Not Skinny But Not Fat - Long Lost Soul Sister w/ Taylor Strecker

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

You know when two girls bond way too quickly and it's super annoying?? Well, Taylor Strecker and I are those bishes except we're funny. We talk and LOL about her "wasband," her now girlfriend, her radio career, some Bravo stuff (since we're both certified Bravoholics exsqueezeee me), my #Bravery series, our fave gal Britney Spears, and other OMGs. Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Okay, you guys, please, please forgive me slash my nephew Liam for fucking fucking recording equipment and putting my audio on a freaking level zero, whatever that means. I know this is gibberish to you. I just really want to apologize because this is such a great episode. And unfortunately, my audio is not up to par with what I'm used to because I'm obsessed with. with crisp, clean, amazing audio and what you're used to from my podcast. So please forgive me.

I didn't want this episode to go to waste because I loved it so much. So bear with the fact that my audio ain't that great. Okay, forgive me. I love you. This is Not Skinny, but Not Fat. And I'm your host, Amanda, bringing you the latest in all celebrity gossip,

reality TV recaps. anything happening in Hollywood right now that I just can't keep my mouth shut about. This is not skinny, but not fat. Hey, Tatey. Hey, boo-boo. Hey, Mandy. You guys, Taylor Strecker is on the pod today.

My twinsies hashtag sort of, provide brabohol like frauds. And we also did an episode on Taylor's podcast Taste of Taylor, which is out, which don't listen to. Listen to this. Why am I even? What's wrong with me? What am I doing?

When they're done listening here and they want more and they can go over to mom and they haven't already heard it. Okay. And I have to tell you the title of it because it's so good and relevant to what it was when we did hers and she better be on her game today. Like I was that day. So Taylor's podcast with me is called peeing our pantiliner. So, and it's because did I tell you that I peed my panty liner that day?

You did tell me that I believe it was in the recording. It must have been. Yeah. Well, because my girlfriend edits the podcast and she named it. I have to give credit where credit to peeing in our panty liners. And I was like, and I said to her, do we say that during the recording? I thought that was private. And she's like, no.

So we both wear panty liners. I have no. Wait, you wear them? I was going to ask, do you actually wear them? You know what? I actually don't, but I should. You know what I'm saying. So listen, I wrote, I posted a thing about being pregnant that I think, I feel like when I grew up like with my mom, she always had panty liners. And I'd be like, why does she have that in the closet? Like, it just felt like something I would never use. And then welcome to pregnancy, which like you change one. like seven times a day. Oh my God. No way. Yeah.

It's like you're like buying panty liners all of a sudden, like up the wazoo, like just switching them up all day. Not to get like crazy graphic, but like is it because, and now that I'm like a lesbian, I get nervous asking vagina questions. So I'm like, I'm not hitting on you. I don't want to, I don't want to like go down on you. But back to panty liners. We, okay, we have to discuss that in a minute.

but yes. So, but like, is it because you like, like tinkle a lot? Because you're like, no, it's not pee. It's not pee. I also pee. Me too. Because like I'll sneeze and I'll have to concentrate so hard now that it's COVID time. I'm not sneezing like a drama major because I'm usually like, and I scream everywhere and my, my husband is embarrassed. So now I'm like also trying to make it really dainty so people don't think I'm sick. And then you just... And also I'm trying not to pee my panty liner. So it comes...

And sometimes like a fart will come out all of a sudden because I'm like clenching all the wrong areas. But no, I think it's because like of all the shit. I mean, he's there. It's like these hormones. Like... Wait, when are you due? Like, like...

Like in a 8.15. Ooh, that's not a month away. That's less. I know. But you know what? Like I'm 36 weeks. now, I'll be 37, and that's considered full term. So obviously, we're not hoping for before it's 37 weeks. But, and I'll be like, oh my God, four more weeks and then people are like,

or seven. Like people like to like ruin your, like that if you're, who heard of anyone giving birth at 42 weeks? I'm sure everyone's going to be like now a gazillion people. But I mean, I feel like Rachel and friends when she was pregnant in the summer and wearing like a belly shirt. I feel like Rachel and friends in a lot of my pregnancy. Really? I'm so happy that you have her as your spirit guide. I feel like I look like her. No, I'm just kidding.

So when I did your podcast, you were so scared to like talk a lot because you said that people say that you like talk your whole podcast. Did I interrupt Balma, my, oh, my guess. Because I'm like, but what about me? But me, me, me, me. Oh, my God, that's story about you. You know, though, that I love that because then what is a conversation?

That's what I say. Well, so, okay, I'm going to tell you this story. I'll be honest. I don't feel like you're the type of person that does that but doesn't listen. You're the type of person that listens and is like, let me make this conversation more fun. And like, more, more, because if someone's just listening, that's boring, you want like a back and I agree. I think, like, okay, so like, for example,

when Howard Stern, right, has on like Billy Joel with his piano, yeah, of course, Howard fucking listens. But like, let's like make an exceptional interview. You know, like I'd be fucking quiet during that too, maybe. That's so funny you said Howard Stern because I was looking at your, first of all, I had a flashback to when you interviewed me and you kept on looking down at your paper to be like, and Amanda from, not skinny, but not that. I was like, what is wrong with you?

That was the only thing you needed, like, a constant refresher about. But today, when I was going to write my clip notes, Tatea, I was like, that's the thought that popped in my mind. I was like, this bitch is like Howard Stern and female. Like, you do, you have your taste of Taylor on beer. Okay, relax. She just got like to. Oh, I wish I had my panty, I had my panty liner on for that one.

Because I, oh, your girl just got wet. That's what makes me horny. Do you like, do you, is he or like? Like him? I love him. Would you go straight for him? Oh, honey, I would just do whatever he wanted. He's so rich.

Like, bring it. Yeah. So he, because you have tasted Taylor on Dear Media. You have the Taylor Strecker show on radio. Yes. Where does that, where's the radio? What radio? So basically, when I got.

fired from serious, sons of a bitch. Why did you get fired? I'm still confused. I have like conspiracy theories. I also have like actual information that the company gave me as to why I got fired. So I should probably go with that. But I don't believe them. So wait, is the reason they told you more of a like political reason?

The reason that they told me it was like my contract was like 1,800 million pages long when I signed it when I was like 22 and a half. So like my lawyer after I got fired was like, who let you sign this? contract. This contract is crazy. So anyway, but like the point is that the contract had like a lot of red tape. And so I happened to like, it was like one of those like fine print things that they were like, it was, they got me on a technicality. So was I in breach of contract? Technically kind of yes. But they also accused me of doing something that I didn't do, which they didn't investigate. So it's kind of like, so I was basically promoting like a trip that I, so I used to do these like retreats. Wait, do them or like, you?

made like created them serious isn't known for being the most generous company in the world so a lot of us who were had radio shows were always looking for a side hustle like you know like where can I moonlight how can I make some extra cash and like we couldn't do any sort of podcasting right because that was like in breach of our contract so I started doing these like um retreats and I like teamed up with like a guest who was on my show you sound like Jeffrey Epstein or something what's happening. What are retreats? I don't know why it sounds sexual. It was zero sexual. Well, like wellness retreats. Like whatever. I don't know. Yeah. Retreats. Truly, I piggybacked off the idea from like a guest on my show. Anyway, so the point is I had done a bunch of them. And then the people

that came love them and I love them. And it was like, it was a nice payday. All good in the hood. And then I started my, I like branched off from the girl I was working with. I was like, I can do this on my. guess what? I couldn't. And that's how I got fire was because I like, the way that I like worded this retreat, like was somehow in breach of contract. Honestly, you got greedy, bitch. I did not get greedy. So why'd you kick the girl out? Oh, with her. Yeah, I got greedy with her. So, no, her and I just like really couldn't work together. We just did not approach things the same way. So was it, but if they still wanted you doing your show, wouldn't they be like, red flag and then like don't do it that was that's the thing exactly so logic would say wouldn't

they be like okay like just no cancel the trip or just right or go on the air and and re-explained that there is no connection to serious x-m this is not a contest type of a thing yeah and i was like oh yeah i didn't even realize that was a language but instead it was like no no no you're fired so i'm like so there must my head must have already been on the chopping block right so and they use that is like Because they have to have, because when you get fired from a company, it can't be wrongful termination, right? So otherwise you can sue them. So, and I had just come out like a year before on the air.

