Not As We Planned - The hack to find deleted messages on your phone!!! | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

Carly gives us a big life update, we have a little scroll on ‘are we dating the same guy’, realising you’ve outgrown your partner and don’t know if you should end it, and should you give your cheating partner one more chance? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Plan. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel like I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hey guys, welcome back to Not As We Plan. Welcome. Guys, don't forget to like, share, subscribe. Go sign up to Patreon if you want some more episodes. We've got, God, like 65, I'm there? Yeah, something like that. To binge out on... And we do our monthly zooms on there as well. It's not just an extra episode. You've got the monthly zooms.

You've got the group chat. We'll also be releasing merchandise over there first, and all, like, updates will be over there first. And there is something that is sort of bubbling in the background, so that will also be on Patreon first. So make sure you head over. But let's have a little update. What's going on in your life?

So something big happened. this week um and it's really bittersweet i'm actually yeah i am feeling quite emotional about it because it is massive but my house has gone on the market and yeah it was obviously the family home we bought it well we moved into it a year before we split i thought it was our forever home um i love my house like i literally it's like my dream home it's yeah it's just everything i could wanted. And it's been quite a hard process like preparing the kids that that's going to happen. And also like because my divorce isn't through and like without going into too much detail, like I am going to have to rent for probably at least a year. And so knowing like it's

temporary and it's not like we're moving into our next place that's going to be like filled with like not, that's not going to be filled with memories, but it's not a permanent setting. And I think I'm also finding that quite difficult and just, I mean, that anyone who's ever moved house in their life, the whole process is extremely stressful. They say like one of the most stressful things you can do is move house, get married, get married, have a baby. I mean, we should add get divorced as well now.

Yeah, 100%. Or find out he's having an affair. But it is really stressful, like even like to the point of like getting your house to a clean enough, nice enough point to get the photos done. And then like, I'm the one still in the first. family homes so like I'm the one who's got to be there for all the viewings and like also like I've not sorted out where I'm going next because I can't really do that until there's interest in my house because lots of the rental properties don't want like they're like to move in next

month it's a quick thing isn't it um obviously mine's chain free so I'm hoping it's going to go fast but it's so much more than just a house like yes it's really weird because obviously my marriage fell apart in that house but I've been in that house longer on my own than I was with my ex and actually all my memories from that house of me and my kids and it's been such a fun, lovely house

to create memories in and anyone who's had to sell that family home will understand how that feels. Like I'd love to be in a situation where I could have bought him out and afforded the mortgage, but the mortgage is absolutely wild like it just would never happen.

and it is one of those situations where I know I have to take some steps back in order to move forwards and I think it's one step to having those financial ties severed with my ex-husband which is obviously positive and also like I think when the day comes when I will buy my own property that is absolutely the goal like once funds are released like in the equity and stuff like obviously that's stressful on your own but I feel like that feeling of knowing I've done that on my own is going to feel so amazing and look I've got a bit of a while till that happens you know my situation's slightly complicated but yeah I just wanted to like touch on that for anyone else like I have had a lot of messages from people who are doing the same and it is like it's not

just the house it's like so many emotional memories are tied to that place like it's the place of my memory trail apart it's the place I grew into myself it's like the place my child started school it's it's got all these memories tied to it and I thought that was my forever home and so yes that's been like really big this week it is officially on the market got some viewings and it's just very very fucking bizarre and I will try and take you on the journey like with me because I don't like I was saying last night to someone I was like it's really weird it's like the first time in my life I don't really know I don't really know I don't really know what's going to happen with it like I don't know where I'm what kind of house I'm going to end up

