Not As We Planned - I Was Ghosted 5 Years Into Our Relationship | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

We go down memory lane with all our previous relationships, you share the BRUTAL ways you were dumped, changing the way we date with the 3 men dating approach and when your partner decides he no longer wants a baby… but you’re now pregnant Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel like I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Not As We Planned.

What's Not Gone as Planned for you? Life. How's your week in? How's my week? Any catch up? Yeah, like, becoming a florist. Yeah, lucky I've got so many vases.

No, I wouldn't have enough. I've got so many vases. Do you know what? I think that in the last few months, just recently I've really, really realised how much work I've actually done on myself. I don't think I actually gave myself

enough credit for how much I've done and how much more content I am in my own company, choosing to be in my own company, wanting to do, you know, an evening of self-care journaling. I don't know if I've ever had that as much as I do now. I understand that. And it's, yeah, I feel like it's like liberating to know that that's how I feel is all because of me. Do you know what I mean? I actually giving myself the credit.

Like it's not anyone else's doing. It's just what I've chosen to do, pour into myself. So yeah, I feel like at the moment I can't really complain. How are you doing? So it's obviously the Easter holidays and it's been my week without the kids. And like that is like for me, the week, a week is like the longest time I've ever had away from the kids. So I do always struggle with it. And like I feel like I'm getting towards the end of it.

And I feel like that's when it's like, you really notice the absence. Like, don't get me wrong, this time around, I have really kept myself busy. Like, I haven't actually been home since Sunday. Duraly stop at. So I was only in the house on my own for the Saturday. But I just can't stop thinking about them.

And like, even when I'm out and about doing stuff and I see kids who are like a similar age, it really triggers something in me when I see them like with their families or their mom or whatever. And I'm just like, oh, like just even, not necessarily knowing what they're doing or what they're up to or how they're spending their time. And, you know, if they are getting upset, like, I don't have a clue about any of that. And I think that is one of the really hard parts of co-parenting is accepting that there is part of your kid's life that you just don't have any kind of presence in.

And that can be really, really difficult. And I don't think it necessarily gets easier with time. I think you just gain more acceptance over your situation in time. like there is literally nothing I can do to change the situation. So I just kind of give myself the allowance to just feel upset about it, feel gutted about it, feel angry about it. And I'm on the countdown until they're back now. I've got two sleeps left and it cannot come quick enough.

I'm honestly like so excited. And actually when they come back because of just how it's fallen, because it's all been based around his holiday he's taking, not with the kids. I've got a week with the kids and then a whole other week until they go to their dad. So that is going to be intense. As much as I adore them, like having two, four weeks with not a night off is a lot.

A lot. So I might look slightly more disturbing next time. We're going to the zoo though. We're doing a little, yeah, we're like a little team now. Yeah, I love that for that. Because our Natasha's weekends ordinarily are opposites. Which is actually in hindsight. How annoying is that?

It is really shit, isn't it? It's stupid. Can you change? I can't. So ours are opposites, but just because of my arrangements for school holidays are different and it just happens that I've got them this weekend. So we're like, let's do something. Let's go to the Zoom.

So we're doing that, which would be really cute. Yeah. I asked on my Instagram, guys, we want to know what was the most brutal way you were broken up with and loads of you have written in, but I want to know what about what was the most brutal way you were broken up? broken up with. Okay, so, or you broke up with someone.

Yeah, so I actually have never been broken up with. I have. No, I'm not like, blowing smoke up my own off. You smell like you smell. Do you sound like that woman on maths? Someone said that to me the other day. Yeah. She's like, no one's ever broken up in it.

Look, it's fact. This isn't opinion. I'm sorry. They just didn't treat you very well. Yeah. The thing is, treating her like absolute shit. My first ever boyfriend,

I was 15. I felt like, here we buzzing to get a shout out. So I'm not going to say his name. I wasn't into boys at 15. I wasn't to girls either, but no. So like we were best friends. And do you want to actually know a really funny story? I don't think I've ever shared this before.