So they definitely didn't want to get rid of me without there being an actual reason. So, and I'm not saying. Did you like go to school for radio or something? I mean, I went to Ithaca. I went to the communication school. I know. Mm-hmm. No.

They gave me too. What? When did you graduate? You know I'm a million years old. So. I won't forget. I have flashbacks in my interview when she told me she was a million years old. And then you looked me and you're like, should I have not have not have said that? I regretted it every day of my life. You're such an idiot. So 2010, I graduated from fucking

Ethicus School of Communications Park. What's up? No, so I graduated in 2000 and I guess six. How? I'm a lot older than you. You're 37. You said. Don't tell anybody. No, you're making it up. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. Wait. No, I graduated in 2010. So you graduate in 1999.

Shut up. And so how many? No way. You don't know. You have to put that place. You don't know your year of graduation. It's not to be 2005. That's the least it can be.

I did the math wrong. I thought it was 06. Oh, my God. So we didn't. even see each other because I started in 2006. Would you think we have been best friends? Babe, can you believe? That's wild.

No, that's wild. I don't meet a lot of people that went to Ithaca and the Roy H. Park School. Was it called that when you were there back in the day? Yes. Back when we rode our horse and buggy to school. Yes. Wait, did you like Ithaca? I loved Ithaca.

It was like, I was like such a party girl. And, like, I went in a hippie, then I was like a club ho for a little bit. Right. So there are no clubs in Ithaca. You can pretend that there are. There was one semesters. That might have closed down before you got there. Wait, where did you live off campus? Oh my God, I lived all over.

I lived, like, right, like, do you know where the pink house is? We should do a trip there one day. Girl, I am so down. Do you know that I did a trip there with my roommate a few times? and we basically go to, like, eat the college food that they don't have in the city, which is like, wait, what is there? Taste of Thai is the best Thai food that I've had in my life.

There used to be a place, I mean, fucking, like, Pita Pit, I'll swear to, I die. Like, I literally, the first time I ever kissed a girl before my girlfriend was for free Pita Pit at Ithaca College. Legit. Wait, first of all, oh my God. Second of all, wait a second. so Ithaca college TV and radio they have that major

yes that was my major I was going to do audio because I used to say one of the only people that probably like you do it like are doing like are doing no because so many people study shit you know and they're like whatever but you are actually doing the radio part of the TV and radio I know wait did you do the LA program or did not exist that I did the LA program you're so smart you didn't do the LA program it was a whole point so I talked about this because it has to do with my anxiety, but it's crazy because Ithaca bought me on this L.A. program. Like when I went to orientation,

me and my mom were licking up like the spoon of like L.A. program. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, you know, Hollywood and whatever. And then it came time to do it. And I was so sick of everyone in my major and of like everyone being annoying. And I was like, I'm going to Barcelona. Like, fuck this shit. has nothing to do with my major credits won't even transfer but I was a dumbass bitch

went to Barcelona where I got my first panic attack because I was so depressed there and it was like awful and it's always with me like I can't believe you didn't do the LA program which is such a bad way because you should live like hashtag no regrets I know I know I don't know what would happen and also they were annoying everyone who went like I wouldn't want to hang out with I'm, like, friends with no one from that trip. And I was like, loved everyone when I was there. And, like, literally I ran into a guy from the program recently on the streets in New York. And he was like, he was like, hey, girl.

And this guy was straight when we were in college. He was, like, totally like a player. And he was, like, flamboyant beyond. And he was like, I'm gay now. And I was like, I can see that. I was like, guess what? Me too. So, anyway.

But he's the only person that I talked to from the program, literally. So, yeah, whatever. I didn't do it. Hashtag a little bit of regret. That's fair. Because it was a great program. And I did, you know, get really bad anxiety in Barcelona. But, you know, you never know what have happened.

But that's crazy. We both went to Ithaca. I know. That's why we love each other. I know. It's so crazy. Like, people don't go to Ithaca. I know.

They go to Syracuse. I'm like, no, so it's annoying. When you say Ithaca and they're like, where. And I'm like, you know, Cornell, the Sinaitica, so not the Ivy League one, the one near it. Yeah. I went there also because I remember reading on college board, like all the shit. And it was like pothead school 97%. I was like, that's me. Even though like I'm so not, but that's the vibe I wanted. I didn't want like sororities and like annoying people. Because I knew if I went to school with sororities,

I'd have to join because I'm that kind of bitch. But I'd hate my life, which was my whole life in a nutshell. So I was like, I'm going to go to a school that doesn't even allow me to do the things that I'm going to be forced to do because I can't trust myself not to do the things that I know about for me. When you started wearing like Birkenstocks and like a little baby t-shirts and shopping exclusively at Goodwill, exclusively. There is a good goodwill there. Great goodwill. There is a good wait. So on your podcast, I was saying that you didn't tell me anything interesting because you were scared that people would hate you for talking. About myself. On my own podcast. But I need to know a little bit. Well, excuse me.

We're not going to name names, but there are people that that's all they do. Yeah, I know. Just talk about themselves on their podcasts, and I don't get it, but they do that. I know. I know.

For whatever reason, you know what it is, I'll tell you what it is. For whoever reason, when I do it, people don't seem to like it. You know what it is. So I have some long-term OG fans,

okay? And like, God bless them. They've been there forever. I fucking bow down. However, they have known me, because I was at serious for 11 years. So, and now I've had a regular show out of there for like another like three about plus podcast. So they're like, shut up, bitch. We're sick of you. And I'm like, yeah, but you, gee, you choose to continue to fucks with me. So like, of course I'm going to tell the same stories. Oh, okay. Okay. Oh, my God. Isn't it so mean when they say that? I told you that the last time we talked like that, the things that celebs say when they're like, you can read like a million like positive to. Big bang, and you get one bad one.

And it's so true, it stays with you. Like, I remember all of the, like, little things. Like, you just brought a flashback of someone saying, like, we heard how you and your husband met. You know, like, that's mean. But this is the thing. It's like, that's all you remember, even though you probably get so many positive affirmations.

Like, people rate the, and I have been, like, challenged by my listeners. Like, how about rather than wallowing over, like, the 50 people that literally hate your ass? How about you think about the thousands of us who fucking adore you? Like, what, about us. And I'm like, I can't stop re. I can't stop reposting Tina. Yeah. So, so, so, so that's what I'm saying. I made a conscious effort because I used to do that too. I used to get

a mean message posted, be like, and then I'd get a thousand messages. And it's kind of like fishing like we were talking about like, no, you're the most amazing thing that was ever born. And then I was like, and then I get all that. And I'm like, I feel better, you know, but it's also annoying. Like, I don't need to. So on one hand, It's like, I don't want to only post how great everyone is to me. Sometimes you do want to say, like, no, there's some people that are mean and don't, aren't nice. But I stopped, I stopped myself, legit Taylor because like the other day, yesterday I was watching Roney and those bitches were getting drunk. Did you watch this week?

