Not Skinny But Not Fat - HEATHER GRAHAM: ACTRESS, WRITER, DIRECTOR

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

You couldn’t watch a movie in the early 2000s without seeing our girl Heather. From Boogie Nights to Austin Powers and The Hangover- Heather has been in some iconic films. Now she’s back with her sophomore directing project, CHOSEN FAMILY, which is inspired by her own life. We discuss being estranged from her family, Harvey Weinstein, friendships & more!Content warning: This interview briefly references sexual assault around minute 41.Produced by Dear MediaThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Hirsch, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars from my very own podcast, where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. You guys, I have such an icon on the pod today. Heather Graham. I mean, she's been in just countless iconic movies from Boogie Nights, Austin Powers, The Hangover. I mean, the 2000s were just like Heather Graham was everywhere. You can watch a movie without Heather Graham in it. I mean, she really made her mark. And I'm so glad to get to catch up with her. Find out where she's at now. She actually just directed, starred, and wrote her new movie Chosen Family. It's out now. She actually directed a movie before this. This is her second one.

And the first one did really well. I want to catch up on that and tune in to hear what's going on with Heather Graham because she is an interesting, interesting gal with an interesting life. So enjoy. Welcome, Heather Graham. Thanks for having me on your cool podcast. Oh, thank you. You're so cool.

I was just thinking about all the things that you've done and all the movies that you've been in that have been so iconic. I mean, you've been part of some really cool stuff. To name a few, The Hangover, Austin Powers, Boogie Nights. I mean, that's just like top three. That's sweet. Thank you. And now you're coming back with directing and starring in your own movie. You wrote it too.

I wrote it, yeah. And this is your second time directing. Yeah. That's very cool. And your first one I saw did really well. I need to go watch it. I'm such a rotten tomatoes girly. I love seeing the like, so I get like,

proud. I'm like, oh my God, that's a good, that's a good rotten tomato score, you know? Oh, thanks. No, I mean, it's been really fun to start directing and I love it. So what would you say like acting, directing? I mean, to be totally honest, directing is super stressful and hard. It's, it's extremely hard and it kind of gives you like a mini nervous breakdown, but it's also more satisfying. So acting, I feel more competent. I'm more established, but it's really fun. Just as a woman who watches things. Like, I just love seeing female-driven stories.

So it's fun to make one. Yeah, and I saw that because I saw Chosen Family. It's so good. And really, like you said, the friendships, like that was kind of like the theme. Like friendships.

Yeah. I don't want to give away the whole story, but kind of friendships hose over bros, you know? Yeah, yeah. Friendships over everything.

And that sort of seems to be the theme in like your first directed film as well. Yeah. And kind of your life? I guess. It's funny. Yeah, I did. I just recently did another interview where I feel like it's been, it has been a reoccurring theme in my work. Just the idea of sometimes, you know, your biological family doesn't fully give you everything you needed and you get it from your friends. And that's been the case of my life. So I do have some amazing friends. And I guess I just wanted to celebrate, celebrate them. So are you a girl with like tons of friends that's like everyone's your best friend or like a few good ones? ones? I wouldn't say I have tons of friends, but I do have like a very strong friend base. But,

you know, of course, how many really good ones do you have? Maybe like, I don't know, 10 to 20. Like I would say I do have about, no, I do have a pretty great, I've been really lucky. You know how people get gifts in their life? I feel like the gift that I've gotten is like pretty special friends. But yeah, the friends that are super duper clothes, maybe I probably have about 12. Wow. Yeah. So were you, like, being, were you a bridesmaid many times? I mean, I've not been a bridesmaid, but just I think I've been really good at maintaining, like, friendships. Like, I'm shooting a movie in South Africa right now and I have a friend staying with me. I've known her for 20 years.

I have some other friends. I've known for like 35 years. So it's such a great feeling when you've had a friendship for that long and people really know you. And I like the idea of being, like, when someone really knows you and they can loving me, tease you. Like, I love that vibe, which I think I put in. my film, just people that can just tease you in a loving way. Yeah, they tell you the truth, too, about stuff. Right.

