Not Skinny But Not Fat - NICO TORTORELLA HAS BIG NEWS

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Younger and City on Fire star Nico Tortorella joins me today and has some amazing news!! We talk everything from life in small town Florida and fishing to how his perspective on gender has shifted since quarantine and the birth of his child Kilmer Dove. Don't miss this one!!Produced by Dear MediaThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hey girl, hey, welcome to Taste of Taylor, my weekly podcast. I'm your host, Taylor Strecker. You might know me from Sirius XM Radio. I mean, I was there for like 12 years after all. But then Howard Stern allegedly got jealous to me, so I had to leave. I was actually able to pull myself up by the bootstraps and start my own podcast, Taste of Taylor, which is now officially with Dear Media.

I'm so excited to say that. Ha! So I promised you in this podcast, you're going to either learn about something, you're going to be inspired by someone that's like always coming from a perspective of like humor, then this is the place for you. I hope you enjoy this little snack.

This is Amanda Hirsch from the Not Skinny but Not Fat podcast. You might know me from Not Skinny Bonatha on Instagram where I spend my time talking about reality TV, celebrities, everything happening, and pop culture. I also talk to some of our favorite select. and reality TV stars. We talk about what's going on. Tune in every Tuesday

and just feel like you're talking about with your best friends in your living room. I'm so excited that Nico Torella is here. You did that good. No, I want to talk to you about this.

Okay, yeah, let's talk about it. I always thought in my mind, I was like, Nico Torella, like I was just saying it. I was like, I'm for sure saying it wrong, but it's not. I'm saying it right the whole time. Nico Tortorella. Tortorella.

And then I just learned that it means... Turtle dove. Yeah. The dove flies through lots of things in our life. How do you say turtle in Italian? No idea. Torter. Dove of the turtle?

Dove of the turtle. And that's why you named your baby. That is. Kilmer Dove. Kilmer Dove. Kilmer Dove. Myers Tortorella. And Kilmer is your wife's mom's maiden name. And Dove is from the Tortorella. Correct. Yes. Yeah. We always knew we wanted to use both of our mom's maiden names for first names for

kids. Are your moms like super honored? Yeah. I think they're like equally a little bit confused by it because they're not like standard names. Right. I mean, surprise, surprise. We pick non-traditional names for our kids, you know? Well, Duff isn't, like, crazy. No. Right. Yeah. But do you call your baby all the time, Killmer Dove?

We call her all sorts of things. Like what? Killer kills. It's kill. Silly, Kiley, Dove. She loved you so much. Oh, God. It really is the best in the whole world.

Yeah? Yeah, I mean, I'm a different person because of it. I always knew that I was going to be a dad for sure. Yeah. That was a given. And, you know, Bethany and I have been doing some sort of this relationship for we're coming up 18 years. That's literally insane. Yeah. You met in college. Yeah, two days after I moved out of my parents' house. And she wasn't into you? No. No, not at all. She was like basically

engaged to this other guy and basically, what, at 18 she was basically? She was older. She was 20. Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, big difference here. Yeah. No. Yeah. No, no. She had just moved to Chicago from, uh, St. Louis, outside of St. Louis. And she was in a pretty serious relationship. And we met and we were playing beer pong and one of the first things she said to me was I can never imagine myself with anybody else and I said okay you're up let's go beer pong and since then yeah so you didn't really get to experience like the famous celebrity part of your life single I mean I did because of the open relationship yeah I mean we haven't been exclusively in a relationship for 18 years. We were best friends, always. Always. First, yeah. I was on a show called Make It or Break

It, ABC Family Show. I mean, there were a few different things that I was kind of circling when I moved to L.A. But yeah, that was my first series regular job. And it brought me here when I was 20 years old. To New York. I moved to New York at 20. You give like Brooklyn, New York. I'll take it. I mean, I'm from Chicago. Italian. I'm from Chicago. But now you're a Florida. I am. We made the jump. And how does it feel? A dream, honestly. Yeah. The, like, public response of it all is complicated.

Everyone wants to give their opinion on what Florida is. Yes. Like, yes, it's safe for you, but it's not safe for your daughter or your wife or, you know, not white people. And, like, I understand everyone has opinions right now. Yeah. It has been a dream. It has been an absolute dream. Do you stand out in a place like Stewart, right?

No. I mean, we kind of stand out everywhere we go. Not New York. I mean, in certain places, for sure. Okay. Yeah. But Florida more, no? Yes and no.

I mean, like, I have the ability to code shift and fit into different groups of people pretty easily. I'm like in a trucker hat and I'm fishing 60% of the time at this point. That's a new hobby? Yeah, I mean, I always grew up fishing. Oh, you did? Yeah, with my dad and my stepdad. You eat it? We do, yeah.

Oh, you fish to eat? Fish to eat. Really? Catching crabs and fish and all sorts of things, yeah. Damn. Yeah, we live on the. little island and we have the river in our backyard and the ocean kind of in our front yard. It's like the very thin part of this island.

