Not As We Planned - I've Been Sleeping With My Boss... Who's Married

Episode Date: January 15, 2026

This week, we hear a confession from someone sleeping with her married boss, a long-term boyfriend exposed on an Are We Dating the Same Guy page and our advice as to whether we think a listener's boyfriend might be cheating on her. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hey guys, welcome back to Not As We planned. We hope you're having a lovely January. It's weird because we're actually filming this in December. So we're like, from your past. Are we in the future or are we in the past? We're in the past. We're in your past. I was exciting.

Anyone's past? Any good? No, but no, we're like in the future. We're talking as if it's like the new year and it's not yet. Crazy. What's January looking like, guys? I don't know. Tell me what it's like out there.

Is it better? I was New Year's Eve. What are you doing? New Year's Eve. Soho Farmhouse. Oh, yeah. I'm excited. Although my friends, obviously,

So the three of us were going, I'm a single. And they were like, do we smuggle grapes in our bag and eat them under the table? Because it's a thing. And then we're just like, is it worth it? But now I'm like, if we don't do it, then more we kick ourselves. That's funny. I've seen loads of things on my TikTok. I think we might end up smuggling grapes in our bag.

I've seen a lot of clips of people showing that they did it. And then they've like got engaged. I know. That's why I feel like I had to do it. Eat those grapes. Just in case. What is it? 12.

12 grapes under the table. But I think it's a particular colour as well. That's fine. Make sure you look which one it is, the white or the red. I hope they don't check my, if they check my bag, I'll be like, I just want to find a lot. I haven't found an outfit for a year. So, yeah, I haven't got an outfit a few years either. I was going to wait for the sales.

Oh, okay. Because I resent paying more now. And then it'll just go. Yeah, yeah, I understand that. But, yeah, if I don't find one, I will go physically shopping because I don't have the kids between Boxing Day and New Year's. Oh yeah, when everyone's listening to this, I'm going to be a year older. Oh, yeah. It's nearly my birthday.

Ancient. I know. Hello, you're older. You're only as young as I feel. But yeah, how was your week? I had like a little spa trip, which was really nice with a friend of mine. I actually like hit the jackpot because she was meant to go with her husband, but they've moved to Dubai. And she came to be like, but they split up.

And she came back and he had to stay in Dubai. and she's like, do you want to come with? I was like, you don't have to ask me twice. Yeah. So it was so nice. Amazing. Yeah. And that was nice and chilled.

But I feel like, I'm not going to like tell people to get like the violin out. I know it's obviously nice when you have time away and to chill. But I feel like you, you were then more tired when you go back. No? Okay. I don't mind. I feel like. Yeah, God we feel so bad for you.

Once you go back to the kids, it's almost like, sorry, that was like a distant memory. Does that actually happen? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But no. It was nice. And then obviously, although not really relevant now, because it's January,

the kids are obviously breaking up soon. I'm just very excited for just that slow down, no morning rush. Yeah. Jama morning. Yeah. I'm ready. I feel like the kids are ready as well. Yeah, same.

I'm really excited. Any updates from you? Not really. I don't know. You make me laugh at me. I don't know. You make me laugh at me. No, honestly, I'm just a bit.

I did have, right? I don't understand an argument. So I was speaking to this guy. I told him this. And we matched on an app, whatever. And we were speaking and he was going to take me out and stuff. And why did I say no? No, yeah, what did he do wrong this time?

He breathed. I was going to say he exiled breathed you soon. We were talking. The reason, like, which we got on, it was really, It would be like matched, blah, blah, and then he was like, oh, can we just go to WhatsApp? I was like, yeah, it's fine. Like, that doesn't bother me. I remember, I think I know what you're going to say, because I think you have told me this.

Was this the guy that you had a date with and then he, like, wanted to do a day date instead of an evening day? No. No, someone else. I can't keep up. No, that's not, yeah. I can't keep up. This, so he basically just, as soon as I added him on WhatsApp, he had just seemed like a face. time, like a video book on in and I'm like, fuck sake, like, I'm in my pyjamas.

No, it's too much. I've cleaned my face, but I was like, I don't know why I picked up the phone and they did. Anyway, we were talking for a while. It was fine, but it was the weirdest conversation. Like, I just felt like he was trying to, like, fight with me with everything we were saying. What? We were talking about, like, dating and how hard it is.

