Not Skinny But Not Fat - SELLING SUNSET'S MARY BONNET

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Selling Sunset is back and Mary Bonnet (FKA Mary Fitzgerald) is here to discuss the drama on-screen and off in her new book Selling Sunshine! Although Mary is known as the non confrontational peacemaker on the show, she has a pretty intense past. From her teen pregnancy to bad relationships and where she stands with the cast now, Mary shares it all. Tune in to hear more!Produced by Dear MediaThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Hirsch, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars from my very own podcast, where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. Do you go by, you don't go by Fitzgerald anymore? Bonet. Bonet. Yeah. That's so funny.

Somebody was like, I thought you were having Mary Fitzgerald on, but it says Mary Bennett. I was like, the same person. Yeah. It's been a struggle switching over. But Fitzgerald's my ex-husband's, like, last name. And he was like the abusive one. So I'm like, I want to have.

Yeah. I don't want to have it that last name. Everyone knows me as that. And they didn't know that. But I was like. Why would I not have my husband's last name? Right. It's a good one.

It's a good one. It's such a good one, too. It's not like it sucks. You guys, we have Mary Bonnet here today. Hello. Hi. Huge day today. Selling Sunset Season 8 dropped today.

Yep. We just talked before you said you haven't even, you're kind of in your book world because your book is coming out soon too. Yep. Yeah. I've been here doing a bunch of press for my book. So, I mean, obviously talking about season 8 too, but mostly in my little book.

which I'm happy about. Yeah. I mean, you kind of manage to be in it, but stay out of it. A lot of the time with what, it's changing. Season 8, you're in it. I am in it. Yeah, I'm in it. You're in the drama, though? Only a tiny bit, but I'm typical me where I was originally kind of in the drama, but I tried to peacefully make sure everything is settled and I get right back out of it. Yeah. How do you do that, Mary? Because you're in. this show that's so tumultuous. And there is, I mean, you guys sell amazing real estate. And I know you're one of the ones that really does it. I mean, you post about your listings. We all know that you, you know, you do great. But it's a lot of drama. It's a lot. It's a lot of drama. Yeah.

And you manage to like be around it, be a main cast member. Like you don't get sideline because you're not in the drama. Right. What's the recipe to this like thing that you're able to do? I really don't know. Actually, I'm every season, I'm like, I thought you guys weren't going to have me back because I just I kind of refuse to yeah like get into the dirt like with everybody and and I always think I'm going to get cut and they're like Mary why do you say this every single time you're not getting cut wow and I was like I just I I can't do it it's not in me but you know it's so cool of you that you have that fear that you might get cut but you still will stick to like your morals well that's that's I can't be someone that I'm not like that like if you if anybody

watched me try to be catty and fight. It would be hilarious because it would be so fake. I mean, it takes a lot to get me mad. Yeah. Like a lot. Have you ever seen someone come on the show and have that switch? Like, whoa, they're really leaning into this role. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Sure have. Yeah. It's probably weird to see that happen. It is. It's weird. It's, I mean, and I think I don't know if it's them just jumping into it or if it's really the show. Because the show can, like with everything going.

on everyone's I think fighting for their reputation yeah but then by fighting for your reputations in my opinion at least it's kind of like you're just you're making yourself look bad really but that's my opinion I mean but everyone we wouldn't have a show if I were the only one on there because it would be so boring but you I mean let's go back you guys it's wild to think that we're at season eight because season one I mean I remember season one I think one of the opening scenes are like you and Christine like walking the dogs or something right like you were roommates you were best friends. Christine is long gone from the show.

Yep. To think that you were best friends and then your whole fault. I mean, you've been through so much on this show. Yeah. It's been a long road. I mean, fun. Like, it's been fun and it's been crazy and cool and everything. But it's been, there's been some shit that's happened.

So people thought that Christine might be coming back because you, like, saw her earlier this summer and, like, posted a pig. That's not happening. Yeah. Yeah. No, we just ran into each other. And I think Nicole was there and she asked me to take a picture with her or something. And I was at a table.

I was like, I'm kind of in the middle of something. But I talked to Christine. I did tell her. Yeah, I told her I felt really bad for her. And about, because I've been through a domestic, like, situation too, like with my ex. And so I don't wish that on anybody. And we're not friends, but I wish her the best. And I want her and her son to be safe and happy.

Yeah. I mean, your book, Selling Sunshine, is coming out later this month, like we talked about. Well, I think it's going to be out by the time this comes out. Oh, sweet. Because we're going to do it that way. Yeah. So it's going to be out. And you really detail, like, your entire life from birth, but also from having. We all knew that you had Austin when you were a teenager. Right. But that's kind of all we knew, right? Yeah. Like you didn't go into detail in the show. Did you know you were going to write a book one day? Or did. did you just not want to share at that point? No, I did not know I was going to write a book. I think what made me kind of think about doing it was when the more I shared, like with my fertility struggles and stuff like that, people would really reach out and they were like, this is helping them so much. And first, I guess it made them feel like not alone.

And then also just being able to open up and talk about it where it didn't make it so, so kind of a taboo subject or something like where women aren't allowed to, to talk about it or they had to be embarrassed about it. So I started talking about stuff more and then with a miscarriage that, you know, people, men would come up just saying, thank you so much. They're like, my wife was going through it at the same time when she watched. She like, it brought her out of her depression, just like, just knowing like someone else. It just made her feel better. So thank you. And I was like, wow, okay. Like in, and to have that ability just by just telling my story. Yeah. Was like, okay, well, why not?

