Not As We Planned - Me & My Boyfriend Broke Up | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

Tash shares the sad update that her and her boyfriend have broken up. When the man you’re with punishes you for keeping your baby, a random Facebook message that brings you the truth about your partner and the worst pocket dial confession Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Not As We planned. I think we're going to start this week's episode. We've got a little bit of, um, I guess an update and Tash is going to share that with you. Gosh, I'm going to start already. Fuck sake. I feel like there's been probably quite a lot of speculation already. About me and my boyfriend have broken up. Sorry, I don't really want to like sniff and be all gross on the mic.

Thank you. I'm not going to go into like massive detail. but we've ended like completely amicably which I feel like like we've said before is so much harder. Yeah. But just like logistically living an hour apart I think with six kids involved it just became quite apparent as things got more serious that it just wasn't going to work. like his schedule is also really restrictive. And I guess we did, do you know what? To be honest, this time last year when you went through your breakup,

it knocked me slightly because it did worry me that I was like, oh God, is that going to happen to me? So quite early on, we spoke about our distance and logistics and how we would make it work, and we genuinely believed that we had come up with a plan that would fit in with the kids. But I think in reality, trying to implement that was a lot harder

than we had anticipated. And I'm not ashamed to say that for me, and I'm sure I can speak for a lot of people, in my life, what I want out of a reality, relationship is to one day, not rushed, but I want to live with my person. I want that family unit. And being realistic, we wouldn't have been able to have that for at least 10 years until the kids were out, until his kids were out of education. And I think both of us deserve to have that type of relationship. And I also think it put a lot of pressure on

our relationship towards the end which caused maybe quite a bit of conflict and I guess both almost like resenting the situation as well like it not really being something that we can control the distance isn't going anywhere he lives in an area that his kids have a life there I'm the same and I think what we thought would work

didn't I obviously really relate to a lot of that It's just shit and, you know, it's not just me and him that have to go through it. It's six children, which is really, really hard. I haven't actually told the kids yet, but he told his, because his son is obviously old enough to be on, like, social media, and I did not, not that I've shared it yet, but I didn't, well, by the time this comes out, I would have.

But, like, the messages that he sent me, bless him, like I just feel like I've broken their hearts as well, which is obviously really hard. And I feel like I remember you saying this. I feel like I've let people down. Because you haven't. You're a normal person. You've just lived your life.

I guess like, you know, I feel like what I shared, was genuine and like came from the heart. And I feel like it gave people that hope, which I really liked. And then I feel like I've sort of ripped that away from people. and it's just shit and it is what it is. And I don't know, obviously, because we're filming two weeks in advance,

I don't know where I'm going to be in two weeks, but we haven't yet managed to go no contact. And then I feel like I feel like a hypocrite because everything I preach, I'm clearly unable to do. And I know that, like, in the past, it was fine to joke about, like, oh, I'm be doing Tasha's no contact

or Carly's no contact. Because let's be honest, like, I haven't been good with it before, but I know what mistakes I made last time, and I think that's probably why I haven't gone no contact yet, because I know that once I do it, I need to do it properly, and I'm not ready to let go yet. And I know that if it was up to him,

he wouldn't choose to do no contact and wants to be friends, but I know that that's not a thing, and I know that he'll eventually know that that isn't possible, but yeah, it's just shit, and I will obviously just have to get through it and yeah. And you will. You've got the tools to do it. You've navigated a breakup before.

We are full of advice. You've got the journal. You've got me. I know. Very lucky for that. And yeah. You'll be okay. This time next year you'll be sat here on this sofa and you'll be able to like look back

and reflects. Like, I was literally, I think it was like nearly to the day. Like our breakup happened. And I know, like obviously there's nothing you can do. Like right now you just have to sit with it and feel it all. Like there's nothing that's going to make you feel better. But you've navigated it before.

I've navigated it last year. We all know like that pain is horrific, but everyone can get through it. And you're no exception to that. And you absolutely will. Yeah, I think it is just like, because I've been through it before, knowing that pain I felt, it's that dread of knowing what's to come. Like, no one wants to go through that pain.