And he was, like, basically saying, like, yeah, the problem is with dating, like, like, you've got women out there who are like, I want this. He goes, but dating's not about what you want. It's about meeting each other's needs. I said, no, no, but you've got to make sure your needs are being fit. Anyway, we have this whole argument. And then we decided, like, I pulled back of it and was like, look, like, he's quite cool to, I was like, I'm happy to like just chat, but for me, like, just not the date,

whatever. And then he goes to me the other day. He called, he, like, randomly calls me. I felt like I've got a new mate. But we were talking and he goes, I was. thinking. He goes, he asks my opinion a lot because he goes, I think you're quite wise, actually. He goes, you've got the podcast and stuff. Like, I feel like it's interesting to get your perception because this was what he said. He said, we were talking about how men mostly cheat. And he

goes, but can I ask? I've, I've never met a woman who's taken any accountability for a relationship going wrong. He goes, I want you to think back about all your previous relationships. Do you take responsibility for any of them going wrong? And I was like, yeah, two of them. I'm 100% wrong, went wrong because of me. And he was like, I've never heard a woman say that, blah, blah, blah. So he was like, this is why we just have, like, interest in chat. And he goes to me the other time. Out of nowhere, he goes, like, I was thinking, like, about your situation.

He's like, because, you know, he's not got very much kid free time and all this. He goes, and I know, like, you really want to meet someone. He goes, but, babe, like, you're fucked. I was like, sorry? He was like, you're fuck, babe. Like, your ex-husband's fine. like he's got, he's got, like, more kid-free time. He could go off, have, like, a proper relationship and show up.

He's like, who's going to want to go out with you when you can barely see them, and you've got, like, your kids and they're going to have to take your kids on. I was like, excuse me? You know, you're just like, I was like, no, no, no, this isn't true. I said, that's what it's going to take a certain kind of person. You know, you're like, I wanted to punch him in the fucking face. I was like, and then I was like, great. Like, is that actually what I am I actually?

But I'm not. Of course you're not. But you know what you're just like, it's like, babe, I could be honest with you. I was just thinking like, you're fuck, babe. That's it for you. Because I don't, I think you're going to really struggle to find someone. I was like, okay, cool. Like, I'm going to leave now.

That is so odd. Bizarre. Hopefully he's listening to the pod. He won't be, but bizarre behavior. He sounds like he needs to. Oh, yeah. Anywho. So yeah, no, I'm fucked basically, guys.

So happy New Year. there's no hope here no like they just got me thinking and I had a little rank yesterday on my TikTok because that annoyed me and then I feel like I'm getting loads of comments because I'm sharing about my unsuccessful dating thing I feel like it my algorithm

I must send out to all these bitter men's algorithms and they're all like no one wants an old washed up single mom like you think you what do you bring to the table and I'm thinking everything that's the fucking problem I am the fucking table.

Like, yeah, I am the fucking table. Like, it just annoys me. It's like, what do you bring to the table? Well, no, the problem is I have everything at my table that I've brought there. I'm looking for someone's good character and that's why I'm single because it's not great. And it just really pissed me off and they like use the whole, you're a single mom. It's like an insult. And I've realized that actually being a single mom isn't an insult.

Like, that's something I take enormous pride in. It's something I've learned to feel quite proud of. Like I said like no one grows up like aspiring to be a single mom like when I grow up I want to do it all on my own. You know, have to provide and do everything on my own. Like no one thinks like that. It's a situation. No one fight like no one thinks they're going to find themselves in and when you do you have to work with what you've been dealt right. Why does that mean you're less deserving of love?

It doesn't. It just means you're looking for a particular kind of person. And it's not those type of men. Yeah. I was like like literally like please leave. Exhibit A. Why are you on my fucking profile? But there's some nice men like backing me up in my comments.

Like, are we still living in a world where people are charging. Like they're like, something like your vagina and this. I'm like, I've got a fucking lovely vagina, thank you. Like, I don't know. It annoys, I think people have this perception. A single woman, sorry, a single mom just puts herself out there and shags whoever and gets pregnant and knocked up by whoever. Like, I was married to a man.

I had two babies out of love because we were creating a family. I never thought I was going to be on my own. It just, you know, I just like groaned your fucking, anyway, we're leaving the anger in 2025. Why don't we quickly talk about some New Year's resolutions? Okay. What are your New Year's resolutions? Hold on.

She actually voiced her to me today to let me know. Her New Year's resolution is to make sure she eats lunch on a Thursday. Because the thing is, we film on a Thursday, and sometimes we bash out episode after episode, and we just don't break. So, yeah, her New Year's resolution is to have lunch. Are we doing that today? What is mine?