Because there's a lot of people. And I know like with domestic issues, sexual assault, you know, like for the fertility stuff, being a single parent, just toxic relationships. Yeah. People go through that all the time. And so if that helps anybody, if they're like feel like they're not getting out of that situation and me telling like how I did at least, like what my view was and how I was able to. Because of course you have days like where you're just like, leave me alone. I want to stay in bed. and have the covers over my head and not talk to anybody, but you got to get up and keep going. And the way I did it and my view on it now, I think it hopefully will help people. We were talking before

that you record the audio book and had to relive and obviously you relived everything, writing it. What was kind of the hardest part to relive? The rape. No, that was really tough. Yeah. Because I, yeah, like just a,

I think just like your body, your brain and your body at self-preservation and just like you go into like a coping kind of thing and and so i i could not even tell you his name for a while like like like i it was just like your brain helped you kind of block it out just forget like what he looked like what his name like i could not remember so i had to struggle to remember which i'm like i don't want to remember but i had to talk to my therapist every day after i like when i was talking through those these chapters. I had to talk to her every time afterwards and there were a lot of tears. And I did EMDR to make sure that, you know, I was able to do it. What is that again? EMDR. It's a type of

therapy with eye movement that. Oh yeah. I heard about that. Yeah. And it helps. It does. Yeah. It helps you take like a certain situation and and be able to to relate it to something else like where like with with sex. like that can it can automatically put those two together right but just by being touched it can put like your your brain can make any sort of thing like attach it to fear yeah and so you have to relive what your what the trauma was but you can do it with any sort of trauma but just for me that's what yeah that's how I did it and so you you take that situation and you have to re like think about you have to redo it every time like keep going over and over and then and then they switch and they go to this different thing about, oh, how nice this is, like when I'm like

with Romaine or something like that, and how nice is. Then they go back and then go back again. So it's making your brain. Are you physically moving, doing eyes stuff? They have, yeah, they have like different sounds and light and stuff like that, like where it's making, it does something to your brain, like where it's like, it's reprogramming it, basically. So you're really working through that only now, like after that had happened, you, you didn't

see a therapist or... I saw a therapist about three times Jason made me, but I wasn't ready to talk about stuff at that point. But this happened after Jason and I broke up, like not too long after. So it wasn't that long ago. You were with Amanda. Yeah. Yeah. It was, I was hanging out with Amanda. She, we, well, we have for years. But yeah. Yeah, it was, it was probably in 2016, maybe, something like that. Oh, wow. And did you ever go to the, to the police? no everyone was gone and and I just I did this dumb thing that I advised strongly against yeah and I just wanted to go home and just not get out of bed but yeah Amanda and Tay she was dating Tay at the

time and and they wanted me to go out and I didn't want to tell her what happened yet like I just wasn't ready to talk about it was like less than a week later and we went out to some nightclub thing in LA and I've never been able to go back there again but he was standing right there and I was just like and she saw my face and she was just like what what's going on she's like what is happening and she's like

something she and she just knew that something happened and she's like did he do something and I was just like he couldn't breathe and she's like let's go and she's like he did he like it was yeah She's like, okay, well. So Tay had him like blacklisted from the place. Oh, yeah. And then I left and came to New York with them just to get out of the city and stuff. Yeah. You moved here for a little bit. I did. But that wasn't then. No, that wasn't then. I came just to visit then. And then a little bit after that, Tay was doing headwig. And so I came over here with him doing that. Jason, because you said Jason made you see a therapist. And this was after you broke up. Yeah. It's, it's all. Also, like, you and Jason remain such good friends.

Yeah. And Romaine and Jason are super close, right? Very close. They're like brothers. And they work together. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, Romaine works for White Glove Estates, which is, like, it's one of our Jason's very good friends owns it.

He was actually in our wedding. And we were just one big happy family. No, that's wild. But at the beginning, correct me if I'm wrong. Did Romaine at the beginning have like some weirdness with it? like it took him time to get used to the fact that you dated nothing wow so he's what he's not a jealous guy or he just no he's not jealous at all always he doesn't have like the jealousy thing nope he is the most confident man i've ever met my life so you can like be talking to another guy

right in front of him he'll be like it's good oh yeah yeah he'll just be like i mean i but i'm not disrespectful right like when i talk to somebody he just he knows he can trust me but yeah he's not he's not jealous at all. Like I asked him when we were in in, where were we, Istanbul, we were getting our teeth done in Istanbul. Wait, people go, right. On Love Island, they all go to, they're good there. They're just, they're better there. They're better there. They're better there and they're cheaper there. Really? Yeah, they're really, really good. Wait, you and Remain did it together? No. Yeah. What a cute couple's activity. Yeah. Okay, so you went to Istanbul. And then, and then a good friend of mine is also my ex-boyfriend. And,

Another, a different one? A different one. And so, and he lives in Tel Aviv. He's a doctor. Oh. He's Israeli? Uh-huh. But we met here in New York.

So, but he lives over there now. And we've been doing, talking about stuff for women's health because, yeah, because with fertility and stuff, he's an OBGYN. And. Wow. Yeah. And so, you know, we talked to him and, and I was like, hey, do you want to go to Tel Aviv?

