Not As We Planned - The Messy Wife Swap | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

We hear about the constant betrayal throughout a marriage with some brutal advice given, a shocking story which left someone homeless, the reality of ignoring every red flag and the when love turns into survival Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not as we planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to not as we planned. We hope you have had a great week so far whenever you are listening to this. Please don't forget to go like, share, subscribe. follow it helps us so much leave those reviews guys yeah we haven't had a few new ones no I haven't checked I should probably check yeah leave those reviews on Apple subscribe on YouTube I don't know if you guys have actually noticed

we've started posting a few vlogs on our YouTube channel we are now YouTubers bloggers yeah so if you want a bit of like behind the scenes get to know us a bit more over on YouTube guys if you just want something on in the background that's easy yeah so even if you listen to the podcast

rather than watch there's still some stuff to go and watch so go and subscribe to you too yeah that would be amazing how has your week been um yeah not bad thank you okay that was very formal yeah good thank you how are you yeah like this weekend i'm going away with my whole family so basically i wasn't really gonna talk i haven't spoken about it online but basically like a few weeks ago maybe like a month ago we got some quite bad news about my dad. I've obviously shared before that my dad does have pancreatic cancer and he has scans every six months. Every six months we like wait to hear the results and it came back with not good news. So we were like, right, we need to do a family weekend. My sister, it would have

happened by now by the time as it comes out, but my sister moved to America in March and she's coming back. I haven't seen her since March. So she's coming back for it. I'm so excited. the kids don't know she's going to be their secret from all the kids so they're going to be so excited her and her husband are coming back um it's like my mom my dad my sister the kids her husband both my sisters and their husbands i'm just the single sister and with all the kids and my grandma as well so it's going to be really wholesome and we've got a really nice family weekend to look forward to and it's just one of those things where i just think it really puts everything in perspective and i really do feel like family and the people around you who are important to you like that's what life is all about and just to make the most of it and like you might have really negative other things going on which we all do, we all have our own shit

but to just sometimes just be grateful for the positive stuff that you have going on. Absolutely. Hmm, what have I been doing? To be honest, I feel like I've been like in a bit of a rut. I spoke about it a bit on my Instagram

the other day and I think I don't feel like people talk about it enough when you just sort of like fall out of healthy habits and healthy routine and once you're off that it's so difficult to get back into it especially when it's like darker mornings and like it's miserable out and it's cold yeah like i i haven't i used to literally wake up every day without fail at six a m do my set i haven't done that since before my summer holiday do not and i just feel like i'm i'm finding it really hard to get back into the sort of healthy habits that were making me feel better

and then I think like with that comes a bit more like negativity and just so I keep telling myself like I'm going to do it I'm going to do it I haven't yet done it but I am starting to do things that maybe like the other day I did a bit of journaling and like I'm trying I know but I know tomorrow morning you're going to text me at 6 o'clock okay and you're going to do it because I'm going to get up early to go to the gym before the kids come back to me do you know what I even saw the other day I think I saw one of your stories the other day and I knew you were kid free and you It was early and you had gone to the gym and I was like, where's that gone from me? Like, it used to be something that I would do. I think I hold onto those pieces where they're so limited. I make them non-negotiables in my head. Even when I'm knackered, like I hate it when you're like, I used to literally hear my alarm and bounce out of bed. And I think where just the pressure of everything, I'm really struggling to wake up and particularly with the dark, miserable mornings. But in my head, I'm like, these, like tomorrow, I've got no kids in the morning.

I'm setting my alarm for 6 o'clock I'm getting up and go straight to the gym so I can be back to the moment. Okay so tomorrow will you message me at 6 being like get the fuck up get the fuck up we're going to work out. Yeah like I don't know

I just I need to get back into some healthier habits. It does help you it really like I always make sure I don't miss a Monday session I know it's a really cheesy saying but it just sets me up for the week but I feel like work wise I'm so much more productive

I'm in a better head space you've got those endorphins flowing for your body And it means even if the rest of my day goes to shit, I've already done something for myself. And I think it's really honing in on those. Like part of me thinks about going to the gym tonight, but I've got so much to do for a weekend away with the kids that I'll probably end up just stressing myself out.

So I'm going to get up early tomorrow and go. And also where we're going at the weekend has a really nice gym. Oh, nice. I've got family there. So I'm going to be like, can you guys watch the kids for an hour and let me go and work out? Do that. But yeah, no, I'm just going to try.

I know I need to sort of take some accountability. and try and do... Right, I'm texting in the morning. Yeah, okay. Anyway, let's do some emails. Not a particularly long one, but the title got me in a chokehold. Go on.

