Not As We Planned - You Need To Leave This Relationship NOW!! | Not As We Planned Podcast

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

Tash gives us an update on finally going no contact but what occurred beforehand, we share some dating stories just in time for valentines day… the man who wanted to drive into a brick wall, playing hide and seek when the date isn’t going well, being presented with a penis in the car, wanting to leave your marriage but guilt is stopping you and when you get caught in the lie! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Hi. You're listening to Not As We Planned. So get ready for honest, raw, unfiltered, unhinged story where we share our advice, opinion and talk about all the shit that people avoid discussing. We want to point out we are not qualified professionals, although I feel the high am one. And what we say is the advice we would give to our besties. Welcome back to Not As We planned and happy Galantines to you, amazing listeners. We hope your day is full of love for yourself. We're parking. Love for your friends. We park men. Yeah. Men are so 2025. So 2025. This year it's all about loving yourself and loving your girls. Yeah.

So yeah. What are you doing on Valentine's? I actually have to cute as Valentine's planned. Oh, because you're with your, you're with the kids and I'm not. So we've been speaking about Valentine's and I was like, what would you like to do? And they were like, we want to take you on a date. That's really cute. And I was so sweet.

He was like, we love you. So can we go on a date? So I said, sure, what do you want to do? Do you want to do it in the day or night? goes, no, proper date, like a restaurant at night, and you have to dress up nice. Oh, so. I know, it actually really hurt my heart. And then, and then Theo goes, maybe me and my like, I put our money together and buy you flowers.

And I was like, you don't need to do that. He was like, but that's what you do on Valentine's Day. So I was like, okay, we can do that. And then they were like, you need to bit the restaurant because you're the grown-up. Can you imagine if they called somewhere? And I've asked them what kind of food they want to do. And they've thought of this restaurant we've been to before. so I am going to be at a restaurant on Valentine's night

surrounded by couples and I'm going to be sat there with the two best dates in the world and I actually get the cute like that is really really cute. That honestly the way they were speaking about it like literally like my heart heart and I feel like you're on a good enough place so you won't sit looking around couples and be triggered whereas if I did that like high under the table

and that was me last year so I come back. Do you all I did last Valentine's? What? I was in gym on Valentine's night. That's quite a good idea. No. Well then you're with all the other singles. Not that you're looking, but... All the really bad boyfriends.

All the bad boyfriends or, you know, the singletons. Everyone's... We were all, like, looking around at each other. I remember at the gym, like, you too, yeah, you too. So it's fine. Like, I just think there's so much pressure. Actually, I remember last year being really like worried and anxious about it and being at, oh, it's going to really bother me.

And it threw me that it didn't. Like, I also think it's because I've never really been with anyone who's made like a massive fuss about it before. So I think we put like this pressure on ourselves like when there's days like this, when we've been for a breakup or when we're single, we're like, oh, it's going to be so miserable. But I think a lot of that is like when you start worrying about something before it's

happened, it like seems so much worse. And then the day's there and no one really cares it's Valentine's Day. I actually think Valentine's Day tends to be worse for single people because I don't actually think a lot of people that are settled in relationships do much for it. Oh, don't get me wrong. Like I'd fucking love to be with someone who like made the biggest fuss out of me. Yeah.

But it's not my ear. Which is fine. Like, I'm fine. It's clearly not my ear either. No, I'll probably get like five bunch of flowers for five different men at the moment. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking.

I'll get flowers from anyone. I'll get flowers for my boys. I, um, I'm just with three other friends. Oh, that's nice though. Yeah. My sister's already sort of thing out. Well, yeah. My sister was like, it's Saturday night and your kid free.

so let's all go to me, get a takeaway, probably do something arty. I listened to our episodes that came out today, which you were announcing your breakup this morning, and it really threw it back for me, because I remember, obviously, you've announced it relatively soon after it happened, and it just made me think back to, like, listen to you talk,

I was like, how the fuck did I do our event last year? And I hadn't said a thing to anyone, and that was in February. And I was just sat there listening thinking, fucking hell, like, you've come a long way because I remember, like, in my head, stressing out, we had that event last year. I know it's been nearly a year since that event.

But it seems like further away, don't you think? No, I don't think it seems like that longer than a year. Just because I remember all the people I met there and like, but I just, yeah, it's just wild. Like, I remember, yeah, around this time last year. It's just very interesting. I also don't think that you had accepted it yet. I had.

