Not As We Planned - I Can't Stop Comparing Myself to His Ex | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

This episode discusses worrying about your boyfriend’s ex moving back into town, feeling on edge around a suspicious colleague who's just disappeared into thin air, and dealing with fears about your partner’s connection with his children’s mum. We also hear a powerful story of a woman who’s been through hell and come out stronger. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi, you're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel like I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Not As We Planned. Are we you? Me. literally life is so boring and nothing to report at all I'm trying to think we went to the theatre that was cute we did that was really good I mean that was interesting for you yeah it was interesting it was actually really cute to have so it was just Theo Blake and Ivy went out for Pizza Express fast like not gonna like Blake and I have a period of obsessory I'm like yeah and like they were like loving you like Blake especially he was asking me like he was asking me like

the most profound questions, he was like, what is your least favorite deep sea creature? I really had to give us some more. I was like, oh, I don't think anyone's ever asked me that before. He's just so inquisitive, isn't he? Like, he just wants to know. He's actually quite proud of Theo, because he wasn't as shy as I thought he would be.

I think once the, like, I think he was good. He did really well, it's really, like, but that's big for him. Yeah, I know it was cute. And then Ivy was wearing your jacket. Oh, yeah. Because I've got jackets for my kids. But yeah, it ended, it ended. badly

not great but I think I handled it really well yeah so Ivy was sick yeah and Tash smashed it

she wasn't feeling well she was like I don't know what to do and I was like get a taxi home do you not go in the under I think that was the right decision 100%

yeah I told you she was sick in the car yeah that would have been so much worse on the underground yeah oh my God that would have been horrendous

so I was like just get a taxi if like get some water get back like just that's all you can do in those situations you can't just sit there and wait you've got to get home yeah and you smashed it in you sorry if that's triggering for anyone listening that's like an emetaphob um being one myself i have been doing a course which i have spoken about a bit on my um instagram it's called the thrive program and i strongly recommend it to anyone i've been doing it with a coach you can do it without one i wanted to do it it with one to sort of hold me accountable.

And the way I just handled that experience was like... Yeah, it's messed up. Yeah, like it was not something that I would have normally been able to do. So... And actually, do you know what? For me, it's not so much handling it in the process because a lot of the time I actually am okay in it. I'm usually really bad afterwards.

And like the brooding and the like catastrophizing in my head and yeah, like the hand washing. the anxiety and my mum would usually then like stay at me for like a week she didn't say at me once but it's really yeah so like it's a massive massive improvement step in the right direction so I really recommend that to anyone and then the next day went to thought park oh yeah we had the best day we had such a good time honestly like Carly on rise was giving me a fucking life like she's just next to me on a ride and I could just hear this like cackled witch like laughing get the giggles so but I just can't stop laughing.

But it was quite, what was it when we were having a full-blown normal conversation? Oh, I'm nemesit. But then we both felt really sick afterwards. We were like, I was going, I'm so bored. And I was like, so basically next week, this is what I think we should do. And like, we were just having a normal conversation. Then I got off. I was like, well, do I feel so fucking dismal.

But we had the best day. It was exactly what I needed. I was like, I just need to feel again. Yeah. So we become like a roller coaster junkie. I think we need to go, yeah, I think we need to do that again. I woke up the next day feeling really depressed and I was like, I think I need to go back to the park.

I had a really bad day the day after. I took myself out for a walk and I just like was gone. I think that's expected when you have a day where you're distracted, where you're having fun. You're going to crash up down. I'd had the two days, haven't I? I'd had the theatre on the Friday and then we went to sort of park on the Saturday. So I'd felt really like good, busy.

Good. Busy. And then I woke up on my own on the Sunday and it all just hit me. So I was like, right, I need to take myself out. Went for a really long walk. Where was it you walked? It looked so nice. It's lovely.