No, I've caught up on Beverly Hills. Are you caught in Beverly Hills? No, bitch. No, the bitch, we got to get our shit together. No, so I was watching, I can't believe you didn't watch. I can't believe you didn't watch. That was your one. One job.

You know what? You know how friends like work out together? We have to like watch Bravo together. Yeah. Like how old is accountable. Today, New York. So, so I watched New York and they were getting so wasted that I like couldn't understand.

I was like, this is an alcohol. Like I haven't drank in a while. But I, but for me, I'm like one glass of wine, eyes kind of close to like a little more. I'm never, I'm never like. like that's just not I'm going to vomit and die before I like slur so much so I was saying that and everyone agreed with me and a million messages and I get this one message this girl was like take your like sober pregnancy shaming ass you know like a way like you suck like I don't know

and I literally was a I think I posted it actually and I wrote like fuck him it. And then I was like, no, like, why do I need to post it to put, to put that negativity out in the world and say, like, if you're going to reward the bad behavior with attention, yeah, then it's like, then all the trolls are like, oh, yes, this is somebody who's going to give me the attention I want. Yeah. And then like. And I'll tell you another thing. I find that usually when people write that kind of shit to you and then you answer them, they're like, oh, shit. There's that too. You know, and then you answer them. And, and I've actually. had times where I've been like, but why do you feel that way, Tiffany? You know? And she's like, no, I meant because you said. And I was like, that's not what I said. And she's like, I'm so sorry. I love you. So you realize that some of these people do want. Yes. They think you're not, like, even me. They think like it'll never get her. She'll never see it. Like, no, I will. There's two kinds. One wants the negative attention. They thrive off of it. They love that they got a response. They're sick in the head. And they definitely live in their mom's basement. And,

And number two, it is people who are just, in my experience, drunk. Because I'll write back and be like, what the fuck is this? And they're like, I was drunk. I forgot. And I'm like, it's okay, girl, same. So then we can move on and be friends again. So that's what happens on Real Housewives. They kill each other.

And then they're like, we were drunk. Wait, so what radio station is your show on now? So when I got fired from Sirius, I was like, I had been looking at the idea of like going like a Patreon route for a while. Okay. So going back to this idea of the hustle trying to make more money at Sirius. because I could barely afford my fucking rent post-divorce. I was like, okay, so maybe if I do like a, like,

I was not allowed to do anything audio outside of series, but I was allowed to do video. So I was like, maybe I'll do like a video Patreon show. So I've been toying around with that, like, but it's subscription-based. So when I got fired, I was like, well, we are already looking for the video realm. So why don't we just maybe integrate the video later

and we'll just like, literally the slogan was, get back the radio show that was taken away from you. because that's how they did it. Like, they fired me. I didn't get a goodbye show. They called me on a Saturday. They didn't even tell the audience. They just threw somebody else on the air.

After 11 years of being on there, like not only did that suck for me as their employee, but truthfully, in my opinion, it's a little disrespectful to an audience that's a subscription-based audience. Like, they have a, they have like a connection with the talent, you know, like there is like a lack of respecting the talent in some companies. You must have pissed them off, Taylor. I think I pissed a fellow co-workers.

Off, who had a lot of influence with higher-up people. And that's what I think. So where can we find your radio show now that you won't tell us? So now you can find it. It's just an independent radio show. So it's like it's subscription based and you just go to Taylorshacker.com and you can subscribe there. It's like super easy. It's like super, super, super, super independent. So what's the difference between a radio show on a podcast? So that's a good question and something that people get so confused by. So the radio show, so basically I was just trying to give my audience and myself back what was taken away, literally through getting fired. So that was the rigo show. So it's Monday through Friday. Oh, it's every day.

It's two hours of talk. Oh, you do talk a lot. Oh, yes. Before the pandemic, it was live, 8 to 10 a.m. every morning. So people could call in. It was like, so, and then they can also access it like on demand in their podcast app afterwards, which really confuses people. Because then they're like, so you have a daily podcast. I'm like, it's a radio show. And they're like, what's the difference. I'm like, we do segments. Wait, so, okay, now I, now I get it. But now it's not live or it is live. So we're live to tape, which is not live. But the good thing is, so I have had a rotation of co-host. So it's like every day there'd be a different co-host for two hours. But in the pandemic, what we do now is I do like an hour with two people. So each day, it's like, it's basically like

myself in like 10 co-hosts. which is kind of cool because you get like a week, a week. Yeah, the same people. Oh, okay, gotcha. Exactly. So it's like we'll have like, for example, like Darren Carp, right? You know Darren, right? So Darren Carp is on Wednesdays.

And then also with Darren on Wednesdays is Dr. Wider. So it's like they, everybody gets there. So it's kind of, the thing with radio is, and this is like similar with podcasting, but the difference with radio is because it's every day and because people usually listen to it on their morning commute, which is not the case now because people aren't commuting.

But like it becomes like truly your best friends. and, like, truly, like, family. So it's, I mean, we have a very active Facebook page. It's called Taylor Strecker Nation. I am not a member because I think I would hurt myself if I read it every day because people are tough, tough, tough. Wait, did you open the group? I did not.

And then leave it? I did not. It's a fan page. Oh, exquisite me. Yes, queen, yes. But, like, it's very, it's almost like, it's like. Facebook is scary. me. Me too. Facebook and I mean, I don't know what's scarier if it's like Facebook or Twitter,

but I'm scared of Facebook. Maybe they might be equal. But I will say this. I like, I can respect what they're doing on Facebook, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings. But I always say, wait. So is it not a positive? Like it's positive. It mostly is. Well, it's, I don't know. I don't go on it. This is the reason I don't go on it. Because every time I'm like, I think I might enjoy the Facebook page, guys. And this is like, to my co-hosts, to my audience, to my namesake radio show, everyone's like this. No, no, no. And I'm like, why?

And then my girlfriend, I'll be like, I want to join. She's like, bad idea, bad idea. And I'm like, what are they saying? So it's this weird thing. We're like, I always say this. It's like, I'm paying the mortgage on the house and I'm a mom, okay? And I'm like, the kids are having a party in the basement. I'm a cool mom, not a regular mom.

Like, if you want to drink, please do it. at home. But then I come down, be like, does anybody need like a cup of ice, the wine cooler? They're like, get out of here, mom. And I'm like, okay, okay, okay. That's me with the Facebook page. I can't deal. Wait, so I want to for a second. You want to join it. No, no, no, no. I swear, no. I'll start fighting with people. Oh, I love it. I want to for a second because you assume that everyone's part of Taylor Striker Nation and we're not. Okay. So you had a husband. You call him your was-been.

Was my husband? How I remembers our conversation so vividly. I also call him Chad now. That's something else that's new. Is that his name? It's not his name. Do we like him still? You know, we probably like him as much as we always liked him.

Okay. So we want to know just like a little bit because there's obviously like a story there that's kind of interesting. So you were married because you're a million. Yes. I'm a million years old. So, I was married for almost five years. When did you get married?

2010? Yeah. I was in my late 20s. So it was like a normal time to get married. It was like, well, actually, I think it was normal, but also like we dated for like a year and a half and then we were engaged for a year and a half. So we weren't together like crazy long.

That isn't super American. Like I feel like here in like New York, people aren't rushed to get married and shit. Did you want kids? Like, why were you even trying to get married so quick? I was trying to get married so quick because we were living together and I was brought up Catholic and my parents were super psycho crazy about living together. And so I was scared to tell him that we were living together.

