Not Skinny But Not Fat - GETTING TO KNOW STEPH SHEP

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

From being Kim Kardashian’s assistant to starting her own brands- Steph Shep opens up about her journey from a town of 5,000 in Ohio to the mansions of Calabasas. She shares more about her family life, the loss of her mom, and how she got involved in environmental activism. Steph also shares which Kardashian she’d want to be stuck on a deserted island with! Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash Wondery. That's audible.com. The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, this is Alexis Haynes. Join me every Monday for a new episode of my podcast, recovering from reality. Whether you're on the road to recovery, seeking self-care techniques for surviving the capitalist machine, or just need a moment to remember that you're not alone in your lonely. loneliness. I'm here to deliver intimate conversations and expert insights to empower you on the road towards authentic wellness. So are you ready to recover from reality? This is Amanda Hirsch from the Not Skinny but Not Fat podcast. You might know me from Not Skinny Bonafut on Instagram where I spend my time talking about reality TV, celebrities, everything happening and pop culture. I also talk to some of our favorite celebs and reality TV stars. We talk about what's going on.

Tune in every Tuesday and just feel like you're talking to shit with your best friends in your living room. What a fun fucking day. Step shop in the flesh on the pod. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Like I feel like I just want to talk to you, which that's what we're going to do but followed you for years you're in inspo started as kim's assistant for those who don't know i mean you've had we want to talk about you before that

but look where you are now it's like crazy yeah did you manifest this you think i don't honestly no no no because i really didn't have like any direction when i started working with kim and that's why i was an assistant because i was like i don't know what i want to do let me just assist people that are doing a bunch of things. So maybe like something will click for me. Social media wasn't even around at that time. So like it wasn't like I was like, I hope I can be this one day. Right. Right. Right. But okay. So now I'm manifesting being like a social media star. That sounds funny. I want to find a name. Yeah. You know, first of all, you're... I want to find a name for you. What did you decide? I didn't decide on that. Someone had a really good one and I forget what it was. And I was

like, oh, that works. I forget what it. It was one of the ones that you shared that someone's suggested. Because content creator VOM, Impluence or VOM. It's like, and then people would be like, so what do you say to people that you meet? And then I literally, if I'll meet someone that has no idea, like, you know, about Instagram or what I do, whatever, I'll just be like, I haven't Instagram. With my follower, like, I know, like I start and it's bad because I really do, aside from, you know, VOM, whatever, you want to own it. Like, you did something.

You deserve to, like, give it a name. Like, people call themselves CEO. owes when they like opened a website you know yeah that's the energy I want to bring I know you're so right like I definitely do that I'm like oh you know I just like do stuff like I work with brand like I hate it and I and I look at other girls and they're like oh I do this and they own it and I think that's the energy we need to come that's the energy like I when I started there was another Instagram account that started at the same time and they were calling themselves a media a company. And I remember being like, oh my God. Like, that's huge. And, and yeah, I feel like

there is a medium. Yeah. But we'll get there. But you're doing really huge things. You're like doing that clean brand. Right. Yeah. Plus, which is sustainable body wash. Which I didn't receive my package. Did they get lost in the mail? We sent her a plus. We didn't not. She was on the list. You were on the list. You're on all my list. Well, I'll tell you no, stepchap, because I didn't get louvage, but it's fine. What's Louvage? Luv. Ma'am?

Ma'am? Wait. What is it called? What's the belly chain called? Love AJ? Louvage? I'm sorry. I was like, is this like Tarje?

You know what you read things and you make a decision in your mind? She was on the list for Louvage. I was not, stepchap, let's not go there. This is embarrassing for all of us. Oh, my God. So it's fine. I'm humiliated. I haven't worn a belly.

Like, I feel like, yeah. No, I'm going to send you the inklets. then if you don't wear a belly chain. Because they're matching inklets as well. So that I want to set. Okay. Are you a gold or a silver? It looks like you're silver.

I know. I feel like it's switching. I feel like I'm switching. I'll give you a mix. As an influencer. We like mixed metals, honestly. What do you think? I feel like that I feel like.

I'm a gold girl, but that's just who I am. I feel like it's going to change. As a fashion queen myself. You look good in the, the silver looks nice. I don't, silver does not look good on my skin. I'm a gold girl. I also want to get these. Vans and platforms. What do you think?

I have any platforms. Of course you do. I have, but I don't do the lace. I have the slip on. You should get the slip on. The Olsons do the slip on. Are they your inspo? 110%. Stop. I'd die for them. If I could see them. If you could smoke a cigarette with them, if I could smoke a cigar with them, I would just be like, I'm done. Like, I retire. Can we not like use some connection? I just want to find them on the streets. You know how they're always like standing outside their building. They're here. They're around. It's the coolest.