So my ex-husband and I, we met in reception. Like we were four years old and like fancied him from the get-go. I know some people would be like, you were four. But like my four-year-old, now five, he goes on about how he's got a crush and whatever. So he was that person for me, like growing up. But then in year three, I moved schools. And then we'd like sometimes see each other like these like events or balls that like we would go to or whatever.

Bulls, what three year old are you? Not a three. I mean, as we grew up. So like at 11 at 12, like I'd see him at like events and start. He wasn't going to say, we'll go to the ball. I'm not going to a fucking Cinderella ball when I'm five. Boogie line. Yeah.

And I remember being at this event and I was 14, I think. And he asked me out, as in like my ex-husband. And I said yes. And then I was back at my friend's house and there was like a load of us. And I was like, guys, I said yes to James. But I actually don't think I want to go out with him. Didn't know what to do. So the next day I messaged him being like, I'm really sorry.

I know I said yes but like I've realised I'm not actually like a relationship kind of girl and in a single era and then that day is when I started dating my best friend and we were together for a whole year so I literally told him but that's why I didn't want to go out with James

at the time I was like oh he's fit but actually like I am in love with my best friend so I then he then saw that I started dating someone when I told him I wasn't a relationship person and I was with this boy for a year I think I'd then just turned 15. So it was a year with him, 15 just to 16.

And towards the end of our, also, it was a very, like, young relationship. Like, I'm like, we didn't have sex or anything. Like, no, no, no. Just like, I don't even think we went on, like, a dinner day. You know, when you're just, everyone's friends and you all hang out together, but we were going out. And then towards the end of our relationship,

it's giving, couldn't communicate. He just started being a bit mean to me. And I remember speaking to his friend. I was like, what, like, what's he doing? And why is he being mean? He was like, I just don't think he wants to be with you anymore, but he doesn't have the balls to break up with you. So I was like, fuck this.

So I broke up with him, what was James? Oh, my God. And then... Hold for show. In my defence, it was my 16th birthday party. I had a massive house party. And a week before, James turned up, completely love for me at 16, red flag.

His mum dropped him over. I didn't know he was coming. I'd just broken up with my boyfriend and he came over with flowers being like, I'd really like to go out with you and obviously me being like so dramatic. I was like, oh, just don't know at the moment. I've just come out of a really serious relationship.

And then I started going out with James and then the boy that I broke up with came back and he was like, I'm really sorry I've made a mistake. And then there I was thinking like, do you know what, I'm going to give James a chance this time? And the rest is history because we were together for 17 years. And we got divorced

But you don't know the funny story When I announced my divorce That boyfriend Asked up Asked me out That's hilarious Is he bet Um

No He's not my type He's really sweet I'm still friends with him Like we went out on a night out With a load of us Once I got Once me and James separated

And he's really really nice But I think Yeah I think he lives with the regret Of breaking up me When I was 15 You're gonna fumble Yeah

Do you know what I mean So yeah That was my really long-winded, unnecessary story, you? So, I've probably got a few, actually, but I was going out with this boy. I must have been 17, I want to say. And... Oh, God, were you rolling down the hill? No.

Okay. We'd gone to Top Golf and then we'd gone out with my... No, we'd gone to Harvester with my family. No, we went for like a family meal. I think it was the Harvest. I might have made that up. We went out for this family meal. My parents paid for him to eat with us.

And then we went out and played Top Golf. He drove. And as we were driving back from Top Golf, he was dropping me home. I was 17 at the time. He looked at me out, I'll never forget this. And he was like, this isn't working for me. I just don't think your marriage material. Be reminded I was 17, right?

He then had the audacity. He wouldn't drop me home. He made me at the top of my road. And I lived on like over the top of this hill. I had to walk up this hill, right? Just at night time? Like, it was in the summer, so I think it was still like. I had to walk up over the hill, right?

Sorry, you didn't do anything wrong, and he wouldn't drop you home. Then we were literally going on like a family holiday to Canada the next day. My poor family, that whole trip. And he had to put up with me playing James Blunt. Like the whole album, the whole depressing album, the whole time. I was so depressed. I remember, like, being in the hotel and going to, like, you know, they used to have, like, the IT suites and, like, emailing him.