Do you think? Yeah, 100%. I was, like, when I know. announced it. I was five weeks in. Before you announced it. I'd accepted it. But I wanted to process it on my eye. I'd been no contact. Yeah. I definitely accepted it. I just wanted to just post. I think people process things in different ways. I think it's great that you're

sharing it live, but that's just not me. Yeah, I feel like it does really help me. Yeah. Um, so obviously I just made me laugh that I turned up to a whole fucking podcast and was like trying to just be normal. more and like and then one girl came up to me she's like you okay and I just like broke down cry. It does. Well, it just takes that one person. It does.

Like notice. It's sort of like, edge in to give you a hug or something and you're like, don't touch me. Yeah. You're going to cry. That's the tap. Yeah, I listened to it on the way here and obviously now two weeks on, I can confirm we have gone no contact. Woo!

Yay. Day three. You're doing so much better than you have last time. Yeah. Day three today. My kids still don't know. When are you? I think I'm going to tell them tomorrow.

Okay. I feel like it might be time. Yeah. Like regardless of when you tell them, I think the struggles that I've been having is Blake is in a really, really bad place, like mentally. And I really don't want to, like, overfill his cup even more.

But then part of me is like, maybe showing my vulnerability and what I'm going through will allow him to feel like he's able to do it. So I just want to sort of have that open, honest conversation with them, with the hope that it doesn't sort of like push him over the edge. Yeah. But I wasn't sure if I was going to share this on here or not,

whether to save it for Patreon. Maybe I'll go into a bit more detail on Patreon. But basically, I think the difference with last time to this time, I think I felt this like immense pressure last time like we've broken up, done no contact, goodbye block without really allowing myself to like process it for me and him to really process it together for a bit rather than like I've broken up with you, right block

and then it is that constant unblock is he following me still like is he get So I didn't have that part but you had two and a half, I think didn't you say you spoke for three weeks before you went no one? Yeah like so I didn't have that But not every day, like, no, but I didn't, like, I went no contact straight away. Did you?

Yeah. Went no contact straight away. And that's why I feel like we kept breaking it because, like, neither of us had processed it or maybe, like, had those few final conversations or a bit of clarity here. Instead, we broke the contact to have those conversations. So it made it almost a bit more like, you've broken it now. And then it almost like makes you feel worse. Whereas, like, James and I, like, he didn't want to go. no contact. I didn't want to but knew

it was something that I needed to do eventually but instead for like this time round I feel like I really just went with exactly how I was feeling on that day rather than feeling any sort of like pressure that I was maybe putting on myself externally. Yeah. I don't think it's something you have to do

straight away. That's what I said to you is you need to have those But you know what's really interesting. And as well what I found in those two weeks is you do take time to process it but I remember like as it when I So we weren't speaking every day, but we just hadn't agreed to go no contact. I think in the couple of weeks we spoke maybe twice. And in that time, I remember writing in my notes, any questions I wanted to ask or any thoughts or things that I wanted to say, I wrote down.

And rather than it being like every day like messaging like this is it. So I thought we decided like it would be this night would talk, this night would talk. And then after that second time we spoke, we were like, that was it. It was like, I've asked everything I wanted to ask and I've said everything I want to. me to say and I had that time to give me the space to think about what those things were. Yeah, I think that what was really interesting is when I broke up with him, I actually think it was you that I said like, I'm not ready to go, no contact and you were like, but you don't need to. And it's like I had this like sense of relief. Like, oh, like even someone like Carly's,

like, I didn't realize that you didn't do it straight away. And it took that pressure off of like, okay, I'm just going to do this at my own place. And being completely transparent. we did see each other a few times. I did see him on Sunday. Fucking how. Did you? Yeah. What did you go to his hat?

No, he came to mine. However. Gosh, for fuck, save. Well, we hadn't broken no contact yet. A little rat bag. However, I have no regrets that we got that one final, like, goodbye, a nice goodbye, really emotional. And then after that, we went no contact. And it's like we really managed to get, like,

everything out on the table, like thoughts, like, you know, just, just everything. And I feel like for me, it gave me, it gave me that little push that I needed because I felt like we could have, because we'd saw each other a few times. And I felt like we could, I could, I could, I could just carried on. And I knew I was staying still. Yeah. And I think it just, I needed to wait until I had that moment. I remember he left my house on Monday morning. Well, and, um, and I was like, I need there to be, um, real. And I think it just, I needed to be, um, um, value and purpose for why I just saw him. This is now it.