The worst story you have ever heard, I promise. Oh, that's bold. It's quite a statement on this podcast, isn't it? Hey ladies, I have really loved listening to you. I found your podcast about six months ago and listened to it now religiously. I'm a mom of two young kids, and I'm struggling with what to do next in my marriage.

I've been with my husband for 15 years, married for seven, and over time I've uncovered both emotional and physical cheating, not just once, but multiple times and with people who were close to us. In 2022, I found out about a relationship between my husband and my husband's best friend's wife and someone I considered my friend. We spent my maternity leave together during COVID because our kids are the same age.

When I found out they'd been having an affair, it completely broke me. He lied, minimised it and made me feel crazy for suspecting anything. To this day, he has never given me full details and has denied they ever slept together. However, it was emotional with physical cheating, just not all the way. During my second pregnancy and after my son was born, they were even so bold as to be together in my garage whilst I was home inside the house.

What? I mean, I get like some people enjoy risky sex, but that's just wild. I became close with her husband. Hang on. We're doing swap here? Yeah. I became close with her husband and we slept together.

What? I admitted this to my husband. and then found out that her husband had known the truth all along and was also lying to me he did this so nobody would know what his wife did because he did not want to leave her

so he knew his wife was having the affair but I think he didn't tell her he knew about the affair but they had an affair oh my God it's like from friends like so they know they don't know that we know that they know oh my God in 2023 I learned And even more. Oh my God.

That this had been ongoing for many years, off and on, and had physically cheated with her more times than I knew, and had kept hiding the truth for months. And then came his ex-co-worker. Another one. Another woman he'd been involved with behind my back before we were engaged. I had always had a feeling, but never listened to my instinct, and one day he decided to admit it.

Again, he said they didn't sleep together, but she did give him a blowjob in a park class so cheeky park blouser I reached out to her to confirm and it was pretty useless

she gas let me and told me it was nothing and so many years ago each time I've just nothing babe I always go around giving blowjobs in the park just like a bit of sausage in my mouth each time I've discovered

something new it's been through his lies unravelling piece by piece Even when court, he keeps finding ways to twist the story or deny it. Now, years later, I feel like I've lost myself in this cycle of betrayal and manipulation. I'm trying to think clearly because we have kids, and I want them to grow up in a healthy, stable home. But I don't know if that means trying to repair this.

You know what we're going to say. Trying to repair this or finally walking away. I hired a lawyer and said, I hope. I think she might be in America, you know. I hired a lawyer and served him twice. Yeah. Love that. One nowhere.

And he is not complying. He won't leave and he will not stop begging me to work on things. I'm not sure I have it in me after all of this betrayal, but I feel guilty for my kids. When I found out about the co-worker in March, I told him I wanted all of his passwords for all accounts to determine if I finally knew the truth about everything. To this day, he refuses to hand them over. The logical part of my brain knows that this is obviously the clearest sign that there is more to hide

and I'm really not sure why this is even a hard choice for me to make but I do feel stuck it up and work it all out for my kids if you were me what would you do? Well, I mean can I say something without

sounding disrespectful sounds like a bit of a game now like you slept with her so I'm going to go and sleep with him like this is a marriage and it's it's falling apart and I just feel like you're trying to hold on to it for your child like it's all a bit of a joke now like I what is there left to salvage you said that he's like begging for you back but he won't give you the password so he can't want it that much if someone desperately wanted to prove things to you they would I'm sorry it it sounds like years of betrayal there's absolutely no trust there's no respect in this relationship at all and I don't believe there's a healthy foundation in any relationship without trust and respect I don't think that's a healthy relationship for your children to witness I'm unsure of how old they are but the longer you're in this and the longer they see this existing because kids are a lot more aware than you probably think you're just showing them that you tolerate and put up with certain things and

behaviours and I just think that is so much more toxic than to separate and to have to healthier homes where it just sounds like it's just so toxic and unstable and it's clear like you said things are coming out from years ago you need to make peace of the fact you're never going to have all the answers you're never going to know the truth and you can get your closure without knowing that but please don't ignore what's in front of you please don't think I think you say something like work through this for the kids this is for the kids leaving is for the kids. That is the right thing for the kids. Working through something is not necessarily for the kids. So I think if you are child focused and you do want to keep it about being for

the kids, do what's best than me because this man can't show you any respect. And I think you're crossing lines with respect too. You have cross lines. Like you cheated as well. And now I feel like it's all a bit like tit for tat. It's like games. And I just think that like that like that's not how a relationship should be. Leave. Please keep us updated. And yeah, leave. This is called cheating husband. What's new, eh? Another one.

So, I've been with my husband 10 years married before. Last July, he left the family home saying that he needed some space. I was like, what do you mean? We are happy. We didn't argue. Always went to bed together. We did everything together. We just had our holiday in Turkey.