I don't know anything and it's terrifying but it's also exciting so whatever it is we're going to make an adventure home is wherever the three of us are like home is a feeling not a place and that's something I'm really really holding on to and really want to embody because the kids have all these concerns like because as well like I said like it's going to be a smaller house and I think they're I don't want a small house and I'm like but we can make more memories because mommy will have more money like to be able to do this and this so yeah it's tricky but that's my update really um what have i done i actually it was really nice i i was kid free the kids were with their dad and i spent like two days with my boyfriend and met a load of his family that i haven't met yeah um

and i guess it's quite daunting when you're meeting like about eight new people all in one go and they all know each other and they're just one person. But it was really, really nice. I feel like, you know, obviously as our relationship grows and we're both sort of like getting more involved with each other's like family and extended family and everything, yeah, it was really, really nice, really welcoming. I mean, I'm not exactly, can you imagine if I just sat here

that slagging with his family? This one and this one. No, do you know what? I think that, you know, without going into too much detail, I never really had like that close relationship with my exes family, sibling. Right, okay. And, you know, you can't obviously pick, like, for who their family is, but it was just really nice to sort of, like, be welcomed into, like, his family

and obviously, like, love his kids as well. Like, I see them so much. and it's really, really nice. And they were obviously like saying, like, next time you've got to bring the kids, like we want to meet them. So it was really nice. And other than that, I'm trying to,

there's nothing else to really report. I want you to share some stuff on that Facebook page. Oh, should I tell you what else I should share? Yeah. Well, I sent you the other day. Oh, my God, yes. So, guys. I got this screenshot from Carly,

and you know what's really funny. I was with his family. And I showed them. This is the kind of thing some of us to get subjected to. So this is in TikTok, slid into my DMs. I'm going to read it for you. It's very romantic. Go for it.

Carly. Is it possible for me to buy your well-worn, dirty underwear for a thousand pounds a pair? And if we can do this twice a month, please. I had a lady do this for me, but she's now returned back home to Australia. I have to be discreet, as I am

married, so it will have to go to my office address. I do hope to hear from you soon, and I hope my message doesn't offend you. I'm from Dubai, so money isn't an issue. In all honesty, the quality of your worn underwear is important in terms of the taste and smell that I can extract from them by laying them on the bed and licking the crutch area vigorously. I think we should reply. She hasn't replied. Let me reply. I'll reply. Reply. Another day, reply. We also wanted to touch on these are we dating the same guy pages because they're giving me life actually um so like basically someone posts a picture

of the guy and they're like any tea they're like blah blah so is that a photo you think from his profile picture yeah or from his app yeah on the app any tea before we step it up see i find that weird i find it weird that if you're ready to step it up why are you feeling the need to post him on that on that group yeah i feel like if you need to post someone on that group then you shouldn't be with them. Yeah, I agree. I do agree with this. Hang on. Let me find this. I need to try and find one of the ones I found before because they are. Can you imagine if we were scrolling on it

and I saw someone I know? Okay, well this one's got 40 comments. So, let me see him. Pretty wrong. Hi, has anyone talking to this guy, I've been seeing him for a while now, but he's always on his phone and hiding it. Red flag. He said he split up with his ex a while ago, but now I'm not sure and

have a bad feeling. Then they say his name. he was posted the other day he was posted the other day he was posted the other day by someone else I'm just waiting for someone to be like is anyone seeing this guy and there's someone else is like

okay so this guy tea or red flag let me see him topless yeah right so someone's like asking is that his name they're like yeah matched on Facebook dating

he was first message complimented me spoke about his day died off because I wasn't flirty and then someone's just written all the his names are red flags we could say it's same someone was like i'm sure he's engaged to a girl i went to school with it wouldn't surprise me to be fair he's a serial cheater well the engagement post is still on her instagram i'm assuming they're still together i'll know what's her name so people start

i was literally talking to this guy last night on facebook dating i didn't reply to the message as i fell asleep and this morning he's disappeared he's not a red flag he's the red carpet oh bless him same conversations had with him multiple times was going to meet him and go to his for snuggles, massages and films, all that malarkey. Then he'd go quiet, then pop back up at the same lame-ass excuse. Yeah, used to message me and got annoyed when I just gave him sarcastic remarks back to his request for different types of nudes, had the pictures and videos he sent to, unsolicited and not asked for.

No, no, no, stay away. All absolute beg popped up in my inbox the other day actually saying, stranger. Is stranger, I'm a stranger for a reason, was speaking to him a while. while I'm back, absolutely full of himself, gave me the fucking ick. No wonder men are against these pages. Like, but everything comes up. The ones I saw the other day were so much better. Like, honestly, like, someone was like, can I have tea?

