Not As We Planned - My Husband’s Entire Life Was A Lie

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

A listener discovers that her husband’s entire life was a lie.After 14 years together, two children and what seemed like the perfect marriage, one tiny clue unravels everything.We also hear about a disastrous date involving a murder trial, review another Hinge profile, and help a listener decide whether to break no contact with the woman he can’t stop thinking about.Get tickets for our tour: https://www.aegpresents.co.uk/event/not-as-we-plannedWatch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel like I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hello and welcome back to Not as we planned. One day maybe we'll do harmony.

Would you go high or low? Like, have you heard my voice? Yeah, true. Ready? We're going to go not as we planned. Ready? Not as we planned. If anyone's listening to this in the car, they're probably like having an accident.

Sorry, guys. Well, me and Tasha just got back from Palmer. Literally, just living our best. Don't you feel like when you get back from things like this, you feel like you're living a complete double life. I just, like, it was just the nicest trip. Like, it was. We met the most amazing group of girls.

Like, you know, and you just, we were saying, like, not slating people, but sometimes you can go to these events or things with other influences, and you do get some people who can be quite stuck up. Or just like a bit standoffish, like, not really like very warm or welcoming or you can't, you can't really, you feel like the conversation almost used to be a bit forced. Yeah, and it's very surface level. very like polite, friendly, nice. But I think it's quite rare that you meet people who like feel like your soul sisters.

Yeah, it was really nice. You bond over trauma and. Stand on. Literally. It was just, it was so good. Like, I knew it was going to be fun. Like, it was very, obviously, let's not shy away from the fact we got invited on our first ever brand trip. Like it's very, very exciting.

But it was exactly what we needed. Yeah. It was just. No, and like you said, I think it is very nice when you, I think there's just, there's too many people out there that I feel like. Take life too seriously. Not even that. But I think also with social media, there's a lot of comparison. There's a lot of like bitchy, catty people, trolls.

And we are, I feel like what the podcast is all about. It is like women supporting women, just being able to support one another. And it's really nice, I think, when like strangers come together and you do. click and I feel like you can't fake or force that sort of thing. I feel like that's almost what we've got on Patreon, you know, and people, like, we've heard how you guys are like making WhatsApp groups and you're like meeting up before the tour. And it's just, I think it's just so nice when you've been through stuff that is similar and you bond through that.

And I wouldn't ever wish for anyone to go through what we've been through, whether it is divorce or really bad heartbreak or, you know, being triggered by something that's happened in a previous relationship. But it is, there's something really validating when you meet people that understand it, get it, and you like bond over that. And on that note, guys, tickets are still available. VIP London has already sold out. But there are tickets available still for London, Manchester, Edinburgh. Make sure you go and click the link on our bio on Instagram or TikTok or one of our personal pages on Instagram and get your tickets. Because November may seem like a long way away.

But guys, like, it's pretty much summer. November may seem like a long time, but it's not. And you don't want to be disappointed and miss your ticket. So go and get your ticket. Are you going to give us any more of an update on anything on life? Or is just our update, Miyaka. I don't have an update on life. Oh.

Okay. Should we go straight into our emails then? Let's do it. You asked for dating stories, so here we go. Oh, yes. I dated a dot dot dot dot dot. Oh, what did you date? I don't know.

A dot dot dot dot dot dot. Hi girls, religious listener here and advocate for your podcast. Yes. Single for two years come in this July after going through an affair and divorce. That's the story I can send him on another day. I found out my ex was having an affair in July 2024. And fast forward to November 2025, I got my divorce. stamped in court, the release.

