Not As We Planned - When Your Situationship Even Lied About His Name!!! | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

We give our brutal opinion on what we believe is bare minimum rather than princess treatment, when the guy you’re dating even lied about his name and figuring out whether a second chance could work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel like I am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Hi guys. Welcome back to this week's episode of Not As We Planned. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm having a really terrible week. Go on, let us. Let it all out, babe. I don't think I can let it all out. I have had the most shocking week. I've, yeah, I'm, I just don't know.

I'm going to end up crying. Are you going to cry? Do you want to just cry? I've sent a five-minute voice note to my sister today, and I did cry at the end. So I had to get here and retouched. But I've had one of those weeks where basically on Tuesday, it's my day with Milo.

really excited we were booked into do this like slime workshop he's so excited that's so cool well we didn't get to do it never on the way home from the school run um like my steering wheel just like went like it was like it something had gone in the steering or something and then next thing i know i've hit into a curb like quite powerfully and then i was like okay like fine carried on driving it doesn't matter about the cab let's just carry on well no i just thought like yeah cool it is what it is carried on driving then my car starts making this noise like and I was like okay this like I can't drive this car

my steering I was like turning it wasn't doing it wasn't going where I wanted to and I started to freak out it was quite a busy road so I like put my houses on got out and then one of the mums in Theo's school not even in his class a couple of years below but I kind of know her she was like are you okay I was like no I was like I don't know what's just I was still kind of processing it all and I was like could you take Milo? Because I was too scared to drive with him in the car because it just didn't feel

safe and she was like I literally live like on the next road if you can get it there really slowly I'll go behind you so she put Milo in the car seat in her car I'll go behind you, you put your hazards on just go really slowly and managed to move it I don't think it could have done like 10 meters more right

so I was really stressed and yeah basically the AA couldn't do anything we've had to go through insurance and then they were like Like, you won't get a courtesy car until we pick up the car. I'm like, okay, cool, can you come pick up the car? And they were like, oh, it's up to, it could be three to five working days. And I was like, I'm a single parent.

Like, I have two kids on my own. I've got to do the school run and stuff. Anyway, I'm not even exaggerating when I say I spent the whole of Tuesday on the phone, crying down the phone to all these. You know, and you're just like, I was so emotional. I was so stressed. You know, obviously ask for help from someone else and, you know, people aren't always willing to help and I was just honestly like what am I actually fucking meant to do

just happen to speak to the bright lady who I think must have been a mom and just must have got it you pulled at her heartstrings like I was like I don't know what to do I'm a single parent like this this I was like I just need a car and she sorted me out a higher car which actually isn't in my agreement but they've given it to me that's so nice it's like clearly states in my agreement is from when the car's recovered so Then I had to get to the place to get the car. And it's so nice to know that you, like, the people I can call on, like my family don't live particularly close.

So it's just so nice to know that I think where people know my situation that people are willing to step up, like Milo's nursery teacher came and picked us up. Oh, blah. And drove us to the car hire place, pouring way trying to get these bloody car seats in and out of car. You know what it's like? Yeah.

Like you couldn't want it. And it was parents evening that night. And I literally made it. there by the skin of my teeth and it was just one of those days where I was just so stressed and I've just really felt the burden of being that default parent and being on my own and dealing with I don't think it's hard enough doing it on your own anyway but when you go through one of those really testing weeks where other things are happening oh my god do you feel it like I could have done with I thought normally I'm like this independent woman who's like I don't need no man and I was like

I really could do a man even to just do the phone calls or sort of the car out or even Just have someone else in my household with a car. And it's things like that, you really realise like, shit, like, doing this on my own. Yeah. So. Well, look, you did it. You survived. I've done it.

And now I know what to do. And I can do it. And I've got to take back one car. And thank God that you only hit a curb. Well, this is what I freaked out about because I'm going away this weekend and we're driving on the motorway. I thought, what if that had, what if my steering had gone on a motorway? Like, that could have been, and I had the kids in there.

Like, it actually makes for, you know what you just, like, overthink. And it makes for a bit unwell thinking about it. So I'm glad it. So I'm glad it happened where it did. Absolutely. No one was hurt. We're all safe. At the end of the day, a car's a car.

So. I'm very... Yeah, it's been a week. There's other stuff going on that I can't necessarily say. But I'm just... I feel a little bit like I've got a lot of rage today. I don't like... Do we need to go back to our rage room?

I'm quite angry today and just... You know when it just all bubbles up? Mm-hmm. And I was just sat there in the car on the way today, just thinking about everything. And I was just getting more and more angry. God, here she is. But don't mess with Carly today.

No, I've said it time and time again. Like, I also think I beat myself up in these situations because I am a very positive person. And then I was like in such a negative headspace a week. And I was almost like beating myself up. Like, Collie, come on. You always look on the bright side of life. And I was like, no, like, it's just fucking stressful.

