Not Skinny But Not Fat - Love Is Blind w/ Cole Barnett

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Season 3 of Netflix’s Love is Blind was wild! The drama was at an all time high, and most of it was brought by the very tumultuous relationship of Cole Barnett and Zanab Jaffrey. Cole joins the podcast today to give us some answers! Does he feel bad about the backlash Zanab got on the internet? Does he have any regrets about how he treated her? Would he have said yes at the altar? How are his DMs looking these days? Also, when has he last spoken to Zanab, and what does he think of all the shade she’s throwing!?? And yes we also talk about Cutie Gate. Listen to this juicy ep now! Produced by Dear Media This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, I'm Shera Barlow, but you may know me as the food therapist. I'm so excited to announce Dear Media's first ever daily show, Good Instincts. If you've ever found it challenging to eat thoughtfully while juggling a busy schedule, then this show is for you. Instead of aiming to simply eat healthier, we'll focus on tips and mindset shifts that streamline the process, because balance is key, and the less complicated, the better. Join me every Monday through Friday for bite-sized episodes designed to help you close the gap between where you are right now and where you want to go.

Available wherever you get your podcast. This is Amanda Hirsch from the Not Skinny but Not Fat podcast. You might know me from Not Skinny Bonaput on Instagram where I spend my time talking about reality TV, celebrities, everything happening, and pop culture. I also talk to some of our favorite celebrities. and reality TV stars, we talk about what's going on. Tune in every Tuesday and just feel like you're talking with your best friends in your living room. First of all, hi.

Cole, Cole Barnett is here. Love is blind. We're all, you know, super fans. We all watch this season. And I thought it was one of the best seasons. It just moved so perfectly for me. I don't know. The pods were the perfect amount of time,

jumped straight into drama. I mean, this was your life, but we really enjoyed watching. Awesome. I'm glad to hear that. I mean, at least it was entertaining. So, yeah. Well, how are you doing?

Because you're looking way better right now than you did at the reunion. Oh, yes. I'm doing much better. It's been good to get back into a routine and just be working and, yeah, I'm around a lot of good people every day. So it's nice to not have it like on the forefront of my mind because, yeah, I mean, the reunion was tough because like we kind of all knew it was happening. So we kind of had to carry your past relationship with you for a long time. So, yeah.

Well, when was that film? Because let's just make it very clear for people. If you guys didn't know, this was a year and a half ago. Correct. right correct so we waited a very long time before coming the reunion oh so the reunion was filmed recently correct oh okay wow so people still had high emotion yeah I don't know what I can and can't say I don't know if I can give like exact details but yeah there was a very long period so yeah wow because I think that you know with a lot of reality TV I mean I

know, because I've been an avid watcher and viewer. As much as people like to say, oh, that, you know, reality is scripted, is this and that? Like, you could tell that show was real. The emotions were high. Absolutely. And you're back to your normal life. You're zooming with me from a we work right now. You do real estate, right? Yes. Yep. I am an agent. Do a lot of, do a lot of traditional real estate. And I also do investing when I flip houses and own rental properties and stuff like that. So, yeah. do you get clients that recognize you from the show totally yes i've had a lot of people who are moving to texas reach out and want me to represent them so i'm happy to do that oh okay i was wondering if like

randomly a client gets to work with you and it's like oh hey you're from that show but you're saying people reach out to you because they know you do real estate and they want to work with you because they saw you on the show absolutely yeah i think it said like real realtor under my name on the show all the time so everyone knows it. So, yeah. And what about, like, comments and reactions you get from people on the street? Like, you're recognized. Yeah.

Why are you laughing? Yeah. I mean, at first, it was just really annoying because it would be, like, you're standing in an elevator and someone just, like, turns their phone at you and takes a picture. And, like, they don't know that it's not on silent. And it's just like, and, like, you're the only two people in the elevator or something like that. Like, you know, so it's just been weird.

But I'm now used to it. at first, it was the worst because you're just like, you just don't feel like you want to go in public because you're like, I just want to eat my meal. And now my waiter wants a picture with me. But now I'm used to it. So, yeah. Also, what's so wild again with the time is just like, you film this, you live it, you're in it. Then time goes by. You go back to your normal life. You kind of probably move on a little bit. And then it all kind of comes back up again. Yes, exactly. Which is why it's so weird. It's because when they play, the whole show to everyone else, it's super fresh. And it's like, oh, my gosh, this just happened.

But to me, it's like, I'm reliving something that I've, that's way long ago that like, I haven't forgotten about. Like, I knew this was coming. But it just doesn't feel the same to you as it does to everyone else. Right. Because we're living it now and we're in it. Obviously, people get very invested in other people's relationships. Okay. So can you tell us how you got on love is blind? Were you I mean, I feel like looking at you, is it hard for you really to date? I don't think so. Was it like I want to go on a reality show? This could be fun.

Like, what was the vibe? All right. Here's the true story. So I was working at a company. I had just quit and I like didn't even have social media because I was just, I just like to work and I like to say off social media. But I read downloaded Instagram because I was like, well, what do I do now? I don't have a job. I don't know what to do.

Like I need to figure out my next thing. So I look at my message requests and I have a request. from a production company and I just DM them back and said like, this sounds like a scam. Tell me more. And they said what the show was. I had never seen it. I didn't know what Love is Blind was.

And they were like, send us a 10 second video saying why you'd be great in the pods. So my 10 second video was, I don't have a clue what the pods are, but whatever they are, I'm going to crush it. And that was it. And they loved it. Wait, legit 10 seconds.