He then came back and left again three weeks later. He didn't love me anymore, he said. I asked was there someone else Let me guess Sorry He swore there wasn't And anyway After a few weeks he rang crying

Saying that he needed money £2,000 to pay his car loan Or they were going to be taking it So I gave him the money And that's when he turned into a vile man Wouldn't talk to me Telling me how much he hated me

That he wanted his family but didn't want me He was screaming down the phone at me saying, I don't want to talk. I don't want to listen and block me off everything. I was heartbroken thinking what the fuck is going on. I couldn't eat. The weight dropped off of me. I was so ill. I'm a nurse and I had to take some time off work.

All I did was cry wondering where and when did this go so bad. Anyway, I was rushed to hospital with a ruptured ovarian cancer cyst. He came crying how sorry he was and begging for me to forgive him. So I did. The consultant came back and spoke to my husband, informed him of how, if they don't do something fast, I would die. Oh, my God. He said your wife is very poorly.

My husband then started asking for money while I was in hospital. So again, I gave it to him. Thinking we would be okay and that he was coming home. I was discharged a week later, still very poorly. I then found out from a friend of his work friend that he had a new girlfriend in Ireland. she was 28 and she was also married

with two babies Oh sounds perfect He's 45 And was leaving to live with her Cool have fun in Ireland babe I confronted him which he denied again shouting screaming at me And I was saying that I was mentally disturbed

And needed to be locked up Oh my God Me and him are over And then I talked to her And she confirmed it was all true And that she didn't care And that she said that they were in love Oh

I was then taking back to her hospital for surgery again and he just walked and left for this younger woman oh he's actually vile who is also married cool he has left me in so much debt and refuses to pay i had to lead the family home i couldn't pay for it and he refuses to pay so i've become homeless i took loans for him that i thought was for his car but it was going to stay in hotels with her while i'm ill my god it makes me feel so unwell it's like i didn't even know the man he always said that i was his best friend and the love of his life. I have absolutely no idea how this has happened.

I'm still heartbroken. I can't get over it. How'd you go from being everything to nothing just like that? I really wish I knew how to move on from this. It's totally changed me. I don't think I will ever get over this. Thank you so much for listening to my story. Please, do you have any advice?

I mean, yeah, like, what the hell? You were going through literally the hardest time of your life and that's how he behaved. He has shown you exactly who he is. You know what? Let him walk out of your life. I just, sorry, I'm actually a little bit speechless. I know, like it's disgusting, isn't it?

Like, I know we obviously get the same type of story is like, but sometimes you do still hear things. This is like inhumane. Like I can't imagine someone going through such a tough time and having like not even a tiny bit of compassionate, empathy. And he left her homeless. And he left her homeless. Did they say they were married?

Was she married to him? So you need to take this to court. Like you need to, because I think what people forget, particularly when you're married, is your debt is his debt. It's not, oh, I get to walk away and leave you. Yeah, right now I completely understand you've been left in it and I can't imagine how overwhelming that is. You need to take this to court and in your financial order, like it's. any debt of yours is his debt any assets of yours is his like it's half and half it's and the courts will look at it like that so definitely seek some legal advice as well yeah um but fuck me i'm so sorry you've gone for i can't even imagine how you've coped with even like processing that you've got this horrific illness and and coping with that i think one thing you can be sure of is is that you're a very special and strong person the fact you've even taken the time to write it in i think shows an incredibly large amount of strength to process it and to be able to articulate it and write it down so like well done to you for even

doing that and I think you've reached out because we hear from inspiring people all the time we hear from people literally going through the worst time of their lives and completely changing it around and I have every faith that that's exactly what you're going to do let this man fuck off to Ireland like good riddance get out get out of the country mate like go like you're a waste of space here you've treated me like shit for you can do that to you whilst you're literally being diagnosed with something where you could have died let him go do the same to her does she think she's going to be any different like no it's just like you said it is inhumane I think that it might be worth you getting our journal and really starting to try and do the work

because you say like you don't know how you're ever going to get over this I know that it's such a kick in the teeth like you said when you go from thinking that you're everything to someone and then they literally just drop you like a hat like it does such damage to your self-worth and your ego and everything but that's also really valid and I think that you maybe need to sit in that pain and know that this is going to be the beginning of something much better. Like you've got to take that pain, turn it into strength. Pain to power, baby.

Yeah, I know that it will get better. Like this feeling that you're feeling right now isn't permanent. I agree. And thank you for emailing in and please keep us updated. Let's do a part two. Oh, of what? I don't know. Hi, girls, please keep me anonymous.

