Not As We Planned - Should You Date Multiple Men At The Same Time?? | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

We discuss whether it’s a good idea to date multiple men at once, swapping stories with the other woman, planning another baby with your ex and how to meet the love of your life and a lovely email to give is all hope! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel like I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Not As We Planned. How is you are fantastic? How are you today? Fine. I was literally just literally. As we were sitting here, like about to record, I was like, update, update, update. And then I'm like, yeah, no, cool. Like, I have no life. I have nothing to update. Any dates on the horizon or are we?

We're keeping cards close to our chest this time around. I think as well, like, someone said to me, no, my friend actually sent me something yesterday when we were out. and so yeah about dating and she said where did she forward it so there's a thread and it's about should you date multiple men at the same time so obviously I've made it very clear like my approach to this I'm normally like very much like one person at a time I feel like invest in my energy and that person really getting to know them I think it's just something I've always done I think it's just me as a type of person but I did want to share this thing thread because just think it is interesting.

Oh, are you changing your mind? I don't know. Okay. Should you date multiple men at the same time? One, if you're not exclusive, yes. Not to be spiteful, not to play the game, but to protect your energy and stay out of delusion. Dating one man at a time, especially in the early stages, often needs women to attach too

fast before a man has even earned her. two let's be real you go on one date he's tall smells good opens your door you delete your dating apps start daydreaming and get emotionally loyal to a man who still calls you hun that's not love that's fantasy and it's dangerous multiple options keep you grounded i do really understand this as well like that i think sometimes like you can see so many like positive things in someone when you start dating them and then almost in your head without realizing you're like fantasising what your life could be with them, like how that might look?

I think the only thing that I would say, and obviously I know you're going to carry on, but if I started talking to someone, I'm just putting myself in the situation that I was in with my boyfriend when we started talking. We matched, we started talking, really liked where the conversation was going. It was really good,

and we spoke for two weeks before we met. If I found out that, obviously we weren't exclusive, but if I found out that like after the date that we went on, he had another one, day before or the week before me. I'd be a bit like, he's obviously not for me because I'm not enough to keep him. I know. And I don't know where I stand yet.

Okay, carry on though. So I'm going to carry on. I haven't actually read the whole thread through, but she sent it, we were talking about this last night. Three, dating more than one man doesn't mean sleeping with all of them. I fucking hope not. No. Can you imagine? It means observing. Comparing communication styles, seeing who's consistent,

watching who plans dates, who flates, who flake, who steps up you're not building a roster you're building clarity because when you only talk to one man you tolerate too much four examples guy a text you to dinner and follows up the next day the next day guy b only texts you at night guy c book something for next weekend without being asked now imagine if you were only talking to be you'd think the bare minimum was normal no see i disagree i think this is someone that hasn't done the work. Yeah, no, I agree. But it's interesting.

But when you're in your feminine receiving energy, you let them reveal themselves. No pressure, no rushing, no obsession. Five, men do it silently and smoothly. They'll date three women whilst telling you I'm not seeing anyone else seriously. Meanwhile, you're over here, emotionally loyal, cooking for a man who still doesn't know your birthday.

The truth is, dating more than one man, gives you power, not ego power, emotional balance. But here's the catch. Don't lie. Don't play fake poly mind games. Don't start arguments to compare them. You're not committed to any of them yet. You're simply choosing from abundance.

You're learning how different men show up. You're staying grounded in reality instead of getting lost in potential. And I think that's really key, the potential thing. So should you date multiple men at the same time if you're single? Yes. Until one of them says, I want to be serious. I want to claim this. I want to give you the consistency you deserve.

And until then, you're not for the streets, you're just for yourself. Can I be honest, I think that's a really toxic thread. I think that you could potentially lose a good guy because he doesn't like that you're dating multiple people, which I think is valid on their part. Yeah. I think that my boyfriend wouldn't have given me the time of day if you knew I was dating multiple people, look what I would be missing.