Yeah, because like first thing, They just want like a 10 second video just to like see you and see you talk. But they just thought it was funny. So they're like, okay, now you can apply. So then I did the whole application process and the rest is history. So, yeah. So you were just like, you were just down. You were just down.

You got this message. You were unemployed, you said at the time. I had just stopped. Yeah, I had just left the company I was working at and that's when I saw the message. But the reason I did it is because I while I was applying I, because I was applying to like other jobs and things at the time in real estate and trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I was thinking about starting my own company. So I was like, this sounds interesting. Like now it would be a good time to do it while I'm kind of in between jobs.

And I basically, wait, what was I saying? I just forgot what I was saying. Oh, that I was asking you like that you were just down to do it. Yeah. So I watched the show while I was applying and I thought season one was incredible. And I was like, this is like a very classy reality TV show. I thought I saw that it worked for two couples. I was totally moved by season.

season one and fell in love with all the characters. And I was like, you know what? Like if there was a TV, like if I was going to do a TV show compared to a lot of the other ones, I was like this one would be it. So, yeah. Oh, season one is like Cam and Lauren that are still together, right? Barnett and Amber. Oh, wow.

Barnett and Amber are still together too. People were comparing you a little bit to Barnett. Did you see that? Yeah. I mean, it makes sense that we have the same last name. And then also, I guess we're both kind of. just goofy. And that's why everyone was comparing us. So yeah, you got compared to a lot of people. I feel like people were comparing you like bachelor people because you have kind of this

allure of a dude who could go on a reality show. Like I could see you on the batch. You're like, yeah. I guess. I could see you on the bachelor. I could see you on these things. But you're right. Love is blind does have like it's not trashy. People aren't fighting, you know, and and, you know, drinking and throwing shit at each other. It's like a, it's a really good show to go on. Yeah. So you were down to do it. But were you open to finding love?

Yeah. I thought it could work, which is why I did it as well. Is at the time I was dating through Hinge and I was dating like a lot of people through Hinge and it hit me because a lot of the questions in the application process got me thinking because they would ask you about dating apps and stuff because that's kind of the premise of the show. It is like, you know, dating in today's today's modern world. And it's like, yeah, you're already kind of dating through a wall in the sense that, like, you're just scrolling through an app and you're, you're basing everything off of physical attributes. So I thought it was a really cool concept. I like the concept of like, wait, because I had got myself in trouble with that in the past where I go for the girl that I'm like sexually or physically attracted to and not at all the one that like I can just have amazing conversations with. It's like my first judgment of someone, like if I was going to like them not, was always like, am I physically attracted?

to you. So I was like, this is pure. This is how it should be. This is like, let's actually see if they make me laugh and if they're sweet and if they're intelligent. And then from there, let the physical part come later. So I thought it was just a cool concept. All right, you guys, article, we all know it. We all love it. What we mostly love about articles, not only they're modern pieces that are just chic and affordable. And, And great for apartment living, I feel like, because a lot of them are compact and, and, you know, really great when you don't have a lot of space, but also really just chic stuff, straightforward, great, just amazing. So I love to shop at Article for furniture. I have a lot of their stuff in my home.

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a r t i c l e dot com slash not skinny article a r t i c l for 50 dollars off your first purchase of a hundred dollars or more what people don't know about you i feel like with matt it was really you know out there in the show you were also married before yeah i had been married in the past yes How old are you? 27. When were you married? When I was 23, 24. Hold the phone.

Can you tell us a little bit? What was that? Was that high school sweetheart? Like, how did that? No, it was also dating app. We met through a dating app and fell in love pretty quick. And I don't know. I just felt like I was like at the age and ready to be married.

And like I thought she was an absolutely amazing girl. And like I'm into missions. work stuff and was very much so in a mission workup some of the time and she was going on a mission trip like right when I met her so I just thought that was cool so we moved pretty quick I mean we dated for two months and then I proposed and then we had a three month engagement and then we were only married for like half a year or so so it just it just we weren't ready for it we shouldn't have gotten married that quickly so wait could I ask a person were you saving yourself for marriage or something?

Yeah. Yes. I did save myself to marriage. Okay. Yeah. Do you feel now looking back like maybe you guys wanted to bone? No, we didn't get married just because we wanted to bone. I think sometimes when I look at young Christian couples that get married, I wonder that.

You know, I'm like, are you just so ready for it? Not in a bad way in a like, I mean, something is driving you to do. that and it could be, you know, those hormones. I think it definitely plays a role. But it certainly was not like the soul or the primary motivation. Right. But it was, yeah, I mean, that's one of the things is you're just like, yeah, at some point I do want to marry because at the time I was like, you know, I still saw a lot of my friends who had just dated around and slept with a whole bunch of people. And then you kind of get on a path where they were like, I don't know if I ever want to get married because you can just kind of do whatever with whoever. So I definitely had a

different mindset on it at the time. And it was like, that wasn't my primary motivation. But I definitely wanted to like, you know, like try to try to do it that way. So yeah. Is religion like a really important part of your life still? Yeah. I, I, I don't know. I think it's it's less now what it was then. And they're like, I don't think of it as like religion. I don't like religion. I think religion is like people going through motions and like feeling like they need to go to church and all this, but I definitely feel like, you know, I want to be with someone who has a relationship with God. So I think, like, there has to be a spiritual aspect just in life for me, but it doesn't need to be, like, religious motions or, like, tradition per se.