And I've never lived near ocean like this before. How did you decide on Stewart? We were looking to buy for like the last year and a half. The majority of our family on both sides have kind of all, you know, migrated down south in the last five, ten years, really. And we don't have any family in New York. And really on the East Coast at all. And after we had Kilmer, it was just kind of this thing, like, what are we doing?

We're not supposed to do this alone. And none of our friends really have kids. We were the first ones to really do it. And we went down to Florida at like when she was three months old, spent time with family. And that was it. So how close are your parents? My mom's an hour. Oh.

Yeah. Close enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does she help? Oh, yeah. A lot.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, she's there all the time. She's there all the time. Yeah, it's great. I mean, my mom's one of my best friends. friends we have an incredible relationship well that's cool i remember there was a time where you talked that it was like a bit complicated yeah i mean i think you know everyone has a period of time but i think like in the majority of really my time in the public eye that was a thing that like was

very explosive and everyone wanted to talk about it but for the most part it's been great i feel like people you're talking about like when you came out with the the polyamory stuff and everything all the michigas and all the michigas how do you know that word Do you have some doing you? I grew up in North Shore of Chicago. Come on. Did that annoy you to have to, like, talk about that all the time about, like, your relationship and the polyamory?

And I saw, like, interviews, people would ask you, like, what is gender fluid? Yeah. What does it mean to be non-Biden? Like, did you feel like it was annoying to have to explain that all the time? I mean, at the time, no, it wasn't, you know? It was and is such a part of who I am. And I think in 2018, when I started having these conversations, even before that, like, there weren't a whole lot of people talking about identity in that way, at least not front facing.

And it became this thing where, like, I was the one that was talking about it. And people wanted to get into the weeds. And it was, it was fun for a while, to be honest with you. Like, looking back at it, would I do things differently today? Yeah, for sure. Like in the way you opened up about it, you mean? Yeah. What would you do differently? I think it's so easy in having conversations around identity to draw these hard lines. And like really from the get of my approach, there was a sense of fluidity to it all that like this is where I am now, but who knows where I'm going, really. And, you know, after trying to conceive for a couple years and then going through IVF and like examining our biologies intensely and then getting pregnant and having a, miscarriage and then, you know, being so close to Bethany while she was pregnant and then having

a home birth and like giving birth in a tent in our living room. Of course, because how else would you guys do it? Right. It's just like it puts and also on top of that, COVID revolution, like the entire world has been flipped upside down. Yeah. And ours has too, you know? It's just like I'm a different person and I look at the body differently after those

experiences. Like in what way? How do you look at it now? It's just, it's very clear to me that like, hmm, it's complicated. The sperm. Yeah, that there are. That there is biology. There is biology.

There are two types of bodies. There's not just two, but there are two types of bodies that when they come together, can create a baby, right? And I just was, like, forced to look at it in a much different way. And now that I'm raising a daughter and, you know, the world is what it is, and the conversations around identity have changed so much. in the last few years. Everything is like way more politicized than it was,

even when I was having this conversation. I just think that like, there's, there's more room for grace in these things. And also, like, I am less important in the larger conversation than I felt like I was a few years ago. Like, I just don't put as much energy into like who I am and how I fit into the world. Right, because you're like waking up to a baby.

Yeah. And like the whole world's fell apart and we're putting the pieces back together. Like, what the fuck? am I. You know, it like doesn't really matter to me as much. I get you. Yeah. I have to tell you when I, because I watched younger like a couple years late and binged it all. And I feel like I was like, you guys, I'm watching younger. I shared it with, you know, Instagram like, oh my God, Josh, this, that, you know, and I feel like DM's exploding. Like, look of the actor. Like, you'll be shot.

You know what I mean? Like, did you know that you know. Yeah, you think you know. He's not like Josh at all, you know and I feel like that was such the vibe like anyone who watched the show a little bit later or caught you know binge it or whatever one of the first things people would say was like look up look up look up look up the actor it's not it's not what you think it's not like Josh you know and I am very much so like Josh though yeah it's just like yeah totally part of me is him yeah I like represent a lot of what he represents I think my ability to have those conversations at that time was also anchored by Josh. I was seen in the, throughout the world as this like super straight,

cis white dude who was like cool and dating older women. Yeah. And like because of that, it made it a lot easier for me to like have, you know, non-conventional queer conversations. Uh-huh. You know, if I was like playing super queer on TV and also having these conversations, like I wouldn't, A, it wouldn't have had the reach that I had because of where I was. I had this like safety net of sorts.