And there were about five women who were seeing this guy within the same period, and he also had a four-month-old child. So, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't recommend, like, consuming your whole day with that because it's definitely very easy. But I do also think there's something to be said about, I do think, like, if you've got to the point where something's not sitting right and you feel the need to upload,

I think that's your answer in itself about that person, but... It's juicy. It's very juicy. Yeah, that one wasn't even in a local area to me. I just thought it would just be interesting to have a look at. I just want to scroll and see if there's anyone that I know. Well, this one's not local, so you're not going to...

Oh. Yeah, so that's that. Anyway. Anyway, let's go into some emails, guys. Make sure you keep sending them in, If there are any that you sent a while ago and we haven't shared it, go and send it again because sometimes I feel like we get a bit overwhelmed with them and then we lose it. Okay, this is short, but the subject is standing out.

So this is called Sex Workers and Trans. Let's give it a go. Hey guys, loving your work. Here's a wild one for you. Hey, I heard you were a world. I can't help it. I was with my best friend's brother for many years. He messed up a fair few times.

Best friend's brother, right, okay. From 2011 to 2024. He wrote me a letter in 2019. He couldn't live without me. I was the love of his life, you name it. We rekindled in 2020, bought a house, a dog. He proposed we had a baby and we got married. Four months post-wedding, I went on his phone.

Why does that just give me pure anxiety? Like, how do you think men cheated? before phones, or do you think they didn't cheat? No, of course they did. Do they get in the yellow pages and be like, right, let's see, any women? 0208. In a phone box? Of course, they still cheated.

It's just easier to hide it nowadays. But, like, how do you think, was it just at work? It wasn't just at work. They went to the pub, they... So long as men have had penises, they've been putting it around. Let me tell you that. Okay, so I went on his phone. Little did we know.

Your phone keeps your deleted messages. Does it? Does it? Oh no. Oh, no. Did you know? Top left. Hold down on edit.

Wait. Thank me later. Top left. Is that? Hold down on edit. Needle. I haven't got it. Do you think she means on WhatsApp or messages?

Oh, maybe you're silent. Look, show recently deleted. Shut up. Oh my God. I'm not, my God. I've got deleted from Shopify and Boohoo. And I've got from... Oh my God.

Oh. Guys, there's a hack for you. If you want to look for recently deleted text messages on an iPhone, go into Messenger. That would involve me actually delete anything. Hold down on edit. Show recently deleted messages. Holy guacka, moly. That's wild.

Didn't know that? Yep. A message showing in there. I quickly saved the number, queried it with him. He was drunk. And it was me. I was crazy.

My head was always tick, ticking, apparently. Turns out she was an escort. I don't get the appeal of that. I guess it's like no strings attached really, isn't it? Yeah, if you need sex. It's like you just have sex. It's probably a thrill that you're doing something wrong,

but you know that they're probably like not going to fall in love with you, not going to tell anyone that it's their job. It's like that easy, quick, in and out, literally. He denied, denied, denied. He was looking for a massage for his bad back. And you can't. The one night away. And your two balls.

The one night away from his wife and child at 8pm. Yeah. My sister and I logged into his mobile phone provider. Sorry, how are we doing all this? And what we found was wild. 20 plus numbers for sex workers, some being trans, with an 8.5 inch surprise, apparently.

Sorry. what's that like that it's too big wait although what was the size of their biggest penis in the world was it like 14 inches something around that

something horrendously scary his PayPal showed payments to 60 year old women he was 31 granny porn for what I can only guess was for photos or videos videos, payments to chat rooms, phone calls to a local brothel.

Like, where do people find these places? Do you think if you just Google, like, brothels near me? It just makes me feel like I want to give him a good old wash. So here I am, single parenting, co-parenting, if that's what we have to call it. Our lovely three-year-old little girl, he's the victim, of course, still to this day. Bless him. And that's it. I, do you know what?

There's very few things that can shock me nowadays, but I actually think some of that content might have done. Yeah, it's just like... The grannies. Do you what reminds me of? Did you ever watch it when it was WWF? And like the Royal Rumble, she was like, look at my puppies!