Do you have any, like, industry friends, like any celeb friends that you hang out with? Or are they all kind of not from the industry? I mean, I have some friends that are in the industry. But, I mean, Molly Shannon has probably one of my most famous friends. And I have some friends that are, you know, writers and different. But, you know, I don't have, like, probably more of my friends are not, you know, big stars. I was thinking about how, and maybe I'm wrong, but you kind of managed to stay unaffected by like the Hollywood thing. I don't know what to call it. It's not a curse, but you know,

you kind of maintain the like working on really cool projects, it being kind of a job, and it doesn't look from the outside in that like your life was totally rattled by it, shaken by it. Do you feel that way? Yeah. I mean, I think I've done a lot of hard work. work to kind of, you know, keep my sanity and the entertainment business. And I would credit a lot of that until having really great friends around me, you know, that I can just fence you and they can, you know, love me. And, you know, I do a lot of self-help stuff too. I'm totally into that.

Yeah, I saw you do like affirmations with your friends. What is that? I do. Well, okay, so I have these friends, these three friends and we get together and you take your deepest fears and you take the things that you want and you write them down. And then you make up these affirmations as if, You already have these things. Or like, say your deepest fear is, you know, I'm going to be homeless.

So then your affirmation is, you know, I'm living in a state of financial abundance and I make money. I make so much money doing what I love, something like that. Wow. And do you write it down or do you say it out loud? I write it down in my phone and I read it every day twice a day. And I have probably about 40. I was, could you share like, can you share like the big one? Yeah.

I mean, one is just like, I'm lovely. You know, just something. I have things about relaxing because I'm kind of a little bit uptight, you know, and like I kind of have anxiety. But okay, I approve of myself. I am lovable exactly as I am. You know, I have a lot about just being in a relationship and just, you know, I had one about buying a house. And then I, you know, I'm living in my dream house with a view of the ocean that I can afford. You know, and I, and I got it. In California? Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. That's, you know, I did that once about finding parking. I was like... I love it. I was going to say we should do one for you. What's yours? You have a very like, very finding parking is...

That's funny. I love the sense. This is kind of, because I remember that being my first memory of like manifesting something. No, it's actually not. It was a very specific, like I was looking for parking for hours. And then I think I was talking to like my mom's friend who was like kind of also into that stuff. And she's like, you need to like envision.

yourself there, you know, like the way exactly how you said it, like, that it matters how you even think it. Right. You're supposed to think about it like it's already happening. Right. So I was like, I found the parking. I'm in the song. I remember like I really committed because I was so desperate and I found the parking. But that is funny. That is. But would you say you manifested your career or were you not yet doing that when you were younger? I mean, I, maybe you were doing it subconsciously. I mean, I was kind of, you know, like an insecure, awkward teenager. And I was, you know, like in high school, I didn't really have a lot of guys that liked me. So, you know, it was like one of those moments where I'm like, I'm going to become a movie star and then you'll see, you know.

First of all, it's kind of unbelievable to think that you are saying that you weren't good looking in high school. I mean, I definitely was not considered to be good looking in high school. That's wild. That sounds like, it sounds like I'm watching a rom-com and the hot girl in the greatest saying. Yeah. No. Like it doesn't sound believable. Well, no. You know, my, my family, my, since I my father, was extremely religious and I was awkward. I didn't really dress well. Not really sure how to do my hair and makeup. I should send you a photo. And yeah, I was nerdy. I was in like, you know, advanced placement classes, you know. And I think I just wasn't that confident. So you were like, I'm going to be a movie star and show you and then you did. Yeah. And actually, I got cast and licensed to drive playing that the, the, the pretty cheerleader who's popular. And it was so funny because that was the complete opposite of what I was in my school.

But, of course, what I wished I was. And then I remember it came out right if I was graduating. And I remember people going like, oh, maybe we should have like paid more attention to her. Wait, how old were you when you got that gig? I got the gig when I think I was 17 and then it came out when I was 18. And that was when I was graduating. Oh, so you were still in school. I was in high school.

I was in high school. Like after it came out. Yeah. Right. So did you feel like a difference? when you after the movie came out? Yeah, it really obviously, it's a huge confidence booster. I mean, I didn't know how to do my makeup.

I didn't know how to do my hair. I think at one point I made my bangs go straight up. You know, it was really, I really, it was just, didn't really have good taste in what I was wearing. And then suddenly here I'm on a movie set. I've got a professional hair and makeup person and stylist is like, and I remember going with this stylist. And I was like, you know, my prom's coming up.