Oh, I. Like, you have broken my heart and, like, all this shit. Anyway, it does make me laugh because he's now receding and looks absolutely horrific. And you just, yeah. Oh, my, God, I cannot believe he didn't even. I know. How awful it is that? Should we message him?

He, um, he popped up a couple of years. ago and he's oh no you like I want to say he like bumped into like my dad or something and like his name got well I can't really remember but it does make me laugh trying to think I've had any other ones I mean at uni I literally just got like treated

like shit by every single man I came in contact with I just kept the same one that treated me like shit yeah you did no I literally just attracted fuck boys at uni like any football boy or rugby boy I was well you know it's actually really weird I know this isn't about breakups but basically

Like between the age of about 17 to 19, me and my ex-husband were like really on and off. Because that's what happens when you go out with someone that is a complete red flag. And he moved to America. He got a football scholarship. So we attempted the long distance. And then I just realized like, bearing in mind there wasn't like FaceTime stuff like that then and WhatsApp. It was either like if you're not at home in his dorm with a laptop on Zoom, didn't speak. And then time difference and everything.

So eventually we broke up. and I was on my like single girl era going clubbing all the time and there was this guy that I started dating I bumped into him last week we haven't seen each other in 20 years and of all the places I took Blake out of school for one day

no one judged me because his best friend is back from Dubai and we wanted us just have a fun day out and we went bowling and to the arcade and I bumped into him at the arcade in the middle of the day he was with his daughter that is weird it's so weird and I was just thinking Hold on. How did we date 20 years ago when I'm only 22?

Like, make that make sense. But I just thought, like, how weird and, yeah, that's my story. It's a way so it's blast in the past, isn't it? All right, so anyway, long story short, we've got quite a few responses, so we're going to go through them. I'm sure some will be funny and some will be quite shocking. shocking. I was broken up by a Myspace message. Oh my God.

Do you remember MySpace? He used to have your song. Yeah. I could never make my page look that good. I didn't really understand it. No. He went to work and never came back. Three and a half years and two of them living together.

Oh, my. What about all his stuff? What? He got his new girlfriend to ring me whilst he was in the background. I was ghosted five years into our relationship. Fucking hell I didn't know that was a thing Oh my God

Can you imagine He dumped me at counselling 14 years together And said I didn't have the balls to finish it Jesus What a pussy had to do it In front of someone else Like in front of a professional

By MSM messenger What a coward Oh my God With MSN Or put it as your status Yeah I am single I remember when like

On MSM when you'd be single Or like broken up with someone and then you change your status to like eye, eye heart and you just do the little stars for the amount, and I'd always do like an extra letter just to throw,

throw that person off. Like, it ain't you anymore, mate. Your name is Paul and there's five letters. Banta. Or do you remember you used to go like online, offline, and so it just ping up the side, like, come online on my arm. I can imagine knowing how toxic you are.

You were fried. I was absolutely fucking toxic on MSN. I'm so shocked. I've got printed conversations of my MSN conversations, me and James, like in my memory box, I need to find them. Wow, they'd be epic. Stay toxic guys.

You love it. I can't cope with it. Yeah, like I think my favourite thing is your worst thing. My favourite thing is bumping into people that like, so if me and Carly were out and we got to bump into someone that ghosted her, I would thrive off of that shit. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I just all, I'd love to bump into someone that I know.

Or I'd be like, do you remember me? That I've got like drama. or something. No, I hate that. I love it. I'm just not. Why am I that way? I just want, I don't know, but I want an easy lie.

I want easy with a bit of fun. That's not fun. Isn't it? No, that just puts my cortisol levels up. I think it's my ADHD brain. No, I don't think that's an excuse. I don't think that's big. I don't think you can blame that.

I think that's just toxic. Is that not a symptom? No. He didn't turn up for a wedding we were invited to. Who met their wedding? No, no. Didn't turn up for a wedding. We were invited to and he ghosted me.

