Not As We Planned - Omg That’s NEW Information…I’m Terrified!!

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

You share the sluttiest things you’ve ever done, we give feedback on the first Hinge profile you’ve sent in, the separation after 20 years and the long-term emotional affair found out on Snapchat!Watch the podcast on YouTubeGet a weekly BONUS episode on Patreon:Join Our CommunityInstagramTikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to not as we planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high-am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Guys, we are so excited to let you know that tickets for the tour are now live. Like you can literally go and purchase your ticket, London, Manchester or Edinburgh. However, it is only currently a lot. available for Patreon members. So if you want that priority, and there are only a small selection of VIP tickets, head over to the link in this episode, join Patreon, or you'll also see the link on our stories on Instagram.

However, General Sale is going live tomorrow, guys, at 10am. So tickets will be available to you. Do not miss out. You're going to want to come and see this. We cannot wait to see you. Cannot wait. And we'll see you soon. Love it.

Hi, guys. Hello. Welcome back to another sexy episode of Not As We I am planned. We hope you're well. We hope you're... Guys, I just want to do a plea, not a plea, but I was like just perusing on Apple Podcasts.

What's perusing, me? Looking. We haven't had a review in a while. So please take like 30 seconds, go and say how amazing we are. Yeah, only the positive. Yeah. If you're annoyed,

us and don't bother but it'd be fantastic if you go leave us for review it does really help us and also we want some more funny emails obviously we're here to help you guys but in distress but sometimes we need a bit of the giggle if you like are in the dating era right now

come on there's no way you've not got a funny no even if you're happily married but you've got an old dating story that would give us you know a bit of banter your friends are dating and they tell you or updates you've emailed in we read your email a year ago and you've got some, you know, new info.

Yeah, we want to... We want to know. We are invested. We are not just giving our... I've got here you guys. I have done it in a while. No, you haven't. Oh no, you're going to wrap?

No. Okay. Really? Don't tell me. Okay. Oh, wait, no, are we? We're going to Paris next week. No, we're not.

We're going to Paris this week. We're going to Paris this week. We're going to drink. ain't done asleep. You're so good. Carry on. Oh. I'm going to open my bubble app.

See where are all the Frenchmen at. I'm scared. I'm joking, by the way. She's not. Pierre. Call me. Pierre. Oh, my cherie.

What's that mean? My love. Oh, really? Who knew I could speak French? We. We. We, we, we. How are you the same?

We, you? Bon. Is that good? Yeah. I thought bomb was a sweet. Tro bon. That's a bomb bomb bomb. Oh, bomb bomb bomb.

A good, good, good. Ah, good, sweet. I'm all good, good, good, yeah? Yeah, fantastic. If anyone's watching this and wondering why we have absolutely no skin showing whatsoever. We don't have been straight jacket. Maybe we should be in straight jackets. I should be.

We haven't tanned because we're holding out for parrots. We have to tern tonight. Because we're going to Paris Saturday morning. Yeah, oh shit, we need to cover ourselves because we appeal. Everything I wanted to wear. Also, it's like definitely too hot to be wearing into back. Yeah, I know. But there's air cream, so we're good.

We are going with it. So I put a little box on my Instagram because we thought we'd start off with, you know, having a bit of banter. And I put... Bantamate. Tell us the sluttiest thing that you have ever done. Guys, we're not judging.

Carly, what is the slottiest thing you have ever done? I'm not telling you. I think I know. I can think I've won already. Can you? Should I say it? We can bleep it out. Because my mum listens.

Hey, hon. Okay. Are we ready? We're ready. Sucked a guy off in the words on our first date and another guy in a different words on our second date. Oh, okay. I like that's words.

I can see it, Forrest. Please don't judge me. I'm a respectable mother and primary teacher. Oh my God, lovely. Well, have been for 17 years. This is way back in the day. Total cringe. In 2007, we were out in a local club

that we went to every weekend and I was drunk off quad vods and orange, the kind that instantly makes you shit yourself. I was getting off with this lad I knew, six foot four, looked like Justin Timberlake, fit. And five foot two for reference. And I just whipped it. his dick out and started giving him a beat.

Started giving him a blowdrop at the side of the dance floor as he sat on a stool for everyone to see. Like it was fucking normal. Fair to say by this point, I was knee deep, literally, in my massive slut era. No regrets, girls. Peace. In a club? Did you get escorted out? I don't think I've ever seen someone do that in a club.

I know a friend of mine did that. I've seen people having sex like in a pool, like in Vegas and stuff. Really? Yeah, like that pool parties. I've never seen anyone have sex. I have. Actually, that's a lie. I have.

I have. I was on a girl's holiday. We were 17 and my friend was literally, we had this massive apartment. She was literally having sex on the sofa and I was like, I am in the room, but, you know. As you were. You do you, hon. You do you.