But think how much further forward you are now navigating this from everything you learned from that first breakup to now. I think, I don't think you give yourself enough credit that everything we go through is experience. It's all lessons. And yeah, right now it might feel really painful knowing what's to. come but you're in a much better position than you were last time because you've experienced it and got through it. Yeah and I do think like I'm sure I can speak for a lot of people that maybe go through because I feel like I felt like this the last time when I went through my breakup after my divorce I sort of felt like oh I'm back here again and I have felt like that I felt like

oh for fuck sakes like here I am again like what a fucking waste and that's obviously not the case and I know that I don't have any regrets. Like it was a year and a half of what I will cherish for forever. Like it was a chapter. I guess I just, I didn't think it was going to be just a chapter. You know, I went into that, genuinely believing that this was it. And it's not. And it is fucking shit.

But I just need to take my own advice. venture, you know. And yeah, so I might give a bit more on Patreon and like go into a bit more, but I think for now, bear with me, I am still able to give advice even if I can't take it. Follow it loosely. No, I'm joking. It's hard when you, it's very different being able to give advice once you're disconnected from a situation or you're past it or whatever, but it is very different sitting and living

and breathing and feeling it. So we can only do what we can do with human at the end of the day. Yeah, I think that, do know what? I think that when you obviously do what we do, and, you know, I could have sat here and I could have done another week of, you know, putting on a front and pretending. I mean, I'm grateful that we didn't film last week

because that would have been a fucking shit show. But, you know, in order to show up authentically, especially with the podcast, not so much on social media, but the podcast, like, it is that fine, yeah, it is that fine line between, like, I want to be real with you guys, like, how can I sit here and give advice and, and, you know,

while lying, not lying, because, you know, there is also that level of, like, it is my life and I can share what I want to share, and I'll keep private, what I want to keep private. And I am keeping a lot private, but I want to be able to continue to help others. and I do actually find helping others does in turn help me. And I am grateful for the tools that I know that I do have

once I'm ready to implement them and even using the podcast to my advantage as well. And I do feel very grateful having Carly. Sorry, I'm going to go. Sorry, I'm going to get. No, I really do. That you can make me emotional. I guess we've gone through it before

and then I watched you go through it last year and that broke my heart for you. and it's just a bit shit to like being it again. But, yeah, it's just, it's life, isn't it? And we're going to get through it. Will? You've got good people around you. You've got the tools.

And sadly, sometimes... Love isn't enough. Love isn't enough. And sometimes we want to escape those negative feelings, but we can't, we have to sit through them. And that's really, really important. Yeah, I think that is that sad reality that you, I think a lot of people,

like I remember when I shared this last time, like a lot of people like gave me that false hope. And I know they were coming from a good place. Yeah, I had that my inbox was like filled with like, I really believe that like you can get back together. You can make it work. And like love isn't enough. Like it's not like I love him.

People don't know what go, like people don't know the extent of everyone's relationship as well. It's not a decision people come too lightly. No, like I've got to be honest. Like it was hanging over us. I feel like for quite a while. And that is probably why there was a lot of speculation because I wasn't posting much

because we were, we went through a stage where we weren't able to see each other as much. There was quite a bit of conflict going on. And I am as real as they come, I believe. Like I don't want to show things that are going. I can't explain. Like, yes, we did just go away from my birthday. It was lovely.

But we were holding on by a thread around my birthday. And like we've said before, it is sometimes that time in January where you sort of realise, like, you've held on, but there's nothing left to hold on to. And it was time and it's shit. But I also appreciate everyone listening because I don't think also you guys realize that,

although you think that we're helping you, your stories also help us. I think that's why I want to show up and be as real for you guys because we rely on you just as much as you do. So, yeah, just be patient with me for the next few weeks and... Shall I read the first email? Message me in a year, hon. Don't.

I followed you girls for so long after stumbling across you on YouTube, and it's my ritual to binge on all your podcasts whilst in the bath on my one child free night a month. You're both... I know. You're both amazing keeping you. Another thought for one second. I'd be the girl writing in with my own broken horror story, but here it is. It's Christmas Eve as I write this to you. Broken, humiliated and embarrassed to name but a few. Let's rewind and give some

backstory. I've been with my partner for almost five years. We fell madly in love very quickly and have been together ever since. We both have children from previous relationships, two boys and a girl. It's been great blending our families together. We've never really wanted any more. more children and we've been focusing on growing our businesses and nourishing the family we already have. A few months ago after living between two houses, the entirety of our relationship, I decided to push for our family home so we could live as one. However, this is where the red flags were raised and I should have started running. I've never known a man to blow so hot and cold over me wanting the next step of moving in together officially after four and a half

years. Anyway, long story short, I put my foot down. I applied for the house, got accepted and we did it. We moved in together and despite moving stresses, we were all happier than ever. He even said he's never been so happy as we sipped our celebratory drinks. Also, I thought. One week after moving in together, we had an accident. No Wi-Fi leads to wine and christening each room, apparently.