The next day he posted a photo of him and another girl at a different wedding. Oh my God, that's so terrible. See, I'm toxic. I'm not a cunt. There are two different things. Do you know what I mean? I'm only toxic to someone that deserves it. He got another woman pregnant the same time I was and he's been dead ever since.

I don't think he's actually dead. Oh, fine. You mean that dead to me. Okay. I was mid-argument with my partner and he called me by his ex's name twice. He then followed up with maybe this is a sign and he broke up with her.

Have you ever been called an ex's name? No, but that's why it's a benefit of also dating two guys with the same name because I've been calling my ex-boyfriend, my ex-husband for the whole time. What about you? No. Can you imagine if in sex you should have a wrong name.

I think I've done it once before and I literally wanted to die. Yeah, that's really bad. I'd rather do it to them than them do it to me. My boyfriend broke up with me by accident. He was actually explaining it to a friend in a group chat and he sent it to me by mistake. That must be.

It's like that episode. I know, that episode absolutely killed me. That is, like, her, like. So he was talking about breaking up with her. Oh, no. And he sent it to her instead. Like it gives me anxiety. Yeah.

Check who your message. Guys. When I was younger, this is the first boy that I was going out with and we were quite young. He turned around to me and said, I think we should break up. I said, okay. In a panic, he said, wait, no, I thought you'd fight for me. I won't. I've definitely done that.

And I'm toxic. I was over the years ago. I'm not interested. That was, I was in a very toxic relationship for my early 20s. Okay, this one, he broke up with me whilst I was bathing off two young children and he just told me he was leaving. No, what the fuck? What a way to go? He cooked me dinner and then told me he was done and was leaving.

At least you got food. I wouldn't trust that meal. No, same. He dumped me over text whilst I was hospitalised with an illness. You know, I saw a statistic and I cannot remember the percentages, but it's very common that women stick by men when they are seriously ill, critically ill, but men tend to leave women. I mean, it doesn't really surprise me.

How bad is that? I realised my relationship was over when I was in IKEA. We were arguing over a wardrobe and he said, this is why I can't build a life with you. Not the wardrobe, a life. We still had to finish the shop in silence and then he asked if I'd split the costs of the meatballs. I'm out.

Aren't they really cheat? Oh my God. The girl he cheated with Facebooked me to say she was sitting on my boyfriend's face. last night. I am not okay. Father of my child one night before I went to bed said, I don't want to be a dad anymore.

Yeah, I mean, we've heard that before. I was crazy. We went on holiday to Ibitha as a couple. On day two, he told me that he needed space to find himself. He found himself in another girl's hotel room, and I found myself at the buffet emotionally eating churros at 9 a. What the fuck? Why on holiday?

No. by his new girlfriend, who was his ex-girlfriend, whilst they were on the way to Thorpe Park with the tickets I had bought, she honestly did me a favour, to be honest. I got dumped at his mum's house mid-Sunday roast. His mum was passing me the potatoes when he said that we need to talk. His mum said, not now. He said, no, now, and I got broken up with in front of everyone.

I don't understand why someone would like... Read the room and let me eat my roast dinner. Also, it's very extenders. Let me eat my roast. I believe it. I just want some gravy on my potatoes. Sorry. One more.

He didn't ever say it directly to me. He sent me a Spotify playlist called It's Time to Let Go. Right. On that note, yeah. Getting back on the dating scene. Hi, Tash and Carly. I follow you on Instagram and listen to your podcasts and absolutely love them. After a really awful divorce and a couple of short-term relationships,

I was fed up of constantly going for the wrong type of men. So I finally decided. to get myself back out there on the dating scene. I've decided that rather than putting all my eggs into one basket like I usually do and end up regretting it, I'm going to try the date three different men approach. Date three that I've built a connection with online and don't sleep with them, just date and see how they go. Now I've decided to stay local in terms of men and not go for the usual type I do,

ones that I normally see as boring. Now I've got two dates lined up, one night after the other with two different guys, and they have both suggested the same place. Obviously, I can't turn up one night after the other with different men. That would be stupid. How do I persuade one to go somewhere else, bearing in mind they are local? Oh my God. Help.