So I was like, we should get married. We should get married. And he was like also like, we should totally get married. So we both had pressure from our family. It's like, it's really amazing when you think about it. Like the reason people come together. And so a lot of times you just try to fucking fix the crap in your life that like you can't even see. And so we were drawn to each other. We have very different families,

but I think that we both, like, had a similar, like, interaction with our families. Like, we were, like, pleasers and, like, wanted to, like, we were both. Wait, did he go to Ithaca? Did you meet him at Ithaca? He did not go to Ithaca. No, we met at, uh, we met at a clurb in the Hamptons. Wow, you were a basic bitch. Oh, fuck. The most basic. Wait, okay. So you, so it was like a normal, like, and then. He was just a really nice guy. honestly, I had been dating dip shit after dip shit after dip shit. And, like, I was always attracted to, like, the bad boy. I'm pretty sure a guy I was hooking up with right before I met Wasbin was selling, like, heavy drugs.

So, like, I was concerned. Like, I was like, oh, my God, is he just like using her? Is he a drug dealer? So I thought, you know what? I should really start dating with my brain and not like my whatever I'm using because I definitely wasn't my vagina. My vagina was like shut down for business. Shut it down.

she was like dead she was in a coma i had no fucking idea what was going on with that i don't know how to masturbate don't even get me started i am like then then yes so i just but like i just thought every woman was asexual okay so like my friends were like i love dick i was like she's lying and she's gross or like oh my god i'm dating the guy with the most perfect penis i was like oh my god that's so disgusting are you okay He makes you look at it. I dated a guy for three or four years. He was fucking not circumcised and I never knew.

Hello. Wait, did you see it and not know? I didn't look. I just never. That's how little I look at dick. I was literally with one in a sleeping bag. Like one of those fucking toys from the 90s, like those little snake things that you play with.

And I had no idea. And somebody was like, oh yeah, he's insecure about his uncircumcised penis. I said, I said, what are you talking about? She said he's not circumcised. I said, yes, he is. She said, bitch, you never, you dated him for four years. I said, that is interesting. No, that is crazy.

And this is even before Wesben. Oh, yeah. So I met Wesben because I was like, I need to start dating like a guy who's like checking all the boxes, pun, not intended. So I was like, I need like a guy who's nice and successful and like is going to be a good dad and like all the things that you need for a marriage, right? And hopefully not a drug dealer. Although if he's a really good one, I can overlook that.

But one that's not going to get arrested. And then it was like, he was just so like, I think, you know that Sex and the City episode where like they reference like a guy's taxi cab lights on? And it's like when it's on, he's just ready for marriage. I feel like that's what where husband was. Like he was just like, been a playboy for a while in the city, like did the club scene, like couldn't never really find a girlfriend. And then we just met and he was like, she's awesome.

And I was like, agree. And so he was on the fast track with me for fucking sure. So we're both guilty as sin. So how long were you married for? Just under five years. I gave it the good old Ithka College try. I really went, we went to a lot of therapy, a lot of fighting. Oh, yeah.

Oh, because there was fighting and stuff. So much. So. But not about the sexuality. You know, that was actually one of the reasons why I married him because he didn't bug me about sex a lot, which I loved love. And I was like, and I had convinced myself, don't forget to. I was working on Sirius for like six years on Cosmo Magazine Radio. That's like the Bible for sex.

And here I am being like, honestly, like, if you like penises, there's a problem with you. Like, I was the worst person they could have ever put in that position. Speaking of that, I was going to say before when I was looking at everything you're doing now, it's like Taylor's Trek or whatever, Tay, Chase of Taylor and then Bitches Bride. That's just brides. Yes. So I'm trying to see. I'm trying to understand.

So they hired me to host Betches Brides. I don't know. I think that they are just looking for somebody to host. To host. Okay. So is it about like weddings? It's about weddings. Yeah.

They should probably replace me though. Like literally, like literally no. Like girls that look at like Pinterest and like. Yes. Like literally no harm, no foul if they want to get rid of me because here's the thing is because I had a wedding. Like I had like the ideal wedding. Everything was perfect about the wedding except for who.

I was marrying. So, and that's such a shame. So, but like, I get like this like wedding, like the feelings around a wedding, the drama around a wedding, like everything. But now that Corona hit, it's like a different ballgame. I don't get where it's anymore. So like honestly, it's like, you know, I'm. Well, it's kind of like everyone's like, fuck it. Let's have a baby. That's what it feels like is happening. Well, and rightfully so, right? Because if you can't have a fucking wedding. I mean, I do. The thing is like I about weddings, like, I, I feel like I'm a hypocrite as well. There are a lot of things I'm a hypocrite about life.

What I would say about a wedding is like there's no reason to get married until like you want to have a baby, you know? Right. But at the same time, you know, my husband proposed to me when I was 27 after we were together for five years. I knew I was going to marry him. So obviously I'll say yes and like do the wedding. Right.

But we're just having a baby now five years later because I felt like a baby until now and still do. So I didn't follow my own advice. but I also know that I wouldn't have pressured him. If you're, like, secure in your relationship and you know, like, you're together and there's nothing, then I don't feel like, like, I don't feel like there's a rush. And, like, she wants to get married.

Like, I would say, like, more than, like, I'm, like, rushing to get married. But, like, I just feel like I have, it's not even a doubt that I'm going to be with her forever. So I don't even feel this rush. Do you know what I'm saying? But I think we're going to get engaged soon. I actually do. And then I don't know what you're going to run away.

You have to give me the transition between wasband. talking about not liking penises, working on the marriage, getting divorced, and meeting your current, is she her first girlfriend? First and only. Yes. Oh, that's nice. So, that's the thing. So, yeah, so dating was been, we're both fast-tracking it for different reasons. I was scared to my parents thinking that I was, like, the cow that gave away the milk for free, which I'm like, honey, I've been squirted in this milk all over the place. I don't like doing it, but I do it because that's what boys want.

So I'm a feminist. Did I mention that? So he was also, like, fast-tracking it. I don't know why. I can't speak for him, but, like, we definitely both were, like, on, like, the, like, you know, like, we're, like, riding a European highway. No fucking speed limit. And so we're, like, gung-ho, all speeds ahead. And there was no time to think, like, he was whining and dining me or going on vacations.

I know my life is so horrible. But, like, he really, I was so distracted with all this stuff. I couldn't even focus on, like, us and, like, what was going on. Plus, I didn't have a great track record with boyfriends. And I was, like, he's better than the other gibronies I dated. So, like, yeah, we're going to get married. But, like, then we got engaged, and that's when the shit hit the fan. I started fighting a lot with the family, them with me.

And it was, like, over the dumb little stuff about a wedding. But, like, that stuff represents big stuff in the long run. And I just remember being like, this is troublesome. And I wanted to postpone the wedding. And I called the wedding planner, and I was like, I think we should postpone the wedding. And she was like, no, bitch, you either do it or you cancel it. You could cancel it. But that is, it's all the financial troubles of canceling with no benefit.

And I, but I wasn't ready to like, I feel like calling off a wedding is breaking up, right? A big deal, yeah. Like, can you call off a wedding and stay together? Probably not. Is that an option? I'll take D, all of the above. So I was like, if I call this wedding off, he's never going to forgive me. He's going to be so embarrassed.