I said he'll show us around. And what's his name? Ido. I'm dying. You know, I'm Israeli. really. So like I'm, yeah, I live there for like half of my life. Oh my God. I can't believe you dated a doctor named Eidl. I love that. Yeah. Yeah, he's a great guy. He's, we're on the board of directors for like a women's health

foundation together now and yeah. Yeah. And remain. Wait, is he married? No. So you're like, we can go to Tel Aviv where this like. So ladies, like line up. He's a very handsome guy. So did he end up doing it? Yeah. Yeah. And he showed you guys around. Yeah. And he was like, wait, you know, as in your ex-boyfriend? I was like, yeah. Okay. I'm like, you'll love him. I promise.

You'll love him. And he was like, yeah. I was like, he's respectful. Don't worry. He's like, yeah, he better be. And he like, you know, like, but then they got along within like five minutes. They were like bro and out, started texting each other. No.

Yeah. Yeah. How do you do it, Mary? No, seriously. We'll be right back after the break. So I've always been the type of girl to take my bra off the minute. get home, especially when, like, there were only bras with underwire. And I no longer have that problem because of skims. I'm obsessed with their wireless form t-shirt bra. It's amazing. And especially

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really mess things up for me. I'm not about like just like pounding dairy all day, but I'm also about like really having it in moderation and where it's needed. Like in my coffee, plus to like use some Philadelphia cream cheese to make stuff creamier. That's right, you guys. Philadelphia cream cheese is no longer just in your fridge to smear it on a bagel even though that's delicious. It's also such a great item to have in your fridge all the time because it makes everything. creamier. There are so many recipes by the way that are like viral on TikTok that you can look up and make your own

by the way. But some examples. If you want, you could dip veggies or crackers in it to snack on. You could enhance your guacamole with it. You can make creamy pasta Alfredo, Buffalo chicken dip, etc. I have to tell you that I use it in place of like heavy cream

for pastas. I love making a rosé with it. So you guys highly recommend. I mean, I'm sure all of you have Philadelphia cream cheese. in your fridge right now, but are you using it to make everything creamier? Because Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamchease.com for recipe inspiration. And so you can start adding Philadelphia to your recipes at home. Visit creamchease.com. And we're back. In the book you write about some toxic relationships, obviously. Yeah. But I see you've had, you've had some, I mean, obviously

Jason doesn't go under the toxic. He did not. No. I mean, As a boyfriend, he wasn't toxic. He just can't commit. But he's very honest and upfront about it. He doesn't cheat. You know, he, I just didn't know that when I moved from New York and moved in with them. And everybody was like, really? Okay. And all these reactions, I'm like, what? What's everybody reacting like this for? Because you thought at that time that he was ready to commit. Because he said, he wanted me to move in with them. So I thought, okay. Wait, how did you meet you and Jason? We originally met about 20 years ago, about, yeah, 18 to 20 years ago through Amanza. Through Amanza? Yeah. Amanza knew him through. I don't know how she knew him, actually. Really?

But he and Brett came to a barbecue on a rooftop, and then I was with my first ex-husband back then. And so we went over there. The boys were still attorneys at the time. By the boys, you mean Jason and Brett? Uh-huh. They were both attorneys? Yeah. I didn't even know that.

Yeah. I love how they do everything together, like both. let's say both attorneys. I know. Wait, do you think that that could change about Jason or no? Like the commitment thing. Because we've seen him on the show like you wanted you for Michelle. So is he on his way?

He's on his way. I saw Mary Lou was engaged. Is she? No, I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh. She's still with this. I heard that she's still with the same guy from that she started dating right after

Jayette. Oh, okay. So I think I saw like an engagement announcement. Oh, well. Is that going to be a pinch for, you know, he moved on? No, it won't bother him whatsoever. He'll be happy for. And I read it, like, that was very sweet of Jason that you said that he wanted you to come visit him in New York. So he used to like, pay people to take your shifts or something?

Really? Tell me about that. Yeah. So when we first started dating, like Tay flew me out for my birthday to L.A. Because I was living in New York. And he flew me out. And Jason and I had, we ended up meeting up because, I mean, it's like, hey, she had another from Mary. So there was pregnant Mary and hot Mary. is what she called me. Oh, Hot Mary. Okay. Well, that's what she called me because he was like, he used to say I was hot, I guess. And so he was like, yeah, I'll take you guys to dinner. So we went to dinner and then went to hide or someplace, I don't know, afterwards. But then I had worn these shoes. I wasn't planning to go out like when I came. And Tay and Adina had just, they'd split up. Adelaenzel, if you guys are wondering. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Adina Menzel. And so I was like, she didn't know this story until probably recently. She was like, really? But she left a bunch of stuff. she was going to give to charity at the house. And so, and I had no shoes, like a heels with me. And so I'm just like, well, she's going to give these like to charity. So, so I end up wearing a pair. But, you know, there's that certain height on a heel that where your ankle is just like clench up and

and you can't wear them anymore. So they were that height. And as we're walking around, I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to go down. I'm going to go down. And so my ankles were so locked up from these. And so Jason was like rubbing my ankles and that's how it all started. So from some ankle rubbing. Uh huh. Apparently. And then so he was really into you. He wanted you to come New York. He paid people

to get you to come out. Because you were at the time working at a at a restaurant. Yeah. I was just working. I, because I quit my other job and and I was trying to decide what I wanted to do. But I was just like waitressing in the meantime just trying to figure out how I was going to, what I wanted to do. And so he was paying people to just take my shift. so that I wouldn't have to come back.