I find out I'm pregnant two weeks later, and this man flips a switch and turns into the most cold, awful version of himself I've ever seen. I try to talk, he won't. I give him space. It doesn't help. He brings up my past with my children's dad and throws it in my face. There was a lot of domestic violence. I allow him time to process a shock of the pregnancy, which I was also processing, nothing seemed to help. Abortion for me wasn't an option and I decided, right, fuck you. I've got seven to eight months to get my life in place. I can comfortably enjoy my last baby. How wrong was I to

think this man could come round to the idea and grow up hair? This man said I need to get rid or it would ruin his life. I did think it's a bit strange for him to be so awful. Again, I gave him time to navigate the shock but nothing changed. The comments and nastiness got worse. I was quite poorly with this pregnancy and was sick every day. Felt exhausted, couldn't eat, etc., but carried on going to work, running my business and being the best I could be for our family. I thought maybe if I booked a scan, it would change things and cement the new life would be bringing it into the world. I booked it one morning and went alone before work. I need to be told there was no heartbeat and my baby stopped growing two weeks ago according to my

dates. I'm devastated and heartbroken, but had to continue sorting the Christmas preparations for my children. Fast forward ever so slightly to last night. I'm so upset after learning the news there was no longer a baby. I take myself to bed, but I can't shake this feeling, something is wrong. I eventually fall asleep, but wake up next to this man in bed. He's falling asleep with his phone unlocked in his hand. Now I've never ever checked his phone. I've never felt the need to, my ad, but something in me made me wake up and something in my gut said grab the phone and look at his messages. So I did. Lo and behold, the first one I look at was muted and he'd been speaking to another girl, sending dirty snaps, messages, even moaning about me and

how hard it's been with me the past few weeks. I went back as far as September but the messages just kept going and I couldn't read anymore through my tears and that awful sinking feeling you get in your chest. He was telling her he plays dad to my kids and that someone has to and she's like, yeah, that must be so hard for you, you're a hero, blah, blah, blah. He wouldn't be messaging her if I didn't make him so unhappy and they go on and on. He is asking her if she can take care of his knees because I don't. We've always been very sexually active but she's like, yeah, I'll keep you right baby. Oh, uh, shut up. bitch he's been sharing a bed sleeping with me kissing me telling me he loves me booking holidays

planning our future but entertaining you the other woman sorry but entertaining you the other woman for close to a year maybe more some saved images date back to 22 fucking how to make it worse she knows about me and continues to think he's a hero i threw his phone at him told him best he best replied to his lady friend as she's been trying to call him since she's seen he was active this morning it was me i told him to pack his stuff and leave and off i went to do my aldy christmas food shop at seven a m i'm now in hospital medically passing my unborn baby on my own whilst he's probably still messaging the other woman bigging her up and making me out to be awful because i didn't do as i'm told and have an abortion when he said or writing their cover stories for when it all

comes out. This is clearly my punishment but mark my words. Message me in a year. This comeback is personal. It's time to heal, to grow and to be the best version of myself and my boys, to show them, lead them and teach them how to be real men in this world of awful heartbreaking boys. If it wasn't for them, I don't think I'd have returned home from Aldi. Anyway, I hope I love you both. Thank you for reading my story. Any advice would be appreciated because your girl is broken. Send him virtual hugs and hope you send one back, love always anonymous. I know that, I don't know how to say this with that because I don't want to say the wrong thing,

but I do really believe that everything happens for a reason. And you obviously weren't meant to have a baby with this man. Obviously, it is horrific that you've gone through a miscarriage. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there and I understand the pain. But I think you can probably look back one day and appreciate why you're not going to have. to be tied to this man.

He is a complete and utter waste of space. Like, we just need to, and look, I get it. It's so difficult not to romanticise the relationship that you are in, that is ending. And you do automatically, your brain programs itself to think of all the good and all the bad literally falls to the bottom and you don't think about that.

You only think about the good. And it is taking that time to sit in that grief and then take a step back. and eventually unpack that relationship, do some reflection, and try and remind yourself of why you're better off without them. And I'm so sorry that you're having to go through that. And at that time of year as well,

must have been so fucking hard. And you're grieving that loss as well of the baby. But I hope that you will look back one day and realize why that had to happen. I think even the fact that you've messaged to say like this comeback is personal. I think it shows you've got an enormous amount of strength and I think this is going to be the making of you.

