Not As We Planned - Should I Have an Affair? | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

Carly shares a deeply emotional update while trying to hold everything together.We hear from a woman in a sexless marriage considering an affair with her boss, a chaotic dating story involving a back-door escape, and a shocking discovery that points to a partner cheating.Plus, a powerful anonymous confession from a mum who admits she’s been gaslighting her own son. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Not As We Planned. This one's going to be, I guess, quite a difficult one. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm maybe going to pass over to Carly, do what you can. And if you can't, then I've got you. Yeah, I lost my dad last week, so it's been a week today. Yeah, there's no easy way to, like, speak about it. I think even when you anticipate something's coming,

I don't know. I think I thought because I was experiencing all this like anticipation before that it would make actually losing him easier. Yeah. But it's not the case at all. It's been the hardest week of my life. I'm not even going to lie. I feel like I'm kind of like here, but I'm not here. I feel like I'm looking in from like above.

I can't explain it. Like, I'm not sleeping. I'm, yeah, I just, I feel very lost at the moment. Obviously, it's still very fresh. And, like, we only told the kids on Sunday, so we didn't want to tell them straight away because we had my niece's party. So we didn't, we wanted that to go ahead as normal.

And then they've been at their dad since Sunday, so I haven't actually seen them because we have the funeral. And it's just been, I can't explain it. Like, it just doesn't. feel real. I don't really know what else to say. Just bear with me. Like, I'm very aware that grief.

Like, I've obviously experienced grief in terms of, like, my marriage breaking down. But there's something about him not being here. And there's, like, moments where I'll reach for my phone to message him. And then I'm like, he hits me and I'm like, oh, shit, like, he's not here. Or, like, something will happen. And I'll be like, I need to tell my dad. And then it's like, he's not here. Yeah, I just, I don't know how long it's going to take me to like feel okay.

Or obviously, like, in an ordinary job, I wouldn't have come and I wouldn't have worked today. Like, so soon after. But I think because our podcast isn't like a perfect presenting podcast, it is about real life. And I think that's why I felt like I wanted to come today and I wanted to just, I don't know, just like start trying to get back to some normality because I think one thing I've realized is like whilst it very much feels like my world has stopped, like the world is still going on,

like everything else is still going on. I'm still a single parent who has to provide for her kids. I've still got to show up. And I think I'm just finding it very overwhelming at the moment and I'm just trying to be kind to myself and let myself feel everything. And it's really strange being. back in like the cycle of grief like I've felt really angry the other day like I can't explain it

I just had this big rage of like just feeling so angry like I can't really explain it and then I get hit with just feeling really sad and I don't think the realities hit me yet I don't think I've hit acceptance like it doesn't it doesn't feel real like I have moments where I forget um And, but the one amazing thing that has come from this is like, me and my sisters and my mom, we are like the most amazing, supportive system. Like, I'm so proud of us for the way we've carried each other through this. Like, honestly, like, we've all, you know, being sisters and stuff, like growing up, we argued and stuff. But I'm genuinely so proud of how we've all properly been there for each other. through something that you don't ever think about going through, you know?

It's not something you ever think about. Like this week I've had to go and register my dad's death, and it's something you've sat there in this office, just like, how is this what I'm doing? You know, really recognising how amazing people are around you and also realising who maybe isn't amazing for you. I have to shout out to how she is literally, like you've got me through.

everything. Like, I called her as soon as I found out. I was literally on the way dropping Myelo to nursery last week. And I called her. I got the call as I dropped Myelo off. And we were on the way here. She'd stay with me on the phone because I was like, in panic. She's called me multiple times every single day. She's showed up for me. She's been there every single day, like physically at the funeral. I couldn't have done it without her, like genuinely. And I think it's just, situations like this that as shit as they are, they pull the other people in closer. And I said to you last night, like, I'm so grateful that our paths cross. I'm so grateful to have you in my life, like, genuinely.

It's shit. Like, there's nothing anyone can say to make it better. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Like, my heart is hurting so much. I just, I don't really know what else to say, but I just hope that by being honest with you and I'm not really online at the moment. I don't really know how to be online or I'm just trying to find my way back to normality again.