I feel like that thread is what the problem is with online dating and current dating situations now. I don't think necessarily, I would date multiple people at a time. I think talking and seeing which ones make it through to me wanting to see them. Before I date, went on a date with my ex-boyfriend, I went on a date with someone else two days before him

and the chat overlapped slightly. Right. But the minute I met my ex-boyfriend, I didn't give anyone else the time of day. I get that. I don't like this like, oh, number A, like, A did this and B did that. So hold on.

I don't know, for me, that is literally just like what people do on the apps where you're talking to multiple people and then you don't speak to one because the other one's offering more at the moment. But at the end of the day, that beginning, sage, you're showing your best part anyway.

Yeah, I agree. I don't like that. I think for me, it's more, I used to be very much like speaking to one person at a time. Like, that's the extent I used to take it to. But do you know what I think it is? Sometimes I feel like it naturally happens.

Because they probe your, interest like the conversation's easy and I think that shows I agree but I feel like being on apps being on dating apps you are going to be talking to multiple people initially yeah and then you spark a conversation with one person and then you're like I'm giving them my time I do also think it's a slightly different as well like I feel like I'm dating as a single parent who has my kids 75% of the time I have four kid free evenings a fortnight like it's not a lot and I'm not willing to dedicate my four evenings to men. Yeah.

So I feel like I don't actually have the physical allowance to do that. And so for me, it is like the case of, I think I'll try and engage in more conversations to try and understand people better. I do think I've probably been very cutthroat before. Like someone might say something slightly wrong and I'd be like, not my person. Yeah. But I personally don't feel like, and I know it's just me, or it's not just me, but I know no matter how much I tried to convince myself

well go on a date here going on a date there it's just not what I'm like I also always believe like treat others how you want to be treated how would you feel if a guy that you were talking to that you feel like it was a good vibe was actually also having the same conversation with someone else planning a date with them and taking

them out the day before you to the same place do you know what I mean? Yeah no I agree I agree it's interesting I feel like that's very... So we were talking about it last night because she was like you're very much like I feel like you talk to someone, you date that person, like,

even though you're not exclusive, because I haven't been... You act it. Not necessarily act it, but that's just... I think where I have quite old-school values with things. And again, yeah, similar to what you said, like, that's how I'd want to be treated. I can only go off their word, but that was my situation. I was seeing someone, I don't believe he was seeing anyone else.

And I really feel like that allowed me to fully get to know him to see if we're compatible. and I know that obviously you know how it said on that thing if you're only dating that one person you'll probably think that option B is okay I don't think we'd be like that because we've done enough work on ourselves so I think if anything don't date multiple people

date yourself first know what you want and then bin off the people that give you the bare minimum I do agree with that yeah that's it I think you guys we want to hear from you we're asking you reach out to us do you think you should date multiple men at the same time. I also feel like me and Tash

aren't very experienced in dating. No. So I, and I know, like, just the way I've dated and probably the way I will continue to date, like, I'm all for talking,

the talking stage. But I think I still count that as like the dating experience. I mean more so like when you're on the apps and it hasn't gone to WhatsApp yet. Oh no. Like, when you're on the apps, you're talking to multiple people.

You have to. I'm not going to match with one person and be like, ignoring everyone else. No, no, no, no, no, no. You know what I mean? Even sometimes when one goes on to WhatsApp, you're still on the app. Yeah, I think it's when you meet that person and you're like,

oh, that was, you know what, that was a really good first day. I might actually hold off on those other dates that I've got in the diary. 100%. That's, yeah, that's where I am. I want to know. I actually think we should even put a question box on our... That's where I'm at with things. I think if I match with someone who's got good chat, again, for me,

I would FaceTime, see if the vibe's there. I wouldn't be interesting then trying to... try and book a date in with someone else. But even book another FaceTime in with someone if that person's caught my attention. Which is interesting. Yeah, I just thought, we were just having the conversation last night

because I think we, as a friendship group, we do have quite different approaches to dating. It's just really interesting, I mean, we're all fucking single. Do you know what? I also don't feel like there is a right or wrong. No, I think everyone's different as well. What feels good to you?