It's called Haybridge Basin. It's towards Cold Chest Away. Right. Yeah, it was lovely. I used to go there with my mum and dad. Okay, that's cute. Yeah, I think that like, I think it's really normal with whatever grief or whatever you're going through

where you're needing to sort of like continue with life I know we hate the phrase it's not linear but it's not and I think when you're in those good moments or you're having a moment where you don't feel like crap embrace it take it on board I know that eventually

whatever goes up must come down but whatever go down must come up no no sorry okay good well anyway should come on some of yeah On that really negative Whatever goes up, must come down

I don't think I was meant to say that bit Sorry guys So in other words If you're having a good day By the end of this you're going to feel like shit His ex has moved into our town Help Oh

Hi girls I've just started listening to your podcast And the comfort I have received And knowing I'm not the only woman Has been broken down Bit by bit over the years But also someone Who desperately wants to be herself again

My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married seven and we have a son. He's been my rock in many ways over the years, but has also been the reason I needed a rock. He lied and cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend a couple of times when we first got together. She'd go round his house whilst I was on holiday. They would send photos to each other. She would try to persuade his family and friends to tell him to leave me. It was a horrible situation. I had the usual tears and begs from him and promises it would never happen again. And from that moment on, when I chose to forgive him,

I thought everything would be okay. But it wasn't. As a person, I was broken. All confidence was gone, comparing myself to her on a daily basis. I would find her on social media to compare myself. My brain would tell me, see, you're worse than her.

She's got nicer hair, nicer skin, etc. Fast forward to 2020, I had our son and COVID hit. I had post-nated depression. and was even more broken than before due to this. I'd asked my husband to speak to a friend of a friend about my health and advise as she was in the medical sector. He said he tried but she wasn't texting him back. I eventually had enough and went on his phone to see if he had text her.

Trust your gut, ladies. Turns out he did, but not about my medical problem. Just to flirt a message throughout the day and this went on for a month before I found out. I again forgave him and tried to move on. And fast forward to now, the first girl has now moved to our very small village and I see her every morning on my way to work or to take my son to school. It has brought back so much trauma and the comparison torture has started again.

I'm finding her on social media, trying to find ways of comparing myself. I've spoken to her but then make myself come across like a mentally unstable person. She has had Botox, etc, and in my insecure eyes, she just seems perfect, unlike me. I'm so afraid that he's going to bump into her, and feelings will come flooding back. He's promised me he will never be unfaithful again, but can a leopard truly change their spots? The worst part of all of this is everyone thinks he is such a lovely, kind person who would never be unfaithful. I come across as the horrible one where I'm always on edge and so, so insecure. I don't want to break up my family, but I want to be.

happy and feel pretty again. Any advice please keep me anonymous. It's really sad when you hear someone like so with such low self-worth yeah and putting yourself down so much and comparing yourself to someone based on what you feel like you look like what they look like I think it's so difficult because you're in a relationship where let's be honest like you don't trust your partner and if it's not going to be you know an ex that's moved it's going to be a new person. I just feel like, I just feel like how can you be in a relationship where you are treading on eggshells worried that your partner is going to cheat on you? The thing is, I've been there. I've lived in your shoes. I may not have had someone that

lived near that he had been with before, but I didn't trust my ex-husband and there is nothing worse than feeling like you're not safe in a relationship. That's not how it's meant to feel. Like there are people out there that can make you feel safe, that can make you feel secure, like you don't have to constantly check their phone. And I didn't believe while I was in it that I would ever be able to feel that way. I thought it was just me.

But it wasn't. I was just putting my trust in the wrong person. And I think that you're doing the same. Yeah. I think, look, I think as women, it is really difficult. I think we do often compare ourselves to people on social media. We compare ourselves to people we know. And I think particularly when you've had kids and stuff and your body's changed,

you do feel less confident in it. And those comparisons are there and they can be the thief of joy. I think as well, like obviously your husband's not helped in your insecurities by being unfaithful, by, you know, doing things behind your back. So I think a lot of that has to be said for that. And I think a lot of the time, like, I'm a big believer that the environment you're in dictates a lot of how you are. And I think when you're constantly on edge, you're in that fight or flight mode, you're looking for him to make his next mistake. You're going to be in a negative head space and you're going to be talking to yourself saying, I'm not enough.

