Not Skinny But Not Fat - Bachelor Nation is Burning w/ Chris Burns aka Fat Carrie Bradshaw

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Chris Burns aka the hilarious and fabulous Fat Carrie Bradshaw joins me to dish on wtf is happening in bachelor nation rn. Spoiler alert; it’s burning up. From Chris Harrison to Taylor Nolan, everyone’s f’ing up! Sh%t is going down IRL, but the season ? Yawn. We also discuss my fave HB2 (Hilaria Baldwin) who’s back with some BIG NEWS, Scott Disick and his new teenage girlfriend and more.  Support the show! Curtsy: If you want a sustainable way to get Brandy, Urban, Champion, and Lulu delivered directly to your door, download Curtsy today and enter promo code notskinny for 15% off your first order. Spanx: For a limited time, visit spanx.com and use promo code NSBNF for 10% off your Spanx Nursing Bra today! FitTrack: Go to FitTrack.com/notskinny to take 50% off your order. PLUS - for a limited time - you’ll also save an ADDITIONAL 30% with code Build30 at checkout!   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, it's Patrick Starr. I'm coming straight to you with my very own podcast. Say yes to the guests. I'll be hanging out with some of my fiercest friends and spilling some serious tea on business, beauty, and being a boss-ass bitch. With me, baby, you'll never know what will happen.

Find yes to the guest on Apple Podcasts or anywhere where podcasts are playing. Start streaming and downloading now. And don't forget to subscribe because every Monday we're going in. We got so much to chat about. So turn it up and say yes to the guests. Yes. This is Amanda Hirsch from the Not Skinny but Not Fat podcast.

You might know me from Not Skinny Bonifah on Instagram where I spend my time talking about reality TV, celebrities, everything happening and pop culture every Tuesday. Okay. I also talk to some of our favorite celebs and reality TV stars. We talk about what's going on. on tune in every Tuesday and just feel like you're talking a shit with your best friends in your living room. I literally suck at this. Okay, you guys, I'm so excited for today's episode.

I'm with Chris Burns, aka Bad Carrie Bradshaw, aka podcast or comedian, host of Bachelor, Bachelor Podcast with Bitches. You're everywhere. Oh, my God. Thank you. Everywhere and nowhere is how I like to live my life. I saw your tweet today that you posted on Instagram and I was like, oh my God. Oh, the one about the true crime documentary. Yeah.

Where you're like things I want, like have an agent, you know, have a series about me, all the shit, things I have like. Right. And you know the thing is I tweet all the time. I'm like, I need an agent. I need a manager, which are all true. but then anytime people will like hunt I'm like so what we're gonna meet and then you're gonna reject me like no first of all no I want to tell you something because okay we are you know losers right so like we obviously like we're not cool we want like yeah everyone wants to be successful succeed in their own thing whatever but our whole lives like I'm putting us in the same category it's like I want an agent like not even knowing what it means not having anything to offer at seven years old wanting an agent for what bitch like what are you where are you going i literally want like a team i want like a jensha team like i want like a team of people that have to hang out with me and tell me i'm amazing and but see that is my greatest fear is like an erika jane thing where like you know what i've been thinking a lot about remember her friend mike that's in all the episodes all the time no i'm not an r h obbh girl it's basically just like the gay best friend she has that she pays like six figures to do

thing. And I'm like, I wonder where he is. Like, did he stick around now that the money's gone? But you wouldn't want to be that. You would want to be Erica Jane. I would want to be Erica Jane, but not Erica Jane when the money goes. But not Erica Jane. So, yeah, I guess that's my quandary. So I'm just about that. So people think everything is so fancy or like having an agent is fancy, having a publicist is fancy. Let me tell you guys, I got an email from, you know, a notable public relations firm. and I'm like, oh, my God, everyone wants me. Then it's like, I'm like, okay, I'm open that conversation. Like, all of a sudden you're like, timid.

You're like, okay. And then they're like, just a heads up, it's a gazillion dollars a month for you. And I'm like, who. Yeah, publicists, I feel like are the biggest. Okay, so like agents and managers get paid a percentage for people that don't know, get a percentage of like what you get. So, like, if you don't get anything, you don't have to pay them. publicists, however, you like have to pay them a monthly stipend whether or not they do anything.

But what's a wild is like, so if we think about people like Jacks and Brittany, who we know are represented by Lori KPR, she represents a lot of Bachelor people and reality stars, you're like, wait, Jackson and Brittany are paying a monthly fee for what? Like a People magazine snippet? for like occasionally getting mentioned in articles. Like, I know that, you know, Taylor Strecker, when her like engagement article came out that like Jackson, Brittany were like the main focus of like, and she was like, why the hell are they talking about? Like, it's just so bizarre. And like, is that what a PR publicist does? Well, the thing is PR is really good because that that is rule that don't know like

free advertising. But anyway, obviously I was like, At a later date, when I'm like, Galgado, I'll, like, pay you. Like, never not happening. But an agent is really cool. But at the same time, in our world and in the world of social media, I've also realized this when I did talk to an agent recently, is like, I don't want to give you my money. You know what I mean? Because it's, it's, you're hustling and you can do a lot of things without an agent.

So you're like, so call me when E wants to do a show about me. and then I'll give you the percent of what they're offering. Because the thing is, even with an agent, so like, I've had friends that are like, oh, I found this thing, like I booked this thing that I found myself online, but my agent still gets 10% because of the contract we have. So like even if you find something for yourself and your agent has nothing to do with it, you have to give them 10% of that thing. I'm too greedy for that, I feel like.

And so, you know, I want like Meryl Streep's agent. That's what I want. Is that too much to ask for? You're going to get it, babe. Manifestation, I feel like as annoying as that word is, doing it isn't annoying. And I feel like people that have a dream and pursue something are secretly manifesting at their whole lives.

They don't even know it. Yeah, I feel like that's true. I need to like stick to my guns because I'm like, oh, I'm going to manifest this and I'll do it. But then in my head, I'm like, exactly what my tweet is. I'm like, well, I guess I'll get high and watch whatever I can find on Disney Plus. Wait, are you high right now or is that your eye from the makeup? That's my eye from the makeup.