Does the row have a fashion show and fashion? They do. I think they show in Paris. They, they sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. They did last season. It was divine. I could see the Olson twin vibe. Okay. So, because we want to get to things. Mm-hmm. When you were Kim's assistant, I remember, and I'm sure you've heard me talk about this. It's like, you were so shy. Yeah, I am kind of shy. And you were like baseball cap, hoodie, not wanting to be in the frame. Yeah. Well, I was working. People forget. Like, I was working. So, so was it a. So was it a. of like, that's who I am, but I also don't want to look like I'm, like, thirsty. Well, also, like, when you're an assistant, like, it's not about you. Yeah. So, like, it would, like, I very much, and I think that's why I was good at my job is, like, you know your place. Like, I'm not the personality.

I'm not the friend. I'm not the other storyline. I'm there to do my job and to play a supporting role. And so, like, it's not my character as a person to be like, here I am it or whatever, like the loudness of it all. Like, that's not me. So it would be weird. I did that anyway. But people forget, like, that was just a normal day that the cameras are there.

Like, I had shit to do. Like, I was doing everything. So, like, you know, I wasn't there to just, like, sit and luxuriate and hang out. Like, I actually had to be, like, emailing her skirt. Like, all the things I was still doing. And, like, I don't know. What was I going to do? I don't know. Yeah. Well, that's true, I guess. You know? That's true, I guess. You're saying, like, even if you were more outgoing or like that would look lame and it's like it's not my it's not my it's not your place and then you would like try to cause drama you know what I mean and like try and like deviate the story to like something about me like I would just die okay but okay get it but still can you see the like it's like you blossomed right in front of our eyes you know what I mean

yeah and somehow people still connected with you and wanted to know more about maybe it's the mysteriousnessness that I'm missing That we talk about. That's why you were so mysterious that people wanted to know. Interesting. More. I don't know. I mean, maybe that.

I always find interesting that people even think that I'm interesting. But maybe. I mean, I don't know. Maybe people just honestly think that they're going to get an inside look into the Kardashians. I don't know. Do you feel that? Do you sometimes feel that? Yeah, I mean, obviously, you know, people...

follow me because you know I'm friends with them and I get that and that's fine the interest is there and I'm not like bitter or anything about yeah I think it's fun like they're my friends so yeah like find me yeah right because like everyone has a beginning and it's fine if that's like talked about like totally ignore the elephant in the room kind of it is like weird I was thinking about this when I was thinking about what we were going to talk about today and I was like God it's so weird to be defined by a job you had in your 20s I was thinking that too I was thinking that, too, because I did a commercial when I was 20.

Oh, we've seen it. We've seen it. Did you watch the thing? You posted it. So, like, when I get asked about it and, like, who the fuck am I? I'll literally be like, ugh, like enough about that. And so I could, you know what I mean? So I could only imagine.

And I was thinking about that today. But obviously, I wouldn't do you wrong stuff, Shab. No, I know. You know, I'm not going to be like. Of course. It's just so funny that, like, I mean, not funny. And it's, it is what it is. But, like, I was thinking, like, I wonder what other.

jobs like other people had in their 20s that would define their lives and they would talk about for the rest of their lives. It just happened to be that I worked for what became the most famous person in the world. But I feel like if you didn't make what you did of yourself, then it wouldn't be interesting. Do you know what I mean? It's interesting because of what you're doing today. If you weren't doing the things you were doing today, then it would be like, oh, like, who cares? You know what I mean? Yeah. Okay. So you were saying you didn't manifest this, but did you, you grew up in Ohio? Did you have? Did you have. dreams of like being in the entertainment industry and stuff yeah yeah i grew up as a dancer and so i

you know trained as a dancer my whole life and i always wanted to move to l-a and like the kids in ohio would make fun of me and call me hollywood and i was like whatever that's fine like because we like watched laguna beach and like that was my inspiration for life and i saw you had them on and i was dying wait christin yeah she sat right in that chair team christin by the way she's really cool She's really cool, which is fun, right? Isn't that fun when you, because we watched her, how old are you? 32. Okay, so 34.

So I feel like I was telling Kristen that, like we watch her at the same, like we're all the same age. Yeah. So it's not like we were 14 watching these people. Yeah. We were their age wanting to live their life. Like I told her, I was like, I remember your truck. Like I wanted the truck.

I wanted the white truck. I know. And she was like, my car is done. So I was like, oh, I got an SUV just because I wanted to. to be like her. And I told her, I was like, it was so cool. You had that because everyone was rich and had. Yeah. And that was like the vibe. The vibe was the drive. Okay. So watch look in the beach. Yeah. wanted that to be like, wanted to like, like, move to L.A. And my mom was kind of like, I guess I didn't realize that like there would be such a culture shock because I grew up in a town

of like less than like 5,000 people. So I was like, I can handle this. And my mom was kind of like had the, you know, the mom's sense to be like, maybe why don't you try Cleveland first and then see if you can handle a big city and then move to L.A. So I moved to Cleveland. I danced for the calves for the calves. Yes, the basketball team. LeBron's basketball team. Oh, wow. And then I moved to L.A. after that to like pursue dance. And so what age did you move? I was 19. So did you go to college? I went to college for a semester before L.A. So I was dancing for the calves and going to college at the same time. I went to Kent State first. College like, it wasn't my vibe. I wanted to like live in the city. So I convinced my mom to let me drop out of college and just.

just solely work and dance. So you auditioned in L.A. for, like, to dance for, like, backup? Yeah. Like, we, like, I literally drove across the country in my SUV with, like, $800 in my mom. And we, she came with you? She drove me out there, yeah. And we, like, stayed in a hotel and, like, God, I don't even know where, like, Fox Hills.