And I'm not ready to like end our relationship. So I was like, fuck it. I'll just deal with it later. We have a pre-up. So I guess, I guess I kind of know what it looks like. So we got married. And then it was just. just, I actually, from a financial standpoint, I should have really waited out those five years

because I would have been bumped up like a, like a financial, yeah, but I just couldn't. I just couldn't anymore. So anyway, so decide to get separated. I mean, like, I'm one of those people that breaks up in the relationship. Does that make sense? Like you're the one that ends it. Well, yeah, but I'm like, I'm like, I'm breaking up for like a year. And I'm telling you I'm breaking up with you, but I just don't have the cahones, like the cool yons to walk out. So I'm like, but I am going to break up with you. And then, like, after like, like, the 50th time, they're like, it's the boy who cried wolf, right?

Like, oh, okay. And I'm like, I'm going to, I am going to figure it out. Like, I remember one time he came into our bedroom, we had this gorgeous apartment in Tribeca and he had this stack of, like, papers from like, um, streeteasy.com. And it was all apartments, studios. And he was like, what is this? And I was like, I'm divorcing you.

And he was like, ha ha. And I was like, dude, I didn't even hide it. Like, I am looking at apartments actively. I want to get a divorce. I'm trying to see what, like, life looks like. Because, you know, it's, it's a big deal to get a divorce. Especially, like, I'm going to be honest. I'm a spoiled brat, okay?

Like, I went to my parents. I was raised, like, middle, like, upper middle class. I went from my parents' hands to, like, my roommate that, like, took care of me like a fucking baby because I'm so incompetent. And then I went right to was bent. So it's like, I never knew how to survive in my own. So, like, that's scary. Like, the idea of a divorce.

And my parents still. Well, a lot of people stay in relationships just because, they're scared to be alone. Yeah. And I actually kind of think that if I'm, I mean, again, I can't speak for husband, but in my opinion, I think that he was kind of banking on that.

Like, he was like, she's not going to leave. And I mean, I know. I get it. Girl feelings are annoying to men. I understand that. I understand that fully. But like, if I think if like his family

lived a little bit further away, or maybe it was like, I was just dealing like with one difficult in law versus like a lot of them all in the same team, I could have handled it. But it was like I was literally transported back to sixth grade. And like, that is my least favorite time in my life. And I was like, how did I, how did I land back here? I was like, I just knew that I couldn't survive. I'd be like

drinking martis at 8 o'clock in the morning. Like, like, but it was probably deeper than that because you were also not into guys, but didn't know it at the time. Probably. I mean, honestly, that's, this is where we come where I'm like, I don't even know. Like, I literally am so disconnected with myself that I don't even know if it was, is it a guy thing? Or is it like, is it that I'm a lesbian? Is it like I honestly have no idea? I have no idea. You still don't?

I still to this day don't. Like people always say if you if you were to break up with Taylor or like something happened or she broke up with you, what would you date women? And I'm like, nah, I date guys. Because it's just. Huh. So I don't know.

And I hate the word bisexual like with a. And if you are, I'm not judging you. I don't like the word for myself because I. For yourself. Yes. For myself. because I feel like it scares people. People hear bisexual and then they're like,

I don't know which box to put you in. You're so super scary. You're attracted to everybody. And it's like, no, it's just like I would date a guy or a dated girl. It's more about like, I guess the category I would fall into is like pansexual,

which is like, I love the person. But it's like, I just fell in love with the girl. Like that's really what happened. Like, trust me, it was not my plan. I moved down to Wall Street to like find another rich dude. Like that was the fucking plan. Okay.

Wait, and how did so, how did you meet her? Well, her and I were friends before, like, I met her right before, I'm going to say she was like one of my more new friends before the separation in the divorce, ball got rolling. And so I was actively trying to, because as I was breaking up for like, it took me a year and a half to break up with him, even though I told him every day I was, I was like trying to find new friends that were like mine because I, again, I was testing the waters, right? I was looking at real estate. I was also like trying out new friends because I didn't want to like,

because you have to split friends up when you get a divorce. And I didn't want any sort of memory of that. So I was like, I'm going to start hanging out with like a bunch of new people that are just my friends have nothing to do with him. Like they be like, can we meet your husband? And I was like, nah, there's no point because you're so calculated. I know.

I am. I was like, because I'm not going to be with them anyway. Well, I told them. I was like, you don't want to meet him. We're not going to be together in a year. It doesn't even fucking matter. She was a friend at the beginning and then she made a move. So she, oh my God, no, I made the move.

Oh, shut up. Yes, she was a friend in the beginning. I had no idea she was gay. I was like setting her up with every, like, guy in the world that I could think of. Wait, did you not tell you? No. And then a mutual friend of ours was like, stop it. She's gay.

And I was like, oh, my God, I'm such a dick. And so then he was like, but when she tells you, have to act surprised. So I was like, okay. So when she told me, I was like, oh, my God, no way. I can't believe. Are you fucking kidding me? That's crazy. I like way overacted.

So. Listen, I talked to you on Instagram after our podcast, and you girls are so cute. It's annoying. Thank you. Like, you're so cute. I'm, like, really obsessed with her. It really is killing, like, my ability to do good content because, like, I used to always just shit on my ex-husband. It was such, it was so great. And you can't do anything like that. No, because I, like, really love her. And also, girls have, girls are more sensitive than boys. It's easier to make fun of a guy than is to make fun of a girl. So. Yeah. Did you watch expecting Amy the documentary with Amy Schumer about her pregnancy? No, but I saw you post about it, which made me want to watch it. I have to watch it. You got to watch it. And I was just talking about the other guy because I love everything about her. Like I'm obsessed with her. But she made fun of her husband and her standup and like talked a lot about his diagnosis with his late in life diagnosis with autism. Yes. And at some point he's like trying to tell her. He's like just you know like not a lot of people would have been cool with.

your whole bit that's like making fun of me and she's like and she didn't take it so well I don't know how to explain it but she was just kind of like well you said it was okay so I like said it to like tell me if you don't want me to do it and I'm kind of like well am telling you that it's hurting and I was like that's a lot like to hear someone like be someone stick that that whatever so how long are you together and you're still obsessed okay so we've been together now like five years. And so basically her and I were just friends

and then she was like somebody that was really there for me because she was single and young so she didn't have like kids or a significant other that she had to pay attention to. Did you tell her your real age? I told her my real age and she said

you're a creature of the night, you're a zombie. You get away from me. And but so she became like my best friend during the separation, right? So I would like hang out with her all the time and so one and it was just like I was really like,

yay Taylor. you have a lesbian friend now. You are so woke. And then we were out one night. And I saw, and I had seen her kiss girls before and been like, oh, my God. You know, that's two girls kissing. Like, I'm the worst. I'm finally, like, a good person because just life.

But, like, I was a little shelter, judgy, like, jerk. I sucked for many, many, many years. I've just, like, such a prude. I think, honestly, I think it's just, like, maybe deep down inside I always, knew I was gay and I was just so terrified of that that I just like became this little weird prude asexual creature that judged everybody in sex and all that stuff. So anyway, so one day we were out and this girl and her were like really flirting and I was like, I am jealous. And then I was like, you're crazy. You're doing the thing that girls do when they're like, I'm divorced. I want to

make out with girls. And so I was like, let it go, let it go. And then I'm like, I can't because I have no filter. So I was like, I want to make out with you. And she was like, no, thank you. And I was like, what? And she was like, we're really good friends. And you're going through a divorce right now. And I kind of feel like you need my friendship. And like, I lose interest quick. And if we like hook up, I'm going to like not like you anymore, even as a friend. Because that was like her MO. And so she was like, how about we just like, don't. I was like, okay. Pretend that never happened. And so then we just like went back to like whatever, life as usual. And then we went on this trip to Miami. together that I had. So she, we met initially through business. So she, I hired her as my

videographer for my blog. So we were going like a work trip to Miami. And so I booked the room like months in advance. With a king size bed. With a king size bed. With a double bed. With a double bed. Just one. With a king size bed. And the place was so fucking small. And so anyway, but we were there together. And then like one night we were out at the club. And she was like, I've had a crush on you and I've been trying to fight it but like fuck it like shit but she was like if we're going to do this we're to do it like we're going to be like girlfriend and girlfriend and I was like ah which is such a lesbian thing to do is to be like we're getting married I like you you like me let's have a baby and so I was like I was again she said immediately that's how it works with lesbian

she was like we're going to be girlfriend and girlfriend before you even like well she was well she was kind of like Tay she's here so I feel like I need like her to like chime in because sometimes make-up stories in my head and then they become the truth. I know that. But in my heart, I feel like it was very like, I remember like kind of having to make like a commitment to her and being like scared about that because I'm like, bitch, I think we're just, we're just going to like fuck around on this lie. Like I don't want to.