But yeah, I just, I couldn't come and sit here and do a podcast and not talk about it. Because you might sense like my energy isn't off and I'm trying my best. But I know you guys are here for, you know, I've had the most amazing messages and I can't get through them more and I'm overwhelmed by it. But just so you're. have a context like I might not see myself over the next few weeks and

understandably. Yeah, but just yeah. Anyway, you can talk about. But I've cried my makeup off. Do you think we should like quickly check our makeup out? Something that we also really wanted to share

with you guys which we are very excited about and feel like... Imposter. It's just... No, when you hear who... Yeah. Yeah. So we have been nominated for the

National Influencer Awards for best podcast of the year. But guys, the people were up against. We're up against Paul Brunson. And Anna Williamson. Like crazy. But we wouldn't be able to be nominated for something like this if it wasn't for you guys. So what we asked from you, if you were listening to this right now or watching, there will be a link in the bio of this episode.

Please, please go and vote for us. It would mean, we are grateful just to be nominated. Yeah, but we would love to win. I mean, winning would be amazing. So please go and vote. It will take you two seconds. Thank you. Thank you.

Let's start with this one. This is some advice for a sexless marriage. What are your thoughts on sexless marriages? I don't. Didn't go very well rather than she doesn't advise it. No, it's really important to me now, now. Like, I think sex is really important. Oh my God.

I think it's like up there with one of the most important. Yeah. No? Yeah. Otherwise you just mates really, aren't you? It's also like intimacy builds connection. Yeah. And not just sex, but good sex.

There's a different. Absolutely. Ladies, I need some serious help and some pretty serious advice here. To say I'm desperate would be an absolute understatement. I'm sorry for the long one. Here comes the headline. Me and my husband haven't had sex in over two years and it's killing me. Two years, one month and six days to be your choice.

But hey, who's counting? Bit of a backstory. We've been together since we were 20. now both 34 and have two little kids age three and a half and one and a half who are amazing but hard work. Unfortunately, sex in our relationship has always been an issue so we can't really use the excuse of, oh, it's because we have young kids. Even at the start of our relationship, I wanted to have sex a lot more than he did. I always initiated sex and after a couple of years of trying to talk him into it again and again, I gave up initiating. I went through his phone over the course of a few months and I saw that he was.

was using porn a lot. Even during work, at work, very small office at the time and he would be there alone a lot of the time. But I thought, fucking hell, I mean, at work, are you joking? I decided to tell him I knew all of this. After I saw he was looking up hookers in Liverpool before going to a stag do there,

I was 20 weeks pregnant with our first baby. I ended up losing that baby a week later. Oh, bloody hell. He didn't go on the stag. I put a block on his phone and he said that he wouldn't use it again and has said that he hasn't used porn in years. I thought that would fix the issue and he'd be more willing. Nope. Because of the baby, it all just got swept under the rug.

So I left it and what happened, we never had sex naturally again. I'll get to that. Maybe I should have walked away then. No kids, not marriage, just a house between us. However, I wanted a baby again and he did too. So I tracked my ovulation. The day I was ovulating. I was pretty much rolled on to him when we got into bed.

Two minutes later it was done and I was pregnant. Relate. Yeah. No, can I tell you a story about mine? It was terrible. I actually think trying for babies ruined our sex because I really struggled to fall pregnant with Blake and Ivy. So then one month I used ovulation sticks. Yeah, you get like a flashing smiley if you should have sex and then a solid one like you're definitely ovulating.

I've got 13 flashing smiley faces in a row. so we had sex for 13 days in a row and it was it becomes a chore you know you don't care this isn't for fucking pleasure this is like do do the job hurry up and get off of me

and I'll put my legs in the air for a bit do you know what I mean? With sexless marriages and all sexless relationships and look obviously it can work both ways and I do think it's more common for women not to want sex but you do start to question to where else are you getting that sex from

Where else are you having your needs met? Because I think typically men have that more need. I think even physically they need to release it. Otherwise they get like blue balls, don't they? Yeah. Is that actually a thing? Men have to have a release. I feel like more like women don't get that build up of like a physical pain if you don't.