Can you help me find a prom dress? And so I actually have a pretty cool prom dress compared to all my other friends because I had like... So she found it for you? Yeah, and you know what? It's actually a really cool dress and I still have it. Wait, so this was, you were in the Midwest, right? You grew up in the Midwest.

No, this was actually in the Valley. I was born in Wisconsin, but through my father's work, he was transferred. So we moved when I was four and I went to high school and in Agora, California. Oh, okay. So you had access to the industry, like to go to auditions and it was like close enough. No, I mean, when I got my driver's license, I was driving into the city. and going to acting classes and, you know, stuff like that. So you committed, you committed to the, to this like dream that did you want it your whole life or did it actually start from I'm going to show you?

I mean, I think I always, I remember going to see this play when I was, I don't know, eight and it was Peter Pan and I love Peter Pan. And I remember that she flew over the audience. It was like Sandy Duncan was playing Peter Pan and she was on these wires and she was flying. And I just thought, oh my gosh, she flies. Like, I want to do that. That looks so fun. So there was a mixture of things. And I liked, you know, reading books and making up stories and being kind of in a fantasy in my head.

So it was a mixture of like being an angry, awkward teenager and wanting to be independent and make money and just loving movies or TV and and having a good imagination. And you spoke about the fact that your parents didn't really support that dream, right? Yeah, I mean, I guess I would say more that my father didn't totally support the dream because he's extremely religious. I mean, they're Catholic, but the way that he's Catholic doesn't seem like how normal people are Catholic. He's just like extreme, extreme. You know, and my mom, I'm not really clear how much she really believes in it or if she's just going along with his, what he wants. I don't know. But it was basically like, don't have sex before marriage.

And like everyone in Hollywood's like a Satan worshiper or stuff like that. So you were, you kind of knew from when you were young, like, this isn't for me. Like you weren't. No, when I was really young, I was like, this is great. You know, everything's awesome. You know, it's only when I got older. I was like, okay, this is pretty, pretty hard, you know, because we weren't really allowed to watch our rated movies.

I have a younger sister or like, you know, go on a date or things like that. We just were not allowed really to do anything. So did you completely leave your house after high school? I did. That's one of the reasons I think why I really wanted to be successful. I wanted to make money, be independent, not have to follow these roles that seem to make no sense to me. Yeah. And you kind of went in the other direction.

I mean, your roles were like kind of provocative. I mean, boogie nights, you were naked, right? Yeah, that's when I was 26. So, like, I had been, whatever, moved out. But yeah, I mean, okay, so when I was 18, I was in Drugstore Cowboy, which is a movie about a bunch of drug addicts. So, you know, I don't know if there's just the roles that I was offered

or if I was just drawn to sort of the opposite of what I had grown up as. I mean, it is fun as an actress to play, like, extreme characters. Did you care? Because I know you spoke about how you are estranged from them. Did you care like they're going to watch this?

They're not going to be happy. They're going to, you know. I kind of just knew that if I pursued what I wanted to do that they were going to be really, it's mainly my father. I think probably my mom in some ways is proud.

I don't know. You know, I don't talk to them. But I think I just decided that it's kind of what my movie is about being a people pleaser. Do I want to not be my authentic self in order of people please, basically my father. And the answer is no, you know,

I have to just follow my artistic path in a way that feels good to me. Yeah. Are you in touch with your younger sister? You mentioned you have a younger sister. I'm estranged. Strange. That's such a harsh word, you know?

Yeah. I guess is it better just go, no. I'm not in touch with her. No, I mean, my sister, she's cool. Like, I don't have anything against her. Just like, I think that my pair has just created like a bad dynamic. So that wasn't helpful for us, you know, but, you know, I have no hard shillings against my sister, you know.

