Not As We Planned - The Neighbourhood Bicycle Where Everyone Had a Ride | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Trigger warning: Domestic AbuseWhen your ex partner is using drugs and tries it on with your sister, a very abusive relationship that’s hard to get out of when you’re in it, and when your perfect life falls apart when he decides he wants to leave out of nowhere! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys, hi, you're listening to Not As We planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high and I'm one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys, welcome back to Not As We Planned. We hope you are well. Don't forget to go and give us a five-star review on Apple. We want to see more of your reviews. over there because it really helps us yeah go and like share subscribe go watch our youtube we've got some extra bonus videos on there that I know some of you are really

loving we're literally like YouTubers now know we're basically like just do everything we've got fingers in every single pie also can we appreciate before we have like our own individual updates I think we just need to take a moment about what happened at Paul Branson sorry so guys if you didn't see we posted a real he we went to his show the other week. Which was great. It was amazing. Just really inspiring, wasn't it?

Came out of a feeling. I always feel like when you go to shows like that, you almost feel the energy in the room. Yeah, you do. And there was like a little Q&A at the end and I pretty much like pushed Collie. No, she was like, Carly, we have to do it. I'm not thinking, why am I getting bullied into doing this?

She's like, can we have one moment? We've got to do it. We've got to ask questions. And then because I feel all this pressure, I'm like, my brain wouldn't work, so I couldn't think of anything. I was like, touching her arm. I pretty much held her arm.

She's just going, put your hand up, and I'm like, you're in my ear, my brain can't think you just give me a minute. Anyway, she smashed it. We were the last question. Yeah, stood up, mentioned the podcast and then he actually said like, oh, what's your podcast called? Which was so nice of him. So nice. Said it. Had a few cheers.

We had people messaging us being like, oh my God, I can't believe you were there. And then obviously we posted it, tagged him, and like, guys, we are starting a petition. Get Paul on the pod. Pull on the pod. literally. So we're going to carry this on. We're going to be re-sharing it. We're going to be tagging him until you get to

know how much you guys want him on. So you guys need to help us. Because he would be absolutely unbelievable. He is just goals, isn't he? He is. He is, his voice. I think I've got a crush. Calm down.

He's married. I've got a crush. Another one. No, no, no, no. I would never. I just really respect him. Ofs. Love how he talks about stuff.

Like, even on like, watching maths, I'm like, you'd speak so much sense. I love maths. I applied for maths. Yeah, she's applied for maths. By the way, if you get on it, can I be that friend that comes on? I'm like, he's a red flag. I had like a moment of madness a few weeks ago when like...

What's the application? What do you have to do? It was just like a form. There were loads of good questions. So it's not video yet. No, it said, this is what I'm annoyed about. So I might try and do it again. But they were like, it will help your application if you add a video to it,

which obviously I would want to do, but I, like, followed the instructions through and the video option didn't come up, so I might need to apply again. Me and James were like, because we love it.

We watched it together and we were joking that like, it'd be quite funny if we both applied. Like, it described each other. Yeah. Hoping that we could... Well,

if you got matched to someone else, she's sat at the dinner party like, then we are. Oh, and then we'd be those awful ones that like, do the dirty. Yeah, that can't be sad. Yeah, like the honeymoon paid for. It's great.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Let's go for a free holiday. Yeah. Anyway, let's have a little catch up. Carly's one year older. I am. I'm 38 and you know what?

I'm feeling the same. Yeah, no, I feel like I had a great birthday. I had a fantastic, well, not so much the actual day. The other day was fine. It's fine. I didn't get a birthday card from, there was this whole drama with birthday card situation that the kids were sent home with just. just a card with Happy Birthday Mummy written

and told to do it in their own time at my house, which obviously didn't get done, they're six and four. The expectations were really hard. But it was more, it was less about me. It was more Theo got really upset that he didn't have a card. He was like, I'm the worst kid ever. And I was like, no. Didn't he do?

Didn't last time, like, Mother's Day or something, he like actually did quite well. I feel like he got your card, put you a pressure. It's giving inconsistent. Yeah, it's giving, doesn't know what to do. Anyway, it is what it is. And just because he's done that, I'm still going to uphold myself as to what I would do.

Yeah, because you saw Theo get upset. Of course. And it was all about him. But anyway, so I was like, it's fine, baby. It doesn't matter when it's done. So they sat there on my morning doing my card and bless him, what he wrote was what he wanted to write. So that was that, put that aside, took the kids out for dinner that night.

We had such a nice time. But the waiter was trying to get me drunk, you get trying to bring me shots. And I was like, this is real with your kids. Like, it was very weird. Anyway, and then I went to Paris this weekend with the girls, and it was just one of those trips that was just so needed. Like, we've all been for our own shit over the last year, my friend more recently, and it just proper bonded us,

and we just had so much fun. Like, we're all single, we're all just like, like, no one, we weren't like, we have to do this, we have to do this. We just, like, went with the flow, like, we had no plan. We had the restaurants booked, and that was it. And it was just so much fun. there is a story I'll tell you from Paris on Patreon. Do I know it?