Would you date outside of your religion? I'd be open to it, but, I mean, most likely I'd like to be someone who loves Jesus, so. Yeah. Speaking of your ex-wife, I just saw on TikTok, I'm not a huge TikTok girly, but I saw that Zena posted a TikTok pretty much insinuating did you see this yet or no? No.

For realsies? What is it? She said that she like insinuated that she met up with her for coffee. My ex-wife? Yeah. No, she won't talk.

I mean, she hasn't talked to me and she hasn't talked to me since she told me that we were getting a divorce. Like, I haven't spoken to her. No, but I mean, do you have TikTok or just Instagram? Yeah, I have TikTok. Yeah. have posted a TikTok. I don't know if it's like a trending sound right now, but it said like something

and I'm going to coffee with your ex-wife. Oh, she's going to copy with my ex-wife. Yes. Yes. Oh, dang. Oh, I'm sure they have a lot to powwow over. That'd be all. I mean, they could lick their wounds all day, I'm sure. Oh, my God, you don't sound that shocked. I would be mortified. I don't know why I'd be mortified. I don't know. Two of your exes like getting to together. Sounds fun. So that just happened on TikTok. I wonder, again, if it really happened, but you're saying no sweat off your back. Let them, let them ditch it out. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what that would be. I still care about my ex-wife. I don't, I mean, I haven't spoken to her in so long because she canceled all forms of communication. I mean, I don't even know if she, I'm sure she

knows about the TV show, but if she was going to meet with Zinnab, I don't know what that would even mean to me other than like, you know, I don't know. I don't even know how to feel about that. I know. I mean, I don't know. What are they going to do, get together and talk about how horrible I am. I know. It's, it's an interesting. I wonder if it's just kind of to rile up, you know, some drums on TikTok, but people were going pretty wild. And I have to say that people's reaction seems to be that, you know, you haven't really been talking about the show or your relationship with

Z. And she has been making a lot of kind of snidey things. I mean, this was the last one. There was there were a few references, not only the apology to you and the internet, but also some other digs. So people are going off

in kind of a mean way saying like, oh, she's still like obsessed with him. It's a year and a half later. She's still thinking about him. Like, Hasn't she moved on? How do you feel about that? I mean, if that's the road she wants to take, I just don't think it's a good look, you know? It's kind of like I get tagged in about dozens of things every day that are calling her pretty harsh things and saying bad things about her. And I am not going to take the time to repost any of those or post anything negative about her because Zenib's a good person.

Like we tried to have love. We did our best. I'm not here to spend my time beating someone down through the internet. There's a lot of other useless people out there who spend their time beating people down through the internet. It's like, I'm just not one of those people. I've got better things to do. I'd rather build someone up to me.

I'd rather say good things about Zen up to the internet. It's like the internet's just, it's like a dark closet. Like no one's there to defend themselves. So it's like, you know, you're just, I don't want to participate in that. Do you ever feel like you want to defend her? Because I have to be honest, she got to me it. felt and tell me if you felt differently. She got more shit than you.

Like, she got really, she got it bad. Yeah. And I, I, it's not, I don't, in my heart of hearts, I do, like I said, I will say what I'm saying now. And I'm like, I feel for her, you know, but I'm not going to defend her because when I think about what happened, it's like, she did this to herself. It was her coming after me, you know, and saying all the things that she was saying about me that ended up biting her in the ass because the truth came out. And so it's like,

I'm not going to defend her for that. But I will say, like, I do feel bad for her. I never would have wanted this to happen to her. Yeah. And people also take it. I mean, even if, you know, there were certain aspects of her relationship where she didn't, you know, look the best or whatever, it's still nobody deserves this kind of hate, this kind of dragging, you know, people really making her the villain because at the end of the day, it is a reality TV show. At the end of the day, you dated for a month and a half, a year and a half ago. So how is your family now? I know then they didn't want to come to the wedding. How did they deal with the show and the judgment and everything? Did they make peace with that? What do you mean the judgment? Like from people

talking about their son and how he's acting on TV and like, I mean, it hasn't been like, you know, the easiest thing ever, but I'm doing my best. We're doing our best to like kind of now accepted as the new normal. You know, it's like what is done is done. So how can we just be our healthiest now that everything is out there and you are in the public eye and all that? But yeah, it was it was bumpy, you know. It was bumpy at the beginning.

Yeah. So I was talking about kind of the feedback that I was saying, what was your, how would you put it? Like, was most of the feedback that you were getting negative or positive from being on the show? During, like, the middle of the episodes, it was, it was 50, 50. You know, half the people were saying good things and half would be saying negative things. But, you know, now that things ended the way that it ended most, almost everything, people are supportive and positive. Oh, wow.

How did you handle all of that? Did you feel like, damn, I can handle this internet game? Like, was it no sweat off your back, kind of getting judgments from strangers? Because it's a weird thing, especially for someone who doesn't come from the entertainment industry. Like, how did you deal with that in general? It was extremely difficult. It was definitely not no sweat off my back. It was like, bad.

It was bad. Like, I don't think people realize that their words carry as much weight, as where it's carry in real life, even when you type them and send them to someone on the internet. So I think you even responded to one of my stories and I don't have my phone. Do you remember what it was? You were like, just wait or like something. What was? I did. I was sassy for a second during the show whenever, because I was like, yo, like everyone's hating on me and like trolling me. So I was just like trolling people back. Because I was like, it's the internet. Like I'm just going to troll the trolls. Like first of all, no, you weren't, you weren't, you weren't being trolly and I

wasn't being trolly. I forget what it was. Fuck. I don't have my phone on me. But it was like, I mean, tell me. Yeah. Didn't I say like there's a lot that hasn't been seen. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like you're making good old is it. It's a good old in the middle like, because everyone started posting stories before all the episodes came out. And I'm like, right. People need to understand that like these TV shows have storylines, right? Like storylines happen in real life. But also it is part of the show is that there is highs and low. And, like, a lot of people start judging you during your lows, but, like, that's there for a reason. Like, it's a part of the show.

