Not As We Planned - I Gave My Cheating Husband A Second Chance… 10 Years Later I Regret It

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

She discovered her husband was having an affair, chose to forgive him and spent the next 10 years rebuilding their marriage… only to find herself right back where she started. This week, we hear from a woman questioning whether she wasted a decade after discovering the red flags had returned — and the receipts she eventually found left very little to the imagination. Now single at 50, she’s trying to stop blaming herself for staying and work out what comes next. We also hear from a mum trapped in an increasingly controlling relationship who is terrified of how her partner will react to even the smallest decisions, discuss the reality of single parenting and not being able to be everywhere at once, reveal the ridiculously specific things our partners do that give us the ick, and answer a grandmother struggling with an ex-son-in-law who she believes is turning her grandchildren against her. Plus, possibly the worst use of a dog at Sunday lunch we’ve ever heard.Watch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high and I'm one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Not As We Plan. We hope you are doing well this fine, fine Thursday.

Oh, yeah. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. We want to hear from you so don't forget to email us seeing your dilemmas, your dating updates, your stories, your happy endings. Both types.

To Nottsweplan podcast at gmail.com and yeah, if you're not already a Patreon member, go subscribe, you get a bonus episode a week plus a monthly Zoom and lots of other extras as well. Also, we've got good news, guys. We're not having a break this summer this time round. We have grafted. You are on a break.

We've grafted for you to make sure that there is no break. So even when you are struggling, actually, you're going to be struggling. Summer holidays now, guys, we hope you're managing those days with no school. And your kids are driving you mad. And if this is your little glimmer of an hour of, I don't know, the kids may be on their iPads or they've gone outside for five minutes without arguing or fighting with each other, we're going to be with you the whole way through the summer. And then if you want a bit more, just to keep you a bit more sane,

that's when you're going to head over to Patreon. Yeah. How's your week? My kids are killing me. Oh, though. Do you think intentionally? They're fighting so much. And it's the one thing that kills me.

Like, bite marks, punches. And I don't know. My kids are normally, like, quite well behaved. But this week, I don't know what, I don't know if it's like end of term. Like, they just, I think it's overheated. Yeah. Like all these things. But when I tell.

you, I've got a kid free weekend this weekend and I just want, I don't want to do a lot. I actually want a really chill weekend. I need to chill. I need to chill the fuck out. I need to just get, get my ducks in a row for things like the summer holidays coming out. I've got one more week of school left. Um, me and mine break up next Friday. Yeah. Mental. How weird it's like the end of the year. Like, where did it go? I don't know. It was just January. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. I'm so confused. Yeah, it's just like my summer holidays I feel like I'm going to go in a flash

And we do a week on week off So I know like I've got that coming Like my kids are going away for the first time Do you know where? I think Greece I mean that's from trying to decode What the kids have managed to articulate Is there no rule where you need to at least know where they go?

I will know before they go yet I need to know flight times when they land Things like that Yeah, it's just like these new things, feelings that are happening. But I'm also quite grateful that, like, the way I look at it, I remember last year it was the first year we did a week on week off. And I remember feeling like I had this time taken away from me. Whereas now I'm looking at it quite differently.

Like, I've got three weeks for myself. And I'm being very intentional with those. Yeah, love that. Yeah. Well, mine's actually kid related as well. And I know that maybe this is like, some people may be like, oh, that's not really a problem to have. but I feel like it's all relative.

So obviously three children, one adult, you can't split yourself when the kids want to do different things. And everyone at the moment at school in the WhatsApp groups or in other groups with friends with kids, I'm all talking about like, oh, are you doing this after school club in September? You know, you've got to start getting ready for September. And this is the first time where I've had two of my children and extremely keen and wanting to do a particular activity on a Saturday.

They are both at the same time about 25 minutes apart. And I think I was just feeling very sad yesterday when I was really trying my best to sort out some sort of logistics to be able to not let one of them down. I think it's moments like that that just make you feel a bit shit when it's like, if I can't make this work, that's because of my situation.

