Not As We Planned - He Ghosted Me For 5 Weeks… Then Came Back Like Nothing Happened

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

He disappeared without a word for five weeks… then came back expecting another chance.This week, Carly opens up about the emotional reality of co-parenting, we help a listener decide whether she’s holding on to someone’s potential instead of who they really are, hear from a woman who discovered her partner’s affair while she was eight months pregnant, and ask one very satisfying question… what happens when your cheating ex gets cheated on?Watch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Not As We Plan. We hope you guys are good. If you haven't already got your tickets for our tour, what on earth are you doing? Go and get them. And reminder, we are going to be in London, Manchester and Edinburgh in November, and we cannot wait to see you. I feel like it's going to come around so quickly.

It is, but I don't want it to because my birthday is an over. I don't want to be older. Oh. Well, we can not have a birthday. No, I am having a birthday. Anyway. I was going to say, we could just fake your age. But you are as young as you feel.

Oh, no. I don't care about my... I don't know what it is. Anyway, how are you? I'm feeling very summery. I don't know what the weather. it was like today. So I had Theo's birthday last week and it did

fall in a weekend that he was with his dad, which is really shit. And it was like one of those things that I knew it was coming. And like our arrangement is that the birthday's fall as they fall and then whoever doesn't have them can have them for three hours. And I was giving a time slot of 10 and one and I couldn't bother to challenge it. It just was like, whatever. What would you have chosen if you could have? The evening. I would have taken off dinner, yeah.

It's what it is. So is that three-hour slot? Does it have to be mutually agreed, but you just couldn't be bothered to push? Yeah, there's nothing that says much. It's, yeah, it is what it is. At the end of the day, I'd always bend around backwards

to make sure I see my children on their birthdays. Of course. Obviously, it was amazing seeing Theo, but I did find, from the minute, So, I was quite cool. I picked him up with, like, party hats and party blowers, and they thought it was really cool. But then Dio, like, burst out crying in the car on the way back to mine. And he was like, I don't want to go back to Daddy's.

Like, I just want to stay with you. And, like, it was really difficult managing his emotions because I didn't want to not validate him. But at the same time in my head, I'm thinking, okay, this is like part of our three hours together. And, like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, you don't want this three hours just to be. him upset. He was quite distracted by the presents when we got back. That was really lovely, like seeing, obviously seeing your kids open presents. There's just something about it, isn't there? Yeah. But then we went out for pancakes afterwards and we had some lovely moments, but he spent

a lot of the time just wanting to cuddle me and basically getting upset and crying. I don't want to go back. I want to stay with you. It's not fair. And then it's really difficult because he's been saying this for a while. He's such an empath. he really cares about how people feel that he didn't want to hurt his dad's feelings. Right. So he didn't want to say anything. And I did feel really stuck because I did feel like it intruded on our time. It must be really frustrating for you when you don't have that sort of relationship with their dad where you can just almost be like, I know this isn't possible for you.

you would like to think that you could sort of be like, look, I just want him to be happy. Can we do whatever he wants? To be completely honest, I cried my whole way home from dropping the kids back and the situation I was putting after that. And when I got home, I was so emotionally drained and sad that I wasn't with my child and I felt like he wanted to be with me. That I didn't know how to cope with it, that I took myself to bed and I slept for the whole afternoon. I think that when they're older and he actually feels like they'll have more of a say, that's what I mean.

They'll have more of a say when they're older. Although he's empathetic to his feelings, he'll stop putting his feelings before. And then yesterday when I picked them up from being away, he got really upset and he was like, I just wanted my birthday with you, blah, blah, blah. And it's really difficult because I think it's really hard being a co-parent when you don't feel like you can co-parent that but it's really difficult when you're a co-parent

when you feel like you can't stand up for what you know your child wants it's just really hard when you're both singing from different hymn sheets when one of you really does genuinely have like your child's

interests and feelings at the forefront of their decisions but the other person is so set and this is the plan and we have to stick to it I am really struggling with it all at the moment because I do also feel like I have that relationship with my child where he does feel safe to express his feelings but I don't feel like I can then pass those feelings forwards and then be validated that end and I guess it's another part of co-parenting and it was