Like we've ended without. I guess on his part that's probably made it a little bit harder. To be honest, it made, like, Monday night was quite honestly one of the worst nights. Like, it was horrific.

I remember before I spoke to you this week and you were just like, I'm doing awfully. I was like, Tash. I was like, you need to like change something now because I think it's when you get to the point where you're just like, that was it.

You kept like, I think you'd like, posted something with like videos. I said, Tash, you're literally tormenting yourself, like looking back. And I remember doing that.

And you need to get to the point where you're like, why am I doing this to myself? I'm the one in control. And I think, yeah, I feel like this week when you mess with me saying, right,

I'm doing it, I'm going to no contact. I was like, she needs to do this. Yeah. Because I do feel like, you're so much stronger than you realize this time around.

I think you're surprising yourself already. And then to go back and look at videos is like one of the worst things you can do. Yeah. So I think, as he left, like we were on the floor and I was like, I can't keep finding excuses to delay this. So my mum has been away for two and a half weeks.

She was away this whole time that we've been broken up. And she got back yesterday. And in my head, that was my deadline, that I'm going to go no contact by Wednesday. Girls do that. Girls set deadlines. Yeah. He hasn't done this by then.

But I did it on Monday. And I was so scared how I was going to show up for the school run and the kids. And but somehow I, you just do. But yeah, so Monday night was like we had our last sort of like, I sent him a really lovely message. He sent me one back. It was quite honestly one of the most emotional experiences that I have had. But now I just feel like, and I can confirm, I know it's only day three, but I've been

doing Carly's no contact, not mine. I haven't looked at anything. It was. And I'm not being naive to think that like this isn't linear. I know it's going to be up and down. I've had really hard moments.

Like, you know, like, I mean, you know, I got into bed and like his side. Like I haven't washed the sheets yet. I can smell my pillow. Smells of him. Wash of his face. Give me the it. No, but like that.

Like I just like, cried and I was like I don't want to wash the sheets obviously I'm going to please um I will wash my boots I'll stay far away but like I'm just rolling with it I'm sitting in it like I've even had evenings where I've chosen to be on my own that's important and that's one of the biggest differences that I've realized from last time to this time I'm okay on my own already um and you know last night I was journaling I had to some fresh new pajamas on. I sent you a photo of me and my LED mask. I'm, I'm just doing what I can, being kind to myself. And yeah, just pouring into me and my kids and work and

a day at a time. Exactly. Hi, girls, loving the podcast and an OG listener. Just thought I would send you a little dating experience story as I'm still here to tell the tale. Thank goodness for that. I split from my now ex-husband after his affair and joined the dating life as a single mom back last summer. I signed up to Hinge and started talking to a man. He was good looking, funny, had two children and seemed like he was looking for the same things in life. I decided to go with the flow and went on a date. It went really well and after a couple more I really liked him. Fast forward to my birthday a couple of weeks later and he had planned a night out with a meal, hotel stay and to meet his friends.

The evening was going lovely, but he just kept drinking and drinking. I was getting alarmed about if he was going to get back to the hotel room. His friends left and asked me to send a message when he was back in the hotel. We did get back there in the end and I thought, okay, no problem, let's sleep. But it didn't end. He was throwing up, couldn't stand and at one point I thought, God, is this man going to die? I just stood there thinking, how have I got here?

Fast-fold an hour, he crashed out down the side of the, bed and I thought, oh, I best let his friends know. I don't have his number though, so I'll use his phone. I remembered his password after watching him enter it before and went to his friend's name in WhatsApp and then something told me to keep looking, so I did. Oh no. Margaret was the name and I remember thinking, oh, it's probably his nan. But I still clicked it and he had been meeting and sleeping with this girl every other day to me. Oh my God. Same messages, same selfies, but some added disgusting messages also.

Oh my God. What I wanted to do then is leave, get a train or a friend to get me, but then all I could think of is if I leave now and he dies in his sleep, I was the last one with me. That is hilarious. I don't know if I think that. No, I was just thinking I would leave. If that was me, I would have had. I don't owe this man in a thing.