Mine is, do you know what? I haven't actually even thought about what my New Year's resolutions are going to be. Mine's definitely like sticking with like the health thing because when I'm on my health, I'm generally quite a healthy person anyway, but making sure I do all those things like take my supplements every single morning, do my exercise X amount of days a week. drink my water. It's all stuff like that for me, to be honest, because those things all make me feel better,

more energising and I feel like I'm a better person and a better mom. Yeah, I'm 100% getting back into the gym. I haven't really been back at the gym or done my step since before the summer. How bad? We listen and we don't judge. Yeah. Another thing I am going to do,

why has it just gone out my brain? Oh, is getting back into journaling every morning and every night. So doing my gratitude every morning and every night and also making purposeful time for manifestation. I used to be so good with it. And I feel like at the moment I'm hooked on, tell me lies. So I feel like instead of like spending my evening,

like sitting and reading and stuff like that, like I've never been a big TV watcher. But when I find a program, I'm hooked on. I've got one episode left. Of what season two? Yeah. It's good, isn't that? My God.

Can't go home? I know. But yeah, so I want to be more purposeful. I want to go to bed earlier. I want to like set aside like 20 minutes pre-bed every night. No phone on. No doom scrolling and like have like proper intentional time. Like I want to net.

I don't really feel like I manifested much this year. I was never intentional about things. I made a vision board. I've never really done anything about it. Yeah, like our vision board, our podcast vision board. We need to bring it here. And say, and. I also believe this is a reason why I haven't found my person

but I think because it wasn't really my focus this year My focus was you Yeah the focus was me this year It wasn't God I desperately want to meet someone Whereas now I definitely feel like I'm ready to So I am going to do a little dream man vision board And I am gonna proper get back into manifestation Because it works and it has worked for me

I just think there's certain points of your life where you sometimes fall off it Or there's other things that take priority So that's... Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm definitely going to get back into the gym. Be healthy. Definitely do more reading. Just maybe be a bit more mindful of what I'm spending my time doing.

I just ordered a book actually. Why Men Love Bitches. I've got that. Oh, have you? Yeah. I've ordered it offinted. Just thought, I like a read like that. Yeah, I've got that book.

Can't say I've read it. So I'm going to do some more reading. More reading. Yeah, I think I'm just going to do. to do a lot more self-care, not just like, you know, physically, mentally. Self-service. And, yeah, I think that there's, I think that there's going to be some really exciting things coming up with the podcast next year. So watch this space. But guys, make that list of the things that you want to do and what you want to accomplish this year. You don't

have to make unrealistic goals. That's it, keeping them realistic. Yeah, like I know that I probably won't write three things every morning and every night. I know that's not me, but I will journal more. So, you know, it's not setting yourself up for failure, but trying to do things that are realistic.

Same with the gym, like I'm going to let's a gym five times a week. Like make it realistic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, definitely.

Yeah. But no, I'm excited. 2026, bring it on. Right. Boss. That's all it's called? Boss.

Okay. Hugo. Mm. I've been having a relationship. relationship with my boss for over a year now. Oh. Happy New Year. He is 15 years older than me and he has been married for almost 20 years.

Oh, he's married. Oh. This is my confession. His wife has found messages twice. She doesn't think there has been anything physical. This actually makes me think of, tell me lies. Dead. Since this, we haven't been able to.

able to see each other or communicate outside of work, but we still keep things going in work. And then she's got her. Although we haven't had actual sex for a year now, she obviously hates us working together. His wife watches my social media, even though she doesn't follow me. She has also liked one of my photos, of course, by accident. Haven't we all done that? Oh, my God. We both get jealous when we go away with our partners for the...

Wait, so you've got a partner. We both get jealous when we go away with our partners for the weekend. or holidays. On a Friday and Monday, we always want to know what each other are doing or have done on the weekend. We always make sure we have a kiss on a Friday afternoon and we are gutted if we can't. Sometimes he will say that I am his. We are both majorly attracted to each other and the chemistry in the workplace when alone is insane. Fire emoji. We can't keep our hands off each other. We have both said we have strong feelings for each other. When we would message when drunk, we would say we loved each other, but now we don't talk drunk. We just say that we like each other and have

strong feelings. I do think we are possibly in love with each other. Else, why would we have kept it going without contact outside the workplace? It can be weeks and weeks without doing anything other than chatting. When something upsets me, I get that horrible sunken stomach feeling. He does say he will see me outside of work again, but it's hard how We will never do this when I know his wife is tracking him and doesn't trust him. I have asked him why he does this and he doesn't know. He tells me he is happy at home, but how can you be happy at home, have an affair and still want to carry on after being caught?