But it does look crazy, right? I didn't even notice it. I got soap in it while I was getting makeup out. It's almost like a wonky Botox eye. And it doesn't hurt. That's why I didn't even notice until the camera came on. And I was like, I look crazy.

But what are you going to do? I have eye issues all the time. So Chris does crazy makeup for Fatari Rajat. Tell me really quickly. That's your like alter ego that what do you call her? She's like my yeah, alter ego I guess is the right term. She started as just an Instagram handle.

And then when I like started so the first time I did drag was in like a sketch show like theater show at the now. debunked UCB theater. And I played Kim Kardashian and that was the first time. And then Hannah Burner was at that show and she was like, I want to do these videos like a types of girls videos thing

for batches. And so then I started like doing those. And then I just started like getting build on shows as fat Carrie Bradshaw instead of my real name. And I was like, well I guess that's like my drag name now. So that's where it came from. I wonder if Carrie Bradshaw, aka SJP, ever came across her

handle. I've been in the same room as her a couple of times, but like, it's never appropriate. And you're like, I'm you. I know you can't tell. Because I want to be like, I'm, you're the skinny fat carry branch. But she, yet someday I will, I'll meet her. I'm convinced that someday I'll meet her when the time is right. But it needs to be like a natural meeting. I don't want to like storm her and be like. Yeah, you always want to meet celebs and be. And, be so cool about it. They're going to become friends. You don't want to meet them as a fan. Yeah. Like, my fear is that I'm like, I'm you. I'm the fat. And she's like, you're fat Sarah Jessica Parker because I'm not Carrie Bradshaw. That's a character that I play. And you're like, no, but you, but actually, SJP is one of those people that is Carrie Bradshaw. Right? That's what I'm like, they're the same. Look at Sarah Jessica Parker's Instagram. That is what Carrie Bradshaw's Instagram with her shoe line is Carrie Bracha. Like, she's Carrie Bracha. Like, let's not pretend.

She's not Merrill Street, right? She's the character that she plays. Imagine Sarah Jessica Parker getting an Oscar. Can you? Do you watch the Golden Globes because I did not? I started it and I couldn't possibly. Because I'm like, these are just, I understand obviously why everything is through Zoom.

But I'm like, let's just put it off this year. We'll have them next year. Then put it off. Yeah. Then, like, we'll let you know. via email if you got it celebrate with it. Yeah, it's, for me it was a lot too. I usually you know, do it because I'm like, I have to post

about it and I feel this like pressure where like I just need to. And then I was like, I don't need to. Like golden globes aren't paying me to. I don't need to pour myself through this. Like this is going to be awful. And even the articles coming out after it was like everything was just the most interesting part seemed to be Jason Sadacus accepting in a tie-dye hoodie.

Which I'm like, wow, good for him. for not caring about his golden globe. Like, tens across the board. This is what we're celebrating. What do I get for that? I'd wear a tie-dye hoodie. I would be the one that's like off-camera for the girl who's like there in her glamorous dress. And I'm just like standing there eating the pizza rolls waiting for her moment.

But like that's as close as I'll get to a golden club. So I mean, listen. And I put up a poll and it was like 80% of people were like, yeah, we're not watching. okay you guys if you follow me on instagram you know that i legit thought i was being provocative in my spanks bra luluia and spanks look at me now leggings i was like oh my god you guys it's how it's gonna be mad at me and then you guys are like no you're legit covered head to dough because they're high waisted leggings and a freaking full coverage nursing bra but i was feeling so sassy because honestly like i felt hot because of the bra luluia and of the

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we had Tasha. Now it's Matt still happening. I'm like, my mind isn't like vertical from this shit show. It's been like I feel like just such a shit show for like years at this point. When is the last season where everything was just like, it was fine. It was a fine season. Do you know what I mean? Now it's like, oh no, that's the season where X, Y, Z happened. And everything's terrible. And everything's terrible. I feel like, and Matt, Frank, like, he, I think is like kind of a Peter, pilot Pete in the sense of like, I don't think anyone's going to win. Whoever he picks, definitely they're not still together. He, yeah, I don't know how much you want to get into my theories of The Bachelor, but like even last night. I do, I do.

If they're not spoilers, because people will still. Oh, they're not spoilers. I don't even know spoilers, really, for the season. because even the spoilers that I've read, like, have changed. Reality Steve has been wrong so many times, especially since quarantine. I'm like, wait, he actually doesn't know. So everyone's stop because that was the number of DMs I've gotten in stuff that are like, Katie, it's Katie's the Bachelorette.

And I'm like, yeah, I also read reality Steve. But I don't think that's, and he also said that it was revealed that the women tell all she's The Bachelorette. Oh, my God. He also said on my podcast that Tasha picked Zach, but they didn't work out because she wanted Brendan secretly. And that makes sense to me because I'm like, Brendan's hot. At that point in the season, it had made sense.

Like, I allowed for him to tell me the spoiler and I regretted it. But that's what I was expecting. Reality, Steve. But I think his power kind of diminished when quarantine and like there aren't people in Barcelona seeing, I don't know, the engagement on like the island. You know what I mean? Where are his sources? That's what I, I've always thought that reality Steve was like a producer.

Like I didn't know that you knew him. Like I really thought that like. When he came on my podcast and he showed up on Zoom, I'm like, oh, you're not a non. I was going to say, like, I thought it would be like a silhouette with like a voice changer, like gossip girl. That's when I pitch a reality, Steve, to be. And what's so crazy is, like, he wouldn't talk shit on my podcast at all. What? That's his whole thing. No, listen. He wouldn't talk shit. Everything I said, he's like, people that listen will tell you.

Like, that's why I'm okay with talking shit about him right now, which I never do if you're a guest of mine. But it was like pulling teeth to the, I would like say something, even that he said. And he's like, listen, not going to sit here and say that I'm going to sit here and say. Like, he literally just covered his ass from, I'm like, Wait, what? Are you not savage at all? Like, what is happening? Like, also, that's...