Yeah, but then you could be fucked if he died. I think I'd take some videos to be like, he is so drunk, he's passed out, but I'm leaving. No, I wouldn't because I'm not that smart. I don't know what I do. I hope never to be in that situation. Yeah. So I laid there all night. I mean, to be honest, if he was throwing up, I would have left.

Yeah, you've gone. I'm out of here. I'm out of here, boy. So I laid there all night awake till 10 minutes before checkout and he won't. I told him that was it and to take me home. He didn't deny him. but started crying and then hitting himself and saying he wants to die, this man in front of me suddenly wasn't stable. Fuck me. He said if I leave him, he will kill himself. Oh my God.

So I asked him to drop me home and I'll still date him. At this point I was prepared to say anything to get home. We are in his car home and he is punching himself and the steering wheel. He turns to me and he says he's going to drive us both into a brick wall so I can never leave him. I was scared and begged him not to All I could think about was my kids Fucking hell You must be a good shag I convinced him

I was going to stay with him And that I like him so much Just to get home And luckily he believed me I got him to drop me down the road Ran home and blocked him forevermore I can't believe I went through that And it is something I can laugh about now

But I will be forever scarred Hope this doesn't scare some ladies I went on to meet the love of my life And I'm pretty sure sure this one isn't going to try and kill me. Thanks again, girls, for keeping it real, keep being you and smashing it. Oh, Jesus Christ, that's something out of like one true hill.

Like, that's just fucking mental. I have to be honest, though, like, just from experience, there are some interesting species out there. Can't wait. Who just, like, won't leave you alone. Do you know what I was talking of? I must say, some people do come out of the woodwork. Always.

We can go through breakups. They're always there and their DMs suddenly fire emoji. Hot eyes. Like, come on guys. I know none of them are going to be listening. But like... Yeah. Have some self-respect.

Yeah. And like, pick your moments. I'm not saying that in a month I'd appreciate it. But like, I'm fucking crying on my Instagram and you're sliding into my DMs asking if you want to go out for a coffee. Fuck off. Oh, my. I know.

I had the same. I remember it. Weird. This is short, but I thought we do a dating one because, you know, Galentine's enough. A moment of poor impulse control, date story. I'm not sure if this qualifies as unhinged or just mildly chaotic, but I have a short second date story that still makes me laugh.

So on our second date, at the end of the night, we're paying for parking. It's dark. I pay for mine really quickly and he's taking ages. I get bored waiting, so I hide. and crouched behind his car just watching him look around like has this girl just left me and I'm thinking yeah this feels about right I already knew it wasn't going anywhere so I thought why not make it memorable so I jumped out and scare him fully committed it wasn't unhinged it was more spontaneous gremlin energy a brief game of hide and seek before we never saw each other again

P.S. there's soon to be... Something I would do. I feel like I can picture you doing this. P.S. There's soon to be an update on the rotten mushroom story. Hold on. Do you remember that? The rotten mushroom. It was a really weird subject. Saying that he looked like a rotten mushroom. Yes, I do.

Oh, that was funny. That is hilarious. Dating story. Hi, girls. I'm emailing in with my dating story following your post as I saw on Instagram. My marriage fell apart in 2023, 24, and I started dating around spring 25. One date that stands out to me is this. I think it was around date four or five with the same person. We went for lunch and a walk and I drove. I dropped him off at home and we had a little snog. Snog? That word makes me laugh. Snog in the car to say goodbye. Next thing, he's whipped his cock out on my passenger seat and ordered me to suck it. Fuck home!

All I can imagine is, suck it, bitch. What that fuck? I feel like to suck yourself, mate. Holy shit. I said absolutely not and asked him to put it away. He said, come on, I want to see what you're like. Again, I asked him to put it away, which he did.

begrudgingly, telling me girls in the past had had no problem with it. Is this his signature move? Suck it. I'm horrified. Like, that is honestly. It's rough out there, guys. I'm terrified. I mean, you probably dated prostitutes then.