Like, you know where that mall is, like, over there. It was so random because we didn't know the city. So we, like, we're just, like, I don't know. It's like. So cute. Would you have siblings? No. child. And so, yeah, I didn't know. I literally had no clue. We just moved out there. I had one friend

that was going to UCLA that I knew. And then I kind of just couch surfed and got a job at Gold's Gym and when I was a front desk girl. And then serendipitously across the street from Gold's Gym was a dance agency called MSA agency. And so they would come in like the agents would work out at the gym. And so I met an agent and through my friend Anthony who worked at the front desk. I met my dance agent, Jen Proctor. Shout out to Jen Proctor, independent artist. That's their new agency. And she's like still my dance agent. Like I'm on their boards. And then I got an agent. I kind of started auditioning. And I was like. So you're like a dancer. I was like a dancer dancer. But honestly, I was like a big fish in a small pond in Ohio. And when I came out here, I was like, oh, holy shit.

Like what? You did like jazz, ballet, modern like hip hop. But when you audition for these like like concerts and and and like singers it's like crazy days right it's like brutal and that's why I was like no this isn't for me yeah it was I was like yeah it would be like 400 fucking people at a cattle call and you'd spend your entire day in the valley waiting for your eight count to go in front of these people when they're not going to pick you you know what I mean 400 I was like pit bull no I got pit bull because I had fret so it's it's like that like you know the choreographers you know the people I got I did a couple things for pit bull I was not one of the main girls. Those girls are so incredible and they're levels beyond what I can do. But I did

a couple shows for him. And I started working for Mikey Minden, who is the choreographer for the Pussy Cat Dolls, Erica Jane's creative director. And so he also was represented at MSA at the time. So we kind of got connected. And I got fired from Gold's Gym. It's like a trend in my life to get fired from jobs. So I got fired from Gold's Gym. And so I became an assistant because he needed an assistant. and that's how I became an assistant. And when I started working for him, I really liked doing the behind-the-scenes stuff. And so I was kind of like,

I don't really want to do these auditions anymore. It's too brutal for me. So then is that how you got the Kim job? Yeah. So then I was working for Mikey. And Mikey and Robin Anton did the dolls. And back then, Robin Anton was besties with Kim. And Kim needed someone.

And she thought of me. Were you her first assistant? No. She had Carla Debello and who was her friend at the time. remember she was like a producer on one of the show like that name you would remember her from back in the day and then she had another girl oh selina's person yeah and she's still friends with her she has a bikini light now oh right yeah yeah yeah yeah so they were there and then they left and so i filled both of the positions oh what's both like executive and personal because she had two oh wow

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was like back in the back in the day. Yeah, when all three of the girls were doing everything together. Yeah. And I liked that. And I liked that, you know, she did TV. And so I was like, oh, I can maybe see what, like, Avenue here might appeal to me from working from her and, like, kind of learn. And did you? Yeah. Yeah. And then you became COO. I did. Once we, once she started doing, like, we did Kamoji. I remember the kids line. And Kamoji is the, emoji was the app with the emojis with the crying phase that was my favorite I know I I love doing it so much oh really yeah I loved it like that was like one of my favorite projects it was just fun and like I really enjoyed it and like making the merch and stuff was really fun

and then we did KKW beauty and fragrance and that was really fun and I realized like oh I really like product development like I really like to be part of it the packaging the marketing the colors you know all the stuff so that was really fun so it's four years Yeah, almost five. Almost five years. Wow. And then we have the infamous episode. Oh, my God.

And I never even saw this episode. It's so crazy. It was so nervous. I remember. I hate confrontation. I know, I remember. I remember you got red. Oh, my God.

I literally, I should go back and watch it. No, you. I know. Because I even remember because I told you, I don't remember everything. But that because as a person with, like, anxiety, like, I remember that moment of, like, just seeing you flush up. Oh, I could right now. I could just cry.

That was like one of the only scenes I feel like when you were really. Well, and because it was like about me. And I'm like, why is this? Like, I don't want to, you know, it was like, it was not like the norm of what. Right. It was kind of the first time. Yeah. So looking back, were you fired or did you like?

No, I was fired. Really? Yeah. I get fired a lot. I got fired from the calves. I'm just going to say it here now, just in case anyone wants to bring it up later. I was fired from the calves. I was fired from Gold's gym.