Do you know what I mean? And there are things that happen like that. I feel like that. I know. And it's crappy. And I, yeah, I guess it's. And to be honest, I, I've been trying to work out, trying to speak to some friends, rotors, stuff like that because it just so happens that on Saturday morning,

my mum who is usually really like helpful and hands on, she's not around on a Saturday morning. So that sort of health has gone out of the window. My boyfriend, because he's shift work. Yeah. It's never the same. Can't be relying on that. And I guess actually in theory, like my ex-husband has the same situation.

He also can't be in two places at once. And although I'm trying to find what I can do to make it work on my weekends, it's then seeing also can you make it work on yours, because then it's still not good enough if he can't. And then it feels crap when you're relying on other people. And it's like, well, what if their kid is ill and doesn't want to go? Then my kid can't go. And it's like, I don't know.

I appreciate that there are bigger issues out there. but I just felt a bit crap about it yesterday because I was just like this is the reality of, you know, being a single parent with multiple children and you can't split yourself in two or three or however many you need to. And you've got to sort of try and logistically gather up that village and see if people can help you.

But to do that on a weekly basis is a really big ask. Yeah. But if anyone is listening to this who, you know, has single friends, you're not the single one. see if they sometimes need help because however far down the line you are and your co-parenting relationship is great and you're in another relationship

or you're just happy and thriving. Logistically, single parenting is still such a struggle. You know, whether that is for appointments or just general childcare, it can be really tough and it's really, I feel like for me, a bitter pill to swallow if I can't do or can't make it work what I would have been able to had I been married.

I get that. But yeah, that's it really. Oh, yes. So, we did a question box. I actually originally did one. Obviously, this is coming out. After the World Cup. Guys, you're in the future right now.

I don't know who won the World Cup. Hopefully, England. I doubt it. But I could be wrong. I could be wrong. I'm telling you now, whether me saying I doubt it isn't going to make a difference. Well, you don't know now, too. You've said it.

No, I guess not. I guess not. So I did a question box to ask you guys what is the biggest ick that your partner gives you. Okay, so this isn't in a date. This is actually someone that you were with. Some of them are actually quite funny. Some of them it doesn't sound like you want to be with them anymore, which is so fine. Like I'm not judging you, but maybe leave.

Because quite a few of you said breathing. Breathing. Yeah, I thought so. Yeah. Cute. That's not an ick. That is an absolute essential. And if they're not breathing, they would be dead.

So if you'd rather than not breathe, maybe leave. Yeah? Okay. Comes home from work, changes into shorts, but keeps on his black work socks. Like, some of these are so random. Ugh. Chews on his phlegm.

How do you chew on flam? I don't know. You obviously like bring it up. It must be really fair. And then it's in your mouth so you chip. That is absolutely disgusting. Sorry, eats yogurt with a teaspoon. Instead of why. For a man that is a bit icky.

Like the teaspoon. a teaspoon so small. It's unnecessary. Well, it depends how big the pot is. But you're not having like a little fromash frat, are you? And just thinking when my kids eat, I'm like,

really good. Picks his toenails. Oh, that's rancid. Anything to his feet is a no-go for me. Makes this really horrible chomping and licking sound when he's sleeping. I could get done for murder.

Oh. I don't miss having a man in my bed. He rolls his jaw when he eats, like a cow does. I can't look at him when he eats. Oh, yeah. No, that's gross. So many a toenail, so many a toenail related, like picking his toes and leaving them on the sofa.

My dad does this. Sneez is so loud and unnecessarily and then really exaggerates it. Like, you know, and they're like... Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're really quiet in public.

So it's obviously very much exaggerated at home. But only ever put 10 to 15 pound fuel in at a time and the amber light is always on. Yeah, I'd find that icky. Did you fill up a full tank, mate? He refuses to wear sun cream. So when it's hot, he just gets really sunburned and I can't deal with it.

Why are men so proud? It's like, oh, I don't need sun cream. I'll let myself burn and then it will go brown. And then they're like peel. Yeah. No. When he shouts to his friends on his Xbox with his little headset on. No. Anything to do with gaming gives me the big... I actually... Sorry, it's Matthew laughing.

Is that you, Matthew? I would... I think my vagina would close up if I saw that happening in my life. Blows his food before he eats. Sorry, do you want him to burn himself? Like, is a man not allowed? No, burn. Bite a bitch. Talks in depth about his electric car. snooze fast.