one of those things that like in the moment it was hell on earth I'm not going to lie in my head it was like you just have to make it through to tomorrow which is why I tried to sleep most of the day away and then I went out I was. going to go out and my friends we'd had a dinner booked and I messaged them and I was like look girl I was like I've been crying all afternoon I was in a bit of a state had another panic attack which I've been having quite a few of recently and I was like I think I'm just going to stay at home and they were like what you're going to do at home being your own feel sorry for yourself and being your own head and I was like yeah and they were like come out and I went out and I actually am so

bad it did it was exactly what I needed like it was shit and it's one of those parts of co-parenting there is nothing and it really bothers me when some people are like just celebrate the birthday on a different day it's like say that all you want your child's birthday is your child's birthday and even if I did that because of how

he feels and what he expresses to you do you know what I mean? It'd be so much easier if he was like like because I said to him like how lucky are you you get two birthdays that you get to do this because this weekend come in with celebrating his birthday like I'm doing all we've got big family dinner we've got his birthday party and like whilst

that's really exciting. He was like, yeah, but it's like he's almost put that pressure on it, not being on his birthday, not me. Yeah. So it's been, it's been really, really difficult. I'm not going to lie to you. Even when I was reading his birthday card to him, he got himself in a bit of a state that he just wanted to stay at high. And then also like, then opening his presence, then he had to leave his presence and all he wanted to do was play with the cool new things. Yeah, yeah. It's been really difficult. But again, I'm sure a lot of people will be able to relate. Yeah.

I think when your kids, when your kids voice what they want and you can't do that because of someone else who is doing it for the wrong reasons, there's probably nothing more to show to. She couldn't get his emotions under great. He couldn't, I could see him

like beating himself up for not trying to enjoy that time in me. Ivy out of all of my three is the one that has always struggled the most with the handovers. But she makes it very aware in front of both of us. So, yeah, so. Milo will do that and sometimes the O'O will do that. But I don't know if it's because of the situation. Like, as well, it was a very different situation.

Normally all handovers are done via school or at my home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just completely different. Yeah. And it was really shit. I'm not going to lie, it was one of those days. Yeah, that was like, glad that's done. Yeah.

It was crap. I don't really have anything to share. Stunning. Yeah, so let's give me some emails, guys. This is called Trust Afterer. repeated breaches. Hi girls, I've been debating sending this in for months because I genuinely don't know whether I'm being unreasonable anymore or whether I've just spent so long questioning myself that I've lost perspective. I've been with my partner for a couple of years. I love him.

We've built a life together. We have plans for the future and despite everything I'm about to say, I don't believe he's a bad person. That's partly why I'm struggling so much. When we first got together, I thought that I found someone I completely trust. Over time though, there have been so many incidents that have chipped away at that trust that I genuinely don't know what a normal reaction looks like anymore. Throughout our relationship, I discovered things that have made me uncomfortable. There has been porn use, following women online, liking women's photos, engaging with content that feels inappropriate when you're in a committed relationship and messaging other women. At one point, I found out that he had secretly downloaded Snapchat after telling me he wasn't

using it, there's always been screenshots and screen recordings of women saved on his phone. Thing that hurt me the most was finding a notes list on his phone containing women's social media accounts. When I confronted him about it, he told me it was because if our relationship didn't work out, he wanted people to contact in the future. No, fuck off. I don't think I ever fully recovered from hearing that. I'm not surprised. It's like a backup list. Since then, trust has become a huge issue between us. I mean, valid. One thing I can't get past is how protective

he is of his phone. I completely understand everyone deserves privacy, but this goes beyond that. If I ever happen to pick up his phone or go near it, he reacts instantly. He'll rush over, grab it, snatch it back, or physically make

sure I can't see what's on it. The reaction itself almost feels more concerning than whatever might actually be on there. No, no, no. The reaction is because of what's on there, just saying. There's also been times where exes or women he's previously been involved with have contacted him and he hasn't told me. I found out later rather than hearing it directly from him, which makes me wonder what else

I don't know about. Another issue is something that sounds petty when I write it down but genuinely affects me. I bet you this is not going to be petty. Whenever we're out together, I constantly notice him looking at other women. I know everyone notices attractive people. I'm not expecting someone to walk around blindfolded, but sometimes it feels excessive to the point where I become hyper aware of it. There was even one occasion where he was so busy looking at a woman

while driving that he nearly went into the back of another car. And you said that this might be petty. No. I remember sitting there thinking, surely this can't be normal, it's not. Because of everything that's happened, I've become incredibly insecure. I compare myself to every woman I see.