And do you think this is the right approach to hopefully meet a guy that I have more of a connection with rather than just chemistry? I think it's okay to date like that until someone claims you. It says that they specifically are like, I'm off the app. I just want to concentrate on you. I think there's absolutely no harm with it. I would also, in regards to the restaurant, I'd just say, like, I went there last week with a friend.

Do you mind if we do something a bit different? Yeah, play it down. Yeah. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm just going to be honest. I used to very much be like all in, speaking to one person at a time, eggs all in one basket.

And look, like, just to put in perspective for my ex-boyfriend, he was the first person I spoke to on dating. It's the first date I went on. and then I was with him for over 20 months. I'm not saying I regret any of it. I don't like amazing, lovely person. However, I have really noticed patterns in my dating over the last nearly year

that I've been back on the dating sink or that's depressing that I can overlook some red flags or settle for scraps. And so recently I decided that I wasn't going to know. do that anymore and I would be open-minded. Now look, I think when you're a single parent, you're incredibly limited with your time. Like to put in perspective, over a two-week period, I think I've got three, maybe four nights without my kids. It's not a lot of time. And I don't want to spend all those nights on date. So for me, it might, it might look more like speaking to different people as opposed to dating, but just being a bit more open-minded. But recently, and look, I have, like, I agree with Tash. Like, I think until you,

you have those conversations being like, look, I'm actually really enjoying your company. I like where this is going. I'd really like it if we could just exclusively see each other. And until someone has that conversation with me, I think it's... You're single. I think you're single. And it's absolutely right to explore connections. That's not a view I've ever had before.

No, neither. But for example, recently, I actually went on dates with two different people within the same period of time. and it just really put things in perspective like one guy could barely even organise a date like he was like I don't really know what to do for evening dates I was like why don't we go for a drink I don't really enjoy drinking I'm not saying you've got to sit there and Nick tequila shots

so I literally felt like I had to organise that and then obviously the other date he organised taking me to France for the day and I'm not saying like anything but it just goes to show like it just puts in perspective like I mean you probably would have been better off with the one that didn't want to drink What I'm saying is, I think for me, but had I not been on, but had I not been on the date with the other guy who could barely organise a date,

we actually got on well and I would say we, we have more of like a click than the other guy who went all out. But it just helped put into perspective like, I don't know, I feel like I could have easily been wooed by like these big extravagant things. And I think what I've realized is, of course, like, I want a man who like, is assertive and thoughtful and it does make like big kind gestures but actually there's a lot of other things I need and I think it just helps keep you a bit more level-headed

in dating it helps you not romanticise someone it helps you not put them on a pedestal and think wow he's doing this for me like it's just very easy I think to just fall into the habit of it just you stick with one person like my friends have always dated like a few people at a time and I've always been like oh but now I kind of get it

Like I kind of just think it helps you to stay detached from a situation. Because in the very early stages of dating, you are just getting to know someone. You don't know them well enough to know like this is going to be my person. I'm throwing everything into it. Like, and it also makes me just a bit more, I don't know. Like I don't like, I will never be the person who dedicates all my free time to dating. I think that on reflection, for me, I don't think it's going to matter how many people I'm dating at the same time. I don't think I'm going to fully, trust is the wrong word.

Like, I want to see what you're like after six months. Yeah. Literally, like, I don't care how consistent you are. I don't care how many green flags you're showing. I don't care how many red flags you're not showing. I want to see how you show up six to nine months after dating me. Even if we're official, even if we're girlfriend and boyfriend, even if you've met my kids, what are you like? When the honeymoon phase is gone and that real side of you.

comes out and how do you also react to my real side when I'm not showing up as my best? Yeah, I do agree with that. And I think as well, just on that and linked in with like dating a few people at a time, like the consistency is the biggest one I've seen. I've seen people like go all in and be consistent for the first three, four weeks. And then that completely changes. So it's like, I don't want to look back and be like, ew, I wasted my time on this one person. If they start all the way up here, is it sustainable?

