Not Skinny But Not Fat - Serena F*cking Kerrigan

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Serena Kerrigan is here! Her new book, Let’s Fcking Date just came out and Serena opens up about shamelessly campaigning for the New York Times bestseller list, why she’s willing to be “cringe�� to get what she wants, and how she went from hosting an Instagram Live dating show during COVID to becoming the internet’s Queen of Confidence. We also get into her relationship with Felix, their age gap, whether he’s “the one,” and the conversations they’ve had about marriage and kids. Serena also shares her thoughts on ick culture, man-hating and being “too much.” Sponsors: Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and use code NOTSKINNY10 Visit egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you Go to quince.com/notskinny for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.  Go to cleansafeproducts.com/NOTSKINNY and use code NOTSKINNY for an additional 15% off the Green Mitt Starter Kit Buy 1 Get 1 FREE phone cases with code NOTSKINNY at velvetcaviar.com/collections/best-sellers Get 15% off your first oder plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/notskinny code notskinny to unlock15% off. Exclusions apply. Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny But Not Fat podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Hirsch, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars on my very own podcast, where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. Hey guys, welcome to a new episode of Not Skinny But Not Fat.

It's your host, Amanda. Speaking of Not Skinny But Not Fat, you know, I'm so crazy because I do go through just periods where I question the name and I'm like, I can't believe this is a name. And do I change it and do I whatever? And then it boils down to it is what it is, you know? And also, like, I'm not a name changer. Like, it didn't even change my last name for my husband.

So, you know, it just doesn't feel like something I feel like doing. But then, so I'm talking to my friend yesterday. This is a funny story. So I'm talking to her. And I was telling her, I think, about that. And she was like, wait, that's so crazy that you say that because I was talking to a girlfriend. Like, she was talking to a girlfriend in front of her. her daughter who was like eight, nine years old.

And she was telling her about me, like saying something about me. I hope good, bitch. She was like Amanda, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, that's not getting about fat. And her daughter then later comes up to her and is like, mom, you know, this isn't the first time I've heard you call or describe Amanda like that. Like, why do you do that? Like, that's not nice.

Like, blah, blah, blah. I was like, no fucking way. She was dying. Like, her daughter, Jen, what are they? A? was offended, was offended by it. And I'm like, my name didn't age well. And I'm aware.

Like, don't think I'm not aware. I am aware. I just don't know what to do. You know what I mean? I'm like, we are here. We are here. Like, what am I rebranding right now? And I know I've asked you guys your thoughts about this before.

But that was really like my friend was telling me, this is a funny story. And I'm like, no, this is representative of where we are, you know, of like the younger generations being like, what the fuck? you know, and I don't love it. Like, I don't love, I have to say, like, I don't love it anymore. Like, I know a lot of people relate to the name and feel like that about themselves. And obviously, you can only, I feel like say that about yourself, obviously. I was like, wait, she didn't say, why are you saying that?

She's really skinny. Anyway, so that was a funny story that happened yesterday. You know, I didn't go to sleep last night until way too late, like almost 1 a.m. And it is kind of wild. I did get my cortisol checked because it is wild. how in the morning I'm super tired and could fall asleep in midday. And 1 a.m. I am ready to go. Like, I'm not a partier, but I could go out to the club at 1 a.m.

Like, that's crazy. Like, you should be tired at night. And I got my cortisol checked, by the way. So my cortisol is indeed high. And it's higher at night than in the morning and it's supposed to be opposite. So I'm trying to take care of that. I'm working on myself. Okay.

But anyway, so then I got to TikTok and this is a funny part. I got to TikTok you guys because my screen time on Instagram was up. That's the only time I scrolled TikTok because I only did a screen time thing, a limit for Instagram because that's like my thing, obviously. And I listen to it. It's like, you're done. I'm like, okay. Then I'll be on TikTok, bitch.

So I found myself scrolling, got to Bryce Hall. And I was like, Bryce Hall, like, that sounds familiar. Why does it sound familiar? And I look it up and it's like, oh, you know, hype house or one of those houses, content houses. that I was just, I didn't have a TikTok to like 2024. So I missed all of this. Then I'm like him and fucking Addison Ray. And then I get into Charlie and fucking Huddy.

And I'm like, where are these people now? Which, by the way, the girls stayed, you know, made their name way more than the guys. The guys are kind of, you guys are kind of, you guys are kind of. And they had, they have millions, gazillions of followers. And they were the biggest things at the time. But I just just don't understand like where these content houses, like, like big brother, like were their cameras all the time because there's so much footage of them aside from just the dancing, Corvette, Corvette. Anyway, so intrigued by it. Like, can Netflix

make a doc? Like, I need more. I need more. I need more info. I was literally getting so into it last night. Anyway, let's move on today's guest. And that's actually a good transition because she also, you know, got her start on TikTok during the pandemic. She got a huge start. She was talking a lot about dating. She even had a dating show online on Instagram. Let's fucking date. She was a confidence coach helping girls, you know, love themselves and have confidence in the world of dating and, you know, valuing yourself and not letting a man determine your value. Anyway, and she's now turned into a fabulous woman and creator and author. She has a new book coming out, Let's Fucking Date.

It's out now. So get your hands on it. We've chatted so many times about her coming on the pod, and she's such a business gal that she was always like, I'm going to come on one day. I'm going to come on one day, and I'm going to have something to come on for. And I was like, you get a girl.

And she really is like that. She, like, sets her goals, sets her dreams. She's not afraid to say them, which I really, really respect. It's Serena Kerrigan. It's Serena fucking Kerrigan. Which is crazy because I think her mom's name is Lily. And Serena's mom's name is Lily.

Like, she really does have all. these things that match up with Serena Van der Witson. I should go. I should go. You're crushing the like the Hulu. Congrats. It's like a big fucking deal. It is.

Thank you. Are you enjoying it? I love it. I mean, it's the perfect person to pick. Thank you. I love it. And it's also like I love being busy. Even today.

Like our pod we scheduled at 2.30. And if this is my only thing today, like that's weird for me. Like I feel I get lost when I'm bored. Same. Really? Oh, my, I was going to talk to you about it. You're like, why am I not busy from the morning till night? Yeah.

No, I literally, like, at one point, I, like, put sneakers on without socks and I was like, should I go on a treadmill? And then I went downstairs and got a car. It was like, are you doing okay? And it's like, no, because I'm not busy. And when I'm not, I don't know what to do. But you're also a mom. Like, holy shit.

I know, but they're busy during the day. Yeah. I'm like, and that's fine. Be busy. You know what I mean? Not that I need them to occupy me during the day. but I think I'm because of a mom, I'm also used to like, I'm busy with something usually. So if I'm not.

So when you're not, you're bugging out. It's weird. Isn't that? That's, I feel like that's not good. No. But I'm the same way. You get the same way. Yeah.

I feel like it's like, you need to be like, okay, like not scrolling, not doing anything, just like relaxing. Yeah. Or doing something that's good for you. Right. He's like, you don't know what self-care is. Like when I see people do the knitting, I'm like, I could literally never. Yeah. Do you cook?

No. Neither do I. Okay. Sorry. Should we begin? We begin. Oh, we began. I don't cook either.

I don't really have hobbies. You know, oh, okay, somebody was so funny. Oh, a producer that I work with at Get Real. We were talking. Nobody really talked about the Justin Bieber and Haley cover for the, what was it, youth? W Mac. Right. I'm too chronically online.

Holy shit. And obviously hottest picture is fucking, to me, they're the hottest couple on the planet. So, like, I didn't care what it said. But, you know what I mean? I was just like the picture. What did it say? They answered questions. Oh.

Yeah. But what did you just say? Because it reminded me of that. Oh, I don't have hobbies. Cooking. I don't cook. Okay. So Haley said that.