Amazing. One day manifest. So there it was. I thought time to go dating. For fun or something serious, I wasn't sure, but I tried. Join Tinder and started getting matches. All for the wrong reasons, but a few first dates I went on. Then I matched with a guy who I knew from childhood,

and I knew all his stories, but I thought as we had grown up on my adults, maybe he would be mature now. Gosh. After matching and chatting for a day, we arranged to meet for coffee, in the town where I live that is a local complex with coffee shops, cinema and restaurants

about five minutes drive from my house. He was in town shopping. Great, I thought. So I texted him to meet me at the coffee shop. First red flag. He asked me to pick him up on the way as he had just finished

leg day and couldn't walk the 10 minutes it takes from the mall to the coffee shop. Oh. Oh, God. I'd be like, sorry, babe. I'm suddenly busy. Yeah. At the coffee shop.

all is going well, reminiscing on old times and catching up. The stories I've heard about him all matching up, but he is assuring me he has changed, gone sober now, etc. He buys me coffee and we sit down, we get chatting about work, and I tell him all about me. And now it's his turn. I don't have a job at the moment. I'm working on my TikTok profile.

I want to be an online fitness coach. I mean, fair, I don't know why I laughed, sorry. No. Low influence or anything. Anyway, the coffee is going down And he asked me to continue the date I don't know what came over me But I said yes

And he asked to come back to my house for dinner What? My reaction, no thanks, let's eat here Thinking I was going to get a meal out of this disaster Yeah, you're not coming to my house Make me dinner, like that. At the meal he orders a burger and fries And I opt for chicken Caesar and fries

He doesn't breathe when he eats He's like an animal Like he hasn't eaten in days He devours his burger And then sees my plate with salad left So he asks if he can finish it He practically licks the plate clean I'm pleasant and thank the waitress

And ask for the bill I'll go half I thought As he bought the coffee Ha no He walks out the restaurant And leaves me standing To pay the entire bill What the fuck

Right, girls, we are not accepting men not paying on a first date, always. But that is wild that, like, he actually got up and walked out the restaurant. Like, he didn't even... Offer. What? Like, you just ate your burger and half my salad, and then you just got up and left. Like... I would get up and be like, babe, we haven't paid yet.

I would... Like, I always find it really awkward on the first date, but I... I refuse to pay on the first, like not, I wouldn't ever be like, no, but like, I sometimes maybe look like I'm rummaging, but if you're not offering to pay it on my first day, you know what's really funny. So my boyfriend told me there were certain things in, like, like anyone, when you go on a first date, you have certain things where you're like, this is going to be a red flag for me, so you look out for these things.

And his thing was, like, always, like, if a girl didn't at least offer to pay. and I didn't. And we always joke about the fact that like, oh, babe, you ignored the red flag that you claimed was a red flag for you. And he was like, yeah, but like... I always like, yeah, I'd always offer. I forgot.

But if they're not paying for me, that is a red flag, to be honest. I agree. Like, if you're not paying for the first day, no. But I think he left. He got up and left you with the bill without saying anything.

That is... outrageous. Outrageous. Something my kids would do. Like, you can get up from the table now and they run off. Yeah. Actually, might quite like to use my phone to pay. And then they go, Mommy, I paid.

I'm like, it doesn't work that. I can't believe he got up. Okay, carry on. We leave the restaurant, and he is the audacity to say, thanks for a great meal, as he got the coffees and goes for a kiss. Oh, hell no. I move the way and say, no worries, and I smile, and ask if he needs a lift back to his car or train.

And he replies, I don't have a car at the minute. In fact, I don't have a license. I was called drink driving at Christmas. But it's okay. I wasn't on the road. I got drunk and took my pick up to a field and was doing donuts and got stuck,

and that's how I got called. Sorry, who have you gone on a date with? So I say fun. Like, what? He doesn't have a job. He doesn't have a car. He doesn't have a license. He doesn't have a license.

manners. He clearly has no idea. I think she knows. Anyway, get me out of here. But being the kind and delusional person I am, I offer him a ride. So off we go. And on the drive, it's really awkward. So I ask, what's your plans for this week? It's Sunday at this point, by the way, thinking it would be, oh, Jim and seeing friends, etc. No, his response. Um, well, I'm, I'm up in court this week. Oh, no. I write. I remember. replied, wondering if it's for the drink driving, and boy, was I wrong? So yeah, I'm giving evidence on a local girl who was murdered. The man who done it has framed me for the murder and has to give evidence against it. Sorry, there's a pig. Do you know what this is making me think of?

