Not Gonna Lie with Kylie Kelce - Kylie & Caleb Hearon on Shocking Fan Gifts, Karaoke Bangers & Helping A Couple Get Engaged | Ep. 61

Episode Date: April 2, 2026

Kylie’s back for a brand new episode of NGL brought to you by Allstate! And this week she’s joined by her friend, hilarious comedian Caleb Hearon (26:45)! Our first return guest, Real Ones! But before that, Kylie kicks off the show by giving the Real Ones an update on the Kelce family puppy’s new name (0:50). Plus, Kylie gets honest about her recent vacation to Hawaii and what it’s like to travel with four kids aged six and under (3:50). After that, Kylie answers SOME of the Real Ones’ questions for her about thrill-seeking, the Easter bunny and more, while also issuing a warning about what people can please stop asking about (7:12). Kylie also gives her best pro tips on how to play hide n seek with your kids: spoiler alert, you’re doing wrong. Also, Kylie and Queen Emma helped a couple NGL team members get engaged when the group was in Milan for the Olympics and now that the clip is on TikTok, people have A LOT of questions… mainly, how did Kylie Kelce get involved in a “random” Italian proposal (16:41)? After that, Kylie’s good friend, comedian and actor Caleb Hearon returns (26:45)! Kylie and Caleb talk about a sweet treat phenomenon perhaps ONLY in Springfield, Missouri and also recap their hilarious bingo show in San Francisco ahead of the Super Bowl (34:22). Kylie asks Caleb to please explain why he has two rotisserie chickens on his rider and Caleb helps Kylie craft her own rider (36:33). Caleb and Kylie also talk about the betrayal that is your partner not agreeing to share a dessert with you, their go-to songs for karaoke, including Jason’s, and Caleb’s craziest stand-up experiences (51:40). Kylie and Caleb also reveal the funniest bracelets they’ve ever received from fans (54:40) and share how they regularly talk to themselves out loud (1:02:35). You can find even more clips from Kylie’s longer conversation with Caleb on our YouTube channel on More Sh*t Monday. Check out Caleb’s brand new movie “Pizza Movie” out April 3rd on Hulu! . . . Purchase NGL Merch: https://www.nglkylie.com Support the show: Allstate: Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://Allstate.com.  Tax Act: The simplest, easiest way to get your taxes done. https://www.taxact.com/  CVS Health: Download the app at https://CVS.com/app   Toyota: Learn more at https://Toyota.com/SiennaSupport Hawaii: https://www.hawaiicommunityfoundation.org/stronger-hawaii-donate Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not gonna lie, my arm is still burning from a week of vacation where I couldn't put down a child who crawls all over the floor. Like legitimately, it feels like I lifted an elephant. Let's get this podcast started. Welcome back to Not Gonna Lie, a waive original, brought to you by Allstate. I'm your host, Kylie Kelsey, Philly Fanatic, until the end of time. Because I'm instilling that love into my own children right now so that I have an excuse to keep it going, like I need one. It's April, which means my favorite trees, Japanese maples, are officially in bloom. This one's fake, but you get it. We love them. And if you watched FIFO, you already know, I'm the proud new dog mom to a German Shepherd puppy named Not Bernadette. That's right. I said Jason

might change it, and he did. So her name is Matilda. We think. Guys, I really cannot emphasize enough. Jason named Patricia. That would not have been my first choice. Also, he's agreed to the name Matilda. We will call her Maddie so that we have Maddie and Patty, I think. It was a very tough decision. If you watch the FAAFO, you saw how we were going back and forth a little bit.

And the other puppy that was being considered, she was lovely and sweet. laid back, but she was a little more aloof. She wanted to go and, like, have her business. And I was going to say, we already have that in Patty while she's whining outside of the door trying to get me to let her in. So if you can hear that, no, you can't. Patricia! It's a squirrel. Go chase it then. I will like to say, Queen Emma was there. You know what? We're rolling with it. Queen Emma. was there when we were having a full conversation in Italy about the potential dog names. And Broomhilde was a serious contender.

And I'm not saying that to be funny. Jason dead ass thought we were going to name a dog Broomhilda. I want people to remember that the next time they comment me about how we named our four children. because do you see what I'm working with? Anyway, we're very excited. Elliot is thrilled. Benny is also excited.

Wyatt couldn't care less. And Finney has no fucking clue what's happening. So there's that. She's one, though. So maybe soon she'll know what's happening. Coming up on today's episode, I'm bringing back, ask me some things to answer some of the real ones most burning questions for me. And shocker, once again, several of you reminded me why we call this.

segment, ask me some things because you inappropriate. Some of those question, guys, we for real? After that, I'm going to be joined by a friend of mine. He's one of the funniest comedians ever, the host of the So True podcast, My Future, Piping Hot Tea NFL broadcast partner. He's back, real ones. It's Caleb Heron. And as if it doesn't, as if it needs to be said again, no business. I love that. We do. Chat, but no business. Before we get to all of that, let's start off with, can I be honest?

This week, can I be honest about vacationing with four kids six and under? Because I just got back from a trip to Hawaii. And I have a lot to say about it. It was, let me start off with the positives. No. Should we end on a positive note? Let me be clear. My negatives aren't really negatives.

They're just stating facts, I think. I truly believe that vacationing with children, anywhere you go, is just parenting in a different zip code. What I will tell you is having a child who is newly walking is a true pain in my butt because she wants to get down and explore. And she's 50-50 on whether or not she chooses to do that walking or she chooses to do that crawling. And you know what I don't want? Her crawling on the floor in public places. One of the things that I feel really fortunate about is that when you are vacationing, aka parenting in a different zip code, especially when you're going to a place with multiple bodies of water, you got to bring in the troops. And,

And by that, I mean, we took family. We took family with us. We took four grandparents and one of my nieces because I'll be damned if we're not in man-to-man coverage at any given moment. And also, none of our parents, all four grandparents, none of them had ever been to the islands that we went to. We were on Maui and we were on Lanai. And the girls love it. They love getting to take the people they love most with us. And it's fun.

And we love that. So my biggest tip for vacationing, if you can, is hands. I love Hawaii. I love it so much. I love the culture. I love the food. I love the people. Everyone there that we interacted with was lovely.

I, if it were closer, I would go back on a very regular basis. I will say that we caught the very tail end of the storms that Hawaii was experiencing. So I think maybe we could pop, well, we could find a link to help support the Hawaiian people and communities that were impacted by the storms. because there was a significant amount of damage on certain islands. And I think that we can do good things around supporting them. That's it for, can I be honest? Next up, you guys sent in so many questions. I'm just going to get right into them with a brand new addition of Ask Me Some Things

because Ask Me Anything was far too open-ended. Ask Me Some Things is brought to you today by Tax Act. I think this goes without saying, but you can ask me something. things, just don't ask me about taxes. That's for tax act. Everybody knows that. And before I get into the questions, I will answer. I just want to say to literally everybody, I know it usually comes from a good place. Not always. But quit asking me and my mother-in-law about upcoming nuptials. Nobody's fucking telling you anything. I don't have any details. I don't have any details.