Yeah. And I'm not here judging you if you go on like multiple dates with people, maybe that works better for you. I think the people that probably do the multiple dates are the ones that are very much like going with it for the experience. They don't want to meet anyone serious yet and they're just out to have a good time.

Or they're just trying to figure out what... That's another thing. I feel like some people trying to figure it out what it is they're looking for. I'm very clear on what it is I'm looking for. So not that I have like a tick list and a little exhale spreadsheet where I'm like, this person...

Why are you? I probably shouldn't, to be honest. But I do feel like as soon as someone... Like, don't get me wrong. Like, I have my big values and my idealities. And then I have my, I guess, less important things that, not that are like, they're not the non-negotiables. They're the things that I feel like I should be more open-minded about.

And that's definitely what this dating thing is. What do you feel like in your dating experience now, you've had, that were non-negotiables that are no longer non-negotiables. Having female friends. Interesting. So that's no longer a non-negotiable for you. Like, I'm okay with it. Okay.

Which is really weird. And like, it's really interesting because obviously, like, my last dating experience didn't go anywhere. But actually, like, it taught me so much about myself. And I think it all comes down to, like, the way that person reassures you, or even, like, the way they are. Like, that really didn't bother me. Yeah.

When you say female friends, do you mean, like, because I know that he worked predominantly with women. My ex-boyfriend only worked with women. Most of his friends are through his work And I was fine with that But how would you feel about Like if they like went out for a day with that friend Like are we talking just like

Being around women Why he would actually socialising With a woman Like my friend came over Again that didn't bother That didn't bother me Yeah that happened whilst we were seeing And like hand on heart

genuinely didn't bother me Like we had quite in depth conversations about Like I said to him Like I've never really been in a situation Where someone I'm dating Has had female friends I feel this type of way about it and it was actually so

interesting to hear it from someone else's point of view I think someone who had grown up around a lot of females someone in an industry surrounded by a lot of females it was just really I don't know it didn't make me think yeah and it's just I do think it very much comes down to that person

I think there'd be other people where I wouldn't fucking trust with a barge part with that what else? Oh God I feel I'm in the spot now it's just interesting because I feel like you said like these dating experience change maybe how we day. I think even just like the regularity of how much contact I have with someone I think with my ex-boyfriend I was we were very much in contact a lot throughout the day and actually I think I quite like having a bit more space

personally and I think everyone's different but I think it allowed me to be more productive and more focused on me rather than I think as well like a lot of it it's probably got to do with like where I was mentally. But I think my previous relationship consumed so much of like my excitement about life. Whereas I feel like

because like the last guy I was dating wasn't very heavily involved in my day to day. I can't really explain it. I just, I'd like it like, I'd like more than what I had, but we weren't in a relationship. But it's just showing me like I don't need to be in constant contact

with someone the whole time to know someone's into me. What are your thoughts now on if you had a preference right now if your person had kids or didn't? Because I know obviously... I don't know. Really?

I'm still... It's very much dependent on the person. So you don't have a preference? No. And dating someone without kids hasn't put me off dating someone without kids. I think it's just the case of like just not my person and that's cool.

Yeah. Right now I'm on... I'm not looking for one or the other. I think it all is going to come down to who it is. So, I mean, watch the space. Hopefully, I'll get married one day. Anyway, should we get just an email? Let's get into some emails.

Let's do this. Okay, we're going to start off with a little update. Do you remember the subject, a boss, a gay male boss and a stripper? Yes, I do. Okay. Hi, ladies. I hope you're well. You may remember I wrote to you last year about my ex, episode 70, I think.

Let's call him Fred because calling him what I want to call him might get this email flagged. My friend and I also came to a live event back in February and had an absolute blast and I updated you there that I went against your advice

and reached out to the other woman but we are already looking forward to the next live event hint-hin-h-nudge-nudge. Watcher-r-r-space. Anyway, on to the update. Remember that predicament I had. Fred was still whispering sweet nothings while I had a gut feeling he was off

being sweet to someone else too. You advised me not to reach out to the woman I suspected he was seeing. I really tried to follow that advice, I promise. But, then his best friend messaged me randomly to check in. Translation, messy breadcrumb from the universe.