I've said, is it the stability slash comfort of being married for so long? And that pissed him off. I'm not happy at home, which is what has brought me to be in this place, else I would never do this. It's something I thought I would never do. my problem is I know this can never be anything more than it is do I break it off to stop myself being hurt or carry on and enjoy it and try to lessen my feelings also if you listen to our podcast you know what we're going to say but how do you break it off when you see each other every day am i being

stupid his wife is late 40s so am i just giving him a good ego boost being so young he loves my body so am i just giving him something his wife doesn't i know that he sleeps of his wife but he tells me it's not often. I do believe that he is honest of me about that because he could tell me he doesn't sleep with her and it's something that I would never know the truth of. Please don't say my name on the podcast. You need to stop this affair.

I feel like it really sounds as though I can't speak from experience because obviously I've never had one but I feel like the passion and the chemistry within a relationship like what you've explained a lot of it probably is the thrill of not doing something, of doing something that you're not meant to, that dopamine hit of potentially getting caught,

but not, you don't have a relationship with this man, you're just a side piece. And if you're not happy in the relationship you're in, I don't know if you've got kids, I don't know if you're married or if you live with your partner, but it sounds like you're really wasting your life, giving your energy to a relationship that kind of isn't a relationship anyway

whilst you're in one that you're not happy in. He's not going to leave his family. He's already made that very clear. So, yeah, you're sort of allowing this man to have his cake and eat it. What are you smirking at? I'm just, I'm ready to let loose. Go on them. I'm going to tell it to you blunt because I think sometimes

you need like a good telling off. And this is going to sound really harsh. so I apologize if this is upsetting, but you are not special enough to him for him to leave his family for. Why an earth are you pursuing someone who doesn't care enough about you to leave? They leave someone.

That's a whole other ballgame if you start a relationship on the fair. I'm not even going to go there because I don't think that's even worth mentioning right now. But he's made it so clear he is happy at home. He doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you. he's not willing to put his marriage at risk that he's caught in public again because he does care about what his wife thinks you are just a fucking convenience to him you are someone he knows he can

access whenever he's ready to at work when he needs that fix you are a disposable thing that he can pick up and use and then put back and doesn't have to message you or be with you for a wait or whatever it is have some more self-respect. Regardless of what people have done in their life, everyone is deserving of being loved properly. And chosen. And chosen. Like, you're not number one.

Like, he's not choosing you. What is the point in continuing with this? The man who has made it explicitly clear, it goes no further than this. Like, aside from, yes, I don't agree with what you're done in any capacity. But you are deserving of being respected. And so are your partners that you're both respectively with.

It sounds like you've got someone. Like, if you're not, happy at home, that doesn't mean fuck with someone else. That means leave that, do the work on yourself and then find someone who's more aligned with you. I just think everything about this has hurt written all over it. Like, you are setting yourself up to get hurt. You're, as much as you're like, yes, I know this can't go anywhere.

If you know there is no future, why are you continuing to pursue it other than it feeding your ego and feeling good? Like, yeah, I'm younger, I'm sexy and my body's better. Like, that's a you thing. That's a you issue that you need to do some work. on and realize we're so much more than what our bodies can offer. We're so much more than just being like someone younger, someone more attractive, someone exciting. Like, I wouldn't want to be that exciting thing for someone. I want to be that constant for someone, that person,

someone is choosing to wake up with every single day and do life with and be proud to go out with me and show me off and think, you know, like this woman's amazing. He doesn't think that of you. He just thinks I'm going to get my end away when, when I can. But in the meantime, I've got this great set up at home. I've got my wife. I've got my kids. And I've got, yeah, someone to stroke my ego as someone I need. Yeah. Agreed. Okay. This is called the dating app dog. Woof. Literally woof, woof. Right, hi guys. I hope you're well and looking forward to the Christmas break. I commented on one of your posts recently. Love your TikTok and podcast. And Tash told me to email in. So here it goes.

Three years ago, I met what I thought was the most amazing guy on a dating app. He was very key. conversation he asked to move immediately off the app and we went on to a date quite quickly. The date was amazing, my best first date. We got on like a house on fire, spent the whole afternoon and evening just having drinks and chatting. He made sure I got home okay and had a phone call the very next day saying he was going to be up front. He really liked me, laid his cards out and didn't want to let me get away. Dates over the next three months followed and I fell for him, loved him to bits.