She doesn't cook? That she doesn't have hobbies. She does cook. She might not consider it a hobby. She might consider it like part of life. She does do those cinnamon rolls and stuff that look really good. See, I don't even have that. I don't even have that.

I don't really think I'm actually good at anything other than talking. Other than what you do? Yes. I mean, but that, but a lot of things go. into that. 100%. Yeah. So like whatever you do.

Or a living, which we don't know. Whatever it is that you do, author. For sure. It's funny because I always was obsessed with boys since like a really young age. Like obsessed with boys. That was my hobby. That was your hobbies. Hobbies in general, plural.

Exactly. Since a young age. So it's crazy to think that I built a whole career off of having a crush. So your obsession with boys. so you never, like, questioned your sexuality either. There was one moment where I was, like, single, into my 20s where I was, I had, I was attracted to a woman. And I was like, maybe this is the path for me.

Did you go down with that? That's it. Did you go down? I thought you said, did you go down on her? I was like, we didn't get there. No, I, you held hands. She was a model. And we held hands.

And I was like, I thought that us holding hands wasn't like we held hands. Like, I felt like there was. We did hold hands today. You're right. Yeah. And I didn't feel like that really. I didn't want to fuck you. You know what I mean?

And with her, you were thinking about it? With her, I was willing to just say goodbye to dick forever. And why didn't it happen? Because I don't think she is gay. Oh, okay. But neither am I. So one of you needs to be, I feel like, what's happened at least? I feel like there needs to be like a Sarah Jane Nader in the situation.

Also would love her. I'm in a happy relationship. But like, you know, I'm a trisexual. I will try anything once. A trice. It is, that's a good word. Do people use it? It's a Samantha quote.

But it's, oh, wait, are you Samantha? Well, I'm definitely not Carrie. Right. Is anybody a carry anymore? People I feel like used to be like, I'm a carry and now it's like embarrassing to be a carry. Samantha till I die. Okay, so when I was in high school, I had a Twitter account when I was a sophomore called Sam Jones daughter.

And I literally would tweet like I was her. And like I would tweet stuff about sex, about boys. Like, like, and I would say to my friends like this, Twitter. so funny. And my friends were like, this is you. And I was like, no, it's not. And so that was just like, like, that is how much she has been like ingrained in my psyche. Yeah. Since my, like, high school did that Twitter pop off? No, it didn't pop off at all. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's like, I always felt like she contributed so much to how I see myself confidence, sex, dating, all of it. Like, she was the star of that show. Right. Duh. And you saw yourself in her.

Be honest, she dated Jared said the younger guy. I'm with the younger guy. Wait, can we go? Okay, so your obsession, no, don't ever apologize. Sorry for saying, sorry. You're like being obsessed with boys since you were younger. It's kind of Sheena Shea. Boy crazy. Do you remember that? Beyond.

But did, were you like, not that this is a sexual pod, but was it like, I want dick? Or was it I want attention. I want the love, the cuddles, like, or was it like a sexual? thing. Amazing question. It wasn't a sexual thing until I realized that having sex or being in a sexual situation made me feel desired. And I thought that having sex with a guy would lead him to fall in love with me. And then I remember my psychiatrist, this is in high school, was like, I want you to try getting to know them before you take your clothes off. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God, good point. Because I was so confused. I was like, we had sex. I thought he would ask me out.

He was like, no. Wait, did you see? talk to Mommy about this? Of course. So when I was, I know, Mommy is her mom. And she's from Argentina. Yes. So that's why she's Mommy. Mommy. Yeah. When I was, I think 12, I hung out with my friend Jesse, who was my best friend. Love you, Jesse. And we went to his house when his parents weren't there, his apartment. It was a couple of weeks, it blocks away from mine. You grew up in the city for people that don't know. Sorry, it's such a casual, like I'm having such a great, I feel like we're a coffee. No, we're coffee, babe. Yeah. And it looks really good. Letting is amazing. Okay. So for context. I grew up in New York City. I had a best friend named Jesse. He was like the hot

kid in my grade. And I think we were about like 12 years old and he invited me over to his parents' apartment. They weren't there. So I hop, skip and jump there. And I was excited. And I don't remember how it came up, but like I ended up giving me a hand job that looked like this. At 12. Like insane. Yeah. So then the next day. For so I'm not judging I was a hoe at 12 too. Of course. I wasn't touching penises. But I was like I was ready. Oh, for sure. I mean, I was a bit, it was a bit early.

So the next day I don't go to school. I don't know if I was dignitized. I don't know what happened to me. I just like, I remember I didn't go to school. But we meet, Justin and I made a pack like, let's not tell anyone about this. He was embarrassed? Probably. Yeah.

I realized I should have been too. Do you know who made the first move? I can't remember. He probably did. He probably was like, I'll touch your vagina. Like he probably like, I can't even. Okay. Doesn't matter.

So the next day, I don't go to school. Then the day afterwards, I show up. everyone in the hallway is going like this like, yo, Serena. He told everyone that I gave him like an octopus handjob. He called it that. That's basically what it was. He told everyone at 12. Told everyone.

And I wrote into my diary being like, everyone is calling Jesse a pimp in a good way. And they're calling me a slut in a bad way. Oh. Okay, feminism. And here's the kicker. Then the teachers found out the principal calls me. my mom and is like your daughter is sexually active, like insane. And my mom, who's Argentinian, turns to me and just goes, you look on them. And that was it. No. She was like, do whatever the

fuck you do, but you look on them. Also for context, you're an only child. Yeah. Right. Is that, is that helpful context? So by the sibling, I wouldn't be a slut. I want them to get the full picture. The full three to carry a picture. A mommy, only daughter. New York City. Who's a slut? No, I'm just kidding. Yeah. No, legit. And what's so wrong with that? That's nice. I don't think my mom was down.

I think that my mom grew up in a dictatorship in Argentina and like it's not that serious. Like she's just like, it's fine. She had other things to worry about. So you didn't enjoy that experience. When was the first experience you enjoyed? I did. I did enjoy it. I just didn't enjoy the after. The after.

Okay. Okay. But you were turned on by the prospect of like men. Hell yeah. I liked feeling desired. And I think the problem was that I kept chasing that feeling that validation. I would say growing up

is realizing that that validation comes from within. Let's talk about 2020, Serena. Right. It was a different... Body count, high. Confidence queen. Wait, so I'm going to tell the story here of like when I first heard your name.

Okay. And I don't really care that you don't love that, maybe. No, oh my gosh. I mean, everyone has a first. Okay. Everyone has their first run in with SFK. So I was a huge Bachelor Nation fan, and I'm watching Bachelor Nation. I know.

This story is crazy. No, but that is true. But that's like, should we talked about more? You know? Go on. So there's a contestant, and she's pretty crazy, and she's walking around with the crown, and, like, everyone's like, is this a bit? This was actually before the Bachelor became, like, everyone's going on for the wrong reasons.

This was still, like, prime Bachelor time. So this girl goes on, Victoria Larson. Still following her on Instagram. We've discussed this. I was like, I don't know. Yeah. Anyway, so she was the like, kind of villainous. But like, also you're like, I guess no one was rooting for her.

But you were kind of like, what is going on with her? Why is she wearing a crown? Why is she telling everyone she's like the queen or something? Like, what is even going on? And then she says in a confessional that her confidence coach Serena Carragan. Did she name me? She might have said my confidence coach

and I went on TikTok and I was like, that's me, baby. Babe, I didn't even have a TikTok. She named you. Okay. It was a thing. As she should. As she should.

How did you become a confidence coach? Honestly, just a little bit of audacity because I was in COVID. I quit my job. I used to work at a Refinery 29, which was a women's media company. Yeah, love. I worked there for three and a half years.