Sorry, I just full on snorting. Who the fuck is this man in my car? I have a man accused of murder in my passenger seat. I'm clenching my steering wheel when I drive and thankfully only three minutes away from his house. I put my foot down. He's talking away about how he didn't do it and how he was framed and how it couldn't have been him as he was sleeping. I'm listening but I'm not talking and inside my head I'm thinking I really don't need to know all of this. We pull up and he leans him for a kiss. Oh my gosh. Absolutely not. I turn and say okay thanks for a nice evening. Bye. And out he gets. I block him on everything, and I'm glued to the court cases that week. His evidence is disgusting.

The way he has treated women is diabolical. Not only is he up for murder, but he also has a new conviction of sexual assault and domestic assault with his ex-girlfriend and baby mama, which he's out on probation for. And his other ex-partner and other daughter have nothing to do with him anymore. Lucky escape, I think so. But best of all, in his court case,

he mentions me. Oh, but what? He says how he's on the straight and narrow and he's dating me and how he's turning his life around. We went on one date. I laugh about it now, but oh dear Lord, at the time I was in shock and safe to say I don't go on many dates anymore. He often comes up on the dating apps

and I'm so worried someone is going to match with him and not know his past. We need to know who he is. Not really sure where this has left me, but I think I'll put dating on the back burner for now. Thanks for all the love and support ladies. You are rock stars and superheroes. me. Hold on. Can we reply and ask her for a screenshot of his dating profile? Maybe we can

like put it on Patreon to be like, guys, unless you're into murderers, don't date him. Oh my God, that's absolutely crazy. Okay, guys. So the other week, we had someone send in their hinge profile and we looked at it and we gave some feedback. I want an updated. Yeah. picture. So we've got another one in. So make sure you send your profiles in, guys. Are we ready? So, hi ladies. I was listening to the latest episode and heard you wanted to see hinge profiles. I'm relatively new on hinge and the dating scene. Having just finished with my recent partner six months ago, we were engaged, had our own house and we were supposed to marry this month. He cheated on me and I found out a few months ago. He's now living with the girl he cheated with. Loll. As you can

imagine I was heartbroken but thought it was time to get back out there and meet new people. I haven't been getting a lot of likes and I'm not someone who reaches out first. I just don't want to chase a man ever again so I want him to make the first move. Any advice and tips would be amazing. Love the pod, been a Patreon subscriber for the last few months and you both honestly get me through the week. Thank you for everything you do. Okay, so let's look at her profile. So her first picture is like full body on her own. You're in a really nice hour. And I think you look really, really nice. I'm loving your first picture.

And then it says this year I really want to learn to play paddle. I feel like that would probably get like a few people. A lot of people are into pedal. Yeah. Yeah, cute. So I'm liking that one. Okay, then you've got your age woman straight. University.

Yeah. Long-term relationship. Open to short. I mean, look, I guess if that's what you're looking for, that's cool. I personally wouldn't share that. but I think you might just attract the wrong people. But I guess if that's what you want, then that's cool. Again, next photo, I really like it.

Full body, really nice outfit. Again, yeah. And then next, like I think that's quite cute, like a funny. It's like a close-up, natural laughing. Popper smiling. My simple pleasures, slow mornings, coffee, walks and lots of laughing. I would maybe change the. that. I feel like that is your typical

like Sunday roast. I hate when I see the boring ones. Yeah. I think we can maybe change that prompt a bit. Maybe something that shows a bit of humour. Or just a bit different. For me, it's always the prompts that are going to engage conversation. On Hinge, I feel like, I think it also depends what app you're on because on Hinge, I'm like you. Like, I don't actually go, I never went through Hinge and liked people.