No. Stop it. Oh my God. Is there some French sausage going on? I will tell you on Patreon. But yeah, it was really good. Like we went to these really good restaurants. Like Gigi's, if you're planning girls to go to Paris, Gigi's.

You're like up on the tables. Like it's just goes nuts. And it's just so much fun. Like I was in my absolute element just, yeah. it was absolutely brilliant night and I just feel really like great so yeah and I'll give you a little dating update on Patreon

we had to clear the roster again guys we had to clear the roster and she's found another James this is number five honestly like it's just giving it's giving these parents need to name their children I've definitely realised like it's a generational thing do you know how many Jameses there are and what's the other one that there's

loads of Jameses and there was another name and like why are you all called the same Josh it's all the Jay no literally there was a point where I was maybe chatting to about four or five people and there were all jays and every time they came off my phone I'm like Kully you need to know like remember what one's a player no I'm not a player it's just like no one was really like grabbing my attention and then I kind of got to the stage where I was just like it's like just taking too much of my energy yeah So I sent my message of Doom to them. You didn't make the cut.

Yeah. Some of them I got ignored. Some of them had a nice response back. So it's giving, mature. Yeah. So, yeah, I'll do that and pay. Again, I just don't want everyone knowing my business, let's be honest. So, yeah.

How about you? Me. A few things to update. First of all, it's the twins' birthday today. Oh, yeah. So they're eight today. Shout out, Blake and Ivy. Yeah, not that they're listening, but, who, can you imagine?

Yeah, Mom. So they're eight today. So it was nice. So we switched our days because normally they're with their dad on a Wednesday night, Thursday day. We film on a Thursday for anyone that wants to know. So we switched and he had them Tuesday night and I got to have them Wednesday night. So they woke up with me on their birthday. They wanted to.

I asked him. He said yes. We can all dream to be like that, guys. But do you know what? It's a bit of like a catch-22 because I feel very lucky that he lets me have. them whenever I want but at the same time sometimes I wish he cared enough yeah I know what you mean because I put up a fight for it I spoke to him yesterday asking what he's got them because sometimes I want to check that we like haven't got the same thing so he hasn't got them anything because he said

that they're really excited to go to Smith's on the weekend and they can pick something then I ended up sending a message I know some people are like your expectations should be low like pick your battles there's no point it's not going to change but it just gets to a point where it's like my expectations are low but you can't help but still having some sort of like hope that someone can just be a bit thoughtful I literally messed him going in future some thought and planning wouldn't go amiss it would be nice if you know it's taking them to smiths another weekend I literally said if you know that they like going to smiths go on the lead up to their birthday let them pick out what they like then you'll choose it and buy it it will still be a surprise

wrap it so they have something to open. He didn't reply to that but he replied before I sent that when I was a bit like oh it seems like a shame that they don't have anything to open and he pretty much openly said I don't really have them much on their birthday and they're with you and I'm sure you've got lots

and then they've got something to look forward to on the weekend so in other words you're hiding behind the gifts that I'm giving and then you're just going to let them pick something where you don't have to wrap it, you don't have to think about it just honestly it's not even bare minimum He is literally, it's a pathetic excuse for like, I'm just, I'm baffled, it frustrates me and do you know what? It makes me sad for them because I know I can only control what I do. I give them everything I can. They were so happy this morning. No wonder they wanted a bloody wake up

with me. They're going to be picked up from him at school today, go home and they don't even have one gift to open. One gift, not even one. Like, what? Like, also, he FaceTime them. this morning and Blake was going around showing him all the things that he got. Wouldn't you have some sort of like guilt or embarrassment? Maybe he'll go out today and get something. I mean I just at this point I'm just like lost anyway so that's the birthday situation. I've got Ivy's

party on Sunday and then Blake's party just like sort of like doing it at my parents and using this girl that I used last year. Last year she did a spa party but this year it's going to be like all activities they're doing like these drippy painting bears. They're decorating perfume bottles, bit of dancing, singing, like glitter tattoos, hair braiding, the works. Although Blake at first was confused why he's not going. And then once I told him what it was, he was like, yeah, I don't want my hair braided.

So he's happy not to go. And then Blake's having a laser tag party in two weeks joint with his best friend because their birthdays are like a month apart. So Theo wants to do for his next birthday. It's already planned. Yeah, it's fun. And then my week has been very stressful. I shared on my social media.

never really spoken about it on here that I have a metaphobia for anyone that doesn't know what that is it's a phobia of sick and Rome was sick last week I feel like you've gotten away with it I feel like it's never happened since we filmed the podcast No I think it has but I maybe just don't