And she like hit her like boobs. So I just like, you don't remember that. I'm hoping... I don't remember it. It's like I didn't watch it. My mum used to let us stare at really late. It was very inappropriate. Hopefully someone listening knows

and I'm not just shouting it. what? I know that there's never a good way of finding out this sort of stuff, but can we at least walk away from a situation like that, knowing that like, yeah, I do think sometimes that is he, not, I don't underestimate what you've gone through, but I feel like

there's no way to that situation and be like, he's gone for like better or like or he's changed and he's going to treat them so well. His 60 year old lover. it's just like you've got to look at those situations just be like I'm just confused

I'm confused so hold on I've only oh I've only just it's only just registered that he was talking to someone with an eight and a half inch penis yeah trans was he putting that up his butt and where else is he putting it mouth you were better off

I'm sure you don't need us telling you this and wow uh yeah okay interesting Guys, I feel like we need to get some dating stories in. Let's get quite excited for her new dating escapades.

Send in your dating disasters. I'm really unenthused unless you can tell. No, do you know what? I have been asked on some dates. And one thing I will say for anyone like doing this, I've always said, we've always said like about FaceTiming before, haven't we? And... Well, it's something that you've always liked to do.

It's something I've always liked to do. And actually, most of my friends don't. We were speaking about this last night, and they were saying, like, get really frustrated, like giving up a night to get all dressed up, blah, blah. I'm like, I don't do that. Like, I FaceTime, and if there's not a vibe. And I've, I've, do you feel like you'll ever cutting something off

that could materialize in person? No. No. I feel like, and I'm not saying that, like, I'm not good on FaceTime, but I know I show my best self in person. So I think that I, hopefully please God, never have to experience dating again but yeah I don't for me I don't think I would FaceTime but I can understand why you do it um I do it I feel like I can pick up on

someone's personality for a FaceTime yeah and also like just to be blunt if I'm physically attracted to them and I guess that is also a lot what it is for me is to check does this person match what their pictures are and yeah they look like what they are Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or just even like, I can't even explain it. I also think where I am like very big on like energy. And I have like said to two people this week and I've sent a really nice message. Thanks to chat to BT for composing it for me.

I hope you took the dashes out. It did. Good. That, yeah, just like it's really lovely to speak to you but I just not really feeling it and like wish you all the best and success in the future, whatever it was. And like for me, like I think as well where I have such limited free time. time I'm not willing to just give it out to like random men to meet them like I've all I I and if someone does if someone's got a problem with face-timing me before not my person I just think if

you're weird about that then that's on you like yeah I don't know I'm just very lazze about it all at the moment anywho stuck at the crossroads they say everything happens for a regent regent oh russian Would you like a rasion? Oh God, here we go. It's not even that funny. They say everything happens. Sorry, because I'm in a jumper and I'm going to get hot.

For fuck sake. Would you miss me? No. For a reason. And gosh, do I believe that? I'm going through uncertainty in my comfort. relationship and this morning I happened to listen to your podcast episode 27 we broke up from last year is that mine or yours yours oh I started from the beginning so I'm very behind listening to

tash it was like listening to myself talking my current boyfriend is the guy that helped me heal after splitting with my little girl's dad I've never felt so loved and prioritised and finally trusted someone again and we've had the most incredible year of lovely memories but since moving in together in March something in my gut is telling me it isn't right I really thought he was my forever, but now I've healed. I feel like someone being kind and loving me is just bare minimum. It breaks my heart because he's an amazing guy. He's incredible with my girls and he hasn't done anything wrong.

But I feel like we are very different people and on different pages. And I know I'm going to absolutely break his heart. I feel like he loves me so much to just agrees with me to keep us in a good place. We lack any conflict because I believe he is burying things to keep the peace. I think he already feels. fears me walking away and puts me on such a pedestal at the expense of his own feelings, which have started to find unattractive because he seems to have no boundaries. Is it normal to outgrow someone?