I took it as my moment, played it cool, and casually let slip that I knew about Fred and the woman from work. And what do you know? Confirmation. Without even asking directly, he walked right into it. Men are so thick, simple souls. So, I messaged her.

She responded immediately. We got on the phone and after some polite awkwardness, she told me Fred had wanted to tell me himself about their relationship and for her to hold off telling anyone about them. Sure, right after pigs fly over his uncle's house, he lives in his uncle's house. maybe wife and kids, who knows. I gently let her know

that this wasn't about him being in a new relationship. It was about the fact that he'd been in a relationship with me for two years while shopping around for strippers and attention. Literally, we broke up because he flirted with a stripper, exchanged numbers with her, and then came home to me and my kids on Christmas Day. Merry awkwardness. Turns out, she thought I was just a casual fling

who wanted more. from him, lull. He was feeding her the same recycled stories he fed me two and a half years ago. His mum just moved back from France, helping with her house, living with his uncle, paying his ex's mortgage, yada yada, yada. Same lies,

new audience and just two and a half years later. We met for lunch and swapped war stories. The overlap was wild. She'd already seen red flags and thanked me for reaching out. We still keep in touch, bonded by mutual horror and disbelief. As for Fred.

After she called it a day with him, he kept messaging me for months afterwards. Poetic confessions, promises he made when we were together, and declarations of undying love that expired quickly once I didn't fall for them. He's the kind of guy who could pass a lie detector test while reading a bedtime story. Charming face, rugby player body, emotionally vacant soul,

an emotionless pie-faced wrapped in protein powder. dead anyway i'm out wiser lighter and with way better taste in men i feel sorry for the next woman who falls for the act he'll probably be old bitter and still living with that uncle after all i never did meet any of his family wow thanks again for your advice even if i took the site the scenic route sometimes you just got to go with your gut expose a liar whilst you're at it keep doing what you're doing i love it and one day i'll write in about the divorce as that's just mental. However, three years on, my divorce came through last month.

Oh, and I'm off to Greece with my new man who seems to be rather different to my usual type, emotionally available for one and a present dad. I'll save that one for another day. Much love to you both. Gives me hope. Oh, I love that. Thank you for the update.

And yes, we cannot, do you know what? Please sending about the ex-husband. We want to hear that. And I hope you have a lovely holiday with your lovely man. Hell yeah And Kat Rebuilding myself After Courts and Co-Parenting Challenge

Hi Tash and Kali I've been listening to your podcast for over a year now And I just want to say how much I appreciate it On the weekends when my two girls are with their dad And the house feels a bit too quiet Listen to you both makes me feel less alone A little about me I was with my ex-husband for 10 years

Married for 2 Our first daughter arrived in 2018 And while I embraced becoming a mum after the initial shock but unfortunately he really struggled to accept the pregnancy when I told him about being pregnant he locked himself in the bathroom for three hours

and refused to talk to me for over a month. Is he aware that he had unprotected sex? Is he aware of the repercussions? Maybe he missed out on sex education at school like this is what winds me up when these men suddenly turn around and they're like I'm not ready to be a dad then fucking wrap

up. The pregnancy was very lonely and he He had very little interest. Two months after he was born, I discovered he was having an affair. And it started when I found out about the pregnancy, and of course it was someone, we both worked with another one, which answered a lot of answers as to why he was so cold and uninterested during the pregnancy. I left, moved back to the UK, and eventually we found a way to co-parent well for our

daughter's sake. I sent a message through Instagram to her new husband and he responded with well it's not the first time and it probably won't be the last to her new husband. Confused. Oh to the woman he was

having the affair with who had recently got married. Oh! Yeah. And he said well it's not the first time and it probably won't be the last. Oh shit. So she went and snips? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Process. Yeah. In 2022, after building a strong co-parenting friendship, after years of working through the anger and upset, we decided to have another baby. We, yeah. Hold on.