You're allowed. Yeah, 100%. So it's that like balance. What about you? so I feel like since Rome started reception I feel like he's maybe changed a bit with his behaviour oh no like he's a really really good boy he's such an easy child like generally speaking

the only trouble I've ever had with him that I've struggled with was when he kept shit in his pants which we've now like he regressed a bit when he went into reception and now he's good again nailed it but he's just got a bit like cheek cheeky but not in like a cute way anymore it's a bit like stomping on the fur like he hears no he cries like a bit like no this this isn't for me anyway I got an email the other day

should I read it to you and when I say like I was so upset because however naughty or whatever my kids are at home generally speaking like well Roman ivy have always been very good at school Oh, Blake has his challenges, so we'll let him off. So I get this email, okay? Hi. I just want to let you know that Rome was not very well behaved today and had to go to see a head teacher. Oh, wow, that must be bad.

I know. He crawled under the toilets and locked them all from the inside. What alleged? I'm sorry. Do you know that's really bad? I did that. Yeah, I've thought. But he doesn't know that I did that.

I did that in primary school too. I don't know. He also took another boy's hat and threw it on the floor. We have spoken about how inappropriate this is and why he shouldn't be doing it. If you could please follow this up at home, I'd be very grateful. I was mortified. Like, when I spoke to him, he came out all happy. Did you manage to do it without laughing?

Yeah. He came out all happy and I went, I'm not happy with you. And literally his face dropped. I got an email from your teacher today. Do you know what it said? And he went, no. And you know when they're just so cute? I was like, no, I'm not.

Don't look at me. Turn away. Turn away while I'm having to go at you. I was like, you are not to crawl under the toilets. Not only is that really rude, it's disgusting. I was like, think of all the germs. Like, there I am, like, creeping out. I need to get you in the fucking shower.

I was like, and there I was hoping that he, like, had done it with someone who influenced him. I was like, who did you do that with? No one. one he did it with no one so now where's he got this idea from i don't know but it is quite like deep down it's quite funny because i did that but much older not at four he's going to be your i i'm worrying that i've had four years of just pure bliss with him and now he's going to turn into this absolutely lunatic it's really interesting you say this right because yesterday on pickup

from milo's nursery i got pulled in to sign an incident thing which i have never done they Whenever I go to Milo's nursery, they're always like, he's an angel child. We've never met such a well-mannered, polite boy. Like, they're obsessed with him. They were like, you know, we'll always find a way to fit Milo in if you ever need, right? And yesterday I got pulled. So I'm there, like, ready to sign it on the iPad, thinking someone's done something to him. So I'm there signing it and I read it.

And I'm like, basically he was doing a puzzle. And someone like came to like, I don't know, try and get involved in it or like talk to him or something. And it says on the instant form that Milo was doing a puzzle and another child came over. And Milo said he was distracting him. So he pulled his lip. Pulled his lip. He grabbed his lip and yanked it. But the teachers were like, it was the fact he said, oh, he was distracting me.

I was like, where has he even got that from? So he has a little conversation last night about what we use our hands for. I mean, yeah, hopefully I've taken his iPad away for the week. So my kids don't have their iPads in the week. and I know that he adores his iPad so I said like you're not having it

this weekend I mean sucks to be my ex because it's this weekend but I did message him before I gave that punishment because I need I need him to stick to that

because that is going to be the biggest punishment for him that will affect him the most but yeah anyway other than that we're all good the other kids are behaving for now

but yeah so we thought we would show you something that we have been sent because we're very excited because we had this last year and I can confirm it's really good. So we have got here the Love Honey Advent Calendar and this is the couples one but we can also confirm I'm sure Kylie can

that this is also good on your own. I mean I've looked at what's in there guys and I don't think you'll be disappointed. No, so let's give it an open and see what we've got. Also, can we just say how aesthetically pleasing this is? It's in a sexy red box. Yeah. It's got 24 doors guys.

24 gifts for you and your partner, I imagine. I am. Guys, we're super excited for this. I know some people like chocolate advent calendars. I prefer sex toys. So let's give it a while. I feel like we're not going to open every box because we want you to have a bit of a surprise.

But let's at least start with number one just to see what we're starting with. Number one, just for fun. Yeah. So what you're going to get on the first day? On the first day of Christmas, my partner gave to me. A vibrate.