And then ours turned out to be a unique show because at the end, you know, they really played, like, flashbacks to what was actually happening based on what everyone was saying happened. So that was kind of crazy. I know. That was really, really crazy. This is really easy to remember KiwiCo. So when you get pregnant and have a baby or have a baby and the baby's born and you're like, okay, what the hell do I do with it? So yeah, you get sent home with a baby.

You don't know what to do with it in a lot of capacities. One of them is you don't know what to give it to play with. Like what do you buy? Like do you just Google like toys for one week old? What really helped me was KiwiCo. KiwiCo has crates for every age that are age appropriate and fun. I've been getting Kiwi Co crates since Noah was about three months old. His first, what's it called, Tommy Time Mirror was from KiwiCo and all these different cool like activity-based crates. Like they each have their own theme. And the last one we got was actually really cool. It was like this fishing activity where there was like this big piece of material that, looked like water was like blue. And then these little like fishies and starfish and frogs that were from felt. I can't believe I know that word. And then this fishing pole that had like

Velcro on it to pick up like the things. And it was like you're fishing. So it was such a fun activity for me and Noah. We also did this like mosaic little art project. I know who am I? But that's what KiwiCo does to you. So if you guys want to check it out or you want to give it as a gift, it's an amazing idea. KiwiCo creates it's awesome. So give awesome. This holiday season with KiwiCo. Get your first month of any crate line free. That's really good deal at kiwico.com slash not skinny 50. Again, that's not a code. It's a link and it's your first month free at KiwiCo K-I-W-I-C-O.com slash not skinny 50. Okay, let's go back to those pods that you said that you would that you would crush, not knowing what they were. Okay. So

your top two from what we saw were Colleen and Zenub, right? so I told you it went really quickly but tell me a little bit about those connections if you can remember I know it's been a while but like you were you were kind of debating between them until last minute was the connection with Colleen as strong as Zeneb or

where because you didn't know what they looked like at that point you know I don't like I Colleen and I had a lot of fun together like we would laugh like crazy and like there's a lot that wasn't shown of just like just having fun like you know we were just

very kind of like joky and just playing and all that. Whereas Zinnav and I were able to really talk about life and dream together. And like I felt like we had plans to really be like have a life together. Like really like, you know, whether it was doing business or traveling or, you know, seeing ourselves as like parents of a family. Like I was able to get a lot more of that when we spoke. So that was the final thing for me where I realized like Zinnab was going to be the one in the pods. And she's such a woman.

I think that's what I thought at at first. My commentary was like not that I was judging your immaturity yet at that point. I think it was mostly like she's such a woman. You know, it's like when Kim Kardashian started dating Pete Davidson, it wasn't the age gap. It was she's a whole lot of woman to handle. And that's what Zeneb felt like to me. She's like very much a woman. She's like fancy and she's like, you know, has her shit together seemingly and like all that.

Like maybe even for her, I would say like I could see her with like an old like an older man like like a, you know, an older businessman vibe. So, oh, you agree. Yeah, absolutely. The choice in you was interesting on her part. But maybe because, you know, she has a serious vibe. It was fun for her to to have someone, you know, goofier. And, like, you know, and she didn't even seem to mind your messy apartment as much as, like, the viewers. Right.

Yeah. I had told her how I had left it going into it. Like, she knew what had happened, like, whenever I flew out and left it just destroyed. But basically, yeah, I think, I think there was a lot shown, though, of my serious side. Like, I mean, if I'm, if I have, if we're talking about something serious or if we're, you know what? like it just depends on what the what the moment is but i'm like i like to be pretty lighthearted and fun whenever we're like kind of on a vacation like we were in malibu or even when we were home like you know and we were filming it's not like we were working on something together we were kind of just

dating and so a lot of what ended up being shown was like my silly side but she and i in the pods whenever we we were prompted every day we had a journal of kind of topics that we could talk about in the pause. And we had some super serious conversations to where, like, I think Xenna saw the mature side of me. So I think you probably connected with that. So while you were on this Malibu trip, I'm having flashbacks of like a lot of like little kind of jabby vibes. Like you guys weren't really vibing. Like I feel like there were a lot of moments, especially in Malibu where it was like a back and forth kind of thing. I think a lot of your relationship was like a Gilmore girl. girls like back and forth but not always cute so right was there at any point i mean this hasn't

really i feel like happened on the show but where you were like fuck this like i'm not this is not fun anymore like this is or were you just so committed to kind of finishing what you started no do i mean like was there any moment where you were like i'm not feeling like good about this relationship during? I mean, I think you saw when that happened, it was that final dinner. That was really when I got to that point is I was so confused because of how I was being treated and then versus what she was saying is like I felt like I was like she wasn't treating me like she was ready to marry me, but she was telling me that she was ready to

marry me. That's when I put all the cards out on the table and I just really started asking like hard questions and trying to figure out where we were at. But in Malibu, I was kind of oblivious because I was being myself, like that beach scene where I said the thing about eating a chocolate or something, I don't remember what I said, but, oh, where I said, like, I used some phrase and said, like, you know, she's awkward if I wanted chocolate. And I said, no. And she said, oh, you're okay if I fatten myself up. Like, I did not know how, like, that looked now that they played it. Like, I, like, those things, she never brought that up to me either. Like, you know, the show ended up

airing that, but it was like at the time, I didn't think much of it, even like the part in Malibu where she wouldn't get in the pool because like she didn't want to get her hair wet. Like I wasn't, I didn't register that and think like, oh, I don't like her because she won't get in the pool or something. Like to me, I was still very much so in love and I thought I was just going through this process and even talking with Colleen and even all of that, it was like in the moment, it's hard to explain because like no one was there. But like if you were there, it was just part of the experience.