Yeah. It's really interesting how, you know, that kind of created this world for you, like you said, of like friendships being so important and leaning on them and then creating movies about them. Well, because I think I didn't really know, like, what was normal until I, you know, moved out in my house and started to have friends. And I realized, oh, not everyone's family does these things. Like, and my family isn't totally normal. And maybe that's good because I thought, oh, some things wrong with me that I'm not.

really on board with everything. Mainly it was my father. You know, my mom was just kind of going along with whatever he crazy rules he was making up. And it was, it was a relief when I realized, oh, there's people out there that are just like, they don't believe these things. And I can feel really good around them, you know, and just to learning how to like love myself unconditionally having to be in this extremely crazy interpretation of my father's crazy interpretation. Yeah. And you seem to have like, By Instagram, a really cool and healthy relationship now, right? You have a boyfriend now for a few years?

I do. Yeah. Who's not in the industry, right? Because you also spoke about kind of not wanting the date in the industry. I mean, I'm like open to whoever or whatever. What's falling in love. It is nice. I mean, it's funny because he doesn't know a lot of movies.

So it's refreshing about being with somebody who doesn't really, all these things I've spent my whole life caring. He doesn't really know that much about it and doesn't really. care that much about it. I think he's proud of me. But watching all my movies, which is hilarious. Like, he started watching. Wait, what hasn't he seen? What?

A lot. Like, has he seen like the, the, like, has he seen Austin Powers? Yeah, I've seen that. But I think after we started dating, he went back and just, he's like, I'm so impressed you've done all these movies. I don't know. It's cute. He's proud of me.

But he knew who you were when you met. He knew who I was, yeah. We actually met in a bar like, it was earlier. But I was with other group of friends and kind of slightly dating this other guy that I was with a need of. Oh, can I buy you a drink? And I said, no. And then we remembered that when we started dating like a year, a long time ago, like 2001 or something. What?

That is crazy. Well, you cross paths and then nothing happened and then years later met again. Yeah, we got set up by a mutual friend. Wow. Being set. Oh, you do say in the movie like being set up is better. Yeah, totally. So you believe that.

Like you've tried it all. Look, I mean, you have a better chance of like not ex-murderer. You know, whatever. If you need somebody, I mean, I haven't done a lot of app dating, but I did go on an end point. And, you know, if you don't know somebody at all and you have no friend that vouches for them, it's just slightly a woman more scary. I don't know how you find it. Like, are you married? I know.

I'm married with kids. Yeah. So I didn't even get to do, I didn't, like, apps to me, like I'm a dinosaur. I'm like, what are apps? Like, I didn't even. get to that point of my life. I know. Good for you. Yeah.

How long have you guys been together? 2011? That's great. That's like what? 14 years. I know. It's a lot of years. I have to go on the apps.

Good for you. Thank you. I know. Sometimes I'm like, can I swipe for you just to see like what happens when you do that? I do vicariously live through my friends like going on there. I'm like, it's fun to look at someone else's dating app when it's not yours.

Yeah. I know when it's not yours. And then they're like, no, believe me. I want to delete this like 1,000. He did. I'm like, just something. Let's look through all these options. We'll be right back after the break.

I die when I post Leo and you guys are like, reminder, you have a dog. Like, he makes me sad. We love Leo so much. He's been part of our lives since 2014 when husband literally bought me a puppy for my birthday. Like, who does that? Are we in a movie? We would do anything for Leo. And that's why when you have a pet, you want to have pet insurance. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA. Pet health insurance program. At the end of the day, your pet needs insurance, especially like as they get older. Like you want the best for them. The vet bills can really add up. And so that's why you should check out pet insurance. With ASPCA pet health insurance, you can focus on the care your pet deserves and cover what matters most. The ASPCA pet health insurance program offers customizable

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That's not a priority. Or are you, like, against it, kind of? I think that it's not against it. I just, I guess for me, in terms of having kids, I guess I didn't get into a that felt right to have kids. And in terms of getting married, I feel like, I'm not, I'm open to maybe one day getting married, but I don't, oh my God, I've known you two years.

Now we need to get married. I feel like maybe 10 years then we could get married. Because I have these friends and they're, you know, like, you know, a lot of people, couples, but none of one is very happy. I would say that there's a small percentage of my friends. I would say they look like their relationship really good. But I have these two friends that I kind of modeled the two characters in my movie on that are in a couple. And they're really happy.