That's my boyfriend. Now there's anyone who was trying to convince me to get an electric car. Sorry, the way he zips up a bag, I can't explain it. I want to say it. Surely there's only one way

to zip up a bag. Where's white vest tops? No. Can't cope with a hangover literally does not function, stinks and doesn't want to help with the kids. No.

There's nothing worse than when a man's like a pussy with A drink. Yeah. No. Screams at the telly, like the plays can actually hear him. Sorry, the ones that I got, I originally did a question box about what's the biggest it

that your partner does during a football game because of the World Cup. And one of them that actually had me crying, she said that he makes notes on his phone app. And what he would say at half time is if he was the manager. And I just thought, like, you're just taking it way too far. Where's slippers, the granddad variety. Knocks me sick. is 38. My boyfriend has slippers.

I don't have a problem with slippers. Sometimes you don't get your feet dirty as well. Also in the winter. Drinks out of my five-year-old Super Mario Sippy cart. Can you imagine? Just like, do you believe? That's icky.

Yeah, no. Where's pajamas? I mean, we love a naked man. Yeah, I don't know any, I don't know any men that wear pajamas. I don't really have any men. So I know so many men. My ex-boyfriend is to wear pajama bottoms,

like around the house. Yeah. My ex used to hum all the time. Oh, that would like... Whistling's worse for me. Just like a constant noise would over stimulate me. The horrible throat clear. I know it's not just him.

My dad also does it, but it sends me. Yeah. Like, like, singing along to songs high-pitched and sing like. Do you know what my biggest dick is? Not necessarily a man. Then someone sings along to a song, but they are slightly out of time. They're slightly behind. It's like...

What about when they don't know the real words and they make theirs up? That's my kid. It's like, you should say Ivy sings. I'm like, where have you got these words from? I feel like my mum does that, you know? Like, I feel like I remember. She used to sing. It's like, you're not singing in time with the music.

Like, how can you not hear your, you're not in sync? Fork scrapes his teeth when eating. I do bite down on my fork. That makes, like, my teeth shudder. I once dated someone who called their dad papa, and I really struggled to get past it. Oh my God, if someone called their dad daddy, that would make me feel a bit ill.

Yeah, because... A man saying daddy. Uh-uh. What would you do? Yeah, mummy's even worse. What would you do if, you know, like, Sam Faire's partner, do you remember when he kissed his mom? No, but you're in deep, like you're in love.

You've been together for a year. I'd get me. We're about to meet the parents. You know me. And he kisses his mum on the lips. I've suddenly got really a big emergency appointment I forgot about. Oh, that would be. is like in the taxi.

He said, get out. Get out. That was a weird thing. That was so weird. Carly and I and our friend we got in a black cab outside of the station. Yeah.

And he just started driving and then I kid you not. He just suddenly went, you need to get out. Emergency. No, but panic. Suddenly pulled up really hard and fast.

You need to get out. It's an emergency. and we were like, what? I was like, what, but we've got our suitcases. It's like, get out, so I've got an appointment I need to get to. We were like, what, you didn't know that? Very bizarre. Two minutes ago when you got us in the camp.

Let's do some emails, guys. This is called advice needed ladies. Hi, ladies. I absolutely love listening to your podcast and you'll never know how much it makes me realize my relationship with my partner is not normal. It's a long one. We've been together coming up to eight years in September,

live together and have a beautiful 16th month old daughter. We met on Tinder, and things were going great for a good year or so and I randomly received some messages on Instagram and messenger from this woman stating that my partner was going to meet her and had planned to do some sexual things with her. She sent him photos of herself. I was at work doing a late shift and I felt physically sick.