No, I actually feel like for me sometimes, the longer I go without, the less I need it. Bear in mind, no foreplay. Pretty much no touching. He hardly moved really. I mean, that's just her. I was glad it only took one go, if I'm honest. A year and a bit later, no sex since conceiving that previous pregnancy. I wanted another baby, not because I thought it was the right time, but I wanted to get the kids thing done and out the way. By this point, my life feels extremely practical. So tracked my ovulation again and this time we were in bed. He was kind of falling asleep already. So I just got back onto him, did a little spoon, got him ready and put it in myself again. After. a minute maybe less it was done and thank fuck i got pregnant this little did i write it did i say that i don't think i did that was the last time we had sex i felt so awful about how the experience was i shimmied

back over to my side of the bed and cried in silent i felt like i was nothing i didn't feel wanted loved i actually felt dirty for some reason he didn't say anything no kiss or cuddle just rolled over before I even moved. That breaks my heart. Do I actually think it's probably a lot more common than we think? 100%. Now what do I do? I can never bring up how I feel or talk about what needs to change.

He's an extreme avoidant. I know nothing ever changes with him. So I just haven't bothered to talk about it. I feel so ashamed it took me two years to tell my two best friends. They aren't friends, so I've told them separately. And they have two very opposite opinions and advice on it. That's interesting. One says I need to talk to him

It will only be resolved that way But I know this isn't an option As we've gone over this for years The other says I should just go out and get my own Nauty, naughty And at this point I'm like a doggone heat I keep having scenarios in my head Of me having an affair with a random man

Like a man I see on the nursery run Or at work or even just a fit man Walking around All I think about Women lock your husband's up All I think about right now is sex And I'm so close to having just an affair myself, but I know people get caught in the end and I don't want to ruin my family.

I don't actually want to cheat on my husband. I just want sex. I want to feel wanted, but what the actual fuck do I do here? To note, we don't cuddle, we don't snog or touch or anything. We have a tiny kiss before leaving for work, and when we get home from work, but it's a small and fast kind, sometimes I wonder if our lips actually even touch. That is the only physical contact that we have. Even when I was desperate for a foot massage

While heavily pregnant, he wouldn't He said it hurts his thumbs Oh darling, don't worry about my fucking cervix It hurts his thumbs yet all my muscles And my organs have been moved to grow your child But your thumbs hurt He did once because I wouldn't let it go Did it with one hand and the other hand

sat on his phone Again I said thank you Pulled my feet back under the quilt And cried in silence For feeling so unwanted and unimportant My friends both think that he must be having an affair himself to go that long. But I just don't see how. He works nine to five and is always home.

Rings me on his lunch break sometimes. Sometimes goes to the pub with a friend, but never for long. And usually that friend comes to ours first and they walk down or they pick him up. Then when would he have the time? I feel like I'd know if he was. So I just don't think he is. Or would everyone disagree? I personally disagree with that.

I disagree. I think that people. can book things during work time as well yeah like who's to say he's at work he could be in a hotel yeah but let's finish the email and then we'll get to that here's the thing my boss he's a good friend oh no god don't don't we've known each other for over 10 years now he's not always been my boss so the relationship is super chill i know he wants to we've been flirting a little here and there and recently he's insinuated it he's good looking single actually looks a lot like my husband weirdly and at this point I'm like fucking give it to me no you're not gonna do that

actually do I just give into the fact that this is my life do I risk everything how would this affect my kids because looking in from the outside my kids point of view life is perfect and honestly the only reason why I'm actually worried about doing it is because I wouldn't be financially secure without him I work two days a week I don't earn a lot how could I have a home on my own and still give my kids everything they need. I've done nothing for myself either. I gave up my career to have my kids while he skyrocketed. I would need to quit my job because it wouldn't be worth the earnings. I feel so stuck, claustrophobic, exhausted. I feel broken now. My husband on paper is the perfect man, tall, handsome, really lovely. Everybody absolutely loves him. Helps with the kids, wants me to have the things I like,