Okay, what else do we have? Met a younger man in a hotel purely for sex. You do you, babe. Yeah. At least you know what you're going for. for you have no expectations. Slept with a guy from work in a random grass area in the middle of a square of loads of houses.

Wow. Do you imagine just like looking out your window at home being like, oh look at that couple over there having sex. No. Cute. Poor kids. My ex gave me oral sex in an aquas sauna steam room. That's very risky and it's also probably very slippery.

I was thinking it's very unhygienic. I wouldn't feel bad for the people who went in there afterwards. But like in a scene room, like, don't you feel like it was just like slippery? Yeah. Yeah, very slippery. Just all over the place. I was 16 at the time and I made it my night's mission to kiss as many boys as I possibly could on my night out. I got to 23.

I was quite impressed. Yeah, I definitely did that. Oceania Wednesdays in Leeds, anyone there. Holla, probably kissed you. Oh my God, I was in Oceana in Watford. Yeah, that's quite different. Yeah, it's quite a different vibe. I mean, me and my throwing used to have like a pulling competition

so who could pull the most men. Standard, who are? Actually, gross, probably me because I'm so fine. Literally, when I actually think about it. It makes me unwell. Yeah, like you don't know. Also, I wonder what calibre was that I was kissing. I don't know if I cared.

I can't remember. Grim. Yeah, that is so grim. But at the same time, I love that I had like a fun childhood. It's fine. This one's actually quite, makes me feel a bit unwell. Don't know if we're getting a bit too graphic here, guys, okay? But we don't judge.

Okay. I wasn't actually the one that did the slutty thing. It was a best friend of mine who I can honestly say was never a really good friend and is no longer my friend. I was getting with this guy. He gave me oral sex and then I only found out a few months later that after I had gone to bed, he went downstairs and got with my so-called best friend.

Karma, she pretty much kissed my vagina. Oh, that's great. That is fucking rank, but kind of funny at the same time. Okay, accidentally sent a very, very, very revealing message to a group chat instead of one person and had to just disappear. That reminds you. Yeah, that. I sent that voice note to the school one. I don't think I'm ever going to lid that down.

That gets brought up from time. Does it? Yeah. Turns up to an event with one person and left with someone completely different who knew them. To be fair. I actually did something not quite dissimilar to that. Yeah. Ho!

Mm. Um, when on a night out, there was a massive group of us. I disappeared with this really hot policeman outside. Everyone was looking for me for the rest of the night. They came outside and found my underwear on the floor next to this guy's car and we were in the forest behind it. Oh. Maybe not crazy, but I went away with my boyfriend, At the time, we were on a beach and there were quite a lot of other people, but we ended up having sex.

And just knowing they were all able to see gave us a real big thrill. That is a thing, isn't it? People like get, like, aroused by potentially getting caught. Can't relate. No. When I was younger, my boyfriend and I were very on and off. He was a complete red flag, but at the time I didn't know what a red flag was. He broke up with me one random Monday.

So on the Tuesday, I decided to fuck his best mate. Fair. I've never done that. Love that for you, babe. His best mate's a bit shit, but works for you. Could not do that. So a few weeks ago, Tash mentioned she wanted you guys to send some in. I said, to be honest, think this might be the only one we got up.

But we're going to have a look at it. It's called Hinge Profile, New Zealand. I wonder if Hinge is the same. Hey, I have my profile from Hinge for you to chat about on your podcast. But, for context, I live in a small town in New Zealand, and everyone knows everyone. And so using a dating, that means I have. have to try and make a date with someone a few hours away.

Either way, I think it would be fun for some feedback because I think my situation is very similar to yours. Plus my standard is very high for me to message someone, which is because of your podcast. Yes, we're raising queens. Also, I do want to message my story but can't generate the courage. However, every time you share how you are each week, I relate so strongly and thank you for doing what you do because you make me feel so normal and valid with my feelings and reactions. Context photos.

Can you send your story in, please? Some of them are pre-baby because who has thirst traps when you've got a child. We need to get some thirst traps. We're getting thirst traps this weekend. Yeah, get them. Go out. Like, get all do you? Yeah, like, literally be like, do you know what?

I want some new pictures for my hinge profile. I'm going to put my makeup on. I'm going to do my hair. I'm going to wear my little dress that gives me a bit of a cleavage. It makes me look fucking hot. And I'm going to go take some thirsty photos. Okay. Okay, so I don't know what one.

Okay, my biggest feedback is if that's your first photo, we don't know what one you are. So I think your first photo should always be a clear headshot. Know who you are the minute they start. Yeah, I would never ever start with my first photo with me with someone else. No, same. You want to know who you are straight away. Yeah. Yeah.