I couldn't stay at work. I needed to get home and confront him. When I got home from work, he was sitting in the living room as he knew that she had told me. He was going there that night as he had received notifications on standing. Snapchat that she had screenshoted everything. She sent everything to me. Anyway, we spoke about things and I tried my hardest to move on from this. He's been on and off weed smoking throughout

our relationship, but stopped when he had our daughter. Doesn't ever want to spend time with his friends or family. I found out I was pregnant with my little girl and I was nearly nine months pregnant and they had found a cyst on my ovary, but at the time they thought it was a tumour. He was away with a friend, so my mum attended the appointment with me. I was in a state, as you can imagine, not knowing what my baby has wrong with her and whether I was going to lose her. I phoned him up and he told me, don't worry, I'm on my way home, we can speak about it then. I went straight home and waited hours for his return. 5 a.m. he decided to come in and completely blanked me. He didn't speak to me for days. This is a regular occurrence on and off

of talking even when I've done nothing wrong. I had to go to hospital for an in-depth scan which he refused to come to. My mum came and supported me. The next day I got home and my whole bedroom and landing was smashed up. Wow. After days of no sleep with worry, all I wanted to do was get into my bed, but I couldn't as my bedroom was smashed and the mattress was off the floor. He again ignored my call my call my poor mum. I had to tell her everything. His temper and the weed smoking. She came and cleared it all up for me. I then got taken to hospital with reduced movement and messaged him. my message but didn't reply, didn't hear from him for a few days. Can you imagine?

After having my little girl, we managed to move on from things and again, give it another go. A few months ago, we were laid in bed and I was giving our baby girl her bottle. His phone went off and he was asleep with his phone in his hand, unlocked. Something in my head was telling me just to look at it. He was on Bedou. That's a dating app. Is that? Yeah.

I confronted him. He quickly deleted the account, Anna. He said he'd never spoken to anyone there. He did it for the attention to see if people still liked him for some confidence. Right. No loser. All I could think about was my baby girl. And again, I put this behind us.

Since having our little girl, I feel like he's started to get a bit controlling. Doesn't really like people around our house. Hardly comes to family events. Only likes to do stuff with me and our baby. He accuses me of never being home and always out. I work three days a week and the other two days I take our little girl to baby groups. or go for coffee with my mum. My brother got ill at the end of March.

He was 35, severely autistic and has epilepsy. That boy was my world, five weeks in hospital, on and off a ventilator with severe pneumonia. He was getting angry with me because I was going there every day. I never knew when I was going to go see him for the last time. On a Sunday evening, he fully lost it, screaming and shouting at me for visiting my brother. I explained to him that my brother is potentially dying,

and his reply was, I don't fucking care. He isn't my problem or yours. He has a mum and dad and you have your own family at home. He was constant about saying he never sees his daughter because we are never there.

I said to him, you finish work at 12pm most days. Why don't you pick her up from my mums? Can I just say, not once has he ever done it. I don't think I can ever forgive him for this. A week later, my brother passed away. Fast forward to June,

we go on a holiday to Greece. Me, my daughter and my partner. We had a lovely time and on the day that we were flying back, my little girl wanted to see her nana and granddad. I told her we would take her tomorrow to see them. He was giving me comments of, after tomorrow, you won't know who I am,

back to not seeing me. My parents have asked us to go on holiday with them and some family. He has declined to go. So I asked if I could still go with my daughter. His face said it all. He started shouting saying, it's not normal for you to go on holiday with your family. You're 31 years old and you have a family.

Then he said, I will tell you now, if you choose your family over me, I will not be in this house when you get back. It's not okay for me to go on a family holiday with my parents, sister and nieces with my daughter, but he can go on holiday with his friends in October, and that's okay. The amount of times he has ignored our daughter

and told me if she doesn't come to me, then that's it, she's all yours. He complains about not seeing her when all he does is sleep or play on his games. I do everything. I sometimes choose to not be home because he takes himself to bed all the time. but then I get the blame for him sleeping.

I was home early the other day. I walked into the house with my daughter at 1438. He went upstairs to bed at 1447, but blamed me that he didn't see her. There is so much more, but we really would be here all day. I've spoken with friends and family, and they've told me to get out of the relationship as he's so controlling. His temper is unreal,

smashes doors, walls, or any object that's in front of him. He always makes everything about him and puts me down. I've had enough. I can't do these things that I want to do anymore and it puts me on edge. When anyone asks for me to do anything, I get this horrible pit in my stomach about asking him as I don't know how he's going to react.

He's going to have some advice. I'm sorry it's long, but I'm really stuck in a rut and I don't know what to do. I don't want my daughter growing up around seeing her mum getting shouted at all the time and threats of him turning his back on her. Thank you. I mean, why are you with this man?