I don't have any details. I have no details. I have none. Look at that. That's how many details I have none. None. Stop fucking asking me. Stop fucking asking my mother-in-law.

TMZ. Fucking being creeps in the fucking airport. Ew. Here's the deal. Even if I did have any information, I'm not fucking telling you. that's private information if I had it private information between family so A and B see your way out you see what I did there and while we're talking about A and B and C and letters

TMZ SMA how about that for anyone who's confused about that suck my ass can we get a graphic suck my ass how about that Great. Perfect. I feel like we appropriately nailed that. And I would just like to say, I recently went on conversations with Cam. And Cam did it appropriately because she brought it up as a joke. Because she's an intelligent woman who knows how ridiculous that question is. You get it? Silly. Cut it out. I mean, you can keep at. Here's the deal. You know what? Keep fucking asking. You know what my answer's going to be? I know nothing. Suck my ass. No, actually, my answer, I'm done with the answer. I know nothing. My new answer, suck my ass.

I'm going to get a headband with LED lights, and it's going to say, suck my ass. And I'm just going to have a little button. It's going to turn on the minute someone asks me about it, suck my ass. Okay. Now that that's been addressed, I'm going to go through as many of these as I can, rapid fire. First up from Real One, Kate Speaks. How do the girls feel about the Easter Bunny? Scary?

No, the Easter Bunny is not scary because we do not go to do photos with the Easter Bunny. I know better than that. We are not a mascot family except for the Philippinatic. Swoop still is sometimes at a distance. Sometimes we're into him. Sometimes we're not. For those of you who don't know, Swoop is the Eagle's Eagle mascot. We've seen him a million times at this point and we're still unsure.

So I'm not taking my children to go do the crying experience at the Easter bunny because quite honestly, I would cry if I had to smell that too. Sorry, Easter bunnies. You know those suits don't smell good. Anyway, they enjoy the Easter bunny because he leaves an Easter egg hunt. So an Easter baskets, more importantly. So that's it. They love him. I'm supposed to be doing these rapid fire. Queen Emma did say that, and now I've slowed down. Number two, next question. From Shields Dot with Love, which of these would you do? Skydive, bungee jump, or paraglide, and why? None. Literally none.

I have children. None. Also, none. I am not a thrill seeker. I don't go on roller coasters. I don't really care for rides. could do without them. I would do a zip line. I have done the tree top course thing before. I enjoy that. I'm not necessarily afraid of heights. I'm a million feet tall while I'm standing on the ground.

If I were afraid of heights, that would be kind of sad. I'm good, aggressively good. I will cheer you on from the ground. I'll hold your bag. Perfect. A great question here from Real One, Tiffany. As a mom, what's your favorite mispronunciation in kids that you will never correct? where do I start? Speed lemon is outstanding. That means speed limit. Benny Lippick. She loves a good Lippick. Aminels. I'm pretty sure why it still says aminals. I'm not correcting her. She is six years old. I will not correct her. It is aminals until she decides to pronounce the word correctly. Breakfast is a great one. I just love their little voices.

Ellie stopped saying for the longest time, giraffe was gadraffy. It needs no explanation. It was so good. It was so good. Oh, Benny says, Moterwellyn. That's watermelon.

Watermelon. Watermelon. Moterwellin. maybe. Either way, it's the cutest thing I've ever heard and I'm not correcting it. And last one from Jessica Nelson 13. Does Big Ed agree with your use of the F word when it's used as in fuck the Cowboys? No. He guys, you're never going to agree with me saying the F word. While we were in Hawaii, I did say the F word in front of him a couple times. He was nice enough to pretend most of the like he didn't hear it, although I still just by habit immediately turned to him and said,

sorry, sorry, because he's my dad and I respect him and I love him and I'm sorry that I say they afford so much, but only to him, not to anyone else. That's it for Ask Me Some Things Brought to You by Tax Act. Let's get them over with. All right, moving on. Let's get to Doom Scroll the Week, brought to you by Allstate. First up, perhaps the most honest answer. I heard recently about why someone has not chosen to have kids. Queen Emma the clip, please? That's why I don't. I couldn't have kids anytime in the near future because I do not want to play

right to see. I'm dead serious. It doesn't bother me that much. I hate it. It's so boring. It's so poor. It's like one of the reasons why I'm not ready to have kids. Because I don't want to play a lot to see it.

First of all, we love a question. that can recognize whether or not she's prepared to have children. This is, this is a smart woman, but I'm going to tell you right now, she's doing it wrong. Anyone who doesn't like hide and seek is doing it wrong. And here's why. You grab a snack, grab a little drink, and you grab your phone, and then you hide. I'm not talking, sit on the couch and put a blanket over your head. I'm not talking behind the chair that they're going to walk past and then they're going to turn their head and look at you and you can have this funny little moment of like, oh my gosh, there I am. I'm talking about you go into the pantry, you move something, you sit behind a stool, you reposition furniture, you go and hide in a locked bathroom. You do what you need to do, but you make sure that you have your water, you make sure you have a snack and you make sure you have a snack and you make

sure you have a phone and then you hide first of all that shows them that you're not just going to give up they don't just get handed things okay you're not you're not taking it easy on them give them a challenge okay that helps them grow everybody knows that and then you're buying yourself time time to sit realistically speaking if it takes them three minutes to find you that's like a solid halfway through a snack. If you get a sweet treat, maybe you're all the way through the sweet treat. I don't know about you guys, but I can inhale a donut in probably 30 seconds flat. And I'm proud of that. Because if I eat it, before they see it, I don't have to share it. I will also say, we should not be doing the hide-and-seek version that I am speaking about if you have Benny playing. So if Benny is playing, she's three. I'm not

leaving her to our own devices for three minutes. I need eyes on that child at all times. And I truly believe that with my whole heart. So I'm going to be honest, I love playing high and seek. I specifically love playing high and seek because when they ask for help and I hide them and then it's like a really good hiding spot that their other sisters wouldn't think about. And then their sisters walk past and then they giggle on purpose and give themselves up. It's adorable. And I love it. And last scroll, when we were in Milan for the Olympics, I learned our head of social, James, or as we like to call him, Jim Bob, was planning to propose to his girlfriend. Now, we knew that he was planning to propose to his girlfriend for quite some time.

We had asked him about this months before. And he had mentioned at that time that they had plans to go and peruse rings. So by the time we were getting ready to leave from Milan and we had not heard of any plans, we questioned Jim Bob and he mentioned that he had gotten the ring. So I somehow ended up being part of it. Queen Emma was part of it. And since Jim Bob's fiance Haley, who also works with us, posted the clip on TikTok, she's been getting a lot of questions.