clothes, money for Botox, a really nice car that doesn't give me what I actually need. What annoys me is that if we were separated, he'd need to have sex with a new partner, surely, at the start of a relationship. So I'd leave, have nothing, he keeps everything and just replaces me, yet has a relationship involving sex. Maybe not long term, but women would stay because against other men, he seems amazing. Oh, my friends were insanely shocked when I told them all these things, like, oh my God, how can this be possible? He's so perfect. Because it's been so long since I've had sex. I'm also scared now thinking about actually sleeping with someone else. I hate my boobs after pregnancy. My tummy's a little wrinkly. I don't look that bad. But the last time I had sex with someone

that isn't my husband, I had a banging body and I knew it. I wasn't shy. I just have no confidence left in me. I keep thinking, why would anyone want to see me naked, let alone sleep with me? What if I take my clothes off and someone is like, oh, that's not what I was expecting. No, I'm good, Thanks, bye. Because of all of this, I end up crying at the thought of being single and needing to be intimate with someone. The longer it goes on, the more self-conscious I feel. So do I just have an affair and risk it all? Or do I just carry on until the kids are off travelling or something? I just haven't heard of a scenario like this to take advice from. Any advice could save me here, please. I want to validate a lot of how you're feeling. Like, I understand when your needs

aren't being met. Let me tell you now, having an affair is not the answer. answer, okay? No. I know you're saying like this man is an avoidant and he doesn't communicate, but you do need to sit down and have a very frank and very honest conversation and you need to almost say to him, I am not happy in this relationship. I am considering leaving. I would even say, I'm considering having a fucking affair because I'm not having my needs met. I am laying it on the table now. I am thinking about sex a lot. I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I am massively lacking that. And the fact that I am considering having sex with someone else,

I'm having this conversation with you because I love you. I care about you. And actually, the person I want to have sex with is you. I think it's very concerning if you genuinely can't have that conversation with someone. And if you can't, I don't feel like he's the right person for you. And I would leave the relationship rather than having an affair. The answer to none of this, like every possible solution I have for you, none of them involves engaging in an affair, just to be clear with you.

That's absolutely not the answer. There's no, there's no acceptable circumstance to have an affair, in my opinion. You either, like, that shows a complete lack of respect towards your husband. Look, I personally think that perhaps he is having his needs met elsewhere. It's very hard to know with such little information. I do think that you are perhaps being a little bit naive to thinking he works nine to five. if there's no ways. Trust me, if someone's going to have an affair,

they'll damn well make sure you have an affair. They'll make it very difficult for you to find out. But there are ways. And believe me, these men figure out ways of doing it. So firstly, I'd maybe not be so naive. But I do think you need to sit down and you need to be completely fucking honest. You need to say, I am considering having an affair. My needs are not being met at all.

I need sex. And you're not wrong for needing those things. I think the things you're wrong for are things. and almost like justifying these feelings and thoughts you're having, no. Yeah, I think that it's all very well you're saying he's an avoidant, but you're not communicating either. So you can't predict how he's going to react to a conversation that you're not willing to have. And I think that you haven't actually said in this email if you love him, you haven't actually

said if you want to be with him, all you've spoken about is sex. I don't know whether if your sex life improved with him, if you'd be happy with him or not, but I think it is quite telling that you can't even have a conversation with him. I think that you need to take the advice to the first friend and you need to be sitting down and having that conversation. I've got to be honest, I can't empathise with people that say they have an issue, but don't bring it up. Yeah. Bring it up and then there's an issue if he doesn't want to make the changes or he avoids the conversation. So do write by you. your family, your kids, your marriage

and don't bring it up in a defensive way. Don't be like, why won't you sleep with me or I need this? It's a, I really want to have a chat with you. This is where I'm at. This is how I'm feeling. Can you let me know what you're feeling? Is this something that we can change? If not, I'm not currently happy with how this is staying.

This staying how it is doesn't work for me. Are you willing to make any changes? Please keep us updated. I really hope that you haven't gone and done something because I just looked when she emailed this and it was quite a number of weeks ago and this is coming out in quite a number of weeks so keep us updated.

I hope you kept those knickers on for everyone other than your husband and have a chat with him because I don't know if you heard the episode about that person that said that we saved her marriage she took our advice and had that deep conversation, no attacking, not defensive and it changed her relationship.