She is better than me. He can do better. He's going to want to cheat on me again. But the more we talk down to ourselves, the more we talk down to ourselves, the more we actually believe ourselves, the more times, it's unbelievable when you become conscious about it, it is unbelievable the amount of negative things we say to ourselves on a daily basis, whether we say them out loud or not. So, for example, how many times you look in the mirror and be like, oh, I don't like this about myself, oh, like your skin doesn't look good, oh, this. And it was something that

it was when I started reading the Roxy and Fusi books, that I really started realizing how many times I was negatively speaking to myself. So something you can do. aside from all of this and what you should do regarding your relationship, I think you need to start talking a bit more positively to yourself. So every time you catch yourself saying something negative, stop it and try and say something positive about yourself. And try and do it about your appearance. You know, your hair looks really nice today.

You've done a really nice job at your makeup. You know, your skin's looking good. Try and start speaking positively to ourselves. I think honestly, like, it is a big conscious process, but I am a big believer that the more we hear ourselves say negative things about ourselves, and more we believe it. So we need to be kinder to ourselves and we need to be programming our brain to think a bit more positively. In regards to your relationship, I think I need a bit more, a bit more information and context.

Like what does that relationship look like? I mean, for me, actually, even the fact he's been texting a woman behind your back, that's a bit of a red flag for me. It doesn't show like he's got very much respect. And I think it's really difficult when there's been infidelity at a start of a relationship and you've chosen to move on. I understand respect that you chose to move on. But it does sound like it's impacting you daily. I think as well, you're now being triggered by it.

Like it is also okay to say, I don't feel safe in this relationship anymore. And maybe this isn't for me. That is also okay. Just because that infidelity took place years ago, it is also allowed for you to not feel safe. and I think safety in a relationship is absolute key. It's even like maybe like voicing it and then see what he's willing to do to give you that reassurance.

And if he's not and he's deflected, then there's another reason not to be with that person. Okay, this is called from trauma to self-love. Hi, Tash and Carly. I just wanted to thank you for the space you've created. It's raw, real and healing. Listening to your episodes has helped me reflect on my own story and I felt compelled to share it with you.

We all want the love of our lives to just fall into our laps, don't we? Yeah, I'm waiting for him. Maybe what is it to do with the laps? Maybe not on my lap. Come on. Come on. That's why we romanticise the hell out of the relationships that nearly broke us. We bury the pain, wear a brave face and convince ourselves it's normal for years.

I did that for over a decade. At 19, I moved counties with a partner. That relationship didn't last, but I stayed in the area for the job. A few months in, I met someone at work and thought I'd found my forever. In reality, I just met my worst possible few years. Oh, good Lord. Yeah. It started with red flags, I ignored.

Messages to other women being told we couldn't be intimate because he had clemedia. Really? Babe. Babe. I should have wrong. Yeah. But I didn't. He started dating in 2011 and moved in together by 2014.

We had our first child. I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking love would fix it. But it didn't. By 2015, we had our second child and things spiraled. I remember. cooking in a dark kitchen with a lamp plugged in because he couldn't be bothered to change the bulbs. That's me at the microphone. It's the same.

The lights in my house, it must be like just how many years, but how many bulbs in my house. But like my ceilings on my second floor are so high up, I need like a full on proper ladder. And I'm like, oh, future problems. You're not going to be living in a dark. The little lamp. It's fine. It's getting to summer. The days are longer.

This is how I convince my self. Yeah. You could just be like one of those people that's like When the sun goes down or go to bed. But I turned the kitchen light on yesterday and I was like, oh, it didn't feel very light to do it. I can do those ones. I just need to do it.