Maybe I've never really openly spoken about it that much Like I've sometimes put it on my stories I've never done an actual real where people Like my inbox went insane Like some people being like I didn't know it was a thing I just thought I had an issue so like it's nice to let people know like I mean it is a problem but it's not you're not alone like it's it is the most debilitating phobia to have especially as a mom especially as

a single mom I've spoken about it quite openly that it absolutely was a massive factor as to why I stayed in my marriage longer than I should have because back in the day before I had Roman and the twins were much younger if they were sick I'd move out and he just dealt with them for a few days I'd literally move into my parents for a few days and wouldn't go anywhere near them obviously that had to change once i um became a single mom but i remember when i first separated from him i was toying with the idea of selling my house and moving into my parents because the thought of being on my own with them scared the hell out of me and then that's when i was just like i'm not losing my place on the property ladder yeah something that yeah that i suffer

with that they will then suffer with so i was like no so i dealt with it as best as i could thank God, James was there because he was sick on the top bunk. Oh, God. So, like, I needed height because, like, I couldn't do anything. So just, thank God he was there. I'm not going to go into detail, because I don't want to trigger anyone. But for anyone that maybe does feel like they have the same thing, I'm telling you now, if I can get through what I just gone through, anyone can because it, yeah.

But anyway, so it's been one of those weeks, that waiting game to see if the twins were going to get it. And it's their birthday. So, like, they're in the, I believe they're now in the clear. I'm still slightly on edge. But it is what it is. And that's my week. Woo! Yeah, should we get on with some email?

So this one is called, sorry, but who didn't he want to sleep within my family? In your family? Jesus. Hopefully your dad. Or your grandpa? Are your dog? Sorry.

Too far. Or your car Do you have any messages I got saying Kaliah watched the same documentary? I was like, I knew I wasn't making it out. And everyone messaged me like, you knew to watch it. And then my mom messaged me like, yeah, we watched it together. Brilliant.

Hi, ladies, so this is a long story belt up. Me and my STBXH. You're what? I don't know. Oh, soon-to-be ex-husband. All right, guys, you need to get us in with the jargon. Now we know this. Seen to be ex-husband.

STB-X-H. There I was, like, stupid, thick, bastard. Extremely twatty. Sorry, right. Me and my soon-to-be-ex-husband were together in our early 20s. I already had my first child at 19 and was in a very abusive relationship, and then he came to the rescue. I'd known him from school, so he wasn't a stranger.

He picked me up after I had been through the war. worst abuse. Well, what I thought was the worst. He took me out, he bought me things that I couldn't do or afford being a young single mum working part time. He basically moved into my flat, didn't pay a thing and then fast forward a few years. He started going out a lot. I wouldn't see him for a week after this, went on for quite a while as he would beg me back. I found drugs in my flat and then I found out he was cheating. He actually left me for the girl who worked with his mum and sister. I was devastated.

It took me two years to even go on a date and I still wasn't over him. I met a man and I forced myself to stay to get over my ex and I then fell pregnant a year later. Oh God. Fast forward a few years to my daughter being two and a half. We moved in with my sister and her fiancé

as we bought my council house as we bought my council house and were having an extension and then lockdown happened. It wasn't the best time and my then-fiancee decided to take drugs and disrespect me in my sister's house. I lost it and broke up with him

as I didn't want to go through that again. Then, my now soon-to-be ex-husband somehow clocked on, then started messaging me, worming his way back in. It had now been eight years since we had split up. This must have been the first guy. And after so many months, when the first lockdown was over, I ended up getting back with him.

Silly me. He absolutely loved Bonn me once again. He had changed. He had changed. He was amazing. I would stay at his flat every other weekend. He would treat me like a princess and fast forward a few months. He proposes to me. Myself and my friends and family were shocked. I didn't know how to he is one for social media and straight away wanted me to post it. I didn't feel like I wanted to

but he made me feel so awkward so I did. We then started planning our wedding and booked it for the following year 2022 in Greece. We had over 70 guests coming and it was exciting and I was now 34 and ready to be a wife. My now fiance started to show little cracks, wanted to go out drinking a bit, and then the year of the wedding came and it got a little worse. One night he came home the next day at 7am. He had ignored me all night. He was going insane and I knew he had been on drugs. I went mad and told him and said I wouldn't marry him if it happened again. I went on my hen in April two days after I get home. My cousin had a heart attack and died and he was only 36. I was devastated. I cried for weeks on end and my fiancé wasn't really there for me or understanding.

His nights out and stag do were more important. The next month I had a phone call from the hospital. I had had my smear eight weeks before and didn't have a letter but forgot. The phone calls to tell me that I had to go in straight away that day as my letter somehow got lost and I had abnormal cells and needed surgery. I was devastated. This was three weeks before we go to Greece. And was my husband there? Yes, he came to the hospital. Yes. He came to the hospital. Yes. he came to the hospital with me but to be honest didn't understand or give a shit I was told I couldn't do any exercise

I couldn't swim or have sex for four weeks all I could think about is the wedding and my kid's not understanding why I couldn't go swimming with them whilst a holiday he only worried about no sex for four weeks anyway he still went out ignoring me not coming home I felt trapped at the wedding

as the wedding was so close and we had so many friends and family coming we get to Greece and it was lovely until the night before our wedding and he was vile to me. He called me a cunt and went off clubbing with his mates. The night before your wedding? What the fuck?