Like, we were being asked about the other girls. You know, like, we were just, like, that was, it's not. Right. You get prompted, like, oh, like, when you saw Colleen, do you regret the decision that you made? Yeah. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, so you had the conversation with Colleen at the pool, which caused a huge thing. And you were like, you know, really kind of feeling her look.

Like, you know, maybe she was more of your type. The really stupid thing that you did was tell. Xenab that that which like you you don't do that to a girl like like that's an ego bruise that moment when you're like oh this girl yeah so how were you drunk like how did that come out I mean I it's hard I'm not going to there's things I know I shouldn't say no I wasn't drunk but it was just it's just a part of the process you get teed up to say a lot of things you wouldn't say if there wasn't cameras there, I guess. But the point is, I don't know.

I, yeah, I shouldn't have ever said that to her, but I was. But were you feeling that? Were you like, oh, my God, Colleen, like, the girl of my dreams, like, and I'm with Zeneb and she's not as hot. Colleen is not the girl of my dreams. I don't think Colleen is that hot. I think a lot of that's blown out of proportion. I think I said what I said in the pool and then it got dragged way farther than it should

have but but you regret you regret saying it to zenub like and hurting her feelings are you talking about whenever like the whole rating thing happened i totally regret the rating thing but i just still am like why the hell were you asking me to rate girls like who wins like how like why did i even plan to that i don't first of all i'll tell you first of all i'll tell you colt you always lie are you kidding me let me shouldn't i should yeah i was with shit like that you lie rate me 11 out of 10. Our thing was like, our whole thing was being brutally honest with each other. And like Zinnib was honest.

Zinnab told me I wasn't her type. But that never makes the air. But she told me all the time I wasn't her type. And she hadn't dated guys that looked like me. But that's just not the storyline, right? The storyline is, oh, Zinnab's not Cole's type. But it's like this, this went both ways so much more than people know. And then my side of the conversation would be shown.

So it's just like, you know, I was saying. those things because I was being told those things as well. I have a question, though. You said something that, you know, when she was kind of, because I think, I think a lot of people know that a lot of this is sadly, like, was Zenib's insecurities of, because I kept on saying, like, why she's so insecure? Like, she looks amazing. Like, Colleen isn't hotter than her. They're both hot. Like, I didn't, I didn't understand. I was like she's, you know, she looks great. So I think people kind of know it was coming from a lot from within her and it obviously didn't help that you decided to be brutally honest and you kind of say those things, you know, because if a really self-confident woman would come in and would be like, okay, I know I'm super hot, but this guy's just saying, you know, he would go for a brunette and not a blonde. I'm still super hot. You know what I mean? Whatever. My point is you had made when she kept on saying, you know, I'll never be Colleen. I'll never look like her. You kind of said, I don't remember if it was a confessional like. I didn't think she would look like a Colleen.

I knew her name was Zenup. Like I already knew that. And you got a lot of shit, I think, from saying that where some people didn't think of that as a bad thing. People were like he expected her to not look like most of the girls that he dated. And he was totally cool with that. It gets to a point to where it's like, at this point, she's believing things about herself that I'm not even saying. Like, it doesn't matter how many times I tell her she's beautiful. and she's the only girl in the world for me.

And I'm fully committed to her. It was like, we, like, you have, like, we couldn't ever get over the pool party thing is what that, that night was like, which was frustrating because it was one of those things where it was like, in all of our interactions, we weren't talking about it anymore. We were on really good terms. And I remember we went to that cocktail party that night. And it was like a flip, a switch flipped. And it was like, we're back to the pool, but we're back to Malibu.

And I didn't do anything to bring that up. Like we had been creating our love story, falling more in love, like loving each other for exactly how we look. And then we like flashed back to that. And I was like, why? And at that point, like, that's when I realized it was like, okay, she's doing this. She's crafting this now because like I have not once since that moment told her that anyone is more attractive than her. Yeah. Well, maybe you could do a better job just to self reflect a little bit.

of like lifting the person that you're with up and making them feel you know what I mean if we're saying that she did come in with a little bit of insecurities like affirmations are oh is really nice too 100% what I'm saying is like you can affirm someone all day long but if they believe this about themselves it doesn't matter they're just going to impose their insecurity on you regardless so I've been a nix partner for quite a while I'm a huge nix fan that's nix not like the new york nix but like Nix, still with a K, but with an X. It's a Canadian brand. It's women owned. And I love it. They've been size inclusive from the beginning, which I, you know, think is just really great. You know, they didn't follow a fad or go in anybody's footsteps.

