Not Skinny But Not Fat - Lukas Gage: I Wrote This for Attention

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

Lukas Gage is back again! This time we delve into his new book I wrote this for attention out October 14th! In this “premature memoir” Lukas details growing up in a dysfunctional family around drug addiction all whilst being a self proclaimed pathological liar. Get to know the boy behind the headlines !!This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Right now, IQBAR is offering our special podcast listeners twenty percent off all IQBAR products—including the sampler pack—plus FREE shipping. To get your twenty percent off, text NOTSKINNY to 64000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details.This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your 3-month Unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at MINTMOBILE.com/notskinny. It’s time to get your own personal stylist with DailyLook. Head to DailyLook.com to take your style quiz and use code NOTSKINNY for 50% off your first order.Home Chef is offering listeners FIFTY PERCENT OFF and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to HomeChef.com/NOTSKINNYGo to nocd.com and book a free 15-minute call with their team to learn more about how they can help.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code NOTSKINNY10.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Hirsch, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars on my very own podcast, where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. Hey guys. Happy Tuesday. How are you? Welcome to a new episode of not skinny but not fat. I have my period. It is wild. I know. You're like, why are you updating us? Because it's just so bizarre that I got it this week and not next week because I'm going away next week. And usually my period would only come when I'm going away. So something is off. I just wanted to throw it out there. Is Venus in retrograde like what is happening, y'all? This week was crazy. It was the summer I turn pretty finale slash announcement of a movie week I am all in okay I'm all in I'm all in but like I'm not as in as like the world is with the obsession with Conrad like I get it like of course

I want a Conrad like of course of course um but I also am so critical of like how was she with both brothers and like why does everyone hate Jeremiah slash like Gavin the actor like why isn't he getting as much love as like Chris Briney and like, by the way, Chris Briney cracks me up. Have you seen interviews with him? He's like, fuck man. Yeah. What? Uh, Des Mois actually posted that him and his girlfriend might be engaged and I had seen

on the internet that she's like super controlling. Oh my God. She's going to get so much more controlling right now. She's like, fucking marry me before these dumb fucking fan try to get you. Lock it down. And good thinking girl, lock it down because he's about to blow up. I mean, he's blown up. He's like the most blown up person right now.

And obviously I'm in the show, but I'm also like, I see the memes and it's like, have you guys never watched any other shows? Like, have you never watched normal people? Like, just want you to bring it back down to earth. I feel like the summer I turned pretty fans are like Taylor Swift fans. It's like you guys are whoa. Like you're taking it to the extreme. But like, what a fandom this show has.

And it's just so interesting to me. I just love the psychology of it all and would love to understand just how things pop off this way, you know, and like just get so fucking crazy. I just can't get over it. Like the memes of it all and the obsession online and just like the virality of all of it is just crazy. It's just fucking crazy, man. And the movie, who knows when it's going to come out? People are like conspiring that because Jenny Hahn said, no, not next year. She actually means this year. I don't know about that. Can we also talk about the housemaid? So it's, you guys didn't know if I was kidding or not. I wasn't kidding. I read that book. I know that I don't usually read that many books, but guess what? I've

started reading more books. So I read The Housemaid, loved it, was like, do I love a thriller? The casting, now I feel like one of those book people that, like, judges the casting. But like, Nina, the mom, the wife, like, describes herself as like super overweight. Like, I don't want to give spoilers, but like she describes herself as super overweight, which isn't Amanda Seifred, you know, at all. like I would just think they would take like a bigger sized actress I didn't see in the trailers that she had put on any wait for it but like the book like that's one of the part again I don't want to give a spoiler but if you know you know Sydney Sweeney I think that you know I think the audiences have had some fatigue I was thinking of the character as a little bit more kind of like badass and I feel like in the promos at least like she looks kind of too squeaky clean or at least like the That's what Sidney Sweeney is giving in that. Brandon Skelner, which God only knows if I said his last name, right, just is giving.

And by the way, I picture him in that role completely. What else? Justin Bieber is going to headline Coachella. Apparently he's going to make 10 million for it. And apparently he negotiated it himself, which is wild and also like, why? Why did he negotiate it himself? Huge breakups in Hollywood. Nina Dobrevin, Sean White, which like crazy.

Then Kelsey Ballerini, which, like, I don't know if I'm saying her name right. And Chase Stokes that like, not sure how he gets all the hot girls. But anyway, I'm on one. Let's move on to today's guests because I love this man. I think he's just so incredible. He makes fun of himself that he's a little bit in everything because he's in a lot of shit. Not shit. Like in a lot of stuff.

I just said shit. You know what I mean. And he's been on the show before. So Lucas Gage has been on the show before where we discuss everything from his viral audition to White Lotus and everything in between. But now he wrote a book. Yes, another book that I read. It's called I wrote this for attention. And let me tell you guys, I'm starting a book club.

It's going to be called one book a year. And this is going to be my book of the year. So fucking good. I couldn't put it down. I gave up the summer I turned pretty. Okay. That's why I'm so delayed. I've been reading this book. I've been loving this book. It's just so fascinating the way he grew up and he really details like kind of a messed up childhood and a lot of addiction in the family and his experiences are just so crazy. But the way he writes about them is so beautiful and vulnerable. And you really find out a lot about this guy who you see on your screen so often. Lucas Gage. Yes, we also talk about this. that haphazard marriage to Chris Appleton and and more. So enjoy my convo with Lucas Gage and his book. I wrote this for attention. I believe it's out on pre-sale right now

and officially is on sale October 14th. I'm in my most annoying move today. Lucas is here part Oh, my God. This is my comeback tour. Your comeback? I thought you were going to say my favorite pod. Oh, this is my favorite podcast. I'll have to lean in. Hi. This is my favorite podcast ever. You really are one of my favorite podcasts. Thank you, my love. I listened to about three. But this is my comeback tour. As we know, the first one was a rough morning for me.

I don't agree, but I want to hear why you think that. Well, I just would, you know, I was on watch what happens live the night before and said a lot. And I was a little shell-shocked when I came in. I was a little bit like I felt like I got to muzzle on. I got you. Yeah, you were like in, you were having PTSD for the night before. I was having PTSD and I was like shy boy version of myself and just trying not to not to say something dumb again. But I think that I like, I don't often have guests back by the way.

Thank you for, thank you so much. Like, I really don't. And you know this as a pod listener. I don't. When I do, it's because I really love the person and I want to support what you're doing. And it's like, okay. Part one, we did, like, who is Lucas? Right.

