Not Skinny But Not Fat - Kaitlyn Bristowe: Welcome to New York!

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

Friend of the pod Kaitlyn Bristowe is back! We welcome her to New York, get an update on the dogs, the new apartment, and what she plans to do with her Nashville home. We also dive into what she’s learned from past relationships and how she’s bringing those lessons into her current one (we’ll call him “Bruno”… you’ll find out why), whether she sees an engagement in her future, and so much more.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episodeFind bottled Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your gas or groceriesWatch Five Star Weekend now, only on PeacockDownload the Polymarket app now and use code NOTSKINNY to skip the waitlist and be first in line when pop culture markets go live.Shop the summer collection starting May 14th at shopminnow.com and enter code MEETMINNOW15 at checkout to receive 15% off your first orderFor a limited time, save 40% on your first month at ritual.com/NOTSKINNYUse our code for 10% off your next SeatGeek order*: https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/NOTSKINNY10 Sponsored by SeatGeek. *Restrictions apply. Max $20 discountTo explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/NOTSKINNYProduced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny But Not Fat podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Hirsch, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars on my very own podcast where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. Hey, everybody. Welcome to a new episode of Not Skinny Bonafat.

That's your girl. It's Amanda. How is everybody doing? Happy Tuesday. If you are listening on a Tuesday, Let me tell you guys, there are a few things on my mind right now that I want to talk about. And somebody just asked me today, like, how do you decide when you post something, if it's like celebrity-related, right? Like pop culture, celeb stuff.

How do you decide knowing the world that we live in that what you post can reach anybody and what I post can reach anybody? and specifically the people that you're talking about, it could probably reach them. How do you do that with the fact that you want to have them as a guest and not jeopardize that by saying something bad? So I feel like there's some things that it's like not the hill I'm willing to die on. Like I don't want to die. But it's like I have to be like loyal to who I am.

You know what I mean? So that's how I feel about those things. So for example, something that's really been triggering me is, obviously we've talked about this is like the skinny epidemic, whether or not it's caused by the Ozempicademic or just that we're back to the 90s. It's hard to watch. It's hard to watch gorgeous actresses look like shit because they've gotten way too skinny. And you're like, why?

Like, no, looking sunken in like a fucking alien isn't pretty. You would look prettier with fucking some fat on your cheeks. Like I don't get it. Like what don't you see? And that's the thing I was talking to somebody about this. And they're like, the perspective changes. Like the skinnier that they get, it doesn't seem skinny anymore. It's like, you know, they just think they need more all the time.

And I even saw it with friends that, I mean, now I'm talking about it was empeg, but got on that drug. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about just the skinny epidemic and what we're seeing in Hollywood and not in Hollywood is crazy, right? Everyone's stick, stick, sick, thick, thin, deathly, sickly, thin. Okay. Malnourished vibes. That's the vibe around town. And one of those people is Ariana Grande.

And I'm not afraid to say it. And that's the thing. Like I posted because I saw her fucking ribcage like a butterfly on my Instagram feed. And by the way, every picture of hers is pretty much how skinny she is. And I think the kids call it body checking, which I don't love. that term. But what I think is happening with Ariana is like obviously she hears what everyone's saying. Everyone's worried about her fitness and she's about to break. And then you decide to post concert photos of your ribcage, of your backbones protruding. And I just know from being alive and

from being educated and from, you know, seeing things about anorexia and eating disorders is that her hearing like she looks sick is making her happy. She's like, oh, great, like it's working. So to me, the fact that she posted these specific photos of the rib cage and of the backbones tells me, I heard you, I still think this looks really good. And I'm going to post it because I know you're going to react a way to. And I like that you're reacting to it like that because that's what I'm going for. And obviously, I'm not judging her.

I just want her to get help. And I think that putting this out to the world to see is so dangerous. Dangerous for her. I don't know how she's performing on stage. We saw and know that Taylor Swift had to like run a marathon with singing her songs to make sure she's in enough shape for it. How are you walking across the stage? So that's been on my mind.

But anyway, last night I went with Noah. to the Moana premiere in New York. I know I shared a lot on Instagram, not a lot, but I shared with you on Instagram that I was debating if to take him because I had mentioned to him

stupidly like two weeks ago being like, I want you to come with me, blah, blah, Moana Premiere. There's going to be this and that and that. And he was like,

no, thanks. And then every day I'd bring it up and he's like, no, I don't want to go. And I was like, oh no, like, what did I do? And then I was like, do I make him?

Do I not make him? Like, this is for him. But like, I don't want to like, force him. And then you, you guys were like, no, force him because kids sometimes don't know what's good for them. And then I actually didn't have to end up forcing him. I literally, the day before it, with a lot of your, like, advice about bribing and just about, like, kids not knowing sometimes.

And especially, I think a child psychologist, one of my favorite followers, shout out, Claudia, said to me, you can't give kids that much time in advance kind of thing. Like, you have to keep it more or last minute. So anyway, the day before I was like, okay, so. tomorrow I'm going to pick you up from camp. We're going to go to the card store. Then we're going to go get a cookie. And then he's like, we're going to go to the movie. And I was like, yes.

And he was like, okay. So that's what we did. And it was so special, you guys. And he really did tell me, like, how much fun he had and how happy he was that I made him. And I love the movie. I know that a lot of people, like, huge Disney fans are like, we didn't ask for this new live action. But like, I loved it. Like, who doesn't want to see The Rock and a wig?

You know what I mean? And like, I'm just in such a. Moana phase in my house with Lenny, too. Like, we sing it all day. So it was just so nice to see it. And especially as an adult to watch it with actors, like really, I was like, oh, the heart of Tefiti is with Takah, you know, like it made me get it. Obviously, reviews are in.

They're kind of like iffy, I feel like. The reviews are iffy. And on Polly Market, in terms of Moana's opening weekend box office, it looks like 44% of people think that the box office. office is going to earn between 39 and 44 million. Sounds like a lot to me. I feel like Moana is one of those movies that's just going to kill it at the box office. I know recently a lot of movies haven't done what they thought the box office was going

to be like Supergirl. Remember I had on Millie Alcock and like I think the box office was disappointing there. I saw reports about that. And then I was thinking about it. I was like, wait. And I literally went into a deep. dive because I was like, Wonder Woman was fucking huge. Like, I know that because Gal Gadot has like a hundred million followers. And I was like, how did Wonder Woman take off so much? And Supergirl, which are

DC franchises as well, didn't take off like that. And I feel like I wonder what it is specifically, but I also think it's a timing thing. I have this whole theory about Wonder Woman. But like, I love Galgado and I love Wonder Woman, but it did come out during me too. And I think that helped a lot. Just the success of that. I am also really. excited to go see Spider-Man brand new day with Noah. Don't judge me. I know he's not six yet, but we watch those movies together. It looks like on Polymarket, Spider-Man is projected to be the highest grossing movie in 26. It hasn't come out yet. It comes out at the end of July, and I'm going to go see it. If you want to hear us dig into these sort of markets even more,

check out Dear Media and Polymarkets podcast. What are the odds, which I host and a few other familiar faces as well. New episodes drop every Friday. And Polymarket is now available in the U.S. app store. You can trade on culture, entertainment, and more. All in one place, download the app and use code not skinny to get $50 to trade when you make a qualifying $20 deposit. Now, on to today's episode, you guys, we have a friend of the pod. She makes me laugh a lot.

She always has the most entertaining stories. Her pod was actually one of the first pods I had ever listened to. and her season of the Bachelorette was definitely in my top three, not literally number one. It is Caitlin Bristow. So many people have been calling me out if I'm greasy on the pod. They're like, you've got crazy. And I'm like, it's called skincare.

No, first of all, and second of all, like, I, like, whenever I'm doing something, like, for other people's stuff, like press or whatever, they'll like come and dab me. And I'm like, this is the Botox shine. Yeah, this is the glow. Like, nothing's coming off. ladies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's same with me. Okay. Well, wow. No, because I'm not, I don't have oily skin. I don't either. A very normal. You don't look shiny right here. Just there. But then see, when you go into the glare, you look so glowing. It looks amazing. By the way,

it's funny because, like, on Instagram, people love when you're glowing. I know. What's that? Can't win. Okay. Take a sip of water. Caitlin ran here. No, you literally ran. Can I just say, I love this no makeup look on you so much. Thank you. I really do. This is all. Also post-jim hair, I haven't showered. You worked out today? Yeah. Wow. You're in a groove.

You're in a routine already. Yeah, but I'm so upset. Like, if something is not in my calendar... Then it doesn't exist. No, and nor do I think anything's sitting in my email to see. So I don't check my email like every day. I don't have notifications on for my email. Don't check your email every day?

Mm-mm. I should. Really? Yeah. Maybe I check my email every hour. Not for me. Really? What if like an opportunity? Because like if you got an opportunity right now, it would come via email. Yeah, but they, but then my team would get it and they would know, don't pass the email. She won't read it. So they'll just text me. Oh, okay.

Like I'm so glad you text me, see you soon because I was like, what? I didn't know. And then I, of course, I'm like yelling at my poor podcast producer who scheduled this. And she sends me a screenshot and it's very clearly in her calendar. And I was like, well, it's not in mine. And she's like, well, did you accept the thing on email? email and I was like, no. For me, the minute someone sends me an invite, it appears in my calendar, whether I accepted it or not. I should show you the text because I said, I shouldn't have to do that because I haven't had to for anything else. Yeah. People just know, put it in your calendar. If it's not in there. So I'm, I apologize. I'm late. It's okay. We made it work. But thank God I did. I had a feeling all of a sudden. You've got the witchy intuition. And, but thank God, you're here. I'm here. I made it. Do you think this is what the third time you've been on? What do you mean?

Like the one time we did a whole podcast and I owe you still. This won't even make up for it. Yeah. Because I know as a podcaster what that means when somebody you spend a whole hour. And we sound engineering produced. By the way, I don't think that ever happened to me. I'm an asshole. You were spinning.

I was spinning about absolutely nothing, by the way. Which I get like it happens, you know. But I can't. Do you do people that you, do your listeners know that I did that? No, I've never told them. Oh. We're telling them now. Do you guys, what do you think I talked shit on a, on a solo pod?

Yeah. I probably would. I didn't. Oh, thank you. Well, you're protecting me. I'm an asshole and I made her delete a whole podcast, which again, I know it costs you money. And I was like, I will tell you anything today. Well, well, yeah, baby.

I love that. Oh, that's why you fucking didn't have the invite, didn't put, like, subcontact. You were like avoiding it. Maybe I, yeah. Well, I wanted to do a welcome to New York pod. I know. I love that. Welcome to New York.

It's been waiting for me. It has been. Well, you slowly, it was like a slow, like you've been coming. I mean, I had written down, and I can show you my notes, in 2022, I said I will one day. It's in my five-year plan to have an apartment in your. New York. And then I finally did it. So what year was that? 2020. You wrote it down? 2020. Yeah. Okay. So 2026 it happened. Yeah. That's in my five year plan and I did it. You moved from Nashville. Let me tell you, the adjustment is so overwhelming with two dogs because I,

you know how psycho I am about my dogs. Yeah. I, like, some people are like, they're fine. They're just dogs. And I'm like, no, they're not. And then- They're animal. They're literally lions of the They're not just dogs. They're not just dogs. I feel like they are so in tune with my energy and they know that I'm overwhelmed. And then they are so used to, like in the morning, I barely open my eyes and I just go open the two sliding doors at my house. And they just run out and they get to play. No, you don't have that.

Well, I saw you have, first of all, sick apartment. Looks really nice in the stories. Well, the, okay, it is very nice, but still, it's small. But is there, there's outdoor space. Bigger than my. whole apartment. The outdoor terrace is bigger than my whole apartment. Stop. Yeah, which is why I was like, okay, I can make this work for the doggies. Wait, are you scared that they could they jump? I've already, when I first took them out there, they've been on leashes until like yesterday.

If they go out there, like, and then if they lay down, I'll like sit there with them. And I. So you're still nervous about it. Yes. So you're not going to leave it open when you like leave the house. No. And I won't throw a ball because I'm scared that they'll like run and jump or something. I have very, very bad intrus of thoughts in New York City apartments. Well, it is a lot. Well, also, you're just trusting everybody in your building to not start a fire. Okay. But, okay.

Yes. But also, I feel like for me, if I would think about, like, moving to Nashville to a home by myself, I... I'm like, I would be petrified. Oh, no, no. Like, I would hear noises at night. You know you always gave me anxiety when you would post stories, like, whether you were deathly ill at home by yourself. You would be like, I'm going to die of 105 fever. Good night. I'd be like, she's in a home alone. And I'm probably showing like my street name in the background. Like,

ding dong. Your IV story is still traumatizing to me. I remember when you did like cold plunge sauna, cold blood sauna. I'm like, she's going to faint and die. Oh, right. You were really worried about that. I shouldn't have done that. That was stupid though. Now looking back on it because you can faint from doing that. And I was like, I am health and wellness. What are you going to do without your sauna and cold plunge and fucking system you got there? It's really like a humbling experience. But also I'm like, that's so silly to say because, oh, you have a second place in New York. Okay.

You're keeping the Nashville home. Yes. And that is the number one question I get is, are you keeping your Nashville house? And I am. I have it. I have a friend and her husband who are moving in and they're going to house sit and do all the things that needs to maintain a house. Oh. Oh. And then if I...

Not house it. Well, live there. Yes. I love how you're calling it house set. Well, I'm like, because I do plan on going back. Yeah. Like I do plan on being here. Because this is the newer house.

Yeah. Yeah. And I just finished building my podcast studio in there. And honestly, it was everything in 10 years that I was like, I'm going to work so hard to do exactly what I want and have my place in Nashville. And then I got it. And then I'm like, oh, and I'm going to live in New York. But sacrifices.

Okay. I didn't want to necessarily full time move here, but it was the right decision for where I'm at in life right now. And your relationship. With that and career. Why, you think career in New York? Yeah, you think it's going to give you like a little. You inspired me. Really?

I always tell you how much you inspire me. You inspire me in so many different ways. But specifically as a mom and in work, how you're like, there's so much opportunity here. And I'm usually like a, I'm like. like how you used to be. Yeah. Like, I don't want to do that. And I'm not going to do that.

And am I trying to do that if I do that? Right. And then I'm like, wait, it's like what people do now. It's what people do. I feel like as an adult I need to get myself out there. Oh, my year. Yes. Okay. So you feel like in New York there's going to be just more to do.

Like in this space, in the entertainment space. Like, even at the gym this morning, I met somebody that I was like, wow, I would love to, like, have dinner and hear more about your clients. Like, she represents a bunch of people. And it was like a great connect. And I just have always thought of networking as like, but now I'm like, maybe it's not me like being a greasy, you know, like salesmen trying to go there in network. Maybe networking is actually making friends, making good connections, having guests on my podcast that can have wonderful conversations with. Right for the pod too. Yeah. Yeah.

So I just think there's a reason why the universe kept pushing me in the direction of New York. And I've always wanted to. It was just more like, oh, I thought I would like live this second life. and just be back and forth. But I'm just wondering if it's feasible for you to, because your dogs are with you. Yeah. People are living in your house. Mm-hmm. So when are you going to be like going back?

Well, and for what purpose? So I'm going back on the fifth for CMA Fest. Uh-huh. And like I'll sleep in my own bed and I'll have my space. So where will they be? Well, they're like great friends. So I don't care to just hang out with them.

But they also like all their stuff's upstairs. Uh-huh. So I'll just see them and I'll bop around Nashville and sleep in my own bed. Okay, so you'll go back for like events. Yeah. Or if there's like a really good podcast that could happen in Nashville. Yeah. Yeah, events.

Also my best friend and my godson and her family are there. Worth? Yes. Yeah. And I'm. Why did Worth stick in my head all these years? I don't know if I love how you say it. Worth.

I don't know why. Because you know, because you, certain people that you follow, like I followed you for years and you post the same people. And like, I guess that handle just like sticks out to you or you think it's somebody like famous that you should know about. Well, he was, he was on very cavaliery. Super famous. Wait, he was. Yeah. He was like the trainer at the gym because his gym was attached to uncommon James.

Oh. And so then. Wait, is that how you met Chris, right? You're friends with Kristen. Yeah, that's actually not how I met her. I met her through Justin Anderson. Oh, okay. Yeah.

But I still have the tag on my pants. No, I'm dying. It's a fat one, too. I hear it. No, that's an insane one. Oh, it's an Amazon pant. Yeah. Look at her highs and lows. But speaking of the events, it is really true because when I force myself to go, I don't think there has been a time where I haven't met at least one person. That is good to me. Do you get what I mean? Like, I don't think that has happened. Have I had more fun, less fun? You know. whatever. Sure. But, but it is worthwhile in that way. Yeah. I'm, I'm excited. I've never, I think I was kind of getting like complacent in Nashville where I was like, I don't care to meet anybody. I don't care to meet new people. I just like my little group and like, eh. And then here I'm like, I'm so excited to meet new people and like have new friends. And like, I feel a new energy, which is what I was wanting here. But I am overwhelmed. You're over. First of all I'm here for you. Thank you. Genuinely. Thank you. And I feel like.

I feel like every neighborhood in New York, once it becomes your place, you don't feel like I'm in New York City. You feel like I'm in this block and this, you know what I mean? It becomes more like... And I'm already obsessed with the West Village. It is so cute. Have you been going all the time? Just twice. You're going to move there.

Really? I don't know if you're obsessed with it. I am. But it's an easy walk. Wait, so let's go back to the boys. To the boys. Yeah. I love how I'm saying the boys.

The, the, wait, are they boys? Are they both boys? The dogs. The dogs. Oh, they're both boys. Yeah. Hashtack boy, mom. Yes.

So how are they adjusting? Because it is a lot. Well, so, okay, I've got a PSA for fresh patch grass. Your extra large grass needs to be times 10. It's like a grass mat for Chihuahuas. Wait, you bought this for the outside area. Yeah, because I got, so I got two extra large grass. patches and I like did all the research. There's no chemicals. They use fresh grass. It's like a whole

thing. And there's a mat underneath it and you roll out this fresh grass and you get it changed every two weeks. It's amazing. A genius, genius product. But it rained the whole last seven days here. So it's like full of the mat is like full of pee and water and it just smells. And the dogs don't want anything to do with it. So then Pino like went to go pee on it. It was like, fuck this. And then he just went to the side and peed on the cement. And I was like, Oh, so I was like, he's getting it because he's confused now. You want your dogs to pee outside on this fake grass? Only if it's like an emergent.

Like only if it's like they're barking to go out at six in the morning and I don't want to put them on their leashes. Got you. Then I would just let them up for that. Which that would be a change for you too, right? Like having to walk them three times a day. Could you? Again, they're getting so much exercise at my house. I feel like people are like, hey, shut up about your dogs.

No, they're your whole life. Yeah, they are. They really are. But they're just so used to running outside and getting in the good exercise all day every day. And then now I'm like, I have to put you on a leash. And they're not. Raman is very good on a leash. Pino is not. He doesn't understand like walking because I've never trained him on a leash. I trained ramen on a leash. So he'll just cut people off and like pull me everywhere. And like it's. And you walk them both at a time. At the same time. I've been going one at a time now. So now it's like double the elevator ups and downs. And yeah. I mean, luckily. I have a nice man in my life that is also very willing to help. Helpful. Right. I'm like talking as if you don't have a man because you talk as if you don't have a man. Well, okay, did you see the new show that's coming out? Couples, the retreat. What you're doing. Yeah. Are you changing a subject on me right now or does this relate? You don't do it. It relates. Reality retreat? Yes. Okay. You're going to be in a new reality show. Yes, which I'm so excited about and terrified all the things. But I talk. I talked. I talked.

about him actually quite a bit in the show because it by name no we're still no name because i called him bruno in the show because we don't talk about bruno oh but i'm just at this place where i'm like gosh i'm so like proud of him and there's so much good that i'm like and i don't want to be like we're like Travis and kelsey or Travis and taylor being like don't look like we're not being bad because of like don't look at us don't take photos it's more just I'm really proud of how far we've come with like keeping it so... Like you're scared to ruin it at this point.

Yeah, but I also am like proud to talk about it now at this point as like a relationship. But as Bruno. As Bruno. I mean, people know, but I just... But that's what's so weird. Like, people know.

And you... Do you think most people... Do you think they do? Regina is shaking her head, by the way. She's shaking. Wait. No, because Kailen. Oh.

First of all, I thought maybe the dog bris. What was it? The dog, what did you do? Baptism. Oh, I called him Briss. I made him Jewish. Kayla was like, what? No, I'm dead.

See, I'm such a Jew. I'm doing this Jewish talk later and I'm kind of freaking out about it. That just shows you how Jewish I am. I made your dog's Jewish. I'm like the dog brisk. I don't discriminate. They can choose whatever religion they want. We'll be ranked.

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funny prank. Yes. You couldn't wait until April for next April 1st. That was kind of a soft launch. I guess so. And you hear the man's voice. And he has a pretty distinct voice, I would say. But it was just so funny because, again, that was a moment where I was like,

this is so funny. And I'm like, it's so sweet and it's so him to just be like, sure. Like, he didn't laugh. You didn't even laugh. He wasn't like, you're getting your dogs. baptized free. He was like, oh, like, Pino and Ramen. Like, you're getting the baptized? I was like, yeah, he's like, yeah, sure, I'll be there. Like, whatever makes you happy, I'll do anything to support you. I was like, but there's also an issue. He really doesn't outwardly laugh. And it's, again, I'm going to use the word humbling again,

because I'm like, I think I'll say something so funny. And he's like, hmm. And I'm like, wait, why didn't you laugh at that? He goes, oh, in my head, I actually was like, that's so funny. And he goes, I just don't laugh out loud very easily. Wait, really? Is it a disease? I think so. He was like, he's like, I don't know what's wrong with me. But it's like definitely one little tiny red flag is that he doesn't allow. Wait, so tell me about planning this prank that you weren't even going to pose.

So you were just did it for who? What was the point? Do you know how many funny videos, reels, everything that I have just for my own, like, pleasure? Yeah? Yeah, because you thought of it. Did you get this idea? Were you inspired by like a TikTok? Yeah, I saw someone else do this to their dad.

And I was like, I'm going to, I did it to a bunch of people in my family. And I did it. My mom, I'm so mad. Her reaction was priceless and it wasn't recording. And she was just like, oh, honey, that's so. Yes. Those are your babies. I understand.

Like, she was like, wait, I shouldn't make fun of her. She's probably serious. But now I actually do want to get them baptized. Side note. But what was your question? Oh, okay. I wanted to know, like, how this came about, how the prank came about. We have so many videos.

Every city we've been and we slow dance in and record it because it's for us. And it's so sweet because we call it inside treats because we just literally don't post them. We have them for us. Is that weird for you because you post literally everything? It's like I'm turned all the way on by it. I feel like at this point, it's like, yeah, this point you're getting on. off on it. And not in like a like F you way to people who follow me.

I actually would love to like share more. It's just this is the process and I will share more. It's just like where I'm at right now. Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that in your last relationship you were so public? Yes. That you went like 180? Yes.

Okay. I think it's definitely a trauma response. I've talked to my therapist about it. It's two things, which that's like the definition of me. I just am always two things at once. Gemini. Gemini. Yeah. I'm just very like, I'm so protective and cautious and like everything's sacred. And then I'm like so psycho and chaotic and messy and I'm nodding. I'm like, mm-hmm. Yeah. It's like so confusing. And then with this, it's like it's it's just so, it's been so sweet because yes, my last two relationships were so public. And I found that people start like filling in the gaps on what's happening outside of the.

posts. So if you don't post for like six posts, then they start counting and going, oh, and then they start doubting you. And then they, this negative dark energy comes into your like realm of online digital family. And it, to me, like it's just even that dark energy, like somebody says something negative even about the dogs. It's like, I'm not going to honestly take it personally and be like, they're right. I'm a terrible dog mom. But it's like, I am so over dark energy. And I'm just trying to protect this little bubble right now of peace. I wonder if you know how much engagement that would get, though. If you posted a fucking couple's post, you know what I mean?

You know it would blow the fuck up. But that's, I don't even think it would at this point. You don't want to, I feel like you don't want to think about it like that. No, that's my issue. It's kind of like when I post like my babies, I'm like, I hate that it's like, you know, about the likes or the, I feel like, yeah, that protective energy. You know what I mean? Yes, because...

But it would blow up, Kailen. Oh, I just think people are like, oh, finally, she shared it. Like, I don't think it's going to be a big... And I don't want it to be like... It's just mixed into a carousel post. Like, I don't want it to be a big hurrah thing. Yeah. Like, look at us.

But that's another... It just, I am really... Oh, this is what I was going to say. My therapist says about the, like, trauma response, like, is to, like... She's like, I know that, like, this is really sacred to you and you're calling it inside treats. And, like, that's amazing. and all that. But like, let's talk about a big part of this being that, like, you and your last

relationship, like, got lost in that. And you are, I always say, like, I was so, like, irritated. And then I was mad. I went through all, like, the feelings of grief with losing the last relationship, even though it was my choice to lose it. I still went through feelings of, like, anger, irritable, then, like, happy and fine and all these different feelings. But I realized how badly I was hurt in that last relationship because of, I felt like I lost that person who I thought he was to like, I completely lost who I thought he was and who I really think he might have been to social media. And I watched someone change in front of my eyes and not seem like the person I fell in love with. And I think I'm so scared of that happening again. And I hang on to things so

tightly from past relationships that I need to like be able to let go and be like, this is not that relationship. Well, what does your therapist say, though? Is she, she's not like nudging you in any way. She just wants you to understand like where it's coming from a little bit. Yeah. And to not like. But that's when I love therapy when it makes sense. Oh. When you leave and you're like, oh my God.

Like I thought I was just like being protective or liking that. But there's like another layer as to why I'm fucking doing something. Yeah. It's so like you're so lucky that you've just been in one relationship for a really long time. Am I? Sometimes I'm like I could have like I should have experienced more. You know what I mean? I haven't been on a date in my life, Caitlin.

Oh. Like a date. Oh. Do you know what I mean? Because I met him when I, no one, you don't go on dates when you're 22. You know what I mean? You don't? No.

Why? Because like you meet people at like the club or like, no? Well, yeah, but then you meet them at the club, but then you still like the heat. But then you hang out. I guess like then you hang out. I mean, you dated 30 people at the same time. You like dated dated. I really got it out of the system.

When I tell you I went through a hoe phase in my 20s in Vancouver, like I was a hoe and I'm so glad. And that's like before being a hoe on The Bachelor. I got like double ho phases. So I'm like now so to me I'm like being in a relationship for that long sounds so nice because it's like it's exhausting out here. And now I'm like on this third possible engagement, I'm just possible engagement. Well, I mean if I'm going to finally talk about someone out loud after however, And like, I hope this is the person. Yeah.

And I'm just like, oh, that's another thing. It's like my ego holds me back to because I go, what if I'm just a failure again in a relationship? Do you feel like you're a good girlfriend, though? I'm getting better. I have realized a lot over my last two that I've, not that I was a terrible girlfriend or fiancé. I'm just like.

I forgot you were a fiance. Plus. Wait twice. Yeah. Right. Because Sean wasn't. engagement. Yeah.

And you forget, I mean, does that feel, does that feel like a lifetime ago to you? Yeah. It really does. I mean, it was. It was. 10 years ago, we got engaged and then, what, seven years ago, we broke up? He popped up on my FYP for something. I can I remember in, like, his truck talking about a something.

What was he talking about? I don't know. But I watched the rant. He's been coming up for me, too. I think he was talking about, like, if the beef was really real between him and Nick. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. We. Nobody questioned.

Nobody questioned if that was face. Like I still am like, like I still feel like he's mad at me for that. Is leaving Nashville some sort, even though I know you have so much love for it. But like that's where Sean was. No. No, it doesn't have that for you at all. No, I've literally lived in the same city as Sean and I've seen him twice. And one was on purpose. Yeah.

So it doesn't hold any like that. I don't, I don't care. Like you brought him there. Yeah. The other one. We're not naming anyone in this house, you guys. We're just not, we're like just talking into the way. Well, I don't even know if that's his real name anymore.

I can't trust anything. I'm like that person. And again, I should be, it shouldn't still bubble things up in me. But like, and people are always telling me like, you're so, don't bring this up. She's over it. I'm like, I am, of course, over the relationship in every different. way. What I still hold on to that I really need to let go of is that, again, it's this person that told me a certain thing and that Nashville did not benefit him professionally or financially.

So the fact that then he chooses that as home because... Is it weird for you? It just is like... He lives there now with like his new girlfriend. Yeah, who's so lovely, by the way. Who saves dogs? She is honestly. And if more dogs get saved because I love it. I'm all for the dogs and she seems like an angel and I love that because going from Caitlin to Kat to

Catherine you got to pick the nice one. We were both spicy. I saw by the way. Another thing that popped up for me is you're like commenting on Kat Stickler's post. Oh, I've always loved Cap. Yeah? Yes. I've always, I've followed her for so long now. Did I have to unfollow when they were posting like every two seconds and I was just like, it was a lot. Yeah. I would want to ask her. I I would want to fucking, I would want her to open up about that relationship. Yeah. You think she would? I think we just both.

I'm just like, she'd probably tell me everything I already know. She should come on your pod. Okay, but here's the thing. Then it would be just like a shit talking session. It's the same thing as like posting my relationship for it because it would blow up and get good engagement. Like I don't. The same thing with I want to write a book so bad. But then I'm like, oh, well, I look back at that in 10 years and be like, I didn't really need to like.

No, you should write a book. Talk shit about, yeah. Does your team want you to write book? Yes. Does your team want you to write the book? Does that remind you like Connor and what's her name? They're like, you have first? Have you seen that?

No. Wait, Connor from? His name on Instagram is like Fibula. Oh, yeah, yeah. And him and Brooke, I think her name is. His name is. You had him on your pot, I remember. Yeah, called Bibbila.

Because you talked about me for a second. Oh, yeah, we did. Yeah. Yeah, we love you. Yeah. His name and we're so old sometimes. You have first. His name on Instagram is fibula. Did it not make you remember who he was? It worked. No, it did. But I feel like you, the reason why I said it like that, first of all, I've been very into books lately.

And I don't think everybody needs a book. Like I'm not sure I need to write a book, even though the teams have been, since I literally signed with an agent in 2020, have been telling me write a book, write a book. And I felt kind of like, not. I don't feel like that's necessary yet. For you, I feel like because you have the whole Bachelorette experience and the bachelor experience is, plus like, what? You don't feel, you don't, you wouldn't want to talk about it? No, the problem is if I wrote the stuff that I would want to write about, ABC would not let me. I would get sued. What?

You're still like, yes. What do you mean? Forever, ever? Yes. No. I have a lifelong NDA. And the way I would want. to talk about things. A lifelong NDA?

Everyone from that show does. I just, and I will see people get away with so much. And I'm like, I did a whole 10-year reunion rewatch. And they would, they had to listen to every episode before it went out. They wouldn't let me air any of it. And I had done like over 40 hours. You were flying people in. I remember.

And I told you it was genius. I love that idea. Yeah. All of my solo rewatch episodes got scrapped. They wouldn't let me air any of it. Because they're like, Caitlin, you can't talk about anything. that doesn't happen on the show. On camera.

Yes. Which that's, wait, life long NDA? Is that a thing? Yeah. That fucking sucks. Especially now with everyone having a podcast and everyone writing a book. Yeah, it's a thing. And I, so I wouldn't even be able to say.

Don't think it's expire? Well, the show might expire and then maybe I could write the book. What do you think about that? Like, Taylor Frankie Paul was supposed to air. I still think it will. Yeah? I think it won't air on ABC, but I think they'll air it on who. Hulu eventually.

Because Hulu's like, runche, they're ready to, they're ready to take it on. And the fact that they, I don't know if this is true, but I saw that Taylor is trying to make it work with her final pick, which makes me think that's them saying

that to get people watching if it comes out again. I think it'll come out. You went to meet her with all the girls wearing red looking like. What's that? Shale. No, well, that and, what's that Squid Games?

Yeah, Squid Game. It was a weird, it was a weird color choice. All of you wearing the same color. It was a lot. With numbers on us, like what season we were? I didn't like it. Yeah. It was weird.

It was weird. The Alva Choice. What did you feel from her, the energy? I got to watch the first episode, by the way. Same. I was excited about the season. I mean, again, I still think they will air it on Hulu. We Shall See.

And I don't know any insider info. So that's just me guessing. But she, she seemed so overwhelmed. Like, think about however many bacheloretts there's been. Like, there's a lot of us coming in. to the mansion all in red jumpsuits with numbers on us telling her like that's a lot they could have done a few of you and like we do breakout groups but still like we're a lot yeah i feel like they should have done like you know a nice five like rachel lindsay you jojo i don't know like

yeah we didn't need that is and by the way we found out later she came from fucking dakota the night before so of course she was overwhelmed he brought her to the airport that's crazy i remember being called the phoniest bachelor's they've ever had in so many magazines because I like went on a few dates with a guy before going on film. The phoniest. The phoniest. That's, I remember the headline. But isn't it so fun that you're one of the like top bacheloretts for sure? Do you still think so even after 10 years? Of course. Like yours is a, first of all, if somebody hasn't watched and they want to watch a season, I'll always recommend yours. And people will know it as like the bachelorette that had, you know, a little penetration. Yes. The whole bachelorette. I told you. I went through whole phase.

Right. And like, I mean, 20,000 seasons of this and so many bacheloretts and so many bachelors and like, of course. And you have a sustained career after all these years. Yeah. You know what I mean? It is crazy. But I just like think of that.

I'm like, oh, that's so little baby Caitlin. Like it's so cute watching her thing. She knows what she's doing. I know. That's why I love the recap idea. I know. I was really bummed with that. that didn't happen. I mean, I really put a lot of watch time and work and effort into it.

Not only like just actually physically sitting down and time being spent doing that, emotionally, the psychological warfare that did all my brain after rewatching, I was like, I was like, wow, I was really put back into like all these times I think I'd shoved under the rug. And I kind of thought, oh, I'm over that. And then I go back and watch. And I was like, oh, man. Did you watch like the finale and everything? Everything. And I was watching that. It made me sad. Like it was. sad. I felt I felt it was sad because to me that relationship was like real. It felt like one of the most real relationships I've ever had. And it just really that whole season is still the

reason we broke up. Nick. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Nick, as we know him today, is Nick Vial. Yeah. That who would have thought? Who would have thought? He would be your podcast host. You know, like he's, like, do you think he's different than he was on the Bachelorette? Or is he kind of like the same? I don't know because I feel like I don't know him anymore. Well, you guys did that reunion, right? Didn't you go on his pod? Yeah, I did.

That was a long time ago. Yeah, I went on his pot. We were, like, friends for a minute there and I was like, I don't know. I kind of like, I don't know how to explain him. He's an anomaly to me. I don't know. They get a lot of hate. A lot lately.

A lot of hate. Like, my. TikTok algorithm really wanted to show me that too. Oh, yeah? Like, I was like, wait, I'm not going searching for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wow, is that ever everywhere on my TikTok is people like, like hate account, like entire hate accounts. But I think just to put closure on that, like, that relationship ending because of the season, because of Nick, none of it had to do with you.

Yeah, I know what I mean? That's like, I feel like something that was like also like a man's ego. You know what I mean? a man's fucking ego. That's, I mean, I think they, I still to the day think they hated each other because they're so like. Oh.

They probably never ran into each other since the season. I don't think so. They live completely different fucking lives. Well, that's why I was like, Sean really disappeared from like that whole world. Until his naked truck talks lately. I don't know why he's doing naked. I'm undressing him.

He probably had a shirt on. I don't know why. I don't know. I don't know. He was like, in the truck. He reminded me of a lot. like Luke, what's that movie, Sweet Home Alabama. Oh, he gets that a lot. Oh, he does. Yeah. And like him and the pickup, it just like reminded me of that. Is he a pickup now, not the Jeep truck? Oh, I don't know. Could be making

that up too. Oh. Could have created a whole fantasy. Sean Booth here. I might, I don't want to, I might have, I might have been attracted to him in that scene. I get it. In that scene. I made it a movie. I made it a, in that TikTok. I might have been like, oh, like I might have. forgotten. Yeah. And that TikTok reminded me that he was hot. He's hot. Yeah.

I was very attracted to me. Yeah. We'll be right back after the break. Guys, I'm such a sweet girl. Like, I'm the sweetest girl. I'm like, sometimes, like, people don't get it. A lot of people in my life do get it. Like, they call me Simpatica, like in Spanish.

Like, I'm just sweet. I'm nice. I'm cute. And you might not know that, but you should if you really know me. And for a sweet girl like me, not only do bees and flies love me, but I love. but I love sweet. Like, I love sweet. I've always had a sweet tooth.

I even hate saying sweet tooth because, like, I'm like, yes, I've always wanted something sweet after every single one of my meals and in between. And if I could add something sweet to every meal, I would add chocolate chips to a steak. Like, I really would. So my coffee really needs to be a treat. Like, I wait for my coffee. I go to sleep thinking about my coffee, okay? So one of the most perfect sweet treats to start my day with a smile is a Starbucks

for Avicino drink, you guys. Have you had one? Have you had one? Have you bought one in a glass bottle and put it in your fridge and made it really crispy cold? And then taken down and sipped in you're like, this is what life is about. It's just perfect. It's delicious. And it blends indulgence and coffee because you need both in your life. And it puts a day on the right track. Also, you can find it wherever you find groceries or gas and you'll see it in the little fridge and you're going to be like, I feel at home because I see my Starbucks, Rappuccino drink. You can find bottles of Starbucks, Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your gas or groceries. up, put in your fridge.

Guests come over. You're like, what do you want? Water, a soda? A Starbucks Prapetino drink? I'm telling you, they're going to want to stay over. Okay, so maybe don't do that. I don't know if you'd like your guests to stay over or not. But you get what I mean.

Wait, you guys, I'm so excited for this new Peacock original series based on Ellen Hilderbrand's bestselling novel, The Five Star Weekend. This is a star-studded cast. It's Jennifer Garner, Darcy Cardin, Gemma Chan, Regina Hall, and Chloe Sevenier. I hope I said her name right because she is the coolest broad on the planet. This whole cast, I love them. I want to be there. I have FOMO.

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I'm already hungry. There is a lot to unpack here. So stream the five-star weekend. You can stream it now only on Peacock. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health. insurance program. I've been telling you guys about the ASPCA pet health insurance program for a while. I have a dog. Some of you don't know that because I don't post them enough. I'm a terrible dog mom in many ways because I give most of my attention to my kids, but I really try to be the best dog mom that I can be

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off your first order. And we're back. Your birthday's coming up. Oh, our birthday. Wait, when are you again? Mine first. When are you again? May 31st, like this weekend. But I have to say like I would post every year this meme of like waiting all of May so it could be my birthday. Yeah. And I don't feel that way anymore. And I thought that if I would post it and say I don't feel that way anymore, people would think I don't feel that way because I'm like turning another year older.

And I didn't want people to misconstru it. This is what goes people through people's heads when you're going to pose. But I was like, people are going to think like I don't want to get older, which I'm so down with turning 38. I love it. I think I've just like, there's something to me about maturing and birthdays becoming kind of like less like. Yeah. You know, like, I kind of just want to be like very low key. I was even like, let's go away so I don't have to do like a dinner or party and invite friends.

Like I was kind of kind of, yeah, I'm happy with the number. Yeah. I don't care. But it's like I don't feel as passionately about like, tonight birthday, which I used to be. What about you? Okay, this is so funny that I feel like I just have to address that before we move, this one thing before we move on. Is it so random? No, this is about just be.

Why do I always end up talking about exes? With me? Yeah. And then that has to delete the episode. I come back. I'm like, look, you're going to have to delete. You can leave everything. I'm just kidding.

But I just feel like it. With me? No, no, no. Just in general, I feel like it always ends up coming up. And then I'm like, is it me? Or is it just? No, no, no. Or is it part of like, yeah, that's how people like, that was like my identity for a little while

to relationship. So does it keep coming up? Because I just know people are going to be like, Stop talking about it, get over it. And then I go, I'm really big into accountability these days. Yeah. And I'm like, I do think I should maybe. Think about why it comes up.

First of all, I, the reason why, like, we were talking about the posting versus not posting. And I was like, there's a juxtaposition because you post a lot of your life. Yeah. Like, you post yourself in the middle of a mental breakdown. We're going to talk about that soon. Like, so, of course, it's like, there's a dichotomy here of, like, someone who's so open about their lives and has been open about their relationship. So that's what I think it is. I think like you've been open. And then I just openly compare because that's how people know and then it gets me in

trouble. But I think it's cool that you don't, you know, that you can talk about these things because well, you're also my friend so it feels very easy. My love. Yeah. Well, I hope you feel good about what we talked about. Oh, no, I do. I don't. I'm just know how people are going to respond. Anyways, I'm actually turning 41 next month, which is so crazy. And I thought I would like, at that number. Like in my late 30s, I was like, okay, 40's gonna be chic. And then 41 just seems like,

what a stupid age. Because I remember your 40th celebrations. Like it was yesterday. That freaks me out more than age. It's more like time flying. Like, I remember you celebrating 40. Like, I remember like seeing it on Instagram and be like, oh my God.

So the fact that like your year is coming up. Set that whole thing up. It was a beautiful long table dinner in my backyard in Nashville. Like Bruno. It was like, an Italian theme he hired a party planner. He had a bartender. He had like little photos of me on each drink with a clip thingy. Like it was so thoughtful. My family flew in. He made a speech. Like it felt like a wedding. It was so cool. And this year I'm like, I just, I really want to go to Paris. Three of my best

friends live in Paris. And so I'm going to go to Paris for my 41st birthday and just keep making 40s chic because they are. I like love 40s so far. I'm only going into 41. I'm so happy. I'm only going into 41. So, like, I've only lived two years of my 40s. Yeah. But I love it. I mean, that's what they say. Really? Yes.

I mean, the, like, dry vagina from perimenopause isn't, like, ideal. Oh, can I hate that? Okay. I don't like pari menopause. I don't like that we're naming everything now. What was it before they came up with this? Because now I can't tell people I'm having a fucking headache. I'm here without them labeling me.

That's not pari menopause, by the way. Or, like, that I'm mad. Oh. Or that's just. Okay. What was it before? this was labeled. Was this a name for something before, like, before we had, like, we have our periods and then one day we have menopause. Yeah. And now they made a whole new thing up. Well, I think, I don't think it's made out. I think it's real. I ask my testosterone cream that I put between my legs every day. If that's real or not. But it's, it's just like being a woman is so hard. There's so many different phases of, like, what, like, with,

our bodies. Yeah. But what I find empowering is like that. How do you get diagnosed with the perimenopause, though? I don't even think. Diagnosed. Like, what is it? I actually don't think I'm going through perimenopause.

I think my age and being on antidepressants is just doing what it does. Why? What does the antidepressants have to do with it? It lowers your libido like crazy. Oh, really? Yes. But I've been doing hormone therapy, hence the testosterone cream, and we are okay now. Really?

Yes, it's wonderful. Well, your hornier now? Yeah. Yeah. Really? Well, it's like that being in a like being attracted to somebody's magical, that's really a beautiful thing. And testosterone cream. So between your legs one? Yeah. Why do you have to, so you don't take it? You spread a cream and it. Yeah. You can't take it. But I. Yeah. Were your testosterone levels not where they should be? They were in hell. Look below the ground. They were terrible. And this did you get your hormone specifically tested? Yes. Okay, so this isn't on a regular blood test. No, I did like a whole hormonal panel of blood work to see because I was like, my moods were low.

And I'm like, that's pretty normal for me during PMS. Yeah. I have like all the PM, P-COS, PMD, all the things. And so I was like, instead of just like always complaining about it every month, so I got a fibroid removed, I did all my blood work to see like my numbers. And really my main thing is my testosterone, testosterone levels were down. So now they're back up. But who said perimenopause? I don't know.

A podcast. TikTok. So you don't know that you're going through it? I actually don't. I don't know if I am because my periods are very regular. Everything else feels very regular. I said no to a brand deal of a lot of money because they try to perimenopause me. Oh, good for you.

Yeah. Because I was like, I don't think I'm there yet. Oh. You know what I'm 37? You're not there yet. I don't need to be like talking about perimen. right now. Good for you.

Which I'm gladly, we'll enter the era when the era's here, but I don't like to be forced into a box or a new diagnosis. Our brains and our minds and our bodies are so powerful

that you might even like talk yourself into being pari menopause. Yeah, I don't need those wheels popping up for me. No, look at your little point ballet flats. Those are really cute.

I know. These do give like ballerina. But they have the point shoe. They're so cute, right? I love them. Are you into ballet flat? I have a feeling. You don't wear ballet flats.

I just ordered my first ballet flat yesterday. Yeah. Which brand did you order? Amazon. No, stop. Well, what brand do I mean? Why are you just shopping on Amazon? I'm broke out, but I live in New York.

No, I'm not. Shut up. I mean, now that you're keeping two houses afloat. Well, I feel like New York is, I'm like, what do you mean? It's $60 for a drop in Pilates class. That's insane. I know the prices here are pretty cray-cray. They're insane.

Yeah. Okay. But anyways, I love a ballet flat. And you love ordering clothes on Amazon. I do. I like Revolve I like

high-end fashion I also like an Amazon high as and lows highs and lows I also bought a kitten heel which I can't believe and capri pants Oh I was gonna ask you

about capri pants First of I think you could pull them off because you're so teeny tiny And maybe you need the capri pant Look I'm on card number one And she just five minute in me Oh God

Are you dying that I'm on card number one I do that all the time With people I like I know isn't it fun That means you like me Wait, I did want to talk about the February mental breakdown. Oh, which one? February. February, you posted a carousel.

You took off comments. You took off the whole thing. It was like a broken candle. Oh, I was going through it. What was happening if you can share a little bit? What is it called? Retrograded. Mercury?

Radio Shack. Mercury was in Radio Shack. I was going through it. Okay. I just, it felt like everything was snowballing into things going wrong. Like I actually went, because you know I'm crazy, went to a medium to see if I had like a hex put on me, like a spell. Okay.

Because everything kept going wrong. Like I didn't even talk about like certain things that went wrong. Like my dog's health stuff was happening. I got deported to Canada. Right. Yes. And everything I did like I would injure myself if I tried to work out. I would like, like, just bad things kept happening all the time.

And I just felt like my mental health was a bit in the toilet for a minute there. And I was just trying to like keep my head above water. And I was just like, what is in the air? Everything kept going wrong. And then not being, like, I was forced out of the country because a lady at the border didn't like me. Like, they can do anything at the border. She just, I remember being like, this woman does not like me. You were supposed to fly from where to where.

So I was flying from Calgary to back to Nashville. And the woman told. me my visa, work visa was wrong. And I was like, I'm not going to argue with her. Like, she runs the border. And I was like, oh, I don't know. I've used it for eight years. Like, tell me what I did. And she was like, we cut it in the wrong spot. And I was like, oh. And she was like, why would you do that? Like with scissors? Yeah. And I was like, well, there's a line that said cut here. So I staple it. I hope you didn't get that attitude with her. No, I honestly was so kind because I'm like, I respect any border. Like she, but anyway,

she sent me into a back room. And then the man finally calls me up. And he was like, what's the problem? I honestly don't know. Like I would love if someone could tell me because apparently I cut it in the wrong spot. And he was like, no, this is right. And I was like, oh, okay. And he let me through.

And then I went to renew my visa. And my immigration lawyer was like, did you have an issue at the border? I was like, no. And then I was like, wait. I even remember a lady that was my flight attendant on the plane came out to me. And she goes, I just wanted to say, like, I'm so, sorry for the way that woman treated you at the border. She was so awful to you.

And I was like, okay, thank you. I thought, like, I did something wrong. She was like, no. She's like, I've seen that lady do that a couple times. I was like, okay. So then I went to renew my passport and they were like, oh, well, whoever you dealt with at the border silently deducted like 13 days off your work visa, you have to go back to Canada. And this was right before I left for filming in the Dominican Republic for the new show.

And so I was there stuck there for four weeks, I think, with my dogs and an Airbnb. be and like. No, that's wild. I felt so bad. And I was just like spiraling. It just felt like so many things were going wrong. Not like, well, plus like my stepdad was really sick. How was he doing? He's doing so good. Oh yeah. He literally just got a scan back where there's no cancer detected in his body. That's amazing. I can't believe it because he was stage four, right? He still is technically stage four, but he got this surgery at Mayo Clinic. He did all these things. And like, yes, it will come back. That's like a, it will because it's stage for but like as of right now they gave him they said one year to two years and I was like beside myself that's how they talk that's so far I can't believe that's real it'll be a year in like two weeks and

there's no cancer detected in his body oh they said this at the beginning yeah oh my god knock on wood I know I'm wishing him health I'm so so happy he's so happy my mom so happy it's like it's you did you shared a lot about that oh because honestly I really believe in like the power of prayer and like I think there are so many good people out there that like But even that scared was scary for me to share because I was like, man, even negative people, like, people wish death upon me. I'm sure they wish death upon my family members. Like I don't know how crazy people are into like that. But it just scares me. Wait, so you talk to a medium, which usually you would talk to them to talk to people that have died. Yeah. Were they like, who do you want to talk to? And you were like, nope, just wanted to know if anybody has it out for me up there? Yeah. And or like down here, like, is there something I need to do to remove a spell for me? And basically she was just like, this is life. Like sometimes bad things just happen like in a row. In a row when it rains at pours.

They're like really bad things and like nothing like it was all like on the outside of stuff I couldn't control. And I just felt like I just felt so mentally drained. And I didn't want again like this is when I share it, I'm like, I don't need the like comments to be on. I'm not looking for like, oh, I'm so sorry. I just was like, I got to just put this out there because like what is happening in my life? life right now. Yeah. And then it all turned around. And then it did. Usually after I feel like a bout of that, there's usually like an upward. I went to Dominican Republic and I've filmed. Oh, you went right after to film the show. Literally I got home. I had one day to pack for three weeks of filming.

And it was a very specific packing list and it was so crazy because I didn't know exactly what, like, like, imagine signing up for a show after like, like I've only done Bachelor 10 years ago and then dancing with the stars. Otherwise, I've just. hosted like some things, but I haven't done reality TV. So I was so in my head about being a contestant, not knowing the name of the show I was going on. I'm like, what if it's called freaks on an island? Wait, you didn't know what it was going to be called? So what did they tell you about it, though?

They just said it was going to be like a wellness woo-woo retreat. You're like, sign me up. Yeah, I was like, put a crystal up my butt and call me Susan. I'm there. Like I loved it. And it was so, it was exactly. And you know, did you know, it's going to. be other reality stars? Yes, but I didn't know who. So who was with you? So they didn't,

they told me that no other bachelor people would be there. And I walk in the first person I saw was Jen Tran, who I love. And so I was excited to see her because she's a little angel doll. It was Christine Quinn from Selling Sunset. Was she nice? Angel. No. She's spicy. Like she, there's a few times like, well, she's back, I think, on Selling Sunset too. She is. Yeah. There's a moment where I was like, oh, don't fuck with her. Like she, there was something going on at one of our dinners one night and she slammed the table. I feel like you wouldn't get in like fights with people.

I did not. I'm actually a little mad at myself. I was like, I wish I could go back and be a bit spicier. But I don't think that's really the place I'm out in my life. Yeah. Because I sat there. I'm like, I'm not even going to be a part of the show because I just sat there like this all time. Like watching what other people were doing.

The screaming, the name calling. Which of who else housewives? Kenya Moore. Yeah. Who I didn't know who that was. And she was like, oh, baby. I'm icon status and I was like, cool.

I don't know. Kim Zolsiak. Uh-huh. Marge from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yeah. I'm obsessed with her. She's fun. Did you talk to her?

Oh, I lived with these people in the same house for three weeks. Okay. I shared a bed with Jen Tran for 23 days. Wait, so who did you like become closest with? Jen, Hilaria, Marge. Wait, you can hang out with. Christine. Brittany from me.

Vanderpump. Like, I loved everybody. Wait, Brittany from Vanderpump was there? Yeah. No, I'm dead. Yeah, it was This is going to be fun. Well, it's so, what's really cool is like there's not a show like this out there, because it's really about women healing together. And we did some serious, like, we were doing inner child work. Like, it was on camera. On camera. And like, we had a world renowned guru coming in and like walking us through like some really deep work. I had a full, I had a full blown panic attack on. Oh my God. But like because I didn't, I was doing trying to do breath work and it like, my whole body started seizing up and I didn't know like that was happening to everyone else. I thought it was just me. So I was like, I'm having a panic attack. Wait, so from doing a certain breathing, I could see that

happening to me. Because you know when they say like do box breathing when you're having a panic attack? Yeah. I think that doesn't work for me. I end up like doing something. No, I panic. Yeah. That's, they literally ask me like what is in the like Wu-W Wellness space of like everything you've done, what's the thing that you're not good at? I was like breathwork because I freak out over breathing. Yeah. Yeah. But it was a crazy cast.

So when does this come out? I don't know yet. They say first quarter of 2027. What? That's so far away. I know. And then like, again. But it was just like announced or talked about somewhere.

Yeah. They like put out an announcement, but not like an actual. It was just kind of like a deadline article. Edit it quicker. I know. I'm like, because, you. Healing on TV is really, it's scary because I'm like, I think I held back a bit of what I really, like, I've done inner child work before.

Then I get in my head that I'm like, was I like a superior where I like, I've done this before. I've done this before. And I'm just like, I don't know. You never know how they're going to edit something. So you're dying to see it. I had a great time. Yeah. I'm dying to see it.

And it brought you back to reality TV. Yeah, which was I honestly was like, I don't know if I'm cut out for this because I, like, they were like, Caitlin, why aren't you reacting? I'm like, I have worked 12 plus years in therapy to bring the power of pause into my life and not react with emotions. And this is testing me on every level. And I'm trying really hard to process things before I speak. Well, would you want to do like other reality too? Like traitors. Oh, yeah. Like those kinds of shows. I'd always love to do traders. But like, Ashley I keeps pitching the idea of Real Housewives of Nashville. And like that sounds so fun. But I'd like, that would feel like a lot of toxic energy and that would scare me.

Even though I'm like, I'm not even a housewife. And now you live in New York. And now I live in. Well, you could join housewives of New York. And now, first of all, no housewife is really a housewife anymore. Yeah. But you and how she I, that's cute. You're, you're, you're hanging out.

Did she podcast with you? Yeah. She did the pod. She did the pod. And I love the show. I think it's so good. How, like, shocked were you when you heard she was going to be a housewife? Oh, I just thought it was hilarious.

because I just know her so well. And she is, she is really good with like getting, you know, you have to kind of be a certain way to make television. And she is good. She's good on camera. She, it's just like I knew she'd be a fish out of water in a setting like that because my fellow Amazon shopper and she's just like. My fellow Amazon chopper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like with those women. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't fit in. And she's just like very, I feel like self-aware. And yeah, she cries a lot, but she's self-aware of, like, her surroundings. And I just feel like it's so funny watching these women.

I really truly believed it was manufactured, like, drama. But then moving into this house with three housewives on the show that I was on, I was like, oh, this is like they really are like that. You didn't have to step in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, like, somebody called somebody a dusty ass crusty hoe. on when I was there and I was just like like Jen and I were taking

we took a tequila shot and we were like we feel like we're watching TV and we're on the TV show like this is so fun Wait speaking of Jen I won't forget you went back to dancing with the stars like a year ago and there were rumors about you and Sasha Oh my God Sasha and I have been so close

since I was on the show I feel like him Daniela Emma Brittany those are like I'm close with all of them but and Ellen I feel like those were because when we went on tour together, we all, like, just got super close. And Sasha loves getting people talking.

Wait, did he put, he posted something with you. Yeah. And like, we, dancers are always just like so intimate and like flirty. And that's just so Sasha all the time. And then we were doing this one. And then right at the end, he like, put me up and he goes, and do this big dramatic drop. And then so we did it.

And then people were like, are they dating? And I was like, oh my God, no. But that was. There was a moment. Yeah, no, I feel like I knew, yeah, obviously. I love him and he is, I know men don't like it when you're like, he's a brother to me. Yeah, he's a brother to me. Yeah, there was no, there were no vibes.

No. I feel like last time you were here, maybe I was on your pod, we were talking about, you wanted to get the bluff. And then you got the bluff. Do you love it? I love the bliff. The blef here. Yeah. So you have no upper eyelids now.

Oh, I still have. You have a small upper eyelid. She's so glad because you know what? After I did it, I was like, do I like a hooded eye? But she like barely took any from mine because I didn't want it to look like, you know, like Bradley Cooper. I know. The men. The men blefs or not.

The men, don't get a bluff man. No. It's. I feel like, yeah, I haven't seen a woman where it doesn't look good on. But also. Doesn't it scare you to do things because then it could be a bit too much? Yes. But I do like, for example, my boobs and my bluff.

That's the, that's the two surgeries I've had. had on my body. And I did so much research on the doctor because I wanted to see like every before and after. I wanted to like go to someone who's very like conservative. I don't want anything overdone. Like when I got my boobs done, it was kind of like a happy 40th birthday. Let's get some t-titties. And I was like, but I don't want them to be like like even right now I'm so mortified. I'm in my sports bra still from working out. I threw a t-shirt. Why are you mortified? Because you can just see the red sports bra through it and it's making things look. That's I forgot you how to, do you love them?

Yes. I love them. And I'm just like, it's so fun because I, I didn't want it to be very noticeable. They're like, maybe a half cup. But people notice, right? Well, because I, like, did a Sports Illustrated post. I'm talking about my new tits. So, yeah, they do.

But before that, did they notice or were there no time in between? Oh, you said it right away. Yeah. I think I was, like, probably on opioids. Just like, look at the drinks. Wait, did you say you got, like, addicted to the painkillers? Well, so I, 12 years ago, I didn't, a doctor that gave me Valium did not tell me like, hey, maybe watch how many of these you take and like they're quite addictive. And so I got addicted to Valium like years ago. So I knew very much like, watch this, Caitlin, because apparently you've gotten an addictive personality. And so I was like, I kind of like weird even about taking Advil sometimes. But I was like, oh, I'll enjoy this while I have it. And so I didn't know. that I think it's four days

like it's it's four days for your body to like get addicted to and I think it was Perkissettes and um Bercocet Are you being a rapper over there? Just dropping a bar

Yes that But I had a night nurse Come stay with me one night And I was like thank God I had her Because I would have just been like I think I took one but who knows Oh because you can't You don't remember because of yourself

Yes. And so then I had girlfriends come into town from Canada and they wanted to go out. And so I was like, well, I better stop taking those. So I just stopped cold turkey after like way too long. And I think you're supposed to like maybe wean yourself off. And then I went into drinking with them. And I felt like garbage to the point where somebody I know in substance abuse was like, you actually have to take half with your drink right now. And I was like, what? And he's like, take half of a pursesette with your drink so that you don't have like a pen. panic attack. And so I did, but it was like I was at the point that I was like, oh, I realized my body is addicted and I shut it down. But so how many days was it that you were taking the perk was out? Five. And you've already felt your body like needing it? Yes. Oh my God. Like my, I felt like I was shaking and like dizzy and seeing double and like just didn't feel right. On it or off of it? Off of it. Where I was like, oh, if I have another one, I'll feel fine. And then I did that on day five. Yeah. And then it was day six that I was like, I'm not doing it.

And then you realize you have to taper it off. Yeah. So just talk to your doctor about that. Yeah. Ask more questions about these painkillers. Yeah. So no regrets with the stuff you did. No.

What is your feeling like moving forward? Is there anything you still want to do? Not right now. No. I mean, maybe for my 50th, I would do like a facelift. But your face is so fucking snatched that I don't know what lift could be done. Well, I don't. That's why I won't do it right now.

Right. I'm saying at 50, if I'm like, I could use a little. Yeah. I just want. Well, God knows you're not fearful of going into things. No. Yeah, no. You're not.

I just, I go off gut feelings. And then if I make a decision, I just do it. Yeah. And then I do the research. Yeah. But I just do it. She's fearless, guys. If I want it.

Before you go, a couple of quick things talk about. Capri pants, we're into them. You order them. Another thing I want to talk about is no manicure, manicure is trending right now. I saw this. And that ain't you, babe. I always have. Are you going to convert?

Okay, is this just someone who doesn't like getting a manicure? No, this is like, I saw so many posts of like not having your nails done is the new status symbol. That's great news for me because I have felt pressure to just always have my nails done because it was always at the thing. Right. But I'm like such a nail biter. I love a little, well, maybe not. My nails are crushing right now. I think you would need to, I think you would need to like taper with this too. Like it would be too much to go from this to nothing. I have to wean off. Just like short in them. The colors go from bright to like not so bright. I saw that. So it's just like a clear polish and like a

neutral. I don't even, I don't even have our, well, I'm not saying like minor in tip-tip-tub shape, but I will say I got to the point with nails before these articles where I was like, I can't. I can't deal with like the upkeep. I can't deal with the fact that if it's chipped then my life is ruined and I need to get it all done.

I can't, like I was just like over it for a second and got the ick. I get that. And then I'm like, well, thank God it's trending. It's, it, I need to embrace that because if you asked all of my girlfriends from like my like six, solid six best friends, they'd all be like, yeah,

I just see you with like, a little like bit nub nail that you never did. Like that's, when they see me now, they're always like, look at you always have your nails done and it's so funny to them. Yeah. So I can just go back to being myself now. Like they don't, people that really know you feel like this isn't like true to you. No.

Yeah. Like even if you go back, that's something I noticed when I was rewatching my bachelorette season. I was like, bless. I didn't give a shit about nails. Like they were just bitten little nubs never polished nothing on them ever. And then think about it. Did anybody care of the 30 guys that wanted to bone you about your, fucking nails.

Not that we do it for the guys, but what I'm saying is like, we definitely with the nails, like, nobody cares. No. You know? No. And it's just takes up so much of your time. Okay. So reality retreat will wait till 2020.

I know. So what, now that you're in New York, what are you manifesting that's next for you? I don't really know, which is weird for me. Because usually I have something on the vision board that I'm like, But I don't, I'm honestly just kind of like, like whatever the wind blows me. Like I'm just like in a good flow of I want, like I went to a Jersey Shore cast dinner and I was like, what turn did I take in my life to be here? Was this after they came on the pod? They invited you?

That's funny. And it was just so, I was hoping you were going to be there. You were doing something else. I think I text you. What are you doing tonight? And you said something else. But I was like, I hope you're going to be there. But just like more yes, I guess, I guess in New York.

Yes. And yeah, I'm not really manifesting anything other than like health, wealth and happiness. Health, wealth, and happiness. Thank you for coming on again. Thank you for having me. I'm so sorry for being late. I'm glad it worked still. Me too.

I love you. Love you so much. Love you so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast. We don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast. write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoochero. Thank you guys

so much for listening, and I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.