And so let's just start with the clip first. I wanted to be centered. Yeah, me too, me too. Is this right? This is good. This is good. Do you want to take a look with me so you can see what it looks like? Okay.

You go do it. Okay. No, I feel like, oh, okay. I feel, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then you get the top of it. That's nice. Do you come to join really quick? Yeah, come here.

Okay. Here's the deal. We discussed with Jim Bob. that there was a plan. And to be clear, we did not force him, I would like to emphasize this. We did not force Jam Bob to propose to Haley. He had every plan to propose to Haley. He already had the ring. He just didn't have the timing that he was going to pull the trigger. So here's the deal. We said to him, he was planning to bring Haley to Italy and then they were going to go to Lake Como. and we were like, that's great if you're going to Lake Como, but she's going to know what's happening

when you take her to Lake Como. And so we inserted ourselves in this situation. Because we thought, what's the easiest way to get her in front of a camera in a cool place and have her still be surprised? Right? Queen Emma, would you agree? You would you agree? Yep, I'm getting nods. On our way there, we're all in the van together, and we went over a plan. Okay? It was myself, Queen Emma, James, and Mel, and Jason. Here we go.

Jason did not understand. To be fair, this man not super romantic, so we can just... He was over here doing his thing, being Jason. And then we came up with a plan that we were going to go down to the Duomo, that we were going to frame it as we are filming the final outro on our Olympics content. And we're in the car and we said, I'm going to stand in front of the Duomo. And James, as our social person, is going to film me in front of the Duomo. he's going to start the camera and you are going to we're going to Emma's going to talk to you about framing which you can hear in the clip of Emma saying is that good and I say are you sure

that's good because the conversation in the car was that James was supposed to be like, I'm not sure. Maybe do you want to come and check it out? And James edited this video because it was a solid minute long of Queen Emma and I saying to James, are you sure? And he was going, yeah, framing looks good. And we kept going, are you sure? And you can almost hear at some point, I go, the fuck? Because we needed James to get into frame so that I could look through the camera, then I was behind the camera and then Haley could step in. Does James want to come in and speak for himself now? I do love the people in the comments of Haley's TikTok who are like, why the fuck is Kylie Kelsey? I just sent Emma the long version, though, which is literally just spliced of you being like, how about now?

Do you like it here? Are we sure here? Are we going to see the whole thing? Obviously. Uh, yeah, you kind of, all right. This is good. Okay. Yeah. Is she in a good spot? She's in a good spot. What do you think? I think you should. No, I think it needs to be a little more in the middle. Okay, yeah, a little bit more.

Oh, my God. This is good. This is good. Thank you so much for acknowledging this because you know how sometimes you get in a stressful moment and you think to yourself, maybe my brain exaggerated. But thinking back when we left, Emma and I were like, was he serious? Like, he looked like he was sweating and about to pee his pants. It's not true. and was just like, yeah, that's good.

The framing looks good. Yeah, it looks good. It looks good. Yeah, the framing's good. And we're like, no, James, the framing is not good. Now you say it. Say it back. Say it back. Say it back. I'd also like to say that in the car, making the plan, I said I was going to forget my lines. He did say that. Now, tell me the truth, Haley. Were you surprised? Oh, completely. Yes. I thought it was going to happen. over the weekend. Right.

When your boyfriend says, hey, super last minute, what if I flew you to Milan? You kind of go, oh. I think I'm coming back a fiance. I guess. It was just a nice thing that I was doing. Yeah. A belated Valentine's Day present. Sure.

Was how it was pitched. But yeah, no, I fully bought the whole social bit. I was like, okay, cool. He was like, he laid the groundwork the night before. He was like, we still have that one more clip that we have to get. You know, we have to be really specific about it, blah, blah, blah. So like, we went as far as like planning. I was like pitching different locations.

He could film you. I was like, oh, well, I just walked down this cute street. Like, you could totally do it there. And he's like, for sure, yeah, send me the link. I'm so happy that you were surprised. You guys did it and you crushed it. And I highly recommend for everybody to get the NGL production team involved in any future romantic endeavors. 10 out of 10.

Thank you so much. Great work. You're getting a lot of credit for your DP skills. You have a future in videography, Kylie. The angle, the ring shot at the end, like the movement, steady cam. Thank you. Have you guys done any wedding planning? We wanted to ask you if you wanted to be a central figure.

You want me to officiate the wedding. Thank you so much for asking. I actually would love to officiate the wedding. Cool. There is nothing that would bring me joy like announcing Jim Bob Coochie and his new wife, Haley. Mr. and Mrs. Coochie. Mr. and Mrs. Coochee. Congratulations, guys.

This is very exciting. Thank you for letting us commandeer your engagement, James. And we are very, very, very. excited and happy for you guys. I don't think that I need to tell anyone watching this, this information. I think they probably already sussed this out, as the kids would say. But James, you aggressively outkicked your coverage here. Yeah. Aggressively. I wanted to, for good measure, I wanted to make sure that that was clearly

stated and understood. Brad, let's keep that in. No, that's going nowhere. Oh, also this is not Editor Brad. There was a comment that said, that must be Editor Brad. This is Jim Bob. That's Jim Bob Coochie. Everybody knows that. Yeah, okay. Thank you to Jim Bob and Haley.

Glad we could clear that up. And that does it for Doom Scroll the week, brought to you by Allstate. Coming up, I'm about to be joined by Caleb Heron right after these messages from me. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not smart. That would be not checking if I ordered more laundry detergent before promising my daughter she could wear her favorite princess dress. That was stained and waiting to be washed in the laundry

room. And now she's wearing a stained dress. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. It's officially April and you know what that means. It's time to finally get your taxes over with. Luckily, for all the other typesie moms out there like me, the easiest way to get it done is with Tax Act. I genuinely couldn't do this alone because they're complicated and confusing. Tax Act makes filing easy with step-by-step guidance and it gives you tax tips throughout the filing process to help you along the way. They even offer three different

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That is so far controlling yourself, like willpower. I don't ever want to be out of control. Like, I don't really drink alcohol very much. Yeah. And it's more of just like I can control. not having to feel that way. Yeah. Yeah, I've never smoked anything in my whole life.

No, I've never smoked a cigarette and I didn't start smoking weed until I was like 27 years old. So it's very new to me. That's appropriate. That is your brain is fully developed. It's a good time. It's a good time. This is what I'm trying to tell the kids in my life as I'm like, please, no demonization. Do it.

Like get tattoos or smoke weed until I was like 26, 27. And I'm so grateful for it. Just wait. A fully formed frontal lobe. We love that. You know what? My mom, my whole life, our mom was like, she was, like, she found my, she found out my brother who had been smoking weed and she, like, flew off the handle.