I could stay longer. So, I mean, I went through some really, really tough times. Just, like, buying ramen was like, like, a lot. Wow. So, yeah. And now you're exposed to, like, million, I mean, multi-million dollar mansions and stuff like that. But how did you end up in L.A.? Like, did you come out there for?

After college, I went to college. I got my degree and radiology to be a radiology. And then I was working at one of the hospitals, started dating this baseball player and, and, and, but you don't name the people in the book, right? I am not going to name him. No, I, I, I have, even though I only know A-Rod, so I'll pretend it's out. Okay. I will take that.

Yeah. I don't know anybody. I'm like, who's going to be? Yeah. I'll own up to that. I'm like, yeah, it was A-Rod. Yeah. Yeah, so I was dating him.

And then, but I didn't realize, like, this ex-wife that I thought, or like, they were going through a divorce. It was just long, like, drawn out divorce. And because they had a kid and he wanted to be involved with the kids, stuff like that. But I found out they were, it wasn't really, they weren't really getting divorced from my, from my understanding. So I split up, just up and moved to L.A. I was like, I don't know if I could say about fuck that shit. Really?

No, you can. Okay. So you were just like, I'm going to take Austin and move to L.A. Yeah. Well, my mom and my aunt watched him for a few months while I got settled. So I would fly back and see him and then come back. but I didn't want to just bring him. Like, I have no place to stay, first of all.

Like, don't have Noah's school. Don't know where anything is. I needed to get things set up so that, like, I could actually have a life for him and get a job out here. What year was that that you moved to L.A.? 2000 and either one or two. Oh, okay. So a long as time ago.

Yeah. Did you have any interest in, like, the entertainment industry, like acting model? Not really. I mean, I did, for extra money, like, like extra work. Oh, you did. That's hard work, by the way. That's no like, that's a, those are full-ass days. Yeah. It can be. Yeah. And then like there was some some reality show hot or not. Like I did. Do you remember? Do you remember? Oh, it was brutal. And I still have a whole thing with my knees because Lorenzo Llamis and Rachel Hunter. Renzo Llamis was a judge.

Yeah. And Rachel Hunter. And he told me I had fat knees. I was like 21 at the time. No lot. I mean, no 21-year-old has fat knees, but now I look at my knees and until for 20 years, I'd never even thought about it. It's like, I was full of shit. But then, that would not fly. I mean, I'm so glad to say at least we've progressed in society. We're like, you're not allowed to say that. And that wouldn't be a show hot or not. Right. Oh, yeah. They were judging you purely on your looks. Like you stood there and got judged. Did you get paid for it? Because you said you did it from. Yeah, I got paid for it. I, who knows how much it was probably peanuts yeah but but so real estate because i because i read that you

got your you were studying radiology because it's a very like you said the reason you went into it was because you thought it would work well with raising austin and yeah a good profession you can move up in it right it's so funny because my my husband's parents till this day remember that because you know the way i raise like my kids like i want to give them all the confidence in the world to do anything they want to do. And my husband's parents are very, like, conservative and old fashion where they kind of told each kid what they think they should do. And so they told my husband to, like, go into radiology. They're like, that's a good profession. It's like, you can make your money, do your thing. Very sensible. And right. Sensible is more. And I'm like, dream bigger,

you know? Like, not that radiology is in a great profession, but just the fact that they told him that his whole life, you know, and didn't kind of let him just dream. So you talking about that, I was like, you made that decision out of like a rational. Yes. Kind of like, how am I going to raise my kid? Yeah. And being a radiology, yeah, it was radiology tech, not a radiologist. That would take away too long.

Yeah. And so you can do like, it's like two and a half years because you work full time. You can do your clinical work. It's really like almost four years, but with all the things. But you can do it in a shorter amount of time, which is what I did. But then you got paid fairly well. They were giving sign on bonuses for everybody. You know, I could choose my shift that I was going to work in a hospital or I could work

in like a private practice kind of thing. You told this day, say, everything goes to shit. I mean, I could be a radiology tag. I could not because I do not remember anything about it anymore. But technically. Technically, I would have to get my, I would have to re-get my license again. Oh, you would have to. Yeah, it's been too long.

It's been way too long. Yeah. In medicine, things change so much. Yeah. So, yeah, that was just a waste of time, really, actually. I mean, not really. But wait, you didn't have a time, you had a time where you were, like, working. Yeah, I did.

Okay, so that's a waste of time. Right. Yeah. You're right. Just, I could have picked something different that was a little more usable for the future. Right. That's a very specific, specific niche thing. So in the book, obviously, business.

I mean, you learned that in life, you know? I did. Yeah. I've done okay. You, do you tell in the book a lot about your, your teenage pregnancy. Yeah. And you come from a super religious family. Yeah. Which do you think there's any correlation? Because I feel like that happens a lot because you were saying like because your family was so conservative, you didn't talk about safe sex. You didn't like, you know, really know about that. So your

sister was pregnant at 18. Right. You got pregnant six months after. Yep. You're Methodist, right, you said? Catholic. Catholic. Yeah. They were. It's very strict. We went to a religious school growing up at a Catholic school, went to church every Friday and Sunday. And it's not that my parents would not allow birth control, but they were just like, well, these are the rules. Like once my sister and I got pregnant. Are the rules and my younger sister, they're like, you're getting on birth control now. Wait, are the rules sex after marriage? Yeah. Okay. You just don't have sex before marriage. So that's what you were taught. Yes. But you both. I didn't listen. Yeah. Yeah. So it's so funny, you get taught that specific thing.

and is there something innate to want to rebel against it, you think? Yeah, I think so. I think the stricter, I mean, it's not always the case, but I think the more strict parents are sometimes and more restrictive, the more you want to do something, at least in my personality, I can't even go on a diet because I'm like, if I... You can't tell me what to do. Yeah, yeah.