So did it make you feel any type of way, though, knowing these conversations were going on, like knowing the Googling was out of control about your personal life. And it was just, I remember to me, it was like so wild. Like I was watching the show, you know, obsessing over, you know, Josh and Liza. Liza, yeah. And and all the DMs were like, you have to, you have to see. Oh, my God, he's in this kind of relationship. And by the way, the pronouns are all are welcome of this. Yeah. I'm very much so dad and Bethany is very much so mom. Yeah. So it's just changed the language in our house. So yeah, I remember that was wild. So I was thinking like what it must like how would it feel for you to know that like that's what everybody like was thinking a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was part of the moment of our lives. You know, like at the end of the day, I don't regret anything that we talked about or the experiences that I had or like, you know, the people that I got into these types of.

conversations with it just I'm excited for the work to speak to for itself at this point yeah like that's a part of who I am yeah by no means is that all of who I am right and yeah I'm just a different person now yeah so I want to talk to you a little bit about New York you're back in New York yeah I am you're like you know sharing on Instagram she is alive on Instagram right now she's alive she's thrifting oh that thrift ball this is the shirt that I got uh the thrift. Meanwhile, that sure is thrift. The Gucci. The Gucci's are also thrifted, by the way. Shut up. Not from unique in Union City, New Jersey, but yeah, they are. Wait, that thrift store was in Union City, New Jersey? What were you doing there? We had a house in Wehawken. Oh. And we're closing on it right now. So it's just this big.

Closing sale. Yeah, sale. I thought you were living upstate New York. We have a house that we're selling up there, too. Damn, you made the rounds. Younger baby. Younger baby. Wait, how was upstate? New York, though, because it seemed like your vibe, like, woodsyness a little bit. Yeah, upstate was lovely. It was exactly where we were supposed to be. We bought before COVID, so we were able to spend all of 2020 up there. And, like, we really, we had 33 acres in this, like, majestic hillside.

I just felt like this bubble. Like, nothing else existed while we were up there. Because probably nothing else really exists up there. Yeah, you know, but I mean, there's, you know, people think. New York is this like really liberal place and everyone is so friendly everywhere. But you get outside of the city and that's just not the case. Not this case. No, it gets real conservative real fast.

Wait, but we hawkin is random. We hawking, it just came down to the house. We were looking throughout all of New York, Brooklyn, Harlem, the Bronx and it took a second for me to convince Bethany to kind of like, let's just go look over on the other side of the river. And I'd never even really been over there. I think I'd like been to Jersey City once. And I don't know if you know anything about Weehawken, but like, I don't. Basically, if you're on 42nd and you look west, right, you can see all these like houses up on the Hudson. Yeah.

And it's this like little tiny community. There's like a few blocks that have these incredible 100 plus year old houses that are on this little hillside looking out to the greatest view of Manhattan that exists. Like it, I just can't believe I lived here for so long. And I had no idea that I could have that. And be closer to the city than when I was definitely in Brooklyn. I mean, even when I was like living in financial district, the time that it would take me to get to midtown for anything was more than it is being in Weehawken. Really? Way more.

Damn, you're really promoting Wehawken. Honestly, if we stayed for longer, I may try to run for office and Wehawk in. You know, they do say that the city is the most beautiful from the outside of the city. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I've lived in Brooklyn. I mean, I was down in South Williamsburg on Ken. with the view from down there

but the view... Very Josh. Very Josh. Yeah. I was like around the corner from his apartment for years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

While we were filming. That's, you filmed here. That's fun. I've been filming here for 15, 16 years. Wait, you were going to say upstate New York felt very conservative. It can.

I mean, there's pockets, right, that like are more open. But, I mean, there's like, you know, more Confederate and Trump flags up there than other parts of the country. Right. So do you see yourself growing old in Florida? I mean, for the time being, it works for us. Our quality of life down there is just, it's non-comparable. I mean, just like

going to the grocery store here is a job, right? Like, everything is easy. And what in there? Why is grocery shopping easier? I mean, we live in this like very sleepy little town that like, I mean, we're the youngest people in this neighborhood by far. Yeah. And it just is like, you get, in your car. You drive a few blocks down. You go to the grocery store. You come back. You're at the pool. You're at the beach. I go paddleboarding. Like, I'm on vacation full time. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, is it where we're going to wind up forever? I don't know. I don't know. Let's see what happens in the world in the next 10 years. I think a lot is going to change very, very quickly. Is there an airport in Stewart? Palm Beach. Okay. You drive there. Yeah. We're 40 minutes.

Oh, 40 minutes. Okay. You're up to a lot. You're up to a lot. You're up to a lot. lot right now. Did you plan for all this to kind of happen at the same time? Right at the eclipse. That's it. Right at the eclipse. No, I didn't. I really didn't. Because you have a new kids book coming out. Yeah, all of it is you. All of it is you. I have it. I love it. I read it to my son Noah. It's so cute. It's sweet, isn't it? Very. Tell me how you thought to write a children's book. I wrote it in 2020. I had a lot of time, as we all did. And I always knew that. I always knew that. that there was a children's version of this idea of all of it is you, which was my first poetry book and kind of like has become this mantra of my life that we are a mirror of the universe

in its entirety. And I really wanted like a very simple version of that as a legacy to leave for my kids. We were actively working on trying to get pregnant. And I was just messing around writing a bunch of stuff and we got it together we brought it over to random house and they wanted to do it and kids books take a long time really a long time because of the illustrations and illustrations just publishing in general like everything moves right pretty slow right so it's wild to you that you were working in 2020 and now it's coming out in 2024 yeah I mean the version that I would right now after I had a kid would be different it just would what would you what would you what would you add, what would you change? Because the messaging, well, A, the whole book takes place in