And they basically waited 10 years to get married until they really, really knew each other. Yes, I thought that was really romantic. That is. You know, you bring up a good point because there's like people that have been together a long time and then they get married. And everyone's like, oh, finally. And then there are people that because of like their age, you know, know, in quotation marks, they feel like they have to kind of expedite the process. And I've also seen that where it's like, you know each other for a year and you haven't

really uncovered all the shit. So then the shit kind of comes up later. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like, okay, you've been together for a year. Like, how are you going to know that he's like, I don't fucking know. But I've seen that a lot too. And I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but you're right.

It's kind of like, you know, even now, sometimes I think, like, how nice would it have been to get married when my kids are here? You know what I mean? I look at it differently now. It's romantic. It's like, I know you really well. It's not like, oh, I want this dream. So I hope we have it. It's more like, I know you really well. And I just want to like just show you how much I love you now that I really, really know you well. Yeah. So would you sound like such a romantic. So would you say yes, though. I mean, I would eventually say, not to be honest, the next. probably, to be honest, a few years, but eventually, yeah, I would if we stayed together for years, you know. I didn't, I've watched a lot of people go through divorces. It looks terrible. So I'd rather, it takes a long time to get to know someone, you know? Like you said, I feel like in the beginning, everyone's on their best behavior. And then you start to, okay, now I'm starting to really get to know you. And can we, you know, accept each other and like live with each other? You're right that 10 years is a good time. Because by 10 years, you know, you know, by 10 years, you know for sure because you are right like people think the honeymoon phase is like

six months like no the honeymoon phase could be like five years I mean I'm this good saying she's like when you first started dating dating someone you're not meeting them you're meeting their representative yeah like how they want it I mean I'm sure I do it too you know you want to show like oh these are the good sides of me yeah and John right yeah his name okay his son you seem to have such a cute, close bond. And his son is adorable. We are, I mean, it's been like a growing curve, you know. It's like in my movie.

It is nothing to do with my movie because I wrote the script like before I met him. But, you know, when you're not the mom and you start getting the dad, you, you've basically you wrote the script before you made him. No, I did. I wrote this. It took a long time to get it made. But no, it's taken a little bit of a curve because at first I think he's like, okay, well, why, you know, why aren't you with my mom?

But now I think he's, he's definitely more open. been, and we're getting a lot better. That's so cute. So you're like, you're almost a milf. You're a smilf. So, again, Heather,

like we talked about, you've been in so many amazing things. The Hangover is one of everybody's favorite movie that you were in. When you got cast in that role, did you have any idea, like, how big it would be? I mean, for those listening,

like Bradley Cooper became a household name after it. Like, Zach Alfenacus, we first met him. And you were kind of the most famous of them at that time. Yeah, I think I was, it was me and Ed Houns was pretty famous from the office. You know, so we were kind of more known than them. But, I mean, Todd Phillips had done old school. So I guess I, you know, that was a huge commercial hit. So I guess I knew there was a possibility.

But it is cool when you're in a movie and pretty much everyone goes to see it. It's pretty cool. Yeah. And also it was like, it was special in a way because you played this like Las Vegas stripper, right? Yeah. And you have this thing where you kind of humanize your characters and make them, like, even though she's like a stripper on Las Vegas that like had seen it all, you would assume, you have this like naivety about you.

You know what I mean? That you convey in your characters that you make them all so likable. And like, yeah, of course he's going to marry the stripper. Like you kind of made it like. You should marry me. Did you? Because I saw like a lot of people were upset. you didn't come back for the second one.

Did you have any of that when the second one came out? Yeah, I mean, I was bombed. I think that there was some female exactly. It was like, why would you marry a hooker or, you know, in the original script, I think I went back and went to the wedding with them or something. But I think there was like, why is you with a hooker, you know? So there was prejudice against hookers. Really?

Wait, you know that? Or is that your guess that somebody was. No, I know that that happened. Yeah. Oh, so it was supposed to be. And then... No, well, not. I was never supposed to be in two. But I was supposed to drive back with them from Vegas to, I think, L.A. where they go to a wedding. Originally in the original script, I go with them. But then I think one, an executive, I think it was actually a woman gave a note like, well, why are they bringing the stripper back? You know, and this is before we had shot the movie and before I had, you know, been in it. So they didn't see my performance. But, but yeah. What was your favorite memory about making that movie? I mean, it was fun working with those guys. They're so talented. I remember. We were staying in in Las Vegas and we were, I guess, in Caesar's Palace and they had this great spa and he used to go to the spa. And it's just great doing films and we got to travel around doing press going to all these different countries.