Roll on a few months and we'd had the exclusive. chat, mainly because I spotted he was still on the apps that I met him on. Fine, I thought. Now we've had the not dating anyone else, we can move forward. Five months forward, I catch him on an app. This

time, I was told, I still have my profile, but I don't use it. They're old pictures. I haven't updated. Even though I could see that they were new pictures. I challenged it. And here was where the manipulation started. Silent treatment when I challenged him.

almost talking in riddles so why was that confused, didn't feel like I could raise it again because he was annoyed, but he assured me he deleted it. Roll forward three years to 2025, caught him on a dating app this May. How many years? Three. Okay.

I just had this gut feeling, checked, and there he was under a fake name, Joe. Again, all new pictures, some pictures he had even sent me. Wow. When I challenged him, the manipulation got worse. You were mad at me the other day. and I thought you'd end it so I joined the app even though we've been fine after the earlier weeks of disagreement.

You don't do that with an argument. You're like, what? Well, we're just in an argument so I'm going to quickly find a backup plan. I think that. Also, why do people glorify these hats? I suppose for men, they can just get 100%. Who say? Silly me thought, oh God, I did give him that impression.

You get the picture. Beat myself up over it. It felt awful. Him saying, I'm just having a really bad week. The way I had to word my messages to him so carefully that he couldn't wriggle out of it on a technicality. That's when I knew I was for sure being gaslit and manipulated. The conversation ended with him saying he'd delete it, me saying, okay, confirm when you have, and him saying, I'm not seeing anyone else at the moment.

Alarm bells sounded with that at the moment, with the feeling he was trying to be really clever with his words. June came, his birthday. He kindly linked me what he would like. liked me to purchase for him and I did. He showed up to collect it like everything was golden. Then cat comes July. A post on my feed appeared from are we dating the same guy? Facebook group.

I scrolled and there was three years worth of women on that post. Endless women who'd been with him all crossing over over the last three years. Each of them he treated terribly, cheated, hot and cold, blocking and unblocking, sleeping with and ghosting and the lies that were in that post he'd been telling every one of us different fake names broken leg ill relatives in hospital a friend having passed away how he lived in a HMO he didn't so they'd need to have stayed at a hotel with him even down to lying about his hometown and saying he lived 50 miles away fake divorces the lot sending us all the same good morning messages, all received at exactly the same time.

No. He had done a forwarded to all. No. No. No. Who does this? Lucky for me or not, I had concrete evidence and WhatsApp screenshots of him and a woman organizing their seedy hotel meets all this time, him telling me that he couldn't see me more because he was so busy. He was going weeks between seeing me two months at one point. Now I know why he was busier than ever. I'd also notice him online at midnight a lot. I of course challenge him on the apps and this group. His response, I said I'd delete that one account, not the other seven apps. Oh my God. Oh, I'm going to stay single forever. Fuck this.

The manipulation followed, the way he scrambled to get the post deleted, claiming it now is affecting his mental health than I needed to help him. The manipulation continues. The manipulation continued and I've been stupid, I'm sorry, calling me to work out, promising me he'd stop and we had a future and I caved. Within two weeks he'd gone missing for a night, lied to me about his whereabouts on two more occasions. It was like he'd got sloppy and again it was all over WhatsApp at midnight every night. I knew. It was making me a nervous wreck and I ended it. He cheated on me for three years straight, broken me when I found out and carried on cheating. His response, understand, I won't bother you, you need space.

I am sorry though, and poof. It's like I've never heard from him again in four months. What I've seen next, however, is worrying. He continued to be shared in the Rweeating Group, endless women. One in particular sharing how he was bragging on their date, how he knows how to manipulate women. Wow, sexy. After two women.

Green flowers. It's really to me. Another two women sharing that when they challenged him on something, he said, okay, I'll see someone else tonight instead. This man is 43. Can I say, sorry, women, we need to do better with our standards, please. Yeah. Who are these women that are allowed?

There was a photo here. This man is 43 years old. He's certainly getting around as much as he can. Thank you for reading. It's awful how this level of deceit and manipulation is allowed to happen. It should be illegal. Imagine if we can make it illegal. Should we sign a petition?