I change light bulbs now. I'm going to learn this weekend. I'm an independent woman. Follow one of my reels if you need any tips. FaceTiming. I don't know what the fuck I'm down. He stopped coming home, was always on his phone, never had money.

I worked two jobs just to keep food in the fridge. He stopped paying. rent, changed jobs constantly and I was drowning. The gaslighting, the lies and manipulation were relentless. He took out finances in my name, emotionally abused me, threatened suicide if I ever left. I hated his presence. He got drunk and tried to drive us home. He walked our kids across the road intoxicated. I knew then our safety was at risk. Eventually, I reconnected with my childhood sweetheart. It was messy as my ex was still living with us, but it was also healing. Carly, your bridge theory resonates deeply. He was my bridge, safe, calm, familiar. He helped me survive

emotionally, but I still longed for the family unit I never truly had. A year later, things ended. Eventually my ex came back with more lies, no bills paid, money disappearing, fake holidays to distract me, using my bank card for pub rounds, messaging one of the mums up the school. Then he crushed my car drunk when he was meant to collect the kids. This was the final straw. and I kicked him out. I realised I'd spent years trying to fix someone else when I needed to fix myself. I bought my own home, just me and the kids, we thrived.

In 2024, he admitted to a cocaine addiction. I stopped contact, he went to rehab, moved away for almost a year and had limited supervised visits. Then he returned with a new girlfriend and began stalking and harassing me. It's now a court case, so I won't go into detail, but it shows how destructive some people become when you move on. He's now 6K in debt for missed CMS payments, but despite all of this, we're happy. I've done the work.

I've been single for three years and I'm not exposing myself to triggers anymore. You asked recently about when kids realise who people really are. It depends. Abuse and addiction are different levels, so I've been honest with my kids. They are 9 and 11. They've known since last year. No birthday cars, no Christmas presents, just absence. They see who shows up.

They know who loves them. I've let them form their own. understanding. There's so much more to the story, but this is a service. What I will say is we think these are mistakes, but they're lessons. I'm grateful for where I am now. I have a safe, loving home. We've been through hell, but we're rebuilding something beautiful. And if we focus on where we're going, not where we've been, we stopped losing ourselves in the past. Thank you for listening and thank you for being the voices that helped so many women like me feel soon. I mean, that's really, yeah. I love when you hear someone go through so much and you still come out the other side stronger

and better and happier. And it just shows like we can either allow these experiences and this pain to define us and lead us down a path of being sad about it and being stuck in that trauma and allowing it to ruin us or we can use it to propel us to do better, to thrive and that's exactly what you've done. And I think that it's just, yeah, really empowering and you should be really, really fucking proud of yourself. Do you know what?

I think we are yet to hear a story where a woman has been broken, knocked down, been at the lowest and not rebuilt herself. I don't know. Any woman that hasn't come out stronger, more resilient, more open-minded, more emotionally intelligent, through all the things that they've been through.

I think all of these stories are so inspiring. And the one thing that I know I really take away from it is you can knock a woman down as many times as you want, but she will always get back up and always rebuild her life. And I think there's something incredibly empowering about that. I just, like we haven't heard a story where someone's been like, and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I was miserable for the rest of my life.

Like some people were still working on it and that's okay. But I think you get to the point where you realize that leaving and not being with that person is so much better than staying in such an unhappy, disrespectful relationship. Yeah, amen. We're made with the strong stuff. Literally. It makes me proud to be a woman. Amen. Work, colleague, vanished into thin air.

I feel like a few people might wish that happened to them. Hi, girls, an OG diehard fan here. Sorry, this could be a long one. Me and my husband had been together nine years. We have two children, five and a six month old. Between the months of June, 23 and March 24, I had this feeling there was something going on between him and a woman at work. Looking back, I don't actually know how I knew.

It was just that feeling you talk about a lot. On three occasions, that reminds me, I commented on every scene called her daddy who's on it. One of the Mormon wives. And she spoke really openly about something. And I can't remember what the teaser was. And it was like there was just this moment. So I commented like the light bulb moment, been there.