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I have a swimwear by them. I mean, the leak proof is only one of the great things that they make, but love everything that they design. It always holds everything in and just makes me feel really confident. So right now, you can get 15% off your first order. So just go to nix.com and use promo code not skinny at checkout. That's nix.com, K-N-I-X, and the promo code is not skinny for 15% off your first order. So even though all of this was going on, and as of you were, even though you saw that I maybe criticized you once, I also started seeing, you know, the other sides of Zeneb that the audience was seeing, which was, you know, her judginess of you with the wine glasses and the stems and the chicken and, you know, all that where it's like, give him a chance, you know, and stop kind of beating him down all the time.

were you still going to say yes? Sorry, before I answer that, I want to say, because I'm still thinking about what you said. And you're right. I 100% of course can improve and be better at what you mentioned and the affirmations, all that. Absolutely. But one thing I think needs to be spoken to and it just doesn't get spoken to is that like a part of love is blind and the whole experiment is based around now that y'all are engaged. What do you think physically of each other and what do you think physically of everyone

else and it was not just the guys coming out and being like we want to talk about this let's talk about all the other girls and how we see you it was like that's the question that we're being asked in interviews in the pool like that's what's happening we are we have to talk about those things so like i have two options a i can either be honest about it and just like we can actually get somewhere in our relationship because we're going to like work through an actual issue or you can just bury how you actually feel be fake and slide through the whole process and stay together when in reality you're not even authentically in it, which is what some people did. It's like, that's just not me. Ooh, cool. Okay. Well, we'll get to that in a moment because I have some questions about the reunion

and how other couples were kind of acting. So were you going to say yes? No. You weren't going to say yes. No, I wasn't ready. I was totally willing to keep dating. We had talked off camera. We were ready to continue our relationship without cameras around and without all the pressures that come with knowing that you're being filmed it just was too fast like yeah i had learned that from my previous relationship like if things aren't really smooth and you guys really can just be in a car together and not have to talk and just you know you're just comfortable with each other it's like don't dive into a marriage and so we weren't to that like comfortable place and so i wasn't ready to just wash my hands of the relationship and be like, I'm done with you.

That was not the case at all. I mean, night before our wedding, two nights before, we went out to dinner and we did the whole thing off camera and we talked about it. And we knew, like, we weren't ready to get married, but we were ready to, like, keep our relationship going. And she told me that. Wow. So knowing that, you were completely blindsided, yeah?

Yeah, because I knew, like, she still, you know, told me, like, the day of that she was going to be, like, we both were, like, who knows? Like, what if, like, somehow, like, if someone does say yes, sure, it makes you feel like you more so would want to say yes and be very hard to, like, break someone's heart. So, like, that wasn't, like, I was like, there's a chance she says, yes, it's a TV show. I don't know, like, what's going to happen. But I knew that, like, she knew that I was not going to say yes. And the producers knew that I was not going to say yes.

And I think that's why they asked in a first is because they thought she was most likely to say yes based off what she was telling everyone. so how blindsided were you and not only her saying no but her doing the whole she might have said i love you cole which she said a lot and i always wondered like does she love him because the whole spiel of i had to do that at the altar because that's the only time you would listen to me that's a joke like are you kidding me you absolutely did not have to say what you said from the altar when you had never once said those things to my face so that's how do you how do you talk it up why did she do what she did like was she trying to do good tv like what she wants to villainize

you like why would she do that to someone in general what what's your how do you like explain it to yourself i guess i mean i just think that i think i think girls feelings are very real i think xenob genuinely felt those things i just think it's unfair to not share those as it's happening with the guy that you're with and let him let him know like hey like this is an insecurity of mine. When you said this, it made me feel this way. Because it's like, I mean, she remembered the cutie thing, right? Like at the reunion, she described it to a T.

She was like, I said the thing about it. She was like, all I've been eating was peanut butter. Like, I didn't remember this at all because to me, it wasn't a thing. To her, it was a real thing. So I think like, you know, someone like her, like the girl that you're with, like I really was hurting her. That moment obviously hurt her else she wouldn't have remembered it. but I wasn't trying to hurt her.

I didn't know I had hurt her. So I just think it's unfair to guys if you aren't communicating that and then you do what she did at the altar because that's how I understand it. It's like everything she felt is valid. I made her feel those things, but I wasn't trying to. I didn't know I was doing that. So the cuties thing, because I'm going to get literally like machete if I don't bring up the cuties thing, which obviously I didn't even know it was called a cutie.

And you guys were just like cute. Like what? How did? Okay. When I started up, it was like, wait for the cuties. It's like, wow, that was really, I mean, I think it became really important because you're right. It was kind of the first time where there was like this flashback after the credits vibe, even though it wasn't after the credits. And I think, how did you think that that, did that help you showing the cuties scene?

It helped me emotionally a ton. I don't think Zena realizes like how damage. what happened at our wedding date was for me or just anyone. I just think it's part of our culture nowadays that like when you break up, it will not be amicable. Like if you break up with someone, you need to beat them down. You need to set them in their place.

And that's why like I believe that's why her friends, they all stood up and cheered. They were happy that the guy had got it. Like she had put me in my place. And it's like as a guy, like if you do have even somewhat of a pure heart in a relationship and you're trying your best, Those things are shattering for us because now we believe we're all those things.