Okay, guys I'm going to guess what it is No, I think it is What I said A vibrator It's the bullet This, so this If I remember from last year

You need this on day one Because this is a little Like vibrating bullet That actually goes on lots of different Applicators Is that the right word? Yeah, so this is a good one Because like Carly said

There are other toys That you can insert this in To add a bit of so this is good and you get loads of charges as well so don't worry oh it will never run out of battery don't worry charge that up I love the gold yeah this is pretty we're loving the red and gold right what color what number do you want to open seven seven seven for heaven seven let's do it open number seven okay I was going to say I feel

like it's Christmas but this is the whole point it's a past parcel oh okay what is this I'm going to read the instructions to don't know oh my god is that that sinking one sink light so

if I'm if I'm not mistaken I believe that this is actually linked to an app that your partner can have. Interesting. So you can actually use it

whilst you are having sex. So you can have it inserted into you. Whilst you are having sex, you can also have same room play. What does that mean? Long distance play. You can do long distance play. So like say you're not with each other.

Yes. He could have, oh, stop. So basically, I know, what? Basically, guys, yeah, this, I knew. They did not have this, I can't remember, but this is amazing for those that don't live together or a slightly longer distance. So you can have this in you while he decides when to turn it on from

the safety of his own home. That would be fine. How cool. Also thinking, imagine if you're in a date night, you're out in a restaurant. Exactly. If you're really kinky, can you imagine that you're ordering your food? All of a sudden you're like, um, can I have the pasta? I know what I'm doing a sea hand It's like this year And also It can be used as a ghost

I'm so glad this is my calendar Yes I need to do clean There you go It's got makeup all over it Okay Let's go for Number

I like the big ones Because I feel like something Whoa The big is going to be in it I'm going to go for number 16 Okay Okay How big we took all

It's quite big but it's light I'm going to guess so it's not a dildo I'm going to guess I'm is it like some kind of restraints

oh oh a paddle don't be naughty it's like did it hurt no you are angry so we're not

going to let Carly hold this today but I can confirm oh it hurts see if you like a bit of pain if you want to experience then this is your

game with those pain pleasure boundaries and like in the red and black like the red yeah very festive yeah it's very festive oh ho ho so like sexy right let's put this back in here because we don't want to ruin carly's collie's toys because i've got so many people to use my paddle with do yeah go on go for number 14 what's in lucky number 14 it's exciting isn't it literally feel like someone's bought me a present. They have? I can't remember last time someone bought me a present.

Oh, what is it? Right, so this is what we were talking about. Oh, I love it. These are little this. You insert the... Vibrator. The bullet. Oh, this is like a mini wand.

But normally the wand is electric. So you're just putting the bullet in here. And then that's obviously for your clitoris, which is the best place to be. so I'm here for that that's new yeah it is new I like it

I love you're like striking on my stuff it's soft it's soft it is soft okay I'm going in with number six are we ready guys number six

oh okay so guys number six is hand wrist restraints yep so if you like a bit of kinky getting tied up to that bed there is ankle ones in here and also it goes under your bed so it attaches bed restraints so like you like hook it under the

I can confirm it's really good who doesn't like being tied up well actually I'm sure some people don't but when you are tied up it does make your senses more heightened I feel, right, I can't get this bed restraint back in, so we're just going to... I've got no one to restrain me, so don't worry too much. Okay, fine, right.

I don't know, number 10 sort of, like, looks pretty with the heart. It's stinky. No, it's going to be like a mass idol, isn't it? Okay, number 10. Okay, are we ready, guys? Yeah, I'm ready. It's wrapped up. Is it?

I'll do it at a shock reveal for you. Okay. What is it? shine bright like a diamond oh yeah we are a fan of the butt plug we hang on to the royal wig I love that you assume like our sexual

desires are united stop being such a prude you love a butt plug and what's so pretty is the red diamond yeah I'm loving the gold and the red guys don't be put off or scared because I know it looks big But the bigger than better No, honestly

Just Merry Christmas So yeah There's a butt plug in there Okay Number three is my lucky number So we're going to look at number three It's kind of

If you can hear I feel like it sounds hard Is it going to be something that goes on the bullet Yeah Guys we've got a massive peanut So you can put your finger in it Or you can also put the bullet in it too It's actually rock hard

Also Does it have suction? It wouldn't put it on your face No like On the table Oh It's suction I wonder if

It's your fit No but What? On the shower door and sit on it Like, no, I'm almost wondering whether this is also, no, you need a strap. I was thinking of a strap on, but no. Anyway, here you go. So this is, here, take your money.

I thought maybe you'd want to feel it. Oh, it's hard. Oh, it's rock. Yeah. Love that, though. Yeah. I'm here for it. It's all about exploring, guys.