I didn't want to marry him but I had to. The next day was the wedding day and he turned up, hung over and I was fuming. Other than that, we had the best day and had a great holiday apart from I think he thought it was a lad's holiday and not a family one. God. Fast forward a couple of months.

He went out again on a night out. Ignored me. Didn't come home and I knew he was on drugs, so I kicked him out. We were going to Vegas the following week for our honeymoon and was going with another couple and we were holding their engagement ring and had sorted out the special day for them. I told him I wasn't going, although I did end up go. We did have an amazing time. We got back and I find out I'm pregnant.

I actually wasn't planning on having another child. I told him that before we got engaged, but him and his family went on and on about it. It's about what he really wants. cancer scare had made me think it could be my last chance if I could get pregnant again. Anyway, at six weeks, I missed Carrie. He was devastated. What do you think he did to make himself feel better? Drinking drugs. Four weeks later, I'm pregnant again. Blime. He was still acting a prick. I told him, but I wasn't sure if I was or if it was hormone, so I booked an early scan. We argued on the way, and he told me to get rid of it if I was. Yep, I was pregnant and I didn't know what to do,

and he then started being nice again and bed me to keep the baby and start fresh. God, this is like exhausting. Sorry, this is log. During my pregnancy, he got worse going out, taking drugs, not giving a shit. I found drugs in my home and I would walk home from work

as I didn't hear from him all day. I'd get home and he would be off his head. My eldest child would be home and ask what's wrong with him. Oh, my God. How old's the eldest? I don't know. Jeez.

Well, she had him when he was 19. She's 35. It was a, like, teenage. Yeah, yeah. I chucked him out. I went to his mum so many times to try and get her advice or help but she would blame me

saying he doesn't feel like my home is here and I care more about my kids it came to blow when I was 35 weeks pregnant he went out all day on a drinking bike ride that's safe safe hope you adhere to the green cross code he ignored me all day

my sister then rang me that night and said he was messaging her asking her asking to go to her house every time she asked why He would say, wouldn't you want to know with a sweaty head emoji? That is so fucking weird. But kept asking, my sister thought someone took his phone and was being silly. But no, it was him.

I called him so many times, no answer. But then I text, asked him, why are you texting my sister trying to go to her house? And he said, for company. I then sent them all to his mom and sister and said, Why is he doing this? He's off his head again. I then lost it and was done. I packed up all his stuff and put it in his van.

He turned up at 2 a.m. completely off his head. So I called his mumm. She came and took him and I could hear her saying, Are you okay? Come home to mummies. Oh, for fuck so. Oh, mummy will look after you, darling. After this, I found out he had tried it on with my other sister and my two cousins,

as well as half the girls on his social media on different occasions. I was devastated and angry. He took our family car. was walking my child to school and to work and back heavily pregnant until I had our baby at 39 weeks. I allowed him to be at the birth and even said he could stay twice a week to bond and to help me. He had stopped paying any bills or any money to me from the day I chucked him out. He wouldn't allow me to have the car but would happily drive me round. He went on without, he went on about registering the baby straight away and we did. Whilst we were there, I asked

to double barrel her name with my maiden name and he went mad. So he didn't. Oh no. I was in a bad place. My family wouldn't come around with him there. He wanted to be there 24-7 and then wouldn't leave. Eight weeks on, I got the locks change and he tried taking our baby. I had to force him away from the door and he called my kids' names. Was abusive and I had to get the police involved. I found out he had been to a solicitor before the baby was born to see if he could force me into letting him be at the birth.

I was fuming. He then put a home rights on my house that he lived in. and paid towards bills for the whole one year we were married. Fast forward, my daughter is now two and a half. In those years I've been through so much control and abuse from him and his mum had to stop him having her at least seven times due to him being on drugs. He asked his mum for help, begged them both to... Sorry, I asked his mum for help, beg them both to get him help.

Nothing. His family ignored he had a problem and basically cut me off. That's the problem when they've got like enabling parents. And they usually do, to be honest. They usually do it. Could do no wrong. They basically cut me and my other kids off from the minute I chucked him out.

Now we're going through his family, court and divorce. It's awful. Nothing I thought I would ever go through. I put him for divorce two years ago. He won't sign it or do financial, but constantly reminds me it's a marital home and he will take my house each time I bring it up. And I'm done.

I'm exhausted from it all as there's much more to it. He's now only allowed to see our child once a week supervised by his mummy. The next hearing is December with hair-stranded drug test. Good. So that will be interesting. Seems he told the court is recreational. I'm not sure when this will end.

I'm much stronger than two years ago, but a couple of months ago, I almost had a breakdown. My mum was taking me away for three days. I went to drop my daughter off and he was on drugs yet again. And that was the last time I was preparing to do this. As my daughter cried and hit me for taking her back home and she didn't and doesn't know or understand. It's so sad.