Really long one and probably a bit of a ramble As parts of my life are still a blur I just want to say how much your podcast and socials Have helped me and continue to help me get through this part of my life I can relate to you, Tash, so much As our stories sound quite similar Three kids, semi-prox footballer Sorry, semi-pro footballer X

Taking their phone to the shower, you know the drill Maybe it's the same guy Can you imagine? I would love to not a no No, go on No, like, if anyone ends up with, like, any of our exes at some point in their life, that'd be brilliant writing. Anyway, I'd actually don't want to hear. I met my now ex-fiancee back in high school.

We had a couple of flings, but nothing made. High school, so she's American. Some people call high school, high school in... Really? Yeah. We had a couple of flings, but nothing major during our time in school. Kept kind of in touch, but never really saw each other. Fast forward to our 20s and he's applied for a job where I work.

Long story short, we get together and from the off, he was everything I wanted in someone. Tall, handsome, nice car, money. Treated me like an absolute queen. Our relationship was very intense, very quickly. We were completely obsessed with one another, made future plans and started saving for our own house. I felt pregnant with our first child within the first year of our relationship and I thought, wow, my life is going to be amazing. Looking back, I was promised the world and 100% love bombed.

The red flags were definitely there. The gaslighting, constant flirting in front of me, little white lies. His ex was a psycho, would shower me with affection and with no explanation, withdraw it. The list goes on, but I was hooked. But silly me decided to ignore them. I found him in bed with another girl. just in his boxes asleep after a wedding whilst I was heavily pregnant.

Oh, fucking hell. But I bet you because he's got boxes on and he said nothing happened. That's full of sleep. Chose to ignore it. After our baby was born, I found messages to his ex about our choice of baby names.

Chose to ignore it. Went out with his football mates drinking two days before my due date. Chose to ignore it. Yeah. Found Snapchat messages on his phone to one of my friends as we were moving house. Silly me forgives him every single time. I feel pregnant with our second and nothing really changes. Going out all of the time, never really at home, stays out with his teammates doing drugs,

whilst I'm heavily pregnant with our second child. Never really helps around the house but then gets annoyed with me when I ask for his help. I wanted so desperately to get engaged and married. and finally the day came. It was so perfectly planned and so cute. He had planned it so well and my ring was my dream ring. How he chose it so perfectly was amazing.

Fast forward a few months and I feel pregnant with our third. Wedding booked and planned. And then COVID hit. In all fairness, COVID was the best time of my life. During this time though, I found more messages on his phone from all sorts of different women. But again,

I chose to ignore it. Our third baby was born. I was left the day after with all three whilst he went to football. More of the same. Football and work always come first. When we were on holiday, I found more messages to someone who he knew from college. This time, the messages were more suggestive, but nothing bad enough for me to leave. I did say this time was his last chance, and I did say this time.

think at the time he's not going to do it again fast forward to six months to our wedding and he hits me with the i'm not happy card wedding was cancelled and i was so desperate to keep our family together silly me was so desperate to keep him that i begged him to do couples counselling we did a number of sessions and it looked as though we were getting through it i raised my issues with him talking to other women and never being home and never helping around the house and over the next few years I believed we were good fuck sake we were talking about booking another wedding having another baby moving house we were in such a good place and I thought we were so strong after all the shit we had been through I was so content and didn't even think about him messaging other girls

anymore I was so happy fast forward to the beginning of this year just after we had moved into our new house I get a follow request on Instagram which I ignore because they had no followers and I didn't know who it was anyway I'd then get a message request and this is where my world falls apart

it was revealed to me that my partner of 12 years had been having an emotional affair for months and I get sent the most awful gut-wrenching screenshots from this woman who tried her utmost to keep herself anonymous but because I must have worked for MI5 in a former life I figured her out quite quickly so much has come out about this but if I say too much I might not stay anonymous

I could do a part two on Patreon because wow the details of this emotional affair will blow your absolute socks off please do yeah send it now i was absolutely heartbroken and still am and was so desperate to keep this man that i would have forgiven him again and again and again i would pretend that i didn't care about her anymore it was making me ill the trauma you get from being betrayed really does alter your brain chemistry she wouldn't leave us alone and kept cropping up it got to a point where he actually ended it with me again i was desperate and begged and begged for him to change

his mind. But now, my rose-tinted glasses are off and I can really see him for what he is. I have missed out so much. The emotional abuse, the lack of respect, the lack of accountability on everything, acting like a man-child, drinking, drink-driving, privacy screen on his phone, face unlock on his WhatsApp, taking his phone in the shower, putting it screen down, constant lies, big or small, you know how it is. But I've been made out of. to be the miserable one the unhappy one the one that doesn't plan anything blah blah blah i am nowhere near being healed and have a long way to go i've ordered one of your healing journals and i can't wait for it to arrive so glad i'm seeing a therapist and now have my own house and i can see the light