Wait, but they're co-parenting. Okay. Sorry. So they were separated. They're co-parenting and now they're having a baby. We decided to have another baby. baby, we agree to do an at-home insemination to keep things uncomplicated. Hold on, what?

This requires a marshmallow. Hold on a minute. I'm confused. Want, mom? No. They're co-parenting, but you decide to have another baby. Am I being really stupid? Is that home insemination just means you're having sex?

I'm literally picturing. a turkey baster. Right, our second daughter was born last year, but history repeated itself. During my pregnancy, he became distant, and I found out that he had started a new relationship during the pregnancy, which was fine. Hold on, I'm so confused. You put the marshmallow, you're actually stressing me out. All I can hear is you eating marshmallows, and it's overstimulating.

I'm sorry. I'm stressed eating. our second daughter was born last year but history repeated itself during my pregnancy he became distant and I found out he started a new relationship during the pregnancy which was fine no it's not this is not fine

and I accepted that as we were not together but it would have been nice to have been informed whilst carrying his baby move on six months after she was born I was shocked to receive court papers through the letterbox for 50-50 custody no mention of this before this date. Okay, so really quickly,

it's obviously like the second trial that they had. They tried to have it together. We co-parent well. So we're going to... Let's have another one. But they didn't do it through sex. They did it through like... Insemination.

Yeah, that. I'm not really sure what was that. I think it's literally like a tray, sperm. Mix, mix, mix. In a bowl. Push it up. Lay there. Legs in the air.

Yeah. Like you just don't care. Anyway. And it's fine that he was having a... relationships, you just wish that he'd be a bit more open with the communication. Everyone's different. At that point, he had never even had our youngest overnight because I was breastfeeding and had our eldest at the weekend for two nights.

I believe the court papers were off the back of my email to him a few months before, asking if and when he was going to start paying child maintenance for his second daughter, as she was then three months old and he hadn't paid a penny towards her. That's why he wants 50-50, so he doesn't have to pay. Or bought any baby items. This email was greeted with a nasty response stating she can use her sister's hand-me-dance. Oh, stunning. The following weekend, he introduced our eldest daughter to his new girlfriend.

He had been dating for eight months that I didn't even know existed. I got upset about this because it was not part of our agreement, but we had that we had made as co-parents. After a long court process, the arrangement was set to every other weekend, a midweek night and half of the holidays, with the gradual transition set in place for overnights for our youngest. I thought once the court process was finished, we'd be able to focus on parenting peacefully. Instead, things between us are now extremely toxic. I'm left feeling hurt, mistrustful, and honestly, full of resentment.

I struggle to imagine a future where I feel content in a relationship again and able to trust someone again. When I look around at friends and family, so many seem unhappy with the support they get from their partners too. I guess I'm reaching out because I don't want to feel stuck in this angle, or hopelessness. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how to start moving forwards,

rebuild and trust in myself and maybe one day in others. Thank you for creating a space that feels safe, honest and real. Wow, that email's thrown me. We've never heard anything we've ever heard before. I want to understand like how,

like I guess you weren't upset that he had, that he was seeing someone else. during your pregnancy, you just wanted him to tell you. I feel like lines are really blurred with your relationship. I've got to be honest. Like, it's not, I understand it's not the norm. So I'm not saying that it's not okay

because it's not normal because in this day and age, what the hell is normal? But I feel like you've taken your healthy co-parenting relationship to an extreme of choosing to have another baby together when you're not together. I feel like some boundaries seriously need to be put in place to realize that. that like this relationship is very much over

and really try and lead like separate lives. Yeah, it does sound like, it does sound really confusing. And I guess as well, obviously like, it is tricky. I think it's really hard. That's it. I do think it is like a lack of boundaries, a lack of really knowing, almost like a definition of what this relationship is.