Nobody is like a giant fan. People just, like, go and use your information. It's not like he delivers the information in a way that's, like, funny or anything. Like, he just tells us spoilers. But I think that Matt wanted to pick Serena because she was, like, the one that seemed the chillest. Like, I feel like he was like, oh, she's cool to just like date, maybe hang out. Like, we can sleep together and that's it. Whereas the other girls that are still there seem more serious.

Just like seeing him last night at the women tell all. I'm like, that is not a man. That is in a committed relationship right now. That's so funny because I had Jared Freed on, a comedian who he also watches The Bachelor. And also was co-host of Bachelor with me. Oh, since what always? Since like six weeks ago. Oh, my God.

So now it's the three of us, me him and Kay. Oh, that's amazing. So he, oh my God, maybe that's why, because you guys talked about it. Because he said like the same thing. He was like, when Kit was on, it's funny because Kit is 21. So she's a weird example. But he was like when she talked about her timeline and her timeline wasn't even that tight because she's only 21. Jared was like, his eyes like crossed over.

He was like, I didn't say what? Yeah, Jared and I did talk about that, but also I feel like Kit didn't, Kit was like, okay, I got the Instagram stuff. I'm here a little bit longer than I thought I would be. So I'm going to give myself an out. Like I didn't feel like Kit particularly was into him. To be honest, I don't, it takes a lot for any contestant for me to be like, oh, she's actually into The Bachelor because I assume everyone's there for Instagram. it's so funny that it's like we're not even saying like for fame it's like for Instagram because they're not going to move on from this and be singers or actors or you know Broadway whatever they're going to be they're going to be on Instagram and yeah and some of them don't even get that so let me tell you queen Victoria I looked her up today she's been losing followers like she's 62k. After everything she's been through, she deserves a hundred. Okay?

She deserves at least a hundred. I mean, all of them. I think getting on the show, they should get. Give them a hundred. Just like, give them a hundred. That's fucked up. Is that fucked up? Like, she was out there. You know that episode of Sex and the City speaking of? If you're, if you're Fat of Carrie Bradshaw, you need to know, do you know all the references for Sexner City? Yeah. Okay. So Charlotte goes to this like affirmation. to, like, find, like, a boyfriend. Oh, I feel like, see, all of these, like, the Charlotte episodes like that,

I'm, like, glazed over, but I do know. I think I vaguely... But Carrie has that thing with her, like, hand on her chest where she's, like, making a really, like... Oh, yes, I do. And she's like, no, she's out there. So that she was out there, Victoria. Okay, it literally just fully clicked in, like, the moment.

The mic comes around. The affirmation thing, you know what I'm talking about? Okay. Yes. And like she is out there dating. No, no, no. I do know what you're saying now because the person thought that Charlotte just wasn't like trying hard enough. Yeah.

So like Victoria's out there. Like 62K after all that and the season's over for her? I mean. Yikeserama. Sorry interrupt guys. I just wanted to tell you real quick about curtsy. Okay. Super duper cool.

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Download the Curtsy app, enter promo code, not skinny, get 15% off. You know who's really about, Love it on Instagram is Abigail. Are you a fan? I am a fan of Abigail. I feel like you have to be. How can you not? Like if you didn't, people would definitely talk shit about you. You were like, I don't really like her. She seems, you know. But probably the most followers is Rachel Kirkconnell because that's what happens when, you know, even if you get bad publicity, the followers going up. Wait, how many does she have? 469,000. Oh my God. But she's not verified and the other girls are, which I don't know if that tells us anything. I don't know if Instagram's holding out because they're like, you know? That tells us that a lot of the world is racist, but the people at Instagram are not. Oh my God.

Did you love on The Women Tell All how it started. This is my favorite part. And it said, recorded previously. Oh, my God. What did you think? you think they had to do that or was that like okay we get it you're covering your ass right now i mean i i think it's funny that they did that because it's like we all know why you're saying that i also thought it was interesting that they didn't edit out there's a part remember the part

where kid is like i have no concept of time and then chris harrison's like ha ha ha ha i don't know why i just thought that was really funny to me it really struck a chord that i have no concept of time thing and I'm like girl do you want they should have cut that out because it just really felt like at the interview when he's like it was 2018 that was like 40 years ago

everybody calmed down yeah oh my god yeah it's a weird vibe to see it now after everything that we know and with everything that's going on did you see the Taylor Nolan stuff oh my God yes

how did you feel about Taylor Nolan previously. So I've never enjoyed her. I have met her from like other things at events and she was not friendly which which people like whatever.

But on the show I didn't really like her. The whole like emotional intelligence, blah, blah, blah. And then her tweets from high school are like literally my high school bully. I just thought it was like. No, you guys, this is the most, this is the thing like,

I went berserk over this more than almost anything just because of the, and I'm sorry to anybody who was offended, like, you talked shit about Jewish people too, okay? But for me, it was more like, the hypocrisy. Like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I was almost like hoping it's Photoshopped. I am sometimes so naive that I'm like, but what if it's Photoshopped, guys? Like, it could be, okay? But if anything was Photoshopped that's been coming out, it'd be that because it literally looks like someone that would hack into someone's Twitter and be like, I'm going to say

the most fucked up things I can possibly come up with. It was the most fucked up things about every group of people ever that you could ever. That's the thing. It wasn't like ignorance. It wasn't. It was hateful. And bizarre.