Weehawken, like visually. They're like on a hill looking out to the city. And I think there would be a few more palm trees and like maybe a kayak at this point. Some Marlin. But yeah, I mean, the message is very, very simple, really at the end of the day. It's like this age old saying, you can be anything you want to be when you grow up, right? Let's flip that. You already are. Everything you could ever imagine. What does it mean? to tap into that it's up to you just this unfettered freedom to raise your children with yeah that's the goal for all of that and also like a tv show and other kids books and the universe of olivette and the universe of all of that do you read it to baby kilmer do she's into it she's you know a one year old with

books is not the easiest thing in the world but she definitely knows that it's our book like she'll sit with that book way more than anything else and the music too like I wrote all of this music while we were pregnant. So she's been hearing these songs for the last two years, really. Yeah. And anytime one song comes on, I mean, it is party time. So funny today, my son was like picking up the book. And he was like, who wrote this?

Which is so random. Like he's never. Really? Isn't that a weird question for a kid to ask? How old is he? He's three. Oh, yeah. And I was like, and I don't know to get into like the fact that I'm meeting him today.

You know, I was like, what's too much information? But then I was like, oh, I don't know. I don't know that you can see that here. And then he found the like the picture in the bag. And I was like, no, so he's super into it. And I love the messaging. It reminds me a little bit theme-wise of what's that book called? I'm blanking out pregnancy brain.

All bodies. There's that book. You would love it. I don't know. And it's like all bodies, big bodies, small bodies, little bodies, hairy bodies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like all these messages that are out now. that are so different than how we grew up, you know?

Yeah. And he also came out with a single. It did. Grapefruit drops a few weeks ago, a couple weeks ago. That's exciting. Yeah, it's been so fun. So it's giving a little Harry Styles. I'll take that.

I mean, I'm not mad about that. I don't know. Does it? I mean, like watermelon grapefruit. Right. Also like peaches. You know, it's like just a bunch of fruity folk. But you started saying like, what are you grapefruit for?

What are you grapefruit for? Yeah. So is it that vibe? Like, is it the grateful vibe? I think it's a few different things. Really, like, the inception of this music came from being pregnant. And I was working on City on Fire on Apple TV, which I played a rock star. And we recorded, like, six or seven songs.

And it was my first time ever being in a music studio, like, seriously. And I would spend more time in the studio on that job than on set. And I could like really develop this character through his voice and I just found this flow that like you don't usually find in TV at all. And jokingly at the end of the season, I formed this like incredible relationship with the producer in that studio. And I was like, I don't want to leave. Can we just keep making music? Really? And he welcomed it with just open arms.

Like I could not have done this without him. How was City on fire? Because you filmed with Jemima. She was on my show. She said she loves you too. She's really sweet. We feel like there is a deep soul connection that goes a long, long way. Yeah.

Are you, like, in touch? Oh, we keep in touch. Yeah, not like crazy, but we check in. She's a professional shopper as well. Frifter, antiques. She grew up in a thrift shop in New York City. Her mom had a thrift store, I believe. And I grew up in an antique shop in Chicago.

Oh, your parents owned an antique shop? My grandma did, yeah. Oh. I mean, I grew up going to auctions and flea markets. estate sales. So you're into that stuff? Yeah. Like, did you wash the shirt before you wore it?

Absolutely not. No, I did. No way. I did not. That's not the rule. I didn't have time to wash it and then steam it. Like, there's not a wrinkle in the shirt. You were like this?

Wait, is it steamed? No. This is straight off the rack for $3.99 and we're here with you today. It looks really good. It's Pierre Cardone. Damn. I don't know who that is. Old French designer.

Yeah. For 399. Yeah. Damn. I love a hunts. I love a hunts. So the whole album, Born, drops at the end of the month. April 26th.

Yeah. Yeah. So that whole thing you wrote in that studio with the producer because of the City on Fire. It started with City on Fire, right? That's because of it. And then we got pregnant and I just found this outlet. I was like, I'm just going to write music for this child. Originally, it was for our home birth.

I wanted to, like, write an album for. for us to give birth to. Oh, you were really part of this pregnancy, I feel like. Yeah, I feel like. Do you feel like more than most partners in a way? Because you're talking about as if like you were pregnant too. Right. Yeah.

I mean, obviously I wasn't. But energetically, you know, we've been through a lot. And there is this like singularity in our relationship that is really beautiful. And we've been dreaming about this kid for so long. And I felt this child early on. spirit, the soul of this child, was in our house very early. And I started dreaming songs. She would come to me in dreams and I would hear full songs, lyrics, melodies, the whole thing. I'd wake up in the morning and I would write these songs down. And that's how the majority of this album was

written. Wow. Did you write all of it? I wrote everything. And I saw your brother directed the... He did, yeah. And he's yet, how young is he? He's 18 months younger than me. Oh, so not crazy. No, yeah. Wow, you grew up really close in age. Really close. Yeah, he lives in Colorado now. He does a lot of videography for, you know, the Colorado music scene and there's

weddings and he was in town. He's a cutie, too. Yeah, real cute. Yeah. We just knocked out five videos in four days and. Oh, so you have a video lined up for a bunch of other songs? A bunch, yeah, a new single comes out tonight, which is the 12th. Right, I saw that.

