Not As We Planned - I’m The Other Woman… And I’ve Fallen In Love With Him

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

One Bestie has a confession she never thought she’d be making: she’s the other woman. What started with a work colleague who has a long-term partner and two children has turned into a year-long affair, and now they’ve both admitted they have feelings for each other. She knows what they’re doing is wrong and desperately wants to end it, but there’s one major problem: she still has to see him at work. So how do you walk away from someone you’ve fallen for when you can’t completely remove them from your life?Then, for the first time, we hear the other side from a male listener who fell deeply in love during an affair with an engaged woman. He spent almost two years waiting for her to leave her relationship, planned to move his life closer to her and believed they’d eventually be together. When she finally became single, he thought their chance had arrived… until she went on holiday, told him she needed to be alone and then revealed she’d met somebody else.Watch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of another episode of Not As We planned. We hope you are having a fabulous day. wherever you may be, whether you're listening to this in the car on your way to work or you're on holiday because you've decided that you need one. Or you're in the bath, relaxing after a long day. Glass of rosé. Yeah.

Or some squash, you know, let's keep it all. We have different vibes. You have your squash. How are you? I cried this morning in the car. My kids made me cry this morning. That was stunning. Just like fighting.

You know, and it's like the one thing that triggers me. Just constant, like, one of them will walk past the other one and just like kick him in the shins and be like, I haven't touched him. Like, I've literally just seen you. Why you gas-lising me? Yeah, we've had a bit of a talk about all-eyeing this week. Oh, dear. Like, there was this whole thing about, it's probably a really boring story to you guys, but basically Theo lied about taking squash up to his room. And I accidentally knocked it over and I was getting started.

out the washing so there was like red juice all over the floor on the carpet so I've like gone really got really upset about it and then I was like have you bought this squash upstairs like A he's only allowed one squash a day and B he knows he's not allowed anything but water upstairs and he literally looked at my face and lied to me and I was like now I'm not annoyed that you've spilled that it's upstairs I'm annoyed that you've lied so we've had a really big talk about lying this week because I'm not breeding liars let me tell you that I say to my case all the time. Like, what does mummy, if I say to them, what does mummy hate? No, it's liars. It's the one thing. I said, I say it's the worst trait because like once you

become not trustworthy, that's exactly what I've said. And I said to him, look, I said, look, you're a human, you're going to make mistakes. I said, mommy still makes mistakes. I said, but one thing I always want you to be able to do is come to me and own that mistake and say, Mommy, I've done something. I think you're going to be a bit cross or a bit upset. Can we figure it out together? rather than lying. So then he did some practices because then after that he made it worse because he like picked up my necklace

which was on the side which is my dad's fingerprint. And he was like doing that. I was like, you're going to knot it and that's mommy's really special necklace. So then I was like, right, let's pretend you've knotted my necklace or broken mummy's necklace. Let's practice. What would you do?

And he's like, mommy, you're going to be really. And like, that for me, I said, yeah, I'm allowed to be cross in that moment if you've done something. But I'd be far more cross if you've lied to me. So, look, who knows. But it's the one thing I really want to instill in my kids. I don't have ever spoken about it before,

but I have had quite a number of situations where my kids' dad has told them to lie to me. And it's like you have two different people, like, trying to, you know. That's a hard thing about co-parenting. Yeah, like ones, don't get me wrong, I know I've said it a lot and you said it to me and I'm very aware, like my co-parenting relationship as far as many go, I know I'm very lucky.

We get on very well but there are certain things that it is very difficult when, you know, he's saying oh, yeah, you can have this but don't tell mummy because if you do, you'll lose your iPad.

See, he's almost like putting this scare mongering them to, and then I'm like, guys, we need to be honest with each other and it's like, who do they choose to listen to? Yeah, it's hard. Horrible. Yeah, well, I had Milo's birthday.

There's just something for me that will never feel normal about not waking up on your kids' birthday with them. Like you can sugarcoat it as much you want. Like, you know, I've posted about it and there were a couple of comments like, your birthday is, the birthday is only, like, we're not confined by time. Like, you can choose to have it on another day. Like, I respect anyone who has that capacity to think like that for me.