Do you know anybody who like like someone DM me this that I put it up like I tweeted like stupid shit like oh my God I just read twilight and like I'm a vampire you know like I I wasn't like who tweets why would you tweet that stuff anyway I don't the cold stone creamery tweet is the one that really like sent me because it's like only fat faggots go to cold stone like wasn't it like wasn't it fat I don't even want to say fat Asian people Jewish people and gay people go to cold stone something like that and skinny black

people it was like it just made non it was nonsense but also like that's why it felt so constructed it felt like somebody you're like no way you're like no way and also no way that this girl who said who tells me that people to venomore for educating them on racism and fat phobia no no even saying it is wild to me has the most fucked up offense pass on the internet and then she goes in his defensive and her apology saying I kept it up for a reason which so many people said and I agree with this is

no like don't keep it up because like you grew from that. Delete it because it's disgusting and shouldn't be online. Also like no girl you did not know that that was there and that's on you. The fact that she didn't go back because it's not like it's that long ago like it is

a long time ago but it's not long it would take her a couple hours to scroll back on her Twitter feed that far to check and you would think somebody that's like so vocal and knew that they had such a sorted past would like go check into that but

it's wild to me because again she's like the queen her first highlight is fire Chris Harrison and she's screaming at the camera and she's telling off every batch of person for not speaking up and she's all this stuff and again

like every podcast she goes on like I'm sure if you asked her on she'd be like okay but tell people to Venmo me like that's what she does reality Steve had her on the other week he asked people to Venmo her what like that's so insane venmo me Venmo me imagine if every podcast I want to I was like yeah but you have to tell everyone to Venmo fat Carrie Bradshaw and if you don't then you're going to have to Venmo me a dollar for each listen that you get. Like, so I mean, and, you know, she said the word work a thousand times. So, I mean, it is a really, really touchy, gross situation. But for me, it was mostly like just shock value that this is even real. Like, it's almost like you, it's almost made up. And well, it's literally almost like it's made up.

That's, I mean, and it's not the fact that she jumped on so quickly to be like, it's not okay listen yeah that was me and i'm sorry to gay people because i said stuff against them but to the other people that are offended like don't fuck yourself like her her original apology and then her like six page screenshot apology and the 30 minute IGTV video did you watch did you watch no i i watched like a little bit and i tried to read first thing i think because it felt to me because you know how rachel Kirk Connell or Kirkconnell, I don't know to say her last name. Like her apology was in like full makeup, ring light, like look into the camera,

sad face, glare, sad face, stare down. ABC producer standing behind said ring light being like, look down. Look down. Rachel, look down. Her and her damn shiny hair. That was that. And then Taylor comes on and she's like not wearing underwear. Like she's like pissed off.

She's pissed off at the people that. found it. She's like, wasn't you wearing a sweatshirt that said depressed on it? And she was like, so people who like went to find this shit, like good for you for like having a life. Like, okay. I found it. Like I was just, I was like, are you yelling at people for finding this? Like what is happening? I was just talking about it today and I compared it to like when somebody goes into their boyfriend's phone and it's like if you don't find anything but then your boyfriend and finds out you went through the phone, you're the one in the wrong. But like, if you do find something,

then it's forgiven that you went into the phone because you found something. And I was like, that's exactly the situation. Like, no, Taylor, if they had gotten back to 2010 and found nothing, then you could be like, you dumbass, like, good for you for wasting all your time. But it's like, no, you were caught. That is so true. Because I've tried that.

Like, I think when I started dating my husband. husband, we had a situation where Amanda was still being a flirty ho in like Cran box. Then was Facebook and he found it. And I was like, but my privacy, my privacy. And he's like, what? Like, we don't get to talk about that right now because you fucked up. And I remember all my friends are like, he really shouldn't be like going through your Facebook. I'm like, yeah, but he found this thing. So I can't really. And of course, if it was like my friend, I would be like, wow, that's such an invasion on her privacy. But then if I was his friend, I'd be like, no, you found something.

That's like... Right, right. Right. So that's exactly right. But then she's like, I reacted too quick. So she obviously doesn't have a publicist or, you know, a team behind her. But the thing is about her is that she wasn't really that likable from the beginning because her on Nick's show, a next season, Nick Vile season, she didn't come off so amazing.

And she's been very, like, aggressive to people. people and she's less of a vibe which I'm sad Rachel Lindsay is off IG because I would want to hear what she has to say about Taylor. Yeah, that's such a disappointment. But hopefully we'll find out. I'm just afraid now like are Taylor's followers going to shoot up the way that Rachel's has? Like people are like, oh yes, girl. I also think that about Coldstone follow. The world's so messed up. Take away her verification badge. No, the world is so messed up. It's almost like, I don't even know how to explain it anymore.

Like the, you want people to be accountable and you want this, whatever, but then it's like too much. But then it's like, then why did exactly what you're saying? But you keep finding shit. Then it's like, why I dig? But then why are you finding shit and why are all these awful people? Is it just on The Bachelor, these awful people? Or is it everywhere? Oh, so who works at The Bachelor?

I'm like, go back. Go all the way back. Okay? There's maybe you guys decide. permanently on 40 people, okay? Go all the way back on the 40. You definitely decide that you want. Wait, and if you went on the show as a contestant,

wouldn't you be like, wait, before I go on, let me see, like, how my Instagram looks. And, like, I would check out my shit. Like, also, after all this drama comes out, scrub your shit clean. Like, yeah, I mean, beyond, yes, there's no other answer than, like, what were you doing? I guess it's just,

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FitTrack. amazing smart home scale love it I almost was like I'm not going to watch the women tell all because A it's so boring B like bachelor nation is annoying me but obviously I watch but I have to tell you have you been feeling like me like I've been kind of like

so bored this season do you think it's because Matt it's you know because like you said Matt is actually not there for love so we feel it or is it that he's boring or the girl I feel like it's, it is boring. And I feel like, I knew that when Victoria went, I was like, God damn it.

Like, yeah, she should have gone. She, like, was coming off as such a horrible person. But also, I'm like, well, now what do we, what's the point of the, like, there's no point to this? That's literally what I said, yes, like, watching it. I was like, I know everyone's going to hate me and be like, she's a bully Amanda. But I was like, sorry, not sorry. she was the funniest part of the season. She was hilarious.

I mean, she made me laugh at the women till all last night when she was like, when they were talking to Brittany about the escort claims. Because in my head, I'm like, I want this to be like housewives. Like Anna was like so apologetic and all of that. And finally, Victoria was like, but where did it come from?