She was so, like, she was, like, very anti-weed. And then they legalized it in Missouri. And tell me why, like, two years ago, we're just at dinner. Tell me, she's getting toasted. Baby. We're at dinner. I'm in Kansas City visiting her. We're at dinner.

And I go, what are you going to do tonight after dinner? She goes, I'm going to go home and have one of these weed suckers and just watch some lawn order and go to bed. I was like, pardon? First of all, weed suckers? Second of a lawn order before bed? Like, I'm just like, girl, what is going on with you? You've changed.

What a cocktail, huh? I know. I'm going to get a little stone and watch something devastating and hit the hay. Okay, sounds good. What the fuck? Yeah, and it's SVU, by the way. It's SVU. Of course it is.

Yeah, it's because, yeah, Benson and Stabor are really unavoidable. Yeah, no, I, um, Yeah, I mean, there are so many ways to do it now. Like gummies. I have a friend who literally she said like, I'll take a half a gummy and a bath and I'm having the time of my life. Getting the water? That is? How do you guys say it? The water.

The water. You got to get in some warm water. Getting some warm water off half a gummy? Half a gummy. I can't do it. You got to take half a gummy and getting some warm water and then you'll be good as gold. Kylie, have you, God, I love, I love Philly. I wish it was real. Have you ever, have you watched the neighbors on HBO yet?

No. There's this new documentary series about neighbors that are in conflict. And there's one in Philadelphia about a cat lady and her next door neighbor and they go on Judge Judy and settle it. And it is so goddamn funny. It is so funny. The woman, the cat lady is like, I just know Judge Judy is going to come down on my side. And then she goes, immediately it cuts to them after Judge Judy. And she's like, I do have to pay him to.

thousand dollars but she's so philly she's so philly i love it that's awesome you should watch it now i speaking of philadelphia and tell me your clear affinity for philadelphia and it's people um i heard rumor well that you're coming to philadelphia for two nights to see a concert we should get lunch or something wait oh i thought you were going to wait sorry what are we doing is there something else going on to? I thought you were going to do stand up. Oh, no, I'm not doing a show. God, I know. God, work, Caleb. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my, this is my whole life. People, people DMing me being like, oh my God, Barcelona. King, what are you doing in Barcelona? You must be doing a show. Meanwhile, I'm like, I'm like eating a gummy and like riding a bike around town, smiling at

stranger. Like, I'm truly refused to work. I'm so bad at having a job. Totally swandering. I love Philadelphia so much. I'm really excited. I, what is that? chicken spot. I love in Philadelphia. Honey. Love and honey. Love and honey. I love that place. You watch your mouth. I love that place. Do you hate it? I love it so much. And they just, they just put one in the suburbs. It is maybe 15 minutes from our house. And I shit you not. We order it once a week. Let's go. Let's go while I'm in town. Let's go get some chicken. I will absolutely meet you. I love and honey. I love it there so much. I will comment on food Instagrams that I follow and be like, I miss you. Or like, I can't wait.

And I truly, my brain thinks that it's like, it's a good idea. I do it. There's a bakery at the shore and I shit you not. They tease like, hey, we're opening back up April 3rd. And I'm like, I can't wait to see you, miss you. People opening the comments and just seeing Kylie Kelsey. Literally. Y'all, hey y'all.

Can't wait to get that pastry again. What the fuck is she doing? I'm like, I can't wait for Pop-Tarts. Businesswoman, wife, mother, just truly forsaking everything to be in the comments of a pastry shop. That's my girl. Sliding into DMs, being. like miss you dude there was a big thing and do you know what a pee whip is pineapple whip what like dolewip

yeah who calls it that sorry fuck is this a missouri thing there is this place there is this place no no nope i'm not letting you get by with that you want to call it pussy whipped pussy whips oh my god i'm gonna open a dull whip place called pussy whipped that rocks and it's all when you said pee whip at first i'm like, who's getting pussy whipped? I'm opening an all-women doll-whip shop called pussy whipped. If you do not make

those fucking cups shaped in a fucking vagina, when it comes out of that dispenser, I swear to God. And they're mean to you? That's the whole thing is it's kind of like Ed DeBevics or like, it's like you come in and they're like, what do you want? All right, get over here. Yeah, that kind of energy. Oh, like weiner circle.

I can't go to those places because I'll be mean back. I really can't. It's not cute to me. Do you know Dick's Last Resort when they write means stuff on your hat. Don't write something mean on my. And I told them, I went in one time with some friends. And they started doing the hats and I said, be easy on me. I'm not the one.

Don't, and don't do a fat one either. Pick something else. Do a gay one or something else. Yeah. I was like, do something else. I'm not having it. And they did take it easy on me. I don't like it.

I'm like, what's funny? Oh, you're being mean to me when I order my cheeseburger. I'm not laughing. I, now I want to. go with you. Let's go. Let's go. We have so many places to go. God, we have to go to, we have to go to P. Oh, but, oh, what I was telling you was, PWIP. PWMP is a big thing in Springfield, Missouri, where I went to college, and they opened for the season. Yes, Kylie, people in the comments, in the comments, in the comments, in the comments,

I need you in the comments. Guys, real ones, I need you to tell us whether or not people in, we'll call it Midwest, are we going Midwest on this? You think it's, or you think it's just Springfield, I can tell you is in Springfield, Missouri. It's called P-WIP. And every season, when they opened that little shop up in the parking lot of a thrift store, we would go bananas. We would go bananas. Yes. It was like the event of the season.

You just had to be there. If you missed it, it was like, you were like, it was social suicide. No. P-Wibb. Come on, Kylie. I'm going to get shirts to say P-WIP now. I'm going to send you one. I'm going to intro you now that we're halfway through this interview.

He's the stand-up comedian, you know, from his hilarious HBO special. model comedian. He's a chiefs fan. He's also starring in the brand new comedy pizza movie out tomorrow on Hulu. He's also, of course, in Devil Wears Prada 2 coming out May 1st. My Piping Hot NFLT broadcast partner, Bingo co-host and good friend Caleb, Caleb, our first return guest apart from Jason Caleb. Welcome back. Oh, that means the world to me. This feels really special. Oh my gosh. I'm so happy to be here. I haven't seniors in San Francisco. I know.

That was fun. Should we do it again? We should. You were busy. I was like, I was like, I almost started pitching in on your hair and makeup. I was like, girls, what can I do? I'm like, hand me a brush. Did you see that?

You were busy. That was crazy. Let me tell you. I still have marks on the back of my heels from running in the shoes that I had on to try and make it in the doors before NFL honors started. That is so funny. That is really intense. Meanwhile, I was like, dumb.

I was like breezing. I felt bad because you had so much going on that day and I was like, what's going on y'all? My favorite was when you hit everybody in the audience with a, if everyone can stay seated so Kylie can get out here fast. Like I was trying to make a fucking connecting flight. Well, let me say, let me say something about that by the way.