If I'm not allowed to do something, well, now I want to. Yeah. Even if I didn't want to before, if I might not ever want to eat something, but if you tell me I can't, I'm like, oh, I'm eating it. Right. I mean, I ate a lot of it. Right, right. I'm just, like, so rebellious like that.

But when you're, so your sister gets pregnant, so they wanted you to go on birth control? No. No. My sister, at least, she was very young when she, when she went to college, she was 17 when she went off to college. She's super smart and started school very young. So she graduated and went to, to college at 17. But then she had a boyfriend the whole time she met him in her senior year of high school. And, you know, he would go out there to her college.

college and she just got pregnant. And they're together until this day? He passed away. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay. She had more kids with him. She did. She has three kids.

All with him. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What did he pass away from? He had Crohn's disease. And I didn't really go into it. I don't think a lot in the book. But he had Crohn's disease. And that's when what's the medication that all those documentaries are about?

Oh, shit. oxy cotton yeah yeah i believe that's what it was so he was on that because it's a very very painful painful disease and and back then they didn't know they were just giving it to everybody and yeah he got he got very very addicted to it and he passed away i'm so sorry how's your sister doing now she's good good she's uh the youngest carter is getting ready to graduate high school and he's super smart and she's doing great she's getting ready to go back to engineering school or architecture engineering i think she's going back to school and taking some classes to finish getting her degree now and she's just been state like stay at home mom and and

she made her own candle company and stuff like that while she's at home indiana oh she's stayed in indiana yeah yeah so are the kids like is austin close with his cousins little bit you used to be like once they all get older his his oldest she is 28 because he's 20s 27 so she's 28 and then the next one is I don't know like 24 and then Carter the youngest is like still 17 or 16 something so in the book you find out you're pregnant at a gas station you really detail the whole thing yeah you had this like intuitive feeling that you were you you said yeah and you were right even though you said you got a negative and then you were like no that can't be I feel it what do you remember the feeling like what did yeah yeah I I but I do that every time I've

gotten pregnant, like even if it says, because I've had multiple miscarriages. But anytime I get pregnant, I know before, before the test will even go up. Not because of like boobs or anything just like this. I just know. I don't know. It's so weird. But I'm like kind of an empath and stuff too, but I'm just very sensitive to feelings and stuff. And anything in my body, I just feel things like a lot. And I just, I just know. I can't explain it. And what a brave thing that you have. this baby yeah you went up being homeschooled right yeah after i had him i would go in and do my test in the school after after normal school hours i would go in and do my test in front of the teachers and then they would just send me home like all the all of the assignments and stuff and

i would do everything else from home so because your parents were so religious at the time did they give you the options like when you were pregnant or did you know right away you're keeping it like that's how you were raised and abortion wasn't one that was ever i don't really think an option i mean and i've always been pro choice like like my whole life but in my head that wasn't an option yeah and and i didn't really understand it as much but i just knew like what people need and want to do is up to them yeah but i just wasn't i don't know it wasn't an option for me and my mom wanted me to give him up for adoption right when i first told her that i was pregnant and i i just no. I had no idea what I was going to do with a baby. Like that you could have done that. I could have. They wanted me to do that. But now, I mean, they're so glad I didn't. Right. But the minute I had him, they changed their mind, you know, and they were like, of course, they love him more than anything in the world. But, you know, at the time, it's your teenage daughter. And you don't want her to. And not, at that moment, it feels like throw your life away. Right. And of course, I didn't. He just, he added to it. But it did make it very.

very, very hard. At 16, you had him. Does he realize that today? I mean, he's like 20. How old did you say? 27. Like, does he realize today? Like, okay, mom, you were 10 years younger than me when you had me. Like, how does, do you guys talk about that? A little bit. He's, he's not much of a talker. I do, like, all the talking in our family. Yeah. He's shy. He's just, he's an introvert and very, he's a people watcher. And he's just very cool, calm and collected all the time. And, like, he'll just sit and watch. I'm like, you know, it's right. He's just really cool and quiet.

Does he live on his own? Yeah, he's in the Air Force. Oh, wow. Yeah. He just got back from Dubai, actually. He was over there for a year. Do you get to talk to him while he's away? I did.

But he, he was pulled one of the 27-year-old boy tricks where he, like, didn't respond for four months. And I what? That's a boy trick? Well, apparently, when I talked to other guys, so, like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. I mean, I did that to my mom, too. I was like, why? Why would you do that? Yeah. That's so, I have boys. Oh, good luck. I have two boys. So I'm like, if they ever freaking do that to me. He did come back and see me right when he got back though. Okay. So, I mean,

whenever he gets time off, he does come and see me and just laughs every time that he doesn't answer like my text or anything like that. I'm like, dude, proof of live. Give me a thumbs up. Yeah. That's all I ask for. That's it. And him and Romaine, are they closed? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's really close with Jason, very close with Romaine. They always have like boys outings and stuff like that whenever he comes. Yeah. We'll be right back after the break. You guys, I hate shaving.