I really respect that you have seen the lack of respect he has for you whilst you've been going through all of these things and like you said like you felt like, I mean even like you've understood that it's a red flag about him not wanting to move in with you like I'm sorry four and a half years with someone and I'm not wanting to move in that's a massive red flag. and I think

I don't know maybe as you navigate your grief and you start to reflect back you might actually realise there were probably quite a lot of other red flags that you were not taking notice of

as well but you're going to be okay and you're going to grieve and you're going to heal and you're going to do the work and you're going to look back and be like yeah thank God I didn't have a baby with this person and you know what like let him go and entertain this woman I'm sure it won't be the last one he entertains like it's not my

problem. The fact you even had that gut feeling to pick up his phone, like, says a lot. Yeah, it says a lot. the fact you're drawn to that, you know, I don't think it's something we do unless we have that instinct and clearly you got it and thank God you did. Thank God you did. So sending loads of love, go back and listen to some of our earlier episodes. Yeah, I've also, for those that think that Patreon is just an extra episode, we've got a group chat, but there's loads of different categories of different chats and I actually made one yesterday and it's called breakup. Anyone that is fresh and raw, to be honest, I pretty much made it for myself. But I just thought like it is so nice to be able to speak to someone who actually is going through it there and then because it's very lonely.

It's very lonely. It reminds you that you're not the only one because when you're navigating it, you're like you feel like I'm the only person who's not going to get over this. Like this is worse than ever. I remember feeling it. But. you're not. And I also think that when you go through a breakup, you had this constant communication with a person. You've got those morning texts. You've got those good night texts.

You've got the late FaceTime phone calls. You had that communication throughout the day with your person. And however much if the relationship was good or not good, when you lose that, that just turns into silence and that is uncomfortable. And I think that it's really hard to not. not want to fill that empty silence space with something else, whether that is, you know, people going straight back into dating or trying to distract themselves or, and I think that that is okay to not like that uncomfortable feeling.

And I think it is really learning to learn to be okay with that, sit in it, and eventually, please God, that uncomfortable feeling is actually what makes you, grow. I'm not there yet. It does. I'll tell you it does. That is what happens and I know that it does. So you're not alone when you're feeling that lack of contact or connection with someone and then you do try and chase that dopamine hit and it is having that strength and

holding yourself accountable to not chase that fix, whether it is breaking the contact or speaking to someone else or I don't know. what other things people do, drugs. I don't know. But it is really holding yourself accountable when realizing that it's up to us to do that work and do that healing and remove ourselves from romanticising

the relationship that maybe probably wasn't as good as you thought it was. I agree. So I'm sorry you're going through that, but my inbox will be open, so feel free to message me. Right, another email. This one is called CheetahDon

and accepting that you will never know the full truth. Hi ladies, I found your podcast a couple of months ago after finding out that my partner of nine years and father of two children had been cheating on me. I suppose my reason for emailing is to hear your opinions on what happened to me. In my heart of hearts, I think I know I'm done with the relationship, but I haven't really spoken to anyone in real life about it at all,

and it has been eating me up. A couple of months ago, I received a Facebook message from a girl I didn't know. she told me that she had slept with my partner after a night out in 2021 and for a period of time after this they were hooking up regularly about once a week he would go to her flat before after his night shifts

after this it became less frequent but they would still sleep together on and off usually after nights out until the last time which was around late 2024 she said the reason she decided to reach out to me was because she had bumped into him the night before while he was out with his friends and she was with hers

they had a conversation which she said was supposed to be left at that. But when she got home that night, he had messaged her again, and that, she says, was her last straw to reach out to me the next morning. She says they only talked on Snapchat so she didn't have any concrete proof of anything. But she did send me a few pictures she took of the conversations that she says, him, text on black background sort of thing, with him talking about how he couldn't leave me because of the kids. Although it doesn't say his name, I find it hard to believe it could be anybody else.

else and she just happened to have this sort of conversation to hand to send to me, with details which realistically were him. She knew about me and the kids the whole time. We had one baby when they first met and had our second over the course of her timeline. She said that he sold her promises of leaving me. She tried to break things off a few times, but he knew what to say to keep her hanging on. When I confronted him, he admitted to sleep with her once after a drunken night in 2021,

but denies ever doing anything else. He says that she pursued him afterwards and threatened to tell me after bumping into him last night because he turned down her advances. He says that she told him she would ruin his life. I later found out that she saved under a male name on his Snapchat and the date she gave me as examples matched the dates that he was out with friends drinking because we lived further out after nights out in town he would say his mum's and never let me know when he would get in so it tracks.