I'd wait for someone to like me. I don't think that's the right attitude to have personally. I just don't like the app. I liked my boyfriend first. Okay, well, how I do things, one prompt that always got me loads of, you know, people can, like, respond to a thing, was I bet you can't guess my coffee order.

Something really simple, but always, like, a really easy way to initiate conversation. And like some of them would be like, are you a basic bitch, you like, just like, it's very, very easy to get a conversation going basically. So that one definitely helped me. I just think personally, like, why do you have to wait for someone to like you? She don't like the app compared to the other apps.

I can't swipe. Oh, but, like, that's the whole point of a dating app. Yeah, I'm just not maybe in that era. Yeah. Personally, I would change that attitude of, like, don't get me wrong, if you've matched and you'd like him to message first. Absolutely. I'm so for that.

But to not like someone, I like my boyfriend first. My profile didn't come up for him. He saw it because I liked him. So I think that we need to maybe change that view a bit and be a bit more open-minded. Like, they may not see your profile. I end up cancelling so many that then it says I've run out of people. Then you, yeah, but then you need to change your filter.

I don't want to. But then that's fine. Then you wait until there's more people. But I think to not like people first, I just think like not the right attitude to have personally. Next picture. Yeah, really, really like it. You look really nice.

I would actually personally, zoom it and crop the girl. No, I think... No, I wouldn't. I think it's good to show you've got friends. I agree, but that looks like her photo because she is at the forefront. You were in the background.

I thought that was her. Nope, that's her. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah? Like, that looks at her photo. I should say it from her. Look, can you see? That's her.

Oh, yeah. And she looks so nice. I feel like, oh, I would say what you mean. I would crop it just to be you. Show that there's someone in it, but don't show her. Because that's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you put, I fall for you if the triple M muscles, moustache and mullet. I think that's quite funny.

I love that. Yeah, I like that as well. And then the other photos, I really like as well. You've got one that's a selfie with makeup and then you've got another selfie with no makeup. I think your photos are really, really good. I would actually personally, the selfie with, the makeup, I would put as number two instead of the two first ones. You had full length in like very like dressy, long dresses.

That one's a bit more like everyday vibes. I would maybe if you wanted to add something else in. I would maybe put like a picture of you somewhere. Like I don't know, so on a holiday so it looks like you go out and like. But the thing is, look, the first three photos you were holding a drink. Yeah. I would do something cool like saying it. I don't know whether it's in a city

or I just think there's something that makes you look a bit more like I want to say cultured but do you know what I mean like you go out and do stuff you see cool places you go like I mean if travel's like a thing for you just that kind of vibe you must have a picture from like a trip or something

but I think it's a pretty good profile to be honest so do I I would maybe just change that second prompt and I would move the selfie up more just I'd maybe break up the first is holding the alcohol. That is the only thing I would say.

And this is me, like, really trying to cling on to something to help you change something. But I would also start liking profiles. I don't think that we need to be that set on a man needing to do the liking first. And maybe try a couple of other apps as well. Yeah. Also, on that note, it's obviously very clear, even just from, like, mine and Carly's opinion,

everyone is going to do the dating apps differently. Everyone's going to post different things. there is no right or wrong. I think it's just sometimes having like a different perspective. If something isn't working for you, just change it up a bit. It doesn't have to be like drastic. Like Carly saying, a different app, like me saying, like first, maybe removing alcohol in a lot of the photo, doing something active. For me, it is all about the prompts that will engage a conversation that is different to the,

hi you're okay how's your week that I think is should be the aim is giving a prompt that can start a conversation okay what's next he wasn't viewing houses he was viewing their vaginas

okay I'm sure that wasn't on the job description big and spacious small and cozy I'm hoping small and cozy hey girls I'm writing in because I've watched and listened to your podcast

since the very beginning and I never in a million years thought I'd be the one writing him. But here we are. Sorry in advance, this will be a long one, if not the longest one yet. I've been with my partner for 14 years, and we had been married for nine of those. We have two beautiful children together who are my world. My husband and I never had any problems.