This year, I really want to read a book a month. So far I'm on track for January. I also have started to landscape my garden, which is massive and a lot of work. I really want to get more camping done, especially going to new spots around the Coramando. Gondal. Guessing that's somewhere in New Zealand. Can I be honest?

I'm bored. Sorry to be a bitch, but I feel like you need it. Flirty. We want flirty. It's not even about flirty. Like you literally lost me the minute you mentioned a book. I'm not saying that it's bad that you read.

I read. No man is going to read that whole thing. It's far too long and there is just, you're not giving your pay. personality away at all in that blur. So I want us to, let's carry on seeing all the other prompts. Then you can go through some. Yeah.

I think she's got a nice picture of herself. Yeah, that's nice. That's cute, little selfie. I like the one with you with the surfboard. So do you like. You're into stuff. Like you're active. Yeah.

Like that. Cute. You've got one with your friend. I actually really like that. Let me say. Yeah, I like that as well. I show she's got friends. Yeah.

You've got men. You've got people who like you. I'm looking for someone funny. smart and is keen to see gigs go camping and get up to lots of mini adventures out on the ocean. I think that's fine. I think that's fine. So do I. Same.

Blah, blah, blah. All her details are fine. That's cute. Another picture of with your friends. I quite like that. And then I like that photo. I think that might, oh no, that's not her first photo. Let's make sure what on the same page about, everyone knows a Sid the Slough look alike. I bet you can picture someone.

I quite like that. I think that's quite funny. Yeah. and I like that photo. Although that's quite triggering for me because once I was bullied and told I looked like Sid the Sloth. I don't know what he looks like. He's from what I say.

She's got big sticky up teeth. I really like him. So do what? He's a good person. Can I just check her other selfie? Was she wearing sunglasses? Yes, good point. She's in sunglasses with every selfie.

I want to change your photos. I think you need some updated photos. Let's have a look at some other. And I would like a different prompt for your first one. I always personally like the two truths and one lie. I feel like you can get some humour in there. It starts up a conversation.

I've got a couple of prompts that I like. So I've just got unusual skills. And then I've got that I can wrap the whole of Gangsus Paradise perfectly. That one always gets a lot of traction. I've also got a video of me doing my miming thing. And also this one, an award my family would give me. so I put the most competitive human in the world. But it's just something little.

It doesn't need to all be serious. Yeah, I think our first one is far too long. Serious? Yeah. Yeah. Be, like, have fun with it. Be a bit of a flirt. Like, be a bit mysterious.

Be a bit like, yeah. Yeah. And I want some updated photos. Send us your new profile. Yeah, updated photos without the sunglasses. I think that you should go and take some photos of yourself. Do you know why I think they also need to be current? Because I hate it when I go on a dating app, match with a guy,

and then like we end up getting on to like exchanging Instagrams. And then I see like, you look on their Instagram feeding. You see like the picture was from like 2019. And it's really disheartening. So I'm like, oh, what do they look like now? So I always think like pictures should be from the last year, if not last six months. I agree. Personally.

I agree. All mine are really recent. Update it. let us know the feedback and if you're listening to this and you'd like some brutal honesty and you want to sing yours over after hearing Tash Slate that then sing, you know what? We've done her a favour.

You're going to get loads of dates now because you're pretty and I'm sure that you've got a good personality so show it. It is hard to do dating apps. It's all hit and miss and as well we do want to be laying the thirst traps down. There's a really good woman I follow on Instagram or something and it's about

making your hinge profile better and it is all about that first track photo as that first photo. Just saying, men are simple creatures. They really are, aren't they? Yeah, you've got to get them in. Yeah, that's why I don't think you actually should be doing the long paragraph. You've lost them immediately.

Keep it short and sweet. Like me. Right. Not so much the sweet bit, the short bit, yeah. Let's get in some emails. Ready? 20 years and poof, gone. Magic. Abercadabra. Hi, Tash and Carly.

I'm so happy to have found you both. I wanted to share my story as I start on a new path and new beginning and thank you for the advice, the parallels and the comfort in your podcast and sharing your experiences on social media. Me and Dave met at 13 and having been friends for a while, got together when we were 20. Having grown up with him, he felt safe and secure. It wasn't all smooth sailing as he liked to go out drinking a lot, and there were lots of coming home at 3am with no communication. We had bought a flat age 24 and we were finding our feet in our careers.

I initiated a breakup at 27, having found out that he was doing drugs, which wasn't really a vibe, and I had started to feel like maybe we weren't meant to be. We were apart for 10 months. I did some exploring in that time with other people but missed him and felt like I wouldn't meet anyone like him and that I was already getting old. Was feeling the pressure with friends, getting engaged, etc. So we got back together and in 2015 we got married. I should mention that when I was 26, I was in my dream job as a fashion buyer and met someone at work who had gotten really well with, but we were both in relationships and he was so different from him.