I was making content for them. And then I was like, you know what? I want to go build my empire. I figured out how to become confident and I thought I could monetize it. Like I felt like I had a voice and I wanted a platform.

I wanted to go for it. Two weeks before lockdown, I had quit my job. Lockdown happens. And I'm like, fuck, I'm like single jobless alone. And I remember just being like,

okay, I could, I'm just going to offer confidence coaching sessions on Zoom thinking no one's going to buy into it. Bitches paid up. Like there was, I coached a lot of women. And I said,

I was like, I'm not your therapist, but like, I'm just going to teach you what I've learned about confidence and she was one of my clients. Can you tell, what's the like three main things? Yes.

For confidence. Okay, your relationship with your best friend, you're constantly hyping her the fuck up, right? Like if she was like, I got ghosted, you wouldn't be like, obviously. Right. If she lost her job, you wouldn't be like, was waiting for that day to happen. Like, you would be the option. If she was like, I look so ugly today, you would be like, you look. Shut up.

You look amazing. Right. Right. We're so quick to nurture support, hype up those around us, everyone around us. but when it comes to ourselves, we are so fucking mean. We are our own worst critic. It's actually insane.

So what I realized that was really helpful, I didn't like the Pinterest, Mason jar affirmations that are like, live laugh, love. Like I didn't get, like, I wouldn't say that to a best friend. But what I realize is like, if I get in front of a mirror

and I talk to myself the same way I would my best friend, that makes me feel good. And then I start to believe that about myself. So that is like the one of the core tenants. And I would Zoom with these women because it was a pandemic, including Victoria.

And I would literally like get a mirror right now and do it in front of me. And women would literally start crying or be like they couldn't make eye contact. They were like twitching it. I was like, no, no, no. Look into the mirror and just say, bitch, I fucking love you.

Do you do that, Amanda? I don't. Okay. I think you should try. Yeah. It is. I'm like you're a loser. We stopped doing that.

Yeah. But I will say that I do have moments. Like I feel like we all do where you can look at a picture of yourself and be like, damn, I look good. Yeah. And you're like, okay, that was a moment that I, that I wasn't like, ugh, you're so, you know, where you don't do that. You have to stop doing that.

I know. Wait, you don't do that in life. You've stopped self-deprecating? Self-deprecating, of course. But self-criticking, like, real. When I do it, my boyfriend is like, uh-uh, uh, what would SFK say? What would Serena fucking Kerrigan say to you right now? You have to remove it.

Third person's you? Of course. I third person, me. There's Serena and there's SFK. Who do you have on this podcast? I don't know. You do third person, you know. Okay.

This is how you do it. You're allowed to say, I feel, I feel ugly, I feel like shit. I feel like I might never find my person because feelings are temporary. They go away. But when you say I am, you become those things and words become reality. And with this book specifically, let's fucking date, I'm trying to show women that when they say shit like, I'm never going to meet my person or New York is the worst city to date or like, I suck. Like, that becomes the reality. That becomes your experience.

And there's not a lot of things you can control about dating other than like how you show the fuck up. It's like negative manifesting. It's bad vibes. Yeah. It's also desperate energy like, oh, no one's going to want to date me. Like, okay, that I don't want to date you if you think that about yourself. Mm-hmm. Well, let's think about sports, although it's not really my thing.

Okay, but let's. We went to the U.S. Open together once. Yes, we did. Okay. Oh, which one was that? It was last year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't remember anything about it except for this.

Except for we couldn't stop talking. Right. But we weren't using a ringlight and selfie cameras. No, we weren't. We were really respectful other than that we were chatting the whole time. Okay, so when tennis players go on a court, they're not like, oh, my God, like, my opponent's so much better than me, I'm going to lose. Like, forget it. Like, I shouldn't even try.

Like, I'm the worst. Even if they're ranked really differently, right? Like, and in tennis, you see those rankings. They would never come with that energy. So why are you bringing that energy to dating or any aspect of your life? It's so true. Maybe because you think we have this thing from like when we were in school where we would be like, I'm so going to fail this test and then you would like get in 100. And we think we could do that in life.

but it like doesn't work in life. I think it's a way of rejecting before you get rejected. So it's like men are trash. Like fuck men. So then like when you end up single, it's like, well, I said men were trash. And I was never going to find anyone. Right. What's your take on that?

Stop doing that. Stop doing that. The men are trash. Stop saying that. In my book, I have a chapter called like, it basically says like, do you know a good man? And I tell them the reader to raise their hand. It's interactive, okay, you guys. It's engaging.

And it's like, do you know a good man? And yeah, we do. Like, we know it's someone's brother, your husband, like your friend's cousin, like there are dorm men. Like, they're good fucking men in our life. That's really true. And so I don't like this men are trash thing because I think it's hurtful. It's a generalization.

And yeah, do some men need help for sure. Yeah. But I don't like that energy because ultimately if you want to end up with a man, then why are you saying men are trash? Yeah. So you never had that phase or did you? No, I'm not like a man hater. I never really had that.

I definitely fell into the trope of sometimes feeling like I wasn't going to end up with anyone that I was going to have to like do IVF and like raise a baby with my mom, with your mommy. I thought about that. Who was probably down? No, 100%. She's like, he's okay. But he's your own eggs.

It's fine. No, exactly. But I definitely got scared. But then I thought, okay, there are 8 billion people on this fucking planet. Like, really? I'm going to be the one person that doesn't find their guy. How bad was dating when you started? Well, we remove negative words, right?

So I definitely found dating to be frustrating. Is that in the book? Of course. Oh, we're moving negative words. How frustrating was dating in 2020 or before you started your let's fucking date? Oh, pre-pandemic was a whole other world. Is that crazy? It's like pre and post.

Okay. Don't you think? Well, I wasn't dating. I was a child bride. Right. I don't know. I was 25, 26 wouldn't the pandemic. So I was still, like I wasn't serious.

Okay. I don't think I was serious. I think I started getting serious about dating afterwards. But when did you start getting frustrated or thinking you would have to raise a baby with your mom? Which isn't dramatic at all, given you're like 30. My late 20s is when I was like, what is going on? Mainly because I kept attracting buck boys, like guys that didn't want anything to do with me. And I was, quote, in love with them.

Like, obsessed. Like, I was shocked when they wouldn't ask me to be their girlfriend. They would dump me via text. Okay. In shock. So you've had, like, experiences, like many of these experiences. Beyond. There's no one that has gotten rejected.

more than me. That's why when women are like, I'm afraid to go on the date. What if he doesn't like me? I'm like, bitch, take a number. You don't understand how many times I've been rejected. It's crazy. And it didn't hurt your confidence? Of course it does. But the problem, but this is it. The more you get rejected, the less it hurts. Think about it. Yeah. Like, the more it doesn't, it doesn't cut through. It stinks. You're like, damn. But then especially once you meet someone that you really love, you look back and you're like, I'm so glad I got rejected all those. Right. Like they weren't right for you. It's just the fact that there's so much uncertainty. You don't know. Like, I wish I could, I remember. I remember. I

I remember I was talking to this girl once and she was like, how do you know if your person's like your person? And I'm like, I think it's intuition. Like you know. And she was like, oh, I'm with the sky and I don't know whether or not to break up with him. And I was like, if I was your fairy fucking godmother and I could tell you I see in two years, I'd see which vibes. If I see in two years that you are going to meet your person. Like without a doubt, I know his name. I know what would you do right now? She was like, I'd break up with a guy I'm currently with and I don't have the best fucking time being single. And I was like this, that. I wish I could. give that to every woman. I wish I could bottle that up and let them. Because I think that we don't realize that our single point in our lives is very small. Yeah. It's such a great time. It's so true.