I think it is very confusing. And it is frustrating when someone like, you know, you get court paper through or something like that. I can imagine that's really frustrating. Do you know what else it is? You know when we've like had situations in the past where people are talking about their co-parenting relationship and they're maybe doing like weekends together still

and lines are a bit blurred, things always get complicated. once one person gets another partner. I feel like this is the prime example of that. Like things that are much easier when neither of you have someone else. But when you do, like I just don't feel like it's likely for your relationship to be able to continue

the way it was. I feel like this is where you now need to like really draw a line and put things in place that you haven't already. That's still slightly blamed my mind. I've got to be honest. Yeah. Hard to give advice when I'm so,

Oh, thrown in the deep end here. Like, just putting myself in your shoes, like my worst nightmare would be have, like, have another baby with someone on copyright. Yeah, like, the amount I've got is enough, goodbye. Yeah. But I hope you sort it out and please keep us updated. Yeah, I'm in true.

And also, don't feel like you're not going to be able to be with someone again or trust someone again. Like, this relationship isn't a normal thing. And I think that maybe it's time to start reflecting on that and doing some work on yourself. and not being okay with that situation. This is called life imploded. Divorce infidelity lies in two young children.

Hi. First, can I just say how happy you all look and that is amazing. Secondly, I'm currently going through a nasty divorce. I have nasty in-laws and have been a victim of emotional abuse for years. My husband had an affair and his mother knew. Ooh.

We have two young children who currently don't even ask about him. They saw him for what he and her, who he is and know how awful he can be he is a drinker too and they used to come downstairs in the morning to count the cans that he left out the betrayal the lies the heartbreak the fear is all so overwhelming he left us with nothing emptied the bank how did how did you survive more importantly how did you find the love of your life after your divorce oh that's it I haven't

I am the love of my life interesting okay so I think it's all about doing the work right yeah absolutely I feel like first of all

and I'm not just saying this as like almost like a marketing ploy but I feel like you do need to get the journal I feel like we really outline everything that needs to be done in order to find yourself get over the person that you're sort of obsessing over, romanticising.

I mean, treat you to know how young your children are. To, because she said, and two young children. For them to be, like, for them to have been in a situation where they're so aware of, like, the drinking and it's sad. Emptied the bank. I mean, I think you've just got to. count yourself lucky that you've drawn a line here and it's not just going to continue. Yeah. As well like yeah I think like with the we put a lot of pressure on trying to find

the love of our lives and like I think one thing I've definitely realised is it it's you can't meet the love of your life till you're mentally in the right place to you've done the work to you've healed the bits of you that only you can heal and and also like we need to stop putting all this pressure on the fact that like your life. is only going to be deemed successful when you find the love of your life when you're with a partner. Like that is obviously a lot of people

and I for one and one of those people like one of my goals in life is to share my life with someone. I'd absolutely love that. But I've also made peace at the fact that I'm very content as I am. I have so much like going for me. I've got a lot of exciting things, you know,

to look forward to. That's not defined by a man. So whether or not there's a man here it or not, it doesn't define my happiness, it would only add to it. And I think we need to stop placing all this pressure on if I meet the right person, equals success and I will be happy and live happily ever after.

Like, actually men just mostly cause fucking drama. So part of me is considering just not. Becoming a lesbian. No, not even that. Just like, I don't know. I don't know at the moment. I feel like your email, your most important question,

because you put, more importantly, how did you find love after divorce? I understand you wanting to know the answer to that because I think back in the day, like that's all I wanted was want to get over him and meet the love of my life. But I feel like, like Harley said, I think obsessing over meeting someone new

probably shows that you're not ready to do it yet. I think that you need to find that happiness in yourself, in your situation. on your own and then just meeting someone is adding value not the reason for your happiness

I'm massively agree with that so I think take that from this situation go and get the journal do some work on yourself do the journaling do the vision boards like create the ideal life that you want not relying on one man to do that for you

I agree with that. Okay this one was called Happily Ever After eventually. Hi girls, I've listened to your pod from the beginning and it was an absolute lifeline when my marriage broke down in summer 2023. I was with my now ex-husband for 10 years and we have two boys together who are now one and three who were one and three when we split. Same as me.