I wonder whether I'm enough. I wonder whether he's secretly wishing he was with someone else. I wonder whether he'll eventually leave if someone better comes along. The problem is that whenever I try and explain how these things affect me, I often get dismissed. I get told, I'm overthinking, I'm insecure or I'm too sensitive. I'm looking for problems and I eventually end up questioning my own feelings rather than feeling reassured. that's called gaslighting the other thing that really impacts me

is that whenever we have serious relationship issues he often threatens to leave or ends the relationship sometimes it feels like the relationship is always one disagreement away from being over it makes it difficult to feel emotionally safe because instead of focusing on solving the issue I end up panicking about whether the relationship itself is about to end

that's called emotional abuse recently we had an argument and he asked me whether I thought our relationship was working. I answered honestly and said I didn't know. Not because I don't love him, but because I'm exhausted. I feel like I spent so much time trying to rebuild trust, trying to stop overthinking, trying to communicate better, trying to convince myself everything is okay,

that I don't actually know what is okay anymore or what is supposed to feel like. The confusing part is that despite all of this, there are some good moments. We laugh, we have plans, we care about each other. We can have some amazing weeks where I genuinely believe we're going to be fine

and then something happens and all of the old feelings come flooding back. I don't know if I'm holding on to things that should have been left in the past. I don't know if the trust issues are now being kept alive by my anxiety or whether my anxiety exists because there had been enough incidents

to make me feel this way. I suppose my question is this. How do you know when trust has genuinely been rebuilt after repeated incidents and how do you know when you're staying because you love someone versus staying because you're hoping they'll eventually become the person you need them to be? Am I expecting too much

or have I simply accepted too little for too long? I'd really love to hear your thoughts because I genuinely don't know anymore. I really hope that you hear in that email you now know because every single thing that you are feeling is due to the fact that he is cheating, he is not validating you, he is gaslighting you, he's manipulated you, and you are so stuck in your ways that you are now questioning what is right,

what is wrong, whether how you're feeling is because it's just you're anxious, you're anxious because he's made you that way. His behaviour isn't reassuring, you don't feel safe, this is not a relationship that you should be in, you are holding on to the potential of a person that doesn't actually exist. this man, you're not building any trust. What has he done to build your trust? He is consistently letting you down

and not allowing you to speak about your feelings and then breaking up with you when you do. So you need to lead this man. It makes me really sad when we start doubting our own intuition, we start doubting our own feelings, and we start questioning, you know, maybe I am being a bit over the top,

Maybe I am being a bit dramatic. Maybe I have lost my mind. Maybe I'm going psycho. Like, no, no. He has made you live in fight or flight because there have been so many occasions where he has shown you he is untrustworthy. He has, for me, even like the behavior of someone, like, constantly being protective of their phone and, like, snatching it off. And, like, there's a reason. Someone who's got nothing to hide doesn't react in a way.

that there's something on that phone he doesn't want you to get your hands on you don't even need to get your hands on it at this point I think the behavior indicates everything you need to know but it's everything else the man doesn't respect you don't get me wrong I reckon it could be a situation where you leave he'll try and beg and beg and beg for you to come back because he's not used to you taking the reins he's not used to you standing up for yourself he's used to walking all over you he is used to disrespecting you cheating on you, doing whatever the fuck he wants without you challenging it or without you

pushing because he knows he's got in your head and he knows you're starting to doubt yourself and look, I imagine that of thousands of women probably listening to this who have been there. I know I've certainly been there. I remember getting to a point where I was thinking, shit, like maybe I am overreacting or maybe I have lost the plot. Like maybe I am going a bit to Lulu. like, no, you're not. You know that and I really hope that us reading that

and you're hearing it back like put yourself in the shoes of someone else. Imagine you would just listen to another story on the podcast. What would your thoughts be? You need to leave. This man is not your person and it's going to be fucking hard but I promise you it's going to be so much better than whatever this is.