He was what I believe to be the man of my dreams. He'd show up emotionally when I needed him to. Our sex life was off the scale. He helped out around the house on a daily basis, and he was an excellent dad. He looked after us and took me out on regular date nights to keep the magic alive between us, despite having children. He would do all the small gestures,

like hold the car door open, which when I was younger, I used to always think was cringy, and I thought the girl was just being lazy whenever I saw it happen. He'd offered to carry the bags when shopping, although I never took him up on that, because if I bought it, I'd carry it, and that's just a rule I implemented. Regular flowers, etc., and he just made the effort through and through.

Sorry, you've literally just described my boyfriend. I truly thought I'd won the lottery. You name it, he did it for me. When he first got together, he told me he worked as an estate agent and that he'd always been into property, as it's what his father did. I believed him, as before we were together, he lived in a beautiful house on his own and he owned two properties that he rented out in a local town. Once we'd been together a couple of years, we moved into our own home

and began to make our way up the property ladder. We moved around quite a lot and have lived in lots of running. renovation mess and slowly worked up the ladder and we now live in a beautiful house that has the best views in the countryside. It's honestly a dream and I never thought I'd be in it. I have my own money and that's also partly how we could live the way we used to. We brought both our children up in our current house and it's where we have really become a family and it's all I've ever wanted. Now to the story. I'd never suspected anything with my husband and we had our life 360 locations on for each other as well as for our children as they're 11 and 13 and start to the story. I'd never suspected anything

starting to gain some independence when out with their friends. We had a family group set up on it, and I never felt the need to check it for my husband's location, only our sons. And in the past few weeks, however, my husband has been having to work late again and tells me it has been super manic at work, and that now it's coming to the lighter nights, it means they can do later viewings and they are booked up.

I mean, that does make sense. I believe this, as I don't know how the estate agent world works, and I just took his word for it as after all I had no reason not to trust him. He used to do this at this time of year and throughout the summer months every year and so I just believed him. It wasn't out of the norm and it's what I was used to. The kids weren't young anymore and confined for themselves, so I wasn't desperate to have my husband home in the evenings

as that's when I would catch up in the mundane jobs like the house cleaning and do the jobs I didn't usually have time for. Also, I thought. A few weeks ago, he went out for some viewings and worked late until around 9pm for all. a full week and I just had a little niggle. I'd never had any concerns before and our relationship was idyllic. I began to check his locations and notice he was at multiple different houses

and so assumed he was in fact doing veerings. It put my mind at ease knowing he was doing what he told me he was so I was fine. Until one night a few weeks ago he came home and we had our usual hug and as I went in I pulled the collar of his shirt slightly away from his neck and this was when I noticed a small bruise on his neck. I asked him what it was, and as I pulled away from the hug, he turned as white as a sheet,

and he got all his words in a muddle and was stuttering. I knew there and then that this was bad news. He'd never done that in the entire time I'd known him. Now he could have lied, or he could have told me he didn't know how it got there, or even that he didn't know it was there. He could have told me anything, and I'd probably have believed him

because I never had any reason to not trust him. but he told me we need to talk and I knew fuck my mind my whole boy I can't tell you like can you see the hair

that actually makes fun well like he told me we need to talk and I knew my mind was racing and I will never forget the feeling in my stomach when I heard that

the boys are fast asleep in bed and my partner told me that he had in fact wait for it never been an estate agent yes you did hear that right. We had just sat on the sofa, ready for him to explain. And just like that, the drop of the hat, those words did in fact leave his mouth. That was his opening line. So he had never been one.