I'm fully aware that his story stinks. I kicked him out initially, but the kids are so young and it was so close to Christmas, with events and days out already booked him for the four of us, that I let him come back too soon afterwards, sleeping on the sofa. I told myself I would get through Christmas a new year and then ask him to leave properly, but instead things have slowly slipped back into feeling almost natural, minus any intimacy. I still love him deeply. He's been my best friend for nine years, and the thought of not having him around makes me feel sick.

We had a lovely Christmas, to be honest, and it's brought back all those thoughts. of what I will be missing if we end. I'm also feeling so many messed up emotions like jealousy and feeling like she wins if I end things, which I know is insane. My head is in such a mess. I keep imagining the future that I thought we would have with the kids and grieving the person that I thought I was with.

What I'm really struggling with most with is the uncertainty. I doubt I would ever get the full truth. And I worry that if I'm making this huge, a huge life-changing decision based on a hunch, what if I regret not trying harder to keep the relationship? I'm 99% sure that he has not admitted the full extent of what's happened, but 1% keeps me stuck. As ridiculous as that sound, and because he is so remorseful now doing all the right things, deleted all the social media, offered to open up access to his phone, and Life 360,

staying or leaving feels like a decision to break our family apart, even though my hand has been forced. I think I need help accepting the truth that I have very likely been cheated on excessively by the man that I've been building my life with and figuring out what I need to do next, finding the strength to actually do it, and I'm terrified at the idea of being a single mum, but the idea of staying and being miserable is also terrifying. I'm only 29 years old.

He is my only experience of an adult relationship, and being alone after all this time is something that I can't even imagine, to be honest. Thank you for doing what you do. I'm so incredibly grateful for stumbling upon your podcast. It's helped me feel so much less alone through all of this. Sorry, if this message sounds like I'm rambling on. It's the first time I've had a chance to get it all out like this,

and I literally feel like it might be a case of word vomit. Can you please keep me anonymous? I think it's very difficult. I think not a lot of people actually ever get that concrete evidence. I mean, you found out he did admit to sleeping with her at least once. I think only you all know if that's something you're going to be able to move on from. Like, is it something you're going to continually think back to worrying about if and when it's going to happen again, throwing it in his face every argument, like living with resentment?

I think only that's on you. I think it's very difficult when someone comes back and presents to you this new improved version of themselves, this very remorseful, sorry person. because I do genuinely believe a lot of men think with their dicks, they don't ever intend to get caught, they do it, everything comes out, and they realise what they had. I genuinely believe, like a lot of men don't realise what they had till it's nearly gone, but I also think they don't really learn either,

and it will only take a certain amount of tempting from someone else until he goes back and does it again, because again, like, if you show him there's not really, any implications to his behaviour, then he's going to be like, I've got away with it before I can get away with it again. It's completely individual. Like, if you truly think, you know, I, the behaviour he's showing me, he's remorseful, I believe he's going to make a change, I'm willing to put everything that's happened in the past aside and move forwards together, and we both commit to that. Only you can make that decision. I know personally for me, with the information you have,

If I was in your shoes, just knowing the kind of person I am, I would personally walk away. But I also appreciate everyone's different. And I also appreciate, I know you say, like your family, you've got a young family, let me tell you as someone who left a marriage with an 18-month-old and a 3-year-old. Like, I'm glad I didn't stay for the kids. I'm glad I didn't let them endure living in a house in a toxic, unhappy relationship. and that me and their dad not being together isn't something that I believe is going to leave them with long-lasting trauma but I believe if I had stayed and thrown certain things back in his face that that would have done so yeah I do really understand you know how you said that you sort of let him back a bit too soon but it was the time of year and then Christmas actually ended up being really nice like I really understand that I it's scary how easily you can put aside so that's something so terrible and pretend,

and it ends up being really nice. But one thing that you need to remember is you are actually still slightly pretending. It's a bit of a lie. It's like that playing happy family deep down isn't real, and it's so easy to hold on to those good memories and be so terrified at the thought of being on your own. Like, I really, really get it. But you're also terrified of the thought

of staying with him and being miserable, and we've said it time and time again, there is so much more prospect and hope when you start over without having that toxic, like paranoia, worrying about whether they're going to do it again. And the fact that you don't even know the full story, like let me tell you this now, there is absolutely no benefit from that woman to have made any of that up.