We're going to be girlfriend. I don't know about that. But weren't you scared to like. Lied to her and said, sure, of course we're going to do that. But then I was like, but we're also going to keep it super secret. Right. Awesome. So. Because I was like, like, like, day.

I'm like, I just want to, like, make out with you. I don't even know if I can go further than that. Right. You know, so then I was like, well, yeah, but like, we got to get slow, like, with the physical stuff because, like, I'm scared. And so we did. It took us, like, a year to have sex. No, I'm kidding.

It took us like, but it took us a while. And every time we would hook up, I was like, is today going to be the day I have to do that thing? And I was like so, so, so scared. Because I love, because then by the time we got to that point, I was so in love with like as a human that I'm like and like also like they're like like the snuggling was so good and the kissing was so good

and all the other stuff was so good. So I was like if that thing down there is a problem we're gonna like what am I going to do? Like did you feel like you might not be good at it or that you might not like it? Number one concern was I wouldn't like it. Number two concern was that I wouldn't be good at it right? Yeah. And then like and like and just like all like yeah and but

then I did it and I was like guess what? It's also scary. Giving a fucking blow job. Yeah. Like, privates are privates. Remember how I told you that you only remember the bad thing? So I had a boyfriend in college and I won't forget an email he wrote to me after we broke up. And the line that I most remember, because it was all about me being awful, but one line was

and when you finally go down on me and mind you guys, this is like a thousand years ago, but I remember the sentence. It's with as much enthusiasm as a garbage collector picking up trash. I was probably like, that, you know, and I was going to say, when you were saying that before, like, I still don't believe it. I, and I'm, you know, in love with my husband, and I still don't believe that you can be like, I want that penis in my mouth. It's, it's, it's, I've always been a sexual person, unlike that you were saying you felt a little bit, like I've always been, but, but, but I still am not, still never felt that way, you know, you know,

Yes. I just, well, I always felt that way. So are you sure that letter wasn't intended for me? Because that is accurate as fuck when it comes to how I gave head. I think, I think about it then. I was like, I was disgusted by him. I remember asking my friends like, is it normal that it smells like pee? And we're like, no, he's a dirty hippie, Amanda, like stop dating him. He smelled so bad. And I actually did love him. He just actually smelled bad. It was funny. I didn't smell it. My roommates were like, like every time he comes in, like the whole thing smells. And I was like, no. Oh my. He was like a freak. He was like a freak. Like he would, oh, my God.

That's why, yeah, I ended up meeting an Israeli guy. American dudes are weird. I don't know. American dudes are weird as far as I'm concerned. So, but that's such a beautiful story that you fell in love with your friend. I know. Listen, and it was not the plan. Wait, how did your family?

Oh, Amanda. Not great. It's a whole other podcast. It's a whole other podcast. Because the thing is, too, like, I think that people think it's either one of two things. Either your family's like, duh, we've been waiting, or they're like, go to gay camp. You know, we're like, pray the gay way. Or like, we abandon you.

But there, I think the majority of people who are gay that come out, whether you're bisexual, gay, what have you. And across the LGBTQ spectrum, I think a lot of us get like, eh. And it's kind of just, like, we have liberal parents who are. open-minded and like you only told them when you had a girlfriend to tell them about right because I feel like that's that's other thing I remember because my college roommate was in the closet until much after college and now looking back we like get a lot of things that happened yeah because of that situation and her mental state like her but what I wanted to say is that she before you

cut me off Taylor no I was doing it I was doing it is that when she wanted to come out she's kind of like, but how do you say? And I totally got her because if you say I'm dating someone, at least there's like a story to tell, there's something current. I met someone and I'm seeing her and she's a girl. But for her, it was very like, I don't talk to my parents about shit anyway. I'm not telling her about dudes that I've had sex with and I'm not whatever. So how do I say, this is my, you know, gender of interest now that I'm attracted to? So I feel like you having yeah like being like I'm a dating a girl is maybe more you know you know right into it without any preparation but it's also like this is what's happening in my life it made it like

it actually did make it easier I have to say because I've heard only because I know from hearing my girlfriend Taylor's story when she came out she came out single and her story is so much harder than the story that I went through mine story was really hard but like way harder for her because it was like you know like for me my parents were like so you're like in love with the person. So basically my parents were like, so she, Jedi, mine tricked you into being a lesbian. Okay, so she's a bad guy. And I was like, no, no, she's wonderful. And now my parents not even joking, love her more than me. Like, they

they adore her so much. Like, she's my dad's favorite. Kind of my mom's too. But we just, like, lived with them, like, during this quarantine for like three weeks. And my parents are full on, obsessed with her. Like, they think she is the most special human in the world. And she is. But, like, it's just, it's so great now. But it took, it was a very long. awkward, uncomfortable road to get to this part.

I would say that it took them, like, the whole year would just suck. And then, like, year two and three were like, like, on eggshells. And then I think they still were like, she'll be with a guy. And now they're just like, do not let her go. If she breaks up with you, you're fucked.

Don't lose her. Crazy lady. And I'm like, I know. That's what I'm trying to do up in this bitch's keeper. So it's all good now. But yeah, I mean, this is so I never. I, it's not like, it's hard because I didn't, like, grow up, like, struggling with this my whole life. Right.

Maybe different struggles I had were directly linked to this and I was just so close off sexually that I was not able to even let myself go there. Well, that's good that like your mechanisms are working in a way that it didn't hurt you too much. Oh, I'm very disturbed and screwed up. So, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I thought the mechanisms were good. Because like with my college women, we're like, that's why you said you wanted to drive off like into the lake. Like, like true story. Like we'd remember things.

And she was like, you know, and she like, you know, Taylor was saying, I know we're getting a little bit serious. But sometimes it's not that simple like, oh, I know and I'm just pushing it down. Sometimes it's like our minds and bodies are crazy. Like sometimes we don't figure shit out until years later or, you know, you can be affected today because like when you were baby, like something happened. So, but that's amazing. I really love that story. I hope everyone enjoyed it. And I did want to talk to you about when we,

I went on your podcast, hashtag, check it out. We talked about the bravery series. Oh, yes. So good. So good. So good. So good. But I need to confess to you that I'm a giant coward again in life.

Okay. So Taylor and I were talking about on her podcast about the bravery series, which if you follow me on Instagram, which you should and probably do. but is that I was calling out the new trend of thin influencers and people, you know, showing like a role, cellulite that doesn't exist, all this shit. Right. And I do feel still very passionate. And Taylor put it so, like, amazingly.