I was thinking the same thing. And I'm like, if this was like a housewise reunion and it would be busting out like printouts of these are the DMs I got from these people. These are the photos. This is blah, blah, blah, XYZ. That's what's missing for me from the women tell all is like a gusto of like, yeah, I'm a bad bitch. Everyone hates me. Come at me. Like everyone's just so like, I'm so sorry. But that's the thing like Victoria's the only one that say what you want to say about her. She literally and she also said like I and I believe her. She was like, I. I'm getting death threats. Like, so I called you a ho. Like, honestly, like, I know, listen, you guys, I'm honest. I said this when I was watching it when the dancer was like, not just because I'm a dancer doesn't mean I'm a hoe. I was like, is she seriously crying? If someone called me a ho, I'd be like, okay.

Like, it's not that offensive. I call people a hoe all the time. Like, it's not that offensive. And also, like, she's like, I'm in the arts. Arts aren't hoes. Like, what? And I'm like, if someone called me a ho, I'd be like, Yeah, da-da-da.

Like, it's just like a thing. But isn't Victoria such a vibe, though, that she's like, but are you like sensitive? I also was like, that is totally something I would love to say to someone. Like, okay, well, maybe the reason you're upset is just because you're like sensitive. No, I'm dying. I am dying because you remember my favorite scene from the whole season. And I wonder why Sarah here for the right reasons.

I call her Trot wasn't there last night. Alexis from Schitt's Creek. Yeah. She wishes, but yeah. You know she dated like G. Easy and stuff? Yeah. I also was like, where is she? There's no mention.

Wait, did you know that Heather was there last night? Yeah. So I, poor Heather. What the fuck? I was like, they literally edited her out. Why? What did she do to anybody? I don't know.

But like the fact that they even tried to edit out showing her in the audience, but there's one clip of where you can like to see her face. You could see your face and hair. But this is what I'm wondering. You guys have to think about this isn't like, oh my God, they edit. Imagine you're Heather. You get hair and makeup. You get a COVID test. You fly there.

I don't fucking know. You do all this shit. You're staying at a holiday and then. And then they fucking cut you out. I would flip a fucking shit. After what happened. After showing up in a minivan. After showing up in a minivan, getting COVID tested probably five times having to like

quarantine, get COVID tested again, walking in, getting spoken to for literally 12 minutes, be berated by the other women and then getting sent on your way in the minivan that you have to get back to Enterprise. And then you're cut from the women to hell all. Oh my God. They're like her, like, I'm physically ill. That's disgusting. Like, imagine your family's watching, like, the women's hell all.

And they're like, remember Heather? Viewing party. Like, I used to be friends with a girl whose roommate was on Bachelor, like, years ago. And she was portrayed, like, terribly. I can't even remember her name. This was, like, so long ago. But she had told me how, like, at the holidays, they had a viewing party

and like her whole family was there and she was portrayed so bad and she was just like sobbing and the whole family is just like drinking cocoa and watching the show while she's like sobbing and not looking at her Instagram and I'm like that is

my worst fear. No it's like it's so wild but like at least I'm sure Heather wasn't getting hate online whereas like these girls now like I believe them they're getting I believe it. Victoria was getting like horrible things and I just am here to say just a little bit of

gratitude to the time she made a laugh, you know? And she said she's like what like my eyes are made fun up. Like I just first of all I love the way she speaks. Give me that valley girl shit all day. It like makes me laugh. Like we try. I try to talk that way. Like I get my because it's more fun to it's also the thing about any of them. I'm like anyone that gets action. I'm like anyone that gets actually, imagine getting upset to the point of threatening to kill someone online because of something they did on a reality show. And like, you, like, you don't know them at all. I just think that's absolute insanity. It's insanity. People are nuts. And I really wonder why Sarah Trott wasn't there. And I, that scene where Sarah was like, you guys, so you know my heart. And Victoria's like,

we don't and Sarah Trott is like so for those of you spoke to me she's like who talked to her here like that is like golden globe for me that is like time time by the way she is snatched you guys she's putting out merch she is I would like dive into it if I was her I would really dive into the villain aspect I think she gets it I think she's like and she said like because the girl the escort Brittany she was like a national TV and she's like Like, internet is worse. Like, she said that in her story. And she might have a point.

Like, internet is worse than national TV. Uh, totally. I think totally. I just, I don't, I don't even, I get the whole escort thing. But, like, if that was me, I would be like, I wish I was one. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like, that's a thing. Or if you weren't, imagine I said about you, like, I heard you like, let's say something wild that you're not.

I heard you like to wake up in the middle of the night and like drink blood. Like, I don't know. And you were like, who told you that? I don't know. I would be like, okay, no, I don't. You know what I mean? Like, if you're not an escort, then you're not an escort and that's fine. Just say you're not an escort.

Yeah, but and the thing about that, like, if you're like, I heard that you wake up every night and chug blood, I would be like, what the fuck? And like, it'd be funny. But if I was like, what? No, who told you that? No. No. That's not. No. No. And then people would be like, I mean, are you? Death protest a little bit too much, you know? Yeah. Especially it was funny to me that she was like, I am not a escort. Ew, that's disgusting. She was like, but, you know, let's normalize

escorting. You know, she really treaded that fine line. And she's like, oh my God, me. No, I love it for other people, but I'm from a good family. Like, that was the vibe. That was exactly the vibe. And again, like, all these girls in the hot seat, don't they usually put, like, the main chick who got away the last moment on the hot seat yesterday because the season was so boring because, like you said, Matt was just dating around and everyone kind of felt, like, liked by him. Every single girl there was put in the hot seat.