Maybe you don't need to quit your job and be a single mom and, you know, struggle financially. It could all work out from one simple, deep chat. I agree. You need to have the difficult conversation sometime. Okay, I'm going to do this one because I need something like it. It's called funny dating story. Hey, girls, thank you for all you do. I listen every single week in your past advice when I emailed in really helped me.

Oh, I wonder what it was. I wonder what it was. I want to tell you a funny story from years ago. When I was in my 20s, I was an instructor in Army Cadets. We worked with soldiers from the regular army and on one summer camp I met one of these guys. Let's call him Nick. Nick was a little bit younger than me and very handsome and I was excited when he asked for my number at the end of the two weeks camp.

He eventually texted me a week or two later. He wanted me to go and meet him at his barracks where he lived and worked. so at the weekend I drove down and picked him up. Oh, ruined the story a bit, well. I hoped he had a romantic date planned, but after kissing me in the car and a bit of a fumble, he asked to be dropped off again as he had an early start. Like, that was the day.

A fumble with the car. Really pushing the boat out now, aren't they? Hardly the enjoyable first date I was hoping for, but I just put it down to experience and moved on. A few weeks went by and Nick texted again, this time saying he was on leave from the arson, me back at home in a town a few miles away he invited me to come over and watch a movie i decided i had nothing to lose more full me and went to see him that weekend see i would never go to a guy's house

like straight before they've taken me out absolutely not to be worried that they'd like kill me so not a good idea so it turned out he still lived with his parents but they were out thank the lord he took me up to his room and we ended up snuggled in his bed watching the movie and kissing and cuddling. He'd bought some popcorn and other snacks which we enjoyed. I'm glad. It was quite pleasant really and I started to think maybe I'd made the right decision in giving him a second chance. After a while we were both in nothing but our pants in bed. Not really paying any attention to the film which was about halfway through when there was a knock on the door. Oh no. It's going to be his partner, isn't it? Or his mum. He ignored it at first, but the knocking became more

consistent, so he got out of bed to see who it was and went into the corridor to look down the stairs and threw the translucent glass in the front door. At this point, the knocking had been joined by female voices calling his name in an urgent and demanding manner. He came back into the room in a panic and told me I had to leave because his mates were outside and were looking for him, as he'd promised to hang out with them later. I protested, but he demanded that I get dressed and go home. I started to get my clothes on, but the knocking and shouting from outside got more angry and a lot louder.

You've got to leave now, he said, ushering me out of his room and down the stairs. As we reached the bottom by the front door, he hissed, get down. And grabbed my sleeve, putting me down to the floor so I wouldn't be seen through the glass on the front door. Oh my God. I don't think it's his mark.

I don't think it's his mom. I still didn't have my jeans or boots on at this point and was clutching them to my chest along with my handbag. As we got past the front door and into the front room he whispered to me, you've got to go out the back. Oh my God. And pointed towards the back door. I started to get up and walk to the back of the house,

but he insisted I stay down, stay out of sight of anyone outside the large windows at the front of the house. I ended up leopard crawling across the living room. dining room and into the kitchen before I was out of sight of the front windows of the house. Does she still have her jeans off? Once in the kitchen he commanded me to leave by the back door. Hence, I found myself in a t-shirt and pants clutching my jeans, boots and bag running half-naked across the back lawn of a random house in Hampshire. Before pulling on my trousers and scaling the wall at the end of the garden.

Oh, I am. A passing old lady was somewhat surprised. armed and confused and I jumped down in socked feet into the street behind Nick's house. Gathering my remaining dignity, I calmly put my boots on, gave a reassuring nod to the old lady, as if my conduct was completely normal. Sling my bag over my shoulder and walked confidently back to my car. Unsurprisingly, I never saw Nick again. I just hope his girlfriend, who was clearly at the front door with her friend, suspecting infidelity, noticed the bra that I accidentally left behind in his room. Bravo

I'll never know I hope you enjoy my funny tale Here's the better men Who have integrity Respect and don't force women To crawl away from a date Thanks ladies Do you know what

I think if I was in that situation I'd be like fuck this And I go to the I actually would have gone around the front And being like babe I didn't know about you He's cheating on you No

I say that but I don't have balls Really I probably cry You know I would Yeah you would I'd be like No I'm not a side piece

Without realising it Yeah that's wild I'm just picturing That's very like a film Do you know what I mean like I can imagine holding her like her boots and her jeans and like crawling on the graph and the old woman like peering over like while she's doing her gardening or something and she's like hello.