Well, you worked on the fucking viral video that when you wrote about it, I was like, oh, my God, he probably hates. Like, maybe he's like, this is the last time. I want to mention this. And this is, like, deep dive into, like, Lucas, not like White Lotus. Yeah. You know. Yeah. This is who you are.

Yeah. You wrote this book. For attention. For attention. It's such a good title. You have to admit. I love it. And by the way, I'm.

I'm, like, pretty, I feel special because you told me about this pretty early on. You sent me the PDF, which I did not. I need a hard copy, guys. I get it. Okay? I need a hard copy. Yeah. I wouldn't have expected, like, just how good it is.

Thank you. Thanks so much. Seriously, that means a lot. And you said it to me before we were recording, and I'm shook that you even read it. I finished it, like, the conclusion, everything. I told you it was like. I took a few days off watching TV to read this. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You took a few days off of Love Thigh Nader for this. First of all, binge Love Thigh Nader in a day. Best show ever. Best show ever. That sucks with them. Love, bro. Bro? Yeah, the dad.

Oh, oh, bro. Bro. With an X. With an X. Oh, yeah. Goals. Goals. Sorry, going. So you took days off. Days off read this.

And the way you wrote, I minored in writing. Yeah. And so I know a good. writer, okay? I did 18 credits in writing. And whatever they call it, the imagery, the descriptions that I was there. I saw it as a, it was like a movie in my mind of your childhood, the way the stories weaved in, like one into the other creating this whole book. And I told you, I've had to read some books for my job. And a lot of times it's like very just written. Like, here's my story. The way this was written. And you didn't hold it.

hold back, Lucas. I didn't hold back. I was a little too raw and too honest, as some reviews have said, but screw it, you know? They said too raw, too honest. There's been a couple early reviews that are like, I wish he was a little bit less honest. I wish he was a little bit, you know, and I'm like, screw it. I didn't make this book to be inspirational. I really wrote it to be honest and to just put everything out there, take it or leave it.

This is me. Yeah, and I didn't hold back. And I had to hold back on some things, some legal stuff. But for the most part, I was able to just really put everything out there and it's scary. Is it? Yeah, it's scary. Yeah. I mean, it was so much fun and cathartic writing it on my own and it was like doing a like a scavenger hunt of myself and why I am the way that I am and trying to really figure out why I've done certain things in my life that don't make sense.

And it felt good and it felt like I could understand myself and have empathy for myself. but now that it's going to be out in public, I'm kind of shitting my pants. I think people are going to love it. Thank you. And did you really write it for attention? No. I mean, look, the title is just like any actor who has a memoir,

a premature memoir. Yeah, right. I mean, it's very premature. I get it. It's early, okay? And I think that there's no other title to call a book. Because, look, I think with everything, there is a certain aspect that you do for,

for attention this podcast i'm sure like right you love it you're really fucking good at it you're there's a financial aspect of it and there's probably an aspect of it that you want to you want recognition and like to right attention for what you do so yeah i think there is a part of me that does that now it's reframing the kind of attention that i'm right so there was a kind of bottom line here yeah yeah right like reframing the kind of attention that you want Yeah. But your childhood was so interesting, Lucas. Thank you.

Like the drugs at 12? 12. Early. I said on the podcast that I smoked a cigarette and 12 that people were like, growing up in New York is crazy. And I'm like, Lucas was literally like fucking snort. Were you snorting by 12? I was, I would say like, no, I was taking core seed in cough medicine.

That was my drug of choice at 12. I would just like take the whole entire packet of it and get high. That was the... That's like scissor, no? Yeah, that was my drug of choice. By probably 14, I had done everything. There was nothing else to do. What's happening in San Diego?

There's something in the water. There's something there where people just start really early. And unfortunately, which I hope to maybe shed a little bit of light of them, is the opioid problem in San Diego. it's a problem there. It's a huge problem. Yeah. I think it's the, the proximity to being to Tijuana and going over the border. So you can just, people in school would just go over and get Oxy, you know, drive back and go to, you know, that was our lunch off campus. And I remember about my, my brother. Your brother. Yeah. How is Corey, by the way? He's doing really good. Yeah.

Yeah, he's doing really good. He's doing great. He's in Oregon. He's clean right now. Hopefully it stays that way. Yeah. And yeah, that was, I mean, there was many, there was a friend of mine I talked about that I had OD'd in the book. Right. And it was just like a common thing. I think by the time I graduated high school, eight kids had overdosed in our grade. Wow. And that didn't scare you. Like that didn't make you want to stay away. No, I think it did. I think that was the catalyst to that and the fight that I talk about in the book was kind of the catalyst to be like, if I stay here, it's going to be bad. And if I don't do what I really want to do, I don't know what will happen. So, yeah, hopefully, and, you know, I talk about, like, the rehabs and the wilderness.

Okay, we need to talk about this. Because this, by the way, and I know I'm saying this again, again, this book really, really, like, spoke to me. It stayed with me. I would tell people, like, I would see, I would read on a Friday night, Saturday morning, I'd be like, have you heard of it, like a wilderness program where they kidnap you? And, and I knew it existed. And you brought me back to, like, hearing of kids as this happened to. Yeah. But. the way you detail it and how terrifying that is, you know, that they kidnapped you in the middle of the night. What did you think?

Where did you think you were going? Initially, I had no idea. I was scared shitless. But I think because it was so common in Southern California that people were going to these places and I had family and other people that went there, I think I soon put the pieces together. I think like for the dramatic effect of the storytelling, I maybe even leaned until I have no idea what was happening, which at first I did.

But I think quickly I put the pieces. together. Why do they have to do it that way? It's just, it's really, it's completely screwed up that we, the system, you know, we punish people that need help. Right. Like, it's completely backwards. And I think luckily, like people like Parasulton and other people who have spoken about it, it's, it's really, it doesn't really happen that often anymore. I mean, I think there's still really abusive places, like abusive rehabs, abusive mental health facilities that need to be re-evaluated and checked upon, but I think, yeah, thank God for Paris to really, like, shed light on that. How many months were you there? I was only there for a summer. Like a summer, okay. Yeah,

I was only there for summer, but I had, you know, several really close friends and family that were there for years, and you just wouldn't see them and you wouldn't hear from them, and they'd miss a year of life and come back like this shell-shocked, quiet. And it wouldn't help anything. No, I think it makes you worse. Because you come back angry? Yeah. Because you were in the book, you say like you were sure it was your dad and then your mom is probably like does it's worried doesn't know where you are like she that she wasn't part of this she's probably mad about it and then you find out that she was yeah how did that affect your relationship because your relationship with your mom seems to be such a huge part of your life yeah no I mean she's my best friend and I love her

and I think that parents didn't know you know I don't I don't ultimately blame them I think 13 year old Lucas was fucking pissed and wanted to rebel even more you know you want to just Like if you're told by these places what a bad person you are and what a bad kid you are, you start to believe it and you want to, you know, you want to lean into that role. But I think, I don't blame. Yeah, I don't blame either of my parents. Yeah. They are byproduct of the way that they were, you know, they grew up and the resources that they had.