But I did start to think about him and if there was something more there. Dave and I had just got back together and I was on a work trip in Milan with this said colleague. He was actually my boss and he knocked on my hotel room after dinner once we had said goodnight asking for toothpaste. He came in and we had a little roll around what an earth was going on. I left that job shortly after, but we remained friends. We actually got engaged on the same day to our respective partners. I found out he called off his wedding, which was a huge shock, and bizarrely invited him to my wedding last minute.

What was I thinking? It's giving a bit toxic. He came to the wedding, ended up sleeping with my friend, who knew the history. So I no longer speak to her, but me. me and him still stayed in touch. I find that really weird about the brand. Dave and I welcomed a baby boy in 2017 and again in 2021. Life during COVID was great for us.

We were in a good place. He sadly lost his dad in 2021. Was involved in a big HR investigation at work. And then I left my job and decided to start my own business in 2024. So a few big life events had happened and the strain of parenting, finances and just bumpiness of life meant that we were arguing a lot. He continued his lifestyle going out regularly and coming home late. He didn't always talk to me very nicely and his relationship with his eldest is often fraught as he had a bad temper. In August 2025, we had come home from a family holiday. He was quite distant and in the early

September, seemingly out the blue, asked if I was happy as he wasn't. He proceeded to tell me before going on a work event that he thought that things were very different. He then went on an industry five peaks challenge ignored me for the duration of the trip despite many messages of support and me solo parenting. He was often away with work. He came home, couldn't look at me and that was the last night he ever stayed in our bedroom. He said we had reached the point of no return, didn't want to work on our marriage and wasn't in love with me anymore. Whilst a complete shock, I desperately wanted to keep my family together and try and have therapy. He was totally detached already. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. He never communicated anything prior.

Although our balance for a while was off, I was dealing with the kids and trying to run and build a business and he was working away a lot and going out drinking. It didn't really feel like we were very aligned or that he acknowledged or appreciated all that went on at home. So that's how 20 years just blew up in half a conversation. He removed his wedding ring, stayed at his mum for a bit, and then came back to the house in January this year, and we now sleep in separate rooms. rooms, which has been torture for me. He comes and goes as he pleases, and I still don't think I ever got a full explanation of why he wanted to just walk away. I filed for divorce at the end of January and then found out that he has a gambling addiction, late night money withdrawals and some

hotel stays. I had a hunch a few months ago, as women do about other women. Looked back at our WhatsApp messages and photos from him on the peak challenge and confronted him about someone I'd never heard of him talk about, but who had featured in a load of the photos and overlapped on his work trips. He wouldn't admit anything until I threatened to message her directly on LinkedIn. His response was that he had feelings for her. She's also going through a divorce, has three kids, and he hasn't felt anything for me for months. Fast forward to now. I've had therapy, Reiki, and I'm getting stronger, have read loads of books, listen to the podcast and have had an amazing support network. I feel lost and sad, but I've just come away with the boys for the first time

just us three, and it's more peaceful and joyful than the family dynamic, which was just stressful with lots of shouting. I haven't seen my old colleague, although it's the first time we have both been single in 15 years. Maybe that was just a fantasy, or maybe it's something, who knows. For now, I'm healing and trying to be strong. The emotions are hard to contain. I don't know who I am without him, not to mention the financial stress and having to sell our house. Tell me I'm going to be okay. How do I get closure and why do men think so differently? Why does his life outside of the family seem so much better? And why did I put my happiness at the bottom of the pile for so long? Since we separated, at least 16 people have said to me, he spoke awfully to me, but I'm heartbroken,

head and heart having quite a line yet. Thanks again, girls. It will be okay. And I'm saying that to you because it's what I need to hear as well. So everything is going to be okay. First, I'm really proud of you that you've done your first thing away with your kids. I think there's something really empowering about that to know, okay, this is us. I can do this on my own. I can do hard things. And actually, I think you said something about it feeling more enjoyable and peaceful than when you're together.

And I think if anything, that's like confirmation, you've made the right decision. It sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. we're in any way. And we say it's time and time again, but we can't change other people. We can always hope they'll be a certain way. We can always hope people are going to see things the same way we see things. We'd like to think that people prioritise the children's well-being and that is at the forefront of every decision and every conversation. But the reality for a lot of people is it's not. And some people thrive off the control of making other people's life more difficult. almost like trying to punish you for being okay without them, I think.

And you've got to try and stay in your lane, try and focus on yourself, focusing your own healing, focus on your journey, which it does sound like you're doing. And sadly, I think where you're at now is very normal. I think you're doing all the right things. I think you're taking the accountability. And I think in this case it's time.

I would say also with that work colleague, I'm a bit confused at the beginning of your story. Are you pretty much saying like you cheated on your... Yeah, I'm confused, does that mean like kissed or fumbled? Did you cheat on your husband? If so, you can't change the past, but I would definitely also reflect on that. And obviously the relationship probably wasn't particularly healthy.