That day is still very much there and apparent. And that's the day, like, I gave birth to him. there's just something so unnatural about knowing it's your child's birthday and waking up and knowing like you should have them running into your room and being excited to open presence and there was just this silence and it was really, really hard. And I think for me it was one of those days where I was feeling really reflective and just like that feeling and I'm sure lots of you listening will understand this when it literally like slap you around the face like, wow, this is just not how I saw my life going. I didn't ever,

ever contemplate in pregnancy or even when I just had him that I would be missing part of his birthday. And it was just that real apparent feeling like, wow, there are moments in my kids' lives that I am missing and I never accounted for that when I was thinking about having children or when I did have children. And we've spoken about it before, but in these moments I think we're so quick to try and fix that hurt feeling and to make ourselves feel better and to be like well let's put a positive spin on it but I actually think in these situations it's kind of important to let yourself just feel so I just gave myself permission to just feel everything I was feeling and some of the feelings actually took me by surprise

like don't get me wrong I was upset I did cry and but I had this like overwhelming feeling of anger. I think I even voicenoted you. Like, I feel really angry today. Like, please, I basically voice noted touch. This is what I'm going to do. I'm about to do something. Please talk me out of it. And then at first I was like, that actually sounds like quite fun.

Like, can I join you? And then I was like. No, you're like, would it be, why didn't I do that? I was like, who? And then I've missed her wrong girl. And then afterwards I was like, no, like, you're not going to do that because then that was. mean this and this and this and this. I was like, but it's quite nice to hear you angry rather than sad. Yeah. I think it just took me by surprise because I think regarding my situation of

being a single parent and regarding the situation between me and my ex-husband, like, I hand on heart. Like, I genuinely don't feel anything. Like, I don't have that anger towards him anymore. I don't have that sadness. I feel really indifferent to it. There are some other feelings I feel, but they're not anything about, I don't know, like I've kind of just let go of it and I've completely moved on from it. So I think I was confused, like, where is this anger come from? Like, it kind of like shocked me.

And then I was like, no, no, no, this is part of the grief cycle. Like, anger is part of that. And sometimes it's not always like in a big circle. Sometimes it can go off here, here and here. And this is quite a significant day. And like, you're entitled to feel like that. So, yeah, I got him back at 4 o'clock. I got both the kids back.

and we did go out for a family meal, which was so lovely. And I was okay. And the thing with these days is, like, the one thing that keeps me going is, like, it passes. Like, midnight comes and then you go into the next day. And you're like, I've done it. That's another year. I've done it. And that's it with Milo's birthdays now for a while.

I've definitely checked the calendars. Because it's just so happens, like, it's just annoying the way it's fallen over the last few years. And Theo's this year will, again, be on. That's so, like, who came up? I know, but then it's like, but then it's, it benefits me later on. Yeah. It's just, it's just one of the shit parts of co-parenting. Yeah.

You just, it is what it is. So, how are you? Yeah, I'm good. I did share on my social media and I feel like I've spoken about it before with Blake and his, like, his football career. So, you know, he... He heard it here first. Yeah. He, at first, he, like, tried football, like, realized it wasn't really for him.

Like, I think I spoke about how it was a bit disappointing that his dad didn't sort of, like, encourage it or help him, whatever. Fine, we're over that bit. Anyway, at the end of year three, we found out, we got an email that they were making a, like, football team for year four, which was, like, news to me. They usually don't really do it properly until year five. And I get this email and like Blake's in the team. And I was a bit like, I'm confused. Like this kid doesn't like football. Like it doesn't play football.

And when he got home and I was like, what's this about the football team? Like you've made the football team. He's like, oh, like, yeah, right. I like, volunteered to like be part of it. I was like, that's cute. Like, how come? I was like, I thought he didn't like football. He's like, no, like I started playing with the boys in the playground a bit.