Being single fucks. Being single fucks. Do you miss it? Honestly, no. And this is why. Okay. Because yes, did I have, sometimes I was down bad and like I definitely got in my head. That's normal.

All women. We all deal with that at some point. But for the most part, I fucked everyone I wanted to fuck. I did it for the plot. I flew to a different state for a first state. I did the Instagram live dating. Yeah. You lived.

I lived in large. You lived. We'll be right back after the break. I just love revamping and like renewing with my iPhone case. Like it could change my mood upside down. Like sometimes I take off a case and I'm like, I've been using this for way too long. It's like dirty. It's sticky.

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And we're back. Wait, can I ask you a question that let's do it for the plot? Did you come up with that? Yes. Because it's like, do you ever want to wish you copy wrote it or trademarked it? You did? Yeah. Okay, because I feel like it is used a lot in life.

Like, do it for the plot. Do it for the plot. Do it for the plot. And Ewan no is credited. If you look on chat, GBG, it says, you know, that's all I care about. Oh, really? Because I wonder, because when I hear people say it, I'm like, do they know they're using? Probably not, but that's okay.

Like, it made its way into the- Psych guys. Yes. Pretty sick. Yeah. How'd you come up with that? I've been doing it for the plot since my hand jobs, you know what I mean? Like for the story.

Always. I wrote about that hand job and many of my first kiss, everything in like this juicy Couture diary that I've had since I was like seven or eight. And like, I always was writing things down about my life. I had that mentality of like, we're guns. going to die. And so do everything you can. Like, do it for the plot. Like, if it scares you, you should try it. That's why I jumped out of a plane. I've bungee jump. Yeah. I don't know if I could get down with if it scares you try it. Really? Okay. Yeah. I'm kind of like...

Okay, maybe not like heroin, but like, you know. No, no, I know. But I think about that, because there are many things that scare me. I like being in my comfort zone. And I like to say that to myself. But I think I'm also like, but if I don't want to, I don't want to. I don't want to. So agree with that. Like, I don't want to cook. I'm not going to cook. And it scares me, okay? It scares the fuck out of me. Yeah. I think it's more like at the end of every year, I ask myself, we do the vision boarding, we do the manifesting. But I also asked myself, how many times did you push yourself outside your home home? And honestly, not that many times. And so my biggest piece of advice for women who want to meet someone in the wild or want to meet their partner is not Google hottest places to meet men in your city. Like, it's not like to swipe into. oblivion on a dating app. It's actually to go outside your comfort zone one day.

And that can mean going to a new place for matcha. It could mean going to a workout class. Once last time you went to a workout class that you like never tried before.

Right. Right. We tend to get very comfortable in our ways and set in our ways because it's easy or even like taking a different route to work. But I think that if we expand ourselves a little bit,

you're more likely to meet someone or meet like a gay bestie who has a hot straight brother. Or just to make it not about dating for a second for my Married ladies. Yes.

No, no, because it's a great piece of advice. It's like there is that thing, you know, it's like, you know, it's a psychopath if the door is locked and they try to open it and they see it's locked. I'm sorry. What did you just say? Explaining that wrong. But you know, like, let's say you come to a door and it's locked and you're like, you're trying to open it. I saw somewhere that it was like, that's a psychopath. Like if you're, the door is locked and you're still trying to open it.

Yeah, that's freaking. And you're not getting it through your mind that it's locked. Okay. So what I'm saying is, this is what I'm saying. saying. If you come, oh, it's getting there. I'm getting there. If you continue doing the same thing, you're not going to get the same result. Exactly. So what you're saying, I feel like applies in life. It's even like when I had my year of yes, because I was saying no to everything. And I was like, I know you hate going to events. I know you hate doing the thing. Just do. And by the way,

it has something to do with what we talked about, like, just like putting yourself in vulnerable situations and like doing the thing that like scares you a little bit. So that scares me. There you know. I'm like some sort of level. However, I would find that when I would do those things, so I'm taking it to the not dating, you would meet somebody in the business. You would network, you know, with somebody. I don't think there was, there happened a few times where it was like complete ways and you're like, fuck my life. Why don't even go? But most of the time, you're like, oh, I met so and so or I got to chat with this person or I got a nice picture taken. or whatever it is something good happen out of that.

So I agree with that. It's like, like, it's not just going to like, you know, people are like, I want to meet somebody organically. It's like, when have you gone anywhere? Yeah, you have to shake shit up. You have to shake shit up. But even like with friends, like going to that baby shower, you're like, fuck, I really just want to lay in bad. I don't want to go to that baby shower. Like, even showing up for them, you might not realize.

And I'm not saying you should do things for transaction. But, like, typically when you show up and out, which is like, I think as you get older, it's like all you want to do is not leave your house. Right. I've never regretted it. Like, I really never regretted, like, showing up. Right. But it's sometimes, like, the last thing you want.

The last thing you want to do. Well, you're six days away from your book release, right? As we're recording right now, let's fucking date. By the time this comes out, is it going to be out? So by the time this drops, the book is already out. It's called Let's Fucking Date, become the prize, enjoy the ride. And never settle again. I love it.

How did you decide to write a book? book. I was an English major at Duke University. I've always loved writing. My dad's a writer. And I've been writing in that fucking diary since I was a kid. And I think, you know, the internet, there's just a lot of content. And sometimes things can be spoken about with like more nuance in a book than a 30 second Instagram story. Yeah. And I wanted a place. What I really wanted to do with this book is when I was single, and this book extends beyond just being single, but that's my main market, of course. is because I think that you have to date your partner. And so there's a whole section on that as well.

But all I wanted was someone to reassure me. And so also sometimes slap me in the face a little bit and be like, he doesn't fucking like you. So move on. Like, why are you getting obsessed with the guy that, like, is not speaking to you? Like, it's clear. Right. But I wanted to write a book that I wish I had when I was younger, one that would give me

a slab in the face and a hug at the same time. I love that. Because when I see you hustling and the way you need to hustle for this book, it gives me anxiety. I'm proud of you. Rami said the same thing. Okay. Because we're all speaking from our own fears, I think.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm proud of you and I'm like, you fucking get it. But I also know that like, okay, so that's what you have to do if you write a book. Like, you know what I mean? Like the hustle that goes into it and the promotion of it. And I know you're the New York Times bestseller list. We're going to see. We're going to, you're on it.

What has been the decision to like make content about that? Like getting on the. on the list versus just being like, I'm writing this book, you know, but the list is important. Is it actually important? I mean, to you is what I'm saying. It's important. You're like, is it actually important? I don't know how I made anybody else about it.

It's ego. Totally. But I also feel like women tend to not ask what they want. They don't ask for what they want. And so I've seen people talk shit being like, oh, my God, she's begging. Like, oh, my God, she's so embarrassing. And I'm just like, I would rather put it on the table and be like, this is what I want. And if you're like, and people have shown up and they've supported, like, especially people in our industry.

It'd been amazing. And like people from high school, I would speak to her like I ordered your book. Like, it's incredible. But I also think that it's a way to also show women. Because I might not get it, by the way. Like, I might not get it. And that's okay. Like, by the way, I've read a lot of books for my job.

And many of the ones that I loved didn't make any sort of list. And then some reality stars that wrote like. Or didn't write it. Correct. made it. Right. So I'm just putting that out there. I totally get the ego and that you deserve it and that you want that accolade.

But like it's not everything. It's not. Yeah. And I will say the reviews to me are actually way more important because I care more that people bought it and liked it versus they just bought it, right? Right. And I feel like that's really the impact. Like seeing the reviews, seeing women like write to me and say like, this really flipped

my perspective and made me feel good. and empowered and wanting to have fun with dating again. Like, that is the point of the book. So that is the most important. Right. And I think, like, yeah, like, I'm hustling. It's crazy. I am a creator.