I was fired. Oh my God. I'm a fired girlie too. I get fired a lot. I don't know. What does that mean? You know what? It's just like, you know what it means? I'll tell you. Tell me. Okay. I'm really like full of inspiration today. It means that it like, that you outgrew it. Yeah. It means that you were ready for the next thing. And then it wasn't. And I'm like not the one to pull the trigger. Because I feel like I've sucked it almost every job I've had in my life until this. And it's like only because I love it. Yeah. And because this is what I want to be doing. Yeah. And I'm like. And I'm like. And I. And I'm like. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I'm. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And other places I was like the girl you go out for smoke breaks with. Right. Like you weren't invested. I was not invested. Yeah. But you were invested. I was deeply, deeply invested. I was deeply invested. I think that's why I couldn't leave even though I knew maybe it was time for me to do my own thing. I just like love her so much and I'm so invested in her business and her family and believed in it so much that I could never pull the trigger. So it was actually the best scenario that she she wasn't like bitch you're fired. It was like we like I cried. It was a whole thing. We like sat down together and she was just she's just she was so kind and just like I really believe in you and I want

you to be happy and I think that like you need to go out on your own and my business is growing and I need someone who really like wants to build it and she's like you know and I don't want us to not be friends and I just think it's time for you to do your own thing and I was like what a great boss because like anyone else could be like fuck you bitch like you're not like showing up for me but she's like we're friends you know so she just become better friends when you left? Yeah, definitely. Because then the distance,

you didn't have to keep the like. Yeah. And it was like because we want to talk to each other. Right. Not because like I'm paid to talk to her. Yeah. You know? Isn't that wild?

Yeah. Would you recommend for people who want to get into the business somehow, whether it's social media or acting or whatever, to start as assistance? I think starting as an assistant for any job is great. Like I was thinking about even like hair and makeup. Like you have to assist people. Like, there's such a difference I can tell in people that I know and use who have assisted people and who know, like, just like, I don't know, there's just a different way about them.

Right. I think assisting, like, if you want to be a director, obviously, it's like the only way to get experience in the field you want to do and to learn from someone who's, you know, at the best of their craft, definitely. So when you left, were you, like, lost, like, oh, shit, like, where do I go? What do I do? Or did the wheels start already turning? I think I was like, there was like.

there was like a freedom of like oh my god this is like kind of crazy like what what could I do I could do anything yeah so there definitely like was an excitement but I had no idea so I kind was just like it was really when the influencer thing was like happening and so I had a lot of people saying you know we'll help you you can do this you can make money until you figure out what you want to do so like you know do this deal for McDonald's like what like I don't I don't know what that was one of your first deal one of my first deals in McDonald's I don't like I don't I'm vegetarian. No, I'm just kidding. I like, I never eat McDonald's, whatever, but I was like, okay, like, they're going to pay me this much money, sure, or whatever. So I was just kind of

like throwing shit at the wall and seeing what will work and trying to like build a team. And it took me a couple years for sure. And it also took me a couple years to have like the confidence. Like I still am working on that to be like, you're the star of the show. Like, you're the one, you know? Yeah. And I kind of just like fell into doing it because I had the social following from the show, you know, and the family. How did you get into the sustainability environmentalism world there was a sense of like me wanting to do something outside of the entertainment business when I left because I was like so inundated with it like it was like my 24-7 I was like I need to do something else that like gives back like I have to do something with

a little more purpose not that the entertainment industry doesn't serve its purpose but I don't know I just I actually watched an inconvenient truth vice president Gore's documentary I'd watched it once and then I watched it again and I think it just hit me as an adult differently And I was like, holy shit, like, this is scary. I need to do something. And I, so I was just Googled. And he happened to be having like a, it's called the Climate Reality Project. And it's a nonprofit where they train people about the climate crisis and its solutions.

And he was having one of these weekend long trainings that weekend, like in L.A. And it's free. You can go. Anyone can go. You just apply. You just show up. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to do this for me.

I'm going to go by myself. And like, I'd never done anything like that before. took my fucking note pad down there like ready to go and I just he's just the most inspiring person to listen to speak and you know he's got that like that politician charisma but then he's got the passion of an activist and like the you know the way he speaks is like a preacher is like he's preaching a sermon and it was just so inspiring and I was like I'm going to work with him this is my next thing like I'm going to use my platform I'm going to use this my access I'm going to get involved and then I reached out to like their comms people and just started trying to get involved.

And then I was like, there's not really a way that I could share this on my Instagram. It's so scientific or it's so granola. Like I can't connect to it. My friends don't give a fuck. Like these graphics are trash. There has to be a way for us to have this type of information and translate it into something that Instagram Gurley's want to post on their pages because that was like when the grid was like a thing. And like, you know what I mean?

So that's how we kind of started Future Earth because I was like, I just want to share the stuff with the streetwear community. or like whatever, like speak to that. Have it be like terrible and beautiful and nice looking. Yeah. And so that's kind of how we started Future Earth. And I just kept trying to learn as much as possible. And even now, I'll tell you guys, when you get an email from StepShap, it even says in the bottom, like that you will send packages back.

Yeah. They don't arrive. Yeah, I'm not doing the excess. Remember the gifting package? Like, they're sending me like a whole dollhouse of lipstick or something. And I'm like. A lot of times it's. huge and there's like two things in it yeah it's it's gotten better have you sent you back yeah

for real yeah and i donate a lot because i'm like and i'm not going and i started by like i'm just not going to share it because that's what people that's what the brands want right they want you to share the whole thing and i'm like oh i'm just i'm just going to share the product right like i'm going to show you that you can get just as much bang for your buck by just showing the product in a really real organic authentic way rather than showing this elaborate huge package that's going to go in the trash right and also like brand should know Like, if Steff Chef gets the dollhouse, the consumer isn't. So, like, wouldn't they rather just see the product and not the dollhouse or whatever?