I know that you obviously have mentioned that now, it's the first time that you and this guy are both single at the same time since like 15 years. Personally, I would try your point. best to park that and really just solely concentrate on yourself because if you did have something with this guy and that was from like a side thing that I don't know I just think like me that in the past I think just face forward concentrate on like growing and working on yourself and getting over the breakdown of your marriage and that relationship on your own because I think that it's very

easy to get clouded with external validation from things that maybe aren't going to serve you and then I don't think you're going to do the correct work on yourself that is probably needed. I agree. But yeah, you are going to be okay because by the sounds of it, he didn't really bring much to the table anyway. So you're at peace now, carry on doing the work and keep us updated. Cheating partner. Hi, girlies. Please keep me anonymous.

I'm a new listener. I feel like we're getting a lot of new listeners. I love that. I'm a new listener and have binged all episodes. Listening to your stories and other people since made me feel so much less alone and made me realise I'm not the only one going through a tough time. You are both so inspiring and I love the passion you have

towards helping people you don't know. This is a long one and I'll try and keep it as brief as possible. I have a son, split with his dad and met my current partner in 2020. He lives with me. He has two children from his previous marriage. I'm 39. He is 36. He is still married, although claimed he is sorting it 10 years after they split.

He's been saying this for four years. I mean, I thought mine was bad. Wow. For the first five years, he was a very jealous man. He thought every man and his dog wanted me and would always accuse me of wanting other men. I've always been loyal, so I found these accusations very upsetting.

Anyway, I think I just learned to live with this behaviour and found ways of dealing with it, not go into places that would trigger an outburst. Walk around looking at the floor, so he couldn't say I was looking at another man. Don't get me wrong. We had good days, but a lot of bad. Two years ago on holiday for the first time ever,

I went through his phone whilst he slept. Things had led up to this point. I had reasons for snooping. We both don't use Snapchat, but I'd noticed a Snapchat app on his phone the week prior. That's such a red flag. I asked him and he said he doesn't have Snapchat. Why are you lying? I can see it.

I didn't press the situation, yet I couldn't get it out of, my mind, I knew what I'd seen. So that night on holiday, heart pounding, I got his phone that was hidden in his shorts pocket that were folded up on his bedside table. I lay under the duvet and found Snapchat. He had hidden the app. You can hide apps on your phone? Gonna have a look.

Oh God. Yes, you can hide apps on an iPhone running iOS 18 or later. by long pressing an app icon selecting require face ID and choosing hide and require face ID hidden apps are moved to a locked hidden folder at the bottom of the app library disappearing from the home screen

and search and search so you can't even that is so how do you find it only with your... It's in that folder so you've got to be able to get into the hidden folder.

Fuck off. Apple, you're shady. Let me guess it's a man. Yeah. Oh my God. Sorry. That is new information that I was unaware of. That's toxic as fuck Apple.

We'll never get any parental with them. No, I can't believe that it doesn't even come up when you search it. That terrifies me. Maybe we shouldn't publicly share that information. Oh my God. So you've got to get into that hidden file. You've got to see. You've got to get into the hidden folder

to see if there's any hidden apps. Do I have a hidden folder? How do I find a hidden folder? I have no idea. I knew about hidden photos, but you can find the hidden apps folder by swiping on the last page of your home screen to access the app library

and scroll into the bottom and tap the hidden folder. Right. Well, I know what everyone's going to be doing after this episode. I know. They've paused. Fucking hell.

Okay. Should we carry on the story? Okay. I went on and found he had blocked my number and had only one contact. He had saved her name as my girl. Fuck off. Fuck off.

I actually feel sick. Ugh. Imagine finding that. Also cringe. What is she like 21? She's got Snapchat. That's like the biggest... Sorry.

I'm just... I could hear my heart pounding. I read messages from them both, her saying she loved him and asking him to not go with any girls on holiday whilst he was on holiday with his family. I mean, she obviously has no clue. Oh my God.

He had told her he was away with his mum and he was sending her pictures from the hotel room whilst I was there. Older messages and picks of him lying in my bed where the fuck was I. Was I lying next to him asleep whilst he sent these or maybe nipped to the toilet? Oh, and this girl worked with him.

Another one. Yes, another one. And judging from her picks was much younger than him. Of course she is. She got a snap and chat. Exactly. He said he ended things with her and blocked her, and I continued the best I could on holiday,

as my son deserved a happy mummy and a memorable holiday. Oh, wow, you confronted him. We got home. He changed his number, which I asked him to. Apparently, this was the end of his emotional affair. He reassured me and left his phone lying around, and in general was making the effort I need. and given me support to make me move forward.