He worked from home some days and would go out in the evenings and some points throughout the day for what he told me were viewings. And in the summer months, they were more regular. But it turns out he in fact works for an insurance company and hence the daily office attire and the working from home. So after lots of tears and lots of shouting, the truth goes like this. What? He was cheating on me for our entire relationship. That's right, the whole 14 years. He said from the minute we made our first purchase on our house that he couldn't cope and he needed a thrill and the idea of settling down and falling into the daily, same thing, everyday trap scared him. He'd never been with a long-term partner before and he didn't know what to

He told me that he'd enjoyed buying and renovating properties on his own and kept busy that way and just had a few flings on the side. He told me that when he was going out for the viewings, he was often going to other women's houses. 14 years he kept up this life or 14 years, five houses, two children and he kept it up. He never let anything slip. I never suspected anything. He never acted shady, nothing. Even when I thought about it, apart from going out to the viewings, that was the only thing I'd be able to call Shady.

He had well and truly lived a double life and he'd done it bloody well. I grabbed my things, I went to my parents' house and I rang his parents on the way. They couldn't believe it and have practically disowned him. They still want to see our children too and they come and take them out for the day from my house, but they have barely anything to do with him anymore. I'm not sure I'm proud of that. As he has done an awful thing, but I feel like I've ripped away his entire life from him, yet he's ripped my entire life apart so why do I feel guilty?

I'm now in the process of starting at the bottom of the property ladder again and rebuilding life for me and my two boys. They don't know the extent of what has gone on, but in time I'm sure they will. I'm a strong person and I have excellent support around me. I think I'm still in shock at how blindsided I was and also how willing this man was to cheat. Multiple houses a day, multiple women a day.

But like, how is he finding? I don't understand. I don't know. All the planning, the petrol, the dedication, the lies, the risk all for a shag of 50-year-old Sheila. I did some digging and went through all of the Life 360 locations from the past year to try and add up and work things out. He'd be going to some of the same houses, but lots of them were one-time addresses. I asked him how he'd found all of these women, and he said it was on a site on Porn Hub where it advertises local women. safe to say I feel absolutely vile.

I don't know who he's been sleeping with and then coming back to me and having sex with me or without me knowing. How I haven't got an STI yet, I still do not know or how he hasn't got one. I counted all the different addresses throughout last year and there were 178 different addresses that he's been to. Some of the houses he has visited multiple times

and this is only the past year, let alone the other 13 years. I ain't it's one of the worst things we've ever heard, no? I was with him. I was with him for. At the moment, I am coping okay. Me and my boys are found our new routine and they are old enough to communicate with their dad themselves,

so luckily I don't need to. It broke me for the first week, and ever since then, I've been living in fight or flight. I know it will wear off and it will hit me, but at the moment I'm staying strong for the boys and we're in the midst of moving house again. And so I'm kept busy. I just can't help but wonder that if I'd never seen that on his neck,

how long would he have kept this up for? Would he have eventually told me himself? My mind wonders and I ask questions all the time to myself, but I have to keep myself busy. I haven't got small children anymore to keep my mind busy and doing fun activities with and often my boys come home from school and then they're gone again because they're going out with their mates to the park.

There's a lot of silence now, and I'm navigating it slowly, surely and in time I know I will heal. I'm looking at the positives and working on myself and looking forward to our first holiday of just me and my precious boys. The ending to the story is that after all, he wasn't viewing their houses,

he was just viewing their vaginas. So what I've taken from that is I'm going to stay single for the rest of my fucking life. And what I've taken from that is I'm going to break up my boyfriend. What the fuck? No, my God. Sorry, guys.

If anyone does feel triggered by that, Can we just normalise that? It is really difficult like hearing that someone literally felt like they were living like the most perfect life and it was all fake. I think I might need to go to therapy tonight. I don't know what I need is right now.

I've got to be honest. Fuck. I'm now screwed for the rest of the week. I don't know who's going to be worse. after that email me or my boyfriend. Poor man. What company did he say he worked for? That's my...