No. Because if you're all the way up here, then it's only fucking coming down. But they might be all the way up here with like big gestures and stuff. But are they giving you the communication you need? Are they giving you like the openness to grow? Like one thing that I've really noticed in my dating recently is like my biggest turn off in someone. And the biggest reason I know that person's not for me is when there are multiple occasions where they show they're not open to growth. And for me, like my biggest thing, the biggest thing I realize I'm looking for as someone is someone who is growth minded.

If you're growth-minded, the world is our oyster because I think there's loads of possibilities in ways you can grow together. You can grow the relationship. The podcast I listened to with Jay Chetty and someone at Hinge said something about how it's not about finding the perfect partner. It's about finding someone you want to create a perfect relationship with. And that's not them having this, this, this and this. That's them having the skills to work together to build what it is you guys want to create together and having those. ideas and I just it's a great episode I really recommend listen to it but it put

a lot of things in perspective for me so I listen to that it's really good and again I know you're not going to know these things at the beginning but I think it's like how they show up in like the first few dates and like what they do and what they where they take you and what they treat you with it's sort of like trying to ascertain whether that's something that is actually their lifestyle or they're just like pulling out all the stops

and then it suddenly like dies down It's like that date I had, that amazing date I had to the Ned, like he went all, he must have spent hundreds on that day. Like, it was like the restaurant, the bar, the club. Like, he paid for the taxi home. He must have honestly spent, I would say, like, between £500 and £600 on that day. And then like, it was like he started here

and the rest of the day just were like, I feel like I actually would rather just know who you are, like show up as your real self rather than, I think that's where men. sometimes go wrong or even women where you're like you want to impress so much but it's like but then they're they're starting to like and fall for something that isn't actually you I'd rather like this is me this is like it or lump it this is this is who I am and this is how I stay obviously I'm not talking about like not growing and improving but I just there's nothing worse than like realizing that like

a man's pretty much taking out a fucking credit card in order to sort of like appease you for a few months and then find... But effort is nice. It doesn't have to be like... No, I agree. I agree. I would rather like effort with like thought and, you know... Someone coming to just...

Show me who you are, not who you think I want you to be that you then can't keep at. Because it's fucking pointless because eventually we'll see who you are. I hate it when people put on such a front and then the mask starts to slip and you're like, hmm, that's depressing because that's not who I thought you were at all. Yeah. And that's definitely the experience I've had. recently. Yeah.

Just disappointing, to be honest. Frustrating. But I am manifesting. What are you manifesting? Dream man. No, just a person who's on the same page and wants to work together. Okay, this is called Definitely Not As Planned. Hey, girls, so here's my situation.

I was with my boyfriend for nearly five years, helped to raise his daughter in this time, who is now 10, turning 11 this week. We bought our house in August 2024, got engaged in August 2025, and I really thought that he was my person and so did everyone around me. I came off contraception when we got our house.

Nothing had happened. So we went to the doctors together in October because of this but was reassured so carried on doing ovulation tests, taking vitamins and actively trying for a baby. In January, his behaviour seems a little bit strange. He was doing a lot of overtime at work, going to the gym excessively. When I asked him about this, he reassured me

and silly me believed him. Valentine's Day, I had a lovely card, a present, flowers delivered and was taken for a nice meal. I started to feel better and felt I was the one in the wrong for thinking something was wrong. February 17th I got my positive pregnancy test. I was over the moon and felt like everything we wanted had finally fallen into place.

I told him as soon as he came home and he was so happy. February the 18th was normal. I was in my happy bubble excited for my baby. February 19th was fine in the day. He was at work. I had asked him if he wanted me to. to wait for him to go shopping and he said yes. He walked him from work, sat on the sofa and was just strange.

He said we needed to talk and proceeded to tell me so bluntly, I don't love you anymore and my head has been turned. There's someone else. Cool. Yeah. I didn't shout. I froze. I asked if he was sure and he said yes.