At 2023 he says, it's me. Did I write in? I'm not happy ever after. Honestly, I know you can relate. It was the most traumatic time in my life. I wasn't happy. But equally, when the life you think. thought you had for the rest of your life gets thrown off a cliff. It is the most horrendous

feeling in the world. Even if you did see it coming, nothing quite prepares you. Cutting a long story short, he's not my person. He's a narcissist who gas let me constantly, couldn't be faithful and who quite frankly didn't want the family life we created. Within a year, I had got divorced. I let him apply and pay for that, dickered, and bought my own house and I've honestly never been happier. I have reconnected with an old friend from when I was a teenager and we are literally so in love and happy.

It's healed my heart in places I didn't know I needed it. Co-parenting can be really difficult and I miss them so much when they aren't with me. I know it's important for them to have a good relationship with their dad and his family too but I think that is something I'm learning to accept as time goes on because I have

no choice. There is a lot more to my story but I just wanted to share my story briefly with anyone going through separation, divorce, heartache of any kind of young children that I know it seems impossible but things really do get better. Hang on in there because good things are coming away. Thanks for everything girls. I listen every week and adore you both. Lots of love. Oh that's nice when you hear like I think anyone that's going through it or been through it, I feel like it's emails like that just feeds you a bit of hope. It gives you a bit of hope. You could come across that connection if that's what you're looking for at any point in your life that

just because, because I remember, like, in those really, really early days, it is literally, like, you can't see past it. And I think, I've really started thinking about it recently because I've got a friend who's going through it. And everything she's going through just, like, reminded me of, like, how I felt, like, the whole, like, shut, I don't understand. Like, I had a day where I just kept bursting out crying and I'm really annoyed at myself because I've had, like, a week where I've been fine.

And it's like, I was like, I promise you, like, relate to it so much. And just for anyone listening who really is in those early stages where even getting out of beds a fucking struggle, like this should be your pinnacle of hope that thousands of us have gone through it and we're here, we're thriving, we're happy, we're looking back and actually like, I think so many of us are grateful for what we've gone through

and the growth that's allowed us to do. I know that's certainly where I'm at in my life. Like, I've not necessarily found I happily ever after, but I'm still in such a positive place. like so much happier than I was when I was married so much like I've done so much growth in the last two and a half years and I'm so grateful for everything that's come my way even if look it's not put me in the relationship I'm ultimately going to end up in I'm still very grateful and can still look at things really positively and that is you know a combination of time but putting time in

to do the work and I think that's really going to be the difference to anyone listening to this who's thinking how am I ever going to be happy again and feel positive and excited for life. Yeah, no, thank you for that. I think that a lot of people that listen to this, they are trying to get hope. So, appreciate that email. Thank you so much.

Okay, this one is called a fucking incompetent parent. Okay. Hi, ladies. Of course, I'll start by saying thank you for everything you were done for the single parent community. I was on Patreon Zoom this week,

feeling a weird mixture of Starstruck, but also like I was on a call with my friends, which was nice. My story is about 13 years in the making We've been on and off again And so many times I've lost count I met my child's father through friends And we knew each other for quite a long time

Before we got together I also found him endearing Once you get to know him He's so much fun But to outsiders I think he comes across It's a bit odd But I didn't care because we were in love And we had so much fun together

And what I've come to realise is He's a nice guy, a good dad But a fucking shocking partner and I've taken a step back through our separation, a fucking incompetent parent, to put it lightly. I understand that those statements may contradict each other, but he is a big kid himself, so of course our children adore him

and want to be with him always, but he is not able to actually care for her. I got pregnant just before COVID hit. We didn't live together. He lived with his elderly mother, I know, Red Flag. And I was a key worker during COVID, so he actually didn't physically see each other for around two to three months.

And to be honest, I think this may have been the beginning of our unraveling. I moved in a week before my due day and things were bumpy to begin with. A newborn, broken sleep, getting used to lives with not only my other half,

but his mother too. I hate that. Yes, same. Well, five years later, and in March this year, I called it quits on the relationship. He has been selfish, incompetent. Have I said this already?