at the end of this very long tunnel sorry for the long rant i hope it makes sense i love your podcast keep what you're doing you're helping so many women out there and it shows i said we're not alone do you know what I've got to say I'm really really happy he left you because you needed something to break that cycle and I hope that you don't ever look back and think like oh I can't believe that he left me like I hope you see that as a positive because it's going to get you to exactly where you're meant to be you needed something to you know change and he made that change and I think that it's does show that, you know, you can, every time you take them back, you are just pretty much giving them the green light to continue with the same behaviour. So he did. Nothing was going to change. We say it all the time that change only happens with change. And I'm really excited for you to experience what you're about to experience. Because however much heartbreak is horrendous and going through that process is just the worst thing ever. Growth.

doesn't actually come from being happy growth comes from going through the tough times and it's there's something quite profound about who you become after going through that heartbreak and changes yeah i know that i can speak for both of us when i say that we're better people for that heartbreak that we've gone through and the work that we've done on ourselves to get to where we are now so you're about to have some fuck off of the glow up and you're going to look back and be like you're yes like own it take it by both hands you've ordered the journal you're going to smash it and I'm really proud of you for writing in and putting it out there and yeah the best is yet to come yeah I hope you forgive yourself for like still staying and still forgiving him because I think

a lot of people listening are going to be able to relate to that I think it's very hard when you love someone to make excuses for their poor behaviour make excuses for their poor decisions to try with everything inside you to believe their lies to help you feel better and because you don't want to lose that future that you've romanticised and you're so convinced you're going to have. I think there was a point in that email where you said like all I'd ever wanted was to be engaged and to be married and I think you were holding onto that dream and I do think sometimes when we don't necessarily have the strength within us to leave someone and they leave

us, it's the best thing that can happen to us because sometimes we just don't have that strength to cut that cord and we need it done for us. But I think he has freed you. I think I agree with Tash, like, I look back now at the person I was before everything I went through and not that I didn't like who that person was, but I can't relate to her in any way anymore. I feel like I am so different that I feel like my ex-husband wouldn't even recognise who I am now because of the amount of growth I've done

and that's all because of everything I've gone through because of all the work I've done on myself. But also I'm grateful that I've experienced the pain and the heartbreak and knowing the resilience I have within me to learn from it and to look back and just really use the negative situations to just try and do better every day and to become a better person. And, you know, taking the accountability,

going into future relationships about what can I do differently going forward? What can I learn? It's not all about just criticizing about how someone else has treated you. It's taking the accountability for holding your boundaries and speaking up for yourself and actually being assertive with not tolerating, certain things and again it's not something that's going to happen overnight it takes time but I do think this is going to change you and like it's so weird because I feel like I'm at a stage in my

life where I'm like the happiest I've ever been I'm about two and a half years on now and I feel like this is 100% going to be you you're going to look back and you're going to be like wow like my life could have been so different had he not ended it yeah I would have been stuck in that cycle for years and years and wasted my life and look where I am now so well done and getting out thank you so much writing and please do write that part two to us on patreon yes i want to hear it this is a bit of a different subject we've never really had someone write this before so this stood out to me ready he aged like an out-of-date mushroom and i bloomed are we ready hi ladies i'm sorry for the essay but i think it will be worth it

there is so much more to this but you'll get the idea much love to you both i was with my ex-husband for 10 years married for four and we had two children together. I feel like this is a common theme. That was me as well. Ten years married four. That was the last person as well. Not the last person. Looking back, I honestly wonder what I was thinking. He wasn't exactly George Clooney even in his prime. But compared to the disasters I dated before, he seemed like the best of a bad bunch. Spoiler, he wasn't. From the start, he had this charming little habit of making me feel like I was lucky to have him. He told me I was punching. Oh my God. Flirt with women right in front of me and make me the butt of jokes with his mate. Sounds like a prick.

I found inappropriate messages to other women on more than one occasion. Did he cheat? I never had hard proof, but let's just say I wouldn't have bet the mortgage on his loyalty as he'd already admitted to kissing two women during our relationship. So he did cheat. Yeah. We married in 2017, even though deep down I knew something wasn't right, but everyone else was tying the knot and I convinced myself that being half happy was probably just normal. Spoiler alert, it's not. I love this one.

A year later, we had our son, completely unplanned but welcomed with love. This is when his selfish streak really strutted its stuff. Eight weeks after I'd given birth, on our way to our first night out and my first night not smelling a, baby sick, he casually announced in the car that he wasn't happy and wanted to split up. I was still hormonal, sleep deprived and trying to squeeze into a dress that used to fit pre-baby. Honestly, his timing was immaculate. Always. Two days later, he changed his mind.