I am an influencer. I sell a lot of stuff. I've sold tons of card games. I've sold it all. Never had more difficulty selling a book. It's a very difficult product to sell. Why do? And don't the agents of the world make it seem like it's a thing that is easier?

Every single person I've spoken to told me that it was going to be really hard. Oh, they told you. And you still wanted to do it. Of course. Because I love to. go outside my comfort zone. Then good for you. Because at the end of the day, like,

I wrote a book that I would want to read, therefore I know it's a good book. Like, anytime I make something, whether it's a video or a product that I don't actually, like, wouldn't buy myself. It's hard for you to. No one's going to buy it.

No one's going to buy. I'm not going to be able to sell it. So for this, I absolutely, like, I literally just made a post saying, like, if you didn't like my book, if you read it and you regret that you bought it, like I will pay you back myself. And by the way, she will, I believe her.

No, I will 100%. That's how fucking good I think this book is. Okay. I brought it for you. Thank you, babe. I'm so excited. First of all, it's a gorgeous cover. Everybody go get Let's Fucking date.

I'm sure it's amazing. I can't wait to read it. And it's going to do amazing. You have to put yourself out there. You have to ask for what you want. By the way, you are inspiring. I want women to be like, hey guys, like, help me. Like, I want this and not to not feel cringe about it.

And by the way, let's say I don't get it. I have no fucking regrets because I ask for what I want and I ask for help. I love that. I love that so much. Who cares? Who cares? No one's going to die and be like, oh my God, at my funeral. but she didn't get New York.

Like, no one cares. So I was in the Hamptons with one of my best friends. We rented a house together with their significant others. And one day she woke up and she was like, this is the most perfect day. I mean, could life get any more perfect? And I was like, yeah. I literally was like, what? Like, of course it could.

And then I stopped and I was like, you could always think that. You could always think like if I just got this, if I just owned this, if I just got this accolade or opportunity, then it was. would be better. Or you can actually be grateful for what you have. And I was like, and I sometimes when people post on Instagram being like, I can't believe this is my life, I'm like, when am I going to have that moment thinking that if I reach a certain level of success, that's when I'm going to have it. When not realizing that, no, you can have that moment right now. You can be grateful for what you have. Like, I'm just going to tell you something like this podcast, when I saw that I got this podcast,

I've never felt more complex. This was a big one for me. I look up to you. I think you're so amazing. and I think you're so funny. And like, you don't fuck around with the guests you've had on your show. And so I'm so grateful that you have me on. I really appreciate you. Of course. Well, I told you it.

I was like years in the making and you're a business girl. Like even when we've seen each other, we've talked about, you're like, I'm going to come on for something. Yeah. Manifested. By the way, you told me.

I wanted to like when I, we've talked about it, you were like, and when I come on, it's going to be for something. She's a business fucking girl. But also I wasn't afraid to, I think other women or maybe an old version of me would have been,

I'm not going to say that because I don't want to impose or I don't want her to think like to say it to come on or write us instead of just being like, no, I want to come on. I don't know what it's going to be for, but we're going to figure out. I'm going to have someone to fucking promote. Well, I love that so much and I think it's important what you said. And I and I think I struggle with it. I think no matter what industry you're in, you struggle with the like being content versus wanting more. And there's probably a line between both, right? Like balancing both.

Like you can want more, but also try to be like your friend and like enjoy the fucking day and be grateful for the day for the house in the Hamptons or for the career that you have. And it's hard. It's hard. I feel like. The goalpost is always going to move. Especially if you're ambitious. It's always going to be something. Like when you get good things question to you. When you get good things, a call, something good happened. Are you able to live in that moment or are you thinking about the next thing? It's a practice I'm trying to do. Yeah. Like really. enjoy it, sit in it, be grateful. I started saying, like, thank you so much more out loud. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. And just to circle back to the mirror of it all. And by the way, in this book, like, I had the- There is a mirror. It comes to the mirror. I want it. You don't think I asked for that. I asked for, I asked for the back to like have a mirror paper. Well, in the PR package, maybe. What I did was, I wrote a mere mirror prompt at the end of every chapter. So, because I feel like part of the thing is like you don't know what to say to yourself. So this one says, do you want a partner or a pen pal? If there is no plan,

there's no man. Or so I did that because what I wanted to say to you is like when you get something amazing, I want you just, I want you to go to your mirror and tell it like and congratulate the girl in the mirror because I think that's going to be good practice for you. Yeah. This is another mirror mirror prompt. You are a magnetic. You are lovable. You are a fucking prize. Like I think that if you say that out loud to yourself, like eye contact to yourself, you begin to believe that. And that's how confidence grows. That's, it's self-talk. And it's, by the way, free, painless.

You could do it before you brush your teeth or after. Like, it's like, we're spending all this money on therapy and books and things. And when the answer is actually genuinely within us. Like when your confidence. Mic drop. It is true. I mean, to be honest, I was way more confident when I was way less cute. And like more weight was on.

and I didn't have a great career. You know what I mean? It's so crazy. It's like confidence really can come from just within you and not even from things, you know? We'll be right back after the break. Some of you already know this, but after I had Noah, which was 2020, you guys, I literally learned what everyone was talking about when they talked about postpartum hair situations, okay? because I didn't believe it.

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Prima code is not Skinny 10. I've told you guys so many times about my love for Quinn's. It really goes beyond words. I remember the first time I told my mom, like, Mom, do you know about Quinn's because I just bought? And she was like, darling. Darling. First of all, if you can get a deal, like my mom will get a deal.

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You can get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. If you have kids, you already know that somehow everything you own ends up with something spilled, smeared, or rubbed into it. I always get messages about, like, how do you have, like, white, you know, couches and light rugs and chairs? Because I don't want an ugly house. Like, I want things that I like, and I will deal with whatever the kids do to it, okay? Yes, I know that between Noah and Lenny, nothing is safe and that I'm basically always finding

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Felix, where were you in life? Like, were you in the, I'm freezing my eggs? Or were you in the like, I'm looking for a husband? I was, okay. So I was, when I was 28, I had kind of this moment where I kept attracting fuckboy after fuck boy. And I said to my mom, like, I'm really confused. And she was like, you say that you're ready for a relationship, but are you? And I was like, what do you mean?

Of course I am. And she was like, yeah, but look at all these guys that you're attracting. Like, they don't like you. Like, they're literally running the opposite. direction. And then when there's a nice guy, you got like get the ick and you're cringed out because he's too nice or too available. So I went to therapy and I really did the work. I froze my eggs because I felt like that was going to give me a sense of empowerment and it did. And if you're listening, like I know it's super expensive and I know it's a privilege, but there are payment plans like by

the place that I did it. Like they do a payment plan with no interest. Like there's ways around it, but it made me feel like a fucking man. Like it gave me so much just like to slow down a little bit and not feel like I have to rush and settle. So I was, like, in a pretty, not bad place, but more, like, I went back to therapy. I really, like, dug deep and, like, what is holding me back? And I ultimately realized that I didn't really believe that I was worthy of love. Or I was so afraid that when I started dating someone, they saw the real me, not the, like, SFK, like, larger than, like, but really just, like, the sensitive me that they would run away and be like,

oh, my God, I don't want anything to do with this. So it was easier to keep picking guys that didn't ever get there, right, to begin with, then actually letting someone in. So then after therapy and making that realization, I was like, okay, now I'm going to leave New York City. I'm born and raised here. I got to leave. Where are we going to go? L.A.

To move that. Dun, dun, done, done. I can't even drive. I don't know how to drive. Do we, did you move? No, but I finished my lease. I told all my friends. And then we were like, yeah, fucking right.