Yeah, and I feel like None of them, even the ones that were like I was so in love with him. Like Katie was like, I was so in love with him And I was like, when, when, where? How did you do that? I just don't understand. Like, he brought his best friend on your only one on one day

And then he broke up with you at the end of it. Oh my God. He brought his best friend on your one and one. Only lit up. When he was able to. touch him when he only lit up when he was around tyler when he was around tyler i was like oh there's mad james there is like his personality he needs tyler to bring it out and any of the fun dates that they had they apparently edited out and then decided to like show to us in a weird

compilation. And I'm like, the fear factor date where Giacenia's like, whatever, it's cockroaches. I'm reaching on in for that manly bands by Chris Harrison Ring. Like, it felt just so weird. The whole season, I'm like, it's not, it's not, remember the greatest of all time when they were just like scraping for anything to fill three hours. Yes. And then with this, it's like, cut the good stuff. We need to make room for for Matt looking out at the Pennsylvania wilderness with his shirt off in jeans.

Or just like riding another fancy car where Tasia got a cardboard box. Yeah. We're like he's so down to earth. He takes his G-wagon to his like six-bedroom Airbnb in the middle of... How fucked up is that? He gets a six-bedroom giant villa

and his like G-wagon out front Whereas Tasia Got like I'm sorry It was like very motelie What was going on over there Oh I That was my running joke

The Lakeinta Inn and sweets I feel like it was probably haunted Like it hadn't been updated Since the 70s It looked like a set for American Horror Story And then they're like Neema Colin Is like the where the queen goes

In Scotland in the summertime so much better and I feel like they put more effort into the dates too they were like again tasha season was like if you remember her date with ivan in her room where they were like jumping they were playing like hot floor the floor is lava and they had to just jump from pillow to pillow but tasha is so positive she's the like I love tasha so much

she's like my favorite person from the the franchise she actually is because like I would be such a bitter beat like I'd be like what is this ugly room? I'm not sleeping here like what is this like caravan night with Ivan? What is this paper taxi cabin? Why are all the guys sweating that's disgusting? She was

laughing. She was oh my God but you know what? She's laughing all the way to the altar. Fingers cross because she got such a good one. Zach is like the actual only dude ever who the true story is that his sister and mom signed him up

the show and not like every other bachelor person likes to say because also you need to fill out a lot of paperwork so don't let anybody fool you that yeah there's no way that i believe that that they're like i just got a call it got on the plane here i am i didn't even know i haven't been working out for six months and not eating carbs and applying for this every year since i turned 18 that's crazy i legit couldn't i do you feel like if you were do you feel like you could go on the show? Like, would you go as a contestant? Um, no.

Never. No. Because, like, there's really very few winning winners. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, the number of, it's like a 10 to one ratio of people everyone loves to people that everyone will just like come for as hard as humanly possible until they get their heart ripped out and then, like, throw them outside. They're yesterday's news.

yesterday's freaking news. I would go on as like a I would love to go on as like the friend that watches the security camera from the other room or something like that. He gives the tips in the ear. Tell her, you know,

blah, blah, blah. Exactly. Exactly that. Okay. You guys, the bachelor has been I'm going to keep watching it. Like, doesn't matter. I'm going to say what I'm going to say. We're going to keep watching.

But we know that it's going down. It's been going downhill. It's been going downhill, I think, yeah, for some time. And we'll see who... I want to know who the goddamn Bachelorette is. I feel like it must be somebody from... It must be Michelle or Brie, I think. Who would you prefer?

I love Brie, just because, like, she seems cool to hang out with, but I don't think she'd be interesting to be, like, a season of... First of all, she's gorgeous. She's the most beautiful woman. And like everything she wears, too. I'm like, yes, you wear that emerald green.

Like everyone else is wearing, like, do you remember Katie? She was wearing like, she was, they're all wearing like poofy palm dresses with, and she was wearing like, um, like sleek satin vibes. Oh, she's such a. That's what you get when you have like, she, it's because she grew up with like a young hot mom. Legit, her mom is 38, you guys. I think even younger than that. Really?

Or, yeah, I think she's like 36 because I remember when she, Bree. said it. She's like, my mom's like 36. I was like, your mom's three years younger than Claire. Okay. What do you think about Claire and Dale getting back together? And why do you think no one cares? It's like it should have been national news. I don't care about it. But they imagine them. They're like, we're going to put up an Instagram story. My laugh is going to be heard in the background. Everyone is going to die. And then everyone's like, oh, I think Claire and Dale are back together you could hear her laugh in the like no one cared i think it's because it was such like a bumpy thing when it was on the show and like it's just been so drawn out that it's like who cares

don't you kind of feel like i kind of am at the point now where i'm like wait they deserve each other like they're meant like who else could stand him it seems like they're very much trying to get like a jojo jordan kind of thing where like they're going to get an hg tv show or like something like that that double influencer income yeah and i think because jordan and jojo i think do have a show on hg tv or one of those where they're like fixing up houses and stuff

and i'm like i i like jojo though is the difference everyone likes it you're saying there's what like 10 jojo is like number like jojo is one of those people yeah and there yeah exactly like i'm like there's what hundreds and hundreds of people that have been on the show and there's like a handful that are genuinely liked and still like doing things. And she's a hustler Jojo.

She's not, you know, she's like, she has the show. She's like building Airbnb's. She's, I don't know, everything she touches is, is, is, she's family friends with Eva Longoria. She's going to be sister-in-laws with Shailene Woodley. Like, what a weird life, but I like her. And I think, I think Tasha is going to have like a similar. like, I think we'll see Tasia getting like on E as like a host or some show like that. Yeah, I could see that.

I could see that. And she said it was her dream too and she put it up. She's like, this is my dream come true. I was like, bitch, that's my dream come true. It's everybody's dream, bitch. I know. Isn't that lame? I do like her, though.

So that's why it's different. Yeah, we'd be happy for her. We'd be happy for her. Okay, so aside from the bathroom, there were things this week that we have to talk about in the world of pop culture. So were you following the Hilaria Baldwin drums? Yes. I mean, who wasn't, right? Yeah, yes.

Who wasn't? Like, I got a DM yesterday and someone's like, you're actually, like, obsessed. I'm like, who wasn't obsessed? Also, like, then why are you? That's another thing. I'm like, don't DM me anything like that ever. I'm like, I know I am. You know what? Yeah, like, I know who I am.