Yeah. What's it going to be called? He said, she said. this like buy ballad a buy ballot a buy ballot we need more of those we are there a buy ballad i mean i'm not going to jojo siwa and coin the term you know queer pop here right now oh my god how are you feeling about that good on you girl yeah live your life yeah live your life i mean yeah she's getting some heat right now i can't imagine growing up the way that she did Yeah.

That sort of, you know, it's, yeah, I mean, to navigate child's fame and then to become an adult, it's good on you. Yeah. Good on you. You're not judging. You don't seem like a judgmental person. I don't have time for that. Yeah.

It's like if you're putting anything out in the world, props. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's not easy at all. Tell me about growing up. So you grow up very Italian parents in Chicago. Yeah. In a suburb?

In the suburb, North Shore. And what were you like? Honestly, not that different than... Really? I am today. I think I was probably more of an asshole. I always knew that this is what I was going to do. Like entertainment?

Yeah. For sure, no question to ask. I mean, there are stories. We had a bar in the city and there's stories of me being like four or five years old going up to all the regulars and signing autographs and serving shots and... Stop. Yeah. I just knew it very early on.

Did your parents support? Yeah, for sure. They helped you make the job. dream come true? Yeah, I definitely could not have done all of this. I mean, my mom was driving me into the city. I was in a show in Chicago for like three years of theater production where I played all three brothers and I miss school every Wednesday for matinees. We're doing eight shows a week and auditions and on camera classes. I mean, it was a full-time job. So you didn't go to college? I went for a little. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't for me. No? So your parents weren't like at least

have like an education schoolback on? There was no. There was no. fallback plan. Yeah. I mean, I, like, conjured another version of my life that I was pretty dedicated to. I was either, like, going to go to school for botany. I had this whole plan of, like, sustainable architecture and plants. Uh-huh. And, or I was going to move to L.A. and be an actor. So you did that. I, yeah, I was in college in Chicago for a year. Oh, that's where I met, Bethany. The arts. Yeah, I was at Columbia College in Chicago. And I transferred to Loyal of Marymount my sophomore year and I was there for six weeks maybe and I dropped out and I started working within a few months in L.A. Yeah. Really? I had an agent in Chicago just because I grew up

doing it in Chicago and they had a sister agency in L.A. And I started auditioning and I got like real close on a few things. I was almost in big time rush, which would have been a whole other version of my life. That was the Nickelodeon boy band. Wow. Yeah. And yeah, I started modeling pretty seriously. Yeah. And I was like 18, 19. And then started booking TV and the rest is history. Thank you.

They're yours? They are all my teeth. Damn. Did you have braces? I did. Really? When you were younger? High school.

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the season premiere of mary and george april 5th only on stars and the stars app watch mary and george only Okay, so you meet Bethany in college. I do. Does she move out to L.A. with you? Not right away. She finished school in Chicago. I was dating in L.A. I moved in with this girl and who was the same age difference as Josh and Liza, actually.

Oh, you know what I was wondering if you experienced that kind of vibe. For sure, for sure. What's that age, like 10? More than that, 15 years. 15 years. Yeah. Damn. Did you say that on the audition for?

for younger? I didn't. No. You didn't? No. That was a, I went into a casting office. I got the script. It was like covered in tattoos and had piercings. That was like the description of the character. So I think I just like wore a tank top and put big earrings in and just like when you had tattoos already. I did. Not as many as I have now. Yeah. On Younger was definitely an excuse to just keep getting more and more tattoos. Do you regret any of them? I don't know that I would would get any if I did. have any at this point. Huh. But I think the, like, technology to take them away is only getting better.

That's how, what I tell myself. Yeah. Did you get your baby's name tattooed? Not yet. What? I know, I know. That's a very non-tattoo of guy of you. Listen, I get it.

We, this move, this last year has been just so crazy transitional. Get that tattoo before that baby notices. I really want to do the kids names on my neck. Really, really small. Okay. Really, really small. But like on the Adams apple? All the kids.

names just all the kids how many kids you want four at least no yeah and you have something to tell us today i do we haven't said this at all i mean i think by the time this episode comes out we will have shared but yeah we have another baby on the way so bethany's pregnant bethany's pregnant we're 14 weeks today 14 weeks yeah that's the beginning how's she feeling you know i mean i know it's really every day is different some days are a lot better than others she's having a much easier your time this round than with Kilmer. Oh, good. You know, but your second, it's just like...

And you're also taking care of the first. Right. That's what I'm saying is you have much less time to think about being pregnant. That's true. You're not like looking at the app. Right. Like, I used to know the day that I turn like the next week and the fruit. How big the baby is.

