub in the village and he says he's a change man. They always say that, usually right before they prove they're not. The ex-wife wants to meet me. Pupp by a car park. She tells me to my face, I'll never. ever be their stepmom.

He says nothing, just sits there like a decorative plant. Sorry, but I've just literally pictured my ex-husband in a plant park. He brings the kids to my flat. Seems good. Next day we take him to the shopping centre. I'm on a diet. One thing I can eat, cheese bites. I go to the toilet, come back.

His son's eaten them. He laughs. Of course he does. A mini golf who fusses over the kids, excludes me, we drop them home. Ex-wife screams at me for texting her that the kids got home safe, the text he told me to send. He stands there and says nothing, promises to set boundaries and never does. And then one Sunday I see a message pop up on his phone from the ex-wife asking him to move back in. And that was it, the truth in black and white.

He starts to fight over the toilet not flushing, tells me to ride my horse alone, goes to work, disappears. hours later he calls and said he was listening to an audio book I'm at the shopping centre I bought us dinner I'm so stressed I fall over and bang my head I drive around to I find his car at her house I'm hiding in a bush and he comes out and lies I got out from behind him and he's caught and he says he doesn't care about my mental health the next day turns up in her car the car he used my engagement ring fund to help buy to collect his clothes.

Takes me to a pub. It's our anniversary. I eat two mouthfuls. I start counselling. Three weeks in, he asked to meet McDonald's on the way home. Birth certificate mix up. I go, I'm vulnerable.

He's nice. I let him back in. Christmas comes and this is where the story stops being messy and starts being cruel. He sends me to Egypt, alone at my expense. He stays home

playing happy families with the wife and the kids. He tells me from the airport before I fly Next year will be different I believed him Of course I did I always did Egypt should have been beautiful It should have been healing

It should have been a break But instead it was a masterclass An emotional abandonment I don't understand what he should Put you on a fly Please go to Egypt Off you go Go and see the pyramids

That's fucking wild Every day he told me I call it three Every day three came and went No call no message nothing I'd sit on the balcony watching families and couples laughing by the pool and I'd wait and wait and wait. I'd ring him, no answer. I'd text him, nothing. I'd cry myself to sleep in a hotel room thousands of miles from home whilst he was back in England living his double life.

I wonder if he'd like booked the holiday for them and made her go alone. I wasn't on holiday. I was in exile. I came home sunburn, exhausted and emotionally starved and he greeted me like nothing had happened, like I'd just popped to Tesco. And then he tells me he's been looking at a mobile home for him and the kids just for a few months until things settle. And I, still desperate for the version of him he pretended to be, stayed. And we start trying for a baby and I get pregnant. Oh no.

And the second I tell him, he disappears. Yeah. Not for a few hours, not overnight. A full disappearance. No calls, no replies, no explanation, just gone. I was pregnant and completely alone. The ex-wife wasn't even in a house at that point She was living in a hostel

His mom had sold the house She'd been staying in and she'd been made homeless And instead of supporting me He was over there supporting her And he'd just gone leaving me to cope alone I tried everything Calling texting voice notes and nothing Silence

So I did the one thing no woman should ever have to do I drove to the hostel to find him Because he wouldn't answer me Because he wouldn't come home And because he left me with no choice I didn't knock. I called the ex-wife and she answers and said

he's not here but I was standing outside looking at his car parked right in front of me I said I'm here I can see his car and she hung up

seconds later he came out furious not worried not apologetic not concerned that I was pregnant and shaking just angry that I'd caught him I told him I was pregnant

my voice was shaking my hands was shaking and he barely reacted no hug no comfort, no concern, just coldness. I booked the Valentine's Hotel, trying to save something, trying to believe in something, and I woke up with morning sickness so bad I could barely stand.