I also tried my best to be a better version of myself for him and for us it works both ways. I tried to move on from this but months down the line I still had that niggling feeling. Things like her name. He told me she was called Laura. I'm sorry but the name Laura is from my generation not girls that look to be pushing 17.

That's actually not a... That's smart. Yeah. It's so true. Anyway, I dug and I dug. Also my mum's called Laura. Anyway, I dug and dug making myself ill But eventually there she was

I found her Instagram account How? I don't know she dug and dug I messaged her saying who I was And asked about the two of them I believe she was worried at first And lied to me and said I had the wrong person And that made me flip, yet more lies

We did eventually speak Me and her both being girls' girls She told me the truth She said nothing physical had happened She didn't know about me etc. I didn't know he had children. He told her my house was his mum's house when she questioned girls' things in the background of pictures

he would send her. The affair did however continue from my holiday in October 2023. Of course it did. Until April 2024. Oh. It was in total about 16 months worth of emotions. She was the first person he sent his new number to when he changed it. She eventually ended it because he was controlling towards her,

would put her down by the way she looked basically exactly what he was like with me. I was lovely to her. I wished her well, reassured her none of this was her fault and hopefully she will learn from this and find someone deserving of her. Bless you. What lovely person you are. Better than any of us. She no longer works with him.

I also managed to access his old phone account. It was in my name. I went to the phone shop and I was honest and said I needed his call and text log. And the lady sat me down and showed me the number. he was contacting the most. I tried calling, but it seemed I was blocked. Going back to when I had a chance to speak to his affair partner, I asked her, by the way, is this your number?

She said yes. Anyway, it turns out he's got hold of her phone at some point and blocked my number from her phone. Oh my God. She could see my number blocks. Do you know what? Do you know what is wild? How men are so smart with covering up lies. But then with other daily life stuff, they're just thick a shirt.

It's just, it just takes one thing for there to be a slip-up, though. Like, you can't keep tabs on everything. It's only a massive time. It's like men say they can't multitask, but then they're capable of, like, juggling multiple relationships. Make that make sense. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Oh, it's mad.

He covered as much as he could for her not to contact me. I stayed not because I should have. Looking back now, I know I should have left. I stay because I felt I deserve to be happy And I so badly wanted that to be with him We're now six years down the road And the past year he's shown no effort towards me No help

Little support or reassurance if I ever need it He is distant at times Back to hiding his phone Recently changed his phone passcode To something I'm not allowed to know He only bothers with me If he wants something Work seven days a week

I believe by choice No interest in making plans of me or cancels last minute. I see him last thing at night. I try to be asleep when he gets home as I get anxious, him being on his phone in the back. It was a trigger for me after the affair and he stopped doing it.

He's doing it again. And be it right or wrong, I feel like he's messaging another girl. If I'm asleep, it can't upset me. Oh, fuck. We go to the gym together on the mornings. I'm not at work. We are basically housemates.

I'm the only one who cares and tries. Why am I still here? I'm 100% the default parent. I run the house, all child activities, dog, I work four days a week, and work from home. He goes to work and comes home. My son, who used to adore him, isn't even bothered by him anymore. Just to add in, my son has absolutely no idea what's been going on. He has been my absolute saviour in all of this.

He's such a bright and sunny little boy and has kept me laughing and smiling, even on my worst days. I will forever be so proud and the luckiest mummy to have him as my son. Life is good because of him. When I look at how soft and gentle and caring, I once was, I now feel like I'm a constant state of anxiety. I worry, I get upset easily, I compare myself to every girl I think he works with because he goes out with these girls and lies to me about it. He can find time for them but not for me. I have insecurities I didn't once have. I feel like I have to act tough. I pretend things

don't bother me when inside I'm dying. I'm a lover girl who just wants the respect I give and to have someone who actually cherishes me. I ask nothing of anyone and it seems that That's exactly what I'm getting from my partner now. Nothing. It's so hard to leave. I am on the verge. I'm so alone. So why not just be alone?

Not to be big-headed, but I know he will be hard pushed to find someone like me again. Yes, Queen. Yeah, that's not being big-headed. That's fucking true. I have loved this man with nothing and with everything. I have been his biggest supporter whilst fighting for my life over situations he has put me through. He started to make me feel like I'm hard to love,

like I'm the problem as I ask too much of him. this could be me asking if he's taken a day off so he can do something he says i'm asking too much he will however find time to do things with other people maybe i am the problem it's been hard for me to write some of this as i tried to suppress these feelings and thoughts of betrayal kills me inside what i have touched on is literally only the start there are other things and things i've forgotten about it's as if the trauma of all these things have made it hard for me to remember it's hard to explain i don't know what advice i need as i know he is no good for me. I really feel I deserve to be happy with him. I keep giving him chance after chance change because I love him.