Like, I thought it would be fun. I was like, okay, love that. I didn't really know what was in. And then obviously they've gone back to school and there was a tournament that was coming up. And obviously me being me, like I don't really keep up with like the emails. Same. It's just too much. I can't.

I just ask in the group. Yeah, literally. So it turns out there was this like tournament that was taking place during school hours and it was loads of other schools involved. And it was like five aside football, five minutes per game. And it was in this massive place where there were loads of pitches, like all next to each other. And it was like a massive tournament. Yeah. And that's what he was involved in.

And very me, the day before the tournament, that's when he decided he actually wanted football boots. Okay. So this whole time, bearing in mind, again, if you don't know, like Blake has ADHD and autism. He's very, very sensory sensitive. He only wears one particular type of seamless socks. School shoes have always been a real nightmare. Year three was just really, really bad with that sort of stuff. Towards the end of the year, he ended up just wearing crox.

Then obviously in the summer he was in crocs. Since he started year four, touch word, he has been incredible. He hasn't complained about his socks. He has new school shoes that aren't like special sensory ones. And he started wearing trainers, which he hasn't worn trainers in a year, over a year. So obviously I. started panicking a bit because when I saw that for the football tournament you needed football socks, football boots, shim pads. There are three things obviously like he isn't used to,

like even just shin pads, just having something like makes me feel funny. Like I appreciate you in someone that's not particularly sensory sensitive to be like, oh God, what's this? And then like him having socks like up to his knees. And so, you know, I was trying to speak to the school and understand like, could he wear trainers? Would it be okay? And they were like, if he's really going to struggle he could and I spoke to him like leading up to the tournament he was like yeah trainers trainers trainers and then yeah the day before he was like I'm the only one in football boots and he started getting quite upset about it and I'm literally like what what the fuck do I do like why didn't I just try them or get them and anyway um my boyfriend got home it was like 6pm

the kids were having dinner and I told him like Blake's really not like I think he's like now starting to panic about tomorrow. So James had a chat with him and then James came over to me and he was like, look, my suggestion is sports director's open until 8pm. Why don't we just go, take him

and see what he can find? So I asked Blake. And the thing is, I think for me, because I know that Blake could like say yes to something and then he could put them on the next day and be like, actually I don't like them. And like football boots, he's a size four. Like that's an adult side.

is that they're not cheap, that you're looking at like 50-cube minimum. I was like, if you really want them, we can go now. But if you choose a pair and I buy them, they are being worn. So sports so right, you can't get a return.

I know. Like, what? Come on, get with the times. That really annoys me. I don't need bloody credit. I don't know. I'm never coming back here again. I don't want to go there.

Really annoying. I'm so hesitant about that you. Next week we're going to have like, sports so red bottles. So he was. like yeah yeah I want to try so luckily my mom bless her she was actually going away the next day she was meant to leave at 630 and I was like please can you just stay I really don't want to take the other kids and I needed james to be there because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing with football boots

like there's so many different like you know stunts like what grass were playing on fuck knows so anyway we went um he tried on a number of um football boots bought him socks and like the football boots he found it was really sweet like he loved them. He asked if he could sleep in them. Obviously I said no because that's unnecessary. And I couldn't believe how well he just put these socks on, put these boots on.

He was running around the shop with these boots on. He was like, can I keep them on? I was like, you do you, babe. So he's like, I feel like he was like tap dancing, like to the car. And then I don't know. I was just very, very emotional. that evening.

I don't know if anyone else can relate. I just feel like when you have a child that is like neurodiverse, I feel like Blake anyway, he can be very unpredictable with, I don't know, he can wake up and just depending on, like one thing can just make him completely change

and he can either be like really looking forward to it, really excited, or he gets in his own head. His self-worth and self-confidence is very, very low. And then I'm thinking about the fact that it's a new environment a lot of people, he gets very overwhelmed with a lot of people, sometimes he doesn't want to walk into a room.

Yeah, it's overstimulating. And he's about to play a sport that he, in the nicest possible way, he's not very good at, you know. No, but like, I would never say that to him, but, like, he doesn't play. Like, he doesn't know the rules. He doesn't really even know the game that well. And this was competitive.