The thing is you just don't challenge shit like that when that's all you've known as someone. I know, but I wonder who he worked for. Like... I mean, this man is a fucking amazing actor. Maybe he should, like, actually be in the film industry. It blows my... Look, I don't think there's anything either of us

can say other than offer you our condolences, but that seems actually quite pathetic. What you've been through is significant and I can't imagine how it must feel to feel like your entire relationship was a lie and I think I was listening to the episode that came out today in the car and we were talking about how it's really easy

to like play over things in your head and go back to the past and like think about things differently and think oh God like he was doing this, he was doing this and I think that's completely normal and I think where you're at, you're so early on. Like, I think right now you do need to just feel all the emotions and sit in it and feel fucking angry,

feel devastated. This man has ruined what your life was, but it's not going to dictate the rest of it because I think you've got the right attitude at the end. I think you're very aware you are in this fight or flight mode at the moment. That shocked part where you're just surviving, You're just kind of living on adrenaline going from day to day. And it will hit you.

And I really do hope you seek some help. It sounds like you've got a great support system around you. Definitely lean on them. Use that. It's not going to be linear. It's not going to be like all up. Like there are going to be some challenges. But please know you are so much better off without this man in your life.

Like I don't actually have the words. It makes me feel physically on what. He sounds like he must be some kind of sex addict. Sorry. Have you ever seen me? quiet. I don't even really know what to say. Tashwitz text her boyfriend now. Literally, we're going to break up. No, I'm joking.

To find out that your partner of 14 years wasn't even working in the industry that he claimed to be, also to his family, to, I'm, I've got to be on, like the beginning of that email would be what I would write about my boyfriend. So it's just so, it's sometimes really hard to listen to something like that where, you know, Carly and I hear a lot of stuff, and it don't go me wrong,

like, it can trigger you, it can make you doubt things, but that has done something to me that is concerned. So on that note, I'm now going to leave, and Carly's going to do the rest of the episode on her own, and I'll see you next week.

Single jokes. Anyway, another email. This is from a man, He actually messaged me. I've, do you know what? I've been getting so many men reaching out to me since I shared that me and my boyfriend got back together with getting, trying to find out advice as to why I let him back, which is interesting.

Like I'm getting that men being like, like, what did he do? How can I do that? So I just literally just replied saying email the podcast. So here's an email. Hey, I saw your video of the letter that your boyfriend sent in. I've been making a scrapbook and wrote letters to her. It's been a year. I love her with my life. She makes me want to be the best man. I met her in med school, but no, she'd been around, and so I was a bit careful. She bought me her grandma's samosa, which is a Pakistani food, to celebrate a religious holiday. As I was studying abroad in the UK, I had no family to celebrate it with, and I thought it was really sweet of her. When I met her, I just knew. It was hard to see the past. the fact that she'd been with all these other guys at uni that I know. I don't like to waste time or be intimate with people unless I would date them

and only date to marry. She came in saying that she only wanted friends with benefits. I also found that hard to overcome. She had a few red flags, but I just knew I can't explain it. She was also a few years younger than me, seven years different, and I felt like I had more life experience and was afraid to unconsciously make her be someone that she wasn't. So that made me not take charge and lead her.

letting her do what she felt was right for her without speaking up about what I wanted, which was a future with her. We both knew, but major avoidant. I feel responsible as a man and extremely cowardice. As I'm from Australia, she was from England. That was the problem. While we were together, she kept her options open

and said that she wanted to keep UK options open, but I never once thought of opening up the doors to find someone in Australia, but never communicated it with all. assurance. I was really submissive and not confident to lead her and that's fine. It rubbed off as uncertainty to her but the problem was that we didn't communicate. Eventually the back and forth ended and she walked away. It's been a while but I know that she still feels it. I'm not sure if I should break the no contact yet. I'm not sure if it's been enough time apart. I still have