Sad thing is, I continue to date him after this. I'm dead. Giving him the opportunity to redeem himself. It was my first experience following my marriage breakdown. We'll let you off. Yeah, we'll make poor judgments. And I thought, is this what it's like out there now? Wow, what a massive mistake.

turned out to be a full-on control freak who could only get hard by making me feel worth this anytime I initiated or showed confidence it wouldn't work I mean what man doesn't want a woman on top of him Oh my God how funny Anyhow it all came to a head after he said I wasn't submissive enough for him

That's fine mate jog on and blocked Moral of the story Do not ignore red flags I'm talking to you and you and you Don't ignore them Hold on to your hats ladies it's bloody wild out there keep up the good work your podcast has got me through the hardest days of my life lots of love god i mean this episode isn't exactly making me feel very good look i'm a year in

and it's been absolute shit shows but it's all growth yeah i'm i think i'm just gonna stick with being at home this is called is it love or emotional manipulation hi girls i've recently come across your podcast and have really enjoyed it and have reflected so much on my marriage lately my husband husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 14. We met when I was 16 and he was 19 and it was a complete whirlwind. Before you knew it, we were living together engaged and by the age of 18 and 21 married with our first child. We now have two children and at first everything really was picture perfect and the happy family. My husband has deep rooted anxiety and PTSD and after a family

holiday in 2014 he had a traumatic experience that caused around 10 years of him being unable to do anything. He started out with toilet troubles and always being fearful of leaving the house because of having a stomach ache. We then paid the price for this as a family as there was no proper family time. We missed days out, family dinners, holidays and all sorts because of it. I just got used to it and had to be the emotional load for everyone in the family. Anytime I tried to do something for myself, it became a problem. I was quickly reminded that I'm a wife and a mum and that I shouldn't be doing those things. Be that a night out with friends drinking because he worried that.

anything could happen to me if I drank too much or taking a new job that meant I would work hours that enroached onto the family time. He worked Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 and so the time after that was family time. I had a breakdown in 2017 as I took a job at my existing place as a supervisor which I absolutely loved. I had to give it up because I would have had to have worked weekend on, weekend off and that would encroach into our family time and we had such a young family, I had to be present. I signed off of work for stress, anxiety and depression for four months and had to tell work it was due to not being able to cope with the job. I absolutely could and was thriving in it and it was only 20 hours a week but I felt like it was a problem. In 2022 my husband

finally decided to go to therapy and things were improving. Some normality returned and we started doing things together. In my personal life I always felt that something was missing and we'd try to flipped from one thing to another in the hopes of finding something to make me happy outside of being a wife and a mum but nothing seemed to last long it was like a hyperfixation for a short time and then I'd massively be

unhappy again. I would be on and off of antidepressants and not sure how to go on. I felt I couldn't tell my husband any of this as he had enough to carry around with all of his own issues so I just depressed my needs to make him comfortable. I don't exaggerate when I say I do everything. He cannot

do school runs due to his anxiety so I do them all with a bit of help from my mum. The other issue that we have is that we work together now and live on site where we work. My mum also works with us, so it's all a bit claustrophobic. I desperately want to not work here now and even more off-site and I'm starting to wonder if that's just because I wanted a distance from him.

I worked three days a week and at the end of 2024 decided I wanted to take on some freelance work. The kids are old enough that I no longer have to take them into school. They can walk in without me, is another pressure lifted. I also decided to jump into content creation on TikTok because I work in social media and thought for once I'd be doing something for me. My husband's issues were starting to alleviate with the therapy and I thought maybe I could start lifting some of the stresses I felt with his issues into doing something alone. Last year was wonderful for my

personal progression. I took on various clients and thrived. I grew my TikTok following and had some incredible collabs coming my way in a really short space of time. But as we thought things were getting better, sadly they weren't. My husband had an accident at work causing a traumatic brain injury and post-concussion syndrome. Immediately I knew I had to go back into caregiving mode. My work slipped because of the stress. The want to make content and postings slipped and I could feel that the depression was slipping back into place. I'd be snappy with the kids, lead the cleaning because I couldn't bear it and just want to sit on the sofa scrolling on my phone. At Christmas we had a really long argument where my husband said I act like I'm single by going off to do

these things on my own and that I don't act like we have a family. The things I do alone in the working hours usually, but he is saying that on the weekends when I go to town to get some shopping, I'm taking too much of the family day up and that we can't do anything as a family. He asked if we're compatible anymore and he said that he doesn't have a purpose and that I'm the only good thing in his life. He doesn't have a friendship group or go out and see people or do his hobbies anymore and says he wants to do them with me. I told him I want him to be happy to do things without me too, but he said that he doesn't want that. I felt this immense pressure that I had to be present and immediately said I would stop doing all those things. But I also told him that I carry all the mental