It's like, you're so judgy. Oh, really? Oh. Oh. Thanks, Professor. Um, so I, I mean, I don't know if you saw this, but I have been blocked by Alex Baldwin. That's so funny. What was the thing that made you get blocked? I don't know. I just searched him. I'm like, I'm like that. I don't know. Maybe I talked a lot of shit about his wife. No, but I, I don't, I, at least to myself, I don't know if this is lying to myself, but when I was doing the coverage for that, for the whole Spanish, lying about that situation. I literally, people were almost like, I'm going to stop trying to give her the benefit of

doubt. I was like, well, maybe she, like, loves Spain. Like, I tried until I was like, okay, no, there is no way in which this makes any sense. There is no gray area. It's black and white. She's not Spanish. End of story. But I said such nice things.

I was like, she's such an intoxicating person to listen to with her, like, accent or boobies and, like, all these things. And I missed her. wanted her to come back to Instagram and I wanted to see what's up and then all of a sudden she she puts a new baby on a photo which so correct me if I'm wrong yeah because okay so she had a baby how long ago like she had five months the baby was born in September but then the other baby that she had which other oh the new baby doesn't she have two two babies that are like months apart? Well, yeah, she had her baby, Eduardo, who's born in September. So that's like,

yeah, that's like five and a half months. So, but wasn't, and this other baby was through a surrogate? That, I mean, she's not saying that. So she puts up a photo with a, the whole family and a new baby and writes seven, which is also a very random number because she has five kids plus new baby is six with her. That would be seven. But what about Alice? So then you're like, wait, maybe she's not counting herself, but just counting the new baby and she's counting Ireland Baldwin, who's Alex kid. And that's the seven. So literally just puts up this photo. You're like, is that a Laya Baldwin's baby who's Haley Baldwin's like sister? Like, are we even sure it's her baby? Is she just babysitting? That's the thing. That's what killed me is that like I feel like media outlets get so stressed that they're going to be behind like social media. So they run. to print this like hilarious Baldwin and Alec like welcome pay I'm like wait are you sure it's their freaking baby they didn't confirm it but it's been confirmed it's their baby because she added it to her bio it said five baldwinitos and now it says six baldwinitos it just here's the thing if the baby was was through a surrogate she was pregnant

when they decided to have another one with a surrogate so I can tell that you're not good at math like me. So I don't think we could do this. I don't think we could figure it out. I'm like positive. I've talked about this. Like the babies are five months apart. So the babies are five months apart.

But wait, let me just think about this for a second. So that means that she was, you know, it could have been because the process is so long with surrogacy that she was in the process already. Right? When she like,

because she thought she couldn't get pregnant because she had miscarriage. carriages and then she got pregnant so she just kept that going totally but that's my question is like once she got pregnant do you think she was just like okay we'll keep going forward with the surrogacy also because she would have had to have been four months pregnant at the time the surrogate got pregnant so she could have like nixed it you think like she could have been like after being like after hitting her third trimester so like three months in to being pregnant you would think she would be like,

okay, let's stop trying with the surrogate because I'm going to have two babies within five months unless she was like, whatever we're rich we can afford to do it, we might as well just keep going. But see, like my brain isn't working. Are we sure? So she had the baby in September. And if this baby was born in July,

there's no way you can do this math right now. Chris, there's no way. You're pretending. You're like, hold on. I'm really good at computing pregnancies and concedent. I am very interested in like finding out whether she had two babies at the same time through different. Like whether you're saying whether she had. Because when people were telling me, Amanda, listen, she probably had the surrogate thing lined up.

And then she got pregnant because that happens to a lot of women. The pressure is off. They're like, oh, I don't need to worry about it. And then they get pregnant. Yeah. so you're saying she got you're saying she had time to be like oh nvm yeah that is what i'm saying i'm not i'm not i can't like line like i'm saying she was four months pregnant at the time the surrogate got pregnant so i'm saying she had to have been four months pregnant at the time

the surrogate got pregnant got pregnant yeah from the very beginning. Like day one of pregnancy. Okay, you just did nine months minus five months is what you did. Yeah, right? That's how you do it, I think. I think so, but I'm wondering if like... Listen, I'm probably wrong. Okay, nobody drag me. I'm bad at math and everything. No, because I'm just wondering, right, we don't know the process

and it could be like, I don't know, they fertilized the thing already. The embryo was waiting, but that is, and it happens to people. But yeah, it's a wild thing. if but okay let's put that aside because we don't know for sure but what i do know is like this woman shares her whole life she shared her pregnancy she shared her belly in pregnant she shared her yoga poses she shared her miscarriages she did an ad i think for something with one of her miscarriages so it's not that like people are like they're private about this okay like no they're not but my thing is like why would she post that photo so

cryptic and not just be like, hey, guys, Eduardo, like, came, but we had this thing. Like, do you think she did it on Perva because she wanted to be talked about again in this, like, wild way? I guess because also then during all of the scandals, she knew that this was going to happen. And she was probably like, maybe that's why she was like, I'm going to leave it Instagram because when I'm going to come back, it's going to be with a bomb. Like, oh my God. You know what I'm having flashbacks to know, guys?

Because I watched all of Alec Baldwin's creepy IGTVs before he blocked me. So he was like, someone I love very deeply is going to come back soon and explain everything. And maybe he knew she would be back after the birth of the new baby. I mean, just give us the reality show. Honestly, where are the producers? why can't we get a reality show of the Baldwinitos? Like, I just feel like, yeah, that's the thing I was always saying. Like, yes, what she did was wrong with the Spanish stuff.

But you can't say that there isn't something about this woman that doesn't intrigue you. Like, make her a housewife. Make her a housewife. Can you imagine? What a dream. That would be a dream. But like Alec as a husband.

It's like a Camille Grammer. Well, you don't watch Beverly Hills, but like... Is that like the best, you keep on reference? Is that like the best one? No, it's just the one that has like the most famous people before they become housewives, I feel like. Like Camille Grammar, Yolanda Hadid, like people that like... And now like Lisa Rina's daughters dating Scott Dissick. Okay, we need a minute for that before we're done.