The fact that he has admitted that he sat with her once, believe every single word that she has said because her story will be true. So yes, you may not have the full impact but she doesn't win if you aren't with him. I think if anything, flip it around. I actually think that you're winning by not being with him and not letting him have you.

There's no winners anyway. I just don't think we need to look at situation as to anyone's one at the end of the day. I guess it's more like putting winning aside. It's like I actually think you're more beneficial. Yeah. Not being with someone like him that is capable of doing that to you. Walking away is fucking hard.

But when someone's done something wrong, you need to hold on to that and remember it and remind yourself of I wouldn't do this to someone I love, but he's done that to me. What does that mean? Like what was he thinking of when he, did it time and time again. His penis.

Spoiler alert. Just himself. Himself. Not you. Not the kids. Not your future. There is nothing harder than grieving the life

that you thought that you were going to have and accepting that you're about to lose it. But you're still so young as well. And I know that he's all you know. Just because he's all you know doesn't mean there's not better. There is better. There is better than this.

Yeah. Please keep us updated though. Cheating on me with prostitutes, my whole pregnancy. Classy. Love that. Hi Tash and Kali. Your podcast has got me through my worst nightmare, but now I think I need some more advice.

So to start, me and my boyfriend got together at 17 in 2018. Oh, she's young. For the most part of six years, he was near enough perfect. I thought he would be the one I married. He was caring, thoughtful and just simply a good boyfriend. In 2023, I fell pregnant. A huge shock, we were only 23, but had been together six years

and had no doubts in our relationship. That pregnancy sadly ended in a miscarriage, and this is when it all went downhill. I found out we had a silent miscarriage on the Christmas Eve of 2023, had to go in for medical intervention on Box. fixing day. The New Year's Eve, I was at home physically and mentally in a lot of pain, could hardly leave my bed. He decided to go out to a party. Are you fucking joking?

Said he would go for a few drinks and come home to have a takeaway and look after me. He arrived home at 11pm, paralytic. I'm assuming you had dinner on your own then. What the fuck? I would have right to 11. Oh my God. Paralletic and spent the whole night throwing up in the bathroom. went into the new year passing our baby alone whilst he crashed in there. Anyway, to speed this up, that was just the start of what I can only call now as my own nightmare.

Our relationship started to change, but I assumed it was just a rough patch from navigating grief and it would pass in time. I fell pregnant again in March 2024, again unplanned, but after everything we went through before, it felt like a second chance. However, throughout my pregnancy, I noticed he was going out a lot. All days of the week would be going out for one drink and arriving home at 3, 4, 5am. This got worse and worse until the point he admitted to me that he thought he had an alcohol and drug problem. Said he felt guilty for all the going out and would stop drinking completely. It was a constant cycle of, I'm not drinking again to it will just be one drink. and before I knew it, I was nine months pregnant,

begging him to come home on a Tuesday night. Eventually, he walked in at 5am. This cycle happened repeatedly, my whole pregnancy. Our beautiful daughter was born in December of 2024, and he claimed she was exactly what he needed, and it wouldn't ever happen again. I had a horrific birth ending in an emergency C-section and a week's hospital stay due to complications in the surgery for me.

He was amazing through this, back to his old son. and cared for me and her as much as possible. We got home from hospital and during his paternity leave had a beautiful newborn bubble. He's a great hands-on dad and I had no complaints. Then he had to go back to work and this is when it all changed. He did it again, going out on random days after work and not coming home. He would go back to his mum's if it got too late as he was too embarrassed to come back here.

We live with my parents and they could see what was happening. Oh, that's so hard. One day when my daughter was only five weeks old and I hadn't even been clear to drive yet following the C-section, he didn't return home from work at normal time. He claimed he was working late. He then went to McDonald's and told me he was getting dinner and then he would be home. My friends were around meeting our baby at the time. I had his location and could see he was at McDonald's so assumed he would be home soon.

And then I received a call from him. Obviously a pocket dial. in that call I was faced with the truth Fuck off I heard a woman's voice Oh my God this actually Making for I'm well I heard a woman's voice asking

Why are we not at your house To which he replied It's a bit awkward I live with my mom and dad Within a second My friends had jumped up Got in their car And drove to him to find him

I was left with my five week old baby Face and the harsh truth that this was a lot worse than I could ever have imagined. Fucking hell. When they got there, he was with a woman. They banged on his door and she jumped out the car and into the car next to them and drove off.