People are abusing that. People are abusing that. I was on a flight recently. We were delayed. We landed and they said, hey, if you're connecting to here, here,

please let those people off first. And I'm happy to do it. I stay seated. and then I start to see people rushing past me. I know damn well you're not going to Birmingham. I know damn well you're not going to Birmingham. Don't play with me. I know damn well, this is your final destination.

This is your final destination. You have arrived at home. And I'm livid because I'm like, I'm doing my part. I'm being in community with all the people trying to make it to Birmingham. God bless their souls. And then I'm seeing non-Bermingham travelers rush past me. Really, really upsetting stuff. I mean, people should act right.

I mean, it's the way of the world right now, in it? Yeah. We need to, we're going to have a movie like summer and we're going to get back to treating people nicely. We're going to get back to behaving in a way that if every single other person behaved the exact same way, that the world would work out. That's how we're going to get back to behaving. No more cheating on the connecting flight business. But, yeah, what were we actually talking about? Bingo.

Bingo was so much fun. Now, before the actual bingo show, I would like to say we met. in the green room, I still can't get over, first of all, that that was our first time meeting. That felt it didn't feel like it was our first time meeting in person. The one note that I have here to ask you about that I would just like to share with the world, the rotisserie chicken. I knew where this was going. Because it fascinated me.

Yeah. Well, go ahead. What's your question? What are the benefits of a rotisserie chicken? I already asked this, but I would like you to share with the people. Yeah. this is a funny thing. There are two rotissary chickens on my writer.

Usually this is because I'm arriving to a theater from an airport, about to do a show, need to put a little something in the tum. The rotisserie chicken, this is a trick that I, a lot of people do this actually. I've learned. It's a trick that I stole from Stavros that you, the rotissory chicken is perfect because it's, it's filling, it's protein, it doesn't upset your stomach, and it's something to eat really quick before the show. And yes, you walked into our shared green room and I was, yeah, I was taking down half a rotisserie chicken.

Just going to town on half rotisserie chicken. Not delicate. No delicate way to do it. Now, speaking of riders. Yeah. We do a segment on here called Coach Me Up. Yeah. I do not have a rider.

Whenever, whenever events request a rider from me, I always just say, if I could have some water, that would be great. I, we do, our whole team jokes around. that one of these times they're going to put something on my rider and not tell me what it is. And then I'm going to show up and someone's going to be like, we got you these amazing, this popery that we shipped in from Italy. And it was only available there. And I'm going to be like, the fuck is with the potpourri. Why did you do that?

Yeah. One of these days they're going to surprise me. But I feel like if I were to put some random shit on there, I could use some advice on that. So if you were going to coach me up about what to put on my rider besides two rotisserie, chickens, what would you put on there? So anything packable, anything you can take with you, especially if you're traveling, because this is good stuff to put in your bag for the flight. So like on my writer, it's like fig bars, chumps. This is not packable, but I always have black bean corn salsa and hint of lime tortillas. It's not practical, but it's delicious.

It's delicious. And actually, I was in a green room yesterday. And the guy came in, he was like, oh, did the, did the chips not make it? We got you chips and salsa. And what's embarrassing is I had already asked my assistant to put them in her bag and take them back to my house. So we go, no, no, they made it. They made it. Don't worry about that. No, no. We just, we dropped them on the floor.

Yeah, don't worry about it. We got what we needed. But yeah, I think, okay, anything packable, anything you can travel with, take to the airport, something fun that delights you. Like, I will say, I don't drink Dr. Pepper so much these days. I used to really go crazy on the stuff. But I keep Dr. Pepper on the rider. Not every time they do it. But every once in a while I'll walk into a green room and there will be the crispest.

I'm going to cry. Coldest Dr. Pepper you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. Sorry. Get you a little emotional. It hits your right. Sorry. Yeah.

It's just after a long day when you're kind of having like a stressful week to crack open a Dr. Pepper, especially like a tall boy. You ever seen the tall boys? Oh, I've seen them. Woo! It's special. That nice little, pss. Is there something that does that for you? Is there something at all in the world that does that for you?

I'm going to have to think about it. Honestly, I just, I feel like I, I feel like I answer the call whenever I get that feeling. Yeah. In a way that like I don't ever deprive myself of things. That's a beautiful way to live. Thanks. I like to do things in moderation.

That way I can make the excuse of, having a donut three mornings in a row because my, you know, the feeling struck me. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. Maybe it's a donut. I do love a donut. Maybe it's a donut. I love a butter, pecan ice coffee, but I like my butter, pecan ice coffee in the morning. Kylie, do you know what yours could be? Every town has a great legendary donut spot. You should start telling, your writer should be like three Donuts from the best donut shop in town. Perfect. Done. That's incredible. Do you know what I should then add to the list?

Tommy. Ziplock baggies. Yes, exactly. Now you're thinking. That's exactly correct. Just say I need zip lock bags and three of the best donuts in town. Okay. Okay. All right. You're not to eat the whole thing. Queen Emma added to the donut. Added to the rider. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad we got to the bottom of that. Until the next time I hit a green room and there's a fucking rotisserie chicken and three donuts. Hello, this life is supposed to be fun. When you come to Philadelphia. Yeah. How do you feel like cake donuts?

Yeah, I'm there. Okay, perfect. Thank you. My husband is vehemently against them. And then when I get federal donuts, he eats him anyway. It's the craziest phenomenon. I'm like, whatever. As long as you're eating them with me, I actually don't give a shit what you said five minutes ago.

Because, by the way, is there any bigger betrayal in the world than when you go for a sweet treat and your partner won't do it with you? I need you to co-sign that decision so hard. I need you to co-sign it so that I'm not alone. There is no worse feeling than feeling alone. I firmly believe that. And that applies. Sorry.

That about donuts is killing me. And also I agree. There's no worse feeling in the world than feeling alone. Than feeling alone. Eat the fucking donut. The federal donuts has like fancy flavors. and we get a half a dozen, which is all the fancy flavors, and you leave a butter knife in the box all day long

so that you can do drive-bys. And you just try a new donut every time you walk by. By the end of the day, have you eaten probably three full donuts? Yeah, but that's yesterday's problem. That's like, that's not a problem for me. That's yesterday's problem. And can I also just remind everyone that tomorrow is not promised that today is all we have? Sorry, yeah, I had three donuts today.