It's so unnecessary. Yeah, it's really necessary. It's wild. I had to also, like, have my agent, like, reach out to this brand just kept on sending this product that I didn't even want, but also, like, huge ass packaging. And now, like, what you're saying, even seeing that in your email, like, makes that little impact. So you're really committed to this, like, way of life. Yeah.

I'm not in no way. ever want anyone to think you're not like shaming people i'm not like we're all like doing our best yeah you know it's like can we catch you with like a plastic straw ever not really really no i'm not a pot i really try the single use like obviously like if i go to starbucks and get a macha it's in the cup like you know we're still in this modern era it's like in a transition to like better options you know and so i don't think people and especially consumers but what i've learned it basically is there's so much money that goes into making it seem like the consumers are the ones that should bear the responsibility when it really is the corporations who have the power to make the

changes and the products that they're making. So it's like, recycle your plastic. They made a marketing campaign to make you feel like you need to do that. It's your responsibility. Why are you fucking making something that's not going to decompose? Why are you going to make something that's not going to be good for the planet or healthy for me? Right. You guys have all the money. I'm just one loan consumer. Why don't you guys just make better products for everyone? Right. But they don't want to do that. They want to put the responsibility on you. And if you don't do it, then, well, sorry, we told you how to recycle. But it's like, the recycling system is so fucked up. I know it's so fucked. I was dividing in my apartment building in New York, like a fucking bitch, like dividing. And

then one day I saw like the superintendent of our building, like pouring it all into one thing. And I was like, whoa, wait. I just spent 20 minutes putting the glass in the glass, the metal and the metal whatever and he's like oh it all goes into one thing and I was like oh what fraudulent yeah wait do you preach to your friends are you annoying about like because you're in holly you probably see a lot of waste yeah and a lot of shit I do I mean I definitely do I definitely can be like the downer like why are you doing that like all my friends know like no plastic water bottles like no single use stuff like we have a lot of friends that have you know the recycling bins now and we compost and we're in LA we have the space you can do that like at your house there's like a little compost

thing with like the worms that you can put like and you know you can do it outside in the gardens and like you know i have an electric car like whatever we all try and do our little our part obviously at the end of day because we need policy change but yeah i definitely am like i try and advocate but also like you're not knowing about it sometimes for sure you know and i think it's so because like on social media everyone always is like you should tell your friend and i'm like do all your friends listen to you like you should tell your friends to stop using private jazz i'm like okay And if they don't, like, why is that my fucking problem? But isn't it funny that, like, Leonardo DiCaprio, he was like into the Alborst up.

Oh, no, he, he donates a lot of money. No, but maybe he also like, but at the same time, he like, right, and like yachts around the world. Yeah. So, I mean, he's doing his best. We're all doing our best. Leo is doing his best. Similasan. Have you guys heard about Similisan?

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Similisan, USA.com slash win to enter. That's Similasan and that's spelled S-I-M-I-L-A-S-A-N-U-S-A-com. slash win and include not skinny bud not fat in your entry okay so they know you came from my show again that's similasan usa.com slash win to enter that's spelled s i m i l a s a s a nusa dot com slash win and include my show not skinny but not fat in your entry is a larry your beau into it too like does you recycle is he good yeah no he's that's my segue into talking about larry How is that? He's learning. He's definitely learning.

He definitely, you know, picks up on little things here and there. I mean, he has no choice because we live together. So I'm like, this is what the house is going to look like. He's like, where'd all my shit go? And I'm like, nope, like no more, whatever. Did you meet him through Kanye? Yes. So he, when he was working at Interscope, he was also managing Kanye at one point during the Yeez-a tour.

Wow. And so we first kind of met back in the day and the years tour. That had to have been 2015, 2014, something like that. Yeah. We weren't together then. We just met each other. And so we were in the same orbit. He was really on Connie's team. I was kind of siloed at that time. So I didn't really interact with him too much. But, you know, LA's small. We see him around. He, whatever. And we were both dating other people at the time. So we kind of just. How many years has been? now six or seven years yeah i feel like you sparked a little bit of engagement rumors i'm seeing that's crazy really yeah is he private or are you keeping him private no we're both private like if i like it pains me to share i think with him i've seen so many of my other friends get cycled through these relationships where they show everything and then they break up and then you it's just like you open the door to everyone getting to have an opinion or a comment on your relationship and

I have to share everything for my job. I want one thing, the most important thing, to be mine. Yeah. And I don't want anyone's opinion and I don't care about anyone's opinion. And it's just for us. Like in this day and age, like I have to keep something that's personal and private. Yeah. You know?

I get that. And I share a little bit. Like I've been sharing more. Like people love it. Everybody loves the LJ content. I know. But I feel like they love it. Like it's also like they love it because they're so thirsty.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, it's like, I'm like, oh, oh, oh, I love it too. But I'm so happy for you. Everybody likes LJ content, yeah. But, you know, we just like to fly under the radar, I guess. Yeah. I wanted to just talk about your mom for a moment.