He claimed she was a drug dealer and he admitted he was using drugs again. As usual, after this, he went and hid his parents and my friends came to stay and comfort me. He refused to face me. The next day, I go out to the car that he was using to find a pair of knickers on the seat. Fucking hell

I immediately Like how can you be that sloppy Like come on Like what the fuck Pairnickers on the sea Are you okay Oh my God Like if you're trying to hide something like that

Like surely that's quite an obvious Thing to check Why isn't she putting them back on Because she jumped out the car so quickly I immediately sent him a photo And he said it's what it looks like I can't lie to you anymore She's a prostitute

and my world came crashing down. He said it was the only time something like that had happened and it would never happen again. The drugs made him do it and he's disgusted with himself. I didn't know that there were certain drugs out there that made you like cool prostitutes. No, I know.

That's interesting. I wonder what they're called? Fuck you know. He stayed there for six weeks so from the time our daughter was five weeks to 11 weeks old. I was doing it alone. He was working on himself.

stopping drinking, going to AA meetings. I let him back, but there was still a lot of up and downs. But overall, but overall, he was getting better and this was part of the recovery process. I wanted to move out with my parents. We had told my parents we would move out by the time she was six months old, but whenever I started the conversation with him, he seemed shady. He claimed all the time he was skint from saving to move out,

and I had saved enough for my deposit. I was working up until my due date to save as much. possible. One day, through some pretty random circumstances, I found out the whole truth. All those nights out when I was pregnant, he was not only drinking and using drugs, but sleeping with prostitutes in his office. Even the days he claimed to me he was working late, this was never the case. I found out he was caught at work three times on CCTV. He was known as brass boy in his office. He was sleeping with them and then sleeping with his pregnant girlfriend risking giving his unborn child an infection. He had racked up around 10k in debt and credit cards

on these drugs and prostitutes and that's the real reason he was skin. He had never saved a penny at all. Whilst I was pregnant working my arse off for our daughter's future, he was racking up thousands of pounds in debt on alcohol drugs and even prostitutes. It didn't sink in. The hardest thing for me is that he was two different people. At home with me, he was the most caring, thoughtful and doting partner and dad. And then he would leave the house. And the minute he started drinking, one thing would lead to another.

He would become a person I never recognised. I hate to admit it. But I didn't leave him when I found that out. He assured me it was all in the past. And now he was clean. And all he wanted was our family. So I stayed. I was so desperate for that family unit.

And whilst honestly things were so good, he did everything to reassure, sorry, whilst honestly things were so good, he did everything to reassure me, would come home straight from work, even got a new job in a different area. I couldn't move on. I lived in a constant state of anxiety. I spent my whole maternity leave, scared he wasn't going to come home and it would all happen again. And one day it did happen. I had that light bulb moment and thought to myself,

what would I do if this was our daughter? And that confirmed to me I needed to show her the right thing to do. I told him to leave. Our daughter was nine months old and I became a single parent. Anyway, skip to now. He left in September 2025

and it's now December. And here's the dilemma. As he was always a good dad to her, I have been, I think, fair to him. He sees her a couple of days a week. We live close so don't do blocks. It's more like one weekend day. She's there and one,

weekday evening. She's never been away from me for more than one night. She's only just 10-1 so it doesn't feel right to me. But I have found out that since the split, he's back to his old ways, drinking a lot, using drugs, sleeping with prostitutes, and even caught him drunk driving,

not with her. I told him this cannot go on and cannot co-parent me with someone this irresponsible, but he claims it's none of my business what he does when he doesn't have her. I disagree completely. He owes me money, his parents money even his own friends

he's still living his lifestyle yet gets played dad of the year whilst he has her once away I don't know what to do I don't want to take her away from her dad completely but should I be allowing my daughter to be with someone who does these things when she's not around

I'm stuck and need to help on what's best to do he's unstable I'm so hungry I'm stuck I need help on what's best to do he's unstable and when I have told him previously I will stop him seeing her if he carries on using drugs he just threatens to kill himself he's clearly depressed and the substance abuse isn't helping that but although when he does have her he's good with her i can't get it out my head that he's not a stable parent please help do i need to rethink his access to her with all these issues thanks again your podcast has truly got me through there it's a bit of a tricky one because to a certain extent he is right when he says it's not up to you what i do when i don't have her that That sentence is true.