some work to do but gosh seeing your video and comments made me think that I should just go for it. I know that she'd love it. I don't want to. her to be so emotionally overwhelmed though especially she's moved on and found someone else our love is so beautiful and i'm afraid it would be too much for her sending all of this to her i'd really appreciate your insights god bless i've got to be honest it doesn't sound like she wants what you want and i don't know if this is going to be quite hard for you to hear but she was honest from you from the get-go that she's got a part that you're not that comfortable with she didn't want anything serious she wanted friends with benefits and you didn't communicate actually what you wanted, I think that you have

sadly taken this relationship incorrectly in your head. I think that you think that this woman's like the love of your life. Are they actually together? To be honest, from what it sounds like, they were just friends with benefits. The fact that you've been apart for one year, I wouldn't be surprised if she's completely with someone else. I think that you are wasting all your time and energy besotted with a woman that doesn't want to be with you. I think that you need to not break no contact and wake up a bit. Although saying that, if you've done a year of no contact,

you're still pining after her, what have you got to lose by sending her a letter? Like, at the end of day, it doesn't sound like you're over her. Yeah, that I understand. Like, I feel like if he was doing really well and he's like doing so well without her, but he's not, it's a year. It makes me sad because I feel like you've obviously been so fixated on this person rather than coming away and doing the work.

Doing the work of yourself and realizing like you're deserving of someone who wants the same things as you, you're deserving of having your needs met. It sounds like you've been channeling your energy into and romanticising this person into something they're probably not. So I'm just putting myself in that situation. If I have done that and I was still in love with someone after a year, I'd be like, show what, send a letter. and if it's a no or I get nothing back,

I need to read into that and be like, do you know what, it's time now? It's dead and buried. I need to move on and finally realise. That's it. I tried. It is what it is. Yeah.

Keep us updated. Do that. But what I don't want you to do is if she reaches out and it turns out that she still just like wants to be friends with benefits, that's where you need to draw the line and realize that this is what you want from the relationship. And if she doesn't have the same vision as you, then you need to walk her way.

and go for something else. Okay, product of the week, guys. So, I thought I would just show you some sunglasses that I've got because I get so many messages about my sunglasses, and we don't always have to go expensive. First of all, these ones aren't actually even really sunglasses. I wear them indoors. These are from H&M, and they're 12 pound,

and I think they're really cool. Everyone loves them. But I then went to Primark. I got three pairs of sunglasses for 10 pounds. I got a few sunglasses from there the other day. Yeah, I just think, like, sometimes we can just keep it. cheap and cheerful. Also, if you're going away, like, I'm going to

Ibiza, I'm going away with kids. Like, I don't want my nice sunglasses to get broken. I agree. These are £2.50 from Primark. These were £3. From Primark. The stickers are... I know.

I haven't taken the sticker off yet because I haven't worn them. Obviously, I'm not... But guys, they are UV protection. Wow. So, you know, check them out. I love all these ones with, like, the yellow frame that you can sort of wear, like, inside.

So, high street. sunglasses all the way forward because I actually sadly lost my black Gucci sunglasses which I'm still not over. I don't run yet. No I lost that they are gone. Oh okay. They are they are gone. R-I-P.

See you later. Okay. Confession of the week. When I found out my ex had been sexually messaging other women, his car was parked outside my house at the time. I went and wrote C-U-N-T in massive letters and permanent mark above his rear number plate. I've seen the car fairly recently and laughed to myself that it's still there.

Just a big fat, gut, driving around. I'm so here for that. Love that for you. That must feel so good. Affirmation of the week. The train station theory. Life is like a train station. People come and go.

Some stay for a few stops. Some ride with you for miles. Some leave before you're ready to say goodbye. But every person teaches you something, even if they're not meant to stay. forever. The key is knowing when to hold on and when to let them catch their next train because not everyone is on the same journey and that is okay. Word. Yeah, love that. Thank you so much guys. We hope you enjoyed the episode. Get your emails in. Get your dating profiles in. Get your confessions in. Get your tickets. Get your tickets for the tour. Go and join Patreon. We'll see you next

late. We love you. Bye.