And you said, you know, when we're talking about them kind of defending themselves and being like, no, like, I have issues too. You were saying your analogy was it's like if I was shitting money out of my ass. Yes. And I was complaining the like, I don't know, it chafed my ass or something. And it's just, I can't sleep in nights because all this money keeps flying out of my asshole. Like when thin, universally accepted as thin women, you know, are being at the front lines of this body positivity movement. So I was posting a bunch of influencers.

And the reason I'm so pissed about it is because it's so easy, even if you're not a social media maven like me, to notice when something's a. trend because you're going to see it fucking everywhere. Right. And if you're going to see a thousand times a day, you know, girls being like Insta reality and the Insta being her flexing and the reality being her grabbing skin from her back, like she's trying so hard. It's like, and it's like she really does feel like she's putting something very brave out there. Yes. I just couldn't deal with it. And I was calling it out. And even though I wasn't showing their faces and I was, You weren't showing their faces.

Right, which is so respectful. So, okay, I actually even put up, like, We Were What, which, like, she has a huge following. Yes. And I didn't really get any. It's so weird because a lot of times, like, people think it's all about followers, you know? Like, how many followers you have.

Like, we Were What has, like, one point something million followers. But I don't know how many, like, stands she has. You know what I mean? So no one. The engagement's super important. So, for example, like, if you're in high school and you're like a straight C student,

but then you get like a perfect score in your SATs, that looks bad to colleges because it says this kid's smart and they're fucking lazy, right? So same is for the case with influencers. It's like if you have tons and tons of followers but the engagement's super low considering the amount, it's kind of like the same thing.

Right, but I don't even care about our engagement, but my point was no one came for me. No one was like, that's we were what, you know, and she like feels this way because people probably follow her for the nice clothes and whatever. And they don't really care. She doesn't have a lot of stands.

Right. So I was surprised. And the post that I posted about it, everyone was kind of an agreement that it was kind of, we weren't like hashtag your brave, Danielle. Wow, you showed, you know, an inch of a stretch mark and you're stretched back in a perfectly bronzed body, like whatever. But then I posted this.

So I get submissions of them, right? Like, I get DMs of my father's been like, another one, another one. So sometimes I won't even look at the page. I'll see that it's annoying and I'll post it. So I posted this woman who was doing a video again. She was like pointing at her stomach. It was so thin. Taylor was like, I believe it.

And then she was like breathing and then she like stopped breathing. And I don't know what she was showing, but she was trying to show that like, that like, I'm not perfect. But there was nothing in the video that was like dramatic. it was like breathing she literally went like like a breath in where like your ribs are a little out and then like a breath out and she was like pointing i was this video made me like so i put it up chopped her head off as per you she didn't even write a long didn't even write a long as caption like i did about we were what i literally wrote like oh my god so brave like breathe that's great and and i noticed i'm getting a lot of messages being like

That's Jack from Lady Gang. You know Lady Gang? I know of the Lady Gang, but I don't know like they're individual names. Yeah. So I didn't either, apparently. Yeah. And apparently, even though they're not on We War,

what scale of followers, she has stands? They've got fans. Yeah. So it's not my followers being like, Amanda, you're wrong this time. It's her followers somehow getting word

that I posted this and like, humming for me. Shut the fuck up. And then her so quickly coming for me. So, yeah, so she posted on my post, like, you know, way to shit talk me, like, blah, blah, blah, like, you know, really cool.

I was like, and I got a little, because I was like, oh, my God. And then I was going to, and then I left it up. I actually answered her. I was like, I'm actually not shit talking you. I'm like, just about the trend of this and that and like, blah, blah. You're like, I put you in a guillotine. I chopped your head off. I didn't even like say it was you.

So wait, her stands just like recognize that photo that she had posted. Yeah, because it was right after. It wasn't like an old thing. Right. It was like, you know, and the internet, you guys today, like, you can get to, you know, Justin Diverlake and probably DM him and have a conversation. Like, the internet is so crazy. Things travel so quickly, like, you're like, they would never know.

And like, they'll know. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. So then I answered her and I left in and I was getting more messages and more messages. And I had a really like hormonal day. a really like annoying day and this was and I was like listen the bravery series is not like who I am it's not like my page it's not my career goal like this isn't important enough to me oh and

apparently the lady gang has a Facebook group of stands on like you're hating Facebook group listen I want to clarify majority love me there's like 50 people that hate me that's it so they're like my followers that some of them like the lady gang and are, do you see that muscle? Look at that. What the fuck? Don't you put that muscle in my face? So my followers who listen to the lady gang are like, oh my God, Amanda, like they're talking mad shit about you in that group and they're saying they want to cancel you, delete you. Like I felt like I was going to be fossil number two.

Like delete. They want to get your account. I already saw it was like, this isn't worth it for me. Like, so I literally, I'm a coward you guys and this is where I admit it. I deleted the bravery series highlight. I deleted. But I want to say, there's more than just me being a coward to this. I was actually like, I don't want people going and reporting my account off these pictures. Like, I don't care enough about this. I was trying to make a statement. The statement has been made. You guys are going to see this shit everywhere. Magazines are posting Instagram versus reality. You know, every influencer in the world is fucking doing it now because it gets engagement in likes. And like, I've called it out. And what ended up happening was I didn't want to get any more message.

is like that. I actually told my followers who were telling me what's going on in that group. I was like, can you stop? Like, I'm going to cry. Like, I couldn't, I'm emotional. I'm nine months pregnant. I couldn't deal with that shit. You know what I mean? Right. It was like a lot for me that day. And so I deleted it. And then I emailed Jack

from Lady Gang. Okay. And I wrote her a message and I said, you know, I think it's important for us like speak about this and not just with all the noise. And I told her why I started the hashtag bravery series. I mean, not that it was a It makes me sound like way more like calculated, smart and driven than I am. Like it literally was just like, this is stupid. Let me post it.

And I was like and I feel like, you know, you're like very thin. You know, I just felt like it's damaging for for a lot of people to see someone that looks like you that we would want to look like. And then you saying that this is like a bad angle makes us feel like then what are we? You know, we talked about it on your podcast. We were like joking about it. But we're like, what are we a house? like right but but so i explained myself and i said you know i wasn't coming for you personally and

and i just really wanted to like talk to her about it because she was like the only person that was ever like looked like she was really pissed yeah and she actually wrote back which i didn't think would happen i respect that she wrote back a really lengthy thing explaining to me her whole issues with her body okay um and food can you share it very strange Or is that, like, private and, like, not your story. No, no, I'm not going to, like, post it, but she literally said, like, I have the worst body dysmorphia. I've hated my body my whole life. I thought it was the grossest.

You know, I couldn't even look at myself, like, basically very, like, bad body image issues to the point of probably, you know, an extreme, extreme kind. And she said, I'm, she said, I'm just starting to come to terms with, like, accepting myself. So for her, it does help her to see those insurricular. versus reality. I have a question. I have a question. And, like, again, I know it's delicate. And I have talked about body image stuff, like,

because I told you I'm literally actually a dead person here in a human body because I'm so old. But I have talked for so many years about body image issues because I have, like, I mean, my body now looks the way that I always thought it looked. So congratulations to me. I've accomplished all my goals of horror. But I, like, truly. and I'm not even joking, I have gained since, like, I'm going to say, like, since, like, my,

like, wedding weight, which probably is an unrealistic way to be, but that was, like, the only time I was, like, kind of even remotely comfortable being in a bathing suit in front of other people. And I was the skinniest I've ever been. I remember somebody I was close to said to me, like, oh, my God, I've never seen you look so good in a bathing suit. And I was like, kill yourself a million times over. I know it's a compliment, but it's not working. But I literally was like, I probably have gained 50 pounds.