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U.S., and select retailers. Use my code, not skinny for 20% off your first order. Oh my God, husband's going to freak. There's a code. Use code not skinny for 20% off your first order at Scotch and Soda. Visit scotch and soda.com for more information. And we're back. And obviously you talk about Mike who's his dad and you change all the names. I changed all the names. Yeah. So Mike in the book, his, his dad, you were actually dating and you actually kept on dating. During the pregnancy. Yeah. Until I mean, around eight months. I think it got quite rocky because he cheated on me. Yeah. I forgot to I forgot to add that part in the book too. And because my sister reminded me of it that I was a little feisty. I phoned up to his house. Yeah. And and he comes out.

outside, I just wham, just put up when I was pregnant. Yeah. Yes. Oh my God. And then I forgot all about it. And she was like, you didn't put that in there? I was like, I, where was I? How did you find out that he cheated?

One of our friends. It was high school. Yeah. It was like a teeny tiny high school and one of the girls that was there. Wow. And then you said he wasn't really trying with, with Austin. Right. And then at one point, you were trying to give him some.

time to see him come around. And it's something... He did something really dumb and dangerous. And so I, he wasn't going... With the car? Uh-huh. Yeah.

Yeah. I think legally, they don't want me to say exactly what he did. But it was dangerous. And, and... So after that, you gave him no visits or... No, just supervised. Supervised.

Yeah, just supervised. But then he just didn't want to be supervised and just wanted to hang out and talk the whole time. And so... With you. You said in the book like it seemed like he came around. for you more than for you. Yeah. Yeah, he just, he wouldn't, he wouldn't really pay any attention to him. He just, like, want to hang out and talk to me and stuff. And so then I stopped going, I stopped being there

because it was in, and my mom's house. Yeah. And so I stopped being there. And then he just stopped kind of showing up. So today, no contact at all. He called one time. And, and since, I think it was about 10 years later, he called one time, but forgot he had a kid. Yeah, you detailed that moment. So what did he want in that phone call? I don't know. Oh, till this day, you don't know. No. To say, what's up? Yeah, that's what it seemed like, yeah. I mean, he was just like, so what's up? How are you?

Like, what's going on? Like, what are you? Like, what are you up to? Like, and it just kept going to go. I kept thinking, okay, he's, like, he's going to want to come back, be part of his life. And I was already with, like, this guy who was like, great, like an attorney and, like, you know, put together. He had these stepbrothers. And I was like, oh, great, now he wants to come back. But, you know, I wouldn't have stopped it. But he was like, so, what do you up to it. I don't. Just raising Austin and Austin. Austin, how is that kid? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. How old is he now? Like, yeah, that kid is fine. He's great. And Austin read your book, I'm assuming. Not yet. Oh, he hasn't. No, I told him about it. He knows about that moment. Yeah. Yeah. He knows about it. Yeah. But he just doesn't. I've asked him if he wants

communication with him and he doesn't. He doesn't. No. I mean, after all, you know, you get to an age where, like, when you when a kid is younger the the other parent can want to make it happen but he's old enough to make his own decisions and that if someone did and if that's it if that's what he wanted i would fully support it you would yeah i mean it's i can't imagine because i have both my parents yeah and so i would never deprive him of that or try to give him a hard time or make him both guilty about wanting to do i mean that's not yeah that's not if that's something he wants he has every right to to explore that at least. I don't know if he would like it once he did,

but I mean, but I would fully support it. I wonder what Mike thinks now seeing you on TV and all your success. Did you have any fear that he would come around because of that? Like, because you're doing super well.

Kind of, but Austin's already grown since I started the show. Right. So it's still, since that time, it's still been Austin's choice. Yeah.

Speaking of the, the men in your life, you were married. Is it three times, including Romaine? Remains is included in the three, yes. Okay, remains included in the three. Are you a hopeless romantic? You're a J-Lo. I'm, oh.

No, you don't, you're not, you're not in a J-Lo level. I'm not that, I'm not that bad. My first husband, there was, there was a situation where, I mean, he was getting sick and stuff, and we, we slept up, he, he passed away. So that, that's different. And I, I cherish that relationship, like, every day. He taught me so much. Are you saying you got married because he was sick?

No, no, no, not because he was sick. He just had a condition like that. He had an esophagus condition. He had acalasia and it deteriorated his esophagus. So he had to have surgery to put his coat, like a piece of his colon where his esophagus used to be. But the problem is like you lose your sphincter. So when you lay down, like the food like can come up like because your esophagus. suffragile sphincter is what holds all your food down. So he would have to sit up and stuff. So he would

aspirate and stuff like that. But there were a lot of things involved in that. And I admire him and I respect him tremendously. He was there for, he was the most selfish person, selfless person. Oh, wow. I mean, that I've ever met. He taught me a lot about how to put others before yourself and to like do stuff. He was a wonderful person. So I didn't go into it too much. much in the book just out of respect for him yeah but he yeah I he was an amazing person so it wasn't a normal just divorce and the second so you were married when he passed away is what you're saying we had split up um when he passed away but it was yeah there were there were reasons for that but we were still very close and your second husband he's the the guy that was not like yeah

not not such a great guy not such a great guy and you still you don't want to reveal his information and you're protecting him as well. Yeah. But he was not. I'm not trying to ruin anybody's life. I'm just telling my own story. Right. And he, were you in love when you married him?