I feel so sad for her and my other children. as the way he's treated then breaks me and now I'm out of it, I can see it all. So single mum working part-time with no money from him as he has lied to CMS even though he owns his own plumbing business. It's a struggle mentally, emotionally and financially and I'm praying life gets better.

I feel like it's so hard when you're dealing with someone like that. I think one thing that is good is that you are like going through the court process. I know however stressful it is, and hard and also really happy that he only has supervised visits. But I'm wondering whether is that done

just because you guys have organised it because it's supervised with his mum? Like I wonder whether you'd be better off going to supervise. Well, just make sure when you're in the courts that you get something put in the order. Like I imagine because they're doing the hair strand test and stuff Oh yeah. A lot of it's going to be based off what comes back.

Yeah. I don't even really have unfortunately any words of wisdom. I think that, you know, you've obviously noticed that you're much better than you were at the beginning. And I think all I can say is as time goes on, hopefully things will improve. I think as well when it comes to things like court and child arrangements and financial orders, like obviously as someone going through divorce, I understand it. And I feel like I can't wait for the day when everything is resolved and, you know, you've got the, it's all signed and dotted and, you know, the T's across. I think ultimately whether, however that goes and whatever that looks like, I think knowing something is final and it's a means to an end.

And whilst it might take time to adapt to whatever that looks like, that's that chapter formally closed. And I think you're on your way there. You're an incredibly strong person. I think you've tolerated an awful lot of shit. And good for you for standing up. Like, there's no part of you that feels like, God, I'm missing out. Like, what a good guy.

Like he's so... Yeah, I guess that's the positive, isn't it? At least you, like you said, now that you're out of it. to own your kids. Now that you're out of it, you can see who he really is, and at least he's not your problem anymore. Yes, he might be giving you that stress and trying to do the control.

Set those strong, firm boundaries and know that eventually there is a light at the end of the time. Yeah, you are on the journey now to the end. So I hope it all goes well for you and keep us updated. Yes, please do. Okay, this one is called

Leaving an Abusive Man Child. Okay. Hello, ladies. Your podcast has been keeping me saying for the last seven months while I have been navigating the hardest time of my life. I would try and make this as short as I can. I met my ex in the beginning of 2021. We hit it off right away.

The connection was unreal, also known as love bombing. We both had children from previous. I had a son and he had a girl and a boy. We fell hard and fast and within three months we started renting a house together. Oh, wow. Yeah, jeez. I thought it was my happy ever after. How wrong was I?

I fell pregnant six months into our relationship And we were both ecstatic I found out of six months That it was twins Oh my gosh A shock but amazing Everything was going amazingly We had our girls at 34 weeks

By C-section And he was really supportive The first time he abused me Our daughters were four months old We were having an argument About how I didn't want to give him A blowjob Because I was on my period

This led to him Oh my God this led to him smashing a wine glass over my hand and storming upstairs to pack some clothes because I was being a selfish bitch Wow what? I followed him because our daughters were sleeping and I didn't want him to wake them but he did and I said nice one they are awake

Before I knew it I was off my feet His hands were around my neck lifting me off the floor I have never felt so shocked and scared in my life I remember trying to speak but I couldn't He then dropped me on our landing upstairs and I scrambled into my son's room. Luckily, he wasn't there. I got myself into a corner and held my arms and legs up.

He came in, a fist clenched and looked into my eyes. It's something that I'll never forget. As you can imagine, I didn't leave him. After a few days of lots of tears, he came back. I wanted him to try therapy, but after one session, he didn't want to do it. Nothing happened for a while and things felt great. I thought it was just a one-off.

How wrong was I? It's funny when you're in something, you don't realize how controlled you're being until you leave. A year later we got engaged and it was amazing. But it wasn't long before the name calling started. Anytime we had an argument, a switch would flip and walls would be punched. He would call me a slut, a cunt, a life-sucking bitch.

Anything you could say, he would. And then the next day he would cry, say sorry and I would forgive him. Then the pushing started, as well as the names he would get in my face, forcing me back with his body. He's six foot and sixteen stone and I'm five feet. and Ten Stone. He would do this often until the last time and I finally left him. It was the most horrific time of my life. I was a single mum to three kids, twin girls, three and a nine-year-old boy. Then the harassment started. My family was so worried for my safety so we decided to do

a Claire's law. This then led to the police coming to do a welfare check and I told them everything. He was arrested and we had no contact for three months until one of his friends reached out to me said that he really misses me. At this point, he was dating someone else. Long story short, we got back in contact and the charges of assault were dropped. He wanted another chance, promised he would change.

Well, you guessed it. He didn't. I want to mention I was in therapy at this point and was trying to set boundaries, something I hadn't done before. He didn't respect them and I decided to walk away for the final time. Since then, he's been begging for another chance.