It's great when you do a film and you sit in the audience and everyone's laughing. It's pretty awesome. How different are red carpets now? I mean, I know this wasn't like a hundred years ago, but like when you see red carpets now, now there's a new thing. I don't know if you've how observing you are to these details. but the stars of the movies are like dressing on theme with the movie. Like let's say Austin Powers came out today. Like you would be wearing the 1970s inspired clothes to the red carpet.

Like that's kind of what is happening where I feel like at that time, the hangover, like you probably were wearing like a cute dress, right? It wasn't over the top then. I mean, I feel like at the time that the content of getting more and more, right? Now we have so many TV shows. There's all these movies and all these streamers. there used to be less content, so people would be more invested in content because there weren't as many options. Now I feel like everyone has so many options that it doesn't feel like

things are as big because all the niche markets are being watched by all these different people. Yeah. And how do you, how are you feeling about social media? Are you, what's your relationship with it like? I mean, I'm not, I'm not as into it as I'm sure like a lot of people, but it is kind of fun in a way to watch what your friends are doing and to post about stuff that you're excited about it is kind of sometimes feels like a lot of work how do you find it that's how i started like you your job is like you know something else and then it's like oh i should go on social media my job is social media wow but what i like about what i do is like i get to talk about other people's stuff so it's not like i talk about myself all day which i don't

know how people do that where it's like here's my you know makeup and beauty and everything i'm doing where I get to talk about, like, movies and actors and celebrities. So that's fun for me because I'm not talking about me all the time. I mean, it's really cool because, you know, like our content's not being controlled by a few people with power. You know, it's like you can just create something and everyone's watching it and then you have the control. Right. You know, and you created your own thing. I think that's very cool.

I was shocked to find out that you are in your 50s. You're in the 50s era. That's literally, you look exactly the same. Thank you. Even the hair, I feel like, like, just it's, it's all kind of the same. First of all, give us your secrets. Second of all, in like this age and like Hollywood is so obsessed with age and aging or like not aging, like what is your take on it? Well, I feel like, you know, women are 50% of the market, you know, approximately.

And so why are we, I want to watch movies about women in all different ages. is I want to watch content about women my age or older. You know, why are we, you know, adhering to this boring old model where we're all supposed to feel bad about ourselves at a certain point? It's like we are a powerful spending dollar, you know, like we can just support women making cool things at any age. Yeah. So I don't know.

About aging, it's scary in a nutshell, but at the same point, I do feel happier internally because I feel like I've, I don't know, done a lot of, you know, self-help stuff. So it's a mixture where part of it's scary, but part of it, I feel more free. I don't care about what other people think as much. And I feel happy. Yeah. So you're happier today than you were like in your 20s, 30s. I mean, I think I love myself more and I feel more relaxed and good inside myself. I mean, of course, I had amazing moments at different moments in my life that were just incredible. But I would say on a daily basis, I think I do feel happier now. I think I had, to be honest, just a lot of self-hatred when I was younger. I used to be really hard of myself.

even though, you know, why? You know, if I look back, I could say, why did I do that to myself? But I've done a good job at releasing a lot, most of that. So what's different about 20s, 30s, Heather, and what's the same? Well, a lot of my friends are still the same, which is great. And I do feel like my basic essence is the same. And I do think I've gotten to be a much more loving person, especially to myself. And I understand. I understand. I'm not to deal with, you know, when things go wrong or things that stress me out. I feel like I have a better, I have better tools on how to deal with it. It's wild that you keep saying friendships for so many years because when I, you know,

all of a sudden realize like, oh my God, I graduated college 20 years ago or like, or I've had this friend for 20 years, like the number all of a sudden is. Yeah. Do you get shocked by it too? Are you like, I would say like, how has it been so long? In my movie Chosen Family, I was trying to tell the story of like basically what we're talking about, which is like growing and feeling like, I think I was a people pleaser. I think I was just like, well, what are other people who want me to be here? What are other people?