Like, there were kids there who were, like, you know, the full gear, the full kit, like proper, like, we're going to win. Like, and kids aren't always kind. No, true. Especially in a competitive sport, especially if there is a kid or the pitch that, you know, is ruining the game. And they'll be like, get off. Like, yeah. Like, get off.

Like, you're obviously, they're not going to say your shit, but like, you're really bad. And so I'm just overthinking everything. And he's got really bad, like, rejection sensitivity. So, like, I got in my head massively the night before. Like, I was in tears. I was actually like, people are going to be horrible to him. And then he's, and I was just like, I wish he didn't volunteer, but at the same time, I'm so proud that he did

and it could be a really good day. Anyway, whatever. He got the football boots. I thought at least one thing that he's happy with his boots. He looks, par, although, you know, all the gear, no idea. We'll go with that. What role with it? Fake it so you make it?

Yeah, literally. And the first game that he was on, you know, like, you like, it hurt watching him because he looked a bit lost. and he'd get the ball and then would just like stand there and I'd like oh my God like run just do anything like and anyway

he came off that game that a bit sad because they lost that game and I literally said to him I was I just explained it really plainly I was like right Blake because he was like I didn't score any goals I was like right you're defending so listen to me this is what you're going to do

if that ball goes anywhere near your goal I was like you're going to tackle them you're going to go for them like you do your brother and sister You were going to chase that ball and you're going to get it away from their feet. And you're just, I was like to kick it anywhere. I was like, kick it anywhere. That second game, honestly, like, even talking about it, like, he was so cute.

And he was really good. And, like, he was running around with the biggest smile in his face. And you know when you're just like, oh, my God, like, you are, he was just blessed him. Like, look, he wasn't the best footballer on the pitch. But he had fun. And he enjoyed it. And, like, everyone, all the kids were so. so lovely to him.

And he left and I was like, I cannot tell you, I was like not putting the football aside. I was like, you do not, I don't think you realise how well you have done that you just spent three hours in socks with seams, in shin pads, in boots that you have never worn.

I was like, do you realise what a big deal is? And he has, like touch wood, like he has come so far in the last few months. So just praying it continues. But yeah, so it was a bit like, it's just, I know, you can't control these situations. You can't control other kids. Even kids that are just, you know, sensitive or not neurodivist.

And you can't protect them from the world. I know. They're going to be in those situations going up. And it is something that I would never want to wrap him in cotton wool. Like he needs to understand that not everyone is always kind. And you've got to stick up for yourself and you've got to be sure of yourself. And we do sometimes talk about things like, I remember one day he was wearing his spurs kit somewhere

and he was like, what if someone tells me my team isn't good and they're not nice and it would make me sad. And I said to him, I was like, do you want a no good comeback? You turn around and you say, yeah, we're not very good at the moment, are we? But I'm loyal. Like, you know, I give him these things to say back.

I know, do you know what I mean? My kids is like the same. Yeah, oh, shame on us. Shame on us. But yeah, I think it's just, it's part of parenting, isn't it? You can't control how other kids. kids are and it is stuff like that. It's heartbreaking it.

I was telling Tasha, I was saying Tasha was around and like Theo's activity he's been doing is karate. But this year for one reason or another I hadn't signed up for it. And they had like a cheerleading workshop at school yesterday and he's come out of school and he's like, I'd like to do cheerleading. And I'm like and then I found out like, I was like, well, do you want me to find out who's going and it's all girls and he would be the only boy? And I was like, does that bother you?

And he's like, no. And I was like, I love that. And I was like, I always want you to stay true to yourself, do whatever it is you want to do and not what other people try and make you do. It might be that he goes and he's like, no, wasn't as good as the thing. But I'm just all about, it's interesting because I was a PE teacher before I became a mum. I'm a very competitive person. I was basically captain of every team at school.