Do you know what? We get so many people messaging us about, you know, if their sex life is getting a bit boring or they want to do something or spice it up, but they don't. know how to approach it or even once you've had kids and then everything becomes a bit vanilla I feel like introducing toys is such a great way to get your sex life back. Do you know what? I think this Advent calendar is a really good way of doing it without like having to even have that conversation be like I saw this. I thought it's Christmas coming, Advent calendar should we try this? What man is going to be like no? Yeah and I also it is a fun way of exploring

it together isn't it? I think it'll bring you closer. I agree. Also I think I think is a really good way to open up conversations where you've got different things to try a good way of like having those conversations like yeah really enjoyed that actually that bit wasn't for me yeah I think it's a yeah it's a great way yeah I love it what a great date night

let's just do the whole calendar and one right I'm gonna go for number 24 let's do number 24 what are you getting the day before Christmas Bibbs this is like your Christmas Eve treat maybe don't open it in front of the family you know some family yeah like Christmas Eve box don't open this Christmas Eve box in front of the kids oh what is it oh she looks happy oh yeah yeah it's black wow i like that it is good guys

this is the womanizer this is i can confirm the best sex toy i've ever experienced you can do it on your own you can do it with your partner it is basically it's in short a clit sucker yeah So this bit gives it your clitoris. And we're here for it. Yeah. And you get like all the charges and stuff. And the battery life is really good. And it's waterproof.

So that is a great present for Christmas Eve, guys. We know what all of you are going to be doing. Merry Christmas. Good before Santa comes. Literally. But you're in a good move before you have to cook that dinner. Okay, guys, if this is something that you want to get, we have an amazing offer for you.

So not only is this beautiful advent calendar worth $502 pound, you can get it for a 149 pound. However, with our code, NORP Advent, that's N-A-W-P Advent in capital letters, you'll get a further 5% off any of the Advent calendars. You're welcome, guys, you're welcome. Literally. This is a gift worth getting.

Do you know what? All we ever do is concentrate on the kids for Christmas. We get their Christmas presents. We do their Christmas Eve boxes. We get their Advent calendars. Go and get yourself an advent calendar, spice things up in the bedroom. I can confirm you won't be disappointed. Yeah, for all of you who, because we do get listeners who are still married, who are in relationships.

And I just think this is a really good way to properly reconnect, reignite, and have some Christmas jingle bells. Love it. So yeah, guys, go and check it out. Okay, guys, we also did a question box this week. wanted to know scenarios and we're going to let you know whether we think they're princess treatment or bare minimum. Okay, here we go. Are we ready? Yeah. We're not, we're going to be brutal here guys. I'm just going to say everything's bare minimum now because my standards are so bloody high. Why not? Get them high. Okay. Always carries any and all of my bags no matter

how small. Bare minimum. I yeah, I feel like, oh hold on a minute. Always carries your bag. Meaning he carries your handbag No not a handbag But she said No matter how small No I'd want to carry my handbag Yeah But I feel like if you're out shopping

They should be carrying bags Oh without Like if I'm shopping with you And you're not holding my bag You need to go to the car Like end of Yeah I think that's bare minimum

Yeah yeah absolutely bare minimum Okay It's like Things like that right They are the smallest gestures but they are the most old-school gentleman thing you can do. They don't cost anything. They take no time because you're there anyway.

And it's a small gesture to show you care. Bare minimum. He tells me no feelings are silly and we can talk about anything as many times as I need. Bare minimum. Yeah. If you can't do that. I wonder whether people are writing these in thinking their princess treatment.

Don't get me wrong. Like they're amazing to have. having a relationship and I'm sure we're all guilty of being in relationships with these things didn't exist and I think sometimes we need to remember we are often comparing like just a good normal man to someone who was incapable of like anything anything he walks around and opens the cardorfeo bare minimum I feel like it depends like all the time sometimes you're in a rush you know blah blah blah I'd say most the time I'd say it's middle ground

To what you think that's Princess Treatment Yeah slightly Okay Always dries my hair for me When I've had a shower Pryntice Streetman That's Princess Treatman That's ick

I've had that before But was he a hairdresser? No Oh He never dried my hair Do yourself bitch I think that's weird I've had it before

I quite liked it Really Yeah no I've had that before Please don't touch my hair And I also had once And I was so tired after he got back.

I laid there and he did my whole skincare routine for me whilst I just laid there in bed. It was glorious. I actually think it's icky. I don't. Yeah. You go booboo.

Let's me go up to bed while he lets the dogs out and locks the house up every night. Bare minimum. Yeah. I feel like that masculine energy you should be my protector. Don't lock the door.

100%. You go and check everything. I'm literally going up. Bye. I even do that in my house. and he does everything downstairs. I can't... I am the man in my house.

It's fine. A present on every day. Picnic with the doggie bag, rituals hamper, huge flowers perfume. Princess treatment. Princess treatment. But I'm here for that. Take note.

Where's my hamper? Fills my water bottle every night before bed. Bare minimum. No, I think that's Princess Treatment. Do you? Yeah. I just feel like there's a point like I am capable of getting my drink. that's a nice gesture.

I'm capable of opening my car door. If someone didn't feel my water bottle up and I wouldn't be like, right, you're gone. No, but I don't think that's Princess Treatment. I do. Do you? I'm capable of everything. It doesn't mean I have to do it. I think it's a nice gesture.

I don't think it's a bare minimum. I'm capable of holding my shopping bags. Nah. No, I think they're slightly different. I think that's a really nice gesture. It's lovely, bare minimum. My poor boy friend. Let's hope Tash is never single again.

He fills my car up with fuel So I don't have to Not been to her petrol station in years I think that's Princess Treating Yeah, I guess Yeah Like it depends Like say you're with someone

Who's got a really busy job And you've been nowhere near each other And you've been out all day like I can't God, you're giving excuses I'm not getting up I'm not But I'm also

I think where I've been on my own for so long And I'm single Like Of course like a lovely gesture I wouldn't expect it every time No I think it is then if he wants to be like, babe, like, what's your petrol situation? I'll go fill it out.

Absolutely fine, but I don't need it every single time. Yeah, no, I do think that's Princess Treatment. Although, you know what's quite funny now, thinking about it. My ex-husband did that a lot. We'd be at home and he'd be like, I'm going to go and fill up your car. And I used to think it was so sweet. But now I'm thinking, who the fuck were you talking to? So it's just a red flag.

Literally. Sets my toothbrush up for me when he does his. Ick All right Let's just ignore Tatis I think that's Princess Treatment

Like again I can put my own toothpaste on I like So I feel For me That's a bit like I do that for my kids

I don't need a man To do that for me I find that icky I'm scaring me Is my breakfast ready On my return from school run On my working from home days Princess Treatment

Princess Treatment Cute We like that Yeah And we like Princess Treatment Guys We love Princess Treatment

plans cute dates and always pays I think always pays is princess treatment because I think when you're in a relationship you can't expect that I agree but planning the dates should be bare minimum yeah I do agree with that

and I find that hard because I think I've always been a planner and I've something I've realised recently is I find it hard to step back and not give my two pens to be like maybe we should do this because I have always been the planner yeah do you know what

I've got to say I think it's quite often that the women are the planner I think we think about things more I am definitely more of a forward planet than my boyfriend I think that's generally a female thing Yeah that's what I mean I think they're quite happy just to like Plod along in life and like whatever happens on the day happens

Okay helping me with my job interview prep I think that's a bare minimum You should be supporting each other 100% without doubt Yeah He sends me a have a good day sexy message I didn't ask for that bare minimum Yeah it's just

Yeah, I don't think that's Princess Treatment Absolutely not That's full on bare minimum Yeah Affection in public Not gross PDA About hand on small of the back Peck on the lips

Bare minimum I want someone to be proud of May And if they're not goodbye Yeah He buys me flowers every week That's Princess Treatment Not everyone can afford to do that Or

I mean flowers literally six pound I actually get cheaper than that I don't think it's bare minimum And I also think different people Like different things Yeah, I don't think it's bare minimum, but also, is it Prince and's Treatment? Yeah, I guess every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a fresh one each one. I'll take that. Yeah, I guess that's Princess Treatment. If I'm away somewhere or I'm well, he would take my washing basket to his and do my washing, Princess Treatment. That's nice. That's really cute. That's cute. Yeah.

Bies women's products in his shopping, so I have everything I need. his house, razors, liners, et cetera. And that's Princess Treatment. Yeah, my boyfriend does that. It's cute. It's cute. I remember when he once FaceTime me at the tampon section, he's like, which one do I get?

Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, I think that's Princess Treatment. Always makes me breakfast in bed with a cup of tea without fail. Princess Treatment. Yeah, I guess that's Princess Treatment. Randomly hides affirmation cards or notes in my handbag. Princess Treatment, that's so cute. That's really, really cute.

left a love love you post-it notes hidden all around the house for me to find princess treatment that's cute really cute got a flat tire on my way home from our first date from a first date text to tell him i'd be late home he came and sorted it hold on i'm confused why are you texting him that you've come home from a first day hold on no she got a flat tire on the way back from the first date with this guy and he came and sorted it that's lovely But I text him to tell him I'd be late home. He came and sorted it. Oh, do you think she just means that, oh, I'm going to be home late?

Yeah. I thought she was just like letting her partner know. I've gone on a date, by the way. I think that's a great start. Yeah, no, that is really, really cute. That's cute. He orders us extra takeaway every time to leave me an extra meal in the fridge that week. Princess Treatment.

That's forward thinking. Cute. He shows you his messages if you're feeling insecure from previous trauma. Bare minimum. Bare minimum. He should be like doing everything he could to support you. Meal prepping my lunch and dinner at work. Princess Treatment. Yeah, I agree. Message my boyfriend yesterday from work that was Craven McDonald's. Next thing I know, one is delivered. That's cute. That's Princess Treatment.

He leaves for work at 5am and always puts a flask of coffee on my bedside for when I wake up. Prince treatment, I need that in my life. Maybe I should try my children to do that. Fantastic. Yeah, let's get our children to deal with kettled water. Never comes home from the supermarket without a treat for me. Bare minimum. Yeah, maybe that's bare minimum.

So, yeah. I'm definitely intrigued to know if people think that, like if people agree with us, whether they actually think. They still, I don't want to take away from the fact they're really nice things, but I also think like we need to be, have better standards with our expectations of men like it scares me if we think this is amazing what are other people accepting well yeah I think but I guess that's also the healing process isn't it because we both said that when we were in our first relationships after our divorce we put them

on such a pedestal thinking everything they did was so amazing but a lot of it was bare minimum but like you said the bare minimum stuff is still sweet but it should be there anyway right guys let's get on some emails okay I'm going to read the first one. So this email actually comes from a girl who reached out to me on Instagram. Okay. She's been dating someone. She had some concerns. She wanted to get my opinion. So I gave her my opinion. And then I got an update. Okay. So and I was like, you need to write into the podcast. Oh really? And she has. Okay. So the title of this is called Carly. You know some of this story. Okay. Hi ladies. Please keep me anonymous. Names and

locations are changed to protect identities, just as a disclosure. I did think this, because I briefly read it for her and I was like, ooh, but she's changed everything. Okay. I've only recently discovered your pod, but I love it. It's helped me through my recent divorce and really helps me to not feel lonely when the kids aren't with me. So thank you.

Please come up north. Oh, we're coming, baby. Yeah. Anyway, onto my story, Carly, I messaged you on Instagram for your advice, read this. You already know some of it. I was with my ex-husband for 19 years And we split last year But lived together until January

He was a narcissistic bully And it was the best decision ever to leave I moved into my new house soon after And started to settle into life as a single mum By the summer I felt ready to date So I joined Match Hmm Haven't heard anyone use that in a while

Is that a website? You're match.com Match.com Interesting After a date with an Italian policeman and a paramedic who bit my lips so badly it swelled. Oh, at least he could sort it out for you. He probably did it on purpose

so he could show you his skills. Hold on, let me go and get the ice pack. I met Mark, bear in mind, guys, these names are changed. I met Mark who lived in Manchester. He was lovely. We clipped straight away and it felt very easy and natural. We arranged to meet, went for a drink and shared a really amazing kiss at the end of the night.

Over around six weeks, we met regularly, and my feelings began to grow. We shared lots of things about our lives with each other and the physical intimacy moved on a little bit. We were only ever in car parks after a date though. We planned the next couple of dates, but I had a niggle. This is when she reached out to me.

She had this niggle. Mark would not share his phone number with me. So how did they communicate? Like through the app or through the thing. You know when you're still messaging on like the dating platform. After months, he still wouldn't. After a few weeks. Oh my God, he's married.

To begin with, he kept saying that he would after the first date, but he didn't. And then after the second date, but he didn't. And then he got a bit defensive and gaslighty when I asked him why. And he would say he would do something, but not do it. I spoke to my mates, somewhat of the impression he was definitely married, and others told me not to push too much and to just give him time. So I decided I'd give a bit of time to see what transpired. I shouldn't have.

I told you. Another niggle was that, to begin with, he always seemed to squeeze me into the working day, and I wondered if he had someone waiting for him at home. As the weeks went on, however, dates moved to after work, so this put my mind at rest. Apparently, he worked 12-hour days and had a dog at home, though, so he did always have to rush off to get home to the dog midway through the evening.

After about six weeks, and with this day trip booked, I was feeling happy and excited. Maybe after months of sifting through utter shite on the dating apps I had found my person. No. One day I was complaining to my colleague about still not having his number. And she suggested reverse image searching his photos off his match profile. So what we once suggested, oh no. Told you this is literally, girls, you need to be doing this.

We did. And there it was. Mark from Manchester was in fact Sam from Burnley who lived with his long-term girlfriend He didn't even give the same name The right name

Fucking hell I felt sick I sent a message to his Facebook page saying hello Mark Oh my God I also message him on Matt saying I knew who he was and that he had a girlfriend

I don't know this next bit by the way I fully expected him to block me he didn't he engaged in sending messages all afternoon saying him and his girlfriend had been going through a bad patch for a long time and he really wished he could have told me the situation Oh poor baboo He talked about how much he liked me

How everything else he had shared was the truth Apart from your name Not just a tiny little thing He talked about how much he liked me How everything else he had shared was the truth was the truth, and how he was confused and ashamed. He never really spoke about his girlfriend or me, just about himself. He got cross and said I was taking the piss out of him and playing mind games.

Are you okay? He asked a voice call me on the app the next day so I could hear his story. I can't give you 24 hours to concoct that one. I agreed and then blocked him about five minutes before our voice call time. I decided I didn't need to hear any more lies. So now I'm left sad, disappointed and slightly pining for him and very mistrusting. Please give me hope that at some point online dating will pay off. Thanks ladies and please remember I changed names.

So if anyone does know a Sam from Burnley, he's not necessarily living with someone. Thank you. Love Anonymous. Can I say something? You know how you said like you almost feel like it's now hard for you to trust? I think that you need to start trusting your judgment yourself in. Instead, like, that's where the mistrust is, like... You wouldn't have messaged me asking my opinion.

Like, that was your gut instinct kicking in. You messaged me asking my opinion. And it was ignored. And so, so rather than, obviously, I'm always here if you want to, but have that conversation with yourself, what is screaming up? This doesn't feel right. This doesn't feel safe. And be confident enough for yourself to be like, this isn't giving safe.

Something's up. And I'm going to actually trust, like Tasha, said, trust my judgment, that this feels off. Also, I feel like, let's be real here. Is it normal when someone won't give you their telephone number, won't see you out of working hours or, like, an evening, has to rush home to the dog? Like, everything was screaming at you and you chose to ignore it.

So I don't want you to think that I'm, like, coming at you being like, this is all you're full, but you did ignore the big, red flags that you could possibly ignore. So I think that you need to maybe take some time to reflect, do the work. You don't miss him. You miss what you thought you had and it was never there. Like, what do you miss? The fact that you could never have a phone conversation with him.

He didn't know his phone number. The fact that you couldn't, like, it just the whole thing is bizarre. You've absolutely romanticised the fuck out of this man and whatever this situation. It was. I think you need to strip it back. Look at reality. look at what is actually in front of you. There is nothing to miss

other than the feeling that you thought that he gave you but it wasn't real. Can I just say someone who is dating and has gone through like various experiences? It can be really hard when you are in the here and now of that moment of I think that like that internal want to find someone amazing and that want for this one to be the one that works out

and I completely understand that. And I think sometimes you can have things screaming in front of you and it does take an enormous amount of self-reflection to step back and actually see those things for what they are. And look, even if sometimes we make the mistake and we go through things like you just have, I really want you to learn from this. Like there's definitely been people that I've been on a few dates with

or were seeing where now I step back and be like, but Carly, you ignored this, you ignored this. but I don't regret it and I don't regret wasting time with that person because I've learnt from it and I won't be making those mistakes again but I also understand that idea of when you start dating someone

and I think particularly as females or particularly certain attachment styles we do immediately as we start to find out more and more things about these people you start like imagining what your life could look like with that person how that future might be where they might slot into your life

and how your lives might come together and I think we really need to try and take a step back from that like these people are strangers and that's the fact you're not really going to know these people for months like not who they truly are

because everyone's showcasing their best self us included so I think we need to be realistic and one thing like I've really started to do is to take the pressure off of what the final outcome is is this going to be my person is this going to be the one where things are different

and just enjoy it date by date and just enjoying getting to know certain people, figuring out right, these things they're showing me, am I still interested? Do I think we're compatible? And just taking that pressure off that in goal, I think I have really felt like there have been certain points this year where I think I do have a big part of me that just thinks, God, like, I just want to find my person.

Like, I just want to settle down and like be happy and in love and like start that life and having that, you know, family unit that I've always wanted. But I don't want to get it wrong. I don't want to get it wrong again. And it might take me a bit of time to get there. And you just need to enjoy each date for what it is and just take the pressure off now. Mm-hmm. But learn from it.

Okay. So this is called My Story from Fake Friend to Terrible Husband to Finding Myself Again. Hi, Tash and Carly. I wanted to share my story as a single mom who's finally finding her strength after a really difficult few years and after listening to you both for so long, I don't need to tell you to keep me anonymous, you know the drill and you do it so well. I married someone I'd known since I was 14. We got together at 25 and looking back, I'm still not sure how or why.

He was a police officer who always kept work and home separate because he didn't like the police. I know I should have seen through that, but I truly believed I knew him. Almost three years ago, we were on a family holiday and he wouldn't get off his phone, Barely spoke to me all the kids Which, if I'm honest, wasn't unusual I'd always done everything myself And felt like a single mum even when I was married Then he told me he'd met someone at work

He had feelings for But that nothing had happened The reason he couldn't get off his phone She was angry he'd gone on holiday with his family I actually laughed and asked If he thought that he was Ross from friends When we got home He went to his dad's for one night

And he never came back Later from him I found out that he'd been having a one-night stand since before we were even married the man who often accused me of flirting was cheating all along honestly I think he got kicks out of telling me all the lies he told over the years

after he left things got worse he refused to engage in the divorce left me with all the bills and the mortgage and eventually broke into the house and harassed me on the street I had to get a non-melistation order all while his new girlfriend was pregnant Wow

It's been hell But I've kept our home Worked full time And held everything together For the last three years And I'm proud of that No matter what happens next That earlier this year

I met someone on Hinge Kind, consistent, respectful We were exclusive for seven months But every so often I'd push him away We both have kids Both divorce Well separated in my case And communication wasn't our strong point

And we ended things in the summer He's recently reached out wanting to reconnect and now I'm torn. I've always said never go back, but what if this time it's different? He says trying to make it work is better than being apart because it's too painful and he doesn't want to lose me or us again. I wasn't looking to date again and actually I've been feeling content in my life aside from the ongoing chaos that my ex still brings. But the truth is three months later I still missed him. Thanks for giving single parents a space to share our stories. It means more than you'll ever know. P.S. I hope that wasn't too long.