Yeah, the fruit. And now you're like, oh, asparagus? We forget that we're pregnant all the time. Stop. You're like how I say we're pregnant. Yeah. You're part of it. You're part of it.

Honestly, I would give it all up to be able to carry a child. I. believe you. I absolutely. Like I you're I believe I wouldn't believe any person that would say this but like I was thinking about this as I was saying before that you're really part of the pregnancy and I'm like I feel like you'd carry in a second. I feel like I have this like ghost womb to be honest with you. You have a ghost womb? A ghost womb. Wait, was it? Can I ask if it was easier this time around? To get pregnant? Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a crazy story. The first time that's a whole. That's a few. You were very open about it that it, that it.

We had a rough time. Yeah. And we went through IVF and we wound up having to take a break in IVF. And then we got pregnant naturally, which in this like crazy fluke situation. Oh. Yeah. And this time around, we started trying to get pregnant, I think, in December. We're like, all right, it's time.

Let's go. It's time. The baby is. Because we just want a handful. Bethany's 37. You know, we just like, we're going to pop them out. We just got to keep going. Oh, my gosh.

And we did a round of IUI in December. What is IUI? IUI is basically just like a turkey based situation. Oh, yeah. It's the step before. IPF. Yeah. And it didn't take. And we were moving.

I mean, we packed up two houses here in New York and New Jersey, rented an RV. I got a 12-foot trailer on the back of this RV to put all of my plants in. And we have like 100 plus plants that we wanted to take down to Florida. We left in an ice storm. Every single plant died in the trailer. like Bethany's in the back with the baby. I'm driving all the way down through ice door. Wait, did you drive just for the plants and the plants died?

Does Bethany support these things? I think. Like, I would kill my husband. Bethany's grandparents had an RV growing up. So I think there was this like romantic idea. Yeah. But that's not at all what the situation was. Like it wasn't romantic.

No. I mean, you would have to pay her lots of money to get back into an RV. I was like jokingly looking at RVs a few weeks ago. like, you know, a vintage Dodge Travco or something. And it's not an option at all. With the baby in an ice storm. Or what does it take like 25 hours to get to Florida? Yeah, it's a big chunk of time.

We did it over four days. Yeah. For the plants. For the plants. Yeah. The plants died. The plants died night one. We like got on the road at like four o'clock in the afternoon.

And I have never driven an RV that size before. And when you have a trailer behind it, like you just have zero control of, I couldn't back up. Like, and I'm fucking nervous driving this thing. Like, we get out of New Jersey and it's getting dark. And I'm like, I'm not driving when it's dark out right now. Like, we pull over. We stay in a hotel for the night because we weren't going to sleep in the RV.

And it dropped down below zero. And I just knew. And we had, like, all these crazy exotic cactus. And they all died. I'm a car broken. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that like a lot of money? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had some really rare plants. So you get there and you just took them to the trash? Pretty much. There's one that's still in the house that's like barely holding on.

But all of this to say, yeah, all this to say, like we weren't really trying. Like Bethany was ovulating basically like when we were driving down. Uh-huh. And we get to Florida after this wild adventure of a trip. And Bethany's like, should we try? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, let's, let's, Chris in this house, baby, let's do it. Yeah.

And so we had sex once during the cycle. And it took. We got pregnant, yeah. Wow. Yeah, amazing. That is amazing. First night in Florida. This baby, like, is coming in so powerful already.

I, he just, I said he were having a boy, which you just found out. Yeah, we know. You did the, did you do, like, a gender reveal or are you anti that stuff? We did not, we're not anti gender reveal. I think, like, the first time around, we, you know, you know, know it's like on paper us doing a gender reveal is like so ridiculous but like we appreciate it and I think the first time around it like really made it feel more real you know what I mean to know to know that it's a girl yeah to know who was coming and we had such a hard time getting pregnant

that it just like yes we wanted to know in the second time around we you know you do all the tests and you know to see what's going out with the baby and that was just part of it right and our mid that's fun that you're going to have a girl and a boy we're so excited. Yeah. We're so excited. Our midwife, it's kind of a silly story, though. We found this amazing midwife in Beiro Beach, and she told us we were going to get an email with the gender, right? And it was going to be like inside the email. And we were going to send it to a friend to like do something cute just for us, not like to blast it out. But in the subject line of the email, it says, congratulations. You're having a boy. But then he's like, I know, I know. Oh, my God.

It's a very sweet little video that we have. Oh, so you have a video. Yeah. How did you whip out the camera so past when you're getting email. Because she was like, go get your camera. Go get your camera. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's a dream. So the Midway fucked up a little bit. No, I think you know how in the subject line, like it gives you sometimes like, or I guess it's not the subject. Like, you get an abbreviated

version of the email, maybe in Slack or something. I don't know exactly how it works. You mean it prompts you? Yeah. And it was in the prompt. Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe that's what you told you. I guess. Wait, are you going to do another like tent? What are birth? Oh, we brought our tent down.