I am very, very competitive when it comes to sport. And I always thought, well, I have kids. And their dad as well, very competitive, they're very athletic, very good at a lot of things, sport-wise. And that was something to do that day. I'm just clarifying. And I always thought it's going to have these kids who are like, I'm real at sport, like really competitive.

And Theo just isn't like that. Milo, on the other hand, I can see it coming through. Like, he's very aggressive. I don't like Theo and Blake are quite similar. They are. And then Milo and Rome are quite similar. I don't disagree with that. Yeah.

Just like, and it just makes me like, I just, find it so cute and I'm just here for like embracing. I thought I'd be that parent like in my head I've always wanted to be soccer mum driving my kids around from this match to this practice and instead of like forcing these clubs on them because that is very tempting sometimes. If you go to this you'll be good at this. I'm really leaning into like what do you want to do? Like what is it you're interested in and just rolling with it because I do you know I do know a lot of parents who make their kids do everything under the sun and this and that.

Or like live vicariously through them. It's like I failed as a footballer because of my knee injury. So you will be. You will. You will be in the Premier League. That's what I thought their dad was going to be like. So I feel like it's been such a shock

to see such opposite. I mean, I feel like both me and his dad are just like leaning into him. I think part of both of us probably like, come on because we're both very competitive. But I think we're both just like going with the flow. It comes that.

You can't, you can't force someone to be competitive. Yeah. So I remember when we took it to football, this was over a year ago, I do think if he went to football now, because he plays it every day at lunchtime and basketball.

I think he's got a bit more of that just on his own. Yeah. And he has said he would, wants to start football again. But we've also had a conversation that Mommy can't afford to do all that. So you need to pick one and I'm happy to just will lean into it. Oh my God.

If he does cheerleading, I want to come and join. I like literally got to show me something. of the moves. He basically in a workshop and we were like, we were walking last night. He was like doing these jumps and he was going. And I was like, yeah, that's unreal. And then I showed him some videos. I was like, look how strong these men have to be as well. Because he's really obsessed at the moment. So he's now eating a lot more meat. And every time he eats me, he goes, mommy, check my muscles. And they are actually getting, like, I was like, you're really really strong. Anyway, should we get some email? Let's do it. Also, guys, can we quickly just say, our tour is literally around the corner. We are literally finishing off like. last minute preparations. It is going to be so good. It's very different to what we've done before. If you are wanting to get tickets, make sure you get them now. Don't wait until near the time and be disappointed because there aren't that many left. London, Manchester, Edinburgh. Go and check them out. Link is on our bio on Instagram, on TikTok. Yeah, we are very excited.

But I'm just going to an email. It's a short one, but I think it's a good one. So we're here for I'm the other woman and I need advice. You come to the right girl. Hi. Hi ladies. I love your podcast and genuinely love listening to you both. I'm actually so embarrassed to even write this in but I really need some advice on how to navigate the situation I've got myself into.

I am the other woman. My work colleague has been having a fair with. Another one. Surprise she lost the pod. There are no excuses. for it. I know it's wrong on so many levels. He has two kids and has been with his girlfriend since secondary school. Wow. I'm a single mom with two kids and came out of a 12 year marriage and I genuinely don't even know how the fuck I ended up here. Fast forward a year and he's now told me he has

feelings for me. The problem is I have feelings for him too. But I've locked him off because the whole situation is just so fucking wrong and I've reached the point where I'm thinking what the actual fuck have I become. He's told me we need to take a break because if his other half ever found out he has too much to lose compared to me. Mate, so do I. I'm in a senior position at work and aside from the personal consequences, I'd be absolutely mortified if my colleagues found out. I feel like I'd lose so much respect from people I work with. Please don't judge me. I know what I've done is wrong and I'm not trying to justify any of it. I genuinely care about him, but I'm working on detaching myself from him completely. I don't want to be somebody's side person waiting around and getting stuck in this

vicious cycle, and most importantly, I don't want to hurt anyone else. I think part of me is also struggling with how something I knew was wrong managed to go on for a year, and now there are actual feelings involved. How do I properly detach from him when I still have to see him at work, and how do I move past the guilt and make sure I never put myself in this position? again. It's really difficult because you haven't explained how you got there in the first place.