And I was like, no, no, no. Seriously, I'm moving to L.A. But because I was moving to L.A. And this comes back to my book because I write a chapter called Use the Vacation mentality. Because when we go on vacation, we do it for the plot more. we say yes to more opportunities. We flirt more. Yeah.

Like, you're just like in your vibe. We drink more. We smoke more sick. All the things. We do all that we allow ourselves way more. And there's no stakes because we're leaving. Yeah. So I was in that mentality of like, no stakes.

I'm leaving New York. I'm going to L.A. So I was saying yes to a lot of things. Uh-huh. And one of the things I said yes to was a podcast. Okay. Tell me about saying yes to his pod. Was it a random pod?

It was random. He DMs me. And I just remember and he was like, I'd love to have you on my podcast. And I just remember how odd that I'd love that I was, a man wants me on their podcast. I remember thinking that. I was like, men don't ask me on their podcast. Just hasn't happened. Were men DMing you? Were you getting like hit on in the DMs? No, it wasn't a hit on. It was like a... No, in general, I mean. During this whole dating period,

maybe. Not anything crazy? Nothing significant. Anyhow. So I can't remember. I mean, I smoked a lot of weed in my life. But anyhow, it doesn't matter. So he DMs me and I just go, yeah, reach out to my publicist. Linkin, link in by or whatever. Like, And he's like, of course. And then I just, I remember hearing from my publicist at the time, like, yeah, you're going to Brooklyn for this interview. And don't even, I don't think I was even promoting anything. Like, I was just there for the vibes.

You were down. Just for the way. And I remember I didn't even like have mascara on. Like I was like totally, I just no expectation. And I was about to help on the subway to go to Brooklyn where he had his pod. And I'm about to head into the subway because I'm in New York City girl. And he texts me being like, hey, it's Felix. I got you a car.

It's downstairs. I'm sorry. To this day, the only podcast that's ever called me a car. And he's a black car. And he said, I don't know if I believe. He was excited. He said he's never called another guest of black car, which I feel like is alive. But let's stay with it.

Okay. So I get to the studio. And it was just like this instant, like, not like, oh, my God, he's so hot. I want to bang him. Yeah. Take this mic away. Like, it wasn't that. It was just like, I feel like I know you.

And just that kind of energy. Yeah. And did he know about you? Is he a follower? Like he... Not a follower. He did... We had a mutual friend

who was on his podcast and was like, you should interview Serena. Like, I feel like you guys would hit it off. Okay. And so he did his research and he was like into it.

Like, we were both from New York City. You guys went to the same high school. You went to Beacon? We've had this conversation. Okay, but he's like how many years younger than me? Okay. So, immediately I start talking about my dating life.

Because again, what am I promoting on this podcast? I don't know. So I'm literally like, oh. I feel like I'm just too much for men. and he was like, well, for the right guy, you'll be the perfect amount. You got tails. I was like, are you hitting on me?

I'm down. Wait, you said it? Yes. On the pod. And what did he say? He was like, let's just keep this professional. And I was like, okay, and he's playing footsie with me under the table. He was playing footsie?

No, like, I might have brushed his foot. But anyway, it was a lot of flirty good energy. Yeah. And afterwards, we were like official three weeks later. But how, who like, take? Okay, we want to know all the names. I didn't know how in depth you wanted to go. Who texted who?

I texted first because I think that you can absolutely initiate a conversation with a man, but he has to make the plan. He has to initiate that. So I said, thank you so much for having me at a really good time. And he said, let's continue without mics or cameras. So we did. We went to sushi, da-da-da-da-da. Three dates in, it's going really great.

So I Google him. And I'm like, who the fuck is? Like, who is this? Why have and I never heard of him? He's from New York. Born and raised like me. Like, we've never really had any crossover. Because you're 22.

Because he's 23. That's close. And I was 29. Oh, you didn't talk about age, like the first three days? Like, it didn't come up. Yeah, yeah. Did not come up. I was 29. 29.

I was living at home alone in the West Village, had my company, had, I don't know. Was he living at home? Yes. With his parents? Yes. Okay. Right out of college. Fresh out of graduation.

Cap on. Just kidding. It was a year after. But yes. So I was like, ooh. key, that's crazy. Like six years isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things. When you put it like that, like just like phase it in life of like you're, you know, doing really well. He just graduated. Correct. Yeah. And so I brought it up to him and I was like, is this a fetish? Like, what's...

For him? Yeah. I was just like, what's your vibe? I actually was unhappy about it because I was just like, oh, like... Until I found somebody... Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know. And then he was just like, no, I'm really mature for my age. Like, he's a really old soul and he was just like a lot of my past girlfriends have been older. Like it's not it's not a thing. And I was like, okay. Here we are. How many years? Almost four years.

Two dogs live together. I will say this. A lot of my anxiety about our age and if you're listening, you're single or if you're dating or whatever the fuck. A lot of my anxiety about the age was not from me. Like it was from societal also like I remember when I heard a hard launch him. I didn't tag him because I was so afraid of people finding out about his age. I was just afraid. So what kind of taste?

do you think comes with that? Did you watch that movie with Anne Hathaway, the idea of you? Yeah. That energy. It's just like, oh, like, because you couldn't find anyone else or like he's going to leave you one day

or like, oh, my favorite. Someone said his prefrontal cortex isn't even developed, which was true. I know. They talked about that on the show I was watching too. Yeah. The frontal lobe. The frontal lobe.

Yeah. It happens at 25. Well, he's 26 now. So it's good. We're good. Yeah, yeah. But I felt, you know, an embarrassment.

But I also was always told. old, you are a really successful woman, you're strong, you're independent, you're never going to be able to date a younger guy. You're never, guy your age, forget it. You have to go older. Which I think is kind of sexist because you never say that to a guy, right? Right, right. So ultimately, it's kind of been irrelevant.

And I realized that like when I was had dating apps, when I had my dating app profile, I would set it to always a year older than me and to think back of all the guys that I lost out on dating. Yeah. Because I made this generalization about dating younger. Of course, not every guy. younger is going to be super mature, but also older guys, a lot of them are Peter Panes. Yeah. So I would, you know, implore you that if you're single, you're dating right now,

like, height, could we extend it a little bit? Like, maybe he can be a little shorter than six feet. That's okay. Yeah. Like, what are they, like, you know, I've spoken to women who are like, he has to be in tech. Why? Yeah. Did you care about a job, stuff like that? So that was another thing where it was like obviously a lot of my friends were getting married at that point, their spouses or boyfriends or whoever, their partners were making money. Like, you know, we're six years into the workforce by that or more, right? Yeah. 23, yeah, six years.

And yes, I definitely was like, let me put this way. He said to me, I am so ambitious, like, I know what I want. We had a very, like, clear visions for the future. We always want to live in New York, blah, like, like, I have a vision for my life. like I want to provide, there's going to be things that you want to do that I'm not going to be able to afford right now, but just give me time and I'll like catch up. Yeah. So fucking hot.

Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. A man who can say, hey, I can't afford this right now. Check plus. Right. The flip side would have been him breaking it up with me because he's like, I can't keep up with her and her lifestyle or spending beyond his means and then getting to debt and that whole shebang.

But just being really honest. And I was like, you're right. And now he's like, has his business. and it's amazing what he's done in the past three years. But he also, there was a moment where I got a really big brand deal and I didn't want to share it with him.

And he was like, I never want you to hide your success from me. Yeah. Because it only motivates me to want to work harder. That's what I was thinking too when you were saying that because I'm like, you probably inspired him, motivated him to want to like succeed

to like catch up. Period. But that's what I'm saying. I'm like, I feel like with other men that I would date, like I would hide. things. Like I would feel anxious to bring it up. I didn't want to emasculate them. Trust me, there are men that won't feel emasculated about your success. I know. I mean, I'm an example.