And we believe that like every relationship we're in, we're just hurting people and like we can't do anything right. So when I saw the cutie scene and I was now able to like see, I hadn't done what she said. It was a huge weight lifted off of me of like, okay, it doesn't make her bad. What it means is she really genuinely was hurt. but it also means that I really genuinely did not hurt her intentionally. Like, it just happened somehow in the way that we communicated. Yeah. To remind everyone, the cuties scene was she was eating the cuties,

which are tiny like mandarin's or something. Yeah. You started eating them too and you were really excited. You were talking about going or getting like a huge dinner from like a hamburger place. We had, no, we had been planning like a date. Like we planned our dates that were going to be on camera. And so we get to like choose our foods. we were having like lobster and like all this other stuff i guess and she was having a couple

cuties and you said something like oh my god like don't need too many cuties we have a huge dinner yeah save your appetito and at the moment did she react to that so then she said like i guess i don't remember the order of events but she's basically said like like Like, you know, like I haven't been eating today. All I've had is like a peanut butter and a piece of some peanut butter and something else. And I was like, why? And then she explained that she like shouldn't tell me why she wasn't eating or something. And I was like, I offered you a pokey bowl.

She said, well, I didn't want the pokey bowl today because we had that last night. I was like, okay. And then I just thought she was like, because I've seen a lot of girls do this, they'll like starve themselves in order to like look good on their wedding day. like fit into their wedding dress. So I was kind of like, oh, like, are you doing the like the wedding gown thing that I know girls do, right? They always like, there's going to be pictures taken and you're trying to get all skinny or something for your wedding day. I was like, why aren't you eating? And she didn't tell me. Again, it was like this secretive thing that she was waiting to unleash one day because she never said like, hey, Cole, like I'm not

eating because you said this. That hurt me. Like, I was oblivious. Yeah, I think that that seemed for sure after hearing everything and seeing that, it did seem smaller. But again, like we talked about, it's about how Zeneb was feeling inside. So we can't really judge her for that. But let's get to the reunion. Okay. There are a lot of things that make me jealous of not celebrating Christmas. Number one is the presents. Number two is the trees. They smell really nice. All the Christmas movies. I mean, it's just, but I'll just stick with my menorah. But I do want to say, Thanksgiving got almost no time to shine this year. It was straight to Christmas, trees, lights, the whole thing. So it's time for Santa. Okay. I always tell you guys about Macy's.

I remind you Macy's is the OG, the department store of our childhood, place to go to get everything that you need from clothes to home stuff to pet stuff to kitchen, wear, fashion, beding, everything, one-stop shop. But you know what else are going to have this holiday season? Santa. Okay? Santa's in town.

Santa's in town. Okay. So if you go to Macy's Santa Land in select stores, you can snap a photo with the one and only. So just like in the movies. I love that so much. And then you can bring home the magic by visiting Macy's virtual Santa Lant and set off an interactive holiday adventure through the North Pole.

So go to Macy's.com slash holiday celebrations for all the details on all of the Santa stuff. That's Macy's.com slash holiday celebrations. At the reunion, first of all, you looked really kind of sad. You weren't your usual, happy, fun self. You got it hard. Like everyone was pretty much not Team Cole. Even the dudes turned on you. Brennan was not into you.

So much was going on. I'm like, I want to make sure we go into the important stuff. But one of the most important things that happened was everybody seemed to know things that happened not on camera that you did that were so horrible. Did you know that they had some preconceived notions about your relationship that you weren't aware of? Yeah, I knew going into it that somehow, how everyone was mad at me about something. And the thing that kept coming up was this cutie story. I'd heard it a million times.

And I would always ask people like, okay, what's the cutie story? Like, please tell me. Because I could vaguely remember it. And even what I remembered was incorrect because it wasn't a deal to me. I remembered it happening. I just like didn't remember anything surrounding it because I had never heard it from her. And so she had then gone and told everyone about this. and everyone had formed an opinion on me.

And so that's why I just got to the point. I was like, play it. I was like, you know what? I probably did some bullshit. I must look real bad. Like, I don't know what I did, but I was like, I want to see it even. I was like, I believe that it was going to be bad. And I was like, you know what?

Just play it because on the off chance that like I didn't do something horrible, like, let's just see it. Like, I just need to know. And sure enough, they found it and played it, which is cool. I just think it, you know, it, it's the facts. You can, you can accuse and... So you're saying everybody was that mad and rolling their eyes at you and like, being like, he's the worst because of the cuties? Well, I mean, imagine that you are one of the girls on the show and then you hear that

there's this guy fat shaming the girl that he was with. Wouldn't you be pretty pissed at me too? Yeah. But what I'm asking is if there's something else. Was there something with people? Peaches? No, I've heard something about potatoes. I guess the same thing happened with potatoes is the other story that I've heard. I've never heard of peaches. Okay, maybe I was confused with the peas. And then there was also the Bachelor Party thing that she said, you've got a girl's

number. And Brennan kind of was like, yeah, he did. Or like, didn't. Like, you were like, we didn't even see girls. And the guys were there. Why didn't the guys were there? Why didn't the guys, if that's the truth, why didn't the guy say, yeah, there weren't any girls? That's the thing. I asked the guys. I asked them right there at the reunion. I was like, you guys tell me, because I'm telling you, I know that I did not do that. I didn't speak to a single girl at our bachelor party. We went to a rodeo in which we had a private area rented for us. I brought two of my brofriends. So I was with my bros all night. We chased cattle, went right back up to that. And then we walked over to a rented out saloon that was specific to us.

and we had only dudes in there. I don't know. Maybe the bartender was a girl. Nope. I'm pretty sure he was a guy too. But still, never talked to him. And then that's where I was like, where'd we go, Brendan?

Because they said we went out somewhere afterwards. We 100% did not go out afterwards. I don't know if maybe a couple of them did. But I sure wasn't there because Netflix bought us an Uber ticket and I Uber to my apartment. So it's like, look, I asked him. I was like, y'all tell me. If you all have it, then like share the story. And none of them could.