Yeah, like nothing's been said about how long you've been together with, I don't believe that you have kids or anything together. or you've been with your partner for a couple of years. Do you know what was really sad when you said like there are parts that are nice? It's when people say all the bad stuff and then they're like, but sometimes it's really nice

and sometimes we get on really well and don't get me wrong, people don't have to get on all the time but the fact that you're, it's like you're holding on to scraps. You need to get rid of this man and don't break up with him with the hope that he's going to change.

No. Boy, bye. Hey ladies, I just want to say you've helped me through such a difficult time. Listening to your podcast has motivated me to keep going and it does get better. This one's a bit of a long story. I found out eight months pregnant

after just buying our first home that my ex was living a complete second life. He had been seeing another girl meeting up with her and planning weekends away. We've been struggling for months before as he had developed a drug problem so I put my everything into trying to help him

and keep on track for the sake of my baby boy but on Valentine's Day this year I felt the urge to go through his phone which I had never done before just as I was about to give up as I couldn't find anything I swiped up to delete the apps that I'd opened and I could see there that there was an archived WhatsApp under a different woman's name

to the name this woman is called I opened the chat and the messages were horrendous and still to this day I don't know how long this was going on for she knew everything about me she knew I was pregnant she knew we had just bought a house together

and she knew who I was and had approached me in the pub and messaged him saying that she had seen me she approached her in the pub no yeah she like spoke to her in the pub but you know what that is not the first time I've heard the other woman get in contact with the woman that they know.

It's psycho behaviour. Yeah, psycho behaviour. Whilst reading the messages, it all started to make sense. As when he was saying he had call-outs, his uncle with his job, it turns out he was meeting her. Also, when he would go on a night out and not come home, he would be there. The further I got into the messages, the worse they got. They were planning a weekend away and saying how much they loved each other.

They went on to have a conversation about them sleeping together in the middle of the day in the woods near where she were. He was asleep next to me whilst I was reading the messages and woke up with a chest of drawers being thrown at him. Love that. Love that energy. But, you know, oops. Yeah. Don't love that. And he instantly knew.

My baby boy is now seven. I'm not being funny. If a chest of drawers was being thrown at me in the middle of the night, I would think something was out. We're going to imagine. Oh, what's going on here? These chest of drawers. I hope there's really heavy stuff in it. My baby boy is now seven weeks old

and it's been a really challenging time but he's the best thing. I feel like having a good relationship with his father is really hard at the moment as we are co-parenting and he comes over every other day as I will not let him out of the house with the baby due to both of them having previous drug problems. I've also said I don't want my baby

near this woman as she's got a really bad reputation for drugs and other things. Wow. What other things? I mean, I'll tell us. I'm hoping things will start to get easier, but I'll always hold that grudge against the father. It's just hard as I want to maintain a relationship purely for my son, but all I have is pure resentment against him for what he's done during my pregnancy. I hope this makes some sort of sense. Can I just say you holding resentment for that, especially it being so raw.

It's absolutely valid. like he has completely and utterly let you down. I think that, I think too often we're really guilty of like berating ourselves or putting ourselves down for feeling a certain way because of someone else's behaviour. But what they did to us has made us feel that way. Like it's valid.

So just sit in it. Do what you can to show up for you and your kids. Eventually that resentment will die down. You'll be able to pull more into your kids. yourself and realize that actually this man has done you a favor, you don't want a man like that in your life. Like, I just, I just, I have no words for the way that these men treat humans. It's, I think it's also really difficult as well. Like, when you're pregnant and you're going through like something that's meant to be beautiful and creating a life together and to have found all that out whilst you're heavily pregnant.

And, you know, you've suddenly been slapped in the face, that that little dream that we all have when we're pregnant and we're about to have a baby with someone, like, that's a hard slap down to reality that that's not going to be the case for you. I think also like going into motherhood, knowing you're going to do it alone, it's really difficult to process.

But also not feeling like your child is safe around their dad outside of your home. That's obviously a feeling I can't relate to, but must be really quite terrifying. Yeah, I mean, regardless, look, you're also, your emotions are going to be heightened now because you're postpartum, your hormones are all over the place anyway,

let alone trying to process and deal with all of this. Like give yourself that space and time to just feel everything, like feel all those feelings. But also remember like no feeling is permanent. Like things are, I'm not saying things are going to be easy because they're absolutely not, but things are going to feel better.