And, you know, our generation is all about like therapy and talking about our feelings. And they just didn't grow up that way. So it's not their fault. So would you, would you say you were like a bad? Kid? For sure. Bad kid. Not, I don't think anybody at that camp, anybody at these re-ups are inherently bad people at all. But was I a nightmare to raise? Yeah, would I want to be my parent? Hell no. No, you wouldn't. I was a fucking nightmare. But you were also sweet and cuddly. I was also very affectionate and needing attention and do extreme things to get attention. Because you were

the youngest of four. Yeah. I mean, that's like, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, most actors I find are the youngest sibling. Really? Yeah, I would say 75% of actors I know are the baby. Wow, and four brothers, were they like macho-macho vibes? For sure, yeah. Yeah, but they're also really sensitive and caring and sweet too. But yeah, we're very, very different us four.

And what was it like growing up with like these brothers around you that were maybe a little bit more macho when you were, like you say, with, like, Britney Spears in the bathtub writing in your journal. Yeah, I was a little boy in the bathtub listening to Britney Spears, and they were, you know, one was playing football and one was in a punk, heavy metal punk band. But they were my role models. Like, I worshipped, especially with one brother in the punk band. I was like, I mean, he was the coolest kid. Corey.

Corey. Yeah, I would, I. Corey sounds cool. Like, he's just like, he was effortlessly cool, always. And I wanted to be him. But it was great. I'm grateful that I had older siblings. When you saw Corey doing heroin, that was like, you go visit him in his trailer.

Was this like a trailer? Like, what were the vibes of this trailer? I mean, look, it was a trailer park in San Diego. So it's like by the beach and nice, but it's still, you know, it's in disarray. And it's like, yeah. So some of the trailers are really nice there, actually. Yeah, I mean, that was just that was a memory that. seared into my DNA. It is.

Yeah. Yeah. And like the person that you looked up to. Yeah. Your wife and seeing him like that. And I remember he always seems so tough and seeing him kind of small and weak and powerless over this thing. I was, I think it scared the shit out of me. You never tried it then. Let's find out book two. Book two? I don't talk about it. You don't. You don't. Yeah. Because of your mom?

No. I. I didn't feel like it needed to be in this book. There's a lot. I mean, look, there was a lot in here that I was like, fuck, I don't want it to be such a bummer. Yeah. So there were bits and pieces that. Did your mom read the book?

She did. And what did she think? It really, it really affected her. Yeah? And I was, that's a really confusing. You were like, you lived it. Yeah, you lived it. Like, what do you talk?

I think, I think she's like, it's all true, you know? But it hurts to hear as a mom. It hurts to hear about all these things. things. I mean, there's a lot of things that happened to me that she never knew about. Did she know about what happened at camp, at acting camp? She didn't until the book. Yeah. Well, I warned her before I gave her the book and I sat her down and I was like, look, I hate talking about this. I hate having this talk with you. I hate having shame about it because we shouldn't have shame about it. And I just want to warn you. There's probably a part that's

going to be disturbing for a mom to read, but you did nothing wrong. And it wasn't because a lack of your parenting or anything. But yeah, it was hard for her to read it. And now I think there were some early reviews that say, like, he really humanizes everyone in the family and everyone is both good and bad. And no one's the villain. And there's so much love there. So even though we all made mistakes and I made a shit ton, there's so much love.

So what we're talking about in the book is you detail that you were molested. molested. Yeah. And in this acting camp that on one hand was like the best experience of your life. Yeah. Because you discovered your love for acting and stuff. But this horrible thing happened to you there. Yeah.

That you kind of didn't deal with at the time or that you were like, oh, this must be normal. I didn't even talk about it until three years ago. Really? I didn't even realize it was a thing. And I think that there's something that there's like a real stigma behind it because I didn't do anything. Right. And you feel there was a participation of you. And it wasn't until I had a therapist to be like,

literally had to break it down for me like this, like in my 20s and be like, you're in your 20s. This person was in their 20s. Would you ever do anything with an 11-year-old? Wow. And I'm like, no, no. But, yeah, that was a hard part to talk about. But I feel like.

And also you say no consent was given to the situation. as well. But there was also nothing. I didn't say anything. I left my body. So there was a, there was a feeling that I had that I was a willing participant. Which is so common, I feel like, though, of people that were sexually assaulted. 100%. Yeah. And it's so, I mean, I think that there's a statistic that almost every, every female, most females have been sexually assaulted or in some sort of way. But men, it's a lot more common than we think about. We just don't. There's, like, more of a stigma around it. Yeah.

We'll be right back after the break. You know that afternoon crash, the one where you're, like, staring at your screen. By the way, I'm having it right now. That's why I pause for a minute. I'm so tired. You know, when you're staring at your screen or pretending to work, but really you're just, like, Googling how to nap under your desk so that people can't see you or that is socially acceptable? I know it.

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spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com. The promo code is not skinny 10. That's Nutraful.com promo code not skinny 10. Can we talk about overthinking for a hot second? Everybody's had those moments where horrible, unwanted thoughts send us spiraling for hours. I'm talking thoughts like, why hasn't he replied to my text? Does this mean he's cheating on me? What if I'm a terrible person and I don't know it?

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own. If any of this sounds familiar, go to nocd.com and book a free 15-minute call with their team to learn more about how they can help. That's nocd.com. And we're back. You know, I think about the way that you write the book and this is partly why I love it is because you do kind of weave in humor to everything. Like even with this, it was like, we were talking to your therapist and you were like, okay, but wasn't everyone like, Melissa? And she was like, no. Yeah. Was that like a, a real defense mechanism for you growing up? Yeah, and I think it still is. I think I use humor to, I mean, I talk about the darkest stuff in my life with a laugh.

And then I talk about the most mundane details with like very, I'm super serious about telling a story about getting coffee that nothing dramatic happens. By the way, I get it. Yeah. I could tell you when I got his coffee, I was real serious about it. Yeah. Did you even drink yours? No, I'll drink you right now. Tell me if it's disgusting.