Obviously, I have said no. He is doing this begging while shagging someone else. work that one out. I'm doing better. I'm going to the gym, taking time for myself, although I don't get much, but I'm really trying to heal the wounds that I didn't make. Where I am now is trying to be a role model for my girls to show them that you can do it on your own and to not let a man make you small. And for my son, say that he would never be like the man that I ran from. There is a real epidemic at the moment with men and treating women less than and being abusive. Well, I'm going to make a change. It's up to us both moms to teach our boys

how to handle their emotions and how to show respect and to teach your girls that you can do everything you want and more you're not defined by a man and everyone should feel safe and loved. He would tell me I won't find better and that life isn't a fairy tale and you know what I say to that? I won't accept anything less than Prince Charming.

My life will be a fairy tale and it can happen and if it doesn't that I have my beautiful children and my wonderful family. Dating is hard and I'm not sure I'm ready yet but I know my fairytale is out there somewhere whether it would be with a man or if it's just me and my babies. Sorry if it was long, there was so much more, but I just wanted to write in more for me than anything.

And if anyone can relate to anything I've said or is going through the saying, then I just want you to know it isn't normal and it's not love and you don't deserve it. P.S. He would also send picks of his dick to girls on Snapchat. Hope this makes it on the pod. I would be listening every week as usual. Keep up the good work.

My name is Haley, because you use it. I won't be shamed into silence. Why does that make me like emotional? do you know what like good for you like what an absolute disgusting man and i think that don't put that pressure on yourself to feel like you need to date anytime soon like you said like you're doing the work on yourself you're pouring into yourself you've got your beautiful children how lovely that you know that you can set an example for them that your girls don't need a man teaching your son how to respect women how to you know control and like manage his

emotions and i think as mums that's what we're always striving for, isn't it, to really just set the best example to our children and I'm really happy that you finally walked away from him and you're not sort of like giving in to the begging and the tears because I think it just shows a man like this doesn't change. They will just repeat the same behaviour over and over again. I saw a TikTok and it said that if you let a man believe that you'll stay through anything then he will feel like he can put you through everything and that is what this man was doing. You accepted the bad behaviour

and accepting it and taking them back gives them the green light to do it again. So you needed to make that change. You needed to walk away and you should feel so proud of yourself for doing that. I think you also need to allow yourself the space to feel everything you need to feel as well. Like what you've gone through is incredibly traumatic.

And that's it. Like what Tash said, just taking that pressure off, even thinking about a future. relationship, just make sure you really focus on healing yourself from the inside out and allowing yourself the correct amount of time to do that. Like, you know, I think going through something like that takes a lot of work to have the faith that good men exist. It's hard enough when you haven't been through that to have that faith sometimes. So yeah, I just think you're an

incredible women. I think it's so common. And look, I think it's probably 99% of people don't walk away the first time it happens because you don't ever want to believe that the person you love could do any of those things to you. And I think when someone apologises and begs for forgiveness and I'll change, we want to believe them. That's the fairy tale. We want. We want the person we love to change and do better. And yeah, well done for, you know, it's like we always say, everyone has that light bulb moment when it's like this isn't how it's supposed to be

so yeah keep us updated and sending you loads of love official shit show member we're all part of that club guys picture this you've got a slightly sleep deprived woman with a dog on a leash

headphones in walking down the street belly laughing like a maniac because your podcast just dropped some hilarious inappropriate wisdom way I've been me binge listen

I've binge listened to you guys everywhere, yes, including in my car at a red light where the driver next to me probably heard one of your more eyebrow raising comments and gave you the side eye of the century and whilst sat waiting in my car on the school run, you're welcome to the mum in the car next to me, wink. Here's the deal. I swear every person who writes into you is secretly a spy planted from my own life or there genuinely is a gift pack given to every dickhead ex-husband who leaves. and there's a little book

with a little list of what to do to fuck up your ex probably do they just get given it it's like I'm hearing different versions of myself

from alternate timelines sending in their chaos it's uncanny how relatable it all is so I thought why not toss my own sitcom episode into the ring in short

once upon a time I was married to my so-called best friend everyone said we were couple goals ticking all the boxes all that jazz and then

over a completely ordinary dinner he casually announced he was leaving. I thought he meant it like leaving to run the shop. No, he meant forever. Surprise! And no, I'm not delusional. Yes, we did have hiccups, arguments, the usual in any healthy relationship, but nothing that will be a reason to break up our family. But apparently the best way to reconnect with your toxic mum and weirdo sister is to ditch your wife and kids. Who knew? That was his excuse anyway, but the truth always comes out eventually Of course he also delivered the classic I love you but I just don't like you line

which is a very special kind of nonsense fast forward a hot minute and I discovered his new relationship from a kissing Facebook post she shared captioned with a cute heart flare nostrils in disgust and roll lights who by the way was basically a neighbourhood bicycle said everyone had a ride

But men leave for easier, not for something better. Amen. But I'm insane to ever question or think there was a crossover. Obviously, you're psycho. The plot thickens like a bad soap proper. My life didn't magically become a rom-com once he left. Actually, it turned into a masterclass in what I like to call TikTok therapy. Suddenly my algorithm was serving me in all-you-can-eat buffet of gaslighting, narcissistic abuse tips, coercive control stories and every tick-tok.

tick tick that made me realize yet basically been living in a psychological thriller without the exciting soundtrack so mad how your timeline like just you're like are you in my head? Yeah it's crazy and let's not forget he didn't just move on quickly he moved on

inconsiderately happy new family for him chaos and financial juggle for me and the kids you know the classic tale I read somewhere that is hard to grieve someone who's still alive and harder still to grieve the future you thought you'd have all whilst front by watching it happen for someone else so true well there i was having done everything to put him

and the kids first only to find out that apparently the for better or for worse clause had an asterisk he forgot to mention and then of course came the co-parenting circus he got to play the victim paint me as the bitter ex until everyone who'd listened that i was withholding the kids never mind that staggedoos nights out and feeling a bit under the weather always trumped actual parenting time. He even went to court for a visitation order just to tell me this is to stop you withholding them, not to make me see them. Gold staff are parenting there, but also to strategically playing the doting father character for onlookers, all whilst doing the actual opposite. After five years of not applying for CMS, I'd done what he believes to be the worst

thing ever I applied for child maintenance. How dare you? How dare you try to get money for your kids? from the father that they're meant to pay. However, this delightful ride was, and remains bullshit. A rear stand at £12,000. I'm still fighting with child maintenance because he's a complex earner who can juggle his finances like a circus act. He once texted me,

I declare pennies, you get peanuts, good luck. I'd get the tax man on this guy. A real class act. Meanwhile, I'm juggling the universe. universal credit reduction, single parenting and the joys are buying secondary school uniforms. Thanks legally, Nick, for clarifying that, whilst he ghost me on every, whilst he ghosted me on anything the kids need. I would just like to add, however, because I'm sure someone he knows will be listening and what narcissists like to do is fixate on their side of the story. He does pay

our former family home's mortgage, which is just under £700 a month. He's been able to purchase a second property, a bigger property, drive a range rover, you get the picture. But me and the children need to shut up and be grateful that we weren't made homeless and not asked for more. But in reality, when he did try to get us out of our home, I didn't back down and agree to vacate the home, sell it and go on the council list to try and rehome me and the kids because he decided he wanted to start again elsewhere. He absolutely loves telling people that he pays the mortgage, but I hope he clarifies that when we sell the house, I am on limited time, He will get that money back.

So financial contribution is reimbursed on his end. So there would be no financial contribution if he wasn't to pay child maintenance on top. Would we as mums get our food, food, clothing, gas, electricity? The list goes on. Money back? No. As a parent, if we were in the financial position

to be able to help and provide, wouldn't you want to? To also defend the fact that I remained in the form of family home, I don't see this as greedy like you put. as a default parent women tend to be the ones that stop their careers stop their employment put life on pause remain at home over a period of time to be the homemaker with no income set hours holiday leave bonus no way to create savings the fact that this was a selfish solo choice for him to abruptly stop our future together and what we had planned with no help or support or cushion for me when I fell so when I fell so remaining in the home with a one

and three year old I don't think was too much to ask but also the five years that I did not apply for child maintenance he was more than able to build his career purchase another property have multiple holidays expand his family all whilst I was trying to just keep a float and then there comes the name thing let's not forget that gem I've asked for years to double barrel the kid's surname so I can revert to my maiden name

he gave pathetic excuses from the kids getting bullied to just flat out no one judge was sympathetic another male judge basically yelled at me like I'd asked to rename the judge She's granny. All this just to add my own name to my kids' identity. That's so wild to me. I know. Because heaven forbid I have a bit of my own life back.

Let me also add he stopped collecting the children for visitation back in June 2024 for the reason that he doesn't like that when they return home they tell me stuff that's happened and he cannot stand me knowing. So over a year of no visits. What? In the end, the moral of this novel length email is he chose this mess and now he's punishing himself and me because he messed up a good thing sure i'm not making his life easy now why would i he made mine hell so consider this my open letter to all the

other people out there who might feel a little less alone hearing it welcome to the shit show members only jackets to be delivered ha ha no name please but i hope if someone hears this and knows him send him this and he feels embarrassed about his pitiful behavior mug drop yeah literally that was so well written um i think that like you've said we hear those sort of stories time and time again and it's just wild to me i would never although i hear it all the time i would never really understand how these men can be the one that choose to do the wrong or choose to do the leaving and then almost punish you for what like moving on and picking up the pieces like it's just it's so it doesn't make any sense make it makes sense

Do you know what? It's just made me think of I've been like binge listened to Lily Allen's album For any... I want her on the pod. Yeah, we need to run the pod guys But for so many of you

If you haven't listened to yet I haven't listened Is it good? I know everyone's said that Like it's really good No, it's like... But who the fuck is Madeline? I love it

I just on repeat You would love it You would literally love it Listen to on the way home But it's basically a timeline of her exposing her marriage ending and it is just I feel like anyone who's been through

shit in regards to marriage's ending you'll just relate to it so much and it's like she's spoken so unapologetically and so rawly and like I feel like so many of us sugarcoat shit and we don't want to expose things and like put things out there

and obviously like you know we never fully say the extent of things and you know I have to tread very carefully about what I say, but it's so fucking refreshing to be like, fingers up, this is what he did. Yeah,

if you don't want us to talk about your bad behavior and don't do the bad behavior. She's an absolute fucking queen. I would die to have her on this podcast. I've just signed up for pre-release tickets for her show. Do you want to go and see her next year? Yeah. They get released later this month, so you're coming with me.