I'm not a stupid person although I probably sound like I am. I'm obviously just very attached and committed to him and can see his potential. Hold on to that. Even if it's just a small amount of good he's offering me. Thank you for both taking the time to read this.

Love and Kisses. I've attached a photo of me and myself. Oh my God, you're absolutely stunning. Is it? Oh, for God's sake. What a joke. Like, stunning. It's, I find it really, really difficult hearing certain emails,

and that is definitely one of them, because I know that we can't force you to make the right decision. I just really, really hope that you hearing your email out loud makes you realize what you're wasting. You're wasting your life with someone. who has no respect for you. Like, I feel like that doesn't even cut it. Like, do you know what?

Like, oh my God, I just, I want so badly. He shouldn't do the same thing again and again. Yeah, like, you keep saying that, like, you're, the potential, he has, has even showed you any potential? Like, it's all in your head. Like, it's, I don't know, I guess it's just, you know how you said you really hope that the girl, that younger,

girl like really like sort of like takes you said to her like I really hope that you just use this and like she's gone and you know hopefully had like a really lovely life now can you imagine if you now met up and she was like thank you so much for advice. Imagine if you had a really lovely life now why don't you take the advice you gave her? Yeah like I feel like imagine if you met up and she was like thank you so much for that advice I'm now with like a really lovely man like thanks to you and it's like and how are you what what's going on with you oh I'm still with the man that he chees on me with and I'm still on edge and I go to and I go to sleep because being asleep makes it then less triggering when I'm worried

about what he's doing on his phone he is still the same person he is probably still cheating on you he's changed his pin that you're not allowed to know there's no point us saying what we think you should do because you know what you need to do. I just really hope. We've said it before. You have to just be ready. But no one can push you to do something until you're ready. It's just a shame that you're wasting your years with someone that doesn't deserve your time or your energy. You have said that your little boy is what literally makes you happy and gives you life. He's not going anywhere. So go and have the life with him. and show him what real love looks like,

you know, the love that you have for each other and have some respect for yourself because this man doesn't. And I guess it's just really sad when you hear that people are just spending their time wishing and waiting for a person to change when they don't even want to. He's not going to change.

Yeah, something that really stood out for me is like, you really want to be happy, but you want to be happy with him. I think you need to let go with that. That I think you've put him on this, this pedestal in your head, maybe it's because of all the years you've had together. And it is really hard to imagine being happy without someone. But I think you need to accept that the person that you want to be happy with doesn't

actually exist. He's not there. And how many situations are you going to put yourself through where you, let's be honest, can admit to yourself, you know he's cheating on you. How many times are you going to put yourself through that knowing he is somehow, he's already like being concocting and planning up how he's going to keep this one for you. He's changed his pin.

I mean, he's made it bloody obvious this time. How many situations are disrespect are you going to put yourself through before you've had enough? Because looking at your pin, it's not just based on it. You are a beautiful, beautiful girl. You sound like you've got your brain switch on. There was a point in that email where you said,

like I know I deserve more than this, but I don't believe you actually know that. No, because she then also said, maybe I am the problem. Your second guess is. yourself, you really need to realize you are not the problem he is. This man is not going to change. And I think we all hold on to this enormous hype that the person we love and the person we want to do life with and the person we want to be happy with is going to change because I love

this person so much. Like if they love me as much as then, they'll change because I would do anything for them. People aren't you. Okay. People don't love like you. People don't think like you. People don't care like you. And sometimes in life we need to accept that. This man has shown numerous times that he doesn't. He doesn't care. The fact he's willing to jeopardise your relationship shows he doesn't care and I know that can be really hearted and to hear it said like that but you are licious accepting scraps. You were there as like a little backup. He's going out and he's getting whatever it is he wants from these people, younger ego show whatever it is. He works seven days a week like what? It's just, that's not how you want your life to be. You're not even

spending time with him anyway. If I said to you, 10 years from now, you're going to look back, your life is going to be exactly the same as it is now, how are you going to feel about that? Would you have just wasted 10 years of your life feeling anxious every single day, worrying, going to bed, like you're living in fight or flight? That's not good even health-wise for your body, the amount of cortisol that's building up.

Like, you're going to make yourself ill. You deserve to be happy. I promise, I know leave. I very, very, very rarely tell people to leave. But leaving sounds like the scariest part. But what you're going through right now is scarier. Let me tell you that. That's harder.

What you are putting up with is so much harder. So please keep us updated. You have absolutely got this. Think about all the people who write in, who have left, who didn't think they had the strength to do it. And guess what they have? And we've never had someone right in saying,

I regret leaving. Yeah. I regret leaving, that man that kept cheating on me. Like, what have I done? No. No, it's never happened. And can I just say, like, I know a lot of people when they email in, they're like, oh, like, you're both so inspirational. Like, you're so, you're so strong.