Matt was like, this is news to me, Bartis, S.K., Brennan. So why? Didn't they have your back at the reunion? They didn't know. They had never even heard of this, I think. They were just like, what are you talking about? You know what I read somewhere that I don't know if it's true. So you were at a cattle thing with like cows?

Yeah. So somebody somewhere said that maybe you said like about the cow's number. What? Did they have numbers on them, the cattle? Okay. that no I don't I mean no no this would be helping you I know somebody said like that that's okay either I mean somebody said like you said okay so it's not the cattle I guess that possible but I don't I just that's not even true I don't think I talked about cows and so that's a legit blatant made up lie I mean

you got a girl's number that night I will tell you I have no clue what that is about I really don't And that's why at the reunion, I was like, where did we go? Who did I talk to? And Brennan even said himself. He was like, I don't know, bro. I was plastered. So it's like, great. Okay.

Okay. So after that reunion, who are you in touch with today? Any of the cast? Yeah. I still stay in touch with the guys, pretty much all the guys. I'm in touch with all the guys. Okay. So even though you're in touch with all the guys, you still kind of threw shade before

saying that some of the relationships are. phoning it in. I mean, that was just referring to the S.K. Raven situation that's come out after the fact. Oh. Okay. Gotcha. I think. I mean, I don't know.

I haven't really been super involved in that. All I know is it's like, I guess that wasn't the most real depiction of their relationship. Now that we find out that that was kind of fabricated. So when did you last? Talk to Zenab. At the reunion, and then she reached out to me for all the photos and videos of us, and I sent them to her. And then she just never responds to me and just likes my messages.

Why would she, what messages is she liking? What messages are you sending? I just will ask her, like, how you're doing? Or just say, like, yeah, here you go. Let me know if you need anything else. And she'll just like it instead of, like, saying anything. Why would she want all your pictures and videos? So she has content.

Content. There you go. There you have it. Content. Okay, Cole, you were a blast. Are you into creating content now? Are you going to be like an influencer? I like TikTok. Yeah. TikTok's fun. Instagram's like kind of, but like, yeah. I saw you doing some like clothes switching or like shoes. Like you're, you got it down. Yeah, I'm working on it. I'm getting better. But yeah, I think TikToks are fun because it's to a sound. and, you know, it's kind of already pre-made what you need to do. But, yeah, I'll be on Instagram and TikTok posting a bunch of stuff and trying to do YouTube and other things. So, yeah.

And are your DMs blowing up with, with eligible? Oh. Yeah, don't, don't DM me if you want to reach me. Like, find a different way because if you DM me, I will just not even see it. Wait, blowing up, like, girls sliding in for date? Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Wow. So you don't even need a dating app anymore. No, but I haven't gone on a single date or entertain any of them because I don't know. I'm just like this is, I'm not used to this yet. I'm not prepared for this. What do girls say? Can you give me like a pickup line that are girls slides in? I would have married you, I don't know, sit on my face. Like all of them are that pretty much. stop and then you go to their profile and it's like I love my three babies and my husband that probably happens too yeah yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of them that's like wait like don't you wait wait wait you haven't gone on a date since the show no hell no what look at this I'm like

the worst Amanda I literally just like I'm still sitting here talking about my exes both of them You know what I mean? It's just like, I just not, like, I want to find someone that's just, like, different. Like, I just, I'm not wanting, I don't want to repeat of this all over again. I'm so sick of it. I'm so tired of, like, being myself. And then the girls are like, yeah, I'm like, I was just, like, talking about cuties. You know what I mean? Like, that's just not fun. That's traumatizing. Like, so I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready for girls. Yeah, and maybe not like the girls that, you know, want to date you because you were on a show. Like, we need somebody that doesn't watch TV, you know, or something. And I guess most of the Ms I'm getting aren't like local.

Like, I don't know who's local or not, but it's like if you're like, okay, you can set on my face, but are you in Texas? Right. Yeah. Like most of them are just like all over the place or in different countries or something. And so. Oh, right. Netflix. You guys forgot.

Netflix is all over. the world so it's not even geographically possible sometimes okay but it's like i do want for you because i i i care and first of all you can always ask me you know dating questions but i think that even though i know that there was a little win for you right the cutie story came out it wasn't as bad as it seemed so that kind of made everybody think okay probably everything else wasn't as as bad even though you know the rating i told you wasn't cool all that it. But if it happened a few times already where women are like, I don't, you're not making me feel good, then we do need to do a little bit of introspection there.

100%. Amanda, what would you rate me on a scale from one to 10? Looks wise. See? You see what happens? It's a tough question. No, listen, I want to tell you something. I had a conversation with my husband earlier. I just want to tell you how girls think, okay? Okay. And I was talking about like my career, like something good happened and I think he was like well you have everything and I was like okay what do I have

and you was like you're smart you're a go getter you're like super smart you're fun like all these things and none of them were how I look he listed all these things and I'm like but what about me being

like Gorgie and he's like oh well that doesn't have anything to do with like why and I was like it doesn't now usually women would not want to be successful or have. And the thing is, we crave it. We crave it every second of the day. So you could never go wrong with just complimenting and affirming and lifting and the way that we look. And also, okay? And also, so no, being brutally honest never really worked for anybody. Yeah. So Cole Burnett, thank you for coming on the show.

Thank you for having you a lot. And I'm sure everybody is going to be super happy to hear from you. And stop sliding in his DMs. They're full. That sounds good. I'll be sure to not be as honest as I am. You got it. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat.

Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast. We don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast. write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoo too much for listening. And I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.