Okay you ready? A used cock ring on my bedside table gave it away the second I saw it. Why are they so stupid? Like come on. Also I think cock rings are shit. I don't really get it neither. I find it really unchecked. I can just imagine now new collaboration

not as we planned a new improved cock ring You try it out We've tried it and we approve Okay are you ready Okay ladies Hi I'm a true total fan From only 10 weeks ago

And I've binge almost every episode you've made I love that And I'm from Australia Oh we love you more We're coming We're coming We're coming I'm so far from my breakup

That is not painful anymore It wasn't a massive long, drawn-out breakup, but the details are just silly and gross. I was with my ex for five years. We had a house together, dreams, careers, a great circle of friends, and an engagement ring in the cupboard that I told him to leave it there

until he felt that we were fully secure. That's a bit weird. The only reason the ring was in the undies drawer and not on my finger was because he started treating me like I was the second option. Just get rid of it. His mates and drug-fueled long weekends came first.

So we spoke about it a few times. and he was under strict guidance by me to straighten out, come back to the reality and just focus on what he was before losing it. Anyway, nothing changed for ages, and after many long chats about it, I just felt more and more like I really meant nothing to him. I dealt with it for many months, however, feeling very comfortable with him

and the life I was living, I was in love with him, and it was just easier to stay and hope for the day that he would acknowledge me again. I could feel the love that he had for me, but that was Tuesday to Thursday only, so actually I was a bit confused as to what to do. I ended up taking a course at college and I had to temporarily move in with my sister four hours away

until we sorted out what we were going to do. Whether we would move to where my college was or if I'd be able to do my course remotely. I would come home on weekends just to see him and my dog, sometimes less, often he would come up to me and that was nice as we would look at houses that we could run and go for walks in the park where I imagined us with our child one day.

You know who's who. We were absolutely still a couple at this point and he was trying to treat me better when I was at home. I came home one weekend and put my bag in my walking wardrobe and on the floor was a clothing tag. I don't know why but I picked it up and looked at it. It was from Zara, a pair of jeans in a size 12. I'm a size 12 but I'm sure as hell that I knew I'd not bought jeans from Zara then or ever. I showed him the tag and he acted so dumb like, He has no idea what I was asking for or what I was insinuating.

He bluffed. It was so bad I kind of thought that maybe they were a pair of his sister's jeans from years ago because both his sisters had lived with us in the past. And the tag had been wandering around the house and ended up in my walking wardrobe. I mean, it is interesting that how you actually convince yourself with these things when you don't want to. Anyway, I ended up putting it in my wallet and saving it for a later date. A few weeks later, I was with my best friend. and who I'd also worked with, and I told her about the weird tag,

and I thought me keeping it was just to hold the evidence. Well, she being the keen detective, said, let's look up the item of clothing by using the SQU on the tag. So we did. I mean, I would have done exactly the same. Yeah, same so do I. The jeans then came up in the picture that were definitely not a pair of mine, just to make that clear,

because he had also tried to gaslight me and say that they were probably mine from ages ago, and I've forgotten that I bought them. And the date that they were launched was literally only six weeks ago. So we knew that these jeans were bought by some chick who was keen to look the good with a brand new hot of the press pair of jeans and wear them into my house with my man. I didn't know how to actually let him know that I knew, so I waited until the next time I was home. I walked into the house and just like every other time he would greet me with such excitement, genuine love and happiness. Couldn't get his hands off of me.