load and don't feel appreciated. He's tried to help, but I knew that this wouldn't last long. We were kind of on tender hook since that argument and I tried to be present, but I just felt suffocated by him and wanted space. I couldn't have asked for that though, because I didn't want to upset him and take on the guilt of then him being hurt. Also, I couldn't bear the thought of upsetting the kids. And when you're told, I love you, I just want to be with you, spend time with you. That makes me feel like an awful person, not wanting to get that back. I've lost almost three stone in two months because of the stress and panicked myself. Something underlying was an issue. So I had some tests done at the doctors and was told that everything is fine. I told him this and

said that it's just stress and that's a problem. Immediately he jumped to, well, if you want to go, I'll go. and was angry and my immediate need was to pull him back in and reassure him. Over the last weekend I had a breakdown. He realised that I am in fact carrying so much to keep everyone happy and not putting my knees first. Give him his due. He tried to step up and said that he needs to learn to take some of the load and needs to try and give me my space. I started therapy the next day and it's been revealed already that I have a fear of abandonment

and I have been under emotional manipulation all of this time. He hasn't done that maliciously But because he doesn't show emotion Or feelings I have taken on the responsibility of that I'm constantly scanning his mood Making sure I do everything to make him happy That includes telling the kids to be quiet Making sure the dog isn't annoying anyone

Doing the housewife duties To make sure that he doesn't have any unnecessary stress And my body has finally given up And I feel more like this mother and carer than his wife This week I've tried to be okay in my own space While he's still home And I immediately panic and think that I've got to pull back and make everyone okay and take the tension and stress away.

The issues I'm finding is that I cannot get the breath of relief I need when he's needing reassurance from me and wanting me to give him affection. I'd like to add that there's not been any gestures towards me for years. He doesn't kiss me at all. I'd have to initiate that. He doesn't just come up to me and hug me. I'd have to initiate that. There's no little, I saw this and thought of you.

There's no date nights unless I've arranged it. He doesn't really see that way though. I've had a really awful week in being terrified of telling him that there's an issue as I kind of generalised it and thought that this was going to be the problem but I'm slowly realising I don't feel emotionally safe with him I don't feel like I can let my guard down around him I don't feel comfortable around him I think I'm asking for hugs to reassure him not me

we've argued on and off this whole week and all of it just comes back to me not reassuring him and giving him the love that he needs while I navigate the situation and I feel suffocated I told him I take on too much of the stress and he just thinks that if he tells me you don't have to, that that will be okay. I question if I've ever really feel safe emotionally with him

and I'm scared I can't love him like I used to now. I feel like he weaponises the children against me too and involves them in things that aren't things that kids should really have to deal with. This morning, as I said, I needed the space because I can't give him the reassuring hugs and love that he needs at the moment. He blew up and got angry and upset so I broke down.

He said he would go, and then I automatically go into panic mode or trying to smooth it out and that it will all be fine. He said he was going to tell the kids and they broke down too. So not only am I trying to manage his emotions, I'm managing the kids and trying to navigate my own.

He won't reach out to anyone else for any help so I know that he'll just be sleeping in his van and dwelling on everything. This then sets me into complete panic because I feel like I have to sort things out for him, get in touch with his parents and try and help him. I've told the kids that this isn't their fault and that I still love them.

and so does their dad. I told them that they shouldn't have to deal with this because it's grown up emotions and stresses that are not their fault. I felt relief when he left, but now I'm sat here stressing about how he feels in this situation. Is this just me being dramatic because all he wants me to do is love him and support him, but I feel like I can't do that as I'm taking all his stress on.