Should we start parliament? Should we start a petition? Yeah. Try what, I swear it's the early 40s. I think it's when they start having their midlife crisis. I had some therapy and my therapist said that he's gained your sexual consent by deceit for the three whole years. And that's how it feels. Like I've had my consent ripped away, not to mention the way he's put my sexual health at risk

and continues to put endless women at risk too. I also forgot to add, at each stage of catching him, I offered a get out jail card saying if you'd rather date around and be on the app, that's no problem and we can end it here. each time I was told not to be silly and of course he wanted me I do in fact feel very silly writing and reading this all back thank you for listening

Can you send a photo please I want to know who he is I should put him in the Patreon chat just to make others aware yeah literally I mean I think the sad reality is is reading that doesn't particularly shock me in regards to other stories that we've heard

and I don't want people listening to that and thinking oh my God all men are like this because I don't, I honestly don't think that this is actually the norm. It better not be. It can't be. It can't be. It can't be. The thing is, I think that one thing that I want you to take from this is,

you continued to accept the bad behaviour. You ignored very obvious clear red flags. He was, you know, sort of disappearing. You accepted the behaviour so it continued. And that's something that. we need to learn. That's something that we're going to make sure we do in 2026 guys. Okay. We're not going to accept poor bad behaviour and eventually we need to take accountability if that behaviour continues because we're allowing it to. Like I've said before, if you allow a man to feel like he can do

whatever he wants and you're going to stay, then he will continue to do whatever he wants. So we know she's going to say. Yeah. So we need to make those changes and hold ourselves accountable for setting some really, really firm. injuries, higher standards and getting rid of men like this and not allowing them to get away with it once they get caught the first time. I do think on a serious note and I know there's controversy over those Facebook groups, but if you are a single girl and you are dating, I do recommend going into those groups and just having your wits about you. I think it's very easy to be given a load of information by a man who wants you to believe a certain narrative about. him just if something feels off please trust your guard six-fav made me feel a laugh oh

hi ladies i thought about writing in for ages i've got a very dark story involving domestic abuse witnessed by and involving my children and i don't really want to drag myself or anyone else back through all of that i'm just writing to tell you about my weekend i went to mcdonalds oh okay no i'm joking okay i know some of the stories you read out be really heavy and trust me, I can absolutely relate, but I just wanted to spread a bit of Christmas joy and maybe make someone in the trenches laugh. Five years ago, I was a housewife. Now I'm training to be a family lawyer. I've got a vendetta against these types of men and trust me, I'll deal with them one by one when I'm qualified. Love that. My kids are thriving, I'm thriving, were safe, settled and

genuinely happy, which still feels mad to say. After leaving him, I had a brief fling with an Italian and stallion, but then remained celibate for two years. Properly, celibate. I actually did the work, you always talk about, therapy, boundaries, raising my standards from the floor, and to be honest, the thought of a man ever touched me again made me feel sick. And then I went on a very, very rare night out last weekend.

I met a 23-year-old, six-foot-five, absolute stunner. Best-looking guy in the club had a, wild night out, ended up with him in my bed. Oh my God. And had the kind of morning that makes you late picking your kids up from grandmas because you physically cannot peel yourself off a man. I don't know when I'm not right. Please tell me that's in my future. I'm 37. Please don't judge. I really felt like I deserve this. Babe, 100%. That age is nothing. We all, I deserve a hot, sticky man on top of us. Sticky?

Sticky. I don't... Depends. And yes, I then had to drop him at his mums in the morning. Talk about making the fancy. Oops. Before collecting my own kids from my mums. That's hilarious.

I'm just thinking, why on earth did I ever put up with a cheating, violent, pimple-backed pig when I can pull a man like this? So, ladies, the hard times are awful. I know that. but do the work because one day you might look back around and realise you've built a peaceful life and also somehow have a 23 year old six foot five eager to please stuner in your bed not a trauma dump just a bit of hope a bit of joy and a reminder that the milf era is real and i highly recommend it i love that you will get your sparkle back i promise i love like literally

i feel like so many of us have entered our milf era and we've just got to embrace it. I can't say I've had any 23 hot men in my bed. I'm very much in a drought right now, but we have hoped for 2020. Here's the future. Here's the future. This is short, but the subject caught my eyes. Okay.

Called, Is My Boyfriend Cheating. Hey, girls, first time I've done this, so please bear with me, Lull. But I love some advice on this, is my boyfriend cheating on me? My boyfriend of four years has treated me differently since we had a baby, but recently I started noticing different things I'm unsure about. He takes his phone everywhere, and I mean everywhere. He never leaves it, not even for one second. He keeps it in his pocket like he's guarding it with his life,

even though I've told him numerous occasions that it bothers me a little. There was one time I went through his phone, and I randomly went on TikTok and he liked a thirst trap, and when confronted, he said it must have been an accident as per, ha-ha. He had recently started treating me like he doesn't like me and complains about everything, even though I try my best every day and do everything he wants. But nothing is ever enough for him. It's making me ill with worry and I've just got this really bad gut feeling that something has been off for months.