It looked so disgusting when he made. made it. No, it's good. Yeah? Yeah, it's good. Okay, the almond milk was, did not look good. No, but I, yeah, I mean, humor is my favorite defense mechanism. And I also think that there's a, there's talking about the molestation, I feel like there's like a,

I have to be small about it when we talk about it and feel like so. And I'm like, that, for me, that was a way to gain my power back and use a little bit of humility to, to, to gain my own narrative of that story. over and like not let it make me feel weak and small and shameful. So I think humor, I don't know, I lean into it to feel strength. Do you feel like you've dealt with it now that it's in the book and like you've spoken to a therapist about it? Yeah.

I think it's just like also talking to other people about it and being open about it and sending my friends and family and them feeling like they can share with me about it and not feeling like it's this taboo. I mean, it is taboo, but not feeling like I'm like. like a weird freak that it happened to. Yeah. It's like so common and, and I doesn't have this weight. Why did you decide to write the book now?

Full transparency. Yeah. It was during the strike. Oh, that's when you started, which was when I started. 2024. Oh, you turned. No, 223. Yeah.

And I write for screenplays and stuff and I've sold a couple films and, and I'm starting to do that more. And then we weren't a lot of write for the writer's strike. We weren't a lot of act for the actor's strike. I'm insane. I don't know how to sit still. I don't know how to not keep myself busy. And at first, it was just like that what else am I going to do to make money? I'm like a hustler.

I've always been figuring it out. And soon into it, soon after I did the proposal and had help on the proposal, I found it really, really cathartic and really important. And really, the first time I felt like I was not putting up an act and trying to put on this facade that I usually do in interviews or in life. And I felt the need to really get everything out and be honest. And, like, it became something really important to me. And you sold it. I sold it, yeah. I sold it in the beginning with the proposal with the three chapters.

Yeah. And the three chapters are like. Are in it? Yeah, they're like the last chapters of the book. They're like the bullshit Hollywood stuff that I'm like. My favorite review that I get is like the most... I love how he's in the reviews, you guys. Oh, I'm in the early reviews.

I'm reading every fucking arc comment that you guys write. I'm reading it and I'm obsessing over it, which is not a good thing. You said you're putting it in your phone down, liar. I lied. I lied. Look, I said I put my phone on and then I went back. No, but with this book, I started to read... I actually got these early...

I'm going to take this back. I got them sent to me by my publisher because they say, like, just so you know, this is what's going to come out. So part of me is like, fuck it, I don't even want to read it. Another part, of course, I have to read it. I'm human. And in my favorite critique is like the White Lotus, the marriage, the viral video, those are the most boring chapters of the book.

Yeah. Agree. I love that. I mean, I wouldn't use the word boring, but I'll use the word like the least interesting. And I love that. I love that for you too. It's my favorite, favorite, favorite critique. I love that.

I understand why you need it to include it. Yeah, it's what I sold the book on. That's what you sold the book on. And they didn't know they were getting this like, you know. Yeah. Like it doesn't feel like a tell-all, like. It also, I don't know if I would even change everything, guys. I don't know if I would call it a memoir.

It's like essays. You know what I mean? I sold it as a collection of essays. Yeah. And then because of some things with the editors that are like, you know that people, you're going to get more eyes on it if we say it's a memoir. I do still view it as a collection of essays. Yeah.

Because it is. That's why some of the reviews are also like, it's disjointed and it hops around. Right. Because it was intentionally. I'm also very like, I'm like, wait, he was here, it was 11, 12. Because I need to know, like, were you fucking at 12? Were you doing the drugs at 13? Like, the ages are like it, because you were talking about fucking at 12.

Like wanting to fuck. Yes. Oh, wanting to fuck at like five. I was like, did I read that? Did I say that? Right. Porn at nine. Yeah.

Yeah. Is that early? Oh, yeah. It's early nine for porn. Oh, yeah. I was in chat rooms. I was in. Were you hypersexual?

Super sexual. Like, yeah. Yeah, there was like, I had a whole thing in the book. Like, I wish I kept it in. There's a lot of stuff I wish I kept in. But there was like about my grandma walking in me like a five, like, humping a life-size Barbie and like being like just like, there was like, Nana.

Nana. God, I miss her so much. I can't believe you were going through that at that time. I know. And I was talking to you at that time, and you were on the show, and I didn't know because that was happening here. His grandma passed away. He was such a huge supporter of yours as a big person in your life. So shout out to Nana.

Shout out to the best person in the world. Yeah. So she caught you. Your dad caught you with buying Cinemax, pay-per-view porn on, like, the credit cards. And then just like playing the Sims, the online version and talking to strange. And, like, they were my wife's, husband's, brother. Like, I made, like, a whole family online with people. And, like, then it was a goal to be in love.

And, like, I was, like, truly a sex addict before I became sexual. Yeah. Like, I was just addicted to. You really wanted it. I really wanted it, yeah. And then you wanted your first kiss. You wanted your first. And then it was all with girls at that point.

Mm-hmm. You had really intense, with Kaylee. Yeah. You had a really intense girlfriend. Coolest person ever, too. Cool is? The best. Punk rock.

Is she doing okay? She's doing great. Yeah? Yeah. She reached out when she found out about the book. She likes it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was just like, I was down for whatever. I was like, I think I didn't have an awareness of like what I was in an early age, but I just knew I was, I was into being physical with anything. With anything. Yeah. Anyone. Well, you write in the book that when you later moved to L.A.,

and you got into a relationship with a man. and you wanted to tell your family. It was really important for you. Yeah. I mean, and your partner at the time wanted you to like. Yeah. And you said that your brother was like, yeah, I've known since you were two. Yeah.

Is that true? You tell me. Yeah. Yeah. That was his response? Yeah. Like you're waiting to get this off your chest. Yeah.

You think it's a huge deal. Yeah. But that's such a nice response to get, no? I had a really. I mean, my brothers were incredible. And my mom. And yeah, like I had a, I'm very grateful for how. how easy that was for me.

And I think also like the time that it happened, like I think if it was 15 years earlier, there would have been a lot more, even five years earlier. Like people have changed so much. It's why I'm obsessed with the fucking Charlie Sheen documentary right now. Obsessed. Him talking about that and like changing the paradigm and like just being open.

I didn't get to that part yet, but I heard about it. I just ruined it for you. But I just think that like that's so cool. That's like for someone like him to talk about that. I just have so much respect for that. Yeah. And he's just so, I mean, everything he says with a smile. I'm like, I see how he got away with everything. Yeah, he's charming. He's so, that's like the, I miss that about like Hollywood. Me too. Like the people that just had the charisma and didn't give a fuck, but like didn't give a real fuck. He did not give a fuck. But I, but I think that's why I'm like so attracted to people that are like that right now that are still that unapologetic, complete like Julia Fox for example. I'm like, I need more people. like that. Yeah. And I feel like there's, there's, people are fearful to be themselves right now.