Was he just sent to help me to rebuild my self-worth? The idea of starting again is terrifying. I just wanted to reach out, as I must have heard this episode today for a reason. I'm just looking for some advice you might have. I love listen to your podcast so much. Can't wait to keep listening. It takes a lot of strength to walk away from someone that has. hasn't necessarily done wrong that is a good guy and that has really helped you grow but also

giving you an amazing experience because it was a nice relationship but at the end of the day I think you staying you'd be staying for the wrong reasons you'd be staying because he's a good guy you'd be staying because you don't want to break his heart like that's not why you're meant to be with someone and yes it is really daunting and scary to start again, but you'd rather start again after a year than to start again in five years' time. Yeah, I think as well, I read somewhere.

Did you say they live together now? Yeah, which is tricky. Yeah, but I wonder if it's just renting. Hopefully, all one's moved in with the other. I think as well, we need to sometimes understand, like, you can have really good experiences with people without them being your person, and like some people come in your life,

I saw it as like someone comes in your life and they're a bridge. So they're a bridge between one version, of you and another version of you and they helped you get from that to the other but they're not meant to come on the journey you're not meant to keep crossing back over that bridge you keep going forward and I think it's really telling when one of you does the growth and the reflection and the healing and the work and the other doesn't you can very much outgrow someone and and those elements in someone do become unattractive because you've gone on this growth and unless you're with someone who's willing to grow together and also like value themselves enough to do the work because he

I think like even like the fact he puts you on a pedestal shows like he obviously lacks self-worth and value that's really hard and I think you need to stop beating yourself up and I think like the amount of growth you've done like for me a big thing is to find someone who wants to do that growth together and keep growing yeah and that's okay and I think that's like a massive actual credit to you that you're able to reflect on that, you've been able to do that growth and the fact you're able to step back and be like, do you know what? He's like an amazing person. We've had some amazing experience, amazing memories. I feel like that about my ex-boyfriend. I can't really look back and I don't have like many bad memories. Yeah, there were things that probably

weren't like right, but most of my memories of my ex-boyfriend were amazing. We did amazing things together. He made me feel so loved and safe and we have fun. Like we did really, freaking cool stuff and that's so and I think what I've learned over time is like it's like not every breakup needs to be because you end up hating someone or needs to be because they've done something really bad like you can just not be the right fit for each other and that's or like yeah you're like you've grown and I think that's what I struggled with when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend I found it really hard that I didn't hate him I wanted to hate him I wanted to hate someone yeah but I also feel like, and I'm not for a second suggesting

that this is what you're going to do, but I feel like it's at this point you mentioned about being on the crossroads. I think it's at this point where this is where relationships, where someone ends up straying, because you'll start to see things in his personality that might make you feel a bit

unattracted to him, so you're like, oh, he hasn't done that. You even said it, like, you find it a bit unattracted that he's got no boundaries, or he doesn't know how to, like, sort of like, stick up for himself or have an opinion. And before you know it, you get attention from someone else and then you're going to go and do something that you're going to regret and then that will hurt him even more do the right thing for you and him he also deserves to be with someone that worships him that wants to be with him that sees a future with him

so you wouldn't although you'd be hurting him you'd actually be doing him a favour in the long run yeah this is called relationship dilemma okay I have been broken up with my son's dad since April during our relationship he had massive jealousy issues and controlling behaviour. Like thinking me looking our front door to our house was to hide things from him, like when I was in the back of the bedroom trying to put our sun down for a nap or having a bath or whatever. Assuming I was messaging guys, constantly checking up on me. He didn't like me even saying hi to a guy he didn't know. He would get all silent if I did or question me on how I know them after they'd walk away. He would flip out when I would go out and do anything with my

friends, even if it's just dinner. Some issues would arise and he'd be really angry. with me. When my son was four months old, he went on an international weekend away for a stagdo. He slept with a girl. Okay, cool. As you do. And I found out because I looked on his phone and saw her as a Snapchat friend. I didn't know who she was. So looked when they added each other and it was the date from that weekend. I then messaged her and she told me everything. We tried to move on and work on things for a other year, but eventually I got sick of his controlling behaviour. I went to a workmate's wedding. I went at 5pm and was home by 10pm. When I got home, he was asleep. I slipped