I wasn't as in touch with like, what do I want? What makes me happy? And then just go getting to the other side, I don't want to do that. It doesn't feel good. Of course, I like the people around me are happy, but I can't prioritize myself. So I just think I wasn't able to really speak up for myself when I was younger, asked for what I want, set boundaries. I feel like I've learned that and and it's it's amazing yeah it does it feels it feels so good we'll be right back after the break you guys know that I'm a skims girl like I literally will buy

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I mean, tell me about that, like the process of, were you involved in that as well? No, I was totally involved in the casting. I mean, when you're making an independent movie, you don't have like the shooting of a studio. So a lot of it is just reaching out to these people personally, kind of begging them to do it.

Julia is a huge star. I'm so grateful that she really loved the script. Andrea Savage, And you know, I watched her show, I'm sorry. And I loved her show. I loved her and her comedy. And she really reminds me a lot of my friend Allison, who's just got him very kind of similar reality.

So, I don't know, it was amazing. And Thomas Lennon, I had worked with him before. And he is, he's awesome. Yeah. Oh, my God. So you're saying that's how they came on board. You actually personally reached out and asked them to do it. Pretty much.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are people, you know, some people auditioned. But, but, you know, like the little girl. And no, I was grateful to get the amazing actors that we got. Yeah. And this is going to be released theatrically, right? Yes.

It's coming out in some theater. It's also coming out on demand. I think you can get it on Apple, Apple TV, Amazon, and probably whatever, on demand. Well, that's exciting. And you said it took a lot of years to make. Why is that? You know, it's kind of hard to get a movie made as a woman. and, like, it's got a female lead.

They're basically like, get a male star or else we're not making it, like a famous man. And then, you know, telling this female story and the man's not, you know, much of a lead. That was challenging. And so, but then when Julia signed on, they're like, okay, we're, I think they'll be as much money as if you got a man, but we'll let you make it.

Heather. I mean, I know there's women that don't deal with sexism and, like, God bless them, but, like, I felt like it was hard, you know? Yeah. Wow. Do they say this straight up? They're like, your name is not enough, you know, like you need the biggest male star in Hollywood and we have no money so you can't really pay him, but I hope they can do it, you know, I tell you. When you're making independent movies. When you're making independent movies, it's, wow. But you got it made. So that must be like so exciting that it is. It is. It's like a project you were working on every time, you know, a movie gets made. Right. Do you think you're going to keep going in this direction of like creating your own movies or is it too much? I would love it. I would love it. I mean, option this book by Leanne Moriarty, who wrote big little lines, and I'm getting that

made. And I have some other stuff that I'm writing, there's scripts that I option. So I love, I love just female stories. So my goal would be to have like a production company that just makes female driven stories, like a Reese Witherspoon, Margot Robbie type of company. Oh, yeah. Who is your biggest inspiration, would you say? I mean, definitely you like Reese Rutherstpoon and Marga Robbie. I mean, both of them are just pretty amazing and just, yeah, they're awesome. So if you could go back to reboot or reunion with any of your previous movies, which one would you choose? Well, maybe Boogie Nights was fun. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's like a 30. Oh, my God, not 30. How many years? I can't even do the math. It was like 90s. Seven, maybe or something like

that. Oh, right. So it could be like a 30 year reunion. Yeah, yeah. Would you ever write a book? I feel like you have so much to tell. And like I feel like there's a theme with the female friendships and also with like, you know, women and sexism. Like, I feel like those are really important topics to you. I've had some fun in my life. I could definitely tell some stories. I don't know. Should I tell them? I'm not sure. I think you should. I like turning it into a movie so it's not just directly like, well, this exactly happened. But I don't know, because, like, my friend Molly Shannon, she wrote a book about her life and I loved it.

I don't know if you read it, but it's great. You should read it. It's called Hello Molly. But yeah, I don't know. Part of me feels private about, I don't know, sharing every aspect of my life. But I have thought about it. Yeah. I feel like it would be very good. I feel like people would want it. And speaking of writing, you did write in 2017, an op-ed

for a variety about Harvey Weinstein, where he basically told you you could get roles if you slept with him. Right. And you also said that you were, at the time, I kind of understood from you that you, maybe regretted not telling it sooner because Ashley Judd had or something like that,

do you still, do you have any regrets about it, about sharing it or not sharing it sooner? No, I feel super proud of sharing it. I mean, it's funny. My publicist was like, if this is all you ever did in your career, you could feel proud. You know, like, I'm so glad that I was part of me too.