Like, surely writing that out and like listing everything. I think she wants to leave. I think she wants to leave. I think that she's not got there, yeah. Yeah. I think that this is, to me, what you've written is pretty clear that he's like emotionally abusing you. The control, the sort of like punishment of not talking to you for days, slashing things up. Yeah.

I would, it sounds like you've got a really, really lovely relationship with your parents. I would go and move, I would go and live with them until things get sorted. I don't know if you own a house together or you just rent. You haven't said you're married so I don't know the situation in regards that with finances.

I would just get out personally. Like you said, you don't want your daughter being around that. You shouldn't be around that either. He sounds like an absolutely waste of space, leave. Also, he's like being violent by throwing things. Like, it takes one time for it to get a bit too far. Yeah. That is too far in my opinion.

in anyway. But like, throwing it at you. It doesn't sound very safe. It doesn't sound. It's only going to get worse by the sounds of it. This man is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life and you're going to get stuck in a cycle of just accepting shitty behaviour and we don't need to do that. We're the only people who can break free of cycles. We have to make the change for there to be change and that's down to you. And you're strong enough, like you've heard so many stories from so many people who have written

in about other people leaving. As much as I love our listeners, no one is special enough that they've got this secret power that they're the only people capable of leaving. Like, we all are, we just need to find that strength from within us and really do it. We need to want better for ourselves. Yeah, but yeah, keep us updated.

Yeah, thank you. Okay. Once bitten, Hi, ladies, I've not been listening to the podcast for long, but I've already taken comfort from yours and your listener stories and thought I would share mine. My husband and I met at university in the late 90s. We got married five years later and started a family,

five years after that. We worked well as a parenting team and had a nice life, a nice home, great friends. I wouldn't say we were perfect, but we worked well together. Our sex life wasn't amazing, but it wasn't non-existent. In 2015, when our daughters were age seven and four, we were struggling a bit. He was focused on triathlon training and generally wasn't being very nice to me. There are occasions when he went and worked nights out and wouldn't come home until late and wouldn't answer his phone. I knew something was up. So I had to dig around his computer

and found love letters and rather embarrassingly, a video he had made whilst out for a run where he shouted from the top of a hill how much he loved this other woman. A younger colleague. Another one.

I love you, Marjorie. Marjorie. I know. A younger woman, not an 80-year-old woman. I love you. Cassie. What the fuck? Someone did that to me, give me the ear.

Can you imagine if I was like, oh my God, no way. A few weeks ago when I was near that hill, I heard this thing. Wow. Freak. I confronted him and he played it down and said they hadn't had sex. Life like that mattered. But more digging revealed, it clearly was a sexual relationship. To my shame, I couldn't contemplate life as a single mom.

And in response to his apologies and promises, I forgave him. things weren't easy but we tried to move past it fast forward ten years to last summer a few red flags appeared golf weekends away where he didn't post anything on instagram like he normally did he deleted his life 360 app saying it was running the phone battery down i remember when my ex um my ex actually changed from an iPhone to so you didn't line up so we had find my What is it on an iPhone? Find my friend. Yeah. So on iPhone it's find my friend. And he used to sometimes turn his location off and he'd give excuses. And then out of nowhere he changed from an iPhone to a Samsung.

And he was like, sorry, I can't have that anymore. Like Samsung's don't do it. Obviously then found out you could get Life 360 on it. He downloaded it and it just never worked. Like it's so weird. It always disconnected and it was really unreliable. It's fine. Yeah.

And when we were on a family holiday, day in Thailand. Every time I woke up in the night, he was on the phone. So I asked him if there was someone else and he denied it. Shocked horror. I wasn't convinced, so it was back to the laptop where I found literal receipts in his emails. First, an order for a ring, aggraved with the words, a little bit obsessed. That sounds like the most tackiest ugly ring ever. Not something you say to someone you've been with for 27 years. So I challenged him about it, begged him to come clean. He said he bought the ring for me, tried to gaslight me into thinking those words meant something to us. Do you remember we always say that? We say it every day.