Whoa, that's crazy. but what if I don't get tomorrow. Exactly. Hello. Okay, so I'm putting donuts on the rider and a rotisserie chicken because the rotissary chicken was so fascinating to me. It wasn't even funny. Now, last time you were on,

we talked a little bit about stand-up and Philadelphia crowds. You told the story of how your friend's dad encourage you to get some ass after the show. Is that still your fondest Philly memory? Yeah, I haven't gotten one since then yet. I guess my upcoming Philly trip will be my first time back in a minute. I did. I don't know if I told you this or not,

But after my, it wasn't that show, it was a different time that I stopped in Philly. My friend Annie and I were on tour together. She is a musician and her band was doing half the show and I was doing half the show. We were kind of a small tour we put together just to fuck around. We stopped in Philly. We played the, um, Philmore. And, um, after the show, we went to some dive bar and did karaoke into the wee hours of the morning with like a group of girls from a bachelorette party and like five male nurses.

and some random other people from Philly. It seemed like all like local people. Some of the girls were visiting, but most of them were from there. And I had the time of my life. And when I tell you, one of my most fun karaoke memories is from that night in Philly because I, look, I've got a couple different karaoke songs that I'll pull out every once in a while. But I read the room that night and I said, what needs to happen in this room tonight is, man, I feel like a woman by Shania Twain. And Kylie, the girls, the bachelor's at party's on stage.

with me, we're tearing it up. It's just like the most random crowd of my friends that I'm on tour with and then this like little menagerie of like Philly locals tearing up, man, I feel like a woman ripping the roof off the place. It was magic. Of course it was. That's Philly to me. See, when people get Philadelphia and they can look at that moment and be like, this is it. Those are the people I want my life because you get it. Maybe it was in fish. It was like it was really fun. We had so much fun. I'll have to figure.

We'll have to get to the bottom of that. I'm going to have to ask my husband, he is more of a karaoke. He's frequented karaoke bars. I would say honestly, before we met, he used to, he used a karaoke bar. I think more than he would like to admit. Yeah. Well, it's where it's where the wind took him. I do have one hot take about karaoke, which is that look, friends in low places.

I love Garth. It's enough with friends. and love places. Guys, no one loves the man in the song more than I do. I love Garth Brooks to death. There's a moment in the Garth Brooks documentary where he starts crying thinking about the concept of shaking another man's hand. Okay. I would die for Garth Brooks. I'm true to it, not new to it. It's enough with the friends and love places. That's fair. That's very fair. I'm trying to think of what my husband's is, I've actually never sung karaoke. Kylie, are you so serious? I'm nearly certain I'm not lying to you. Oh my gosh. What do you think your song would be? That's a great question. I have no

fucking clue. My husband has a go-to. Queen Emma, can you text, uh, intern Brandon and find out what the song is? Total clips of the heart's a killer choice. It is. Totally clips of the heart. And he, and he hits it with the every now and then I fall apart. And it's like, and it's, he gets, he's so good at it. I can feel I mean, it brings the, it brings the vibes way up. He's going to have to hit that this summer to bring it. Dude. Yeah. Do you know, by the way, we need to bring back songs where people are pathetically in love.

It's not really happening much anymore. It's not. It's, I was just, I was re, re-exploring, I have nothing by Whitney Houston. And it's, it's, first of all, it's like, girl stand up. But second of all, it's a beautiful song. We don't do that anymore. I will say, if I were to go with a. the song that I go within the car, like I really go hard on.

Yeah. I do love Akisha Cole. Wow. Wow. I don't, I don't know if it would be a crowd favorite. Doesn't matter. I would have to, I would have to feel the vibes. Yeah.

But I just feel like it hits so hard. Sometimes at karaoke, it's about you. Oh, perfect. From time to time. If it's, there are times I've done songs that were in karaoke. I'm trying to blend into the wall in the back. Like, no, no, I'm good. Sometimes at karaoke, it's about you.

And sometimes you have to just look at the room and go, regardless of, like, I've been in karaoke rooms where what the room wanted was a musical theater number, y'all are going to get this lucky by Britney Spears and enjoy it. That's what I can, that's what I can give to you tonight. Eat up. Hope you're hungry, because it's not going to be wicked from me. It's going to be lucky. Every parent knows that kids going to school means one thing, germs.

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with that matter. Now, can I ask you some stand-up questions I'm thinking about? Because I think about this a lot. Has a fan ever given you something after a show and what was the weirdest or most obscure thing? Fans have certainly given me things after show. I don't do, I don't do meat and greets. So I don't meet as many of the fans in like an official like gift giving capacity. But people have definitely given me stuff after shows. I'm trying to think the coolest thing that anyone that ever gives me after a show is a joint in a place where marijuana is not legal. That's like what I need. That's what's needed. Because I can't go just go get. one. That's always helpful. Of course I'm scared to smoke it, but I always do. And what else has been

given to me? Someone baked me cookies, which was really sweet. I did not eat them because I was a little scared. I was going to say, I can honestly say, and I've said enough that I'm a germaphobe, that I think people will take that as a sufficient explanation. But I would not eat cookies that were baked for me. If I don't know you and I didn't ask for them, I'm not eating those cookies. scary to me a little scary to me perfect stranger not I'm sure they were perfectly I don't think there was anything nefarious going on I'm just like I'm not in your kitchen I don't know what your house is like I'm a little weird about eating food that other people even not even just like in a fan situation just like if I go to like a potluck I'm like I want to know who made what and I want

to know how I know them do you have cats are they on your counter exactly correct that's my fear that's my fear I just want to know that's my big fear um have fans ever actually heckled you or do people have common decency these days? I feel like I know the answer to this question. I don't, I don't know that people have common decency. I've had a really charmed, I've had a really charmed experience. I was, I was nobody, nobody knew who I was. I was doing shows for like strangers and so all the things that came with that.

And then I had a big internet moment and then COVID. And then I came out and was playing much bigger rooms and it was all like lovely, dedicated fans who love my stuff. So I really missed that part that a lot of comics go through where they're like going to Muncie and playing for like mean drunk strangers or whatever. I'm sure the people in Muncie are lovely, but just going to these random places and like begging for laughs. But heckled, I will say, the craziest thing that came to mind when you asked that was I

had a show at this venue in LA called the Bourbon Room like three or four tours ago. And I was running my hour. And I want to say like maybe I was bringing up the opener. I had two openers. And I was bringing up the opener. And this woman came on stage. woman that I do not know came on stage I think drunk but also on some other stuff as well

and she starts like she goes who are you who are you and I was like I'm Caleb this is my show you need to go sit down and she was like no I want to know who you are you seem so nice and I was like I am really nice I really don't want you to get thrown out of this show will you please go sit in your seat and she goes okay okay okay so she walks over to a seat

that is not hers near the stage and sits down. And so I'm like, a little thrown off, and I'm like, great. Didn't have to throw her out. I continue. And then she comes back up and starts wrestling the mic out of my hand.

And I'm like, at this point, I'm like, where is the security? Like, I'm like, what are you guys doing? I'm like, you guys should be paying attention to this and doing something. So I'm like, I'm like, hey, guys, security, you got to get up here. This is like too much.