And I've had all these comments. So I went back on. I was like, we talk about this a lot on our podcast. I was not too planned. And I tagged the podcast. I just thought it's got like when I lasted, it had like 1,700 likes on my comment. So I thought if all these people go into this comment,

I'm going to put our podcast on there. Yeah. Alex Cooper, if you're listening, should we come on your podcast? awesome. On three occasions, I asked him if there was anything going on between them as I had a gut feeling and he told me my gut feeling was wrong and it was paranoia. Each time I took his word and although I couldn't quite shake the feeling, I genuinely did start to think I was paranoid and making myself look silly. I would tell myself why on earth would there be anything going on between him and another woman? When we have everything we have both ever wanted. We had a great relationship, a beautiful home, the most amazing friends and family around us. us and most importantly our son.

March 2024, I was eight weeks pregnant and not sleeping very well. He came in from a night out and passed out next to me with his phone in his hand. Yeah, you know what comes next. I carefully took his phone and started to go through it. And there I found messages dating back a whole year. I have got goosebumps.

I moved to the bathroom and read every single one of them while sat on the floor for nearly three hours. my whole body uncontrollably shaking. The messages were sexual and flirty and some messages looked to have been removed as at points the conversation didn't flow properly. I confronted him immediately in the morning and then I left home and stayed in a hotel for two nights.

I have a lovely group of friends and a wonderful family but I just wanted to be on my own and didn't want anyone to know about what had happened. He swore blind nothing had ever happened and it was just banter. yet hilarious he was very apologetic said he would delete her off all socials

block her number and never speak to her at work again slowly over the next three weeks things went back to normal we discussed it a lot I cried a lot and he begged a lot for the sake of our child and our unborn baby I gave him the benefit of the doubt and not wanting our whole lives turned upside down

I forgave him and accepted nothing physical happened and that no one's perfect and he was sorry. Sadly, four weeks later, we found out of a scan. I had had a missed miscarriage and would need surgery to remove the pregnancy. I will forever wonder if it was partly my own fault for how stressed and distraught the amount I cried

and I didn't look after myself eating-wise, etc. No, look, can we just pause there? Like, just absolutely not. No. Life went back to normal. It was never talked about and things were great. again except for what I was feeling inside that I hid and never shared. I just wanted it sweeping under the carpet so we could get on with life. Nine months later I fell pregnant again and the first

month of trying. We probably shouldn't have considered having another baby when unbeknown to him, I was still thinking about the betrayal, but my arms were aching after the miscarriage and we were staying together. We always wanted two children. The job he does would mean that if he was to leave that place he would have to go working away abroad for a month at a time for the same money. And although money isn't everything, to have another job onshore would mean to downsize our house, our cars, our holidays and lifestyle in every way. I would be willing to do this if it saves our relationship and my mental health as I can't handle him seeing her at work. My problem is, I just can't stop thinking about it. I don't ever check his phone. Why? I don't

know. Am I worried in case I find something? As it certainly isn't because I trust him. I asked him a few weeks ago what she had said nearly two years ago when she realised he had blocked her of everything and stopped talking to her. He reckons and I quote, she's never even mentioned it. I haven't seen her at work since it happened. She must have changed her working days and worked from home a lot. Bullshit. I'm sorry. So from talking on and off for a year sexually and flirty, she just disappeared into thin air and not once asked why you don't speak anymore. It just doesn't ring true to me and it makes me even more paranoid. I still wonder if I should have told her husband

and let them all experience some of the hurt and betrayal why Carrie, as it doesn't seem fair, I feel like this, and it doesn't affect anybody else. Will I ever get over this? How will I get over this? Or is this a leave situation? And I'm just wasting time here. I love him endlessly and we genuinely do have a great relationship, despite this.