You know, when people ask me, like, I feel like the number one question is like, how is Hussb with your, you know, and I'm like, with what? Your show? Your success? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People ask me that all the time. And it's like, amazing. Like, why would, you know? And people ask that for a reason. And it's probably because many men aren't, or because there is this, you know, generalization of men who aren't or because they've known a man who isn't, you know? And it always surprises me because I'm like,

if he wasn't, not for you. You know? Like... Not someone you want to be there. You know? So obviously finding someone who your success is their success. Yeah, who doesn't get in your light, who wants you to shine.

Who wants you to fucking shine. They're minimum guys. Who wants you to be like, like, take the fuck off. So is this heading towards... It's heading towards all the things. All the things. The last chapter in my book is called

Marriage is not the finish line. Okay. Do you feel like that about yourself too? I just feel like I want to get married. Of course, you know, my money's going to be lit. You'll be invited. Duh. But I just think that there's so much pressure to get married and there's so much like...

I think the true hallmark of a successful relationship isn't a ring. I'm saying this as someone who, wants to get married. But I feel like for me, like, the most important thing is two people that are committed to each other that are having great sex, that are laughing, that are supporting each other, that are, like, we're great. And we have a dog, we have two dogs. Right. We live together. So to me, those are signs of, like, commitment. Yeah, like you're together. And also, he's 26 years old. So, right. What's the rush? Wait, does him being young scare you in that respect of, like, just that you were, could be his last girlfriend? And then maybe he didn't.

do a lot for the plot before you. So that is something I obviously brought up. I was like, tell me everything. I know every single detail about a sex life. Listen, yeah, but we could also die tomorrow and no, you know what I can't live. You can't live with the like, oh my God, like, we'll see. Yeah. So, like my parents got divorced when I was two.

So did his, actually. And he's also an only child. It's crazy. A lot of similarities there, but I don't know. If you have kids, a lot of grandparents helping. Yeah. Incredible. Yeah.

I don't know what monogamy like looks. like what does that success look like in the long long term like should be like have a third like should be like swing yeah i don't know like i really don't know i'm open minded is he open minded to things sure like i don't know i think if i don't know what that looks like i'll call you back and like i mean how long have you been married oh my god like 10 11 it's a long time it is taking a day by now yeah let's get married first then we can talk about yeah polly you know relationships what i'm such a jealous of like There's no way.

I'd be down, but maybe. I'm not going to tell. Okay, I go. What is the worst dating advice that you've seen? Like that you see it and you're like, oh my God, this is going to bring us back? The demanding of like the Nobu reservation on the first date. I've seen some women like their expectation of, listen, I think there's being a prize, I agree.

Like there's a certain standard that you should have. But I think let's not go to the side. of like, no one should be spending a $200 meal for you for the first day if they don't know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you shouldn't want to be there. You shouldn't want a three-course meal on a first date. You don't know that person. Then you're stuck.

Right. You're going to know within the first 10 minutes if you like it. It sounds like these people maybe want to make sure the person has money and see that come through in the reservation, right? And like the fancy spot. But by the way, no booze not great. 57th? Like, I don't know. Like it's not a vibe.

Right. But I'm just like the corners or whatever it is. I think it's like. okay, they might be flashy, but what if deep down they're in debt? By the way, I love the corner store. Love. But I would get the ick if he made the reservation in the corner store. Thank you.

I would want like a cool spot. You know what I'm saying? For a first date, yeah. Yeah, not like a flashy spot. You don't want flashy. And I think that some women want flashy. I had a friend of mine who, before the first date, the guy sent her like an insane bouquet roses.

And I just didn't. It didn't. It was weird. Like, I think it's too much. too soon. Yeah. Let it build, but he doesn't even know you.

Yeah. It's too much. Right. And I think that sometimes if men are doing that, it's an overcompensation for something else. They shouldn't have to lead with money.

What is your take on like just icks in general, but like everything's an ick now? Yeah, I disagree with that. There's a chapter out in my book. It's called Iick or get a grip. Oh, really? Because I think a lot of the times

we find things that we get icked over as a way to create distance. Yeah. Like, this is a perfect. Okay, give it to me. On our second date, me and Felix and I, Felix and I, on our second date, he walked in with a turtle neck and the tightest pants I've ever fucking seen. And I was like, are you gay?

I can actually picture him in that outfit. I was like, are you guy? Like in my head, I was like, he's not gay, right? But I was just like, oh, like, it was very, it was flamboyant. It was flamboyant. It was like plaid, super tight. And he has a big juicy butt. So it was like a lot.

And I was like, I have the ick, I have the ick, I have the egg, don't have the ick, don't have the ick. We're having so much fun. Just look past, look past. And I remember we took a selfie, like, in a mirror, like a full-length mirror. And I was like, and then I let it go. I got a grip. And I said, do not.

Like you like him. Yeah, I said, I enjoy spending time with him. Do not let this gay outfit. Because that's what it was. And that's a big ick. Beyond. Yeah. I said, do not let that.

Because he wasn't, you know, I said, do not let that ruin. So I was like, okay, okay. We're official. We, we honestly started. becoming... Wait, how did you get past it that night? I just looked the other way. Did you say anything? Of course not. Because he's not your boyfriend.

Okay. You can't do that. But now you would... Now you change... So wait. So then when we were official... Yeah. The next morning I go, okay, and also, we're burning those pants and you're never wearing a fucking crinkle neck again. And guess what? Crew neck till he dies.

But you can work through some X. Absolutely. Like everyone's, I think like number one, I think, like, a Santa on men. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty icky. Yeah. But that's something that you can be like, you never wear to do it again.

And this is the thing. A man who wants you is going to, that's something I think he should and will. He wants to make you happy. And ultimately, you're going to be the person looking at him every day. So, like, he should want to appease you in that way. You know what's an ick that I don't think can be fixed.

And I've seen it cheapness. Absolutely. I've never seen somebody be able to change a man's cheapness. I have a story for you. Tell me. I did it to the sky. who exactly that he took me and my grandmother out to

brunch and his treat she orders my grandma's like old, whatever, she's amazing and afterwards we part ways and I look at my phone and he sent me a Venmo request for her meal

like not yours yeah just hers like I'm paying for you not for your grandma it was crazy or something whatever it was like so I call my grandma and she's just like, I'm going to send you money to take an Uber to break up with him. Because she was like, this is not, it's not about the money. It's about the principle. It's about the cheapness.

It's like you offered, you wanted to take us out. And then to like back door like, it's a, it's a nail in the coffin. Yeah. Cheapness, I really don't think you can move through. Right. I don't I mean. But, you know, a crock, a sandal, flip flop. Can I just tell you. Oh, no. Okay, when I was 12, because that's my last dating experience since I'm a child bride. When I was 12, well, not really, Serena, I was kidding. I had a boyfriend. And first of all, I had the ick. He was shorter than me.

But we moved through it. Guys, I had the ick so bad from him being shorter than me. And I was so embarrassed. Imagine when you're 12, like, everyone's judging you. Yeah. Like, he was so much shorter than me. That he used to come over. And then, like, he'd be like, oh, want to go to, like, the school, play together or whatever.

And I'd be like, no, I can't. Like, I have this thing. And then I just, like, would make things up. because I didn't want to be seen in public. But anyway, then we're at the pool one day. And, okay, this is still an ache of mine, but I moved through it even with my fucking husband. But I still have this thing and tell me if you guys have it.

You know, when you're in a body of water and people come up and they have little bookies. Yeah. Of course. That is to me. That's really bad. So I obviously didn't divorce my husband over it. It's such a brand to me.