Oh, yeah. Okay. Madly enough, yeah. He was just, he's borderline bipolar. And he was diagnosed with that. And, but he just didn't take his medicine. But there were things that were up and down. And we just had different, I think, morals and values.

And he would get violent when he drank. And so. Yeah, I just left him. But not before I had to file bankruptcy and everything, though. Wait, did you, did that go on for a while? Or did you, when you noticed that he would get violent? It went on for about a year and a half, something like that. I would say around a year and a half.

It was not great. We moved to London. And I thought it would get better, but it didn't. And with him, you also got pregnant, right? We did IVF, and I got pregnant, lost both of the, we've lost the twins. I'm so sorry, Mary. You've been through so much. Thank you.

And you still are sharing so much about your life and with the whole kid situation. Now, now is it confusing because I'm 44. Yeah. And if I would have known all of this, like a long time ago, it would have been very hopeful. But when I... Like known what? What do you mean? I have a condition.

My uterus, I have a septum in the middle of my uterus, and they've never told me through the IVF, through everything, and it basically will prevent me from carrying a baby, like, full term or be able to keep any pregnancy, because there's not enough blood flow if the embryo implants, like anywhere near the septum, there's not enough blood flow, like there for it to continue growing. Wait, so how do you find this condition through what? I did a full body scan about six months ago. Or maybe about a year ago now. Wait, the Pernovo? Yeah, the Pernuvo. Yeah. That's how you found it?

Wow. Yeah, found out I had a ruptured breast implant and and that. It was Pernovo. Yeah. Wow. No, because I've done it too and, you know, a lot of influencers I've done it and, you know, a lot of us have gotten, you know, a little bit of hate on it. Like, you know, it's not affordable to everyone. Oh.

But it's super preventative. And I know, by the way, that they are working on. I think their end goal is. to make it, like, work with insurance and everything. Uh-huh. I'm helping with that thing, too, because the AGL, the foundation I'm on, I've talked to them, Pernuvo, about getting in with doctors more because they said, you know, doctors need to take more seriously and where we can, where they can talk to insurance companies

and stuff and have it part of it. And so we're trying to do like a team effort thing because it's going to be this gala to raise money. It's going to have all doctors there. So we're doing it like a collaboration thing with them so they can get in front all these doctors and start trying to get that would be amazing and then my my ex Ida was there but like you know I love Iido I know he was there helping read the the scans yeah because that's I mean you went through so much and IVF and this and that nobody found it you do the full body scound

do they say how you were able to get pregnant with Austin then and Carrie it was basically like almost a miracle wow yeah because it would have been something that you had your whole life yeah I was born with it. So basically, it was probably because my young age that my body was just resilient and could do almost anything. And then he must have been implanted, like, right at the widest part of, like, one of the walls of my uterus, like, where it would have given him the most room to grow. I had a perfect pregnancy, though.

Like, there were no issues. So I did not realize that. And with all the things I've done, like, with the IVF and trying to freeze my eggs and embryos and stuff like that, no one's ever told me. I was like, I could have done this years ago, years ago. Is there anything you can do with this condition? I can have it removed. I can have a surgery and have it removed, but then it's going to take, you know, all the

healing time and stuff. And by then, I'm going to be, like, really too old for it to matter. Did having an answer give you some sort of, not closure, because you can still have, I mean, there's still other ways you could do surrogacy or, right? Yeah. But did it give you like, okay, this is why? And it wasn't, because I know a lot of women blame themselves with infertility or miscarriages. So how is that to have an answer?

I wanted an answer. If it's good or bad, just I want to know why. I want to be able to accept it. If there's nothing I can do anything about, okay, this is it. Okay, how do I move on from here? But just not knowing and keep repeating the same thing over and over, that is what drives, like, people crazy. It's like, you just need to know what's wrong. like what's going on.

And so, yeah, it's, it was, it's good to know. Is it a rare thing? It is. Yeah. It's, it's pretty rare. So you did Prenuvo, just the full body scan, not looking for answers about fertility stuff. Right. And you got that answer.

And the ruptured breast implant is that? The ruptured breast implant, too. So you had to get that fixed. Uh-huh. Yeah. So I've got a new set now. Damn. Okay.

Wow. Okay. Okay. Before, before, before, before I let you go. because this book has so much information in it. Yeah, it does. You guys want to know more about Mary's whole story. There is, I mean, a lifetime of experience.

Yeah. Selling Sunshine. It's out September 24th. That's correct. A little bit about selling sunset. Uh-huh. So we're recording today about a week ago, maybe less. Drama on the Instagram.

Drama on the Instagram, screenshots, tagging. First of all I want to know, I know you don't get in that nitty-gritty. As I'm such a nerd, like I could never. like at like production or Netflix like what aren't they scared for their jobs like that someone will get mad how do they do that apparently not yeah i i would never yeah but i would be scared but but no they yeah everyone's going at each other going at each other and again production blaming them for edits or things that made it in this season i you know i actually intentionally did not look at instagram for a couple days on

that my assistant was helping me just post yeah and not look um because i was like i want no part of this i yeah i don't i don't want any part of it i i said what i had to say in at the dinner about the whole situation on the show like if people haven't watched the show yet you will soon and you'll know what i'm talking about but there was a dinner scene where Nicole was started to say something about emma and she was like making an accusation and i had no idea what she was talking about about it first. Yeah. And it took me a good minute where it means is like, Mary, you know what she's saying. I was like, quiet. And when she said that, but there's, there's no truth to it from like anyway. Why is Nicole, by the way, you guys, I, I mean, we can say what it is. Nicole is basically

accusing Emma of sleeping with a married man. Uh-huh. But you're saying it's baseless. Right. There was, I know what she's talking about, but what, what was actually said was different and what she was accusing her up. But it was, yeah, it was like a guy that was separated from the wife. And she wasn't sleeping with him. She was showing him around the properties. And he was like a flirt or something. And it was something so so tame.