Cool. So, yeah, just unbelievable. But well done. I think it's a real credit to people who managed to write in with, wit and you know that you can feel that she's coming from like almost like a good place now

but when you look back at someone and you like pity them you're like this is like embarrassing like how are you the what like it is trying not to say too much but it is so confusing and you're like you literally chose to do all these things you've got what you

want why are you making my life hell because I'm coping with it in a way that you don't want me to cope and it's like she's coping too well let's throw a couple more grenades her way and see how she deals deal with that bit. Yeah, it is control. Yeah. And I think you're doing incredibly well and I think hold your head high and whatever life

throws at you you can fucking handle and I didn't really believe that. So sending lots of love. Sounds like a waste of space. Okay, confession of the week, we've got an email in. Okay, so hi, I'm a woman in my early 30s and this is something I've never said out loud, at least not like this. About four years ago, I started a new job at a big corporate office. You know the type, polite smiles, everyone pretending they're not exhausted.

I didn't think much of my manager at first. He was older, early 40s, confident in that effortless way. People get, after too many years in boardrooms. It started small, a coffee here, a quick chat there, those harmless moments that somehow last longer than they should. Then came the lunches that stretched past the hour, the lingering eye contact in meeting rooms. The jokes only we understood.

I told myself it was an innocent. but there was one thing that wasn't so innocent. He was married, very married. And yet the line we weren't supposed to cross, we stepped right over it. Coffee breaks turned into date nights, overtime turned into nights away. Team building trips turned into trips abroad,

just the two of us, hidden behind conferences and training sessions. He was the whole reason I wanted to work there. Even after he left the company, it didn't stop. If anything, losing the people, professional barrier made it easier we created this bubble this world where the rules didn't apply for three years we lived in that bubble until it burst and his wife found out everything detonated we cut contact three months of nothing i thought it was over but you'd be surprised how

quickly people slip back into very but you'll be surprised how quickly people slipped back into the very thing that destroyed them because we did and now somehow six years have passed and here's the part people judge me for the most i don't feel guilty not anymore maybe i never did make of that what you will i mean well i don't forget it all that i don't have anything i don't know what to say i'm assuming she never said she was married i don't know i don't like that that makes me really funny and uneasy just about ever getting a relationship again can't i yeah like that that actually gives me anxiety about a man going to work i know oh my god by the the way, you know, we spoke about the Christmas party and we were joking and I was

like, my boyfriend, they do have a work at Christmas party, he just doesn't go, he can't bother, doesn't like it. Green flag. Yay! I'm going to start going, Tash, does you? Should you do product of the week? So I want to introduce you to a new copper water bottle. Copper's meant to be the way forward and I love the name, so it's called SIPCU.

You probably won't know this because I don't imagine you're. you remember much from science at school, but C.U is the scientific symbol. Do you remember the... You mean the periodic table, babe? Say again. Do you mean a periodic table? The periodic table? Babe, I'm...

Science was like my... I did psychology degree. So... Guys, I'm offended. Okay, let me say that. Let me say that. I feel like Carly is making some sort of assumption that I'm not book smart. No, I didn't make that. You are book smart. We're both book smart.

Sips to you. Isn't that clever? Yeah, that is. So it's made of copper. I'm really conscious, like, I don't like drinking from plastic cups. And to start making, like, more conscious choices with things like that, I just think it's really nice. I think it's really smart as well. Like, I feel like that just goes with, like, my aesthetic.

Basically, like, the benefits of copper is that it, like, kills, like, bacteria and stuff. I mean, I'm hearing that sort of stuff, I know. This is, like, for Tash. My hands are so sore from all my ditto. Yeah, and just really good, like, again, like, lots of people, like, I used to, like, fill up like a reusable like every on bottle and stuff so like if you're just looking i feel like it's quite a nice little stocking filler or christmas gift it releases well it'll be out actually now but it's a brand new business it's actually one of my school mom friends husbands new business but

she gave me one and i was like i absolutely love that so really really nice really really smart i will maybe put it on our stories put it on our stories amazing right let's do an affirmation of the week I feel like we just need to maybe, from the story that we read about the man that was abusive, I think it is eventually like looking back on what you've been through and rather than allowing something really bad to define you, take it and use it as something to give you that strength and power to improve what you're doing moving forward. We cannot change the past. We cannot, you know, hold ourselves like and feel this guilt because we accepted bad, but what we can do is make sure that we learn from it

and make sure that we don't do anything like that moving forward. So yeah, thank you guys so much for listening and we will see you again next week. Love you, bye.