Yes. They're fearful of saying the wrong thing. They're fearful of, you know, spinning on an opinion that, you know, is going to be. Doesn't align with the rest of the world. Yeah. So then instead we just become this like meek, quiet version of ourselves. And like, we don't even give people the opportunity to be corrected and to learn. And like, I think that's how you grow is being like, I fucked up. And I, I, I, I, you're right. And the nater that we were talking about, the reason why I'm obsessed with it, because I feel like it's like a cultural kind of moment of maybe going back to like, you know, that kind of realist shit where like you have nothing to say, no one's going to say, Brooks, you're setting a bad example for shooting up OZemPEC. She knows. Yeah.

She says it. Yeah. She doesn't think it's a good thing. 100%. But because she's being so funny honest about it. Yeah. I'm telling you, I didn't see one person be like, well, trigger warning or that's going to affect young kids. Like, no, because she straight upset.

Yeah. Like, this is what I'm doing. I have to do it. Like, this is the industry. Like, she's fainting over it. And no one's hating because she's just putting it out there. That's what I love. That's what I love Charlie Sheen and her and Julia.

And it's like the ownership. I think ownership is the sexiest thing in the world. Yeah. And just, like, saying you fuck. up and saying you're in the wrong and and there's nothing hotter than that than that rather than people putting the blame throw around everyone else and blaming everything else and like just just truly i think that's not to segue back to the book but like to try to do that in my book and own all the the really shitty parts about myself and the way what is the thing you feel like

worst about that you've done that you are most regretful about in your life that's far in the memoir. I would say being a really bad friend. I've been a really shitty friend to people. And part of that, I think not to blame, but having a little bit more insight about my personality disorder, like made it make sense to me why I'm so hot and cold and can be such a dick. And I have a lot of resentment on that and try my best to be a better friend and family member. I think that's probably the biggest thing where I wish I could have been a better friend. Yeah. So you do talk about this borderline personality diagnosis.

Yeah. When was that? What year was that? That was 2023 right before. Oh, wow. Right before the marriage. Before the marriage. Did he know?

Yeah. Is this a thing now that you like feel like you have to say? I feel like that's weird. Like do I come to like, I'm like, I have anxiety. I take the love for it. When does this come up in conversation? It's such a weird thing because it's like you feel like you have this, this albatross around your neck. And like that's, you're suddenly that, you know?

And like you suddenly feel like once you say that you have that, that's all they see. Right. But also. It can explain things sometimes. They can explain things sometimes. And there can be a little bit, you know, I think part of the things is like I split a lot. and so I like see someone as all good or all bad and like nothing in between it's so black and white like if you do one thing wrong I'm suddenly like you I can't trust you you ruin my life

or on the opposite I'm obsessed immediately yeah I'm like I meet someone for a minute I'm going to marry them yeah and I did and I think I think like I do still have like a resistance with the label of it right It feels just like so permanent and it's also something that you can work on and you can get, you can diminish some of those parts of yourself that are negative side effects of having that. But I do think it helps people understand. I help my friends and family like understand me. And when I read the book and I broke it down for them, they were like, that makes so much sense. Why? You're like, thank you. Yeah. I was like, I wish I could use my words to tell you guys. But also like, I feel like there's more stigma around it. It hasn't gotten. I mean, anxiety. depression are now like nothing, right? Like, everyone's like, I'm so anxious. They use it wrong sometimes. I'm so depressed. Like, are you clinically depressed?

Right. They're so used, like, in veins sometimes that I don't like, like, I'd appreciate people use it when they're actually have anxiety or depression and not as just like a trendy thing. But it's gotten to that point where it's like trendy, right? So like be so anxious and so depressed. Right. BPD hasn't gotten that kind of like trendy thing going.

No, I think it's, if anything, it's like. Oh, shit, I better not tell anybody I have this. I don't want to be labeled as a liability or be people to freak out and think I'm going to, you know, become multiple different people. But there's also really good things about it. You know, I think there's also some positives that made me maybe a better actor, better writer, probably not a better partner, probably not a better son, probably not a better friend. but I think some of it can be like a, you can reframe it as like a little superpower, you know? That's, I love that.

Yeah. I think that about other mental health issues as well. Like with anxiety, it's like it's protecting you. It's helping you, you know, it's protecting you from not doing something that maybe isn't right. Yeah. You know, sometimes. Yeah. And this is giving you like an edge.

Yeah. Yeah, sure. What do the meds do? Do they, how do they stabilize it? I mean. are you that's the thing that that's the worst part of it is like once you figure that out they put you on this cocktail of different things to try and that's when i said it aloud on tv or something about like being manic at the time like it that wasn't a joke like i was truly going through mania

because i was misdiagnosed or misprescribed thing like they just are kind of throwing things at a wall so i think that that's a really tricky thing and that's yeah i've found like the most helpful thing for me is like a very low, low dose medication and doing DBT therapy and like what is the DBT again? It's dialectical behavioral therapy. It's like just kind of retraining the nervous system so you don't get into that fight or flight black and white kind of way of thinking and kind of re-centered yourself so you don't get so activated. And and also like not to get woohooie, but like breathing somatic yogay stuff. Like if I don't do that, I notice that. my, I'm on edge and I'm not, yeah, I can kind of tip over into that world.

Do you know anybody else who has it that you connected with? Tricia. Oh, yeah? Trisha Pettis, yeah. Really? Yeah. I feel like there's another celebrity that has been open about it. I think like Madison Beard, Julia Fox.

Oh, Julia Fox too? I think I don't want to miss. Yeah, I'm not going to misdiagnose anybody. I think she maybe has had said that. But yeah, I think it's also really common. And I think all those Cluster B personality ones like narcissistic, bipolar. A bunch of other ones that are in that category can kind of, people can misdiagnose you and think they're one or the other.

So, like, I think for a while they were like, maybe you're bipolar and then they gave you the bipolar meds and then you're straightening your hair and wearing fur and running around. I love how your hair makes a lot of appearances in this book. Yeah. It's like you remember what hair you had and it like annoys you that your hair that day was like it's really a thing. And it does change a lot. Like you've definitely had different hair the last time I saw you.

It's a BPD thing that you change your appearance and you change your hair. Really? It's like a identity, a sense of like you're trying to figure out your identity. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's what I was told, but I've been literally dying and changing my hair since I was like nine. Yes, you're like this time it's bleached like this. We'll be right back after the break. Did you know that you can pay less for your mobile service?