Oh. Four weeks after that, he did the same again. Friends tried to excuse him saying he wasn't coping with fatherhood. Meanwhile, he was sleeping soundly in the spare room while I ran on 90-minute shifts with cluster feeding a newborn. His coping looked suspiciously like a full night of sleep to me. I mean, relate. The peace de resistance came when our son was 16 weeks old. One night I had to rush him to hospital with a high temperature,

rapid heartbeat and breathing issues. The doctors even mentioned sepsis. Terrifying doesn't begin to cover it. My friend came with me. I spent two nights in the hospital with IV drips, machines beeping and no sleep. And where was my husband? At the airport hotel, the night we first went in, ready for his lad's ski trip.

Oh, no. Behave. He didn't rush back. He didn't even pretend to be torn. He got on that plane the following morning. No, he didn't. Hit the Alps and sent me photos from the slopes while I was sat in the children's wall, cradling our sick baby. Like this bloody avalanche.

That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. heard and he had the audacity to act off with me because he was worrying because clearly my son's potential sexis was ruining his holiday vibe my fucking god it's not what do you know what that would be it's not often that we are left speechless with emails that we get that is the lowest of lows like what the fuck his sons in hospital with suspected sepsis And he's on the Alps No Thankfully our boy recovered fully

And me I got a crash course In seeing someone For exactly who they were So no I wasn't mad I was just stuck in the circus Thinking the clown was the ringmaster But trust me

Once you've had a husband Send you ski selfies While you're in hospital with a newborn You learn very quickly Who deserves a front row seat in your life After that hospital episode something inside me shifted I couldn't unsee it anymore

while he was carving snow angels in the Alps I was this girl's banter I like that I was realising I was married to a man who put ski goggles above his own child it sounds dramatic no it doesn't it absolutely doesn't

but honestly that was the light bulb moment I'm glad I'm so glad if that wasn't I don't know what will be but I stayed of course I did when he came back from his trip we carried done as if nothing had happened. Only the more I looked at our relationship, the more I thought is this really it. Anytime he had big career decisions to make, the kind that would directly

impact me and my work, he'd put on a performance of partnership. He'd asked for my opinion, nod along and then completely ignore me and do whatever he wanted anyway. He was like being invited to a meeting just so he could tick the consulted the wife box. I even went part-time at work to support his career moves. Same job, same training, same everything, but suddenly because I aren't less, his role was more important. Apparently my pay slip had wiped out all of my intelligence. Then COVID hit. Why that seemed like the perfect time to try for another baby, I don't know, but we'd always wanted to. So we tried. First time lucky, I was pregnant again. You think he'd be happy, right? Wrong.

While I was stuck at home with an 18-month-old, pregnant and climbing the walls during lockdown, he carried on like normal, swanning off to work because we were key workers and four months into my pregnancy he dropped that bomb again. I'm not happy, I want to leave.

We had days of heavy talks. Me and tears, terrified of what life would look like as a pregnant single mum, him dragging his heels and making me beg for scraps of reassurance. Looking back now, I it for what it was mind games his way of keeping me on my toes reminding me that my whole world could collapse on his say-so and yes i took him back but something had had shifted in me deep down

i wanted to tell him to shove it and walk out but i was pregnant vulnerable and on reduced income so i stayed but it wasn't love anymore it was survival it was keeping the family together for the kids and learning how to emotionally switch off from him when our daughter was nothing changed. He still insisted on sleeping in the other room whenever he had worked because apparently newborn cries are just too disruptive for the breadwinner. Oh, okay. Must be in the small print. Even on nights he wasn't working, he'd never get up to help. If I dared wake him at 5am after being up all night with the baby just to take over with our toddler, I'd get sworn

at told I'm awake so I should do it. That was him in a nutshell, selfish to the core. It was around then I started realising I didn't actually have a husband Why I had was a very loud, very entitled flatmate who occasionally complained that his life wasn't fun enough Meanwhile I was holding everything together With caffeine, adrenaline and sheer stubbornness

Our first Christmas as a family of four Should have been magical Instead it was horrendous Both kids and I had COVID And I was running on tissues, cowpile and desperation He'd already had it earlier So he was free to come and go and go he did.

What, he, this man is a cunt. On Christmas Eve, while I was juggling two poorly children and feeling like death warmed up myself, he trotted off to the gym. On boxing day, same thing, off to the gym again. But don't worry, he was gracious enough

not to go on Christmas Day. Oh, thanks, babe. I mean, what a hero. Forget Santa. I had my very own martyr. Then came New Year, and as if Christmas hadn't been enough of a circus, I got tonsillitis.