I then said, what about the baby? And his reply was, I don't want it. I left and now I'm back at my mums. I mean, what the fuck? Since this, he has been like a stranger. It's like talking to someone who is possessed. He told me to get rid of the baby. When I have addressed, I wouldn't do this.

He has told me to think some more. I remember if I had the baby, he would be in my life forever. This baby is so wanted and I've been trying for over a year. I know the baby would be loved with or without him. Yesterday was Mother's Day. I didn't get a message to acknowledge all I did for his daughter or the fact that I'm carrying his baby and it's been so painful. My life has been turned upside down

I never wanted a baby from a broken family but I know that I can provide the best life of this baby and maybe without him our life will be better. What a mess, please help. I do feel like it's quite common that we have spoken. I don't want to say just men because I'm sure it's not just men

but I feel like men hit this point where they just literally check out. They check out, they're done, they're like, But, and it's like all the emotion goes. It's like they suddenly lose any kind of empathy. They suddenly lose any kind of love or care they have for you. Like I've spoke to so many people who, like, were in relationships with someone. They were obviously in love with them.

They got married or whatever. They had kids with them. And I feel like sometimes when things like this happened, they just become a different person. Or maybe that is who they were the whole time because I do think they had to have it in them. But it's so scary how someone can just be so cruel. and shut off and suddenly literally not care about how their behaviour has made you feel. I don't really believe that men ever do that without a backup plan. I mean, a lot of men need a backup plan because they need their ego-stroked and they need

validating. I don't think men leave without one though. I don't think that's true for everyone. No. But because I know that not to be true for everyone. And I also think we need to give, I think a lot of people, a lot of males that I've actually spoken to recently have been on the receiving end of cheating by women. So I don't necessarily think all men need a backup plan because some leave because they've also experienced infidelity

in their relationships. I mean situations like this. Obviously men leave if they're treated badly. I mean, I don't think a lot of men just like this guy. I think a lot of men can't be on their road. Yeah, I can leave without. I feel like more women are more inclined to be able to be, oh, I don't know actually. I don't know. I don't want to be. I don't want to be. in inclusive or whatever but I think it's also but I think it's more from our experience and our exposure like it would be very interesting to actually get stats do you know what I mean that's why I feel like we need a male guest on here who is open to talk about being cheated on anyone want to come forward okay relationship story hi girls I'm recently out of a toxic relationship and your podcast

has really helped me feel like I'm not the only one October to December 24 I started talking to a boy aged 19 he told me. Welcome to me into my house in the December and found out a week before Christmas he was still in a three year relationship and that he was 21 and not 19. It's quite rare for someone to lie about you younger unless they're like 50.

And he had put up our plates in his car to make me believe he was younger. What are our plates? Are we in England? It's Northern Ireland restricted. So it's like you're learning. Yeah, yeah. That is so weird.

Why would you do? do that. I don't know. I mean, I'd love to pretend I was young. I do sometimes. As soon as he knew I found out he blocked me on everything, therefore I had no clarity or closure as to why he did and what he did. Six months later, he adds me back and wants to catch up and I wanted an explanation. Long story short, I went back to him in the June 2025, but this time officially boyfriend and girlfriend. There were random outbursts of violence at the start, hitting his steering wheel and aggressively speed driving. One night I was out with friends in town for drinks.

I was wearing a dress but my bum cheeks were covered and I was wearing a high neck top. He picks me up, I get in and he asked well, did any guys come over to you? I replied no and if they did I'd tell them where to go. He then says, oh well I'm surprised because you're dressed like a slut. I then cry and he says, why's up? It's a joke.

I've seen a notification on his phone from Telegram. It was an only fan's model in Belfast which is local to me. I didn't say much but I played the video to him of her and he then grabbed my wrist so tight I dropped my phone. January 2026 he then came to me and told me his full-time employment of a PE staff member in a private school is lies. He hasn't worked on the school since September 2025.