I didn't know how I was going to break the news that I knew that he had someone in the house. Obviously, I also didn't want to believe the gene tag was even ever a thing. I take my bag into our room and notice on my bedside table a cock ring just sitting there

and a lube sashet beside it. My heart sank because this meant that the gene tag was a thing. I can't gas up myself out of this one now. No, you cannot. No. He walked in, not.

long after me and I had to say something. I said, hmm, nice cock ring there. He was so dumb he didn't even know it was there. He was like, what? I said, hmm, I'm not sure why it's there on the bench with Lou, but you didn't use that with me. It was our cockering, but to be honest, we'd used it a handful of times, but about three years ago and never again. And trust me, he would never use it on himself alone, too lazy. Cock rings aren't for men though really are they They are meant to stimulate the penis a lot more and keep it harder I believe

I think are you thinking of vibrating I think I'm maybe thinking of like a rabbit cock ring That has like things on it that are used for the women But I just think they're terrible No I feel like cheap I'm like a round ring I think it must be the round ring Yeah yeah

And the only reason is he use that as to stay hard so we could have sex longer? No man is getting himself off on his own with a cock row. No, I agree. He looked at it and went, babe, that has literally been sitting here since you were last here four weeks ago. Mind you, one time, we did use it like a year before that and it had no batteries, so we just threw it back in the drawer, so it's not just the ring one. If it's got batteries, it is one that vibrates. I said, no, we didn't do that last time. I was home because we stayed at my parents' house after your friend's party.

So no, I'm not sure why I'm sitting on the bench like that, but that was not used with me. It was in that moment with him trying to get out of it so bloody easily that my world completely changed. I was now sitting on this weird bed in a foreign house with a person I thought I knew inside and out, realizing that he is actually someone else in my bed, in my house, for God knows how long, and that he is a dumb loser trying to just bluff me over about it right now. I was sick. I told him I had to see my parents and left with only my handbag. after that I stayed at my parents that night

because ultimately he went out with his mates that afternoon and was already on the beers so he wouldn't have really cared where I was anyway Sounds like a keeper Yeah I went back to his house the next morning Really early snuck into our room And grabbed my suitcase and left again

He was taken drunk and snoring all over the bed I couldn't even look at him I was definitely in fight or flight As I wasn't even sad I was mad for me Mad that he had no respect left for me that he actually had another woman in our home and using toys together. Yuck.

It was about a week later that I'd not spoken to him at all, which he didn't even seem to notice actually. And I organised that my mum and his mum go in and get the rest of my belongings, which was quite a bit of things. He obviously went on drinking and drugging rampages after that and was begging for me back for weeks. I came home for the weekend two times and would have been quiet about it

or else he would have been at my parents' house wanting to. talk. I couldn't see him because I knew that he would say the right things to me and I would be back in our bed. Literally six to seven weeks after I snuck out that morning with my bags, I met my now husband. Wow. See, this is the thing. Okay. I hear so many stories where people break up with someone and then they like meet somewhere or bump into someone or something like not that long after. And it's like, why do I have to sit here doing all this work being really sad? Why can't I just bump into my husband? Because they've not done the work. But she's with her husband now. Yeah, but she's still not done the work. They're still going to be, that's it.

We like, I'm not saying like you're not great together or anything like that. I'm saying there's a lot of underlying things that haven't been addressed. I mean, look at him. Like over a year. Like, I've ruled out my husband to come now. Yeah. My detective friend had a recently new boyfriend from out of town and he had a single mate. So she set us up on like a texting sort of day.

We hit it off straight away. And I guess he was the best distraction to the breakup. was going through, but also exactly what I wasn't getting from him. Respect. We've now been together for 10 years, married for five, three kids, boy girl twins, nine years and a three year old girl and I've never been happier. Yes, that also means that we fell pregnant with twins very fast, only nine months after I met him. I love hearing all your emails and your own personal stories and lies. I'm just enjoying you two so much. I'm also a twin and tell my twin about your podcast and how funny you two are. Great job girls, big love from Australia.

Love that's what I mean. My best friend was with someone for a number of years, like loved him, like she thought that she was going to marry him. And then she ended up realizing that she romanticised him a lot and didn't actually think that he was right for her. She broke up with him and met her now husband like a week later. They are honestly, it's my best friend who messaged you. you best couple, best relationship, beautiful children.