into bed and when he woke up, he checked the time and was angry at me for not keeping him updated on my night and letting him know that I was on my way home. In the morning, he tried to apologise, but I was annoyed by his behaviour, so I didn't immediately accept it. He emptied my wardrobe in front and my son into the hallway screaming at me to leave. I did and I haven't gone back. However, for the last five months he's been in therapy and telling me he's working on himself, we haven't sold our house together yet,

though I am living elsewhere. I'm finding it hard to know whether to sell the house and cut ties or believe he has worked on himself enough for us to work out. Let me know if you need more info. Can I be honest? I feel like the accusations and,

the behaviour that you explained at the beginning, I feel like it's a deflection on what he's been doing. It's very, very common when someone's cheating that they then accuse you of something they're actually doing. It's such a common behaviour. And that is what I'm getting from this. And I also feel like, who cares if he's doing the work?

He's slept with someone else. Yeah. He's cheated on you. And he also... And he went mad at you for everything that you've done that isn't wrong, but then he went to sleep with someone and didn't tell you about it and you found out because you went on his own.

We say it all the time. Only you know if you can actually forgive someone for cheating on you. Not everyone's made for that shit. If you feel like you're going to live with that resentment forever and every single argument you have, you're going to bring that up and that it's going to become toxic, is it really worth it? Is that really going to be happy?

Do you trust him? Yeah. Could he could do it again? Yeah. I don't know. I know. I think the fact that also, like, he chucked you out. He cheated and he chucked you out.

that doesn't sound like a man that I'd want to be with. That's not a man. No, I agree. That's a man child. Man child. No respect. No respect.

Vile, cheetah, pig. I say you're already out, sell the house and get rid and please keep us updated. Okay, so we've got someone who emailed us in May but she hasn't actually attached to emails but I'm going to read it anyway.

So she said, hey girls, I emailed back in May but you didn't get around to reading it out. If I hadn't found your podcast, I would 100% still be with my narcissistic gaslighting cunt of an ex. I'm a few months into the official split

now after asking him to leave our family home and doing some work on myself after signing up to Patreon and getting your journal. Yay! I'm now writing in again as I feel a little loss for other reasons and it's been four and a half months in total since we properly split and although I have had it in my mind for a long time and I'd

threatened it many times before I only got round to it when I had a light bulb moment of clarity and though I cannot do this for another day but the thick twat is only just catching up now and I don't think he can believe we are no longer together. I have no doubt in my mind I have made the right decision but it's so hard right now as I'm really lonely and it's so much easier to work on the old shitty miserable relationship rather than look for someone else. I definitely won't be doing that but the thought crosses my mind when I think about meeting someone else and starting again. I do feel excited about that but so scared too and I do

think my ex still thinks we will reconcile. Basically, I'm just feeling really lonely right now. At first it was fresh and I felt empowered leaving him and get my life together without him. After putting the bills in my name and managing life without his bullshit, I felt great. But now I just feel lonely all the time. And as soon as the kids are in bed, I just keep thinking about meeting people and like, what's going to happen now?

Am I going to grow old alone if I don't meet someone? We hadn't had sex for the last three years of our relationship. Oh, wow. Which is pathetic. It's not pathetic. It's just a red flag. It's more than a red flag. It's a big problem.

We had slept in separate rooms for two years and hadn't really had a meaningful conversation for a very long time. I still can't even be in a room with him longer than 10 minutes. And to be honest, I don't even think I like him as a human being now after seeing his nasty bitter side recently,

let alone anything else. I think that's it as well. Like when you split with someone, sometimes it's not even like the initial reasons. It's the way they carry themselves after that. I think it tells you a lot about who they really are. I'm busy working and with the kids all the time I'm not working since we split

but I literally can't stop thinking about meeting someone I'm just really really scared if I did meet someone about how my ex would react I expect it would be bad I have anxiety thinking about it I imagine it would cause World War III and I feel so nervous about even considering it plus I was in that relationship for so long