Snuggle muffin. I don't even wear rings. I ended up apologising for my ingratitude, but I knew deep down he was lying back to the emails where I found more receipts, massage candle, bracelet, Viagra, butt plug. He was working away. or was he? So I phoned him and begged him for the truth. And his answer, I don't love you anymore. I was devastated and as were our girls

who are now teenagers and old enough to understand why we are separating. Unlike some of your listeners, I've been fortunate enough that he has been fair financially. Though he's not really doing right by the kids in other ways as our younger daughter went to stay with him only to be dismayed to find evidence of his girlfriend and her daughter all over the house.

Jeez, that must be horrible. Now neither of them will go there, so he just takes them out for an hour a week. I hope one day there will be a happy, positive end to this story where I meet someone who truly loves me and wouldn't treat me so disgustingly. But at this point, I'm so angry of myself for wasting those 10 years and finding myself single at 50 rather than 40.

And had we split back then, the girls would have been able to have a much better relationship with their dad. But I know I can't change the past, so I suppose I need to focus on the future. Thanks again for the pod. Do you know what? It's so easy for us to sort of be like, why did I do that then? I wish I, you know, or had I done it then, then this wouldn't have happened.

And like, do you know what? Your daughters are of an age where they can understand it more. They're not maybe as, I feel like there's pros and cons of this happening at all different stages and ages with your children. But you're 50. You're not 80. So you have the rest of your life ahead of you. and you're showing your daughter's resilience

you're showing your daughters that you can pick yourself back up when things don't go to plan and your daughters may have a good relationship with him one day but also don't be so hard on yourself because why do you think that they'd have a good relationship

if it happened 10 years ago? Like he is who he is. Is it the same person? Yeah. I mean, it's the same person who's weird? Oh, I don't know about that but what I mean is like who's to say that 10 years ago

it could have all gone tits up in another way. So you're almost like telling yourself like, oh, had it happened when I was 40 and maybe they'd have a good relationship with him, you don't know that. So let's let go of the things that we can't change, we can't control and we don't know what's happened and just deal with what is at present.

I think it's good that he isn't making things difficult financially and start pouring into yourself, you know, start using that time to find you again, find new hobbies. is and if you do want a new relationship one day, you absolutely will find that because I feel like we, whatever we put out, we get back. So it's all about making sure that we do the work on ourselves,

you know, glow up, like, pour into us, know what exactly is that we want, what we won't accept, what we will accept, keep those standards high. And one day you'll look back and be like, now I get why this happened and I'm okay with it. Yeah, I think we also need to normalise, like, all the feelings your feeling is so normal when a long-term relationship ends and kids are involved and you were a family and you're building this life together.

Like, I think both Tash and I, I mean, I'm sure Tash can relate as well as I can. I've felt like that. I'm sure so many of our listeners can relate to feeling like that. You feel like the life you know is completely gone. Like in the moment you find out all this information, the moment he's walked out and the moment he's told you, I don't love you, that life you had no longer exists and change is scary anyway but having those cards and the power taken away from you and trying to process your new set of circumstances trying to process your emotions trying to process okay so what does that mean for my future trying to literally

go back to the beginning go back to the start go back to just being you but you're in a completely new set of circumstances because you've got kids you know know, you've had a life with him. You've now got, I don't like saying the word trauma, but you have, you've got things that have happened to you that are significant that you now need to deal with and work through. And we have all been there. And the biggest thing you can ever do is start working on yourself, to start trying

to heal from everything you've been through, understanding that's not the representation of everyone out there. That's the representation of this man. And not all of them are the same. And I'm certainly trying to do that myself. And I think we sometimes put this pressure on, like, I hope I meet someone who's going to treat me this way. Like, I think we need to believe we will. I think we need to believe that once we become the person that we want to attract, then we will attract that person to our lives.

Like, you know, I'm quite far down the line now and I've not met anyone. But actually, it's not because I haven't had an opportunity to be in a relationship. It's that I haven't found anyone I'm willing to be with. I don't want to settle. I don't want to get it wrong again. I don't want to have spent time with someone and be like, oh, Like, I like them, but it wasn't quite aligned, but like, I don't want to be on my own. Like, there's something really empowering about, like, genuinely, like, I don't know.