I'm also interested to see why your marriage broke down as well. What, like if she got cheated on or something? Yeah. I don't know why. I just feel like... I think what's difficult and I'm sure I can speak on both,

like from both of us is it's really hard to give you advice on what you need to do to get yourself out of a situation that neither of us have been in. Like I know that it's obviously hard to get, over someone when you're around them.

And I think it's more needing to really strip it back and really look at what's in front of you because we've said it time and time again when it comes to, you know, someone having feelings for someone when you haven't really experienced like real life with them, you haven't been able, again, I could be wrong. Maybe you have been going on dates and doing like, hotel trips and this, that and the other.

But one thing I'm sure that you haven't done is, you know, being in each other's homes and, you know, just done that sort of like everyday life together and been around each other's children. And you have feelings for him, I'm sure. But it is, again, that fine line between this like limerence and like this dopamine hit that you get from almost loving the feeling you get from being with him rather than actually your feelings.

feelings being for him. It's not your reality. You get to almost experience all the nice things with him rather than getting into more of the nitty-gritty, everyday life struggles that, you know, people have in normal relationships. I think that you have listed quite a few reasons as to why this relationship continuing is dangerous for your work, like your personal life, just all of it. It's that you,

you don't need our advice. You just need to be strong enough to draw a line and walk away from it because it's not going to end up serving you. It will come out. If it continues, it will come out. It could come out anyway. By the time that you're hearing this,

you know, it may have gone to absolute fucking shit. But I've, do believe what goes around comes around as well. Gotta be honest. And if that is the sort of thing that you're going to do, he is a cheater at the end of the day. So remind yourself of however much you feel for him, he is doing something extremely bad to his partner,

to the mother of his children. He'll do the same to you. Don't romanticise this thing that you've got going on. it is not worth it. Make a list. Write down those cons. You will see the list of cons will be so much more

than the pros. It's only up to you. You can only do. You can make the changes. We can give you all the advice in the world. I think for me, I think the place I would start is it sounds like you don't have a lot of self-worth

or self-love. I think no disrespect, but like very few self-revees. respecting and self-confident people would put themselves in a position of starting to see a married man or not married but a man in a relationship with kids. I think something to do with that is maybe he's fed into your ego, your insecurities, he's made you feel really good. That's felt really nice and that's how I imagine it's probably kind of grown and how you've got to where you've got to. So I would just personally strip it all back and work on you and starting to figure out who

you are starting to figure out do you like yourself as you are what things would you change about yourself i don't mean physically i mean as a person like for me i know like if i was in your situation which of a see is hard to imagine i think i'd be like whoa like how did i become this person this is not who i've ever wanted to become right what would i want to look for in my dream person right before i go looking for someone like that i need to channel all that i need to channel all those things. I need to be honest. I need to have good morals. You know, all these things, I think a lot of it is pouring that love into yourself. I think perhaps this has gone the way it's gone because you have got these insecurities that he's fed into. And I don't want to use the

word manipulate, but I do think a lot of these people in these situations know exactly what they're doing. It's been fun. You're living in that thrill. It's exciting. Wow, no one's made me feel like this. And I think a lot of it is just feeding your ego. It's making you feel. good. I think you need to strip it back. I think once you get to a point where you know you're good, you know you're a good person, you don't need some taken man with kids to be telling you that and it'll be a lot easier. Look, you can't escape this man. He's in your office. But I think when you start pouring more into yourself, you'll start giving less of a shit about him being there. I think you just need to de-send to him from your life and focus on you because this is not going to

end up as a little fairy tale there's going to be big fallouts that come with this and I think look like tasha it could all have come out it still could come out but I think whilst you're in the control of it you need to be taking as much responsibility and control and change as you possibly can right now yeah keep us updated though please so we've got an email from a man good yeah we're getting more of these I know it's called welcome it's called affair hello I came across your Instagram page and watch a fair few of your videos and wondered if you would be interested in hearing my story about my affair. But he's put a fur. About two years ago to the day, I started an affair with someone I worked with. Another one. I didn't work with her directly as I was a subcontractor to who she worked for. We'd known each other around six months before this happened and I would have considered her as a colleague and to the point, a friend. I knew she was engaged and from what she said all seemed purpose. in her relationship.