I literally have no idea where to start then there's the other issue of if my eldest found out I was dating I worry about the heartbreak and try my hardest to shield my children from anything that could damage them growing up with our split but their dad doesn't seem as bothered as I am to protect them

and he says I'm evil for splitting with him because the kids are suffering because of me not wanting to be with him anymore. I think if I was to start dating and he found out he would be really spiteful most likely cause a lot of trouble probably tell my eldest which I don't think I would cope with

but I am so lonely. I feel like the only way I could move on is if he did first but I can't see that happening any time soon, as I'm pretty sure that in his delusional mind, he still thinks we will get back together. I feel so guilty about ripping our family apart as it is, and a broken family was never what I wanted for my children, especially given there was no cheating, but I was just so deeply, deeply unhappy and emotionally abused in the relationship for so long. All I'm craving now is some romance. Is this too soon? Should I be focusing on my children? I've even

considered getting back with him to stop feeling like this, but the thought makes me feel sick, and it's not long before I remind myself all the reasons I'm no longer with him. Is this normal to feel like this? Why do I feel guilty? I've contacted my old therapist and hopefully going to get booked in again soon. Please give both of your opinions and keep me anonymous. Thanks, girls. You are afraid to be alone. That's it. You have a fear of being alone. I can really relate because that was me. And I feel like listening to your emails, it's like that desperation to have some connection with someone, so much so that you're happy to go back to someone that you clearly can't actually even stand.

It is absolutely far too soon for you to even consider dating. You have a lot of work to do on yourself. If you're going to take any advice from anything that we say right now, it's please stay on your own while you are the way that you are because your standards

and what you're willing to accept in someone new if you started dating are right at the bottom. because you're already willing to potentially accept your ex. You need to be on your own. I think as well, when things like this happen and we are thrown into a new situation where we're not with the father of our kids

and it's very, very normal to feel like, oh my God, am I going to be on my own forever? I think anyone has felt like that. I sometimes still think it now, but I'm actually okay with that. If I am on my own forever, It's not what I want, but I'd also be quite cool with X. I'm fucking awesome and I'm quite happy on my own.

But one thing I will say is that discomfort of being on your own is so important. Don't underestimate that. I feel like sometimes we try and escape uncomfortable situations. We try and rectify them. We try and make the better. We put a plaster over them. The only way you're going to heal through something like that is to sit in that discomfort. Sit and feel it.

Cry, do whatever you need. but the more you get used to being in your own company on your own. I often spend, I've spent majority of this kid free week on my own in my own company quite like it. I struggled yesterday, took myself shopping. I was still on my own. I didn't go and distract myself a company. And that's not to say you can't like go out and keep yourself busy. Like absolutely do that too.

But it's really important. It's something like I've always really focused on is having that time on my own. And I think I was thrust into that quite early just because like my kid free evening. on my own but always my own time and I've actually always quite liked it and I think one thing I've really realized like upon reflection is even when I go into a new relationship that's something I actually still need and I do like my own time and I think you really need to start getting comfortable with that and you're not going to be on your own forever and I completely agree with Tash if you were to put yourself out there now you are going to attract the complete wrong person

please please don't go with the distractions just do that work on yourself is the biggest investment you can ever make on yourself like when I broke up with my ex at the start of the year I had zero distractions for four months I didn't download a single app

I wasn't going out like partying all the time like I was very much like I am not talking to a man like I was very much on my own doing all things that I felt like were going to make me feel good and honestly it's one of the best things

I've ever done for myself because I do feel like when my marriage ended I was like right I'll go on the apps to distract myself and that's what happened I also think that if you actually read back or listen to your email

most of the things that you're worrying about are things that haven't happened yet or may never happen you know you worrying about what your kids are going to be like when you meet someone what your ex is going to be like when you meet someone

if he's going to tell your kids when you meet someone you haven't met anyone yet and you're not going to meet anyone yet so let's stop worrying about things that are out of our control and haven't happened yet and let's go to taking it a day at a time and if that's too much an hour at a time because you're obsessing over things that haven't happened and that's when you need to really take a step back and work on that one day. We've all been there like I definitely have been like but what if this but what if this

and it's even like things like with co-parenting and it's worrying and we always say like when you start worrying about something that hasn't happened you're worrying about it twice because A it might not ever happen in the first place but B like sometimes we're When it does happen, it might not be as bad. Just worry about it when it's relevant. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Okay.