I mean, I wasn't really approached by, by the amazing people that did those articles. And I think maybe my story wasn't quite as dramatic because I never went to this hotel room and, you know, I never, thank God, got physically attacked. But I just think that was a really great moment in history that I feel so proud that I was part of, just part of the women that came forward and told those stories

and helped put them in jail and created a better environment for women in the business. Yeah, that's probably, I mean, it's been, you know, we've seen it in movies and on TV, but hearing it happened to a real person, like, you were actually in a position that somebody, you know, said, if you do this, you'll get this. No, I know. It was really creepy. Honestly, it was really creepy, but to be in the business at that time, and I'm sure,

I'm sure even today this could be happening, but it's kind of this idea of like, just don't put your, you know, oh, well, it's kind of blame the victim, right? Like, oh, well, why were you in his office? Well, I was on a meeting set up by my agent, you know, and, you know, and, you The fact that he got punished kind of blew my mind because I feel like things like this have happened through the centuries to women and there were no consequences, right? So the fact that finally there were some consequences is actually hugely inspiring because I think there's so many people that got away with such horrible behavior in the past. So you're saying you're more shocked that he got punished for what he did than shocked by the things that he did. Well, of course, I am shocked by the things that he did.

I mean, I didn't realize that he was raping people. I mean, I knew that he was sexually harassing people because he had sexually harassed me, but yeah, to be honest, was really shocked that he got punished because it seemed like, you know, that like the powerful dudes that have like money and power protected and get away with these horrible things, you know? And do you feel like Hollywood has come away since then? Like, do you feel like it's a safe space now? I don't think it's a fully safe space, but I think that there is, there are safer. aspects and there's more boundaries and there's a way that people can talk about it and know that they will be listened to, whereas there was no precedent before like, well, this actress came forward against this powerful, successful producer, director, whatever, and then he got put in jail. Can you think of any other story where that's ever happened in the past? Right. I mean,

it's possible it's happened like once or twice, but there's no precedent of people getting in trouble for this kind of thing. Right. I mean, and like you said, it started a full movement that you're right. Like you should feel very proud. But I think a lot of it is women. We have more agency. We're making money. We're not as dependent on men, you know, needing them to support us financially. So we could say this isn't cool, you know. And these women that were journalists and all these different women that work in companies. And, and I think we're a bigger part of the workforce so that we can help make better rules for, for women coming up. And hopefully we can, you know, change things. Yeah.

And I feel like now also, there are social media and there are so many different ways you can, like, say something, you know? Right. And also, you can't hide and play in sight anymore. Like, there are people everywhere. You know what I mean? Like, I just feel like you can't be, you can't hide anymore. I mean, I think there's still people getting away with doing stuff. You know what I mean?

I do think that is true. But I think that it's starting to get less and they're starting to feel like, I think women are just feeling safer speaking up when they feel uncomfortable. about this stuff, which I think is amazing. I also think, like, your trajectory, Heather, like, you were the sex symbol. And did you ever have feelings about it that were, were you like, yay, like, I'm hot and I'm getting, you know, these roles? Or did you ever want to be taken more seriously or do more dramatic roles or anything like that?

I mean, I think it was both. I definitely, you know, coming from this insecure, awkward kid and then being told you're sexable as Bill's good. And then, of course, yeah, I did want to do serious roles. And yeah, there were moments of frustration. At the same point, I want to support myself financially. So I was happy to take the roles I was given and make enough money to support myself. Because when I look at my family, I think about my parents, I just think my mom put up with a lot of stuff because she didn't have economic freedom. Like he was paying for everything. So I think one of my main goals was just I want to be self-supporting financially and I want to pay for my own life

and not have to rely on the guy that I'm with. And I feel like I succeeded in that, which I'm so grateful. I mean, you did, you did succeed in that. You did succeed in that. Thank you so much, Heather, for coming on my show and for talking about your new project. Chosen family. So good, you guys. Go watch it. Find it in the theater near you or it's going to be streaming as well. And it's so good seeing you on screen and in our lives. Thanks for having me on your cool podcast. I've been listening to it. It's really cool. Oh, yay. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast

and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocheroo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.