I think the hardest part is always, not the hardest part, but I think you're in such a raw part where I don't even know if you've fully processed it or accepted it. It's those different stages on the grief cycle. It's really valid how you're feeling. And I think one day you will, if you do the right work, you'll get to the point where you'll actually feel quite grateful that you weren't with this man and having to accommodate his poor behaviour. the longer than you had to. So. Must be so hard with the sleep deprivation as well

when you have a seven week old, baby. But sending you loads of love and hope that you're doing okay. This is called Ladies I Need You. Well, where do I start? I first discovered you amazing ladies when my son's dad left us back in 2022 just a few weeks before Christmas

and yet he was sleeping with a work colleague who claimed he was just friends with and he was just friends with. And he was. was, is your typical gaslighting narco prick. But never mind him, this is about my current insane 2026. Rolling back to January, I found out that I was pregnant with the man that I thought this was it. We had a rollercoaster start to our relationship, but the last year was everything I wanted and more.

We've been together on and off for three years. Me and my son moved in with him and life was going great. Well, I thought. Yes, we had your typical bickers, but which couple doesn't? The day I told him I was pregnant, we had a small bicker about washing being left on the bed. Something so pathetic, yes. And because I was running around for my mother and taking her shopping, little did he know I was off buying a pregnancy test.

As soon as I told him I was pregnant, he told me he didn't want it, didn't want this, and left me. I spent weeks begging him not to do this, but I couldn't change his mind. He packed up all of our stuff and moved into our new home. Seven weeks later, life chucked some even more heartache my way. My perfect little boy was diagnosed with A-L, a type of leukemia, something no mother should ever have to go through. My wild completely crumbled, even more than it already had. I reached out to my ex and told him what was going on and I never received a single message or anything from him.

My son loved him and he was more of a dad to him than his own dad was. Two months down the line and my son is doing so well. he truly is a little warrior and taking all of this within his stride and he's going to kick this up the ass. We have two years of treatment ahead of us but he's got this. He's given me the strength to hold it all together and stay strong, but this week I've broken. I found out my ex is now seeing some other woman. Sorry to say this but she's awful and it was just the icing on the cake for me. Something I didn't see coming.

How could he move on when I'm carrying his child and a little boy he loved is going through hell? My heart broke all over again, not just for me, but for my boy. He talks about him every day, and I guess I hope that one day he'd come back and realize that he made the wrong choice. So ladies, my question is, how the hell do I get through all of this on my own? I feel like my life is over. He's made me feel so worthless and like I was nothing. My self-worth was already shattered, but now I'm just numb. My boy and me deserve better, and his unborn daughter certainly deserves better,

but knowing that doesn't stop this pain. Disclaimer, number one, he has two children of his own, two boys, 17 and 14. Number two, he still doesn't know if he wants to be involved in his daughter's life and isn't ready to talk to me about it yet. Number three, I've been told I can go into labour

at any point due to stress and pressure that my body is under with everything. And number four, my son's dad is still a crittin and hardly helps us, and during our son's first few weeks of being diagnosed, I receive so much abuse from him. But big shot coming. Now when I see him, he's overfriendly and inappropriate.

He also has a girlfriend and a baby now. He gives me the ick. Sorry for the long email. I could have gone on and on and gave much more detail, but I'll say that for another day. And for my therapist, who I'm starting to see now. Thank you. Wow.

I mean, I don't really have any words because I feel like it's shit. that he is obviously the dad to your unborn child. And I think he's shown exactly who he is. I mean, the fact he hasn't messaged off the back of that message shows such a lack of compassion. Like, it's like what we said in that Patreon episode with the child who also had cancer. Like, I don't understand how anyone can have that lack of empathy to someone going through something so horrific. Like, I feel like even if you despise someone, like, at least you.

acknowledging it and sending a message of well wishes back is like basic behavior of like a semi-decent human being I think the fact he hasn't even acknowledged it is quite frankly disgusting but also like you and your children deserve to have someone better in your lives and I know this isn't how you've planned it to be or what you would desire your family to look like but it's better than knowing you're with someone who's unreliable who's inconsistent who can get up and blindside you and just leave at any point like i feel like there's no safety in that i feel like you said like you were holding onto the hope that maybe

he's come back but would you feel safe that he couldn't just get up and leave again i just think someone like that just yeah blow for my mind yeah i i just think that i really really want you to maybe take a step back and really think about what this man has done and what he hasn't showed up for i know that i know that feeling when you're really sort of still holding on to that hope that someone's going to change and show up for you in a way that they haven't before. But I think that you really need to look at the bigger picture now. And the fact that he can't show up in a time where your son is going through what he's going through, I wouldn't want that man near me.

And I think that you need to really start seeing him for who he is because I'd love you to be at a point if he ever did turn around and want to come back that you would literally be like, we don't want you. like you can be in your daughter's life if you want to we'll get like some sort of like child arrangement sorted but I don't want you to want a man like that if he is able to abandon you and your child at a time like that

whilst you're also pregnant with his child I don't even think I don't think that that is normal behaviour from a well person he obviously has some sort of personality disorder you're going to look back one day and be really grateful that he is not in your life. And I think that you need to really, really start pouring into yourself and getting that

self-respect where you don't want that man because he isn't worthy of your time or energy at all. Please keep us updated. Can I help. Loll. Oh. Morning girls. I hope you had a lovely weekend. We did.

Thank you. Been a silent Nissan. And I know you've covered some things like this, but I'm hoping for some help and advice in my current situation. I've been with my partner for eight months but I've known him for 15 years as our mum's our best friends He has a habit of going no contact

When he's overwhelmed Which he was upfront and honest about When we first started dating We are currently three weeks no contact As he wanted space Which I honoured But I went to his flat to speak And see where things stood

He said he was upset And wanted to continue with me And loved me but didn't want anything toxic And felt like we'd been arguing And bickering a lot That was almost too much weeks ago. So five weeks no contact now. Is he coming back? I sent him the following message. I love and care about you more than you know, but I can't continue feeling this way. Me having an

attitude at times doesn't take away from the fact that I have a good heart and I'm a good person. You know I overthink and being left in silence like this has put me in a position where I can't help but sit and overthink everything. It's really hurtful to hear you say you love me and want this relationship, but then be met with nothing. It feels like it's a lie and it's like, I'm and as if I never meant anything to you. Your actions over the last few weeks are telling me something different, and I have to listen to that rather than hold on to words. I can't convince you of my worth, but I do know I deserve more than feeling

disrespected or being treated like this. I only ever wanted the best for you, and I didn't expect things to end like this, especially knowing how much this kind of situation hurt you so recently. I thought there would be more clarity and respect between us. These past few weeks have been really difficult for me, and I can't keep putting myself in a position where I feel like I'm asking to be loved back and lowering my self-respect. You are so special to me and I'll always care about you.

The door is always open when you finish working yourself, as I'm assuming from what you've said, that's what you're doing. But right now, I need to respect myself. I truly wish you nothing but the best. I've never felt love like you have shown me. And I'll always love you. Hang on. He hasn't spoken to you for five weeks.

And the door's open? No. No, we need to slam that door shut up with a good few puddle. I just, there's... Is that the end of the email? There's avoidant behaviour, but then there's also like, you can't just not speak to someone. So he's saying to you, I want to be with you, but I need my space. And it doesn't work like that.

Like, that's so toxic. Giving you completely mixed messages, though. Like, it's like pulling you in and pushing you away, pulling you in, that's not a relationship. What he's doing is having the best of both worlds. He doesn't have to speak to you. He's made it very clear where he stands. If he can't even muster up the communication, skills to speak and explain exactly how he's feeling and let you in a little bit.

What is the point in being with this man? Is he going to do this every time something happens that he doesn't like? He's going to shut down, run away and be like, no, need two months on my eye. She said that at the beginning. Like he always goes, no, like. So it's a habit. That's how he deals with things. That's not what you want.