Because when you post about your mom, you make me cry. So hard. Me too. When did she pass away? My mom passed at the end of 2020 December, a couple days before Christmas. That's like a minute ago. Yeah. Yeah. It was really hard. Very unexpected.

Yeah. Just really shook up my entire life. And like I'm finally feeling like I'm kind of getting out of this like haze of like things are happening and I'm going through the motions but I'm not like really here. So it's just been in the last couple of months that I've really started to like feel like I'm living again and feel like myself. Yeah. No, it's been really It's been really difficult. Thank you. Like, whenever you post about her, I'm like, my heart breaks. Yeah, and I'm an only child. Like, my dad wasn't in the picture.

We don't have any family really. And so it was really just her and I growing up. Wow. And so, yeah, it's been really, like, life altering, to say the least. She's trying to, like, figure out how to navigate it and figure out just how to live without your lifeline, you know? And, like, grieving, not only just, like, losing a parent and, like. What, she got sick, Steph? She just, no, it was just unexpected, sudden, she just didn't answer the phone one day.

And it was just like, we were all taken aback. Like, she was not sick. She was in good health. And yeah, it just really fucking threw me for a loop because, you know, you're not only grieving a parent. You're grieving, like, the future you had planned with your parent. You're grieving, you know, the plans you made. You're grieving your childhood. You're grieving reminiscing.

Like, there's no one in my life that at this. this point, I can be like, remember in third grade? You know, and those things that you don't realize are so special. Like sharing those moments, she was the only person that raised me, you know, for the most part. And so to, hey, what was that one time? Or what did I like as a kid? Or what did I, you know, that kind of stuff that you really take for granted and can learn more about yourself kind of through reflecting on your childhood and stuff. It's been really hard. And I've just been in a lot therapy and I've just there's nothing like you can read every book you can listen to everything like there's nothing that can really prepare you to get through it or I don't know it's it's really been

crazy I really and I do want to like share more about the past couple of years and everything in my relationship and stuff and I feel like I've just been trying to give myself enough time yeah and like the right forum to really dive into it because I am a private person like I really like I don't really share about my family or my dad or anything like that publicly. So I've been a little hesitant to like share. But when I did initially share that she passed and some things subsequently after just seeing the response from people online, I was scared to do that. It was a really vulnerable thing for me. But to see people reaching out with their own stories and I don't know, it was comforting in a really bizarre way hearing from strangers. That makes sense. And also making me feel

like sharing my story might be helping someone else. So I definitely think there's a world where I do want to talk about it. There's layers and there's a lot there. I've just been trying to give myself time and be as thoughtful as possible. Like I don't think Instagram is like the platform for me to talk about it because it's so heavy and it's so it's not like, I don't know. I just there's more weight to it. But I do think the beauty of, you know, having all of these forums to talk about stuff is the connection and if that helps someone else you know that might be going through it that might not have access to all the therapists that I can go to or whatever that is or they you know maybe that will be helpful to someone so I'm looking forward to opening that up like in the future and

like talking more about it in a way that can be meaningful thank you that's beautiful you're such an amazing woman for real oh thank you yeah no I'm just like sitting here and listening to you When, because when I read your posts about your mom, I didn't lose a parent, but I felt it, like in my soul. And that's why I wanted to ask you about her. Yeah. Because you could tell how special she was to you. And, and I'm sure that so many people following you or, like, experience something similar. And it's not like misery, like wants company.

Yeah. It's like, it is helpful in this weird way to know the people that you look up to or follow. like totally i remember when i got you know when i started suffering from anxiety and and got a medication and thought i was like weird it's like comforting to know that like i don't know christin bell is on lex right you know what i mean it's like i'm not happy that she has anxiety right right but it's like it makes you feel not alone in the world a hundred and especially in grief it can feel really isolating it can feel like you know it did happen to you and like so even you know trying to like commiserate with other people, you're like, yeah, but you don't know because like this was so,

like, I'm like, yes, but my mom is just the most special. Like, this relationship is the biggest thing. Like, you know, and it can feel isolating because you're like, no one could possibly understand. So to be able to like hear someone else kind of sharing the same process or struggles is definitely, you know, it can be comforting. Yeah. Well, I hope that she's watching over you. Yeah. Because you're doing really amazing things. And tonight, actually, this is coming out Tuesday. So last week is the event for your perfume with SNF. Yes. Which I love SNF even before your fragrance. Yeah. I love SNF. It's so. And I don't know how they got me hooked because I literally just love it. I don't know what it is about these fragrances. If it's the sizing, they're so perfect for

travel. Yeah. And you know why I love them? Because it's a fragrance, but it's like a spritz. Like you don't feel like committed. That doesn't feel heavy. It doesn't feel like it's only for dinner for going out. And then you came out with your scent. Shuganami. Sugaami. It's a little shush. And I told you, I just went away. I only took Saganami. It makes me so happy. Got so many compliments. I'm just thinking you have to listen to the story. So I go out with my friend and she like copies me with everything, right? She did the same wedding as me. You know you have those friends like yeah yeah to the same wedding like the same whatever lover and I was just like what is that perfume what is that perfume and I was like then I started explained to her because

she's in Israel she doesn't really know yeah everything and I was like well step shop mm-hmm then I was like by the way you would love her and then I showed her your page and she's like oh my god and I was like by the way these earrings and they were the pearl ones the pearl ones everyone loved the pearl earrings out on Amazon anyway the pearl ones from Amazon which is what I love about you is like You can link your, like, Celine bag, but you can also link your $17 Amazon. Oh, steal. Yeah. I love a steal.