He's an amazing dad, carries half the way at home, and I genuinely believe he thinks it is all in the past, as I believe I hide it well. But some days, like today, it just sits heavier than others. Thanks, girls. It's so difficult because it's consuming you. It's, that's not how life is meant to be. And you do know as well that even if it's an emotional affair,

that's still okay to leave, just because something physically didn't happen between them, that still is okay. And this is what I want to emphasise is when we talk about things about, look, we've heard from people that it is possible to get through infidelity, but I think you really have to fully be able to let go and embrace it. And I think when it does become that fight or flight, that panic, that anxiety, like, your life is worth living and it doesn't sound like you're living, you're on edge, you're literally waiting.

You don't trust him. There's not trust there. And trust is a bare minimum in a relationship, let alone a marriage. Also, like, you said that you never check his phone. I'm telling you now that's because you don't want to find something. You're not ready yet. I think it would be very different if there was so much remorse and he was constantly

giving you the reassurance. But if we actually would maybe take a set back and take some accountability as well, he can't reassure you for something that he thinks you're not thinking about. Yeah, true. And I actually think that if you want to try and make some changes, maybe it's time to actually own how you feel and express it in the right way. Because if you don't want to leave and you want to be with this man, I don't think you should be holding it all in.

I think that you should be explaining it. I think you should be communicating it. And I guess how he responds to that maybe he would. be telling us to, you know, is he going to sit there again and say that you're paranoid and this, that or the other? Or is he going to be like, I'm so gutted that for so long, you have not told me how you feel. What can I do to reassure you? Do I think he's going to say that? Probably not. Could I be wrong? Absolutely. I would give it a go. Like, you've got nothing to lose because you're actually not currently happy. No. So I think that you should express to him how you feel.

Also, it's having two years ago and you've just been living like this. Like how many more years do you want to just coast through life being on edge. Yeah. Talk to him and let us know. Is it possible to move on with the same person after they've hurt you? Hi girls. I'm sorry it's a long one. I'm in a loophole and I'm wondering if I've made the right choice. I separated with my daughter's father almost two years ago and after months of dating wastefully in December I started dating my partner. Our relationship was everything I dreamed of and more. He was exactly what I wanted and needed in a man after months of doing the work. I finally thought I found my person.

We'd known each other for a while and when we started talking, it was like love at first sight and we were madly in love. From February onwards, I noticed a bit of a pattern with him going for drives to clear his head every so often.

I wasn't an insecure person. My motto was, if he's going to do something, he will, so there's no point worrying about it. I've been cheated on in the past. He would go on these drives until the early hours of the morning. I'd text him and ask where he was. Stargazing?

Huh? Stargazing? Yeah. I'd text him and ask where he was or when he was coming home and he'd say, I'm on my way and then not appear for hours. It happened about three or four times before I sat him down and said enough is enough. I allow you to do whatever you need to do, but in return, do not text me that you'll be home if you won't because then I'm sat up worrying that

something's happened to you. After this conversation, things change. it didn't happen again. My partner also has two children, so their mum is very much on the scene. I've always had an odd feeling about her. They've always seemed a little too close for comfort. But he's an amazing dad,

and I just thought that's his children's mum, and of course I want them to have a good co-parenting relationship, but still, something just felt off. I co-parent with my daughter's dad, and gosh, we keep talking to the bare minimum. I noticed around August time she was FaceTiming him often, constantly messaging or phoning him even if it wasn't about the children. A situation happened and she made a comment to me of he would be messaging other women behind your

back too like he did to me. I tried not to read too much into it. After all, we are in a different relationship to them. But one morning I woke up in the middle of the night and just had a gut feeling to check his phone. Something I'd never had a feeling to do before. Of course, I found numerous messages to women who I shall call sexters of some kind and the conversations were just general sexting and flirting. These were clearly women off some site online. I doubt any of them were even real from their phones. I mean, they were all much older than us from what I could tell.