Some people could look at me and be like, God, that girl, like, loves herself and say it in a really negative way. I'd look at that and be like, wow, like, thank you for the compliment because for years, I hated myself. For years, I didn't think I was worthy enough. For years, I didn't think I was special enough. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me because my marriage didn't work out because I wasn't enough because I was a rubbish wife or a rubbish mum, whatever it is. We tell ourselves this narrative and you need to rewrite yours. Yeah. No, I agree.

I think it is not only being set on that fear of you're not going to find anyone that's going to be enough for you, but it's making sure that you don't take on that sort of like, I wasn't enough for him, and that he cheated on me because I'm not beautiful. I'm not worthy. You know, it's so easy to, a lot of people, I think when they go through heartbreak,

they put it all on themselves, that they are the issue. And it's really changing that and like flipping it on its head and realizing what actually, Like, it's his loss. And now I'm going to, like, make your revenge be, like, the glow up. Like, look at what he fucking let go of because, like, he ain't getting any better. I agree. This is called ex-son-in-law, so spiteful and childish.

My ex-son-in-law is constantly saying horrible, petty things about me and my husband to my grandchildren. He cheated on my daughter when they were four and one years old, four years ago now. They split up. He was never sorry. In fact, he blamed her, like they always do. She wasn't giving him any attention and then started to blame me too. I was, and still am, childcare when my daughter needs me, school pickups, looking after the kids when sick, etc. My daughter and I are best friends, which he says isn't natural being best friends with your mom.

Yeah, it is. He says I'm too involved. Why does grandma spend so much time with you? Yes, unbelievable. So jealous. But I've noticed the kids, especially my eldest, gets off with you. me, then breaks down crying and then tells me how much she loves me. I know he's emotionally abusing her, saying things all the time about me. I do spend a lot of time with my daughter and her kids

because we do things together. We take them away aboard on holidays, trips, shows. We are lucky to be able to afford to treat them. We buy the kids' clothes, shoes, do homework together. My daughter is so grateful, yet the ex seems just so jealous and spiteful. Has anyone else ever had this before from the ex-son-in-law. Please keep my name private, but I would love to know how to handle such childish behaviour. I haven't known a situation like this, but a situation that I know all too well that is very similar to this, and this is what I'm going to say, and it may not be what you want to hear, but this is the only way to go about it. We cannot control what someone else chooses to say to their children. We cannot change that at all. If he wants to slag you off,

To his children, he will. So the only thing you can do is control what you do when the children are in your care. The fact that you mentioned that your granddaughter can be a bit off with you and then she sort of breaks down and then says how much she loves you, that is because he is so badly trying to manipulate her and then she sort of like believes it, but then probably gets confused because then she sees how kind you are. So this is where you need to start teaching the children critical thinking.

This is where you really need to make them so aware that if someone older than them or superior or even a peer, anyone, teacher, is saying something to them about something or someone else that they sort of in their gut don't believe to be true, then that is okay and they can stick with what they believe. It's something that I've been teaching my children.

It's something that we need to teach our children at an age where they start understanding it. make them feel safe enough in the environment that you're in with them that is a safe space, open communication, no judgment, really allowing them to be themselves

and when they are short with you, rather than having a go at them being like, you don't seem yourself today. Like, is everything okay? And then when they do open up to you and maybe say, Daddy said this, rather than saying anything like, he shouldn't say that, that's so rude,

you need to be like, oh and when he said that like how did that make you feel did you do you feel that way do you think I'm a bad person really start teaching them how to make their own judgment because you are going to drive yourself mad if you try and think that you can change what someone else does because you can't people don't conduct themselves in the way that you would and I think sometimes we need to remember that not not everyone is us not everyone behaves in the way we we would. Not everyone has the level of empathy that we would. Not everyone has, I don't know, morals. Yeah, morals or like just being like, do you know what it didn't, it's what, what I said,

I think I can't remember what episode, but that, that level of, do you know what, it didn't work out, but I still respect you as a human being. I still respect that you've got some kind of relationship with my children. Like, we don't need to go around setting everything on fire just because the relationship between us didn't work out. And I think it's really sad when relationships within families, within the bigger scope of the family, break down and start trying to change relationships with other people. And I think it's really, really sad.