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That's home chef.com slash not skinny for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash not skinny must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. And we're back. What do you think people are going to be most surprised about in the book? Like what's going to really shock people? I think because the title is jarring and listen, I'm asking for criticism. with that title. I'm inviting to be shit on. I'm inviting to be criticized by even writing this book this early. So I get that. I'm down with that. I'm welcomed it. I know what I meant for.

I'll read your negative comments if you leave them. I'm going to try not to. I've learned that lesson. But I think that they're going to be surprised about how much heart it has to it. I agree. How much love it has to it. How much not Hollywood bullshit is in there. I agree. Because the title does give like, I'm going to get down and dirty about this wedding. I'm going to talk about all the glitz and the this and the whatever. And, you know, the way we dive into like the way you grew up and family and drugs and addiction and that's not what the title is giving. No, it's not. Honestly, that title was like beating everyone to the punch. It's just like being like, I'm going to say it before you guys are clearly going to say it that I wrote it for attention, which probably

some part of that is true. But I'm going to just going to, I'm going to do that for you. You were literally, like, at AA. What age was at doing AA meetings? Yeah, I was put on probation and sent to AA, I think I was 17. Yeah, I loved it. I still love it. I go just to check in sometimes. Really?

I vacillate from, like, not drinking and drinking. And I go to, you know, Al-Anon, which is another thing, and CODA for codependence. And so I pop in there, and I think that everyone should just. Really? Yeah, yeah, it's really helpful for me to hear other people's stories and connect with that. And I think, you know, some of the steps, I think, are just applicable to anybody to try to, like, be a better version of yourself, you know? Yeah, a lot of Hollywood guys, I feel like love that shit. Yeah, I mean, I'm like the Jack Shepherd, Brad Pitt.

Do you ever hope you'll run into any of them at a meeting? I've run into some of the, you know, the Hollywood meeting. Yeah, yeah, it's fun. I feel like that's stressful, no, to run into, like, here. I think that there's a very, very clear, like, you're not, there, you do not talk about it. Right. Yeah, and it's, it's a very important part of it, yeah. It's like, don't talk about fight club.

Exactly. Exactly. We also need to talk about your career because, obviously, like, last time you said something really funny when you were on my pod, you were like, I think you were like, I'm like a little bit in everything. Yeah, still I'm. I still am. I'm a little bit of everything. And the way you were so scrappy, first of all, like, is inspiring, reminds me of a lot of qualities that I have. Like the lying, I've lied on resumes to get jobs, to get anything.

I love that part because there's a very clear, there's a very clear, like, showing of how you knew you wanted to become an actor, what you did to become an actor. Yeah. And all the, like, little things that you've had to, like, maneuver to get to where you are. Yeah. And that you're so thankful for the place that you are in right now. Yeah. So tell me about moving to L.A. when you were fresh off, what, 18? Yeah.

I did college for, like, three weeks a month. And then I didn't even write about it in the book. I barely finished high school. I don't know why I thought college was a good idea. Where did you go? University of Oregon. Oh, okay. Yeah, but it didn't last long.

No. No, not at all. And, yeah, I was just like, it's kind of talking about earlier about like the superpower thing. Yeah. Some of that impulsivity and that nativity and that bold, impulsive behavior that I did early on was something that was really helpful when moving to L.A. as an 18 year old with no connections, no plan, nothing. And I just literally got a motel that was doing a monthly stay. A motel. I was shocked. Yeah.

And by yourself. And then when I didn't, they got out of my grandma and my aunt and I could crash on their couch for like a night or two without ruining their family sleeping over. But I had, I had, you know, at least a little bit of family in L.A. And I just, you know what's so crazy? I think I saw like, remember New York, Tiffany Pollard? Yeah.

I was obsessed with her. Yeah, yeah. I talk about flavor of love and rock of love constantly. Yeah, yeah. And I love that you were like so, you went like one of those annoying, like The Godfather was my favorite movie. It was like all trashy shit. Like I loved it.

It's like when people did the letterbox. With the letter box. Oh my God. That's what I was going to say. I was like, yeah, okay, okay. Yeah. Okay. It's like you have to prepare for a letter box and you have to like make up the really

smart sounding movies. I got shit on for a letter. I said Secret Life of Pets and like Spring Breakers and they were like everyone in the comments was like, fuck him again, read me comments. I stand by it. I fucking love Secret Life of Pets. Spring Breakers is a choice. I watch that.

is so. What was that? I just like, I saw it as a teenager when it came out. You just were horny for it. That's it. I was horny for it. I was like, I saw it in theaters five times. You were there. You thought you were one of them. I thought I was like singing every time by Britney Spears in Miami on spring break. He literally thought you were in it. I thought I was one of the girls. You connected to it. I did. You connected to it. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Back to what was, what was, were you? Oh, you were in. No, just the way you moved to L.A. when you were 18. Yeah. Took a motel. Yeah. And then, oh, Tiffany, Paul. God, this is where it all comes full circle. Yep, back to Tiffany. But always back to flavor

and rock of love. She had a show called I Love, New York goes to Hollywood. It's about her becoming an actress. There's a really iconic line of her saying, a girl says, break a leg out there at an audition, and she says, I'm not going to break a leg. I'm going to get the part. That's what I'm going to do. And she goes to an acting class. And I watched that in my couple weeks of

college, found the acting class, went to this motel and just started auditioning away and I met Haley Lou Richardson from White Lotus season two at this acting class and that was my first friend in L.A. Really? Yeah. That's so interesting.

Yeah. So you went to the acting class that Tiffany Bunk. Just because New York did. That's why I'm obsessed with this book and with you because this was what? 10 years ago? 12 years ago. 12 years ago.

So like you didn't have, I mean, Google was around whatever but it's not like today you could really deep dive And it wasn't this crazy, but you're deep dives and the way you did with the, this is one of my favorite parts of the buck with the Sam Levinson gig. Yeah. With flying out to New Orleans and doing all that. And to get it, so scrappy. So scrappy. So impulsive.