I'm dying because once this brings me back to once. was at the Soho House pool and I ran into this girl as my best friend and she had one that was like, when I say, longer than the wall of China. And we said, and I said, I have something. She goes, I don't care. And I go, no, no, no. We do. I was like, go like, go, no, it's fine. I go, no, it's really not.

You're like, it's wiping the floor. In a public pool. Like, I don't know why to me. Because there's something so, remember there were there's TikToks about the egg from like a wave. knocking over your man or something. Like it's so gross to watch like a wave knocking over. You're not on TikTok. You're on TikTok.

I was on Iq talk, I guess. But to me, that's it. It's like coming up from the pool, them not knowing and just talking to you regular and having the fucking. So even when my husband, I can't. It's my husband. Usually I would wipe it off from him and tell him with the pool situation. I'm just like, let him dunk again.

I'm like, but I broke up with a 12 year old boyfriend. Because of that. So that's where I would be if I was in the dating world. It would be bad for everybody. No, it would be so fun. Are you kidding? But it's fine.

We obviously love your release. It's okay. It's fine. I miss out on life. So I do think it's important. Well, this is why I'm happy you did the pod because I do feel like when I met you after seeing your SFK,

like there are so many parts to you, like as we all have, which I feel like we'll come across in the book too, that, like, you have this bigger than, like, personality online. But when I met you in real life, like, you're so chill. I feel like people wouldn't know that. Right. You know what I mean?

Absolutely. Right? I think it's like an armor. It's a protection. It's also it's fun on social media to experiment and well performing in some way. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, I'm definitely more relaxed. Yeah.

I'm not like, I'm starting a fucking character. No, no, you're not. No, imagine. Although I did used to do that, like, on dates. And, again, that therapy was helpful for that. Because guys would be like, what? No, right. You're very, you're right.

You're not like I'm stirring. fucking care again when you meet in real life in real life. Yeah, that'd be crazy. But I used to do it. And also, I feel like when you've talked about like your goals and stuff, like writing what is a big goal, right? Yes, absolutely. Like movies next. I'm working on all of it.

You're working on all of it. I like to write a lot. What's the like the dream? Movie. Write a movie? I already wrote it. Stop. Are you pitching it?

How does it work? It's my next venture. Well, I love that for you. And I also thought of you. the other day because I saw this thread that was like, I know, that's not, it's, now threads is like scary. No, threads is. Wait, is it?

Threads is so scary. But this one isn't scary. So it was like about how influencers are now fully like producing commercials. Have you seen this? Oh. And I'm like, hello. Right. You've been producing commercials like motherfucking crazy for a while.

Since 2020. Since 2020. I would spend all my budget on the ad, creating the ad. Literally. Sorry, like, as in budget, the fee that I would get from the brand, I would spend it all in the ad. I know. What made you want to do that and not just like film yourself in your living room like with a ringlight? Like a normal person.

Because I like the challenge of stepping outside of my comfort zone and making like a short film. I think that was really fun. I think that if you want to sell something, you need to evoke a feeling and have people feel entertained other than shoving it in their face and like buy this. Yeah. So, yeah. But I always love film. I have a film background. like that was so really interesting to me. And I love that people are jumping on the bandwagon.

It would drive me crazy. I was like, I don't understand why influencers are just like, buy this. Like here's my. I'm like, that's so boring. And also that's not going to work. Right. You're right. That being said, buy my buck. I did want to ask you about your B-Day performances. Oh. You have a tradition. Yeah. To do, to break out a little bit on the birthday. Right. Of course. Tell me about that. Were you always a birthday, girly? Always. It's the one fucking day that you're born. You should absolutely celebrate it. And dance. Yeah. Well, that was this year's performance. I did a dance. I had a super sweet 16 because my mom created the show, my super sweet 16. So actually, I had a Super Sweet 32.

Wait, have you done? Was your Super Sweet 16 on Super Sweet 16? She didn't let me have one because I wasn't like spoiled enough. So grounded. Wait, did you have one and just not on the show? I had a Kinsanita. Oh, you had a Kinsaneda. I was going to have a bat mitzvah, but then I didn't want to study. Sorry, I know you're not going to like that. I didn't want to study Hebrew, so I was like, okay, I'll have a keen Sanita. So you did that? I did that. And not a supersued 16. Okay.

So will there be a birthday performance dance next year? Maybe. I'm thinking about the theme. It's 33. So if you have any ideas, let me know. But I think that, you know, again, step outside my comfort zone. Yeah. Just for context, like, I went to dance classes, like, for four weeks, like, to learn this

choreography to dance for, like, 15 seconds at my birthday party. Like, that's just to get to S&M by Rihanna. Like, just to give context. Like, why did I do that? because it was fun and entertaining. I love that. And, like, life is short. Who cares?

And it honestly made me really happy. I'm so happy for you. Maybe dancing the stars is next. So you're kind of, yeah, you want to manifest it? I don't know. It looks really hard. I know. It looks really hard, but then you're like...

You should go on it. Would you ever? I would. You should go on it. I would. It looks so hard. I'm watching, by the way, this season. It looks like it's going to be a great season.

What kind of guy should these girls date? Okay. Alex Searle. Someone who is super successful, maybe not in the creator space or not an athlete. I think we should go for an actor. Yeah. Who is doing his own thing and then she can be more in that world. Maybe she could become an actress.

Remy Bader. I feel like Remy would be great with like a hot athlete that would just like tackle her. Tackle her. She needs to be tackled. She would like that. Chloe Kardashian, Coco. I really want her to be with someone. I know.

She needs to be like a private equity guy. Yeah. That's kind of in these days. Yeah, business. Like Olivia Rodrigo's man's. Right. Nicole Kidman or single queen. She's single?

Yeah. Does she need a man? Okay, I think she should be with like, right. I love that answer. But I would say like a chef. Ooh, I like that. Isn't that cute? Yeah.

Okay, Sierra Miller. She's in her non. Michael B. Jordan. Right. Right. Legit. Was that supposed to maybe happen? I wanted to.

Amanda was too. West, Wilson. West, you're saying they stand on business. Stand on business. Happily ever after. Thank you for coming,

my love. Thank you so much for having. Everyone go by. Let's fucking date. Look at that book. It could be a coffee. It could be a coffee table book. It's really beautiful.

And honestly, from everything we've talked about, there are a lot of just life gems in there in general that even if it's not for dating. Yeah. It's a lot of. lot of self-confidence stuff. Or a present for your single friend.

That would be nice. That would be so nice. And don't forget to date your partner, too. Okay, fine. Go on date night. Okay. I will. You know, I felt so cute on her anniversary because I insisted we go out.

I was like, I'm such a good wife. Oh, my God. Like, I was like, that was the story. That's the story. Okay. So if you want to inspire people, that's my story. Yeah, I did. I was like, let's go out for an anniversary.

And then he was like, oh, my God. Yeah. And then he was like, oh, but the kids and this. And I was like, we're going out for an anniversary. And I stood on the business and I felt like an amazing wife. I'm going to one up this. Not one up, but more like next time something you could try is you both go to the restaurant separately and you meet there.

So it's like a first date. Oh, cute. Is that cute? We were like, there's no fucking wife. But anyway. No, no, theoretically it does sound really cute. She was like, yeah, I can't. No, no.

Theoretically. I get how it's like hot. It is. Yeah. You show up and you're like, hey, like roleplay a little bit. Yeah. I'm really proud of you and I'm happy that you went out for your anniversary. I love you.

Thank you for coming. Love you so much. So fun. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast. We don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast and write a little review.

If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocharoo. Thank you guys so much for listening. And I'll see you. Next, Tuesday. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.