This email is called advice. Hi guys. Love the podcast. You keep me sane. I was with my ex for 10 plus years. We bought a house and now we have a one year old. Things went downhill very fast when my dad had a heart attack. And he refused to leave a Randall Gulf so I could get to the hospital.

Later, he actually said, your dad being in hospital isn't the problem. Charming, right? He also wouldn't watch our baby so I could eat Because Sunday is his day of Day of race Never mind the times I asked just for a shower While he spent hours at the pub, golf or football Fast forward, I caught him cheating right before I gave birth

Then he had a full-blown affair While my dad was still on life support I moved out but I'm still paying half of the mortgage While his new girlfriend stays over Stop paying the mortgage Yeah, absolutely. What the fuck? This is the same girlfriend

he used to stay up with all night on his Xbox, keeping the baby awake. Man child. And yes, he thinks I should pay finance on the bed they now sleep in. Honestly, you couldn't make it up. Oh my God.

And now he cancelled his weekends with our daughter whenever it suits. It says once the house is sold, he can't have her overnight, but somehow found the cash to buy his girlfriend in a ring instead of paying our child's support. Most recently, her mum booked them a weekend away on one of his weekends. And when I said, no, suddenly I'm the spiteful one.

So here's my dilemma. Do I keep picking up the pieces or do I put myself a weekend away and force him to finally step up? He's controlling, selfish and impossible, but I'm not a push over. First of all, I'll tell you what you're going to do is you're going to stop paying for the fucking mortgage. He's in the house. He's in the house. If he's in it, pay for it. Because I'm telling you now,

you won't probably see that money ever again. There's no benefits to you paying for it. Absolutely go away. Like, he needs to, we need to stop enabling these annoying boys to be able to do what the fuck they want when they want and then they throw their toys out of the pram and they don't get what they want.

I agree. I'm not here for it. Not here for it. Fucking joke. Stop enabling him. Okay. Guys, this is a product of the week. I've got here.

the L'Oreal growth booster anti-full scalp serum, okay? I was recommended this because I feel like my hair is getting very thin. I feel like since I've come off the pill, my hormones are all over the place. Like I feel like it's really thinning at the top.

This is a three-week treatment and you're meant to use it five to seven times a day. Oh, wow. Sorry, five to seven times a week. I can't commit to that. I'm out. Shit, like breakfast in, after breakfast. Anyway, I started using it on holiday

the moment I used it for the first time so you can put it on dry hair obviously because if you're going to use it five or seven times a week and I was really worried that if I put it in because it's liquid that my hair would look really greasy. No, no, no. When I blow dried this in, it gave me like full on, like it felt like I had like insane volume in my hair.

But yeah. So I haven't obviously used it for the three weeks yet. I've only probably been using it for a week. I'm going to keep using this, see how I go. but what I'm seeing at the moment I don't know if it's made a change to my actual hair but when I use it

it feels much better so that is my product of the week guys go and check it out I think it was something like it's less than like 15 pound love that yeah okay affirmation of the week I feel like it needs

a bad one this week I've been deep stalking my boyfriend's ex partner right it's the ex-girlfriend and I accidentally liked a photo from 2016.

2016. Oh my God, no, that's actually loyal. Do you think it's on Instagram? If you like it and then unlike it, do you get a notification? Oh. Should we try it? I guess it depends.

Some people have notifications on an instant. You know, you've seen those funny TikToks where they're like this. It's like when they're looking at someone's phone and they're like, yeah, like that actually. It's like that when you have to show someone a picture or someone. Don't zoom in. Oh my God. Okay, cool, all the best. Yeah, you're fucked.

Affirmation of the week, don't like. No, affirmation of the week, I think it needs to be, I am not afraid to do the work on myself. I am not afraid to admit that I have a lot of work to be done. And I think we've all been there at some point, like wanting to feel like you're further along than you've thought or feeling more ready to put yourself back out there than you thought, but actually it's okay to admit

like actually I need to do the work on me. Yeah, amen. Thank you guys so much and we will see you again next week. Love you, bye.