But we can only control our own behaviour. And I completely agree with Tash. It's showing them when they're in your care, but this is who you are, actually. Sorry, there's nothing else we can say, but... No, but hopefully that is helpful, because I think sometimes you can come at it from, you know, that angle of getting a bit frustrated, getting angry, sort of maybe not intentionally having a go at the children,

but what? You believe that or, you know, getting... Getting angry, instead, like, create that safe space to be like, I'm so sorry, he said that. Like, that must have made you feel, like, quite confused or sad. Like, how did you feel when he said that? Do I ever do that to you? Like, I hope I don't.

Do I, do I scare you? Or do, you know, whatever it is that he's saying, like, you know, grandma gets really angry and, you know, oh God, do I get angry if I do? I'm so sorry. You know, you want to, you can only change you, not him. And the sooner you let go of that, the sooner you'll be at peace and just do what you can with the kids when you've got them. I agree.

And it's shit. It's shit. But I hope that helps. Product of the week is the MediCube and No, cast just glow SPF 50 girls I have tried so many this isn't that by the way um I've tried so many different SPFs I used the LaRosch Pose one for a while I used the um I just got that one loop one there is none that is like this what's it what so what's rich you know it's really annoying I received that the day after I bought the La Roche uh yeah I don't like the La Roche one for what

for what reason. I don't like the texture. I don't like how it goes up. It's not even that it's, that's a bad product. This is just a really good one. What's it like? It gives you that glass skin.

It's not just the sun, you know, some sun creams feel like sun creamy or like, I always felt like with the LaRosh one, like I'd put it on over my skincare and almost like lose the effects of my skincare. This one, oh my God, it makes you literally go. Like I went out the other day with just like my skincare on and this.

And I was like, I had so many compliments on my skin. Really? It's unbelievable. It's silky smooth. I cannot recommend it enough. Like I've never used a sunscreen like it. So yeah, it's worth the hype.

It's quite a new product actually. So I've just got a load of Medacube stuff, but obviously I feel like I've got to use one. Yeah, don't use them all. Yeah, so it's like use one. I want to give it a few weeks. Yeah. It's like picking, like which one do I use first?

I can recommend some because I freaking love them. all my products You know, like the pink ones like the drippy thing I don't know what to use and when I tell you the first thing that I've started using because I've seen it all over TikTok

and I just really wanted it you know the stick Oh yeah, I haven't got that Oh so I've started Is it called the boobs stick? I can't remember what it's called It's a blue? No, it's pink

I've started using it It's meant to be for like anything dry Or maybe slightly wrinkly So like here People are using it on their neck to like get rid of lines on the next. I'm using that for a bit before I, because then if you break out,

you don't know which. Which it is that's caused the issue. Okay, confession of the week. I've been seeing a guy for about a month when he invited me to meet his parents for Sunday lunch. I was desperate to make a good impression. His mum served roast chicken and halfway through the meal, I dropped a massive blob of gravy straight into my lap.

Instead of drawing attention to it, I quietly scooped it up in my hand and wiped it on the dog's back while everyone was destroyed. Act. Ten minutes later, his mum started stroking the dog and said, ugh, why is he sticking? Without missing a beat, his dad said he's probably rolled in something.

I sat there in complete silence while this poor dog wandered around smelling like bisto. I married the guy. His family still think the dog had a weird gravy obsession. What would you do? I think I'd just own it. I don't know. I would have probably write it on a napkin rather than a dog.

Just, you know, were there any napkins? I would have maybe asked for a survey. Yeah. Love that though. I wonder if the dog was white. Yeah, that's true. Because if it was brown, you probably could have got away with that. Affirmation of the week. You're allowed to grieve the marriage you didn't have

and still adore the kids you do. That's not betrayal. That's nuance. Somewhere between regrets and reverence is a soft place where mothers sleep. There should be a word for this. The quiet ache where you wish you'd married the one who would have loved you better,

whilst knowing forever and always you would never trade these exact children for a different life. We were taught love is a straight line, choose right, live happy. Real life is a river that forks. One path held a partner who might have held you better, the other carried your children to the shore.

You're allowed to stand in the Delta and say, I want the tenderness and I'll keep the tide that brought them. Wow. I just thought that was fucking deep. Deep, we love that. Yeah, thank you guys so much. We will see you again next week. We'll see you next week.

Bye.