Oh, the tent is ready to go. The tent is a very sacred space for us. We set it up more just for the last trimester, really, just to have like a space we could go and connect as a family. And we had an altar in there. And we would just like spend time together, right? And the midwives came over right before we had the baby. And they were like, that's cute and all.

But there's no way we're having birth in this tent. And at one point, Bethany's labor was really quick. there was no like initial labor she went straight into active labor basically and at one point she gets out of the bathtub and hits the floor and just starts crawling to the tents and like I open up the curtain I go it's time to have a baby within a couple hours we had a baby just she was on all four it's just given birth there was no no water in the tent is it like you both of you kind of grew up together yeah but like you're so on the same page with stuff like if she wanted like a hospital birth. And she wanted, you know, the drugs. Yeah. And not a tent with an altar.

If we were in a hospital come last hour of this birth, like she would have taken all the drugs for sure. Yeah. No questions asked. Yeah. Like we knew it was going to be hard. Yeah. I she did not know it was going to be this hard. But she still wants to do it again this way. Yeah. You kind of forget. Hillary Dove did like four. She said a few. I think she's supposed to have another baby right now. Right. Yeah. Did you talk to her about? Oh yeah. She inspired a lot of this. Yeah. I mean, we saw the video of her first home birth and I mean we spent so much time together during her pregnancies looking back at it I can't believe she worked as much as she did pregnant that pregnant on the show multiple times right wild superhuman that girl super human yeah

women are pretty super human yeah bow down that's part of what I was saying earlier about like understanding the difference now uh-huh it's like these things exist for a reason and I think they deserve a level of just like gratitude. So your perspective did change a little bit. For sure. Yeah. For sure. It doesn't erase. Right. Right. It's just like it's yes and. Yes. And there's so much more. Because like a lot of people for instance, you know, were surprised when you and Bethany got married. Because it's like, wait, they're so not traditional. And they're so this and that. Like why would they do this traditional thing? Yeah. What was your answer to that? I mean, in a lot of ways we are pretty you know I think like also living in Florida we're living in Florida right we're

having babies yeah but also just like COVID changed a lot of our relationship it was the first time that like we weren't sleeping with anyone else you know we became this like very monogamous yeah exactly and like we really haven't since like we have not had an open relationship not that like the option is gone but like we've just spent so much time together, dedicating ourselves to procreating, right, to like bringing in a version that is half Bethany, half me. And like, that's just left very little time to even consider a secondary or tertiary relationship. Yeah. Not that it's off the table, but like, raising kids is a full-time job. Yeah. I cannot imagine at this point, like, leaving my family to go get my rocks off. Yeah. Who knows what the

future holds for real who knows but right now you're monogamous and it's madly in love with my family that's so cute i mean i'm like more dedicated to this unit right anything i've ever been involved with and i just want to keep growing it yeah like after you have a kid everything else seems like so much less important it's true you can't wrap your head around that unless you have a child right that's really exciting i'm glad you guys are bringing another one and into the world and that it went easier this time. Were you prepared for like another journey? Yeah, for sure.

I mean, I think the first time around there is really something beautiful about, you know, going down the IVF route and having a more difficult time. Like, it really preps you for what's to come. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like I honor all of that for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'm very excited for you guys. And especially since, you know, you were so open about that stuff with your community. online and everything with the fertility and the IVF and boy you guys like to take naked pictures together you really like it I guess you feel really comfortable naked huh yeah I mean especially now I'm truly in a bathing suit 100% of my time in Florida on the beach yeah and in the pool yeah are you going to name your kid something we've got the name you do we do locked and loaded ready to go oh is it going to be Michael all of a sudden yeah yeah it's going to be like Benjamin Michael.

Charles III. And how's your sobriety doing? I know you've been pretty open about that, too. Yeah, it's been great. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's been 10 years since I've had any booze. Wow. Do you smoke weed?

I do sometimes. Not really. I go through phases with weed for sure. Like when we first had Kilmer, I was definitely smoking. It would just like make keeping house a little bit more interesting. There's like a dedication when you smoke. weed on a regular basis that just I sound like such a fucking stoner right now but like it just like open space and as a dad I don't know it just like worked for me those first few months but yeah it's good

for the most part yeah yeah I mean it's like always a thing it never really goes away yeah I mean I'm like addicted to life I don't know that that sounds a little crazy but like I put so much of myself into everything that I do, that those tendencies kind of exist everywhere. Well, you get obsessed with stuff. So you're obsessed with fishing now. Yeah, I fish a lot. And with what else? Well, the music has really been this like new dedication, you know. Would you want to go on like tour and stuff? Yeah, I think that's the plan. I started working with this manager's name's Martin. He reps Sting and Shaggy and like I'm in this little family that like feels very big and real and the music's already doing a really cool thing.

And Moore's coming out. And what I was saying earlier, it was like the whole album was initially for this home birth. And it very quickly became something else. And the album kind of tracks Grapefruit is kind of this like inception track. It's like the act to get pregnant. It honors the, you know, the womb in a lot of ways. Was your music playing at the home birth? The whole homebirth, yeah.