So impulsive. So like, like finding shit out and finding out where it films and going. So like, and the way I was saying before that I related to you is because like, yes, you. did wild shit and you took risks to get to where you are. Yeah. But it was always very, like, calculated and smart. Like, you were sleeping in a motel, yes, but it's not like you were, like, sleeping in your car being like, I'm gonna, you know, you did what you had to do,

but in this very, very scrappy, smart way. Yeah. And, like, got lucky, kind of like in the Charlie Sheen documentary, where he was like, the thing was, every time I fucked up, like, something good would. happen. It's true. And same for you. Every time I fucked up, every time I made a mistake, something led me to where I was supposed to be and like the right move. And you were like, I came in looking hungover. They loved the love. I came in like sunburnt and hung over. And ultimately that is like what got me the part. Right. You know, I think everyone else was this

polished version of themselves. And I was just yeah, I think, you know, I think that's what it is. It's like being bold and and being brave and luck. But I think, you know, I think that's what it is. It's like being bold. think a lot of this book is, it's not inspirational. It's not, I mean, I guess it could be if you take it that way, but it's not like, look at what I've done. I'm still working at it. I'm still, you're still like that. I'm still hustling. Like when you checked me the other day, about being here for something that you're doing was also in the same vein as the way you were writing about in the book. Oh, I'm staying with a bunch of five frat guys, five frat guys from Harvard. I don't know if you want to say that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can say it. I'll be in book number two. I'm staying with

five frat pros. I've never met from Harvard. right now in the tribe and you're like i'm doing a movie like i'm going to do what i have to do and i love that side of it because i think hollywood is always so glamorized and like anyone that has like you know even one part in a show we're sure and we see them at a new york fashion week event we're sure it's like oh my god like look oh yeah look at what they did and so unattainable yeah and then like i think it's really interesting and really like important and inspiring to see like somebody working for it and doing whatever it takes still. And you said in the book, like, I want to know if you still feel this way. Yeah. That you just wanted to be a working actor. Yeah. I still do.

Is that how you feel? 100%. Or are you like, like, I want the big ass fame. The like, you know, everyone knows my name and every household kind of fame. No. I mean, look, I think there's a certain level of fame where you get offered parts and it makes your life a lot easier and you get to do cooler roles that you can't usually do. But I'm super content right now. I'm down to be in the ring. I'm down to fight for my life for the next part. Like I and I like that I can be like I'm not super recognizable to the point where like I can't live my life. And but and like the truth is like I'm a charactery actor and like I'm not your typical leading dude. So like I'm going to be popping up five minutes of your shows. I'm sorry. I know it's a jump scare. I know it's annoying, but

this face. First of all, overcompensating. I loved you in it. I'm so happy that you're in it. Thanks. It made it like love the show and you being part of it together. Chef's kiss. I love I love Mary Beth. How did that happen that you were in it? Was it like an audition thing or is it? Okay, that's actually my, I think my only offer I've ever got. I think that was just because offer only. Offer only. Please. God damn. I'm still over auditioning. No, I love it. I love it. It's great. Mary Beth Barone and Benny are friends of mine. And they hit me up. Like, would you do this little part? Would you come in? And I just, I think they're so funny. Yeah. And yeah, I think that was my only offer. That was the only offer only. I think everything else I've auditioned

for. And is it still those Zoom auditions? Yeah, sometimes or just self-tapes or sometimes in person now. Sometimes in person. Yeah. What's the craziest thing you've done to get a role aside from go to New Orleans and And lie to an agent. The craziest thing I've done to get a role. I wish I slept with someone for a role. You've never. I wish. I've been so much easier.

It'd be easier than, yeah. What did I? The craziest thing I've done for a role. I think, I think that story in the book, it has to be the craziest thing ever. I think there's nothing that can top that. But it worked out for you. It did. I mean, you met Sam, you ended up getting the part, meeting Sam Levinson.

Mm-hmm. Doing euphoria a few years later. Tell me about getting punched by Jacob Allorty. Is it everything that one could hope for? Yeah. I really think he's the hottest guy in Hollywood right now. He's ridiculously good-looking. Like, you know how, like, everyone's hot right now and, like, people dying over, like, everyone?

He pops up for me. Yeah. I'm just saying personally, pops up for me. And I'm like, this is it. Yeah. Like the height. He's so tall. He's so tall.

He's so fucking tall. He's so tall and, like, good-looking. It has an accent. So, yes, back to getting punched by him. I loved it. I was still in. He was great. I mean, everyone in that show was so great and so talented.

And it was cool to like, it wasn't out yet when we were filming. Obviously, it was the first season. I'm always the first season kind of gal. And everyone was on the precipice of becoming a star. Yeah. And so, yeah, it was cool. I mean, and they've stayed the same. You did have a moment in the book.

We talk about not being. envious, being envious of other people's success. I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous. So, and you say that, like, it's hard, listen, in any industry. But for the White Lotus, not White Lotus, for the Euphoria people, you're like, ever since then, they all blew up, Nate, Jacob Lordy, Sydney, Sweeney, Zendaya, obviously. Right.

How do you deal with that, like, that fine line of, like, the jealousy or the, I want that? Yeah. And how do you keep it at a healthy place? I mean, the competitive anxiety of being in LA is never going to go away. Yeah. And luckily, the people that I named, I was happy for them because they're good people. It's a little bit harder when they're not good people. When you see them killing it, then you really want to kill yourself.

You really go crazy from that. But competition, competing is what makes me get shit done. Really? Oh, I'm the most competitive person in the world. So there's a part of me. that is fueled by it and needs to to have that because it's like it's what makes me get stuff done yeah really honestly but how do you keep it like not killing you i think it's got it's just it's got better with time and i think the one thing i really really noticed with time is like what

is meant for you is meant for you i love that it really is and like you can't you can only do so much you can only fly across the world to try to get apart and and right but sometimes you're just not right for it. And you just have to go next. What? You're in the 14 percent, babe. I'm in the 14 percent. I love that. You know why? So read the book. It's so good. Again, I wrote this for attention. The 14 percent is important. And I feel like to me, speaking about like what can make you feel better, does not make you feel better. You're in the 14 percent. The 14 percent, tell people what we're talking about with the 14 percent. The 14 percent is the number of members in SAG who can make their health benefits to have their health insurance.

I mean, it doesn't make me feel better because it's crazy. Like, we, that's insane. The numbers, whoa, no, okay, let me rephrase. No, I know what you're saying, though, yes. That you're, like, in this pretty elite group of people. Yeah. That gives you some validation, no? It's the thing that I said in the book that you said,

I just want to be a working actor. Right. And I just want to continue to work and continue to grow and continue to be able to play for my house. health insurance and my rent, you know? It's crazy that it's only 14%. It's so insane. It's not okay.

It's not okay. What was the best advice that you ever got from someone in Hollywood? Ooh, who was it? I mean, I would say, fuck, that's a really good question. I do love Coolidge's advice in the book. I mean, Coolidge's is so good of just, who cares? Honestly, I'm going to take that with me. Who cares?

Everyone forgets something the next day and we're in a, world where like it happened with me or you can be suddenly viral in five minutes and your whole life can change and then they don't give a shit anymore and you can be hot one minute and it's just you were talking about the viral for the Zoom yeah but I was thinking the viral for the wedding oh the viral for the wedding oh god yeah yeah yeah I mean it's like that like you can be it's it's that was an interesting thing it was like the hero of the internet for the viral video to being kind of like shit on. Shit on for the other thing.