The man built a whole pretense up of his whole life. I split up with him a week after he told me this and after I broke up with him everyone is telling me I never knew exactly who he is. I blame myself for going back to him, never mind staying. Lucky enough, I'm close with my mum and she has helped me escape and made me realise this wasn't okay. Mum should be praised more. A few things. First of all, I'm very glad that relationship is over

so I don't need to be giving you advice on leave or this, that and the other. I think we just need to definitely work on reflecting on why we allow people to come back into our lies when they've already disrespected us, lied to us. He did exactly the same thing again. He lied and ghosted you. and then he just continued to lie. Also, we are never accepting a man commenting on the way that we fucking dress. Because we don't dress for men, we dress for ourselves.

And if they've got a problem with what we're wearing, they are the problem and they are insecure. And they need to go and do some work on themselves. Glad he's out of your life. Sounds like an absolute wasting space. I'm going to come back to that comment, but on that about how we dress. Yeah.

So, as I mentioned recently, like, I went on some dates with someone, the same person that goes to me. And he, like, deliberately didn't like the picture of, you know, when we went into London and I was wearing the brown leather trousers. And he was like, I hate lever trousers for some women. So I didn't like the picture. And I was just like, ew. Like, that made me feel like, ew. What? He said they look really mumsy.

I was like, that's weird I am, fucking mum. I don't think I look mumsy. But it really upset me. You're a twat. Anyway. Yeah. Also like, I wore it because I felt good in it and my bum looked fucking insane. Yeah, like we don't dress for men.

I don't dress for anyone. I don't ever dress for a man. What makes me feel good. Yeah. Yeah, I think from reading that email and based of how young he is, I imagine you're all quite young too. And I feel like this is one of those experiences that we have to encounter and we have to go through in our life to learn from it to grow. Yeah. So the key point here is sometimes we all need to experience other things.

otherwise nothing ever pushes us to do the growth. This was one of your things. So make sure you really learn from it. Definitely. And keep us updated on your next escapade. Yes. Product of the week. Product of the week is JS Health Detox and DeBloat.

I don't know about you, girlies, but I feel like I wake up feeling really good. And then like the minute I put a piece of food or drink in my mouth, I just absolutely bloat. These are really, really good. They're detox and de bloat. They just really help with the bloating. I've really noticed the difference.

I feel like particularly like summer, I'm going on holiday. The last thing you want is to be going out and like just feeling like shitting your picks, like or in a bikini if you're like day drinking on a bit or whatever it is you're doing. They're just great. So yeah, detox and de bloat. I've used them before. I like them a lot. Confession of the week.

I'm a single mom of three kids. Living my best life. When I'm with my boys, I'm that mom that always shows up. But when I'm not with my boys, I do something that not many people know. I'm a regular sex party goer. I never ever thought this would be something that I would do. I was with my husband for 15 years and I never even knew what a sex party was. Now it's something I do on the regular.

It is so much fun and not something I plan on stopping any time soon. I think me and Carly my go-to-one together. As research for the pod. Yeah. We won't participate. Market research. Just viewing. I want to feel sexy.

Walk around, see what's guanin. I was a bit put off when I was tired that you have to wear underwear that. I was sort of hoping for more track suit vibes. I want to go for the clothes. Can't it be like if you're in a track suit, you're just observing? No, because I feel like it would be cool to be able to wear something totally real. We could go on a little shopping chip. Come shopping with us.

Come shopping with us. We've got to go over. It's probably have been. Yeah, I wouldn't particularly. I just, it's like watching a Louis through document in real life. Mm-hmm. And I'm here for it. Just like market research.

Market research only, ever. We'll keep you up dated. Affirmation of the week. I will attend sex parties. No, what? Did I say. Affirm it. Affirm it.

I don't remember saying that. Your energy is your most expensive currency and not everyone can afford it. I love that. So I really think we need to. This is something I've been speaking a lot about recently is just being really conscious of where you're putting your energy and what kind of energy you're absorbing. If you go into situations and you feel like your social battery is drained, you feel depleted, exhausted afterwards, that is a big sign that that energy just ain't worth

the cost. Amen. Love that. We love you so much, guys. Love you. Bye. Bye.