I felt instantly sick and then continued to search his phone to see what else he was hiding. Lo and behold, flirty messages between him and the children's mum, saying how they had things so good, Maybe one day they could have that again. Wow. I also found a photo that he'd taken of her recently in a pub garden. I checked my phone for dates and realised it was correlated with the day he told me that she was stuck at work,

so they had to wait for her before he dropped the kids the children off. In that moment, I threw his bag at his head, told him to pack his things and get out of my house. That for me was the icing on the cake. I didn't understand why he did it. I never gave him a reason to look elsewhere. I made contact with his ex and asked of what she used. been what had been going on. She told me it was just them being friendly and they both knew it didn't mean anything. They know they aren't meant to be together. I ignored him for days. Through all his

pathetic groveling, I then agreed to meet him to talk and I wanted answers. We spoke and he grovelled. He said that the sexing other women was something that he did while he was with his ex. They had a very toxic relationship. She regularly cheated and it just became a habit to receive validation. He explained that his ex was just his children's mother and apologised numerous times for what. what they'd said to each other, telling me it meant nothing. He asked me to give him one more chance. He said he would put things in place to make sure I felt comfortable and secure, such as me having his live location 24-7 and continuous access to his phone should I want it.

He deleted everything in front of my face, all the messages to other women, and blocked the sites on his phone. I've given him another chance because genuinely I know that he's a good person, and unfortunately, I think that his previous relationship was so tough that he wanted to seek validation, which is of course no excuse. So far he's given me no warning signs and he's stuck to everything that he's said. But now I'm self-sabotaging. I'm scared it's just a matter of time

before something happens again. The hardest thing is the fact that his children's mum isn't someone that we can get rid of. I have to live knowing she's always going to be there and I'll be honest, I feel so insecure right now. I speak openly and often to him about my feelings and he validates them. He works hard to try and make me realise

I don't need to feel this way but he understands that I do have to after his actions. I want to look past it and I hope that he can prove me right and nothing happens again. Am I naive when it happen again? Ladies, I just want to know what you would do. Is it really possible to forgive and move on after being hurt? Thank you.

Look, just because I would do something differently doesn't mean it's necessarily the right thing for you. If it was me, just the kind of person I am and having seen trust has been broken, I probably wouldn't stay. but that's just because it's me and also because of it being the kid's mum and constantly being around

and just for me, I wouldn't want to constantly feel an edge and I know now and I'll always know now I will never, ever be with someone where I feel like I'm in fight or flight. I'll never sit in that waiting in anticipation that something's going wrong. Absolutely not.

And that is just possibly because of what I've gone through in my own life. but I never want that for myself again and I respect myself far too much. I do feel like you're justifying his behaviour a bit that, oh, he did it in his last relationship and he's taking accountability. Look, it is good he's taking the accountability.

And maybe you do give the man a chance and see if his words materialise into actions. I don't know. I don't want to sit here and tell you what to do because I think it takes a certain person to truly be able to put some things to bed that I know I probably wouldn't be able to. So it does depend on what you're like.

If you feel like you're constantly going to be worrying, constantly going to bring it up, then it's not worth it. But if you do feel like, okay, he's trying to prove a point, he's trying to move past it, we're going to do this as a team. But if I decide that we're going to move forwards, we are going to move forwards,

and I'm going to not bring that up all the time and not worry about it and I'm going to trust him, then that's your other option. I think what's really difficult is when someone in a relationship fucks up and then they own it and take accountability and try and make those changes and try and reassure you and do all the right things

you almost feel like you're stuck because you want to go back to how it was but you're never going to be the same as you were before you found out all this stuff and then you worry that if you leave you'll regret it and it's like I feel like it's almost that battle with your heart and head because it's like you know deep down in your head

you're probably never going to get over it it's always going to be like hanging over you but your heart is still with them and I feel like sometimes that fight between your heart and your head is almost a bit like your love for them versus your love for yourself because I feel like now the person that I am

I would never ever tolerate being with someone now that cheated on me or did anything to break my trust with another person. I wouldn't want that life for myself. I know that the person that I was a few years ago would have probably given another chance, which you have done, but you're not happy.