I could barely swallow water, let alone wrangle two little ones. So did he stay home and help me recover? Let me guess. No. Of course not. That would have been too considerate. Instead, he gave me a little helpful countdown. You've only got six hours to go with it before the kids can go to bed.

Six hours, like I was on some kind of game show where the prize was survival. And then off he went to work, leaving me, propped up on strepsels and sheer willpower. the funniest part he actually gets dependency leave for situations like that it's literally written into his job but did he use it? No because that would have meant

taking responsibility and that's never really been on his list of hobbies that new year sealed it for me if Christmas had blown out the fairy lights new year stomped on the plug for good after Christmas I finally said it I'm not happy something needs to change when I go back to work

I was already living like a married single parent And I'd had enough He was out 13 hours a day Barely spent half an hour with the kids Then straight off to the gym The kids deserved better and so did I I went back to work in the February And by the end of March I was done

If I tried to go out for myself He'd pick a fight that I was leaving He wasn't a partner He wasn't a parent So why would I stay So I didn't And walking away was the best thing that I ever did Leaving a narcissist

a comedy, that wasn't funny at the time. So, we separated. I had a three-year-old and a one-year-old. He said he wanted the same too, a nice, clean break, no drama, mutual understanding, equal parenting. Reader, that was a lie. The past three and a half years

have felt like starring in my own reality show, surviving my ex, the never-ending series. Each episode is somehow more ridiculous than the last one. Episode one, the Oscar-worthy performance. He started by crying to my family saying he tried everything to make it work Meanwhile I'm sitting there thinking Didn't you just say that you wanted this

Episode 2, Big Brother But in my house He refuses to leave the house for four months Four whole months It was hell During this time he developed a new hobby Filming me He invited me into his room

In my house mind you To discuss the children Then suddenly hit record And announce You've now entered my private space Apparently, Logic also packed its bags during the split. Is he okay? Episode three, co-parenting, but make it competitive.

If I had work, a gym class or any vague attempt of having a life, he's suddenly become allergic to punctuality. Late pickups, no shows, mysterious childcare arrangements during his contact time. My son, then three, was so confused. Meanwhile, I was trying to raise two small humans and not lose my mind in the process. Episode four, the legal circus. Then came court because, of course, he took me to court for wait for it, less time with the kids. I was trying to encourage more content, but apparently that was offensive.

For the finances, we did mediation. He waited in his van for the first 45 minutes refusing to come in, got a barrister's report. He ignored it because he didn't say what he wanted and then went through so many agreements. I could have wallpapered the house with them. He pulled out of two house sales, changed terms, and once, on the actual day of, court, decided our signed agreement didn't count because he didn't sign it properly. Cue, another six month

of my life, I'll never get back, waiting for another court date. Episode five, financial gymnastics. I've paid the entire joint mortgage solo while working part-time and raising kids full-time. He earns triple what I do, but refuse to help because in his words, he doesn't have

to. He wouldn't agree to the mortgage holiday because it would affect his equity, etc., etc. Translation, I enjoy watching you juggle. He tells the kids that he can't see them more because he has to pay mummy because emotional manipulation is apparently a family bonding activity now.

Then came the CMS saga. He tried claiming mileage for travelling four miles to pick up the kids. Four, it got rejected, shockingly, but you've got to admire the creativity. Episode six, the baby discount. Now he's had another baby and somehow manages to get the maximum reduction

in child maintenance because he claims to be paying his girlfriend, the one that he lives with, so this reduces it more than if he had just said he has a baby. Honestly, if mental gymnastics were an Olympic sport, he'd take a gold. Season finale, me still standing. Three and a half years later,

I've learnt more about narcissism, loopholes and emotional resilience than I ever wanted to. But here's the thing, I'm free. I'm laughing again and my kids are thriving. and while he's still auditioning for the world's most difficult ex, I'm just over here rewriting the script, and this time it's a comedy, thriving after the chaos. This is just a snippet of what I've had to deal with.

The emotional roller coaster that that man has put me through. He still plays the victim, keeps the kids' clothes, sends nonsense messages and makes things awkward just because he can. Christmas plans, forget it, but I'm done letting him run the show. I'm heading back to court to get everything micromanaged so that I don't have to deal with him anymore. because communication only happens when it suits him and also taking him to a tribunal

to sort the CMS mess out because morally what he's doing is wrong and I'm not afraid to stand my ground honestly I feel so sorry for his new girlfriend apparently he sleeps downstairs when the baby cries because he gets annoyed history repeating itself but me I'm divorced free moving into my own little home this week yes smaller than the one I have but it's mine