Like, you're amazing. We haven't done anything different to anyone else. Leaving is absolutely hard. We are not making out that it's not. Staying was easier. That's why it took me so long to leave. But, oh, my God. Like, I wish that I knew what life, how much better life would be, leave.

an unhealthy toxic relationship because it is the best thing that I ever did and I would rather hand on heart be on my own for the rest of my life than accept being with a man that treats me like fucking shit. 100%. Keep us updated, please. Right, guys, product of the week, no, this is not a space helmet

and I'm not going to the moon anytime soon. This is my current body LED hair growth mask. not mask, helmet. Mm-hmm. Boom-bum. I use this every single night for 10 minutes. See, do you know why I don't use mine? I do need to.

It's next to my bed. Because it says you have to have really clean hair. So for me, to be honest, obviously I don't have clean hair the whole time I use it. The only nights that I don't use it is when I've got a hair mask in. Like, I slept with a hair mask last night. But for me, I think to myself, surely this is better than nothing. Okay. Maybe I should use it.

And I just think, like, the reason why I've never been greater, being consistent with certain things. But I think the reason why I find this really easy is because it sits by my bed, it's in my bedroom, and tell me one person that doesn't scroll on their phone for at least 10 minutes when they're going to bed. So literally, as I get into bed,

this goes on my head. Because I'm going to do that. I'm never not at least scrolling for at least 10 minutes. I mean, I know I'm scrolling for more than 10 minutes. But it is just so easy. I'm not going to start faffing about with my hair now, but I cannot explain to you the regress. that I've got. And the reason why I can tell about the regrowth is because I get a keratin treatment,

which is obviously like a relaxer, a straightener. And so much of my hair I can see is not relaxed or straight because it's new hair. So this isn't the only thing I do with my hair. I do take quite a lot of different supplements. I use quite a lot of treatments. But the research that I've done on this and what red light therapy does to your scalp is amazing. So yeah, I would really recommend it. It's not cheap, but I think that it is an investment worth looking at. And also, if you obviously live with a partner and you don't want your man's hair to be receding too much, this is also really... I'll be careful what you say about that.

I've got in trouble. Oh, well, this is also really good for men, obviously. I'm not going to YouTube. Oh, on YouTube. We were called Mean Girls. Did you see? I was really upset. I was like, I'm not a mean girl.

I don't care. I know who I am. Anyway, guys, yep. So there's your product. of the week. Hats on. Confession of the week. I am 42 years old

and I have a friends with benefits who is 31 years old and it's the best sex of my life. Oh, I love that for you. I love that. Good for you. What's the biggest age gap that you've done? What date?

Have you ever gone younger? Date. Yeah, I went on that date with a 29 year old, do you remember? 29. Yeah, the first. Actually, I don't know why I said 29 that's not actually that young. The last time I went to Paris I did kiss a 22 year out of

oh yeah yeah yeah that won't be your repeat this time no don't leave me while you go off with pierre again yeah it wasn't French what if divorce means I only see my children half the time then in that time they will have all of you your joy your attention your steadiness your bedtime stories for silly voices and dancing together in the kitchen cuddles on sleepy sunday mornings and late night movies with popcorn. Divorce doesn't take your parenthood. It restores it. Your children would rather have fewer days with your full presence

than end of days with your dimmed light. I just thought that was really... That gave me a goosebar. I know. It's really cute. I think sometimes like... I really feel this sometimes. I just feel like some...

I've had a really great week with the kids. And then I get this like anxiety building up that I'm missing out and stuff. It's also like they're not knowing what they're doing and stuff. and then I'm like, do you know what? I actually need to fill up my cup this weekend because it means next week I can really show up. Absolutely.

I completely agree. And I do still sometimes have those moments where more so Ivy will be like, oh, like, I miss you, I don't want to go. And it is hard, I think, as they get older and your bond with them changes. And I feel like, oh, I am a bit gutted that I'm not going to see this.

Or even just like Blake's teeth falling out when he wasn't at me. It's all certain things that fall on the weekends. I don't have a birthday with either of my children for two years. Yeah, that's really hard. Things like that way you like overthink things and like I can get myself down dark holes. And also we're going through like a really awful period of separation,

anxiety with Milo at the moment, like going into nursery, our last handover with his stab was really bad. Yeah. Just like hysterically crying and attached. So. But on the flip side, like I just, said, I would choose this life any day of the week over being stuck in an unhappy relationship but having my kids 100% at the time because I'd much rather have my kids 65, 70% of the time

and me be happy and me be treated not disrespectfully. So, you know, you've really got a way up that like even if you unfortunately only get them 50% of the time, you're showing up as the best version of yourself in that 50%, which is actually better than showing up as a sister version, sad, anxious, 100% at the time. Anyway, thank you for listening, guys. Thank you so much. Love you. Bye.