I just feel like, coming from someone that's experienced, no contact, no contact for me personally is when you both feel like the relationship, maybe isn't working anymore and you're doing the no contact not for a break but to actually like move forward away from each other don't get me wrong as you've seen sometimes people come back but no contact shouldn't be used as a as a way of just like avoiding conflict and thinking like do you know what I'm going to have a little cheeky time out and then when I fancy going back to her you've literally just made him aware you do what you need to do and the door's always open because I love you.

The first part was great. Yeah. It's like, yeah, girl. And then it's literally like, you carry on being really toxic and emotionally unavailable. And then I'll just sit here and wait for you until you want to come back. You need to move on with your life. You need to close that door and you need to initiate the no contact. You know what?

You've shown me, he's communicating his feelings without communicating. Yeah. The silence is the communication. And I also feel like you need to come to the realization that this isn't no contact. this is him just choosing to not communicate. It sounded like you took some accountability for the fact that you may not sometimes deal with things in the right way or she got angry or something

and then like he pulls away. I'm all four people sometimes dealing with conflict not correctly. But if someone is just going to like disappear for weeks on end, that's also going to make you feel like you're never going to be able to communicate how you feel moving forward because you're always going to be scared

that he's just going to suddenly like disappear on you. But you're in isn't a relationship So I think that you need, I wouldn't even bother messaging him again. Just blocking. I would, I would say I've changed my mind about my door being opened as officially shut, goodbye. And then block, block, block, block delete.

Proper no contact. Get rid of him. Let us know. Product of the week. I want to talk about this makeup brand. Oh my God. I thought it was just from a glart. I couldn't see, prop, yeah.

I think we're holding a fucking bullet. I'm going to say. Kiko, Milano. This is one of the lip-bloss. They are honestly gorgeous. They've got like a bit of a sparkle to it. But I got a load of their products the other day and I just want to share a makeup brand that's like really reasonably priced. That's unbelievable. I don't know if you can see like the blush on my cheek, but it has that highlight in it as well. Absolutely hurts. Is your blush a liquid or powder? A powder. I've started using this and I'm honestly hooked. Like I just think it's really nice to find a makeup brand where the products are really good, but the price wants really lives. It's Kiko Milana. this is shade 32.

It's the 3D hydro lip glass. They're so nice. But they also do, which I forgot to bring with, maybe I have it in my bag actually. They do these eyeshadow sticks. So if anyone's really shit at eye shadow, me and my sister were talking about these.

She was telling me about it. I was so weird. I've literally just got that. You literally like draw on your eyelids and just with a brush blend it and it makes life so easy. You don't get that like falling powder. I've seen that on tip-top.

Yeah, that's where. Oh really? And is that brand? They're amazing. Oh, cool. Yeah, really good. So, highly recommend. Love that.

Confession of the week. My co-parenting relationship with my ex is okay at the moment. However, he is a compulsive liar. I've always wanted to know what he's doing when I'm not there and the kids are there. So, I have a very small device that records conversations. I place this in my daughter's school bag in the zip compartment that is. really easily accessible. Then when she comes back from her dad's,

I listen to it. It's safe to say it's really good that I'm not with him anymore because history is repeating himself and he has actually spoken about an affair that he is having. So he's currently cheating with the affair woman from our relationship with someone else. So hold on. I think I know what she's trying to say.

No. I think what she's saying is he had an affair on her. They left and now he's having an affair on that woman with someone else and she's found that out through the device that's been put in her daughter's school. I mean, look, do we need to find that out? That is jokes. Not like, ha ha, he's cheating, but like jokes with the recording thing. Can't relate.

Okay, affirmation of the week. Okay. Notice how you parent when he's gone. How patient you are. How you let the kids make a mess and somehow it feels lighter, not heavier. You smile more. You use your sing-song voice. If your best self shows up when your spouse isn't there, that is data, not coincidence.

Your nervous system is telling you the truth. It's easier to be a mother when you're not also managing a grown man's moods. Mike drop. And that. And everyone leaves their mouth. It's so true though. Like if you could separate out the managing of your significant others moods or like a change of atmosphere. It's just interesting.

It's something I wish I'd reflected on a long time ago. Yeah, I understand. Wowzers. Anyway, guys. That hits hard. Yeah, remember, if you haven't yet got your tickets for the tour, go and head to the link on our bio on Instagram or TikTok. talk, go and get your tickets. And we'll see you next week.

Love you, bye.