no joint mortgage no control no drama just peace. I'm happy. I'm thriving and I would do it all again in a heartbeat because staying for the kids isn't what's best for them. Now I've got a partner who's present, kind and shows my children what healthy love looks like. My daughter's learning what not to tolerate and my son's learning how to treat a woman right. And him, he's aged like an out-of-date mushroom, stopped going to the gym and started vaping. Me, I'm glowing because happiness really is just around the corner. I've included pictures of before and after of the mushroom

dressed for bands karma really does catch up with you oh my god that was him when they got married is that her yeah and that's him now oh my god I just felt really emotional

just hearing particularly that last part of that email told him about tears a little bit actually I just think you sound like the most incredible strongest human being and I really hope that anyone who is currently going through a hellish time at the moment can take some kind of peace from your words and knowing that you might be in a situation right now where it feels like it's going to completely break you but actually it's going to shape you and I just think the way you have carried yourself the way you have tolerated things but then also putting your boundaries about what you will and won't allow. and how you're not afraid to stand up for what's right and what you believe in

and to not let this man just sing and dance around you and, you know, manipulate you. I think it's, I feel really empowered and there are certainly elements of your story that I definitely relate to and I think that's why I probably felt myself getting emotional. To be honest, reading that I thought of you. Yeah. Getting emotional towards the end,

there are definitely parts that I really relate to, sorry, I'm getting emotional, but it's actually really reassuring for me I'm not divorced yet and there are parts of that I've hit home for me and just hearing where you are now I feel like I'm not quite there and it's just I don't know obviously everyone listening people are in such different stages of it but it's just and that's why we do what we do like we share people's stories some of you write to us in the thick of it some of you write to us when you're out the other side and I just think it's an incredible empowering thing to be able to hear it from someone who has survived it and is now thriving

and happy and genuine like you sound genuinely happy and it's just amazing to hear the perspective you've gained on everything like the fact you were able to write that with such wit and humour just shows how far you've come so yeah i just really want to thank you for taking the time to write that in so beautifully yeah i know it was good and yeah he looks like a mushroom A really, really old. I do feel like, like, you can always, there's always one person that has a glow up and the other person normally gets a receding hairline and goes grey. And we're here for it.

Okay, product of the week, have you heard of Be Bold instant airbrush? No. Okay, this is amazing. I don't always have the energy or the time to fake tan, especially in the winter when most of what we're covered. For the first time, I've literally just done the top half of my body. Okay, so I always find that I just need, like, my neck and the top of my chest, okay? This B-Bold instant airbrush, it's a, it's body makeup, okay?

24-hour body makeup. Is it gone on your clothes? No. And it literally dries so quickly. I cannot even tell you. I actually should have bought my brush. No. Literally nothing.

I don't have my brush with me. Do you know what? I'm going to actually, I'm going to do an example with this tissue, so it might not work as well. So it's literally a spray in a can. I spray it on my, yeah. Looks like foundation. So I've literally just sprayed it on my hand. It's obviously not going to go as well

because I use a brush that it does come with. She's on your face? No. It's literally, it actually does say not to put it on your face. So I do. I literally do my neck. I've got it on now. My neck and my chest.

Look how nice it. And look, touch me. Completely dry. That's mad. Yeah. So. Which you get it from? So I actually saw it on TikTok shop.

However, literally, they've got it on, I'm pretty sure it's sold on Debenhams, Amazon, go and check it out, it's not that expensive, and for me, literally I put my clothes on, well, I put it on, but just having that brown neck and chest, it matching your face, and I put it on my hands as well. I feel like there's nothing worse, and when you like, I mean, I haven't done it on my hands. But yeah, it's just really, really good, easy, hand, neck, chest, done, and it dries so cold. quickly, so I really, really recommend it. Confession of the week. I mean, this is a funny one. We're throwing it back to 2006. Okay.

I was 18 and I had just got to my first ever Hollywood wax. No one warned me about ingrown hairs and boy, did I suffer. Well, a few days later, the guy I was seeing initiated some touching and began touching me on what he thought was my clit. Oh, my goodness. But was actually... a very swollen, ingrown hair on my left flap. The more vigorous, he went to it.

Oh, that'd be so painful. And I guess he mistook my pain for pleasure. I learnt how to fake an orgasm that night just to get it over. That is. Oh my god right affirmation of the way I want you to say to yourself I can do and I can get through hard things okay things happen for us not to us anything you're going through right now I promise you even though you can't see it you will go in to make it through and one day you're going to look back at it and be like I understand why that has happen to me. I understand what I was meant to learn from that and I understand it was to push me to grow and I know sometimes it can feel like I've certainly had it recently where you're like why is all of this happening to me? Try and rephrase it. This is happening for me. I might not

know what that is right now or why that is right now but I have to have faith. This is all meant for a reason. Love that. Thank you so much guys. Hope you enjoyed it and we will see you again next week. Bye.