I'm sorry you guys for dumping. So I mean, I'm not. That's what I do. But I feel bad. First of all, one of my followers. like okay again I posted about this yesterday you want to talk shit

talk shit about people behind their backs I don't get why this isn't like the law but one of my I posted something about like Amelia and Spad and I was just like does anybody in the whole wide world in the whole wide like all the continents

ship this couple like oh my God wait I saw it and I commented on your post and I said Lisa Rina definitely does but this follower of mine reposted it

and she tagged Amelia and Scott and Amelia saw it and how did you see? I saw that you posted I saw maybe comments by celebs or something posted it I don't know but then

this follower sent me she's like oh my God Amelia saw my story and I saw this DM and I was like oh my God of course she saw your story because you tagged her you idiot like and she was like what you're not so I was like you don't tag people you're talking shit about you tag people

When you want them to see what you're, like, what? Like, and I almost was, like, upset because I was like, now Amelia saw it. And like. And like, but Amelia, like, even when she said, like, everybody calm down. Because isn't that what she like. Yeah, but I don't get it. That I didn't even get. What do you mean?

What does she mean? Because I think because everyone's like freaking out. She's like, stop. Everyone's stop. Like, stop talking about me. Like, that's, I'm like, nobody, you're dating Scott Dissick. Not because you saw him and you were like, oh, look at that hot man. and I have no idea who he is.

Like, if Amelia saw Scott Dissick, they met each other at a bar on Tinder, anything, they would not be dating. There's no way. Amelia saw a beacon into the Kardashian crack and was like, do, do, do let me try to sneak on in there. Because you don't watch Beverly Hills, but Lisa Rina, that is like 1,000% something she would be like,

do it. Go, come on, get us in. It's crazy to me. Because even Lisa Rina will, like, talk about Gigi Hadid because Yolanda, like, Gigi's mom was on Housewives. And she, like, will compare her kids. Like, she'll be like, well, you know, Yolanda's daughter is just so amazing, even though Yolanda, like, hates Lisa Runa more than anything. But she's like, say what you want about me. But Gigi's always been so nice and sweet to me and blah, blah, blah. And it just always felt like Lisa Rina was like, come on, Amelia and Delilah.

Like, come on. So I think she's very happy about this relationship. But, and we all saw the throwback of Amelia and Delilah talking and Amelia. She looks entirely different, which by the way, I want to tell you guys, I had a very reliable, like, celebrity in Hollywood that knows people tell me that she heard, I mean, this is like, this isn't just hearsay, but it's like that Scott really does make his girlfriends. kind of get the Kardashian makeover. That's what I heard.

I mean, there was comments, I think, on your post that were like, she is looking more like Chloe every day. And then somebody commented on that and was like, yeah, he's designing his dream woman, Chloe. So it's wild because she's, she looked like an entire, I put like a before and after. It's like, I don't know if it's her trying to live up to what he maybe would want, but Also, this thing is like, okay, I don't care about age gaps, date who you want. But now that it's like the second teenager you're dating, then that makes you kind of slimy to me.

How old is she? She's 19. Oh, see, I thought she was 21, but I think maybe it's the other sister that's 21. Yeah, she's 19. So it becomes like, wait, so you only date teenagers now? And he dyed his hair pink and platinum. It's like not a good look. It's midlife crisis.

see. And it's crisis because Courtney is dating Travis Barker and everyone's like, oh my God, ship, ship, chip, ship. And I actually do feel bad for him because no one ships his relationship. It's also like just a bizarre he's got to feel kind of like because he is so close

with the family that like obviously I'm sure they do look at him as family and he looks at them as family but it's like at what point does that or will it just be forever that they like just live like he's their son, kind of, and not Courtney's ex. Do you know what I mean?

Do you, like a lot of the world would want a Courtney and Scott reunion? Are you one of those people? No, I don't care, honestly, either way. I'm more excited. The kids are getting older. Mason, I think, is going to be, like, such a hilarious celebrity someday. Oh, my God. Because remember he, like, had downloaded. He, like, downloaded. He, like, downloaded. um tic talk even though they didn't know and like was getting in fights with uh like Perez and other people on like on a live or he went in like an IG live or something yeah and then the next day Courtney like read on the news that that Mason was fighting adults and that that was her finding out that he was on TikTok I'm like that's very funny so yeah that's definitely going to be hilarious I wonder do you think last thing about the Kardashians do you think I keep

fun who are like, don't worry, Kardashians is going to come back. They signed a deal with Hulu. Do you think the Hulu deal will for sure be like a keeping up style thing? Because in my mind, I'm expecting the worst and I'm expecting it to be all of a sudden like a Kylie cooking show or like something they produce that we don't care about. Or do you think like, no, it's a Hondo going to be a keeping up situation? I can't guarantee that it's going to a Hondo be a keeping up situation. Okay. Listen, a lot of people think it is. I am hoping it is. A lot of people are hopeful.

Are hopeful. Yeah. And yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess we'll, we'll see. Honestly, I'm like, we'll say. I'm happy for Kim. I have to say. Everyone's so sad about the divorce. I'm thrilled. You're thrilled. I can't wait to see single Kim. Like, what a vibe that will be. Me too. Also, like, Kanye was really, it just that couldn't have been a. healthy relationship the past couple of years. Yeah. But they're so loyal, the Kardashians, like, they will go with you till the end. You know what I mean? Like, they fucking protected Lamar at all costs, even when he was cheating on Chloe. He was ODing. He was whatever. They, so I don't know if we'll ever know what went down. But if, like, Kim is a good person, say what you want to say, she deserves happiness. And I would love to see her dating. Yeah. I would love to. I would love to love to see it.

Okay, Chris, thank you so much for coming on. Fad Carrie Bradshaw on Instagram. Is that your same handle other places? Fat Carrie Beach on Twitter, because they don't allow that many characters. If you can believe it. But, yeah,

just go to the Instagram. Everything's attached. Everything's attached. Everything's over there. It's easier. Chris, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. So far. Yes. Thank you guys. so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at

Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcasts and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoo too much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday.