Not Skinny But Not Fat - LILI REINHART: RIVERDALE, MENTAL HEALTH, & PERSONAL DAY

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Lili Reinhart is on the pod! You probably know her from CW’s teenage cult hit Riverdale. If you follow Lili on social media you know how openly she discusses her mental health & body image, and now she is coming out with an acne-safe skin care brand, Personal Day. We discuss dealing with anxiety at a young age, making it in Hollywood, coming off of Zoloft, shooting Riverdale, and more! Produced by Dear MediaThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Hirsch, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars from my very own podcast, where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. You guys, I'm so excited today. Yay. Let's dive in. Lily Reinhardt is here. Yeah.

I, so have people on the pod, obviously. And then there are people that come on the pod that I'm, like, super excited about because I've followed their journey. Uh-huh. And that's how I feel with you. Yay. Thank you. Like, I watched Riverdale when it came out, which was 21. I think it aired in 2017.

So 1,000 years ago. Thousand years. Seven years. Seven seasons, yeah. Wow. Seven years. And I remember back then, like reading about you and everything you did to become an actor. And that was really inspiring and then followed you throughout and saw you share about, you know, body image, mental health, like all these things.

So super excited to have you on today. Yeah. Because of all that. Happy to be here. So Riverdale. Okay. Sad or happy when it ended. Oh, very sad.

I mean, it was like a very entirely bittersweet, but the last episode was hell to shoot because I was so emotional. And I mean, it's, you know, seven years is a long time. And it was nine months out of the year for seven years. Nine months out of the year in Vancouver shooting. Yeah. Living. Living. Yeah, my whole life was there.

And, you know, my cast became. We're family there because none of us, most of us, none of the lead cast were from Canada. So we all just had to kind of uproot our lives and go there. And that's, you know, why we became family there. And it was like a trauma bond almost. Like, because you're being, you know, your whole say, hello, move to Canada and here you figure it out. But, I mean, cast do that all the time. I think people, a lot of people assume like, like, no, when you're a series,

regular, usually on a show, you move there and... You're either in like Atlanta, Georgia, or like Canada. But you pay, like, people are like, oh, they put you up. It's like, no, no, I pay rent. Like, I'm paying rent in Canada. Do you. Yeah, it's like I had two, at a home in L.A. And a Vancouver apartment.

Did all of you live in the same apartment building? At one point, one, two, three, four, like four of us did. But I hop to, I went to, I lived in three different places over the course. of seven years. That's actually wild. Yeah. It's like you get this role. It's a huge deal to you. But then you don't think about that. And they're like, oh, should I have to move? And people don't think about it. You're right because it would totally be something I would like complain about. Yeah. But then it's also like a huge people would be like, what? You got this. Yeah. Series regular, CW show. Such a hit.

Yeah. Well, it's always so funny. Like the way that they, I was on the phone call with my team. And before you test for a role you usually they sign the contract so you get it all kind of sorted before so once you book the role you're not like I want a billion dollars so you do it beforehand and I remember being on the phone with my lawyer and I was like oh it shoots you know at the Warner brother's lot and he's like no no it's in Vancouver I was like oh okay and like it took me I was 19 and like took me a second to realize that I'd be shooting there and obviously I had no idea that the show would go on for seven years. I had no idea. But it was, yeah, it was a bit jarring to hear that. But Vancouver is a lovely place. It rains a lot. I enjoy the rain, but like, it rained a lot.

And sometimes it was, I already have depression. So it was a little bit tricky sometimes. And Vancouver's a very outdoorsy. Like, people go there and they hike. They want to be outside. And I like to be inside. Yeah. So you're not outdoorsy gal. Not really. But I like, I really enjoyed my nice, I lived in a beautiful high-rise and my nice, like, rainy nights in Vancouver in my cozy little apartment. I miss it sometimes for sure, yeah. But maybe were you also ready to, like, move on with your career and make a change? Absolutely. Seven years is a long time.

So, like, 19 to 26. Those are also, like. Formative years. Yeah, very. So tell me about before getting the role, because like I said, I remember, I remember kind of your story, but for people that are listening that don't know about it. Yeah. I mean, I've been acting since I was 12. I think a lot of people don't realize that because I wasn't a child star. I wasn't, people didn't know who I was, but I've been acting since I was 12. I grew up doing theater and then I did like a PBS pilot when I was 12 and then did law and order, like my law and order SVU. Everyone checks law and order off their list. And I did my episode. What were you? I was the killer. A baby killer. It was a 14 year old killer. that's a good spoiler alert for those who haven't seen it's the twist it's the twist it's the twist in my episode

oh damn i know i was like like a little bitch in that episode wow that's good yeah it was good but you grew up in ohio right so how were you auditioning and stuff so i was self-taping and i had my mom would drive me eight hours from ohio to new york for for auditions so she was supportive the best best parents wow why drive and apply money money yeah and we would use my dad's like work hotel points to stay outside the city in new jersey the night before and then drive in my mom would be driving her blue minivan on the streets of new york god bless her truly wow was she not working at the time that she could do it no at the time she was not so yeah she was able she was able to do it and so wouldn't be here without

my mother obviously yeah like obviously in my career also would not be here without her but how did you know that, like, what sparked your interest in this world? I was a really performative little kid. I was doing skits for my family. I loved to make them laugh. Like, I made everyone listen to me sing on Christmas Day. I was like, here I am singing the Cindy Lou Who song from Grinch and you're going to listen to me. And I made my own little videos. I got like a camera when I was 14 or 13 and started editing my own videos on Windows Movie Maker. I just loved it. I loved to you. I loved movies. My mom and I went to the movie theater a lot. So I just grew up in a household that really loved movies and the excitement of that. And I just was like a little theater kid. And I did dance. I tried sports horrible at them. So yeah, they were like, this is your avenue. And I had the passion for it. So luckily my parents were like, let's go for it. But without being stage parents, they were like the most supportive without being like, get into this. Like you were pushing this. Yeah, for sure.

And they were just supporting. I don't, yeah. And to this, like, I always, when I talk about this, I always forget, I need to, like, go back and ask my mom, like, actually, why did you do this for me? But I think it's because people would validate me, I guess, to her. Like, it wasn't like, she can't sing for sure. Yeah, they were like, your kid is really talented. And I think that gave her, like, you know, the boost to be.

Yeah, because why would she think that it would actually happen for me? I'm from Ohio to New York. Yeah. It's so nice to hear. parents, you're right, there's like a fine line or some sort of line between like stage parents who push kids that don't even want to and between parents that support a dream. Because I could see myself just as easily being like, great, we'll sign you up for, you know, acting at school. You know what I mean? Like you could as easily not take it that seriously,

but I guess it's like, okay, you see your kid making home tapes and learning how to edit or doing all these things. Yeah. Oh, wait. Just kept getting validation. from people and think and that was really leading her to think, okay, this is worth something and she's actually talented. Because everyone maybe not think their own kid is talented.

We'll get back to that. But like I feel like my mom knew I was talented, but hearing it from other people was enough to make all those long trips for me. So when you got gigs, you would have to obviously not shoot in Ohio.

Yeah, but I, yeah. So there were times where like I stayed in New York for two weeks to shoot Law & Order and I had my aunt come and stay with me at a certain time. And it was so funny because my episode of Law & Order, my aunt was with me. And we were on set. And she goes, I wonder why there's so many police officers here. I wonder if something's going on. And someone was like, no, no, this is Law & Order. And those are extras. Those are actors. Oh, my God. Do you remember, like, did it excite you? Super scary and exciting. Yeah. Very exciting, very intimidating. Do you want to be famous or did you want to work? No, no, no, yeah. I just wanted to work. And I hate the word famous. No, no, no, no.

It's okay. I just like, it's such a, I feel it has a bad. I feel, I feel it has a negative connotation, I guess. Maybe, maybe it doesn't. To me, it's like celebrity and fame is just, like, gross. So I don't like those two words. So I don't ever refer to myself as. Yeah, obviously.

Yeah, you're not being like, as a famous person. As a famous person, this is what I think. No, but there are people. that I've talked to that are like from when I was little, like, yeah. I've wanted to be famous. Yeah, I just wanted to. And sometimes that manifesting just that had worked for them. And they became, you know, TikTok stars or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. No, I just wanted to act. You wanted to act. Yeah, I just really wanted to act. I felt so comfortable doing it. I loved theater. I found such a community in theater with my, with people. You're a theater kid?

But not, but kind of. Because I don't really love theater today. Like I don't, every time I'm in New York, I'm not like, let's see a musical. I'm not a super theater kid, but I did theater because it was the only real acting avenue I had in Cleveland, you know, in performing arts. So I just, that's how I pursued acting. And that's where my mother would get the validation that I was actually good at it. And that's where I found people that were like me that loved doing this. And it, it also kind of heightened my anxiety because I, felt so understood in this group of people who were like theater kids and then so misunderstood and alone at school. So it was a very big strange contrast and kind of like the birth of my major anxiety when I was in like seventh grade really doing theater and feeling like the kids at my school just didn't. I was like, I have big dreams. I know what I want and I'm around these 12 year olds who of course like don't know what they want to do. And I and I,

and I just felt, I felt a big contrast between, it was like, Hannah Montana. I've never compared myself with Hannah Montana, but like, I mean, like the performing arts world and then just like everyday regular life. Yeah. Was it kind of a strange. You know, though, you're saying something interesting because through therapy, I remember my therapist once told me that a lot of anxiety, or all anxiety, stems from inner conflict. So that makes sense.

So if you're having this inner conflict of like, am I? I a 12-year-old regular, you know, kid going to school, or am I, you know, a working actor? Yeah. Like, that could have been something inside that was like fighting. Causing a lot of anxiety and a lot of things. So you knew, did you know how to label the anxiety at that age or were you just like not feeling great all this time? You know, when I saw Inside Out and especially Inside Out too most recently, I just thought how incredible that would have been to have seen that. when I was 12 or 13 and understand what that was because I had my first panic attack when I

was on my first day of eighth grade. And I just had no idea what was wrong with me. And it was neither did my parents because they, they were, it was like, you're not being bullied. You have friends. There's nothing wrong. But yet you feel this way. And so I didn't know either. And I wasn't just like shoved into therapy. It kind of took some time, but it was really confusing and hard. And I'm glad I survived. So you were dealing with, did that, was it sort of anxiety attacks randomly throughout your life? Or did you have like general anxiety of just dealing with it all the time?

I mean, I was a generally anxious kid in general. Like I didn't do sleepovers. I was very attached to my home and to my mom. I didn't like. I always kind of felt strange. around other kids my age. It just felt a little bit weird or a little bit like I couldn't connect fully with them. So I think it was just generalized social anxiety. And then once theater kind of came into my world and I really felt a big separation in my life between, oh, this is what I

want to do for the rest of my life. And then like everyday life being a school kid, that's when the anxiety just grew because I felt my passion growing. And I felt such a distance between where I was in the world and where I wanted to be. So that's where the anxiety, I think, just really took over the day-to-day, cried every day before school, begged my mom to let me be homeschooled. Did you ever end up being homeschooled? For one semester, because I drove my parents crazy, and they were like, fuck it, fine. You can be homeschooled for a semester because literally, I mean, I was unwell.

I was using a heating pad on my forehead and saying I was sick in the morning, Being like, look, I have a fever. I hated it. I absolutely hated school. And there was no real reason. It was just I literally wanted to be at home in the safety of my home with the anxiety that I felt. It was. Do you remember if it was like physical?

Very physical. I mean, I was choking back tears for like four years of my life at school. It was. Did you not then was there a talk about meds? Yeah, I mean, I eventually saw a psychiatrist and saw a therapist in tandem, and the therapist was like, you know, I think, yeah, maybe an anti-anxiety medication is what you need. And I was on that medication for 14 years. Are you not on it anymore? I got off it almost exactly a year ago, and that was one of the hardest experiences.

Why did you want to get off? I realized that it wasn't working. And I, you know, being. put on an antidepressant at such a young age, looking back on it, it's like, was that really the right? Who's to say? When you're, when I have so much anxiety. Right. And it helped ease the anxiety, like, of course. But looking back, I mean, ultimately, I was on a medication during the formative years of my life or like my brain and personality was developing. And so ultimately, it probably wasn't that great for me. Men did you feel better? I felt better. I felt better.

Yeah. But it kind of came, I tried to switch it when I was 16 to something more intense and I ended up going back to the first one, which is an SSRI. Was it Zoloft or something? It was Zoloft. Yeah. And then. Zolov, Girlies, Unite. Well, I'm still in Zoloft. I got off of it a year ago. Yeah.

And it was. Did you have the brainzaps? I lost 20 pounds. Getting off of Zoloft and kind of the months following dealing. There's other reasons why, but like a lot of health issues going on physically in my life. But I was so sick getting off that medication. Wow. It was, I weaned off for two months. With a psychiatrist, like somebody was.

Yeah, someone was overseeing it. I, but I wanted to do it. I wanted to just wanted to. I kind of, I was also at the point where I wanted to see who I was without it. And how do you feel now? Well, I've tried since then. So I went off of it and it was hard. And we let a couple months go by and I'm talking to my doctor and I'm like, I think I'm just someone who needs meds and who needs help. And that's fine. And I'm like, that's, I need help. My brain needs help. And we've tried a couple different ones this past year and still haven't found. So I just weened off of my fifth one of this year that we tried. So now I'm on nothing and we'll eventually try something else. But yeah, been just a journey to figure out because I don't want to go another. 14 years on something that isn't really necessarily doing something, what it's supposed to. Yeah. We'll be right back after the break. I'm such a broken record. I'm so sorry, but like literally,

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Dot IT slash DMNYC. And we'll see you in a New York minute. And we're back. Do you feel like your anxiety is, something that, because there's mental health stuff that I think you can sit down with your therapist and figure it on and be like, oh my God, that is why I do that. It's great and it's enlightening. And you're like, could tell you something about your personality. Yeah. But personally, I felt like with anxiety, like, I asked you if yours was physical.

It's because mine can be like very physical, right? So it could start from like, let's say like my stomach isn't feeling well. It can kind of like ride up and they'll be like, wait, is my heart beating? And then it could like, so that's not like sitting here talking. about my parents' divorce. Sure. That's literally my body fucking, fucking me. Yeah. That's how I was as well.

Okay. So with that, I feel like, so what helps? Like therapy, okay, we're saying maybe not. Dealing with it in the moment with other things can help, right? If you learn, because you were saying when you were little, you didn't, you were just like, what is this? So, of course, it helps to be like, it's anxiety. I'm not dying.

Yeah. Like. I texted my mom. Yeah. Yeah. All day long. Yeah. When I was in school, like, on my little, like, razor, like, whatever the orange phone

was. dying just yeah and she was very much there for me but also was so confused like just did not understand why i felt this way and i can imagine they don't they didn't your parents didn't didn't experience those things i mean they definitely i think everyone in the world has experienced anxiety but they weren't on medications themselves and didn't have like a diagnosis that they also were like oh i understand this yeah i was also just so young and nothing was quote wrong so it was Did you do all the tests, like the CTs, dressed, like, were you trying to figure out if there was something wrong? No, I mean, I just went to therapy.

And my therapist, who was a really lovely woman, I think, just told my parents, she just, this is just anxiety. And it's normal and was also telling me that. I remember telling her, like, trying to lie to my therapist to be like, sorry, my nose, my eyes are really, like, I have allergies and was, like, dabbing my tears. And I mean, I was, like, 12. I, like, didn't know that I. practicing your acting. I didn't know that I could cry safely in a space with a, like, a stranger that I was still getting to know. Yeah.

So throughout this, and you're trying to, you want to be an actor. Yeah. And is that affecting your anxiety, like getting roles, not getting roles, like having a lull and jobs? Well, it was like every audition was, this has to be it. The pressure of that has actually caused me a lot of PTSD from whenever I still get auditions. I hate auditions, most, I think a lot of actors do, but I have the anxiety left over from when I was a kid and when I was just experiencing these opportunities for the first time thinking, oh my God, this is it. Like, this is the chance that I'm going to get and I'm going to, you know, another chance like this isn't going to come back for another year for months. So I would just, it would cause me so much stress because I wanted it so bad.

But during that time, I had signed with and found a manager and an agent through my travels to New York and through the little jobs that I did when I was, like, 14, 16. So I found a manager and agent, which is the hardest, like, the hardest step. You can get, right? People don't realize, like, you need to, like, have stuff to get that. So you're not getting it because you're, like, cute. Yeah. Well, I'm sure it happens in some people, but certainly didn't happen for me. Like, yeah, I had to go to these open auditions and find.

book something that got the attention of my manager, who then brought me to my agent and et cetera. So was it before Riverdale that you were thinking of giving up? Or when did you move to L.A.? Because you tried to move to L.A. and then came back at some point. No, I moved to L.A. when I was 18. And I filmed two movies when I moved to L.A., but I just didn't make any money. And so I was there for five months or six months.

And I worked two jobs, so, you know, not enough money. And what, like waitressing? No, no. I worked the two films. I tried to work elsewhere. Not good at it? I had a huge panic attack. I got a job at Bucca de Bepo at Universal City.

The city, I don't even know if it's still there. Universal City Walk. Okay. The Bucca de Bepo there. Or was it there? What is the Bucca de Beppo? You don't know what a Bucca de Beppo is? No, I'm New York.

We don't have Bucca Bucca Bepo. Sorry. Do you know what it is, you know what is it? What is it? I don't know. I grew up, that was like my New Year's Eve or. family went to, or no, Christmas Eve, like Bukitabobo. It's a family style. Like an Olive Garden vibe? No. No, not at all. It's a family style Italian, though, for sure. And it has,

like, crazy fun decor. So you were a waitress for a second? No, didn't even, couldn't even, couldn't. So what? Got the job. They were like, you need to find a black button down long sleeve shirt and non-slip shoes by this date. And I was like, okay, I didn't have a car in L.A. So I was Uber. Oh, you were Ubering? It was Ubering because I was broke. Yeah, no, but I'm saying, how do you get around L.A.? You Uber. So I was 18, booked, got this job, was Ubering to Marshalls, trying to find, trying

to find a black button-down long-sleevee shirt for some reason at this point on this day was impossible. Couldn't find it. Had to Uber to Target, didn't have it. Uber to Ross dress for less. Couldn't find it. Every Uber ride is $20. I don't have any money.

I just spent 90. $90 on Skechers non-slip shoes. For what? For Bucca de Beppo. And for the job. For the job. There's so much investment. I'm on my Uber.

I can't find the shirt. Can't find a shirt. Ubering back to my place where I was staying. I was living in a room in a shared, in a home that like seven other people were living in. I threw up in the Skechers bag in the back of the Uber from like panic and car sicknessness. still return to the shoes, though, because the vomit only got in the bag and not on the shoes. So we're good there. And I got to my room. I got literally a brown paper bag and was doing the like hyperventilating in and out of the brown paper bag. I Skyped my mother because I don't know why I didn't use my face time. Yeah, it was though. Skyped to my mom. I said, I'm, I need to come home. I need to come on. I can't be here. Like I'm so physically ill. I. Were you friends with any other people in the house? Like, did you have friends? No, no.

They were all older. But you find this house? Westsiderentals.com, I believe. Would you also need to pay like $30 to join, which I had to like be like, guess I'm paying $30? I had a bad living situation. I was living in downtown Burbank with a woman and her son. And her, she was the biggest stage mom I've ever. She's, I have trauma from this woman.

And her son, I was, I would like overhear her working on scenes with him. And she was like abusing her child for not getting. his lines right. I had to leave. I had to leave. I left that apartment. Also, it was just in like one little room in this shared apartment. So I went to a shared house with like seven people and shared a bathroom with so many people. It was really bad. You know what's really nice about your story? You know what's really nice about all these horrible things that happened to? That you're not an info, baby. Yeah. Well, yeah. No, I'm saying like there's so much. There's just a lot. I feel like we find out every day, I'll be like, oh my God, you guys,

that person is acting, and I mean, the whole NEPA baby conversation is kind of over and I'm over it too, but it is, you know, interesting and refreshing and real to hear a story of someone that wanted to become an actor and had to do the like, had to do the like live out of your car.

Did you live out of your car ever? No, but I was definitely apartment hopping. I mean, that sounds bad enough, the shared room with the, abusive mom. Sure. I mean, that was insane. She was... When you Skype to your mom and you're like,

mom, I'm in this situation. Was she like, come home? Yeah. She was very much, she said, if she was like, Will, this is where you're at, you can absolutely come home. Dad and I are here. And I said, okay, I'm coming home.

And I went back home. So I was still 18. I went back to my retail job at Pier 1 imports. Love Pier 1. It closed. It closed. Fuckers. Well, I would have trauma going in that store anyway.

Smelling those candles. Oh, my God. But I went back to that job, went back to therapy, and then moved back to L.A. when I was 19. You were like, I'm going to give it a go again. A month later, I booked Riverdale. Yeah. Wow.

What made you give it the second go? Like, you knew you were going to do that all along. You just needed that break. It was always, and I think Will Farrell said this, actually, but he was like, there, he never had a plan. B. Yeah, someone did say... I thought it was Will Ferrell. Whatever, I can be wrong about that.

No, you know who it is. That's funny. I think Will Ferrell said it too then. Bill, maybe. Bill, an S-N-L guy, too. Haider? Who? Bill Hater? Yeah.

But I think Will said something like that. He was like, no, there was never going to be a plan B because this is what I'm going to do. Yeah, that's good. And that's exactly how I fell. And I said, when I moved back to L.A. the second time, if in a year, I'm unhappy pursuing this, I will go to makeup school to be like a special effects

makeup artist and then you got Riverdale and I got Riverdale and it saved me yeah and it saved you so getting Riverdale when you got it

was it kind of like was it feeling the same as when you booked those movies or did you have a did you know it's gonna be like no I knew this was I was like it's a CW show which is you know

you're like it's gonna be huge hopefully because you film the pilot and then people kind of scare you along the way like you have to give at the table read, give it your all because you can be fired after the table read or you got to be, you know, nice, you got to be on your best behavior and give it your all during all these things because you can still get fired or even you can be recast after the

pilot. So it's kind of like just do your damn best. Yeah. But I had the best time, you know, shooting the pilot and making friends with these people. And yeah, and it could have gone the wrong, it could have gone, you know, if you're, all you said about Vancouver and living with all people, they became your best friends. Like, they could have been awful people. Yeah. And then you would have had the worst time of your life. Yeah. And so people do have that experience. Right. But you actually, Madeline and Cammy are you're actually. Yeah. Very close. Yeah. And so thank God. Yeah. Yeah. And we were all in it. We were all in it together. And you were all in together in the sense and nobody came in like a megastar kind of like. No, we had like famous people guest star. Yeah. But there was

never there wasn't like a crazy hierarchy or like yeah no no there was never you really were like in it together yeah we were do you have a group chat the three of you oh yeah yes we do are you doing a Halloween costume again this year not this year it's Halloween's coming up I know I know I don't have it in me this year yeah physically yeah just because I'm there's yeah just some health stuff like I'm just not well I hope you're okay I we'll find out okay okay well there's It's just, there's a lot of autoimmune issues happening. It's always like that for like, don't you feel sometimes like everything's connected with the doctors just aren't onto it yet? Like, I just feel like when there's like autoimmune, there's also like mental health stuff.

It all kind of like. Well, stress on your body kills you. It kills your body. Stress and anxiety and fear and living and having PTSD or, you know, having trauma. It just, it lives in your body. And I think it's absolutely whether it's the cause of or exacerbated by my, you know, my mental health problems, but my physical health has taken a beating because of it for sure. So just the last couple months and the last year, I've been on a big health journey to try and get better. And so I just like truly out of this year, the Halloween, I was like, I don't want to commit to something.

And then on the day, not be able to leave my couch. Yeah. Because that's just the state that I'm in right now. Yeah. Yeah. So you're going to give yourself that. And I'm lucky I have the space and I have the opportunity and I have, you know, I live in a city with good doctors.

So I'm getting it sorted. When you are getting a job like Riverdale, does that make your anxiety worse? Does it make it better? Like, are you like less anxious because you're doing what you love? Yeah. I mean, I had a panic attack when I got to Vancouver for the first time shooting the pilot. it. I'd never been to Canada before. Not that I'm like, it's like a three hour plane, right? I'm L.A. But I think I was just overwhelming. It's overwhelming. But once you're in it.

Anybody go with you on the first? Like did you're? No. God. No. But I, it was, yeah, it's just because it's overwhelming and a new environment. And as someone with anxiety, it was just like overwhelming. Yeah. New things are not the vibe for somebody. Yeah. But it was, but it was good. And I was so lucky to have a consistent acting job. Like that's just the, that's what everyone dreams of you want to be a working actor. Yeah. And so I was so lucky. Do you have a panic attack on set or like?

No, it was like literally when I got to my hotel in Vancouver, it was like a moment to myself of some panic. But then I got over it. Okay, good. Yeah, you need to have. I saw your TikTok. We said before you love TikTok that you just had a little bit of a panic attack. I don't know when you posted that.

But yeah. The cookies. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because I'm an emotional eater. Yeah. That helps you with your anxiety or does it? Well, it helps in a moment because it's like a dopamine hit.

Yeah. So when I'm sad or when I'm having anxiety, not in the moment, like when I'm having a panic attack. Right. Then you're eating. No. I'm like, does that help? I'll try it next time. It's more so when I'm feeling down or really stressed or I feel something like physically building.

Yeah. I start ordering food or making food or getting food just because I need the emotional comfort that it brings me. you were saying in that TikTok that you did a few things. You said you called your mom, I think. I texted my mom. I texted my psychiatrist. You did? Yes.

You were like, never mind. Back on the meds. Yeah. Well, no, I was trying. I think I was in the middle of trying something. But I always, I'm not one who just crawls away from it and hides. I am very proactive about my mental health. And I've always been.

So I'm like, I don't want to feel like this. Yeah. I don't want anyone to feel like that. So I. really try to be proactive. I became a Reiki master to try and help with my. What's Reiki exactly? Reiki is the body work? Yeah, it's like aligning your chakras and kind of helping move stuck energy in your body. You know that when I talk about anxiety, I can like feel it. 100% and you too. You like feel it. Oh, it's so fucked up. You also said in the thing,

you said your boyfriend was doing, what was it called when you like name? Oh yeah. He was having me name, like, the five, the senses. Right. What can you touch? Put your feet on the ground. What can you see right now? Can you smell? And he was with me at the time kind of helping me and, like, holding my shoulders and

trying to get me to, like, make eye contact with him. How does he know how to do that stuff? Like, did you come to? He also has anxiety. He does. Yeah. So he understands. And I have never asked him to do that, actually.

And he, I've never told him, like, this is what I need when I'm going through that. Yeah. But it was just like. Like, he was, he's a caretaker, so he was able to do that for me, which was lovely. So I also saw that you, like I said, he was in this video, you share about your boyfriend, which is fun. I do. You guys, like, posed together. Your previous relationship with your ex from Riverdale, you were very mysterious about. Yeah. I mean, I think it was, it's hard because you're automatically put into a public sphere.

so people die to see more content of you. And so I think it was more, you know, let's protect the privacy of it. Rather, now, you know, I'm not actively working with Jack, my boyfriend. And it was more of a work thing. I think it was just more of a let's protect the privacy and try to keep, you know, because we were a couple on the show. So people loved seeing us as a couple in their life. So this is, you know, this is very difficult.

different. This is a relationship that I'm in that's not on a show where people are actively shipping our characters together. We're still shipping you as a, yeah, I get what you mean. So we're just existing together. And I, and I'm still not like overly. Yeah. I'm never, I'm never trying to overshare, but he's a public figure as well. So I think it's just like, we try to, it's just organic. We'll be right back after the break. You guys, I've been screaming about these new bars that I got IQ bars because I'm a bar girl. like it's not even funny. I'm always eating a bar.

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Text not skinny to 64,000. That's not skinny to 64,000 and get 20% off. Message and data rates may apply as you. terms for details. There are things, I mean, I could make lists upon list of things that you only realize about having kids when you're a mom. Like, we're getting into the really need of gritty. We're getting into like whether, you know, the onesie is a zipper or buttons, by the way, buttons. Yeah, we have no time for that anymore. You want to make the most of your time with your kid and also keep them happy. So you don't want to be buttoned up buttons. Okay. Let me tell you

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Because I remember seeing it in Redal and researching the actors and be like, they're 21. Like, they're such babies. That was 19. And now you're 28. Yeah. Crazy. Almost 30. Yeah. You just had a birthday, right?

Stop. I'm not 30. Yeah. You had two more years. You're going to love it. I'm very, I think I'll be, I have a feeling my 30 years, my 30 years. My 30s will be much happier than my 20s. Yeah?

Yeah. I think I will just have sorted a lot out by then. I think so too. I think as as a 30s, as a 30s, I'll tell you. it's a good place to be because you kind of first of all you I feel like you've been saying since we started talking like you've been kind of an old soul since you were a kid right yeah so it's not like you're like or did you have the 20 were you wild at any stage well the like not at all until I got onto Riverdale and everyone else had been more of a college kid and had a college experience and liked to party and liked to go out and I was so not that. that and they definitely pulled me out of my shell, which in a lot of ways I was so thankful for. And even then, like, sometimes I would definitely be like, no, I'm not into that. I'm going to go home or I'm not going on for drinks tonight.

Like, just protecting, because I just, I'm not like, I don't drink anymore. You don't drink anymore? No. And it's not like, sure, maybe I'll have a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve. So I'm not like, I'm dead sober, but I really just have chosen. I don't drink. Does it not, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't mesh well with my brain. With anything. Yeah. It's just like you get, you know, the day after anxiety after I drink. And I just don't find that it's the more you read about it and the more you learn about it, it's really bad for your brain. So I'm just protecting my body. Especially going through so many health issues. And like the last thing my body needs is a vodka soda. So like I said, like you share so much about these things.

things that are important to you, which is a lot about mental health. You also talk about a lot about body image. Yeah. As well as you shared about your acne. Yeah. Which is why you're having a personal day. So I remember you sharing about your acne. And a lot of times I feel like people have said like, well, that's not, how did you feel about that when people kind of didn't take that as seriously? Because they felt like you don't really have like as bad acne as they do. You know, people more so have that reaction about body positivity. Oh. Because when I would talk about body positivity, they would say, shut up, you're skinny. And it's like, okay, I see where you're coming from.

Yeah. But you can never tell how someone looks at themselves. Yeah. You just have no idea how someone sees themselves. I think every woman has, I can't speak for every woman. I know a lot of women that I know personally have body dysmorphia and look at themselves and see something that other people don't see. Yeah. And I think being an actor, obviously, like, I get so, I'm so sick of seeing my own face. I don't like to look at my own face all day long. And when you're shooting something and people are holding mirrors in front of you and touching you up, it's like, God damn, like, enough. I don't want to see my face all day. It's, it's annoying. You're not a narcissist. I'm not a narcissist. I'm sure there are actors that like seeing their face all day.

For sure. Yeah, yeah. But I think there's just people in general that love seeing their face all day. But more so. You know, I dealt with, because of these health issues the last few years, my, was gaining weight on a certain season of Riverdale. And, you know, you're actively trying to figure out your health while working, while being on camera, while doing fittings, while all of a sudden the clothes need to be bigger. It was just really challenging. And while also, from the get-go, you know, having breakouts, wearing makeup 16 hours a day. and my skin just suffered when I was doing that. And I, it's hard when you're surrounded by people who have maybe not the most perfect skin, but like beautiful skin. You felt like growing up you didn't have beautiful skin?

Oh, I didn't. No. Oh, you had like. I didn't have, but that's the thing. I never had severe acne. But I had acne and it very much affected me. And I would get very large cystic. I still do.

Pimples right in the middle of my forehead. A lot of people... Well, you don't have one right now. I don't have one right now, so it's a good day. Yeah. But my acne would come as cystic acne, and it would be large, painful, swelled up pimples that, like, literally, they're the ones that, like, change the shape of your face. Like, I would get the one in the middle of the forehead where, like, your whole forehead is then swollen.

Did you ever get one while you were shooting? Oh, all the time. And then makeup would... And it was... And it was, well, you, there's nothing you can do about it. So you have to, literally, they have to, like, edit it out and, and, post-production. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Or light you differently. Yeah. Or do something like that. But there's no, like if there's a camera right here and I have a huge system. So would you come to set that day being like, got another guy? It was bad. I would, it was immediately so much anxiety.

Those days where I had a big pimple on my face and had to shoot were the worst days of shooting, always. Because I knew I had to look at myself a million times a day. I knew there was going to be a camera in front of my face all day long. I knew I was going to feel paranoid. I would often do, I would ask my makeup artist if I could do my makeup in my trailer alone and not in the like communal makeup trailer because I didn't want people to see me. So it was just very mentally horrible to do it's horrible to deal with acne whether you're an actor or not. But, you know, but being on a camera where literally the whole show, it's a CW show.

needs to look hot and perfect and, you know, having to go over to the script supervisor and say, hey, can we make sure the editor edits out this large people? Yeah, and you have to advocate for yourself. The makeup artist, I definitely had a great makeup artist who would do it for me as well, but like making, you know, making sure that they followed through with it and that had happened. And with that acne, it's not like you can control it, which is probably what's so frustrating. No, and I've definitely, I feel like I feel like I feel one coming. the anxiety starts right there.

How do you feel it? You feel it under your skin because I get the big under the skin ones. So like before, the night before an event or the day before I'll wake up in the middle of the night and touch my forehead

and see if there's anything forming out of just like fear that I'm going to wake up with a massive thing on my face. So is this kind of your experience with acne what led you to want to create your new skincare brand? Well, the skincare,

yeah, I mean it was more so a couple different. things. I had been on acutane twice. Oh, I was going to ask, wow, that's it. That's like the most. That's the thing that you can do. That's the biggest step to take. That they scare you that it could like, like it has so many side effects and stuff. You have to get your blood tested every month. You have to, they do not make it easy. You have to answer questions on a website every month. You have to like sign all these documents saying you're not going to get pregnant. You have to be on two forms of birth control.

Wow. You have to, they do not make it easy. And every pill you take, there's like a sign that says, like, it's a picture of a pregnant woman with an X over it. It's like, do not get pregnant on this. But, yeah, it's kind of the big thing that you take to get rid of acne. And I did it once. My acne came back with a vengeance, which is like, I just went through however many months

of this acutane that makes your body hurt, that makes you. swollen that makes you, I had to apply chapstick every five minutes, like it, because it dries everything. It's so bad for your body. And then I, my acne comes back with a, like, literally with a vengeance, the worst it's ever looked. So I had to, so I was like, fuck it. I'm shooting Riverdale. I'm onset every day. I have to go on it again because I just can't, I can't deal with this any other way. So I went on it again and then went off of it. And after I went off of it is kind of when I started working with Sarah Ford, my esthetician in L.A., and I started working with her, and she was like, well, because my acne, again, even after Accutate, I was, like, getting these

little bumps. And she was like, well, have you ever looked at the ingredients and what you're using? And it kind of sounds like the most obvious thing to do when you have acne. But I was like, oh, I didn't think I needed to. Like, I didn't think I needed to check the ingredients of skincare, if it's meant for someone with acne, or if it's whatever, you just think that you can trust these things. And it turns out you really can't. And so I, one night, I like, I have, because I'm a product, I just have a lot of products and get sent a lot of products and I keep them. And I'm like, yay, look at my bathroom counter, which is like horrifying. And I don't want anyone to ever see it because it's just full of, well, not anymore. But so I went through all of my

products that I was using consistently and looking up the ingredients on like these different websites. The Yucca. I just download the Yucca app. Yeah, there's the apps that do it. I mean, I was looking up these every skincare product I was using and it was all, you know, oh, this has 10 poor clogging ingredients. So I would throw it out or give it to like my one friend that I have who has perfect skin and anything she can ever use. You're like, evil players, but girl. No, I'm like, because I hate, I feel what, you know, like wasteful throughout the way. these products. I would give them to my mom because she doesn't have acne. But it was once I started checking the ingredients and kind of realizing how little product there was that existed that didn't

have acne triggering ingredients. And so there were already kind of had been discussions at this time about me possibly starting a skincare line. But at that time, it just felt a little bit more superficial, like, okay, start a line because you can. And then it really became, oh, I'm going to start a line because I we need this like people consumers me I need this I need a line that I can completely trust that isn't going to screw up my face yeah that I can know that when I'm traveling when I'm I can use it on a daily basis it's not going to or I can offer it to a friend who has acne or even someone who doesn't and know that it's not going to break them out yeah so like having something trustworthy was like my number one thing and the reason why I wanted to create the

line. How'd you come up with a name? Oh man. It was a process. It's so hard to come up with a name. Like naming a baby. Everything is taken. Yeah, first of all. Everything is taken. So, you know, we would think of something. I would love something and then it would absolutely not be available. So it was sent, it was on a, personal day was on a list of like. So wait, did your aesthetician, hard word to say. Is she your partner in this? She's on my board of advisors. Oh, okay, cool. So she, she's been a really great help with us in our, in our, you know, developing of products and we'll be helping us, like, educate people. I love the cleansing powder. I saw you do the TikTok. Yeah. It really looked like it. That's

my favorite. Cleanzed really well. Well, cleansing, well, a powder. And I've never used a powder before. A lot of people haven't. Yeah. It's like the best form of cleanser because there's no preservatives because it's in a powder form. So it's, and I'm a, and I And it's such like a, it's just such a nice experience of powder cleanser. I get my palms wet first, like in the sink, and then you dump the powder on. And then it's like this beautiful little lather on your face. And has your skin been better since you started using your own product? My skin is literally the best it's ever. I mean, it looks great. Thank you. It looks really great. But I like, also I'm like, I feel so lucky and kind of can't believe it. But I'm like, yeah, truly, I would never create a brand or something like I'm, this isn't just something I pull. out of my ass. Like, this is something I use every day. It's very intentional. And it's something that is so true to me and to my story. And I've been talking about my acne since Riverdale, since I booked Riverdale. Because I was trying to find community and validation a little bit by posting about my acne on Instagram and being like, hey, this pimple right now is causing me so much

anxiety and just posting that and seeing the response because I'm someone who very much needs to talk about my problems out loud and not even to just get like, I don't want people to be like, no, you look great. It's more so I want people to tell me that they're experiencing it too. Yeah. So we can feel it together. Good. It's not, I always said like it's not, I remember when I first went on meds and I'd be like, I'm the only one in the world, you know? And like, why am I like this? Why me? And then you would see like, Like, I remember even seeing like Amanda Seifred or something being like, I'm on Lexapro and I'm like, Amanda Seifred is on Lexapro. Like, so those things like help you feel not alone. So I'm sure the millions of followers that you have.

Yeah. Seeing like, okay, Lily, she's on Riverdale. She has this life that we all want. Okay, but she deals with you're like laughing. I'm mentally ill and physically ill. And dealing with so much. And so it's really, I mean, it's. not only hopeful to other people, but it's a really great thing that you're doing. I'm so excited to try it. So there's the cleansing powder. There's a resurfacing peel. There's a mask that I saw you put on a lot. And there's an actual acne treatment. Yes. Oh, in the moisturizer. In the moisture. Yeah. That's an important one because to try and find a moisturizer without poor clogging ingredients or fungal acne triggering ingredients. That's another

one. That's a lot of, that's a thing that people are experiencing. And it's like a lot of like tiny tiny little bumps on your forehead that that like aren't really being treated with classic acne treatments and it's really hard to get rid of but that's a common thing and finding products that have no fungal acne or just like poor clogging ingredients finding a moisturizer that doesn't have that is nearly impossible. You literally had like scientists. So we created one. Cool. It's very cool. Are you going to post you in like a lab coat and the I'm going to try not to do that because I don't like that. I feel like that's like, it's like, look, I'm in a lab. Look, I'm making it. No, because then people will be like, your hair is in a, you're mixing

it wrong. Right. I'm not a, not a chemist, but we, but I've been, it's been three years. Wow. And I've been in every, I've been there for every decision that's been made and worked with experts. We have a team of, you know, we have a board certified dermatologist and we have a Dr. Courtney, or Dr. Mamina Tarragano is our board certified dermatologist. And then we have Dr. Courtney Tracy, who's our mental health professional on our board of advisors. And then we have Sarah Ford, who's my esthetician who's like, you know, she does Ariana Grande, and she does all these people in L.A. And she's an amazing aesthetician. And so we, we crafted these. And I have a wonderful CEO who is in the room. Oh, I thought it was you. I was like, no, no, I'm the founder.

Oh, you're the CEO. Oh, well, you didn't, when I came in and say, hey, I'm the CEO. Sheila is the CEO. I love that. We have just, I've surrounded myself with the best people for this. Obviously, I'm not a chemist, but so, like, but we have found the best ones. How does it feels to have a brand? You have a, don't you have your own production company? I do. I have my own production company.

Girl, you're killing it. We're doing a lot. You're doing a lot. Yeah. That's amazing. Thank you. So what's one product, if we, somebody had to buy one product. What's your fame?

Definitely. I mean, if you have acne, I would say the, it would, be our doing the work cell acid acne treatment because that is going to help clear and prevent breakouts and it makes your skin better over time. Yeah. Like it has, we have ingredients in our skin care that make your skin better over time, even if you don't have acne. So I love that. Yeah, it's very, it's lovely. They're very lovely and effective. Yay. Well, I'm so happy for you. Thank you. And I hope that you feel good. Feel as good as you look.

Eventually. Thank you. You feel as good as you look. Thanks. Truly. And I can't wait to see what you do next. Thanks. So thank you for coming on. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of

Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoochering. Thank you guys so much for listening, and I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.