However, how are you to know if that's what he's doing without her, that he doesn't then do that when he has her? He's an addict. Yeah. So I don't know legally where you'd stand with that. I think if you've got concerns, I would speak to, where would you go, social services? I don't know.

I don't know the right, we actually need to probably find stuff like this out. But I would. If you know also that he has dropped, like driven over the limit, I think that regardless of you, you know, being worried that you don't want to take his access to way or this, that and the other,

like, it's a safe fee of your daughter. So I do definitely think that you need to get some, you need to get some legal advice. What? My stomach, why it's not wrong. You need to get some legal advice as to where you stand because, yes, it's all very well if he doesn't do those things

when he doesn't have her, but who's to say, where does the line get drawn as to when he, oh, it's just on one occasion I was still a bit drunk. Like it's not okay. I agree. That it needs to be looked into. Yeah.

And also like I don't need to be so hard on yourself that you stayed through whatever happened in your relationship. Like you got there in the end. I feel like we always say that like you need to wait until you are at a point where you're no longer willing to accept the behaviour. And you got there. Yes, it might have been further down the line after finding out a lot of things. but sometimes we need to wait until we get that light bulb moment or that strength inside us to realise actually although I was really scared to be on my own

now that fear of being on my own isn't as scary as being with this person and you got there in the end so I hope that you don't hold too much sort of like guilt or anything about you not doing what you feel like you should have done because there is no rule there is no right or wrong you have to do it when you're ready I think you have concerns over your daughter's safety when she's with him. I think you're absolutely right to raise them

and follow through and that because God forbid anything was to happen and you look back and think I should have followed my guard. I would just follow up and that. Whether he needs supervised visits, whether that takes place at his mother's home or something. Maybe it is being to child services initially. There must be some

kind of service out there who can guide you. Even chats illegally, Nick, I'm sure she could probably point you in the right direction. Yeah. Thank you. And please keep us updated. Right, guys. Product of the is the cosmetic console miracle skin transformations. I'm obsessed of there. Really? Can I say it?

So it comes like this. It's four treatments I've used to. You use them weekly, so you get one treatment. It is a, like a wipe, but it's really good for, like, exfoliating your skin, like, refreshing it. Honestly, so you do it at night, you do it in circles, like, all over your face, like, once you've cleansed. You don't put moisturiser on that night. you let the treatment work overnight and in the morning, you rinse your face, wash it off.

Honestly, like the glow it gives you. It's not a mask. It's not a mask. It's like a... So is it a wipe? You literally just wipe your face after you cleanse. And she says to do it on the back of your hand. So I'd heard about it. Like, I obviously listened to NipTuck.

She's spoken about it in there, seeing it on her stories. And so I put it on my Christmas list. And yeah, I will be using this. It's not cheap, but... How much is that? I think it's like 40-something pounds for a box of force. It's like 10 pound of treatment,

but it's a weekly thing. So I feel like it's really worth it. Like honestly, the difference it's made in my skin is stunning. I believe, I don't know if it's out yet or it is, but she also has... What do you mean about putting it on your hand? She just says on the back of your hands, it like keeps them looking young and stuff. Oh, you do it as well as on your face. Yeah, so you use it all over your face.

Like, use it as much you can all over your face. Like, honestly, it's... I love it. I'm really, really sold on it. So, yeah, cosmetic console. It's Ashley Stobart. She hosts Nipta. I might get it.

It's stunning. My skin at the moment is so bad. I don't know if it's just stress, but I'm breaking out fucking everywhere. Okay, sold, thanks. Should we do a confession of the week? Okay, confession of the week. My husband had an affair with the village bike.

I got her number and set her up on the Friday ad as a sex worker. She's been getting calls all night from men. I love that energy. Yeah, that's brilliant. Well, thank you guys. Affirmation. Do you want to do one or do you want me to do one for you? I don't know. Maybe you do one. Set me off again.

Okay. So for anyone who is in the thick of it, who is going through a heartbreak, who is navigating a breakup, I want you to know that you are stronger than you realize. You have the tools to be able to navigate anything. It's just you finding that strength to do it. Okay. I promise you from a year from now, you're going to look back and you are going to understand why this break. up how to happen. It's going to elevate your growth. It's going to change you as the person. And we're going to learn from it. And we're all going to be okay. Amen. Thank you. Thanks everyone. We will see you guys next week. See you next week. Bye.