Yeah. For that, I did like, speaking about the wedding, I did find it interesting that you said that because there was a time where people thought you were like queer baiting because they weren't sure about your sexuality and you're like, why do I have to scream this? Why can I just do what I want to do? Yeah. You felt like that part of doing this wedding and making it so public was kind of like, okay, shut the fuck up.

Part of it was like, yeah, shut the fuck up. Like what I'm going to be so in your face and annoying about it. it because you guys are on my tip about it for so long to tell you what I am and I don't need to tell you. But then, full transparency, there was a part of me that was like, it was already out to everybody that I knew. But if I was out to the industry, that was all I was going to pay. That's all I was going to play. And there's. By the way, it makes sense. Like the concern. Yeah. And look, we've gotten better from it. But ultimately, like, now that you know that and you Don't want to work with me because of that. You can't see me because of that. Like,

I don't really want to work with you either, you know? Like you're saying if, if you don't get cast as like a leading straight character because they, because they know this about my, my personal life and they can't distinguish the actor from the character. Like, if that's what it is, then we're probably not going to get along and probably not going to see eye to creatively anyway. So like, so be it. Like, I'm just going to, I'm going to put it all out there. And I'm sure there are, I mean, there are rumors about a lot, but like, how many closeted? Everyone's gay. That's your next book, babe. Everyone's gay.

Everyone's gay. Write that down. But like how many closeted actors? So many. Like live a fake life because they're, they have that fear that you were talking about. So many. And I think it's everyone's on a spectrum. Right.

I really do believe that. I really believe that people fall somewhere really far one way or one way or maybe in the middle. And, you know, that's, I understand it. So I would never. You understand why they... I totally get it. Do you sometimes wish that you hadn't... Gotten married on the Kardashians?

Yeah. Yeah? But no regrets. Hashtag no regrets for real? No regrets for real. Look, I learned so much about it. Got married on the Kardashians. The way you described your suit killed me.

Because, babe, on point. On point, the way you described it, like the Zigfried and Roy. It was crazy. And you saying that you were dissociating, disassociating there. I always say that we're wrong too. I said it in my audible wrong multiple times. So we're like, no, that's not how you say it. You took me back to it because I knew you and like love you.

And then watching that episode, it's like, knock, knock. I don't recognize that person. I don't know who that person is. Oh. And that is really, really disturbing. I don't know that. I don't see anyone behind the eyes. You watched the episode?

I couldn't do it until later. Yeah. And I, no one's home. Shania's there. It's the whole thing. We cut the part with us for there. Oh, my God. Yeah.

It was, it's like I talk about there. There is a very, very crazy way that sometimes we go about prescribing people medication. Yeah. And I can joke about it. and have humility and laugh about it because it's funny and it's like whatever it's a good story right that's the great thing about this all this kind of bad traumatic stuff made for great stories they really do yeah but i do feel like we have to like really kind of be careful about prescribing people medication and and just throwing it out there like that like i i do you feel

like that was the reason that you ended up going through with something like this look i'm not going like put the blame on that and like there was a part of me that was you know in love or felt like he was in love and and happy and just going with the flow or thought he was happy and going with the flow but there was another part of me that I I didn't recognize myself and everyone around me didn't recognize who I was wow and yeah and then getting off of them I suddenly had clarity and I was like oh shit I just blew up my life he came out with the book at the same time as you or around or is talking about it. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it was after. What role are you most bummed about not getting? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. There's got to be something good with you because you probably auditioned for such good shit. There is a good one, and I got really close to it.

It's my favorite filmmaker, Andrea Arnold, and I tested for American Honey. Have you seen that movie? No. Shia LaBuff, Riley Keog. It was like an indie social name. That's how you say her last name. Good to know.

Yeah. Riley Keog. insane cast insane filmmaker one of my favorite movies i remember seeing it in london when it came out and just like that one that one hurt oh that one really hurt what were you supposed to play one of the people in the they like travel across the world and a band together and just that kind of that kind of movie is my is your dream yeah do you does it work when you tell yourself what's not meant for you isn't for you what were we talking about before yeah i mean i think I think ultimately if, let's say I got that movie and I didn't, you know, I didn't feel

the need to jump on a flight. This was before the Sam Levinson, New Orleans. So maybe I didn't feel like I was in that place and I wouldn't have met my best friends and I wouldn't have met, you know, I wouldn't have done you for a while ago. It was a while ago. Yeah, it was in the beginning. And that's still your biggest, your biggest one? Or is that just the one you're giving me because you don't care anymore.

I swear to God, that one is like, there's ones, of course, that have been amazing money jobs that could have like made me really secure but that one is like a creative one it's a creative one that kills me important before we go thoughts on sheena and la la not being besties anymore what's happening did you see it's all not happening it's all by the way was the writing on the wall for this friendship with like joint condos and palm springs or whatever they have going on yeah i can't believe you know what i think it is if i had to guess lalla didn't support she's shoes book enough Shishu was like, you didn't post me. Right.

You didn't tag me. Right. You didn't, like, promote my book. Right. Lala was like, fuck you, dude. Right. I'm over you and your shit. Did you promote my book?

Did you promote my book? Yeah. You know? The book world. The book drama. The aesthetician and book drama. Are you going to send your book to all the people and have them post and tag? I am hoaring myself out.

For yourself on my love. I am sending it to everybody. I am DMing. random book talkers who tell me, I don't want to read your book. Book talk. Those people are... I literally have had multiple messages backs from them that are like,

thank you so much. I'm not interested. I don't like memoirs. You're hustling. I'm doing it myself. You're still hustling. Oh, every day you have to. My love.

It's so good. Everybody, get this book. Please get it. You're going to love it. You're going to love Lucas. Thank you. Even fucking more than you already do. Honestly.

I love it. Thank you so much. This is my one book that I'm going to read this year, you guys. I've chosen this. Welcome to my book club. It's called one book a year and I've chosen this. So get the fuck with it. Okay. When is it available? October 14th, it's available for pre-sales are available now, Audible, Barnes & Noble, Books a Million, signed copies, whatever. Just buy the book, please. You're going to love it. It's so good. And then are we going to try to

like make a show or movie? Let's do it. That's where things are going, my love. I mean, listen, let's put it out there. Let's hustle together. Yeah. I'll help. Oh, I just made myself a producer. Produce this. I love you. Thank you for coming. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat.

Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocharoo. Thank you guys so much for listening. And I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.