I was like, ma'am, you got to go. I'm sorry. That's enough. You got to leave the show. And she starts screaming and she's like, they don't want, pointing to the audience, they don't want you to keep. kick me out of here?

And the audience all starts going, yeah, yes, we do. And she goes, they don't want me to leave. And they're like, yes, we do. So then as she's getting dragged out, she's like, she's being really funny. She's like, I just want to say everyone have an incredible night. Thank you for listening to me. I'm like, they did not have a choice.

And there are, I will try to find them after the, after we get off here and send them to you guys. Maybe you can put one on screen and like blur her face because I don't want to, I'm sure she was going through something. but there are really funny pictures that the photographer took of like her one hand on the microphone and me like like it's really funny and I'm I feel yeah I feel bad I'm sure I asked the staff like they did make her leave the venue and I asked them to like go check on her because I'm also like she very clearly was like in a state of some kind right so I hope she's okay but holy shit it was insane have you gotten

fan gifts no no fan gifts I get a lot of bracelets. Of course. That's really cute. It's adorable. I don't know if I told that. I don't know if I said this on the last recording I was on here. So sorry if I did, but have I told you about the bracelet I got at the Kansas City Eros Tour?

I tell you this. Wait, maybe. I was exchanging bracelets with girls at the Kansas City Ares Tour. Girls of all ages. I love girls. And I'm like happy to exchange bracelets with them. I was so excited because also my friend's band was opening in Kansas City, Muna and I was so excited to see them and to see Taylor and do the whole thing and I was exchanging

bracelets and this one girl, I'm not kidding. It sounds like I made this up for a joke. This one girl, she was so cute. She was wearing like a two-two and she was like in very much like all-purple and it's very much like just so cute and excited. She must have been like eight and she was like, do you want to trade bracelets with me? I had a bunch of them. And I was like, of course I do. And we trade bracelets. She gives me two bracelets. Okay. One said fat bitch. Not kidding. don't know how she got it. Don't know how she got it. She gave me a bracelet that said fat bitch.

And then the other one said gay guy. Where did she get these? It was the funniest thing I have ever experienced in my life. She handed them to me and I went, oh. Thank you. I had to stop doing bracelets for a little bit because I was like, what? Are you talking about? Nailed it.

First of all. Second of all, where did you get them? I couldn't believe it. I don't think she knew. What she was giving? I don't know if she knew. She did not seem like it. It was not like there was no like smirk on her face. Like she was being very cute and sweet. I think she just didn't know. And they were different. Like one was like red and black. So it was like that era. And then they didn't look like they came from the same collection. No. And I think they were things that she was trading. And I really truly, I think about it every day of my life since then. It was awesome. It was awesome. Someone, I do love when people nail them. What was one of them said, I mean, I have gotten more than one that either says fuck off or fuck you.

Yeah. I support that wholeheartedly. Yeah. Yeah, I get a lot of profanity. And I love that. I love the profanity ones. I completely adore them. Now, I want to make sure that we get to these movies because that feels.

like very important. I need to pick your brain about this. I've been excited to talk to you about two new movies you have coming out. One comes out tomorrow. It is called Pizza Movie. It comes out April 3rd on Hulu. What should the real ones know about pizza movie? Pizza movie is so, so fun. It was written and directed by these guys, Nick and Brian, that I am friends with and a huge fan of and I heard that they had a movie and I was like I will I would just love to come do anything in it. It's so silly. It's me and Gaten Matarazzo and Sean John Brony. Hello. And Jack Martin. There's so many funny people in it. Sarah Squirm is in it. But yeah, it's really, it's a stoner movie. I think if you, if you are somebody who gets stoned, get a couple of your friends together, get

stoned, watch it on the couch, order pizza. And if you're not, watch it anyway. It's really like, it's like just silly dumb fun. It's like the kind of comedy that I feel like we're missing right now. And yeah, it's such a good time. I really, I really, really like the movie. And we just premiered it at Southby. And it was such a blast to watch with other people. So I would say don't watch it alone. Watch it with somebody and have fun. It's a blast. Now, you play an R.A. in the college dorm. Is that right? Yeah. Kylie, this is so funny. I auditioned originally to be one of the college students. not because I think I look like I'm a college student. In fact, I have told my entire team that we have to stop sending those to me. I think we pushed the limits on the HBO movie I did a couple years ago called Sweethearts.

But I auditioned and then the guys, they were so funny, they're like, hey, we wrote something specifically for you. We wrote this role for you that we want you to like send a tape in for or read with us for. And I go, okay. And I read it. And the first thing, my character's first line is I am 31 years old. I play like a I play like a non-traditional student in this movie but my favorite thing about this character without giving too much away that's all fine but without giving too much way

I get to play a sweet heart in this movie like I get to play like a like a dumb idiot who does not know what's going on and I love it so much and did you pull this character like did you base it off of anything did you have a raise in college that you were like that's it no i didn't meet stuff any a raise in college i based it off of a lot of what i was thinking about for this character when i was thinking about him was kind of like how i was in middle school like i was randomly a little sheltered like i didn't know like i just have a lot of memories of being in like seventh grade and the other guys would be talking about like stuff that i just

had no like talking about like the the really funny thing is i look back and i'm like i don't think they knew either they were just like confident but talking about like sex and drugs and stuff and they were talking about things and I was just like, oh my gosh, what the hell is going on? Like I was like I had no idea and I would go home and ask my mom about it and she'd be like, who told you that? And I'd be like, Josh. And she'd be like, don't talk to Josh. He's a bad influence.

So I just kind of based on, I think I was a little naive and I think this character is too. And so I based a lot of it off of that. I just love the idea of you being a like a sweetheart, R.A. because I was an R.A. in college. Were you a nice one? I was the po-po. I was for sure a nice one. I would like to think that I was.

When the sophomores were dickheads, I was not nice. But that's because you brought it on yourself. You asked for it. One of the biggest movies of the year you are also in, The Devil Wears Prada 2. What can you tell me about your character and keep in mind I'm willing to keep whatever I can keep and bleep the rest?

That's so funny. There's really not much to say. I play, I don't get to say much about it at all because of, because of, well, it's so funny. I joked with Seth Myers when I did his show that like, it would be so funny if they chose me to reveal stuff about it. Like, just like not letting Merrill talk about it and then being like, Caleb, go nuts. Sorry, Merrill. We're going to leave this one for Caleb. It's so fun, dude.

I really love it. I'm so excited. I auditioned for it. And the, turned out that the audition. The audition that I did wasn't the character that I was. Like it was kind of even that was secret. So I auditioned for a role not really knowing fully what it was going to be. And but it was like the same idea of the like energy of the guy that I play.