Like, I'm not saying that I'm going to go. I feel like it's rare. I know. I mean, I'd love that. But it would be nice. I also feel like I've done enough work on myself, to be honest. I feel like, like, seriously, like my fire horse is dead. Your fire horse was on fire so much that he burned and he has been cremated and he is now

dust. I've literally got like a bloody capybara. I love that you are now happy and you can look back and laugh at that and what a fucking shit show and he's, I wonder what he's doing now with his life, him and his cock growing. Probably still fucking about to be honest because they always still. Yeah. Love that email though. Thank you. Confession of the week. Dot, dot, dot. Dot, so embarrassing. So today I was reminded that after giving birth to three children, my pelvic floor and I are no longer on speaking terms. Now I do kegles occasionally when I remember, which is roughly.

the same frequency as I remember to descale the kettle, so naturally my pelvic floor is living its own independent life. Anyway, my husband dramatically throws himself face down onto my daughter's bed like he's just collapsed after a long day of farming in the 1800s.

Being the loving and supportive wife that I am, I thought, ah, perfect opportunity to crack his back like a glow stick. So I climb onto his back, chiropractor style, ready to perform what I can only describe as unlicensed spinal maintenance. This woman's hilarious. But he's not having it. In protest, he suddenly pushes himself up onto all fours,

which unfortunately for me launches me upwards and forwards. So now, completely unintentionally, I am riding my husband like a startled horse in the middle of my daughter's bedroom. Our children are watching. Everyone is laughing. There's bouncing. There's chaos. Oh no. And in that exact moment, my pelvic floor, which has been quietly minding its own business for years, decides, you know what, I'm out. And just like that, a tiny, traitorous little wee escapes, no protective liner,

no warning, just pure betrayal. Naturally, I slide off his back immediately, pretending nothing has happened. But before I can process my life choices, my little boy runs over and jumps on toothed back to have a glow as well. And at this point,

I'm thinking, this is fine. Everything is fine. His thick jumper has contained the situation. My son gets off and something my husband reached behind him and says, why is my back wet? And in that split second, my brain goes into full crisis management mode. So I look straight at my son and say, oh no, sweetheart, did you have an accident? And my four-year-old son looks absolutely horrifying and says, no, I didn't.

Why dumbed down, don't worry, it's okay. Let's just take your clothes off and get you ready for the bath. Then I turn to my husband and say, give me your jumper, I'll wash it, I'll sort everything, don't worry about it. Crisis averted, evidence removed, case clothes, my husband will never know what happened, but I will always know I peeed on my husband. That is hilarious. Oh my God, I love that you gas at your son. I know in Italy, gas a little four-year-old. You're a fabulous. Oh my God, should we quickly do product of the week?

So this is a company called Goh, okay? They're actually based in Dubai, and it's a lip care kit because I got my lip blush done the other week. And what's really cute is there's a little lip balm. It is so nice. Like, I've been smothering it because I need to keep my lips hydrated for two weeks. Then there's a sugar melt, so it's an exfoliator as well. And then also a little lip gloss.

But if you go on their page on Instagram or their website, they do loads of, like, beauty stuff. It's just a really nice little brand that I came across. So I thought I would share this with you. And how should we do an affirmation of the week? Yeah. So I screenshoted this. It's a bit of a different affirmation.

It's for anyone who's, like, lost someone they love because I just thought, I've had, honestly, like, I've had so many messages and comments on me sharing about it. And it's just kind of made me realize, at how many people have experienced it, which I guess is why we share what we share, because I don't know, you just never know who else can relate.

So you are so loved, during the times that you feel as if you are all alone and the pain is too much, I am here and you are needed. You are strong when you physically ache and can no longer carry the burden. I am behind you and will help you find your strength. You are brave in the face of all adversity.

When you feel broken beyond repair, I believe in you and will help piece you back together. You are worthy in the quiet, of the night when your mind is over on with untruths i see you you are valued and you matter keep going because this two shall pass you all emerge from the shadows and feel the sunshine on your face knowing without doubt that these times made you stronger and that the future is yours to write i love that yeah thank you so much guys and see you next week we'll see you next week love you bye bye