And it's gradually made less and less effort and made lots of decisions not to put me or my feelings first. And this has gradually worn me down to the point where I actually don't like him very much anymore. So here's the part I need help advice on. Although we split in March, we are still sharing a living space. In fact, we are still sharing a bed.

Oh. And of course, I'm still living with my mother in there. Oh. I thought she was going to say sharing a bed with that mother in the middle of them. Like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Due to circumstances, I'm not able to move out until I have funds from a property. that I own but rent out, freed up to allow me to do so.

Because I have capital, I'm not able to claim benefits to rent. And because there are five of us in the house, there isn't enough room for me to live in the interim. Because I can't stand him anymore, and he seemingly chooses every day to opt out of adulting, parenting, I'm finding myself becoming quite toxic towards him and sometimes in front of my child. Nothing too awful but comments that I find myself regretting

and my stress levels are rising when I'm around him. how do I keep this under control when I'm around him how do you live with someone you no longer actually like I'm well aware that this is all going to be affecting my child and I'd like to shield her from this as much as I possibly can we haven't told her anything yet I'm not able to move out but I think it would be confusing for her any thoughts advice anything you think that would be helpful

thanks again ladies for all that you do that's a really tough situation sharing a bed with someone that you don't want to there's got to be some other kind of arrangement you can come up with even if it's like getting an airbed. I would rather say on an air bed.

I don't think the bed situation is what's causing the conflict and the problem. It's like just being together. It's not a normal or healthy situation to be in. But the thing is she's pretty much said that she can't rent to anyone else she could stay with.

I would rack my brains. I would like be contacting my friend who I went to primary school with like over staying with my ex-husband and their mother and all. Yeah. it's yeah it's not just think it's really unhealthy for you I think as well like you I just imagine like you go into that situation you go into that house you're already on that like that anxiety is going off you're not feeling safe and comfortable and I really believe like homes should be a place where you feel safe and you're it's a waiting game for you you're waiting for everything to go through so you've got funds that release and I just I think in terms of like protecting your mental health and like I feel like again like children are very receptive and what's the word I'm looking for?

Brazilian? No. Sponge? Yeah, like they absorb the environment and even though like it's not a great environment but that's having a negative impact and I just wonder if there are any other potential options to explore. The thing is you've got one of two options you either do something in order to be able to find a way to move.

even if that is literally like sleeping on the sofa at a friend's house. And selling photos of your feet. Or that. Or you seriously start learning to bite your tongue because if you're going to start being toxic in front of your daughter, that's actually on you. So you either remove yourself from that situation.

Yeah. Or keep your mouth shut. Which I can appreciate it's fucking hard to do. I'm not saying that that's for the faint-hearted but the situation you're in is shit. If it was me, I'd be finding any other possible option yeah because

also even if you are on someone sofa you'll probably be happier you'll probably feel lighter and then that will also reflect on your daughter It's all temporary yeah please keep us updated let us know

but try and get out okay oh got a confession of the week it's bad is it if you wrote this in okay I told my best friend

I couldn't stand her boyfriend but the truth is I've been sleeping with him for months, the worst part she still vents to me about how distant he feels lately, whilst I already know exactly where he's been.

Oh my God. Yeah, that's we've not had one like that, quite have we? That's I don't, we're not giving advice right now, we're just opening to confessions, right?

Yeah, I mean, good fucking getting out of that one. I don't really know what to say. Um, I'm lost words. Okay, so, affirmation of the week. Don't cheat. Don't sleep with your friend's boyfriend. I will not sleep with my friend's boyfriend. Okay, hold on. Okay, affirmation of the week, people. Are we ready? I deserve a love that excites me, respects me and chooses me every single day. Can I get a hell yeah? Amen.

Damn right. I'm here for that energy. Yeah. That is. Project that. Project that out to the universe. Always. Thank you guys so much.

Make sure you like, subscribe, follow. Share it on your Instagram. Go and tell a mate. Go and tell your mother-in-law. Go put it in a WhatsApp group. Why not? Anyway, love you. Bye.

Bye.