But that was the thing where I was like, what do you do? You don't want to go here. You don't want to go here. Why is Nicole doing that again? I don't know. Are you, you're a friend? I mean, I am friends with her. But I mean, but I was.

She's not going to. She's going to get eaten up alive again. I always feel bad, even if you made your bed, which she has a few times. It's like, do you not remember this audience will eat you up alive? And if you do something like that, like, I know. Does she not see that? Does she not care? Like, what's the deal?

I didn't even think, I don't know because I didn't even think to say something to Emma or Warner because I thought that Amanda and I were both like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Like, stop talking, no. like and she said that she understood like she just gotten like started getting along with everybody again she didn't want to mess that up so then like when i watched that was like what did she do oh my god why would she do that so i haven't talked to her yet about it but i'm i'm gonna message her and just say like i i told you like don't do it and i can't i can't back this up i can't i mean i love you but i don't know why she did it but i mean if if she feels she's right and doing it then i'm sure

she's very she digs her heels and so I'm sure she'll stay her ground otherwise if I were her I would like apologize profusely and say I got it all wrong I was missing I was confused I don't know like I'm confused on that but it's not fair to Emma it's not fair to Emma are you friends with Emma I am you are yeah I'm not as close like as I think we were before um but but I love Emma I think she's super sweet and and Michelle are you guys good Chriselle and I yeah yeah we've always been good really. I mean, there was. No, you had a time where you were really like Mary and Crichelle. Yeah. That I feel like isn't where the relationship has been. It's not. Yeah. No, it's not. But it's, I don't think it's because we don't so love each other and

trust each other. Yeah. It's, you know, she's got her relationship with Jesus. She's traveling all the time. She was in London when I, when I was messaging her. But I, I sent her a text just saying how great she came off in the season. And I was like, you are the, the, the Chrisel I knew because oh really yeah oh you mean this season yeah this season because before you know she was getting frustrated about things like kind of quickly and stuff like that she seems frustrated again well she does now but in the season she doesn't now she posted actually right before we started recording it seems like this seems a little she's not being like she was in the stories but seems like she's a little upset for a scene with g that she filmed that didn't make it in like

she seems very surprised that didn't make it in probably upset with production about it i i feel like she's very very upset with production yeah production damn are they they're how are they gonna come out from this i don't know but i mean i'm used to scenes being cut like but but i mean so i don't even think about it i'm like damn that outfit didn't make it that was cute like i mean because you never but i feel like me because you're never like in the in the real shit you know but if you're in the real shit and it gets cut. I'm just over here doing my thing. So I'm like, I'm not part of any group. Do you want to keep filming this show forever? I'm a glutton for punishment. I probably will. Yeah. But I, there are so many good things that come from it. And for the most

part, I mean, I get to film with Jason and Brett and Amanda and and, and Brie and I've actually like, like, like, like, buddyed up a bit. Because she's actually really funny. I like the fact that she's like, says it like it is. And there's no, you don't have. You don't have. You. any doubt where she stands. If she says something, she means it. If she doesn't say it, because it's not on her mind, that didn't happen. So it's like, it's very clear. Yeah.

Like she... You like to know where you stand. That's it. Yeah. I think it's easy. Just don't do anything fucked up to piss her off. And you're good. So aside from continuing with Selling Sunset, your book is out.

Maybe you'll write another book. Mm-hmm. Maybe. Is there anything else that's in the pipeline, the dream, the dream line? I've got a couple of things, yeah, that are coming up. I'm obsessed with sunglasses. Like, obsessed. Yeah.

And so I have a capsule line coming out with, with a brand. So that will be announced soon. I've got a couple other projects that, like, there are some things that I just absolutely love. And I'm like, ooh, that'd be fun. Yeah. So I've got a couple of things coming up. And then I probably shouldn't say it yet. Well, next time I'll tell you.

Okay. You know what I was thinking for you, dancing with his stars? Oh, I think Amanza wants to actually be mad. Oh, yeah? I'm a bad dancer, though. You have, like, the bod for it, I thought. I could see you in that, like, you know, all those outfits. Gleb.

I'm friends with Gleb. Oh, you are? Yeah. And one day he, I think he was with us in Vegas or something. And he was like, you should do it. I can tell by the way you walk, like you would actually be good. I was like, oh, honey, you have not seen me dance. Oh, yeah.

I was like, I dance like with my shoulders, like a little white girl. Like I'm like doing this little boppy thing. And he was like, that's my job. I can teach it. He's like, but a lot of people like you can tell like, I guess. I was like moving around something and the way I did it, he was like, you would be good. Oh, wow. So, but I, I am very out of shape.

I don't look yet as much, but I'm very out of shape. So it would be so hard. Yeah, it looks like grilling. Yeah. Mary, thank you for coming on. Oh, thank you. Everybody you can watch Selling Sunset. The full season is out to binge.

And Mary's book, Selling Sunshine is out to pre-order at this point, order. Everybody go read it. Thank you, Mary. Thank you. Thank you. to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes.

Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcasts and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocharoo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.