But it's so fun. And then I got to read the script before I started working on the movie. Of course, I got to read the whole thing. And we did a one of the most surreal things ever. Kylie. Oh my God. We like maybe four or five weeks before I started filming, I think. we all in New York like pretty almost everybody Stanley was not in town so he had to do Zoom which was very funny

but we had this huge table read for the movie and it was like oh my god like Merrill Street and hathaway and Emily Blunt are like reading the script in front of me and then I got to read my parts and it was so fun and it was so and it was also fun because like I knew some I met a bunch of new people but I also knew some people from around like New York comedy and theater that were also playing like smaller roles in the film. Like my role is very small in the film. I'm big in everything. But it was so much fun.

That was a crazy surreal experience. And I think people are going to really like the movie. Now, the last thing, as you probably know, I'm a big fan of your podcast so true. So I wanted to very quickly play a couple clips that I honestly haven't stopped thinking about. Oh my God. Okay. That's so funny.

So you had a conversation with Taylor Tomlinson. Yeah. And you were talking about talking to yourself out loud. Yeah. Queen Emma. I talk to myself really gently now. Yeah, you're like gentle parenting yourself. These days, it's embarrassing.

If you heard the way I talk out loud to myself alone in my apartment. You're out loud talking to yourself? Oh my God, it's humiliating, Taylor. No, that's good. You're supposed to do that. It's humiliating. If anyone ever heard this, my neighbors might actually know how sick I am. I will walk around my apartment and be like, this place is a mess.

That's okay. Let me tell you, I am going to implement the, that's okay, into everything I do for the next week. I'm going to see if it changes the tides because it feels like it might. It feels like in the moments where I do talk to myself and I'm like, hey, let's have a little patience. That's okay. Hey, I've run out of patience. that's okay. That's okay.

It feels very positive and I like it. Yeah. I truly, I can't tell you the number of like stern speeches. I have to give myself to get through a day. Like that might be the thing when people are like, you know, sometimes my friends will be like,

how are you juggling everything right now? And I go, I'm talking to myself. They're stern, but fair. Like, if I'm laying in bed 20 minutes out of my alarm knowing damn well I'm about to be late to something,

I out loud will have to go, Caleb, it's enough. Get up. Good job. To get in the shower. I mean, it's like, hey, we've had enough. It's okay. Now we get in the shower. Thank you. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm implementing this for the next weekend. I'm going to see if anything changes because typically I save it for the moments where I'm like, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. And I feel like that's not enough. I feel like I haven't gotten into enough detail with myself. I used to, I've told the story multiple times.

I used to get like mimicked by my own child because I would say, you are the adult. You are the adult. In stressful situations. Like she would try me and I'd be like, you're the adult, Kylie. You are the adult. And she would be like, you are the adult. Queen. She's like, start acting like it, mom.

Yeah. You are the adult. So stop fucking talking to yourself and act like it. I literally, I feel like I've strayed too far from that because she used to throw it back in my face. So I'm going to get back to that this week. And I'm going to let you know how it goes. I'm sure you'll be personally invested in that. She's, I really am.

She's throwing it, her throwing it back in your face is so funny. Like, I'm completely obsessed with that. Multiple times. Multiple times. You are the adult. I'm like, I'm not talking to you. I'm actually not talking to you. Stay out of this for a second while I get my fucking bout myself together.

Seriously. That is so funny. What would you say is like the craziest thing you say to yourself besides get out of it? Oh my gosh. And that's just one example. Do you talk to yourself in the car? Totally. I talked to other people in the car at a quiet volume.

Do you know what I started doing lately that's really cracking myself up? My assistant, Michelle, shout up Michelle, love you girl, has had to hear me say this a lot recently. I will get upset about something and start ranting about it. And like it's kind of a mix between like, oh, I'm like this is kind of funny, but also I'm upset. Like traffic is a good example where we'll be driving to something and I'll be like, yeah, sure, fucking cut me off. Yeah, put your car directly in front of mine and then slow down and slow us all down. That's awesome. That's exactly what I would do.

And then I'll go through my whole rant and then at the end of it, I'll go, now that's how I might behave if I was someone who was angry. I'll go, that's something I would say if I cared, but I don't. I'll do the whole thing. And then at the end of it, I'll realize I'm being insane. That's so therapeutic. That's how someone who isn't well might respond to traffic in this moment. I'm using that. I'm using that because up to this point, I have decided to go just on a quieter.

So I'll be driving and I'll be like, yeah, no, I didn't even want to fucking drive there. Get in front of me. No, you're right. I didn't want to fucking it. No, no, it's okay. I wasn't going in the fucking turn in. Yep. Yeah.

well, yep, fuck you too. And like, that's the kind of things I will say to myself, but I'll say it with like a smile on my face. So it's a little deranged. So then following it up with a, and that's what I would say if mom was losing her mind. I feel like that is a nice end cap for a slight meltdown. Oftentimes, we'll get pushed to a, yep, you're welcome. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They didn't say thank you. Exactly. You're welcome, Sands. Thank you. Without thank you is a real, it's a special touch. But I will tell you, it has, there has to be a significant lead-up. I'm talking, I was behind you in the checkout and you were a dickhead to the cashier. And then you were a dickhead to the person bagging your groceries.

And then you were a dickhead to somebody else who you almost rammed with your cart. Then I'm going to be the person that's like, you're welcome. Yeah, happy to do it. Oh, I will, sometimes I get a little, you know. It's only in defense of other people, I think, when I really get pissy. See, one of my pissiest moments that I get so upset is when I'm being, I could be in the middle of a really tough day. I'm, like, dealing with a lot.

I'm upset. I didn't get enough sleep. I'm not feeling well. Whatever. I've got all my own human shit going on that we all do. And if I am being polite to someone, like, for example, the other day, I was like, I walked into a coffee shop and I was like, hey, how's it going? I'd been having kind of a bad morning, but I'm like, time to interact with other people

and be polite. I go, hey, how's it going? And they go, what do you want? And I said, hey, how's it going? Like, no, you're going to talk to me like a person. We're doing pleasantries now. That shit pisses me off. I'm sorry.

I've had a million service jobs. I know how it is. But I'm just like, come on, man. Like, that sucks. Yes. I cannot thank you enough for coming on. I am so excited to watch pizza movie. It's out on Hulu tomorrow, April 3rd.

I can't wait for you to come to New York and come on so true. We'll have to have you in the studio. Let's do it. And I can't wait for you to come to the Jersey Shore. And our next bingo night. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to get to work. on. Let's do it. Thanks, Kylie. Thank you.

Ciao. And that's a wrap on this episode of Not Gonna Lie. You can find even more clips for my longer conversation with Caleb on my YouTube channel on More Shit Monday. I'll be back next Thursday with a brand new episode. Follow us on social media at NGL with Kylie for clips throughout the week. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcast. Not Gonna Lie is a Wave Original brought to you by Allstate. Thanks to the real ones for tuning in.