I was in the bathroom shaking, terrified something that was wrong. He stayed in bed and didn't get up. Just shouted, are you okay from the bathroom? The next day he was in a mood, stormed out to the car to call the ex-wife, came back, slammed the door, shouted at me. I ended up sitting on the bathroom for all crying in to a towel whilst he ignored me on the floor. I was pregnant, I was scared, and I was completely

alone even when he was right there. And that night he said, we're up at 5am so I can see my kids. I wasn't invited, of course I wasn't, and at around nine and a half weeks something felt very wrong. I started having a pain and I knew. I finished my job, drove home on the motorway and shaking the whole way. I got home and the situation became undeniable and I lost the baby at home, the most traumatic moment of my life. The next morning at 11am, he said I need to pick my son up from school. Our baby had died the night before and he left me alone with no money, no food. One thing I have realised is the man was never real. He was a performance, a mask, a promise with no foundation. And once I finally saw that, I really saw it, everything shifted. I survived

things I should never have had to survive. I carried things no one should ever have to carry alone and I held myself together when he left me with nothing, not support, not honesty, not care, not even basic human decency. And I'm still here, still standing, still telling the story in my own voice. He didn't break me, he just showed me exactly who he is

and exactly who I'm not willing to be anymore. The best part, I finally realized that the life I wanted, the peace, the stability, the love, the future. None of it requires him. This story didn't end the way I planned, but it ended the way I needed it to, and for the first time in years, I'm not waiting for him to change.

I'm not waiting for him to come back. I'm not waiting for the next apology or promise. I'm done waiting. This is the part of the story where I walk away, not broken, not bitter, but finally through. Jesus. I mean... What job do you do?

Yeah, what's your job? I don't know if that bit was maybe just like... I didn't get that. I don't know if you didn't want to reveal your job. Yeah, but like... It's really sad that nothing that we hear. shocks me. Yeah.

It's sad, isn't it? It's almost like I'm numb to really shocking stories that I feel like a random person that never had listened to our podcast would hear and be like flabbergasted. The double life being I feel like used to like astound me.

Yeah. And now it's like, oh yeah. Another one. Of course you did. Yeah. It's look. Who doesn't? And I'm really proud of you

because there was a point in that email where I felt so sorry for you. You're so sad for you. Even the way you wrote it, it sounds so helpless. And to know by the time we got to the end that you're strong, you're out, you're done. You've had your light bulb moment. And it's powerful to get there on your own, by the way. So you should be really proud of yourself.

It's really nice when we hear a story like that where you've literally been like pushed and prodded and like emotionally abused. Like, you know. Sent to Egypt on your own. Yeah. And then you come out of it. Yeah. Like not even feel. feeling sad or like, no, he didn't break me.

Like, I needed this to get to where I am. And like, that's powerful. And I hope that anyone that listens to that story takes that ending as like, yeah, it wasn't what I planned, but it's what I needed. And we reflect that, babe. Yeah, we do. Yeah. Yeah, we do.

At a loose end, but still in love. No. Hey, Lovelies, Patreon member here. You two are giving me life at the moment. Your early days, I could completely resonate with everything you guys were going through. I have three kiddies, two from a previous and one with my present. Previous partner is a narcissistic prick and I have no contact. He sees his kids when he feels like it and they do communicate as they are now old enough.

We live in Northern Ireland now and they travel when their dad can be asked. But my email is about my present partner. So I'm in a relationship and I'm in love with my partner. We had a rough five years. We were together for a year and planned to have our son. We knew each other for 10 years and whenever we were single, we would communicate and have fun together but never really committed properly until 2015. We had a rough 2018 to 2020,

with him going on benders, drinking, taking drugs, sleeping with people but denying it. Eventually, I'd had enough. After we split, I found out that he was addicted to harder drugs, and I went no contact for a year. He saw our son through his mum and a solicitor. He would come over to England every month and then go home to Northern Ireland,

and this went on for a year, no contact whatsoever, apart from him emailing me and me ignoring him. The hardest part of our situation was I was so in love with him, but I knew for my own mental health we couldn't be together. We split for two years after the first year of no contact. I thought I was over the whole relationship and him, but I clearly was still madly in love with him. He'd gotten a new girlfriend, but would message and call, etc.