And I was like, oh, my God, they're also, like, from her. And then she was like, oh, my God, like, love her. And she started following you, whatever. And then the next day, when I went on a walk with her and I was wearing Havayanas. Uh-huh. And she was like, you're wearing a Vianas? Like, aren't those like so, I don't know, like, a few years ago? And I was like, Shep Shab, where is it Vianna?

Listen. The next day I meet up with her. She's like, Amanda. And I'm like what? And she's so funny. And I look down and she's like, you lie. And I mean, it was just like a moment. That's funny. From your fragrance. So anyway, I love the fragrance. I'm wearing it now. Like it is so, so good. I'm really proud of it. Is it limited edition? Yeah, it is. We just re-released it like because we're having this party and whatever. And we just released some more so people can buy it again. I'm really proud of it. I really am. It's like, it was a labor of love. And to get to do it with one of my best friends was really fun. I love it. It's like my fragrance. I know. When we were trying to describe it, you were on like a yacht or something.

I know, I know. ridiculous. And by the way, like, I don't, it's that like, I feel like, oh, no, not in a, like, no, not in a, like, no, I feel like, also people think that, like, I pay for this stuff. No, she's a yacht girl. My friend was like, oh, where the fragrance sales is paying for this yacht. And I was like, as if, like, I'm a guest, okay? I'm a plus one.

She's a, yeah, she's a freeloader, everybody. Literally. I'm a glorified freeloader. No, when you were trying to describe it on the yacht, I was like, I feel so bad for her because I know that you were like involved in it and you did it, but go describe a fragrance. Like, go. I dare you. Go describe your perfume.

And especially because this one, like, not to eat my own horn, but it is really unique. Like, it's not like something to be like, oh, it's floral. There's gardenia and rose or, yeah. Right. It's like, it really has like a life of like, it's like a story. you know there's like as you wear it it changes and on different people it smells differently and I'm so proud of it I love it so much I wear it I've been wearing it for like over a year now yeah it's so chic and it's so great I love it there's something I don't want to forget to talk about

because it's one of my personal things yay is okay and by the way this comes up like when you're googled and like I feel like we need to make sure that it like goes down no it's the hermes uh her me am I I'm saying Hermes. Hermes gift from Kim. Oh my God. That's so, I know. And I wasn't going to share it, but I was like, fuck it. Whatever.

No, I thought it was so cute. I told you. It was the nicest. I thought it was like so sweet. Like on the flip side, it's like Kylie shares, you know, the $100,000 bag. And when she's not so excited, people are like, you know, why isn't she more appreciative? Are you kidding me? So here this bitch is so appreciative.

She's fucking crying. Crying. Why are you giving her shit? I'm. I mean, I didn't know I got shit, but I don't like read shit, but like I think it was like, Tam, there are people that are dying. Right, right. And yeah, there are. And, you know, we should all do our part to help everyone. Yeah. I'm allowed to enjoy a birthday present too, though. There has to be a world where like, you know. I actually looked at it in a different way. I thought it was so cool. It was so. You're getting so excited and that, you know, she's just like us vibe. Like you're not taking it like for granted. Like I could only dream to have something that nice. Like I could not afford that.

Are you putting it on like a, like, oh no, she's in a safe. Like she's at like we're like bank boxing. Like that is like I, that's my life right there. It's so generous and beyond measure. Like I didn't grow up with that stuff. I grew up in Ohio. Like I didn't even know. When I moved to L.A., I'd never seen a range rover.

I never, I didn't know what a brand name was. I thought it was like Javinci. Like, I had no fucking clue about anything. And, like, to have a gift, that extravagant is beyond anything in, like, my wildest dreams. And Kim is just a really generous friend in general. She was really there for me, like, with everything losing my mom. And she was the first person to come pick me up. And she, you know, took me to a spa and just her and I and, like, had the whole spa just to us.

And, like, she checks on me. And she, because she understands, like, the gravitas. of losing a lifeline. Yeah. And so I think that also was like really, she knew how hard that birthday was going to be for me. It was 30? It was, no, it was 31.

And it was my first birthday without my mom. And so I think she knew how hard it was going to be. And she just really, it was just like the most generous thing. And yeah, obviously I'm going to cry. Like, what the fuck if someone gave you that bag, would you cry? Yeah, that's what I said. And I posted that to it. I was like, shut the fuck up.