Thank you for listening. I have to be honest, listening to that felt quite uncomfortable because I think, correct me if I'm wrong, from an outsider point of view, I can just tell how unhappy you are in this relationship. I feel like you have carried the burden of someone else's issues. I'm not saying we shouldn't be there for people we love, but I do think there gets to a point where sacrificing your own happiness for someone else,

I think it's okay to have needs. And if those needs aren't being met and you're feeling this constant like miserableness and like unsatisfaction and feeling. feeling like all the things you're doing in terms of your affection towards him are actually to reassure him. Your needs matter too. And I think sometimes as someone who used to be a people pleaser, like I understand like I used to give, give, give, always think about everyone else's needs. And it's not until you're on the floor and broken that you realize, but what about my needs to? And whilst there's not, we've spoken about it before, but I think in relationships, when

there's not been like a breach of trust or a significant, like, pinnacle bad moment that's happened. It's really hard to leave in this confident, assertive way, feeling like I know I've made the best decision because you've got kids with someone, you know, you focus on the potential of someone and, you know, worry about, am I giving up? But I do think it's not selfish to put your needs at the forefront. And I do think it doesn't sound like you're a happy person. It sounds like you're literally like surviving. And that isn't a way to live the one and only the one. And I do think, it doesn't That isn't a way to live the one and only life you live. And also, like, your children are going to pick up on that energy from you.

And I just think, what are they witnessing, like, as a healthy relationship in their family home? Is this what you want them to then go on and achieve in their kind of romantic relationships? I just think, I think you've written in and I think you know what you want to do. And I think you're a bit scared about leaving. I think you feel probably some kind of guilt tied towards him because he's, has extra needs he has you know he's he it sounds like he's not had an easy ride but I do also think it's okay to prioritize your own feelings too yeah I think it's that fine line between you know like in sickness and health and like you stick around and you show up when they can't but

there also needs to be that level of like what is he giving you and it doesn't sound like he's showing up in any way when she's articulating how she feels is very dismissive and nothing changes that for me is the important part like But it becomes a him problem. It's a problem. The fact you can't, A, validate it, acknowledge it and change it means I don't matter enough to you. I think the big question is, is what is he doing for you? You're doing everything for him.

I agree. And there needs to be some sort of level of, like, give and take, no? I agree, yeah. I think you know what you need to do. I agree. Keep us updated. Okay, so hi ladies, I love listening to you. I'm after other people's opinions.

I've been seeing someone for six to seven months. now after leaving a marriage of 10 years. I was single for two and a half years and really genuinely felt like I'd found my happy ever after. Things have been so lovely and amazing. We recently introduced our children, which was a really big step for us. I'm having a bit of a rough time with the ex-partner,

currently lots of coercive threats and stopping contact, so life feels a bit heavy at the moment, when will it end? Anyway, I went to my new partner's house the other night and noticed in the morning our photograph had moved from the kitchen. I don't know what made me check, but I opened the kitchen cupboard and it was on the top shelf. Weird. So before I left for work, I asked, where's our photo gone? He went in the kitchen and came back holding it. He said, oh, it had fallen down, babe, and was behind the slow cooker. I told him I already found the

photo frame and it had been put in the high cupboard, hidden. Oh. Why do they lie? It's not down the back of the slow cooker. He then opened up and told me an old friend who he had a little thing with contacted him out of the blue to chat as she was having a hard time so he just took the photo down whilst they went round No Are you joking me

That's weird That's so fucking weird Nah If you're if you've not left him I am the most understanding An easygoing person One he lied right to my face Two

Why didn't he want her knowing about me Three Why didn't he tell me She was going round Absolutely valid points there I genuinely feel like I've been hit by a bus. Why did he meet my children? Why has he booked onto our holiday?

Why has he lied to me? He has never mentioned this friend to me before. His reasoning behind the secrecy is that she went round upset regarding a personal issue. He has told me the reason, which it isn't fair for me to share. And he didn't want to show off his life. He didn't want to show off that his life is going so positively when she's having a bad time. That's bullshit, by the way. It can't make sense in my head.

Why has she gone to him? over her personal issue. He said it was an out of the blue call and he hadn't spoken to her since June. Why would any friend not be happy for your positive news because they are struggling? I have so many questions

and my head's overthinking everything. I can't see a way around this and I genuinely feel heartbroken. It just doesn't make sense and it's sending me into overdrive. The lies and secrecy make it ten times worse. What do you ladies think? Please help me.

You need to end this relationship right now. It's only six months. You're better off doing it now than in a year and a half. Trust me. He has made that whole thing up. She doesn't, she hasn't gone to him for any help. You're questioning the wrong things.

You're questioning why would she not be happy for him? Because that wasn't a thing. Yeah. She didn't go over to have a chat with him about her issues. They probably slept together. Why is she coming to his house? Get out of that relationship now. The worst thing of all of that is the fact that you never knew that a girl went to his house.