So only you can decide at what point do you try and just let go and live in it and not hold on. to it and if you can't then only you can decide whether this is enough for you or not so yeah keep us updated confession of the week

hi girls I have a confession that is slightly different and I guess it's a dilemma that I can't stop thinking about and I'd love your take a few years ago I was cheated on repeatedly in my marriage what stuck with me almost as much as the betrayal itself was discovering that several people around us

knew and never said anything That's horrible. That silence has always really bothered me. Fast forward to now, I live in a semi-detached house and last night I heard my next door neighbour having very loud sex, which honestly isn't unusual. The walls are thin and she's not exactly quiet. Now my confession, not long after my doorbell camera went off, I saw a man leaving her house. I didn't see his face clearly, but I know for certain it wasn't her husband. When I mentioned it to my daughter, she said the husband hasn't been there for about a week, although his car is on the drive. Now I can't get it out of my head. Do I tell him, we're not close friends, but were friendly neighbours. He'll put my bin back or keep an eye on the house when I'm away.

They also have a young child who I think was in the house at the time, which adds another layer of discomfort for me. But at the same time, I don't know their situation. They could be separated, they could have an open relationship or there could be something else going on that I'm completely unaware of. Part of me thinks if it were me I'd want someone to tell me but another part of me thinks it's none of my business

and I could end up creating a huge problem next door if I'm wrong. So what is the right thing to do here? Stay out of it or confess that I know because I know how awful it feels to be the last person to find out interested to hear your thoughts. Do you know what? Normally I'm all for like, I think out of me and Carly

I'd be the one to be like say this say this but I would personally say out of it like I think something like this it's absolutely none of your business. Neighbours. Yeah I literally putting myself in my shoes if my neighbour, if that happened with me with my neighbour one way or the other I would literally be like you do you hon I ain't getting fucking involved

if it also like you can't get away from each other you live next to each other and if it turns out they've got an open relationship or something like it's on you do not get involved. Keep watching. Yeah.

Keep watching. That is. I do understand how that would like stay with you and bother. That would really bother me. So I get it. But see, do you know what? I don't think it would bother me.

I mean, I'd just be looking at the curtain. I just feel like you just don't know. Like, I mean, your daughter's saying that like he hasn't been around for a week. Like maybe they've broken up. Yeah.

Like I just wouldn't. Like sometimes I do think to myself. Like my neighbor. Actually, I'm about to overshare. I just mean like if she saw like obviously like when I know the men coming in at her house okay anyway she did know this she did run out of the week okay guys product of the week these are the hair burst advance plus hair formula tablets I've been taking them now for

about a month and a half maybe two months I really like them I like when you have to take a food supplement or anything and I just put it by my bed because it's just in my routine now Like take it, I've got a bottle of water, buy my bed, take it. I really like them. They are, what I think is good about these is it's not just about your hair. I think they are actually really like changing, like your insides and helping you for better hair growth and everything else. So I would recommend these hairburst habits. Go and check them out.

Show an affirmation of the week. See what I've got to say for you guys this week. I'm very in my quote era. Quote era. Quote era. So this is for anyone in the thick of it. I feel like we got a lot of people writing in recently, like kind of in the pits of despair, kind of stuck in that.

What do I do? And I feel like this is for you. Don't give up, okay? There is something so beautiful waiting for you. There are kind souls waiting to meet you. There are special experiences waiting to be shared with you. But you have to have the courage to find it. You have to have the strength to get through this day and the one after that.

You have to open your heart to see all the beautiful reminders. that love still exists in this world, no matter how small or hidden they may seem right now. Because no matter how you feel right now, there are still people who love you. No matter how you feel right now, there are still people who care about you and people who want the best for you. There are people who are in your corner just waiting for you to see how much you deserve and waiting for you to finally be in your corner too. I feel like a lot of you need to hear that today.

Amen. Love that. Thanks so much. Thank you guys. As always, we hope you enjoyed it and we will see you again next week. Goodbye. Love you, bye.