However, one day she asked to meet me, and knowing about her partner, I honestly thought nothing of it. We got along in work, so what harm was a coffee? Little did I know this was the start of a whirlwind of emotions, definitely for me, but I'm also pretty sure for her too. I will admit, I made the first move and I kissed her, and in all honesty, it was awkward. We started meeting in my car after work.

I'd been moved to a different location but it wasn't too far so I would drive to meet her I quickly fell in love with her we didn't sleep together straight away but two months in we did from my side it was perfect nothing seedy it was the sex you see in films

it was in my opinion just true and pure love this carried on for a while hotels but she could never stay the night so I never really got all of her but at the time I believed it would all be worth it in the end I asked her to leave her partner on a number of occasions but I always got the response It's not that easy

Which I guess is true So I let it slide hoping that one day It would all become too much and we could be together We text every night when she was in the bath Or her partner was out It wasn't what I wanted But I was happy to take what I could for now She told me she loved me

And I did believe that she did So I started making plans for a future together I looked at houses near her Looked at work near her I was ready to up my life and move for her. Now, by no means am I perfect, but I tried my hardest to be the best man I could for her. I'd bring her food to work on weekends,

buy her things she liked, flowers, etc. It wasn't to win her over, but for the first time in my life, it was what I wanted to do. It was how I wanted to show her that I loved her. And in my head, this is how I wanted to love her, and I really was just trying my best to show it. Coming into the last three months of this

was when her behaviour changed. The word narcissists kept getting thrown around a lot. I don't believe she is one, but her behaviours mirrored that of one. I myself am a recovering addict, and although I've been sober over eight years, I still have a therapist who pointed out her behaviours and what they were.

So the end, her and her partner broke up, I'd always known it wouldn't be straight into a relationship with me. I had an idea she would need time, but what happened was not as I had hoped for. She'd gone on holiday to get away from it, and I had had the odd text here and there. There were some questionable behaviours but I made it clear.

I want to be with her and I loved her very much. Then radio silence. Nothing for two to three weeks. Then a long message from her thanking me for showing her love like she had never had before. And I quote, Love you read about in books. Then she told me she needs to be alone

and to sort herself out, to which I was fine with as I'd waited nearly two years, what would another six months? months be. Then her birthday came around and I guess I made a mistake. I sent her a present. Nothing major was something to let her know that I was still here. A few texts and a phone call later she told me that she was seeing someone that she had met on that holiday.

Wow. This is when my head kicked into gear and I'd realised that she had been seeing him and sleeping with him while sending me long messages about how much she loved me and that she just needed to be alone for a bit. I'm not innocent in this either. I'd slept with some else but I called it off very quickly as I couldn't give that person the love that I wanted because it just wasn't there. She was still on my mind. Stupid I know, but I wanted to move on. I do regret this now. Yes, her behaviours toward the end were narcissistic, but I don't believe

she is one. I've learned so much from this. I also don't believe that she's a bad person. If anything, I'm excited to fall in love again. I have some amazing female family and friends around me and what this one woman has done to me doesn't define other women as a whole. The thing that does hurt me the most is that out of all of this, it isn't the lies that she told me. It was our last face-to-face conversation.

All I ever wanted from the start was for her to be happy. I asked that if she could promise me that she was happy, I would walk away happy, as all I've ever wanted was for her to feel great, but she couldn't do that. If that isn't loving someone, I don't know what it is. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoy it.

I am good awful at writing and if there is anything you want to clear up I put my mobile number at the bottom I'm more than happy to talk on the phone but like well Carly's actually looking for a guy you seem really nice

it's really I always find it so interesting to hear a man's point of view I do really appreciate the amount of times you have taken accountability in this email you have said you know, you're not perfect, you know that what you did wasn't right.