Can you please give me advice as to what I need to do? Really appreciate the help. I'm going to say it, listen to your gut, okay? There's a reason, there's something, I don't know the science behind it, but when something is wrong, you get this gut. feeling and so many listeners now will remember that feeling well you can't forget that feeling you're like I can't put my finger on it I just have this gut feeling something's not right I don't know anyone who's experienced that feeling and been wrong personally it's always led to

something coming out I think for me there's a lot of red flags there the fact the phone thing is a classic thing when someone is cheating they take their phone everywhere they sleep with it. They kiss it good night. They cuddle it. They put it down their pants. Like, if he is guarding that phone with his life, there's a reason for that, okay? The fact you've articulated it makes you feel uncomfortable and he's still not respecting that for me tells me he's guarding something. What I would urge you to do rather than being accusatory because there could maybe be some

other reasons for this is sit down and have a conversation but think really carefully about the way you articulate things. So the worst thing you can ever do is go into something and be accusatory. I think you're cheating on me. I think this. I think that. I would do it from a point of view where you can step back and say, I've noticed some things that are making me feel really uncomfortable. I'd really like to be able to have an open and honest conversation about this just to give me the reassurance that I think I need right now. And then I would explain to them, this is how this makes me feel. When you take your phone everywhere, it makes me feel like you're hiding something. I believe that someone who isn't hiding something would offer you

reassurance, would offer you a look down their phone. Like, let's be honest, we're living in a world where everything's on your phone. If I was with a partner and I expressed my concerns and they didn't say, have my phone now, have a look. I'd be concerned. Don't give him time to go off and delete a load of shit because that's what a lot of them will do. Or if they use that against you, when you don't trust me, this, that. That's someone being defensive. So I think rather than going in accusatory, think about it, have that conversation. And then based of how he reacts to that, I think it's going to probably be your answer. Yeah, I think I can also appreciate that you're not going to want to suddenly break up with him or do something really drastic without some sort of evidence.

You know, a lot of people wouldn't have that sort of in them to be like, I ended it with my partner because I had a gut feeling about his phone that I actually never ended up seeing. I get that you want to get your hands on it. But I think that it's very telling that you're unable to get your own. hands on it. So yeah, like Carly said, I think it's expressing how you feel and seeing what sort of reaction you get or I'd be completely up front saying like I feel really uncomfortable, can I see your phone? And I think that you should take his response to that as an answer as to what is on it. But please keep us updated. I have a very, very interesting story for you guys. I was with someone for four years and he broke up with me because he wanted someone.

adventurous, a free spirit and I was too lazy and depressed. Oh, charming. A few weeks after he broke up with me, I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and multiple deficiencies from the stress he put me under. He cheated multiple times, was a drug user, an alcoholic, got arrested, screamed in my face on a daily basis, got kicked out of events to the point where I had had enough and told him he needed to get sober or I was leaving, which he did. Things were a lot better for over a year and we were just about to move in together.

His house was on the market, we were trying for a baby and then he got sucked from work for aggressive behaviour, which he also blamed me for. He couldn't cope and needed space. He went to Wales in the camper van. He forced me to buy with him whilst I was trying to save for our house. Broke up with me over Snapchat. Oh. messaged every single ex possible

was on Tinder met a girl and was official with her within weeks moved down south for her but didn't want to commit to me for four years and never posted me but she's all over his Instagram weeks later

there is so so much more to this there is so so so much more this is just the surface of it all his mother was also unhinged We went on holiday together a few months before he ended it as a three and I was starting to feel unwell. It was the autoimmune disease I was unaware of at this point. I wanted to stay in the apartment for one day

and they both screamed at me for hours and said I basically ruined the holiday. I'm still in the thick of it four months later whilst he's living his best life with money in the bank from the sale of his house and I have hospital appointments every two weeks. It's not fair. I think we say it time and time again that we always feel like when these men do all these bad things to us and then they leave, we create this narrative in our head that they're now off living their best life.

They haven't changed. They are still the same person. The way he treated you is going to be the way he ends up treating the next person. They're just in this honeymoon phase where he's currently showing his best self. I think we, I know it's so difficult to say. And sometimes I do sit here and I feel like I preach all these things and then probably don't do half the things that I say that should be done. Really?

If I was in those positions. But we need to stop focusing on what we believe they are doing and how they're living their best life and just be like, do you know what? All I can control is what I'm going to be doing, making sure that I'm going to live my best life. So it's shit that you've been diagnosed with these conditions that are obviously, you know, leading you to have loads of hospital appointments

and that's horrible. But not being with this man sounds like only a positive thing. So I think we need to, work on that, start reflecting on that, take this man off this pedestal that he happens to be on because it doesn't sound like there's anything remotely good about him, start doing the work on yourself and you'll soon realise that it's a good thing that that man left because he sounds like a waste of space. Yeah, I completely agree with what Tasha said. I think we need to often, it's so easy when you break up with someone to focus on, how are they okay, how are they just getting

on with things? Like, did I never mean enough to them? Like, was it all a facade? And it's really easy to then ruminate and I think we need to, I don't, it doesn't sound like you've got kids with this person, but you said like she's all over the social media, block him. Don't expose yourself to that. That is self-harm. Block him, delete him. Don't let him have access to seeing you. Don't have access to seeing him.

Protect yourself, protect your energy. Protect your heart. That is the only way you're going to move on from someone. Stop putting your energy into focus on, focusing on him and how he's doing and what he's doing and how is he doing this. when I'm feeling like this and start pouring into yourself and I promise you you're going to be okay like what a fucking lucky escape.

He doesn't exactly sound like someone I'd want to spend my life with. So yeah, good riddance. Angry man. No. Don't like angry man. Right, guys, we're doing a little product of the week. I've got two things here from the same company. This company is called Mon Platon.

Okay. I'm always looking for anything to help with my hair. That's another thing I'm going to be doing in 2026. continuing on my hair journey because I think once I came off the pill I've seen some of you do this hair oiling thing have you seen there?

No. And I afford it to you. Yeah my hair has definitely maybe gone downhill slightly or probably the hormones are changing anyway, Mon Platin, they have sent me a hair mask which is called One Secret

and this is meant to be amazing for hair growth. I have started using it not long enough to see a difference but I like how it smells and it's like a leaf It's a leaving conditioner. So I put it in, after I've washed my hair, put it in, blow dry it in, doesn't leave it greasy or anything.

So that's this product. And then the 12 in 1 multi-action spray, I do actually use this on Ivy as well. It does 12 things. So I think it's like a detangler, defrize, like conditioner. So this is good for all those things. Yeah, but I use it on Ivy as well. So check out their page. I've started using their shampoo and conditioner as well because it doesn't have any

sulfate in it because if you have a keratin treatment you've got to use sulphate-free product so yeah go and check them out and I will maybe keep you updated with what these are like in a few months so that is the product of the week guys let's do a little confession of the week keep sending them in please hi girls not a relationship related confession but still a confession nonetheless even if you don't read it it's nice to get it off my chest as no one really knows I'm a full-time manager well paid but I'm a single mum so it only stretches so far and my daughter's dad doesn't pay me any child maintenance. I work from home two days a week, which my work thinks is for childcare.

What they don't know is she's at nursery, I actually run my own cleaning company on these days to earn some extra money and I do any work on my phone between houses. Your pod is normally fueling my cleans and makes it enjoyable. This money goes into a separate account for my daughter for savings when she is older or for anything she needs such as clothes, etc. Being a single mom is hard work and every little helps these days. Not sure if this is the kind of confession for your pod, but got it off my chest anyway. Absolutely love the podcast.

Thank you for everything you both do. Oh, that's cute. And also, like, I really love when you, when you have people that I feel like constantly complain about certain things but do nothing to change it, it is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. Like, don't get me wrong. I think we're all guilty of like sometimes complaining about things

and then doing nothing about it. Yeah. If it is a constant ongoing thing, do something. And I love that you're saying that it's, You need more money. So you've gone and done something. Do you know what? Even if people are needing a bit of extra cash,

look at like market research things. You know, there's sometimes things that you can do from the comfort of your own home, like an extra £120 for a two-hour market research thing online. I just feel like I find it sometimes quite frustrating when people complain about things. I'm not talking about necessarily money,

although then again, here I am constantly complaining about my weight and then I've bought in a box of chocolate biscuit. So I guess I'm just a complete hypocrite and I should shut the fuck up. Anyway, guys, we finish with an affirmation on the way. Stop eating the biscuits. Affirmation. Let's maybe talk about the new year.

Yeah. New year or new me. No, but like I am going to use this new year to rid of the things that are no longer serving me to expel all the negative energy, the negative people, the people who don't add to my life. and I'm focusing my energy on those who deserve to be there and on making and manifesting my dream life.

Love that. I hear for it. Thank you so much, guys. We love you. We love you. See you next week. Bye bye bye.