And you still wouldn't know. if you didn't find that the photo had been hidden. If he'd put that picture back, you wouldn't know. And he lied about the fact that it was, no. Please. We don't, I feel like we don't say this often. We don't like often go in really hard with like point blank. Like, listen to me now.

Leave this relationship because you are about to get fucked over if you stay. Honestly, horrendous. Horrendous. That is the biggest red flag. I think I have. ever the fact like honestly like for me it's the fact that a he's actually had the thought process i'm going to hide that picture like that is the shadiest thing i've ever heard come out of someone's mouth in my entire life horrendous the fact yeah that if it was

me and like just trying to put myself in the shoes of this situation if i was with someone and they had a friend who was a female and were having a hard time, if that, if my person didn't say to me, babe, my friend's having a really hard time, like she's struggling, I want to be there for her. Would you mind if I invite her over? And just to, to let me know that my feelings were being taken into account, I'd say no. I'd absolutely be like, get fucked. All right. Your friend, go out for a coffee, don't have her in your house. Your friend can call you and I will be there to listen.

But I just think for me, there's a complete. Lack of respect because also this friend, you don't even know that she exists. Like if they're really friends, how have you never heard of this person in six or seven months? Like if it's like, oh blah blah's called me and she's broken up with her boyfriend. Different story.

Some things happened like someone slid in someone's DMs on Instagram. Or it's an ex or he's on a fucking dating app. Maybe check him out and I'll be dating the same guy. All I would say is get rid. I agree. Vile. Vile. Should we do product of the week?

product of the week. Okay. Guys. Guys, if you're watching, you're going to recognize this. The product of the week is our healing journal because we are glad to say it is back in stock. The back baby. We're back baby. Sorry that it's taken us a while.

I'm currently using this. It is amazing. It is amazing. It is your go-to guide of getting over a breakup, getting over someone, moving forward. So it's back in stock. It's on not a... as we planned. We do get asked

like my friends going through a breakup what can I do to be there this is the perfect gift for them like when my best friend went for a breakup in August I gave for it and she loves it yeah so really recommend it guys

go and check it out the link is also in on our bio on Instagram and TikTok okay confession of the week I came across my ex on a dating app this week something I never thought would happen

I can't lie a big part of me. Sorry, that honestly makes me want to die, carry on. I can't lie, a big part of me was quite happy that he hasn't gone and met someone yet. But also a bit icky that one of the pictures

on his profile was a photo that I took. Oh, love. The audacity. The absolute audacity. I feel like that's everyone's like worst nightmare. Well, finding your ex on a dating app. I remember when

a friend of mine's saw my ex-husband, like that was hilarious. Wait, was it you? Someone saw my ex-husband on one. I definitely didn't. Right back at the start and sent me his profile. I was like, yeah. I think he was inside a Zara changing room in one of the wages.

Oh, my God, that's hilarious. Honestly, good for you for... I understand that you're all happy that he's still single and you haven't mentioned if it, like, triggered you or not. But just please God, that, well, I'd like to think that I've never happened to me. Duce your distance. But I can't even think about that right now. Okay. Affirmation of the week.

Everything happens at the right time because it is happening. If it were the wrong time, it wouldn't be. Timing is part of what makes it for you. There is no right person at the wrong time. If it is the wrong time, they are not the right person. If they found you, it is because the time was right enough to let them. What is yours does not miss you. It finds you when your life has space for it.

trust the moment you are in what makes it right is that it is happening everything is on time can I just say I was actually going to message you that it's like something around this really because I um I just remember when I was going through my breakup I kept having like people be like I was just the right person wrong time and it used to really piss me off and I genuinely believe that is not a thing I don't believe it can be the right person at the wrong time I just believe different people serve different purposes in your life to like progress you on your journey And don't get me wrong. If anything, if you're meant to come back together,

it was the right person at the right time, and then there'll be another time if they're meant to come back. Yeah, I don't believe in wrong timing at all. Yeah, I think everything's gone. Yeah. I'm finding all the messages are quite overwhelming, the people that are like, you'll find your way back together.

No, I really believe that you're like, crime. And I know that they're coming from a good place, but like, you don't know. You don't know. Just leave me alone. Leave me alone. Anyway, leave us alone now. We love you.

Bye. Bye.