PPS will be divorced one day, Carly. I'll invite you both to my girl power celebration. The thing is, I think it's hard for us to say, like, I know you say never go back, but if you guys just broke down due to like a lack of communication and you guys are maybe still trying to deal with previous trauma and sort of finding yourselves, no relationship is perfect. Like, I can't sit here and say that my relationship with my boyfriend is perfect.

we've both been through some traumatic experiences. We are both still learning each other. We're both working about how to deal with conflict. And sometimes it's difficult. No one teaches you how to show up in a relationship. No one teaches you how to hold space for each other's feelings when you're coming from different angles. Like it is challenging and I think it's really choosing

who you want to be with through the challenging times rather than just sticking around for the good bit. So if you broke up purely because you guys were maybe arguing a bit and the communication wasn't there I would personally say give it another go yeah what was it you said you said something did she pull back because she was self-sabotaging

she said that sometimes she yeah it sounds like you're both probably just working through your... Yeah she said you'd push him away I think as well you need to like allow yourself the time that maybe you've done some healing and working yourself to be able to show up in a relationship and I completely agree with Tash

I think if there's been no like trust issues or you know yeah big big big things i sometimes just think maybe maybe that that was the path that you were meant to go down to allow you both to be on your own to reflect to do some kind of work and if you're both reflecting and missing each other and wanting to come back together you could come back together and it could be a completely different relationship i think sometimes also when you've felt the absence of someone and it does sometimes take people for that to happen for them to realize what they had or that something may have been worth

fighting for or maybe you had to get yourself to a certain headspace first. So I don't think it is impossible at all. I think it's making sure you're on the same page and making sure you're not just going back to him out of fear of not finding someone else. Or habit. Yeah, I think it's very

easy when you're a single parent and you've opened your heart to someone before and that fear of what if I don't ever meet someone who will feel like me feel that way about me again and the reality is they will they will the easiest thing to do in this world is to love it's a basic human emotion we all have the capacity to do it i believe everyone has traits about them that are lovable that someone in this world is going to love and i always think if someone like you exists then someone who is capable of loving you exist and i think it's just

really important that we don't go back to relationships out of fear of out of the fear of feeling like we're never going to be loved again because that's all in our heads that's the story we tell ourselves out of fear and we just need to have a bit more faith yeah I think just make sure you're going back if you go back for the right reasons

should we finish with the product of the week okay guys this product we got given at an event and normally I love to I do love it when you go to an event and you get to try new things and I

grabbed it a couple of weeks ago because I was like oh my lips are really dry. I'm like hooked on it. So it is the give me glazed lip oil. I have colour pecan pound. So it comes in a dispenser. You push it down and the product comes out of top. It's sitting there now. I'm just going to pop it all right. Now she's doing her lips for everyone. Lovely, lovely. It is nice. It's just honestly, particularly in the winter months, I really noticed like my lips really really, really dry out. It's just nice to have a bit of colour on it. Like, I have lip blush anyway.

So sometimes I do just feel like I need a gloss to make it them look nice. I don't really wear like lip sick or anything like that day to day. But yeah, if you're looking for something, just keep your lips more hydrated, a little bit of colour. These are amazing. So yeah, it's the give me glazed lip oil. Okay, confession of the week. Okay, this isn't me, but a friend of mine, let herself into her ex's place.

She used his toothbrush in the toilet. she took away all the TV remotes and then super glued all the locks Can you imagine? That is brilliant Took away all the TV remotes That is priceless There is nothing worse

And when you're trying to find the TV remote My kids always put it somewhere And I can never find it But imagine actually taking it out the house Like good luck with your TV hon Just a little bit of inconvenient Yeah I love that Right affirmation of the week

Okay I will trust what my gut instinct is telling me. We get you guys writing in all the time and we all have that moment where our gut is trying to tell us something and so often we decide not to listen to it or to brush it to the side.

I'm telling you now, the gut instinct is so powerful. So please, guys, going forwards, can we make sure we're listening to that, being aware of what our gut is telling us it's very, very rarely wrong. I just have a bit more faith in your own judgments about things.

Amen, love that. Thank you so much, guys. make sure you go and subscribe on YouTube, share it, review and let us know what you think of the sexy love honey advent calendar if you go and purchase it. Enjoy. Love you, bye.