Even when you said, you know, there were times where once we broke up, I then went and was with someone else for a bit, but I ended it and I know I shouldn't have done that. Like, I feel like a lot of men, we've spoken about that before. A lot of men do that. They don't want to like sit in that loneliness and pain and do the work. They do just go on to the next person. So I think it's really good that you experience that and then realize that wasn't the right thing.

It sounds like you've taken. what you needed from this relationship. And we've always said that. Like each relationship, it's always about learning the lessons and making the changes so you don't then repeat it with the next relationship.

She, I can't turn around and say that she's a narcissist. Nothing's been said to, you know, I think she was maybe just, you know, being selfish. She was in a relationship. She found you. She liked you.

She, I think we need to be smarter. I think we need to and look, you have taken accountability, but I think we just need to make sure we don't put ourselves in situations where someone isn't fully single, where someone is in a relationship. Like at the end of the day, I do always think like we're looking for things like honesty, integrity and a person and I just think, I know for me personally, I could never get into a relationship with someone where it's based off lies,

where the start hasn't been an honest start where there's someone else involved because I'd always think if they can do that to someone else then they can do it to me and I think sometimes regard like because feelings are never there straight away right those things take time to build initially it's base of attraction or a spark or some kind of chemistry I think we just need to take more accountability in those moments to be like this doesn't feel right this part doesn't sit right with me I'm actually removing myself from that situation and then we don't get to the part where we get hurt and things like that so look I mean not sat here saying I've never made a mistake in my life because I absolutely have. But

it's so good that it seems that you have taken a lesson from it. And I really hope that from that you never put yourself in a situation again where, you know, you're, you're moving with someone who isn't single. Yeah. I think it never ends well. I can appreciate that when you're in it, it must be really hard to, you know, we are talking. Yeah. But we are talking from like an outsider's perspective when you're in it and you're vulnerable and you feel the feelings that you explained, which sound, you know, like you really loved this person. I can appreciate when you're like, oh, this isn't like how I wanted it, but like for now I'll take it because that's as good as it's going to get. And hopefully I'll, you know, eventually will be together. I can really understand

when you're already in that space while you're like holding on to like the scraps, like the little breadcrumbs but yeah I guess it's it's just having you've experienced it learn from it and don't allow yourself to be in that position again but thank you for sharing it we want more men to be emailing yeah there's never too many men never too many men well in in regards to like emailing like we don't want more than one man you know okay so product of the week I get asked a lot what products I use for my slip back bun and for my daughters and for me I have tried quite a few things but this is my favourite it's the bedhead um tiggy wax stick do you use this as well no what do you use i use the got to be stick fine so i use the got to be hairspray afterwards um i also use the got

to be um like it looks like a little it's got a spoon like the wand yeah to get like the little tiny so i love this i feel like what is good about this as well is you can brush it out afterwards. Like, don't get me wrong. I feel like once you've done a slip back, like there's no going back. You've got to wash your hair. But I do feel like the next day,

it doesn't look like wet. Yeah, it doesn't go hard. So I use this on my daughter's hair as well. I love it. We will link it on our Instagram. But, yeah, and it's really reasonable. So, product of the week. Confession of the week.

It's quite funny. I matched with a man on hinge. and spent 45 minutes stalking his Instagram before realizing that I've already dated him. Oh, my God. No way. I get that. Sometimes like...

I've done that loads of times. No, but all like, you're like, why do I know this person? Oh, like, we've spoken before and like it was a no then. Yeah. I've definitely done that because like it literally does just keep recycling. Yeah, how did you know? So affirmation of the week, I feel like this is maybe relevant to the last email that we just did.

respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy. Word. Thanks guys. Please make sure you go and get your tickets for tour if you're not already. Go sign up to Patreon for you on a bonus episode and also to join us for our monthly Zooms plus so much other stuff on there. Like subscribe on YouTube as well. You subscribe on YouTube and go live this little review. Oh yeah, love a review. Lover review.

Haven't had a review in ages. It's positive ones only. Thank you. Love you. Bye.