So when he ended things with his girlfriend, we got back together. And we've now been back together for four years. Oh, wow. I moved from England to Northern Ireland with my kids to start on new life and at first it was perfect. We were going places, doing things together and with the kids. But for the past year, we've been rocking. We've always had a great sex life and still do. But when I don't want it, he huffs and puffs and doesn't talk to me the next day.

That's disgusting. I lost my grandma eight months after leaving Scotland and I'm really struggling even now with the loss of her. Around the end of April, I started to go deeper into myself and feel low. as she passed in May, and four days before her passing, it's her birthday. I struggle daily, and my mental health has been in the gutter the past year or so. I have recently been diagnosed with a mental health condition, BPD, borderline personality disorder, and my moves can be wild at times, up and down quite dramatically. Be okay in the morning, and if I come home and he hasn't washed the dishes from his lunch, I will lose my shit. But his moods aren't great either. He works shifts

days and nights and only has 12 hours in between his shifts and two days off a week, so he's quite tired a lot. Although we are quite fiery people naturally, our passion for each other is wild. To be honest, I don't know if it's me or if it's him, but he's a nippy prick, and I want to hurt him when he gets on like he does, like iron the problem, and his tone is short and his sarky comments get under my skin. Do you have any advice on how I can sort this shit out, gows? Thank you in advance and keep up the good work. Maybe dates for Belfast will come out for your tour and I'll see you there for sure.

Please keep me anonymous. I've got to be honest, like your email sort of threw me a bit because you're saying that like you're really in love with this person and then you found out that he was like addicted to like hard drugs. You went no contact. He was sleeping with other people and then suddenly you're back together

and doesn't sound like you're actually happy. I'm not sure why you're with him. What do you love? You're saying you're in love with him, but what do you love about him? Because I'm not reading... I'm not reading anything that sort of sounds lovable.

I think as well, like you said, like you've got this like fire passion towards each other. I don't think that's always healthy. No, it sounds quite toxic. Look, I would possibly go and seek a relationship therapist or something like that if you do want to make it work but I would also urge you to do some like reflection on are my needs being met I'm actually happy is this the case of me being scared of being on my own again and not being with someone is it the case of this is

familiarity like you said I think you said you've known him for like so years whether or not you've been with someone or not is it just like you're used to him being your life and and the thought of not being with him or not being with someone terrifies you because I do think that's also normal but it's also not a reason to stay with someone. Yeah. I don't like the sound of it.

No. Does that like that? No. Anyway, yeah. Keep us updated though, but I feel like you deserve better. Same. Okay, I want to show you

these two frames that were made for me. Her name on Instagram is at Stitched by Shan. dot x and basically um they're my dad's handwriting so this one is here comes the sun it's also what i've got tattooed on me um she literally took a piece of his writing and sewed it and put it in a frame and i just think it's a really special thing to have so that's going up and then she dip on for my mom in a card that my dad wrote um i just feel like it's something really special So whether it's something someone's written to you, it could be like, I don't know, the lyrics to your wedding,

sort of whatever it is. It would even be like your kids writing. How lovely to have like something. Sentimental. Sentimental in time. So go and give her a follow. Yeah, just thought a bit different. Really cute. I like that.

Right, guys, confession of the week. I bumped into an old school friend whilst food shopping on Monday. We agreed we should meet up for a catch up soon. Okay, no judgment. But I'm on a popular swingers. that I go on there a few hours later and see a message from her and her husband. Bearing in mind, I'm completely anonymous on there. She has no idea who I am, but she sent me a picture of them,

and I instantly felt so awkward. I had to quickly block. Wait, it was the guy? No, I think the person she bumped into was a school friend, is in a girl. And then it turns out that she gets a message from the girl and her husband on a swing. And then be like, yeah, let's meet up, babe. Oh, my God.

Loll. Shut up. Yeah. We've swingers on our Patreon. Yeah. Love that. Yeah. Can you share some more details, please?

Affirmation of the week. One day, without warning, it just gets better. You catch yourself smiling again for no reason. The light returns and you're no longer surviving. You're living. Amen. We can pray. Yeah.

No, we don't need to pray. I ain't living right now. So, you're surviving. So? one day one day guys one day at a time anyway keep saying you so much love you bye