Bethany is a very lovely woman. She is. I don't know. I feel like I would be a little triggered. I mean, it was such a part of our whole experience, though. And, like, I was writing it as... You're like there. Your music is playing. She's, like, dying and be like... The title track for the pregnancy was Santa Madre, which is honoring the Mother Saint-Math.

And it was like all for Bethany. And there's this 10-minute version that was basically just on repeat. And she came out to that song. Wow. That's so special. So special. So special. So this baby is going to need... he's already getting stuff it's coming out right now music is so interesting that like i don't sit down and plan it it just kind of comes but yeah the plan is definitely get back in the studio and

keep making music i mean i love it so much yeah i've always like hunted for this outlet that was and you have a good voice thank you you knew did you always know that i mean i grew up singing and dancing You know, I was like a musical theater kid that ended in college, really. But it was always part of my life, music was. But I never took it seriously as something that I could, like, actually dedicate myself to. Who was your biggest music inspiration? Ooh. Man, that question.

Prince. I mean, is this going to be, like, the most basic thing I've ever said in my life? What? Oh, my God. Dave Matthews? Really? Yeah. It's not based.

It's surprising a little bit. Yeah, I mean, he is just an absolute legend. Dave Matthews. And, like, fish? I've been to a few fish shows in my day. You're a fish concert. I mean, I was a full-fledged stoner in high school. Yeah, okay.

I get the vibes. I had fish stickers all in the back of my car. Really? Yeah. So future plans, music, obviously you're continuing with acting. We're talking about self tapes and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Writing.

Anything else you want to do? Mm. Keep making babies. Keep making babies. Yeah. Damn. Okay, I have a few quick fire questions. Cool. First of all, I want you to name three basic and normie things that you do.

Oh. That we'd be surprised. Hmm. I mean, I fish. Right. That's one. Not that basic. Yeah.

If you watch any, like, reality TV. Does drag race count? A little. Yeah. Yeah. Drag race. And I saw you did, you did an episode, right? I did.

Oh, my God. It's a good one. I did a couple. You also did Tyler Henry. I did. Did. Yeah. When was that? Ooh, let's see. It was right after I got, so it was probably like seven, eight years ago. And your mom was really emotional about it. You were too.

That was before my mom and brother got sober. You can definitely tell. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Because you were like, my mom said she would, this is her dying wish. Yeah, for sure. She's had a few more dying wishes since that happens. The thing about wishes, once they come true, you just fucking get more wishes. You want more. Yeah. No, but that was a really special experience for sure. I, like, whatever it is he got it he got it what did he connect with my grandpa this guy right here

so and who's that woman that's my grandma that's nice yeah she was a real special watch they had the antique shop okay really quick turn from the antique shop and grandparents that you love we're going to do a merry fuck kill

real quick okay ready yeah machine gun Kelly Bradley Cooper Jeremy Allen White I think I would probably fuck Bradley Cooper. Okay. So you don't get the Jeremy Allen white hype?

I mean, I did a movie with him almost 20 years ago at this point. I've known him for a while. Really? So weird to fuck at me you think in this game. Yeah, that's just not really my thing. Okay. I don't really know how to answer the next two.

I would... Oh, you don't want to kill anybody? I would probably... What would you marry out of machine gun and Jeremy? Probably Jeremy. Yeah, but it could be machine gun, honestly. It depends on my mood in the morning, which one I would pick. Okay, we got another one.

Yeah. We have a girl one. Okay, okay, cool. Megan Fox, Margo Robbie, Zendaya. Oh, I think I would. Don't kill. We'll start with fuck. I would fuck Zendaya.

Yeah, you got most excited about that name. Yeah. I would probably, I would marry Margo Robbie. And I would. Okay. M. G.K. and Megan Fox as a couple are really offended. right now.

I'm sorry, they're probably the most that I'm like similar to. Right, that is true. Could probably like do no, I mean, did you do ayahuasca ever? Lots.

Lots of ayahuasca. Lots of ayahuasca. I've drink 24 times. They like that stuff. Yeah, Iwaska is incredible. But that counts in the sober. I mean, sober is all relative. I am alcohol sober.

Yeah. I still eat mushrooms from time to time and smoke weed and plant medicine and yeah. Gotcha. yeah all right bow down to the plants bow down to the plants that you killed a lot of

yeah in the trailer in the trailer oh nico thank you so much for coming on you guys check out nico's new music your album april 26 born yeah grapefruit's out right now great fruits out right now the buy ballad's out right now the buy ballad he said she said olivette is you all avat is you

april 23rd yeah it's out right now really two ends of the media A spectrum. Two ends. If you want to buy ballad, Nico, it's your guy. That's who I am.

I know. That's who you are. All of it is you. That's it. All of it. It's no time for anything else. All of it is you. That's true.

That's the message. For sure. Buy ballads and children's books. Yeah. And the music really is this representation of the book. Like if you want to do something, just go and do it. That's the whole point of this kid's book.

Me doing music is that. And it's a whole point of life. You already are everything you could, Roo match and just fucking do it. Love that. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat.

Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocharoo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.