I'm not sure. I swear, hand to God. God, that's a lot of weight. I'm 5'4. That's a lot of weight. So I know I need to, like, lose weight just for even health reasons. I did have a doctor say to me,

like, you are kind of getting into a BMI. And I was like, don't say it. I'll just lose the weight. And then I gained, like, 30 more. But I do feel like, I understand where she's coming from with that because I've literally been a size two thinking I was so disgusting.

So I can relate to her. However, what was she showing? Oh, wait. So, but she also said, So obviously what she said made me understand more. Okay. I wrote back to her that she should know like it doesn't mean that she did open my eyes. But I think still, and I'll stand behind the fact that a lot of influencers that are doing it don't have her issues and are just riding this trend for likes and engagement.

Yeah. And she agreed. She's like, and what was so nice about this conversation is that whether we agree with it or not, because I'm, you like to me as someone who hasn't been skinny uh i've had periods of my life where i was skinny or skinnier or again it's so relative someone can say like no amanda you're skinny you know like i'm fat or whatever right but but a not universally accepted as a skinny person right then obviously in my mind that those people that fall into that category struggle more than we talked about than people that are sin. However, she did say ascendant. She said body image issues don't discriminate.

Okay. That's true. And that did speak to me. Yes. You know, because then I said, true, Amanda, like that's so basic, right? Like, we know what anorexia is. Right. You know that the girls that suffer from anorexia, like legit think they're fat so they don't eat, but they're actually anorexic. So, I mean, that's just as straightforward as it gets. So, but she said that I opened her eyes and that she'll take that into account with like going forward so it made me feel first of all I'll say me it made me feel so much better because yes all of a sudden I did open her eyes a little bit but she opened mine in the sense that is it hilarious yes like did most people agree with me and think that it's awesome yes are there people behind the chopped heads that like maybe don't feel

so good if they'll see that I'm posting them. Yes. So that's when I was like, Amanda, you know what? It's like with the Kanye West thing right now. Do I hope that women that are doing this now mean it and are trying to make some sort of a positive body image point? I really hope so. Do I know that more than 50% of them are hopping on the train? Yes. And then yes. But you know what? I'm not going to risk my, like, A, I really did, like, understand what she said. And she was like, listen, I know you're saying you're not coming personally for me, but, like, you posted my picture, like, you're referencing on me. But without her head.

If you tag her and used her face, it would be different. I'm serious. I just, I feel like there's a lot in the details. And I think it's great that she engaged in, like, a back and forth with you because that shows, like, a lot of character. And I'm happy that she, you know, you saw her perspective and she saw yours because that's, like, how it should be, right? Right.

And especially in such a divisive time when, like, if people don't agree, they're like, I hate you, know, I hate you. So the fact that you can do that is great. And, like, role models for all of us. I'm also like a coward in the sense. Like, I like to be good with people. Like, I don't want.

So, like, yeah. And that's a lot of time eating, wanting to eat the cake and have it too or whatever. Because you want to be able to, like, be cool, make fun of people because you, like, have a sense of humor. But you're like, no, but like me. I know. I.

That's the story of my life. Literally, that's where I live constantly. So now I'm just saying a lot of people are cool because, you know, reality TV. people and whatever. A lot of times they get that it's part of the stick, right? That's what I was going to say is I wish that there was less of like, oh, you hurt my feelings because I, again, when I was super thin, I did have a lot of people reach out to me. They were like, you know, you're like, look at this fucking label in your pants.

It says what, like a four or six? And I was like, yeah, I saw my best think. Why are you saying? And they were like, you're thin. That's thin. The average size in America is, you know, a 14 or 16. And I was like, oh, fuck, they're right. And so when I was thin back then, I just tried really hard to stop.

And any time I didn't, I'd be like, ah, fuck, I did it again. I'm sorry. But like that's the thing is like, so why can't people who are considered like thin a four, a two, a zero just stop with these body posts? They don't have to do them? That's what I was telling you on your podcast is like, do I think you can still be fucked up in the head and think that you're bigger than you are, or whatever?

But I do think that we have platform. have a little bit of responsibility to say, I'm probably tinier than all y'all bitches. Yeah. So I'm not going to put this post up and say, this is me at my worst, because, like, you might want to die. If you think that this is, but Taylor, and I've told you this before, and this is what made me, you know, in the essay of points that I made for myself to kind of stop with this for now, is that I look. through her post and I looked through her comments and they were 99% positive meaning people saying wow you're amazing thank you for showing me this and I'm like you know what maybe I'm a cynical ass bitch and maybe there are a lot of us cynical ass bitches and there are because like I said most

of my followers get it but most of her followers or you know uh whatever else fitness person is trying to show that they have skin they can grab it makes people feel better because maybe they follow maybe she does look five pounds lighter in her previous post and people were like, I'm so jealous. And I'm like, oh wait, she has skin. I don't fucking know. So if people it makes them feel better, then do

it. But just pay attention to not be dup because it's so fucking hard. I feel like on social media because everyone's like, social media is a lie. I'm like, no, I ain't lying on social media. Hey, what's up? Like, I don't want to call myself real because that's not my sick, but I'm just

saying like people think like, oh, you just can't get real like people on social media so like you have to do these insta versus realities because everything is fake um no it ain't you're following the wrong people yeah how about that how about that how about that hey tay we went over time i know that's because we always have so much fun together tay tay so aside from like betches bride i can't it was just funny when i read it and i didn't know you were doing the bridal stuff.

Not that you can't. I mean, it's sort of like I would do, I feel like about myself, like I had a great wedding, but I just feel like I'm not your typical bridal columnist. You know why?

I think they hired me because they hired, like I, so have you seen the show younger? Everyone listened to it. Always. It's me, bitch. Have you ever watched younger,

the TV show? No, but you reference it a lot. Because I worked with them. I mean, hopefully I'll come back after the pandemic. I don't know. Everything's like on hiatus. now. But I hosted this after show for this TV show. So then it got like around the circuit that like I can like I can hire you can hire me to represent your brand. So that's what that is probably. Do I look like Hillary Dove to you because I used to get it all the time. Yes. You do actually. Don't lie to me. No. At first I said yeah. When we were little when when she was Lizzie now we don't. But like Lizzie McGuire her and me at that age send me the pictures. It was very similar. Well I didn't watch Lizzie.

She kind of did. She pointed at a, at a like skin thing the other day. But you know what I think it is with her? I think she lost a lot of weight. Yes. And I think she's really like loving it. And she does look great. And I think she needed a little bit of tension. So she pointed out a little bit of skin. She lost weight during quarantine. That's not fair. That's opposite of what we're supposed to do. A lot of people. I feel like there's a lot of people. It's really annoying. It's really annoying. I spent it gaining all the way back. I lost before corn. Really? Fuck, yeah. We'll do another one. Okay. Tay, Tay, thank you so much for coming on. Oh, my God, Mandy, I love you so much. I love you too.

And everyone, listen to our podcast also on her thing. Being my panty liner is such a good thing. And also the Taylor Strecker show, the radio one. Yeah, you're welcome to come on and be in by your website. It's a website. No, literally. I don't remember. I'm asking her for.

for now and I was like, but what radio channel? And she's like, so I got by it from series. I'm like, what radio channel is your show? Why do you think I go so long? Because it's not a channel. It's an independent subscription radio show. I better come on. Remember how we talked on your show about inviting yourself on things?

Yes. So Taylor invited herself on my podcast today. That's a lie. That's a lie. Okay, babe. Thank you for coming on. Love you so much. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on

Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual hug and kiss and smoocharoo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday. Thank you.