Like, if you got that bag, you were. we're literally going to cry. I wonder if I could cry just thinking of it. Did you know that the way to healthy hair starts with a healthy scalp and a little care goes a long way for a healthier looking scalp? And it makes so much sense when you think about it. Like start at the root and Waze scalp serum balances, hydrates, and soothes, irritation, creating an ideal environment for hair to thrive.

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Courtney's your wifie. Yeah. But if you were on stuck on a private island. I knew shoes. No, you would not. That's such a random question. Who, well, I think I know the answer. You know the answer.

I feel like it's Kim. Who would I bring? To the private island. Yeah. To save me? Not Kim. Courtney says more of a saving person. Oh, I would bring Chloe.

Oh, Chloe. 10%. True, true, true, true. 100 and 10%. Yeah, she would like, she would bring down the coconut. I trust Chloe with my life. Stop. Like she, I feel so safe with her.

She's just like the most, she's the badass. That's so true. 100% Chloe. I'm picturing this right now. I don't know why I'm picturing her like a machete through the jungle. Oh my. my God, fucking Chloe. Obviously. Obviously. Obviously. Okay. Another really exciting thing coming up is you're, okay, let's have a moment for the deadline motherfucking article. Oh. Because we all know,

my dream is to be in the deadline. I don't know for what, like, but I just want that. I can see that for you. I can definitely see that for you. Did you frame the deadline article? No, I should. I, I feel like it's such a, it was an achievement. Yeah, I was happy about it. So you got an acting role. I did. I'm so, I mean, like I have 2.5 lines, but it's like very exciting. It's hard. It's fucking hard to book. It's hard to book a role. Have you been auditioning? Oh my God. Every week I audition. I have been working at it for almost two years now. Relentlessly. Classes. Auditioning, auditioning. It's really hard. It's not by any means easy at any stage of the game. I think an actor would tell you whether you're, you know, at the top or beginning. It's it's a labor of love.

love. I booked a role with the Hello Sunshine production. It's Reese Witherspoon's production. Reese Witherspoon, yeah. And Shea Mitchell's one of the leads. Oh, that's so your friends with her. Yeah, yeah. So it was cool to get to see her. And she's just like such a seasoned actor. So it was great to watch her in action. Wait, you filmed it already? I filmed it already. Yeah. It comes out December 7th or 9.

Is it a movie? It's a movie on Amazon. Yeah, with Ray Nicholson, Shea Mitchell, and Zoe Deutsch is a producer on it. Oh, she's a and acting in it? Executive producer and she's acting in it. And my scene is with Ray Nicholson. Who I see is like the internet, like, they're obsessed with Ray Nicholson. Is it from Succession? He's not in succession. Okay.

Who's Ray Nicholson? Ray Nicholson is Jack Nicholson's son. Yeah. And I always see Dumas post that people like always want to know what Ray Nicholson is up to. Oh, you follow Dumas? Oh, I do. On my ghost account. On your ghost account?

Yeah. Oh. I follow you on my ghost account too. I follow you on all my accounts. honored yeah honored babe oh ghost account i love the name for it you don't have a ghost account no wow good for you i know i'm so real i'm wrong i'm real you guys that is really impressive i have like three really why have them well not three ghost accounts i have my main i have my finsta and then i have my ghost account wait what's the difference in a finsta and a ghost a finsta i like for friends and i share

like that's where i post like all my lj content and like the stuff that i want to be on that one like my real life stuff i want to follow that one and then and okay I'm like nervous. I'm like, okay. And then I'm like, I don't know if you want to know the real me. And then my other one is just like one where I like stock people and like my inspo one. Because if you follow too many accounts, you can't see everything in one. So they all have different, they all serve different purposes. Oh, damn.

That's so like smart of you. Yeah. So that way like, what if I'm like looking at someone's story? I don't want them to see like stuff shop's looking your story so I can do it on my ghost account. How did step shop become such a thing? It's just the handle. You're like Emrata. I mean, thank you.

I'll take that. But like no one ever called me that in life. Until your handle? Until my handle. No, stop. And I don't know why I even made it such. Do you introduce yourself as such now? Absolutely never.

Okay. Could you imagine? I don't know. I thought maybe. Never. And I'm like, when am I going to grow out of this? Because like I can't be like 50 with three kids being like, hey, it's step chef. Like, I'm their mom.

Like, what? What it? Oh, so you want a family? Oh, I don't know. Oh, you just say it. You just made three kids up. Well, I just say that as like a, because you know, when you think, I don't know, whatever. No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not like a kid's person. I don't like kids. Oh, you're not good with kids? No. Really? Yeah. You're like, hi, my name is Stephanie. 100%. That's you? Yeah. I'm like, mm-hmm. Let's move on now. Like, I'm not a kid's person. You can ask anyone from the beginning of my life. I do not like kids. Okay. Another question so we can get to know you a little bit more where we are done. Oh my God. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I could talk to you forever. I know. Step shop, you're a fucking queen. I'm so happy that you came on the pot. I'm so happy to. Thank you for having me.

And I'm excited to celebrate you. I know. I'm excited to see. Thank you so much. Oh my God. Thanks for having me. Of course. This is really fun.

Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast. We don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast. podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcasts and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocheroo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements

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