Not As We Planned - Jessica May: the untold events of her husbands affair and the signs that she ignored | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

For the first time ever, Jessica reveals the detailed truths about her partner's affair, the way she found out, and what she did afterwards!!! Not one to miss! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi, you're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high and I'm one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to Not As We planned. We hope you are amazing. Fantastic. Having a good day. If you're not, hopefully we can help. brighten it up. We will cheer you up. How was your week? How was my week? I always sit here and I'm like,

even when I'm on the way here, I'm like, oh shit, I need to think of like, what have I done? We haven't filmed a couple of weeks. You went away. I love how I'm doing your catch-ups for you. Tell me, what did I do? Oh yeah, I went away. So we had a really lovely little staycation at Port Limp, which was amazing. And I know that a lot of people probably like think of that and think straight away like you need to take your kids there um and i did get an idiot person message me being like don't you feel about going there and not taking your kids like you do realize guys that when you are a single parent and when you're co-parenting there is time when you don't have your kids i'm not just going to stay at home and rocking the corner you're meant to be at home rocking yourself

do you know like so like i am also allowed to do things and there's going to be things that i experience that like the kids will also really enjoy and i'll take them back there one day Absolutely. So anyway, we went there. It was just so nice. It's very rare for us to get quality, kid free time with like a longer space because of his schedule. So I really, really recommend that. We were in like this big, I don't even know how you, it's like a dome. Yeah, it's like a clear iglooy dome. But it was really funny because I posted a video. I did like a reel. And if people didn't listen to the music, they wouldn't understand the writing that I put on it. The amount of I got asking if he had proposed. What did you write? I just put, and he did, or and I did, or something, but it was in response to the music.

So I think people were like, I said, like, I did, I do, I don't know. But literally, I was like, am I missing something here? Like, did he propose and I've missed something? My ring? Guys, I'm letting you know, there's going to be no questions about it. When, I was going to say, if,

when it happens, you will know. So no, we didn't get engaged. I don't know why. joking. I would like a ring. I love that song. Um, but that was really nice. And then the weekend just gone, we did a little like split of the kids, which was really sweet. So he had two days on the weekend with just the boys and I had two days on the weekend with just the girls. It just so happened that he really wanted to take the boys to football, which was on the Saturday. And it was just really sweet because I know that I've spoken about it quite a bit on the podcast before about

the whole football shenanigans. Um, I don't know if like Blake loved it. And, you know, But it was just sweet to see that like he got into it a bit. It's just his concentration. It's an experience. Isn't 90 minutes long. And it's probably quite like overstimulating that kind of environment. Yeah, like he had his like little ear defenders on, which was cute. And then I took the girls shopping.

And then on the Sunday I had a premiere, which I saw you at. Weird. So I took the girls and then he had another day with the boys. It was just nice to be able to be that comfortable with each other and each other's kids that we could do things separately. Separately as well. And then came together in the evenings and had a big sleep over at him. So, yeah, all good things. How about you?

I think she might be in love. I have, I'm bored. So I'll probably speak more about it on Patreon, not to be annoying, but just like I'm very conscious about what I put out there to everyone to listen. I feel like they're asking. Can I quickly say one thing? What? No, I'm going to address this.

I'm talking about the same thing. Probably. Yeah, it's a comment. So a few weeks ago. I think it was on a Patreon episode I'm like I never go for local boys I don't I'm not attracted

to like Essex boys I did I think I might have done an impression We both did Yeah you were like Yeah you're like yeah Yeah babe all right yeah And I might have gone on So on Saturday

I did have a first date And he was from Essex And he was proper like Oh babe Is he from Taoie? He's from he's from He's from proper Essex I'm not going to say ways from

But it did make me laugh because I was like, Carla, you're full of shit. But at the same time... Has you seen that teaser? No. Should we archive it? Oh God, yeah, maybe we should.

No, I told him about it. But at the same time, I feel like we've been on at me to meet someone who doesn't live far away, so they are going to be from Essex. I think about where I'm situated. I think it was funny that I actually think that teaser came out and like the night you went out with him

and I watched it and you were like, I just don't like, Essex boys like, yeah, you're right, love. I was like, okay, awkward. And I know, I was sat there And the way you liked to meet him I was like, but this is the first time I've gone out with an Essex boy

So yeah, I'll tell you about the date Actually, I've now had two dates at the point of recording Which is mad because it's two dates in one week Which I don't do I don't do And that's how I know I might have a crush I do, I have a little crush, I won't lie It's just fun

Okay, well that's exciting, isn't it? So listen to Patreon If you want to hear about probably the best first date have ever been on. Another thing I eat my hat over is not going for dinner on a first day. Oh yeah, literally. So everything you say is just a load of shit. Yeah, she's full of shit. Anyway, guys, we are so excited about today because we have a guest for you. Now, she is an absolute independent queen. She is known for her amazing interior house. I feel like I need her to come to my house. I feel like I could do with that. Yeah, I could

do with that. And you probably love her because she is so open. and honest so I think I've ever seen someone be so open on the internet but I think it's really allow people to connect with her because they're like I get you and I feel like that's I guess what we do although we maybe don't go into the nitty gritty of our situation I think she's very much experienced having people relate to what she's talking about and being like oh hold on like I actually shouldn't feel shame for going through something like this so she's very open about realizing that her husband was having an affair it's something that we've wanted to talk about and we've wanted her on the podcast. The minute we knew that we were

getting guests, she was on the top of our list. So guys, let's get started. So we are with the amazing Jessica May today. Welcome to the studio. Welcome. Welcome. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for coming. This is so exciting. So yeah, yeah, we feel like the minute I, I don't even remember when I started following you, I feel like just one of your reels came up. We were actually under the same management. Were we? Yeah. I didn't even know that.

Yeah, we were. Was that before you started sharing everything? Yeah. Okay, fine. So I think we followed each other on there and then everything started. I feel like, I just remember one of your reels came up where you were doing a voiceover pretty much being like, my husband cheated on me and I was like, hold on what. And I've just never seen anyone talk so openly about it.

And it just, I just became obsessed just watching every reel. and I can see that your audience is obviously so engaging because not many people talk about actually going through that process. Can you, but in case anyone doesn't follow you or doesn't know who you are, get to know, can you maybe give us a little intro so anyone can know? Yeah, I can. So I'm Jessica May. I've been on Instagram for like nearly a decade at this point.

And my main focus was always home interiors. And quite a lot of my followers came from when I did cleaning content throughout that kind of lockdown COVID time. And this year, to be honest, completely like, I didn't expect it to go like how it has. I just decided that I would just let the world know that I was cheated on. And it was a really simple video.

All I put was, this is the house where I found out about the affair. And the whole thing just blew up. because I had been silent for quite a long time and not said anything and I thought, you know what, I'm just going to see what happens if I do this. What made you decide this, I'm just going to be open? Was there like something that happened

or you just like woke up one day and you were like, fuck it? It was the day that we sold our house. Oh really? Yeah, it was like the final bit, so to speak, of like the end of that chapter? The chapter. And I just, I don't know,

I think I just thought, like I've been through this whole journey and I actually felt like I was in a really good place. Like I had done a lot of healing and everything else and wasn't crying to the camera anymore or crying to my friends. And I thought, I feel like I'm kind of ready to maybe just let people know that this is what happened because there'd been a lot of speculation, you know, like have a lot of followers.

And suddenly I'm posting single mum content and they're like, hey, what happened? And I was just, I never really said why, just kept it very blazze. Was there a reason why you kept it to yourself? Did you feel like this just isn't what I do? do. I talk about home staff. It wasn't really relevant. It was a bit, it was a bit like I don't really think that it's relevant. It was also like we owned that house 50-50 and I felt it was maybe

a bit disrespectful to him to say what had happened on the internet. Also felt I just, I wasn't ready. Yeah. I think that's probably the main thing is I just was not ready to share it. And I think even when I did do that original post, I still don't think I was fully prepared. for what was going to come after. Because I just thought, oh, it'll be one post and then the rest of it will just be back to usual content of, oh, look at me in my new house. Here I am as a single mum building my new life.

Whereas now I kind of go with the slogan of, he cheated, so this is kind of what then happened. And I like to go with the line of, like, he cheated and he did that, but it's not about what he did, really. That's just more of like a clickbait come in and watch what I'm doing because you can relate to it. you know how as Tash said she said I saw it and I was like well I'm in yeah and then from there it's like well what did I do after that and how did I grow and become better and that's more of the story

that I want to share because as you guys know it takes a long time to get to the position where you can openly talk about these things and not feel sad yeah and even sometimes the acceptance of it it's really really hard and I look back and I think if I had filmed these like two or three years ago it would have been bad I would have been bad I would would have really been in a probably should never have been allowed a phone if that was what I did like you know you like you would say things you think oh god I really regret saying yeah because of your back yeah because I don't know how we just both looked at each other obviously like I think what's probably very different with the content that like you show and have shared compared to maybe

like what Carly and I have done in the past is I shared my divorce and then my first breakup with my ex-boyfriend very much real-time raw, crying, the tears, they're like, yeah, like really using that platform more so as therapy. Whereas I feel like you've almost like done that grieving, that work on your own, which is admirable by the way. And then once you've got out the other side and now you're almost showing people like this is what happened, but look where I am now, look where it's got me. Yeah. And it's really inspired. I think for me it's inspiring to see like, oh wow, like you've got your own house. You're doing this. on your own. You're going on your solar holidays and all those things. So I feel like people

probably really connect to that, like they probably do with the podcast of getting that hope from it. Like, okay, like, I'm in the shit right now, but look where you are. I can do the same. Yeah. And I think that's the reason why I share it. And I'm sure that's the reason why you share it as well. It's to give people that hope because when you are in the thick of it, there is no hope. You think, I'm done. I can't do this. You know, I fell to the ground. sobbing, cried, begged for him to stay with me, please don't leave me. And over time, you eventually go, you start growing. And I think it would have been lovely. Sometimes I look back and I think I wish I had the videos of me finding myself and maybe there is a little bit

on there of me doing that. But yeah, it's, it's something that I enjoy sharing because the women who message me, some men, but mainly women, they find hope in that. and you know I get messages daily from women going like I have just found out or I'm four weeks in and you can relate to that absolutely crushing yeah like it's when your heart and like everything is just going in on itself and you're like oh god what am I going to do and I just think if I can give you one thing just please know that the feeling your feeling is not going to be forever and you will get to the other side and everything will be so much better than it was before yeah absolutely Absolutely. So we have had loads of questions that you guys sent in. We are going to get into the nitty gritty, the juicy details. Because we know that Jessica has obviously been quite open about sharing that her ex-husband had an affair, he cheated. But there are a lot of things that she has not shared, which we are going to get-

Which we are going to get into. And I'm so excited. But one of the main questions we got, we feel like, we always talk about like women's gut feel or, you know, you see these signs that you have a feeling that your partner is just. cheating on you. Your gut instinct kicks in. There's something that doesn't feel right. It's off. You can't put your finger on it. But something inside you is just screaming alarm bells. What signs do you feel like you saw that were in front of you that you felt like something's not quite right here? I mean, there were like blatant signs. Like, you know, we had an Amazon Prime account on the TV and suddenly one day her name appeared on the screen. Shut. Stop it. And I'm like, why have you, why have you, why, why is this person's name on the screen? Who is that?

Was my first question, who is this person? Oh, just, you know, someone I work with. Another one. Oh, we don't care. Yeah. And I was like, oh, he's like, oh, we, you know, we have some, we have, we like the same program. So I let her borrow the account. Bonding.

I'm like, okay. So then every time I go on there. No. Your name is there. I mean, eventually I changed it. To my own name. It's going to say something inappropriate. Yeah.

to my own name um but yeah so that was like a blatant one um but did you know then no okay this was quite early on um from yeah from my memory there was other moments where i like i was in labour and they were messaging but again they were just friends at this point they actually really were and um i think the sign started more to appear when he was repeatedly staying out overnight Oh, wow. And he would say, oh, I'm staying at this work colleague's house tonight. And I would always question it. But why?

Why? Top and tail. Yeah, yeah. I was like, you know, there was a lot of story behind it. But I was like, okay, fine. He's like, oh, it just makes more sense for me to do that because it's like closer to the city and I don't have to travel as far. I get a taxi.

Like, okay, that's fine. Whereas I'm at home with the kids and a newborn baby or quite a young baby. She was six months when it all first started. And to be honest, I didn't even. really question it. I trusted him enough to be like, okay. And it got to the point where this kind of kept happening and he would come home the next day, really hung over. So I thought this got be real, right? And then one day my mum and I were having a bit of an argument about something like, you know, I'm tired. I've got kids. She's there and he's upstairs laying in bed. And she's like,

just because he's having an affair, don't take it out on me. Stop it. Yeah. And I'm thinking, What? And I remember, after she left, in a bit of a mood, I went upstairs and I went in the room and I went, are you having an affair? And he went, I don't know what we were talking about. No, I'm not. And then what?

And I just left it. And how long after that point did you then find out here? I can't remember fully. That's why I kind of wish sometimes they had a full diary of the whole thing. I think I wish I'd written it all down. I feel like the experiences that I had, it almost meshes into one big blood.

and I don't know if it's like your subconscious, like, saving you from, like, not remembering all the nitty gritty because even you just bringing up some things has, like, brought back memories that I forgot. Like, I remember there was one night where my ex-husband messaged me. He was out on a work night and he was like, I'm actually just going to get a hotel and stay. And I literally called him, I went, no, you're fucking not. And he went, oh, no, no, I'm not. And he came home.

But that was that one, I think he tried it. And that must have been. to do something that I don't have any proof of him having an affair but there was enough scattered around the house and things that I found in work bags and this that and the other yeah don't get we started on work bags I'm no go on what have you found in the work bags so much like what um I found a condom used or no it was in a packet fine um I found a like a golf school card with their names on it fuck oh yeah um her pajamas oh oh I'll Does she wear pyjamas?

I wouldn't wear my house. She came around my house and wore her pajamas in my house. I can't. Leopard print ones, yeah. All right, very close later. I love a bit. I found, I found, I found my phone. I also found a receipt for a Mulberry handbag in his work bag.

This was when, this was when, like, I knew that this was happening, but I started, like, I was trying to trust him and my, and my gut was like, we need to find more because this isn't the truth. He's not telling you the truth. It wasn't what he says it is. You started gathering your evidence together, like putting your pieces together rather than... You're just looking at me. Sorry, I'm just like, I feel like it's, I feel like, and I don't know whether people listening are going to feel this way. I think when you listen to someone else go through such a similar experience to you, like I just said, it does bring up, like not only things that you've forgotten, but feelings that you had, that you've almost like have healed from and got over.

but sometimes when I relive or retell things to people that don't know what I went through, sometimes I sit there and I'm like, wow, did that actually happen to me? And how did I allow that to happen? My mum and I have this conversation quite often, actually, so she was like my leany, my support post through the whole thing. And sometimes we talk about it.

I'm like, do you remember when that happened? She's like, honestly, she says, I cannot believe that that was your life. Yeah. She goes that that was all our life. that we were all dealing with this. Yeah. Did she ever explain to you what made her say?

Like, was it, how was it so obvious to her? I have no idea. I have no idea. It's interesting, isn't it? And I think I did ask her, I said, like, how did you know? And I guess she just probably thought, oh, he's not at home. I do think other people who are close to you can pick up on things before you, but I think they're in a very difficult position because you make your own judgment.

Like, we've spoken before about, like, Family's opinions and people. Or if you would tell someone because sometimes like people don't want to actually know, people don't want to accept it. And maybe there was a point where she thought it's so obvious you must know. Like it sounds like how she said it to you.

She assumed you knew. Yeah. Or maybe felt like you needed to wake up. Probably like, you know, get your head out of the clouds, Jess. Like I know you're busy with the kids and you're trying to juggle everything. But this is actually what's happening. And I think she perhaps maybe saw

that I was really upset and sad and not myself. And I was just, I was 100% struggling in that relationship. Like, because I felt like I was doing it all, but I was trying to support him with him needing to do what he needed to do in order for him to be happy and go to work and provide all the other part. It's kind of like that balancing act of being in a relationship because we weren't married, we were just together with our children.

But yeah, it's kind of, I think she could just see it from an outsider's perspective. Do you feel like looking back, the signs were more obvious than you had allowed yourself to notice? No. Really? No, I really. So were you blissfully unaware for a long time that he was having an affair?

Blissfully unaware. And that, I find that quite scary. Yeah, it is. Because there was a time where, like, we had moved into our new house and we'd had our baby and we were doing all these things He starts, so this was like January, moved into the house, and then our youngest was born in the April. And then the affair started in the August, but I didn't find out until the following March. Wow.

So we had gone through like Christmas and New Year and things. And we actually went to a jewelry shop because he wanted a new watch. And whilst we were there, he bought me an eternity ring. Cool. Do you know what I've seen posts like this. It's like the things he did whilst he was cheating and it's like, propose, came home with flowers, right, we love letters, took me on holiday,

it's like all this stuff and that's terrible. An eternity ring. I mean, eternity ring. I mean, it wasn't like a huge gesture. It wasn't a lot. I was there. I picked it. So it's kind of one of those things where it's, you know,

he would probably go, oh, she made me buy it for her. But the reality is it was still purchased. And, but the one thing that he said to me was do not put that on social media. do not tell anybody if you show your hands make sure it's not on because I was making cleaning content and so my hands are in all the cleaning content

and he's like do not show that ring on there and we know why because and at that point when he said those things to you I didn't understand I was like why and he was just like just don't because he got really funny at this point about him not being on the account

God so I literally like this is making me feel on yeah when when I had Rome and then we went on so he was born in the Feb and then we went on holiday in the July or August

that was for me the first holiday where cracks really started to show in my ex-husband's behaviour and he no longer wanted to be on my social media and now bearing in mind my account was very family led

like he did like he did Q&A's with me he did he did everything he did full on like acting out in reals and now all of a sudden he didn't want to be in it anymore So that holiday was the first time that I would tag him in things and he just wouldn't share it.

So I was just constantly, I was so desperate to like convince myself like, it's just in your head, it's fine. Like, because he never verbalised that he didn't want to be in it. He just never really like, like the camera would come out and he sort of like need the loo or like go in the shower or like. And I now believe looking back that it was because he had another relationship and told her that we weren't together. again like this is all like me just like

it's the story they tell isn't it like I'm really unhappy etc etc and so if you're posting on social media which you're new attorney you're really know we've got open accounts right so anyone can watch it the story doesn't match up yeah it doesn't match and then they're going to get an earful go why are you lying to me whereas we're over here blissfully unaware

and just posting pictures of us as a family and thinking oh that's really cute so at what point did you actually find the concrete evidence you needed that your husband was having an affair so I remember the day very well actually like and when I then think about it I can envisage us doing what we were doing I think you can feel that feeling as well yeah um so I remember like we went out for a nice family walk and we then went to the pub after we were getting some food and we had like you know the youngest in the push chair and my oldest sitting there were by the river and he has to go to

the bar to get food and you know i've got a one year old she's tired almost one year old and she's tired and she needs white noise to play right oh no it's the phone isn't it yeah it's the phone um so he so he goes to the bar the phone runs out of battery and then i go and i say to him like my phones run out of battery can i borrow your phone and at this point he had changed passwords on his phone so I wasn't aware of what they were but again I guess like maybe that was a sign but defroses kind of just brushed it under the carpet standard that's my best move yeah that didn't happen that cleaning and I think I think because he was off guard because he's at the bar and he's trying to order he's off guard right and

obviously I didn't plan for it for it to go down this way it was kind of I just need a phone to kind of get the baby to go to sleep so he hands me his phone and I guess it's an innocent exchange between us both like neither one had yeah you didn't have an intent no intent at all and I remember walking off and thinking I finally got his phone like it was like I was like I can't believe I've actually like but because there was no intent in it but it was like after it like sunk in I was like he's actually given it to me and I've got access without like you know he's not given me the password but I've got access and so I looked through it and I walked my baby and her push chair and she cried and I was just reading through messages upon messages on

every platform what were they like everything just yeah like you know intimate not not intimate messages but you know like emotional no no no none of them were sexual I would say they were more emotional um and you know there was a lot of like you know them just them just communicating and their plans and things like that I mean I can't remember all effects it feels like a complete blur and also again I feel like you do like lock it out a bit and you know like when you're holding something and you're literally yeah quivering yeah and what I remember doing after like reading all of these like I I tried to screenshot it so I was like if I screenshot this I can

like send it to myself and then I have evidence yeah this has happened because I thought all time's gonna run out he's gonna question where I am like I need to get back I'm sure like half an hour had passed by this point but as I went to screenshot it um I turned it off because I was like so like oh my god yeah actually sitting here like yeah I'm actually I actually feel like the feeling that I was feeling sitting here now talking about it because it feels so vivid but um yeah and I remember walking back to that table and I was like I cannot sit there and pretend like everything's okay like I know some people could right like they could just be like okay yeah I couldn't do that let's just put on a brave face I couldn't

do that. So I kind of went back to the table and he was sitting back with my oldest and I said to her, I was like, oh, do you want to come with mummy and we'll just go to the toilet and wash our hands before we have this, have this meal? And I handed him his phone and I didn't say anything and just went here again. And in my head, I really wanted to lob that phone into the river that we're sitting next to and being like, swim for it, mate. But yeah, I didn't. So I grabbed her hand and we walked away and he knew straight away really just your body language he picked up on it straight away and um he yeah i went i went to the car luckily i was driving so i just calmly got the girls in the car it was my main focus wasn't so much the baby at this point it's like my oldest

to not make and making sure that she doesn't realize that i'm upset or he's angry or anything else and so i just calmly got her in the car and she's like why are we going i was like we're just going to go home i said we're just going to go and see nana and we're going to go home and and it'll be okay, but daddy's not coming. And she was like, why? I said, oh, daddy's got to go and see someone at work. I laughed by. Yeah.

And I remember getting all the push chair in the car and I shut it all down and he's standing. He's like, you can't do this. I was like, I can. I was really calm. And I said, like, you're not coming in this car. He's like, well, how am I going to get home? Like, bearing in mind, he is literally like the other side

for where we live, like across the city. It's going to take him ages to get home. I was like, I don't care how you get home. I said, maybe you could give her a call. I'm dead but in that moment like I look back and I think do I was so proud of myself that day I handled that beautifully

I did not handle it beautifully following that though like you know I feel like you're doing so hold on so this is what a lot of people have asked and I feel like we speak about it a lot well two things actually first of all once you found out and that news settled did you leave or did you stay

I stayed. For how long? A year and a bit. But we ended up living together for another year after that as well, I think, in total. Yeah. I think a lot, we get that a lot. So lots of our listeners, like, write in and they're like, I found out I can't leave him. They keep going, what was it?

Because I feel like that, the way you handled that whole interaction of finding out, I mean, I couldn't, personally. I think that's absolutely incredible. What made you, what was going through your mind at this point? What, like, made you be like, actually, I'm going to stay? Like, did he give you promises? Like, what happened after that? Did he try and redeem himself? Did he want you to stay?

Did he... Yeah. He did? He won't, he... I don't like to speak too much for him because he would probably disagree with everything that I say. Now. But from my...

Yeah, now. But from my recollection of what I remember how it went, it was he... he um i i drove to my mums i dropped the girls off at my mums left them there and i told her i was going to go back home and wait for him and so that's what i did he turned up he got like one of those little like boris bikes stop that would give me all right and and um and so we had it like my mom then came around with the girls and he was like look i need to get this boris bike back to where it needs to go kind of thing so we put it in the back of my car and we drive it to the local

stop off and then we go and sit somewhere else and have a chat and you know he's telling me it's a one night stand you know it was a mistake and we're just friends other than that it just went too far one night and you know did you believe that I did you want to believe that I wanted to believe that I really did and I mean he did voice at the time that you know he was unhappy and I think that's fair Like, you know, I was unhappy. We both were unhappy. And it's hard when you've got young kids and you're juggling everything. I think it's really normal to feel, they say, don't they?

You shouldn't make judgments about your relationship, what in the first few years of your child being little because it is so hard. So I guess you just were like, maybe it's that. Yeah. I kind of just dismissed it of like, we're both unhappy, but we both know that, like, we want to try and make this work. and so that is kind of what we did and you know the next morning

I think that was when it kind of really hit me I think I went into like a fight or flight mode it was like right I've actually now got to be the most amazing version of myself that I have ever been it's like we have to get the kids in their own beds I need to stop breastfeeding I need to make sure that we are like the perfect dream couple

can I ask before you found out that he was having an affair what was your sex life like not constant sex I guess but was there a sex life? Yeah there was a small sex life fine yeah bearing of obviously I realise you had a six month old

like some people don't have sex in the first six months and you're breastfeeding exclusively and like all these things and he's working full time and it's kind of like whenever you have a moment to get a quick moment no I was just intrigued whether because sometimes people say like one of those signs is oh we literally didn't have sex for two years and yeah it wasn't quite like that but yeah

because there was moments yeah so um where was i i don't remember now like just saying yeah you know like the next i think it was fight or fight or flight and the next morning i think that was when it really sunk in i think it takes a while for it to sink in i remember i couldn't sleep that whole night i was probably 100% trying to stalk her find out who she was what she looked like the mind go yeah yeah like trying to be like who is this person like all i know is i knew her name and i knew where she worked and that was it and I was like I need to find out who she is and yeah I think the next morning like I fell to the floor and I was just I remember laying on the kitchen floor just absolutely sobbing and he came through and he picked me up and I begged him to never leave me I said please don't

do this to us like we have this whole life like we've just bought this beautiful house and we've got all our friends and our family and everything like I can't like please don't do this like the kids and everything else and he told me he wouldn't and then that day he went to work And that was the hardest time that he walked out that door because this time I actually knew what he was going to. And he actually disappeared after work that day. He didn't come home for ages. Fuck off.

And I remember sitting outside texting like all my friends because all my friends, like their husbands were their best friends. Had you told anyone at this point? No. So I just text all my friends and I was like, you know, have any of your husband's heard from him? And they were like, no, no, no. So they didn't know that he had.

that you found out? No. None of them knew. No one knew. When did you tell people? I think it just started happening. I can't really remember, but I just started. So like when you tried for that year,

did anyone know then? They did. Yeah. That's interesting because like with my situation, anything that I found out that I decided to rush under the carpet and stay, no one ever knew.

Not one person. I kept every single thing to myself. Because I was so mortified and embarrassed by his behaviour and I didn't want people's opinions because I knew they tell me to leave and I didn't want to. Yeah.

I think I needed it. I understand that because I suffered in silence and it was painful and any advice I would give to someone is although you don't want people to know like try and find someone because it is freaking hard going through that on your own.

It is. I had two people that I leaned on the most. I had my mum and my best friend who in a twist of a twist of events wasn't actually my best friend before. She wasn't, like we were not that close but I sent like a kind of message to my friends in general to be like

this is what's happened and she stepped up Oh, okay, I'll think it was going the other way. Oh no, no, no, no, no, she stepped up. Oh, amazing, I don't know. And it easing you go through these situations you realize who those people are and I had similar like someone who I probably wasn't as close with

like really, really showed up for me and then I think perhaps some other people like you're like oh wow that it's fine yeah other people have things going on in their own lives like they're busy with their own stuff aren't they so you don't want them you don't expect them to take it all on

but she did and like I will be forever grateful to her for all that's really nice so tell us about that year that you're with your husband you know he's had an affair and you're trying to work on your marriage was there remorse I would say there was no remorse really

I would I think in the end it ended up being like you're crazy you need to let it go and I drove myself insane I literally like I was I was I was crazy I was crazy obsessed with trying to find evidence that what my gut was telling me was true so he was still seeing her that whole time when he went missing that day after work he was with her and I didn't find that out until a year and a bit until I met up with her so you met up with her yeah a while later

okay so there's a lot there was a point where you're working on your marriage yeah like we're in a relationship we're in a marriage yeah yeah yeah sorry yeah working on your relationship was he at one point then I imagine sleeping with the both of you

having his cake and eating it but neither of us knew so it's like he was pretty much cheating on both of you so he told her so he told her he'd ended it with you he told her that we were not together and from what I can gather

and he told me that they were not together so it's like is he cheating on you with her or cheating on her with you? It's a good question yeah Yeah. And they're still together. They are. Wow, she must be thrilled. Tuning in, hon. They're very happy together, so, you know. I'm just going to stay silent. Something that we spoke about probably in, I think it was our second ever episode, because people literally went wild for this. That's psycho moment, okay? We all haven't. Yeah. I mean, all women are a bit psycho now. We get told we are. Yeah, so we may as well live up to it.

Yeah, yeah. So what was the craziest things that you were doing once you found out that he had an affair? I want to know this. The facial expression you were given right now for anyone, for anyone that's only less than it. It makes a slightly more sane. Come on, give it to us.

Okay, so I will start this with, I have never done anything illegal. Tash, I have. Tash can't say the same. I've never done anything illegal. I never went out and thought, you know, I'm going to slash the tires on his car or Kea's car or, you know, send an email to work or do anything like that,

despite composing things. I held back. I held back. Go in. You're a better woman than we are. But I think the crazy things, it was never that crazy. It was things like I would rummage through his work bag almost on a daily basis. And if I'd forgotten to do that one day, I'd be like,

for God, I need to go and do that and then I would rummish for the whole thing but it would always be when he was like I would, when he was asleep I would get out of bed and go and do it. I tried to pinch his phone one night when he was drunkenly asleep but he changed all the passwords so that was a bit

disappointing. I remember that one it's like when I grabbed the phone when he was in the shower yeah that's a classic though no but like I he was in the shower and he had locked the door and like why so I got a coin and unlocked it

outside and I opened the door really quickly and he sort of like jumped and he was like what are you doing? And I picked up his phone and I was like is this why you locked the door? And all I saw was his face go white and he opened the shower door and I legged it and he chased me he didn't even grab a towel so everything's flopping around and wet everywhere and I'm running and I'm so

still to this day I'm so annoyed with myself that I went to my bedroom rather than than out of the house because obviously if I went out of the house he couldn't have followed me went to the bedroom and he literally rugby tackled me to the bed and plowed that phone. I remember at one point he was just on top of me pinning me down and I looked to him and I went you've lost the plot and he just called he plowed the phone out of my hand but I know to this day that like I obviously wasn't meant to see what was on there because maybe it would have affected our co-parenting relationship to such a point that we never could have done it properly but it's so

illustration when you look back and you're like, why will I not go out to the house? So I did go out of the house. Did you? I did. So he went, we had a gym in our garage and he went into the gym with his phone and he had left his work phone with our oldest. And I was like, oh, can't mommy have that just for a second? And she was like, yeah, of course she can. So I just took it from her and I went on, I can't even remember what the app was, but it was like their work, work app kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. And I don't remember what happened, but I think I did something,

and it sent a notification to his other phone. Oh, God. I was like, oh no, like he's going to know that I've done that. So I just literally pegged it out the door, out the front door. I got in my car, and he came out. He's like, what are you doing? And I just remember, like,

I remember reversing down the driveway, and he's like trying to. stop the car from moving and I get and eventually he gives up and I get all the way to the bottom and my neighbour's at the bottom and he's like everything all right I was like oh yeah everything's fine everything's fine and I just drove around drove down the road drove around the corner but this time I made sure I like kept the phone on because I didn't want to lose the password and I was then able to read all of their messages on there and was that at a point where you were trying and you were back together or was that I really yeah I understand it all but yeah yeah and so even on

on a work app that were still messages at the pool. Yeah, I mean, one message I remember being really clear on that, because I did call my best friends. I had my phone in my hand speaking to my best friend going, oh my God, he's like, said, you know, they're saying this. And she had sent him a message saying, like, you know, I can't believe you're doing all of this for me. And because it was like quite a lot of conversation

about how things were going to work out, like what would happen when he left me. It was like, what, what am I going to do? am I going to continue making my silly Instagram videos? Like, little things like that. And I remember reading them there. I mean, there was pages and pages and pages of it. And, yeah, I kind of, I think I found out a few things there where I'd like questioned him on stuff.

And he had said, you know, you're nuts. That's not the truth. Like, you've fabricated that in your head. But actually, in that scenario, I actually found out that a couple of things I was right about. It's always the case, though, isn't it? And getting that like, validation that actually, no, I wasn't psycho. Yeah.

But go on. What other psycho things did you do? So the biggest and worst psycho thing that I did was I, at this point, we'd actually like completely broken up. He had moved out and he'd moved into his new rental house. And I had actually helped him move in, which is interesting because I was actually listened to your podcast earlier and you were saying about making sure that the children are happy in their beds and all these things and so I wanted to make sure that the children

were happy with where they were going you know this is daddy's new house it's exciting let's make it nice for the kids because I had experienced his standard of living and I was like well it needs to be nice for them so I went around and set that all up and then the next day it was my mum's birthday and he had been messaging me and like you know we're kind of towing and throwing a little bit like, you know, have we, have we made the right choice? Is this really what we want? And I'm sure he would deny all of this now, but that was what was sent. And he then stopped messaging me. And I was out celebrating my mom's birthday and stuff like, yeah, a balloon festival with the kids and things. And I remember thinking like, oh, it's because he's got a work

thing tonight. Like, you know, it's like, he's got a work thing tonight. And he had told me that they were not together. They were not seeing each other anymore. Like, because this was after I had met up with her and anyway we'll go back to that yeah but um I so when I was driving home I just you know when it just hits you in the stomach I was like I bet she's around there or she's going to stay the night or something is going to happen so I drove home took the girls home and my sister was staying with me so she had them and I said to her and I just have this feeling and she was like you've got to leave it

Jess like you've just got to leave it like you guys aren't together anymore like just let it go I was like but but I just know and she was like but why do you care move on I was like I know but I know I just need it's like I just need evidence to be like that is the truth because I feel like he's lied to me so much at this point and then I guess you start to second guess yourself like am I crazy like you need that one bit of like I was right I want yeah yeah so I waited till like later in the evening and I went round to his house and they weren't there because obviously he was on a work thing but her car was on the driveway. So I went home and I thought about it and I was like, this is my opportunity to finally confront them to finally be like, I know you two have

been doing this for so long. I know you two have made me out to be absolutely crazy and you've turned me into someone I don't even recognise. So I need to confront them for this. It's time. And I think it would give me the closure that I needed. So, yeah, the next morning I got up ridiculously early knowing there was potential that she might leave early, right? But if the earlier I got there, the less... How early we're talking?

I think it was about five or six years. Yeah. And I remember sending a picture to my friend, my best friend. and I was like me in the car, because I told her I was gonna go and do this. And I put off to catch some cheetahs with the cheetah, just the cheater emoji. Only a real friend with support,

this kind of, yeah, she actually, she actually was the toxic side, like she was the one who put all this stuff in the bin bags and then I helped him unpack the bin bags. That's kind of how it would go down. And she'd go, why have you done that? I'm like, I just can't let him go. But yeah, this was like finally the time

that I actually did it. And so I went around there and I knocked on the door and I just kept knocking and eventually, he came down. He was like, what are you doing here? I was like, just come to see you. See how you're getting on? And he was like, I'm five in the morning.

The sun's not even up. And I was like, you know, got any company kind of thing? He's like, no. I was like, oh. I said, well, her car's out on the driveway. I said, so maybe you two wouldn't have a sit down. How did you know it was her car? Because it has her name on it.

Oh, God's like. All right, the personal number play. Yeah, cool. So did you go in? I went in. I only, did you get in the middle of them in bed? No, I pushed the door open. And I pushed the door open.

and I went in and I sat down on the sofa and I sat there and he's like you can't do this I went I can I said I appreciate we're not together I said however you are the father of my children I said and if this person is the love of your life like you say she is then I think I deserve a chance to see you guys together

and it was kind of just like I you know I need this like you guys have lied to me so much and I definitely was raising my voice this was probably the first time I'd really got like upset and really angry at him. I'd always played it quite like, I would do things and then I would pull back and I'd be like, oh, I'm really sorry that I said that.

Like, you know, I shouldn't have said that and I would feel like it was all my fault that he was behaving this way. But this time I didn't, and eventually she came down, wrapped up in a bed sheet. Oh, my fuck. And they're both sitting there laughing at me.

Like it's some kind of joke. Like, I'm hilarious. You actually met up with and confronted the other woman. I did. How did that come about? She called me. Did she?

Wait, so she wasn't aware he was still... And what point was this? Were you still together? At this point, we were not together. But you were living together. But we were living together and we were still taking the children out places together and eating together.

I mean, sometimes he would cook his own food but it was very much kind of we were still cohabiting and kind of having a relationship. relationship in a weird way. Yeah, you're trying to figure it out, aren't you? Yeah, you're trying to like make it work, but the reality is it's just never going to work.

I feel like everyone goes to that weird interim period of like what were you meant to do. Yeah, and it was really funny because he would go out for like evenings and then I would go out for evenings and like I reconnected with like an old guy friend from like years and years ago and it was purely just friends.

And he was just basically trying to help me and move forward. And if I ever went out with him, like, my ex would go mad. Like, he would go mad. He would be like, like, he came home for them. Yeah, he would go mad. Even though he'd been out, doing whatever the hell he was doing. So in the, yeah, so there was one night when she called me. And I remember getting into bed and I think I text my best friend and I was like,

you know, he's not come home. Like, I was like, he's probably out with her laughing faces. within about 15 minutes she called me. But this number and I'm like, hello? She's like, oh, hi, Jess. And then says her name. And I'm like, oh, hi. And she's like, you know, I need to speak to you

because we've had an argument and I think he's been lying to me and blah, blah, blah. I mean, no shak, talk about no shame for her to reach out to you because she's had an argument with your partner. I can't believe that's what it was over. Wow. Yeah.

And so we were on the phone to each other and we chatted for a bit and went over kind of like she had a few questions she needed to ask me. But I had a few questions that I wanted to ask her. Yeah. And in the end, he came back to our house and I was like, no, this is not happening anymore. So I blocked all the doors, turned off all the lights. He was banging. He was trying to get in. Like he couldn't get in.

I spoke to him through the window and he was like, let me in, it's my house. I was like, you're not coming in. I said, this is enough now. Like, you have to go. And he's like, I'll call the police. I was like, call them. I was like, I really don't care. Like, I don't know why you would want to come in here.

I was like, you clearly don't love me and you don't want to be in this house. So leave. And so he then finally, finally told his parents at that point. Oh, wow. And I then went, called my best friend. I was like, can you come around? She's like, yeah. wine you know the whole works and um I call the mistress back and I'm just like we need to talk

can you meet me tomorrow and she did and we sat down and had to chat and what was that like I don't I was really hung over to be honest like you know when your body is just like aching from being hung over like I'd had my nails done I was like sitting there doing my nails and I was like my god I've got I meet this girl now like how am I doing this? And I just remember getting out of the car, and she got out of her car. And she was really like, hi, Jess. As in like, how do you act? I was just like, hello.

Like, I've got nothing, I've got no excitement or joy to see you, like, at all. And we basically started comparing notes. Seeing what aligned. Yeah. So there were so many things that I wanted to ask her about. Like, you know, earlier I mentioned, like, the Mulberry handbag. Like, he had said that it was a gift for me, but he'd returned it because I didn't deserve it. So I'd called John Lewis and gone,

hey, if you guys had a Marbury handbag returned and they were like, no, we haven't. So I questioned him about it and he was like, I don't know, there was obviously a mistake there. And I chose to believe that. Turns out she had the bag. She turned out of that. Yeah, I was going to say,

did she rock up with the Marlbury? So apparently she would never use the Marlbury because she was always frightened that I would see her with it. What a waste. I know, she does, I think she probably used it now. But also, what a relationship. I know.

They must be thriving right now. And there was like another scenario where there was like some diamond earrings and he it got delivered to our house he said it was a gift for me but he needed to keep it at work so I took a photo of it and said because I sent it was like oh you've had your parcel delivered because he told me something was coming and so I had all the tracking from the front of the label and so I was able to find out where it was from exactly and so I found out it was a pair of diamond earrings give it love actually yeah oh god turns out he said they were a gift for me no it wasn't it was a

gift for her. I mean, there was like, honestly, I just feel like I'm currently, like, living, like, as we're talking right now, I feel like I'm getting very sweaty. I know. I, actually, going over, it makes me feel really unwell. Yeah, like, I remember finding a brand new bottle of perfume in, like, a gift bag in my ex-husband's boot. Yeah.

And when I confronted him, he said that he won it in a free raffle. What was he going to do with? I don't know. But you choose to believe in it. At this point, not, I knew. I found all sorts but this was at the point that I actually we had separated

but we were still living together but I actually think that's worse though because I still think like when you're living together there needs to be an element of respect but there was no respect when you were together so how can there be respect when you're not? So he has said to me like I'm 100% not going to be doing that anymore like we're going to just like you know

I'll just live my life and I'm not going to bother with her but he just couldn't not do it and he just continued lying so I just kept finding things all the time Like it's like we've always said, like, I don't really truly believe that many men leave a relationship without a backup plan. Never do. Never do. I never do. I feel like, up until now in everything you've told us, you've been like so like, right, I need to find this out, this, this, this.

And it's all been like, I need the answers. At what point do you think you hit like that acceptance? Because it's so clear now talking to you how much work you've done on yourself. At what point were you like, did you stop focusing on him and what he done? and be like right I've accepted it it's now time to like work on myself it was that day when I went around there and saw them both together right it was the closure you need it was the closure like she had answered my questions she had when I met up with her she had confirmed that everything I knew to be true was true and probably I did the same for her too but it was when I saw them both

together and then almost mocking me and laughing at me that I thought one you really are nasty people And two, I'm so over being obsessed with you guys. You guys go and live your life and I'm going to go and live mine. Like I, it gave me the closure that I needed. So yes, it was irrational. Yes, it was crazy. And people would be like, I can't believe you did that. Like, you guys weren't together.

But when you've lived a life for so long where people have been consistently lying to you, when you finally get that, I was right. I knew it, my gut knew you don't live a life with any regrets it was the right choice to go and do that that day because I felt so much better knowing that, yeah. And you could just obviously

draw a line and be like, because I remember like you do obsessed and you know I looked into hiring a PI as one does you know I was making the phone calls I was getting the quotes and I was willing but you know they then came back to me and they were like you realise like you're paying for our time not for results. So you can pay all this money

and actually get nowhere. And it got to a point where I realized all the energy and time that I was putting into obsessing over trying to get proof and find out things

just meant I wasn't actually ever going to move on and it gets to a point where you just need to draw a line and be like, these are the facts, this is what I've got, it's enough now.

I guess it's like when you walked in and you saw them sitting there and mocking you're like okay, you're showing me who you are like why would I want to pee with someone like that?

I think you do hit that point where you're like, oh yeah and I think it was definitely for me it was like this is actually real because there's little things right so like you know I helped him move we had a nice time moving we had a nice time making the beds together and like we were communicating well and so for some reason in me there's always there was that glimmer of like hope maybe it'll work out and then so when he's messaging me and he's going you know I don't know if this is if I've made a mistake etc it broke crumming yeah yeah I was going to say do you think he was great crummy yeah and sometimes I

think if I hadn't have caught them that day, how much longer would that have gone on for? Yeah, yeah. Like, I had to put an end to it. I had to say, enough is enough. Should I like a bold moment? Yeah, and that was it. I mean, yeah, because even when I came back one day and I said, like, you have to move out, I did then pull back and I went, well, maybe you could stay. Like, maybe, actually, maybe, you know, and he in the end was like, I really think it's probably best if I do go. And then, so we kind of both agreed that that was right. But I was always very like do this oh no don't do this do this and I would always pull back it's scary to let go though isn't it I think it's that you're the instincting you and knowing what's right and wrong and

what you deserve yeah it's being like go away but then you can't help it because that all you've known you want that family unit you've got those your heartstrings being pulled in loads of different directions yeah I think as well when like nobody you know is going through the same thing you feel like you have failed in some way alongside the fact that you you're you are going to be given that title of being a single mom. Yeah. No one wants that title because you type that in on Google and it says the most awful things,

the stigma surrounding it. And it's then the financial responsibility. How am I going to pay for this house and how am I going to pay for all these things? Like that was what went through my head. You know, I'm self-employed and I'm barely working at this point making videos and, you know, he is the breadwinner. What am I going to do?

Like, how are we going to survive? And it's all of those factors alongside wanting to be. be still in a relationship with him and loving him, despite everything that he's done, there's still some form of love there. And the memories that you lose, the Christmases, the birthdays, all those things. I think it's also the things that you thought you were going to experience. So not only are you losing. Marriage and all you. Yeah. I think it's, you know, you build up this like life that you expect to have. And so not only are you grieving just the relationship, but it is like the life that you thought that you were going to lead. And I think

that that's what a lot of people struggle with. And I think that's what a lot of people struggle with. And And I know a lot of the time, you know, we do speak about. And Carly and I obviously did have quite different situations. Like she had a pinnacle moment where she drew a line and was done. And I probably stayed for about five years longer than I should have. But you, you know, we had people writing in being like, I took him back, I took him back. And then eventually it was enough.

And you got to, like you, you did your psycho. You tried to make it work. And until you had your point where you were like, this is really like, this is enough now. I think what also is notable in that is that when you're living in the world, I don't know if this was the same for you. I was able to actually almost heal from him, sorry, whilst you were with him. I was still with him. Yeah. I started going to the gym. I started building a life. I started having like a mini glow up. I was going out on, I was going on holidays with like my family and my friends without the kids, which was, you know, a treat actually. But without him as well. I would

take the kids away on holiday without him. And we were kind of like, I was gaining confidence. Set yourself up? Yeah. And funnily enough, like one thing I always find totally crazy is the year that this all happened was the year that my Instagram account went viral. And that changed my life. What did you go from and two? I was on about 200,000 and I went to 1.6 million in about two months.

Wow. From what? Just a viral trending sound, making cleaning videos. Stop it. Maybe I need to start cleaning. Never going to happen. I definitely. You should have filmed cleaning your car. I just took it to someone else to do. Could have filmed that.

But do you know what? I feel like that in itself probably gave you that confidence of like, I don't need you. I can do this. That gave me the financial confidence, I think. Like, you know, I'm not saying I'm making millions, but it was kind of actually, maybe I'll be okay. Because I'd looked at getting a job and all sorts of things. And it was kind of like, well, I've got this account. Maybe I should actually do something with it. Yeah.

So I explored it more and then that happened. And I just think sometimes it's like the world just has you, right? The universe just goes, I think you're ready now. Yeah, you're ready now. You've got through your shit. You've had you glow up. You've got your financial sources. So wait for mine.

Yeah. The universe. Come. But you get it all and you think, I'm good. I think a lot of people can probably relate to that sort of like grieving the loss of someone even though you're still currently with them. Yeah, that's hard. And I think that we talk a lot about.

I don't think women decide, unless something pinnacle, like a pinnacle moment happened, I think it takes women quite a while to sort of program in their head that they're going to end something. So like, I think that we know for months before it's actually going to happen and you start almost like subconsciously, like, like you said, sort of like doing a bit of work on yourself, sort of like distancing yourself a bit.

Like I know for me, I definitely was grieving my, relationship whilst in it before I actually had the moment where I decided to leave. I like fantasised about being on my own really yeah I was like there used to be moments where I was like I felt like my life would be easier if I was doing this alone yeah rather than juggling the expectations and the moods the fight or fly yeah those feelings I started to just be like oh maybe I could do it maybe I could do it and then yeah yeah because you actually start to realise that you are doing it. Yes. You are doing all of it. Well it's like we actually always said like it's actually easier to be

a single mum than a single mum in a relationship. In an unhappy relationship. And I think a lot of our listeners will be able to relate to that. A hundred percent. That was me. I feel like we could probably talk to you for absolute hours because I mean I feel like I'm sitting here like in a therapy session like reliving like everything I went through. But I feel like you absolutely have shown that you've come out the other side. I'm really intrigued as to like what your co-parenting relationship is like now with everything that you've been through and him still being with the other woman,

what is your co-parenting relationship like and do you have a relationship with her? No. Not now. I really? I did. Like last year, earlier, this year. I did.

Now I don't. What changed? I think it's the upset that perhaps the videos are creating. Like I have explained to them Like, you know, I'm not out here to bash you. I'm not, I, you are, they are technically fictional characters. Yeah.

As far as, you know, you guys are concerned. You don't know their names. You don't know where they work or where they live or anything like that. And neither does anyone else. So I've explained that to them or tried to. But for some reason, they just keep looking. They keep setting up fake accounts and watching and everything else. But, you know, that's their prerogative at the end of the day.

but yeah I think that's caused the most upset to the point now that I've tried to communicate with him about it and said you know like this is how it is and but I don't but he he you know he's very defensive and just told me that I just need to get over it and stop talking about it so how is so do you communicate at all how what is it like with the exchange with the girls so we now we now don't really communicate at all like I send him a message he doesn't reply i update him he doesn't update me um whereas before we we would have chats like really long chats about all sorts of things but now it's kind of like oh they've got this tonight are you coming no reply tumbleweed or you know this happened today tumbleweed like

it's always me updating or i'll get a okay yes good whatever i'm like that's how you want to be and do you feel like that has been since you've been more open online yeah yeah do you have any regret sharing online? No. Because I actually think that it's allowed me to heal more, talking about it, and for me to not feel like I'm alone. Because I felt really alone and I felt ashamed. And I would, you almost like go to movies in the end, don't you? And you're watching a movie and you're like, I did that. I did all of those things. But now I feel like, I actually feel like I've provided a space, you know, similarly to you guys. Like, I've provided a space where women can come.

And they're like, I actually feel safe in this space. And I'm surrounded by all these other people who have all gone through the same thing. Because I was frantically trying to find people. I was on TikTok watching like a fair recovery from someone over in the US. Like I remember her very clearly. And there was nothing until you guys brought out this podcast. That was one thing. But then there was nothing else.

There was no one on social media actively going, hey I've been through them I've been through a really awful thing it's crazy when you think about it that people feel like they can't speak about something that happened to them and it's like if the other people involved

didn't want it speaking about don't do the shitty thing that you did that people were speaking about yeah that's it you are actually you're pretty much just expressing a fact yeah I'm talking about my own life I mean it's kind of like you use

I use the catchphrase he cheated, so, but it goes on to being like, yeah, okay, that's drawing you into this story, but here's actually what I've done since then, and none of it's even really about him or her. It's about this. Like, I think I did a video. I think the one that actually really killed the relationship was I did one. It was, would you let your ex bring his mistress to your child's birthday party? Oh, it is because you called her a mistress? She doesn't like being called a mistress. Then don't be one. but we um like that caused a lot of upset so much so that my daughter came back and said like you know she's really upset about the video that you made mummy like what did you do so I had to speak to her

about it in a nice way but um that was kind of like is it like the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak like we'd kind of been quite nice I'd got her a Christmas present from the kids and I wrote her a card to say thank you've taken such good care of them like I was really nice to have done the right thing Yeah, I mean, not even done the right thing. I think that's going above and beyond. Yeah, I'm going above and beyond. And I had, and I had then invited her to this birthday party. Like, he did ask me.

He sent me a message because after she said that I invited her. So I actually went back for all the messages and I checked. And he did ask me. He said, does this invitation extend to? Right. And I was like, yes. And I did then send her a copy of the invitation. And I said, I'm sure Freya would love to have you there because Freya loves her, my youngest.

and that was it. And so she came and it was really nice and we had a nice time. And I just thought, actually, why can't I make a video about that? It's not a bad thing. And actually show people that you can do that and it can be healthy and it can be nice.

And really, she could have come forward and said like, yeah, the title hurt me. But I said really nice things about her within it. And I always do. I always do speak very kindly of her because she is really good with the kids. But, you know, it was that. I guess that's her.

issue and not a you issue. I was going to say it's almost their insecurity of like oh god that's how our relationship started like I'm not like she probably doesn't want to be seen as the mistress she just wants to be like she's in a happy relationship but at the end of the day like you made your bed so I mean she's probably listening now hey hon I guess I guess it can't be nice for someone to be talking about you like you know I would hate for you would hate it wouldn't Yeah, just don't, don't be a dick. Well, I think we should end it with a positive affirmation. Tash going hard with the big words there, yeah, yeah.

Hold my back. So, yeah, Jess, do you have a positive affirmation that can inspire any of our listeners today? I do. I've thought about it really hard as well. And I think it's one of those ones where I would say, like, after the break, like, When there's no point in going out seeking revenge. It's what you do after. It's the glow up and the healing that is your biggest revenge of all.

You know, I don't go out here making videos for revenge. But the glow up and the healing that I've done, it just shows that I don't care anymore. And once you don't care and you become indifferent, as Taylor Swift would say, you're good and you can get on with your life. Love that. Thank you so much. That has been amazing.

Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. We hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you go and follow Jessica May on Instagram, on TikTok. She's also got an amazing blog on YouTube and it was so lovely having me. Thank you so much for having me. Bye.